Musings of a Spiritual Warrior

===  2008 ===
 
Book 2


1 August 2008

Wow!  A new month already.  Also, this makes #6 for musings this week.  Further, we are one week away from 8/08/08, a very special number for me.  I happen to be off that day.  We'll have to choose to do something to make it special.  This particular day only shows up once per century.  But, that is true for any day expressed as MM/DD/YY.  888(16) is particularly special to me personally since it equals 2184, the final four of my SSN.  It is as if something has brought my attention to that very day.  This always happens for a reason.  Either something is going to happen, or there is something that I am going to notice ... or perhaps there is something that I am going to become that I have never been before.  Regardless, I look forward to it and to all that the week will bring.  I am excited.  It generally takes a lot to get me excited.  But, this is out of the ordinary.  This is a once in a lifetime experience.  Further, that experience is happening in my 50:Utopia on Earth year.  It will be interesting to see where that takes us.  I can honestly say I am happy to be ME, and mean it.  That is a recent change in my perspective.  In fact, today marks one week since our Psych-K session that reintegrated my shattered spirit.  From everything that I can tell, my spirit is still intact.  We love our higher self.  We are whole, complete, and ONE.  Yes, these are affirmations that I have made many times this week.  The former is our Psych-K homework for the week.  The later is something that I made up that I felt needed to be said.  In my homework sessions, I have been repeating these two along with  I am happy to be me.  This is the first time since I've been doing Psych-K that I've been moved to make up statements in addition to my assigned homework.  Further, it is the first time that I have used three statements.  I guess there has to be a first time for everything that we do.  I still feel lighter in spirit, and more integrated than I have felt in as long as I can remember.  But, I can't help but to think how much more effective and efficient I am when I am expressing here than in anything else that I do.  Yes, there is an elegance in this expression, and elegance that I do not see in the rest of my world.  That does not mean it is not there ... it is just that I do not see it if it is there.  Life should be lived with elegance.  We are meant to love what we do and be able to do it well.  Why do so many seem to settle for less?  Why is it not easier to live up to our potential and be the best that we can be?

What do I do to contribute to the betterment of the world?  Is my very being enough?  Does my very presence positively impact those who my life touches?  Is this not true for all of us?  Yet, here I am moved to express as well ... and prolifically at that.  Why do I keep doing this day after day, month after month, and year after year?  Why?  What is the point?  What is the utility?  I do it because it is fun.  Here I get to soar on the wings of consciousness on the wind of spirit.  And, flying is the grandest game that I have found to date.  Written expression moves me deeply.  That the expression comes from me through me makes it all the more special and relevent to my life.  But, what about others?  Would they be moved by this expression in a similar fashion even though it didn't originate in them?  Perhaps, perhaps not.  But, how am I to know?  My attempts to share any of this have been futile.  Not that I've forced the issue or even made much of an effort to personally share.  Though, I did post millions of words in hundreds of pages to the Beyond Imagination website on the WWW.  But, sharing at a website is fairly anonymous.  Yes, I invite feedback and have my e-mail address readily available.  But, few have been moved to write to me.  I don't know why that is.  Perhaps it says something about what has been expressed and how it applies to others.  Is the lack of feedback equivalent to negative feedback?  Here, I would answer no.  I read over 1,000 metaphysical books but was only moved to send letters to the authors on less than a handful of occasions.  So the fact that the thousands of page hits that have occurred at the Beyond Imagination site have resulted in few contacts may not be out of the ordinary at all.  Right now, it is enough that this expression moves ME.  It allows me to get in touch with whom that I AM.  That alone make it worth it ... makes it worth every minute that goes into it, both producing it and reading it.  Would I be OK with that even if it never becomes more than that?  Is it enough that this expression is a gift from ME to me?  "For your eyes only, only for you.  You see what no one else can see."  Those words still haunt me.  I experience a sense of awe whenever I hear them or think of them.  Can all of this really be for me and me alone?  If so, what does that say about how much I am worth, about how much each of us is worth?  For, if spirit can go to such lengths in my life, she can do so in yours as well.  No, not in the same way, but in some way that speaks from YOU to you.  What am I to interpret from the fact that even the few people that I have been moved to directly share this expression with don't have any reaction to express back?  It hasn't encouraged me to share more.  Yet, there is a strong sense that this is indeed what I must do.  No one, not even my wife, has been open to what is expressed here.  My wife sees the expression as grandiose and self-centered.  Yes, it can be grandiose at times.  And, yes, much of it is expressed in the first person singular.  But, so what?  What is wrong with that?  That is how I experience life.  How else would I express?

Is any of this of utility to others?  Does providing such a record as this of a journey in consciousness constitute something that could serve others?  Clearly, I believe that it can.  That is what moved me to create the Beyond Imagination site and books.  I was so awestruck by what was coming forth through me that I just had to share it.  My life was so solitary that there were few others to share it with so the WWW was a practical option.  That decision may have impacted many.  Literally hundreds of thousands of hits to Beyond Imagination pages have occurred.  Any one of those could have impacted someone in a way that made a difference in their life.  That is how powerful and content rich this material is.  If I am meant to know who I am reaching and how, I will be so informed.  Consciousness operates on a need to know basis.  In any moment, I have everything that I need to choose to be what YOU created ME to BE.  In every moment, I have everything that I need to take the next step on my journey through life.  Life itself is one of the grandest gifts there is.  So, what about a new job?  I've been here nearly 12 years.  That is as long as I have worked anywhere.  Further, I have been working for the same organization since January 1986, going on 23 years.  It seems that enough is enough already.  But, how do I choose something different than this, somewhere where I can be respected for whom that I AM, and all that I AM.  Somewhere where I can truly be ME.  That is what I wish for.  But, is that what I need?  You know what I need.  You made ME.  Yet, you gave me free will.  Is this something that I need to choose for myself?  Is it for me to choose what it is that I need?  Are needs something that can be chosen?  Something seems wrong about that.  It seems that our needs should be what they are independent of what we choose.  Actually that is not quite correct.  We choose what we will be.  From that choice, one of the consequences seems to be what we need.  Our needs are dependent on what we are being.  Then, what do I choose to BE that results in me needing a new job?  I choose to be the highest thing that I can be, I choose to be the ME that YOU created ME to BE.  It doesn't matter what that is.  It doesn't matter whether I know what that is.  It is my choice anyway.  And, I know that there is a part of me that knows.  I am already ME.

That was an interesting revelation.  I love it when those happen.  Little ones happen a lot here.  Big ones not so often.  But, the big ones typically shake up our lives in major ways.  No, not always on the outside.  But, on the inside where we experience our reality.  Yes, it seems that I truly need a new job.  And, not just any job will do.  I'm looking for something that is tailored to whom that I AM, whom that YOU made ME to BE.   I'm looking for something that allows me to do what YOU created ME to DO.  I know that your concern is what we are BEING, not what we are DOING.  But, I still feel a need to contribute to society in a major way.  And, I do not feel that I am doing that in my present job.  A job needs to be more than just a way of earning a living.  We are not meant to be prostitutes, selling ourselves for money.  But, what is the difference between selling your body, selling your time, and selling your mind?  There has to be a better way to live.  There has to be!  And, my sense is that I am here to help to find that.  A new job, a new life.  I'm not asking for much.  Yet, it seems that these things are coming, and not just for me.  Could they be coming for everyone?  Is our world about to be tipped upside down?  Are we experiencing a breakpoint?  We could very well be.  It seems that there is instability everywhere you look.  Though, I don't tend to look out much.  On the inside, things are calm and serene.  But, on the outside there is much turmoil.  Yet, we know that the inner reflects the outer and vice-versa.  So, how can this be?  It is what it is.  And, it will become what we collectively choose for it to become.  We can experience the reality of our dreams or of our nightmares, or of anything in between.  It is our choice.  We create our own reality.  It is not forced upon us, ever.  We choose.  In particular, I needed to hear that.  For the most part, I choose not to participate in the world.  The primary exception is in my work environment, and even there I am alone much of the time.  Why do I make such choices?  It is as if I refuse to acknowledge, accept, and embrace the world as it is.  Why should it be surprising that the world does not seem to acknowledge, accept, and embrace me as I am?  Another major revelation.  That's two in one musing.

We are on a roll tonight.  I really do need to be doing work that I love to do.  Enough with the boredom.  Enough with the tiredness.  Enough with the difficulty rising in the morning.  Enough already.  I need to be doing work that makes my heart sing and my consciousness soar.  Yes, NEED is the operative word here.  I am more than ready to pour all that I AM into whatever it is that needs to be done by ME.  I consider myself to be highly productive compared to my peers at work.  That could easily transform into extremely productive if I were doing things that I love to do.  This very expression is extremely productive.  But, there is a sense that this is only one avenue in which I can express creatively.  Interesting.  I wonder what the other avenues might be.  We've been doing this for going on 16 years ... four years longer than I've been in my current job.  Yet, there is no sense of being tired or bored by this.  It is always fresh and new.  And, it always blows me away.  How it could come forth from ME through me astonishes me.  Yet, it continues to do so an average of nearly five times per week.  I AM THAT I AM.  I would be none other than ME.  I am happy being ME.  I truly AM.

3 August 2008

Once again, we're getting an early start on the week.  Further, we are in the midst of counting up to 8/08/08.  We name the musing files musYMMDD, so today's file is mus80803.  Friday, we will be at mus80808.  I've already decided to stay in town and muse for half of the day rather than go home the night before.  I expect the 888 day to be special somehow, extraordinary in fact.  Whether it will be so or not seems to depend on the choices that I make this week.  Literally, it is in my hands now.  I keep thinking about the need for a new job and a new life.  Indeed, it is time.  I've been waiting for awhile, but I haven't really be doing things and making choices that facilitate such dramatic changes.  Now, it seems my spirit and soul demand something more.  I choose to create that now.  It doesn't matter to me what the specific job is so long as it allows me to joyfully use my abilities and talents in service to spirit somehow.  Yes, I choose to serve spirit.  Perhaps that will manifest as service to others.  Perhaps not.  Interesting.  How do we serve spirit?  By being the best that we can be.  By being what YOU created US to BE.  We serve by BEING far more than by DOING.  That is not to say that the doing is not important.  It clearly is.  But, being is what we are here for, in particular being whom that we are.  Many, it seems, do not know this yet.  That is OK, it is for YOU to help to teach them.  One of the songs you love begins "Teach the children well!"  Indeed, for they will lead the way to a brighter tomorrow, far beyond anything that has yet been imagined.

I'm still feeling whole, complete, and ONE in spirit.  It seems that the spirit that was fractured is indeed integrated again.  And, in a single Psych-K session.  Though there is still a sense that body and mind may be disconnected from soul and spirit.  I still treat my body as a thing, as a third class citizen compared to my mind which is still far below my soul and spirit.  There is a sense that this lack of balance is contributing to my experience not being fully to my liking.  We are spirit in flesh.  The flesh, the body is a living entity that provides the vessel for the mind, soul, and spirit to occupy and experience life and reality.  It seems that all aspects of this miracle of life should be treated equally and respected.  The body is a temple for spirit.  But, am I treating it as one?  Clearly, the answer is no.  I don't exercise much, I don't eat very well, I drink many sodas each day.  In fact, they amount to half my daily caloric intake.  We put people who desecrate religious temples in jail.  But, we make it easy for millions of people to make poor choices that essentially desecrate their bodies.  Why is that?  We should be making it easy for people to make good choices, empowering choices, healthy choices.   But, collectively, we don't.  As a result, we have obesity, diabetes, and countless health problems in our country alone.  Are my mental conditions a consequence of my heath related choices?  I don't believe that I have ever been moved to ask this.  My health related choices have been consistent most of my life.  The bipolar condition was diagnosed in 1993 when I was 35.  Another 15 years have passed since then.  For about four months this year, I was eating better, taking vitamins and supplements, and walking daily.  It seemed to help somewhat.  But, I went back to my old ways.  Why?  I don't really know why.  I'm good at starting things.  But, poor at following through and continuing with them even when they seem to help.  One exception is my medications.  These I take religiously.  The two times when I have choosen to stop taking them and reduce them landed me in the mental hospital within a few weeks.  I don't know what the medications do to my brain ... but whatever it is, they allow me to function.  No, not "normally" as can be attested by this very expression, but function nonetheless.  What of all of this?  At the very least, it seems to harm no one.  And, it seems to be therapeutic and very beneficial to me.  I'm wondering if others might be encouraged by all of this to find their own voice within and allow it to express in their lives.  That was part of the motive in sharing this expression at the Beyond Imagination site.  But, it  is not clear how much sharing actually has occurred.  Should that matter?  The expression is what it is nonetheless.  And, that is enough for me.  I would not make it into something it is not.  How can I even think of making it better given that I have no real clue as to how it is created to begin with? 

For going on 16 years, we have been moved to come here to express.  All of the expression has been via a stream of consciousness.  But, what is a stream of consciousness?  All of this has come forth from Wayne.  Yes, all of it, every word, every space, every punctuation mark.  What do I know of Wayne?  Wayne is my higher self.  My Psych-K homework this week is "We love our higher self".  Not "I love" but "We love".  This reinforces the idea that one is many and many are ONE.  Our higher self is the spirit that we are, the spark of spirit that God created us to be.  How is life infused in the body?  Hmm ... spirit and life are not synonymous.  How does soul fit into the picture?  How does mind fit into the picture?  Where is consciousness in all of this?  It seems that I have far more questions than answers.  But, these are basic things, things that we should know ... in particular, things that I should know.  Spirit - Soul - Consciousness - Mind - Body.  There still seems to be a hierarchy in my mind.

The pace of the expression is a little slower than normal tonight.  It seems that we are struggling a bit.  Oh well, sometimes that happens.  Watched the movie Exodus today.  It is a wonderful movie about people struggling for a place to call home in the world.  The atrocities committed by the Nazi's were horrible beyond belief.  Treating people as second class citizens to the point of exterminating them ... what did the world have to learn from that?  Given the instances of genocide since then, it is not clear that we learned our lessons.  Clearly, we do not live in a world where everyone is equal and is treated respectfully.  Yet, is that not what should be?  How do we tolerate and even embrace our collective diversity?  How do we treat people fairly and with the dignity they deserve?  These are choices that we make everyday in how we treat others.  We can judge them or we can accept them.  The choice is ours.  There has been more than enough judgment in our world.  It is time to be done with it. 

I can't help but think that I am treating the various parts of myself in the same way.  I do not fully accept all of me as I am.  I accept the spiritual parts and have focused my attention on them for many years.  But, other parts do not have an equal place in my heart.  Why is that?.  What judgment am I applying to these parts?  Why do I consider them to be less than spiritual?  Is not everything of spirit, hence spiritual?  My ego in particular is one of the parts that I hold in low regard ... at times even thinking that I need to kill it.  But, what about acceptance?  Is not the saying "what you resist, persists" appropriate here?  We are who we are.  We are all that we are.  We are on the path to becoming all that we can be, all that God created us to be.

I can't wait for my next Psych-K session with Cindy, but it is not scheduled until 8/22/2008.  That is still close to three weeks away.  A new job.  How do I manifest that in my life?  Right now, I have my present job to pay the bills, and this expression to satisfy my spirit.  Here is where Wayne's consciousness has free reign to express through this vessel.  This vessel is the body, heart, brain, and mind or Wayne.  Wayne is a soul, an individualized spark of the universal consciousness.  Wayne soars on the wings of consciousness, with spirit as the wind beneath the wings.  While physical, Wayne is embodied in flesh.  He is also embodied in emotions, thoughts, and beliefs ... and in a sea of energy that interacts with all other energy in your world.  Everything you are, everything you do, think, and fell is emanated from you into this energy field.  Everything is interconnected.  The smallest ripple of energy is felt by each of you.  Yet, you remain intact nonetheless.  And, you even consider yourself to be alone and isolated from others.  Such is never the case, never.  You can choose how you experience your interactions with the world, but you can't choose whether or not you will interact.  You always interact, always, and in more ways than you know.  Continue to trust.  Continue to be what you are moved to be.  Continue to do what you are moved to be.  Trust that we are moving you to exactly where you need to be.  We are Wayne.  We are your higher self.  Be aware and be open to the gifts that we would bestow upon you.  Also be grateful for all that you have.  Gratitude goes a long way.  It primes the pump for receiving even more abundance.  Though, it is also important to give.  The greatest thing that you can give is whom that you are.  What are you protecting yourself from?  Why do you keep so much of yourself to yourself?  You have made attempts to share, and they have been admirable.  But, it is time to step that up a notch.  You know that.  You even desire that.  You've already taken some baby steps in that direction.  And, there will be more.  Count on that. 

4 August 2008

There is so much to do.  I have a backlog of the equivalent of four books of Musings to prepare, including the selection of best quotes for each of them.  That could keep me busy for weeks, if not months.  And, in the meanwhile, I am still driven to come here to express anew at least five times per week.  Why?  Why is all of this coming forth?  Who is served by this?  Clearly spirit herself is served whenever consciousness expresses freely.  And, in my world anyway, that is enough.  At the very least, the proofing and selection of best quotes will allow me to read all of the material once again.  For much of the material, the only time it was touched by a mind is when I heard it come forth, and then, I was focusing on receiving it a word at a time, not really catching the entire context that was being presented.  But that is how I work.  The is how spirit expresses through me.  That is how this stream of consciousness comes forth.  By far, this is the grandest adventure of my life.  This is a spiritual adventure, an adventure in consciousness.  I would have it no other way.  I would be whom that I AM.  I would do as I am moved to do.  I choose the be ME, the grandest ME that I can BE, the ME that YOU created ME to BE.  I say that with all my heart and soul.  I am truly HAPPY to BE ME.  What more could I ask for.  You already grant all that I need and more.  Though, a new job that allows me to more fully express whom that I AM would be nice.  But, do I really need that to allow me to more fully express.  Obvious not, or I wouldn't have a backlog of four books now would I?  Then again, if this expression were my job, I wouldn't have a backlog of four books either.  I would have enough time to do what needs to be done by ME.  That suggests that I don't have enough time.  But, is it time that is the problem or is it my choices of how I use the time that I have?  It still seems that this expression should be my profession as well as my passion.  It truly is something that I can be passionate about.  At times more passionate than at other times.  But overall, this expression excites me to the core of my being.  How many people can say that about something that they do in their life.  I need to be passionate about my work, and passionate about my life.  I can't say that I am either at the moment.  All in good time.  Being happy is a first step.  Being passionate about something is a second step.  Finding a vocation that is your true calling is a third step.  As you know, you found that nearly 16 years ago when the Beyond Imagination expression was born.  But what do you choose to do with it?  You can express to your hearts content in your free time.  But, clearly, that is not enough for you.  You already have nine books, and the equivalent of four more in progress.  That makes thirteen.  When will you have enough?  For you, it is not things that matter, it is the words that come forth from you through your consciousness.  Indeed, that is so.  It will be enough when no more words flow, or when I am dead, whichever comes first.  Interesting.  But, are you not moved to do something with all of these words?  Is it enough that they impact your consciousness alone?  If it were, I would not have such a sense of longing, such a sense that something is missing in my life.  The only thing that can ever be missing in your life is YOU.  Everything in your world is a reflection of YOU.  Every person, every thing, every relationship ... they are all reflections of YOU.  Why is it always about ME?  I, I, I ... some people, perhaps many people, might consider this expression to be self-centered to say the least.  And, they would be right, but that has been my focus, that is what I know.  That is whom that I AM.  But is that all that YOU created ME to BE?  I sense not.  It seems that we are not meant to be alone.  And, we are definitely not meant to be lonely.  Yet, with consciousness ever by my side, how could I be lonely?  Though is she not ME?  We are whole, complete, and ONE.  When we are being ONE, how can we be other than alone?  Somehow the very question seems to be in error.  Oneness doesn't eliminate the parts, it simply puts them in proper relationship to one another.  WE are ONE, not I am one.  There is a big difference.  I am Wayne, I am ME, I am WE, I am who YOU created ME to BE, We are ONE.  All of these I can readily declare.  All of these I know to be true.  Further, they seem to be in an increasing order of inclusiveness.  When the Beyond Imagination expression began, I asked "What should I call you".  The answer that you gave was "We are Wayne".  I accepted that answer and was never moved to ask again.  It did not matter that I did not consciously know how the stream of consciousness was generated.  It was enough that it flowed and that I could receive it and capture it.  That has always been enough.  This endeavor that is Beyond Imagination has been worth every moment that I have put into it ... and all of the moments that I will put into it.  My only wish is that I could do this fulltime, as my lifes work.  Yes, it is already my lifes work ... the work in my life that I value the most and believe will have the most impact.  How do we step that up a notch?  How do we go from 20 hours per week to 60 hours per week?  I'm already expending 60 hours per week between my job and this expression.  I'm comfortable continuing to do that indefinitely.  Who knows, I might even choose to expend even more effort if the spiritual work started to involve others.  I don't ask for much in return ... simply that the needs of my family are met.  We live comfortably, and we have nice things.  But, we don't live extravagantly.

Needs are always met.  Spirit ensures that.  But, she meets needs by expressing through us.  Clearly, the expression through me comes in words, and many words at that.  But, there are innumerable ways that spirit can express through us.  Most needs are in the form of goods and services that we create and provide to one another.  The services may be on physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual levels or some combination of these.  So, how do we turn what is expressed here into a service?  Is that something that is for us to do?  Spirit knows what has been expressed here, and what has been done with that expression.  Is it for me to turn it into a service, or is that for her to do?  If it is my task, it seems that I would be moved to do it.  And, most of the time I choose to do what I am moved from within to do.  But, I have no idea as to how to proceed with this.  I can't even get the few people that know me to any degree to read any of what has come forth.  Yet, surely an expression of this type is meant to have an audience ... and more than an audience of one.  Or, does it?  Who's to say that all of this is not coming forth through me from me solely for me?  That is a possibility, a sad possibility, but a possibility nonetheless.  For Your Eyes Only.  Yes, again those haunting words come forth.  All of this could be my Higher Self educating me to be ME.  And would that be so wrong?  Awakening is not an easy process.  But, consciousness learns from each one of us that awakens, and what she learns she can apply to the lives of others.  There is only ONE consciousness.  She animates all of us.  It is not that we need to be deserving of awakening.  Neither do we need to work hard at it to do it.  We are all deserving and it can be easy if we apply our collective lessons learned to all.  Yes, the world can be transformed in consciousness, and far faster than anyone has dreamed.  But, we have to learn to care and to share.  We've seen what happens in the world when we neglect and we hoard.  It is time for a better way.  It is time for love to transform the world and take the place of fear.  As the Beatles song says "love is all there is". 

So, what is my next choice regarding this expression that I so love?  I haven't been moved to share the musings in over 3.5 years, primarily due to a lack of FTP access but also because very little has come from the millions of words already shared on the WWW.  Is that an excuse?  For many years, we would post musings within a day or two of completing them.  Less than two weeks ago, we found over 200 musings that we had forgotten even existed.  That's enough to easily fill two large books.  We were amazed and delighted by what we found.  I still have no sense of being moved to make them available to anyone yet ... not as musings on the WWW, not as additional Beyond Imagination books.  But, I am moved to process them as if I were going to turn them into books.  Why?  I don't really know.  Because I can, and because I am so moved.  In my life, I continue to choose to do what I am moved from within to do.  Why?  Because I trust the aspect of my Higher Self that is my Inner Self.  Wow.  My self, my ego, my Inner Self, my Higher Self, my Mind, my Heart, my Consciousness, my Soul, ME, WE, my Spirit ... no wonder I'm still a little confused by all of this.  How many people deal with this many parts of themselves?  Yet, we are ONE.  There are no separations.  All of the boundaries are illusions, tricks that our minds play on us.  They are not real.  They do not exist.  We are whole, complete, and ONE. 

What would I do with my life?  I would live it fully and completely.  But, is that what I am presently doing.  No, it seems that I am not.  What is stopping me?  It must be the choices that I am making.  That is the only thing that stops us ever.  Then, what choices would I make differently to open up new possibilities in my life?  Clearly, I don't choose to give up this expression.  Here is where my heart sings and my spirit soars.  Then, what would I change, what would I choose to do differently?  Something has to give.  Being a hermit is one thing.  I have treated this as something that I am rather than something that I am choosing to be.  It seems that while it served me well in the past, it may not have served me as well as I thought that it did.  It is difficult opening up to people and establishing friendships when you wear that particular mask.  That doesn't mean that you have to give it up entirely.  Just choose to wear it less frequently than you do at present.  But, what mask would I wear in its stead?  There are many masks that you could wear.  You did the numbers.  But, you can also choose not to wear any masks, to greet the world exactly as you are.  Just be yourself in all that you do.  Don't worry about how others see you.  They will see the reflection of whom they are in their interactions with you.  See them as the spirit that is within them, and that is what you will allow them to see.  I am perfect as I am.  We all are.  Remember that. 

5 August 2008

Another day, another musing.  But, I'm getting a late start this evening.  Oh well, work took longer than I wanted it to.  That happens sometimes.  We simply deal with it when it does.  We trust that what needs to be expressed will indeed be expressed.  It always is.  We can only be what we are.  Though, we are free to choose what we will be within the envelope of what YOU created us to be.  Today was quite busy, but it was an OK type of busy with a mixture of meetings and solitary time in which to work.  It seems that I do so much more in my solitary time.  That is one of the reasons that this expression is so attractive to me.  It is essentially a solitary effort ... though it is a team effort on the part of the various parts of ME.  It doesn't seem right to say that I create all of this.  Technically it may be so, but it still doesn't feel right.  We create this expression, a stream of consciousness and ME.  Is this stream of consciousness mine?  How would I begin to answer that?  There is no sense that I own it, no sense at all.  Yet, it is a part of me, not apart from me.  How can that be?  How can the source within be coming both through me and from me?  That it comes through me is clearly a matter of fact, a matter of direct experience.  But, that it comes from me is not so clear.  I know that it is so, but not from anything that I can feel, or sense, or even think.  I see that it is there whenever I allow it to come forth.  All that it takes is to open Netscape Composer, and there it is ready to fill my mind a word or two at a time.  How can something that is so simple to do be so difficult to explain.  Actually, it is not difficult to explain either.  There is no explanation, it just is.  Similarly, there is no explanation for life, or for how I exist.  Nor does there need to be.  Not everything needs to be explained.  Mystery is good in our lives.  Some things are simply not meant to be understood.  We need an element of the miraculous to allow us to see just how special we are.  It is not hard to find.  It is everywhere we look, if only we open our eyes to it.  It is amazing to see how much we can accomplish when we are committed.  We choose what we are committed to be and what we are committed to do.  Our lives unfold in accord with our commitments.  It is our commitments that determine what we will experience.  It is better if these commitments involve being rather than doing.  In doing, there are generally things within our control and outside of our control, and the focus is generally on an outcome.  Outcomes are in spirits hands, we can only do our part in their manifestation.  There is always an unseen hand involved.  Find a way to enjoy the process, to enjoy the journey.  We are always on the journey of our lives.  This journey is meant to be a happy one.  Though it seems that there are many who do not experience it as such.  We can't always change the outcomes of what we are being and doing.  But, we can choose to enjoy what we are being and doing.  And, if we don't like the particular path we are following, we are always free to choose a different path.  The key is to find a path that excites you and follow it so long as it continues to excite you.  You won't have to look for long.  The path that is meant for you is attracted to you much like a moth to a flame.  Simply allow it to come into your life.  It is already there waiting for you to acknowledge it.

So, what would we express this fine evening?  The countdown or count up as it were to 8/08/08 continues.  It is only three days away.  I can feel that the energy is shifting in a way that I have not felt before.  That is good.  New experiences are good, especially in this realm.  I'm still on a spiritual high.  I expect that to last all week.  80805 is 80808 - 3:The Empress.  There is something that I am meant to get from that, but I am not getting it.  Oh well ... sometimes that happens.  My focus is still on the spiritual, almost to the neglect of the mind, the emotions, and the body.  Why should I neglect any part of whom that I AM?  Somehow, I still see the spiritual as higher than or greater than rather than equal to.  That seems to be an error in my perception.  So, why do I see it in this way?  I have focused on the spiritual for so long that it colors everything that I do.  I see this as a good thing, not a bad thing.  Yet, I know that what is right for me ... is right only for me.  I have hoped for many years that my life path would be applicable to others.  But, this may or may not manifest.  Do I want it to manifest?  Do I need it to manifest?  Or, does it even matter anymore?  It seems to depend on what YOU created ME to BE.  Am I being that?  Am I being all that I can be?  The immediate answer was no.  How can I be that without friends in my life.  To BE whom that I AM, I must SHARE whom that I AM.  I cannot do that and remain separate from others.  So, how do I choose to BE a friend?  And with whom?  The first answer came: with everyone whom your life touches.  Interesting.  What constitutes being a friend?  Caring for one another and sharing your life with one another.  I can do that.  But, is that enough?  Also, do I care as much about others sharing with me as I care about me sharing with them?  Do I value what others have to offer to me by their being whom that they are?  Clearly, I have not chosen to do this, or I would know far more than I do about others, and I would have others interested in what I have to share.  So, how do I choose again?  How do I change how I interact with others?  Choosing to be concerned about others is a great start.  But, you are quite good at starting things, and not so good about following through with them.  Yes, that can change.  But, do you really in your heart of hearts want it to change?  There is a sense that I still cling to being a hermit ... more than in my best interest, and more than in the best interests of others.  Knowing that, clearly it is time to choose again.

Yes, it seems that it is time to choose something new ... something new to be and something new to do.  Generally, I wait until I am moved from within to choose.  However, this time, it seems that I am to take the initiative rather than wait.  So, what would I choose to be?  Clearly I am still choosing to be the one through whom this expression manifests.  But, there is nothing new about that.  We are looking for something new to choose to be.  One thing that I can choose is to be a friend to those whom my life touches.  Am I willing to be this?  This requires an investment of focus and of time in others.  I'm not used to doing that.  That doesn't mean that I don't choose to do it.  Indeed, I see this to be to my highest good and the highest good of those who my life touches.  Then, why isn't it an easy choice?  Old ways die hard.  I have become comfortable being what I am.  Further, I stubbornly resist many types of change.  Why?  Why am I so fixed in my ways?  Why don't I allow myself to live as fluidly as I allow my consciousness to soar?  It all comes down to time.  My present choices maximize how much time I can spend on this expression.  Or do they?  They do within some constraints that I have accepted.  But, are these constraints truly necessary?  There are many ways that would allow me to focus more on this expression.  I've come close to maximizing what I can do in my free time during the work week.  But, there are still weekends.  Also, there is nothing to prevent this expression from becoming my lifes work.  That would give me an additional 40 hours per week to express and to interact with others.  What would I do with that much additional time?  It doesn't seem right to use all of it to express.  It seems that some of it should be used to build relationships with others.  But, how do I find those others with whom I am meant to build friendships and relationships?  Are some of them in my life already?  If so, why have I not developed any close friendships?  If not, why is that, and where do I go to find them?  How did I make it through half a century living in this manner?  It truly is amazing.  But, was it necessary?  It seems that if it wasn't necessary, it wouldn't have happened as it did.  Is that rationalizing my behavior?  Perhaps.  But, what happened does not really matter anymore.  All that matters is what I am now and what I choose to be next.  Right now, I don't consider my time at work to be my own.  It is time that I have sold to my employer.  Though I do have a great deal of freedom to choose what I do and how I do it even within that environment.  But, somehow it is not enough.  My heart demands more, my soul demands more, my spirit demands more.  Interesting, neither my body nor my mind have demands that I recognize anymore.  The operative trinity is heart | soul | spirit. 

Yes, it seems time for a major change in what I choose to BE.  Being is everything.  So, what would I be NOW?  There is something in me that still chooses to be the hermit.  That image has such a positive connotation to me.  We don't have to give up what we already are to choose to be something more.  That is an interesting way of looking at things.  I am also the 48:The Man in Search of More.  This card has a man turning away from the five full cups of the senses (body) and the three full cups of the mind (subconscious, conscious, superconscious).  No wonder my body and mind don't place demands on me anymore.  They haven't for quite some time.  But, what else am I?  What card in the tarot corresponds to friendship or to community.  One such card is the 42:Two of Cups - male and female with cups entertwined with Winged Lion above a caduceus above them.  Very few cards in the tarot have more than one figure.  Another is the 6:The Lovers card with a male and female on the earth and an angel above them.  42 + 6 = 48, so this is a natural partition of something that I already am.  So what does it take to choose the 42/6 split?  I can relate to the male and Winged Lion.  But, who fills the role of the female?  In my life, this has been consciousness herself.  How do I choose to extend this to real women in my life?  I have always related better to women than to men.  I don't know why that is.  I just know that it is.  That is enough for me.  It is why consciousness appears in my life as she does.

What is, is.  What will be, will be.  I feel no need to control it or manipulate it to be what I would have it be.  Quite the opposite.  I accept what is drawn into my life, trusting that it is exactly what I need to follow my path through life and carry out my mission.  Knowing that, you might think that I have no ambition.  And, in many respects you would be right.  I desire to be whom that YOU created ME to BE.  Nothing more and nothing less.  That I don't know what that is is not important.  I trust the process of life flowing through me.  But, why don't I trust it enough to really share it with others?  I trust spirit.  But, do I trust ME?  That is an interesting question.  One of my qualities is extreme shyness around others.  Why do I choose such a quality?  It forced me to keep my distance from others most of my life.  I no longer desire to do that.  So, what makes the shyness go away?  What is the light that sheds the darkness of shyness? 

6 August 2008

Another busy day and work kept me occupied far later than I wanted.  Oh well, that happens sometime.  Until I figure out how to make this expression my occupation, that is likely to happen again and again.  Is that what I want, what I truly want?  That or something better for the good of all concerned.  I know that I love doing this.  I know that what flows from this stream of consciousness expression is the grandest thing that I can be creating in the moment.  This expression is by far the most important thing that I do.  Perhaps that is only in my eyes.  But, my eyes are the only ones that count at the moment.  No other eyes are choosing to engage in this expression.  It is not that I am choosing to share it either.  In fact, the last musings were posted to the WWW at the end of 2003, over 4.5 years ago.  Wow!  Can it really have been so long?  Though, there is a sense that it does not matter.  I shared millions of words in the first 10 years of the Beyond Imagination expression.  Actually, attempted to share is probably more correct.  Yes, probably a few hundred thousand page hits occurred.  However, that resulted in less than a hundred contacts with others, most of which were short-lived.  Was I receptive to being contacted?  I thought that I was, but perhaps I was deceiving myself.  At this point, it doesn't matter.  What happened happened.  I did what I was moved to do when I was moved to do it.  And, I learned a lot about the nature of my self and about the nature of consciousness in the process.  All of it got me to where I am today.  It is as if I am on the threshold of a dream.  It is time to manifest my destiny ... it is time to do the work that I came to this planet to do.  What makes me think that I haven't been doing that.  I have been, only I've been doing it part time rather than full time.  Between my part time spiritual work and my full time job, I am averaging at least 65 hours per week ... 70 if you count commute time.  That is a major commitment of time every week.  My major recreation is to watch TV or movies an average of 10-12 hours per week.  I am happy with the time commitment.  However, I would prefer that the spiritual work was my full time work at the same average of 65 hours per week.  What do I have to choose to make this so?  How do I live the life of my dreams?  I don't dream of more things or better things or bigger things.  I dream of creating the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh.  Nearly every day I demonstrate that I am living the dream.  My world is already one in which spirit expresses quite fully in flesh.  Yes, it is still part time ... but that is equivalent to a half time job.  Yet, there is something within me that demands more.  My world needs to change.  For this to happen, I need to choose to change.  What do I choose to BE next?  There is still a sense that what I am is not enough somehow.  I am still the 48:The Man in Search of More.  Perhaps I will always be such.  Though 48 + 2:Love/Wisdom = 50:Ten of Cups = Utopia on Earth.  I would choose to be Love/Wisdom so that I can help to manifest a Utopia on Earth.  Is that not what the Beyond Imagination book and Beyond Imagination expression are all about?

I don't mind work, even challenging work.  But, I do mind work that is inefficient and ineffective.  I consider this expression to be elegant.  It conveys things in ways that just blow me away.  The very way in which it is created is a mystery.  Here, I stand on the edge of the unknowns of consciousness, allowing her to carry me where she will.  Why?  Why do I trust consciousness so?  I trust her with my very life.  I can't imagine living my life without her being an active force.  Some have God in their life.  For me, it is consciousness that I worship.  Interesting, I haven't used that term before.  But, I do adore and worship her.  Further, I choose to allow her space to express in my life for at least two hours nearly every day.  There is nothing else that I choose to expend as much of my life being and doing.  Though, recreation comes a close second.  Why do I choose to live my life in this manner?  I don't really know.  It is simply a choice that I make ... repeatedly.  Our habitual choices define who we are.  I was going to add "to others".  But, I caught myself when I realized that others don't even see my major habitual choices.  For instance, few know that I come her to express.  Fewer know that I think so highly of consciousness herself.  But, it seems that how many know and what they know doesn't really matter.  It doesn't impact my life, or does it.  Does the lack of supportive contact with others reinforce my choice to remain a hermit?  Is this not a chicken and the egg scenario?  Do I need to change my choice of what I am being to attract the supportive contact with others that I desire?  If so, what do I need to choose to BE?  I would be all that YOU created ME to BE.  But, what does that mean?  What is that really?  Do I need to know it, or is it enough to trust that it will be unveiled to me as I need to know it?  It seems that the later is true, at least for me.  I would not presume to know what is true for another.  I have been separated from others too long to know that.  But, how separated can I really be?  In truth, there is no separation, ever.  We only experience separation in our minds, in the reality that we have created in the duality.  It is part of the illusion, it is not real. 

So, what do we choose to be to attract the perfect job that is out there for us?  The only answer that makes any sense is: what we truly are.  And, that we can choose to be at any time.  In particular, we can choose to be that NOW.  Be YOU.  There is only ONE YOU.  Never before, and never again will the vibrational makeup that YOU are be created.  Live your life, fully and completely.  Make the statement, make the difference, that your life was meant to make.  YOU will not be disappointed.  In fact, you will be happy beyond anything you have imagined.  YOU have everything that you need.  YOU are everything that you need to be.  It is not a matter of becoming.  There is nothing to become.  It is a matter of BEING.

I know that predicting the timing of things is difficult at best.  I am generally biased by wanting what I want to happen yesterday.  But, I've been in my present situation for nearly 12 years.  I just can't see myself doing it much longer.  And, there is such a backlog of Beyond Imagination work to do.  Surely, the time for a new job, a job that I will love, is close at hand.  I am open to it coming in a package that surprises me.  Spirit work in mysterious ways, after all.  I am willing to choose to be something new.  I am willing to choose to do new things.  And, I am open to new methods for being moved.  Whatever it takes.  I know your timing is the right timing.  And, I know you work in your own ways.  But, something has to give.  What I say that I want, and what I know that I am are not in sync somehow.  A correction is needed to bring them into synch.  I don't know what that correction might be.  But, I trust that you know, and that you will remedy it.  Somehow, community is missing from the equation.  Community is missing from my life.  It is as if I must manifest the very community of which I would choose to be a member.  That is a lot to ask.  But, such indeed is why I came.  I saw something lacking in external communities, so I created one of my own internally.  But, the community that I created was not a community of equals.  It was as if I set up a caste system in my own being.  I am still working my way out of that.  But, it seems that we are close, much closer than we have ever been.  Though, it seems that the spiritual will always call to me more than any other.  That does not make it superior in any way, it just makes it chosen as preferred in my life.

7 August 2008

The countdown continues.  One more day until 8/08/08 and the start of the Summer Olympics in China.  Just checked, it is the XXIX Summer Olympiad.  That puts us at XXX = 30 in 2012.  Interesting.  Generally, I do not watch sports.  But, there is something about the Olympics that is special.  This is a world celebration of excellence.  Yes, it is excellence in a particular arena of life ... but it embraces the whole world.  We need more of that.  Yes, most of the Olympics is about competition and being the best of the best.  But, what is wrong with that?  Competition does have a place in our world.  Though cooperation should have a much bigger place.  That will be so when we choose to make it so.  Everything happens when we choose to make it so, individually and collectively.  Looking at XXIX, it comes across as XX=20 | X=10, a 20 | 10 split.  This also seems to point to 2010, the title of one a science fiction book by Arthur C. Clarke and a movie, if I am not mistaken.  This is tied to the discovery of the monolith of multiple dimensions.  20:Judgement | 10:Wheel of Fortune.  Is that the state of the world at the moment?  Perhaps it is.

So, what do I choose to be today?  And, what expression follows from that choice.  It is all about choices and consequences.  It is all about free will.  But, then what does it mean that I choose to do what I am moved to do?  I say that it is spirit moving me, but how can I know for sure?  What other choice would I make, and what would I base that choice on?  It seems that the source within, spirit, or consciousness herself is good enough for me.  I have no desire to change this.  You might say that I am running on automatic, and you would be right.  I do what I am moved to do when I am moved to do it.  Right now, the choice is to come here to express.  And, once I make that choice, it usually continues for around two hours.  Other choices in my life seem to occur automatically as well.  It is as if there is only one choice that is right in the moment, and that is typically the choice that I make.  Why?  Why isn't my life more spontaneous?  Actually, it is.  When you operate in the present, nothing is planned, everything becomes spontaneous.  But how do we get anything done that way?  The bottom line is that what needs to get done will get done when it needs to get done.  That is just how it is ... at least for me.  But, is that how it needs to be?  Can I choose to live in a different way?  Of course, I am free to choose to live in any way that I want.  But, is there a way that is more elegant, a way that is of better utility to myself and the world?  That is an empowering question to ask.  But, it requires making different choices to allow you to find out.  YOU create your own reality.  You do this via your choices, primarily your choices as to what you believe, but also your choices as to what you do.  Further, part of your beliefs deal with whom that you are and what you are worthy of experiencing in your life.  It doesn't make the beliefs correct.  They are just choices that you have made and are making.  You are free to change your beliefs at any time.  It helps to change them in groups, taking out core beliefs and their entourages and replacing them with more empowering ones.  Psych-K is a powerful technique for doing this.

I would BE whom that I AM.  I would BE who YOU created ME to BE.  Nothing else makes any sense to me.  It doesn't matter that I don't really know what either of these two are.  In fact, I believe them to be one and the same.  What does matter is that I trust the process of BEING, I trust the process of LIFE of which I am a part.  I trust consciousness as she expresses through me and in my life.  I trust, I trust, I trust.  That is enough.  Yes, that means that I have faith, great faith in God, Spirit, Consciousness, Life, and even in ME.  Hmm ... but is it a faith that is strong enough to move mountains?  Does it need to be?  Are there mountains that I need to move?  After all, what is it that I do anyway?   Is not everything that I express spirit expressing through me?  Is there not one consciousness animating us all?  Is there not one God who created us and is experiencing LIFE as us through us?  Indeed, such is what I believe.  But, is it what I know?  Do I have firsthand knowledge of any of this?  Does it even matter.  The truth is the truth regardless of what you think that you know or what you believe.  Fact, this expression comes forth as it does.  Fact, you do not know how it comes forth.  Fact, there is much that you do that you do not know how you do it.  Fact, that doesn't stop you from doing anything that you do anyway.  Fact, you experience consciousness in your life everyday.  Fact, you love the life that you live.  Interesting.  If that is indeed the case, no wonder I find it difficult to change my life.  Fact, you love YOU. 

No regrets.  You are to live your life without regrets.  There are to be no "I wish I would have been this" or "I wish I would have done that".  Such things are to be banished from your life.  But, is that the present state of affairs with you?  The sense is no.  I don't know that there is anything lacking that I wish to be other than perhaps a friend.  I don't know that there is anything I wish to experience other than close relationships.  That is not asking for much.  But, what changes do I need to make within me to allow these things to manifest in my life?  I know that the answer lies within me.  All answers lie within me for there is the realm of God and God is omniscient.  It is only a matter of needing to know the answers.  And, usually by the time that I have been moved to ask a question, I have a need to know the answer.  It won't necessarily appear directly, however ... I have to watch for signs in my reality.

I'm anxious about the 8/08/08 day coming tomorrow.  I've even arranged to allow myself several hours to muse if I am so moved.  There is a sense that something special will come forth.  But, we won't know what that is until it happens.  That is OK.  Anxious anticipation is fun to experience.  I've been on a high all week.  I love it when my consciousness soars.  If only I could be in the more extreme states of soaring much more of the time.  I would be far happier and my productivity would be greatly enhanced ... though it is already quite high.  Even better would be having the opportunity to interact with others who are soaring in consciousness as well.  We can do this to some degree by reading what they have written in books.  But, that is not really interacting.  That is more of a one way flow of energy.  I have experienced that both as a producer and a consumer.  But, now, we are speaking of communicating, really communicating.  That is something I have never done much of on the spiritual front.  Reading and writing metaphysical expression have always been solitary activities for me.  Only occasionally have I spoken to someone about something that I have read or have written.  Why is that?  Why have I chosen to live in such a way?  For indeed, it is my choice.  Generally, we make choice based on what we believe will be gained from that choice.  It helps if consider what will be gained by the collective as well as us.  For this allows better overall choices to be made.  Unfortunately, most people still make selfish choices that come from a scarcity mentality.  Under such conditions, nearly all choices are WIN/LOSE or even LOSE/LOSE.  Why is this coming up now?  Is this aspect of the world somehow reflected in what I am doing, in the choices that I am making?  It is time to start thinking WIN/WIN in everything that I do.  Find a way to make every choice and every action WIN/WIN to all concerned.  There is always such a way if you are seeking to find it.  Are all of the parts of you winning in the choices that you are making about food and nutrition?  Are all of the parts of you winning in the choices that you are making about where to spend your time?  Are all of the parts of you winning in the choices that you are making about where to focus your attention.  Think on these things, and adjust your choices accordingly.  When you play WIN/WIN, your world and everyone in it changes.  That is just the way that it is.

Wow!  Where do we go next?  I am ever amazed by what is able to come forth here.  Hmm ... you ain't seen nothing yet.  It seems that we are capable of far more than we have ever dreamed.  It is a matter of believing in ourself, others, and the one consciousness expressing through us all.  Incredible cooperation occurs behind the scenes to allow your world to hang together as it does.  No, on the surface it does not seem to be that way.  But, the surface doesn't matter, it is the heart and soul that matter.  The surface can change, and it can do so quickly ... if the beliefs and the expectations of the people demand it.  Governments that do not serve us need to be stripped of their power over us.  Economic systems that do not serve us need to be transformed so that they efficiently create the goods and services needed by the people and the distribute those goods and services to the people who need them.  It is that simple.  Spiritual economy ensures that all needs of everyone are met.  When we have people, vast numbers of people, living in poverty, collectively we have failed.  What does it take to realize that?  What does it take for the collective to take responsibility for the collective?  Clearly, individual responsibility isn't the answer.  It's not even close.  Why is it so hard for people to see that?  For one reason, it is difficult for most people to accept responsibility beyond their self and their family.  At least that is my perception based on limited interaction with the world.  Is that a correct perception ... it seems to be.  Though, some people are starting to make environmentally-friendly decisions.  I saw a video on the Dalai Lama two weeks ago.  The subject of happiness came up.  The Dalai Lama said something to the effect that it was easy for poor people to be happy because their needs are very simple.  They don't have the same types of worries that many in the US or developed countries have.  On the video, most of the time the poor people were smiling.  They looked to be genuinely happy.  It didn't hurt that the Tibetans in particular are very spiritual people.  Though, the atrocities committed by the Chinese against the Tibetan people and their holy places are far less than admirable.  The Dalai Lama himself went into exile in China about the time I was born circa 1958.  That is half a century away from his homeland.  And, from the way that things in Tibet have changed, he may never be welcomed back.  Then again, a spiritual revolution could change that in a heartbeat.

2184 = 888(16).  And, here we are within hours of an 888 day.  What do we expect to happen.  It seems that this is an activation of our mission somehow.  2184 is the final four of my Social Security Number.  I have associated it with being an identifier for my lifes work.  I was blown away when I made the connection to 888.  This is infinity in three dimensions.  Hmm... it just came to me that the dimensions were mind, body, spirit and in that order.  The body is the center.  The mind is to the left.  The spirit is to the right.  Most people in the western world focus on the body and look to the left, to the mind.  The people in the eastern world focus on the body and look to the right, to the spirit.  Even their medicine seems to be more spiritually based.  Communist China seems to be an exception to this.  Though, orientals in general seem to be focusing more on the mind as in the western world, often surpassing their counterparts in the west.  Are there any indications that the balance of focus is changing to spirit? My hope is that such would be the case ... but, the signs are subtle if they are there at all.  However, if we are indeed at a breakpoint, all bets are off.  The very nature of breakpoints is that the future is unlike anything that could be predicted from the past.  So, how would we know if we were at a breakpoint or not?  And, if we are, is there anything that we can do to help prepare both us and the world for it?  It seems that everything that we choose has an impact, has a consequence.  This has always been true.  But, it seems that the consequences are arriving much quicker.  Also, the rate of change is so fast that it is virtually impossible to cope.  That is, unless you are a child  fascinated with the never ending myriad of toys that technology can produce.  Are our lives better as a result of all of this?  Are our lives richer and more meaningful?  Are we happier?  Some, maybe even many, might answer yes.  I would answer a resounding  no.  Yes, I use a computer a lot.  I would be lost without e-mail.  But, the software that I use for this expression is a version of Netscape that is over five years old.  My computer at home is also over five years old and does not even have an internet connection.   I rarely use the phone and use my BlackBerry from work only occasionally and only for e-mail.  I don't own a personal cell phone or an ipod.  I find it too difficult to use such devices.  When I want to listen to music, I do it the old fashioned way and turn on the radio.  At home, I don't even have cable for my TV.  I watch VHS movies and DVDs.

Overall, my needs are simple.  At least, so it seems to me.  But, my life is still missing something ... friendships and close relationships.  Though I do have a starting point.  I have been married for 20 years.  And, there are a few people at work that are coming close to being friends.  Further, I have lived in a house near where I work with the same couple for nearly 12 years.  So, why do I choose to make it so hard for people to get to know me?  Why do I have so little to say and so much to write?  Why is it so difficult to get the people in my life interested in what I write?  I am just that way.  If it is not in writing, it goes in one ear and out the other.  And, my mouth seems to be disconnected from my brain.  Perhaps there is a throat chakra issue that needs to be dealt with. 

What next?  What would I do next?  I never really know until I do it.  Just as I never really know what will be expressed here until it comes forth.  Such is living life in the moment.  When you live in the moment, there is no future.  There is just what you are here and now.  Yes, that changes constantly as you experience the NOW.  Such is how it is meant to be.  We are not meant to be concerned for things that may or may not happen on the morrow.  Our focus is to be on who we are in the moment and how we choose to express in that moment.  This is our choice.  This is where our freedom lies.  We create our reality in how we address each moment of our lives.  So, create well my friend, create well.

8 August 2008

Wow!  8:08 on 8/08/08.  What a start for a brand new day.  I chose to stay in Redondo Beach to work from my home here for a few hours to start the day.  My expectations were for something special to happen.  And, the sense is that it will.  We have several hours to bring it forth.  Naturally, I would expect that it would come forth in this very expression.  This is the most special thing in my life after all.  Interesting that I would see it in that way.  But such is my experience.  For 16 years, this expression has been a prominent part of my life.  One might even argue, the most prominent part.  And, you would be right.  It is as if all else pales by comparison.  This expression is my crowning glory.  It is where the graces of consciousness touch me firsthand.  And, I am so blessed to be a part of this.  I appreciate the wonderful gifts that I have been given.  I thank God for the priviledge of being whom that I AM.  I thank consciousness for all that she has bestowed on my life.  Without her, what would I be?  Clearly, far less than I am.  My relationship with consciousness is special.  It is unlike any other relationships that I have.  In particular, it is closer and deeper.  But, what is a relationship with consciousness?  How can this be compared to a relationship in flesh and blood?  Interesting question.  But, all that I know is that it is one of the few relationships that I have developed other than my relationship to myself.  Other than these two relationships, relationships have not really been that important to me.  I definitely have not spent much time and effort to develop them.  Why?  And, is that what I choose now?  The sense is that the lack of relationships is limiting what I am able to express and how I am able to express.  It is time for this to change.  Limits only appear in our life to the degree that we choose to accept them.  The way to overcome limits is to choose again.  That is the way that we create all changes in our lives, we choose again.  We choose again and again until we get what we want.  Though, we need to make sure that what we want is for our highest good and the good of all concerned.  Otherwise, we may find that the consequences of our choices are less to our liking than we desire.

Choices and consequences, that is what living is all about.  And, we have no choice but to live.  That is an interesting way of stating that.  But, it seems that it is indeed true.  Life is something that we are given, and it is eternal.  We can not give it back.  We cannot put an end to it.  Yes, we will die.  Our physical bodies will return dust to dust.  But, whom that we are will never be diminished.  We are grand beings, each and every one of us.  Our station in life does not matter.  It is our station in spirit that matters.  And, in spirit, we are magnificent entities.  Not that our bodies aren't magnificent in their own right.  They are houses for spirit after all.  Actually, temples might be more correct since it connotates a sense of the sacred.  So, how do I treat the temple that I occupy?  Clearly not as well as I could treat it.  Do I pay it the respect that it deserves?  I would have to answer no.  Why?  It simply has never been very important to me.  I was more concerned with my mind, soul, and spirit in greatly increasing order.  Why did I make such choices?  They seemed to be natural at the time I was making them  In fact, they seemed to be automatic, they just happened in my life.  Looking back, it seems that they were necessary to allow me to become whom that I AM.  Everything in our lives is necessary, but everything in our lives is also chosen. 

Took a break for a little while.  Had a difficult time getting to sleep again last night.  That is becoming all too frequent.  It is not that my days are not full.  I spend 9-10 hours at work and another 3-4 hours on this expression each day during the workweek.  I just find it hard to stop when there is so much to do.  So, my mind is busy even when I try to fall asleep.  That makes it difficult to arise when the alarm goes off at 6:00 AM, and makes it difficult to stay awake in the morning.  It's as if I am not getting enough sleep.  But, I am reluctant to cut into my time here so that I can try to fall asleep earlier.  However, what other choices do I have other than finding new employment that excites me enough to make me jump out of bed to greet each day.  I know firsthand what could do that.  This very expression is that exciting to me.  Though, under the current circumstances it is not enough.  I don't arise eager to greet the day and start that day by expressing here.  There is no reason that I couldn't do this.  There is no reason that I couldn't muse for even half an hour to start my day during the week.  I simply have not been moved to do so.  I have rationalized this by believing that I am not a morning person.  I do my best work in the evenings to late evenings, including most of what you see here.  Under better circumstances, could I do this my entire day?  I believe the answer is yes.  But, how do we attract or choose or create these better circumstances?  What would my ideal day be like?  Writing, answering e-mail, writing, reading, walking my dogs, answering e-mail, watching TV or a movie, writing, reading.  Interesting.  No meetings.  No real personal contact.  Primarily written communication.  Is that really what I want?  Would that cause me to jump out of bed each day to eagerly greet the world?  What is missing is relationships.  Where do I make room for relationships in my life?  Yes, that is a choice that we must make.  We must make room for the things that we want in our life.  Things do not change until we provide a compelling reason for them to change.  Our desire is very important in this.  What is it that is our hearts desire?  This we will draw unto us.  The heart is one of the most powerful forces there is.  It is more than the pump that beats to circulate blood through our bodies, far more.  Some have called the heart, the seat of the soul.  And, indeed, they were correct. 

I struggling a bit today.  I don't know why.  I just sense a reluctance in the words coming forth.  I don't know that I have felt this before.  It is different than the sluggishness that comes from being tired, but I don't know how to explain the difference.  So, what would we do today?  Obviously, we choose to come her to express this morning.  We choose to bring in the day with a musing, something we have not done for quite some time.  There is a special energy today.  The opening ceremony of the XXIX Olympiad in Beijing, China happened today.  I believe the Olympics last for around two weeks.  It is a celebration of the physical, a grand competition of the best of the best competing not only for individual glory but for the glory of their respective nations.  The Olympic spirit is strong indeed.  And, it is one of inclusiveness.  The games truly are a celebration of excellence.  It is too bad that we don't have similar venues to celebrate greatness in other areas of our lives.  They might not be things that have entertainment  value, but there should be appropriate resources made available to recognize the best of the best in far more areas of life.  Perhaps such recognition programs are already there.  Perhaps not.  For instance, do we recognize our greatest school teachers, scientists, dancers, accountants, artists, shop keepers, engineers, even metaphysicians?  I don't know that we do.  We should be recognizing and rewarding excellence wherever we find it ... and we should be looking for it so that it can serve as a model for others to consider or to follow.

What will become of all of this ... all of this expression that has come forth under the guise of Beyond Imagination?  Is it ever to make a difference in th world?  And, will that happen in my lifetime?  I only expect to be around through 2024-2028.  That is another 16-20 years.  That is a long time given how fast change is currently proceeding.  Yet, at the same time, it is but a brief interval.  Yes, it happens to span an interval that includes a breakpoint, possibly as soon as 2012-2013.  I am concerned because while the last 16 years have been prolific, and the next 16 years are likely to be more so, I don't seem to be having much of an impact on others.  Or, if I am having an impact, I don't really see what that impact is.  Given that I am already half a century old, that seems somewhat pathetic, or at least problematic.  OK, that came across as a value judgment, something that I don't want to do anymore.  But, something has to give.  My present ways of being are not getting me what I want in life.  They are not allowing my spiritual work to have the impact that it could have.  It is time to make new choices.  It is time to choose new ways of being and experience the consequences that result.  But, what would I be that I have not been?  Metaphysician, heal thyself.  I feel that I am starting to do that in serious ways in my Psych-K sessions.  But, there is a sense that great as they are ... there is still something more that is needed, something that I need to do for myself.  This involves something that I am choosing to be that is not fully aligned with what YOU created ME to BE.  The first thiing that comes to mind is 9:The Hermit.  This still permeates everything that I AM and everything that I DO.  Yet, at the same time I know that it limits me rather than frees me.  Not that it is bad.  In fact, it served me well for many years.  But, it is no longer in my highest good and the highest good of all concerned.  I know that, but why am I so reluctant to change that.  Why do I still fear relationships?  That they will take time is an excuse.  Of course they will take time.  But, we have to choose to do something with our time.  Choosing to be alone here expressing what consciousness would bring forth, while admirable, is not in the highest good.  At least, not doing this exclusively.  Yes, you are meant to write.  And yes, those writings are meant to come forth from consciousness.  But, you are not meant to do this to the exclusion of living your life.  And life, is meant to be lived as part of society.  You can only be in solitude for so long.  And, you, it seems have exceeded your limits.  But, where do I start to engage the world?  You start with who you are and where you are and see what comes forth next.  Take one step at a time as you have learned to do in this expression.  With each step, the next step will be revealed.  Consciousness will not lead you astray.  She knows exactly what you need and when you need it.  So do you, but you have blocked your access to this part of yourself.

This makes six musings in a row this week.  That's about 12 hours of expression.  But, how many hours did I spend being social with others?  Being engaged at work does not count as social time.  With breaks and lunch, maybe 4 hours but virtually none of that time was engaged deeply about anything of importance.  How do I remedy that?  Most people spend far more social time at work than I do.  My social time at home during the week was even less.  Two phone calls with my wife for a total of about 15 minutes and that was an exceptional week.  Clearly, things are out of balance here, way out of balance.  It is time to right the imbalance, even if that means reducing our musing time or stretching out the processing time of the four manuscripts for Beyond Imagination books that are in work.  But, is this what I truly what I want to do?  Or, am I sabotaging myself.  It is obvious that I want to express and am choosing to express.  Is it just as obvious that I want to develop relationships and am choosing to develop them?  At this point, the answer is still no.  I still consider what I am doing here of more importance than interacting with others.  In fact, I consider it far more important.  So long as that is the case, I am stuck in a prison of my own making.  It is hard to consider something as grand as this expression to be a prison.  Yet, it is taking nearly 20 hours of my time each week, the equivalent of a half time job.  But, look at everything that I have to show for it.  Yet, where are your friends, the people that know you nearly as well as you know yourself, the people that provide an outer reflection of whom that you are back to you?  We cannot live lives without friends.  We simply cannot.  We are social animals, we truly are.  We are not meant to be isolated.  We are deeply connected to all things ... friends are the primary avenue for this connection to manifest.

So, what next?  What do I do to change my life?  What do I truly want to BE, and what am I willing to give up to be that?  Why do I need to give up anything?  Because part of what you have chosen to be restricts you and limits you.  You know that.  You know that you are not yet BEING all that YOU can BE.  You know that.  It resonates within your heart.  So, the question is, are you willing to do what it takes to BE who I created YOU to BE?  Think about it ... don't answer too quickly.  For, if you are willing, you are inviting a whole new reality into your life.  YOU are indeed at a breakpoint, the point of the crack in the cosmic egg.  You are on the threshold of creating something that you have never been before ... something that has never existed in all of creation.  But, YOU must choose to push the crack open from the inside to allow YOU to be born and emerge.  You do not need to go anywhere to do this.  You do not need a new job.  You do not need anything external to you.  YOU need a NEW YOU.  And, it is there for the asking, for the choosing.  Your world is a reflection of YOU, of who YOU ARE.  You are free to choose what that will be.  Choose wisely my friend, choose wisely.  You will be happy with your choice, happy beyond your wildest dreams.

11 August 2008

For the first time in several week, we chose not to muse on Sunday evening.  Instead, we chose to watch the Olympics for about two hours.  It's all about choices.  It just didn't seem that important to record another 1500-2000 words in the scheme of things.  Not that anything that I watched stood out.  There was not a single medal won.  The American woman gymnasts were struggling a bit.  But, there was a world record in swimming by an American during one of the semi-final heats for the 100 meter backstroke.  It was exciting to watch nonetheless.  Though, the commercials were quite annoying in terms of frequency, duration, and content.  There has to be a better way to pay for programming than commercials.  The bottom line is that we the public pay for all the commercials and any increase in market share resulting from those commercials.  Why do we need to pay with our time as a captive audience as well?  Why can't we simply pay for what things are worth?  Those who watch the Olympics for instance should pay their fair share for what they watch.  But, how do we determine what a fair share is?  Right now, you pay by subjecting yourself to on the order of 15 minutes of commercials in each hour of programming.  That's a 15 min tax for 45 min of content ... roughly a 1 to 3 ratio.  Yes, we can choose to ignore the commercials ... but, how many do this?  And, the bottom line is that we know that commercials work from a psychological standpoint.  If they didn't, advertisers wouldn't be willing to spend up millions on a 1 minute commercial plus up to 1 million every time it is run.  These are big numbers.  But, the audiences that they are able to reach in this way are worth it to them.  Where else can they expose there products or brand names to tens of millions of people at the same time.  The mass media is truly a marvel.  It has the power to shape society ... what we consider fact, what we believe, and what we desire.  It does this all the time, whether we know it or not.  The only way around it is to not consume it.  But, how many can do that when you can literally have 100's of channels brought to your house for less than 100 a month.  Entertainment can really be a bargain.  But, someone pays for all of that content on all of those channels.  Collectively, we all pay.  And, that includes the high salaries made by many actors and movie stars.  There is no free lunch.  In our world, the consumers pay all the bills.  And, we are all consumers.

Time for something a little more uplifting.  There are shows with messages to impart.  It is not all about entertainment.  Some shows educate even as they entertain.  Some shows challenge who we are and who we believe that we are capable of becoming.  Some shows are inspirational.  Some shows teach us grand things about the human condition.  Some shows celebrate genius and greatness in creative expression.  Some shows simply make us laugh, and not just about what we see on the screen, but about ourselves as well.  There is a role for TV and movies in society.  In many ways, these shows and movies are the shared waking dreams of millions.  As little as 50 years ago ... such was not even a possibility.  TV was a recent invention and there was little programming available.  It only took a little over two generations to get from such meager beginnings to where we are today ... literally, with too many channels to chose from.  That is, unless you chose not to play the game.  I only have TV channels at one of my three locations that I call home.  And there, I only get around 8 channels, only half of which I ever watch.  I confine my viewing at my other two homes to video tapes and DVDs.  Why, do I choose to do this?  I don't really know.  It just seems that too much TV is a waste of time.  That time could much better be spent on reading and expressing.  Though, I probably spend about 20 hours per week on TV and movies.  That is a big chunk of time.  That is equivalent to the time I spend on the Beyond Imagination expression.  That is the equivalent of a half time job.  No wonder I don't seem to have any time for relationships.  Between work, Beyond Imagination, and TV and movies, I've accounted for over 80 hours per week.  When we add lunch, getting ready in the morning, and commuting, we're up to over 90 hours per week.  Wow!

At least that tell me where I can go to find time for other things such as relationships.  The first place to cut is TV and movies.  The next is the Beyond Imagination expression, though I find it difficult to even consider that.  It is simply too important to me.  So, how important is entertainment to me?  I'm choosing to make it the equivalent of a half time job.  That's 3 hours every day on average.  That's 1/8 of my life.  I hadn't looked at it in those terms before.  But, such it is.  My paid work is 1/4 of my life.  Beyond Imagination is 1/8 of my life.  Sleep is 1/3 of my life.  That leaves only 1/6 of my life or 4 hours per day for everything else.  (getting ready, eating, commuting, etc ...).  Wow.  Such have been my choices.  What do we choose to do NOW?  It all comes down to how we choose to spend our hours.  Each day comes with 24 hours, of which we are free to use as we will.  Actually, only 16 of those hours are waking hours.  We need to be aware of how we are choosing to expend our waking hours.  It is indeed our choice.  Though, holding down a job seems to be a requirement.  But, is this necessarily so.  We should be able to trade our services for the abundance that we need.  Interesting way of stating that ... abundance that we need.  Indeed, we all need abundance.  It is our very birthright.  But, it seems that we need to choose the right things in our lives to allow this abundance to manifest.  That means not settling for situations that don't call forth the very best that you can be.  That means choosing to BE whom that YOU ARE, despite what requirements seem to be in your life.  That means trusting that God has something in store for you that exceeds your wildest dreams and expectations.  Can you trust God enough to release what you might consider to be safe or secure?  Is safety or security truly what you need in the moment.  Dance your dance.  Walk to the beat of your own drummer.  Allow your consciousness to soar even more than you do.  What have you to lose?  What have you to lose that is worth having?  But, I can't just quit and walk away.  How would the bills get paid?  I have commitments.  But, what about your commitment to yourself, to being the best that YOU can BE, to BEING the YOU that I created YOU to BE?  Am I not being that?  You already know the answer.  What holds you to this place, to this job, to this way of life?  Are you FREE?  In particular, are you free to BE whom I created YOU to BE?  How can you be so long as your earthly burdens have you enchained?  So, what would you do to be FREE?  What would you choose to be FREE?  How important is FREEDOM to YOU NOW?  Does freedom involve the absence of burdens, or rather is it a choice or attitude with which we bear our burdens?  It is not an escape from burdens that I am looking for.  I gladly choose to bear responsibilities.  These only become burdens if we look upon them negatively.  In fact, I am willing to bear responsibilities for the whole world ... for building the foundations for a new world.  But, I would choose to get on with that task NOW.  Enough of the waiting already.  Enough of doing things to get buy because that is how they are done in the world.  I do not live as others live.  Why should I be confined to do as others do in any aspect of my life?  I don't need to be made free ... I am free, I have always been free.  Then why does it not seem that way?  Why am I still here at this job that I have had for nearly 12 years?  I have been engaged in this stream of consciousness expression that is Beyond Imagination for nearly 16 years, so long that it is difficult to remember a  time when I wasn't doing this.  Surely, all of this is for a reason.  Surely, all of this is preparing me for something that only I can do, something that I was born to do, a life that I was born to live.  I have to believe that.  I have to.  Spirit has been very patient with me.  She has also been quite prolific in my life.  Why is not for me to know.  I can only assume that it is because she has some purpose for me in mind.  She has some mission for my to accomplish.  We have come along way in 50 years.  Over 34 of those involved in metaphysics, and nearly 16 of those as a voice through which consciousness herself expresses.  Clearly, all of this training and expression has programmed me to be whom that I AM, one who is different from all others.  But, we are all unique, we are all different from all others.  It is just a matter of degree.  And, it seems that I chose a high degree of difference and a corresponding extreme of separation.  No, the two did not have to come together.  That was your choice.  It is always your choice.  You experience what you choose to experience, nothing more and nothing less.  This time around, you chose to do it your way.  But, that is the past.  What choices would you make NOW?  What would you BE, and what would you DO as a result of this?  Your future is in your hands.  It has always been in your hands.  Choose wisely, my friend.

Life is what we make of it, nothing more and nothing less.  If you truly want to develop friendships, you must value people.  When you value something, you invest your attention and your self in it.  When you choose to do this sincerely, others will sense the very vibrations that emanate from you and will be attracted to your presence.  It is that easy.  To have a friend, you must be a friend.  I don't know who said that, but it's true.  So, it seems that the first step is in my hands ... or in my consciousness.  Consciousness innately knows how to make friends.  She had no problem making friends with you., a self-proclaimed hermit who had no friends, now did she.  Indeed, I do consider consciousness to be my closest friend ... perhaps even my only friend.  She is also my mentor, my muse, and my teacher.  It is interesting that I don't have people in any of these positions in my life.  Oh well, such is the way it has been.  In general, I've considered mentors, muses, and teachers superior beings.  And, I would accept no one as superior to me in my life.  Interesting.  But, equals can know more than one another and they can inspire one another.  That does not make them superior, they are still equal, but it does make them useful as they provide their services to others.  Similarly, I am not superior in any way to anyone.  I have particular skills, abilities, and experiences that allow me to be of service in particular ways to others and to the world.  It doesn't matter that I do not know what these ways are yet.  It is enough that spirit knows and that consciousness herself leads me every step of the way to finding where my services are most needed.  I trust consciousness.  I trust that there is a plan for the evolution of spirit in flesh, and that I am to play a role in achieving this plan.  I haven't really been part of anything external since I stopped playing team sports over 34 years ago.  One exception is my marriage of 20 years, though it is not clear that relationship is close.  At least there is a human connection.  So, I am capable of doing this, though I would like the degree enhanced tremendously.  How do I do my part to make that so?

12 August 2008

Another day, another musing.  Here we are 24 hours later and I have no clue what came forth in this expression yesterday.  Actually, within minutes after completing the musing, I had no clue.  That is just how it is.  This expression happens in the moment.  My focus is on bringing the words forth one at a time, with a lead time of a word or two between what is in my head and what I see on the screen.  It is still a mystery as to how consciousness works in my life.  I sense that it will always be a mystery.  That is OK.  Mysteries keep our lives interesting.  They keep our attention occupied on something magical, on something that is important.  If only I could do this full time ... with all of my time.  How much more interesting my life would be.  So, how do I transform that if only to it is so?  That is indeed what I want to do now.  Though, my work is showing signs of improvement as well.  I am learning things, and what I am doing is valued more.  But, is that enough to keep me here?  What alternatives do I have?  A more empowering question is what alternatives does spirit have for me.  I live as she directs.  Consciousness is my compass.  It is by her that I steer the course of my life.  She guides me to whatever destination that I set, but I must decide on the destination.  It doesn't matter that destinations are just points where we begin the journey once again.  We can choose any destinations that we care to visit.  What is important, however, is that we find ways to enjoy the process.  I'm still struggling with this at times ... fighting to stay awake in the morning, particularly at meetings.  But, overall I'm holding my own, and things are getting better.  Do I really choose the destinations that I reach?  Who said anything about reaching destinations?  It is possible to set your sights so high that you never reach any "destination".  You are always on the original journey.  But are not major life events destinations?  Graduation from high school and college, getting married, birth of Beyond Imagination expression, publishing Beyond Imagination books, 20th wedding anniversary, Easter birthdays, turning 50 years old ... are not these important destinations or waypoints?  Actually, none of them are really destinations at all.  They are simply points in time when particular events occurred.  So, what would constitute a destination in my life?  I haven't really thought about this before.  Where I live does not seem to matter.  Presently, counting work, there are four primary locations where I spend time.  Is a state of consciousness a destination?  I spend time here often expressing in this manner.  Is this a destination that I visit many times and many hours per week?  That could be, I consider states of mind to be places, more than I consider locations to be.  What destinations do I choose to reach?  And, do I have a timeline for when I want to reach them?  Is this like traveling, where we plan our adventure before we actually take it?  That would require knowing something about where we are going.  The only "where" that I want to go is to be whom that YOU created ME to BE.  Beingness is everything to me.  I would BE whom that I AM.  It is that simple.  It has been that simple for quite awhile.  In being ME, I free myself to do all that consciousness would do through me.  We are ONE!  ME and consciousness are ONE.  In the end, there can be only ONE.  That ONE is ALL THAT IS.  No, I am not ALL THAT IS.  But, I am ALL THAT IS expressing as ME and through ME.  ALL THAT IS expresses as everyone and through everyone.  There is nothing else.  There is incredible cooperation in the creation.  That cooperation arises because at deeper levels we know that the separation is a lie, it is an illusion, it always has been.  Why does there seem to be so little cooperation and so much competition in the world?  This is not as it has to be.  It is just as it is, the result of our individual and collective choices.  It is high time that we made better choices ... for ourselves and for our world.  We can do this NOW, in ways that were not open to us before.  And, we can change the world far faster than we think possible.  How can I know this?  Who am I to be able to state such things in this manner.  I am one through whom consciousness has chosen to speak.  I don't know how, I don't know why, I just am.  That is enough for me.  That is enough to spend in excess of 5000 hours of my life engaged in this expression.  But, I would have it no other way.  This expression is the thrill of my life.  It is my adventure in consciousness.  It is where I walk on the edge of the cliff ... on the very edge of sanity at times, to do what I can do that no other can do in the same manner.  How can I know that?  It is simply what I experience, and that is enough for me.

We have become used to questioning our sanity.  But, if this expression is any sample of what it means to be insane, then we should all be lucky enough to have such experiences.  There is a sense of order and organization embedded in all of this that I did not put there, at least not consciously.  And, if it was done by me on other than conscious levels, that in itself says a lot about the parts of us that are hidden to us.  And, if it was done by something other than me, I have no clue as to how to adjust my cosmology to account for that.  My life has been lived quite selfishly.  "I" is by far the most common word in this expression.  But, what I know myself to be and what I have experienced are almost the only things in my life to form a basis for anything.  My interactions with others have been so limited the I am simply unaware of what they experience and how they feel.  To some degree, that is a sad state of affairs.  We are not meant to be isolated from one another.  We are not meant to be separated or apart.  Rather we are meant to be connected to life, a part of society.  We can't really live our lives in isolation.  The world is interdependent on many levels.  We are meant to experience that interdependence every moment of every day.  That doesn't mean that we have to give up our solitude.  We can feel ONE with everything even in our solitude.  Of course, that's coming from one who has chosen to be a hermit.  Oh well, what else would I choose to be?  Am I choosing to be something that is in line with whom that I AM, or that limits whom that I AM?  The immediate answer was the later ... primarily because I am so focused on being this that it colors everything that I do.  In particular, it colors how I choose to relate, or choose not to relate to others.  But, there is good news.  I am starting to open up, if only to a few others.  It is unlikely that I will ever be a social butterfly.  But, I can be far more social than I have been, and still retain my freedom.  For me, freedom includes freedom from others.  Wow!  But, why should it include this?  Is this not antithetical to the very concept of interdependence?  If I am interdependent on others, how can I be free from them at the same time?  Why would I want to be free from others?  To escape judgment, that is why?  But, is that necessary?  It seems to be far too high of a price to pay.  What does it hurt if others judge me?  They don't know me.  Their judgment applies to the part of them reflected back to them by me.  I know that, but can I live with that.  Can I see judgment in a new light?  In systems engineering, we use judgment all of the time to assess how well our systems are operating.  There is nothing wrong in this.  In fact, it is beneficial.  Then, why do I have such a distaste for it in my personal life?  Growing up, my self-judgment was orders of magnitude more harsh than anything imposed on me from the outside.  Not that I allowed others to get close enough to be able to judge me.  Oh well, that was then.  NOW, we have a whole new ball game.  We have a whole new reality to create.  We can be Wayne, as fully as possible, in all of our glory.  We are grand beings, we all are.  It is time that we lived as though we knew how grand we truly are. 

What next?  It always comes do to that.  What would we be next?  And from that beingness, what would we do next?  If I knew what I wanted to be next, I would already be it.  All that I can be in the moment is WHOM THAT I AM.  But, then how do we ever see any shift in this?  We simply allow what we are not to fall away.  What keeps us from experiencing whom that we are are all of the masks and costumes that we have chosen to wear.  Shed these and what is left is US.  So, how do we shed our masks and costumes?  Just like we do with real life masks and costumes.  We just take them off one by one until there is nothing left but whom that we are.  We came into this world naked.  Spiritually speaking, we leave the world that way as well.  Even the body itself is a mask and costume that we wear.  But, is the body a mask that consciousness wears?  Somehow, it seems that the answer is no.  Consciousness is able to express in her full glory through the body but not as the body.  Yet, the body has a consciousness of its own as well, as does every cell in the body.  So, how does this relate to me?  9:The Hermit is one of the more prominent masks that I wear.  48:The Man in Search of More is another.  12:The Hanged Man is a third.  13:Death is a fourth.  16:Lightning Struck Tower is a fifth.  22:The Fool Complete and The Master Builder is a sixth.  These are all masks that I wear often.  All of them except 48 represent archetypes.  In some ways these free me .. especially having so many to choose from.  They allow me to escape from a personal persona and experience more expansive ones.  But in other ways, archetypes are psyche types that confine and limit us.  I remember watching a video on the Tarot in 1993 when I was in the grips of massive mania even before I knew it was mania.  As I watched, I realized that I was already every card in the major arcana of the Tarot.  I didn't really live that realization.  Instead, for 16 years, I have picked the particular cards that I preferred and expressed them.  NOW, it seems, it is time to shed this layer of illusion.  It has served its purpose well.  It has been a useful tool.  But, tools are only useful in the context of what they were created for, or what they have been adapted to.  I never used the Tarot as it was created to be used.  I never learned the meanings for all of the cards and then shuffled the cards and drew them to create patterns to divine the future.  No, I used them in my own ways, in ways that consciousness herself taught me.  But, it seems that we are moving on to new times and new endeavors.  And, as we do so, the utility of this particular tool will wane for me.  It will be interesting to see what tool(s) take its place.  The bottom line is quit associating with any one card or number anymore.  They are all equally valid in your life now.  They are all equal.  None is preferred.  Then where do I look for meaning in my life?  I have looked to numbers and the Tarot for quite some time.  Look within and look without, and see what is actually there.  Open your eyes, your inner eyes and your outer eyes, and see.  Take off your glasses and see.  Just as you wear outer glasses, so you wear inner ones that mirror them.  Your vision is imbalanced.  You are near-sighted.  This is due to far too much self-focus.  Reduce this, and you should see your eyesight improve accordingly.  It is your choice.  To see clearly, or not to see clearly.  And, not by mechanical aids.  But, I can't even read the screen two feet in front of me without my glasses, not even close.  The blobs don't seem to be letters at all.  Such it is now.  But, this can change with your intent.  Whether it will or not is literally up to you.  Do you believe that it can?  Do you believe that your beliefs are playing a role here?

13 August 2008

Once again we come to this blank slate where consciousness is given the opportunity to express through me.  All of this happens via choice.  In particular, via my choice to come here and allow this expression to manifest.  Yet, I do not feel that I create all of this.  At the same time, I know that it is not created by someone other than ME.  How can that be?  How can I not know that I am the creator of all of this, after all this time.  We've been doing this for nearly 16 years.  It is a cooperative endeavor of the highest order ... between ME and consciousness herself.  But, the part of consciousness herself that interfaces with ME is ME.  There is no separation.  There is no other.  The illusion of separation has been in my mind all along.  ME and consciousness, consciousness and ME are ONE.  At least, so it is here.  What more is there.  This is the part of my life that counts more than any other.  Here is where I do my best work.  Here is where I AM the grandest ME that I can BE.  Interesting.  But, this expression is that important and that powerful.  It literally defines who I AM.  I AM the ONE who is able to express in this manner.  What does that say about me?  Clearly, it speaks volumes ... many volumes.  But, just as clearly, this is not ALL THAT I AM, not even close.  So, what is missing, and how do I become that?  Another line of inquiry that I have not taken up before.  I love it when that happens.  There is an originality in this expression that is unmistakeable.  Yes, I would be an original character.  It is not like me to be like others.  Oh, I have my ways of fitting in.  But, my interior world is a different story entirely.  Yet, it is a story that is shared and shared freely, only in written form.  So let it be written, so let it be done.  Is that not what the Pharoahs of Egypt commanded.  And, here I am writing all of this.  Will what I write indeed be done.  I am not Pharoah.  I hold no office.  I do not consider myself to be a member of any group other than my immediate family and my organization at work.  Yet, there is a sense that much of what I write of will indeed come to pass.  Perhaps not in my lifetime, but that does not matter.  It is enough for me to be who YOU created ME to BE and to do what comes naturally from BEING ME.  I am happy to be ME.  That is a powerful affirmation.  It makes it easy to be happy.  Happiness comes simply from BEING who I AM.  How can I not be who I AM?  That is an impossibility.  It is not clear that the affirmation has fully taken effect yet, or I would be happy all of the time.  That is still something I am working toward rather than being.  I know, that should not be the case, but it is.  What can I say?  I can only report what I observe.  We are smiling and laughing more, but not all of the time.  There are still some things about my life that I do not enjoy.  This too will pass, I just don't know when.  The answer to when is always NOW.  That is the only time that matters.

We love our higher self.  We are whole, complete, and ONE.  These are still rock solid in my belief system.  Our higher self is Wayne.  Wayne is whole, complete, and ONE.  This later applies especially to the spiritual level.  That was the level healed in our Psych-K session nearly three weeks ago.  However, there still appear to be disparate pieces on other levels.  The spirit does not seem to be connected to the body, nor to the heart, nor to the mind.  The spiritual is still the pinnacle of my being, by far.  It does not seem right that this is so.  It does not seem balanced that this is so.  Everything is spirit, everything.  Everything is consciousness in expression, everything.  That means the body is spirit, the heart is spirit, and the mind is spirit.  Every part of every thing is spirit.  There is nothing else, nothing.  So, given that I know this, why do I not live as if I believed it?  There is still a sense of lesser and greater in my eyes.  Spirit is the greater, the body is the lesser.  Interesting that this would come up during the time of the Olympics, where the achievements of the body are celebrated by the entire world.  Last night, Michael Phelps became the greatest Olympian in history, winning his 10th gold medal, more than anyone had ever won before.  And, he is not done, he has at least two more opportunities in the games in Beijing.  It is unlikely that his achievement will ever be exceeded.  It is all the more impressive that he is winning many of his medals with World Record times.  But, is that spiritual?  Yes, it is impressive.  And yes, there is something to be said for the Olympic spirit that makes all of this very special.  But, is that enough?  It is enough to get me to turn away from the Beyond Imagination expression enough in the evening to watch for 2-3 hours.  Why?  Because it strikes something deep within my heart.  That is all that it takes.  I need no more than that.  Michael Phelps regimine for the past four years has been sleep-swim-eat and little else day after day, week after week, year after year with one goal in mind: to win gold medals at the Olympic Games.  That is dedication.  And, he is the best in the world as a result.  But, it takes more than dedication, you also have to have innate abilities and you have to love what you are doing.  I have shown that I have dedication on the spiritual front.  But, I have not been in a position to allow it to consume all that I AM, even though I would very much like for this to happen.  How do I make it so?  If that is what I truly want, how do I manifest it?  Clearly, I am passionate about this expression.  But, am I passionate enough about it to turn it into a job, rather than a hobby.  Yes, I have called it my spiritual vocation, but what does that really mean?  A vocation is something that you are called to do.  Indeed, I feel called to do this.  Our hobbies, we do for the sheer joy of doing them.  What moves us to answer our calling?  Clearly, this comes from something within.  We realize that our vocation is what we were born to do.  To date, this has been something that I have paid to do, primarily in hours but also in dollars.  Something seems backward about that.  I can understand volunteering for our calling.  But, it seems that there should be a payback.  There should be compensation for finding and doing what we love to do in a way that serves others.  The payback should be abundance on all levels ... physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.  Perhaps that is the payback in my life, I am just blind to it.  The spiritual payback has been grand, allowing me to reach levels of awareness that I did not dream were possible, and allowing me to establish an intimate relationship with consciousness herself.  Physically, health is OK, but my choices are problematic.  Emotionally, I am detached from others for the most part, though Psych-K is starting to assist in this.  Mentally, I've had a Beyond Mind experience so the mind is in its rightful place, serving spirit.  I have all of the things that I need in my life.  Relationships are still virtually absent from my experience.  Consciousness feeds me what I need to know when I need to know it.  My mind is active and engaged.  My spirit still soars, sometimes to great heights, sometimes not far off the ground ... but soar she does.

What would I be next?  I am a scribe for spirit.  Yes, a scribe, one who takes down what another says.  That is most descriptive of how this expression manifests.  Yet I have been told many times that all of this is from Wayne.  I know that I am Wayne.  So, all of this is from ME.  But, it is not consciously from ME.  So, I am a scribe for Wayne.  But, a scribe is very limited.  Clearly, I must be far more than this.  But, how do I realize that?  How do I make it real for ME?  Not that there is anything wrong with being a scribe.  That is a legitimate vocation, especially when it is spirit that you are serving.  But, that is what I do, that is not who I AM.  And, right NOW, it is who I AM that is important.  I choose to BE Wayne.  I choose to BE the ONE from whom this expression comes, not the one through whom this expression comes.  So, how do I do that, how do I experience that?  How do I BE whom that I AM?  Can I be anything else?  Clearly, I can, or this line of inquiry would be meaningless.  I can choose to be anything that I want to be.  Though, choosing to be something does not necessarily make it so.  We have innate abilities and talents for a reason.  These are meant to be developed and utilized in being what we were created to be.  How do we know when we are doing that?  By how it feels in our heart, of course.  That is where the soul connects to the physical.  The mind connects through the pituitary gland.  The spirit connects through the crown chakra at the top of the head.  Where are the blockages in my energy?  It seem that the mind, soul, and spirit are strongly connected in increasing strength order.  There is a blockage in the throat area, and in the solar plexus.  The later results effectively in a disconnection.  You are very close to being disassociated from your body.  But, you know this.  You pay little attention to that part of your self.  In this expression, spirit speaks through your mind to your soul.  You have paid little attention to your soul with the exception of intuition.  Hmm .. but there is a sense that intuition and logic are not of soul and mind.  Rather, both are of mind.  Then what of the soul, and its seat in the heart?  That is where relationships come into your life.  And these, you have chosen to avoid.  Yet, you feel things deeply.  You just don't have an outlet for expressing those feelings.  That is due to the blockage in your throat chakra.  Your head is disconnected from your body.  That doesn't stop you from being able to express here.  But, it does stop you from expressing what you feel to others.  You still see feelings as less than, as signs of weakness.  That is natural for one who has been a self appointed spiritual warrior.  But, all limits are limiting by their very nature.  At some point, we realize that they no longer serve us and we choose to overcome them or drop them as the case may be.  It is that point in time for you, my friend.  Your choices served you well.  Honor them ... but choose again anyway.

Well, I'm not sure where that came from, or even if it is right.  But, everything that comes forth here does so for a reason.  Every thought is there for me to see and ponder.  It seems that I have my work cut out for me in my next Psych-K session.  There are at least two energy blockages to work on.  I can't wait.  Yet, I have no choice in the matter.  The next appointment is a week from Friday.  The universe sets the timing of everything.  Appointments happen when they are meant to happen which is when the time is right for them to happen.  Oh, if I could only plan my life to be what I would love for it to be.  If only.  Why not?  Just because I haven't chosen to plan my life in the past doesn't mean that I can't choose to do so NOW.  In fact, in doing so, I will be telling the universe what it is that I truly want.  Am I ready to do this?  Am I ready to manifest the destiny that I would prefer?  Am I ready to consciously create my day, my reality, and my life?  Fascinating questions.  But, it seems that I am indeed ready to do these things NOW.  Why now?  Because it is time and because the Master Builder must have something to do.  We are here to build the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh.  That just isn't going to happen as the part time endeavor of a single person ... no matter how prolific spirit is in coming forth through me.  This is what I am passionate about.  This is what I need to live and breathe on a full time basis.  This is what I am called to do.  All that I am asking for is the opportunity to do it.  I know that this is what YOU created ME to BE and to DO.  I know it.  I don't want to work for anyone.  I want to work directly for consciousness herself.  Is that placing too much of a restriction on you?  How do we make the finances work?  We have many Beyond Imagination works.  These could be a source of funds.  A grant would work as well.  But, what would we offer to the foundation that provides the grant?  What makes me worth the investment?  What services have I shown that I can provide to whom?  What makes these services worth something?

14 August 2008

Another day, another musing.  That doesn't happen every day but it happens enough.  Or does it.  I would love for it to happen more often and for much longer each time.  That might make it difficult even for me to find the time to read it.  But, I would be happy to live with such a "difficulty".  This expression is the shining achievement of my life.  It outdistances everything else by far.  Nothing else even comes a close second.  Why is that?  Why is my life structured in the way that it is?  What can I say?  It is what it is.  And, I an extremely grateful for that.  Not quite enough to be happy, but we're getting much closer to that state.  If only I could be doing this full time.  If only.  Hmm ... by full time do I mean all of the time, or do I mean 40 hours per week rather than 20?  I believe the answer is the former.  I would be happy doing this an average of 60-70 hours per week, the equivalent time that I am now putting into my job plus Beyond Imagination.  That is an interesting way to put it.  I would be happy doing ...  It is not that I want to work any less than I do.  I might even commit even more time under the right conditions.  There have been times in the past when I worked 80-100 hour weeks for several months straight.  But, that was an extreme.  And during those times, work was effectively my life.  There simply was no time for anything else.  But, when you are doing what you love, such is not a sacrifice, especially when you are creating something of lasting value.  There is something about creative expression that brings out the best in us.  Find what you do well, and do it in a way that makes your heart sing and your consciousness soar.  Such is how life is meant to be lived.  We are all masters.  Our lives are our masterpieces.  Be happy and create well!  Indeed.  Such is what we are here to do, create masterpieces of our lives.  But, how do we do that?  We look within to find the source that knows who we are, that knows what is right for us.  We listen to that source, and take action based on what it guides us to do.  No, that does not mean that we give up our free will.  Rather, we choose to exercise our free will by allowing a grander part of ourself to express through us.  We all have a higher self.  Perhaps, we have more than one such selves.  We each have a soul seated in the heart.  We each have a mind seated in the third eye area of the forehead and in the pituitary gland.  And, we each have a spirit seated in the crown chakra at the top of the head.  I've been doing this for so long that the spirit channel is wide open.  It is expressed in this stream of consciousness.  What comes forth arrives in my mind a word or two at a time.  It does not even come as thoughts.  My focus is on the words as they come forth, not the thoughts or the meaning that they convey.  I have to go back to read the expression to know what actually came forth.  And, even then, the experience is fleeting.  Within seconds of reading something, it is lost to my conscious recall.  Fortunately, because it is recorded in this fashion, I know that I can go back to it whenever I need to.  Effectively, this record is an extension of my memory.  But, it is more than that.  It is captured before I have realized what is captured.  I have asked many times how that can be.  But, there is no denying it.  It is what it is.  And, I am fortunate indeed for the experience.

Be whom that YOU are.  Be YOU in all of your glory and wonder.  I created YOU to be special in all of creation.  YOU have a purpose, a role that you came to play.  But, the greatest part of that is to simply BE YOU.  As you do that, and share whom you are with others, you will naturally do what YOU came to do, what I created YOU to do.  No one else can BE YOU.  No one.  You are that unique.  Further, you are a grand being.  It matters not what station that you hold in life, you are all GRAND.  You are also all EQUAL.  Not one of you did I create any better than any other.  At the same time, you are also all DIFFERENT, more different than you know.  Differences have utility.  Find a way to be useful.  Preferably, find such a way while using your greatest gifts.  That means that you need to focus some time on finding what your gifts are and some effort on developing those gifts.  Do so.  It will serve you, and will serve your world.  Realize that your gifts are typically those things that you most love to do.  It is a matter of finding ways to use these in service.  You are meant to do what you love to do.  And, all the time, not just in your free time.  If that is not your experience, choose again.  And, keep choosing again until you are doing what you love to do or until you are loving what you are doing, whichever comes first.  Sometime we need to change our jobs, sometimes we need to allow our jobs to change us.  Either way, the end result is the same: serving with LOVE in exchange for abundance.  It is one thing to say that.  It is another to do that.  I still have a great divide between my paid work and my spiritual work.  The first pays the bills.  The later provides abundance in many ways on many levels.  Though, one are that is lacking is relationships.  Here, my sense is that it is ME limiting ME.  I still consider myself to be a hermit.  The room that I live in during the work week I consider to be my "cave".  I am the only one that is ever in it.  And, I spend roughly 60 hours per week there.  My office at work is a cave of sorts as well.  My door is open and coworkers come in at times, but a large majority of my time is still spent working alone.  So, it seems that what I consider myself to be, I actually am.  I wonder if this is true for all of us.  Do I want this to change?  I have mixed feelings about that.  Being a hermit is comfortable.  It is as if it conforms to my nature.  But, is it really my nature, or is it a mask that I chose to avoid coping with a world that I was afraid of.  Interesting observation.  Growing up, I was very afraid of being judged.  I don't know why.  Further, I was my harshest critic by far.  So, what was there to be afraid of?  Fear is often illogical or irrational.  That is its nature.  It is not grounded in truth.  But, that does not make it go away.  We have to get to the heart of the beliefs that apply to the fear and replace them with more empowering ones.  I am still shy, but not so much as to keep me from approaching others that I need to approach and interact with.  I still don't tend to go anywhere that would have me meet new people.  Much of the self-judgment that plagued me in the past is gone.  It has been replaced by a growing acceptance of whom that I AM even as I discover that that is more than I had ever dreamed possible.  There is still a twinge of judgment as to whether all of what has been expressed here is indeed worthy of an audience.  But, there is also a resignation that if there is to be an audience for Beyond Imagination, it is up to spirit to find that audience ... it is out of my hands.  Why do I choose to stop short of promoting myself and this expression?  Am I not grand enough?  Is it not grand enough?  I just do not consider myself to be a salesman.  And, I look upon sales people in a negative light.  Yes, that is a judgment on my part.  Sales people have a role to play in the economic system just as anyone else.  They facilitate getting buyers what they want.  This does not have to be a negative experience.  OK.  I know that.  I just try to stay away from such experiences.  Why should I have to sell something that I know to be good.  It seems that it should sell itself.  But, clearly this hasn't happened for the Beyond Imagination books.  If I want this to be different, I have to choose again.  I have to be different, and I have to do different things.  Listen to your HEART.  You have not done that nearly enough.  Yes, you have listened to consciousness, to the source within.  But, this is not your heart, this is not your soul.  Consciousness allows YOU to SOAR, something that you love to do.  But, it is your heart that connects to others.  It is your heart that develops relationships.  Your heart beats and pumps blood (life itself) to all cells in your body.  There is only ONE consciousness.  The spirit doesn't develop relationships.  It is all things and everywhere.  The soul is the higher self.  Your happiness depends not on your connection to spirit ... something that you have developed quite well.  Your happiness depends on your connection to your soul.  YOU are your SOUL, not your SPIRIT.  The SOUL is what experiences the richness of emotional life, not the spirit.  Happiness is not a state of mind, it is an emotion that comes from BEING YOU.  Wayne is not a spirit.  Wayne is a soul enfleshed.  I have never really had a good understanding of the difference between spirit and soul.  I related to being spirit enfleshed, and having a mission to create the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh.  This expression has been a stream of consciousness expression from spirit.  Now, it seems, we are SOULS, first and foremost.  What do souls do?  Are souls beings?  Is there purpose to be?  I remember the Michael material from many years ago.  I related to being an Old Soul and perhaps even a Transcendental Soul.  The different levels of souls were here to learn different lessons and focus on different types of experiences.  Clearly, my focus has been away from the world for much of my life.  I only participate to the degree that I need to for me to get by, so that I can direct my attention to the things that really matter to me.  Three weeks ago, in our Psych-K session, we worked on healing a fragmented spirit.  It seems that the next order of business is to restore the soul to its place of prominence.  The sense is that will we are physical, incarnate, it is via the soul that we exist.  Yes, we can be spiritual as well ... but we must be grounded in our individual beingness.  Individual beings take delight in their relationships with other individual beings.  That does not mean we must give up our solitude.  We just need to share whom we are.

Looked up soul and spirit for the first time ever:
Soul:
1.  an entity which is regarded as being the immortal or spiritual part of the person and, though having no physical or material reality, is credited with the functions of thinking and willing, and hence determining all behavior

Spirit:
    1. the life principle, esp. in human beings, originally regarded as inherent in the breath or as infused by a deity
    2. soul (sense )
  2. the thinking, motivating, feeling part of a person, often as distinguished from the body; mind; intelligence
  3. life, will, consciousness, thought, etc., regarded as separate from matter
No wonder I was confused.  These definitions are relatively close to one another.  The definition of spirit even uses soul.  Why should this surprise me.  I already knew that english is very poor when it comes to distinguishing between spiritual things.  But, I was hoping to find something that I could grasp onto anyway.  These were from one dictionary.  Other dictionaries were even less helpful.  This are primary concept in our makeup - body, mind, soul, spirit.  They should all be as different as night and day.  The second definition of spirit is interesting focusing on the thinking, motivating, feeling part of a person beyond the body, mind, and intelligence.  The third definition is interesting as well: lumping life, will, consciousness, thought together as separate from matter.  I have experienced a mind | body division much of my life, and a consciousness | mind division for 16 years.  Though, I would never have thought to lump all four of these together under the concept of spirit.  Consciousness is where spirit touches me.  The will is outside of consciousness.  It is something that I choose to impose or not to impose.  Thought happens in the mind, or at least is received by the mind.  Life is something I haven't thought about much.  It is a gift that we have been given by God.  I had never associated spirit with the feeling and motivating part of a person.  The heart feels, the soul feels.  But, does spirit have feelings in that way?  It is curious looking at the definition of soul that I have no strong associations with either thinking or willing.  I don't consider this stream of consciousness to be thought even though it comes forth through my mind.

15 August 2008

Interesting.  This makes musing #100 for the year.  Not bad considering we didn't start musing until the 65th day of the year.  So, that makes 100 musings in 164 days or 5 musings every eight days.  I expected it to be a little closer to 5 musing a week, but with vacations and some four day weeks, it is what it is.  Could it be more?  Definitely.  Do I choose for it to be more?  Obviously not, or it would be more already.  It takes about 80 musings to fill a 400 page book.  At this pace, we'll clearly have the equivalent material for two books this year.  We had enough for one as of the end of July.  But, it takes substantial effort to proof the material and to select best quotes, effort that competes with the time that I have to spend here engaged in this expression.  So, how do we make this WIN/WIN.  How do I manifest the circumstances that allow me to do what I love to do far more than I am able to do it at present.  I would do so in a way that serves society and the world.  I don't ask for much.  Simply to allow me to use my talents in service to spirit herself.  My consciousness is my grandest tool.  She allows me to do things that no one else can do.  Then again, this is true for the consciousness of each of us.  We are all grand beings, each and every one of us.  Yes, I can come across as more grandiose than others at times ... perhaps even often.  But, I have seen firsthand what spirit can do through me ... and I am truly amazed.  This expression is a testament to that, to the power of spirit, to the creative power of consciousness as she expresses through us.  Here, it is only in words.  But, what wonderful words ... especially to one whose world is words and numbers.  Am I limiting myself in choosing to spend so much of my time on this expression.  The answer is a resounding NO.  Every nerve and sinew in me says this is what I am here to do.  This is what I was born to do.  This is what makes my heart sing and my spirit soar.  This is it.  This is the life that I choose to live.  But, at the same time I know that it could be more.  In particular, it seems that the expression could benefit from some constructive feedback.  I haven't really had any feedback from anyone other than me to date.  To have feedback, someone would have to read the Beyond Imagination expression and be moved to say something about it.  I haven't been successful in getting anyone other than me to read it.  Perhaps that will change, perhaps not.  Either way, it does not deter me from doing what I am moved to do ... and right now, that is to come here to express, and express, and express some more.  But, it is not work to do this.  I simply receive what consciousness sends into my mind and type what I hear.  It is so simple that "a monkey could do it" as the saying goes.  Or is it?  It seems that what comes forth is dependent on the level of awareness I have reached.  That is what allows the material to enter my mind in the first place.  But, what is consciousness?  She is the source of all of this ... the creator of all of this.  Yet, at the same time she is ME, or is a part of ME, or am I a part of her?  Spirit, Consciousness, Mind, Soul, Body ... just five simple terms to unravel.  With all of our metaphysical study and training, we still don't have the means to distinguish between the first four of these.  How can I have made it through half a century, through 34 years of metaphysical study, and through 16 years of metaphysical expression without knowing this.  The first two terms, spirit and consciousness are used heavily in this expression.  But, seldom do we speak of the mind and soul, and rarely do we speak of the body.  Clearly, it is obvious where our focus is.  Consciousness seems to be the mechanism through which spirit speaks to us.  This also comes via the source within, and via intuition.  The general sense is that this interface happens at the top of the head, through the crown chakra.  Not that I know much about the chakras.  It is just that I feel a wide opening at the top of my head when I am engaged in this expression.  This has been especially noticeable in the past few months.  I don't know why, but it seems that something has changed.  There is a greater sense of release and of freedom.  In 1993, the writings that preceded the Beyond Imagination book were packaged as a month by month account from March 1993 through October 1993 called Beyond Mind: Notes from a Soul in the Midst of a Spiritual Awakening.  Interesting, I used Mind and Soul in the title of that work.  So, I must have considered myself to be a soul and I must have considered that soul to be capable of generating notes.  But, that was 15 years ago.  Now, I consider this expression to be a stream of consciousness.  These are the Musings of a Spiritual Warrior.  They have been the only expression since 1998, if memory serves me.  Yes, for at least a decade, perhaps even longer.  So, now, I consider myself to be spiritual and able to muse.  Though, the spiritual part is not new.  I knew that I was in the "Midst of a Spiritual Awakening" from the time that the Beyond Imagination expression began.  Not that these are not the Musings of a Warrior Spirit, they are the Musings of a Spiritual Warrior.  What does it take to make someone spiritual?  Is it anything more than an awakening to what we already are?  We speak much about consciousness here, so much so that we generated a collection of passages called On Consciousness from these works several years ago.  By itself, that work is over one hundred 8.5 x 11 pages.  It would be interesting to go back and do the same for spirit and for soul to see what might be revealed.  There are many things that I could do with the Beyond Imagination expression with more time.  Though, with sufficient resources, they are also things that I could hire out for others to do for me.  It seems that I need to focus on the things that only I can do.  First and foremost, that involves spending time here where this stream of consciousness is made manifest.  There is a sense that only I can bring it forth in this manner.  That means that I have found at least one of the things that I am meant to do in the world.  But, what about disseminating the information or communicating it with others?  I don't have a strong sense of whether that will ever be my responsibility.

Back to our five simple terms.  What is the Mind?  It is the seat of thought.  Though, we also think of it being composed of subconscious, conscious, and superconscious.  Interesting.  But, how do these various types of conscious parts relate to consciousness?  I have never considered that consciousness arises from or is a property of the mind.  But, we use the same words.  Are the corresponding concepts the same?  Clearly what I call this stream of consciousness is not from a conscious part of ME.  Nor, do I think it comes from a subconscious part of ME.  But, could it come from a superconscious part of ME?  Perhaps.  I have been told many times that all of this comes from Wayne through Wayne.  I'm running out of parts that it could come from.  Clearly is it comfortable interfacing through my mind.  It always comes as a voice in my head.  What else could produce a voice in my head other than the subconscious, conscious, superconscious or some combination thereof?   This would suggest that consciousness is a property of the mind, or the mind is a tool for the expression of consciousness.  Logic and intuition is another split of the mind, but they are really two sides of the same coin.  Going back to the Mind being the seat of thought and looking at this expression, the bottom line is that it is all thought.  Consciousness expresses in thought.  This is all thought.  I haven't escaped the Mind or gone Beyond Mind at all.  Well, that is not quite right ... in allowing this stream of consciousness to come forth, I escaped the conscious mind while awake for thousands of hours. 

And then there were four.  Not quite so quick.  What about being aware, and being aware of being aware.  Is that thought as well, or is it something more?  It still seems like it lies in the realm of thought, about thinking about who we are versus about being who we are.  If we put Consciousness and Mind in the same category, then that leaves us with Spirit, Consciousness, Soul, Body basically a trinity expressed in form.  The big question is what does Soul do for us?  What is the soul?  The heart is the seat of the soul.  The heart is what pumps blood (life) to all the cells of the body.  The souls are all cells of God.  What pumps life into each soul?  The soul animates the body.  It is the seat of the emotions.  It is the source through which connections with others are made.  The soul feels whereas the mind thinks and even believes, the spirit knows.  But, if indeed the later is the case, then the separations are soft.  I sense, I feel, I think, I believe, I know, I am are different modalities of experiencing reality.  They seem to correspond to physical, emotional, mental, conscious, and spiritual respectively.  No, there is not a one for one correspondence, but it is close.  I use the later three modalities a lot, and use I feel often.  Sometimes I use I sense, but usually not in bodily terms.  My reality is primarily mental.  It is in my head ... in the higher parts of my head much of the time, but in my head nonetheless.  Is that because the Mind is the highest organ that we have through which to experience reality?  What about the richness of emotional reality.  I am completely blind to that, with the exception of emotions that are basically unitary. 

We're getting closer to coming to an understanding here.  I can sense it.  There is a coolness throughout my body.  It is as if I am tapping into something that I already know.  The source of this stream of consciousness knows everything that I could ever need to know and more.  It is a matter of my needing to know something and being receptive to it appearing in my life.  I'm still struggling with how Spirit | Consciousness | Soul are related.  What are their respective functions and how do they interact with one another?  It seems that this has to do with the body as an energy system and the different chakras from the root chakra at the base of the spine to the crown chakra at the top of the head.  Each chakra is a concentration point for a particular frequency or nature of energy.  Are spirit, consciousness, and soul just beings with different natures of energy?  In the end, we are whole, complete, and ONE.  Any separation is illustrative only.  It is there to help to isolate the parts.  It is not there to show how the part functions in an integrated manner. 

Going back a paragraph, I said "My reality is primarily mental".  I don't believe that I said that in over a dozen years.  My first guess would have been "My reality is primarily spiritual".  That is where I focus my attention.  But, I focus it on reading and generating metaphysical text, metaphysical thought.  So, I guess it is still mental even as it is spiritual.

18 August 2008

Didn't muse on Sunday this week.  I chose to watch the Olympics instead.  Though, at the moment, I don't remember much of what I watched.  What does that say about my choices for how I spend my time.  At least here, something of lasting value is created.  Yes, it is only words ... but oh what words consciousness expresses through me.  Indeed, I consider this by far to be the most important investment of my time, of my life for that matter.  Ultimately, it does not matter what becomes of the expression.  It is enough that it came forth and was captured in this manner.  But, do I really believe that?  I do long for something more to come from all of this, something grand and glorious ... befitting of all that consciousness has been able to express here.  Will such come to pass.  I believe that it will.  I believe that it is destined.  Yes, and I believe this quite strongly.  I believe it strongly enough to return here day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year.  Why?  Simply because doing so excites me.  Because doing so gives me a purpose for living.  Because doing so allows me to be whom that I am.  And, being whom that I AM is all that truly matters to me.  Interesting how that came across.  Not, what is most important to me, but all that truly matters to me.  There is a big difference.  I have spent a great deal of my time since my early teens discovering who I am.  But, in all of this time was I really being whom that I AM?  It seems that I have come closer to that since 1993 when the Beyond Imagination expression began.  However, coming closer to is not the same as being.  So, where did I go wrong?  I have been doing what I was moved to do.  I have been living in the moment, focusing on the NOW.  At least, I thought that I was doing this.  But, thinking is not enough.  We must KNOW!  This comes from a part of us that is Beyond Mind.  It is the consciousness that knows.  It is the consciousness that is aware of being.  Being and being aware of being are different things.  You have been focusing primarily on the later for many years.  And, you have done so so exclusively that you've forgotten how to simply be.  That is OK.  Being is a natural thing for everyone.  We just have to allow our lives to happen, to unfold as they will.  We just have to be present ... literally be in the present.  This, we can choose to do at any time, though most seem not to make such a choice.  It seems that when our lives are complicated, all sorts of plans come into play and we have to manage our time appropriately.  The more that we do this, the more that we escape from the present.  Yes, this can make our lives more predictable, but it does so at the cost of our freedom.  This is too high of a price to pay.  At least, it is for me.  But, then who am I to speak.  While my life may not conform to the norms of society, I am a creature of habit in much that I do nonetheless.  Even coming here to express is an evening ritual that I do during the work week.  Yet, what comes out of the habit is unpredictable.  So, it seems that habits do not necessarily stymie creative expression.  They can provide the opportunity for that expression to be unleashed.  Thus, habits aren't good or bad in and of themselves ... what matters is what they enable us to do.

What am I moved to BE next.  I would BE whom that I AM.  I would BE who YOU created ME to BE.  What more could I expect myself to be?  What more could YOU expect ME to BE?  I know, you don't expect anything of anyone, or do you?  Ultimately, YOU know that we will become whom that we are.  YOU may even know when that will happen.  Though that would require that some things are beyond our free will to control.  So, what did YOU create ME to BE?  And, how does that differ from what I am BEING now?  How do I bring the two into alignment?  Clearly, this is something that is within my power to do.  So, how do I do it?  What steps do I take to begin the process?  What changes do I choose to make?  Every change starts with the desire to be something or to do something.  So, what is it that I desire?  Interesting.  I didn't ask what is it that I need.  I asked what is it that I desire.  I don't ask that of myself very much.  Two weeks ago I bought a Buddhist bronze with 13 heads and 18 arms that I desired.  I have a soft spot for spiritual bronzes that move me.  My biggest desire of the moment is to be able to engage in this expression as my full time employment.  There is easily enough to do that it could keep me occupied for years, if not to the end of my life.  I probably have a backlog of two years worth of work already, and I get futher behind with each new musing that comes forth.  Don't take me wrong, I am not complaining.  It is just that Beyond Imagination deserves to be more than a part time spiritual endeavor for one person.  It is meant to be far more than that.  How do we attract the resources to make that happen.  The reward for doing what you love should be abundance.  Having to work for around 45 hours per week and be away from home during the work week is not manifesting abundance despite what the job pays.  My heart demands more.  My spirit demands more.  I desire the circumstances that would drive me to eagerly arise each morning to face the day's work before me ... and that would move me to happily express late into the evening.  Yes, that is what I desire.  So let it be written, so let it be done.  Beyond Imagination is already my spiritual job.  I just desire it to be my only job.  But, I also desire that the reward for doing it be abundance at all levels.  At present, I don't feel that I have such abundance flowing in my life.  There is a sense of being between a rock and a hard place.  I don't like what I currently have, but I don't want to give it up until something better comes along.  What am I willing to do to get what I desire?  What am I willing to be?  What am I willing to choose?  Current choices manifest the current reality.  Change the choices and you change the reality.  It is that simple.  But, how do I get someone, some company, or some organization to pay me to do what I love to do?  You find a way to do what you love to do that results in services for which they are willing to pay.  This may require adapting what you do or how you do it to conform with the needs of others.  Satisfy their needs and they will beat a path to your door.

After going out to dinner, I'm choosing to return here rather than watch the Olympics.  That is the first time  that I have made this choice since the Olympics began over a week ago.  But, the bottom line is that while I like watching the Olympics, I love this expression.  And, love wins out over like.  Interesting, then what allows my obligations to my job to win out over my spiritual work?  While I need an income, it seems that I need a job to provide that income.  Is there a way for me to be self-employed?  Is there a way for me to be employed by spirit herself?  Of course there must be ... otherwise, why would it even occur to me to ask?  Love what you do, do what you love, or do both.  Just don't do neither.   Life is too short for that.  Never settle for less than doing whatever you do with love.  It is love that makes all the difference.  Love transforms both the work and the worker.  The creativity that is unleashed by love is wondrous to behold. 

What do I want out of life?  What do I expect?  As we expect, so shall we experience in life.  Our reality is the sum total of all of our expectations mirrored back to us.  If we want to change our reality, we need to start there, with our expectations.  Many times our expectations are captured in our beliefs.  We need to be careful about what we believe.  Beliefs are not true or false, they are statements that we choose to accept as if they are true.  We need to make sure that the beliefs we hold serve us.  The only way to judge beliefs is by their utility.  Do the beliefs enhance our lives and the lives of those we touch.  If so, the beliefs are doing what they are meant to do.  If not, it is time to find some new ones that do.  There are plenty of beliefs to choose from.  But, it is often not so simple as to choose a new belief.  We need to remove the offending beliefs to provide room for the more empowering ones.  Often, that means that we need to find the limiting beliefs.  One powerful technique that helps us to do this is Psych-K.  In a relatively small number of sessions, entire belief systems can be transformed.  Lately, I've begun to suspect that beliefs are only one step on the path toward abundant life.  They are a necessary step, but may not be a sufficient step.  There are still the issues of body, soul, mind, and spirit to deal with.  Beliefs seem to be stuck in the mind ... the conscious mind and the subconscious mind, and perhaps even the superconscious mind.  Regardless, they seem to present in the realm of the mind.  Soul is another matter entirely.  It seems to be beyond belief.  It seems to be our isness somehow.  In particular, our separate isness.  Our soul is that individual essense that God placed in the clay of the body to give it breath, to give it life.  Some might say that it is the spirit that breathes life into us.  What do I know?  Soul is a foreign term to me, one that I use infrequently.  Spirit is what gives me inspiration ... spirit is what drives the source within.  Spirit is what allows me to soar on the wings of consciousness.  I don't think of soul doing any of these things for me.  But there is something that distinguishes the two.  Spirit is ONE.  Souls are individual and MANY.  What else distinguishes the two?  Soul is tied to heart and to emotional reality.  It also seems to be tied to relationships.  Perhaps if I were more involved in relationships I would have more direct experience of my soul nature.  As with everything else in my life, when I need to experience something I will.  Spirit will see to that.  I count on spirit to do a lot in my life.  In many cases, things that I don't know how to do myself.  That is true.  I trust spirit implicitly.  I know what she has done in my life to date.  And, I am pleased by all of that.  I don't question whether it could have been done differently or better.  It was done as it needed to be done.  Nothing in my life is wasted.  Everything serves its purpose.  Even the things that bore me and put me to sleep?  I find that hard to believe.  But, if it were not necessary, it simply would not happen.  Do I really believe that?  About everything?

My life is highly limited compared to most.  My interactions with others are limited at best.  My interactions with the world are just as limited.  I pay no attention to news and world events at any level.  I watch several TV shows and a few movies a week, but these do not portray the real world at all.  The 50 hours I spend in the work environment each week are my key interface with others, and very little of this is social time.  I have never been much of a social person.  In fact, I have considered myself to be a hermit most of my life.  Why would I choose to live in such a manner?  Indeed, why?  I only know that such is what I experience and we only experience what we choose to experience.  So, at some level, this is what I asked for and this is what I received.  The question is: is this what I choose NOW?  The immediate answer is NO.  Some things I would not change ... the quiet times in which to write, the focus on spirit, the involvement in metaphysics.  But, some things I would change ... the lack of close relationships and friends, the separateness from everything and everyone except spirit and consciousness.  How would I go about changing these things?  As always, I would do what I am moved to do.  Announcing my intent, my choice, is sufficient for spirit to start bringing forth the necessary direction in my life.  She is my universal navigation system.  She knows how to get me from where I am to where I choose to be.  It is not my task to worry about the details.  It is up to me to follow where consciousness would guide me to go.  The only time that matters is NOW.  And, the only thing that we can do in the moment is take the next step.  Consciousness will show us what step to take.  All we have to do is have the courage to do it.

19 August 2008

Again we come to allow consciousness to express through us as she will.  This is by far the best time of the day for me.  Here I get to engage in creative spiritual expression.  And, for me, the spiritual is the ultimate in life.  That should not surprise anyone who has been exposed to these words.  These works are definitely my children, but they are spawned by spirit herself as well.  Though, in this case, the consciousness that spawns these words may be a part of me as well.  I say may be, because I do not know for sure.  I do not know how it is that I could tell without somehow having firsthand awareness of the process.  Instead, I see the results and must deduce how they are manifest.  Actually, I don't even do that.  There is nothing to deduce.  I only know of spirit and of consciousness by what they express in my life.  I don't know how they express, I only know that they expression and that these words are the expression.  That is enough for me.  Some people do great deeds.  My deeds seem to involve bringing forth words.  I have to believe that there is a reason for these words to come forth in this manner.  One reason is to educate and enlighten me.  But, I would hope that there would be a greater reason than that.  I would hope that they would somehow impact the world, and in a grand way at that.  Will they ever do so?  Perhaps, perhaps not.  And, even if they do, it might not be in my lifetime.  If my projections are right, I only expect to live for another 18-20 years.  That is not a lot of time.  Though, living in the moment, two decades can be an eternity.  Also, there is always the possibility that I may be wrong concerning my lifespan.  Only time will tell.  Out of the light I come forth to share my light with the world.  Will the world receive that light?  Does it have any choice?  Is not the light of spirit stronger than any material force?  Do not thoughts rule the world?  And, is it not time for some new age thoughts to achieve prominence?  Indeed, it seems that it is time.  But, what thoughts define the Aquarian Age?  And, what deeds will arise from such thoughts?  Yes, actions can speak louder than words, but, only if they are aligned with the right words.  Is that alignment starting to happen?  I believe that the answer is yes.  The popularity of John Lennon's song Imagine attests to that.  You may say that I'm a dreamer.  But, I'm not the only one.  Some day, I hope you'll join us.  And the world will be as ONE.  We need our dreamers now more than ever.  We are truly at the threshold of a new age.  It is time to walk through that threshold and create the world as we choose to make it.  It is our collective choice.  We are free.  We have only been limited by the choices to bear shackles of our own making.  Oh, in many cases, these were of the making of those in power.  But, we bore them nonetheless.  It is time to step up to our rightful places in the universe, each and every one of us.  We can do that NOW.  At no other time in history have the circumstances been this ripe for positive change.  But, it won't just happen.  We have to make it happen.  We have to allow spirit to make it happen through us.  Of our own, we don't necessarily know what to do.  But, there is a part of each and every one of us that knows.  Individually we know that, collectively we know that.  We are dreamers all.  And, the world is already ONE, it is just a matter of realizing this truth.

What would I choose to be this evening?  As usual, I would choose to be the vehicle through which this stream of consciousness is manifest.  But, is that enough?  It has been enough for close to 16 years.  And, it seems that it may be so for the rest of my life.  Would that be enough to live a happy life?  Why would I think that it would?  It has not been enough to date.  Why would I think that should change?  It seems that there is still something important missing from my life.  FRIENDS!  Why do I have no one in my life with whom I can share and discuss all of this?  It doesn't have to be one person ... that would be asking far too much.  But, neither should it be many.  I would have too hard of a time keeping the interactions straight.  A few to maybe a dozen seems appropriate.  If someone were to commit to reading what I write each day, that alone might consume 10 minutes.  To interact, would require substantially more than that.  Am I worth that amount of someones time.  And, what else do I need to provide in return?  Friendship is a two-way relationship.  I'm looking for something that would both provide feedback and motivation.  Do I have something that can provide those things to another?  And what about care and interest in one anothers life?  I'm primarily interested in spiritual life.  The more mundane aspects of life bore me, or at the very least, do not interest me.  Does the narrowness of my focus overly limit my chances for lasting friendships?  I'm only looking for up to a dozen out of 6 billion plus on the planet, or 300 million plus in the country.  That is not asking for much, though finding them may be like finding the proverbial needle in a haystack.  Yet, we are not meant to be alone, isolated from others all of the time.  And, in a very real way, there are big parts of me that are still so isolated.  That can change.  I desire for that to change.  And, I trust that spirit herself is arranging the circumstances for that to change.  I am attracting them, as they are attracting me.  Somehow we were meant for one another.  There is nothing that can keep us apart.  Hmm ... they may even be people in my circle of acquaintances.  Though, that would be very much a surprise due to the small size of that circle and the lack of spiritually related interaction to date.  Perhaps this is a problem of limiting what I deem to be spiritual.  Everything is spiritual.  Everything is spirit expressing in flesh.  There simply is nothing else.  Nothing.

I choose not to be alone.  But, being among people is not sufficient to not be alone.  Even in the midst of a crowd, I am often alone.  Wherever I am, I am usually alone.  That is not quite right.  Spirit is always there with me, as is consciousness.  But, these are not separate from me.  We are ONE ... so, in a very real way, I am still alone.  I have said that I am 9:The Hermit.  And indeed, that seems to be the case for the vast majority of my existence.  What is my relationship with consciousness?  She fills my mind with this very expression ... and with things that go unexpressed.  But, she doesn't fill my mind all of the time.  It amazes me how often my mind is blank.  There is not an endless stream of thought that keeps it occupied.  It is the very blankness that allows this expression to come forth as it does.  And, I am eternally grateful that it does this.  My life would not be the same without it.  It would not be as rich and I would not be able to fly as high as I do in consciousness.  It is important to fly.  I can only imagine what I would be able to do if I were not so heavily medicated.  Per the doctor, the medications control my bipolar condition.  They keep me from becoming too manic to function.  But, if I were writing full time and I were in a supportive environment, could things be different?  Thus far, not being able to function has meant not being able to focus on work because the spiritual world commanded my attention.  If my work involved being in the spiritual world full time, there would be no problem with attention.  In fact, with the exception of a few stays at the mental hospital, my most productive times musing have been during highly manic states.  Anyway, that is a possibility.  How do we manifest that possibility?  How do we make this expression my lifes work.  In a way, it already is.  By far, it has the potential to be the work that I am most recognized for.  Does it matter if I am recognized?  To some degree yes, but for the most part no.  I will do what I am moved to do nonetheless.  And, I will continue to do it so long as I can type.  But, at some point would I also speak out for what I know to be right.  The first answer that came to mind is that their is nothing that I would be willing to speak out for.  I found that interesting.  But, I don't say much to anyone.  Writing is one thing.  It is easy.  But, speaking is quite another.  It is difficult for me.  In writing, there is no sense that I will ever run out of things to say.  But, in speaking, each sentence is a chore, especially not knowing how it is going to end when it begins.  With writing, the organization is automatic, things flow smoothly.  With speaking, it is as if I have to do it and it is labored at best.  That is just how it is for me.

We may say that we choose not to be alone.  But, we are alone as usual.  That is not acceptable.  Though, I find it disturbing when people interrupt once I have begun this expression.  So do I want to be alone or do I not want to be alone?  It seems that I am still choosing the former.  Just making the choice to allow this stream of consciousness to flow forth means choosing to exclude others for a good portion of my free time.  What is that choice enforcing in my reality?  Our reality conforms to our choices, always.  And, every choice has consequences ... some good, some bad, some neutral.  If we don't like the consequences, the remedy is not to address the symptoms, rather it is to address the cause, the choices.  We can choose again with respect to any choice that we make.  No, that does not mean that we get to go back in time and choose something different.  But, in the present, we can choose again in a manner that nullifies some of the consequences the were not to our liking.  Our ability to choose is one of the grandest gifts that we were given when we were created.  Then, why do I choose to employ that gift so little in my life?  For instance, I have never voted.  This was primarily because politics never mattered to me, neither did current events for that matter.  If you are not going to be an informed voter, then it seems to me that exercising your right to vote misses the point.  The bottom line is that who was in office, what they did, and what laws were passed has never impacted my life in a way that mattered to me.  In the one are that mattered to me, the spiritual, the state had no authority and I refused to bow down to the tenets of any religion.  I've been a free thinker as a result, and had to find my own way ... led by the endeavors of a great many metaphysical authors as it were.  I would have it no other way.  Such has been my life.  Though, there is a sense that what has been is not to be.  Changes, major changes, are on the immediate horizon ... and I will be swept along with them.  I was going to say kicking and screaming, but that does not seem to be the way that it will happen at all.  Forceful, but peaceful, seems to be the order of the day.  We have much in store for us in the times ahead.  But, from this side of the breakpoint, what is on the other side is unpredictable.  Its very foundations will be foreign to what we know our world to be today.  The only thing that we can say for certain is that it will be better for all of us, for each and every one of us, in tangible ways.  Tangible ways but different ways.

20 August 2008

Another day, another musing.  Once again we return to this stream of consciousness expression that we love.  I cannot think of any higher use for my free time than this.  It does not matter if the expression ever reaches an audience other than me.  It is enough that consciousness has witnessed its creation and that I am blessed to have all of this in my life.  It is all about patterns.  Consciousness is ever in the process of creating patterns.  All patterns are energy patterns, they are vibrations.  Some pattern are more pleasing  to consciousness than others.  Some patterns are naturally beautiful.  Others far less so.  The idea of perfection comes to mind here.  I was particularly thinking about the Olympics and the perfection in the athletic performances as the athletes break one world record after another.  But, these are the best of the best, competing in the grandest sports spectacle that there is.  For track and field, the stadium holds over 80,000 people and it is filled to capacity with many people paying hundreds of dollars for their seats in some of the more popular venues.  Are there venues that recognize perfection in other areas of life?  If there are, I do not know of them ... but, there are a lot of things that I do not know.  I guess that the competitive marketplace provides an environment for rewarding excellence.  But, there it is far more subjective.  In the Olympics, it is times or heights or distances or points scored that matter.  In the marketplace, one must get consumers to buy ones products or services ... and this doesn't necessarily relate to the quality of the products or services.  Where do I go to get my services evaluated?  How do I know that I am having a positive impact on the world?  Spirit is having a highly positive impact on me, but am I passing it on to others in my life?  When I look at things as needing to change, I do so for primarily selfish reasons.  I am not satisfied with the status quo.  I am not satisfied with ME and what has been done through ME.  But, when will it be enough.  I could choose to devote nearly every free waking moment to this endeavor and still come up short.  That is how much I expect from myself.  And, I know that I can deliver, because it is spirit delivering through me.  When is enough enough?  I choose to engage in this Beyond Imagination endeavor on a full time basis.  I need this to be my lifes work, not just the spiritual work that I do in my spare time.  Why do I need that?  Because this is the work that allows me to come alive in ways that nothing else does.  But, is that enough?  Is that enough to manifest such?  It has to be enough.  I've been doing what I've been doing in the same way for much too long.  I'm tired of the routine.  I'm tired of being tired.  Something has to give.  I was going to say that my very sanity is at stake ... but deep down, I know that it is not.  I can continue with the routine for as long as spirit deems it to be necessary.  But, is that what I choose of my own free will?  Why is it important that I choose in this aspect of my life when it is so unimportant that I choose in other aspects of my life?  I don't really know, it just seems that it is.  It is for us to pick our battles, and our choices.  Some things are worth choosing, other things simply don't matter.  It seems important that we conserve our energy to apply to the things that matter most.  What matters most to me is this expression.  Are my choices in synch with that?  I believe that they are.  The major exception to this being the belief that I need to hold down a job to earn the income that I need to support my family.  Given that I have been doing this for 30 years, it is clear that I hold this belief.  Somehow, we have to pay the bills, and there are many bills to pay.  Though, I do have a fortune by my computer that says you will be successful in a business of your own.  But, a business has to have either goods or services to sell.  What I have is millions of words and the ability to bring forth as many as 8,000 words per day.  Do such words constitute a "service"?  If so, how exactly do they serve?  They provide an example of a stream of consciousness expressing.  Is that sufficient to take the reader into altered states of consciousness?  If so, then the words indeed provide an important service.  But, how do I know if this is true or not?  Obviously, you need to get the words into the hands and minds and consciousnesses of others who can tell you what they get from the expression.  Yes, that means that you must ask for their feedback.  And, to be able to provide feedback, they have to commit to reading some of this.  Can I expect others to do that?  I have not been engaged in the lives of others sufficiently to do anything like this.  Why should I expect others to be interested enough in me and what I have to say to do this for me?  For one thing, they aren't going to be doing anything for YOU.  They will do it because of what it does for them or they will not do it at all.  I've made about a dozen attempts to get pieces of the Beyond Imagination works into the hands of others over the past decade.  Not once has there been any feedback ... not once.  I know, a dozen times is a small sample size.  What did I expect?  The bottom line is something more than no reply.  I love this expression.  I love bringing it forth.  I love reading it.  I love selecting best quotes from it.  I love everything about it.  Surely, if it can move me so, it can move others in a similar manner.  Then, how do I find these others, or how do they find me?

Clearly, a website with millions of words posted is not sufficient.  The world is not beating a path to my door.  Nine published Beyond Imagination books is not sufficient either.  Only a dozen or so have been sold since they came out in 2003-2004.  Much of this is my fault.  I did what I was moved to do ... but that didn't involve any marketing.  I always felt that my time and energy were more productively applied to bringing forth new material.  But, can you have too much of a good thing.  If we got current with the backlog of musings since 2004, we would have another 4 books plus a fifth one in work.  And, at the pace we are musing, we could easily produce two book per year.  But, to what end?  Producing books just for the sake of producing books seems futile.  Ultimately we need someone to read the books.  Actually someone already reads them, namely ME.  But, I meant to say an audience ... preferably a sizeable audience at that.  Will that ever happen?  Is that an outcome that I am not to be concerned with?  Outcomes are in spirits hands.  It is for us to choose to do or not to do.  Spiritual law determines the consequences of our choices.  Often we can predict what the nature of some of the consequences might be, but not all of them and not all of the time.  The universe has a way of surprising us.  She keeps our lives interesting.

How do I turn what I love to do and what I do well into something that provides abundance in my life?  That does not seem to be asking for much.  I am willing to commit my life to such work.  You might even say I am willing to sell my soul for such work.  Those seem to be dangerous words.  I would not sell my soul for any price.  But, I didn't name a price.  I am asking for a condition: the commitment of my lifes work in exchange for abundance.  I don't think that is too much to ask.  In fact, I believe that it should be part of the social contract that individuals have with society.  Though, in my case, the level of commitment is higher than I expect from others.  I truly equate spiritual work with living, not earning a living.  There is a big difference.  I am willing to commit 10-12 hours per day, seven days per week to my lifes work.  That is almost the equivalent of two full time jobs.  However, that is not much more than I work now.  It is just that two-thirds of my current work does not fully use my talents and I do not love doing it.  The bottom line is that we must find a way to do what we love.  Life is too short to settle for less.  I have been settling for less for 30 years.  Enough is enough.  This has got to change and NOW.  I ask that the conditions necessary for this change be brought into my life NOW.  I am willing to give all of whom that I AM.  Spirit already knows my needs even before I ask.  I feel that I am ready for this now.  But, I know that spirit knows if indeed I am ready.  From that perspective, it is not clear that what I feel in this respect has value.  Though even as I said that, it was clear that all feelings have value.  Feelings are part of our emotional reality, they emanate from our soul.  They are not to be dismissed or taken lightly.  I just came to me that a resume might be in order.  Something that explains what I want in a job and what my qualifications are.  Yes, spirit already knows this ... but it might be interesting to see what I know about this.  There we go again, speaking as if spirit is somehow distinct from whom that I AM, when such cannot be the case.  There is only ONE, and we collectively are that.

Position Sought:  Metaphysical Systems Engineer building the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh.  These foundations include society, government, education, and the economy.  Be part of a small team working on the core beliefs and ideals that underlie these foundations.  Able to bring in key metaphysical consultants as necessary to support the endeavor.  Applies intuitive skills to bring forth all that consciousness can bring to bear on this task.

Qualifications:  34 years of metaphysical training, MSEE, 27 year of engineering experience, 12 years of systems engineering experience, 16 years of stream of consciousness expression totaling several million words published in 9 books.  Ability to see the big picture.  Able to think in grand and utopian terms.  Triple fire sign.  Intense focus on the spiritual to the exclusion of virtually everything else.

Hours / Schedule:  Average 75 hours per week, 48 weeks per year, for Life or until Task Accomplished

Compensation Desired:  Abundance.  $1 per word for stream of consciousness expression.

OK, that wasn't as revealing as I thought it might be.  But, as I wrote it, I couldn't stop thinking about who might be in a position to respond to it.  The qualifications section was a little weak.  It could have been fleshed out to discuss some of my job responsibilities over the years and could have discussed what the Beyond Imagination expression has been all about.  The bottom line is that consciousness herself knows all of the details.  She has been there with me all along both witnessing and contributing to all that I have learned and done.  She knows what position I seek.  And, if it is out there, she will find it and attract me to it.  Interesting that I would qualify that with "if it is out there".  The first sentence of the Position Sought section says it all.  The first three words most accurately describe what I am, and the rest describe what I know that I came to do.  The only question seems to be when can I be this and do this full time versus part time?  Another question seems to be when will doing what I love to do translate into receiving abundance in my life?  I choose for the answer to both questions to be NOW.  Be careful what you wish for.  To many, signing up to 75 hour weeks would be a hardship.  But, my life is mine.  It is free of many of the responsibilities and many of the distractions that most people have.  You could say that I have it easy.  And, for the most part you would be right.  Though working at a job you do not love is a challenge.  And, being alone a lot is not something that most people could take.  Don't get me wrong ... I am not complaining, or maybe I am a little.  I just know that things could be better.  And, not just for me, but for everyone.

21 August 2008

Musing number four for the week.  That is likely to be all that there will be.  I typically don't muse from home anymore.  Though, why is that.  It is not like I have more productive things to do with my time.  But, there is a sense that enough is enough.  Spending the equivalent of a halftime job on this expression is sufficient.  But, is it?  What wonders would come forth if I chose to put more time and effort into this?  Is there a threshold for success that I am not yet achieving.  Interesting questions.  I have said that my desire is to make Beyond Imagination my full time job, my one and only job.  For that to happen, it needs to provide me with what I need for myself and my family.  In return, I would hope that Beyond Imagination would provide much to many ... changing the very foundations of the world as we know it.  Is that too much to ask?  Is that too much to expect?  I think not ... otherwise I wouldn't be asking.  I expect the world to allow me to be whom that I AM.  More than that, to facilitate me in being that.  And, not just me, but everyone.  What is required for this to happen?  What is required for us to live the life that we dream to live?  From one standpoint, that is not much different than the life that we presently lead.  From another standpoint, it is as different as night and day.  It all comes down to what do we choose to BE and what do we chose to DO?  Our choices have consequences that constitute the reality that we experience.  One way to avoid consequences is to avoid making choices.  Though, even the choice not to chose is a choice with its own consequences.  But, consequences can be good.  It is for us to learn which choices result in consequences to our liking.  These do not always have to be positive ... neutral consequences are generally acceptable.  We just need to minimize the negative consequences.  So, what consequences do my present choices yield?  One positive consequence is the mountain of words that constitutes the Beyond Imagination expression.  Another positive consequence is a relatively affluent life even though it is a result of holding down a job that I like but do not love.  One negative consequence is the amount of time spent alone.  Another negative consequence is the lack of meaningful relationships and friends.  What choices are resulting in these consequences?  For one thing, a lack of genuine interest in others.  For another thing, a belief that I must be employed in a job to earn an income.  Try though I might, I can't imagine having N people pay me 1/N dollars per word for this expression.  At 2000 words per day, we would need 2000 people paying $1 per day to read what is expressed here.  Is all of this worth that?  At the moment that it is worth that, it will become manifest.  2000 people is not a lot.  And, we are talking about something that would take roughly 15 minutes per day to read.  The time investment is far more significant than the cost.  But, that is what we are asking for.  If we could get more people to do this, all the better.  Though $30 per month is about what people pay for their high speed internet connection.  Do we provide a service that is equivalent to that?  There is nothing to compare here.  A technology service is dumb.  Yes, it enables access to a world of information, but the service itself is just the access mechanism.  Here, we are talking about content, in particular metaphysical or spiritual content.  It is literally worth its weight in gold.  Just one quote has the potential power to alter someone's life for the better.  And, every musing, there are many quotable passages.  This is worth something.  This is valuable indeed.  Don't limit its value by judging it to be less than it is.  You know firsthand that it is grander than anything that you have experienced ... and you are well read in the area of metaphysics.  You pay over $100 per hour for some of the sessions that you go to.  Here, we are talking about 1/25th of that rate for the benefit of a spiritual session designed to reach many.  When you look at it that way, it is really a bargain.  The same $100 dollars buys 25 hours of the benefit of following this particular stream of consciousness.   Just look at what it took to get you here:  34 years of metaphysical training including reading over 1000 books, 32 years of math and engineering training and experience, 16 years of metaphysical expression including publishing nine Beyond Imagination books.  That makes this stream of consciousness extremely special ... moreso than even you know.  Things that are special are of great value ... especially when they are spiritual things.  This expression has a message that is meant to be conveyed to the world.  How it will be conveyed is up to you.  That is something that YOU choose.  No one else can choose this for you.  So, choose well my friend, choose well.  We are behind you every step of the way.  But, in this, it is not for you to follow, but to lead.  But, you already know that.  You have known it for some time.  It is time that you made your choices consistent with that.

There must be a way to achieve financial freedom.  I focus on that because I already know that in my soul I am free, and my spirit already permits my consciousness to soar.  Financial freedom would allow me to choose to fully engage in what I know to be my spiritual mission.  Though, I don't wish financial freedom on me alone ... I wish it on everyone, and I would work to establish the social contract necessary to allow it to manifest for the collective worldwide.  It is not that I don't want to work.  Rather, it is that I want to do those things that I love to do and do best, and I want others to do the same.  Work should be done elegantly.  That happens when people truly love what they are doing.  Generally, this happens to be the things consistent with their talents and abilities.  As a wayshower, there is a sense that I am to be among the first, that I am to show the way.  My life has always been different.  I've always been a maverick.  But, I've always been a loner as well.  Is that combination part of my nature or was that simply the result of choices that I made growing up?  Does it even matter?  The bottom line is that I am what I AM.  I am what YOU created ME to BE.  I may put blinders on that prevent me from seeing that or fully realizing that.  But, the blinders can be removed just as easily as they were applied.  I still keep getting back to the question of whether this musing is worth $1 to 2000 people.  That does not seem to be much to ask.  But, how do I make it so.  How do I offer it to enough people so that 2000 are willing to subscribe?  At the present time, I don't know of a single person who might subscribe.  I haven't been able to get many people to read the expression for free, how would we get even more people to choose to pay to access it.  Yours is not to be concerned with how.  Yours is to choose, to decide what you want.  Leave the how to consciousness.  Her resources are vast, beyond anything that you could ever imagine.  Indeed.  I know that.  So, what is it that I choose to manifest?  I choose to engage in the Beyond Imagination work exclusively on a full time basis in exchange for abundance on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels.  And, I choose to do this NOW.  But, I can't give up my present job until something happens to replace the salary and benefits that come from it.  My present circumstances don't allow me to go without an income for even a week.  So, a transition of some type is needed.  I was just thinking, my work is already worth over $400K per year to the Air Force.  That is what they pay my company for a year of my time.  Above, I'm only asking for a 25 percent increase above that and I'm willing to put in much more effort.  This should be something that is feasible.  This should be something that is easy for consciousness to achieve.  Actually, I'm asking more than this.  I choose to work with others on this endeavor and want sufficient income to be able to compensate them well for their efforts.  I don't need a lot of others, but I do need some special others that are exceptionally close.  One of these is in my life already, though our relationship is still in the beginning phases.  We'll just have to see how things grow from there as I put it out there that this indeed is what I want.  I'm not used to meeting others.  That is just something that I do not do very often. 

Freedom.  How many of us are truly free in this existence?  It seems that all of us bear shackles of one type or another.  But, they are shackles of our own making and we freely choose to bear them.  Why would we do so?  For the most part, because much of this happens on other than conscious levels.  We are unaware of the shackles that we have made and chosen to bear.  Being unaware, it would not even occur to us to look for them and to choose to remove them.  Yet, such indeed is within our power at any time.  Our body is a shackle, as is our mind, as is our soul.  It is only our spirit that is truly free and then only if it is flying on the wings of consciousness.  Hmm ... interesting, but what does that really mean?  Can we free ourself from our body, our mind, and our soul?  We can free our attention from these things, but does that free us of them?  It seems not, for they do not vanish.  Yet, at the same time, they become somewhat invisible.  Is this what is needed to live a spiritual life?  Or rather should body, mind, soul, and spirit be treated as an indivisible whole?  This later approach seems more correct.  We are incarnate for a reason.  That reason is to do more than go beyond body, beyond mind, beyond soul, beyond spirit.  Interesting, what is beyond spirit?  The immediate answer is the very realm of God.  Where does Beyond Imagination fit into this picture?  It seems that it may be beyond all of these.  It may take us to places beyond anything that we can conceive.  Wow.  How fitting for a metaphysical endeavor.

25 August 2008

Another interesting Psych-K session with Cindy on Friday.  Four weeks ago, the focus was on re-integrating a fractured spirit.  This time the focus was on making my Self whole, complete, and ONE.  Both were major breakpoints in my life.  Both involved major realizations of whom that I AM.  Last Friday's session was the first one that I had ever planned out in advance.  In this case, two whole weeks in advance.  I simply couldn't wait for the time to pass.  Here's what I planned for the session:

Psych-K Session on 22 Aug

<>

1.  Our spirit is whole and complete?                 Y

2.  Our self is whole and complete?                   N => Y

 

3.  We love our higher self.                           Y

4.  We are whole, complete, and ONE.            N => Y

5.  I am happy to be ME.                                  N => Y


On what level(s) does Psych-K operate?

            Body, Soul, Mind, Spirit?                                                      Y

            All of the above?                                                                   Y

<>            Does it work from beliefs or truths or both?                            Both 

 

6.  We love our spirit.                           Y

7.  We love our mind.                           Y

8.  We love our soul.                            Y

9.  We love our body.                           N => Y

 

10.  We are our spirit.                           N >> Y

11.  We are our mind.                           N >> Y

12.  We are our soul.                            Y        

13.  We are our body.                          N  >> Y

 

14.  Our higher self is Wayne.               Y  >> N

15.  Our higher self is our soul.              Y  >> N

 

16.  Wayne is spirit.                                          N

17.  Wayne is animated by spirit.                       Y

18.  Wayne is our soul.                                      Y >> N

19.  Wayne has a mind.                                     Y

20.  Wayne has a body.                                    Y

 

21.  Spirit animates the soul.                 Y                    

22.  Spirit expresses through the mind.  Y

23.  Spirit expresses through the soul.    Y

24.  The soul is spirit enfleshed.             Y

 

25.  Spirit is connected to the crown chakra.                 Y

26.  Mind is connected to the third eye.                         Y

27.  Soul is connected to the heart chakra.                     Y

28.  Body is connected to the solar plexus.                     Y

 

29.  The soul (heart) is the source of connections to others.                             Y

30.  I deserve and choose to have close relationships in my life.              N  => Y

 

31.  There is an energy blockage in my throat chakra.                           Y  => N

            This blockage disconnects my soul from my mind.                     Y

This blockage disconnects my soul from spirit.                           Y

This blockage keeps us from speaking our truth                         Y

(Remove blockage)

32.  I openly and honestly speak the truth of my being.                  N  => Y

 

33.  There is an energy blockage in my solar plexus                               Y  => N

            This blockage disconnects my body from everything else.          Y

            (Remove blockage)

34.  My body is a sacred temple for my expression.                       N => Y

 

35.  My soul was isolated, blocked from expressing through body, mind, or spirit.                      Y

36.  My soul expresses freely in everything that I do.                                                         N => Y

 

37.  We are whole, complete, and ONE.                                                      N => Y

38.  Body, soul, mind, and spirit are whole, complete, and ONE.               N => Y


As you can see, Psych-K is a powerful tool for self-discovery and for self-healing.  Overall, I knew a lot about myself going in as you can tell by the number of non-bolded answers that I got right.  >> indicates that the answer tested to be different than I thought it would be.  => indicates that the answer changed as a result of the session.  I've had about 10 Psych-K sessions over the past 10 months.  All have been transformative, but the past two have been phenomenal.  Until a month ago, I would not have believed that this was even possible.  But, here we are.  Literally, Humpty Dumpty has been put back together again.  We have no way of knowing where that will lead how quickly.  In less than a month, we restored a fragmented spirit and then removed major energy blocks that had been restricting me from being and expressing as a whole self for years.  Look at just the bold statements above.  All of these are things that tested true for me NOW.   What choices will I make differently given this new awareness.  What do I choose to BE?  What do I choose to DO?  How will this expression change to reflect what I have become?  Hmm ... I have only become more of whom that I AM.  Remove the restrictions and what is left is whom that WE ARE.  It is that simple.  We live our lives in the moment, expressing what spirit would express through us.  For, are we not spirit expressing as us through us?

Interesting, 764 words, the number for God.  How appropriate to apply to a transformation of this nature.  Our mind is blank for a change.  The stream of consciousness that has carried us for nearly 16 years appears to be changing somehow.  This gets back to something that we read from the 2005 Musings, something to the effect that we can't count on consciousness carrying us in this expression all of the time.  I wonder what that means.  Do I even know how to begin to express myself?  I'm so used to consciousness expressing through me that I have not even begun to think about what I have to say on my own, if anything.  Yet, I am a whole being NOW.  Body, soul, mind, and spirit are whole, complete, and ONE.  So, where does consciousness fit into the picture?  She is my oldest and dearest friend.  She is my mentor and muse.  She is my teacher, my counselor, and my confidant.  I was going to say without her I am nothing.  But, even as I thought that, I knew that it was not true.  Consciousness is within me.  She has always been within me.  Yet, at the same time she is ONE, she is the same within each of us.  The only difference comes in how she expresses.  That appears to be unique for each of us.  So, what does my newfound wholeness do to my relationships with consciousness and with others?  At this point, I don't really know yet.  It has only been three days.  It takes time for change to manifest.  But, I am indeed different now and I expect to see evidence in my world to reflect this.  That is the way reality creation works.  Our reality conforms to and reflects whom that we are.  Change what we are and we change our world.  Note that we didn't say change what we think, change what we believe, or even change what we do ... we specifically said change what we are.  Beingness is what truly counts.  Beingness is all that truly counts.  So, we ask again, what would I be NOW?  I would BE whom that I AM, nothing more and nothing less.  I would BE whom that YOU created ME to BE.  What else could I possibly be?  The mighty oak is contained within the acorn.  Similarly, what we are is contained within the unique seed of spirit that sparked us.  It is simply a matter of planting the seed, nurturing it, and allowing it to grow.  In our case, it is consciousness herself that does the nurturing.  She sees to it that everything that we need is provided to us in one way or another.  Further, she is extremely wise and knows exactly what she is doing.  The saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" just came to mind.  Consciousness can give us what we need, but she can't make us consume it.  That is a choice that we have to make.  It is for us to cooperate with consciousness in our own development.  We have to be open to receiving her inspiration.  We have to be willing to live in a cooperatively interdependent world.  We have to be all that we can be, every moment of every day.  Yes, that is asking a lot.  But, where much is asked, much is given ... the rewards are commensurate with the tasks at hand.

There is a sense that to find ourselves we must lose our self.  Our self is separate and individual.  Yet, nothing in the world can be separate.  Everything and everyone is interconnected in the web of life.  Nothing can exist in isolation.  Nothing can exist outside of this web.  And, what a grand and intricate web it is.  Of what is this web composed?  Of spirit herself, of course.  Everything is spirit, everything is godstuff.  Everything is godstuff, even you in this very place at this very time.  It all comes down to beingness ... what would you be in the moment?  Why do so many choose to be less than they can be?  Primarily because they don't know any better and because they aren't nurtured properly.  Both of these conditions can be changed ... and yes, on a worldwide basis.  There is plenty for all if we simply share the resources of the world fairly.  However, we need to be careful about what we consider to be resources.  Of course, there are natural resources, and then there are goods produced from these resources that are either consumed or provide services.  Then there are humans with bodies, minds, souls, and spirits that can be applied to creative endeavors, and to serve one another, the animal kingdom, the vegetable kingdom, or the very earth herself.  Overall, we collectively have been extremely wasteful of resources, in particular of natural resources and especially of human resources.  Just look at how many people live below the poverty level not only in the world, but even in the United States.  It is criminal that we don't take better care of one another, especially when the means to do so is known but not chosen for selfish economic interests.  One of the problems is free enterprise itself.  There is no concept of enough when it comes to profits.  The bottom line is whatever the market will bear, rather than providing the greatest good to the greatest numbers.  Competition is supposed to help bring prices down ... and indeed, it does this in some areas.  But, there are too many areas where this is not the case.  Where are the benefits of cooperation brought to bear?  And, why aren't they at least on an equal footing with competition?

OK, so where do we go from here?  That I choose to be what I AM is a good answer, but it seems that I need to know more about what that is.  If I truly want to LIVE it, don't I need to know more?  If I needed to know more, I would no more.  Consciousness herself would see to that.  So, I must know everything that I need to know to be everything that I am meant to be NOW.  Further, this applies at all times to everyone.  Consciousness operates on a need to know basis.  And, when you need to know, she will find a way to inform you.  Your Psych-K session on Friday was like that.  You planned the session.  There were some things that you thought you knew that you were wrong about, there were many things that you knew that you were able to confirm, and there were several things that you knew were wrong that you needed to fix or heal.  Muscle testing was able to reveal all of these things, but you had to do the prep work to generate the statements.  You are curious as to whether you can act as a proxy for the collective consciousness.  Can you generate statements that apply to the collective and to how the foundations of the world need to shift to better support the collective?  Also, you are curious as to whether you can develop the capability to test yourself.  This may indeed be possible for you, especially given that your intent in doing so is clear and pure.  Though, if my life were truly abundant, I could pay for the services of people that are great at what they do to assist me in my endeavor.  It doesn't seem right to ask them to volunteer some of their time for this even though that is effectively what I do at present.  But then, I fully expect that abundance will flow forth from what I do here ... even more abundance than flows forth from my current job.  Why?  Because spiritual work has far greater value.  Hmm ... there is something wrong about this assessment of greater and lesser value to work.  Work is work.  It is all of value or it would not be done.  But, does that make it of equal value?  Even in the physical realm, Michael Phelps, the remarkable swimmer with 8 Gold Medals from Beijing and 6 from the prior Olympics will sign multi-million dollar contracts endorsing a variety of products.  The swimmers who lost by hundredths of a second in some races will not have such lucrative opportunities if indeed they have any at all.  It seems that the very best are rewarded, but only a small percentage.  Why is that?  Why should the economic system have such extremes?  Is this truly fair?  In Phelps case, were are looking at a legendary achievement.  Further, from what he said yesterday, he will train for the 2012 Olympics in London.  So, his career golds may rise even higher.   What are the equivalent of gold medals in my line of work?  For my paid work, it is not clear that there are any.  For my spiritual work, thus far there has been no recognition except from consciousness herself.  Yet, this is what I love to do.  This is what makes my heart sing and my consciousness soar.

26 August 2008

Another day, another musing.  August is rapidly coming to a close.  Another few days and I'll be off for a week.  I'm looking forward to it, even though I don't have anything planned at the moment other than going to the cabin in Idyllwild to escape the heat.  My life is interesting.  I live in three different places most weeks, in the desert, in the mountains, and near the ocean.  I spend the majority of my time in front of a computer - close to 40 hours per week, or reading - another 10 hours per week.  I spend very little time with others by comparison ... except for meetings, and most of these I would prefer not to have to support.  Oh well, life is what it is.  But, what if we could make it what we wanted it to be?  How would I choose to make my life different?  I would find a way to get compensated well for doing what I love to do.  And, what I most love to do is to allow this stream of consciousness to come forth.  Or is it?  Is that enough of a challenge to engage me?  This stream of consciousness comes forth virtually effortlessly.  Why should I be paid to do it?  Simply because it consumes me and some of my time?  But, are not the rewards already sufficient for the effort?  Is not the relationship with consciousness and the growth in awareness well worth the "price" that I pay?  Indeed, they are ... definitely.  But, given that, why should we not pursue even more of a good thing?  The only thing stopping us is the amount of free time that we have available.  We hold down a full time job.  This expression is the equivalent of a half time job.  That does not leave a lot of free time left in our life.  Oh, if we were to squeeze out the available moments we might be able to make the expression the equivalent of a full time job on average.  But, that wouldn't leave much time to live outside of work.  There are only 7 x 16 = 112 waking hours in a week.  Subtracting 80 for work only leaves 32 or roughly 4.5 hours per day for everything else.  If I were doing what I loved for that entire 80 hours per week, I truly think that I could do it on a regular basis week in and week out.  But splitting the time between paid work that I tolerate and spiritual work that I love is not conducive to this.  There has to be a way to do what I love to do in exchange for abundance.  That brings up two issues, am I doing what I love to do, and am I experiencing abundance?  The answer to both of these is a qualified yes.  Bringing forth a stream of consciousness via written expression is what I love to do ... and I do that for a substantial amount of time each week.  However, the income that results in the level of abundance that I experience comes from a job that I do because I believe that I have to do it.  I don't see any alternatives presenting themselves, and I don't know how to manifest any other alternatives.  Here is where reality creation comes to bear.  We create our own reality ... every aspect of it, no fine print, no exceptions.  We've been doing it for our entire life.  Understood, but in practical terms how are we doing this?  And, what if I want to do it consciously rather than other than consciously?  Metaphysician, create thy world!  Wow!  I wonder where that came from.  But, indeed, such is what I am asking.  More than asking, demanding of myself.  I am a metaphysician first and foremost.  I have been since 1974 when I discovered the Seth books, if not before.  So, what is preventing my abundance from flowing from my doing what I love to do.  There is no doubt that the two hours that I spend here are the best part of my day.  Further, there is no doubt that they are the most productive and meaningful part of my day as well.  Given that, why is it that I am not compensated, and compensated well for what I do here?  It all comes down to value.  What value does this expression have to whom and when?  Clearly, it has value to me personally ... sufficient value to warrant the time and effort spent on its creation.  Clearly, it has potential value to others.  But, how do we turn this potential value into actual value?  Yes, that is what we want to do, that is what we choose to do NOW.  So let it be written, so let it be done.  It is for us to choose what we want in life, clearly and decisively.  But, what part of me do I trust to make this choice.  The whole of YOU of course.  You are whole, complete, and ONE now in a way that you have never know before in this existence.  That make YOU different.  That makes YOU YOU.  It is for YOU to choose that which YOU prefer to have in your life NOW.  It is for YOU to CHOOSE.  It is your responsibility.  You can not relegate this to a higher self anymore.  You are that higher self, there is no separation.  You don't have to make things happen to manifest them in your life.  You only have to choose and allow them to manifest of their own accord.  Though, you still need to do what you are moved to do.  But now, it is not spirit doing the moving, it is YOU.  In a very real way, it has always been YOU.  Though NOW, you are aware of that fact.

The universe knows how to do things.  It knows how to do anything that is necessary to achieve any result.  The desired results are the choices we make.  The results along with any consequences are the effects of our choices.  Consequences always happen from the application of spiritual law.  Consequences cannot be avoided, but they can be minimized by what we choose and how we choose.  Our reality is a direct result of the choices that we make both individually and collectively.  The world and society provide the frameworks in which our collective choices are made.  Our individual reality is much more fluid.  But then, we are creatures composed of many trillions of cells whereas humankind still numbers in the 6 billions.  These are all big numbers.  In the past week, I realized that my family could live abundantly if as few as 2000 people were willing to pay $5 per week for what I create.  2000 seems like a small number overall, and $5 per week is quite reasonable for access to as much as 80 hours worth of my spiritual work.  Manifesting this is a matter of finding 2000 sponsors for Beyond Imagination at $260 per year.  I wouldn't know where to begin to find such sponsors, but I know that consciousness has no such limits regarding what she knows.  All that I know is that this is indeed possible.  Public TV works in this manner.  They have membership drives to pay for their personnel costs and their programming costs.  Yet, they provide their content to the public for free.  Can we operate like that here?  Can we continue to bring forth this expression and share it with the world at the Beyond Imagination site, sponsored by as few as 2000 people?  Is that asking for too much?  I believe that my output would be far more than worth the income received.  We're not asking for much more than the Air Force pays my present employer for my time.  There is no doubt that it would be worth it.  But, is that enough to manifest it?  Is that enough to make it so in my life and in the world?  Also, note that much of what I am endeavoring to do is to create a social infrastructure that allows everyone to receive what they need physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually in exchange for what they love to do.  It is just that I feel that I can do this far sooner doing it full time plus than I can do it in half time mode as I am presently doing.  One way or another, it will be done.  It just seems that there is more of an urgency now.  I can see the possibilities there before me.  The above is only one method for making it happen.  I'm sure that the universe can devise others.  But, maybe this is mine to do as well.  Why should the universe do for us what we are perfectly capable of doing for ourselves?  Indeed, why?  The bottom line is that it shouldn't.  The universe is neutral.  It keeps things balanced, but is not for anything or against anything.  It is allowing of what we would be and what we would do.  So, what would I be and what would I do?  I AM a master of the written word, especially in stream of consciousness format.  I have over four million words since 1993 that demonstrate that.  What is the value of this expression?  The bottom line is that it is priceless.  How do I know that?  Because of how it was created.  It came from consciousness herself and was expressed through me.  Everything from consciousness is priceless.  Then why is my abundance limited?  Why can't I exchange what is priceless for any amount that I set?  Many times here, the figure that has come up is $1 per word.  I don't know why it came up as that, but it is a nice round number and MS Word has a word count feature so it is easy to calculate.  That would be sufficient for my family to be abundant and would permit Beyond Imagination to hire the services of other masters of metaphysical disciplines to help in the task of building the foundations for a new world.  So, how do I make it so?  What do I need to choose to be to make it so?  What do I need to choose to do to make it so?  This is what I choose NOW.  All That Is, please help to manifest this NOW.  I know it is in your plans to do so.  I believe that I am ready to serve in this new capacity NOW.  I choose a life of meaning.  I choose to carry out my destiny.  I desire to make the world a better place for everyone, and to do so within my lifetime.  I would do so if that is your purpose for me and that is your timing.  Service with love is everything.  But, that should go hand in hand with achieving abundance.  16 years have demonstrated that I have no desire to shirk my responsibility to serve the world.  Yes, I do so in my own way.  And, perhaps this is not the best way, not even the best way for me.  But, I do what I am moved to do anyway.

Why have I not been moved to share this expression since the beginning of 2004?  That is over four years ago?  Part of the reason is that millions of words are already posted at the Beyond Imagination site and the feedback has been minimal at best.  Another reason is that I lost ready access to my FTP capability and have not restored it.  But, those are excuses.  The admonition within is still to freely share.  I will indeed do that again, but it is just not clear how soon and in what way.  We don't necessarily need daily musings, though daily stream of consciousness expression still seems to have a major role in all of this.  We've already thought of some topic packaging that might be interesting ... say works on consciousness, on spirit, on soul, on mind.  We probably have enough material for a second volume of Beyond Imagination Quotes.  The more that we think about it, this expression could easily consume our life and then some.  And that is precisely what I choose.  I can't think of a better way to spend ones life than serving spirit and society in this manner.  Though, I am open to something even grander than this manifesting in my life.  What that might be is Beyond Imagination.  Interesting, that can have two meanings.  The first meaning is that the something even grander than this manifesting in my life is beyond my imagination.  The second meaning is that the something even grander than this manifesting in my life is the endeavor that is Beyond Imagination.  Wow!  This something even grander is something that I am already doing, something that I have been doing for 16 years, something that I need to be doing full time with my whole self.  I am ever amazed by what comes forth in this stream of consciousness.  Yes, this needs to be my lifes work, I know that NOW more than I have ever known it.

27 August 2008

Each day during the work week, things are the same.  We spend 10 hours at work and another 2 hours here expressing whatever consciousness would bring forth through us.  Then, we go home and either read or do Beyond Imagination work for another 2 hours.  Yes, it is a habit.  But, it is a welcome one.  Though, it would be very nice if we were able to shift the proportion of time applied to these two endeavors.  My paid work is my full time job simply because it is my means of earning my livelihood.  Does it have to be that way?  I consider my work here to be of far greater value, at least by an order of magnitude, if not more.  Then, why have I not found a way to do what I love to do in exchange for abundance for my family?  After all, we are in our 16th year of expression.  That is a lot of time to be doing anything with the level of focus and commitment that we have given to this.  But, I know that there is so much more that I could be doing if only I could do this as my lifes work.  What makes me think that it is not that already ... surely, it is.  However, if I could be doing it for 80 hours per week rather than for 20 ... how much more could I accomplish?  And, if I could reach out to engage others in this endeavor, who knows what we could do collectively?  What can I say?  If it is meant to be it will be ... for I will be moved to make it so.  It is one thing to desire something, it is quite another to manifest it.  But, is that not what reality creation is all about?  Why should it not apply to our very means of employment?  Especially if that means of employment involves serving spirit by allowing consciousness to express through us.  I am willing to give my life to this endeavor that is Beyond Imagination, to creating the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh.  Why?  Because every fiber within me tells me that is why I am here, that is what I came to do.  There has to be a way to make this happen.  There just has to.  As always, the directive is to seek within and do what you are moved to do.  My life is unfolding in accordance with a plan that I did not consciously create.  What is meant to happen will happen when the time is right, and not one moment before.  Nothing can stop a destiny whose time has come.  And, it seems that my destiny is close at hand indeed.  Until then, we continue to muse and where we can we take steps to expand our circle of influence.  Ultimately it does not matter what happens when.  What matters is what we are being NOW.  This we choose in each and every moment.  The power of choice is a grand gift ... literally the gift of the gods.  It is for us to use this gift wisely for the benefit of not only ourselves but for those whose lives we touch.  We can choose to do that at any time.  Consciousness is there guiding us every step of the way if only we allow her to.  Note however, she does not push nor pull us.  Her ways are gentle.  She does not care how long it takes us to get it, to learn that by following her guidance we make our lives easier, more productive, and more fulfilling.  She knows that over time gentleness wins out always.

So, what would I be today that I was not yesterday?  That is a question that I have never asked before.  However, to answer it I would have to know what I was yesterday.  It is hard enough knowing what I was two minutes ago.  Yesterday is an eternity away.  At this time, I was in the midst of musing, as I am today.  But, what I was musing, I have no clue, not even the faintest.  Given how important this expression is to me, how can I forget it so quickly?  But, do I really forget?  If I did, it seems that this expression would be far more repetitive than it is.  Then again, maybe it is repetative and I am just not aware of it.  No, I've seen enough of it enough times to know that it is not.  So, there must be some part of me that knows what has been expressed and plans out what is going to be expressed in this stream of consciousness.  Clearly, it is not done consciously.  But, just as clearly it must be done other than consciously.  The bottom line is that I am doing all of this.  What I call God, what I call spirit, what I call consciousness, what I call source are all ME.  I only know ME.  I only experience ME.  I live in Wayne's World ... a creation of my own making.  I generate every word that flows forth here.  The parts of me are not separate things even though I may name them and treat them as if they were.  These parts of ME are ONE.  We are ONE.  We have never been anything else, though clearly we thought that we were.  So, I have realized that I am whole, complete, and ONE.  How do I extend this to relationships?  How do what were two or even several become a unit that is whole, complete, and ONE?  Indeed, this seems to be the next step.  But, I had to get there first to be ready for the next step.  Now, who do I reach out to?  There are already people in your life.  Yes, that is few people in your case, but it is a start.  Those people that are in your life are there for a reason ... and while your interactions have been limited in the past, that does not mean that they cannot grow to be more.  It seems that I need to find people with a common vision or common set of interests.  Perhaps, but perhaps not.  I had thought that the Beyond Imagination expression would attract my spiritual family to me.  And, the hope is still there that it will.  But, at the same time it seems that there will be more that I am called to do.  That is OK.  I am ready and willing to do what it takes.  We didn't really answer the question that we started this paragraph with.  In the moment I can only be what I AM.  It is only between moments that the choice to be something different can happen.  How do I define what I AM in the moment?  Do I even have a clue as to what that really is?  Right now, I am the ONE through whom this expression can manifest.  But, what does that say about me?  I am a writer and a muse.  Actually, a scribe, a muse, and a conscious awareness of what is being expressed at the same time.   But, is this all that I am?  What about the body, the soul, and the mind?  Am I not being these as well?  And, what of the ego, have we forgotten that part of us that is here to focus on physical reality?  Not that I place much focus on physical reality.  Though, the grandiosity that is expressed here at times may be due in part to its influence.  What would I be today that I was not yesterday?  At the moment, things seem to be precisely the same.  Hmm ... that is the problem.  If I don't change who I am, how can I expect the circumstances in my life to change.  I could continue to muse until the end of my life but that will not in and of itself bring the change that I am looking for.  Then, what will?  Choose to be something different than you have been.  Choose to be outgoing.  Choose to be friendly.  Choose to be happy.  Choose to anything that you consider yourself not to be right now.  It doesn't matter what you choose.  Just choose something and act congruently with what you have chosen.  It is that simple and that difficult.  Any change now alters your course and allows you to manifest a new destiny.  Yes, allows you to manifest a new destiny.  Spirit is not meant to be an escape.  She does not manifest things in your life.  She is not separate from YOU.  YOU manifest things in your life.  It is all YOU.  It has always been YOU.  You need to stop thinking in compartmentalized terms.  YOU are not an individual.  You never were an individual.  You have always been a collective.  Relationships are simply ways of building bigger collectives.  Now that we have realized that WE are ONE, where do we go from here?  What do WE choose to BE next?  We are whole, complete, and ONE.  There is nothing that is missing from what we are right now.  Because of this, we are free to choose to engage in relationships as a whole being.  And, we do this with other whole beings.  Though, everyone is a whole being already.  Some are just unaware of this fact.  That can be fixed, and far faster than most people might imagine.  We have the technology.  We just have to apply it and make it available to everyone or at least make it available to enough people for it to make a difference in the world.

Social infrastructure ... building a society that is highly supportive of everyone, that is the ultimate in building relationships.  That is my calling.  I've know this for many years.  So, why haven't I created the conditions that facilitate doing what I am called to do?  Actually, I have created these very conditions.  It is just that what I have created is not in line with what I imagine could and should be.  Expectations ... we need to be careful to manage our expectations.  We don't always know the consequences of creating what we expect.  For instance, earlier in this musing we spoke of the desire to commit 80 hours per week to our Beyond Imagination work.  That is the equivalent of two full time jobs.  Is that in my best interest, and is that in the best interest of those whom my life touches?  It seems that if it were ... we would not be talking about it, we would be doing it.  But, it isn't manifesting.  So, something must be blocking it.  I am willing to make the commitment, and to make it for the rest of my life.  How do I get the universe to take me up on my offer?  80 hours per week is a lot.  That is 12 hours per day x 6 days + 8 hours on the 7th day.  Is that too much to expect of myself.  Currently, I'm at over 60 hours per week combined plus 6 hours of commuting and very little of that occurs on the weekends.  So, we are only talking about adding 14 hours per week.  In the past, there was a period of about 6 months when I was working 80-100 hour weeks regularly.  I can see myself loving what I do so much that I put nearly every waking moment into it.  What I AM would be reflected in everything that I do all of the time.  Besides, I don't want to be compensated by the hour, I want to be compensated by the word.  Though, not necessarily the raw word count.  At 12 hours per day rather than 3, there would be sufficient words to filter out the very best of what is expressed.  Also, there would be time to meet with and interact with others.  Yes, I really can see myself building my life around doing this.  Then, what is stopping you from making it so?  As always, only you can stop YOU from making anything so.  So, choose again, and again and again, until what you desire is manifest.  The idea that it takes time for things to manifest is simply not true, at least not anymore.  Decide, and make it so.  You have a fortune that says something to the effect "You would do well in a business of your own".  You know this to be true.  But, you need to define what services you intend to provide to whom.  Businesses provide goods and/or services.  Clearly, what you provide is words.  All that is missing is the clients/customers who would pay for your words.  You are a word making machine.  You could easily be generating 1-2 millions words per year.  Who do those words serve and how do they serve them.  You know what the words do for you ... they speak to your soul and your spirit.  They would do the same for others.  Trust.  You do not trust yourself enough.

28 August 2008

The blank screen once again.  It anxiously awaits what consciousness would share this day.  And, we never know just what that will be until we see it materialize before our eyes.  Overall, life is good.  Not great yet, but good nonetheless.  At the same time that the expression deals with finding a way to make our spiritual work our full time employment ... our paid work is becoming more interesting.  Though, not yet enough for me to consider making a different choice.  It is curious that last night I was selecting best quotes from musings from exactly three years ago.  I was asking exactly the same questions regarding how to turn what I love to do into a service that I am paid to provide.  Further, I was at a point in my career where I was fed up with my job and even applied for a transfer.  Instead of a transfer, I took a promotion to management, which put me in my current situation.  Now, here we are three years later and what has changed other than having close to another million words of expression?  Where is all of this taking me?  Though, there is a new sheriff in town, as the saying goes.  We have a new Colonel who is a real go-getter and leader.  He has definitely transformed the work environment.  But, is that enough to choose to stay?  Given the choice between Beyond Imagination full time or continuing my present mix of full time job plus Beyond Imagination half time ... I would pick the former in a heartbeat.  There is no doubt about it.  But, is that a choice that is mine to make?  Part of me says yes, but another part says no.  No wonder things are not happening here.  Am I truly ready to do what I say that I want to do?  Could I do it day in and day out indefinitely?  I know that I am and that I could.  Then, what is stopping this from manifesting?  What roadblocks have I placed in my own way and why?  You are free to choose whatsoever you will.  That is the power that I gave to you when I created YOU.  You say it yourself in every musing:  Be Happy and Create Well.  You create by choosing what you will be, and then by doing consistent with what you are.  When what you are being is congruent with what you are doing all manner of miracles unfold.  You have been in search of the miraculous much of your life.  And, you found what you were searching for in metaphysics.  No other domain was able to consume your attention in the same fashion.  You were born to be a metaphysician.  It is good that you found something that you loved so early in your life.

What would we choose to be today?  Now that the work day is over, playtime is here.  Yesterday, that turned out to be five hours.  Today it is likely to be the same.  That is a lot of free time to choose to give to anything, especially after a nine hour workday.  But, such is what we choose.  We have enough Beyond Imagination work backlogged that we could do this for several months and not catch up.  Though, some of it we could get others to do if we had sufficient income to pay for some of their time and services.  This has been a dream of mine for some time ... to be able to offload some of the tasks that I don't like to do that others are perfectly suited to do.  Some tasks such as proofreading fall into this category as does doing some of the page work and posting of material.  Other tasks such as selecting best quotes require my focus and intuition, though even there, I'm sure that I could train someone to do a first pass that would significantly reduce the amount of my time required.  We still don't know who all this is for.  Clearly, I benefit from it.  But, just as clearly, it seems that no one else benefits from it.  Since 2004, we haven't chosen to share the expression with anyone.  We only recently found out that we had mused about 100 times each in 2004 and 2005.  We literally completely forgot about close to 500,000 words of expression.  That alone would justify posting the material.  At least, we would know it is captured somewhere that is likely not to be lost.  There are other tasks that we could offload as well such as creating raw files for selected topics from the Beyond Imagination expression.  This involves going through a large amount of material in a specified order looking for passages that contain a particular keyword such as spirit, soul, mind, reality creation, God and pasting these into a file so that works on these topics could be produced.   It is not difficult, but it is time consuming and somewhat tedious.  I would do it, and I did one called On Consciousness that is already available at the site, but I would rather use my time bringing forth something new than rearranging something that I've already brought forth.  Though, there can be value in providing new perspectives on things ... especially when the "things" are concepts that are not well-understood.

Well, none of that said anything about what I would choose to be today.  I would be a benefactor and an employer.  These are two different things.  A benefactor pays you to do what you love to do.  An employer pays you to do what they want you to do.  The two become the same if the work that you do is what you love to do and if you get to choose what work you do.  Do what you love or love what you do.  These are different things that ultimately have similar effects.  The focus of the first is finding what you love and doing that.  The focus of the second is finding a way to love whatever you are doing.  I have been struggling to try to make the first happen.  I found what I love to do, engaging in this very expression, and I choose to do it a lot.  Is there a way for me to make the second happen?  Can I find a way to love the work that I am employed to do?  That would solve a lot of problems.  It might even yield abundance ... though not in the same way that I have been dreaming of late.  I would love for Beyond Imagination to provide sufficient abundance to allow me to be a benefactor ... to allow me to fund people to do creative things that they love to do.  I would also love for Beyond Imagination to provide sufficient abundance to allow me to employ the services of special people to do tasks that I want them to do.  It would be great if these were services that these people love to provide as well.  But, how do I make that happen?  I choose to make this or something in the higher good of all concerned manifest in my life now.   Is thinking along these lines enough to provide a stimulus to consciousness that will result in their creation?  I would hope that the answer is yes, because at the moment that is all that I know how to do.  I just can't see spending the remainder of my working life here.  At the moment, even another year seems to be an eternity.  At the present rate in which I am accumulating wealth, I will never be able to retire ... and clearly not by 2024 or so when I expect to depart this existence.  Not that I need to retire.  I am happy to serve for the remainder of my days, but I would choose to do it my way.  Yes, that is a bit demanding of me.  Is it too demanding and perhaps too limiting?  Good question.  But, there is a sense that I came to lead, not to follow.  Even in my present job, other than some mandatory meetings and an occasional tasking, the vast majority of my workload is mine to create.  Given this, why am I not doing a better job of manifesting a job that I can love, or at least strongly like?  I take that as a challenge.  We've talked about "making your day" before.  Now we have a slight variation "make your job".  I can do that.  I have the power to choose not only what I do, but to a large degree what about 6 other people who work for me do.  Interesting that we have never been moved to look at things from this perspective before.

There is also the 2012 factor to consider.  Everything that I've read indicates that we are about to experience a major breakpoint, a major world transformation in 2012.  That is only four years away.  I would hope that Beyond Imagination would have a role to play in preparing people to be able to cope with our existence on the other side of this breakpoint.  At the present time, the only thing that I think will be of value is having a flexibility of consciousness that allows us to bravely face the unknown.  For, that is what is on the other side of a breakpoint, something unknown, something that is unpredictable from anything that we have experienced prior to the breakpoint.  Do the words that have been expressed here have anything to offer?  They are a mystery.  The process by which they come forth is unknown.  They allow the reader to experience the same stream of consciousness that passed through my mind over what has to date been a 16 year period of time.  Does that make them valuable?  It does to me.  I find the material fascinating every time that I read it.  But, ultimately what matters is do they serve others?  And that, I'm afraid is something that I cannot tell on my own.  That requires feedback.  Feedback might also guide where I focus my attention to provide greater utility  If it is meant to be, it will be.

I choose to be more social.  But, what am I doing to confirm that choice.  Being social means choosing to be with people.  How much of my free time is spent in a manner that involves others?  For that matter, how much of my work time is spent in such a manner?  The bottom line is that my behavior hasn't really changed to correspond with what I say that I choose to be.  One step at a time, yes ... but take a step in some direction and do it soon.  We deserve and choose to have close relationships in our life.  That is our Psych-K homework statement for the week.  The two are important, deserving and choosing go hand in hand.  Only when both are in synch do we manifest things in our lives.  We have to believe that we deserve what we choose or it simply will not happen.  And, we have to choose what we deserve or it doesn't manifest either.  This week, we deserve close relationships and we choose to have them.  But, we can't do this unilaterally.  Relationships are between two or more.  They are mutually chosen or they simply do not happen.  Who in my circle of acquaintances is in a position to make such a choice to step up our relationship to a higher level.  At the moment, the only person that I can think of is my wife.  Cindy, my Psych-K practitioner is second.  One of my coworkers is a distant third.  Yes, this is a sad state of affairs that at 50 years old, I don't know that I've ever had a close relationship.  Such is the life of a hermit.  But, a hermit is not what I am, it is just what I chose to be for a good portion of my life.  Chose to be and choose to be are two different things.  Chose is history.  Choose is NOW.  It is not that I'm asking to be a social butterfly ... just to have a few close friends.  But, what does it take to be a friend?  Obviously, a genuine caring and concern for that person, for who they are, for what they believe, for how they feel, for what they need.  With few exceptions, my life includes limited contact with people, particular limited deep contact.  Yet, I freely share much about myself here that most people would keep closely guarded.  Why?  There is a certain anonymity that comes from not knowing with whom this is shared.  In fact, in a few hours of reading the Beyond Imagination expression you know more about me than I know about people that I have worked with for years.  Is that because people in the work environment don't share in this manner?  Or, is that because I personally haven't been open enough to share with others in this manner.  Clearly, they are not asking either.  But, is that because of something I am doing?  Am I broadcasting that I choose to be a hermit?  Are people picking up on that and leaving me alone?  What do I expect?  I expect people to like me.  And, for the most part they do, they always have.  And, over all, I believe that I like them.  But, it takes an additional step to establish a friendship.  It takes a commitment.  Obviously, I have chosen to avoid this level of commitment.

29 August 2008

Wow!  Finished Best Quotes from 2005 Musings last night.  It comes to a whopping 109 pages.  I thought that it would be closer to 50 pages as were the Best Quotes sections of the three volumes of 2003 Musings, but clearly, I was mistaken.  Perhaps there is more fat to trim, but definitely not half of what I selected.  Oh well, it is what it is.  I gave a printed copy to a coworker of mine to enlist her efforts in how to transform this work into something that provides a means of earning a living.  She was surprised by how much time I was putting into this expression and by how voluminous the work actually is.  It will be interesting to see what comes of this.  Anyway, I took a step to make a connection on a non-work level.  I don't do that nearly enough.  I also did a basic spell-checking on the 2004 Musings.  They come to 236 pages.  I suspect that the Best Quotes will come in around 100 pages just like they did for 2005.  Note that all of these counts are 8.5 x 11 pages.  Book pages are roughly twice these numbers.  Though, whether these new works will become books is still not decided.

So, what would I be today?  We should greet each day with that very question.  For how we answer that question determines the very quality of the day that we experience.  Everything springs forth from what we choose to be.  Being precedes everything else.  Being is everything.  It is out of what we are being that all doing springs.  So, what am I being in this moment that allows consciousness to express in this manner through me?  That is an interesting question, one for which I don't have an answer.  The bottom line is that I don't know what I am being in this moment.  Even with 34 years of metaphysical training, I simply don't know.  I find it odd that this would be the case, but odd or not so it is.  Do I ever really know what I am being?  That's even a deeper question.  But, it seems that the answer is no, I never really know.  Then, it seems that it would be prudent for me to do what it takes to find out.  But, is that even possible?  Can we find out what we are being through any kind of doing?  There must be a way.  And, I must find it.  I'm half a century old ... how can I not know what I am being?  For that matter, how do I know anything?  These are simple questions to ask.  Why are there no simple answers forthcoming ... or any answers for that matter.  Something just came to me: I am whatever I choose to be.  But something seems wrong about that.  It has the connotation of putting on a costume and a mask.  Is that what we do when we are being?  There is being what and there is pure being.  Being what is something we can choose.  It is something that we choose all the time.  But, pure being is a whole other realm.  Here we simply are what we were created to be.  There is no fashioning of what that is.  There is only a discovery of what that is.  Hmm ... so we do have some answers after all.  In the moment, I am being a glorified scribe, allowing a stream of consciousness to manifest through me.  This is something that I choose to be for an average of 10 hours a week.  But, that is not all that I am being while this process occurs.  I am also being an observer of what is being expressed and how it is being expressed.  Further, I am being a physical body, with all of its senses engaged in monitoring the world of my office.  At the moment, I am feeling temperature variations and my body is shaking from my feet to my shoulders, shaking enough that it makes it difficult to stay focused on the task at hand.  But, what else am I being.  Hmm ... the shaking just stopped.  I don't know why.  My mind is blank except for the words coming forth here.  It is that way a lot.  It seems that consciousness needs a blank slate to be able to express in this manner through me.  Further, the words are erased almost as fast as I type them to provide space for more to come through.  I don't need to see more than a few words at a time.  Though, meaning is conveyed through the sentences and paragraphs.  I don't really see that meaning as the expression flows forth.  There is just a knowingness that it is good and that this is exactly what I need to be doing in the moment.  Besides, I can't think of anything better to be doing with my free time.  For me, this is it.  This is why I came to the planet.  This is why I chose this particular existence.  We have over five million words to attest to that in sixteen years of Beyond Imagination expression.  I would chose to do this full time and then some.  This is already my lifes work.  However, I choose to do it more abundantly.  Perhaps this is more abundantly than is good for me.  My waking life is basically my paid work, my spiritual work, and watching TV and movies.  I desire my paid work and my spiritual work to be ONE.  I had thought this would happen by growing my spiritual work into something that provided abundance in my life.  But, it seems that was too selfish of a goal.  What really needs to happen is for my spiritual work to grow or morph into something that provides abundance in not only my life, but in the lives of others.  It is only then that we are providing the true service that we are meant to provide.  That is a completely different way of looking at things, but a much more empowering one.  I know the things that I do well.  Bringing forth this expression is one of those things.  Promoting the expression, or translating it into things that serve others, are things that I can enlist others to help do in exchange for helping to provide abundance for them.  We need to build a team, a cooperatively interdependent team focused on serving others spiritually as we provide for not only our abundance but theirs.  Is this asking too much?  I think not.  It is clearly enough to get excited about.  This expression is not unlike a goldmine, with precious nuggets of gold spread throughout.  We have only to find those in need of the gold we have mined.  Some consume raw gold.  But, most prefer it to be fashioned into some type of jewelry or art.

We are on to something here.  I like this line of inquiry.  I had never considered that I was being selfish in how I was asking for abundance to be provided in my life.  Yet, there it is, clear as a bell.  Then, what would you expect from a hermit?  It wasn't my nature to consider others from this standpoint, as players in my world with whom I was meant to interact.  My choice was to deal with spirit directly, and I expected her to respond in kind.  And, looking back ... she has done that in spades, bringing forth this stream of consciousness into my life for 16 years to date.  To get more, you must give more.  The chief thing that we have to give is not anything that we possess, rather it is whom that we are.  It doesn't matter whether we know what that is or not.  We can't help but to be what we are.  Though, many have self-imposed blockages that prevent them from being all that they can be in the moment.  So, what more can I give?  How do I give more of myself and to whom?  I know how to give more of myself to spirit ... and what results is more words in this endless stream of consciousness.  I love this expression, everything about it.  I love doing it, I love reading it, I love selecting best quotes.  But, I need to be able to hand it off to others who are as passionate about disseminating it as I am about generating it.  I've thought that before, but I know that now.  Though, how do I find them, or how do they find me.  Given the way that I live, I interact with very few people.  What would motivate them to believe in me, or believe in us enough to join me?  We have 9 published books and over five million words to start with.  That should be more than enough for this kind of endeavor.  And, even at 10 hours per week, we are generating another half million words a year.  This could easily be a million, if not two million.  But, would the stream of consciousness ever run out of things to say?  My sense is NO, that will never happen.  And even if it did for a period of time, we could always go back and create different perspectives on what has already been expressed.

By the time I get though the 2004, 2006, and 2007 musings, we'll have enough quotes for another Beyond Imagination Quotes book.  It still amazes me that so many quotable passages come through.  The greatest quotes of the greatest masters of the ages have always moved me.  I consider myself among their numbers based on some of the quotes that have come through me.  There is only one source, ONE consciousness that expresses through all of us.  She is older than time, and wiser than any who have been clothed in flesh.  Our words are her words spoken through us.  She is the muse that expresses through us.  Hmm ... it just came to me that she is the spiritual warrior that muses here, not me.  Yet, from another standpoint she is me expressing as me and through me.  It matters not that I happen to be a male in this existence.  We are all both male and female, yin and yang.  Though some seem to have a preponderance of one energy over another.

Do what you love to do.  But do it in a way that serves others.  For you, in particular, do it in a way that creates physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual abundance in the lives of others.  That is the greatest service that you can provide.  Though the concept of teach a man to fish and you satisfy his hunger forever applies.  Focus on the spiritual and all other areas will fall into place.  There are many teaching the tools of manifestation.  But, most of these teach from the standpoint of desire rather than need.  Further, they do not necessarily teach that to get you must give, and the more that you give, the more you receive.  So, you definitely have a message to add to the fray.  This material has its rightful place in the world.  If it did not, it would not have been generated.  Everything happens to fulfill needs, everything.  Spirit is in the business of fulfilling needs.  And, she does so through us.  We are her instruments.  We are her means of affecting the world.  Though us, she does all things, at least all that needs to be done.  We have only to still ourselves enough to allow her to speak in our lives.  Her advice is sage.  She knows all things and is present everywhere.  When we listen to and act on her guidance, our lives work.  There is an elegance to our expression, and we joyfully create our lives and our reality.  A key part of this reality is our creative expression.  Everyone is creative in some way.  We need to find what we love to do and do it, preferably in ways that serve others.  But, as with the expression here, the serving others may come long after the creative expression happens. 

Open your mind to new possibilities.  Be willing to explore opportunities that you have never considered.  You are different NOW.  You world is different NOW.  Each step you take is on a path in a new direction.  Be open to that.  Allow it to sink in.  Even a single contact can change the course of you life.  You don't have to find thousands, or hundreds, or even dozens, you only need a few.  They just have to be the right few.  You have a few people in your life now.  It is time to step your relationships up to the next level.  You may not know how to do that, but we will show you the way.  Do what you are moved to do when you are moved to do it.  Be what you are moved to be.  Trust that spirit is the motive force in your life.  She has always been.  But, you really know that now.  We love YOU.  Thank you for all that you have given us.  We look forward to our continued endeavors together.  This is indeed a brave new world that you are venturing on.

7 September 2008

Wow!  Eight days on vacation and not a single musing.  Though I did come close to finishing proofreading the 2005 musings.  Spent most of the time at the cabin in Idyllwild.  It was quite enjoyable, though I do miss this expression and even feel a bit quilty when I am not engaged in it on a regular basis.  Oh well, what must come through comes through when it must.  Consciousness herself assures to that.  I did have some time to thing about how I want to work and be compensated for my work.  It is clear that my paid work is not my lifes work.  Though, I was surprised that Beyond Imagination may not be my lifes work either.  Though, it is much closer to what that is, and is a major stepping stone.  Allowing this stream of consciousness to come forth for as many hours as it has has been a major training exercise for me.  It has trained my mind and consciousness to be open to the source within, spirit herself.  We've been doing this for 13 years for a total of over 5000 hours.  That is a lot of time to give to anything.  That is the equivalent of 2.5 years of full time work, just in the time it takes to bring forth the expression.  This is more than a hobby to me.  This is the spiritual work that I do.  Actually, it is the spiritual work that spirit does through me.  Yes, there is a difference in my mind and in my experience.

We deserve and choose to have close relationships in our life.  I thought about this often over the past eight days.  It is my Psych-K homework from my session two weeks ago.  I could only think of four people that I wanted to establish close relationships with ... Gini - my wife, Cindy - my Psych-K practitioner, Amy - my coworker, and Jamie - my niece.  It is not clear how much control I have over this, but I can do what it takes on my end.  That implies that I know what it takes, which is probably not a good assumption given my lack of close relationships with others to date.  I also found it curious that all four people that I picked were females.  Actually, I included consciousness herself as a fifth.  That is my closest relationship other than with myself.

I read some of the Best Quotes from Vol II of 2003 Musing today.  Other than a vague familiarity, once again each quote was fresh and new.  Literally, if they were not captured in writing, they would be lost.  My memory is so poor that I don't know that I could remember a single quote from all of the Beyond Imagination material to date.  That is despite bringing the material forth and in several cases reading the material many times.  Yet, still I am moved to read the material, to rediscover what came forth through me in this neverending stream of consciousness.  And, when I read it I know that it is good, definitely worthy of an audience and a sizable one at that. 

How do I change my life?  How do I change my world?  The answer is simply, choose to be something different than you have been.  What you have been is the hermit.  No wonder your life is short on relationships with others.  What you need to be is 22:The Master Builder.  That requires a 13:Transformation to 9:The Hermit.  Yes, you need to die to what you have been so that you can become something more.  The Master Builder is a archetype for building the foundations for a new world.  But, you know that.  This is also the Fool Complete, ever able to take the next step guided by consciousness herself.  Neither the Hermit nor the Fool Complete seem to be characters that deal with relationships.  So, where in the Tarot would we go to find something suitable.  The 42:Two of Cups comes to mind.  It is 41:Wayne + 1, how appropriate.  The card has a male and female with intertwined cups and a winged lion above a caduceus above them.  42 = 6 x 7 = The community of 21:The World = The Star of David with sides of 7:The Charioteer.

One way of making Beyond Imagination my lifes work is to find 4000 people willing to pay $5 per week for what I do here.  Is it worth that?  Full time, I could easily generate 20000 words per week and filter that to a best quotes version of  5000-6000 words.  At 300 words per minute, we're talking an hour of raw material and 20 minutes of best quotes.  Is that worth $5?  I believe so, definitely so.  And, how do we find 4000 people willing to sponsor Beyond Imagination work in this manner?  4000 people seems like a small number overall.  Yet, for someone who counts even casual acquaintances in the dozens, 4000 is quite large indeed.  But relative to the population of the country, we are only talking about 1 in 75,000.  Is that so much to ask?  The other alternative would be fewer people willing to pay more per person to the extreme of a single benefactor willing to pay for it all.  Regardless of the details, the result is the same ... I spend in excess of 20 hours per week musing plus the time it takes to prep the material for dissemination plus the time it takes to read and research new metaphysical information plus the time it takes to mine the Beyond Imagination material and fashion new viewpoints.  Hmm ... all of this still sounds like a solitary endeavor.  Is that really what I want?  There would be the potential of receiving feedback from those who were receiving the material.  But, is this enough interaction to constitute the relationships that I say that I want to establish?  I see relationships as vehicles for doing things together.  But, they also extend to just being whom that we are together.

Why do I expect so much from myself?  Why am I willing to put in over 20 hours per week on a spiritual job that appears to be reaching no one but me?   How long will I choose to continue doing this?  I have not asked such questions before.  I do what I am moved to do when I am moved to do it.  I express here because I can and because I must.  Yes, must.  This is just something that I have to do.  It doesn't matter that it only reaches my eyes and my consciousness.  The very fact that it was captured provided feedback to consciousness that she was successful in this endeavor.  There is a spiritual destiny that is unfolding.  Each of us has a unique part to play in that unfoldment.  That part will be revealed to us if we are open to it.  Spirit operates on a need to know basis.  It is curious that she has made my mental faculties such that I am not able to remember any details of any of this.  What do I need to know?  Exactly what I know ... no more and no less.

How much of the above do I need to make manifest?  I was under the assumption that we could set the intention and that spirit would work out the details.  Is that not how reality creation works?  The likelihood of my finding 4000 people to care enough about what I do to fund me to do it seems to be quite low at best.  Is this something that someone else can do for me as a service.  I don't expect services to be free, yet at the present time, I have no means to fund them.  I can only offer a share of what we are able to jointly manifest.  How much of a share is fair?  Does it not depend on the nature of the services provided?  Right now, the taxpayers are paying over $400,000 per year for my services at work.  Why should I not be able to earn far more than this for spiritual services that are of far greater value?  Indeed.  What do I need to be to manifest this?  What do I need to do to manifest this?  Is this truly what I want?  Is this truly what I need in my life NOW?  I believe that the answer is yes.  I am tired of being tired.  I am tired of being bored with life.  Even with this expression as a major part of my week, it seems that is still not enough.  Something is still lacking.  It seems that it is time to design my life as I would have it be.  And, that needs to be different than how it is now.  Find your bliss and follow it wheresoever it may lead.  Find what you are passionate about, and pursue that to your hearts content.

8 September 2008

A week into September already.  The year is winding down rapidly.  Though, I sense that there is much in store for the 114 days that remain.  We'll have to do what we can to make the most of it.  Sometimes that can be difficult.  There is so much to do ... especially regarding Beyond Imagination.  If only I could transform this into a full time endeavor.  It is already my spiritual work.  I desire it to be my lifes work.  Perhaps it is already that as well, just not in a way that receives direct monetary compensation.  But, we should be able to do what we love to do in exchange for abundance, in exchange for having our needs met on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels.  Is that asking for too much?  I don't just wish this for me.  I would work to create the foundations and infrastructures that make this achievable for everyone.  When I am commited to doing something, I can be as a madman ... literally, there is nothing that can stop me.  What I have to give is my self and my time.  This is the greatest gift of all, especially when it is given in service.  And, I am willing to give more than anyone has a right to expect.  I have demonstrated that in this very expression for going on 13 years.  But, clearly that is not enough.  If it were enough my reality would be different than it is.  What has been expressed here would have had more of an impact than it has.  Though, how can I say that not knowing what the actual impact has been.  One idea caught at the right time could have changed someones life for the better.  At least 100,000 visitors have been exposed to something at the Beyond Imagination site.  What they got from it, if anything, only they know.  They, and consciousness herself that is.  All that I know is that I am still moved to express this stream of consciousness and do so on a regular basis for a respectable period of time.  I'm also moved to read what has been written time and time again.  Each time that I do this, I benefit ... though I often don't know how.  That is OK.  Mysteries are meant to be natural parts of our lives.  They keep things interesting.  Similarly, we are meant to venture out into the unknown from time to time.  There is no risk in doing this, though there may seem to be at times.  Spirit is there guiding us every step of the way.  At least, so it is in my life.  Perhaps that is because 22:The Fool Complete is my Hearts Desire.  The Fool is divinely guided one step at a time.  That makes planning a bit difficult, because we never see beyond the next step.  Then again, what applies to me does not necessarily apply to others.  There are people who are great at building plans and following them.  That is just not my way.  Neither is setting objectives or making resolutions.  Though, I do have a goal of coming here to express 4-5 times per week at 2000 words per day.  Often I achieve that and I am happy when I do.  I can see myself doing far more.  In particular, writing for 4-5 hours per day at least 5 days per week.  That would yield 20-25 thousand words per week.  I can truly see myself doing that ... but, only if my spiritual job was my only job.  I strongly desire for that to be.  What do I need to choose to be to make it so?  What do I need to choose to do to make it so?  Clearly, I am not being what I need to be or doing what I need to do or it would have been manifest by now.  This is what I desire NOW, with all my heart and soul.  But, is this what spirit desires for me?  Why would I even think to ask that?  Spirit is not something that is separate from me.  I am her and she is me.  What is it that we collectively desire for us?  At the moment it is exactly what we are experiencing.  We are not nearly grateful enough for all that is manifest in our life already.  To have more, one must be grateful for what one already has.  We are truly blessed.  For one thing, with the very gift that allows this communication to take place at all.  You have everything that you need in your life for you to be happy.  Yet, for many of you, including Wayne ... happiness is not something that you experience often.  This is your choice.  In particular, you have a job which pays you decently to do work that you don't necessarily love but that you find interesting and are good at.  Further, the job provides you with a social environment, limited though it may be, in which you are respected.  There are far worse things that you could be doing.  No, it is not what you love.  But, at least it pays the bills so that you can do what you love on a part time basis.  OK, there are many positive things about the current circumstances.  But, I can still imagine doing far more with my time and my effort.  Will I ever be in a position to do that?  You know that you will.  You also know that making demands on the timing of things is not something that you can do.

You have been thinking in terms of Beyond Imagination becoming a source of livelihood for you that you then share with others.  That is not the way that it works.  We generate abundance by making other people abundant, not by doing things that attempt to make ourselves abundant.  No matter some of my early attempts at generating an income were such failures.  Yes, I believed that conveying the material to people was a service from me to them that deserved compensation.  But, I didn't really know what it was that I was giving them other than a piece of a stream of consciousness.  Clearly, that wasn't enough based on how few people bought the material.  What does this feedback tell me?  Either the material is not meant for consumption in that way, we are not reaching the right audience, or the packaging of the material isn't proper.  The bottom line is that something is not right.  Now, more than ever, I desire to fix that.  Though, this comes at a time when escape is no longer a reason for needing to leave my job.  The changes in the work environment have made it tolerable, even enjoyable at times.  Though, I can still imagine what my ideal work life would be.  Four hours of writing; six hours of reading, research, or packaging of materials; and two hours of interaction with others each day for 5-6 days per week.  Yes, that is a lot of time.  Perhaps as additional feedback were received, the time interacting with others would expand.  Could I do this day after day, week after week, month after month?  I believe that I could.  Further, I desire to do this, and do it soon.  There are at least four women in my life that could provide some support for such a lifestyle.  All that I need is a contract with the universe for $1 per word, a price that was set in this very expression many years ago.  I believe the contract is already in effect.  I just don't know how to access the abundance that has been stored over the years.  Not that I didn't try.  I just didn't succeed.  I'm wary of forcing the universe to do it my way.  I know that in her own good time she will do it her way.  The universe is elegant.  She does things efficiently and effectively.  Then why has it taken 13 years and over 5 million words to get us here?  Things happen when they are meant to happen in the way that they are meant to happen.  I have chosen to give spirit a wide berth in my life.  She is in command of my life, not me.  Hmm ... command is a strong word.  Yet, I am not enslaved.  I freely choose the role that I play ... including my involvement in this very expression.  However, I have reached a point where the status quo is no longer sufficient, is no longer acceptable.  It is time for something major in my life to change.  It is time to start reaching out to those who I am meant to touch, with my self and with my words, with the very works of Beyond Imagination.  We have the foundations for a new world to create.  Spirit awaits the development of vessels through which she can more fully express.  It is for us to help to train people to be these vessels.  This more than anything else is what this stream of consciousness is able to do.  But, it can only do it if people read it.  And, people can't read it unless they can find it.  Someone has to tell them that it exists, where it is, and what it can do for them.  And, it seems that someone would either be you personally or someone that you know.  It is not like you get out to meet new people very often.  Further, your circle of acquaintances is quite small, so you don't have far to look.  But, isn't this something that consciousness could do directly?  You already know the answer to that.  Consciousness does her work through us.  Because of this, what she can do is limited by what we can receive and share.  Sharing is important.  When we share, we complete the circuit allowing things to flow not just into us, but through us.  This greatly increases the capacity for the work of spirit to be done.  Interesting ... then why did the sharing of the new Beyond Imagination expression stop in 2004?  For a decade, we freely shared everything that came forth posting it to the WWW, and even announced that it was a gift from spirit to the world.  In 2004 my FTP program stopped working with my internet connection and I was never moved to fix the problem.  So, we have a backlog of over 1 million words of expression that have literally been for my eyes only.  That's the equivalent of four new books plus a second Beyond Imagination Quotes book.  At this point, it seems that this new expression offers the potential for funding the endeavor that is Beyond Imagination.  In fact, I'm spending over 10 hours per week proofing and packaging it.  Unfortunately, I am not a salesman.  I believe that when something is good, it should literally sell itself.  And, I consider this expression to be that good.  But, I can't say that about even a single other person.  A few people have read small parts of the Beyond Imagination expression, but they have provided no feedback.  How do we change this?  What more can I do?  Is this something that truly needs to change?  Are my intents in line with spirits intents for me and for this expression?  It seems that we shall see soon enough.  If our intents are indeed aligned, then something wonderful will manifest.  I know that.  That is how my life unfolds.  But, is it enough to allow life to simply unfold?  I would argue that perhaps it is no longer enough.  Perhaps it is time to become the creator of my reality and master of my fate.  Perhaps if I am to be who I believe that I am destined to be, then I need to create the very circumstances by which that happens.  Though, this is not something that I can do alone.  No, this is something for which I must learn to build relationships and more than just with myself and consciousness.  We are in the process of building a society, in particular a society in which I would want to be a member.  That requires that it be a very special society indeed.

I asked my co-worker at lunch what it is that she loves to do.  Her immediate answer was that this job was not it.  In fact, she didn't know what she loved to do.  She could think of many things she didn't like doing.  So I am blessed to have found this expression and to have chosen a lifestyle that allows me to engage in it as much as I do.  I wonder how many people there are who have not found something they love to do.  And, what can we do to help them to find that?  For the social contract to work, people must know what their abilities are, must develop those abilities, and must enjoy using those abilities.  It would be even better, if using such abilities led to bliss.  For me, it does at times, especially where I am flying high in consciousness.  But, most of the time, it is more of a sense of satisfaction bordering on happiness.  To date, that has been enough.  But, if I can't make it more for me ... how do I go about making it more for others?  Is that even my task to do?  There are many intuitives skilled at discovering the talents and abilities of others.  They should be employed for such tasks.  There are also tests of various types that can be taken.  These should be employed as well.  In doing this, the objective should always be in how to maximize developing and using the natural abilities of the individual.  Further, individuals should have the freedom to learn what they love to do on their own.  Obligations are too big of a factor in life.  In many cases, they force us to make choices that are not in our best interest or in the greater best interest.

9 September 2008

What a busy day.  It didn't help that my alarm clock failed to go off so I got a late start.  Though, the extra sleep was helpful.  I really do need to get close to eight hours per night.  Often that does not happen, especially during the week, primarily due to working with this expression.  But, when I am not doing it, something feels wrong ... especially now, when there is such a backlog of work to be done.  I'm starting to resent when my paid work eats into my Beyond Imagination time.  They should not need to compete.  At the moment, both are necessary parts of my life.  My paid work as a systems engineer is how I earn my livelihood.  My spiritual work is how I satisfy the longings of my soul.  My preference is to do my spiritual work.  In fact, I desire to do it in return for abundance in my life.  Yet, there are commitments that I am making in my paid work ... commitments that could take over 6 months to achieve.  That puts us into the 16:Tower year of this expression.  That is an appropriate time for another major transformation.  And, at the rate things are going, the time will literally fly by.  I'll be lucky to have caught up with the backlog of spiritual work that I've already defined, and that is only the beginning of it.  There are many ways to select, rearrange, and package the words that have already come forth here ... in fact, far more than I could accomplish in a lifetime even if I were not to generate another word.  But, that does not seem to be my fate.  Rather, I would arrange my life so that I could generate in excess of 1 million words per year of new expression.  Whether that will all be stream of consciousness expression remains to be seen.  I suspect that this would require making my spiritual work my full time job.  I have been speaking of doing this for nearly 16 years, but the universe hasn't cooperated.  Somehow, I am not making the right choices to allow this to come to fruition.  That could change at any time.  Literally, it can take as little as a single choice, provided that choice was the right choice.  What do I choose to be NOW?  Would I be different than whom that I AM?  Can I choose to be different than whom that I AM?  Do I even have any clue as to what that really is?  How can I have spent so much of my time in metaphysical pursuits and still not have the answers to basic questions?  Metaphysician, know thyself!  That is the directive for one who would be a metaphysician.  But, is there not more to being than knowing?  Indeed, there is.  Being is unfathomable.  We can study, explore, and even experience it to our heart's content and still have very little awareness of what being is.  At the same time, it is something innate.  It is simply what we are.  Though, often we have to cease doing to experience being.  It is easy to get lost in doing.  It is easy to get lost in thinking.  In being, we find out whom we truly are.  Be still and know that you are YOU.  Cease the distractions, loosen the focus, and simply be aware of being.  Interesting, the later takes us one step removed from being, to being aware of being.  There is a distinction here, and a key one at that.  Once we become aware consciously, can we ever drop our awareness of being aware.  Clearly, the answer is yes.  Most of us have no problem doing this when we fall asleep.  However, what about when we are awake?  Here, I can only speak from personal experience.  As far as I can tell, I am always aware of being aware ... so it has been since my awakening in 1993.  Though, at the same time this awareness of being aware fluctuates.  Sometimes I am acutely aware, other times much less so.  I experience this awareness to another level when I become aware that I am watching myself and all that I do even as I do it.  That too happens a lot, but not all of the time.  I have no way of knowing whether others experience awareness in this manner.

What would I do with my life?  I can see what I am choosing to do each day.  But, is that what I would do with my life if I knew that this were it?  If I knew that this were the last day, week, month, year of my life ... what choices would I make differently?  We create our lives via the choices we make, via what we choose to be and what we choose not to be, and via what we choose to do and what we choose not to do.  Are my choices consistent with what I say that I want to be, do, have, and experience in my life?  Clearly, they are not or I would be being, doing, having, and experiencing what I say that I want.  On the spiritual front, we are close but we need to find a way to transform our spiritual work, the work that we love to do, into our means of earning our livelihood.  Though, it is not clear that this would solve the social issues.  On the relationships front, my life is sorely lacking though it is starting to improve little by little.  On the financial front, I am earning enough from my job to support my family comfortably, but do not consider that to truly be abundant.  Though, I don't really need more things for myself.  Rather, I need to be able to buy the services of others who could assist in my spiritual work.  Spiritual work is of great value.  It should be compensated in accord with its worth.  This may be more than the person providing the services has set its price to be. 

What is the Beyond Imagination expression worth?  I would argue that it is spiritual expression that is priceless.  Though, many times the stated value has been $1 per word.  I don't know what that is based on.  That is simply what came forth.  To date, we are still in the red by over $5000 for the publishing costs of the Beyond Imagination books.  So, the bottom line is that we haven't earned a penny from all of this.  Something seems wrong about that.  We put in far too much time and energy into this expression for that to continue to be the case.  Yet, such it is.  And, we don't seem to be doing anything that changes that.  We continue to express in the same manner that we have expressed since 1993.  Something comes to mind regarding: if you continue to do what you are doing in the same way, you'll continue to get the same results.  So, how do we change this?  I don't seem to have control of what gets expressed here.  Hmm ... don't seem to have control or don't have control ... there is a big difference.  Can we change the way in which this expression comes forth, thereby changing the potential audience for what is expressed?  Can we come forth with information that would apply to a larger audience?  Perhaps something less metaphysical and more self-help oriented.  And what about an autobiography that ties the pieces of my life together and introduces the major metaphysical concepts to which I have been exposed?  That is a possibility as well.  But, is my life interesting enough to warrant such?  I'm not used to telling stories.  That is just not the way that I express or that spirit expresses through me.  We generally speak in the declarative, telling it like it is.  This expression is not wishy-washy, though it ventures into realms of consciousness that are soft at best.  Many times I have questioned my own sanity ... but never have I found myself to have crossed the edge.  Consciousness is there by my side with every step that I take.  It is not a matter of leading and following, but rather of guiding / moving and trusting.  Consciousness knows everything that I need even better than I know.  Further, she ensures that I get what I need always.  But, this is not just true for me, it is universally true.  Do I really believe that?  Do the billions of people living in poverty get what they need when they need it?  Spirit can only do her works through us individually and collectively.  It is up to us to help ourselves get what we need and help others get what they need.  In fact, that is one way to assure that we get what we need ... to help others get what they need.  But, what do those living in poverty have to offer?  One thing is a dignity of spirit.  Often one finds that living simply, such souls are able to be happy and take pleasure in the simple things of life.  Further, there is a richness of relationships that can be developed when families or groups have to work together.  I saw this firsthand in a film about Tibet.  The Tibetans have undergone incredible hardship since the Chinese invasion that occured in the 1950s.  Yet, in the film, it was amazing to see people smiling everywhere.  Perhaps it is there highly spiritual nature ... but, these people have found a way to be genuinely happy.  So, it can happen.  It doesn't take possessions.  It doesn't even seem to take much in terms of experiences.  It just takes having the freedom to be who you are.  You would have thought that I would have granted this to myself by now.  But, it seems that such is not the case.  Happiness still eludes me more often than not.  Though, not as much as it used to.  I find myself smiling at least some time every day.  I am definitely grateful for what my life has become ... but not so grateful that I do not desire it to change in major ways.  Will this happen?  It has to.  Will it happen soon?  It seems that such is not my decision to make.  It is as if consciousness has plans for me in this existence, and she is placing me to be exactly where I need to be when I need to be there.

Do I create my reality or does consciousness create it for me?  That is not a legitimate question.  The very question assumes that consciousness is something distinct from me.  And, that cannot be.  My body, my mind, my consciousness, my soul, and my spirit are all aspects of ME.  Further, they are aspects that are ONE, that have no separate reality or identity of their own.  We are ONE.  We have always been ONE.  Yet, at times we have played roles in which these parts exhibited various levels of competition and cooperation.  So, what would I be NOW?  We have focused on the spiritual for much of our life.  As a triple fire sign, perhaps that will always be our focus.  That is OK.  We are all spirit incarnate, so the things of the spirit apply to everyone.  Perhaps the ultimate audience for Beyond Imagination is far more than I had hoped or dreamed.  Perhaps indeed.  The Beyond Imagination book describes a vision of a utopia that is well within the ability of most people to comprehend.  Will such a utopia become a reality?  That depends on who embraces it and what they are willing to do to make it so.  More and more, there is the sense that it is not for me to make things happen.  Rather, it is for me to allow them to happen, as I do here with this very expression.  At the same time, there is an inner sense that change is needed and that it is forthcoming.  Exactly when, I cannot say.  Even when I do try to say it seems that I'm generally wrong.  I have learned that it is not for me to set the timing of things.  There are a few exceptions: meetings, appointments, sleep, and when this expression occurs.  Everything else in my day and in my life is fluid.  I try to keep meetings and appointments to a minimum, providing maximum freedom to organize what I do with my day within the constraints of the work environment anyway.  Generally I am successful at this, some days moreso than others.  What would I do if I were completely free?  I would continue to express because this expression provides me with insight into whom that I truly am.  In a very real way, this expression defines ME, to the degree that I can be defined in the moment anyway.  Yet, is not the moment the only place in which we can be defined?  Is not the moment the only place in which we exist?  I continue to speak with a voice that is not mine.  Interesting.  Then, whose voice is it?  It is the voice of consciousness herself.  But, we've already been over that ... consciousness is ME or a part of ME.  Then, how can I feel that the voice of consciousness is not mine.  I also feel that this voice is not of another.  But, if it is not the voice of another and it is not my voice, then what is left?  That would suggest that there is a greater part of ME that I do not consider me to be when I say mine.  That is a distinction that I have not made before.  But, it is clearly a distinction that I am making.  How do I become more of whom that I am so that I can fully own all of this?  That seems to be the key that unlocks the abundance pump for me.  So long as I consider this expression not to be mine ... how can I feel write about it generating an income for me?  No, I need to own it for it to be mine, and to free it to serve both me and the world.  What does it mean to own an expression such as this?  It means to realize that every word, every idea, every musing sprang forth from the depths of MY being ... not from some elusive thing that I call source or consciousness ... rather from ME.  Is that my understanding?  Is that my knowingness?  The works long to be free.  They are your children, but while you have shared them and even published them, you have done so in a controlled manner.  You would do things your way or no way.  And, while you felt moved by spirit to do what you have done ... here too, it was all you.  There is not YOU and spirit, YOU and consciousness, or even YOU and God in your life ... there is just YOU.

10 September 2008

Hurrah!  We're on my time again ... or should I say spirits time, for it is consciousness herself that takes possession of this vessel when this stream of consciousness flows forth.  Yes, I have to choose to allow it to happen.  But, clearly I have no conscious control over what is expressed.  Or do I?  We say that this is an other than conscious process and I am only aware of it from the standpoint of witnessing that it happens and watching myself participate in what is manifest.  But, is that all that there is to it?  It seems that there is more.  It seems that I am more involved than I seem to be.  You would think that after nearly 16 years I would have figured this out by now.  But, such is not the case.  The expression is somehow more than I AM.  Hmm ... curious that I used I AM in all caps.  That implies that the expression is somehow more than I can ever be.  I've been searching for something more for most of my adult life.  It seems that not only have I found that, but I have found it in a way that is perpetual.  Interesting.  I wonder how that very realization will change the nature of this expression and will change how I choose to live my life.  We never really know.  One insight is all it takes to make a world of difference.  And, this is one big insight.  Though, I am not surprised.  Some of the meaning of what is captured here escapes me ... and not just when it comes forth, but in multiple readings.  How could it do that?  How can I bring forth material that is beyond my comprehension?  Yet, such happens on nearly a daily basis.  How do I explain that?  What do I need to include in my concepts of reality to account for this?  I only know that I am fortunate to have this "problem".  Indeed, I am truly blessed.  Perhaps I'm a little insane as well.  But, perhaps being sane is not what it is cracked up to be.  There is a fine line between genius and madness, as the saying goes.  Have I crossed that line?  My sense is no, I am still in control of my faculties, be they what they are.  I still don't know how these compare to others.  Perhaps I never will.  Nor does it matter.  We are whom that we are, unique creatures in the universe.  It is our differences that define where we can truly make unique contributions to the world and to society.  Relish the differences, yet don't forget the similarities that bind you together as ONE.  Even between species, there is little difference in the sequential structures of the DNA.  Between humans, the differences are even more minute, though look at the incredible variation that results.

What are we meant to get from life?  Life is meant to be lived joyfully and completely.  We are meant to BE all that we can BE.  Some believe that this is something that they define for themselves.  But, that is not the case.  You were created by ME to BE something, to BE whom YOU ARE.  The greatest thing that you can be is what I created you to BE.  Yes, your choices determine how much of this is realized and expressed.  They impact how much of your potential is actualized.  However, they don't change your potential.  The seed of whom that you are contains everything needed for you to grow into whom I created you to BE.  That seed is your spirit, the spark of ME that formed YOU.  As with seeds in nature, they need the right environment to nurture them to grow.  Your environment is within the human community and its vast information systems.  For many of you this extends into nature herself as well.  Some of you are more involved with and dependent on society and its organizations than others.  Some, like the one here express primarily as hermits with limited interaction at all.  Individually, we pick and choose from the vast ocean of information around us.  And, in the process, we find what we need to know when we need to know it.  That is simply the way things work.  And, it works the same for everyone.  Each receives exactly what they need ... no more and no less.  And, they receive it exactly when they need it.  Though, in many cases, this may come before they know they need it.  This is spiritual law.  But, does it apply to every aspect of life?  Everything is spiritual ... there simply is nothing else.  It helps if we realize this.  But, whether we do or not does not change the facts.  We live in a spiritual world first and foremost.  Without spirit, there is nothing.  With spirit, there is everything.  Spirit is abundant, and she gives freely of her abundance.  Though, we need to feel worthy in order to receive of her bounty.  When we hoard, we are not being consistent with spirits nature.  Spirit shares with all who are in need to the limits of their capacity to receive.  Our capacity to receive is often limited by our capacity to give.  Abundance is not something that we possess, rather it is something that we allow to flow through us by sharing whom that we are, by sharing our lives with others.  How can I know all of this?  It seems so obvious that the question should be why don't we all know this?  At some level, we do know.  Knowing is not the result of learning something.  Knowingness is a deeper sense.  It involves an inner capacity to discern whether something is true.  We all have such a capacity.  Though, it seems that few are trained to find it, to listen to it, and to trust it.  Everything that we truly need to know is already within us.  That doesn't mean that there aren't useful information systems on the outside as well.  In fact, there are many such systems and services as users of the WWW and various information devices will attest.

For me, it is the information that comes from within that has the greatest utility in my life.  That is the very information that you see expressed here.  I consider creative expression to be the ultimate in human activity.  And, this is the finest creative written expression of which I am capable at this time.  Tomorrow may be another story.  But, for today, this is it.  My way involves written expression.  But, that is only my way.  There are as many ways as there are people.  Even for those who write, those who express in a stream of consciousness are but a small subset.  To date, I have not found another.  That doesn't mean that others don't exist ... I just don't get out much to search for them.  The closest things that I can think of are BLOGs.  But, I've only read a handful of BLOG entries by a couple of people ... not enough of a sample size to get a feel for how similar they might be.  That brings up the idea of how do we find information that could help us on our path?  The internet seems to be too random, too hit and miss for serious searching for a spiritual seeker.  What is missing is the organization of information into useful frameworks that make it more readily accessible to those looking for something.  There are a lot of people generating information and making it available.  Some make it freely available.  Others turn it into information services for a fee.  There is also the issue of accuracy of information.  The bottom line is that we live in an era of let the consumer beware.  Anyone can literally write anything that they want and post it as if it were fact.  It seems that the result is too chaotic.  Personally, I can usually count the number of times that I search for something on the WWW in a month on one hand.  I'm just not moved to explore what others have done.  Though, I have millions of words of Beyond Imagination material posted, and hope that others are finding it and are having their lives enhanced by it?  Yet, how would they know what to look for.  And, why would they suspect that such material might be out there to find in the first place?  All that I know is that some do find the expression.  I leave it to spirit to move them in a way to get to what they need to know.  Though, I would like to know to what degree it is providing a service.  What makes me think any of this is of value?  There is just a strong feeling in my heart that all of this is worth it somehow.  But, worth it to whom?  Clearly to me.  But, is that enough?  The bottom line is that it has to be.  There is nothing else.  I have to trust ME.  I have to trust spirit expressing through ME.  There is a reason for all of this.  Every word, every sentence that is expressed comes forth for a reason.  I may not know what that is when it comes forth.  Hell, I may never know what that is.  But, there is a reason, a need for it to be expressed as it is expressed when it is expressed.

Allow beingness to take precedence in your life.  Everything springs forth from what you are BEING, including what you are doing in the moment.  And, you can only do in the moment.  Do, do, do ... most people are consumed with doing.  That is not the way to live.  Doing does not generally result in happiness.  Only being can result in that.  Even creative doing is not sufficient.  If it were, this expression would make you happy a significant portion of your day.  But, as you know, that is not the case.  It is not enough.  Not that anything is enough for you.  At least, not anything that you have found yet.  What would you be today?  That should be the first thing that crosses your mind as you awaken each day.  And then, you should choose.  Don't leave what you will be to chance.  Don't face each day as a reactive agent allowing circumstances to determine whom that you are.  Don't.  You are far too enlightened than that.  You are the master of your fate.  You create your destiny.  You create your own reality.  You do this by what you choose to be.  Choose to be a master.  Choose to create a masterpiece of your life.  Then, teach others to do the same.  You do this by sharing whom that you are.  You do this by bringing out the best in what others are.  This you can do.  And, you can start with those in your present circle of acquaintances.  The stuff that comes easy to you is difficult for others.  In facilitating them to know theirselves, you provide a great service.  Look at how long it has taken you to get where you are.  We're talking 34 years, and you had a head start as an old soul and a triple fire sign.  There is great value in that, far more than you know.

Nothing that you have done has ever been lost.  No experience has been wasted.  Everything was necessary to get you where you are at this very moment.  And that, is precisely where you need to be.  Observe your world in this light, knowing that everyone is where they need to be, everyone is experiencing what they need to experience.  You have been tired because you allow your interest to wane and you become bored.  You can remedy this by what you choose to be in these situations.  Take a different tact.  Don't necessarily focus on the specific details in the meetings that bore you.  Instead, look at the larger dynamics of what is taking place.  How is energy being exchanged?  How is control exerted?  What are the group dynamics that are at play?  Be different and your experience will be different.  It all comes down to what you are being.

Be a friend, be a teacher, be a lover, be a child, be a mentor, be a writer ... but above all else be YOU.  Interesting, the only two of these that I have really been in quite some time is the final two.  Here, I am a writer.  And here, I am ME.  Am I really a writer, or am I a scribe?  To me, there is a big difference between the two dealing with authorship and ownership of what is written.  Yet, I know that without me this expression would not come forth.  It could not come forth through another.  This is a joint creation between consciousness and ME.  So, I am a co-writer.  Though, if that is indeed the case whose name should be added to mine for the Beyond Imagination works?  The bottom line is that consciousness is not a separate entity with a separate name.  She is a part of a greater ME than I know as me.  She does her work through me.  She is the motive force that fills my mind with these words.  Words are problematic here.  They don't have precise meanings, especially when it comes to spiritual concepts.  But, words are all that a writer has in his arsenal.  They have to be enough.

11 September 2008

That makes four extremely busy days in a row.  It is good to be on my time again.  Though, that is just as busy as well.  Typically, during weekdays I spend at least 4 hours on this expression.  That is on top of a 9-10 hour workday.  Given that I allocate close to 8 hours for sleep, that does not leave much time for anything else.  Yet, such it is, week after week.  This is my life.  This is what I am moved to do.  But why?  Why do I make the choices that I make regarding how I live my life?  It all comes down to choices.  Consciously, it is still not clear what choices I actually make.  Though, it does not seem to matter whether they are conscious or other than conscious, I experience their consequences nonetheless.  That is OK.  For the most part I like what I experience.  Oh, I could be happier.  And, I can envision making better use of my time and my abilities.  But, things really are OK overall.  Interesting.  I don't know that I've stated it in that way before.  There is a sense of acceptance that somehow my life is unfolding exactly as it is meant to unfold.  This is true for each of us.  The flower that we are cannot help but open to the sun.  Spirit is the sun in our lives.  Awakening is the process of opening up to spirit, to the sun.  Spiritual awakening is something that each of us is destined to experience.  Though when and how we experience this awakening is different for each of us.  Sometimes awakening happens as an event, at other times it seems to be a process that unfolds in our lives.  However we experience it is right for us.  The important thing is that we awaken.  We are spiritual beings first and foremost.  We have always been such.  We shall always be such.  It is important to be the spiritual beings that we are.  In fact, that may be the most important thing in the world.  Next in importance is sharing whom that we are with others.  Yes, being and sharing ... these define who we are.  We are not isolated.  We are not alone.  Each of us is interconnected with others.  For some the web of interconnectivity is sparse, for others it is dense.  That is a matter of preferences.  Preferences are choices that we make regarding what we desire to experience.  We are free to choose our preferences.  Though, as with all choices, these have their consequences as well.  We are beings with free will.  We are beings who choose.  Through our choices we create the very reality that we experience.  Beliefs are choices that we make regarding what we think to be true.  Believing something is different than knowing something.  Knowing is of a higher order.  Similarly, believing is of a higher order than thinking.  Beliefs are thoughts that we assert to be true in our life.  The only measure of beliefs is utility, do they serve us and the greater good?  We need to be careful about harboring selfish beliefs.  It is important to consider the greater good, society, or the world in our utility assessments.  Belief management is crucial to reality creation.  What we believe will be manifest in what we experience.  Such is how reality is fashioned.  Such is spiritual law.  And, nothing violates spiritual law.

The musinig is a bit slow tonight and I was interrupted for awhile.  Oh well, that happens sometimes.  I have to trust that what must be expressed will be expressed anyway.  Besides, what difference does a few words make when you already have millions?  It makes a great difference.  We never know when something might be expressed that triggers a new awakening or even a breakpoint in whom that I AM.  It could be the very next idea that is expressed.  Is that being naive, hopeful, or both?  This expression has brought so much into my life ... so much change, so much awareness, so much friendship, so much closeness, so much excitement, so much creativity.  There is nothing else that compares to it.  There is nothing else that even comes close.  In fact, it seems that had it not come into my life when it did, I would not have survived to see this day.  Yes, that is saying a lot.  But, I mean everything that I say.  That doesn't mean that everything that I say is necessarily true.  Sometimes I just don't know.  Though when I am saying it in the declarative, I believe it to be true in the moment it is said.  As far back as I can remember, I've had an inner sense of what is true for me.  It wasn't something that I learned.  It wasn't something that I was taught.  It was something innate.  Not interacting with others, I didn't even think about whether this knowingness was innate to everyone.  I believe that it is, but that many are disconnected from this part of themselves.  Since I didn't develop this capability, I don't know what it takes to develop it.  Stream of consciousness writing is that way for me as well.  I didn't have to learn how to do it.  I just started doing it one day in 1993.  Since that time, the process has been the same.  I've had a lot of practice.  The speed has increased somewhat from the early years, but only by 25-30 percent.  I don't know that there has been a significant change in the nature of the content over that time.  Why any of it happens as it does is still as much of a mystery as it was in the beginning.  The sense is that it will always remain a mystery.  That is what makes it so fascinating.  That is what keeps me coming here day after day and week after week for years.  In a very real way, this expression is whom that I AM.  At the very least, it is the works that I do.  Ye shall know them by their works is a grand truth ... yes, a grand truth indeed.

9/11, a day made infamous by a group of terrorists.  The day that brought down the two buildings of the World Trade Center.  What lessons have we learned from that fateful day in history?  We are still in the midst of a war on terrorism that was declared on that day.  Are we winning that war?  In this day and age can any war be won?  It seems that war has become a LOSE/LOSE endeavor.  Perhaps it always was except for those in the business of selling arms and munitions.  When are we going to learn collectively?  Why do we allow our elected officials to make such decisions.  Clearly, we have to see that they are not in our own best interest.  How much money, how many resources, how many lives do we pump into this endeavor?  When do we decide that enough is enough?  Surely there has to be a better way.  Yes, terrorists have an agenda against the groups or countries on which they wage there terror.  Much of this is due to extremist thinking.  But, is making the terrorist into an enemy and waging war against them an appropriate response?  This doesn't change the thinking.  And, the nature of terrorism is such that the terrorist is hidden.  Also, new terrorists can always be recruited if the basic dynamics of the relationship don't change.  I know, what do I know about such things?  I just observe and offer what I see.  So long as the conditions in the world are such that we have enemies, there will be hatred, violence, and war.  So, how do we change the conditions so that this is no longer the case?  How do we manifest toleration and acceptance?  How do we create a peaceful world ... not just a world where war is absent, but a world where peace reigns supreme?

What would I be today?  Once again, I choose to be a writer.  But, what else do I choose to be?  I have been a systems engineer, but that part of my day is over.  I choose to be alone.  I choose to be happy.  I choose to be content.  I choose to be open to all that the universe would move me to be.  None of that changes what I am.  None of that makes me different from who I was yesterday.  I choose to change.  I choose to be abundant.  But, in what ways would I change?  What do I choose to be that is different now?  As to abundance, in what ways am I not abundant right now.  In many respects, I am blessed already.  My life is more abundant than most and the needs of my family are met.  What more do I need?  I have set a price for the Beyond Imagination expression ... a price that constitutes abundance to me.  But, is that really abundance?  It seems that abundance is directly related to meeting needs on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels.  For the most part I care mainly about the later of these, and in that area my life is more than abundant.  Though, it could use some interaction with others.  So, the bottom line is that I would be today what I was yesterday.  No wonder my life seems to be somewhat monotonous.  Where is the change?  Where is the chaos?  It seems that the balance has shifted far too far toward order.  It takes an element of chaos to make things interesting.  The closest that I get to that is here, watching this stream of consciousness come forth.  But, it seems that such is no longer enough.  There is a restlessness, a sense that it is time to really be something different, and to do something really different as a result.  I have been restless before but failed to do what was necessary to change.  And, not once, but several times.  What makes this time any different?  I feel whole, complete, and ONE now in a way that I have never felt before.  Further, my spirit is integrated, where before it was fragmented.  These are huge differences in and of themselves.  I am different.  The time is different.  My needs are different.  The needs of society are different.  The readiness of society for change is different.  These all contribute to the need for something to change NOW where before the need was not there.  Is there something that I can choose to be that would facilitate whatever changes are to manifest?  You know the answer.  Be what you are moved to be, when you are so moved.  Spirit guides your every step.  She has for some time ... as long as you have been expressing and even before then.  Do I always have to operate in the blind?  It seems that I am always the 62:Eight of Swords = Blindfolded Lady following the stream of consciousness.  Is that what I choose to be?  Do I even have a choice in this area?  You are what you are.  It is curious that the 78 completion for 62 is 16:The Lightning Struck Tower.  The 88 completion for 62 is 26:Page of Wands = GOD.  Wherever a given number expresses, its complement is not far away. 

I'm feeling positive about my life overall.  That is a good thing.  Even work is becoming more interesting and tolerable.  Can I choose to manifest it in a way that allows me to more fully be whom that I AM.  I've been thinking that I need to transform my spiritual work into something that creates my abundance.  Another alternative is to transform my work environment into something I thoroughly enjoy.  Can I transform the work into something that I love to do?  In some respects, parts of it are already that.  But, to date, not sufficient parts to be truly satisfying.  There is still a sense that Beyond Imagination is the real work that I do.  Spiritual work is worth a lot.  In fact, it is priceless.  But, if I were ready to pursue it fulltime, the universe would be cooperating and show me a way to manifest that.  Make the most of wherever you find yourself.  Do your job(s) to the best of your ability.  That is all that can be asked of anyone.  Make each moment count in your life.  Make a positive difference, particularly in the lives of others in some way.  You are a miracle worker, each and every one of you.  Live your life in a manner that blesses all those whom you touch.  The grace of God is upon you.  It always has been, whether you were aware of it or not.  No regrets.  Make your choices in a manner that leaves no regrets for what you have done or what you might have done.  There is a way to do this and within you you know what it is.

12 September 2008

This makes the sixth day of musing in a row.  That doesn't happen very often anymore.  Typically, I only muse during the work week.  I don't know why that is exactly.  There is more free time on weekends.  But, it seems that I am always otherwise occupied.  Also, my wife doesn't like it when I use her computer.  That is OK.  I put in enough time on this during the week.  Though, if the expression was being read by others, my assessment might be different.  Perhaps I would be moved to express even more than I do.  Consciousness has come forth with a mountain of words over the past 16 years ... over 5 million of them, in fact.  But, who do these words serve?  Clearly, they serve me.  But, it seems that such is not enough.  I believe that they are meant to serve others as well.  How many others, I do not know.  I have written that spiritual expression is priceless.  Truly, that is the case.  But, where do we go to trade what is priceless for abundance?  I know of no such place.  Though, in this matter, it seems that it is not me that needs to know, it is consciousness herself.  And, she knows everything.  Either I already have abundance in my life or I do not.  Either I have what I need in my life or I do not.  These things are black and white.  Though, abundance seems to be relative.  There is no absolute scale.  Some need billions to feel abundant, others need millions, still others need far less.  In some undeveloped countries, even as little a dollar an hour is a lot.  There is a popular song that has a line about it not being important to have the things you want, but rather to want the things you have.  The first step to receiving more is to fully appreciate what you already have.  We all have something in our lives that we can be appreciative of.  That may be things, that may be experiences, that may be friends, that may be work, that may be hobbies, that may be abilities, that may be the gift of life itself ... it can be any number of things.  Just be grateful for something.  Gratitude goes a long way, and it is contagious ... much like laughter.

What would I be today different than I was yesterday?  I asked that last night as well.  It seems that this should be something that I ask when I awaken rather than four hours before I go to sleep.  Oh well, I asked it when I was moved to ask it.  I don't remember what my answer was yesterday.  An hour from now, I won't remember whatever my answer is today.  We can only be in the moment.  We can only choose whom that we will be in the moment.  That is the only time that ever exists.  Further, in that moment we can only be here, in the very place that we are.  Yes, this place appears to change over time.  But in each moment, we are here and nowhere else.  Then how does change occur?  Change occurs whenever we make a new choice.  Clearly, I choose to be a writer again.  But, that is not a different choice than I made yesterday.  This is where the power of reality creation enters our life.  We choose what we will be.  Choosing to be a writer is not enough.  A writer uses words to convey ideas.  In this stream of consciousness expression, I choose to be a reader/an experiencer of these words as well.  I also choose to be an observer of the one who writes and the one who reads.  These three things I have chosen to be for 16 years.  But, what else would I be.  I choose to be a communicator, a written communicator, but a communicator nonetheless.  To be a communicator, I must communicate with at least one other and preferable many others.  But, where do I find those with whom I am to communicate?  What does it take to be a communicator?  What does it take to communicate with others?  Communication may be one-way or two-way.  At present, I would choose for most of it to be one-way and some of it to be two-way.  I just can't see developing close relationships with more than a couple dozen people, if that.  At the moment, even one would be a step up from where I am at.  What else would I be?  I would be a master builder fashioning the foundations for a new world.  I would be a master teacher, trying to raise the consciousness of those who would be my students.  All of these I would be and more.  Am I being these things in the moment?  What do I need to do to demonstrate that I am being these things?  I would be a benefactor supporting others in their spiritual work.  Though, this requires a level of resources, a level of abundance that I do not presently have in my life.  What makes me think that there are others that need my help?  That is not it.  It is more of a matter that I need their spiritual services ... or Beyond Imagination needs their spiritual services and people should be paid fairly for their services.  In particular, for spiritual services people should be paid well.  The best spiritual services are truly priceless.  Though, the present economic system doesn't recognize this.  OK, what else?  Actually, that is more than enough already.  The next step is to act as if.  Act as if you already are what you choose to be.  For indeed, at the moment you truly choose, you already are.

Act as if you are a master builder.  You have been creating the foundations for a new world since you wrote the Beyond Imagination book in 1993.  Your building materials are ideas, arranged in patterns that convey a framework for society and a world.  At present there are fragments throughout the mountain of Beyond Imagination works.  It is time for you to gather the pieces together and put them into a whole that makes it easier to see what is there.  The stream of consciousness produced abundant raw materials for you to choose from.  What's missing is the finished product ... the very thing that the master builder creates.  That may require adjusting the raw materials and fashioning them into the building that you choose to create.  This is not something that you have done yet.  But, it is one of the reasons why you are here.  It is one of the reasons that all of this has come forth through you.  You have noted that you essentially a scribe when it comes to this expression.  The one thing missing from that observation is that typically a scribe does not have to understand what is being expressed, he only has to hear it and record it faithfully.  You do more than that ... much more than that.  You study the expression, and select best quotes from it.  You are moved by what is expressed, and even enlightened at times.  But, you haven't taken the next step and generated something of your own based on your experience of this expression.  Until this moment, it had not even occurred to me to do so.  Yet, clearly I can see that such is the next leap to make.  I need to own this expression.  I need to turn it into something that is mine, not just something that came forth through me.  Why have I not seen that this was a required step on my path.  I was thinking in terms of being more of a vessel for consciousness to express.  That doesn't get me to being the master builder that I choose to be.  Nor does it get me to being the master teacher that I choose to be.  I already know that being the vessel for this expression is not sufficient for me to be happy.  Doing it on a full time basis would just be more of the same.  No wonder spirit hasn't fulfilled my desire for this to be.  She knew that it was not what I needed.  And, she seems to be waiting for me to discover what I truly need in my life.  Clearly, close relationships are one thing that is missing.  However, I also need to find my bliss so that I can follow it.  The truth shall set you free.  But, what is my truth ... and, is there such a thing as the truth?  This is going to make for an interesting commute home.  I have over two hours to think about what I would be next and what I would do to reflect what it is that I choose to be.  I feel as if my life has taken a sharp turn.  It will be interesting to see where this leads.

14 September 2008

Another Sunday night musing.  This is beginning to happen more often than not.  I can't stop thinking about how to turn this expression that I love into something that results in abundance in my life.  Yes, that means that at the moment I don't feel myself to be as abundant as I need to be to carry out my mission, the mission of Beyond Imagination.  I finished proofing the 2005 Musings and started reading the Best Quotes from 2005 Musings on Saturday.  I even read the first 90 pages of the Best of Notes Vol II this morning.  This expression has a way of consuming my free time.  But, that is a choice that I make.  Beyond Imagination is my child.  I watched it grow word by word into what it has become.  But, for what purpose?  What audience is this intended to reach, and when will it do so?  The only answer to when is NOW.  That is the only time that exists.  That is the only time we can reach anyone.  The audience that is to be reached does not seem to be in my immediate circle of acquaintance, small though that might be.  How does a hermit reach out to the world?  For one thing, stop choosing to be a hermit.  Be a teacher, be a friend, be anything that involves a relationship with others.  Your audience is as anxious to find you as you are to find them.  Yes, them ... there are many who would be touched by the works of Beyond Imagination during your time on the planet.  Great, I look forward to it.  One thing that has been virtually absent in this expression to date is feedback.  Even the people that I have been moved to give books to have been silent regarding what they read, if they even read it.  But, why should anyone expend the time to read the Beyond Imagination works?  Indeed, why?  It is not enough that they came forth from consciousness through me.  It is not enough that they speak of grand metaphysical truths.  It is not enough that they provide the opportunity to walk in the consciousness of one who is awakened.  If these things were enough, there would be far more visitors to the Beyond Imagination site, and there would be the feedback from those moved by this expression.  Is that asking for too much?  This is the work that I love to do.  This is the work that I put all of my heart and soul into.  This is the work that spirit would do through me.  And what grand work it is.  Then why does it not yield abundance in my life?  I have shared who I AM as intimately as I can via the written word.  Why is that not enough?  It is not enough because there is so much more that I can do.  This expression is easy.  It is a matter of deciding to put in the time to allow consciousness to express as she will.  Since the beginning, the sense that I get is that it is consciousness doing the real work here.  She is organizing the material and feeding it word by word into my head.  Is she a part of me?  If so, she is an other than conscious part.  I am only aware of her by the works that she brings forth through me.  So, what is my spiritual work?  I have thought that it was everything done under the guise of Beyond Imagination.  But, is that correct?  Is there something in addition to the stream of consciousness expression that I should be doing or bringing forth?  I have never been moved to ask that before.  However, my abilities are far greater than those required of a scribe.  So, what do I need to be to fully express all that I AM.  What works are to be MY works?  How do these relate to the Beyond Imagination works to date?  Interesting questions.  It will be just as interesting to see what answers come.

Is there a way to transform my paid work into something that I love doing?  Would I even want to do that?  The utility is such that it seems to be a waste.  Why do I make such an assessment?  I have been struggling with staying in the work environment for as long as I have been expressing, going on 16 years.  Many times it has reached the point of being intolerable, but there was no way out ... there was no alternative to providing the income I needed to support my family in the manner that they have become accustomed.  Do what you love and abundance will follow.  I do that to the degree that I can, to the point where the Beyond Imagination expression is the equivalent of a half time job ... but the investment of myself doesn't seem to be paying off.  Something is clearly missing.  It has to be something that I am choosing to be or not choosing to be.  That is the root of every difficulty in life.  So, what is it?  What am I not being, what am I not seeing?  I believe that the self-worth issues are resolved.  I am deserving of all the abundance that the universe has to offer.  But, it is not for myself that I ask for abundance.  Resources are necessary to enlist the skills of others to support the work of Beyond Imagination.  While I may be doing all of this for free, I don't expect others to provide their services in like manner.  Interesting.  Spiritual services are of great value, they are literally priceless.  Priceless is beyond any finite value.  Do I truly believe that.  It seems not or the abundance of the universe would have kicked in by now.  So, either the value of spiritual services is not as great as I had imagined or I do not feel worthy of receiving such abundance for my part in the Beyond Imagination expression.  That sent a shiver down my back.  How much should a scribe be paid?  Is that not what I have relegated myself to be?  But, is it true, or am I much more than that?  This expression comes forth through me but is created by me as well.  It doesn't matter that I am not consciously aware of the part that does the creating except through its works.  It is still ME.  All that is Beyond Imagination is ME.  We have set a price: $1 per word, a nice round number for the service that we provide here.  That contract is between me and spirit herself.  Though, I have no control over when the payments are to be made.  Expressing in words, and sometimes numbers, is what I love to do.  I choose to be a writer and clearly I AM what I choose to be.  Why is this not enough?  Why am I still engaged in a job that is not aligned with my purpose or what I love to do?  The only answer that comes to mind is that there is something that I am meant to learn from my current job ... something more than how to escape from it. 

It seems that to create abundance for ourselves, we need to focus on creating abundance for others.  I have assumed that my contract is with spirit herself.  However, spirit works through us.  She has no means of manifesting things in our lives except through employing others.  I would help the entire world, yet I do little to help even a single being.  Something seems wrong about that.  It seems that we should be helping others one person at a time.  Yet, I'm here to build the foundations for a new world in which spirit can express more fully.  Here, on these pages, we have a shining example of spirit expressing in flesh.  What is that worth?  How can that serve?  I would be a teacher of consciousness, but who would be my students?  I would be a master builder ... it is important that the foundations for a new world be built right.  What else would I be?  I would be a transcendentalist in the spirit of Emerson, Thoreau, and Channing.  I would be a benefactor, sponsoring others to do the spiritual work that they came to do.  That requires resources, and extensive resources at that.  By myself there is only so much that I can do.  1 million words per year is probably a reasonable maximum for Beyond Imagination expression.  To do that, we would need to devote at least 8 hours per day to this expression rather than 4 hours.  We can ony do that if our spiritual job becomes our full time job.  That requires replacing my present compensation with the abundance from spirit.  It is not an either/or situation.  Right now, the paid job provides compensation and benefits, while the spiritual job provides benefits of its own.  Combined, there is enough, but I do not feel abundant.  Abundance would be more free-flowing and would permit sharing to a greater degree than possible at present.  What am I asking for?  Show me a way to translate what I do here into true abundance ... unlimited abundance.  Hmm ... perhaps I am overly constraining the solution space.  I have been doing what I do here for 16 years.  If it were going to yield abundance, it would have by now.  So, where did we go wrong?  What could we have done differently that would have resulted in a different outcome?  At this moment, it matters not.  What matters is where we go from here.  What do we choose to be now?  What do we choose to do now?  We have tried over half a dozen ways of earning an income from this expression.  But, we did it our way.  It seems that we need to do it spirits way.  We wondered when you would get around to realizing that.  We move, you do.  That is how it works in your life.  The times when you have attempted to derive an income from this expression were choices that you made coming from ego.  They were not things that we moved you to do.  OK, so what would you move me to do in this area?  Trust.  You know when you are moved.  Just be all that we made you to be.  Allow what you do to flow naturally out of that.  You still have not found your bliss.  Stream of consciousness expression is close, but not quite it.  You have the potential to do far more.  You are not meant to be a solitary creature.  You are meant to lead groups in creative spiritual endeavors.  You will know when you have found your bliss.  There is no mistaking it.

Service.  It all comes down to what you do that is of service.  Your path would have you serve society and the world.  And, indeed, so you will ... just not in any way that you have yet imagined.  Trust spirit to show you the way.  She knows what you are to do and will lead you to do just that.  You have the abilities.  You have the drive.  You have everything that you need.  You always have.  It is just a matter of continuing to do what you are moved to do.  But, you already know that.  You have known that for some time.  Go within.  Find that part of you that is ready to be unleashed.  It has been restricted for far too long.  You will be surprised by what you are capable of.  Here, you are surprised by what consciousness is capable of.  But, consciousness is only one aspect of you, and she is not the greatest aspect, not by a long shot.  Know that you are much more than you seem to be.  You are much more than what you have experienced to date.  Allow this moreness to come out and share it with all those whose life you touch.  Before, it was not possible, but it is NOW.  Find your bliss.  We can't overly state how important that is.  It is time for the full grandeur of whom that you are to come out.  That means giving up the limitation, whatever they may be, that keep you from being YOU. 

15 September 2008

Another busy day.  It seems that they are all that way of late.  Yet, I can't stop feeling how much more productive I could be if I were engaged in doing what I love on a full time basis.  If such is meant to be, the circumstances will indeed present themselves.  Though, at the same time, these very circumstances will arise as the consequences of my choices.  That is a different way of looking at things.  My fate is in my hands ... it always has been.  Only NOW, I know it.  That doesn't mean that I know yet what to choose.  I only know that it is the very process of choosing that determines the consequences.  What do I choose to be different than I have been?  For, if I truly want to experience abundance, unlimited abundance ... then I must choose to be something that is deserving of that.  I would be a spiritual master ... a master teacher, and a master builder.  Perhaps a master organizer as well.  In my mind, I am already these things.  My reality just doesn't conform to this yet, primarily due to the way I interact with others in the world.  Or, should I say fail to interact with others in the world.  So, how do I change this?  Where do I find those who I am meant to teach?  Where do I find those who I am meant to build with?  Where do I find those who I am meant  to organize?  Asking the questions is always the first step to finding the answers.  And, it seems that I am full of questions these days.  Though, I can envision a life far different from the one that I am living, a life where it is not a struggle to stay awake, a life consumed by activity from the moment I awaken until the moment that I fall asleep.  Yes, such indeed is the life that I choose to live.  I'm already coming close ... if only my job were able to command my attention, especially in the mornings.  But, is there not a way to alter how I am choosing to experience my job that would change this?  Perhaps, but is that what I really want.  What I've been missing is a perspective of why I am here, why I am in this particular job.  Yes, it provides a decent salary, and yes, I perform it well.  But, I've reached a point where neither of these things are enough.  I long to do so much more.  But, I need abundance to free me to do what I am capable of doing.  From my Beyond Imagination work, I know what that can be ... or at least one-third to one-half of what that can be.  And, that is only the stream of consciousness expression part, only the tip of the iceberg.  This is not meant to be a solitary endeavor.  It has been for many years, but it is not meant to be.  OK, it hasn't really even been solitary ... there has always been consciousness and me.  But, consciousness is not the same as another living being.  I don't know what consciousness is.  I only know her to be the originator of this stream of consciousness that flows forth through me.  Perhaps that is all that I will ever know about her other than what these words tell me.  Then again, what do I know about who I AM, except by what I see myself do?  To a large degree, we are what we create.  Our creations reflect whom that we are.  In examining our creations, we are delving into ourselves.  But, I would know what society is as well.  For this, I need to explore the creations of the collective.  The very world is one such creation.  Though, I have not been very curious to explore this.  My realm has been the Self ... and the ONE spirit that animates us all.

I can't stop thinking that it is time to transform Wayne's World into the world of my dreams, a world beyond imagination.  But, I would not stop there.  I would share my world that others might align their worlds with Wayne's World.  Together, we can create a world of abundance for all, a world without unnecessary limits.  This would be a world of infinite diversity but of equality at the same time.  Can we imagine such a world?  Can we take the next step and create such a world?  Further, will we collectively choose to do so?  Most, do not have a belief framework that even allows any of this to be possible.  But, neither do they have a belief framework that explains how this very expression flows forth from consciousness.  So, in the end, what do the present belief frameworks matter.  Belief frameworks can be changed, and changed quickly.  We have the technology.  Psych-K is wonderful for doing this.  It is a matter of applying the technology where it is needed.  There are many intuitive arts that have not been as well compensated as they deserve.  In a world of abundance, people choose to do what they love to do.  And, generally, they love to do what they are good or even great at doing.  The productivity of such a group of people would literally go through the roof.  If we spent less time and resources trying to convince people to consume certain products or services ... we could allow a more natural economy to kick in, one where people provide their services in exchange for the goods and services that they need.  Only one law is required ... never take more than you give.  This ensures that there is always an abundance.  It is high time that prosperity consciousness pervaded the world.  We are truly in a position to make it so.  It is simply a matter of deciding to do it, of deciding that all of us are worthy of abundance.  But, how do we convince the collective consciousness of this?  And what about those who benefit most from the status quo?  Surely they are not going to give up what they own without a fight.  Actually, it is not so much about ownership as it is about the power and control that comes with that ownership.  Does anyone really need billions of dollars?  If they have it, they must need it in some way ... at least in the moment.  But, something seems disturbingly wrong about people having abundance that is many orders of magnitude apart.  Though, why should there be any limits here?  It is only a problem when we deal in terms of limitation, of scarcity, of poverty.  Here we speak of an abundance consciousness, a prosperity consciousness, one that is shared with the whole world.  Each of us deserves abundance, both for whom we are and for what we do.  Spirit is unlimited.  Her resources are vast beyond measure.  We have only to claim our fair share.  We do this by choosing what we give.  The grandest thing that we can give is to share whom that we are.  What we are is a unique manifestation of spirit in flesh.  What we are is unlimited.  It is only our beliefs that hold us back from being all that we can be.

How do I choose to live my life?  What do I like and what do I dislike in what I experience?  Everything we experience is a consequence of the choices that we make ... everything, no exceptions.  I like the solitude and independence, but I dislike the loneliness.  I like being busy, but I dislike wasting my time and energy on things that don't make a difference.  I like expressing this stream of consciousness, but I dislike not being  fairly compensated for it.  That is an interesting assessment of the current situation.  There are more things to compensation than money.  And, the sense is that I personally benefit greatly from this expression.  I don't like not being happy.  I don't like not having close relationships with others.  I don't like having insufficient resources to get others involved in my Beyond Imagination work.  I don't like not feeling part of any group.  Interesting.  I don't think that I've done this exercise before.  What is being revealed to me?  Clearly, my choices are resulting in more things that I don't like than that I do like.  That is not a good sign.  What can we do to reverse this?  The answer that comes to mind is to make more empowering choices.  But, what would such choices be?  It seems that we need to start with beliefs.  The first one is that we deserve to be abundant on all levels, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.  I already believe that, or think that I do.  Further, in many ways, I believe that I am abundant on most of these levels.  My emotional reality is a bit sparse, and I avoid taking interest in or dealing with the physical.  Mentally I am sound, though I walk on the edge of sanity at times and require three medications to keep me functioning.  Spiritually, I soar higher and further than I ever imagined was possible for me.  OK, so perhaps we are not living so abundantly after all.  It all gets back to what we believe that we deserve.  What do I believe that I deserve.  The answer is simple.  Look to what you have attracted into your life.  That is precisely what you believe that you deserve, no more and no less.  Whatever limits there are in what you receive are there to reflect what you believe that you deserve.  To remove the limits, you must change the beliefs.  I deserve unlimited abundance because I have freely given of myself to allow spirit to express through me.  Yet, you put constraints on this expression.  You invest a sizable amount of your free time for what?  We would have you do it for the sheer joy of expression.  And often, that is precisely how you are doing it.  But, why should I not be compensated for doing this as well.  Clearly, it is far more important than anything that I am paid to do.  So, why is there no monetary compensation?  You have a belief that spiritual services should be freely given.  What is freely given by definition receives no compensation than the joy of doing it.  If you want to be paid, you have to realize that spiritual services have great value and are deserving of their rightful compensation.  Lately, you have been thinking in terms of compensation that is not substantially more than your company is paid for your services.  You've also been thinking in terms of putting in 80 hour weeks, roughly twice the time that most people work.  Literally, that would make your life your work.  But, how else are you to make a masterpiece of your life?  No, this is not recommended for most.  But, most did not come to be what you came to be, and to do what you came to do.  Though, be careful what you wish for.  What you are asking for will be a challenge even for you.  But, what is life without challenges?  There is a sense that such a commitment is necessary to allow me to carry out my mission.  At my age, some might be inclined to slow down.  But, at 50, it seems that I'm just reaching my peak.  I'm already expending 45 hours at work and 25 hours on Beyond Imagination each week.  Another 10 hours is no big deal, especially if I could do it from home and didn't need to commute.  This is indeed possible.  More than that, this is what I choose to do ... though I would expend it all under the guise of Beyond Imagination.  How do I get the universe to support me in doing that?  What are the consequences of this choice?  Are they consequences that I can live with?  The sense is yes, indeed they are.  Then what is stopping me?  I've come close to maxing out what I can do in my current circumstances.  I don't know where to go to find people that will pay for the services that Beyond Imagination has to offer.  Yet, I need an income that exceeds my current salary and benefits to free me to work full time for Beyond Imagination.  How do I make that happen?  Is that something that I even need to worry about?  If there is a true need here, consciousness will find a way to fill it as she does with all other needs in my life.

16 September 2008

The days roll on so quickly that I have a hard time keeping up.  There is so much to do at work, and then so much to do on my own time.  That is OK.  Being productive is good.  But, there is something to be said about all work and no play.  Though, it is not quite that bad.  This expression is how I play.  One of my few vices, television, stopped working yesterday due to the cable company going all digital.  That is not compatible with the television that I have been using for the past 13 years.  Fortunately, we do not have to worry about such a transformation induced by technology in the spiritual domain.  Though, it is just as much of a possibility.  The normal access to the channel of information from consciousness might change some day.  Though, I would expect to have some warning if that were to be the case.  I don't remember one message from the cable company telling me that this transformation was going to happen this week.  Then again, I don't get the bill ... my landlord does.  Oh well, no big deal.  There are a few shows that I like to watch, but the time is better spent engaged in the Beyond Imagination expression.  Much of my free time is engaged in this manner.  In fact, most of my free time.  So much so, that there is little left in the week once you subtract work, spiritual expression, and sleep.  That is OK, such is my life.  It is as I choose to experience it.  Though, I can imagine my lifestyle being far different than it is.  Can I go beyond imagination and manifest this lifestyle?  Why not?  What stops me from choosing to make it so?  Clearly, the only thing that can stop me from anything is myself.  This is true not only for me, but for everyone.  All limits are self-imposed, always.  They may appear to come from outside of us, but they only come to reflect an inner state.  We experience what we believe will happen to us.  We experience what we expect will happen to us.  But, here we are talking circumstances.  What really matters is beingness ... what we choose to be in the moment.  And that can be anything that we choose.  Here, we are free as we are nowhere else.  We have been given the power to choose.  Though, along with that power, we have been given the gift of responsibility to experience the consequences of our choices.  Yes, choices and consequences go hand in hand.  You can't have one without the other.  So, how do we choose in a manner that results in consequences that are to our liking?  How do we create the reality of our dreams.  Clearly, we can do this.  It is all a matter of when and how.  When only has one answer, NOW.  How only has one answer as well, do what you are moved by spirit to do.  At least such is how it is in my life.  I suspect that it is the same for others as well.

Took a break to take my roomate out for a birthday dinner.  I don't do much socializing, but the experience was enjoyable.  We even found things to talk about for the entire dinner.  Maybe being social is not as bad as I had made it out to be.  I've avoided it like the plague for so long that I didn't know anything else.  Perhaps this is a sign of things to come.  One step at a time.  With each step, with each choice, we set the course of our destiny.  Now, I am back to being fully engaged in this expression.  Such is where I am most at home.  Such is where I live my live.  Then, why am I not compensated with what I would consider to be abundance?  Be grateful for that which you have.  It is only through gratitude that you show that you are deserving of more.  Actually, gratitude and giving.  To receive, we must give.  To receive abundantly, we must give abundantly.  The most abundant thing that we can give is whom that we are and the services we do out of love. 

What would I give NOW?  And, to whom would I give it?  I don't believe that I've asked these specific questions before.  But, here I am asking them now.  Clearly, I would give of my time to engage in this expression.  This, I give to consciousness herself.  Though, for over four years I have not been moved to post any new material to the Beyond Imagination site.  I don't know why exactly.  It used to be something that I did nearly every day, or at least every day that there was a musing.  I became somewhat disheartened by the lack of feedback from what had been posted.  It also didn't help that my employer changed our internet access in a way that no longer allowed me to FTP to the site.  Though, that is more of a technicality that I could have overcome.  For the first decade, we freely shared the Beyond Imagination works.  That is a lot of sharing ... literally millions of words on thousands of pages.  It seems that enough is enough.  But, that didn't stop the expression from coming.  Since the beginning of 2004, we probably have another million words of expression.  We are in the process of proofing the material from 2004-2008, and selecting Best Quotes from each of those years.  These tasks take more time per week than does bringing forth new material.  At the rate we are going, it will easily take us into next year to catch up.  That is OK.  It is something that needs to be done.  And, it is something that only I can do.  But, all of this is variations of what I have already done several times in 2002 and 2003.  I know that I can do it and do it well ... it is simply a matter of putting in the time and effort.  But, why do we choose to do this?  What do we hope to gain from all of this?  At the very least, it puts parts of the Beyond Imagination material in formats that are more condensed and conducive of conveying the Beyond Imagination message.  Though, how are we going to get the new works to their rightful audiences.  We have thought of several ways, but they focus on personal gain.  And, that is not acceptable somehow.  The works have much to offer, but how do we get people to realize this enough to want to acquire them and read them.  The acquisition cost is minor compared to the investment of time necessary to read and study the works.  The nine Beyond Imagination books cost less than a total of $300.  I've been thinking of packaging the post 2003 expression as one file per year at $50 plus a Best Quotes file at $25.  Though, the expression was sparse enough in 2006-2007 to need to combine those two years.  In 2008, it appears that we'll have enough material for two books and two Best Quotes files.  That would be $375 for all of the material from 2004-2008.  Is this too much to ask for material of this nature.  I think not.  In fact, it is quite a bargain.  I know of nowhere to go to find anything comparable to it.  But, what do I know?  In this case, it matters what others get from reading the material.  I believe the nature of the material is such that reading it will result in altered states of consciousness.  That makes the material of great value.  Yet, here we are talking about less than $700 for all that has come forth in 16 years.  Further, we have been thinking in terms of needing to find 4000 people willing to pay $5 per week for what is expressed through us in the future.  We believe that we could create in excess of 1 million words per year on a full time basis, and this amount of sponsors would result in $1 per word.  Is that too much to ask for?  Is that too much to expect?  I am willing to give all of whom that I AM to this endeavor.  And, this is what I consider to be abundant at the moment.  $5 per week is $260 per year.  1 million words is approximately six books plus a Best Quotes work each year.  Looking at it that way, this is definitely a bargain.  Do I have enough to say to fill six books per year?  The closest I have come so far is 2003 when I filled three large volumes.  Though, it is not what I have to say that counts here, it is what consciousness would express through us.  Hmm ... there is nothing limiting me from having my say as well.  That would be a new twist, but twists can be fascinating.  Would people read six Beyond Imagination works per year?  In the changing times ahead, it seems that far more people might be interested in doing this than we might expect.  OK then, how do I find them, where do we start to manifest this?  This or something better for the good of all concerned, I choose NOW.

The numbers work out.  This is possible.  This is doable.  So, what does it take to manifest it?  Literally, we are committing to doubling the size of the Beyond Imagination expression in as little as five years.  That is a major commitment to make.  But, I am not one to shrink from commitments ... especially spiritually based ones.  This is indeed what I choose to do with my life.  I have been working since 1977, for 32 years.  I have been expressing since 1993, for 16 years.  Interesting, the later is half the time that I have been working.  I only expect to live for roughly 16 more years, so I have literally been expressing for half of the time I expect to be expressing.  It seems to be an appropriate time for the transformation that allows me to do this full time.  I am curious as to where that will take us.  There is a strong sense of anticipation that a grand journey is in store.  Yes, Beyond Imagination is my spiritual work.  I've known it since the expression began in 1993.  We deserve compensation for all work that we do, especially for creative work done out of love for the sheer joy of doing it.  Life should not be a struggle, economic or otherwise.  We deserve abundance, each and every one of us.  As a wayshower, it is my job to demonstrate how.  It is not enough to speak of such things.  We must manifest them in our lives and then share with others what we did to achieve this.  Consciousness is there guiding us every step of the way if only we listen to her.  Believe strongly, then act as if ... these are the keys to manifestation.  Yet, how do I act as if what was described in the previous paragraph already existed?  I am doing what I can to create the 2004-2008 works.  I have made this expression more than a half time job.  How do I take the next step and find customers for the works that Beyond Imagination has to offer?  There is still a sense that there is a bit too much focus on abundance for my family in all of this, and not enough focus on being of service.  Yet, at the same time, it seems that to serve society and the world in a big way ... such abundance is required.  Do the work and the abundance will follow.  It does not happen the other way around.  But, have I not been doing the work?  You have and you haven't.  You have done the work that you choose to do.  Yes, it happened to be the work of spirit too.  But, you have barely tapped into what you are capable of.  You have worked solo for the most part in your work and in this expression.  That served you and that served us.  But that is no longer sufficient.  Envisioning a future that allows you to operate in this mode abundantly and indefinitely is not that grandest YOU that YOU can be.  No, not by a long shot.  There is no synergy in operating alone.  And, creating the foundations for a new world requires much synergy.  For you to manifest something, it must be consistent with whom that you truly are.  This applies not only to you but to everyone.  That you have not yet manifest what you think that you want is a sign that this is not consistent with whom that you are.  So, choose again my friend.  Choose something consistent with your grandest vision of what you can be.  Being a hermit to the end of your days is not that.  Spending all of your time expressing what consciousness would express through you is not that.  We have greater things for you in store.  You have greater things for you in store. 

Then, what would I be and what would I do?  Clearly, my present employment is not conducive to my happiness or to achieving my mission.  How do we get beyond that?  At the very least, I need to create a reality where I do not feel that I am wasting my time and energy on tasks of limited utility.  I never feel that when engaged in this expression.  So, at the very least Beyond Imagination is a springboard.  We need to turn it into something that allows me to meet and engage with others to do great works.  This comes down to what services can you provide to whom, to what individuals and to what groups?

17 September 2008

Still have the concept of unlimited abundance on the brain.  That should be the reward for living a spiritual life.  That should be the result of being whom that we truly are and doing what we love to do in service to society and the world.  I don't think that is asking too much.  Though, at the same time, I have not seen it manifest in my life.  I am grateful for all that I have received ... but I know that I could give more, far more, if only I create the appropriate circumstances to do so.  I believe that this is something that I can do.  It is within the realm where I have choices.  What I don't know is what specifically needs to be done to manifest what I desire.  It doesn't seem to be happening automatically as do many other things in my life.  Perhaps it is a matter of not giving enough of myself yet.  I believe that I have given a lot ... but is that belief actually true?  I am resigned to trust spirit in this.  She will ensure that what I need is manifest in my life.  I have only to do my part by doing what I am moved to do to the best of my abilities.  At the moment, I am moved to bring forth this very stream of consciousness ... something that I have been moved to do many times over the past 16 years.  I suspect that I will be moved to do this even more in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead.  How do I know that?  The very nature and quality of this expression are sure signs that this is what I am meant to do.  Here is where my talents are employed in ways beyond any other areas in my life.  When I am long dead and gone, there is the potential that this expression will remain.  For how long, I know not.  But, for long enough to impact those who are meant to assist in ushering in a new age.  All along, I've known that I am only here to build the foundations.  Implementing the foundations in the world is a whole other thing.  My forte is words, and the thoughts and ideals that can be fashioned in words.  That is where I will make my difference ... primarily in the minds and hearts of those who read this expression.  Though the hope is that in reading these words, people will awaken to the spirit within them.  That is the grandest effect that I could hope to have.  But, it requires finding an audience for this expression ... and preferably a sizable audience at that.  At the moment, I only know of one person that has read any of the expression since 2004, namely me.  I know that because I have not been moved to share it freely as I did in the first decade of expression.  Why?  There is a reason for everything.  It seems that I have been waiting for the time to be right.  I have been waiting for feedback to show me that sharing the first decade of expression was not in vain.  The bottom line is such feedback never came.  Yet, I was moved to continue to express anyway.  No, not as much as in 2002-2003 when I was expressing 2.5 hours per day nearly every day.  But, there was enough material in most years to constitute the equivalent of a book.  There are no plans to create additional books in the moment.  Nine seems to be enough.  But, I can see myself selling the Musings files and Best Quotes files.  I would love to see such sales be sufficient to provide for my abundance and to provide a funding source for engaging the services of others to do the works of Beyond Imagination.  I don't want to be a boss, but I would love to be a benefactor.  All it takes is sufficient resources.  And, the works from this expression are of sufficient value to generate such resources.  But, what does it take to make it happen?  How do I inform others of what works are available, and what the value of the various Beyond Imagination works is?  Is that something that I must do?  If not me, then who?  If not now, then when?  Clearly, this is something that is mine to do.  The works cannot disseminate themselves.  The works that are not posted cannot even be found.  Many times over the past 16 years I have longed for this expression to become my paid work.  Several times, I even took steps to attempt to manifest that.  However, nothing ever worked.  I took the feedback to mean that either I wasn't ready or the timing was not right.  It could also be that I was asking for something that was not in my best interest or the best interest of the collective.  Something has shifted recently.  Something seems right about manifesting this now.  It is not a matter of needing to escape from something anymore.  Rather, it is a matter of transitioning to something that is better for both me and the collective.  My assessment would be far better.  Though, at the same time, there are some things about my current job that are becoming interesting.

Full time spiritual expression is now a distinct possibility in a way that it has never been before.  There has been sufficient expression since 2002 to know that I can do this.  The only issue is whether that is what consciousness would express through me.  If such indeed is what she would express, then we need to create the financial circumstances to allow this to be.  I've offered a few such ways.  I'm sure that there are several others, even more if you consider the combinations.  But, how do we choose or allow the appropriate way to manifest?  Choose something new.  Choose to be something new.  Choose to do something new.  More of the same gets you the same.  If you want to manifest something new, choose again and keep choosing again until what you desire to manifest is manifest.  This does not have to be a long, drawn out process.  If you are careful in making your choices, the results that you want can be achieved quickly.  But, you must choose.  The universe is not going to decide what you want for you.  She can move you to where you need to be.  She can even move you to do what you need to do.  But, ultimately the decision to act is yours.  Full time employment in the service of spirit.  That is what I desire above all else.  That is what I choose to manifest in my life.  Part of that is choosing to engage in this stream of consciousness expression.  But, there is more that I need to do.  Far more.  There are abilities that I have that are not used in this expression.  There are Beyond Imagination works that can be done by me that are other than stream of consciousness expressions, works that would use skills beyond those that I use here.  I have thought about doing some of these, but it is all a matter of having sufficient free time to do them.  The only out I see is converting my work time into free time so that I could apply it in such endeavors.  However, to do this I need a means to generate abundance in my life.  My work currently does that to some degree.  It provides a salary that is sufficient to meet my basic needs.  But, the reward for doing what we love should be abundance, and when it is spiritual work, unlimited abundance.  This expression is something that consciousness herself does through me.  It seems that there should also be something in my life that I do as me.  Perhaps this is the vital thing that is missing.  Until I figure out what that is, am I really doing what I love to do?  Clearly, choosing to engage in a stream of consciousness expression is not sufficient.  Then, what is sufficient.  It seems that it is high time for me to find out.  Do what you love and the money will follow.  Do I love what I am doing here?  I enjoy doing it.  And, I believe that I do it well.  Further, I believe that it is something that I am meant to do.  But, do I love doing it?  How would I know one way or the other?  I choose to do it often.  But, I choose to go to work just as often and do it for over twice as many hours per day.  I feel a sense of accomplishment in doing it.  But, that too is not love.  Much of the time, I am not even happy while I am doing it.  Not that I am unhappy either ... but I find happiness to be very elusive.  Then, what is it that I truly love to do?  It is extremely important that I discover what that is and start doing it.  That is the key to prosperity and abundance.  Yes, do what you love.  Do what you love!

There is still a sense that written metaphysical expression is somehow tied to this.  It may not be all of it, but it is a necessary part.  The stream of consciousness expression is a part of that as well.  But, what is the whole that I am seeking?  What truly excites me?  What keeps me interested, fascinated, and awake?  The Beyond Imagination works do that sometimes, but not always.  There is still something that is missing.  I am still in search of a moreness to life that I know to be out there, a moreness that I don't yet experience.  What you earnestly seek, you shall indeed find.  But, you need to be open in how you seek.  Expect to find what you seek, but be careful not to limit it in any way.  This is especially true for what you are seeking now.  Don't be contrained by what you have been or what you have done.  If these were enough, you would already have what you seek.  You are seeking what you love to do.  Love is of the heart.  The heart is the seat of the soul.  You do not look to this part of yourself very often.  The choices that have separated you from society have effectively separated you from this part of you.  That's OK.  Your choices served you ... they allowed you to grow in the very way that you did.  But now, it is time for some more empowering choices.  For this, you will need to engage all of you, not just your mind and your spirit.  We are whole beings.  No part of us is meant to be neglected.  You are ready to be whole now ... and to operate from that wholeness that you are.  But, this is still up to you.  You have to make the appropriate choices for this to manifest.  And, it is not just your heart and soul that need attention, it is your body as well.  For one who professes to be spirit in flesh, you do not appear to be in flesh very much.  Rather, most of your time is spent soaring in consciousness or using your mind to do your paid work.  You live your life via words.  That is OK, in fact quite appropriate for a writer.  Just remember that is not all you are and that is not all you do. 

What do I love to do?  It is hard to believe that I've lived for half a century and haven't figured that out yet.  Actually, I haven't even thought much about it.  For so much of my life, I've simply done what I was moved to do, trusting that spirit was the motive force in my life.  But, why hasn't spirit moved me to discover what I love to do?  I know several things that I do well and that come naturally for me.  Engaging in this very expression is one of them.  But, I wouldn't go so far as to say that I love doing any of these things.  I would not even say that I love being.  If I did, it seems that I would be happier far more often than I am.  It seems that happiness is one of the signs that we are doing what we love.  It also seems that happiness would be one of the signs that we are being all that we can be.  I guess that means that I am not being all that I can be.  By my reckoning, it is not even close.  All that I accomplish at work and all that I do here doesn't matter, it doesn't change my perception that I am not being all that I can be.  To the degree that I am not, I am wasting resources ... not only mine, but all those that would be touched by the work that I would do.  That is a very big burden to place on my shoulders.  But, my shoulders are strong enough to bear that burden and then some.  Also, the work that I would do is the work that spirit would do through me and as me.  And, her resources are vast and inexhaustible.  So, how do I gravitate to my rightful place in the world?  I believe there is a plan for the evolution of consciousness and that we all have roles to play in enacting that plan.  I believe the Beyond Imagination expression is a big part of that role for me.  Is it a matter of allowing that role to play itself out or do I need to create or choose something here?

18 September 2008

Another busy day at the office.  It seems that they are all busy these days.  That can be good.  It makes the days fly by.  However, it also results in longer work days then normal ... which ultimately either cuts into my time to express or my time to sleep, neither of which I choose to cut into.  But, until I can transform my life so that this becomes the work that provides abundance for me, I don't know what else I can do.  I guess I could search for a new job that pays more and utilizes my talents more elegantly.  But, I don't even know where to start such a search.  My circle of acquaintances is very small, and nearly all of them are in my present work environment.  The bottom line is is this what I want to be doing with my life?  The answer is a resounding no.  Yet, I am still here nonetheless.  It is as if my choices in this area of my life don't matter.  Though, when I ask the same question about the Beyond Imagination expression, the answer is a resounding yes.  So, what prevents me from manifesting what I desire ... what I know that I want to be and to do?  No, the expression is not enough, but it is the base from which I can do my work.  The stream of consciousness is there whenever I need to call on it.  But, I don't see it being exclusive.  There is more to me that can be put into this work, and I choose to give this endeavor all that I AM and more.  Interesting, even as little as a few days ago, I would not have considered the past few sentences.  There have been major realizations in the past few days.  It will be interesting to see how they play themselves out.  There are definitely new possibilities that have opened up and a new realm of choices that can be made within that possibility space.  However, spirit does not choose for us.  That is for us alone, or in groups to do.  Though, we can be guided by spirit to the degree that we choose to listen.

I would be free, first and foremost.  But, what does it mean to be free.  Freedom is not about having no attachments, it is about choosing which attachment we have.  Though, it is good not to become overly attached to anything, especially to outcomes.  Yet, is not what I desire above an outcome, a particular way of living and working?  Indeed, it is.  But, that does not make it wrong to desire it ... to choose to manifest it.  After all, we have to live and work in some manner.  Why shouldn't it be to our liking ... or better yet, to our loving?  I can do this.  We can do this collectively.  It is a matter of focus, intention, and desire.  We have to choose to do what it takes to create what we desire, and not to accept anything less.  We don't have to know exactly how to manifest what we desire.  Some things are best left to consciousness and the universe.  But, we do have to be clear about our intent.  And, where practical, we should be selfless in our approach.  Hmm ... that seems to be a catch.  How does one who would still effectively be a hermit approach anything in a selfless way?  Yet, I firmly believe that what I am willing to give and to create is worth far more than anything I am asking for.  If this were true, what would stop its manifestation?  Why would I not already be living the life I desire to live?  What makes me think that I am not living it already?  For one thing, I feel that much of my time at work is wasted on things that ultimately don't matter.  For another think, I am not happy much of the time.  I haven't found my bliss.  Further, I don't think that I can find it in the work environment.  Perhaps that is an erroneous belief on my part.  I just can't help but feel that this expression is orders of magnitude more important than the work that I do.  However, if that is indeed the case, then why doesn't it compensate accordingly?  I can only do what I am moved to do.  The compensation that comes from doing that does not seem to be mine to determine.  But, is that truly the case?  I am free to set any price that I want on creative expression.  The nature of this expression is such that it is unique, it is something that no one else can do in this way.  Though, there is a market reality that comes into play as well.  Someone or some group must be willing to pay the price that one sets.  Goods and services are worth what people are willing to pay for them.  There is no absolute scale.  Long ago something moved me to set $1 per word as the value of this expression.  Note: that is for the raw expression only, not all of the polished derivatives that may be produced from it.  We've exceeded the five million word mark so there is a large credit in our spiritual account.  Unfortunately, I haven't yet learned how to withdraw from that account.  Everything in its due time.  Despite this, I continue to deposit into the account weekly ... most weeks in excess of ten thousand words.  Why?  Because that is what I am moved to do.  I have a sense of fulfilling my purpose when I express.  Beyond Imagination is the only endeavor that gives me this sense.  My paid work is not even close.  It all comes down to reality creation.  How do we create abundance in our lives?  I have created an abundance of words.  But, how do we translate that into goods or services that people need or want?  Why is this something that I have to figure out?  Why can't I just choose for it to manifest, choose to make it so?  Where did the price per word come from?  I interpreted it to be a contract with consciousness herself.  Were my services worth the price that we set?  I would answer yes.  How else could this expression have come forth.  But, what is the Beyond Imagination expression to date worth to society, worth to the world?  Who is in a position to decide such things?  It seems that no one is in such a position, nor is any group.  Then how do we turn the contract into a transaction.  Consciousness has no pocketbooks or bank account.  She can't just wire the money to me.  We have to find mechanisms to allow individuals or groups to purchase the Beyond Imagination works.  At one extreme, one person or group could buy it all.  Another option is for many people to buy particular works, books, or products.  The former option would be nice, though it seems the later is more practical.  We already have nine Beyond Imagination books.  In addition, we have ten more products in the works.  That is a lot to offer.  But, we have ideas for many more.  It just takes time and effort.  How do we announce what we have to offer to those people who might be in a position to be served?  That means getting the word out to people that Beyond Imagination exists and has various products for sale.  It is not like we expect people to buy the products in the blind.  Over 75 percent of the Beyond Imagination expression, the first decade worth, is posted at the Beyond Imagination site.  It is freely available for all to see and experience.  What more do I have to do?  Why should I have to do things that I am not good at doing?  That is a question that applies not only to me, but to everyone.

There is a sense that even if this stream of consciousness were to stop today, I could spend the rest of my life mining the gold of what has been expressed to date and still never discover it all.  There is that much meaning and value in what has been expressed here.  And, it seems that this will be an activity that I do engage in more and more.  However, there is also a sense that I will need to tap the source for more for the rest of my life.  Ultimately, there needs to be a balance between new expression and uncovering the meaning in what has already been expressed.  I'm only starting to do the later.  Both are fun.  They are just very different.  Would it help to engage with others when I do the later?  Clearly, it would.  Feedback is extremely important.  That is something that has been lacking to date.  This expression effectively runs open loop.  I don't evaluate it and for the most part others do not even see it.  The expression simply is what it is.  I have no way to explain it.  It is a mystery, everything about it.

Back to the idea of abundance, it is ever on my mind these days.  There has to be a way to manifest it.  Many do who have far less to offer than Beyond Imagination does.  Hmm ... maybe that's the key.  I've been thinking that I need to be abundant.  But, what I am really looking for is Beyond Imagination to be abundant.  Beyond Imagination may grow to more than one person.  Beyond Imagination is an entity with a spiritual mission.  It needs resources to enlist the talents and skills of people that can help it to achieve that mission.  The Beyond Imagination works are the products that generate the abundance to do all of this.  Selflessly serve.  Something tells me that such is the objective.  This does not come by setting abundance as a precondition for serving.  The service must come first, and it must be done with a pure heart, out of love ... or it is not really service at all.  Is this really necessary?  Or, have I created a Catch-22 scenario?  To serve in the manner that I desire to serve, I need to serve full time.  But, to serve full time, I need an income that at least matches my present salary plus benefits.  Is this too much to ask to be allowed to be all that I can be and give all that I can give?  Is this too much to expect from myself and from the universe?  Something in me says that I have every right to expect this and to manifest it in my life.  Though, the warning is there ... be careful what you wish for.  How do I get from where I am to where I want to be?  You choose!  You choose precisely what it takes to get you there.  And, how do I know what that is?  TRUST.  You already know, you just need to realize what you know.  And, until then?  Do what you are moved to do when you are moved to do it.  Spirit is an active force in your life.  She has been for some time.  Then, why the wait?  Because, it is for you to know that you are truly worthy of what you ask.

Changing the focus from you being abundant to Beyond Imagination being abundant is huge.  Beyond Imagination is your baby.  You created it.  But, it is destined to grow into more than you can ever be.  You have a difficult enough time keeping up with the stream of consciousness expression.  Once others start contributing, the works will grow exponentially to where they become a potent force for positive change on the planet.  This is far more than you could ever hope to do on your own.  Yes, we know it has been a struggle.  We know that there has been substantial effort expended for something that still appear to be for your eyes only even after 16 years.  But it took that time for Beyond Imagination to grow into what it has become.  In your own life, at 16 years, you discovered metaphysics in the form of the Seth material.  Beyond Imagination is now a teenager.  Another two years and it will be an adult ... graduating from high school.  Everything will happen in its due timing.  Keep on keeping on.  Keep on doing what you are moved to do.  But, be open for new modalities of expression and a variety of works that spring forth from these modalities.

19 September 2008

Today I had another Psych-K session.  I have them every four weeks and look forward to them every time.  This time I went in with a specific agenda as I did last time.

<>PSYCH-K Session with Cindy on 9/19/08 <>
ISSUES:  Worth, Abundance, Bliss, Happiness, Work, Spiritual Work
 
  1. F - We are worthy of experiencing abundance.
  2. F - We are abundant now.
  3. F - We are paid what we are worth.
  4. F - Our services are worth $100 per hour.
  5. F - Our services are worth $200 per hour.
  6. T - The Beyond Imagination expression is worth $1 per word.
  7. F - We know what our bliss is.
  8. T - Our bliss is associated with metaphysical expression.
  9. T - Our bliss is associated with carrying out our mission.
  10. T - We deserve to be happy.
  11. F - We experience happiness on a regular basis.
  12. F - We love our job.
  13. T - Our job is the right job for us at this time.
  14. F - Our job is necessary to meet our obligations.
  15. F - Our job is fulfilling and rewarding.
  16. T - Our spiritual work is fulfilling and rewarding.
  17. T - We love our Beyond Imagination work.
  18. T - There is something more than we yet know that we are here to do.
  19. F - We know what our mission is.
  20. F - Our mission is to create the foundations for a new world.
  21. F - We are doing what we can to carry out our mission.
  22. F - We are being all that we can be.
<>Some of the answers surprised me.  I expected that my services were worth at least $200/hour.  That is what my employer charges the government for them.  But there must be something wrong in the way that I made the statements.  Statement 6 was confirmation of something we have brought forth here many times.  Though, we still don’t know how to access that worth.  Statements 7, 8, and 9 came out as expected.  Statement 10 was a bit of a surprise, but we have worked on that in previous sessions.  Statements 11-18 were as expected, except I wasn’t sure about 13 and 14.  Statements 19 and 20 were a surprise.  Our mission has been to create the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh since the Beyond Imagination expression began.  The only explanation that I have is that this may be the mission of Beyond Imagination, not our personal mission. <> 

In the Psych-K session, we discussed a lot of thing then did a spiritual balance focusing on 13 statements in the spiritual realm, and finally did a balancing of the ego.  It seemed that the ego was getting in the way of experiencing happiness and following my bliss.  It is amazing how fast Psych-K can get to the root of major dysfunction in our lives. <> 

Manifesting abundance is still on my mind.  The worth of the Beyond Imagination expression to date exceeds $5 million.  I only need to tap about $250,000 per year to live comfortably.  Even if no further words were generated, that would be sufficient for 20 years, longer than I expect to live.  But, this expression is tied to my bliss.  This is something that I will continue to do for the remainder of my days.  I have no intention of retiring … ever.  What would I do?  Here, I am living the dream.  I truly am.  Everything else that we create here can go to fund the works of Beyond Imagination.  There are many who have skills that I do not whom I could collaborate with to do things far beyond anything of which we have yet dreamed.  I just need the financial freedom to be able to do this.  What does it take to unlock the worth of the Beyond Imagination expression?  How do we translate it into something or some service for which we are paid?  What practical steps can we take to do this?  Where do we start?  What is it that we need to do that we have not yet done?  It is not for you to concern yourself with how things are manifest in your life.  Leave that to us.  Be patient.  You have not yet learned all you need to know from your present circumstances.  You know that, it does not surprise you.  When you are done learning what you need to know, you will simply move on to the opportunity that presents itself to you.  No, you have no way to know what that will be.  Though, you will know when it arrives.  You will know to the very core of your being.  In the meantime, keep doing what you are moved to do.  Keep depositing into the Beyond Imagination account.  What you deposit will eventually be returned unto you with interest accrued.  You can easily express half a million words per year on a part time basis, and over double that on a full time basis.  It’s all a matter of you choosing to do it.  No, that doesn’t leave much time for anything else in your life.  But, you did not come to taste of the varieties of experience in this life.  You came with a laser focus on metaphysics.  And, not just to study it, to express it originally. <> 

Take steps to expand your world out to include others.  They don’t have to be big steps, but you’ve isolated yourself for far too long.  This served you and served us … but you can have too much of a good thing.  You need to live as well as express.  You need to walk the expression in your life.  You need to be a wayshower, not just in what you say or write, but in what you do.  You have not been doing enough of this. <> 

Worthiness to receive abundance is still an issue for you.  Even with all that has been expressed through you, you do not fully realize how grand, wonderful, and worthy you are.  Everyone is special.  Everyone is worthy of abundance.  Though, there are conditions.  You must be grateful for what you are and what you have to even consider being more or receiving more.  Life itself is a great gift that has been bestowed upon us.  That alone is worthy of our gratitude, the fact that we are alive here and now.  But, there is more than just being alive … we have many gifts in terms of abilities and talents.  And then there are relationships and all the things that we have in our lives.  Where would we be without those? <> 

We can have the grandest gifts and the greatest things, but if we don’t apply them in service in some way … then what good are they?  Yes, apply ourselves in service makes all of the difference in the world.  And, the greatest service comes when we share of whom that we are and when we allow spirit to express through us.  Her capacity to serve far exceeds ours, but we are the instruments through which she serves.  Being is everything, but service comes a close second.  As to where we should serve, it should be in the area of our bliss.  Service should employ all of whom that we are, but it should also be fun.  After all, this is to be our life’s work.  We should love doing it.  Anything less is simply not acceptable.  But, how do we manifest this for society?  What social infrastructures need to be in place to facilitate this?  How much can we do NOW?  It seems that we don’t have time to build new infrastructures.  Yet, it is through time that they will be unveiled.  The ideas are out there.  It is just a matter of selecting which ones to manifest and applying the right resources.  This we can choose to do at any time.  However, it is something that we must collectively choose to do.  How do we make collective decisions?  How do we get the mass consciousness to choose something and take action to implement it?  How do we manifest our common reality?  These days, it seems that we have far more questions than answers.  But, that will right itself in due time.  The very asking of questions invites their answers.  When we ask within, the answers will be forthcoming from the spirit within.  We would argue that this is the grandest source of all.

<>I still can’t get over thinking how much more productive I would be if I could engage in this Beyond Imagination work full time with all my body, mind, heart, soul, and spirit.  I’ve thought in terms of planning my typical day and week.  I’ve also thought in terms of what kind of sponsorship we would need to allow it to manifest.  I’ve even thought in terms of taken in partners.  But, through all of this there is no clear path of action that allows me to manifest it.  At the same time, there is a sense that if it is to be it will be … spirit herself will see to that.  Where does that leave me?  Trusting consciousness to guide me to be what I need to be when I need to be it, and to do what I need to do when I need to do it.  The trusting is easy.  I have seen first hand what consciousness can do in my life.  However, do I really believe that I deserve to live in such a fashion? 

More of the pieces are starting to fall into place.  We knew that our bliss is associated with metaphysical expression.  Though, we also know that this is more than the stream of consciousness expression that we have focused on to date.  Exactly what lies in store remains to be unveiled.  My life is lived in the moment.  That is where I make choices about what to be, what to do, and what to believe.  These choices create the very reality that we experience.  I don’t dwell on the past.  Nor do I dream much of the future.  I am not one to plan … though the past two Psych-K sessions have been an exception to this.  I use the sessions to help confirm or find out things that I want to know.  Right now, these are things about me.  Though, I can see this growing into a concern about things about society.  I know firsthand that Psych-K can improve peoples lives by substituting empowering beliefs for limiting ones.  It does this more rapidly than anything else that I’ve seen.  Personally, I’ve been involved with it for nearly a year.  I’m still working through issues … but every session involves major transformation.

I was taken back a bit by the statement we know what our mission is turning out to be false.  It seems that there is a distinction between our mission and the Beyond Imagination mission.  Our mission seems to involve being whom that we were created to be and doing what we came here to do … applying our skills and talents in service in the area of our bliss.  Is that something that I am doing yet?  I come close in my Beyond Imagination work.  This expression is what I need to be doing.  Could I do it full time for the rest of my life?  I believe so.  Further, such is what I choose to do.  We are almost to the point of making this the equivalent of a full time expression already.  With different choices as to how we spend our weekend hours, we could be there.  But, is that what we want to do?  Is that what we need to do?  Is that what we choose to do?  Is it fair to expect that much of ourselves?  We are effectively speaking of creating a life around work.  If you love what you doing, what’s wrong with that?

20 September 2008

This is the first time we’ve mused on a Saturday for some time.  In 2002 and 2003, this was a common occurrence.  Now, however, our weekends are devoted to other things.  Not that this has to be the case.  This expression is what I love to do.  I can definitely see myself doing even more of it.  Though, it seems that the context needs to change a bit.  It is not right that this remains a solitary endeavor.  Though, the very nature of bringing forth the stream of consciousness is indeed solitary.  That is just the way it is.  That is OK.  I need my solitary time.  But, I also need some amount of time among friends and among society.  For that, I need to establish friendships.  That is something that I can choose to do.  Though, friendships are mutual relationships between peers.  The Beyond Imagination works could benefit from the feedback of others.  In particular, from questions that might be used to direct where the stream of consciousness flows.  But also, from question that might direct new works to be created from looking at what has already been expressed in new ways.  The Beyond Imagination works are rich in guidance from consciousness.  This guidance can be packaged in any number of ways.  Some of these I’ve already been moved to consider.  It is just a matter of time to making them so.  Some things are completely within my control to do.  Other things require the help of others.  All of it seems dependent on spirit.  Though, she does her part in manifesting this stream of consciousness.  But, whose job is it to find the intended audience for these works?  I’ve chosen to leave that to spirit.  But, is that the correct choice?  Spirit doesn’t seem to be bringing many people to this expression.  Perhaps it is my job after all.  Or, perhaps it is someone’s job who I have yet to meet.  Regardless, it seems that when the time is right for this message to be disseminated, it will be.  Try as I might, there is nothing that I can do to hurry that.  Until then, I am resigned to do as I am moved to do.  Right now, that involves being here and engaging in this stream of consciousness.  It just struck me that there may come a time when this is not the case.  There may come a time when the very nature of this expression changes.  It will evolve to what it needs to be when it needs to evolve.  I trust consciousness.  I trust the process of spirit expressing though me.  And, not just through me, through everyone. 

<>How do we manifest abundance in our lives?  I have a job that pays decently.  This expression is prolific.  I have enough to pay the bills and live comfortably.  But, that does not seem to be enough.  Relationships are week at best in my life.  And, having enough to make ends meet is not the same as being abundant.  Thus far, the Beyond Imagination expression has been a voluntary endeavor.  Yet, its works are far more valuable than what I am paid to do.  Something is seriously wrong about this.  Spiritual work deserves to be rewarded abundantly.  I know that.  But, why am I not experiencing that?  And, not only me but the many who engage in spiritual work on the planet.  One might argue that the works themselves are the reward.  But, why should a different standard apply to our jobs than our spiritual work.  Some have made their spiritual work their job.  I desire to do precisely that.  I’m already doing it nearly three quarter time.  It wouldn’t take much of a change to do it full time or even time and a half.  This expression is that important to me.  Beyond Imagination is that important to me.  In a very real way, it is whom that I AM and what I am here to do.  At 34, I found my connection to source, to the spirit within.  Since then, consciousness has produced all that you see here.  Yes, she has produced it through me, but she has produced it nonetheless.  What is my time and effort worth?  Yesterday, we confirmed that it is worth $1 per word.  Given that, we should have a big credit for the 16 years of expression to date.  However, we don’t know how to withdraw from this account.  $5 million definitely constitutes abundance to me.  So does $2000 per day for 2000 words of expression.  Actually that is my present level of productivity.  On a full time basis this could easily be $4000 per day.  That would enable Beyond Imagination to employ the services of other lightworkers in achieving its mission.  We’ve known for some time that building the foundations for a new world in which spirit could more fully express in flesh was a job for a team of people … clearly not just me.  Yet, in 16 years, we have only had one person join us in our endeavor, and that was only for about a year.  Life is what it is.  For it to be different, we must make new choices.  Are we ready to do that now?  Are we ready to create interdependent relationships in our life?  I believe the answer is yes.  And, I am taking steps to make it so … though this is not something that comes easy for me.  The stream of consciousness expression is easy.  Selecting best quotes from the expression is easy, it is an automatic process in which consciousness guides me every step of the way.  As I do it, I think of the process Michelangelo used to sculpt his figures from marble.  It was a matter of removing all the waste to reveal the masterpiece.  Are my best quotes works my masterpieces?  Masters create masterpieces.  Our works should be our masterpieces, but so should our lives.  We are all masters, each and every one of us.  It is time we owned this fact and started to create the masterpieces that we are capable of.  That is what we should expect of ourselves.  That is also what we should expect of one another. <>What would I do with my life if there were no financial or resource restrictions?  I would come here to express for several hours per day because this stream of consciousness provides new metaphysical expression in a way that nothing else does.  I would interact with others through e-mail and in person several hours per day to engage in joint endeavors that can only be done collectively.  Finally, I would do several hours of research of both the Beyond Imagination expression and other metaphysical books and create additional Beyond Imagination works based on new viewpoints with added insight of what has come forth to date.  That combination of activities could easily fill 10-12 hours per day.  I am OK with that.  In fact, I look forward to doing it.  There is so much that could be done.  Yet, it seems that my present circumstances overly limit that.  Is that true, or is that a matter of how I am perceiving things?  It all comes down to what we choose to do with our lives.  Am I living in accord with the Beyond Imagination works?  In some respects yes, but in others no.  Why is that?  After 16 years of being a wayshower, why am I not consistently walking my talk yet?  Why have I not yet discovered my bliss?  At least I know that it is associated with metaphysical expression and with carrying out my mission.  Beyond Imagination is where that occurs at the present.  Perhaps it is large enough that this will be the case for my entire life.  Working 70 hours per week, I should have more than just enough in my life.  In particular, I shouldn’t be living from paycheck to paycheck.  Yet, such is precisely what I do.  It is not that I live extravagantly.  My needs are quite simple.  But, life is about more than getting needs met in the now.  Hmm … but does it need to be any more than this?  There is a difference between an always enough consciousness and an abundance consciousness.  The level of prosperity that we experience is a choice that we make, generally it is a choice of how worthy we believe ourselves to be.  The universe doesn’t limit us here.  The only exception being the spiritual law of: never take more than you give.  It is giving that primes the abundance pump, especially giving of ourselves out of love.  When we imbue what we give with love, its value goes up immensely.  Love has the power to transform all things.  Love is the only force in the universe.  As the Beatles said, love is all there is.  When we see other forces in play, what we see is a degree of lack of love … and this can only be imagined, it is never real.  What is real is that love is and the things that love does.<>

<>We live in a world that we have created, both an individual world and a collective world.  Both of these are subjective, and both of these are partial with many unknowns.  Yet, we are able to function in our lives regardless.  It does not matter that for many things we know not how we do them, or we do not understand how they work.  We experience our lives nonetheless.  The unknown and unknowable are ever there, and we do not have to explore far beneath the surface to find them.  Consciousness, beliefs, thoughts, emotions … these are things that we experience but do not understand.  Even in such simple acts as writing or speaking, we do not know how we will end a sentence when we begin it  … we just have to trust in the process.  Take this very stream of consciousness.  We hear it in our head a word or two in advance of seeing ourselves type it.  We have been experiencing this for 16 years and are no closer to understanding how it comes forth than we were on the first day of the expression.  Oh, we have gotten better at it.  The nature of the expression has changed over those years and the speed of expression has increased.  But, the basic process is still unknown, it is magical.  That is good.  One can do far worse than having a bit of the magical in their lives.  In my case, it happens to be an average of 10 hours per week of stream of consciousness expression.  It takes another 15 hours per week to process the material and package it into Beyond Imagination works.  Though some of that is because of a backlog due to lack of attention in the past few years.  This is it.  This is what I do for fun.  Metaphysics has always been a passion in my life, at least since my mid-teens.  I consider this to be metaphysical expression, though perhaps not in the same sense as philosophers use it.<>Hmm … this has been a solitary endeavor for so long that I have not been concerned about tying it to the works of others.  That is something for the scholars among us to do.  I do not consider myself to be a scholar, not in the least.  I am a metaphysical writer, who happens to express a stream of consciousness.  I do not question what comes forth, though it is filled with lots of questions.  Nor do I reference the works of others, except on rare occasion.  That is just the way it is.  That is what I am moved to do.  My sense is that the solitary nature of the expression will continue but will not be exclusively so.  I’m open to involving others even though I don’t know the details of how that might happen.  There is just a sense that people operating in a cooperative interdependent manner can accomplish so much more than people operating individually.  Further, the power of the group goes up exponentially with the size of the group.  If we are to change the world, we need to take advantage of this synergy.  And, changing the world is exactly what is required to usher in a new age of consciousness.<>We need a benefactor or a sizeable support group.  Where do we go to find the former or how do we create the later?  There are probably other alternatives.  I just don’t see what these are at present.  Then again, is this mine to manifest, or is it for consciousness to do?  Consciousness, you’ve moved me to this point, where would you move me next?  Surely, this topic would not be coming up in this manner unless you had something in store.  What am I ready to know regarding this?  What is it that I need to do to unleash the abundance that would allow Beyond Imagination to carry out its mission in the world?  What else do I need to learn to be ready to do this?  Are the people that I need to enlist in this endeavor already in my life?  The only thing that you ever have to focus on is being whom that you are in the moment for each an every moment of your life.  Out of what you are being will come what you need to do.  It will be clear and you will have no doubt.  Then, it is a matter of doing it, leaving the outcome in spirits hands.  You are not to be concerned with outcomes.  These are of the future.  Your focus is the present.  When you are being what I created you to be, you will experience your bliss, effortlessly and naturally.  Bliss is a state of being, not a state of doing.  Though there can be an association between what you are being and what you are doing.  Your bliss comes from making your life the masterpiece that you know that it could be.  As a triple fire sign, this involves the spiritual and the metaphysical.  You would have it no other way.  Though, it will not manifest except through your choice.  You choose.  We know that you have often given short thrift to this.  But, you choose nonetheless.  And, your choices result in the reality that you experience.What is mine to direct versus what do I simply allow to unfold?  I have been willing to do the later the vast majority of the time, trusting that spirit was an active guiding force in my life.  Yet, in doing so, I have been underemployed.  I have not been called upon to be all that I can be or to do all that I can do.  At the same time, not everything that I notice needs to be done is mine to do.  Others have their own talents and their own tasking from spirit as well.  In the end, everything that needs to be done will be done when it needs to be done.  So, how do I know what is mine to do?  As always, trust that you will be moved to do what you need to do.  I take it that this applies to manifesting abundance as well.  It is not important that I know how it is to be manifest in the future.  I only need to know what I need to know in the moment.  One step at a time.  You make your choice in the moment.  That is the only place that they can be made.  There is a reason that your memory is so limited and the your planning abilities seem to match.  You are meant to live in the moment.  This is true to some degree for everyone, but it is especially true for you.  That does not mean that you can’t recall something from the past in the moment.  In fact, you do so every time you read this expression.  Though, for you, the material is always fresh and new no matter when it was written or how many times you have read it.

Will this always be our modus operandi?  Will I always be walking through life with blinders on following where spirit would lead me one step at a time?  That is something that I have become used to.  But, is it necessary to for things to remain veiled from me?  Interesting, I have never asked this before.  The 62:Blindfolded Lady following the stream of consciousness definitely characterize me, and it just happens to be my personality number for my whole name.  The answer seems to come in how we escape the personality, the persona, the mask that we wear.  I could just as easily express as 22:The Fool Complete = The Master Builder, my Heart’s Desire number.  Then, there is 84:The Lovers Exalted.  These are just three characteristic numbers from my name.  Though, why do I need to wear any mask?  Why can’t I simply express as I AM?  Indeed, why not?  That would imply that I know when I am expressing as I AM.  Is that what happens here?  If it does, it does not so consciously.  Is that really correct?  Consciousness is expressing these words now.  She does so every time we come here to express.  This is as conscious as things get in my life.  Things just happen: knowing, thinking, feeling, sensing.  All of these just happen.  I have no sense of choosing or controlling them.  I just experience them.  What I do choose is what interpretation, what meaning I give to them.  It is these choices that then result in further experience.  We are more in control of these processes than we believe ourselves to be.  We are whole beings, subconscious, conscious, and superconscious.  These are not separate parts of us.  There are no divisions to the self.  We simplify things and speak as if these parts were separate but such is simply not so.  The conscious and other than conscious parts of ourselves work together to craft the reality that we experience.  The Self is whole, complete, and ONE.  Further, consciousness herself is whole, complete, and ONE.  There is only ONE consciousness that expresses through all of us.  The world is already quite cooperative despite appearances to the contrary.

21 September 2008

We’re getting an early start for a Sunday.  Perhaps that is a sign of things to come.  Could I do this on a full time basis as my sole job?  Not just engaging in this stream of consciousness expression but engaging in all that Beyond Imagination is meant to do.  This is my dream job.  Here, I can be all that I know that I AM and can become all that I was created to be.  It doesn’t matter that I don’t know what that is yet.  It will be revealed as it needs to be revealed.  There is a need to know principle that operates in my life.  I will know what I need to know when I need to know it.  Spirit will ensure that.  Further she does that not only for me but for everyone.  We only have to look within to find what we need to know.  It is there, it is always there.  But, we have to be open and receptive to see it.

My life is unveiling as it should in the moment.  Everything is perfectly unfolding in accord with a spiritual plan.  Nothing needs to be forced, we just need to allow it to unfold naturally.  We have only to encourage it and nourish it to allow it to grow.  This includes whom that we are.  Each of us is a unique expression of spirit.  Each of us has a purpose and a destiny.  Though how we achieve that purpose and how we experience that destiny are up to us.  These are determined by our choices, and our choices alone.  We have that much power over the reality that we experience.  We literally create it, all of it, no exceptions.  At some level, we choose to experience everything that we experience.  That is not speculation, that is the way that it is.  Though, much of this happens on other than conscious levels.

Ego = 576 = 24 squared = X squared = X with a box around it.  This is 7:56 from the inside out.  These are the two drivers of my triangle tarot readings from 1995.  They have come up many times over the course of the past 16 years.  There is something about this that I need to see now.  The first three of my social security number are 575 = Eye = Vision.  576 is only one more than this.  This suggest finding out what needs to be added to my SSN to get to 576-00-0000.  That would be 31-7816.  That is 78:Tarot Completion with 13:Death on the left side and 16:The Lightning Struck Tower on the right side.  Wow!  Two major transformation numbers.  So, what does this tell me?  Vision plus ONE requires Tarot Completion:Death and Tarot Completion:The Tower.  But also, eye + 1 is ego.  But eye sounds like I.  We usually consider the I to be the ego.  But this suggests that such is not so.  It takes something more than that.  Though, this is not to be surprising.  The eye is a limited part of the self.  To be limited, it must contain something that limits it.  The chief culprit is fear.  The ego is meant to be the part of the self that deals with physical reality.  It is not so well suited to deal with emotional, mental, and spiritual reality.  It needs to know that it is safe and secure even as these other realms are experienced.  It is not to be avoided or disregarded.  It is part of whom that we are.  All of our parts are there for a reason.  They have a valid purpose for their existence.  They are meant to be integrated into our experience of reality.  How do we know if the ego is operating outside of “normal” bounds?  For one thing, there is no normal in this regard.  We are all unique.  We are all different.  Our reality, including our physical reality is uniquely our own.  What matters is what is of utility in our lives and those others whose lives we touch.  This we will know by observation, by feedback, and by how it feels to us.  Don’t sell the final one of these short.  Feelings are in our life for a reason.  They are meant to provide direct feedback on what we are experiencing in our lives.  They are good at doing this if we allow them to.  It is the heart that truly knows if we are on the right course in our life.  The heart has been said to be the seat of the soul.  What distinguishes one soul from another?  The answer is simple, the very nature of how that soul loves.  Love can be expressed in many ways.  The chief ways seem to be in relationships and in work.  I don’t have much experience with the former, so that seems to be outside of the realm of this expression.  But, I do know firsthand what it is like to imbue our creations with love.  I believe that such is exactly what I do here.  And, it seems that love expressed always finds its intended recipients.  In this case, that would be all those who are meant to be moved by these works.  That this has not happened yet doesn’t matter.  Once the energy is released it will find a way to be experienced.  That is not something that I have to make happen.  That is something that happens via universal law.  How can I know this?  What makes it more than wishful thinking?  I just know that it is.  It comes forth in this manner, and I know it to be right somehow. 

So, what am I moved to be next?  What am I moved to do next?  How do I manifest true abundance in my life?  How do we move from always enough to abundant on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels?  How do I transform my life so that following my bliss generates my abundance?  It is not as if I don’t want to work and apply myself in service.  In fact, I’m willing to do more than anyone should consider to be my fair share.  Why am I willing to do so much?  Why am I willing to allow my work to consume my life in this manner?  There is just a strong sense that I am here to carry out a mission, and that the time for doing this is limited.  This is to be my lifes work.  Indeed, it is to be my very life.  Here I express what spirit would express through me.  But, at the same time, I express whom that I am.  How can these be one and the same?  That question has been on my mind for some time.  How can all of this be not only coming through me but from me?  How can I not be consciously aware of what is coming forth from me?  At some level, I am aware, intimately aware.  I just don’t seem to be associated with that level other than observing how it does its works in my life.  Ye shall know them by their works.  That is a grand truth.  Though, it applies not only to others in our life but to other parts of ourselves as well.  You are not meant to know everything consciously.  You are not meant to do everything consciously.  You are meant to trust the integrity of your whole self in facing and creating the reality you experience.  It is that easy.  It all comes down to trust.  That, and doing what you are moved to do when you are moved to do it.  There is no external force that is moving you.  It is YOU.  It is YOU.  It is time for you to realize that, wholly and completely.  Your life is your create, no one elses.  This is particularly true for you … but generally true for everyone.  You are a wayshower.  You can’t be a wayshower unless you’ve been to places that others would like to experience.  For you, this has been to states of consciousness that others seldom if ever experience.  That places your forte in the spiritual domain.  What you have recorded of your experiences has great value.  You know that.  You’ve even been moved to place a price tag on it.  But, you haven’t yet packaged it in a way to get it out to those who might benefit from it and be served by it.  Keep trying what you are moved to try.  You will indeed succeed in this endeavor.  This, after all, is what you are here to do, and nothing can stop you from doing that.

This is all from me!  What does it take to truly realize that?  There are many things that I do that are not conscious.  Why should I expect this to be any different?  Is it not enough to be able to do it whenever I am moved to do it?  What more could I ask than that?  I live my life in the moment much of the time, doing in the moment what needs to be done in the moment.  I would find it difficult to live my life in any other way.  A few things need to be planned or scheduled, but these can be kept to a minimum.  Meetings at work are an exception, but even there I avoid these when I can.  I have been working for my present company for nearly 12 years.  That is as long as I have worked anywhere.  During that time I have been commuting to work weekly.  That is a hardship that many would not have tolerated, but the commute was too long to make on a daily basis.  This created a big separation between my work life and my family life.  It seems that this has gone on for too long.  It is too big of a sacrifice to make.  I need to live far closer to where I work.  I have a fortune from several years ago: “You will be successful in a business of your own.”  I believe that I got this fortune for a reason.  Further, I believe that I could be successful in this manner.  At the present time, I just don’t know how to provide services in a manner that would result in this success.  That does not mean that it won’t happen.  Quite the opposite, I believe it is destined.  It’s just that I won’t necessarily know what it is and when it is to manifest until the time is NOW.  That is OK.  I’m used to this.  For all of my life, things have happened in the moment.  That is the only time in which they can manifest. 

How do I attract others into my life?  How do I find those with whom I am to be friends?  How do I find those with whom I am meant to work?  Are they in my life already?  My sense is that the answer is yes … at least some of them.  Outside of work, there are few people in my life.  Even when you count work, the numbers don’t grow substantially.  I just have not been one to acquire acquaintances.  The key people I work with number approximately two dozen and many of these I don’t interface with on even a weekly basis.  That doesn’t matter.  For the Beyond Imagination work to reach many does not mean that I have to interact with them personally.  Though, some amount of that would be good for me as well.  I know that.  Why am I not doing that?  All in good time.  But, the only satisfactory answer to when is NOW.  It is either to be now or not at all.  Now is the only time in which anything can manifest.  From another perspective, there is only NOW, no other time exists. 

We continue to generate word after word in this stream of consciousness expression.  Why do we do it?  What benefit comes of it … to us and to the world?  All that I know is that a record is generated of this stream of consciousness.  For a decade, it was shared freely with any who found the Beyond Imagination site.  We don’t know how many people found parts of this expression and what benefit they might have received.  There is simply not enough feedback to know that.  I don’t know why that is.  We did what we were moved to do in the moment.  We captured this expression and we shared it.  We even went so far as to self-publish most of it.  That, too, was unsuccessfully at best.  The sales were not enough to pay for the postage, much less the publishing cost, or anything for all of the labor that went into it.  That is OK.  Feedback is feedback.  We did what we were moved to do … yes, albeit with the selfish motive at times that this would be the avenue leading to our financial freedom and would provide Beyond Imagination with resources with which to carry out its mission.  These seemed to be good things at the time.  The motives were solid, though a bit on the selfish side.  Though, something blocked them from succeeding.  Oh, I succeeded in self-publishing eight books in 2003 and a final one in 2004.  But, what good is publishing books if they are not purchased and read.  Producing a service is only one half of the equation.  The other half is consuming the service.  As creators, we are in control of the former.  The later is up to the universe to move individuals to do.  Though, it seems that there is also a step of making people aware that the services exist.  Whose job is that?  We can either do it ourselves as the creator of the services, or we can engage the skills of others to do it for us.  Engaging of skills typically involves compensation of some type.  Then, why is that different here.  Why is consciousness able to engage my skills without apparent compensation?  Or, is what I get from bringing forth this stream of consciousness sufficient unto itself?  When we do what we do out of the love of doing it … our thoughts are not on compensation, rather they are on doing the work to the best of our ability.  In the process, we get to be something greater than we knew that we were.  That is the reward for doing get work, the very accomplishment of the work itself.  Focus on that and let the rest take care of itself.  You already know that spirit sees to it that all needs are met.  Further, spirit sees through you as if you were a pane of glass.  She knows exactly what you need.  Further, she knows what you think that you deserve.  Trust.  Spirit’s economic system is simple.  Find needs and fill them, wherever they are, however you can.  Express as only you can express to create works that only you can create.  Use your talents, all of them, in service to others and the world.  Though, don’t neglect yourself in the process.  It is important that you express all of whom that you are, not a subset that would serve as a mask to the world.  It doesn’t matter whether or not you know what that is.  You will know when you are being your best and doing your best.  You will know.  There will be no room for doubt.  You are spirit now manifesting a spiritual life.  It would behoove you to realize that on more than an occasional basis.  You are ready to do that now.  You have been ready for awhile.  The opportunity just didn’t present itself.  That is changing.  You know that.  You feel that in the depths of your being.  Spirit can soar, but to find the depths we must look to the soul.

<>There has not been much in this expression that distinguishes spirit from soul.  Surely, these cannot be the same thing.  We speak of spirit and consciousness often … but rarely do we speak of the soul.  Personally, we are an old soul, perhaps even a transcendental one.  Spiritual reality is our primary concern.  It is what interests us, it is where we focus our attention, it is where we live our life.  That is appropriate for me.  And, I suspect that is appropriate to those who encounter this material.  Like attracts like.  The light that is contained here will be attractive to those who need to experience it.  Whom that will be, I do not know.  Nor do I need to know.  It is enough that what will be will be. 

We continue to express because we continue to be moved to express.  We are as an addict, except on addiction is not on substances, it is on spiritual expression itself.  Thus far, it has been a pleasurable and beneficial addition resulting in over five million words of expression.  That is prolific by any standards.  I consider this to be my lifes work.  Nothing that I have been paid to do over the course of 32 years of laboring even comes close.  I can’t remember one significant thing of lasting value.  It is not that I didn’t work hard during these years, it is just that the work was ultimately meaningless.  I did it because it paid the bills and allowed me to get by … I didn’t seem to have any other choice.  Now, that is not the case.  There are numerous Beyond Imagination works completed and many others in the works.  None of this existed prior to 1993.  But, that is 16 years ago.  Why have things not changed?  Why am I doing all of this part time and why has the material not reached an audience?  Why am I choosing to manifest this in this manner?  This is my life.  This could be extended to our life.  The hermit has outlived its function in my life.  Or has it?  The hermit is my means of accessing material from source, from consciousness herself.  So long as this expression continues in this manner, the hermit provides a useful service.  Live expands by inclusion, not be elimination.  Spirit and me, me and spirit are one.  It seems that it is time to apply this to soul as well.  We have already embraced the transcendentalists.  We know ourself to be among their numbers.  Allow each to exist in all there glory.  Be there to help if you are asked, but trust that each soul knows what it is doing and is on the path that is right for it in the moment.  You are not there to fix anyone.  You and your works are there to facilitate people making changes in their lives, especially spiritually-driven changes.  You are here to help build the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh.  Part of that involves building a personal world in which you can discover whom that you truly are and then express that fully.  You know that you can do this.  Further, you know that you must do this.  It is your fate, it is your destiny, it is the job that you came to do.  Demonstrate in your own life what is possible for the world.  Set the pattern, establish the mold … then share what you have become as much as you can.  This will be far more than you have done to date.  But, you are ready for it.  It is time for a whole new chapter in your life.  And what a chapter it will be.  Just trust that you already know exactly what you must do.  It is just a matter of listening within and doing what you are moved to do as best you can.  Your best is always good enough.  No more can be asked of anyone.  Though, we need to expect the best of everyone.  Further, we need to provide the environment that allows people to function at their best.  We can do this now.  The time is right.  The energies are right.  It’s all a matter of what we choose to manifest.  Why not manifest the world of our dreams?  Why not end the struggle for existence?  Why not free people to be all that they can be?  Indeed, why not?

How do I go from where I am now to where I need to be?  Follow the guidance you are given in the moment.  It will not lead you astray.  Choose what it is that you would do with you live.  You are spending you life every moment of every day.  The question is are you spending it on things that really matter to you and to those whose lives you touch?  Before you answer, consider that you may be touching more lives than you are aware of.  That is just how it is.  You touch others who touch other who touch others …  The circle is larger than you know.  While personally you interact with few, some of those interact with many, and their interaction with you colors how they interact with others.  Yes, it would help for you to be more social.  But, you know that as well.  It is just a matter of choosing to do it.  You are ready to make that choice now, more ready than you have ever been.

You still have a sense that the Beyond Imagination material will be judged by others and deemed to be less worthy than it is in your eyes.  But, there is no basis for this fear.  The reaction is likely to be far more positive and accepting than you have imagined.  Yes, the material can be ego-centric and grandiose at times, but at least it is honest and open.  This is what I experienced as I experienced it.  There is nothing that I would take back.  There is nothing that I would erase.  Here you see what would be brought forth through a stream of consciousness.  It happens to be my stream, and it happens to span 16 years.  That is a lot of material.  It was a lot for me to experience firsthand.  I don’t know precisely how it will impact you reading this.  Though, in many ways what is experienced is similar.  As you read this there is a voice in your head that brings forth these words.  This is no different than a song on the radio, or a movie.  It is an input that enters your awareness.  It becomes your stream of consciousness for awhile along with any thoughts of your own that come up as you read this.  My hope is that this input is able to carry your consciousness to a special place, one similar to where my consciousness was when the material came through.  Firsthand, I don’t know that this is the case.  I’ve read much of the Beyond Imagination material several times and have no sense of returning to any state of consciousness.  The material is always fresh and new.  Though, given the nature of my memory, short term and long term, this is no surprise to me.  The bottom line is that I will not know what others get from the Beyond Imagination works until I see feedback that tells me.  I’ve been a reader all of my life, primarily of metaphysical books.  I don’t know what I take away from those books either.  I just know that my life is altered as a result of reading them.  I believe this is primarily because my beliefs have changed.  That may or may not be it.  There are many things that I don’ know, especially things about myself.  We are complex being … I guess that should be expected.  But, I’ve spent a good deal of my adult life in search of knowing myself.  You would think that I would have found out something by now.  And, I believe that I have, it is just that most of it has occurred on other than conscious levels.  My life is lived on automatic for the most part.  Something seems wrong about that.  Where is the spontaneity?  Where is the fun, the joy of being?  It seems that we still have to work on that.

22 September 2008

Wow!  Over nine thousand words from home on a three day weekend.  That is just an example of what I can do.  That is just a sign of things to come.  Work is busy, but it is not rewarding or satisfying.  Further, it does not lead to or facilitate my happiness.  I know that there is something grander than this, something more important than this that I am here to do with my life.  Part of that something grander involves this very expression.   But, to date, it is only grander in my eyes and those of consciousness herself.  There is some reason that all of this is coming forth though me.  It teaches me a lot about myself, about reality, about consciousness, about spirit, and about reality creation.  I sense that it would do this for others if they were moved to read this expression.  But, what would move them to do so?  If I were more vocal and demonstrative, my example might move them.  But, that does not seem to be a likely choice that I will make.  How else do we get the word out?  Clearly, the things that I have been doing over the past 16 years in this regard have not worked.  In part, that was because I had no sense of who the audience for this expression was.  I still don't know, though I sense that it is close at hand.   Either I will find it, or it will find me.  One way or another ideas reach those for whom they are intended.  This is not something that I have to force.  But, it may be something that I have to encourage or enable.  Posting Beyond Imagination works on the WWW simply was not enough.  I have always felt that my time and energy was better spent in bringing forth new material than in promoting what has come before.  Perhaps this was in error, but it enabled a large body of works to be created.  However, what do we choose to do now?  Clearly, our choice is to express.  But, is this out of habit or out of not knowing what else to do?  To some degree it is.  Though, we do what we are moved to do.  This is simply how we operate.  We see no reason to change this now.  Keep doing as you have always done and you will keep experiencing what you have always experienced.  If you want something to change, then you must do something different.  You must be different.  You must believe differently.   You must think differently.  Allow new things to fill your life.  New things keep you young, interested, and excited about life.  They can also be frightening to one who stubbornly holds onto old ways.  Yes, we are speaking of you.  There is a reason that you wife calls you stubborn.  And, that label is well-deserved.  But, it is only a label.  You are free to shed any label at any time.  It is all a matter of what you choose to be and how you choose to express.

Limitations are not meant to keep us from discovering whom that we are.  They are meant to show us where we have obstacles to overcome.  All limitations are hence temporary ... for in the end all shall overcome every obstacle in our way.  All limitations are ultimately self-imposed.  They may manifest outside of us, but only as a reflection of what is within us.  The limitations that keep us from being all that we can be are the most troublesome and problematic.  They get in the way of the prime spiritual directive to be all that we can be.  Spiritual directives are expression of spiritual law.  As such, they must be obeyed eventually.  Here, the accomplishment of our mission, our purpose for being, is at stake.  And, there is nothing that can stop us from carrying out what we were destined to do.  Nothing.  In a world where all are ONE, this applies to everyone, to every individual.  Though, the evidence appears to be to the contrary.  We do not appear to live in a world where this is true.  That is OK.  Appearances can be deceiving.  The illusion can change in a heartbeat, and it will do so when we align our hearts so that they beat as ONE.  Now, more than at any time in history, we can do just that.  It is a matter of our collective choice ... and that is happening on other than conscious levels.  Why now?  Because it is time, because a new age is upon us.  Why us?  Because we came to be the players in the grand drama that is unfolding.  We will be the ones who made a difference in the lives of all those who follow us.  And, what a difference we are making.  This is an exciting time to be alive.  This is an exciting time to be spirit enfleshed.  The possibilities before us are endless.  Truly, there are no limits other than those we make for ourselves.  But we still need to be civil.  We need to be kind, caring, and considerate.  We need to be compassionate and loving.  For, without these things, there is no solid basis for a new world order ... a spiritual world order.  Spiritual does not mean religious.  Further, it does not even mean believing in a God.  It does mean understanding that there is more to life than the physical and the emotional and the mental.  Though, we can't force people to be spiritual.  We don't need to.  We are all spiritual whether we believe that we are so or not.  We cannot choose to be non-spiritual any more than we can choose to be non-physical.  Though we can choose to believe that we are whatever we want.  It helps if our beliefs are aligned with truth, but that is not a requirement for beliefs.  Most of us believe many things that simply are not so.  Beliefs are to be judged by their utility in our life and the lives of those we touch.  There is no other criteria.  Beliefs deal in the realm of the unknown, not in the realm of the true and false.  Beliefs are the filters that we choose to allow us to see the world as we do.  Each of us chooses different filters, hence sees a world that is uniquely ours.

Still thinking about the Psych-K session on Friday and the fact that we do not yet know what our mission is.  We thought that we did.  We thought that it was to create the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh.  This has been Beyond Imaginations stated mission since the expression began.  But, I am not Beyond Imagination.  Yes, I create works for Beyond Imagination.  But, there is no identity function here.  By their works shall ye know them is a grand truth.  And, the works of Beyond Imagination are my works.  But, these works are not ME.  They are not even close to being whom that I AM.  And what am I.  I am the being that you created me to be.  I am the ME that YOU created ME to BE.  Beyond that, I haven't much of a clue.  I am the one through whom this expression comes.  I am the one who is aware of all that I experience.  I am the writer who creates this very stream of consciousness.  Interesting.  But what does that mean.  How does any creative person create the works that they do?  Is this always an automatic process as it is for me?  Our minds are mysterious creatures.  They constantly do things that we know not how they do.  I would be a Master Builder, a Master Teacher, and a Benefactor.  It is all a matter of talent, training, and resources especially to be the later.  So, we know Beyond Imaginations mission.  Further, we know what I would be.  Now, how does that relate to my mission.  It seems that in general terms our personal missions are identical ... to be all that we can be, and to express that in service.  The tricky part comes in realizing exactly what is involved in being all that we can be.  This is precisely what you created us to be.  We don't need to know exactly what that is.  We just need to trust that we are being nurtured by experience in a manner that will allow us to grow into it.  Yes, that is a non-answer of sorts, almost equivalent to an I don't know.  Though, not quite.  We need to have faith that we were created for a purpose, and that this purpose will be revealed to us over the course of our lives.  If the play calls for us to realize our mission at some point in time, we will indeed do so.  If not, it should not restrict us from being the best we can be and doing what we are moved to do to the best of our ability. 

Our bliss is related to metaphysical expression, the very type of expression that you experience here.  Further, our bliss is related to carrying out our mission, though we know not precisely what that is other than fostering the works of Beyond Imagination.  Interesting that we would choose the word fostering versus creating or even expressing.  Though, at this point I don't know enough about the definitions of these words to discern what the difference actually is.  For one who expresses so many words, it is curious that precise definitions are lacking.  There is no sense of picking and choosing my words here.  They just come forth as they do, and I assume that they are right.  Occasionally there is a grammar mistake.  More often than that, words that sound alike are substituted.  That reinforces the idea that all of this comes to me as vibration, as sound.  From where is a different matter.  I label this as the source within or consciousness herself, but both of those concepts are sketchy at best in my mind.  We have a 200 page work:  On Consciousness that is composed of passages from the first 11 years of the Beyond Imagination expression that deal with consciousness.  Source has only come up rarely.  Back to bliss.  That seems to be the magical key.  When we find our bliss, we will have found ourself, and we will have found our source of happiness.  This is not something to be taken lightly.  Our source of bliss is also our source of abundance.  Our bliss involves being something that we love to be and doing things that we love to do.  One natural byproduct of this is that we provide the greatest service that we are capable of providing.  We are in the zone, doing what we came to the planet to do.  How do we do that?  And, just as importantly, how do we help others do that?  Hmm ... it seems that this is exactly what I am here to do.  Here, the Master Teacher and the Benefactor come into play.

I ask for abundance that I may have the resources to meet my needs and free me to do the work of Beyond Imagination full time.  Though, it is not for me alone that I ask, but for those whom I could help, and for those whom I could engage in doing the Beyond Imagination work with me.  You know what my needs are better than I do.  And, I trust that you are moving me in a manner that allows me to fulfill them when I am ready.  Yes, I desire for the timing to be now.  But, I can be patient and wait as long as is necessary.  I know that I am still struggling with ego.  It is easy to become grandiose when you have all of this coming through you.  At the same time, I know that it is not all me doing this.  Clearly, it is not ego doing this.  Otherwise, I would expect more conscious awareness and more fear and negativity.  Is what I ask too much?  If it is, it will simply not manifest.  I just had to ask.  I am willing to give abundantly.  In fact, I already believe that I do.  And, I am ready to give much more, perhaps even more than is reasonable to expect of myself.  Abundance seems to be a fair exchange for this.  That it is not already in my life is a sign that there is something that I am being or not being, doing or not doing that is blocking it somehow.  It is time for that to be realized and remedied.  But, what about obligations in my present work environment?  Do I truly have any obligations here?  Is it not enough that I give of my time and service for the compensation that I get?  I have been here for nearly 12 years.  How much time is enough?

23 September 2008

Once again we start with a blank slate, not knowing how that slate will be filled.  So it is every time we muse.  There are other ways to write.  Though, this particular way is one that I find most fascinating and most enjoyable.  Here my consciousness soars.  Here it seems that I am along for the ride, following wherever consciousness herself would take me.  In the moment I can think of no better way to spend my time, to spend my life ... for is that not what time is to us, life itself?  Each day we are granted so many minutes.  And, of those, one-third we allocate to sleep.  What we do with the rest is our gift to the world.  We need to make good choices regarding how we use these minutes, for they in turn become the days of our lives.  It is important that we do something each day that is of service to others.  My general choice is to engage in the Beyond Imagination expression either as I am doing now, or reading and thinking about it.  I do that nearly every day, often for in excess of four hours per day.  This is a major part of my life.  It is the major consumer of my free time by far.  This is not be accident.  This is exactly as I choose it to be.  Though, it clearly was not on a conscious level that I choose for the Beyond Imagination expression to be born.  That just happened, much as this happens now.  I open my mind and consciousness fills it with this stream of words.  Most of the words apply to me personally, but some have more universal application.  The bottom line is that they are what they are, and I don't know how to make them different than they are.  What does that say about the role of consciousness in my life?  What does that say about our power over our own minds?  What is true for me is true for others as well.  I just don't know for how many others.  That is OK.  This expression speaks to me as nothing else does.  That is sufficient reason for its existence.  Though, I can't help but imagine what the world would be like if many more people were speaking in such a manner, or were creating what their consciousness bid them to create.  Indeed, the world would be magically transformed before our very eyes.  In a way, for me, it is already transformed ... it is a matter of a timelag to see it manifest in flesh.  The battles of spirit have been waged and won ... it is time for a new age to be born.  Yet, how many are ready to bow to spirit in their lives.  Many bow to Gods, but that is not the same thing.  Namaste.  The spirit in me bows to the spirit in you.  Most of us are not used to thinking in terms of the God within.  But, the spirit within, that is much easier to fathom.

What do I want from life?  What does life want from me?  The answer is simple: to be the best that I can be and to do the best that I can do.  What else would we expect?  First being, then doing ... that is the priority of spirit.  That needs to be our priority as well.  Focus on what you want to be and the doing will come naturally.  You will be moved to do what you need to do when you need to do it.  Moving you to be whom that you truly are is another matter entirely.  There self-work is required.  And, much self-work at that.  Personally, you've been doing that for 34 years.  Though, you've stepped it up a notch of late through Psych-K.  That is truly amazing consciousness technology.  One session can cause significant transformation.  Though, it is something that requires the skills of a good practitioner.  This limits how it can be applied to the masses.  But, you already have some ideas on that.  You don't have to reach every individual to adjust the beliefs of the collective.  You don't even have to reach a critical mass.  You can reach the collective directly.  You can be a surrogate for the world, bringing forth collective beliefs, removing them and replacing them with more empowering ones.  You know that.  You don't know how to do that yet.  But, you will.  And, you are right, Cindy can help you in doing this.  There is only so much that you need to do as an individual.  The next step is to start doing things as a collective.  You do that by becoming the collective.  You do that by stepping beyond your individuality to participate in something grander than you.  Yes, this does indeed seem to be where things are heading.  You other need to develop one relationship at a time, especially if that relationship is a deep one.  That does not preclude you from developing more ... it just makes it OK to develop one at a time.  Wow!  It will be interesting to see what comes of this.  Already, I can see a whole new avenue opening up for the Beyond Imagination expression.  If we can directly impact the collective consciousness, we truly have a chance to impact the world in positive ways.  We can free people to be all that they are.  We can free people to creatively express all that they choose to express.  And, what a wonderful world it will be.

We can envision this.  But, can we manifest it.  I already have the right connection.  It is just a matter of having sufficient resources to pay for the time.  While I still seem to need to engage in my spiritual work for free, I don't expect others to provide their services for free ... especially if those are the services they provide to make their living.  Sure, I would like my spiritual services to support me in the same manner.  But, that is not how it has been to date.  Whether this will continue for another week, month, year, or decade ... I simply do not know.  When it is time to derive my abundance from the Beyond Imagination works, it will be so.  That is just how it it.  Until then, it is up to me to do what I am moved to do to the best of my abilities and find a way to be happy in the process.  Being happy should not be such a difficult thing to be.  Here, we need to set the bar low so that we can achieve it often.  But, how do we do that?  How do we set the happiness bar in our life?  One obvious way for me would be to set the bar so that I am happy everyday that I am engaged in the Beyond Imagination expression, either reading or writing it.  This is something that I do virtually every day ... and could easily do every day since all that it requires is access to a Beyond Imagination book.  It would not matter whether I am at home or traveling.  It would not matter whether I have access to a computer.  Hmm ... so how do we make that stick?  I am happy every day that I engage in Beyond Imagination.  Why should I need anything more than that to be happy?  I don't need abundance, it will come of its own accord.  I just need enough to live comfortably and engage in the Beyond Imagination work to the degree that I can.  We don't ask for much.  Though we do ask that our work and our spiritual work become one.  At the moment, the only way I can envision that happening is for the spiritual work to overcome and replace the paid work.  Whether that will happen and when it will happen don't seem to be my call.  Though, there is a sense of needing to be open to possibilities now ... possibilities that have never been there before.  While it may be possible, I just can't see how to expand my present work to encompass my spiritual work.  I'm a bit tired of the weekly commuting to a job that is only marginally satisfying.  Though, at the same time I am grateful that the job provides sufficient compensation to allow me to do what I do, both at work and in my free time.  Being tired and struggling to stay awake, especially in the mornings, are signs that something is amiss however.  If I were doing what I loved to do, that would not be something that I experience.  Though, this weekend after expressing for three hours I sat down to read some of the Beyond Imagination works for awhile and had to struggle to stay awake.  I finally gave in and watched a movie, The Mission.  So, it still seems as if there is something further to discover regarding my passion and my bliss.  Here, we are close, but we are not quite there.  It seems that we need some kind of a mixture of working alone and working with others.  Yes, even me.

The pace is great tonight.  My mind is at ease.  There is not much thinking about what is coming forth.  And, much is brand new expression.  Often recurring themes come up here.  But, not tonight.  Metaphysical expression is where my passion is, it is where my bliss lies as well.  I know that.  I've known that for some time.  But, it seems that I need to narrow that down a bit.  Not all metaphysical writings attract me or command my attention.  In fact, most philosophical works do not.  Plato was the only philosopher that I loved.  Also, most of the works in specific metaphysical categories do not.  The transcendentalists moved me deeply and still do to this day.  I consider myself to be among their numbers.  Jane Roberts (Seth), Dan Millman, Richard Bach, Deepak Chopra, Neale Donald Walsch, James Redfield, and others that will go unnamed have moved me for many years.  Words are it for me.  They are what truly move me.  Even in movies, it is dialog, the words that get to me.  Others are moved by actions and special effects.  While interesting, they have no lasting value for me.  It is no wonder that I would choose to be a writer, and that I would regard this expression as the greatest thing that I have brought forth to date.  How does this compare to the works of my favorite authors?  I don't really know.  Self-publishing bypassed the competition process for how books get published and promoted.  Why did I choose to do that?  Because such was what I was moved to do, the price was right, and Infinity Publishing seemed to be the right name for a publisher of the Beyond Imagination works.  It has been five years since that decision.  Perhaps it is time for a new decision.  Perhaps it is time to generate a new Beyond Imagination work and submit it to some publishers open to publishing metaphysical works.  There is plenty of material to choose from.  Another Best Quotes or Best Passages book might be appropriate.  But, is that what I am moved to do right now?  How much do I care what other people think?  I am what I AM nonetheless.  Be open to the universe providing you with opportunities to draw your abundance from new sources.  This may be one of them, or it may not be.  But, you won't know one way or the other unless you try.  What have you got to lose?  It is simply a matter generating a work, finding the addresses of publishers, making copies, and sending the copies out.  You are going to generate the works regardless.  Yes, you may be rejected, perhaps even by all ... but, that will give you feedback that you don't presently have.  In the world, feedback is everything.  Systems can only operate open loop for so long and be effective ... or even remain alive.  With the Beyond Imagination expression, you have operated open loop for sixteen years.  That is a long stretch.  But, now more than ever feedback is necessary to guide where the Beyond Imagination expression goes next.  And, in this case we are talking about feedback from the world, not feedback from spirit herself.  Though, at some level both are indeed one and the same.

It will be interesting to see what I am moved to do as a result of this.  I know what I AM.  I am a metaphysical writer.  But, a writer should do more than generate words.  Words need to be read.  That is their only purpose for being.  And, when words are read, they can move us to action, action that has the potential to change the world.  I believe the words here are of such a character and a quality that they can do this.  But, they can only do this if they enter the minds of others.  The words must somehow reach their intended audience.  That does not seem to be in my circle of acquaintances.  Nor does it seem to be in terms of the reach of Infinity Publishing.  Perhaps creating another work and finding a conventional publisher is indeed the answer.  The words are already written.  It is simply a matter of choosing from them.  Though that can be time consuming as well.  We just need a place to start.  We just need a sufficient audience to get the ball rolling.  This seems to be one way of helping ourself do just that.  Give the universe a chance to help.  The universe won't do everything for you.  Some things are yours to do.

24 September 2008

We're getting a late start tonight.  That happens sometimes.  Work takes as long as it takes.  At times, I can't control that.  Fortunately, it doesn't happen too often anymore.  I so love expressing here.  This is what makes my day.  This is what makes my consciousness soar and my heart sing.  Indeed, this is a joyful expression ... as it is meant to be.  What would we bring forth tonight?  It is always a surprise.  Mysterious forces are at play here, forces over which we have no conscious control.  Clearly though, we are able to harness them into this very expression.  We do that often and we generally do that for at least ten hours per week.  That is sufficient to provide a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.  Any less and there is a sense that something is missing in our life.  Any more is difficult given all the other Beyond Imagination work that is in progress.  There is only so much that we can do.  However, this is generally far more than we might expect.  It is amazing what determination and focus allow one to accomplish.  It is even more amazing what can be done when we allow spirit to do the work through us.  Her resources are far greater