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Picky Eaters

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Guaranteed Solution
From: Paula H

Are you at your wits' end because of your picky eater? I have a guaranteed solution! It will absolutely work!

I was the quintesential picky eater! I hated eating. Just the process of sitting there eating. I also didn't like most food. I lived on cereal for breakfast, and peanut butter sandwiches for lunch. And peanut butter on apples. And peanut butter on bananas. You get the picture. I would've starved without PB. My folks tried the "eat this or nothing", and it suited me just fine, since I didn't like eating anyway. They gave up on that after awhile, since they could see it wasn't a rebellion issue.

So what's the sure-fire solution? I joined the Army! After running two miles before breakfast, I was ready to EAT THE PLATES! They worked us so hard, and our meal time was so short, I was ready to eat anything they put in front of me, no questions asked. And know what? I decided I liked eating. I've been making up for lost time ever since! Let's say there's more of me to love, now-a-days.

Unfortunately, Uncle Sam's therapy might not be an option for your little one. So here's an assortment of suggestions to try:

Forcing: If it's not a rebellion issue, don't make it one. You wouldn't make him wear shoes that hurt his feet, would you? Evidence seems to indicate that some children genuinely hate most food, because of how they're put together. You could force him to eat things, but from the experience of others, you can see that would bring resentment and strife. Who needs strife three times a day for the next 10 years?

Sweets: Limit the sweets, except for after he eats good-sized portions of balanced meals. You'll have limited opportunities to give him healthy food as is, so don't waste those opportunities on junk.

Variety: keep in mind that most Koreans live on almost nothing but kimchee (fermented cabbage) and rice, 3 meals a day, 365 days a year, nearly. Plenty of cultures have survived for ages on very limited variety. Of course a variety is healthier, but as long as he's eating from each food group, it won't kill him. Teach him to make some healthy things that he likes: raw veggies, fried eggs and toast (that was a biggie for me), rice and butter, whatever works. Don't make it too convenient, you want to coax him toward the family food. But at least make it an option.

Hated foods: I think everyone should be allowed a 3-item "hate list." Mine is tuna (just the smell makes me gag), mashed potatoes, and lamb. My son's is onions, mushrooms, and peppers. If I use those ingredients, I cut them into big pieces, so he can pull them out and eat what remains. That will not work for all kids, but it works for mine. If I was your guest, you wouldn't make me eat tuna, would you? (If you did, I wouldn't come back!) So my son never even has to taste items from the hate list. Everything else, he has to at least try.

Textures: One possibility is touch sensitivity. My ds is that way, and I've noticed that his most hated foods are "squishy." Considering that he seems to feel textures more intensely than most people, it makes sense that certain textures would be particularly repulsive to him, especially considering how sensitive the mouth is.

One last thought: certain foods, such as eggs, pack alot of nutrition. Use that to your advantage. And if he likes burritos, maybe you can put some variety in there. There's a lot you can put into a tortilla.

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Shift the Burden
From: Debbie D.

I have a picky eater, too. He just turned 9. I make it "his" problem; here's what we do. He understands that Mom cooks and serves dinner to the entire family. Mom has worked hard to provide a nice evening meal for us all to enjoy together. Mom is not going to make more than one meal. Mom really hopes you'll try or at least allow yourself to eat what's put before you. However, should none of this be at all to your liking, feel free to fix yourself something else but understand this, Mom will not fix anything else to eat. She's done her part for the meal!

Now what can a boy so young "fix" for himself? Ahhh...that's part of the problem for him. He can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a cheese sandwich or a turkey sandwich or a. . . Now lest you think, "That's just great! My kid will want to do that every meal!" I suspect not. The "fun" of having to fix your own meal every night as the rest of the family is eating, fellowshiping, etc. quickly wears off. My child now fixes his own meal only occasionally and that's alright with us. There are some foods I really don't like either!

(BTW, my children know this is not an option when we are visiting or have company. They know their manners and courtesy's well, when eating with others.)

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I Can't Change Who He Is
From: Janet in NM

My husband is a picky eater - has been all his life. He says despite what the rest of us normal eaters think, he just can't help it. We have one son who is a normal- actually adventurous - eater, one who is picky, and one who is in between. What I have found about our picky eater and his father is that they really do like some "interesting" foods that you wouldn't expect a picky person to like - liver, beets, brussels sprouts, mushrooms, anchovies, etc. Also my husband will eat almost any vegetable raw. So it can't be just a psychological (or stubborn) thing, because if it were, they wouldn't enjoy foods that even many normal eaters dislike.

I have no idea what the "experts" will say, but I will have to affirm your statement that nothing you do, to try to change a picky eater's habits, will work. I wouldn't let it become a bigger issue than you can help. We should eat to live, not live to eat, and food should not become a control issue either for you or for your child. If you worry and fuss about what he is eating, you are giving him attention that is not warranted, and unconsiously reinforcing the behavior.

I cook foods my husband will eat, and if the picky eater doesn't like that meal, he has a limited number of other choices he may prepare for himself - I am not a short order cook. He must include a vegetable of some sort (he likes salads and raw carrots). I have found that since I have made this a complete non-issue, he has been more open to trying new things. He compares his boring menu to our interesting one, sees that I don't care one way or the other if he enjoys the meals the rest of us are enjoying, and he has developed an interest in trying some things he wouldn't have if I had pressured him.

And remember - vitamins are a wonderful thing.

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It's Not About Control
From: Janet in NM

You know, the suggestions that the child be expected to eat what is served, or not eat at all, are ones that I would have been vigorously nodding my head at years ago. The biggest obstacle to this approach for us is that our kids have a picky father, and it's tough to enforce rules that he doesn't live by. I also have learned from having a picky husband, who is in every other way flexible, reasonable and mature, that it is possible to truly have aversions to certain tastes and textures beyond any control of his own. He says he would give anything to not be a picky eater - it would make his life so much easier. He also reports - as does his mother - that when he was growing up his parents lived by the aforementioned rule that he must eat what was served, or not eat at all. Made absolutely no difference in his eating habits, but it did make him resentful. He learned to live with hunger, but never learned to eat foods to which he had an aversion.

Sounds like you have tried the hardline, and it has not been fruitful. Give yourself permission to relax and not make this such an issue. Not every parenting style will work with every child, and not every situation calls for a parent to insist on control.

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Forcing Doesn't Work
From: Michele - NJ

Food is NOT an issue in our house and never has been. From the time my four children began solids, I realized and accepted that they each have their own personal likes and dislikes and I chose to never force food upon them.

As for sitting at the table until the meal is finished, eating what is being served, or witholding meals until the next mealtime, I speak from experience when I say....it didn't work! I WAS that child that would be sitting in front of a cold, congealed plate of potatoes and pork chops at 11:00 at night, refusing to eat it. Yes, I did eventually eat what was on the plate because I was hungry enough but I also felt great resentment and anger at those times - my parents never allowed me the opportunity to make good nutritional choices from what was available. Instead, it was felt that since my parents "liked" a particular food, that I would eat a particular food whether I liked it or not (and besides, THEY SAID SO!!!!!) I DO BELIEVE it is an issue of control: parents controlling, children rebelling, eventually leading to a battle of the wills. (PS - Today, I NEVER eat the foods which were forced upon me as a child - I DON'T LIKE THEM and I don't have to eat them! (But to clarify, I do make foods that the other members of my family do like even if I don't.)

I agree with some of the other posters that commented about children not starving themselves, etc. They won't! They won't if they are offered a variety of foods that they MAY have and are allowed to choose for themselves! My daughter will only eat raw vegetables - on the table, we have cooked vegetables and really, it's no extra work to place a small bowl of uncooked vegetables on the table also. We don't have meals that are "labelled"...my children will happily eat pizza for dinner or for breakfast. A snack may be a cup of frozen peas or a box of macaroni and cheese. We'll occasionally have pancakes for dinner, including bacon!

We do have a rule in our home that if you don't like what I'm serving for dinner, then make your own. (We do eat together though.) My children do just that - it's unrealistic (NO, I do not have terribly "selective" eaters, only two occasionally) to think six family members are going to like EVERYTHING that is placed on the table all the time. New foods must be given a chance and everyone tastes before judging whether or not they like it. Let's not forget clean-up too! My children are quite self-sufficient, frequently making their own lunches, and always making their own breakfast.

As someone mentioned, there is also the possibility of food allergies - something to consider. I'm putting my soapbox away for this evening so that I can go make something for dinner - it's "anything" night. Each family member can make (cooked or uncooked) whatever they want for dinner including their own clean-up. Hmmnnn, what should I have?

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Finding Solutions
From: Teresa

Been there myself. I have one child who will eat anything which makes life simple but... I have another who has to know what's in it before she will eat it. So all the ingredients must be told to her so there isn't any surprise, like onions, which she will eat if she knows they are in there. I have another daughter who won't eat anything that feels odd which she seems to be overcoming. If I gave her a pickle she wouldn't eat it because it felt strange but if you had pickles in chicken salad that was ok because they felt alright mixed with something. I found that they would try things and eat things they said they didn't like alot easier if they looked good. Cookie cutters were great to make different looking sandwiches and if I made something look special they would try it. Tortilla shells were a big hit when I stuffed them with fresh vegs and a little dressing or any number of other things. I guess they were just fun to pick up and eat. Be creative and you may be surprised at the results. I got one of my daughters to eat scrambled eggs by fixing them in a pancake shape and calling them pancake eggs. They were the same eggs she refused to touch before but with the new name they went... well....like hotcakes. Keep trying you never know what might work.

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Tracy's Solutions
From: Tracy in TX

My firstborn was a seriously picky eater! My dh's Saturday morning task was to get as many Cheerios into him as possible....it was considered a rousing success if even a 1/4 cup was achieved. I had never heard of a baby that wouldn't even eat applesauce but I had one. I can't think of a single food that he ate with enthusiasm.

Philosophically, I do have a long term goal of requiring my children to eat "some" of everything that is served to them. I generally phase in that requirement beginning at about 4 years of age depending on the child. I do allow a couple of foods for each child that they are simply not required to eat because of the depth of their distaste for them. For example, my 3 year-old was served potato salad a few months ago. He didn't want to try it but I insisted. He obediently (good attitude even) had a bite, shuddered, and threw up. OK. This is one food he doesn't have to eat.

I don't advocate making this an issue of "parental authority" at age 2. The parental authority war is raging on too many other fronts at that age. I wanted there to be at least some time of relative peace in that difficult time. On a practical note, how would you "force" a strong-willed 2 year old to eat? What kind of persuasion would you use and how far would you escalate in order to gain obedience in this area? And once you have made it an issue of parental authority, what kind of ground would you lose if you were forced to surrender?

Practically speaking, there are lots of ways to attack the picky-eater problem. I think the most important thing is to keep in mind that this is a marathon and not a sprint. At age 7 my "picky eater" eats many things that make a lot of grown-ups I know think twice....cous-cous, hummus, biryani, tabouli, to name a few. I don't hesitate to introduce a new food or food experience and just when I have given up, he surprises me.

There is also the issue of trying to keep their diet balanced and healthy. Here are some things I have found that have worked well for us.

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Here Are Our Rules
From: Melanie in China

Maybe you may like some or be able to adapt some.

  1. Drinking is only water or calcium drinks (the kids don't like the milk here, so they drink yogurt. In China, yogurt is a drink) Fruit juices are very high in calories, and can easily spoil appetites.
  2. No snacks for 2 hours before a meal. Snacks are fruit, veggies, bread, crackers, cheese. Not sweets (if I can help it)
  3. We also put very small portions on the plate and they are required to take one bite of each food that is served. They are not required to finish it, but if they don't eat enough nourishing food as determined by mom, no dessert. Also, if they take seconds, they say how much and are required to finish all of that.
  4. Anyone who complains about the food gets a second helping that they are required to finish. We don't get many complaints about the food.
  5. Mom is not a short order cook. If you don't eat the dinner, you don't get something else.

My mom is convinced that the reason she is overweight is because she was forced to eat everything on her plate when she was a child. I have been careful not to do this.

I think children eat when they are hungry. By using these rules, I have found that my ds eats a little breakfast, a little lunch, a healthy snack, a big dinner, and another big dinner at 8 or 8:30 pm. Those are his natural eating patterns. He also chooses very healthy foods, and eats what I serve. It's worth trying. If she isn't very active, she may not need anymore nourishment before bedtime.

Mealtime Rules
From: Denise

Children won't starve themselves. We try to keep food wars at a minimum. Meals/snacks are eaten together at the table unless special permission is given. A variety of food is served throughout the week; You may decline politely. We have meal and snack time throughout the day, but you may not eat outside these designated times without permission.

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The One-Bite Plate
From: Helen

My picky eater responded to me fixing a plate of a bite of each thing, including one bite of something she loves, with the promise that she may have more of anything on the plate when the food is gone. If you include a bite of something they love on that plate, it motivates them to finish to get more of it.

When she complains about a bite, I take away one of her 10 nickles for the day, or sometimes add another bite of that (things always got worse when the children of Israel complained). She's still picky but we've come a long way from where we were a year ago when I started this. I also set a timer sometimes ... I need the food gone in 15 minutes ... so she won't sit there all evening picking at it.

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Ten Presentations
From: Kay in CA

When my first son was born, I read a study that said that toddlers need to be exposed to a food 10 or more times before it becomes "familiar" and they will eat it. This has worked with my 2 year old. If he refuses a food, I don't make a big deal of it, but it simply is served to him the next time we eat it Thus far, he's started eating every single refused food after 10-20 presentations, without ever insisting that he tries it. It's like, he sees it on his plate frequently enough and makes the mental switch that he MUST like this food, he gets it at meals all the time.

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