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NOTE: This transcript was posted to the alt.music.ramones newsgroup on Oct. 5, 1997.  I cannot guarantee the accuracy of this transcription.  Read and believe at your own risk.

MATERIAL c)1997 WESTINGHOUSE BROADCASTING/INFINITY BROADCASTING/112
 PRODUCTIONS.

Legend :
HS:  Howard Stern
RQ: Robin Quivers
JM: Jackie Martling
JR: Joey Ramone
MR: Marky Ramone

HS:  ON THE PHONE, IS, MARKY RAMONE, EVERYONE KNOWS THE GREAT BAND THE RAMONES.
  JOEY WAS IN HERE THE OTHER DAY, JOEY SAYS THAT MARKY WAS A DRUNK, I THINK,
 AND MARKY WANTS TO CALL UP AND TELL US THAT HE'S NOT A DRUNK.

RQ:  DID THIS HAPPEN RECENTLY??

HS:  YEAH ON OUR SHOW LAST TIME JOEY WAS HERE.  MARKY??

MR:  HEY, HOW YA DOIN, HOWARD?

HS:  MAN, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

MR:  ALRIGHT, HOW ARE YOU?

HS:  WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' NOW THAT THE RAMONES HAVE BROKEN
UP???

MR:  WELL, I JUST DID 120 SHOWS THIS YEAR THROUGHOUT THE WORLD WITH MY BAND THE
 INTRUDERS, AND UH, I'M FINE, I'M HAPPY, AND THE BAND IS DOING GREAT.  AND, UH,
  I HEARD, I WAS IN EUROPE, AND I HEARD THAT, UH, JOEY CALLED ME A DRUNK OVER
 THE AIR FROM SOME FRIENDS OF MINE….

HS:  RIGHT.

MR:  AND, UH, YOU GUYS KNOW I'VE BEEN SOBER FOR A LONG TIME, AND I ALWAYS
 MENTION THAT, BUT, YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANNA HARP ON THAT, PEOPLE, IF THEY WANNA
 DRINK, THAT'S FINE.

HS: YOU KNOW, JOEY WAS A DRUNK FOR A LONG TIME TOO, SO I GUESS ONCE A DRUNK,
 YOU ALWAYS CONSIDER YOURSELF A DRUNK, EVEN THOUGH…..

MR:  YEAH, WELL, YOU COULD BE A DRY DRUNK, OR AN ACTIVE DRUNK, AND IT'S THE WAY
 YOU COME OFF, THE WAY YOU TREAT PEOPLE….

HS:  SO YOU'RE HERE TO SAY WHAT, THAT YOU'RE A DRY DRUNK???

MR:  UH, NO, I'M JUST, I UH, I WORK MY PROGRAM.  I MEAN, PEOPLE WHO ARE DRY
 DRUNKS ARE PEOPLE WHO DON'T WORK THEIR PROGRAM.

HS:  ALRIGHT, JOEY WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU, HOLD ON.
JOEY?  JOEY?

JR:  YEAH.

HS:  IT'S MARKY ON THE PHONE WITH US.

JR:  HEY LET ME PICK UP THE PHONE INSIDE, HANG ON ONE SECOND.

HS:  ALRIGHT, GO AHEAD.

RQ:  WHERE IS HE OUTSIDE??
(LAUGHTER)

JM:  HE'S IN A BAR

HS:  HE'S IN A BAR.

MR:  HOW'VE YOU BEEN??

HS:  EH, PRETTY GOOD.

JR:  HELLO??

HS:  HEY, JOEY.

JR:  YEAH.

HS:  MARKY WANTS YOU TO KNOW HE'S NOT A DRUNK.  EVEN THOUGH YOU CALLED HIM ONE.

JR:  HE'S A DRY DRUNK.

HS:  HE'S A DRY DRUNK.

MR:  SO ARE YOU.

HS:  HE SAYS SO ARE YOU.

MR:  SO ARE YOU.
JR:  LOOK, I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS, THIS IS STUPID.

MR:  OF COURSE YOU DO, YOU BROUGHT IT UP.

JR:  HEY, YOU BROUGHT IT UP.

MR:  YOU BROUGHT IT UP.

JR:  YOU'RE PUTTIN' ALL THE CRAP ON THE INTERNET. ALRIGHT, YOU
THE ONE SAYING STUFF AT SHOWS

MR:  YOU'RE THE ONE WRITING IT ON THE INTERNET…

JR:   AND YOU KNOW, I REALLY DON'T CARE MARK, IF YOU'RE GONNA BE A FUCKIN' TWO
 YEAR OLD, GO AHEAD AND BE ONE.

MR:  YOU GOT A BIG MOUTH AND YOU'RE A LIAR.  YOU'RE A LIAR.

JR:  HUH?

MR:  YOU'RE A LIAR.

JR:  ALRIGHT, WHATEVER YOU SAY.

MR: OF COURSE YOU'RE A LIAR.

JR:  WHAT AM I A LIAR ABOUT?

HS:  HEY WAIT A SECOND……

MR:  THAT I, THAT I DRINK, NOW.

JR:  THAT YOU DRINK, I DIDN'T SAY YOU DRANK.

MR:  YES YOU DID.

JR:  I SAY YOU DRANK?

MR:  YOU SAY THAT I'M DRUNK NOW, WHICH EVERYONE KNOWS IS A BUNCH OF BALONEY

JR:  YOU'RE A DRUNK.

MR:  YOU'RE A DRUNK.

JR:  OKAY.
MR: THAT'S RIGHT.

HS:  IS THIS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN…..

RQ:  WHAT'S BEING SAID ON THE INTERNET?

MR:  HOWARD, HE'S PISSED OFF BECAUSE OF THE LAST TIME WE WERE ON THE SHOW AND
 THE O.C.D. THING WAS BROUGHT UP, AND UH, YOU KNOW, I MEAN, WHATEVER, I THINK
 IT'S THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED.  SO HE'S UPSET ABOUT THAT.

JR:  I AIN'T UPSET ABOUT ANYTHING.

HS:  HE WASN'T UPSET.

MR:  C'MON JOEY STOP IT, WHAT, THE PROZAC'S KICKING IN NOW?

JR:  ALRIGHT MARK, YOU KNOW……WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO BACK
TO SLEEP?

MR:  LOOK, THE PROZAC'S KICKING IN.

HS:  HEY JOEY…..

MR:  YOU GOT UP PRETTY EARLY TO PUT ME DOWN AND SAY I WAS A DRUNK LAST WEEK,
 DIDN'T YA?

HS:  UH, BUT WAIT A SECOND, JOEY WAS ACTUALLY VERY NICE ABOUT YOU I THOUGHT.

JR:  I DIDN'T SAY A WORD.

RQ:  I DON'T REMEMBER HIM SAYING ANYTHING.

MR:  NO HE WASN'T.

HS:  YOU DON'T THINK SO?

MR: NO

JM:  HE DIDN'T HEAR IT.

HS:  YOU DIDN'T HEAT IT….

MR:  NO, NO, I HEARD A TAPE, I HEARD THE TAPE.

HS:  YOU DID HEAR A TAPE?

MR:  YEAH, A HEARD A TAPE, HE SAID THAT I WAS DRUNK.

HS:  I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANY IDEA YOU GUYS WEREN'T EVEN ON GOOD TERMS.  I
 THOUGHT YOU…..

MR:  WELL, YOU KNOW PEOPLE PUT YOU DOWN, IN THE PRESS, THEN, THEN,  WHAT AM I
 SUPPOSED TO DO, NOT SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE??

HS:  ARE YOU HURT THAT THE BAND BROKE UP?  IS THAT IT?

MR:  WHO, JOEY IS?

HS:  NO, YOU.

MR:  NO, I DON'T CARE, I'M GLAD THE BAND BROKE UP WHEN IT DID
'CAUSE IT WAS AT THE RIGHT TIME.

JR:  YEAH, THAT'S WHY, UH, THAT'S WHY YOU BAD MOUTH ME IN THE SHOWS, RIGHT?

MR:  WHAT, I DON'T BAD MOUTH YOU AT THE SHOWS, WHY ARE YOU AT THE SHOWS?

JR:  YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S WHY I HEAR ALL THIS STUFF…….

RQ:  WHAT DO YOU HEAR THAT'S BEING SAID, JOEY?

MR:  WHAT, ARE YOU AT THE SHOWS?

HS:  WHAT'S BEING SAID??

JR:  ….THAT UH, THAT I CURTAILED YOUR INCOME, HUH?

MR:  OKAY, UH, LISTEN JOEY, LOOK, UH, I KNOW ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS MONEY…….

JR:  JUST 'CAUSE YOU GUYS CAN'T DRAW FLIES AT YOUR SHOWS…RIGHT?

MR:  MY INCOME IS FINE, OKAY?

JR:  YEAH.

MR:  RIGHT.

JR:  YOU HAVE TO CANCEL ALL YOUR SHOWS 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T DRAW FLIES.

MR:  I DIDN'T CANCEL NO SHOWS, MY SHOWS HAVE BEEN GREAT,
AND YOU KNOW IT, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS 'CAUSE YOU CAN ONLY DO COMPILATION ALBUMS,
 THAT'S ALL YOU CAN DO…

JR:  I'M NOT JEALOUS.

MR:  OH, YOU ARE TOO……

JR:  I DON'T CARE, MAN

MR:  YOU'RE PISSED OFF THAT I CAN'T PLAY WITH YOU 'CAUSE I GOT
MY OWN BAND..

JR:  I AIN'T JEALOUS OF YOU, BELIEVE ME

MR: OKAY, JOEY, RIGHT.

JR:  WHAT'S TO BE JEALOUS ABOUT?

MR:  YEAH, YEAH, OKAY.

JR:  ALRIGHT.

HS:  SO WAIT A SECOND YOU GUYS, WHAT WAS SAID ON THE INTERNET??

MR:  UH, THAT HE CALLED ME A DRUNK..

JR:  LEMME GO HANG UP THE OTHER PHONE INSIDE.

HS:  ALRIGHT, GO HANG UP THE PHONE.

MR:  I MEAN, YOU CAN'T BE A LITTLE MORE CREATIVE?  YOU KNOW
I'VE BEEN SOBER.

HS:  WHAT WAS SAID ON THE INTERNET?

MR:  THAT, UH, JOEY RAMONE CALLED MARKY RAMONE A DRUNK ON THE HOWARD STERN
 SHOW.

RQ:  AND WHAT DID JOEY READ ON THE INTERNET FROM YOU?
MR:  YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW, WHAT'S HE TALKIN' ABOUT?  I WISH I
 KNEW……

HS: HEY JOEY?  UH-OH, JOEY MIGHT BE GONE……OH THERE HE IS

MR:  HE IS GONE…..

HS:  JOEY……

JR:  YEAH.

HS:  JOEY, WHAT WAS SAID ON THE INTERNET ABOUT YOU???

JR:  OH, MARK LIKES TO WRITE NOTES AND LONG LETTERS AND THEN HE LIKES TO SEND
 ME SH…..UH, STUFF IN THE MAIL, YOU KNOW AND ALL THIS  STUFF, BUT LIKE YOU
 KNOW,  UNDER OTHER NAMES AND ALL THAT.

HS:  OH, REALLY?

MR:  WHAT HAVE I SENT YOU IN THE MAIL?

JR:  BUT YOU KNOW, THAT'S LIKE HIS TWO YEAR OLD MENTALITY,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, SO I JUST YOU KNOW, I UH, I JUST DISMISS IT.

MR:  AND YOU'RE THE GROWN-UP, RIGHT?

HS:  HEY YOU GUYS WANNA DO PEOPLE'S COURT?  I CAN GET JUDGE JUDY IN HERE.

MR:  YEAH, THAT'D BE GREAT.  ANYTIME.  ANYWHERE.

JR:  WHO, DOCTOR JUDY?

HS:  NO, JUDGE JUDY.

RQ:  JUDGE JUDY.

HS:  JUDGE JUDY IS SUCH A BITCH, I LOVE IT.  I LOVE JUDGE JUDY.  SHE IS WACKY.

MR:  ROBIN, YOU LOOK GREAT ON THE AIR NOW SINCE YOU GONE ON THAT DIET.

RQ:  WELL, THANK YOU.

MR:  I WAS ON THAT DIET TOO, AND IT REALLY WORKS GOOD.

HS:  DON'T YOU WANNA TELL JOEY HOW GREAT HE LOOKS?

MR:  NO, NO, NO, I THINK YOU TWO DISCUSSED THAT ALREADY LAST TIME YOU WERE ON
 THE AIR.

HS:  JOEY, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

MR:  I DON'T GET INTO PUTTING PEOPLE DOWN.

RQ:  WHO KNEW THAT THEY WERE EVEN FIGHTING?

HS:  I HAD NO IDEA…I REALLY HAD NO IDEA YOU GUYS WERE FIGHTING.

JR:  IS THAT WHY YOU WOKE ME UP?

HS:  YEAH, TO FIGHT.

MR:  RIGHT,  IN THIS CORNER AND THAT CORNER, IT'S LIKE

HS:  VERY SAD, YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS ARE MY HEROES, I LOVE THE RAMONES, I DIDN'T
 KNOW THE BAND HAD SUCH INTERCESTINE MATTERS

RQ:  INTERNACINE

JR:  I DON'T CARE, THIS IS, THIS IS LIKE, BABY STUFF.  YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??

RQ:  THEN WHY ARE YOU ENGAGED IN IT JOEY???

HS:  OKAY, SO JOEY, ARE YOU GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO MARKY, AND TELL HIM HE'S NOT
 A DRUNK?

JR:  NO.  NO, I'M NOT APOLOGIZING TO HIM.

MR:  BECAUSE, HERE'S THE THING, IT WOULD BE THE RIGHT THING TO DO…..

JR:  WAIT, WAIT, LET ME JUST SAY ONE THING, THOUGH

MR:  IT'S SOMETHING THAT I WOULDN'T DO……IS CALL A GUY A DRUNK…..
JR:  ALRIGHT, EXCUSE ME, I GOTTA SAY ONE THING, I GOTTA SAY ONE THING, MARK
 ISN'T A DRUNK.  YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST WHEN HOWARD, WHEN YOU'RE BRINGING THAT
 STUFF UP, AND BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO TAUNT ME WITH THAT STUFF….AND I HAVE NO
 PROBLEMS WITH THAT EITHER, YOU KNOW, I MEAN EVERYONE, THAT WAS A PHASE OF MY
 LIFE, AND I'M PROUD OF IT, 'CAUSE LIFE IS ABOUT UH, ADVENTURE AND EXPERIENCE,
 YOU KNOW AND

MR:  AND WHO HELPED YOU GET SOBER, JOEY??

JR:  WHA?

MR:  WHO HELPED YOU GET SOBER?

JR:  WHO HELPED ME??  I HELPED MYSELF.

MR:  I DIDN'T HELP YOU AT ALL??

JR:  NO, I, I HELPED MYSELF.

MR:  C'MON, I HELPED YOU 'CAUSE I GOT SOBER BEFORE YOU, AND I
TOLD YOU WHAT A GOOD THING IT WAS….

JR:  NO, NO, I WAS SOBER BEFORE YOU TOLD ME TO GET SOBER.

MR:  OH COME ON, NOW, I'VE BEEN SOBER FOR 14 YEARS, I BEEN SOBER FOR 14 YEARS,
 YOU BEEN SOBER FOR WHAT, 9 YEARS??

JR:  OH, LOOK AT THIS GUY, NOW HE WANTS TO BE LIKE UH, LIKE MOTHER TERESA.

HS:  NOW HE'S MOTHER TERESA.

JR:  OKAY, OKAY.  MOTHER TERESA.

HS:  ROBIN HELPED ME GET SOBER.

MR:  YOU GOTTA STOP PREACHIN' SO MUCH, TOO.

JR:  WHO'S PREACHIN'?

MR:  YOU.

JR:  I PREACH?

MR:  YEAH.
JR:  OH, OKAY, WHATEVER YOU SAY.

MR:  YOU KNOW.

JR:  OKAY, SO, I'M GOING BACK TO SLEEP NOW, IS THAT OKAY,
HOWARD???

HS:  SO JOEY, YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT WHAT MARKY'S SAYING???

JR:  I DON'T CARE, BUT UMM, NO, BUT I JUST WANNA SAY, TELL EVERYONE, THAT HE'S
 NOT A DRUNK, AND UH…..

MR:  THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU…..

HS:  IS HE A…….

JR:  AND I, AND I, JUST KIND OF SAID IT AT THE MOMENT.

HS:  ARE YOU UPSET, 'CAUSE, WHAT, I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER, YOU'RE OBSESSIVE
 COMPULSIVE??

JR:  WHO, ME?

HS:  YEAH.

JR:  I'M NOT GONNA GET INTO THIS NOW.

RQ:  HE DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT.

HS:  MARKY, IS THAT WHY JOEY'S UPSET?

MR:  I'M NOT GONNA SAY ANYTHING.  I MEAN IF HE DOESN'T WANT IT
MENTIONED,  THAT'S HIS BUSINESS, YOU KNOW, I MEAN, UH….

JR:  YOU KNOW WHAT?  YOU KNOW MARK, IT'S LIKE YOU TELLING EVERYONE THAT YOU
 WEAR A WIG.  YOU KNOW, I MEAN IT'S LIKE TO EACH HIS OWN, RIGHT?

MR:  WHAT IS THAT?

HS:  WHAT?

JR:  YOU WEAR A WIG.

MR:  A WHAT?
JR:  A WIG.

HS:  WHAT'S A WIG??

MR:  I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

JR:  HE WEARS A WIG, YOU KNOW, HE'S BALD.

MR:  YEAH, YOU'RE BALD.  YEAH, I WEAR A WIG.  YOU'RE OUT OF
YOUR MIND.

HS:  MARKY, YOU WEAR A WIG?

JR:  HE'S THE WIGMAN.

MR:  YEAH, NO YOU'RE THE WIGMAN.

JR:  OH NO, I'M THE WALRUS.  I'M THE EGGMAN.

MR:  SO IS YOUR BROTHER.

JR:  YOU KNOW, I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY BROTHER, MY, YOU KNOW,
WHATEVER

MR:  HE'S JUST JEALOUS OF MY GOOD LOOKS, HOWARD.

HS:  YOU DON'T WEAR A WIG, MARKY?

MR:  NO.  THAT, I THINK YOUR OLD DRUMMER HAD THAT.

HS:  WHY IS JOEY SAYING THAT?  JOEY DOES HE WEAR A WIG OR
NOT?

JR:  HE WEARS A WIG, YEAH.  WHY CAN'T HE, WHY CAN'T HE JUST FESS UP TO IT?

MR:  HOWARD, HE'S GONNA STAR IN THE TINY TIM STORY, DID YOU KNOW THAT?

JR:  WHY CAN'T HE FESS UP TO IT?

MR:  DID YOU KNOW THAT, HE'S GONNA STAR IN THE TINY TIM STORY.

HS:  IS THAT TRUE??
 

JR:  YOU KNOW, DURING LOLLAPALOOZA, HE WOULD WEAR ALL
THESE DIFFERENT HAIRPIECES, AND EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING BEHIND HIS BACK.

MR:  YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WEARS THE WIG, YOU WEAR EXTENSIONS, AND EVERYONE KNOWS
 THAT.

JR:  EVERYONE WAS LAUGHING BEHIND HIS BACK…

HS:  JOEY, YOU WEAR EXTENSIONS?

JR:  EVERYBODY WAS SAYING, EVEN HIS WIFE TOLD HIM THAT HIS
HAIR LOOKED SO BAD

MR:  YOU'RE HAIR IS FALLING OUT, AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY WEARS WIGS, TOO, SO STOP
 IT.

HS:  JOEY, ARE YOU SAYING THIS IN RESPONSE TO THAT MARKY BROUGHT UP YOUR
 O.C.D.?

JR:  NO, I'M JUST SAYIN'…….

MR:  HE'S LYING NOW 'CAUSE HE HAS NOTHING ELSE TO SAY.

JR:  YOU KNOW, I'M JUST SAYING THAT, YOU KNOW IT'S UP TO A PERSON, YOU KNOW,
 LIKE, YOU'RE SAYING TO ME, OH WELL, THAT'S UP TO HIM TO DECIDE WHAT HE WANTS
 TO SPEAK ABOUT…..YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN….?

MR:  THAT'S RIGHT IT'S YOUR BUSINESS.

JR:  HEY DID I, DID I HAVE A PROBLEM, HEY THAT'S MY BUSINESS

MR:  THAT'S RIGHT.

JR:  AND YOUR WIG IS YOURS.

HS:  YOUR WIG IS YOUR BUSINESS.

MR:  HOWARD ASKED ME IF YOU HAD IT OR NOT, AND I SAID THAT'S FOR YOU TO SAY OR
 NOT TO SAY.

JR:  ALRIGHT, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRING IT UP, MARK, YOU
COULD….

MR:  I DIDN'T BRING IT UP.

JR:  ….YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T LIKE….YOU'RE THE BIG MAN HERE.  BIG MAN ON CAMPUS.

MR:  I DIDN'T THE LAST TIME WE WERE ON THE SHOW, DID I???

HS:  HEY JOEY, JOEY, MARKY, SO, YOU GUYS HAVE A LITTLE FALLING OUT HERE I
 SEE…THE GREAT RAMONES, I COULD SEE WHY IT HAD TO END.

RQ:  YEAH, MAN.

MR:  YEAH, DEFINITELY.

JR:  NAH, WE USED TO BE FRIENDS AT ONE TIME.

MR:  YEAH, WE WERE, WEREN'T WE?????

JR:  YEAH, I THOUGHT WE WERE GOOD FRIENDS AT ONE TIME, BUT
THEN MARK IS TWO-FACED.

HS:  WHY IS MARK TWO-FACED??

JR:  BECAUSE HE SAYS ONE THING, AND YOU KNOW HE SPEAK OUT OF BOTH SIDES OF HIS
 FACE.

MR:  AND YOU DO TOO.

JR:  WHATEVER YOU SAY MARK.

MR:  THE REASON ABOUT YOUR TWO FACES IS, YOU'RE ON THE DEFENSIVE ALL THE TIME
 ABOUT LIFE AND EVERYTHING.

HS:  I'M STILL IN SHOCK ABOUT THE WIG.

JR:  HOWARD, DID YOU LISTEN TO THAT TAPE?

HS:  WHAT TAPE?

JR:  DID YA GET THE TAPE I SENT YOU YESTERDAY?

HS:  YEAH, I GOT IT, I DIDN'T HEAR IT YET.

JR:  OKAY, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU GOT IT.

HS:  YEAH, I'M JUST THINKING ABOUT THE WIG.  THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

RQ:   WIGS, EXTENSIONS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

MR:  WIGS, EXTENSIONS, HE CAN SAY WHATEVER HE WANTS.

JR:  WELL, HOWARD, MAYBE WE COULD BOTH COME DOWN THERE
AND YOU COULD LIKE, TUG ON OUR HEADS, OUR HAIR.

HS:  MARKY WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO DO THAT?

MR:  YOU KNOW, I WOULD LOVE, I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HIM IN THE TINY TIM STORY.

HS:  MARKY, WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO COME DOWN HERE AND LET ME TUG ON BOTH OF
 YOUR HEADS?

MR:  YEAH, AND I'D LOVE TO SEE HIM IN THE TINY TIM STORY.  I REALLY WOULD.

JR:  ALRIGHT, LET''S DO THAT.  HOWARD LET'S DO THAT, OKAY?

RQ:  WE'LL HAVE A TUG-OF-HAIR?

JR:  A TUG-OF-HAIR.

HS:  TUG-OF-HAIR.
(Laughing)

HS:  WELL, I'LL SET THAT UP ANYTIME YOU GUYS WANT.

JR:  YEAH, WELL, OKAY, ASK MARK WHEN IT'S GOOD FOR HIM.  WHAT
ABOUT TOMORROW??

MR:  THAT'D BE GREAT.

HS:  WELL, WHAT HAPPENED AT THE LOLLAPALOOZA TOUR MARK, IS ANY OF WHAT JOEY'S
 SAYING TRUE, THAT PEOPLE WERE LAUGHING BEHIND YOUR BACK, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.

MR:  NO, THEY WERE LAUGHING BEHIND HIS BACK 'CAUSE HE GOT SO FAT.

HS:  OH.  OH, MY.

MR: AND UH, KIDS WERE CALLING HIM FATSO AND TUBBY, AND THAT'S ONE OF THE
 REASONS WE HAD TO BREAK UP, YA KNOW?

JR:  ONLY YOU.  ONLY YOU AND YOUR WIFE.

MR:  THAT'S WHY.  KIDS WERE YELLING OUT IN THE AUDIENCE, "HEY TUBBY, LOSE
 WEIGHT, FATSO, LOSE WEIGHT".

JR:  WELL, YOU KNOW, WEIGHT IS SOMETHING YOU CAN ALWAYS LOSE, BUT HAIR, YOU
 CAN'T GET BACK.

MR:  YOU KNOW, JOEY, YOU KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE EXTENSIONS, THAT'S WHY…..

JR:  ONCE IT'S GONE IT'S GONE.  NOBODY LIKES A BALD ROCK STAR.

MR:  …THAT'S WHY NO GIRLS LIKE YOU AND YOU CAN'T EVEN HAVE A GIRLFRIEND,
 BECAUSE YOU'RE SO FAT.

JR:  I CAN HAVE ANY GIRL I WANT, I HAVE NO PROBLEMS, ASK HOWARD.

MR:  YA KNOW?

JR:  HOWARD KNOWS.

HS:  WHAT ARE YOU SAYING MARKY, JOEY CAN'T GET GIRLS?

MR:  NO, HE CAN'T GIRLS, GIRLS ARE REPULSED BY HIM

JR:  GIRLS LOVE ME, MAN.  I HAVE NO PROBLEM.

MR:  NO, GIRLS ARE REPULSED.

HS:  HE'S GOT TONS OF GIRLS, I'VE SEEN HIM WITH GIRLS.

RQ:  I'VE SEEN HIM WITH GIRLS.

MR:  THIS POOR GIRL, THAT UH……

JR:   I GOT THREE GIRLS IN THE BED RIGHT NOW….

MR:  OKAY, JOEY, WHATEVER THE STORY IS.  YOU'RE LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD, AFTER
 RAMONES, YOU'RE NOTHING.

JR:  OKAY, MOTHER TERESA.

MR:  YOU'RE NOTHIN'.

JR:  MARKY TERESA.

MR:  NOTHIN'.  YOU DO YOUR COMPILATIONS ALBUM…

JR:  OKAY, THANK YOU I WILL, AND I, I'LL, UH, SEE YOU IN HELL.

MR:  OKAY JOEY, YOU'LL GO TO HELL.  THAT'S WHERE YOU BELONG, 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T
 GET OUT OF THIS.

HS:  WOW, IT'S SO SAD WHEN A BAND………

RQ:  I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH ACRIMONIOUS BREAKUP.

HS:  THEY MADE SO MUCH GREAT MUSIC TOGETHER.

JR:  NO, NO, NO, MARK WASN'T IN THE ORIGINAL BAND.  YOU KNOW, LIKE HEY MARK, WE
 GOT A UH, A PLATINUM RECORD FROM HOWARD, BUT YOU DIDN'T GET ANY MONEY 'CAUSE
 YOU WEREN'T IN THE BAND THEN.

MR:  NO, THEY, THEY ASKED ME TO JOIN THE RAMONES, I DIDN'T GO TO THEM AND GO
 "LET ME JOIN THE RAMONES", THEY CAME TO ME.

JR:  YOU KNOW, MARK'S NOT THE ORIGINAL DRUMMER, HE'S A JOHNNY-COME-LATELY.

MR:  THEY CAME TO ME, THEY HAD NO DRUMMER AND THEY CAME TO ME,  AND I SAVED, I
 SAVED THEM.

JR:  WHO DID YOU SAVE?  YOU SEE HE'S LIKE MARKY TERESA.

MR:  THEY CAME TO ME.

RQ:  MARKY TERESA (Laughing).

HS:  WELL, LOOK, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

JR:  IT'S AMAZING MAN, I'M DEVASTATED NOW.  MAN.

HS:  YOU JUST MADE JOEY GO BACK UNDER SEDATION.

MR:  YEAH, I'M SURE.

JR:   I UH, HAFTA GO POP A PROZAC.  HOPE I DON'T DRIVE INTO A WALL.

MR:  YOU KNOW, THOSE CHANNEL NINE SHOWS.  YOU SHOULD PUT THOSE ON AGAIN, THEY
 WERE GREAT.

HS:  THANKS, THANKS MARKY.

MR:  I MEAN, I SAW THEM THEY'RE REAL FUNNY AGAIN, THE ONE WITH
UH, UH,  PRESIDENT BUSH WHEN WE WERE PLAYING GOLF.

HS:  WE HAD A GREAT TIME.  THOSE WERE THE DAYS WHEN YOU AND JOEY GOT ALONG.

JR:  THAT WAS A LOT OF FUN.  THOSE WERE THE DAYS  WE GOT
ALONG.

HS:  GREAT TIMES.

MR:  THOSE WERE FUN TIMES.

HS:  GUYS, TRY AND REMEMBER THE LOVE.

MR:  YEAH, ID LIKE TO.  I'D LIKE TO.

JR:  WELL, MARK JUST APOLOGIZE TO ME AND I'LL FORGET THE WHOLE THING.

MR:  UH, WELL, LET'S DO IT TOGETHER.

JR:  NO.  YOU GO FIRST?

MR:  NO?

JR:  TAKE A LITTLE, TAKE A LITTLE HEAD START.

MR:  IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO YOU KNOW.  IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO.

JR:  I'LL GIVE YOU A HEAD START AND THEN I'LL JUMP IN.

MR:  NO I KNOW WHAT YOU'LL DO, YOU'LL HANG UP AND GO……

JR:  I'M NOT HANGING UP.  I'M NOT, I HAVE NO…..YOU JUST LIKE…….

MR:  OKAY, WE'LL DO IT TOGETHER.

JR:  YOU GIVE IT A LITTLE HEAD START.

MR:  ALRIGHT, WE'LL SAY ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,  AND WE'LL GO "i APOLOGIZE".

JR:  OKAY.

MR:  ALRIGHT.  READY.  ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR…….

(SILENCE, THEN JOEY LAUGHS)

JR:  C'MON, YOU JUST GO, " I ", AND THEN I'LL JUMP IN, ALRIGHT?

MR:  ALRIGHT, ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR…….

JR:  C'MON, SAY I

MR:  I…..

JR:  OKAY, I APOLOGIZE.

MR:  I APOLOGIZE.

HS:  AWWWW, ISN'T THAT NICE?

RQ:  THANK YOU BOYS.

HS:  HEY WE HAD CLOSURE, MAYBE WE DON'T NEED JUDGE JUDY…….

MR:  ALRIGHT.

JR:  BUT I DON'T KNOW, WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT STUFF ON THE INTERNET????

MR:  WHAT, WHAT ABOUT ALL THE STUFF ON THE INTERNET?  THERE'S PEOPLE ON THERE,
 WHAT AM I, THE ONLY ONE ON THE INTERNET?

HS:  COULD DESCRIBE WHAT'S BEEN SAID ABOUT YOU ON THE INTERNET, SO WE CAN GET
 TO THE BOTTOM OF IT?

JR:  OH, THERE'S SO MUCH STUFF.

MR: YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE ON THERE EITHER, JOEY.

HS: AND YOU THINK MARKY IS POSTING ALL OF IT?

JR:  I KNOW, I KNOW HE WAS.  I KNOW HE WAS BEHIND THE WHOLE THING.

HS:  HOW DO YOU KNOW?

MR:  THERE'S SO MANY PEOPLE ON THERE

JR: OH, HE'S…….

MR:  WAIT, WHAT DID WE JUST DO?  WE APOLOGIZED TO EACH OTHER.

JR:  OKAY…..

HS:  WHAT DID HE SAY, JOEY?

JR:  ALRIGHT…..

MR:  WHY DON'T YOU END IT, WE AGREED TO END IT……LET'S JUST THINK POSITIVE AT
 THIS POINT.

JR:  THE EASY WAY OUT.

RQ:  WIPE THE BULLETIN BOARD CLEAN.

HS:  YEAH, LET'S UH….GET BUSY WITH SOME NEW POSTS.

MR:  YOU BETTER CALL UP ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND TELL THEM TO ERASE ALL OF IT, I
 DON'T WANNA SEE ANY OF THAT DIRT UP THERE ANYMORE.

HS:  WHAT WAS THE WORST THING THEY SAID ABOUT YOU, JOEY?

JR:  UM, YOU KNOW, MARK KNOWS.

HS:  WHAT, TELL ME.

MR:  WELL, LET'S, LET'S JUST FORGET IT.  IT'S OVER WITH.

HS:  WHAT DID IT SAY ON THERE, MARK?

RQ:  NOW WE GOTTA GO TO THE INTERNET.

HS:  NOW I GOTTA GO ON THE INTERNET.  THE GODDAMN INTERNET I'M ON THERE DAY AND
 NIGHT NOW.

MR:  THE OTHER NIGHT WAS A RIOT, ON THE "E" CHANNEL, WITH THE UH, THE DRUNKEN
 DWARF.

HS:  AW, HE'S THE BEST.

MR:  I MEAN THE OTHER GUY SITTING IN THAT LITTLE CHAIR, WAS AMAZING, I COULDN'T
 BELIEVE, WHERE'D YA GET THESE GUYS??

HS:  OH, THEY'RE THE GREATEST ALL THESE DWARVES.

MR:  IT'S AMAZING.  I MEAN THAT GUY DRINKS CONTINUOUSLY, DAY AND NIGHT, HOW
 DOES HE LIVE????

HS:  HOW DOES HE LIVE, LIKE YOU GUYS DID.

RQ:  YEAH, BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE HANDLERS.

MR:  HOW DOES HE WAKE UP????

HS:  YOU KNOW, I'M DYING TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT JOEY ON THE INTERNET.

RQ:  I KNOW, CAN'T YOU PULL IT UP?

MR:  THEY SAY THINGS ABOUT ME, THEY SAY THINGS ABOUT JOEY, WE BOTH SAID THINGS,
 LOK WE JUST APOLOGIZED.

JR:  YEAH, WELL YOU HAD THE COMPUTER FIRST, YOU KNOW I JUST GOT ON RECENTLY.
 I'VE ONLY BEEN ON THE LAST FOUR MONTHS.

MR:  WELL, LISTEN, LETS JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, YOU AGREED TO FORGET ABOUT IT, SO
 LET'S END THIS STUPID RIDICULOUS CRAP.

JR:  WELL, UH, IT WAS RIDICULOUS.

HS:  ALRIGHT, WELL, YOU GUYS GO BACK TO BED.  YOU'RE ROCK STARS YOU NEED YOUR
 SLEEP.

MR:  HOWARD, THE SHOW'S GREAT.  AND YOU KNOW I WANNA WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK
 WITH EVERYTHING.

HS:  THANK YOU, GUYS, I LOVE YA, AND I LOVE THE RAMONES…

JR:  SO WE CAN'T HAVE THAT TUG THEN, HUH?  OKAY, I'M KIDDING.

HS:  JOEY YOU WANNA PLUG?  MARKY, YOU NEED A PLUG ON ANYTHING???

MR:  UH, YEAH, WELL, UH, MY BAND IS DOING GOOD, THE INTRUDERS, I'M HAPPY THAT I
 HAVE MY OWN GROUP, THE RAMONES WERE THE GREATEST BAND IN THE WORLD, AND I
 THINK THAT JOEY'S ONE OF THE GREATEST SINGERS IN THE WORLD.

HS:  OH, ISN'T THAT NICE?  THERE YA GO.

JR:  OH, NO.  I THINK MARKY'S ONE OF THE GREATEST DRUMMERS IN THE WORLD.  ONE
 OF THEM.

RQ:  JOEY YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

HS:  JOEY JUST CAN'T BRING HIMSELF TO….

MR:  AND I WISH HIM ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD……AND UH…..

JR:  YOU KNOW I HAD A LOT OF FUN ON YOUR SHOW FRIDAY.

HS:  YEAH WE HAD A GREAT TIME WITH YA.  AND MARKY, YOU ARE SELLING OUT YOUR
 SHOWS, RIGHT?

MR:  WE'RE DOIN' REAL GOOD, WE PLAYED WITH MARILYN MANSON, WE PLAYED WITH HENRY
 ROLLINS, WE PLAYED WITH THE SEX PISTOLS, WE'RE DOING A LOT OF SHOW WHERE WERE
 OPENING FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE.

HS:  ALRIGHT, VERY GOOD.

MR:  AND WE DID SOME SHOWS WITH THE MISFITS.

JR:  I HAD DINNER LAST NIGHT WITH THE MISFITS, CAUSE WE DID THAT IN-STORE AT
 TOWER RECORDS, AND UH, THEY LOVE MARK.

HS:  THEY DO, ALRIGHT SO NOW THEY'RE IN LOVE.

JR:  NO, THE MISFITS ARE IN LOVE WITH MARK.

HS:  NOT YOU.

RQ:  OKAY.

JR:  THAT JERRY ONLY, JUST GOING ON ABOUT MARK, MARK, MARK.

MR:  AND HOWARD, I WANNA SAY HELLO TO DEE DEE RAMONE, TOO.

HS:  ABSOLUTELY.

JR:  DEE DEE WAS AT THE IN-STORE TOO.

HS:  MARKY RAMONE, JOEY RAMONE, WE LOVE YOU GUYS THANK YOU FOR BEING A PART OF
 THE SHOW TODAY.

MR:  AND WE REALLY LIKE YOU A LOT TOO, HOWARD.

JR:  NO HOWARD, I DON'T LIKE YOU, I LOVE YOU.

HS:  AND I LOVE YOU.  SEE, JOEY LOVES ME.

JR:  YOU KNOW, THAT JERRY ONLY, HE LOVES ME TOO.  ALL NIGHT KEPT SAYING….." I
 LOVE YA MAN, I LOVE YA".   YOU KNOW WHAT, IT REMINDED ME OF WAYNE'S WORLD,
 WHEN THEY'RE IN THE VOLKSWAGEN.

HS:  ALRIGHT YOU TWO LOVE BIRDS, GO AHEAD, GO BACK TO BED.  YOU MANIACS, WE LOVE
 IT.