Musings of a Spiritual Warrior
2005

1 January 2005

It finally arrived!  A new year is upon us.  What promise does the new year hold?  What will we choose to do differently this year?  How will we choose to be different this year?  I did not make any resolutions yesterday.  Nor do I intend to make any today.  I would take each day as it comes.  But what about the fork in the road?  What path would I take now?  I can only wait at the fork for so long, and then I must commit to one way or another.  Is that really true.  Or, is the fork an illusion that I see only from my present vantage point?  Hmm ... then again, what is not illusion in this reality?  How is it that we interpret things as we do?  What generates the rich reality that we experience each and every moment?  Our brains are truly amazing.  They take in energy as relayed by an enormous array of sensors and somehow combine this fabric of energy into something that we can experience.  We are energy enfleshed.  What we experience is another aspect of energy.  Everything is energy, everything is spirit.  What forms of energy do I wish to express, and what forms of energy do I wish to perceive?  Once again, many questions.  But, do I even begin to understand the impact of the answers?

It seems that I have gone as far as I can go on my own.  Actually, it is not really on my own, spirit has been there with me every step of the way.  It seems time for me to be part of a society of greater than one.  I don't mean at a surface level.  Here, we are speaking of an intentional society, one that we create for our mutual enjoyment, expression, and interaction.  But, who do I truly want to interact with?  That is a big leap for a hermit.  Being social is somewhat foreign to me.  Yet, how am I to build the foundations for a new world without being social to some degree  How can I care about the overall welfare of society so much, and not be moved to help any specific individuals in any particular ways?  Yes, that is an enigma.  No one said understanding ourselves would be an easy process.  That is OK, it is worth doing anyway.  It is worth doing whatever it takes.  It is only through self-awareness that we become all that we can be.  And this is one of the strongest dictates of spirit.

I don't particularly sense a major change in energy today.  It seems just like any other day.  Yet, symbolically, it marks a major shift.  It is a time when old calendars are discarded for new ones.  It is as if life begins anew this time every year, in the early days of winter.  So, what shift is happening within me that mirrors this?  2005, my first two major rays, 2:Love/Wisdom and 5:Concrete Manifestation.  Is this the year that the vision of Beyond Imagination is finally manifest?  It could very well be.  We have 365 days to achieve this, if such is the will of spirit.  A year is a long time for doing something, especially if we make the most of each moment.  So, how would I show my energy to more people?  Is this what is necessary at this time?  It seems that it is indeed time for the hermit to escape the confines of the shell.  Another appropriate analogy is the transformation of the chysalis into the butterfly.  What parts of me need to die to allow that to happen?  And what parts of me need to tranform so that I can truly spread my wings and fly.  To escape the surly bonds of earth, is that not what I seek?  Then again, am I really bound now?  After all, my consciousness is free to soar already.  It has been doing so for many years.  But how do I fly higher and faster and farther than I have flown before?  Why is it so important that I do this?  Only consciousness herself knows.  Can I do what I need to do amongst others?  Or, is this something that I must do on my own, with spirits help of course?  Why does belonging seem to be such a foreign concept to me?  I don't mind fitting in, but there is something about groups that goes against my grain.  Am I limited to what I am by nature?  Clearly not.  Then, why do I not see the value of true companionship?  Perhaps one has to experience something to see its true value. 

I'm struggling a bit today, yet the words come forth nonetheless.  And, while they continue to come forth, I am moved to capture them.  Were does love fit into the picture?  What can we expect from love?  Can we really expect anything?  Is not true love unconditional?  That is how I experience the love of spirit.  But, what about human love?  Can we expect the same of it?  Be wary of expecting too much.  Yet, at the same time be wary of settling for less than can be.  Relationships can be tricky, especially for those who are overly self-focused.  Yes, we are speaking of you.  Indeed, you do tend to take things a bit too far at times.  Realize that you are near the extreme when it comes to the scale of human behavior.  If there were any less communication, it is not clear that you would be able to function at all.  For you, this has worked to date, but has no made you happy.  Perhaps it is time to relax your grip at bit and ease back to a less extreme position.  Try it, and see how it feels.  See if you like the changes it brings to your reality.  It truly is time for you to do something different.  That means risking something.  You have to be willing to lose something in order to gain something.  In this case, we speak of being willing to lose or loosen a part of your personality, the face that you present to the world.  In doing so, you will find that you are far more than you ever believed that you might be.

Just past 5:00 and it's already dark outside.  It's like that this time of the year.  The days are at their shortest.  That's OK, I like the nights as well.  There is something different about the nights.  The energy is different.  For me, it makes it easier to focus.  Hmm ... it is curious that most jobs are done during the daytime.  The holiday vacation has been good for me.  But, it will be good getting back to work as well.  Not that I love my job.  However, it does give my some pleasure to work where I do as I do.  Also, I feel that I am more effective during the work week.  I am able to focus on the job for 9 hours and still find time to express for 2-3 hours.  It makes for full days and quick weeks.  Though, tiredness sets in at times.  Some things are just boring for me.  Some things I just don't like to do.  I especially don't like being forced to do something or being expected to do something.  Fortunately, that doesn't happen too often.

My eyes are weary, but that is not enough to stop me.  I have one goal that I like to meet as often as I can.  That is, for each day of expression to reach at least 2000 words.  Why is that important?  It is a threshold that I have set for myself, a bar that I know that I can easily reach.  Usually it is a matter of patience and focus.  If I persist in expressing long enough, I will indeed exceed this goal.  I know that based on experience.  Since the 24th of December, we have only missed this goal once, on a day when we did not express at all.  I am pleased by that.  This expression matters deeply to me, possibly more deeply than anything else in my life.  Yes, these words are that important, this work is that important.  As I write that, I feel shivers through my upper body, into my arms, and now down into my legs.  More than shivers, it is a cold surge of moving energy.  This is different than I've felt before.  I am different than I ever was.

It will be interesting to see where this year takes us.  The future is ripe with possibilities, but these must be embraced and accepted in the moment to make them real in our lives.  There is a sense that major change is on the horizon.  I look forward to this.  There is also a sense that the changes will not come of their own this time.  They are dependent on me to do something.  This I have been reluctant to do in the past.  But, this is a new year.  It is time to start some new traditions on my own.  It is time to overcome some of the habitual behavior that no longer serves me or serves others.  Where do I start?  What would I change first?  Relationships come to mind.  How do I establish more meaningful and lasting relationships?  I know that I can do this.  I already have a close relationship with spirit, with consciousness, that can serve as a model of what I am capable of.  How do I apply this to other relationships in my life?  One obvious requirement is to make it the focus of my attention, and give it time in which to express.  Relationships are the expressions of the interactions of two or more people.  My energy, however, is still in loner mode most of the time.  What does it take to get beyond this?  Hmm ... where am I choosing to spend my time at the moment?  Where do I usually choose to spend my time?  Is it any wonder that I am alone so much?  Clearly, it isn't.  We get what we focus upon.  However, we also experience who we are as we do this.

How much do I want to change my mode of interaction with others?  I am comfortable with who I am for the most part, however there is still something missing in my life.  Whether I can find that in interacting with other people or not remains to be seen.  It seems that most of what concerns many people does not matter to me at all.  It is difficult finding something common in which to relate.  The things of this world are only so enticing to me.  A few things vie for my attention.  But, in the end they are just things.  Consciousness is what matters to me most.  Yet, we are all consciousness manifest, expressing and experiencing as we do.  Why am I not more interested in others?  Why am I not able to speak my mind?  There is still a fear of being judged.  But, why should that be?  What good does it serve?  One possible good is that it seems to keep my ego in check.  However, is it too high of a price to pay for doing this?  How social do I really want to be?  The immediate answer is a little, but not too much.  I would much rather deal deeply with a few than interact superficially with many.  Will I get to do so?  And, if so, when?  Joseph Campbell said to follow your bliss.  It seems high time that I listened to that and acted upon it.  Though, has that not been what I have been doing here?  Is this very expression not the result of doing just that?  But why doesn't bliss lead to happiness for me?  What am I missing?

This vacation I have watched many movies and mused nearly daily.  For the most part, I have enjoyed the week immensely.  It seems that my closest relationships at present are with my two dogs, Teddy and Daffi.  They both love attention.  Hmm ... is that the secret to relationships, attention.  Why do I find it so difficult to place my attention on others?  To what degree do I desire attention from others?  Yes, it seems that this area is going to be one that we must work on this year.

2 January 2005

Another day nearly gone.  It seems that they all go by so fast now.  Though, I did make the time to come here to express before commuting back to Los Angeles for the week.  This is the first time I've had 10 days off in a row for over a year.  Actually, the last time was over the holidays last year, though I was sick with whooping cough for much of that time, so it doesn't really count.  This year was much different.  It was much more productive, yet much more quiet at the same time.  It is as if we got a running start into the new year.  I feel good about what I've accomplished.  We only missed one day of musing during that whole period of time.  And, that was on the day we went to the cabin, so I was not home to be able to write.

Where will this expression take us this year?  And, what will be brought into the context of my reality?  Clearly, this year will be different.  Then again, every year is, some more different than others.  But, somehow it feels that this year is destined to be more special than most.  We will have to see how it unfolds.  I am different than I have ever been.  I feel more in command of my life somehow.  Yet, there still is a lack of connection to others.  Something seems wrong about this.  Yes, it is due to choices that I have made, both consciously and other than consciously.  I have chosen to isolate myself in this way.  Part of that seems to be because this is who I am.  However, that does not seem to be all of the story.  From an early age, I found it easier to avoid people than to confront and interact with them.  I have lived this way all of my life, so much so that it has become second nature to me.  However, is that what is meant to be?  It seems that human beings are social creatures.  They are meant to be a part of society, not apart from society.  So, why is it that I do not seem to conform to this nature?  How can I dream of creating a better society and better world, yet basically choose not to participate in the present ones?  What makes me think that I know what I am doing?  If it were me alone doing it, that would be a great question.  But, from the beginning, it has been spirit expressing through me that has brought all of this forth.  I have faith that spirit knows exactly what she is doing even if I do not.  What gives me such faith?  There is just a knowingness that what comes forth is right somehow, that what comes forth taps a deep source of wisdom that is beyond anything that I know personally.  But, how can that be?  How is that possible?  What is it that knows more than we know?  What is the source of such wisdom?  I only know that I call it the source within, and believe it to be the one consciousness that animates everything.  Could I be wrong in this?  Perhaps, but what does it matter?  The fact is that something is able to express through me, something that is beyond what I know myself to be, yet at the same time it does not appear to be another individual entity.  In many respects, I channel this source.  Though, unlike many channels who bring forth material from individual or group entities with their own names, I was told from the very first day of expression:  we are Wayne.  Note, not I am Wayne, but we are Wayne.  I was told because I specifically asked, "what should I call you"?  I asked because the source of what was coming through seemed remote and foreign somehow.

The process has been consistent since then.  The source has remained the same.  And, I have not been moved to ask about it again.  I just took it for granted that whatever this source is, it is a greater aspect of whom that I am.  That is enough for me.  That the stream of consciousness comes forth as it does is enough for me.  It is as if it complements and completes my life somehow.  I would not be the same without it.  Ultimately, the world would not be the same without it.  Though it is not clear how the Beyond Imagination expression will reach enough of the world to make a difference.  In some respects, that is not my concern.  It seems that my job is to bring the material forth as faithfully as I can.  The sense is that there will be others who find the works, are moved by them, and carry the message to others.  Though, even here, there is some question of what role I have to play.  Will there be any interactions between us?  What about establishing prototype communities based on cooperative interdependence?  Am I to be a part of this?  Am I to ever be a part of any community?  Or, do I need to create the kinds of communities that I would choose to be a part of?  Interesting.  In most ways, I am still very much a loner.  But, is that truly how I want to live?  In the past, it seems that I did not have much of a choice.  But, the present is ripe with possibilities.  Which of these will I choose to manifest?  Yes, the power to choose is in my hands now.  It has always been there, but with the new year it is heightened substantially.  What do I choose to create in my life?  How do I choose to expend my time, resources, and energy?  There is an urgency in the air, a sense that it is time to do something different, a sense that it is time to make a new life for myself.  At the same time, it seems that I need to do this within the constructs of my present life.  Everything in my experience has been drawn into my life for a reason.  It is meant to show me something of what can be.  The potential is there for realizing anything that I might desire, for manifesting anything that I might choose.  But, it is up to me to let the universe know what I want.  It is not enough just to allow things to happen, to allow my life to unfold as it will.  Yes, that is one possible choice that I could make ... but it wastes one of my chief assets, my will.  It is time to apply all of my resources, talents, and abilities to build the foundations for the new world that has been revealed here.  That may or may not be enough to make it so.  But, that is all that I can do.  This is all that can be asked of anyone ... myself included.  I have a tendency to ask a lot of myself.  However, with the aid of consciousness, I have always been able to meet or exceed what I have asked.  It is amazing how much we can do when we allow spirit to do the work through us.  Her resources seem to be inexhaustible, definitely far beyond my own.  I cannot imagine anything better than being in her service.  No, this does not make me a slave in any respect.  It makes me a tool for the greater good of the whole.  In expressing in this manner, I am able to put myself aside for awhile.  Not too far aside, for much of the expression is about me.  But, far enough aside that I can share things here that I have not shared with anyone else.  I still find it interesting that one who is as quiet and reserved and private as I am can share what I do here.  But, so it is, and so it has been since 1993.  There is something about written expression that dispels the fear.  There is a sense of permanence to it.  There is a sense of authority that goes beyond anything that I would attribute to myself.  That makes the material fascinating.  That makes the nature of consciousness fascinating.

We're at about the two-thirds point in the musing, just under 1400 words.  For some reason, it is important to me to at least try to surpass the 2000 word quota that I set for myself.  I consider that a respectable accomplishment, and for the most part am able to achieve it.  If I could do this on a full time basis, I'm sure that I would set the mark much higher.  But, for now, this allows me some time to live my life too.  Though, I consider this expression to be a major part of my life, perhaps the most important part.  That may be one of the reasons that my existence is still so solitary.  Though, it was solitary long before this expression began.  I'm excited about what lies in store for this year.  It does not matter that I don't have any foreknowledge of what will be.  Something tells me that when I have reached the end, I will be grateful for all that the year has brought.  It has not been that way in many years of my life.  I've been going through the motions, meeting my obligations, but not really living life fully.  It is time for that to change.  Life is too short to waste.  The time that we have is precious.  Being alive, being incarnate, is truly a gift.  It is up to us to make the most of this gift.  One way to do this is by giving, in particular, giving of whom that we are to others.  This primarily happens through relationships, but that is not the only way.  Hmm ... what other ways are there?  We can give directly to spirit.  We can be a vehicle for the expression of consciousness in the world.  And, the works that we do can serve to illuminate many.  There is a sense that this is what I am doing here.  Providing a voice for consciousness to express is a service to spirit herself.  It is also potentially a service to the world.  What does it take to transform this from a potentiality to a reality?  That is what Beyond Imagination is all about.  Before it is done, it will have achieved its mission.  It will have laid the foundations for a new world.  That does not mean this world will be constructed during your lifetime.  But, the concrete foundations will be set in place on which others can build.  You see, you did not come to experience the fruits of your labors.  You have been gifted with the vision and the ability to draw it forth.  But, it seems that is as far as you chose to take things.  You can to manifest the one consciousness in the most intimate way that you could.  You came to be a wayshower ... but like Moses, you are not to cross beyond the river Jordan into the land of milk and honey.  Once you discover you're rightful place, you will find great joy in carrying out your mission.  Yes, that means that you have not found it yet.  But then, you already know that.  You will always be The Man in Search of More in this existence.  The five senses and the three minds will never be enough for you.  That is OK, your path will be a glorious one anyway.  It is not meant for you to live as others life, or to be content with the things of the physical.  You were born of fire.  Your life is meant to be one of spirit.  Then, you already know that.  Such is what consumes you.  Such is what sets your heart ablaze.  Live the life that only you are meant to live.  Concern yourself with others, but don't be overly concerned.  They are responsible for their own life by their own choices.

3 January 2005

The official count is in ... 96 musings for 2004.  That's not bad considering there was only one musing in the first six months of the year.  It is difficult being back at work after a ten day absence.  But, it is a necessary thing, the bills must be paid after all.  That requires exchanging my services for a salary.  While I wish this would not be the case, at present it is.  So, I will fulfill my obligations and do what I must, hopefully finding a way to enjoy myself in the process.  This year is starting off great.  We are three for three as far as musings go.  We'll have to see if this keeps up.  My sense is that it will.  I feel more motivated to make it so.  The energy seems right for expressing once again.  My battery is recharged, and I am curious as to where all this will lead.  Each day is fresh and new.  Each day provides another opportunity for consciousness to speak.  And, speak she does, through my fingers and onto this screen.  What part do I have in creating what comes forth?  It seems that I am sort of a translator and a scribe.  This expression needs my consciousness to be able to manifest as it does.  Yet, my consciousness while necessary, is clearly not sufficient.  That makes the process quite interesting.  It puts me in an essential position, one that I love.  But, what will become of all of this work?  Will it find and move the people that it is meant to move?  My sense is yes, it will because this has already been worked out in the Plan.  Consciousness has already decided who is to be touched and how.  It is only a matter of allowing things to unfold as they will.  Then, why am I concerned with doing something to help speed up the process?  Why am I not content to simply allow things to be what they will?  I feel a responsibility to do what I can to facilitate the process.  Though, it is not clear how I might do that.  I'm sure it will come to me when the time is right, and that I will do what I must do.  Yes, there are some things that we simply must do.  We truly have no choice in the matter.

How would I make 2005 different from 2004?  What behaviors would I change?  What results do I hope to achieve as a result of these changes?  Interesting.  I have not really thought in these terms before, at least not this directly.  Overall, my situation is quite good.  I have a decent job.  Yes, the weekly commute and time away from my family each week is a grind, but I've been doing it for so many years that it has become a habit that I am used to.  Most people could not live this way.  But, as you already know, I am not like most people.  My present lifestyle allows me to live and express in the manner that I do.  It provides the opportunity to focus on what matters during the week, and then to escape on weekends.  What is missing is any real kind of socialization.  Most of my work is solitary.  I go to my room during the week and spend the evenings alone for the most part.  My weekends are little better.  I spend much of my time isolated then as well.  Why do I choose to live in this manner?  Many would probably not even call it living.  Don't we all need the companionship of others?  Where do friends fit into the picture?  Why is it that I have no close friends?  You live the life that is suited to your temperament.  What you experience allows you to express in the ways that you do.  You can change this experience if you so choose, and you will see the nature of the expression change as well.  There is nothing wrong with this.  Change can be a good thing, a very good thing.  And, this year more than others is a time for making changes.

It is time to do what you truly want to do.  You already know what that is.  You've just been reluctant to manifest it.  More and more, we see that starting to change, in minor ways at first, but eventually in major ways as well.  This year.  This year is a time to truly manifest what you desire to be.  The energies are ripe for this.  It is a matter of doing what it takes to make to so.  Be careful what you wish for, because what you wish for may indeed be granted.  Yes, it will be that kind of a year.  Focus on the spiritual tasks first.  Focus on your mission.  Its accomplishment is crucial, but is ultimately assured as well.  All manner of forces will come to your aid once you decide what it is that you want and what you wish to do.  It is that simple.  This is sage advice not only you but for many others who serve consciousness, who serve source.  Trust that spirit knows exactly what she is doing and is there to assist and guide you at all time.  The more you trust, the more that you allow spirit to manifest in your life.  And, the more that spirit manifests in your life, the better things are for everyone.

Whoa!  The day passed very quickly.  It seems that there is so much to do and so little time to do it.  Yet, I know that the time is sufficient to do what needs to be done.  It is a matter of discerning what that is and doing it.  While the amount of time is sufficient, it is not excessive.  We need to do what we can not to squander or waste it.  But, how do we determine what is worth doing versus what is not worth doing?  And, for those things worth doing, how do we know that they are ours to do?  It seems that the world works best when each person is using their self-given talents to the best of their ability.  That is how we maximize the effectiveness of what we do.  When we do this on a collective basis, we generate abundance.  But, who is responsible for ensuring that this happens?  Who has this job?  It is yours to do if you recognize that it needs to be done and you are moved to do it.  Yes, it takes these two parts, awareness and motive force.  Trust that you will know what is yours to do.  Further, it will be so obvious that you will not be able to avoid doing it.  Hmm ... is that true for everyone?  It seems that one must have reached a certain level of awareness to recognize this.  Indeed, awareness is required to live the life that you are meant to live.  It is only through awareness that you can get in tough with and express all that you can be.  There is such great potential in each and every individual ... and even more so when we consider the collective.  The trick comes in realizing this potential.  When we do so, our individual and collective achievements will truly be beyond imagination.

How can I know all of this?  How can I bring forth this expression from source?  This was not something that I learned how to do.  One day in 1993, it just started manifesting.  Now, it seems, I cannot stop it.  But then, why would I want to?  I value this expression more than anything else in my life.  It is the one thing that I do that might truly make a difference in the world.  Whether it will make a difference, and how big of a difference to how many seem to be outside of my personal control.  My part is to do what I am moved to do to the best of my ability.  Right now, that involves bringing forth these words from consciousness.  I consider this to be my spiritual job.  This is what excites my triple fire nature.  I would live a life of spirit.  I would serve as a vehicle through which spirit expresses in flesh.  Actually, more than that, I am spirit expressed in flesh.  We all are.  There is only spirit, there is only consciousness, and all consciousness is one.

What am I moved to do next?  The work environment is changing.  Perhaps it is time for the social environment to change as well.  What do I do to make that happen?  It seems clear that some changes are in order, major changes.  Further, it seems that this is definitely the year to make changes.  I can feel it somehow.  Besides, what do I have to lose?  Isolation can only take me so far.  Even with spirits guidance, there are still limits to what I can do alone.  We need interaction to enable us to be the best that we can be.  Independence must eventually give way to interdependence, preferably cooperative interdependence.  What do I want to do with my life?  What do I want to achieve this year?  How do I get more energy so that I feel less sluggish?  It seems that I need to get more control over my body and my mind.  That requires a change in lifestyle.  That requires making better choices about what I eat and drink.  I know that, but why am I reluctant to make better choices in this area.  Part of it is habit.  Part of it is being attached to foods such as sodas and potato chips.  It seems that I should be eating and drinking things that are much more nutritious.  What does it take to make "should be" into a reality in my life?  It takes desire and discipline.  It takes the courage to make a decision and stick with it.  That is something that I know how to do.  But will I choose to make it a permanent part of my life this time?

We are unlimited by nature.  The limits that we experience are all self-imposed.  Everything in our life is there because we choose it.  We literally create the reality that we experience, every aspect of it.  Everything comes down to consciousness.  Everything is the expression of consciousness.  Life is the process of consciousness in form experiencing other aspects of consciousness in form.  Hmm ... I'm starting to run out of steam.  A full day of work took more out of me than I thought.  The desire to go on is still there, but something is missing.  I can only do so much.  At some point, enough is enough.

4 January 2005 

Another day, another opportunity to express.  This happens everyday, but I don't necessarily seize the opportunity.  Lately, this has become a habit once again.  I like that.  This stream of consciousness expression invigorates me.  It is something that I do that is different from what others do.  It is time that I allow for spirit to express through me as she will.  There is something magical about the process.  We're two months shy of the 12th anniversary of the birth of the Beyond Imagination expression.  That will be the start of the 13th year, definitely a time for major transformation.  Just over a month after that, I turn 47 ... making it the start of my 48:The Man in Search of More year.  Hmm ... it seems that both of these are appropriate somehow.  It will be interesting to see what the year brings.  Already, we are off to a good start.  The energy picked up before Thanksgiving and has continued into the new year.  Everything that I see shows that this is a year of great promise, great potential.  It is a matter of doing what it takes to manifest that potential.  It is time to start creating the world that we would prefer to live in.  This is within our power to do both individually and collectively.  We just have to decide to do it and be willing to follow through and do what it takes.  That does not mean sacrificing what we have or who we are.  But, it does mean sharing the abundance of the world more fairly.  It is not clear that the economic system is such that it can support this.  That does not matter.  Social systems should serve us, not control us.  However, we must realize that such systems do not exist separate from us.  Social systems can adapt and change to meet our needs, whatever we decide those needs to be.

What next?  What would I do next?  What would consciousness have me express?  Take each day as it comes.  Fill each day as much as you can.  Do what you are obligated to do, yes.  But also do what your spirit moves you to do.  Each day, do something that has lasting value.  Each day, do something that serves others or your world.  Make each and every day count.  By doing so, you maximize the positive impact that you have on the world.  Share whom that you are with others as intimately as you can.  You will not lose yourself in doing so, you will find yourself.  You are far more than you yet know yourself to be.  Yes, even you.  Don't allow arbitrary limits to constrain you ... whether self-chosen or not.  Be the wayshower that you were born to be.  Those who are meant to find you will indeed do so.  Much of this is pre-destined.  Others will come into your life when the time is right.  Don't rush the process, yet be open to it at the same time.  It is your openness that ultimately determines what will happen when.  You don't have to change who you are to make things happen in your life, but you may need to change the things that you do.  Here again, trust the source within.  It will guide you to where you need to be and what you need to do.  Be not concerned with outcomes.  These ultimately are in spirits hands.  That does not mean that you can't learn from outcomes.  Notice them and adapt your behavior accordingly to accomplish what you desire to accomplish.  Be observant.  Notice the signs that come to you from spirit, from consciousness.  The spiritual world is all around you, but it is also within you.  As without, so within, and vice-versa.  The world is a mirrored reflection of your self.  What you find in the world has its corresponding reality within you.  What you find inside of you has its corresponding reality in your world.  Your world is unique, it is different from the world of anyone who ever has or ever will live.  The combination of DNA that forms the pattern for your current existence has never been expressed in flesh before and will never be expressed again.  It is for you to make the most of it.  It is for you to carve the landscape of your life.  You are the artist of your life.  You are the master of your destiny.  At some level deep within, you already know this.  You came into this world as a capable being full of potential.  It is simply a matter of realizing who you truly are and expressing that.

The words continue to flow forth.  It is not clear that they will ever stop.  Though, fatigue and tiredness can impede the flow.  When that happens, I generally choose to stop.  That was the case last night.  As a result, we didn't meet our 2000 word quota for the day.  However, we got close ... within 200 words or so anyway.  Good enough is good enough.  It seems that today will be different.  We are off to a strong running start.  The energy level is still high and the pace is good.  Exactly where we are going is still unknown, but that is normal for this expression.  You would think that if I were doing this consciously, I would know something more about what was going to come forth.  It seems that I would need to be planning it in my head somehow.  But, such is not the case.  As far as I know, there is no planning for this expression.  It just manifests in realtime.  How can that be?  I ask myself that a lot.  Yet, there is no doubting that the expression exists.  It is captured in writing, and it is available on the WWW.  Consciousness finds a way to come through.  She does this so often and for so long, that it has become second nature to me.  I accept that this is the way that consciousness manifests in my life.  I even feel quite special that I have been blessed with this opportunity.  After all, I can't deny what I experience.  Why me?  Why now?  Because this is at least part of what I came to do and because the time is right somehow.  My sense is that this is something I must do.  This is how I feel complete.  Being of service to consciousness herself makes everything worth it.  Some might say that I am giving up my life for this.  To some degree, that is true.  But, from another vantage point, this is my life.

We must do what we were designed to do.  We must live the life that we were born to live.  That doesn't mean that we don't have choices along the way.  However, the big items were mapped out long ago, prior to our present incarnation.  How can I be sure of this?  I don't really know.  It just comes forth from consciousness with such authority that I have no reason to doubt it.  Wow, close to 1200 words in an hour.  The pace has been in this realm for over a month.  This is a substantial increase over the 800 words per hour pace that was typical for several years of this expression.  I don't know how to account for the increase.  It simply is what it is.  However, I am grateful that the words are flowing so smoothly.  It is a sign that the connection to source may be deeper than it has been before.  How far can the pace grow?  It seems that it is only limited by the speed in which I can assimilate the material and type it.  At 1200 words per hour, we are talking about an average rate of 20 words per minute.  My max typing speed is probably 2-3 times that.  But, I don't believe that I could sustain it for very long.  My reading speed is over an order of magnitude greater than that.  Hmm ... that means that if we could speak at a decent pace what comes forth through these fingers, the expression might be over ten times greater than it is.  Somehow, the creative process just doesn't seem to work that fast.  Here, we are bringing forth what has not been expressed before.  That takes effort.  That takes work.  Albeit, joyful work.  Then again, it seems that most creative work is joyful.  That seems to be one of the natural side effects of allowing spirit to express through us.

I still can't get over it.  Twenty words per minute is a lot, far more than I might have expected.  But then, a minute is a long time when you consider it.  When you truly live in the moment, it seems that time is endless.  It is only when you step back to try to see things from a higher perspective that the days and weeks and months and years blur into nothingness.  It is amazing what we can do with the time that we have when we make the most of each moment.  And, after all, what more can we do than that?

Why is my connection with spirit what it is?  How does this compare with the connection that others have with spirit?  What can I learn from others?  What can I learn directly from consciousness?  Why turn to others when there is already a connection to source within me?  How do I know that I am not reinventing what others may have already done?  The bottom line is that I don't.  Unless I spent far more time researching what others have done, I simply do not know.  That gets to the dilemma.  If I choose to spend time in such research, I have less time for this expression to manifest.  Though, the expression might improve in quality if there were a larger basis of input material from which to draw.  By living in isolation, I enable consciousness to be a more active force in my life.  I see that as a good thing overall.  Yet, we need to be wary of too much of a good thing.  At some point, we need to reach a balance in our lives.  In this case, a balance between individuality and society.  It is not a matter of choosing one or the other.  We are both at the same time.  Even as an individual, we are a society of countless numbers of cells cooperating to create whom that we are.

Another spurt of expression and we have fulfilled our quota for the day.  It truly is easy to do.  It is a matter of having the discipline to open Communicator each day and put in the necessary time for the words to come forth.  Can I do that each and every day?  Is that even important?  When I travel for the job, I am typically away from a computer so the opportunity to express is not really there, unless I am moved to write the old fashioned way.  That is a much slower process and I end up needing to spend the time to type it afterwards anyway.  So, I am reluctant to do it.  Perhaps I can use those times to catch up on my reading or do something else that is productive in a different way.  Fortunately, I do not have to travel that much ... so it is not really a problem.  I wonder if a tape recorder would work.  Though, transcribing what was on the tape would be quite a challenge.  I did this with a couple of aura readings, but it was quite slow and time consuming.

What roles will others play in my life?  What roles will I play in the lives of others?  Interesting questions.  I don't think that I have asked these this directly before.  Yet, if I am to have world impact, does this not come from some kind of interaction with others in the world?  Indeed, it seems that it does.  But, what kinds of interaction would I choose?  For the most part, I am still in avoidance mode.  Oh, I exhibit some of the pleasantries of day to day interactions.  But, what is missing is something deep, something that connects whom that I am to whom that they are, something that involves and concern and interest in one anothers life.  This does not come naturally for me.  My nature is to look within as much as I can.  That is what interests me.  Fortunately, I have been able to find great things within me.  I expect a lot of myself.  I try not to place expectations on others.  I would rather allow them to be who they would be of their own accord.  This is tough for relationships.  I want others to give me the same respect and freedom that I grant to them.  Yet, this does not always happen.  Judgment seems to set in.  This is one thing that really gets to me.  In fact, it gets to me so much that I run from it rather than confront it.  Perhaps it is time to change this.  Perhaps it is time to nip it at its source.  Sometimes this becomes a game we play.  I refuse to allow another to judge me.  While they may have opinions about what I do, they don't know who I am and what motivates me to do as I do.

5 January 2005 

The streak continues.  It will be interesting to see how long it lasts.  What would consciousness bring forth this day?  It is ever a surprise.  That is good.  It keeps me awake and interested in what is to come.  There is still a strong sense that major change is in store for this year.  What that change will be has yet to be unveiled.  But, the year is still young.  January is a 1153197 = 27 month.  This is the Ace of Wands: New Start in the Field of Spirit.  Hmm ... all of those ones as well.  That makes it a very mental month.  Let's see if that holds true in the days and weeks to follow.

What would I do if I could do anything that I wanted to?  I don't think that I have ever asked myself that before.  Yet, how do I expect to get what I want, if I don't explore what I truly want?  Does it even matter what I want?  The bottom line is that spirit will ensure that I get what I need in exchange for doing the things that I am moved to do.  I don't necessarily know what I need, at least not consciously.  However, I know that there is some part within me that knows exactly what I need and is doing everything necessary to draw it into my life.  How can I be so sure?  Because I know that this is how reality creation works.

Overall, my life has been far easier than most, even though it has been quite solitary.  Things just seem to unfold naturally.  I work hard, but I don't have to struggle with anything.  Relationships are the major exception to this.  Though, even there, I have always gotten along well with people.  It is just a matter of not preferring their company and not developing close friendships.  It is easy to be who you are when you have some idea of what that is.  Awareness and self-knowledge have always been of interest to me.  In fact, they have been my major area of focus since my early teens.  That is over 30 years.  That is a lot of time to be focused on anything.  Yet, it seems that I have only begun to touch the depths that I can reach.  Focus on the spiritual first, and all else will be added unto you.  Someone said something to that effect.  Exactly who, I have no clue.  Such is the nature of my memory.  Hmm ... memory = 454697 = 4/9/13/19/28/35.  That is an interesting combination containing 9:The Hermit, 13:Death, and 28:The Man with the World in His Hand.  With an initial capital M, that makes it 44:The Master Organizer.  That connects this with 44 x 55, that is prominent in my life each week.

What will be the next major challenge in my life?  Going with the flow is not really a challenge.  Yes, it is a way of existing, but am I truly living the life that I am meant to live?  How would I begin to know this?  If happiness is a key sign, then I still have a ways to go.  Overall, I would not consider myself to be a happy person.  No, I am not sad or depressed either.  I'm just somewhere in between.  Where do we go to pursue happiness?  This seems to be different for each individual.  Many might consider my life somewhat boring.  I have no real hobbies other than this expression and reading.  I rarely communicate with people.  In fact, I spend more time watching TV and movies than I do interacting with people.  This is how I have chosen to live my life.  How long will I continue to choose in this manner?  If I want things to change, I have to start making different choices as to where to focus my time and attention.  But, what do I want to change in my life ... in my world?  And, what am I willing to do to make these changes?

Don't our choices conform to our nature?  There is nothing wrong with this.  We are what we are for a reason.  However, where limitation is involved, we need to be careful to examine what chains we bear.  Further, we need to decide if it is in our best interest and the best interest of others to bear these chains.  Sometimes it is, sometimes not.

The pace of expression is slower than it has been in some time.  There is a feeling of being disjointed and disconnected somehow.  That happens sometimes.  All that we can do is press on and get through it.  Either that or stop, and that seems to be out of the question at the moment.  The sense is that another breakthrough is coming.  We have reached another breakpoint.  I look forward to such times.  They allow us to stretch beyond what we know ourselves to be, sometimes far beyond what we know ourselves to be.  Is the world about to experience such a breakpoint as well?  The tsunami that did so much damage recently seems to be a rallying point for the world.  It is amazing to see the magnitude of humanitarian aid that has poured forth so quickly.  Disasters seem to have a way of doing that.  They seem to bring forth the best in the human spirit.  It is unfortunate that such outpourings of love and caring do not happen on a more regular basis.  Why does it take a tragic disaster to trigger such behavior?  It seems that there is still far too much suffering in the world.  For the most part, this is unnecessary.  We have the technology and the resources needed to create massive abundance in the world.  We just don't have the infrastructure and the resolve to do it.  There is still far too much of an emphasis on self-reliance and personal responsibility in the west.  When will we realize that we have a collective responsibility as well, not only within our country but in the world as well. 

We've reached the halfway point for the musing today.  That means that there is still a lot to express.  Why do I set such a quota for myself?  Or is it spirit that sets the quota for me?  Hmm ... one way or the other, the impact is still the same.  I am moved to express whatever this stream of consciousness would bring forth.  Is it worth the time and effort involved in its creation?  I would offer an unequivocal YES.  It is definitely worth it to me.  I would hope that it is worth it to others as well, but it seems that I have no real control over that.  How do we judge the quality of expressions such as this?  How do we determine if it is even worth the time that it takes to read it?  That is something each person must assess for themselves.  Clearly, I find it worthwhile, or I would not be doing it.  There is a sense of satisfaction that comes from capturing and sharing this expression.  That is good enough for me.  At times, this even leads to moments of happiness.  This is good.  It keeps me coming back for more.  I learn a lot from the expression as well, both about myself and about the nature of consciousness.  There is nothing like firsthand experience in this realm.  It is one thing to read what others have written.  It is quite another to bring forth such writings yourself.  In this particular case, we literally have books of expression, nine published to date and another two in the works.  Though, it is not clear what is to become of the later two.  My hope was that this expression would somehow generate sufficient funds to pay for itself.  But, that has not happened to date, not even close.  It is not clear that additional books would fare any better.  Then, why was I so moved to self-publish the Beyond Imagination books?  Surely, there was a reason for this.  Was it a flare-up of ego?  Perhaps.  Though, I believe the material to be good enough to be consumed by an audience.  What that audience is to be, and what to do to reach it, I simply do not know.  I leave this to spirit.  Hmm ... I leave a lot of things to spirit in my life.  That is because she always comes through with what is appropriate when the time is right.  Always!  I may or may not know what needs to be done.  But spirit, consciousness, knows exactly what is needed and knows how to make it so.  The trick is to allow spirit to be a driving force in our lives.  This is easy to do, but it requires subjecting ones will to the greater Will of spirit herself.  This does not happen automatically.  This is something that only happens if we choose for it to.

The pace has picked up again.  I knew that it would if I kept going.  Being open to what spirit would have us do and would do through us is extremely important.  This expression happens in the manner that it does because of such openness.  However, it can be scary at times.  It is as if we are not completely in control of our own faculties.  Perhaps we never were.  What advice would spirit offer to me this day?  As always, do as you are moved to do.  For each thing that you do, do it to the best of your abilities.  Live a life of excellence.  That does not mean that everything will be perfect.  Nor does it mean that you won't have your share of challenges.  These are good for you.  They offer the opportunity for you to grow and to learn who you truly are.  Note that challenges and adversity are different things.  Adversity has a negative context making it a pretext for suffering.  But, you are not meant to suffer.  That is not one of the inevitable conditions of life, or at least it need not be.  Your life is meant to be full of joy.  If this is not your experience, it is time for something to change, in particular, for you to change.  Only you can make the necessary changes to transform your life into one of joy.  What it takes is finding and following your bliss.  These are the things that make you happy.  These are the things that energize you and charge your batteries.  These are the things that make life worth living.  Find them and you will transform your life beyond anything that you have imagined.  For you, in particular, these things are not of this world.  But, you already know that.  You already know that the path takes you beyond the five senses and the three minds.  It takes you to the very heart of consciousness itself.  It is here that you find your meaning, your purpose, your very being.  You are not meant to live as other men.  You have known that for some time.  Your path is your own ... distinct from all others.  Yet, can I not learn from where others have gone?  To some degree yes, but to a larger degree no.  Most of what is documented is the path of the mind.  But you know that you had a major Beyond Mind experience in 1993.  At that point, something snapped within you, and you have not been the same since.  That is not a bad thing ... it is a good thing.  It is the transcendental that excites you.  There have been others on that path, and you have already found that their words move you.  You know yourself to be their kin, their spiritual descendents.  Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson are indeed your brethren in spirit.  It is amazing how words can live on well after the life spans of those who brought them forth.  This should not be surprising because such words are timeless, coming from spirit herself.

6 January 2005

Another busy day, but not so busy that I could not find the time for this expression.  So, what would the 6th day of the new year bring?  Work is definitely transforming, but in a good way.  Will my social life transform in a similar manner?  Is that what I truly want?  There is something soothing about being isolated from others.  My soul needs its fill of quiet time.  But, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.  We all need the comfort and physical proximity of others in our lives to some degree, some much more than others.  What amount of socialization do I desire in my life?  At this point, it is not clear that I really know.  What I do know is what I have experienced to date.  But, that does not have to be the basis for what I experience in the future.  I can choose to be different in the moment.  Hmm ... but do I really want to change.  Part of me says yes it is time to experience something new, but another part is reluctant.  It will be interesting to see what part wins out.  Though, it seems that the new levels of interaction that the job is demanding can be applied in the personal areas of my life as well.  It is interesting how that works.  Spirit finds a way to ensure that I get exactly what I need, no more and no less.  To what degree does this apply to others?  Does spiritual law not ensure that all get what they need?

What do I want to do this year?  How would I direct my talents, resources, and energies?  Toward what ends and along what paths?  These are questions that I have never asked before.  Why is that?  And, why am I moved to ask them now?  What has changed?  Does it even matter?  The fact is that these questions are coming forth and are causing me to think along these lines.  Where that will ultimately take me, only consciousness knows.  That is OK.  I am comfortable with unknowns in my life.  There are so many that I have no choice but to be comfortable with them.  I trust that consciousness will inform me of what I need to know when I need to know it.  That is simply how the process works for me.  This does not necessarily mean that I will know everything that I might want to know.  There is a difference between want to know and need to know, a big difference.  We need to accept the process of our lives as they unfold.  That doesn't mean that we have to like everything that happens.  Nor does it mean that we can't take action to change the things that we don't like.  Rather, it involves seeing that everything that we experience in our lives happens for a purpose.  Everything that we experience is drawn into our lives by us.  We literally create our own reality.  Yes, we are that powerful.  Why is it that we are not taught such things in school?  Why is it that most of us are not taught such things during our lives?  Metaphysics offers some powerful concepts on which to base our beliefs about the nature of reality.  However, most of these concepts cannot be proven.  They must be accepted on faith to allow them to operate in our lives.  The fact is that we create our own reality ... regardless of whether we believe this or not.  Seth said something to the effect that it helps if your beliefs are aligned with truth, but if they are not, that does not change the nature of the truth one iota.  That is a very powerful observation.  Truth is what it is, regardless of what we believe about it.  However, when our beliefs are aligned with truth, the very forces of the universe come to our assistance.

There are many things that I could do.  But, what is it that I would choose to do?  What is it that would bring me and those around me the most joy?  Where do I find my bliss?  Surely there is something that literally takes my breath away.  I am a writer.  I would engage in this expression.  But, is that enough?  It seems that it is not.  But, what more am I moved to do?  Where do I go to find the answers to the many questions that have arisen lately?  As usual, the answer seem to be within.  There is a place inside that knows everything that we would ever need to know.  We can trust that the answers will come when the time is right.  Hmm ... just in time answers.  That is a lot like just in time manufacturing.  There is an inherent efficiency in doing things that way.

We speak without knowing where all of this is headed.  Sometimes it seems that we ramble on from word to word and idea to idea.  But, is that really so?  At other times it seems that all of this is complete somehow ... and I am only bringing it forth in a similar manner to reading a book.  Yes, it involves reading with my consciousness, rather than with my eyes.  But, it is a linear form of information transmittal nonetheless.  At the very least it is information transmittal to me and through me onto these very pages.  Yet, there is a nagging sense that such is not enough.  My life is meant to be more somehow.  It is important to me that my life make a difference, that my life have world impact somehow.  I know that my talents and abilities are such to make this possible.  Further, I know this to be my destiny and purpose.  Fulfilling that destiny is important to me.  After all, it is why I came to this world in the first place.  How can I know that?  I just do.  It rings true to me.  I would be whom that I am.  That is all that I can be.  And, that is good enough for me.

The days have become busier of late.  That seems to be a trend that will continue for awhile.  Is there a way to apply the systems engineering principles that I am learning to the overall system that constitutes the society in which I live?  It seems that everything that I learn ultimately has some utility for my spiritual mission.  I am a systems engineer for a reason.  This is what I am good at.  A social system is just a complex system.  The same basic principles apply in understanding and building it.  Though, in this case we are dealing with evolving the overall social system into something that better serves us both collectively and individually.  Actually, society is a system of complex systems, many of which are dependent and interdependent on one another.  How do we evolve the world economic system to assure abundance for everyone.  How do we evolve the various governments of the world to create a unified whole.  We are one world composed of hundreds of nations, much as we are one country composed of 50 states.  It is about time that we recognized this and acted in accord with it.  It is easy to see our differences.  It can be much more difficult to see our similarities.  Yet, as human beings, we have a great deal in common.  It is time that we stood united, as the body of humankind on this spaceship earth that is our home.  Actually, it is not only our home.  We also need to be concerned about all lifeforms on the planet ... and the natural resources of the planet itself.  There are abundant resources for us to live productive and happy lives.  But, the resources have their limits and we need to conserve what we can to ensure that the generations after us can live well and prosper too.

Surely there must be others concerned about these kinds of things.  I cannot believe that I am alone in thinking like this, in bringing such information forth.  Yet, how do I find such people or how do they find me?  I have done my part and put the Beyond Imagination material out where it can be accessed.  But, is that enough?  We've been doing this for 10 years and have only met a handful of others doing similar things and then only via web sites and e-mail.  But, they were on paths of their own, so the encounters were brief.  Is that going to change anytime soon?  At this point, I sense that it will, but it is not clear as to when.  This year comes to mind, but there is a lot of time remaining in this year.  Though, as of tomorrow, a whole week will have already gone by.  That seems to be a sign of things to come.  If we are going to get anything substantial done, we need to find ways to make the most of each moment.  It is in how we spend our moments that the works of our lives are manifest.  Our focus needs to be in the present, on what we can do here and now to impact our lives and the lives of others.  The past is gone.  The future will take care of itself based on what we choose to do in the present.  As Seth said: the point of power is the present.  Seth said a lot of good things.  If you haven't encountered the Seth books by Jane Roberts, I strongly suggest that you do so.  They constitute some of the greatest channeled material that has ever been produced.

What next?  Where am I moved to go and what am I moved to do?  How do new opportunities present themselves in my life?  I've worked for the same organization for most of my adult life ... going on 20 years.  I have very limited interaction with people outside of the work environment.  Opportunities come from interaction.  For the most part, they spring from relationships between people.  This seems to be the next area of endeavor for me.  But, what kinds of relationships do I want?  Clearly, casual relationships simply won't do.  That is not the way that I do things.  Close relationships require time and effort, however.  Am I willing to give them what it takes to nurture them?  Overall, I think that I come across as informal and approachable.   But, I'm still very much the introvert.  That is OK.  Introverts can have and enjoy friendships and relationships too.  We just enjoy them in a different way than extroverts.

Will this expression ever reach significant numbers of people?  Is that what it is intended to do?  I only know that I am moved to allow it to come through and to share it at the Beyond Imagination web site.  How are others to find it?  Why would they even begin to think that such material as this exists?  And, what is someone supposed to get from this anyway?  For one thing, this is a demonstration of spirit in action.  This is a record of a stream of consciousness that has been expressed through one individual.  From all that I have seen, it is a unique expression of consciousness.  I've read a lot, but have never read anything else like this.  Over three million words and counting.  What good is to come from all of that?  Why did it need to be recorded in this manner?  Why was I moved to make it available on the WWW?  Why was I moved to publish nine Beyond Imagination books?  Surely there were reasons for all of these things.  However, I may never know what these reasons were.  It is enough to know that I chose to do what I was moved to do.

Where do we go from here?  We allow each day to unfold as it will, knowing that we are being drawn to a destiny that we cannot avoid.  We allow spirit to express through us to the greatest degree that we can.  We strive to know ourselves and the nature of consciousness as it manifests in our life and in our world.  We follow our bliss and do those things that truly stir our souls.

7 January 2005

It will be interesting to see what happens in the next few weeks to few months.  Opportunities seem to be opening up.  The possibility for substantial change is definitely afoot.  It seems that 2005 will be a year of changes, major changes, on several fronts.  I can already see it happening and the year is only one week old.  One step at a time.  Take each opportunity as it comes and evaluate if that is what you truly want to do.  In many respects, this is indeed your time.  The universe recognizes that.  There is only so much that you can do in your present environment.  It is time for you to grow into more of whom that you are once again.  You know that.  You can feel it deep within you.  More and more, you know that it is time for you to move on.  It is time for you to experience something more.  That is the 48: The Man in Search of More coming out once again.  Yes, we know that you are comfortable in your present setting.  But, we also know that this is not enough for you.  You need to be challenged in way that allow you to use your natural talents and abilities.  Part of that is leadership abilities.  Your present job doesn't permit this very much.  Once again, it seems that Colorado may draw you to her ... this time the Boulder area.  Perhaps you had things right many years ago, only your timing was off.  It seems that we will see soon enough.  I'm excited by the possibilities.  Though, the ramifications of a major move have not set in yet.  Is commuting from Colorado even a possibility?  What would be the logistics and the cost involved?  Would it be worth it?  It seems that it depends on the nature of the job.  What would I do for the right job?  How would I know if it is the right job?  Systems engineering is a broad discipline.  How much of a challenge am I up to?  It seems that we are in a now or never kind of situation.  Be flexible.  Evaluate the opportunities that come your way.  You don't have to accept them all ... but they are coming into your life because you need them at this time.  Trust that spirit knows exactly what you need and is arranging the circumstances to be what they need to be to realize this.  You already know that you will be moved to do the right things when it is time to do them.  It will simply seem as if there are no other options.

Curious.  That is my current state of mind.  Curious about what lies ahead.  I have not felt like this before, ever.  The future seems ripe with opportunities in ways that it never has before.  I know what I am capable of.  At least, I know that it is far more than I have ever done.  It is time for that to change.  It is curious that a company may be interested in creating a special position for me that takes advantage of my experience and abilities.  That is about the only way that I would even consider making a change.  I am ready for this.  It just feels right somehow.  Several years ago, I offered my system engineering services to another company, but they didn't take me up on my offer.  Perhaps I was asking for too much at the time.  I've learned a lot since then, increasing my potential worth in the marketplace.  However, to realize that worth, I have to test the waters and see what is out there.

Boulder = 2633459 = 2/8/11/14/18/23/32 = "I AM Race".  Interesting.  Will that be where I live and work next?  Only time will tell.  There is a sense that my life is wide open now.  Anything can happen.  The question is: what do I want to happen?  Where do I find my bliss, and how do I follow it?  Major lifestyle change, that is what seems to be required.  The sense is that this will not happen so long as I am in California.  Hmm ... where did that come from?  It doesn't matter.  It just seems right somehow.  The sense of excitement is growing.  My ties here are limited.  Then again, they have always been limited.  Though, there is a sense of safety and security in my present position.  But, is that what I want?  I live my private life on the very edge of what most people would consider to be sane.  The unknown realm of consciousness is where I spend a good deal of my free time.  I will be safe and secure wherever I am moved to go, for it is consciousness herself that moves me.  Allow your life to unfold as it will.  Your destiny is definitely at hand.  Trust the process of life.  Trust that you are being led to exactly where you need to be, for indeed you are.  But, you already know that.  You are creating the details of your reality.   You are manifesting the life that you are meant to lead.  Know that, and allow it to be.  The first opportunity may or may not be the right one for you.  One way or another you will know.  And the right opportunities will come soon enough.  There are greater cooperative forces at work here, greater than you know.  Because of this, things will indeed work out as they are meant to from a higher perspective.

BOULDER = 32 + 45 = 77, the 7th Master Number.  Currently you are experiencing 44 x 55, the 4th and 5th Master Numbers.  So are we to skip 66?  Or, is that to come into play in the near future as well?  I have no frame of reference for interpreting the meaning of 66:Queen of Pentacles and 77:Nine of Pentacles = The Falconer other than the Tarot.  Then again, I do have a book by Faith Javane on Master Numbers.  Perhaps it is time to find it again and see what she has to say.  Here's what someone on the WWW had to say.
"You may also be triggered at times with other multiple Master Numbers. The Master Numbers are multiple numbers such as 11, 22, 33, 44, 55, 66, 77, 88 & 99. These numbers belong to the Greater Reality which is the reality that is based on Oneness rather than duality.
11 = birthing and anchoring the New.
22 = building upon the New. Building New Lives and a New World.
33 = universal service through the quickening of our One Being.
44 = the balance between spiritual and physical, the reconfiguring of our evolutionary labyrinth. As Above, So Below. The creation of the foundation of our New Lives.
55 = attaining personal freedom by being free of the past & totally real.
66 = fulfilling our responsibilities in a joyful, creative manner.
77 = profound insights and revelations. Honing ourselves to our Core Beings.
88 = mastering of abundance in all realms.
99 = the completion of a major evolutionary cycle.  Time for another quantum leap."

Hmm ... this could indeed be where I am headed next.  It seems that I am progressing along the Master path, with the pace accelerating rapidly.  I was born with 11 and 22 prominent.  33 came into play with my move to Cathedral City seven years ago.  44 and 55 came into my life a few months ago.  And, already we have the potential for 66 and 77 to come into play.  It will be interesting to see how things evolve.

What do I want to do next?  How do I fulfill my responsibilities in a joyful, creative manner?  That indeed is what I want to do.  That is the way that I want to live.  How do we make that happen?  Desiring to make it so is the first step.  But, what additional steps are required?  I already live and work in a creative manner.  However, it is not as joyful as it could be.  What does it take to change that?  How do I bring out more of whom that I am in the way that I work, in the way that I fulfill my responsibilities?  What responsibilities do I really have ... to my family ... to myself ... to the world ... to consciousness ... to spirit herself?  How many people ask such questions?  The bottom line as always seems to be to do what I am moved to do.  Lately, it seems that I am more open to being moved in new ways.  That gives consciousness increased latitude to come forth in my life.  That is good, but it could be even better.  Openness is the key to allowing more to unfold in your life.  Don't restrict yourself to familiar pattern of behavior.  Be willing to risk more and give more ... that is the only way to get more.  What we give comes back to us manyfold.  Such is spiritual law.  Though, the form of what returns may be different than we might expect ... often quite different.  Live the life that only you can live.  It takes courage to do this.  Yet, in other respects, it is the most natural thing for you to do.  Allow yourself to be whom that you are.  Let your light shine forth to others, and see the light that comes forth through them.  You are destined for greatness.  But, you already know that.  You have known it for some time.  Yes, that is grandiose thinking.  But, you are what you are ... deny it though you might.  Allow your life to have the world impact that it is meant to have.  Yes, this will require great effort on your part, but it will be an effort that you love doing.

8 January 2005

Will Colorado be my next home?  It calls to me for some reason.  Colorado = 36369146 = 3/9/12/18/27/28/32/38 = Queen of Cups = Vision.  Interesting.  In ALL CAPS, we have 38 + 45 = 83 = 78 + 5:The Hierophant Exalted.  So, what does that mean.  Vision, I can understand.  Just noticed that 1963 is embedded in reverse in Colorado.  That was the year JFK was assassinated.  It is time for a major lifestyle change.  I am ready to take on more challenges in the work environment.  It does not seem that my present job provides that opportunity.  I know that I can do a lot more than I already do.  This could be magnified many fold if I would be in a position of leading and guiding a team of younger engineers.  I know that I can do this.  Several years ago, I was doing it, with younger engineers from a different company.  In that case, I was leading by example and by setting expectations.  I didn't expect people to do things that I didn't show them how to do.  At the time, I was working 60-100 hour weeks.  I don't think that I want to do that again.  Though, at the time, I was thoroughly enjoying the process.  I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get established in a new position.  I realize that there will be a learning curve.  At the same time, I have confidence in my skills and natural talents as a systems engineer.  I know that I can ask the right questions.  I know that I can assess whether the work being done is good or not.

Lately, I've been moved to come out of my shell more.  Perhaps still not to the degree that I need to, but its a start.  So far, it has been fine.  I've been comfortable speaking out.  Though, I still find it far easier to express things in writing.  My sense is that I always will.  That is OK.  Writing has its benefits.  It is clearly suitable for an introvert.  Besides, writing is one of my greatest natural abilities.  There must be a way to achieve abundance by doing what I do best, by doing what I love to do.  I thought that the Beyond Imagination books would be one means of doing that.  And, perhaps in time they will.  However, I am not holding my breath.  The books were published over a year ago.  That is ancient history.  What matters is what we are moved to do in the moment.  Right now, that is taking the time to express what this stream of consciousness would bring forth.  The new year is off to a rolling start.  We are already eight days into it.  Thus far, we are eight for eight as far as musings go.  Though, I don't expect that streak to continue forever.  There are already business trips on the horizon.  One, a week long at the end of the month.  I'll probably use that time to read and think rather than to write.  It is just too hard to write when I don't have a computer available.

I'm excited by the possibilities that lie ahead.  Though, at the same time, there is a sense that what will be is already destined.  It is as if I don't really have a choice in the matter.  That is OK.  I've been living my life in that way for some time now and things have always worked out alright ... actually, better than alright.  While my life is lacking in the area of relationships.  Overall, it is quite abundant.  I am definitely blessed.  I appreciate all that I have in my life, especially the levels of awareness that I have been able to reach.  These are far more important than gold or any worldly possessions.  Yes, awareness is what truly counts in my life.  It has for some time now.  Here, there is always room for growth, there is always more to find.  The deeper that we go, the more we find that we do not know.  Yet, at the same time awareness feeds our knowingness.  As we become away, we discover that we know things that we did not learn in this existence.  That can be scary.  It can also be thrilling.  We are more than any image that we have of ourselves.  We are more than the combination of chemicals that make up our genes.  Consciousness animates the physical form, but it is not confined within it.  It stretches out into other unseen dimensions from where it makes its presence known.  If we search, we can find a connection to these hidden dimensions within us.  When we find this connection and allow it to speak to and through us, we have chosen to make consciousness an important part of our life.  Do so, it makes all of the difference in the world. 

I've been at the current job for over eight years.  That is longer than I have worked anywhere before by over a year.  During that whole time, I have been commuting to Los Angeles weekly and returning home on weekends.  This routine is getting old.  It is time to live close enough to where I work to be able to go home each day.  It is understood that business trips are an exception.  But, that should be the exception, not the rule.  I have a wife and two dogs that deserve to have my attention on a daily rather than a weekly basis.  Also, this might be more conducive to having some kind of a social life.  Though, that still remains to be seen.  I do like my time by myself.  I will always need some amount of that.  However, I am also a social person.  Though, my way of being social is quite different than most.  Relationships must be deep to have meaning for me.  Otherwise, I just avoid them.  The exception is in the work environment.  There, I work with a variety of people in various ways.  Most of the time, I can contribute as an individual contributer.  Occasionally, collaborative work is necessary.  I can work well either way.  But, I am learning the value of collaboration.  There are things that others know that can help in what I am doing and vice versa.  In working together we can achieve things that none of us could do by working alone.  I'm ready to realize this in a much bigger way.  However, it seems that I must make a giant leap on the employment front to do this.  I would have thought that such a move away from the security of my present job would be cause for concern and worry.  But, such does not seem to be the case.  I know that spirit is looking out for me, that she will lead me to whatever position is right for me next.  How do I know this?  It just seems to be the nature of how spirit manifests in our lives.

Over half done, but still a long way to go for the day.  That is OK.  There is nothing that I would rather be doing at this moment.  This expression is that important to me.  Observing and capturing this stream of consciousness is that important.  After all, not everyone has the privilege of being able to do this.  Can it really be going on 12 years?  Can we really have exceeded the 3 million word mark?  That is quite an achievement, if I have to say so myself.  In many ways, it is the most important achievement of my life.  Though, there is a sense that what is to come will trump this.  Will I ever be able to rest?  The sense is not so long as I live and breathe.  Though, many would consider my life quite restful and sedentary as it is.  And, they would be right.  My overall nature is easygoing.  I like to take each day as it comes and do what I am moved to do.  Sometimes worldly obligations come up as they did today, forcing me to do things that need done that I may not like doing.  However, even then, it is better to go with the flow rather than to fight it.  Who knows, we may even find that we are enjoying what we are doing.  Though, that was not the case today.  Obligations must be met, however, one way or another.   That does not mean that we can't hire out what we don't want to do ourselves, provided we have the resources  to do so. 

Do what you love and the money will follow ... I believe it was Marsha Sinetar that said that.  My sense is that she was right.  However, we have to get the first part right.  To do what we love, we have to find out what we love and then find a way to do it.  For some this seems to be simple and natural.  For others, this seems to be the greatest of challenges.  How can it be so different for different people?  I would substitute "abundance" for "money".  What we really need is abundance on all levels, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.  All of the money in the world can't by this.  Though, there are many who believe strongly that it can.  If only their lottery number would come in, their life would be completely different.  But different does not necessarily mean better.   Money can buy a lot of things, but can it buy true happiness ... can it but increased awareness?  The bottom line is no, it doesn't buy these things.  These are states of consciousness, they cannot be bought at any price.

How free are we really?  Is the ability to freely choose from a multitude of things and experiences true freedom?  For the majority of us, our choices are constrained by the jobs we have and the income they produce.  They are also constrained by all of the conditioning that we were subjected to as we grew up.  How do we break free of this conditioning?  How do we find the jobs that are right for us, the jobs that make the most use of our natural talents and abilities.  Many choose professions based on earning potential rather than based on their suitability for the job.  That is definitely not in line with doing what you love.  Still others choose employment because that seems to be all that is available.  That too is not doing what you love.  Though, many find that it is not so much the specifics of the job that lead to happiness ... rather it is the interactions that you have with others in the course of doing your job.  Free will is something that I have been struggling with since this expression began in 1993.  All along, I have made it clear that it is as if I do not really have any choices anymore.  It seems that these are made at other than conscious levels.  Though, at the same time, it does not seem that the choices are being made for me  It is just that the right course of action is obvious and I have no choice, I simply must do it.   Deepak Chopra speaks of something like this in his latest book.  It has something do do with Secrets.  That word is in the title.  I'm about half way through the book and find it fascinating.  He confirms much that I have learned about myself over the years.  When we live a life from the perspective of Oneness, we allow spirit to guide our lives and we stop making choices.  We simply do what we are moved to do and we express whom that we truly are as much as we can.  A quote from Thoreau comes to mind ... none are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe themselves to be free.  Thoreau was one of the premier transcendentalists who lit up the world with their presence in the final half of the 19th century.  He is definitely one of my all time favorites along with Emerson.

So, who would be my contemporaries?  And, when, if ever, will I meet them?  Surely, we are destined to meet.  Isolation has its benefits but companionship and collaboration do as well.  What I am learning in the work environment must have its corresponding reality in the spiritual realm as well.  I invite major change into my life.  In fact, I look forward to it.  I know that the universe has my best interest and that of all concerned in mind.  At that same time, I know that my departure from the present work environment will leave a big hole that may be difficult to fill.  I will be sorely missed by several.  But, that is the nature of the work environment.  People move on to bigger and better things.  It is how people grow.  Nearly the past 20 years of my working life have been spent working for the same Air Force organization.  During that time, many people have come and gone at every level of the organization.  The Air Force has literally turned over at least five times.  My memory is poor when it comes to people.  Once people are gone, I lose track of them.  Being a hermit, I don't get out a lot to meet new folks.  Of the 100 plus people in the organization, I doubt that I know more than a third and most of those only casually.  Then again, my life is like that as well.  I would be hard pressed to come up with even a dozen people outside of the work environment who know me on a casual basis.

9 January 2005

I finished The Book of Secrets by Deepak Chopra today.  It is a wonderful book.  It confirmed much that I already suspected about myself, the nature of consciousness, and the nature of awareness.  It also showed me many things that I did not know.  Allowing life to unfold as it will is a powerful way to live life.  There is a sense that I know far more than I am consciously aware of.  Hmm ... I have a headache now.  I don't remember the last time that I had one.  Perhaps that comes from thinking too much.  I'm curious as to where the current stream of events will lead.  It is as if everything is up in the air.  But, that is good.  It is time for things to be shaken up again.  I don't even know how serious the job opportunity will be.  And, I'm already thinking about the logistics of commuting to Colorado.  One step at a time.  Allow things to unfold as they will.  You don't have to make anything happen.  If it is right, it will indeed manifest.  Consciousness is at work in your life now.  It has been for some time.  But, you already know that.  Consciousness knows exactly what you need and will ensure that you get it.  It is simply a matter of allowing what will be to be.

Deepak had a lot of things to say about choice and free will.  It seems that these get far better press than they are due.  How much of our life is destined?  My sense is that it is far more than most of us may believe.  That doesn't make life any less mysterious.  Since we are not generally aware of our destiny before it happens, from all appearances we seem to choose what we experience in our lives.  So, it really doesn't matter.  We experience what we experience.  So much of our life just happens.  At least that is how I experience life.

Todays expression is going to be far shorter than any to date this year.  I chose to read rather than write today ... and there was not enough time to do both.  So, I only have the hour before I go to sleep tonight.  That is OK.  What must be expressed will be expressed.  If not today, then on another day.  Consciousness will not be denied.  The 9:Hermit day of the year.  It was a good day overall.  Though, all of this rain is getting old already.  It does beat the drought, however.

What next?  What am I moved to be next?  What am I moved to do next?  I would be the best channel for consciousness that I can be.  This is the highest form of service that I can provide at the moment.  We are consciousness experiencing itself.  The whole purpose of life is just that, to express and experience.  We are the eyes, the ears, the hands, and the brain of consciousness.  We are a point of awareness.  From that point springs great potentiality.  It is up to us to decide what parts of that potentiality we will actualize.  Hmm ... a better question might be who and what am I?  Here, we're not looking for a surface level answer, but a deep one.  Awareness appears to be that answer.  To what degree is my awareness similar to that of others?  To what degree is it different?  One thing obvious from Deepak's book is that there is a whole realm of literature from the east on the nature of consciousness and awareness.  People have thought deeply about this for centuries, if not millenia.  Sanskrit contains many words that demonstrate this ... words that capture the spiritual essence of life.  It seems that there is still much that I can learn from others.  Though, there seems to be a tradeoff between what I can learn from the source within versus what I can learn from others.

10 January 2005


Yesterdays musing was indeed cut short, only 657 words.  But, that is 7 56 in reverse.  How interesting, the two drivers of my triangle Tarot readings once again.  Let's see if we can get back in the groove today.  The year is off to a roaring start.  It is hard to believe that we are already into it 10 days.  We can already tell that it will be a special year.  It seems so obvious.  The energies are different somehow.  The future is ripe with possibilities and potentialities.  Perhaps this is always the case.  It is a matter of being aware of them more.  Why this awareness now?  Because, it seems that the time is right for it.  Things happen when they are meant to happen.  We are creators manifesting the experience that we need each and every moment both individually and collectively.  Overall, everything is proceeding in accordance with a divine plan laid out by consciousness for the evolution of the expression of spirit in flesh.  We are part of that evolution.  Each of us have a role or multiple roles to play in that plan.  It is a matter of allowing consciousness to express through us as she will.  I try to do that here.  Only you can judge how successful I have been.  Actually, that is not quite true.  Only consciousness herself can judge such things and she rarely chooses to judge.

That does not mean that we should not assess what is happening in our world, both our personal world and our collective world, and decide what seems to be working and what does not seem to be working.  We can use this as feedback to guide our choices so as to create a better reality for ourselves and others.  Even more important is finding the source within that can guide us out of a true knowingness of what is right for us in the moment.  If we do those things that we are moved by consciousness to do, we will find that our lives work out magically.  The very forces of the universe cooperate to do our bidding.  That makes knowing thyself one of the most important things we can do.  With knowingness comes a new kind of awareness.  And, it is awareness that we must seek above all else.  The more aware that we become, the more potential that we have for making a difference in the world.  It is not that we choose to force the conditions of the world to be different.  They are already the best they can be for the levels of consciousness that are manifest.  It is through expanded consciousness that we make the world a better place for all.  But, how do we expand the collective consciousness?  We realize that each individual consciousness contributes to the collective consciousness.  And, we do what it takes to foster our own growth and then to share who we have become with others.  Yes, the key is to find ways to share who we truly are ... to demonstrate that in reality we are spirit expressing in flesh.  There is simply nothing else.

We're off to a good start.  The pace is crisp.  The expression seems to be moving in a direction that is informative.  What can I say?  I like when that happens.  There is something revitalizing about this stream of consciousness expression.  It truly brings out the best in me.  Writing is one of those things that excites me to the core.  It is here that I can recharge my batteries.  No matter how much expression comes forth, this process doesn't drain my energy.  In a very real way, it is not me doing this.  Yet, at the same time, it would not manifest without me.  Yes, that seems to be a dichotomy.  So be it.  Not everything needs to have an explanation.  Things are what they are, especially in the realm of consciousness.  It is good to keep an open mind so as to not limit the expression needlessly.   Consciousness is ever in search of new and creative ways to manifest.  She utilizes every resource that she is given.  However, she does not force her way on anyone.  Either we volunteer and choose to do as she says in our life or we don't.  Consciousness grants us the freedom to do either.  Yet, the more that we give in to consciousness, the better we find that our lives work.  There is only one consciousness from which we all spring.  We are only individuals to the degree that we have lost our connection to our self.  We can only remain individuals so long as we focus our attention toward doing so.  The nature of the world is such that it can be very demanding of our attention.  However, we can loosen the grips that the world has on our attention.  We do this by focusing elsewhere ... in particular, on awareness itself.  Awareness is not located in the physical body, it transcends that.  Nor is it located in the world, it transcends that as well.  Awareness simply is.  It is beyond any doing.  Awareness observes what we do.  Perhaps it directs it as well.  Focus on awareness first, and all else will be added unto you.  Consciousness knows exactly what we need and how to get it to us.  For the most part, it is not things that we need, it is knowingness and awareness.  It is not clear that traditional forms of study result in these things.  Rather, knowingness and awareness seem to come to us when we are ready.  What does it take to be ready?  I don't really know for sure.  But, it seems to involve curiosity, openness, and a focus on how consciousness unfolds and expresses in our lives.  This seems to be an individual thing, unique for each of us ... though there are some common techniques that seem to work.  One of these is to read the great thoughts from the greatest minds that this planet has produced.  Another is to truly appreciate the greatest creative works that have come through man, be they in art, architecture, music, drama, literature, ...  These have the ability to move our souls to new heights.

Creative expression is where it is at.  This is where consciousness makes it presence known in our lives.  Each of us has creative talents and abilities.  No, these are not the same for all, not even close.  But, whatever they are for you, that is an area in which you were born to express.  It pays to learn what these talents and abilities are, to develop them, and to apply them.  It may not pay in terms of financial reward, but it will bring joy and a sense of fulfillment that does not otherwise come.  We must be true to ourselves, true to whom that we are.  That means being the best that we can be.  That means expressing the things that we are good at, even great at, and sharing these with the world.  We need to be careful about becoming too attached to the works rather than to the process.  Ultimately, joy comes from the doing, not from the end result.  Life is meant to be a process, a journey.  Destinations only get in the way.  They keep us from taking the next step in the journey.  As the popular song from The Polar Express says: "Destinations are where we begin again".  Indeed, that is so.  The journey never ends, at least not until we die, and perhaps not then either.  As a spark of consciousness we are always on a journey of awareness, even when we return to the great ocean of consciousness, the ONE.

So, where would the journey take us next?  Does that even matter?  The bottom line is that we will be taken to exactly where we need to go to grow into whom that we truly are.  And, what we are is awareness expressed in flesh.  Or more precisely, awareness associated with an expression in flesh.  Our bodies, our emotions, our minds ... all of these are tools that we use to experience reality in the way that we do.  Yet, we are also the observer of what we do at the same time, we are the awareness behind it all.  It is important to associate ourselves with this aware observer.  Many do not even seem to be aware of its existence.  But, it is there within us all.  It is a matter of being awakened to it.  This too seems to come when the time is right, when we are ready.  Here, we can trust consciousness.  The flower of consciousness will unfold within us when we are ready to experience its magnificence.  We are truly remarkable creators, each and every one of us.  We each fashion a world that has never existed before and will never exist again.  Further, we create this world in each and every moment.  What matters is now, what is right in front of us.  It is there that we have the power to make a difference.  And, making a difference is what it is all about.  Making a difference is what gives purpose to our existence.  It is not enough just to experience life.  We have to share who we are, we have to contribute to life, to the universe.  The more aware that we become, the more we can do this.  Yes, awakening is the key.  It always has been.  The sages have known this for countless ages.  Why does it take so long for the collective to catch on?  Things happen when it is time for them to happen.  The collective proceeds at its own pace.  There is no hurrying it or slowing it down.  This is true for us as individuals as well.  We grow in awareness naturally.  Not necessarily smoothly, but naturally.  It seems that we all go through our quantum leaps at times, when we become something completely new, something that we have never been before.  This is particularly true in the area of awareness.  Growth does not seem to come gradually, but rather in spurts and jumps.  These can take us by surprise.  However, increased awareness is always a good thing.  The more aware we are, the more choices that we have, but also the less need that we have to make choices.  Just because we have the potential to make choices does not mean that we have to make them.  We can allow them to simply manifest before us.  The right course of action is often obvious.  When it is, there is really no choice involved.  The major choice we make is to live a spiritual life, to allow consciousness to manifest fully in our life.  Once we make that choice, a host of other things simply fall into place naturally.  Yes, it can be that easy.  Life doesn't have to be difficult.  I know this firsthand.  My life has been incredibly easy overall.  That does not mean that I haven't had my share of challenges.  Nor does it mean that I don't have to work hard at times at what I do.  But, even when I am working hard, the work is easy ... nearly effortless.  That is, except for the things that I don't like to do.  Fortunately, that is a small part of my reality.  Some things we just have to do to meet our obligations.  Though we might wish that this were not the case, wishing doesn't make the obligations go away.  However, there are usually options available as to how we meet these obligations.  Some of these options are far more agreeable than others.  Generally, when we accept our fate and do what is necessary, it turns out to be better than we might have imagined.  When we fight doing things, we make it that much harder for ourselves.

I'm open to making major changes in my life.  In fact, I invite them.  For some reason, it seems that this year they will manifest far more than in other years.  Though, we will see that soon enough.  On the work front, they are already happening, even in my present job.  My role is changing.  I am able to use more of my talents and express more of who I am in my work.  A different job might bring that out even more, especially if it puts me in a position of mentorship, teaching, and leadership.  I know that these abilities are within me.  It is a matter of drawing in the right circumstances to allow them to express.  It doesn't seem to matter where I live.  It doesn't seem to matter what things I possess.  Nor does it seem to matter who I know.  What does matter is self-awareness.  What does matter is allowing consciousness to express through me to the greatest degree possible here and now.  I feel that this is what I am doing when engaged in this expression.  How do I expand this so that it engulfs my whole life?  Yes, that is what I want to do.  There are some things that I am passionate about.  These are the things that I need to focus my attention on.  Here is where the creative spark comes into play and ignites into a raging fire.  That is what spirit can do in our life.

What does it take to have the courage to live, to truly live?  We have to be willing to let go of fear and embrace love.  Easy to say, but it can be difficult to do.  After all, our fears seem to be so real.  It doesn't matter what the fear is.  If we believe in it, we give away some of our power to it.  As we do this, we set up additional restrictions for ourselves.  Eventually, we are confined in a prison of our own making.  However, the walls of this prison are not real, they have no substance.  They are founded on darkness, on shadows, on the lack of light.  By shining the light of awareness on them, we can see them for what they are and take steps to remove them once and for all.  Our goal is not to replace one set of shadows for another ... but to shine light where there was no light.  How do I know all of this?  Where did I learn it?  The bottom line is that we don't have to learn everything that we know.  We simply have to find a way to reach that place of knowingness within us.  There is such a place within each of us.  No, it may not enable us to know everything.  But, it will enable us to know everything that we need to know.  This is always enough.  We don't have to be omniscient to live our lives.  However, it is useful to trust that we will always know what we need to know.  One way or another the universe will ensure that.

11 January 2005

Another day.  The streak continues.  This makes 16 in a row and counting.  That is good.  This expression is the highlight of my day on most days.  It is here that I get to do something that has never been done before.  It is here that I get to creatively bring forth an expression out of nothingness.  We have been doing this for nearly twelve years.  Yet, the process is still fresh and new.  My sense is that it always will be.  That is the very nature of creative expression.  It brings out the best in us.  It allows us to tap a part of consciousness that we normally don't contact.  Doing this on a daily basis for a couple of hours per day is a major commitment of time and energy.  But, it is worth every bit of that and more.  My only regret is that I cannot do it even more.  Then again, the limits I encounter are all of my own making.  That is true of limits in general.  How do I find ways to allow this energy to come forth in my work environment and the normal course of everyday events?  It does not have to be confined to the times when I am in front of a keyboard capturing this stream of consciousness using Netscape Composer.  Though, the sense is that it would not be the same if it weren't being captured.  That is OK.  There is nothing that requires that it be the same.  In fact, the novelty of a different form of expression would have its own benefits.

Where is all of this leading?  Will I ever know?  Does it even matter?  It is enough that I do as I am moved to do.  Right now, that involves capturing this expression in the manner that I do.  It has been that way for some time.  All that matters is the moment.  In the moment, everything is decided, everything is done.  There is no other time in which action can occur.  And, it is actions that create a difference in our lives and in our world.  Thinking about things is not enough.  Even being aware of things is not enough.  To impact the world we must take actions consistent with our thoughts and awareness.  Why is it important to impact the world?  Because that is a measure of how well we have lived.  However, there are many ways to impact the world.  In fact, it is impossible not to impact the world.

What does it take to truly live?  It seems that there is a different answer for this for each of us.  Though, there are some common elements that may apply.  Trust that you are whom that you are for a reason, and that this will be revealed to you over time as you live your life.  Trust that you have a right to live and to express who you are.  In fact, the universe expects this of you.  You are a creative expression of consciousness here and now.  But, you are also a point of awareness, observing all that you do and all that happens to you.  There is a difference between who you are and what you do, a major difference.  Focus first on who you are.  As you become more and more aware, you will find that you can do more and more.  You will also find that it is no longer as important to you what you do.  Consciousness herself will lead you to what needs to be done ... and you will just know what tasks are yours.  You will recognize them as the things that you are most moved to do.  Trust the process.  It will not lead you astray.  In fact, it will lead you to your bliss.  Follow it, you will not regret it.  That is the key, do what you are moved to do, when you are moved to do it.  Yes, that requires that you recognize what you are moved to do.  For that, you need to find the source within that knows.  It is there, waiting to be found.  However, you must take the first step and initiate the search.  Ultimately, you will find whatever you seek.  That is simply the way that the world works.

In the grand scheme of things, where do I fit?  I've never been one to be a part of groups.  Yet, I would be part of creating the foundations for a new world, for creating a new society unlike any that has been manifested on earth before.  How do I know that I can do this?  How do I know that my efforts won't be futile?  I know because it is not me that is expending the bulk of the effort, it is consciousness herself expressing through me.  I trust that she knows exactly what she is doing, even when I do not.  I am OK with the unknown playing a major role in my life.  In fact, there is something enticing about it, something that draws my attention to it.  I would be an explorer in the unknown realms of consciousness.  But, I would also be a wayshower, sharing with others whatever I find in my explorations.  But, with whom am I to share, when, and how?  I know what I have been doing for the past 12 years, but this does not seem to be working, at least not as I imagined that it might.  I expected to have found kindred spirits with whom to share this journey and my discoveries long ago.  But, that does not seem to be forthcoming.  That has not stopped me from continuing to share this expression at the Beyond Imagination site on the WWW.  Somehow, that doesn't seem to be enough.  Yet, it is not clear what more I can do.  Here, I share what comes forth through me.  However, do I really share whom that I am?  Good question.  It seems that I reveal more about myself than most, though it is to an anonymous audience, and perhaps even to no audience at all.  Hmm ... then why am I so moved to do it?  For one thing, it provides an example of the level of sharing that I would like to see in the world, at least in my world anyway.  Will that ever be manifest?  Perhaps, perhaps not.  All that I can do is provide the example, a befitting task for a wayshower.

Just noticed that today is 1/11, making it a 111 day.  There are not many such days in the year.  In fact, there are only two days divisible by 111, today and 2/22, a 222 day.  Actually, that is not quite right.  There is one more, 11/1 is also 111.  That makes three per year.  The triple Master number combination should make these days quite special, especially for one for whom 888 is prominent.  Who's to say?  There are still several hours remaining in the day.  That is enough time for anything to come forth.  I have no means of knowing whether these particular days have been special in the past other than by looking up what expression may have come forth on these days in the past.  My memory is so confined to what is relevant in the present, that I would not expect it to have any clue of its own.  However, I've been recording this stream of consciousness for nearly 12 years.  That record serves as a physical memory that can be searched anytime that I want.  Actually, since most of it is shared on the WWW, it is available to anyone.  Searching through it takes time and effort that I am not willing to expend at the moment.  The answer is just not important enough at this time.  Though, something caused me to notice this fact.  In my life, these things don't happen by chance.  There is a purpose to everything.

Interesting, 1323 words = 13:Death of 23:wayne.  Is that what is happening now?  Am I undergoing another major transformation?  1341 is prominent for me = 13:Death of 41:Wayne.  Today, we have the lower case version as well.  Why now?  Perhaps there is something special about today, something that I have not noticed yet.  The sense is that if we spend enough time here, all will be unveiled.  Indeed, that seems to be the case.  Life is becoming more and more interesting by the moment.  I’m becoming more and more busy as well, both at work and in my personal life.  That is, if you could call my personal life a life at all.  Hmm … where did that come from?  It seems that it is time for things to change in radical ways.  It is time for a revolution in my life.  Interesting, revolution has multiple connotations.  The most benign one is that a cycle around something has been completed.  There is not much difference between evolution and revolution.  Just a simple “r” at the beginning.  How much difference can that make.  In reverse, we have “no it u love” versus “no it u lover”.  What is the message in this?  In the first case, we have love as an action.  In the second case, we have lover as a subject or object.  Taking the reverse partial sums we have 5/11/20/22/25/28/34/38/43/(52).  There are some very interesting components in these partial sums.  Know it you love versus know it you lover.  Do we associate with that which we love, the object of our love?  Or, do we associate with the being that is the lover?  There seems to be a major distinction in this.  But, I don't seem to be getting the full impact of it.  That happens sometimes.  In fact, it happens quite often.  I don't always fully understand what is coming forth when it is being expressed.  This is especially true when connections must be made to other things that I already know.  I only see the activity at the surface of my mind.  I know that there is also corresponding activity deep within.

12 January 2005

Once again, we begin with a blank slate.  Lately, we have been doing that everyday.  There is something about a blank slate that is very enticing ... it awaits to be filled with whatever consciousness would bring forth.  There is something miraculous about this process.  No matter how long I am engaged in it, I am still in awe of what consciousness is able to do.  Yes, I firmly believe that it is consciousness doing all of this through me.  Understood, I am an integral part of the process.  Though, no more it seems than this keyboard and computer are an integral part of capturing this expression.  Why would I think that my body and my brain are any different?  Are they not tools that are used by consciousness as well?  Does it matter whether the tool is biological, or the technological creation of biological entities?  Either way, a tool is a tool.  What matters is its utility, and this often is dependent on both the quality of the tool itself and the skill of the user of the tool.

Writing is a gift and natural talent for me.  It is something that I was blessed to be born with.  I know that, and I appreciate it greatly.  Somehow, this gift is meant to be used for the benefit of the world.  I am moved to make a difference, a major difference as a result of my having lived.  Yes, that is grandiose thinking once again.  But, I have to believe that there is a reason for such thinking.  It is as if it is necessary in order to give me the confidence to do what I know that I must do.  Creating the foundations for a new world is a big task ... one that is beyond what anyone can be expected to do.  But, this is not a task for anyone, it is a task for consciousness herself to do through us.  As such, I am a vessel through which consciousness does her work.  However, this is true for everyone.  I am not special in this regard.  Consciousness works through all of us, all of the time, to the degree that she can.  However, what we do to expand our awareness directly impacts what resources consciousness has available.  The more aware that we become, the more service that we are capable of providing.  Focus on awareness first, and all else will be added unto you.  It is that simple and that difficult.  The world is an enticing place.  It begs for us to pay attention to it.  To find awareness, however, we must take the inward journey towards the observer.  For some, this is a natural outcome of certain types of outward activity.  Others, however, require contemplation, meditation, or quiet time away from the distractions of the world.  Find what is right for you.  Use what works for you and discard the rest.  That requires learning about new things, trying them, and evaluating their impact in your life.  It is well worth the effort.  The very quest for knowledge sets us on the path to find what we seek.

How do I disseminate this expression to a wider audience?  Is that even something that is for me to do?  There is a sense that I am to bring all of this forth ... and take the first step to make it available to others, but that ultimately it is in spirits hands as to who is led to the material.  Something about that rings true.  You are to have no concern with outcomes, these are in the hands of spirit.  But, are we not the hands of spirit as well?  Does not spirit do her work through us?  So, what will become of all of this?  At the very least, it has been manifest and has had a deep effect on at least one incarnate being, namely me.  Is that all of the effect that it is meant to have?  I would hope not.  But, does it matter one way or another?  And, if it matters, why does it matter?  Is it not enough that these works were created and have the potential to impact others deeply?  Must that potential turn into a reality for the effort to have been worth it?  My sense is no.  The return on investment has already been worth it.  Increased awareness is that rare and is priceless.  It is the one thing that we retain throughout our journeys.  Our level of awareness is an achievement, like graduating from each grade in school.  Once we have accomplished each transition, we don't go back to repeat a previous grade.  Onward and upward we go until we finish going to school.  Some never make it through high school.  Others graduate from high school but go no further.  Still others go to college and drop out.  Yet others graduate with two year or four year degrees.  Some of these go on to graduate school for masters, doctorates, and beyond.  The same is true for levels of awareness.  We reach the levels we reach based on a combination of readiness, effort, and timing.  Growth happens when it is meant to happen.  There is no forcing it.  Natural and spiritual laws operate here.  It is for us to enjoy the process and do what we can to facilitate it.  Allow yourself to simply be ... in doing so, you're beauty will open to the world as does the flower's.  You are a magnificent creation of consciousness at this moment.  You always have been, and you always will be.  Yet, how many are aware, truly aware of their full magnificence?  The bottom line is that this is few, perhaps very few.  Here, we need more examples to remind people of what they are and what they can be.  Literally, the possibilities are endless.  But, most of us allow habit to reduce these possibilities substantially.  In doing so, we restrict what we experience.  Sometimes such restrictions are useful, however, this is generally only for the short term.  To be truly response-able, we must free ourselves of habit and engage fully in the present.

The forces of change are upon us once again.  I can feel it.  My world is about to be ripped apart.  Everything is open for examination.  Everything is open for change.  The only real question is how soon the changes will manifest.  Home, work, relationships, beliefs, habits ... all of these and more are open for major changes.  What is so special about now?  My feelings are different than they have ever been.  My willingness to act is different as well.  I am being moved by a benign unseen force once again.  I've been moved in such ways before, especially over the past 12 years.  But, this time is different somehow.  I can sense that difference even if I can't describe it.  Some things are simply beyond words, it seems.  Beyond words, beyond mind, beyond imagination ... what else is in the beyond sequence?  This expression was called Beyond Imagination on the very first day that it came forth and the name stuck.  The nine books that have been published to date all have Beyond Imagination in their title.  That is a lot of expression coming through one who is generally silent.  Yet, there is no denying that this occurred.  The evidence is there.  Most of the works are freely available on the WWW.  Some have been there for over a decade.  Can it really be a decade already?  This has definitely been the fastest decade in my life.  Yet, at the same time, it is also the richest in terms of quantity of achievement both at work and on the spiritual front.  It is only in looking back that I have this perspective.  During the process, a lot of time was spent in the now.  It is amazing what can be done when you focus intently on what you are doing.  Amazing indeed.  This happens on a day-to-day basis, especially during the week.  I only remember what I have done by the records that I leave behind.  In most cases, they are electronic records.  Most of my effort is conceptual.  The bulk of it is done sitting in front of a computer terminal.  I am an information worker in an information age.  Yet, I am also an aware being in the age of consciousness.  Both are extremely important to me.

Talking about change ... the present work environment has transformed significantly in the past two weeks.   Overall, the changes are for the better.  Though, it seems that further major changes are in store, perhaps even including a change in job and work location.  That would mean that I have to establish myself all over.  Am I willing to do that?  It is not clear that I really have any choice in the matter.  If the forces of consciousness move me in that direction, that will indeed be where I go.  My sense is that major changes are destined.  They will occur when it is time for them to occur, no sooner and no later.  Is that time now?  It seems that I will know soon enough.  Regardless, the sense is that I will enjoy wherever the journey takes me.  How can I know that?  Because my attitude has been transformed.  I am more open to express what I need to allow me to better enjoy the process.  Can the grass be greener somewhere else?  Perhaps, perhaps not.  Though, I know that I can do far more than I do in my present job environment.  It is not that I don't do a lot, or that I don't do what I do well.  Rather, it is that the level of responsibility and authority is not sufficient to allow me to be as effective as I could be.  I don't have the multiplying power of leading an organization, of guiding a group of people collectively to get tasks done and solve problems that need to be solved.  That seems to be the next step for my career growth.  If that is indeed true, the necessary opportunity will present itself.  The universe ensures that we get what we need.  In return, consciousness is given the tools that she needs to more fully express in flesh.

What do I want to do?  Where do I find my bliss?  The answer to these two questions is the same.  Somehow the answer involves bringing forth this stream of consciousness.  Yet, it also involves meaningful interactions and interdependent relationships with others.  This is one area that has been weak at best, especially when it comes to the areas and topics that matter most to me.  Why is this the case?  Why have I isolated myself in the manner that I have for so much of my life?  Part of the answer is out of fear, in particular fear of judgment.  Yet, another part of the answer is out of disinterest and boredom.  Much of the stuff that seems to matter to most people is not important to me.  That is just the way it is.  Lately, I seem to be coming out of my shell more.  I can see it happening before my eyes.  So far, the experiences have been positive.  But, the process has only just begun.  Perhaps the willingness to open up will be mirrored in how others relate to me.  How can it not have an impact?  Every change, no matter how small has its impact.  And, even the slightest deviation in the moment can lead to a major change downstream.  That is how reality creation works.  We do what we can in the moment.  That is the point of power.  That is where all paths diverge.  That is also the point of choice, the point that determines which path we will follow.  I like what is coming forth.  The pace is good.  The content is insightful and revealing.  Consciousness is truly amazing, no doubt about it.

Once again, we've reached our quota of words for the day.  But, we are not done yet.  There is still more to be expressed.  There is no use fighting it.  Consciousness would have her way.  No, she does not force this communication to happen.  That is not how she works.  I must volunteer my services, or it simply would not manifest.  And this, I gladly do.  Creative expression is worth it.  It is worth everything that it asks of us.

All aspects of our life are orchestrated together into the symphony of whom that we are.  While it seems that different areas of our life are compartmentalized, this is not the case at all.  Every aspect affects every other aspect.  We are one whole.  Any experience to the contrary is illusory.  Would we live in illusion or would we live in truth?  This is indeed our choice, but many seem to be locked within their illusions.  We even have collective illusions or perhaps more correctly delusions.  The world is safe.  We have a rightful place in that world.  Nothing can befall us unless we choose to experience it.  We are that powerful.  We are creators all.  But, what about such natural events as the recent tsunami?  Did individuals choose to participate in that event?  How do we reconcile the fact that entire villages were wiped out?  At one level of reality, there are no victims.  The processes of life and death go on at many levels concurrently.  In each moment billions of cells are dying to give way for others to be born within each individual.  What makes death tragic in our eyes?  Why is it any different when we deal with the body of humankind?  Death is not the end of life ... it is a transition to another form of life, another form of awareness.  That is why the 13 card in the Tarot is interpreted as Death or major transformation.  Suffering however is a different matter entirely.  We are not meant to suffer.  That is not our natural state.  It is only when we fail to look out for one another, or when we assign particular meanings to things that happen that suffering results.   Pain is a different thing.  It is a natural response that ensures that we do what it takes to facilitate healing.  Suffering assigns a meaning to conditions, a meaning that may or may not be appropriate.

13 January 2005

The 13:Death day of the year.  Yes, this also happens every month, but something is special about the first time.  It seems that there will be more major transformations in the work environment in the weeks and months ahead.  Will I be around to see them?  For the first time in over eight years, the likely answer seems to be no.  It is time to be doing something new and different, I know that.  Further, the opportunities appear to be arising.  Though, it is still a matter of time.  Major changes in occupation don't happen overnight.  The last such change happened over eight years ago and took nearly eight months to manifest.  What is meant to be, will indeed be.  I know that.  Such is how things work in my life.

I am looking out at the world through a fresh set of eyes.  And, the world that I see is different than it has ever been before.  I'm still fairly set in my ways.  I still spend a lot of my time alone.  However, I'm starting to see chinks in the armor that I've been wearing for so long.  The hermit is indeed coming out of his shell.   All that I can say is, it's about time.  This opens up whole new possibilities for expression.  Though, I still don't have the desire to set goals and plan out my life.  That works for many.  But, such is not my way.  The only daily goal that I am aware of is the one associated with this musing ... to express at least 2000 words each day that I am moved to express.  However, this is not a rigid goal.  I don't beat myself up if I don't achieve it.  But, there is a positive sense of accomplishment that comes from achieving it, and this feels good.  In the long run, I know that what needs to be expressed through me will be expressed.  Whether that happens now, tomorrow, or in a week is not important.  In the moment, I can only do what I am moved to do.  Though, what I've found is that if I give at least two hours to this expression, I can usually exceed my daily quota.  Two hours is just over a tithe of my waking time.  It seems appropriate to give that much to spirit.  Life is truly a gift, and a miraculous one at that.  This expression is my way of giving back something in return for all that I have been blessed to receive.  Of course, I would choose to give back to spirit directly, expressing whatever consciousness would bring forth through me.  Some devote their energies to family, to friends, to animals, or to any number of social causes.  Others don't seem to give much at all.  In the end, what matters is that we abide by the overriding spiritual principle expressed in The Lion King: to never take more than you give.  That is what creates abundance in the world.  The trick is to find a way to give that involves something that you love to do.  Then, giving becomes a pleasure and a joyful activity.  It is only when we see it as an obligation or a burden that it becomes difficult.

Do what you love to do!  That is the directive of spirit.  Consciousness naturally encourages us in this direction.  Our very reality is crafted by us to draw out the best in us.  We create our own reality.  If we don't like what we are experiencing individually or en masse, there is no one to blame but us, there is no one that can fix it but us.  It helps to know this and to take full responsibility for our lives and for our experience.  We may not plan all of the details, at least not consciously, but these details align with our overall beliefs and expectations.  And, these are completely under our control.  No, most of us are not taught that.  In fact, many might consider it to be heresy to say that we create and are responsible for our own reality.  But, that does not change the nature of the truth ... not one iota.  Indeed, we are creators.  We are gods and goddesses all.  It is for us to decide what we want in our lives, and to draw in the necessary circumstances to make it so.  We do this through our beliefs and through our actions.  When we live congruently, our actions are aligned with our beliefs.  It is only when this is not so that difficulties in the process arise.  Our life is literally what we make of it.  We assign the meaning to everything: to every word, to every idea, to every action, to every synchronicity, to every thing.  We make the connections that are relevant between disparate information.

We are information consumers and information creators in an information age.  It is amazing how much information is so readily available and how easy it is to share information due to the present state of technology that is manifest.  I am partial to written information.  That is due to my nature and natural abilities.  I know that.  Many do not find it easy to relate to information in this form.  They need pictures and visuals, or they need body language and the intonations of verbal communication to make them feel comfortable with the communication.  Occasionally, I use graphics, but mostly to organize and provide a context for how words and the ideas they represent are presented.  Graphics for graphics sake, are bandwidth hogs that create bottlenecks in communication.  Yes, a picture can be worth a thousand words, but only if it is the right picture for the circumstances.  There is an art to written communication.  It is a highly creative process.  Further, it is a difficult process, because it only uses a small subset of the tools available in spoken communication.  When we write, the words must capture everything that is to be conveyed.  There are no vocal cues or body language that can enhance the meaning of what is being presented.  That is OK.  All of the books in all of the libraries and bookstores in the world are testaments to the utility and power of the written word.  Granted, many books contain pictures, illustrations, or diagrams to augment the written text.  In fact, for some books, that is the primary content.  However, that is not the case here.  The Beyond Imagination expression is all words ... literally millions of them.  OK, words and numbers.

What am I moved to do next?  Where would I go?  What would I change about the way that I live my life?  The bottom line is that my path is a solitary one.  Perhaps it will always be thus.  I guess I won't really know until I have lived my entire life.  What is meant to happen will unfold in its proper timing.  We cannot stop the natural processes of growth ... that applies to the growth of the soul as well as the growth of the body.  At any point, the path may take an unexpected turn.  We may be asked to do something new and different.  This is good, it keeps life interesting.  It still baffles me that my memory works as it does.  In many ways it is immediate, operating solely in the present moment.  I can't even remember the prior sentence in this expression without going back and reading it again ... much less the prior paragraph, prior page, or prior musing.  I literally have no clue as to what has been expressed from day to day, or what is to be expressed in the future.  This expression happens completely in the now.  Each word appears in my mind.  I hear it as an internal voice.  At the conscious level, I am not aware of thoughts or even thought fragments.  Yet, I somehow know what is being expressed when it is being expressed.  My sense is that it will always be a mystery.  There is no use trying to explain it.  There is magic at work here, the magic of consciousness.  Her depths are not meant to be fathomed, try though we might.  Though, the effort to try is worth it.  However, it seems the more that we discover, the more that we find that we do not know.  That makes for a grand adventure.  The adventure of consciousness is the ultimate adventure.

Let's see ... at 2000 words per day, it takes nearly two years to generate a million words, assuming a 5 day writing week.  We've probably reached the 4 million word milestone by now.  I would guess that few people write that many words in a lifetime.  Yes, that makes this expression special.  I've always known that I was special, or at least different.  Our abilities are what they are for a reason.  Generally, this is to facilitate the accomplishment of our mission.  I firmly believe that each of us has a mission.  Each of us came to play a role, and that role is to do more than just exist.  Our lives are meant to be joyful.  Our spirits are meant to playfully create the reality that we experience.  This is a natural process.  However, it requires us to be open to whom that we truly are.  It requires that we trust our basic nature.  It requires that we trust that consciousness is nourishing and guiding us every step of the way.  I know this to be true.  I've experienced it firsthand.  Consciousness is as close as my very breath.  She feeds me with the words that appear on these pages.  Without her, I would be lost.  Without her, I would not exist.

Strong words, but they accurately portray how I feel.  My life is in consciousness hands now.  Perhaps it always has been.  At the very least, this has been true since my mid-teens.  That covers over three decades, literally 2/3rds of my life to date.  I grew up on metaphysics, thinking about things that many never think about.  It took a Beyond Mind experience to wake me up from the illusory world of thought to the world of awareness.  This was not an experience that I invited or that I consciously created in any way.  Yet, it was something that happened, something that served as a beliefquake that rocked the foundations of my world, that put into question all that I believed and thought that I knew.  Thinking was no longer the pinnacle of endeavor, intuition took its place.  And, a new level of awareness as the observer became prevalent in my world.  This has continued to this day.  The first signs that something was up came with the birth of this expression in March of 1993.  Suddenly, I was an information generator, a conscious creator in the world.  But, what I was creating was not the result of a conscious endeavor, it was automatic, its source was consciousness herself.  This was clear early on as well.

OK, one final paragraph and we can journey home for the week.  More and more, the conditions that keep me away from home are becoming intolerable.  I am not willing to accept them.  It is time for something to give.  It is time for something to change.  When will that happen?  I can only guess.  But, I feel restless.  I know that something major is in the works.  I can feel it.  Life will be very different at the end of this year than it was at the beginning.  We are still in the early throws of the new year.  But, each day seems to pass so quickly.  At the same time, it seems like forever from the time that I wake up until the time that I go to sleep.  How can that be?  I don’t know, but I sense what I sense.  What am I willing to live with, and what am I not willing to live with?  The bottom line seems to be that I can accept whatever comes.  Yet, am I not allowed to have a preference?  But, what is the obligation and responsibility that comes with having preferences?  Are they worth the price?  Or, is it better to simply trust and allow what would be to be, knowing that the universe is acting in our best collective interest at every moment?

14 January 2005

Another day, another musing.  That makes two weeks straight for the year.  Though, it is very likely that I will miss a day tomorrow since we are going up to the cabin and I don't have a computer there.  Oh well.  It is what we do most of the time that counts.  It is good to take a break from time to time.  Though, I am not looking forward to the week long break near the end of the month due to an upcoming business trip.  I'll just have to find a good book or two to take along.  It seems that I need inputs to fuel this expression.  These inputs can come in a variety of forms.  The internal stuff mirrors the external stuff and vice versa.  One thing that can come out of the business trip is the opportunity for more socialization.  It seems that I don't have enough of that in my life.  Though, I am getting it more on the work front than ever before.  Perhaps that is a sign of things to come.  Whatever we need shall be drawn into our reality.  That is the way that reality creation works.  Though, it may not be completely to our liking or in the timeframe that we might prefer.  Consciousness knows exactly what we need.  The various forces of the universe are called into play to manifest this in our lives.  We always get what we need.  Always!  Realize this and allow your life to unfold harmoniously in accord with natural laws.  Growth cannot be forced.  It can only be nurtured and allowed.

What next?  What is the next step that I am meant to take?  I have not allowed that to keep me from stepping out before.  The next step is whatever is unveiled in the moment.  It is whatever step I am moved to take.  For me, it doesn't seem that there will be any foreknowledge of what these steps will be.  It is up to me to blindly go forth into the unknown, guided solely by intuition and consciousness herself.  That is OK.  I am used to this by now.  I would have it no other way.  I trust that consciousness knows exactly what she is doing.  It is not necessary for me to know the details.  It is enough to know that I am being directed to go where I need to go, to do what I need to do, and to be what I need to be.  Is this not true for all of us?  I'm going to see the movie What the bleep do we know tonight.  I've heard and read good things about it.  It seems to address the nature of consciousness in a way that no other movie ever has.  The fact that it has drawn such large audiences is amazing.  I guess it is an indication that the time is right for this kind of expression.  Even the mass consciousness is open to understanding itself more completely.  We'll have to see what my feelings and reactions are after experiencing the movie.

There is still a strong sense that the time is ripe for massive change.  Further, it seems that this will occur on a collective as well as an individual basis.  I'm open to change ... more open than I have ever been before.  As of this month, I've spent 19 years working for the same Air Force organization.  Something tells me that I am not going to make it to 20.  A change in job might involve a change in location too.  I'm up to that as well, provided that the location is somewhere that I would like to live.  Right now, I could see that being Colorado, but I don't want to move to the east coast.  However, who says that I get to decide?  If the proper situation comes up, I will be moved to do it.  I trust that I will simply know what is right if and when the opportunity presents itself.  I still live my life very much in automatic mode.  Things just happen.  I observe them and attempt to determine what they mean.  Everything that happens does so for a reason.  Everything has its message for us, if only we have the eyes to see it and ears to hear it.  Life, for me, is about the expression of consciousness, about the manifestation of spirit in flesh.  What I have to reveal, I share on these pages.  In a very real way, this is my life, at least the part of my life that has the potential to have lasting value.  But, what will ensure that it has this value?  What will ensure that it goes on after I have gone on?  Is that really important?  Or, is it through the direct interaction with others, be they few or many, that will determine the ultimate impact?  Interesting questions.  Is a legacy of words a sufficient legacy?  It seems that for me it has to be sufficient.  Words are my tools and my weapons.  They allow me to express what consciousness would express through me.

There is an urgency in the air, a sense that it is time to do something ... though I'm not yet clear on what that something might be.  The sense of urgency is strong nonetheless.  I would be who I am to the degree that I can.  I would stop fearing what others might think, how others might judge me ... it is their right to think and to judge as they will.  But, they are forming their judgments on an image of me that is of their own making.  I am who I am..  I am of the I AM itself.  I'm the only one capable of judging me.  And this, I refuse to do any longer.  I am the only one who knows my motives, my aspirations, and my dreams.  The closest that you can come to that is to experience what is revealed here.  On the one hand, that is a lot.  On the other hand, it only scratches the surface.

Wow!  The movie was great, truly outstanding.  I've definitely never seen anything like it before, not even close.  Science has come a long way to understanding the nature of various levels of worlds.  But, quantum physics only leaves us with probabilities from which an act of consciousness is required to collapse the probabilities into the events that we experience.  We literally do create our own reality.  In one showing in one town, over 100 people saw this movie.  By now, there must be over a million viewers who have experienced this.  What they got from it is probably different for each individual.  However, there was so much in the movie that even if you only took away a small part of what was there, it is enough to trigger a new level of awareness.  At the very least, it provided a lot of food for thought.  They did a great job about introducing a lot of difficult concepts.  It truly is a remarkable movie.  That it could be produced at this time and be reaching such a large audience is a sign that there is a readiness for a spectacular new expression of consciousness on this planet.  There is no way that anyone can walk away from that movie without being changed in major ways.  It may take awhile for the ramifications of those changes to fully manifest.  But, connections were made and reinforced time and again in the brain.  And, they were made in ways that are unforgetable.  This is definitely a creative manifestation of consciousness in its highest sense.

I can already feel my own consciousness churning.  There were many things presented in the movie that I did not know before.  Also, the movie is proof that there are other highly aware beings out there.  Several of them were in the movie itself.  So, why was I moved to see this with my wife tonight?  I ordered the DVD of the movie last week, but it is not scheduled to be released until March.  I was just about resigned to having to wait.  But such was not to be.  For some reason, I needed to have this experience today.  I'm sure I will see it over and over again several times once I have the DVD.  Yes, it was that good!  It will be interesting to see how this impacts the path that I follow from here, and the reality that I experience along the way.  I haven't thought much about the different worlds on different levels ... the self, the mind, the biological entity, the cells, the molecules, the atoms.  All truly exist in their own world following their own natural laws.  One of the amazing things was that most of space is a vacuum, and that even the things that we consider particles vanish in and out of our world into other probable worlds.  That is not surprising.  We know that TV works in this way.  We only have to present images at about 60 cycles per second to make them appear continuous to our eyes and our brain.  Also interesting was that the brain does not distinguish between what it sees and what it remembers.  The same exact neural pathways fire.  What we imagine is the same way.  It is as real to our brains as anything that we see. 

It seems like the world indeed is ready for major change.  The collective consciousness has developed sufficiently to allow completely new expressions to manifest.  We already knew that at some level.  This very expression is proof of that on an individual basis.  But, I've known all along that what I can do others can do.  Once the pattern is established, it can be replicated.  Consciousness will use that pattern as she will, wherever it can be of use.  And, from there we build ever new patterns.  We are pattern building biological  machines.   But we are also the observer, the consciousness that animates the machines.  We may not know how we do this.  But the fact is that our thoughts and our beliefs greatly impact what we experience.  They color the very fabric of our world.  They literally impact the properties of the physical matter of which we are composed.  Hmm ... another interesting point in the movie dealt with the one way experience of time and the fact the the past and present are accessible but the future is not.  Why this is so is a mystery.  The mathematics and physics of space-time do not force such an experience.  This is something that we do in our consciousness. 

OK, so what are the ramifications of all of this?  How does this change my conceptualization of myself and the reality that I experience?  What part of me is doing the choosing that results in the particular reality that I experience?  What does that imply about the nature of this expression?  Am I any closer to knowing how it is manifest?  The bottom line is that it is still a mystery.  Only now, it is an even bigger mystery than I had imagined before.  Now, I have been exposed to what some other people know.  It will take awhile to see how this impacted me.  Throughout the movie, my attention was focused and my brain was on fire.  I know that connections were being made and reinforced at breakneck speed.  The movie was masterfully done in that regard.  It was a shining example of how the media of film can be used in a manner that has a great impact.  Hopefully, this is a sign of things to come.  It is high time that our entertainment was educational as well.  This was an example of what can be done.  The special effects and animation was phenomenal.  Tying this to explanations from scientists was a stroke of genius.  Two hours seemed like an eternity, not because I was bored, but because I was so present in each moment.  I wonder if others experienced it in the same way.  I know that others were deeply moved by the film, enough to see it multiple times, and enough to start discussion groups.  That does not happen with too many films.  This one is truly thought provoking.  Consciousness was clearly operating at her best.

17 January 2005

Missed two days of expression in a row.  Oh well, that happens sometimes.  I'm likely to miss another day later this week as well.  That is OK.  What needs to be expressed will be expressed, of that I am certain.  We spend enough time here to assure that.  And, we could always spend more if we were moved to do so.  What reality do we choose to experience next.  The job interview doesn't seem to be happening for some reason.  There too, what will be will be.  I don't have to force things.  Rather, it is for me to allow them to manifest as they will.  Such is the way that I live my life.  Is it time for that to change?  Is it time to play a more active conscious role in choosing what will happen in my reality?  Could I even do so if I wanted to?  Interesting question.  We've been wrestling with destiny versus choice and free will for some time now.  Are we any closer to resolving the issue?  It seems that we are not.  Yet, I would be what I would be.  I would express whom that I am to the degree that I can.  And, I know that whatever that is, is enough.  No one can be expected to do anymore than that.  Though, we need to be careful not to limit what we would be.  There is always such a danger when it comes to limitations.  They seem so real that often we do not think to question them.  But what is real versus what is illusion.  My sense is that there is a part of us that knows this.  That part lies deep within us, though not so deep that it cannot be reached.  It is simply a matter of focus and effort on our part.  Expectation helps as well.  We have to expect that we will succeed in our endeavors.  When we do so, the very forces of the universe come to our aid.  How can I know all of this?  This is more than a regurgitation of what I have learned.  This is a creative expression of consciousness that goes beyond what I knew that I know.  How can that be?  How is it even possible?  Good questions, but in the end they don't matter much.  What matters is that the experience of this expression exists, and that the expression is captured in the manner that it is.  Otherwise, there would be no record of this creation.  That is not quite right.  There is an electromagnetic record that is captured in the cosmos.  But, it is not clear how one would tune into it.  Speaking of tuning in, there is a sense that such is what is happening here.  I tune into a stream of consciousness and express what that stream already contains.  There is no sense that I am creating it as I am writing it.  Rather, it is just fed into my head and then through my fingers onto the screen.  Yet, how does this differ from the normal thought process?  Is there even a normal thought process?  Perhaps that assumes that we are far more similar than we truly are.  Hmm ... then what am I to make of all of this?  What ultimate purpose does it serve?

Expressing in this manner is not an option for me.  It is an essential part of my life.  It is my primary way of processing the meaning of my experience.  I don't speak with others very much.  This is a way of speaking with a deeper part of myself, or perhaps with consciousness herself.  Actually, there is not much speaking going on.  I'm primarily in a receptive mode to allow all of this to come through.  At times, it seems that I can maneuver the flow, just as a rower can alter the course of a boat within a stream.  However, this only seems to occur within a limited range.  It is not clear that I control where into the stream of consciousness that I jump when a musing begins.  It just seems to be wherever it is, and that is good enough.  Consciousness knows what she is doing, even if I do not much of the time.  What allows this material to flow is a basic trust in the process.  No, I cannot guarantee that everything that comes forth is correct.  In fact, I know that it is not.  However, what does flow forth is indeed the best that I could bring forth in the moment.  This will naturally change over time.  What do I really know about consciousness as a result of all of this?  For one thing, she is there whenever I need her.  Second, she does not force her ways upon us.  She allows us to choose whether and how we will serve her.  There is only ONE consciousness of which we all are part.  Everything that is manifest is the expression of a single consciousness creating and operating in the world.  We can discover the spark of consciousness that is within us.  We can learn to hear it and even communicate with it should we desire to do so.  People have been doing this for untold ages ... and not just the avatars among us.   Our awareness is a direct measure of how connected we are to the spark of consciousness within us.  The more aware we are, the more positive impact we can have upon the world.  Intuition is the mechanism for reaching the spark of consciousness within us.  Increased intuition and increased awareness go hand in hand.  Where one is, so is the other.  Imagination is also very important.  What we can imagine, we can achieve.  However, it may take some discipline to apply the right resources in the right ways.  This expression is called Beyond Imagination for a reason.  But, what lies Beyond Imagination?  The first answer that came to mind was: REALITY.  How interesting.  So long as we are stuck in the realm of mind, or in the realm of imagination, we are dealing with the illusion.  Oh, the illusion is very enticing ... constantly demanding of our attention.  But, that does not make it real, even if it is what we experience.

How do we turn possibilities into actualities?  How do we exercise our ability to choose?  What does it take to find reality, or to create it?  Focus and intention are crucial, as well as a healthy degree of expectation.  We have to believe that we are worthy of what we desire.  Then, we have to expect that we will indeed get it.  That is what sets the field of intentionality.  It is this very field that attracts to us what we need to experience.  The stronger the field, the quicker the manifestation.  Our focus is what energizes this field.  But, it is not just any focus.  It is focus involving who we want to be, what we want to experience, and how we want to express in the world.  What if we don't really want anything other than to be who we truly are and to do what we are moved to do?  Then, that is exactly what we will get in our lives.  But, what about making things happen?  What about creating our own reality?  What about making our own day?  How much of that do we really get to do?  And ultimately, does it lead to happiness?  We must live as we believe.  We must be true to ourselves.  At the same time, we must lead the life that we are meant to lead.  What is our destiny?  How do we find out what it is?  Do we really need to know?  Why can't we simply allow it to unfold as it will?  That doesn't mean that we live a passive existence.  Far from it.  We can do what we are moved to do with vigor and enthusiasm.  It is important to live wholeheartedly.  Literally, that means living with all of our heart.  Actually, with all of our soul, since the heart is said to be the seat of the soul.  How do we put our soul first in all that we do?  Again, intentionality and focus are the keys.  It is not hard to live a spiritual life.  However, it does take some discipline to remove some of our focus on the exterior world and turn it on the interior world.  This does not seem to be something that comes naturally for many.  Perhaps that's why religions have such a major role to play in this arena.  People want to believe in something, in a force that is greater than they are, in a creator that is grand enough to create all of this.  There is obviously intelligent design at play in the universe.  There is simply no denying it.  Consciousness is ever creating new forms through which to express and experience.  The creative expression goes on forever.  Evolution is not fast enough to explain all that is manifest.  Yes, it has its place.  But, it cannot be the only mechanism at work.  Revolutionary change also occurs at times.  Is this one of those times?  It seems that it is.  The past century has seen more far more change than the two millennia before it.  And, the pace of change, especially technological change is growing exponentially.  At what point will it be beyond our ability to cope with?  It does indeed seem that such a point will be reached eventually.  One way out is to pick and choose what elements of the technology that one embraces and makes a part of ones life.  We don't have to embrace it all.  Just because tools exist does not mean that we have to spend the time and effort to learn how to use them effectively.

So, how do we decide what to embrace and what to avoid?  We trust our intuition and our natural curiosity.  We will learn to use what we need to use.  These are the very things that we will be moved to acquire and use.  When we resign our will to spirit, a new level of organization takes place in our lives.  Our wants, our desires, get replaced by higher wants and higher desires.  These come from spirit herself via our consciousness.  Most of the time, this happens through intuitive processes.  However, these can be made conscious as well.  Be kind.  Do good unto others.  Do what you know to be right.  These are directives from spirit.  Embue your work with love.  By doing so, you transform it into the greatest act of consciousness that it can be.  Love is by far the strongest force in the universe.  In fact, it may even be the only force in the universe.  But what about the dark forces, the forces of evil, the shadows, and all of that?  Why does there seem to be a constant struggle between good and evil, between light and dark, between love and fear in the world?  How do we find that level where the dichotomies no longer exist?  Can we do so and still live in the world?  Is that not what the admonition to be in the world but not of the world is all about.  We are spirit, first and foremost.  But, their is no part within our bodies where spirit resides.  It is not in our heart, nor in our brain, nor even globally throughout the body.  It is beyond all of these, springing forth from other dimensions entirely.  I heard something recently to the effect that it takes physicists 11 dimensions to explain what they know about the world.  Most of us are aware of only three dimensions of space and one of time.  That leaves another 7 dimensions that are effectively hidden to us.  That is a lot of room for doing a whole lot of things.  In fact, with all of that room, it is interesting that we can experience reality in the way that we do.  Our senses and our brains evolved specifically to experience life as we do.  That we are able to experience things individually as differently as we do is one of the grand miracles of life.

18 January 2005

Another day, another musing.  That's 16 in 18 days, and 21 in 23 days.  I can live with that.  The bottom line is that the expression comes forth when it does ... and whenever that is, is appropriate.  I cannot force this expression to happen, I can only allow it to do so.  Lately, I've been allowing it to come forth a lot.  Could more be brought forth?  Perhaps, but I need some time to live my life as well, such as it is.  How would I change my life?  How would I make it more fulfilling?  How would I outreach to others more?  With whom am I meant to interact and share my life?  I'm still very much a loner and a hermit.  Will this always be the case?  Is this due to my very nature?  Or, is this something that I have imposed on myself as a coping mechanism?  I have been doing it for so long that it is ingrained as a habit.  The question at hand is whether I have a choice in the matter?  Do I want to continue to live in this manner, or do I want to open my life up to others?  The very fact that I share this expression in the manner that I do suggests the later.  However, becoming more outgoing is a major step in what seems like the opposite direction from where my life has been focused.  Is this what I really want?  If so, so be it.  But, how do we determine if this is so or not?  As always, do what you are moved by consciousness to do.  You will know what is right for you by the way that you feel inside.  In some cases, this may require going outside of your comfort zones.  That is OK, do it anyway.  You will be more than pleased by the results.

It still astonishes me that the focus of this expression is so immediate.  I literally do not  remember what was in the prior sentence as I write the present one.  In fact, even the present one does not come forth as an entire thought ... but rather word by word.  However, I guess that is no different than the process of speaking.  When I start speaking, I have no idea of how the current sentence will end either.  I just trust the process, expecting that whatever is said will somehow make sense.  But, what assures that it will be meaningful?  I've never been good at making speeches or giving briefings.  My memory simply doesn't organize itself in a manner that supports doing those things well.  Is it something that I could learn how to do?  Perhaps enough to make me more competent.  But, probably never enough to make me shine.  My forte is the written word.  That is how I organize my thoughts.  Hmm ... organize does not seem to be the right word either.  That implies expending effort to evaluate and order the thoughts.  For most of the activities that I engage in both here and at work, that simply is not how it happens.  The creative spark flows and the organization comes forth spontaneously.  It is not something that I have to work at.  It is as if consciousness herself has done the arranging before the ideas even reach my mind.  Though, it is possible that my mind is doing part of this as well, just not in a conscious way.  That too is OK.  It doesn't hurt to rely on the other than conscious parts of ourselves.  These are far wiser and far more capable than most would suspect.  We are far wiser and far more capable than we might suspect.  There is a saying that comes to mind: expect the unexpected.  It definitely helps to live ones live with a strong element of surprise.  At the same time, we should not be overly surprised by anything that happens.  At some level, every experience that we have is drawn to us by us.  Part of this process is conscious, but much of it occurs at other than conscious levels.  To a large degree, it is our beliefs, actions, and expectations that determine what comes into our lives.  However, on top of this, we must superimpose meaning.  It is not so much what happens in our life that is important, rather it is the meaning that we assign to whatever happens.  The same event can mean very different things to different people.  Much depends on ones level of awareness.  In addition, much depends on our focus, on what we pay attention to and what we don't.  These things are different for every individual.  That is one of the things that makes the world such an interesting place.

There is still a strong sense that major change is on the immediate horizon.  At this point, it still seems to be just beyond my grasp.  But, that will not be the case for long.  2005 is the "Y" = why year.  It is high time that we discovered the answer to that simple question - why?   Why do we exist?  Why are we here?  Why war?  Why the duality of good versus evil, light versus dark?  Why is there so much suffering?  Why are we not happy and fulfilled?  Why ... why ... why?  Why does the illusion seem so real?  Why are we so quick to fall into the clutches of habit?  Why don't we share more and hoard less?  Why do we attract the people and circumstances that we do into our lives?

What changes are in store for me ... for the world?  Will these be one and the same, or at least reflections of one another?  I have chosen to give spirit and consciousness honored places in my life.  I back this with action, choosing to engage in this expression for an average of nearly two hours per day.  That is a major commitment of time and energy.  Though, this activity seems to help to recharge rather than expend my batteries.  From another perspective, it is not clear that I actually choose to do this.  Yes, I do it.  But, at what point does being moved to do something remove the need or even the possibility for choice?  Then again, does this not apply to all areas of our lives where we perceive that we have choices?  Are we acting out a play that was written long ago?  Or, are we creating the play spontaneously in the moment?  Is there any way for us to know this?  Further, does it even matter?  Does it change the nature of what we experience one iota?  Or, rather, does it only impact the meaning that we give to experience?  Also, if we don't choose, then how can we be responsible for our actions?  Surely, personal responsibility and accountability must amount to something ... something very important in our lives.  How could a society exist without this?

Once again, I had to read the previous paragraph to have any clue of what was expressed.  That happens a lot.  So, why am I so amazed that this is how the process works?  The very fact that this stream of consciousness expression can come forth as it does is baffling.  It is beyond my comprehension.  Yet, I know that it is possible.  I engage in doing it on a regular basis.  That I don't know how it happens doesn't stop me from doing it.  Then again, there are a lot of things about how my body and brain function that I don't understand either.  That does not stop me from doing them either.  We can be unconsciously competent.  Many things that we do are essentially automatic.  Somehow, we just know how to do them.  They are natural processes, many of which we did not even have to learn how to do.  Still others, we learned to become consciously competent, and then were able to remove our conscious attention when the processes became engrained enough to be automatic.  I learned once that there was a natural progression from unconsciously incompetent to consciously incompetent to consciously competent to unconsciously competent.  It seems that such is the right order for many skills.  Though there are some exceptions that seem to go directly to the final state.  The heart does not need to learn how to pump blood through the body ... it just knows how to do this albeit under the control of some part of the brain.  How does mind relate to brain?  Is mind something beyond the biochemical and electrical activity of the brain?  Does the mind exist when the body ceases to function?  Who is the dreamer within us?  Where is the observer of the one who dreams?  My own experience with remember dreams is highly limited.  I know that I dream.  I do catch myself doing so at times.  However, most of the time when I am asleep, I simply am not consciously aware.  So, where does this entity that I call "me" go when I sleep?  Does it die each night only to be reborn again each morning?  How can that be?  How can I literally spend one-third of my life unaware?  Actually, it could be much greater than this.  Given that we exist in multiple dimensions, perhaps as many as eleven or more per quantum mechanics, the time that I am aware of could be sampled rather than continuous.  We know that we only need to see images at 60 cycles per second to make them seem continuous to our eyes.  That is why movies and TV are able to do what they do.  I assume that our ears function in a similar fashion.  They don't need to hear continuous audio waveforms to make them seem continuous.  So, how do we choose which channels to pay attention to at what times?  Is there the equivalent of a remote control that allows us to select the channels that we choose to experience?  If so, where is the remote control for our consciousness and how do we operate it?  Further, what determines the programming of the channels that we have to choose from?  Are we the playwrights and the screenwriters?  Are we the producers?  Is it a matter of subscribing to the channels that we want to have access to?  If so, what is the "cost" to subscribe?  Do we need special equipment to access particular channels?  Do we need to achieve certain levels of awareness to understand the content of particular channels.  Interesting questions.  Yet, they seem very real somehow.  Why would our choices in consciousness be any different than what our technology has mirrored?

Wow!  Down to the final stretch for the day.  Can our reality be multiplexed?  If so, how do we access the other lives that we may be leading simultaneously?  Would that be too confusing for us to do?  Is that where synchronicities come into play?  Is that where some of our direct knowingness comes from?  Are these things that we have learned before this existence, or perhaps in parallel existences?  Is that where intuition and inspiration come from as well?  Or, do these come from consciousness herself?  It seems that reality is far stranger than any of us have ever imagined.  Our greatest physicists are speaking much like mystics.  Perhaps we are seeing a reunion of science and religion ... or at least of science and spirituality.  How can we not be interested in what consciousness is and how it creates the reality that we experience?  Is this not fundamental to our understanding of who and what we are?  Yet, many don't seem to care.  They are far too stuck within the grips of the illusion.  Our consciousness yearns to be free.  Hmm ... that doesn't seem to be quite correct.  We yearn to be free, our consciousness is already free.  How do we go from our yearning to the realization of our actual state?  We are consciousness already.  Yes, consciousness expressing through form, but consciousness nonetheless.  We are what we are.  The trick is to be aware of what we are.  Awareness makes all of the difference in life.

The character count was more interesting than the word count, 8889 characters prior to this sentence.  Now, if it had been 8888, I would have really took notice.  But, this is 8888 + ONE.  That is even more special somehow.  Eights bring order and completions.  88 is infinity above, infinity below.  8888 is 88 doubled.  The sense is that this is infinity in four dimensions rather than just two.  Adding ONE includes source/consciousness in the equation.  Just noticed this is also 888:My mission in base 16 and 9:The Hermit.  Hmm … why didn’t I notice that first?  Both “meanings” are important, so it really doesn’t matter which came first.  Am I a mystic in my own right?  Is my level of awareness sufficient to qualify me as such?  Overall, it does not matter.  Such terms are just labels.  What is important is what we are, not what we are called.  Though, now I am curious … mystic = 471293 = 4/11/12/14/23/26.  If we capitalize the M, we get Mystic = 13/20/21/23/32/35.  Interesting.  My 35th year was one of intense spiritual awakening.  How appropriate.

19 January 2005

Change in travel plans, so we did get to muse today after all.  Though, it will probably be shorter than normal.  That is OK.  What is expressed each day is by definition what needs to be expressed that day.  I trust that consciousness will move me appropriately.  I'm reading a book about Shambala and the 11th instinct.  I don't remember what the title is.  However, the story is fascinating.  It offers a different perspective of how our energies are used and combined to create the reality that we experience.  Intentionality is the key.  But it is a lose intentionality that brings out the best in people, whatever that may be.  It also involves being watchful and open to the synchronicities that appear in our lives.  These are there for reasons.  They are meant to help us, if only we would be open to them and allow them to.  One important point was that we need to avoid coersion and specificity regarding outcomes.  When people feel that they are being coerced, they fight it and run away.  That yields the opposite result of what we might be trying to achieve.  It is better to extend our energy in a supportive manner that gives others the freedom to choose what is right on their own.

There is still a strong sense that major changes are coming soon.  How soon, I do not know.  Perhaps by the 12th anniversary of the birth of the Beyond Imagination expression or by my 47th birthday, just over a month later.  That is not far away.  We are already nearly three weeks into the month.  The year is busier than ever and is passing very quickly.  Understood, each minute is of the same duration objectively.  But, it is what we experience subjectively that really matters in our lives.  My 47th birthday is actually the beginning of my 48:The Man in Search of More year.  The 12th anniversary of the birth of the Beyond Imagination expression is the beginning of the 13:Death year of expression.  Both of those suggest that we are in for a very special year.  What kinds of changes are in store?  It seems that they could show up on all fronts.  The potential is there for changes in job, location, modes of expression, relationships, ...  Nearly everything is in the air.  I am ready for a complete overhaul of my life.  I have been working for the same organization for close to two decades, and for the same company for over eight years.  That is longer than I have worked anywhere else in my life.  The weekly commute is getting old, yet at the same time, it could be worse.  Be careful for what you wish for, especially now.  Your reality will indeed reflect your wishes, and far sooner than you might imagine.  Are these my wishes that are coming forth, or are they premonitions from consciousness regarding what will be?  How much choice do I really have in the matter?  You have more choice than you may believe.  Yet, at the same time much is predestined as well.  You are right to allow the moments to unfold as they will.  It is not necessary for you to make anything happen.  Though, much will indeed happen as a result of you doing what you are moved to do.  Beware however.  Don't be concerned about specific outcomes.  It is best to leave such things to consciousness herself.  When it comes to collective reality, you don't necessarily know enough to grasp what is best for all.  That is OK, it is not your job to know such.  However, consciousness herself is not so limited.  By allowing her to do her works through you, you are contributing to the wellbeing of your world in the best way that you can.  Trust the process.  Trust the natural expression of whom that you are.  You have an intricate role to play in the grand scheme of things.  Yes, that may come across as grandiose to many.  But, you are whom that you are.  There is no denying this.

Wow!  The expression is coming forth strongly and quickly today.  That is good.  I love it when that happens.  There is a sense of being in the flow, of being in the hands of consciousness herself.  What more can I say?  It seems that there is a lot.  How can that be after nearly twelve years of expression?  The bottom line is that you have touched a source within that has no limits to her depth.  Try as you might for as long as you live, and you will still not be able to fathom her.  She is that mysterious.  You have reached the unknown realms of consciousness.  In time, you will be able to make parts of the unknown known.  However, you will also discover that much of the unknown is also unknowable.  That relegates a good part of it to the realm of belief.  But, beliefs can be tricky too.  Let utility serve as your guide.  Believe strongly in what you believe, but be flexible and open to new beliefs as well.  Examine your reality for its conformance to your beliefs.  Assess which beliefs serve you and others, and which don't.  Further enforce those with utility, and prune those with limited value.  You are the master gardener.  It is up to you to care for the garden of your beliefs.

There is a sense that I should be doing something that I am not yet doing.  Yet, I know not what that is, at least not consciously.  However, the strong inner feeling is there.  Generally, when this happens, it is a sign that I am about to be moved to do something that I have not done before.  So, what would that be in this case?  Hmm ... while I am curious, does it really matter in the moment?  The process for living ones life well is simple ... do what you are moved by spirit to do in each moment, and do it to the best of your ability.  You don't have to know why you are being so moved.  However, there is a catch.   How do we know when we are being moved by spirit versus when we are being moved by other impulses?  That requires finding a place within that knows.  It also requires reaching a level of awareness where spirit is able to come forth through us on a regular basis.  How do we do this?  It is not clear that there is any set method that works in this regard.  It seems that each of us must find what works best for us.  Though intent is definitely required.  We have to want to do it.  We have to want it enough to put in the effort to make it happen.  As with anything that we do, we have to focus our attention on what we want ... not necessarily on how it will manifest.  To open ourselves to spirit having a more active role in our lives, we have to create a vacuum, an open space or blank slate in which consciousness can manifest what she will.  This often comes through creative expression spawned from intuition.

20 January 2005

Made it back in time to muse again.  That is good!  This is what I love to do.  This year is starting off much busier than any that I remember.  On the one hand, that is OK.  It makes the time fly by.  However, it can be exhausting at times.  I need to be able to recharge my batteries now and then ... preferably a little everyday.  I am able to do that here.  This expression has the ability to restore my soul.  Consciousness has that effect.  She is soothing to the soul.  When we are doing her works, we can literally do anything ... because we are tapping the very forces of the universe.  Is it our job to shape these forces into particular works?  For some, this does indeed seem to be the case.  But, for others it seems that the process needs to be more open, with consciousness herself shaping the forces as she will. 

Hmm ... no word back from the headhunter again this week.  I don't know what to make of that.  There still seems to be an opportunity in the making.  But, it is not clear that it is within my power to make it so.  I can set the field of intention.  I can be open to whatever change is in the best interest of spirit.  I can trust that I am being moved along a path that is right for me, and for the role that I am to play in the world.  But, that seems to be as far as I can go ... other than doing the things that I am moved to do.

There is still a strong sense that we have reached another breakpoint, and that massive change is in store as a result.  Further, it seems that the changes will occur on many fronts.  Yet, I am reaching a level of comfort and confidence working with people that I have never had before.  Does that mean that I have learned what I need to learn here and am now ready to move on?  Perhaps it does.  One way or another, we shall see soon enough.  What is the next step?  That is one of the key challenges when we reach new breakpoints.  The next step is in a whole new direction.  Where we have been before does not form a solid basis for where we are going next.  This has happened several times in my life already.  I'm sure that it will happen many more time before I am finished.  That is OK.  Breakpoints are good.  It helps to go through major shakeups now and then.  This keeps up the element of surprise in our lives.  Otherwise things might get stagnant and boring.

On what adventures would consciousness take us next?  All of life is an adventure.  It is meant to be a joyous one.  Why do we choose to make it more difficult than it needs to be?  That is not to say that we shouldn't have challenges ... these temper us and allow us to find out what we are truly made of.  But, the challenges shouldn't be overwhelming.  They should bring out the greatness in us ... both for us to see and for others to see.  However, greatness is as greatness does.  It is the works that we do that make all of the difference.  In the end, when all is said and done, it is the works that we have done that constitute our legacy.  It is important that we do these well.  It is important that we find a way to make a difference with our lives.  It is important that we leave the world a better place for our having lived.  This is the debt we owe to society, actually to life itself.  We didn't grant ourselves life.  This precious gift was given to us.  We repay this gift by giving of ourselves, not in sacrifice, but joyously and creatively.  Such is the grandest gift that we can give.  Sharing of whom that we are in a manner that helps others is the ultimate gift.  Literally, it is priceless.  At the same time, it is something that we all can do.  However, to make our time effective, we have to realize its true worth.  We are only given a finite amount of time in each existence.  Some are given more than others.  Though, each is given exactly what they need ... no more and no less.  I have read that the time of our death is set at the time of our birth.  Something about this seems true.  In some cases, people are even informed of when this will be long prior to its actual occurrence.  What does that say about the nature of our existence?  In the larger scale of things, each of us is only incarnate for a brief moment of time.  Even a century is minute when one considers the eons that have passed on this planet alone.  The scale of time for the solar system is much more than this, and for the galaxy is much more than that.

The exploration of the nature of consciousness herself is the grandest adventure of all.  At least, that is true for me.  I suspect that the vast majority doesn't relate to this, at least not yet.  Once consciousness establishes a foothold, however, all manner of transformation can literally happen overnight.  Such is the power of thought, the power of consciousness in action.  And, ultimately, it is consciousness that is everything.  Yes, consciousness expressed in form and through form, but consciousness nonetheless.  How is it that I can purport to know so much about the nature of consciousness?  What can I say?  What comes forth, comes forth.  And, this is what it says.  It is not for me to judge what consciousness would express, even though it comes forth through me.  Actually, especially since it comes forth in this manner.  There is a sense that I am not in control of it, and rightly so.  It is beyond anything that I know how to consciously control.  That too is OK.  I have resigned to allow consciousness herself to control such things in my life.  Thus far, I have been amazed at what she has been able to do.  Would I be just as amazed by what I am able to do if I used my will in her service as well?  I wonder.  I really wonder. 

I cannot imagine what the past decade would have been like without this expression playing such a prominent role in my life.  But, what does that say about the next decade, or about the rest of my life?  Is the pattern to continue indefinitely?  Perhaps it will, perhaps it won't.  Though, at the moment, I sense that it will.  Once the leap in awareness happens, once we become associated with the observer within, there is no going back to the ignorance of where we were before.  That is simply how spiritual awakening works.  I would be awakened, or I would not be at all.  There seem to be no other choices in the matter for me.  That doesn't mean that others don't have such choices to make.

21 January 2005

Hmm ... only 1204 words yesterday.  I had good intents to continue the expression last night, but I was too tired to get motivated to do it.  That happens sometimes.  Let's see if we can make up for it today.  It is Friday again.  I get to go home tonight.  In some respects the current circumstances are getting old.  I've been commuting weekly since I began this job over eight years ago.  That does not seem to be a reasonable way of living one's life.  Something about it does not seem right or fair.  Though, we do what we need to do to make a living.  However, there is a difference between making a living and creating a life.  It seems time for me to focus on the later.  How is it that I would chose to live?  What would my ideal day be like?  What kinds of interactions do I want to have with others?  If I don't have any idea as to how to answer these questions, how can I expect the universe to conform to my wishes.  I have to make my desires known somehow, and clearly known at that.

Well, it's official.  We are three weeks into the new year.  It is unbelievable how fast it is passing.  Work is busier than ever.  Though, I am finding time for this expression on a regular basis.  It is that important.  It is what keeps me sane.  Without consciousness expressing through me in this manner, I would be lost. I know that.  I owe consciousness a debt of gratitude.  I believe that I repay this debt by doing exactly what I am doing here, by allowing this stream of consciousness to come forth and by sharing it to the degree that I can.  Where all of this is ultimately leading, I do not yet know.  Perhaps I never will.  Regardless, it is enough to know what I am moved to do and see myself doing that.  Interesting.  Yes, the observing is important.  Once we have awakened to the observer part of ourselves, there is no turning back.  Ever on the quest to self awareness we must go. 

What next?  It still feels as if major changes are in the works.  However, is that real or just wishful thinking on my part?  I can only go by what I sense ... trying not to be too focused on any particular outcomes.  Events will unfold as they must in my life.  That is the path that I am on.  Others may experience life differently.  That is OK.  There are many paths to the realm of spirit.  Each of us must find the path or paths that are right for us.  Actually, we will migrate to these naturally, by the very force of attraction.  Much activity goes on behind the scenes to create the experiences that we need to have to realize whom we are and to develop our potential as fully as we can.  At least, we are given the opportunity to do these things.  Whether we succeed or not seems to be dependent on our focus and our effort.

I saw a license plate on the way into work today, 4JRH888.  For Jr, 8888.  I took this as a confirmation of reaching the state 8888.  We don't see four 8's very often.  This is infinity in four realms.  Neither do we see a natural 888 very often.  888(16) = 2184, the final four of my SSN, a number that is tied to my mission.  My life still revolves around numbers.  They are my tie to the symbolic world of spirit.

My state of mind is somewhat foggy today.  I feel tired, even somewhat groggy.  The drive back yesterday took a lot out of me.  The energy cycles seem to have their ups and downs.  I usually don't pay much attention to them, not even to note them.  Though, perhaps I should.  I might be able to better focus my efforts if I took my states into consideration.  Sometimes, we have no choice, we must do what needs to be done anyway.  But, when it comes to our own time, we are far more free.  We can choose what we will do when.  Hmm ... how much of this do we really choose?  If we do what we are moved to do ... how much choice do we really have?  How do we know for certain that we could have chosen a different course of action?  Just because it appears that we are making a choice, does not necessarily mean that we are actually making one.  Appearance, after all, can be deceptive.  I'm still struggling with the concept of free will versus destiny.  So much that happens in my life seems to be destined.  Though, it seems that at other than conscious levels I play an active role in creating that destiny.  So, do I create my own destiny or does it just happen?  It seems that it is a matter of both, not either.

We're on my time again.  That is good.  The work day was long enough once again.  Though, I still have a two plus hour drive home tonight.  Such is my life.  At least I find time for this expression.  Interacting with consciousness is good for the soul.  There is something about the process that is life affirming.  It is curious that I spend so much time in this process, yet so little time conversing with others in my life.  Why is that?  Why is this expression so much more important to me?  What level of interaction do I really want with others?  What am I willing to do to bring relationships into my life?  What am I not willing to do?  Over the years, I have become very set in my ways.  It seems to be time for increased flexibility.  It seems to be time to experience something new.  Am I willing to do what it takes for that to happen?  How much am I willing to stretch to become more of whom that I am?

Design your life to be the way that you want it to be.  Yes, it is that simple.  You are the creator of all that you experience.  You are also the 22:Master Builder.  The current vibrations also include 44 and 55, the fourth and fifth Master Numbers.  Very few sources offer meaning for these.  Most sources only explain 11, 22, and 33.  All Master Numbers indicate powerful potential.  They also indicate that you have a major role to play in the world, a role that will ultimately impact many.  But, you already knew that.  You just haven't yet figured out what the specific role is.  Don't worry, you will know what you need to know when you need to know it.  Trust the processes of life.  Consciousness is ever unfolding in a neverending adventure.  Realize this, and live the adventure.  You don't do that as much as you could or should.  This is a matter of where you choose to focus your attention.  You have been given many grand gifts, primarily gifts of consciousness.  It is for you to use these gifts for the benefit of all.  You naturally know how to do this.  It is a matter of trusting yourself to do what you are moved to do.  Whatever this is will be right for you, because it is spirit herself that is doing the moving.  How can I know all of this?  The only answer that I can give is that it comes from a source that knows.  I've been connected to this source for as long as I can remember.  Though, the connection grew deeper and more conscious when this expression began in 1993.  That was over four million words ago.  I still find it amazing that consciousness could be so prolific. But, such it is.  This expression is proof of what has been manifest.  Why would it come forth as a stream of consciousness?  I have no prior experience with such in this existence.  Even with all that I have read, I have never encountered anything close in format or content to this expression.  I find that curious.  Yet, this indeed is my experience.  This is what I have created in my life.  I would be a wayshower.  I would venture into the unknown realms of consciousness, and return to share of what I have found.  I do that because I know it to be one of my purposes in this existence.  Hmm ... how many such purposes are there?  What obligations do I have to whom?  There are obligations to self, to family, to friends, to employer, to society, and to consciousness or spirit herself.  Obligations are not meant to bind us.  They are not meant to be shackles.  We are meant to be free.  Our obligations are a way of preserving our freedom by joining with others in cooperative, mutually beneficial ways.  We are meant to be interdependent.  That is how we achieve the complexity necessary to allow consciousness to more fully manifest in our lives and in our world.  Cooperative interdependence is crucial.

We already know how to live in this manner.  It is simply a matter of choosing to do so.  Will we make such a choice.  Ultimately, we definitely will, but they may take awhile.  So, what do we do in the moment to manifest the reality that we prefer?  That gets back to deciding what we want and who we want to be.  Generally, getting what we want seems to be the root of many of our problems both individually and collectively.  It doesn't have to be that way.  We can design an economic system to serve us, to ensure that all of us get what we need.  Needs occur at all levels: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.  When will we decide that scarcity is unnecessary not only in this country, but worldwide?  When will we decide to fill the needs of all by sharing the great abundance that we collectively possess?  When?  Why don't we live as if we know who we truly are?  The recognition that there is abundance goes a long way toward assuring that it manifests.  It also helps if we feel responsible to and for our brethren on the planet, whether they be human or not. 

Another long paragraph and we have met our quota for the days expression.  It feels good when we do this.  There is a sense of accomplishment accompanied by a sense that we have done enough, that we have contributed what we could.  Each such step takes us further along our path.  Each such step reveals our destiny.  Some may have greater parts to play and some lesser.  Yet, each part is meaningful, each part is exactly what it needs to be.  We have only to allow life to express what it will through us.  Life is one of those mysterious things.  You can't quantify it.  You can't put it in a box.  You can't diminish its magnificence.  Though, you can hide who you are.  You can limit what it is that you express.  It is time to be done with such limitations.  It is time to realize that while they have served us, they have done so at great cost to own freedom.  Note that freedom does not mean independence.  None of us, not even those who would be hermits, can escape from our interdependence on others.  Oh, we can try.  But, try though we might, we will not succeed.  So, what is in store for society in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead?  Many wonders!  Many wonders, indeed.  I'm curious as to where we will be by 2007 and 2012.  I've known for over 30 years that these would be special years for me.  They are the two years that my birthday, April 8, fall on Easter from 1750 through 2150.  That is as far as I was moved to look in my first year in high school.  Calculating the dates for Easter was one of the first programs that I ever wrote.  I still remember being surprised at the results.  In particular, that the two years when this occurred during a 400 year span were so close together and would probably occur in my lifetime.  At the time, these two years were in the distant future.  However, 30 years have already elapsed, leaving just over two years and seven years respectively for these events to occur.  Somehow, there is to be a great spiritual significance here.  Easter is the day that Christ was resurrected from the dead.  It is a perfect time for a spiritual rebirth.  For me, the two days in question will be my 49th and my 54th birthdays.  The first is the beginning of my 50:Utopia on earth year on the planet.  The second is the beginning of my 55:Ace of Swords = fifth Master Number year.  My sense is that both of these events will be times of great spiritual transformation not only for me, but for any parts of the world that I touch.

Wow!  Exactly 2184 words.  That is enough for a day.  Yes, enough indeed!

22 January 2005

Interesting.  Saw 2184 several times today as well as a natural 888 once again.  Something is definitely up, big time.  This has to be more than coincidence.  Yes, I do look for these numbers, so I am more likely to notice them than most.  But, they seem to be everywhere that I look.  The basic meaning that comes to mind is that I am on purpose now, more so than I have ever been before.  Today is the 22 day of the year, the Fool Complete, the Master Builder.  It was a busy day overall, but a productive one.  I am curious as to what is in store now.  There is an excited sense of expectency.  It doesn't matter that I don't know what is coming.  It is enough to know that something is coming.  My sense is that it is something good, something that will bring a great sense of fulfillment, and perhaps even its share of happiness along the way.  It's about time.  Though, I know that I will have a major part to play in making it so.  That is OK.  I'm willing to put in whatever effort is required.  There is work to be done ... great work.  Yet, it seems that most of this will happen outside of my present job environment.  Why is that?  Why can't I be paid for the work that I love to do?  Hmm ... the immediate answer that comes to mind is that I have not packaged it in a way that is of such service to others that they are willing to pay for it.  So, in the meantime, I do what I must to earn a living.  I sell my services to a company that compensates me.  Overall, this is a fair arrangement.  Though, from another perspective, it seems that I am selling out for far less than I am worth.  So far that is OK, because I still have enough free time to do what I love to do.  This expression is one of those things.  Though it might be nice if it evolved into a communication with others.  My preference would be a written communication.  I still am not comfortable speaking with others.  But, how do I make that happen?  How do I find people who are interested enough to communicate in this way?  If it is meant to be, it will be.  Somehow, we will find one another.  Such is how reality creation works.  Intention is the key.  Let the universe know what you want, and be open to receiving it.  Though, it may happen in ways that surprise you.  We may think that we know what we need and want.  However, the universe is not fooled.  Consciousness herself knows exactly what we need, and she will ensure that we get it if only we allow her to do so.  Allowance is important.  It is truly an enabler.  Awareness is even more important.  Seek awareness first and all else will be added unto you.  That is sage advice.  Where would I be without consciousness?  What would I have done over the past twelve years had this stream of consciousness not come forth as it did.  The sense is that I would have been dead by now.  Hmm ... I wonder where that came from?  I cannot imagine what life would have been like without the major spiritual awakenings and transformations that have occured in my life.  It clearly would not have been the same, not even close.

What makes us continue to muse day after day in this manner?  The bottom line is that is what we are moved to do.  It is spirit herself that moves us.  This stream of consciousness is expressed, captured, and shared as it is for a reason.  It serves as a living example of what is possible for us when we allow spirit to infuse our lives.  We don't lose anything in the process.  We become more than we ever knew ourselves to be before.  We tap a field of knowingness that is beyond anything that we have learned.  That field is there inside each of us.  We have only to find and tap the source within.  For some this is easier than for others.  It seems that introverts, in particular, are more predisposed to doing this.  But maybe there is an equivalent for extroverts, something that they tap from the outer world rather than the inner.  I would not know, that is not my way.  However, there must be a way for spirit to enter from the outside as well.  As above, so below.  As within, so without.  The outer is a mirror of the inner, and vice versa.  Such is spiritual law.  How can I know this for certain?  It just seems so obviously true.

Just re-read some of the first paragraph above.  How can I so quickly forget what flows forth in this expression?  Literally, within minutes ... perhaps even seconds, it is gone from the conscious part of my mind.  How can that be?  It seems that this is one of the conditions that allows this expression to come forth as it does.  Since the beginning, it has been a stream of consciousness.  It seems that the more empty my conscious mind stays, the easier it is for this material to come through.  You might ask, for what purpose?  At this point, I don't know that I know the answer.  Though, there is a strong sense that there is a purpose to all of this.  At some level, I am sure that I know what that is.  But, consciously, it doesn't seem so important.  It is enough that it exists.  It is enough that it was manifest and shared in the manner that it has been.  Personally, it is not clear what my role is in disseminating this material.  At the present time, it seems more important that I spend time engaged with consciousness to bring new material forth.  I do this gladly.  This is one of the highlights of my day, and one of the most important things that I do in my life.  There is a sense that it will indeed make a difference.  When, I do not know.  How big of a difference, only time will tell.

What is on the horizon in my life next?   CHANGE!  Wow, that came forth strongly.  But, what kinds of changes?  It is not for you to know in advance.  Take each day as it comes, and be open to what that day brings.  You do not have to embrace every potential change.  You will know which ones are right for you and which are not by the way that you feel.  Trust your knowingness, and act when you are so moved.  Act quickly and decisively.  Don't look back and don't second guess.  Your destiny is unfolding now in a way that it has never done before.  That means what has worked for you in the past may or may not work for you now.  Be observant.  Note what works and what doesn't and adjust your ways appropriately.  Continuous improvement is crucial.  That is true not only in the work world but in your personal world as well.  There is a reason that you have gravitated to systems engineering as a vocation.  You have been doing this for many incarnations, though the nature of the systems you have worked on is different from those in your present job.  You are good at seeing the whole, seeing what things are working and what things are not.  That does not mean that it is your job to fix everything that you notice is less than optimal.  There are others who are there to assist in these things.  Let them do the things that they are here to do.  Focus on the things that you are here to do.  These are the things that use your abilities and talents to their utmost.  We have such abilities and talents for a reason.  They are meant to be used by spirit to serve.  It is that simple.  Yes, service is that important.  But, there are many ways to be of service.  It is for you to find your calling, and to do that to the best of your ability.  Give others the freedom to do the same.  And trust that spirit is behind the scenes orchestrating it all.  Everything is the expression of spirit ... everything. 

The pace is good tonight.  I am not nearly as tired as I've been the past several days.  Consciousness has a way of enlivening me.  This expression is a spiritual workout of sorts.  Hmm ... I have not thought about it in those terms before.  But, it definitely is true.  We've been doing this for nearly 12 years ... though, far more in some years than in others.  2002 and 2003 were particularly intense.  2004 got off to a slow start, with only one musing in the first six months, but then finished pretty strong.  This year, we seem to be back on track again, matching the volume in 2002 and 2003.  Though, the year is still young.  There is much that can happen in the days ahead.  At this point, everything seems bright and promising.  The sense is that 2005 will be a good year, a very good year indeed.  The intention is there to make it so anyway.  And, intention it seems is all that we can really control.  What happens from there is for the universe to decide.  Right now, the intention is strong but loose.  There is nothing specific that I want to happen.  I am open to what the universe will bring and am expectant that this will be exactly what I need both to grow in consciousness and to carry out my mission.  I strongly believe that there is a destiny at play in my life, a spiritual destiny that I chose before I incarnated.  Somehow, I auditioned for this role and was selected for the part.  That means that I had the right qualifications and experience to do whatever it takes.  Now, it is simply a matter of doing it.  And, I believe that this is exactly what I am doing.  This stream of consciousness is an integral part of that somehow.  It is interesting that I would allow it to manifest as it does.  I don't feel as if I am being used, at least not in any negative way.  Yes, this expression requires a significant investment of my time.  But, I can't think of anything more important that I could be doing.  Besides, I am moved to do this.  In a very real way, it is not as if I have any choice in the matter.  I guess that I could resist the process.  But, I have no desire to do so.  There is a great sense of accomplishment that comes from creative expression.  And, I consider this to be creative expression at its finest.  Whether others see it in this way or not, I simply do not know.  Nor does it seem to matter.  The expression continues in this manner regardless. 

Wow!  One more paragraph and we are done for the evening.  At least, we will have reached our daily quota.  Whether we stop or not, we'll just have to see.  I never really know when the expression will end.  I've set a target of 2000 words for each day of expression.  Most of the time I reach it, but not always.  That is OK.  I'm not one to set goals.  That is not how I work.  I do what I am moved to do in each moment as quickly as I can.  That allows me to get a lot done, far more than most.  Thus far, I haven't had to worry about being able to do everything that is on my plate to do.  There always seems to be enough time to get everything done.  Though, lately, it seems that there has been far less spare time.  It is important that we make the most of the time that we have.  However, we need to be careful about not burning ourselves out in the process.  One way to do that is to make sure that we are selective about doing the things that need to be done and in particular doing the things that we need to do.  Not everything is ours to do.  Just because we are aware that something needs to be done, does not necessarily make it ours to do.  Here, we need to seek within ... we will recognize the things that are ours to do.  Do what you are moved to do.  That is the directive of spirit.  Though, we need to be careful that we are not being moved by emotions or logic, but rather by spirit herself.  It is easy to get caught up in emotions or in the constructs of the mind.  But, these can be deceptive by themselves.  It is that still place within that knows what is right for us.  That is the place that we must find and listen to.  But, it is not enough just to listen.  We must also act in accord with the guidance that we receive.  How do we know that we can trust it?  This is a process that is developed over time.  Spirit is patient.  She will wait as long as is necessary to earn our trust.  She will speak to us so long as we are willing to listen.  Is that not what this very expression illustrates?  Indeed, it does.

Well, we are still moved to continue.  So be it.  It is still early.  And, I am open to doing what it takes to allow consciousness to have her say.  This expression is how I find out who I am.  Interesting, but this is truly the case.  This stream of consciousness reveals much about me, but also much about the nature of consciousness herself.  I say herself because she feels feminine to me.  I don't know why.  That is just the way that it is and has been since the expression began.  Come to think of it, there are many things about this expression that I do not know.  However, that does not prevent it from manifesting, not in the least.  Over four million words attest to that.  That's the equivalent of over 2000 days of reaching the 2000 word quota.  Not bad for just under 12 years, especially when you consider that 2000 days is nearly 6 years.  Consciousness is definitely prolific!  But, is it worth it?  Is there enough benefit to be gained from reading and studying this expression to make it worth the effort?  My answer would be a resounding YES.  But then, I know that I am biased.  Personally, I've found enough benefit to make it not only worth the effort to bring it forth, but also worth the effort to read it several times.  I, for one, get that much out of it.  However, it seems a waste if all of this effort was expended just for me.  Perhaps not a waste exactly ... but a huge amount of effort, enough to make me feel quite special that I am worthy of such attention on the part of consciousness.  Though, that is not quite right either.  This expression is for the most part effortless.  It just manifests before my eyes.  I am a witness to it, a witness to a process that I don't consciously control.  I see firsthand the results of consciousness in action.  These very words are her works.  I guess they are mine as well since they flow forth through me.  What is my relationship to consciousness?  Interesting.  I wonder how many people ask this question.  I am aware that there is a connection deep within me through which this material is allowed to come forth.  I am not aware of creating the stream of consciousness, rather somehow I am able to tap into it.  I don't consider it to be my stream of consciousness.  I don't know why that is.  There is just a sense of separation, of otherness to it.  It has been that way from the beginning.  Yet, I do not sense it to come from a separate being, from any entity that can be considered as an individual and be given a name.  Consciousness is much grander than that.  She would not be confined to such limitations.

Just past 9:00.  We're starting to run out of steam.  It seems this paragraph will be it for the night.  Am I deciding that or am I sensing it?  Does it make any difference?  The expression is what it is.  It continues so long as it continues.  It stops when it stops.  That is just the way that it is.  There is a sense that exactly what needs to be expressed gets expressed.  Consciousness makes sure of that.  I am an instrument in her hands to play as she will.  I can think of far worse things than willingly being such an instrument.  Am I not concerned that I am somehow wasting my life?  Quite the contrary.  This is the one thing that I do that is the most meaningful and that has the potential to impact the world in a positive way.  As a loner and a hermit, I am unlikely to meet many people personally.  I know that.  Unless I dramatically change my ways, few will ever know who I am, except through these words.  It is the works that we do that define who we are.  In the end, the levels of awareness that we reach will be ours to keep, but the works that we do will be the impact of our having lived.  It is important to leave a legacy of works, good works.  We do this by doing what we are moved by spirit to do.  We do this by offering our very selves, all that we are, to do the works that spirit would have us do.  Deep down, we know what these are.  Or, at least, we will know when the time comes to do them.  The bottom line is that what we do makes all of the difference.  And, making a difference is what the game of life is all about.  There are many ways to make a difference, however, probably as many ways as there are individuals.  Each life is precious.  Each of us is a unique expression of consciousness, never seen before, and never to be seen again.  It is up to us to make the most of our lives.

23 January 2005

Another fine day for musing.  I finished The Secret of Shambala this morning.  It is a wonderful book that masterfully offers a vision of a spiritually based society.  I haven't been moved to read many fiction books in my life, but James Redfield definitely weaves spirituality and fiction very well in a way that many people can understand.  By comparison, here, consciousness has no story to tell.  She simply expresses as she will.  The lack of organization may be distracting for many.  But, in its place is an immediacy of expression.  Perhaps that is true for all writing whether fiction or non-fiction.  And, many might consider what is expressed here to be the fantasy of imagination as well.  Yet, it comes forth matter of factly, and in an authoritative manner.  In part, that is due to its very source.  Though, it is a source that I cannot name, other than calling it the source within or consciousness herself.  But, these labels offer no real insight into what that source truly is.  Perhaps it is something that I will never know.  In the meantime, it is enough to be able to tap that source and allow this stream of consciousness to come forth to be shared as it is.  The eleventh insight from James Redfield's book offers a way ahead for evolving society and the world in a manner that is consistent with spiritual intent.  Will it happen that way?  Perhaps if enough people believe and take action consistent with those beliefs.  The idea that it is time for technology to serve spirit is well overdue in the world.  Is the time for that to happen, now?  As I was reading the book, there was a sense that this is indeed what is happening now.  That such a place as Shambala might exist ... is clearly the stuff of legends.  Yet, nearly every legend is based on facts of some type.  Could there be a place where technology has been developed to truly serve spiritually based living?  The immediate answer that comes to mind is yes, it is indeed possible, perhaps even likely.  Though, it seems that we will know one way or another soon enough.  It seems that we are indeed the generation that is to be a part of a great spiritual transformation.  Further, it seems that we have no real choice in the matter.  We made our choices when we chose this particular incarnation.

Here, consciousness is given voice, at least clothed in written form.  It seems that it is not for me to speak much in this existence, but it is for me to write.  That is OK.  Such comes naturally to me.  I would have it no other way.  The days continue to move on toward a destiny that I can feel but cannot explain.  I sense that I am moving in the direction that is right for me.  Consciousness seems to verify that at every turn.  Intuition plays a major role in my life.  It has for nearly three decades, but this has been particularly true for the past 12 years since this expression began.  There is a heightened sense of awareness that comes from all of this.  Though, it can be tiring at times.  While the energy is generally uplifting, it can also be exhausting.  Some days far more so than others.  Today is one of those days.  I feel uplifted, but not to the point of being energized.  Why is that?  Why is the energy not sufficient to recharge my batteries today?  Give it time, my friend, give it time.  Also, manage your intentions and expectations.  These determine what we experience and how we experience. 

Once again, I chose to be alone rather than to engage in the energy of a group discussion.  This is a normal course of behavior for me.  Is it a limiting choice?  Many might think so, but that doesn't necessarily make it so.  Though, how do I take advantage of the synchronicities that come my way if I choose not to interact with others most of the time?  Good question.  Though, I know that at some level I already know the answer.  Do I need to know it consciously as well?  Indeed, if I need to do so, I will do so.  There is no stopping spiritual law.  What intentions do I have for myself and for the world?  I did not make any New Years resolutions this year.  That is typical for me.  In fact, I believe that I have only done so once and it got me into a lot of trouble.  The only time was the end of 1992 and it set me up for a very interesting 1993.  I don't really want to go through another year like that.  Though, do I really have any choice in the matter?  Major transformations occur when the time is right for them to occur.   They cannot be forced, they can only be allowed.  However, there is a difference between actively allowing and passively allowing.  We need to put our whole heart, our whole self, into our endeavors.  Further, we need to ensure that our intentions enlist the help of spirit.  There is much that we can do in this regard.  But, unless we ask for help, it isn't necessarily forthcoming.  Such is the power of intentional prayer.  Yet, it is not for specific outcomes that we pray.  Rather it is that people act from the intuition that comes for their higher selves.  Yes, intuition is the key.  It is one of the strongest forces for right action in the world.

We've nearly reached the halfway point, but I am still tired and need to take a break.  When that happens, we never know whether the expression will continue again or not.  Sometimes it does, at other times it doesn't.  That is OK.  The expression is what it is.  It is not for me to force it or to judge it, but rather to allow it.  That is what I do here ... allow this stream of consciousness to come forth.  Word by word, sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph, musing by musing it comes forth.  I am privileged to be a part of all of this.  Though, from another perspective, it seems that it is my destiny.  Here, I get to use my skills in a manner that I find fascinating.  How many can say that?  My sense is far too few.  Then again, what do I know of how others experience their lives?

29 January 2005

It feels strange having gone nearly a week without musing.  We were doing so well, with 21 musings in 23 days.  Oh well, I knew the business trip was coming, and I simply wasn't moved to express in longhand.  That's OK, what must be expressed will be expressed.  Further, this can only happen in the moment.  This is one of those moments.  I did find some time to read most of the Ramtha book.  It is utterly fascinating.  Everything is so new.  I know that I read the book nearly 18 years ago, and then again about a decade ago ... but, it is as if I am reading it for the first time.  Perhaps that is because I have changed so much in those years.  The book is speaking to a completely different person than it was then.  Ramtha coming through J.Z.Knight packs a lot into the 220 pages of the book.  Where does the knowingness come from that allowed this to manifest as it did?  We are all grand entities, each and every one of us.  We are all gods and goddesses expressing in form.  We create every aspect of our experience ... no fine print, no exceptions.  We are magnificent creators.  But, it seems that many have forgotten this and become trapped in the illusion of day to day existence.  Yet, that is not what life is, that is not what life is meant to be.  Our birthright is freedom, experienced in joy and happiness.  Our purpose is simply to be.  There need be no mission or destiny other than that which we create for ourselves to experience.  And when we get tired or bored of that, it is on to other adventures of consciousness.  Such is the way of life.  Now is the only point of power.  It is the only time in which the unmanifest can become manifest.  It is the only time in which the creative spark can ignite into the fire of creative expression.  And that is what life is about, creative expression.

What  is on the horizon next?  Whatever I envision would be there.  But, what do I envision?  What do I desire?  What would I choose to manifest?  I continue to do as I am moved to do.  But, who is it that does the moving?  It does not seem to be any conscious part of myself.  But, is that a cop out?  What do I choose to be conscious of?  Clearly, it is much more than I have ever been conscious of before.  Yet, the sense is that this is only the start of things to come.  My life is evolving at a rapid pace now.  Oh, it has always been evolving, sure, but something is different now.  I can feel it.  There is a lightness of spirit somehow.  There is a sense that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing to reach the destiny that I so long for and desire.  It doesn't matter that I know not what the specifics are.  At least not consciously.  There is a strong sense that at some level I do indeed know.  This stream of consciousness is the vessel that I use to carry me down the path that is mine to follow.  How do I know that this is the right path for me?  Because I can feel it.  That is sufficient.  I would go wherever consciousness would take me.  I am open to whatever journeys and whatever adventures would result.  Such is what I choose to experience.  No, it is not some defined thing that can be pictured.  Rather, it is a state of mind animated by consciousness herself.  Why would I choose to experience such?  For the sheer joy of it, because I can, and because I must.  Yet, it is a self-chosen destiny, not something imposed on me from outside.  I already know that the true kingdom lies within, and it is there that I would be king. 

Hmm ... the headache in the front of my forehead has returned again.  It is a bit of a nuisance, but not enough to keep me from expressing what would be expressed through me at this time.   There is still a strong sense that all of this is coming forth through me from the source within.  Yes, I have to be open and receptive for it to manifest, but the sense is that it already exists in its completed form before it even engages me.  I am a receiver tuning into a channel of the stream of consciousness, just as a radio tunes into a particular radio station.  Though where does the programming for the particular station originate?  For radio stations, humans create the programming and broadcast it into the ethers.  For the stream of consciousness, spirit herself creates the programming.  Our brains allow us to tune into and amplify this programming from source.  Curious, most think of the brain as the originator of thought.  But, is it really this at all?  How would we know one way or the other?  Our experience would be the same.  We sense thoughts in our head.  Whether they originate therein or are received therein, the perception of the thoughts is the same.  But is it really the thoughts that matter or is it the thinker of the thoughts?  And, further, what about the observer who watches it all, who watcher the thinker think?

There seems to be a recurring theme of sorts regarding doing what makes you happy.  Sometimes that is easier said than done.  Often it seems we do not know what will make us happy until we actually do it.  Though, there is also a sense that happiness is a state of mind, a state that we can reach regardless of what we do and what we experience.  It is more related to how we live our lives than to what we actually do.  Further, it is related to how we assign meaning to what we experience.  It is the meaning that we assign to things that determines how we feel about them ... and ultimately, it is our feelings that make the difference in our lives.  Thinking something, in and of itself doesn't ground it into our emotional reality.  This takes an additional step.  We have to make the thoughts personal somehow.  We have to make them meaningful to us.  This is something that we do naturally.  The trick is to do it in a way that empowers us and allows us to reach a state of joy.  That can be tough to do when we see ourselves enslaved and immersed in limitation.  But, our true nature is to be free.  As such, we are free to walk away from our enslavement and limitations at any time.  It is simply a matter of choosing a different frame of mind, of choosing a different truth for ourselves.  As we choose, so shall we experience ... for that is how experience is manifest.  We experience what we need to experience, but we also choose this precise experience.  Life is ever bringing unto us the conditions for our unfoldment into the consciousness that we are.  Life is supportive in that manner.  It fully supports us in every way imaginable at every moment.  It is time that we incorporated this very attitude in how we treat ourselves.  It isn't hard to do, it really isn't.  It is simply a matter of wanting to do it, of deciding to do it.  Our attitude is one thing that is completely within our control, even when it seems to be out of control.  We choose how we will face the world each day.  We choose this in the way that we awaken each morning.  Do we greet each day with joy, or do we dread what will happen, or are we indifferent?  Whenever you can, choose the path of joy, and all else will fall into its rightful place.  In the end, there is only God, and there is only Joy!

We can choose to make our life a masterpiece.  Indeed, in many ways it is already such.  Life is a miracle.  To be is the grandest thing there is.  You will never cease to be, never.  How could you?  For, you are indeed eternal and immortal.  You are also omniscient and omnipresent, if you would but remember who you truly are.  There is a great knowingness within you.  You are the greatest teacher of yourself that you will ever know.  No one else has seen what you have seen, experienced what you have experienced, and felt what you have felt.  You are unique within the cosmos.  Yet, consciousness herself has participated in every experience.  Everything that you have learned, consciousness now knows.  Yours is a state of becoming.  But, consciousness herself is in a state of becoming, gaining from each experience of every individual.  This heritage is your heritage.  When you tap into the source within, you gain access to whatever you need from consciousness.  Life is ever flowing from consciousness unto consciousness in a never ending cycle.  It is for you to do your part and extend this flow in your very life.  What is hoarded stops, and by that very act destroys itself.  Give freely as is given unto you and you shall receive all that you ever need forever.  Such is the promise of life unto itself.  Such is the promise of consciousness unto its creation.  Be the master that you already are, the master that you have always been.  Know the powers of creation that are innate within you.  Be whom that you are as fully as you can in each moment.  Grace the universe with your full presence.  Trust not in any outside thing or authority.  Rather, trust the knowingness that only lies within.  Everything that you could ever need to know, you already know.  It is simply a matter of remembering.  Allow yourself to do that ... you will be amazed by what you know, and by what you are able to do via that knowingness.

We're rapidly winding to a close for the day.  Another paragraph or so should do it.  How can I know that?  I'm starting to feel in need of rest.  Yet, there is still a desire to make my quota of 2000 words for the day.   This it seems is within my control to do.  It is a matter of putting in the time and allowing what would come forth to come forth.  This is something that I know how to do.  I've been doing it for nearly 12 years now.  In one respect, that seems like an eternity.  And indeed, many words have come forth in this manner.  Yet, in another sense, the years have passed so quickly.  It is nearly impossible to remember what my life was like before the Beyond Imagination expression became manifest.  At this point, it doesn't really matter.  I am what I am, here and now.  I would be none other.  My life is unfolding.  I am ever in a state of being and becoming, being who I am, and becoming ever more.  The process is never ending, as it should be; just as life is never ending.  Change, in many forms is upon us.  That is OK.  Change is good ... to be unchanging is to be stagnant, and can lead to routine and boredom.  You are not meant to be bored.  You are far too grand of an entity for that.  Though, it is up to you to find what truly excites you, what keeps you living on the edge.  This will be different for each of you.  So be it.  Seek within to find yourself, and be that which you find.  When you are living true to yourself, this will be reflected in your world and you will like and find joy in what you see and experience.  Follow your bliss!  Indeed, such is wise counsel.  Your life is meant to be a grand adventure.  And, it will be at the very moment that you choose to make it so.

31 January 2005

This makes 23 musings for the month.  Not bad, especially considering that I was away on business for a whole week.  Let's see what the final day of the month has in store.  I finished reading the Ramtha book yesterday.   What I found most remarkable was that it was so new even though I had read it at least twice before.  This time it spoke to me in a whole new way.  Perhaps I was finally ready to hear what it had to say.  Though, I sense that it is one of those books that is different every time that you read it, much as the Seth books are.  I've been blessed with having attracted such books into my life from my mid-teens.  As a result, I have thought about things that many people never think about.  I have never been one to be a part of the herd.  I have never been one to pay much attention to the norms of mass consciousness.  It is to the source within that I look for truth.  As a result, I have been my own teacher and my own friend.  Though, consciousness has been at my side as long as I can remember, guiding me to where I needed to be, and what I needed to see and experience.  Yes, my life has been different than most.  This very stream of consciousness attests to that.  It still amazes me as to how all of this is possible.  Yet, here it is, before me in black and white, a testament to unseen processes at work in my life.

One of the things that Ramtha stressed is the need to know rather than to believe.  There is a source of great knowingness within each of us.  We live our lives best when we tap into that direct knowingness.  We don't have to struggle to learn things.  There is an easier way, the path of our own intuitive wisdom.  However, for this to manifest, we have to know that it is there ... not believe or wish that it might be, KNOW!  It is interesting that now is embedded in know.  It is in the moment that all of this happens.  One doesn't achieve enlightenment in some future, we are enlightened already.  It is a matter of finding the spark within, amplifying it, and shining it unto the world.  Yeah, the fire of spirit is indeed within us.  It will always be such.  Further, the fire will not be extinguished if and/or when it becomes time for the body to give up the ghost as it were.  The essence that we are, the energy that we are, the spark of consciousness that we are exists beyond all concepts such as time and space.  Yet, it experiences reality within such constructs as well.  In fact, it is part of creating these very constructs.  Knowledge has not been of much importance to me.  Facts enter my head and leave it just as quickly.  But, knowingness is extremely important.  Knowingness comes from within ... a natural abode for one who would be an introvert, especially an extreme one.  I spent my first 34 years searching for knowledge and wisdom outside of me.  I found what I was seeking primarily in metaphysical books.  Then, the paradigm shifted, and I became a source for the Beyond Imagination expression, or at least a vessel for it.  All of a sudden, I became a generator, a creator of information ... though much of the process was other than conscious.  I was aware of it occurring, but was not aware of any part of my self as being the originator.  The only explanation that I had for where it came from was the source within, consciousness herself.  I still find it fascinating that this source is feminine to me, that consciousness is feminine to me.  Yet, that is the way I experience it, and sense that this is right somehow, at least for me.   You might say that my life has been selfish in many ways.  I have been concerned with the nature of the self for so many years.  Though, I have also been interested in the nature of reality and reality creation ... as if those are two different things.  Clearly, one is the outcome or product of the other.

You are gods and goddesses all, manifest in flesh.  Why?  Simply to experience one of the grandest things that there is, the game of life itself, the journey of the soul in self discovery of its true nature. 

Wow, 756 words thus far!  7 and 56, the two drivers of my 13 card triangle tarot readings from 1995.  It is amazing how many times this number, 888, and 2184 have come up in the past several days.  It seemed that everywhere I looked, these numbers manifest is one variation or another.  Clearly, this is a sign that my destiny is at hand, that I am on the path that I am meant to trod.  What do I mean by being meant to?  Who or what force is imposing such a meaning or destiny on my life?  At some level, I am the only one that can impose such constraints on the expression that is my life.  Though, clearly, I am not consciously aware of doing so.  Yet, somehow I know this is true.  This is not something that needs to be proved.  Truth does not work that way.  Knowingness simply is.  What determines what thoughts will pass through our consciousness and be received by our brains and minds?  Expectation is the answer that comes to mind.  Yet, is this entire expression the result of expectation?  Did I really expect all of this to manifest as it has?  Yes, I was open to it ... and even encouraging of it once it started to manifest.  And yes, when I sit down to write, I fully expect something wonderful to come forth.  But, in the beginning, I still remember the strong sense of surprise that accompanied all of this.  Consciously, it is not clear that I knew such was possible for me.  Though, on other than conscious levels that clearly was not the case.  From the beginning, this expression has literally been beyond imagination.  It stretched beyond anything that I knew that I knew.  Yet, it was natural and easy for me.  In fact, it was automatic.  The stream of consciousness was just there.  I didn't have to manifest it ... I just had to allow it to come forth through me.  Further, from the very first day, I knew that it was coming forth through me.  There was no doubt that I was not creating it.  This was a product of consciousness herself.  It continues to be that way through this very day.  There is no planning for this expression.  It comes forth in the moment.  I know not how to express it in any other way.

Curious, I'm still tired from last weeks trip and a lack of sufficient sleep this weekend.  I'll have to catch up a bit tonight.  Today was quite productive, however.  There is just so much to do.  It seems that there will never be an end to it.  Yet, I know that such is not true.  I know that a greater destiny lies in store for me.  It is not yet clear when a major transformation in occupation and means of earning a livelihood will happen ... but, it definitely seems to be a matter of when, not if.  I can wait for however long it takes.  Though, I would prefer that it happen sooner rather than later.  It seems like such a waste to be limited to doing what I am doing.  At the same time, my lifestyle and obligations demand a certain level of income.  Until I can find another way to access the abundance of the universe, I am limited to exchanging my services for an income that sustains my family.  There don't seem to be many options here ... either make more or need less.  There is something to be said about living a simpler life that isn't as demanding of resources.  Yet, at the same time, it seems that we should be able to reach any level of abundance that we desire if we are willing to use our talents effectively.

What would I do next?  What would I be next?  I would do what I am moved to do, and I would be whom that I am.  That is sufficient for me.  We can only truly live in the present.  Now is the only moment that really exists.  What was, is past.  What will be, is potential.  What counts is what is.  Beingness, isness is all that is important.  The sooner we realize that, the sooner that we can get on with really living our lives.  We are consciousness, first and foremost.  Our bodies are vehicles for the expression of consciousness.  Thoughts create the world that we know.  Yes, they are that powerful.  Everything arises from thought.  But, thought does not originate in the brain, nor even in the mind for that matter.  Thought originates in consciousness herself ... and in the very Mind of God.  But what is God?  Verily, he is All That Is.  There is only ONE.  There is only All That Is.  It is curious that I refer to God as "he", in the masculine, yet I refer to consciousness as "she", in the feminine.  Why is that?  Surely, neither of these can be limited to a gender.  Yet, nonetheless, that is how I feel them to be.  What is the difference between the I AM and the consciousness of the I AM?  These do not appear to be the same.

On and on this expression goes.  And, as it does, it takes me on an adventure of consciousness.  My hope is that it takes you, the reader, on such an adventure yourself.  But, much of this is up to you.  It is up to you to interpret what all of this means to your life, and how you can apply it to enhance your life and the lives of those that you touch.  My sense is that consciousness has a purpose in expressing all of this.  What that purpose may be is yet to be revealed.  Then again, perhaps it is embedded in the expression itself.  All that I know is that I am moved to capture this stream of consciousness in the manner that I do.  There is nothing difficult about this ... though it is not clear that it is something that everyone could do.  Each of us have our unique gifts and talents.  These are meant to be exercised and applied in our lives, preferably in ways that contribute to the well-being of the world.  This will happen if we allow ourselves to be who we truly are.  That requires giving up limitation.  For many, this is difficult to give up.  There is a tendency to get used to our chains no matter how much they bind and restrict us.  But, our nature and our destiny is to be free.  Indeed, we are already so in consciousness.  From that freedom, we can manifest any reality that we choose.  However, it will be a reality that we expect and a reality that we feel that we deserve.  The universe is funny like that.  She reflects to us what we choose to see and no more.  It is for us to choose to see more in order to change what we experience.  The universe is not what we perceive it to be.  Yes, our perceptions are "real", but they are also illusions.  And such they will be so long as we inhabit this plane.  We are here to manifest our truth physically.  We are here to experience the full isness of who we are.  And, who we are is All That Is.  There is no part, no thing that is separate from us despite all appearances.  There is only All That Is, being, expressing, and experience who and what it is and that is everything.  What allows me to speak in this manner?  How is it that I know of what I speak?  I just know.  The consciousness that comes forth from the source within has no other way of expressing.  She reveals what she knows to be true.  Interesting, "what she knows".  I speak as if she is an entity in her own right.  Yet, I know that she is not an entity in the same way that individuals are.

1 February 2005

Wow!  Another month is upon us already.  And, here we are musing once again, as has become our habit of late.  That is good.  There is something about this stream of consciousness expression that is fulfilling.  There is a sense of having captured something important, of having accomplished something of value.  It would be nice if the expression were to reach more people.  Though, it seems that such will happen if and when the time is right.  For now, it is enough that I am moved to do this in the manner that I am.  I consider this to be an investment of my time and my self into something that is greater than I am.  I make this investment freely ... yet, in many ways it seems as if I have no real choice in the matter.  It is as if I must do this as a natural expression of who I am.  Further, in the process of doing it, I become ever more.  Yes, creative expression has a lot to be said for it, especially when it comes forth from the source within.  This is what makes my life whole.  This is what makes me feel complete.  In this expression, I am able to touch and experience the source within.  It does not matter that this is not a conscious process.  Though, it is an expression of consciousness herself.  And, it is an organized expression ... though it has an organization of its own, one that is not imposed on it by me.  It still amazes me that this could be.  There is nothing in my formal training that prepared me for this possibility.  However, over 20 years of metaphysical reading and thinking did have its impact.  Though, as I was doing it, I never really questioned how some of the material that I was reading might have been generated.  I was focused on trying to understand what the material meant.  Looking back, it is interesting that I accepted the concept of channeled material so readily.  Yet, how could I not do so given the quality of the concepts that I was being introduced to?  Seth was there from the early beginnings.  You might say that I was blessed to be born at a time when so much metaphysical material was starting to blossom.  It seems that we are finally starting to see some of the fruits of all of this.

Consciousness is ever evolving to be more than it was before, to know more than it knew before, to express more than it has ever expressed before.  We are part of that evolution, that knowing, that very expression.  And, an integral part at that.  Yet, what are we in the process of becoming both individually and collectively?  Life is self-fulfilling.  Expectations are self-fulfilling.  Thoughts create the reality that we experience, each and every moment of it.  What would we be?  What would we do?  What would we create in the experience of our lives?  We have the power to make our lives into anything that we want them to be.  But, how do we decide what that would be for us?  There are no shoulds.  We either do or do not do.  Overall each of us is doing what we believe to be right in the moment.  Our thinking may be clouded, but our overall intent is good.  Then, how do we explain all of the evil and suffering experienced in the world?  All experience simply is.  It is our value judgments that make it good or evil, right or wrong, harmful or helpful, etc ...  So long as we live within duality, we will never be able to reconcile this.  To get beyond it, we must find a place of unity, a place where such duality simply does not exist.

I choose to live a life of spirit.  Yet, at the same time, I know that there is no other life that anyone could live.  We are all spirit incarnate.  We are all spirit, first and foremost.  The body is a set of clothes that we wear that allows us to experience physicality as we do.  To experience the viewpoint of limitation, you must immerse yourself within the limitation.  This requires both focus and forgetting.  Focus is required to keep our attention on the illusion.  Forgetting is required because if we expressed who we truly are, we could not be contained within the flesh. 

Another very busy day at work.  So busy that I feel drained.  Perhaps continuing this expression will serve as a pick me up.  Usually, that is its effect.  What would consciousness express today?  What am I aware of now that I was not aware of before today?  Interesting question.  I don't believe that I've ever asked that one before.  Yet, indeed, each day we transform in awareness into something more than we have ever been.  Albeit, the differences on some days are far more extreme and noticeable than on other days.  What would I choose to do if I were truly the master of my own destiny?  That very question makes the assumption that perhaps I am not.  Yet, my knowingness is clear, I am indeed the master of my fate already.  Everything that happens in my life is there because I have manifested it.  I have attracted it into my experience of reality.  Everything!  At the same time, there is no judgment for this.  It is what it is, and what is can be changed in a moment.  Yes, reality is that fluid.  Our emotions, our consciousness, can literally change in a heartbeat.  Then, why do we insist on being so rigid, inflexible, and unchanging?  In doing so, we may enhance our security, or at least think that we do ... but, we do so at the cost of our freedom.  This is a very high price to pay.

Soaring in consciousness is our natural state of being.  It is only when we succumb to restrictions and limitations that we clip our wings and are unable to fly.  Consciousness by its very nature is flexible and changeable.  This gives it the freedom it needs to express as it does through the myriad of forms that exist.  We are here to be ... not to be what.  Isness simply is.  It has no preference to be this or that, only to be.  These are difficult concepts to express.  Yet, deep down we know this.  We know that the universe does not judge who we are and what we choose to do.  Spirit/consciousness supports us however we may want to express whom that we are.  It knows no other way to be.  The experience of lack of support comes when we choose to judge ourselves and see this reflected in our world.  Don't!  Don't judge.  It is OK to have preferences and to make choices.  But, be careful not to judge the value of things or of people in this manner.  At some level, you deserve everything that you experience in your life.  It is this deserving that has created the experiences in the first place.

2 February 2005

I had good intentions to continue musing last night, but such was not to be.  Let's see where the expression takes us today.  We truly never know where it will take us when we begin the day, nor for that matter during the course of each musing.  The stream of consciousness travels where it will.  We simply tap into that stream and reveal whatever it has to offer.  What is the process for doing this?  Even after close to 12 years, I still do not know this consciously.  I simply bring up Netscape Composer and allow what would come forth to manifest.  It simply comes forth.  It is there whenever I choose to tap into it.  So, where is it when I am not tapping into it?  Hmm ... that is an interesting question.  Clearly it is not here and now at such times.  Yet, within a moment, at any moment, it can be here and now.  So intricately is consciousness tied to the fabric of our existence.

There is still a strong sense that great changes lie in store on the immediate horizon.  What specific changes, I do not yet know, at least not consciously.  But, I anxiously await them, whatever they might be.  There is a sense that my life is on purpose now, more so than it has ever been.  At the same time, it seems important that I remain open and allow what would unfold of its own accord to manifest in my life.  At some level, this is all being orchestrated, both by me and by consciousness herself.  I would have it no other way.  Indeed, such is the only way that it can be.  Is that limiting the reality that I might experience?  Perhaps.  But, I must go with what I know to be right in the moment.  After all, what better compass do we have to guide our actions than the inner one?  All that we ever need to know already lies within us.  It is a matter of accessing that source and following its guidance.  The way that we live our lives is a measure of our awareness and understanding of our nature as consciousness.  We are spirit/consciousness expressing through flesh in the world that we inhabit.  More than that, in the world that we co-create.  Each of us lives in a world of our own making.  Though, we also live in a consensus world where we interact with one another in many ways.  How is it that our individual worlds merge with and interact with the collective world?  How is it that what constitutes reality can be so different for different people?  Is there a reality that is out there that is independent of the observer?  In the same respect, is there a reality within that is independent of the observer?  My sense is that the answer to both of these questions is no.  Objective reality is all there is, period.  We can try to think subjectively, but it is not clear that we can ever be successful doing this.

My time again.  Another extremely busy day at work.  It seems that there is no time to rest anymore.  Oh well, better to be busy than to be bored.  It definitely makes the days and weeks fly by.  What makes me come to this place to express in this manner so much?  I know of no one else that is moved to do this.  Interesting.  I don't need a pattern or a path to follow.  I am truly expressing in a unique way ... one that springs forth from the source within.  I am reaching a point where the outcomes don't matter to me anymore.  No, I'm not quite there yet.  But, that seems to be where I am headed.  We do what we are moved to do when we are moved to do it.  We observe what results from that, and look within to see what we are moved to do next.  Do we choose what we are moved to do?  It is not clear that this occurs consciously.  At least, it is not clear to me.  My limited interaction with others does not provide me with sufficient information to know whether others experience this in the same way.  I only know what I experience.  To date, I have not really been interested in what others experience.  Yes, that makes me selfish.  My focus has been on myself and my inner world for most of my life.  Perhaps it will always be such.  Though, I am also concerned about community and creating the foundations for a new world.  Hmm ... this seems to be incongruous for one who is primarily a loner and a hermit.  Yet, I am what I am.  And, I am what I am for a reason.  That reason seems to be tied to a purpose, a personal destiny, that in turn is intertwined in a Grand Plan of consciousness for the evolution of the expression of spirit in flesh.

What would I be in this moment?  I can be no other than I am.  Though, what am I?  I am consciousness expressed and expressing in flesh.  I am thought congealed into form, thought manifest and manifesting.  Yet, am I not more than that as well?  It is this moreness that keeps me searching for ever greater parts of myself ... for ever grander expressions of consciousness.  Why am I moved in this manner?  It doesn't really matter.  It is enough that I am moved and observe myself to do what I am moved to do.  In the process I learn a lot, about who I am, about the nature of consciousness, and about the nature of reality and reality creation.  These are the things that matter most to me.  These are the things that constitute my life.  Interesting.  So, where do relationships fit into the picture?  To date, they have not had much of a role with the exceptions of my relationships to self, to consciousness, and to spirit herself.  The sense is that this is to change.  I can only do so much in isolation from others.  Then again, am I really isolated?  I do interact with others at work, mostly on a professional basis, but sometimes on a personal basis.  Also, I share who I am here in this expression.  Though, it is not clear who I share this with.  To this point, that hasn't seemed to matter.  I do what I am moved to do anyway.  From that respect, I have been living in the moment for quite some time.  Enough that it has become a habit, a natural way of being.  But what about plans, goals, desires, and dreams?   The first two are all but absent from my life.  As to desires, I am still subject to some of them ... though these seem to be on the decline as well.  As to dreams, these seem to be confined to grand themes for society, for the world, and for the expression of spirit in flesh.

3 February 2005

Another short musing yesterday.  That's two in a row.  We'll have to see if we can remedy that today.  However, there is a sense that whatever will be will be.  It is as if I am not in control of it.  The process just happens.  I observe and participate in it, but there is no sense of consciously creating it.  Consciousness expresses as she will here.  Though, it only happens if I allow it to.  But, what does that really mean?  What is involved in "allowing" something to happen?  This seems to involve a choice ... to make it so or not make it so.  That is what reality creation is all about.  Though, when we speak of consciousness, what is involved?  Do I control when something is expressed but not what is expressed?  The what seems to be up to consciousness herself.  Hmm ... do I really even control when?  Is there really a choice involved in bringing this expression forth?  Or, is it something that I am simply moved to do?  Yes, that begs the question of moved by what?  However, that doesn't really bother me.  Much of what goes into my "decisions" to do things occurs at other than conscious levels.  That doesn't keep me from doing things and living my life.  Choice is an interesting concept.  How much do we choose versus how much is destined?  And, if things are destined, what is it that determines the destiny?  I was going to say "chooses the destiny" but something seemed awkward about that.  The bottom line is that it doesn't really matter.  We live the life that we live.  At some level, we are manifesting all that we experience.  The process works perfectly.  We experience exactly what we need to experience.  The mechanics of how the process works don't really matter.  What is important is to know that there is a process, and that it works.  The less restrictions that we place on ourselves, the more we open ourselves to the natural processes of the universe.  Consciousness is ever growing and evolving, it is in a constant state of unfolding and becoming.  We are an intricate part of that process.  We are the life of the universe.  We are an aspect of consciousness beginning to experience and understand itself.

The headhunter called again to set up an interview with a company in Colorado.  It had been a few weeks since anything had happened.  It will be interesting to see what, if anything, comes from this.  I am open to change.  This could be a huge one.  Somehow, it seems that the time is ripe for this.  One way or another, we'll see soon enough.  My sense is that if the opportunity is right, it will be obvious to me.  Such is how these kinds of things manifest in my life.  It has been that way all of my life.  I don't set a course for my life.  I don't have plans or dreams for what I will be doing in my career or in my personal life.  I am open to allowing whatever circumstances and experiences are best to materialize.  More than that, I expect them to materialize.  That is simply how spirit works.  I expect to be moved to do exactly what I need to do.  So far, this approach to living has worked well for me.  Actually, I can't envision any other way that I would live.  Intuition is very important to me, far more important than reason.  Why should this be?  Primarily because intuition taps an inner knowingness that I have learned can be relied on.  Reason is blind.  It operates without knowingness.  It is based on premises that may or may not have a basis in truth.  That is not to say that it is not powerful.  Reason has been instrumental in creating many of the marvels of technology that are so important to modern life.  Yet, intuition has had its role as well.  The aha experience is not something that arises from reason.  It requires an intuitive leap of creativity.  Nearly every great discovery has required such leaps beyond what reason permits.

It is interesting to observe how this expression wanders.  It truly is a stream of consciousness.  There is no conscious sense of organizing it or even of creating it for that matter.  I just observe and experience it.  What purpose is there behind all of this?  Does it need to have a purpose?  Is it not enough that it exists and manifests as it does?  Clearly, I am not deciding who it will impact and how it will impact them.  I have no audience in mind as I participate in this expression.  Yes, I am moved to capture it and to post it to the Beyond Imagination site.  But, what happens to it from there is in consciousness hands.  I haven't done anything to advertise the site for quite some time.  I have no sense of how accessible any of this really is.  I haven't gone to the search engines to see what kinds of queries would return hits to Beyond Imagination pages.  As far as I can tell, very few sites link to Beyond Imagination.  Should I be doing more to make connections?  Perhaps, but why should this be any different than the rest of my life?  My basic nature is that of a loner and hermit.  I am highly introverted and intuitive.  Making connections between information is a major activity that I engage in both at work and in my personal life.  However, I make few connections with other people.  Why?  That is a good question.  At this point, I observe that such has been the way that I have always lived.  My focus was on self knowledge, on consciousness, and on the nature of my reality.  Others have occasionally provided an outside mirror that allowed me to see perspectives that I had been missing.  My primary teacher has been the source within, the tap to consciousness herself.  I would have it no other way.  I have never had a mentor.  Then again, it is not clear that I have ever really had a friend either.  For that matter, I have had few acquaintances in my life.  You could say that I live a solitary and isolated life.  And, you would be right, especially from a personal standpoint.  Then again, solitary and isolated are relative concepts.  Consciousness herself has always been there by my side ... especially so since 1993 when this expression began.

The possibilities for change, major change seem ever present.  It literally feels as if I could awaken from sleep and be in a whole new world, a whole new reality.  At this point, that is exactly what I desire.  It is not so much a matter of needing to escape, but a matter of needing to move onto something new.  What am I creating for myself here?  At this point, I am not really sure.  Yet, it is exciting nonetheless.  I trust that wherever I am drawn, wherever I am moved to go, whatever I am moved to do is indeed right for that point in my life.  I have no reason to second guess my experience.  My reality is my own.  I know that it is unique.  At the same time I feel the need to share it with others, at least via written form in words.  This is just something that I have to do.  In a very real way, it is the natural expression of who I am.  Expressing creatively is extremely important to me.  I consider this stream of consciousness to be creative expression.  In many ways, the height of creative expression for me.  There is a possibility that I could be commuting further and less frequently than I presently do in the very near future.  Is that what I really want to do?  In one respect, that seems to be moving me even further away from my family, my wife and my furry kids.  Yet, if the job is the right one and the location feels right the decision seems so obvious.  Regardless, I trust that I will know.  The opportunity will either resonate within or it won't.  I will be moved to follow the path that best supports fulfilling the destiny that I came to fulfill.  The sense is that California is not the place for this to happen.  I felt this way before, in the early years of the Beyond Imagination expression.  I remember feeling that Colorado called to my soul.  Perhaps that was a premonition of what would eventually be.  The timing was just off by a decade.  Oh well, I've been off regarding the timing of things many times over the years.  However, now things are different.  There is no urgent need to have to go.  There is just a sense that a window of opportunity is opening up, and that it is important to seize that opportunity when it comes.  I feel ready now in a way that I clearly wasn't before.  I feel more at peace with myself and my world.  I feel more connected to consciousness herself than I have ever been.  I am flying high, but I am also grounded.  It is time for the next phase of my life to begin, whatever that would be.

In 30 days, we will reach the 12th anniversary of the beginning of the Beyond Imagination expression.  The 12th anniversary marks the beginning of the 13th year.  That is appropriate, that is the year of major transformation.  Just over a month later is my 47th birthday.  That marks the beginning of my 48:Man in Search of More year.  2005 itself is the "Y" = "why" year.  All three of these things combine to make this very special for me.  I'm looking forward to this year with great expectations, but they are general rather than specific expectations.  I expect wonderful strides to be made, wonderful things to happen.  I expect to be surprised by the details and specifics, however.  These will work themselves out perfectly.  I know that.  This is to be a very good year indeed.

756, 888, and 2184 = 888(16) have been coming up so many times in the past two weeks that it is clear that the universe is telling me something very important.  The sense is that I have arrived somehow, that I am on course, that I am exactly where I need to be at this moment.  I've know that these numbers were special to me for over a decade.  But, the frequency of appearance now, simply blows me away.  I am doing what I need to be doing, I am being who I need to be, I have become the vehicle for the expression of consciousness that I am meant to be.  I have found my place in the world somehow.  But, it is not a fixed place.  It is not a location or a job.  It is a state of mind, a state of awareness.

Another paragraph and we can conclude for the evening.  Spirit can be a slavedriver at times.  Then again, we only do what we truly want to do.  Expressing this stream of consciousness is one of the greatest joys of my life.  In some ways, my life would be meaningless without this expression.  At the very least, it would be far less rich.  The amazing thing is that this costs me nothing except for my time and attention, a minor price to pay for all that consciousness has brought into my life.  The greatest things in life truly are free!  I don't know who said that.  I can't believe that I am the first.  It is amazing to see how much consciousness is able to do through us when we allow her to express as she will.  She can truly work miracles.  In doing so through us, we can truly work miracles.  Manifestation is a game that consciousness plays.  It is fine to enjoy the manifestation, but we need to be careful not to become trapped within it.  In our souls, we are free.  In spirit, in consciousness, we soar.  However, we also live within a world of limitation ... or perhaps worlds of limitation.  We can enjoy the experiences in the world without being trapped within the limitations.  We do this by observing and remembering who we truly are, even as we experience our lives.  We are not the flesh, we are not the mind ... we are that which animates all that is.  We are the consciousness that is ever in a state of becoming.

4 February 2005

Once again, the month is flying by.  We are already 4 days into it, and 35 days into the new year.  I'm excited by what seems to be lying in store.  Whether it will manifest or not remains to be seen.  But, change is definitely in the air.  My consciousness is aflame with the fire of spirit.  Yes, I've experienced similar states before ... but not this specific state.  There is a strong sense that the course of my life is about to take a sharp turn.  Yet, it is one that I have been waiting for for quite awhile.  At times, in fact, I was highly expectant that it was about to happen.  I was wrong at those times.  What I expected did not manifest, even though I was explicit in my expectations.  Perhaps that was part of the problem.  I was too specific.  I wanted thing to manifest in a particular way.  Now, things are different.  The expectancy is far more general.  Yes, it still involves great change, but in a manner that consciousness herself would direct.  I am open to allowing my life to unfold naturally.  At this point, that is the only way that feels right for me.  Others may have their specific goals, plans, and dreams.  And, these may work well for them.  They just don't seem to have a role to play in my life.

So, what would I be next?  What would I do next?  I can only be who I am.  I can only be what I have become, knowing that I am always in the process of becoming more.  What is the purpose for all of these words?  There is something about this stream of consciousness that programs my mind.  That is good ... for it seems that this very programming is what allows more to flow forth.  I wonder.  Does this programming occur for those who read this as well?  My sense is yes, though it is not me doing the programming, it is consciousness herself.  How can I know this for certain?  I know what I feel.  If this were being done consciously by me, I would feel differently about it than I do.  There is a sense of otherness to this.  Yet, not otherness in the sense of coming from some other entity.  I don't consider consciousness as a entity.  She is all that is.  She is what she is.  In speaking of her in this manner, am I creating a degree of seperation that is not really there?  Perhaps.  However, the inner world does not seem to work in the same manner as the outer.  For one thing, it doesn't have all of the restrictions and limitations.  Though, it seems that the inner world can be just as dark as the outer, in fact, sometimes even more so.  As an introvert, it is what I experience inside of me that counts for the most in my reality.  In a very real way, you might say that it constitutes my reality.  Is that a limitation that I have imposed on myself?  Hmm ... it seems that limitation is not the appropriate word here.  Introversion/extroversion is a matter of focus, of where we place our attention, of where we look to find meaning in our lives.

How much will my life change in the coming months?  There is a possibility that I could be in a new job in a new state, commuting further than I have ever commuted before.  Is that really something that I want to manifest in my life?  Deep down, there is a sense that such is the way that it needs to be, at least for awhile.  How this will ultimately evolve, only time will tell.  Colorado has always felt like a good place for me to be.  The energy is different there.  There is an electricity in the air that is quite different from what I've experienced anywhere else.  It will be interesting to see how this expression is affected by that.  Hmm ... that was stated as if the outcome is already decided.  We haven't even found out what the potential new job might entail yet.  Though, I know that where I currently am is no longer where I need to be.  It is as if I have outgrown my present circumstances and need to create an environment that allows me to truly thrive.  Right now, the work environment is the place where most of my interactions with others occur.  Perhaps a shift is coming in that as well. 

Where is the path leading me?  Does it even matter?  Is it not enough to know that I am trodding the path that is right for me and that my every step is guided by spirit herself?  Indeed, it is enough.  I can be content to allow my life to unfold as it will.  There is no sense that I need to force it in any one direction over another.  It is a matter of doing what I am moved to do, here and now, and allowing whatever will result to result, expecting it to be in the best interests of all concerned.  Is that a resignation from life?  Or, is that a resignation to the miracle of life manifest? 

Each moment life is unfolding as it must.  This is the result of a natural process of growth and evolution.  The flower opens graciously to the morning sun.  It cannot choose not to do so.  Similarly, the life within us is a flower unfolding, only to the magnificence of spirit rather than to the sun.  Consciousness animates us every moment of every day.  Without consciousness, we simply would not be.  And, there is no way for that which is to ever cease to be.  Yes, it can transform and evolve.  But cease to be, never!  Isness has no opposite.  There is no such thing as not isness.  To be or not to be was never a choice that any of us was ever given.

5 February 2005

Another short musing yesterday.  Oh well, sometimes that happens.  Let's see what would be expressed today.  I feel rested for a change, ready to take on the world somehow.  Change still seems to be on the immediate horizon.  We should know more by this time next week.  The opportunities seem to be opening up anyway.  Where they will lead, it is impossible to tell at this time.  But, the overall feeling is good.  Something seems right about all of this.  I don't want to get my hopes up too high.  I've done this before and been disappointed.  Though, something seems different this time.  The sense of expectancy is more defined somehow.  It is high time that I truly began to live my life.  Oh, I have been going through the motions, and done what was expected of me and beyond that, what I was moved to do.  This has led to some interesting adventures in consciousness, and to a whole lot of written expression.  Is it any good however?  Does it mean anything to anyone but me?  I know of a few who have benefited by the feedback that they provided.  But these have been very few in the decade that the Beyond Imagination expression has been available on the WWW.  Why is that?  What does this reflect to me about the nature of my reality?  I have been a loner for most of my life ... focused primarily on self and the nature of my inner reality.  What does the outer reality reflect to me in this regard?  I know that it mirrors my inner reality.  Then, what am I not seeing, or possibly refusing to see?  There is a richness to my inner life.  I guess, by most standards to my outer life as well.  Though, there is a major area that is sorely lacking.  How does one live ones life without relationships, without close friends, or even distant friends?  Clearly, it is not that difficult.  I have been doing it for a long time.  But why?  Was it really necessary?  And if so, why?  Would others distract me from doing what I came to do?  My sense is no, they wouldn't.  Then, why have I chosen to be so shy and so isolated?  Clearly, this was done as a means of coping with reality.  Yes, much of it came out of fear.  I've always had a strong aversion to being judged as less than perfect ... or in some cases, less than adequate.  I don't know where that started or why.  It has been prominent in my life for so long.  Along the way, I have found myself to be my harshest critic ... by far.  So, why do I continue to put myself in circumstances where I experience being judged? 

Month after month, I receive the royalty statements for the Beyond Imagination books showing that none have sold.  Why was it so important to self publish these books in 2003 and 2004?  Was that simply to satisfy my ego?  When I found Infinity Publishing, everything seemed to be so right.  It is now over 18 months after the first book was published.  There is no sign that the books will go anywhere.  There is no sign that they will reach their intended audience, whatever that might be.  That is OK.  That is the feedback received from the universe.  I did what I was moved to do.  Perhaps I am missing the point somehow.  Perhaps I am not distinguishing the various forces that move me.  Why had I not considered this before?  I have assumed that it is consciousness herself that is moving me.  But, is that really true?  What of my own feelings and desires?  Do these not influence what I do as well?  Indeed, they must.  Yet, I continue to be blind to them.  Though the remedy is in sight, it is the very desire to see and experience these things.

To what degree do I want to be involved with others in my life?  It seems that it depends.  Just being with others is not enough for me.  I don't socialize just to be social.  I don't go out of my way to meet new people.  For the most part, I don't do anything to get out period, other than to go to work.  And, even there, I spend the bulk of my days alone.  I am an information worker in an information age.  And, my preferred modality is written communication.  This makes e-mail a necessity in my life..  The phone, I could pretty much do without, with the exception of telecons.  I'm not one to speak much.  I just don't have anything to say.  Yet, these words from this stream of consciousness flow forth into manifestation.  What is that about?  Why these particular words?  And, why through me?  It is as if I am a messenger of sorts ... a messenger of she who created me and he who sent me.  Wow!  I have acknowledged consciousness as the the source of whom that I am before.  But what is this he who sent me all about?  We have not expressed things in this manner before.  Just curious.  It is always interesting when something novel comes forth.

Where is my life headed?  I have been content for many years not to know, simply to allow it to unfold as it will.  Overall, the result of this has been abundance on several fronts.  Yes, there could be more abundance in particular areas ... but they are not areas where increased income creates a difference.  As the saying goes, some things money can't buy.  Indeed that is true.  Some things are free ... but only when they are freely given.  It is these things that must be cherished in our lives.  Love, happiness, joy, satisfaction, fulfillment, etc ... money simply can't buy.  Though, it can indeed help at times.  How do we manifest what we desire?  It seems that we always get what we deserve.  But desires are another thing entirely.  Am I the creator of my reality, or am I not?  Am I the master of my fate, or am I not?  What I am is what I am, a manifestation of All That Is, a manifestation of the ONE consciousness that resides in everything.  What I am, you are as well, though you do not realize this yet.  It seems that neither do I.  Though, I am aware enough to allow it to come forth in this manner.

What would I do to improve my lot in life?  Hmm ... that is an interesting question.  What does it mean to improve?  That seems to imply a value judgment that one state is better than another.  But, does life really work like that?  It seems that life simply unfolds.  It is an isness that ever becomes what it is in each moment.  Many would say that life needs to be manipulated and controlled.  But, is this really necessary?  Why can't we simply allow it to be what it is, and us to be who and what we are?  Here, acceptance is required.  An acceptance that allows us to fully express who we are.  But, we must have this acceptance inside of us to see it reflected in our world.  Wherever we feel restricted in any way, acceptance is not.  Whenever we feel judgmental of ourselves or of others, acceptance is not.  If we would truly be free, we must accept not only ourselves but our experience of reality.  No one else can set us free, we can only do this for ourself.  Ultimately, all will be free.  In many ways, we already are, we just don't realize it.  It is time for us to know this for certain, and live our lives in accord with that knowingness.  Yet, how do we know what we know?  Here, we have to find the connection to the source within.  That is the part of us that knows.

On and on flows this expression.  But, is it worth the paper on which it was written.  Curious, I had to stop on the word "paper".  How does one quantify an electronic expression?  This expression is captured in HTML files, series of characters expressed digitally in a stream of 1's and 0's that can be retrieved and presented on a screen and then printed if desired to paper.  Basically, each page is a pattern of energy that represents and expresses something.  But, what is it that is expressed.  I experience each word, each phrase, each sentence, each idea as it comes forth.  But, it is not the words and spaces on the page that carry the meaning.  All they can do is point to the meaning.  It is up to each of us to fill in the details and to connect what is presented to anything relevant that has come before in our lives.  Why?  Because that is what we do.  We connect pieces of information together to form patterns that in turn reveal ever more pieces.  We are connection machines.  That is what our brains do, what our minds do.  It is curious that I have focused my efforts on making connections in the metaphysical domain to the exclusion of nearly everything else.  The world that I experience reflects the inner one that has been so demanding of my attention.  It is to this inner world that I naturally turn.  This more than anywhere else is where I live.  Will that ever change?  Perhaps, but there is no sense that it really needs to, at least not at the present.  And, that is where I live my life, in the moment.  That is mostly true.  However, I do make a few appointments in the future.  I try to keep these few in number and close in timeframe.  On most days, when I get into work, I do not know what I will do that day.  Nonetheless, most of the days are filled to overflowing with work.  Lately, it seems that there is far more work to do than time to do it.  That means prioritizing things so that I can make the most of each day.  That can also lead to a feeling of being burned out.  Fortunately, more often than not, the feeling is one of accomplishment.  It is particularly fun to do things that others cannot do, and do them in innovative and creative ways.  In some ways, I feel that I am a man ahead of his time, out of synch with the consensus world around me.  Yet, at the same time, the sense is that I am living the way of the future somehow.  I am demonstrating what can be.  I am demonstrating how consciousness can express through us if we simply allow her to.  It is not difficult.  It is a matter of stepping aside for a moment, and allowing something that is greater than us to grace our lives. 

One more paragraph and we can call it quits for the day.  There are movies to watch and books to read.  I am in an input mode in my life once again.  Though, this time it is not a matter of the switch being turned in the other direction.  I haven't moved from output mode to input mode.  Rather, I am in both modes simultaneously ... or at least concurrently.  Watched the movie Ray last night.  It was a fascinating movie.  Ray Charles definitely lived his life to the fullest, and in the process truly expressed who he was.  In addition, he entertained and moved several generations of people.  That would have been amazing for anyone.  However, for someone that was blind, that was truly remarkable.  Music has a way of truy moving people.  One couldn't help but to move with the music of Ray Charles.   I just started reading The Disappearance of the Universe.  It appears to be one of those books that could trigger a major transformation in those that read it.  It is curious that the author experienced a major spiritual transformation in 1992 and started interacting with two guides.  The format seems similar to the Conversations with God books by Neale Donald Walsh that I loved so much.  One again, it seems that spirit is guiding me to exactly where I need to be to see and experience what I need to see and experience.  Oh, it has been this way for much of my life.  But, at times it is far more obvious than at other times.  This appears to be a special time in my life.  OK, every moment in our life is special.  It is just that much of the time, we don't seem to be aware of this.  Here, it comes down to expectation once again.  Expect the unexpected.  Expect miracles to manifest.  Life is constantly challenging an surprising us.  Why?  So that we can be in each moment more than we have ever been before.  It is this moreness that moves us and drives us.   We ever seek to experience what it is.  But, no matter how far we get, there is always more.  Such is the way of life, the way of the universe.

One more note.  My gas bill came to exactly $21.84 today, and I wasn't even trying to make it so.  I just turned to look when I stopped pumping and there it was.  Yes, another sign from the universe that I am on purpose somehow.  We'll just have to see what that means in the days, weeks, and months ahead.

8 February 2005


More busy days.  It seems that they are all like that now.  Oh well.  We do what we must do.  But, what is it that we would prefer to do?  What is it that we would choose to do?  Is this not important as well?  What truly matters in life?  Much that happens on a day to day basis is meaningless.  It has no ultimate importance or value.  So, how do we decide where to expend our efforts, where to apply our talents, what is important for us to do?  From where do we take direction and find guidance?  For me, the answer is clear, I seek within.  But, what does that really mean?  What is it that answers my call?  What is it that speaks through me in this manner?  My sense is that this is something that I may never know.  It is enough to have made such an inner connection.  Yet, where do we go from here?  Over 4 million words have come forth from consciousness through me in the past 12 years.  What has been the value of that communication?  Is the quantity of words expressed really necessary?   Is there sufficient quality and content to be beneficial?  The sense is that what has been expressed needed to be expressed in exactly the manner that it has come forth.  Why?  Now, that is a good question.  Clearly, I have learned a great deal from all of this.  It is not so clear what others have learned, however.  Does that really matter?  Regardless, I am moved to capture this stream of consciousness.  Further, I am moved to share it here on the WWW as I do.  What happens beyond that is out of my hands.  The universe is aware of all that we do.  The right connections are being made when they need to be made.  Whether this is via people finding the Beyond Imagination material or not is difficult to determine.  It does not seem to be happening in terms of the people that I am meeting, either in person or via e-mail.  I don't know why that is.  I fully expected that by now I would have made connections with many people that were kindred spirits, part of my spiritual family.  That has not been the case.  I still strongly desire this.  But, it is not clear what I must do to make it so, if indeed such is within my power.  My sense is that if it is meant to happen, nothing can stop it.  If it is not meant to happen, nothing can force it to happen.  That gets back to an earlier question.  What truly matters in life?  Much that we experience is illusion.  But, the illusion is our reality nonetheless.  But, if it isn't real, then how much can it really matter?

The book The Disappearance of the Universe says that God did not create the world, contrary to the teachings of most religions.  All that we experience is the product of thought ... thought manifest into what we experience as physical form.  But then, what is real?  Awareness seems to be the closest thing that we experience to being real.  But, we experience our awareness as limited.  For instance, where do we go when we sleep?  Nearly one third of our life is spent sleeping.  Then again, what is to say that our entire journey through time is anything but a dream?  It is curious that I can be aware of being aware, that I can be aware of being the observer of myself, but that I don't experience being aware of my dreams.  Then, how do I even know that I have dreams?  No, not dreams in terms of visions of what I would like to be.  I don't tend to have these either.  But, what about the normal dreams that people have during sleep each night?  Here too, it doesn't seem to matter.  The sense is that if I had a need to know what these are, then I would know.  Consciousness has a way of ensuring that we know what we need to know when we need to know it.  Whatever we experience is appropriate.  Whatever we experience is right for us to experience at the time that we experience it.  Wherever you are is exactly where you need to be.  Whatever conditions you experience are exactly what you need to experience.  Whatever you are moved to do is somehow exactly what you need to do in the moment.  No, that does not mean to give in to every whim or urge.  No, that does not mean to actualize every thought that you have.  It is important to be mindful of the thoughts that you give energy and attention to.  These have a way of manifesting in your life.  Hmm ... how do we get to the heart of the matter?  How do we find what is true and real?  Whatever is unchanging and unlimited is real.  All else is illusion.  The source within is unchanging and unlimited though what it has to express is everchanging.  Everything that I experience, however, is changing and limited.  Everywhere, there are constraints and limitations. Why have I not chosen to look beyond these before?

Where do I find that which is unchanging?  Where do I find that which is unlimited?  These seem to define consciousness herself.  But, even then, my concepts of consciousness are still limited.  Whatever is separate cannot be real.  Whatever is isolated and individual cannot be real either.  Just because we experience something does not make it real.  What is unchanging is that I am.  What I am, what I do, what I think ... all of these change constantly.  Perhaps what I know is constant as well.  It is just what I know that I know that is variable from moment to moment.

What is awareness?  How do we grow in awareness?  How do we become more aware of what we truly are?  The very desire to do so is a great start.  How do we awaken from the dream life that we currently live?  What constitutes a spiritual awakening?  How do we go beyond mind?  What does it mean to go beyond imagination?  Where is all of this expression taking us?  If the world is an illusion, why does it matter how I live?  Why do we become so attached to things of the world ... whether they be physical things, feelings, or things of the mind?  It seems that today is a day for questions.  Some days are like that.  That is OK.  The asking of questions is a strong sign that we are ready to find the answers.  Perhaps receive or rediscover the answers is more appropriate.  If the world is an illusion, and time is not real, then the very foundations of life as we experience it are suspect.  There is a sense that I am in the middle of another major beliefquake.  Only this time I am more prepared for it than I was in 1993 or 1998.  It seems that it is time to forego beliefs altogether.  Beliefs are part of a framework for creating "reality" within the illusion.  Is that really where my world is?  Is that where I choose to focus my attention?  Yes, I am here now.  I have chosen to incarnate physically.  But, why?  Is there something I am here to do?  My sense is yes, I came for a reason, and would not be here except for that.  At some level, I know exactly what that reason is.  Further, I am carrying out that mission as I live my life.  This is my destiny.  It seems that what I do and experience may be predetermined.  How predetermined is an open question.  The twist is that the predetermination occurs at inner levels in which I participate to co-create.  Choice seems to be confined to how we interpret what we experience, in particular to what we determine that our experiences mean.  It is not what happens that matters.  It is the meaning that we assign to it that makes all of the difference.  And even then, what is most important is what we know as a result.

There is an unsettled sense coming through.  There is something extremely important that I am missing.  It is as if I am on the verge of getting it ... but I'm not quite there.  Be patient!  Stay open to what the universe would present to you.  Open your eyes, all of them, and see.  Open your ears and hear.  Open your mind and understand.  Open your self and KNOW!  There is nothing that you must do ... just be.  Express what would be expressed through you, creatively and joyfully.  In doing so, you will find that you will lose yourself.  It is through losing your self that you find God.  God is not separate from you.  He never was.  Though your creation is not his creation.  Your awareness is not his awareness.  But what about the concept that God is All That Is.  There is no contradiction here.  There only seems to be one when you assume that the world is real.  What does it mean to be?  Does the world possess the quality of isness?  What do I choose to be part of?  What do I choose to associate with?  As a loner, others do not really exist in my world.  They are but caricatures, hollow shells, with limited impact on my life.  Does it have to be that way?  It seems not.  It seems that relationships can be as deep as we choose to take them.  Then, why do I choose to remain so isolated?  Can I ever get beyond separation so long as I remain isolated?  It seems that the answer is no.  Given this, then how do I overcome it?  What is the next step toward increased freedom?  It seems that there is limitation involved in the very way that the question is asked.  Freedom is not something you can move toward.  You are either free or you are not.  Freedom is something you seize, something that you realize in the moment.  Knowingness is that way as well.  It is just something that you do, something that you become.  You either know or you do not know.  Hmm ... to be or not to be, that is indeed the question at hand.  Though, the very question is meaningless.  We cannot not be.  Though, we can choose not to be.  We can choose to be lost within the illusion.  We can choose to be lost within our own creation.  The more important question is how do we turn away from the illusion and find what is real?  There is a saying that comes to mind.  Be careful of what you ask for, you just may get it.  Then again, there is another saying ... don't ask the question if you don't want to know the answer.  At this point, I really want to know the answer.  Further, the feeling is that I already know, just not consciously.  For that matter, we all already know.

Where do we choose to focus our attention?  While God did not create the world ... God is omnipresent within it.  How is it that we are able to experience the reality that we experience?  What makes this any different than a movie that we watch, other than that it engages more senses and more parts of our mind.  How is it that the brain turns the signals that it receives through the nervous system from the various senses into the reality that we experience?  How is it that the world exists within the narrow spectrum that our senses are able to detect?  What is the interpretation mechanism?  Why is this so similar from one individual to the next?  Could it be that we are all one?  Each individual is but a different aspect, a different viewpoint of that one.  If so, are we also like a hologram, with each individual "seeing" a projection of the whole?

9 February 2005

I'm in a strange mood.  It is as if I have leaped from where I was but have not yet landed where I am to be.  Further, it is not clear that I consciously know in which direction I leaped or why I picked that direction ... if indeed it was me that picked it.  Here too, there is a strong sense that destiny is at play.  The analogy that comes to mind is a roulette wheel for some reason.  Once the wheel is turned and the ball is let loose, its destiny is already determined even though it takes some time for it to unfold in the world.  The laws of physics completely govern the process.  For me, it seems that the same holds, only it is the laws of spirit that apply.  Where does my desire fit into the picture?  Does what I want really matter?  Do I have conscious choice of what I allow to be, of what I allow myself to experience, of what is created through me?  It seems that much of this occurs on other than conscious levels.  That doesn't relieve me of responsibility.  Whether the process is conscious or not, I am still doing it and experiencing what I experience.

The book The Disappearance of the Universe specifically addressed the concept of spiritual warrior as being an oxymoron. It saw this to be a complete contradiction in terms.  Yet, I have been moved to use this combination of terms for many years.  I was in the Air Force for over 11 years, and have worked in the defense industry for most of my working life.  I guess that makes me a warrior of sorts.  No, I have not engaged in combat, but warrior is still fitting somehow.  Spirituality is by far the most important part of my life.  I live it and breathe it.  It commands my attention and interest.  So yes, spiritual warrior is indeed fitting, despite what the book says.  Though, there may be something that I am missing.  The contradiction in terms may indeed be real.  What is it that makes a warrior?  It is not necessarily one who engages in war, or one for whom the making of war is an occupation.  Hmm ... what do the numbers tell us.  warrior = 5199969 = 5/6/15/24/33/39/48: The Man in Search of More.  It is curious that 1999 is embedded here as well as 33:The Master Teacher.  What happens when we prepend spiritual to this.  spiritual = 179992313 = 1/8/17/26/35/37/40/41/44: The Master Organizer.  It is curious that both words have 999 embedded in them.  44 + 48 = 92 = 78 + 14: Temperance Exalted.  Hmm ... something isn't right about this.  The two terms are not meant to be summed, at least not in their lower case form.  If we go to Initial Caps, we get 62 and 66 = 128 = 78 + 50: Utopia Exalted.  Interesting.  It seems that is what I am here to facilitate.  That is the world that I came to midwife.  So what is the tie to 1999.  That was the year that I turned  41.  Two months from yesterday, I turn 47 and begin my 48th year.  1999 was 6 years after the Beyond Imagination expression began.  That is about the midway point between the birth and now.  Somehow this relates to a full cycle.  What is magic about 12 years?  Hmm ... that is 144 months.  Why is 144 important.  This is 12 x 12 = 3 x 3 x 4 x 4.  Interesting, 33 and 44.  There is a progression at work here.  I was born with 11 and 22 prominent.  In 1995, 22 and 33 showed up on the third tier of my "A" reading.  A few months ago, 44 and 55 became prominent on a weekly basis.  Now, we fill in the gap with a term that I have been using to describe myself for nearly 12 years.  Why this progression of dual Master numbers?  And, when does the next step occur?  That would be to 55 and 66.  I have offered that I would seriously consider changing jobs for a salary of 3000 per week = 15600 per year.  55 x 66 is exactly 1.21 times that.  121 is 11 x 11.  That is more than a coincidence.  11/11 was the day that I started my current job.  The next step does seem to be to 12 x 12.  The / and the x are extraneous punctuation.  How do we find such connections and how do we assign meaning to them?  The chief answer is to rely on intuition.  This is our tie to source, our tie to the ONE.  So, where is all of this taking me?  The 144 month anniversary of the birth of the Beyond Imagination expression arrives in 24 days.  My 48 year begins 34 days after that.  That is only 58 days away.  It will be interesting to see what transpires by then.  Yes, interesting indeed.

Well, that's more number stuff than I have been moved to explore in quite awhile.  Yet, what is the bottom line here and now?  What does it mean in this moment?  The overall sense is that I am on the exact path that I am meant to be on.  There is a progression that is manifesting in my life.   This progression is leading me to the destiny that I came to fulfill.  Nothing can stop me from doing what I came to do.  Spiritual law is at work in my life.  But, all laws are reflective of limitations.  What does it take to be outside of the laws?  Be not concerned with limitation.  Focus on that which is eternal and unchanging and beyond the reach of any laws.  Where you focus, you will indeed become.  Find that place of knowingness and allow it to express absolutely in your life.  Demonstrate spirit in action.  Be in this world but not of this world so long as you remain here.

Interesting, 1001 words.  That is the second time that number has occurred this week.  1001 is an interesting number.  It is 7 x 11 x 13.  That is the product of the 4th, 5th, and 6th primes.  Late last year, 2 x 3 x 5 x 7 x 11 x 13 , the product of the first six primes was a prominent event in my life.  It is especially curious that this occurred over a period of 91 days = 78 + 13:Death Exalted.  So, we have seen interesting combinations of primes and of Master numbers.  Clearly, there is a message in all of this.  There is a sense that I understand it at some level.  I know what it means.  The knowingness is just not conscious.  Actually, the feeling of knowingness is conscious.  It is just the details that are not available at this level.  There is a difference between knowing and being able to explain what you know or how you know.

There is still a strong sense that massive change is forthcoming in the immediate future.  How do we reconcile that with the fact that whatever is changeable is not real?  Growth and evolution are things of this world.  Yes, even what is called spiritual growth.  It is time to awaken from the dream.  It is time to awaken from our slumbers.  Behold, a whole new world.

10 February 2005

Another day, another musing.  Today has slowed down a bit, enough to catch my breath anyway.  I felt as if I was getting a little too wrapped up in the illusion in the work environment.  Though, it does make the days go by quickly when you are busy.  But, is that good?  That seems to be the opposite of living in the moment.  When we focus on the now, there seems to be more than enough time for everything.  It is as if things move in slow motion.  Our awareness is at a whole different level.  It is only when we step back and concern ourselves with all of the things that we think need to be done that the lack of sufficient time becomes an issue.  Deadlines have a way of enforcing that mentality.  However, when we just get into it, and do the things that we are moved to do ... it seems that the things that need to get done do indeed get done.  Then again, how would we know?  The bottom line is that we can only do what we can do.  By definition, that is always enough. 

There is still a strong sense that major changes are to occur in my life in the immanent future.  I know, looking to the future is not generally productive.  The future will take care of itself, springing from what we are in the moment.  What matters is here and now, what is right in front of us, what is catching our attention in the moment.  I should know more in a few hours regarding a potential reality set in motion several months ago.  I don't know what triggered it.  I got a call out of the blue from a headhunter.  I should hear today how interested the company is in me.  That could lead to an interview and potentially a new job.  Whether it will do so or not remains to be seen.  At this point, I am open to a change, even a major change.  If it is right, it will manifest.  If not, something else will come along.  The restless urge is there for a reason.  Eight years is the longest that I have lived anywhere or worked at any job.  Further, I've been working for the same organization in various capacities for over 19 years.  It seems enough is enough.  Yet, at the same time, my current responsibilities are greater than they have ever been before.  But, do I truly like what I am doing?  Is there a way to have a greater impact?  Does it even matter what impact I have?  If the world is all illusion, what is to be gained by focusing our attention there?  Hmm ... do what you are moved to do, but do it without attachment to the degree that you can.  What does it mean to be attached to something ... in particular, to be attached to outcomes?  The bottom line is that these are what they are.  It is not for us to decide them.  Though, we must find a way to live with them.

Where do I fit in the scheme of things?  Where do I find what is real?  Seek within!  There you will find all that you need to know.  Interesting, that implies that what I need to know is real.  From the pattern of questions lately, indeed that seems to be true.  Where is all of this leading?  At some level it seems that I already know.  There  is a sense of anticipation and expectation.  They are becoming stronger and stronger.  How do we compare what we know with what others know?  Are such comparisons even important, or are they a waste of time?  Clearly evaluation is a step that accompanies observation.  This is how we uncover what our observations actually mean.  But, how do we know that what we observe is real or not?  If it pertains to the illusion, it is what it is telling us symbolically that is important.

I am weary again.  As I say that the radio plays "You Wake Me Up".  Interesting, clearly that is more than a coincidence.  So, what does it take to wake up and to stay awake?  Hmm ... is that what is needed within the dream of the illusion?  Perhaps, it is better to be asleep.  No, everything within me rejects that idea.  To be awake, to be aware, is to truly be alive.  But, if we are aware of our limitations, what does that mean?  For one thing, it means that we are stuck within the illusion, not the reality.  Where do we go to find that part of us that is permanent and unchanging?  Can we be unchanging and yet be growing and evolving at the same time?  Why not?  There are no limitations here.  Hmm ... perhaps these very questions are keeping me stuck.  It is not that there is a part of us that is permanent and unchanging.  Part, by its very definition, implies something that is less than the whole.  How do we tap into the essence that we are outside of form?  This is the spirit that we are.  The body that we are is a projection and tool of this spirit.  What am I beyond this body?  What am I beyond this mind?  What am I beyond all else?  The only answer that comes to mind is consciousness herself.  Why am I stuck within the illusion that I experience as my world and my reality?  The very question assumes that I am stuck here?  What if we question this?  What if we start from the premise that we are not stuck, that we are free to experience whom that we are in whatever way we choose?  Where does that allow us to go?  What does that allow us to experience?

It seems that we need to be very careful of what conditions we assign to "I am".  For instance, I started the previous paragraph with I am weary again.  But can the I AM THAT I AM ever be weary?  No, it is not possible.  It is only the form that appears to be weary, and perhaps the part of consciousness that is attached to the form.  What parts of what I feel are real versus what parts of what I feel are illusion.  How do I distinguish what is real from what I imagine?  At some level, it is all experienced, but that does not make it real.  How do I decide just what it is that I will do next, that I will be next?  The first answer is easy, I do what I am moved to do.  That requires no other decision on my part, just an acceptance that such is how my life will unfold.  But, what is life?  How does this fit in the larger scheme of things?  What is the context in which I exist ... in which I create this existence?  What keeps me alive and kicking from one moment to the next?  It is not a matter of the body maintaining some sense of continuity from moment to moment and day to day.

This is clearly different than anything that has been expressed here before.  That alone fascinates me.  Where do I go to find the I AM THAT I AM?  That question doesn't make sense either.  There is no place that I can go, and there is no time in which I really exist.  What I AM, I AM here and now.  I cannot be other than I AM.  Yet, my awareness of I AM can be limited, as it is at the moment.  So, how do we bust beyond the limits?  How do we realize that the limitations are not real?  It is not enough just to think this.  How do we know it?  How do we remember that we know it?

The word count continues to climb, but I am not yet satisfied with it.  There is clearly more to express.  Consciousness awaits this connection.  No matter how many words have come forth, there are always more to come.  It seems that such will always be the case, so long as I continue to incarnate physically anyway.  But, why do this at all?  What value is there in it?  All that I know in this matter is that I do what I am moved to do.  What the actual motivating force is, I know not.  I refer to it as the source within.  It is what drives my outer expression.  But what about inner expression?  Doesn't that count as well?  And, perhaps even more than outer expression.

What would I make of my life?  I have reached a point of being comfortable with where I am.  Yet, that does not satisfy me, that is not enough.  As the 48:The Man in Search of More, that is no surprise.  Where does the urge to do more come from?  Why do I push myself so hard to excel at what I do?  That is part of what it takes to be all that I can be.  How do I know when I have done enough?  The bottom line is I will just know.  Knowing is not something that you learn, it is something that you are, or something that is an innate part of you. 

The interview today went well.  At least, that was my impression anyway.  I guess we'll see by what follow up actions are taken.  One door to change is open.  Whether I will walk through it or not is still unknown to me, at least consciously.   On another level, I know that the decision is already made ... it is only a matter of allowing it to manifest.  More than that, of expecting that it will manifest in whatever manner is appropriate.  I am at harmony with consciousness.  The connections that need to be made are being made.  Further, the impetus towards manifesting any change is already set in motion.  I did what I was moved to do.  I followed up by offering another aspect of myself for the interviewers to consider.  I can only be who I am.  However, in doing this, I can offer insight to others as to who I am.  For me that comes from ideas and concepts that I have been able to express over the years in written form.  These tell you more about me than anything else.  I have far more to offer any employer than my systems engineering skills and talents.  It is time that I find someone that recognizes that.  Indeed, I expect to find a suitable position that engages all of who I am, and I expect to do so soon.  How soon is always an open question.  Things happen when the time is right for them to happen.  This does not seem to be set by me consciously.

This expression is new and fresh.  Concepts are coming forth in ways that have never been expressed through me before.  That is good.  I am pleased with where my life is and where it seems to be headed.  Right now, this is only a feeling, an inner sense.  But, that is enough.  I trust that there is a plan for my life, a plan that at some level I had an intricate part in creating.  It is a matter of allowing this plan to unfold, and enjoying the journey as much as I can along the way.  It seems that there is no ultimate destination.  What matters is simply to be what we are.  Yet, what we truly are is not what we appear to be, not even close.  It is time to remove our costumes and our masks, and face reality unafraid.  There is nothing that can hurt us, nothing.  There is nothing that can cause us to cease to be.  Though, that applies to what we are, not what we appear to be.  How do we experience this?  How do we remember who we are?

13 February 2005


Getting a late start tonight after two days without expression.  That's OK.  Whatever is meant to come forth will come forth.  Such is the nature of this expression.  Besides, time is an illusion anyway ... so, what does it really matter?  Continued reading The Disappearance of the Universe.  It is a fascinating book.  I found it particularly interesting that it said that A Course in Miracles would be around for over 8 centuries and that in particular, it wouldn't be very popular in the 21st and 22nd centuries.  Though, it indicated that it would be recognized as coming from Jesus, look before it was popularly understood.  Something about that rang true.  A teaching ahead of its time.  On the contrary, what is this expression?  It does not purport coming from such an illustrious source.  Nor does it claim to be structured as a course, or structured at all for that matter.  Yet, its existence is no less miraculous.  Here, something greater than I know myself to be consciously is given voice and shared.  Hmm ... shared with whom, I do not know.  Though, it seems that it is shared with all those who have a need to find it.

I'm curious to see whether I have any e-mail awaiting when I go into work tomorrow.  There is a sense that a door to an opportunity was opened last week.  What, if anything, will come of it only time will tell.  If not this opportunity, another will manifest.  The time is ripe for change in my life.  I know it, I feel it deep within.  The nature of that change, and the timeframe in which it is realized are all still open.  Or are they?  From another standpoint, it seems that it is preordained or destined as well.  I am open to live unfolding as it will through me.  There is nothing that I need to force or make happen.  Rather, it is a matter of allowing what would be to be.  So, what would happen next in my life?  Hmm ... is it really even "my life"?  Do I possess it or simply experience it?  And, what is this "I" anyway.  What is this thing that experiences itself to be a separate entity?  It seems as if I still have my lessons to learn.  Interesting, I know that the source which comes forth in this expression is an aspect of a higher self that knows far more than I know.  The very fact that this is possible speaks volumes about the nature of consciousness.  And, what is consciousness?  What is it that could express all that has been expressed here ... all that has been expressed in all lives everywhere?  There is only one consciousness that animates us all.  She is the source of creative expression everywhere.  How do we tap into the mass consciousness, the collective consciousness, the one consciousness?  Is this something that we can learn how to do?  My sense is no, we do not learn how to do it.  At some point, it just happens.  We remember our connection.  We may not know why it happens, or even how it happens.  Yet, from that point, we are able to do it.  How that expresses in our life will be different for each of us.  However it expresses is right.  Trust the source within you.  It will not lead you astray.  It is there to assist in your development.  It is there to guide you on the path that is right for you.

This is what I experience.  But, is what I experience truly real?  The bottom line is that it is not.  The world is our creation, not God's.  We create our own reality is a great truth, even within the illusion of the world.  We can only create illusion.  We can only create that which is limited.  But, we can go beyond this and experience more, far more.  There is a reality that is unchanging and unlimited, that is whole and complete.  It is our birthright ... it is our home.  We have only chosen to venture through time and space through various incarnations to temper us and to find that despite what we are able to create, we always find something lacking.  The trick is to realize that what is lacking is not of this world.  For that matter, it is not of any world.  Love is all there is!  The popular song of The Beetles had it right.  Everywhere we look, we see spirit expressing, we see consciousness expressing.  Then again, it seems that this depends on what glasses we choose to wear.  Part of this is determined by where we choose to focus our attention.  This, to a large degree, determines what we make real for us.   However, regardless of how real the illusion seems, it is still a movie, it is still a play of consciousness.  Hmm ... we get whatever we focus our attention on.  How do we focus our attention outside of this world, outside of this illusion?  Why am I not aware of my dreams at night.  Perhaps, could it be that this entire drama is nothing more than a dream?  The universe, the one verse, and all other verses for that matter, are all the same, all dreams within the collective mind of consciousness.  No, not dreams within the mind of God.  Consciousness is not God.  Is awareness, is consciousness itself a part of the problem?  Is it caught within duality, the duality of the observer and the observed, of the awareness and what it is aware of?  For nearly twelve years, we have given voice to a stream of consciousness here.  Is it time to go beyond that?  But, what is beyond consciousness herself?  Yes, that is the question now.  Perhaps that is the very realm of God.

2184 and 888 must have popped up over two dozen times in the past three days.  This is clearly not by accident.  The sense is that my destiny is nigh.  Yeah, it is upon me somehow.  I am either doing what I am meant to do, or very close to being about to do it.  Either way, there will be a direct knowingness soon.  Already, there is an inner sense that I am being congruent with whom that I am.  Judgment is still more of an issue than I might have cared to believe.  Yet, the judgment that I see in the world is reflective of the judgment that I still have within me.  The remedy for judgment is forgiveness.  In forgiving others, we ultimately forgive ourselves.  Though, we may find this is the most difficult of lessons to learn.  Forgiveness isn't an act, it is a state of mind, a state of being.

14 February 2005

Valentines Day.  So far, we're off to a good start.  It seems that this could be an interesting week.  Though, I was surprised not to hear back from my interview on Thursday.  Oh well, what will be will be.  It is a matter of allowing life to unfold as it will.  My focus is on the moment, on what I can do here and now.  Actually, it goes beyond that ... not to other places and times, but to what is beyond place and beyond time.  Hmm ... that is a new focus of attention sparked by my readings in The Disappearance of the Universe.  There is something about that book that is speaking to me.  More than that, it is as if it is uprooting much that I thought I believed.  Though, it seems that beliefs about the world are all suspect anyway, especially if our focus is on what is truly real.  It seems that what we normally experience as reality is not that.  We've been through such beliefquakes before ... but it seems that this one may be far more severe than any that have preceded it.  Though, what its impact will be still remains to be seen and felt.  I'm open to change once again, massive change on multiple fronts.  Yet, in the midst of all of this, there is a sense of stability and permanence somehow.  Why this is so, I don't yet know.  That is just how it feels.  And, I am learning to trust what I feel, especially in this area.

Returned another e-mail contact today.  It seems that more and more of these are starting to trickle in.  Perhaps that is a sign of change, a sign of a new openness that has somehow been communicated.  Perhaps it indicates that I am finally ready to do some of the things that I believed that I was ready to do a decade ago, but that were never actualized.  Interesting.  There is a different attitude now.  I no longer "need" to do what I believed that I would do.  The loss of the "need" to do it, may be the very step that allows it to finally manifest.  I was attached to an outcome.  I believed that I needed to change the world.  However, what I have learned is that I can only change myself.  As I do that, the world naturally changes to conform to what I have become.  It is not for me to force myself, my teachings, or these words on anyone.  What I share, I share freely.  What others take from that is their choice, their decision.  If they are moved to contact me, great.  If not, that is great as well.  My life goes on nonetheless.  There is much to do, but at the same time there is nothing that has to be done ... at least, not within the dream, not within the illusion that constitutes the reality of the world.  Hmm ... what is reality then?  Is it really whatever we experience?  But, what is experience?  Is this not a part of the realm of duality?  How do we escape from the observer/observed dichotomy?  Where there are two or more, where there is separation, there is not unity.  God does not exist in such realms ... neither did he create them.  No, these are all our doing ... or perhaps our undoing as it were.  Is consciousness subject to the same constraints.  Does being aware, does being conscious also imply that there is a separation between that which I am and that which I am not?  Even if we accept that there is only one consciousness, does that resolve anything ... especially considering that this consciousness is expressing and experiencing reality in a world of some type, be it physical or spiritual?

Why am I concerned about such things?  From where do these statements and questions come?  What is the source within?  I have equated it to my tap to consciousness herself, but is that right?  What does that ultimately mean?  Where is this within of which I speak.  It is not within any part of the body.  Nor, is it within the body as a collective.  The sense is that there are other dimensions that the ones of time and space of which we are aware.  It is there that the source of this expression resides.  Exactly how I am able to tap that source, I do not know.  I only know that in this lifetime the connection was made on 5 March 1993.  That makes the 12th anniversary only 18 days away.  It seems that something special is going to happen between now and then.  What that will be is still unknown to me at this point.  Though, it seems that it is not unknown to consciousness.

The Truth Shall Set You Free ... that was the motto at CalTech.  Yet, the institute was focused almost solely on the sciences and technology.  It is not clear that the truth will ever be found there.  Oh, we can create a lot of wonderful things that purportedly make our lives better, but do they really succeed in doing this?  Is the world truly a better place as a result of the many fold "blessings" of technology?  My gut answer is no.  Despite all of this, there is something basic that is missing, there is a big hole.  Though religion hasn't addressed this hole either.  Further, combining science and religion doesn't address the whole.  Both of these disciplines are disciplines of mind that are stuck within the illusions of the world.  Yes, they deal with different aspects of the illusion ... though, even there we are starting to see some overlap.  The mystics and the quantum physicists seem to have reached similar conclusions, though through very different means.  But, their focus is still on reality within this world.  The question is whether that focus has any validity, has any basis in truth.  Yes, it may tell us that we create our "reality", and even to some degree how this occurs.  Yet, there still seems to be the mysterious element of choice involved to collapse the field of potentiality into the particular events that we experience.  But then, what does it really mean?  What does it really matter?  Why is it that matter matters at all?  Why are we physically incarnate?  Why would we choose limitation?  Is it that we know no better?  Surely, that cannot be it.  Why did we choose to forget what we knew?  Is knowledge of limitation truly knowledge?  What does it mean to "know" our dreams?  Is what we consider waking consciousness any more than another form of dreaming ... in this case a mass dream in which we interact?

Interesting, 1126, the word count for yesterday.  This is 1162 from the middle around to the left.  That is connected to the birth of Genghiz Khan and the year that Becket renounced the king for God and became the Archbishop of Canterbury.  This is also tied to 832, the big gold address on the bright red door that I was moved to notice while I was walking my dog Foofer in 1994.  In particular 1994 – 832 = 1162.  That is what triggered me to search for what happened in the world that year.

There is a sense that I am about to do something, something different than I have ever done.  It is time for another leap of consciousness, perhaps even a leap beyond consciousness, whatever that might mean.  Until recently, I would not have even considered that there might be something beyond consciousness.  I don't know why.  It just didn't enter my mind.  The fact that it has now suggests that something is in store ... something wonderful.  I am open to whatever it might be.  Further, there is a sense of being ready for it somehow, whatever it might be.  There is a sense that many pieces are starting to be put into place at other than conscious levels within me.  Where this will lead, I do not consciously know ... but, wherever that is, it is someplace that I must go.  At the same time, it is not a separate place or a separate time.  There is a sense that I have already arrived exactly where I need to be, I just haven't fully realized it yet.  The words are becoming increasingly difficult to find.  How does one express things that may very well be beyond anything that words can say?  Yet, I am a writer.  This is what I do.  Though, are these words really mine?  How can a stream of consciousness be mine?  It is not something that can be possessed.  It can only be experienced and expressed.

15 February 2005

Wow!  That was an interesting musing yesterday.  Curious, 1126 just came up again.  That is three times in just over two days.  The first though that came to mind was that it is a date ... perhaps even Thanksgiving Day.  But, I just checked the calendar,  11/26 is the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  Oh well, I'm sure the right interpretation will find its way through.  All it takes is to be patient and allow such things to unfold as they will.  Consciousness is ever revealing the things that we need to know to us.  But, what determines what we need to know?  Part of this seems to be driven by the questions that we are moved to ask ... and by where we focus our attention.  But, do we control this focus?  Or, are we drawn to focus on what attracts our attention?  How much free will is there in this process?  At some level, I know that free will is overrated.  It does not really matter if I get to choose things in the illusion that constitutes our reality or not.  Besides, the appearance of choice does not necessarily mean that choices are actually being made.  Many things that appear to be simply are not what they appear to be.  Our eyes, our senses, and even our minds can deceive us.  But, it goes further than that, to the heart of consciousness herself.  Can what is real be found in consciousness?  What does it mean to exist, to be?  The very concept of being seems to involve a separation between that which we are and that which we are not.  Yet, such separation only exists in the limited realms of duality.  It is time to step beyond duality ... or perhaps before duality.  Though in this context such words as time and before have no meaning.  They are part of the problem.  They belong to the world of duality and its perception.

So, how do we find what is real?  How do we awaken from the dream that we are currently living?  Each weekday morning, I awaken to the buzz of an alarm clock.  What is the equivalent device for awakening from the dream of this world?  Per A Course in Miracles, the key is forgiveness.  This includes not only the forgiveness of others, but the forgiveness of ourselves, both for what we did and did not do.  It is all a part of the play.  It is all illusion.  It is all not real.  Holding on to it, remaining attached to it, keeps us stuck.  And, what we truly are is free.  As to being permanent and unchangeable, it is hard to contemplate how such a life would be blissful and interesting.  We are so used to change, that we have become addicted to it.  We see no other way to experience.  How do we reconcile the need to grow and evolve with this?  Don't these concepts by their very nature require change?  Part of the problem is trying to use the imagination to define things that are Beyond Imagination.  Yet, there must be a way to experience them.  There must be a way to become them.  Hmm ... even the words experience and become are limited.  They keep us separate from what we are attempting to be.  That is the point, attempting to be.  Why not simply be what we are and express from that center in all that we do.  Easier said than done?  Perhaps.  But, this is not something that we have to learn.  This is not something that we have to attempt to be.  This is something that we already are, something that we have always been.  We have just forgotten who we truly are.  So, how do we re-member?  How do we put the pieces (the members) of ourself together again to create the whole?  It is a matter of desire and intent, along with the realization, the knowingness that something important has been missing from our lives all of this time.

Words are powerful!  They can be used to trigger our memory, they can guide and encourage us to re-member.  No judgments.  There is nothing that warrants our judgment.  Everything warrants our forgiveness.  Everything!  So, how do we remove the veil that separates us from reality?  Interesting, that very question recognizes that there is a veil and acknowledges that it is possible for us to do something to remove it.  Questions are wonderful tools for accessing information and for reaching new states of awareness.  It is curious that during most of my formal education, I was never really moved to ask questions.  In fact, I've asked more questions in this musing that I used to ask in an entire year.  Though, it seems that my metaphysical explorations were guided by questions that were somehow below the surface of my conscious mind.

I would be the I AM THAT I AM.  Nothing more, but nothing less either.  It seems that so long as there is separation, so long as there is duality, then there is something more that I have not yet integrated or realized.  The process of I AM THAT is an important one.  This applies to everything that is.  Yet, do we really have to own everything within the illusion?  Do we really have to own that which is not real?  Is what is not real a part of everything that is?  Can illusion truly exist?  Or, is it a manifestation of our imagination?

I'm feeling restless again.  It seems that there is someplace else that I need to be.  Yet, I know that I can only be here and now.  It is a matter of where I make here and when I make now.  Nowhere and notime.  Now-here, and not-I-me.  That is the key that unlocks the mystery.  How do we now and here make "Not I" me?  So long as there is something in our experience that is not me, we are stuck within the realm where duality rules.

Interesting, 999 words.  Triple numbers always have special significance.  Here, the sense is one of completion, of having reached a whole new level.  The expression is different than it has ever been.  We are getting into areas that we have never broached before, at least not since this expression began.  At the same time, it seems that I am re-membering what we already know ... building what we have already been before, so that we can move ever onward.  It is curious that I = 9:The Hermit in the Tarot.  "we" on the other hand is 55: Ace of Swords = new start in the field of action.  My two degrees are in EE, also 55.  Hmm ... 55 is also the 5th Master Number.  I don't remember what it signifies.  Though, it is prominent in my current compensation.  The transformation from 9 to 55 requires 46 steps.  Interesting, I am 46 now.  46 is two cycles of "wayne" = 23.  What does the completion of such cycles signify?  And, where does the third cycle take us?

"Be in this world but not of this world."  This is definitely sound guidance for living.  Yet what does it mean to be in this world?  What does it take to truly participate?  It seems that we are here for a reason, to fulfill a mission of some type, to play a role.  Hmm ... or is it to associate with playing a role?  We are not the role.  We are not even the actor playing the role.  Nor are we the observer who witnesses the actor playing the role, or even the observer witnessing the observer.  Then, what are we?

Interesting, what if we simply choose to look the other way?  What if we choose to ignore what is right in front of us, or at least stop paying so much attention to it, and see what is left?  Perhaps the game is one of That I Am Not versus That I Am.  What if we use the process of elimination rather than the process of inclusion?  Ultimately, if we divorce ourselves from the illusion, we will be left with what is real.  That does not mean dying, at least not physically.  Besides, how can what does not exist die?  I am not the body.  I am not the mind.  I am not even the consciousness or spirit that animates these.  Then, what am I?  What else is there?  What lies beyond consciousness?  Just noticed that right in the middle of consciousness is iou = I owe you.  The next thing that came to mind is I owe you my very existence.  Clearly this applies to existence within the realm of duality.  But, that is not what we really care about ... not at the deepest levels of our being.

Where is all of this leading?  The sense is that I am going beyond what I know myself to be once again, this time way beyond. Though, it seems that this time others may join me.  Then again, are they really others?  Be not concerned with the illusion.  It will play itself out as it will.  Seek only to realize what you know, and in doing so to realize who you truly are.  At that point, you will realize, truly realize, that there is no separation.  You are everyone, and everyone is you.  At the same time, you are no one, and there are no limits to who you are.  You, me, I, we, them ... none of these have any real meaning.  They are born of the world of duality, and that world is not real despite any appearances or experiences to the contrary.  How do you know that you are not dreaming at this moment?  The bottom line is that you can't know, because you are stuck in the dream already.  All that you can do is whatever it takes to get unstuck.  It all starts with attitude and desire.  In particular, the desire to be who you truly are.  And, that is ONE with God.  There is a difference between knowing this and living it, however.  You have to desire it more than you desire to breathe ... perhaps even more than you desire to be.  That is the proper use of desire.  451995 = 4/9/10/19/28/33.  That is a powerful set of numbers, culminating in 33: The Master Teacher.  How appropriate.  Isn't that what follow your bliss is all about?  Note also that "sire" = 1995, the year that the Beyond Imagination site was given birth.

Onward, ever onward this expression goes.  Not bad for a stream of consciousness.  But, what is beyond this stream?  Does it eventually lead to a river that in turn leads to an ocean?  Surely, the landscape of consciousness is grander by far than anything we have experienced with our senses.  But, is it just another world?  Is that enough to engage us?  Perhaps temporarily.  But then it too becomes something to go beyond in the search for the moreness of All That Is.  Is it necessary to take all of the steps?  Or, can we become real in an instant?  Can we simply re-member what we already are ... what we always have been?  Though, always itself implies that there is a timeline already at work.  Clearly we need to watch the language that we use, not to judge it, but to recognize and forgive the error of it.

I'm curious as to where all of this is leading.  The expression is quite different of late, different than it has ever been.  The sense is that it is time to truly fly, higher and further than I have ever flown before.  You will see what you need to see.  Indeed, you will experience exactly what you need to experience.  You know this.  You have known it for a long time.  Further, you will enjoy where the journey takes you, more than you have ever enjoyed anything in your life. 

Hmm … interesting.  Exactly 1995 words to the end of the last paragraph.  That’s enough for today.  Let’s see where tomorrow takes us.  2/16 is a 6 x 6 x 6 day.  That’s enough to make it special.

16 February 2005

Another busy day.  Finally found time to take a break to muse awhile.  Some days that is difficult to do.  Though, I do so love doing this.  What can I say, written expression just does something for me.  It is much different than speaking.  There is something about capturing a record of what has been expressed that is important.  This is especially so because I do not generally know what is going to come forth until it is expressed.  And, even then, often I cannot put it into a context until I read it again.  The very process seems to require an acute focus on the present.  I do not consciously remember what has been expressed before.  Further, I do not even have a slight indication of what is about to be expressed.  It just happens.  All that I can do is allow it to come forth as it will.  This I gladly do.  I consider it a blessing to be able to serve in this manner.  Yes, it took a lot of work to get to this point.  However, much of that work was learning to step aside and allow consciousness herself to speak through me.

Where are we going with this?  To whom is this communication being addressed?  To this point, I have asked these questions multiple times, but it seems that the answers are really irrelevant.  This expression is what it is.  It will reach those that it is meant to reach.  It is not important for me to know who that might be.  My task is to faithfully express what would come forth through me.  To date, that has been enough motivation to get me to do this.  That, and the sheer joy that comes from creatively expressing in this manner.  I still consider this to be the most important thing that I do in my life.  It has the potential to have the most impact both on me and on others.  I know, to the degree that others even exist anyway.  Yes, back to that topic.  It has been heavy on my mind of late.  Whatever is separate, whatever is part of the realm of duality, is not real.  In the end there can be only one.  Was that not the premise of the game of the immortals on the show The Highlander?  Every episode there were one or more quickenings as a result of spiritual integration after the heads of immortals were chopped off.

How do we as individuals fit into the collective consciousness?  Why is it that we experience individual reality?  How do we get beyond this, beyond the duality, to the ultimate reality in which we were created?  At what point do we awaken from the dream?  We have been living in a dream all of our life ... actually, for all of our lives.  The fact that the dream seems real does not make it real.  Escape is not the answer.  That only takes us to another place within the dream, or to another dream.  What we must desire is to awaken.  Then, we will be beyond dreaming.  But, what will our experience be then?  How will it differ from what we presently experience?  At this point, I do not know, at least not consciously.  But, we are already that.  It is a matter of realizing it, of making it real for us.

What allows me to speak in this manner?  Where did I learn any of this?  How do I know enough to express all of this?  Something seems wrong about these questions.  First of all, speaking in terms of "allows me, I learn, and I know" is limited in itself.  Is it really me that learns or that knows?  Or, rather, is it consciousness herself?  And then, what is beyond consciousness?  Wherein lies the realm of God?  We need to be very careful as to how we express.  The very terms that we use reveal assumptions that we have made about ourselves, about the world, about the nature of consciousness, and about the nature of reality.  We need to be watchful of what we say and what we write.  We will not always be right.  It is not a matter of judgment, rather it is a matter of noticing and forgiving.  Speaking of forgiveness, on the way into work this morning I saw three license plates of note within about a minute.  The first ended in 756, the second ended in 888, and the third began with 4GIV.  I remember thinking when I noticed the 756 that now I needed to see 888, and there it was as expected.  Though, the 4GIV caught me by surprise.  What is it that I need to forgive?  It seems that I am still a bit harsh on myself ... expecting far more than I have any right to expect.  Though, I would rather expect much and settle for not quite reaching my expectations than expect little and surpass them most of the time.  There is nothing wrong with a good stretch now and then.  It keeps us learning and growing.

Life is becoming more and more interesting.  Though, there is still far less feedback than I would expect.  In fact, there is so little that I am somewhat surprised.  Then again, there is very little personal interaction in my life overall.  Is that by choice, or by design?  It is what it is.  Yet, at some level, it is what I make it as well.  This expression is the chief exception.  Here I am moved to share something that is greater than I am, yet is personal at the same time.  However, the only real interaction here is with consciousness herself.  Interesting that it would be this way.  But, that is the way that it is nonetheless.  Why is it so important to leave this record behind?  To some degree, it is like leaving a message in a bottle.  In this case, a very long message.

I went back to read several chapters of the Beyond Imagination book.  Once again, I was amazed by what I found.  There is a lot of information and wisdom packed into that book.  It is curious that I don't recall ever getting any feedback on it.  I know that there have been over two thousand hits to the book over the past decade ... but not a single comment.  Why is that?  Why was it so important to bring it forth in the Fall of 1993?  It has been over 11 years.  I would have thought it would have made a difference by now ... in fact, a profound difference.  Perhaps it is one of those books that is before its time.  Though, that applies to the entire Beyond Imagination expression as well.  For over a decade, I have done what I was moved to do.  I have captured this stream of consciousness expression that originates from the source within.  Further, I have posted that expression in a manner that makes it available to the world.  Why?  Solely because that was what I was moved to do.  As I was doing it, that was enough.  In fact, that still is enough.  I need no "reason" to do any of this.  I know that doing this is part of why I am here.  This is a role that I came to play.  This is my spiritual job as it were.  What happens as a result of the expression is not my responsibility or my concern.  That is in greater hands than mine.  Though, it seems that the expression will indeed have a life of its own.  This is the legacy that I leave to the world.  Is there more that I could do?  Perhaps.  But, I trust that the things that are important to do, I will be moved to do.  It is not clear that it is meant for me to decide what is important or not.  Nor is it for me to filter, edit, or reorganize the material that comes forth.  Whatever the source of this expression is, it seems to know exactly what it is doing.  The process is automatic.  It is done without my conscious involvement ... other than being aware of it as it comes forth.

17 February 2005

The musings are getting more interesting of late.  I'm in a very different frame of mind, asking questions I have never asked before.  Much of this was triggered by the book, The Disappearance of the Universe.  I'm not finished with it yet, though I should be before the long weekend is over.  The bottom line issue deals with what is real, and the fact that the world that we experience is our creation, not God's.  Something seems right about that.  There is a sense that the world that we experience is an illusion, a dream.  Yes, it is a very elaborate one, and it feels very real.  But, where there is separation, where there is duality, God is not.  No, that doesn't mean that there is a reality outside of God.  However, there is the ultimate illusion.  So, how do we go beyond duality.  How do we experience the true reality?  Hmm ... duality and reality only differ in the first two letters.  du = 43 or 4 21 = "for" The World.  re = 95 = 18 5 = 2:09(88) = The Hermit twice exalted.  Interesting.  What does it take to be twice exalted?  95 is also 5 x 19 = The Pentagon of The Sun.  My phone number at work is a variation of this.  It ends in 1359.  What does it take to transform 43 into 95?  That is a step of 52 = 13 x 4.  That signifies four major transformation experiences.  Or, major transformation in four dimensions.  It is curious that my personality number just happens to be 52.  I am what it takes to transform duality into reality.  Whoa!  How's that for grandiosity?  Yet, the answer indeed seems right.  I AM is what it takes to transform duality into reality.  Actually, that does not seem quite right.  We don't transform duality into reality.  That would imply that the duality exists and must somehow change into that which is unchangeable.  However, that cannot happen.  Rather, 52 is what it takes to awaken from the dream, to lose the bonds of limitation that appear to bind us in this world.

So, what next?  I care less and less about what happens in the world.  Not that I cared much before, except in terms of dreaming how to manifest a utopia in which spirit could more fully express in flesh.  Yet, is that what I am truly here to do?  Would that not bind people more to the illusion than they currently are?  Is that truly the next step?  Or, would we rather awaken from our slumbers altogether, and cease with the struggles and the suffering?  Be not attached to what happens in your life.  The less you pay attention, and the less you allow it to shake your peace of mind, the better off you are as well as all those whose life is touched by yours.  Be not concerned about what is to happen.  Do as you are moved to do.  Seek within.  Be who you are in the depths of your being.  Express that as fully as you can.  Now is not the time to hold back.  There is still a role for you to play in the world.  When that role is complete, you will be free again.  Yes, that means that you are not free in the moment.  How could you be?  Clearly, you are subject to limitations in experiencing your life through this mind and body that you associate with.  You know that this is not you, at least not all of you.  It is simply a suit that you wear.  What about personality being a mask that we wear.  Is that what cause the separation that led from reality to duality?  We chose a mask to wear.  In my case that mask was 52 = 4 x 13.  Others chose different masks.  What does it take to remove the mask?  Clearly, thinking about it is not enough.  We must go beyond mind.  Though, that does not seem to be enough either. We must go beyond imagination.  Yet what lies beyond imagination?  What lies beyond anything that we can dream?  One thing.  The reality that is beyond all dreams.  That is what attracts me now, more than anything has attracted me before.  We get what we focus on.  What we place our attention on grows and expands in proportion to the intensity of our focus.  Though, this is not a focus on manifesting something.  Manifesting is of this world.  We are seeking awareness.  We are seeking to awaken from the dream.  To do that, we must loosen our connections to the things of the world.  That doesn't mean that we can't enjoy ourselves and the things of the world.  However, we must be watchful of what we are attached to.  It is our attachments that keep us bound, that keep us enchained, that keep us from being free.

Yet, there is still a sense that we are here for a reason.  And, that reason seems to be more than to escape from the illusion, to awaken from the dream.  Surely, there must be some utility to dreaming.  Though, it seems that the mistake comes in believing that what we experience is real or is of God.  Hmm ... though, so long as we stay confined within the dimensions of the illusion, there is no way out.  There is no place to go.  There is no state of consciousness to reach.  All places, and all states of consciousness are within the realm of duality.  Then, how do we get beyond this?  How do we wake up?  The source within is a connection to consciousness, to the one consciousness that animates us all.  But, that still seems to be contained within the illusion.  Yes, it is on other than conscious levels, springing forth from hidden dimensions.  But, they are still dimensions.  And, all dimensions are limited, no matter how many we perceive.  So, where is the unknown realm?  Or, better yet, where is the known realm, the realm that is real?  We are still speaking in terms of where?  That suggests that it is other than here now.  Be here now!  Three simple words in a 243 pattern for a total of 9 letters and 2 spaces.  243 is 3 x 3 x 3 x 3 x 3.  Interesting.  On the way home today I saw two license plates with 5 numbers repeated.  First, 77777 and then 22222.  I don't remember when the last time was that I saw a quintuple.  243 has another connection.  It is the highway number of the road from Banning to Idyllwild.  I pass it twice each week.  Clearly, this is not a coincidence.  Associating it with Be Here Now is significant.  Speaking of numbers, I must have seen 2184 in a variety of forms over a dozen times today.  I also saw 888 several times.  This is confirmation to me that I am doing what I came to do now.  2184 is the last four of my SSN.  I associated this with my lifes work many years ago.  I got the number in Hawaii in 1967 of 1968.  I was only 9 or so at the time.  Wow!  Can that really have been 37 years ago?  I find that truly amazing.  Where did the time go?  My how far we've come in those 37 years.  Actually, the bulk of the change happened in the past 12 years.  It is as if I truly came alive when this expression was born.  Then again, looking back, 2002 was the beginning of another major spurt of expression, one that lasted nearly two full years, took a six month break, and then picked up strong again.  Today, I went back to read the excerpts from the nine Beyond Imagination books that are posted at the Infinity Publishing site.  If I have to say so myself, they are quite good.  Why so few people have chosen to buy the books is beyond me.  Though, more and more, it doesn't seem to matter.  The books were published because I was moved to self-publish them.  I didn't bother to go the traditional route of trying to find a publisher.  Actually, I did this back in 1994 with Beyond Imagination: Foundations for Creating a New World.  But, the few metaphysical publishers I tried were not interested.  Perhaps the fear of further rejection kept me from pursuing this more.  Though, when I found Infinity Publishing in 2003 and discovered that I could self-publish a book for $400 (this has subsequently grown to $499), the real excitement set in.  By the end of the year, I had published eight books.  The combined page total is nearly 4000.  That is a lot of words.  At the time that I was doing this, I fully expected that the sales of these works would supplement and then replace my income from work, freeing me to write on a fulltime basis.  We'll, obviously I got that wrong.  The royalties from book sales to date don't even cover the postage of sending the works to the publisher.  Perhaps that sounds as if I am whining or complaining.  That is not my intent.  I see such things as feedback from the universe.  They are a reflection that shows me the error of my ways, the error of my expectations, the error of lusting after particular outcomes.  That is OK.  I can forgive myself for that.  Despite all of that, the expression continues.  The stream of consciousness is ever there waiting to be expressed.  At this point, it is enough to give this expression voice and to share it as I do.  There is a sense of accomplishment, fulfillment, and completion in doing that.  What happens from there in the illusion is not my concern.

One more paragraph and we can call it a day.  I like to reach the 2000 word mark.  It is a quota that I feel is a reasonable mark to shoot for.  Lately, that amounts to between 1.5 and 2 hours of my time.  That is a tithe of my waking time.  I find that to be an acceptable investment in this endeavor.  Besides, I feel good when I do it.  Here, I am able to stretch beyond myself and bring forth something from the depths of consciousness within.  We never know what will come forth from day to day or even from sentence to sentence.  The bottom line is that this expression is what it is.  My sense is that it has a life of its own, a life that I may never know.  Hmm ... I wonder where that came from?  Clearly, it is true.  These words come through me but not from me.  I may never know who the words reach or what impact they have.  However, that doesn't matter.  I must bring them forth anyway.  Why?  Because I can, and because that is at least part of what I came to do.  What is one supposed to learn from all of this?  Simply walking in this stream of consciousness for awhile allows one to experience something unique and different.  It opens one up to possibilities that one might have never dreamed possible.  If all of this could come forth from consciousness through me, then what can come forth from consciousness through you?  You are no less special and no less capable that I am.  No, your forte may not be writing, but there is something that you are good at ... perhaps even great at.  It is for you to be who you are and to express what you are moved to express in whatever ways that you are moved to express.  This is not hard to do.  Though, it may not be easy either.  The trick is to allow it to happen.  Open yourself up to the possibility of consciousness expressing more fully in your life.  Expect the unexpected.  Be willing to stand on the edge between what you consider to be sane and what you consider to be insane or crazy.  I have no doubt that many would consider me to be insane.  Many would consider that what I think and what I believe and even what I know ... is absurd.  Yet, I am able to hold down a job and function in the world.  Yes, I live a life that is eccentric and different than most people live.  I am far more isolated and self-focused than most.  I am introverted to an extreme.  Further, I am highly intuitive.  I trust that what comes forth from within is of greater value to me than what comes from outside of me.  I know that my world is my own.  I know that it is different than the world that others live within.  Then again, when it comes down to it, each of us creates the world that we live in.  Oh, there is also a consensus world.  But, even there, we chose the degree to which we engage in that world and what our experiences therein mean.

18 February 2005

Finished reading The Disappearance of the Universe today.  What a wonderful book!  It seems that now I am ready to start A Course in Miracles.  One of the things that came across clearly was that this connection with source that I have is primarily there for my edification.  Yes, others may ultimately be impacted by what I share and by the example that I set.  But, that is not the primary reason for all of this.  It is a side effect as it were.  To some degree that frees me to be even more open in this expression.  There is nothing to worry about.  The song For Your Eyes Only speaks to me for a reason.  Though, so does the song, In My Father's Eyes.  The illusion is what it is.  It is curious that free will and predetermination were also prominent topics.  I've been wrestling with these since the Beyond Imagination expression began in 1993.  On the one hand, we have the pronouncement that we create our own reality.  On the other hand, we have the idea of destiny, that we are enacting a script in a play.  Everything has already been worked out, every choice has already been made, we just don't know it consciously.  I've been strongly leaning to the later explanation for some time.  Time is not as we perceive it.  The universe is a creation of the one mind from which we all are spawned, not as separate creations or separate beings ... but as compartmentized thought, compartmentized awareness.  How do we remove the blinders that we have been wearing for so long and truly see.  Making things easier in the illusion while laudable, ultimately has no meaning.  For, the world itself is without meaning.  It is what it is, a dream and a fantasy.  To some, it is a nightmare.  The bottom line, however, is that it is not real.  That is the heart of the matter that we must realize.  It is OK to enjoy the illusion.  Just don't get so wrapped up in it, that you forget who you are and why you are here.  The only goal worthy of achieving is the end to separation, the end to duality.  To reach this end, we must realize that the separation and the duality do not really exist.  God Is.  Period.  And God's only awareness is "I AM".

It is interesting that Pursah reveals herself as the next incarnation of Gary in the final chapter of the book.  It is also interesting that this future incarnation is already completed as all incarnations are.  All that is time and space was born and actualized in a single moment.  It is only our limited perspective that forces our experience to be linear.  The whole is holographic.  All of the parts are interconnected and interdependent.  Everything happens when it is meant to happen.  Every experience, every realization, every awakening to whom that we truly are is planned out.  In many ways, we are watching the movie of ourselves.  So, why has this particular incarnation been such an isolated one for me?  It is what it is.  And, what it is has allowed me to grow in the manner that I have.  1993 was clearly a date with destiny for me.  Though, so was 1974 when I was moved to discover metaphysics.  This lifetime has been one focused on spiritual growth, though not in any conventional sense.  I would be a wayshower.  I would find my own way through the wilderness.  Though, as I say this, I know that I speak from the limited perspective of an individual.  At the same time, I know that at the only level that truly counts, we are all one.  I've been speaking of this for nearly 12 years.  Though, it is not really me doing the speaking, it is consciousness herself through the source within.  Though, even this line of thinking is erroneous.  There cannot be consciousness herself and I.  That is two, that requires duality, and duality is not real.  It is something we have created.  It is something we experience.  It is not of God.  It is illusion, it is a dream of the one mind.

It takes time to straighten out our habitual ways of thinking, time and effort.  Though, there is also a sense that this is happening automatically.  This is not something that we are choosing to do.  It is something that we are observing ourselves doing.  Then what is the point?  To play the role that we came to play and to realize that we are completely responsible for all that we experience as we do this.  Yes all, every aspect, every detail.  It is not for us to judge or place blame.  The only way out of the illusion is to realize it for what it is and to forgive.  To forgive those who seem to do harm, and to forgive ourselves for judging them.  Our illusions are ours.  Every event, every scene, every person, every circumstance, every action is there because we created it collectively.  It is all there to serve us.  It is all there to facilitate our growth.  It is all there to ultimately allow us to realize that our world and experiences are not real, and to find our way back home.  I have always felt myself to be a stranger in a strange world here.  Now, I know why.  I am not of this world.  None of us are.  Not really. 

Interesting, 913 words as of the end of the last paragraph.  That is I M.  How appropriate.  That is also 9:The Hermit 13:Death.  It seems that is appropriate as well.  How can I be a hermit if there is only ONE?  How can I remain separate from the consciousness that expresses through source through me.  It is time to fully realize that we are ONE.  What I am as an individual is of little value.  I was going to say no value, but something didn't seem right about that.  Though, how can that which is unreal have any value?  It is only what is real that truly matters.  And, what is real is of God.  There is nothing else.  At the same time, while I am here I must do as I am moved to do.  From everything that I can tell, I really have no choice in this.  Life flows naturally and spontaneously.  I observe myself experiencing what I experience, but in many ways it is like watching a movie of myself.  I am no more in control than the actors playing their roles.  Every scene is planned, every word is scripted.  All it takes to believe that it is real is to suspend our disbelief, and this we seem to do readily.  Yet, believing that something is real doesn't make it real.  Though, believing may be sufficient to make it appear.  Hmm ... but if things are already planned our, how can what we believe really make a difference?  The bottom line is that it is not what we believe that matter, it is what we know.  Belief only keeps us stuck in the illusion.

19 February 2005

Only 1190 words yesterday.  Hmm ... that is an auspicious number.  Reversed it is 09/11, a day that will live in infamy, a day that forced Americans to realize that terrorism could take its fight to our very doorstep.  I still remember that day.  Though, it still seems more like a dream than reality.  For me, it was images on a TV screen.  What makes one image any different than another?  What does it matter whether the image is "real" or imaginary?  Is this not all a dream anyway?  What makes one part of the dream any more real than another?  On that day, President Bush proclaimed a war on terrorism.  But, how does one fight terrorist?  How does one fight those who don't play by the rules of so-called "civilized" nations?  It is curious that the main part of the attack would be on the twin towers of the World Trade Center.  Twin clearly implies duality.  And, as we've said many times before, world trade is far from fair and equitable.  We live in a world where multinational corportations are in control of the economy, of the governments, of the very world.  It seems that people worship money far more than they worship God.  Not that God cares.  This is our dream.  We created it and are stuck within it so long as we choose to be.  Though, the choice here is not occuring on a conscious level.  We will remain until we learn what we need to learn to awaken, and then we will dream no more.  At that point, we will return home.  At that point, and not until.  Even this seems to be planned.  The day of our reckoning is already manifest.  The dream was complete at the very moment it was created.  How could it be otherwise.  Time and space, our world, our universe ... these are all part of the dream that we created.  Actually, that I created, for we are ONE, and can never be otherwise, all appearances to the contrary.  So, what is the point?  Why do we struggle to do things in the illusion?  Wouldn't it be better to focus our energies and efforts on finding what is real, on finding our way home again.  Though, did we ever leave?  How could we?  God is all there is.  There is no other place to go.  The kingdom of heaven is our true home.  It always has been, and always will be.  Though here, always implies existence in time.  Further, "all there is" is extraneous and unnecessary.  The bottom line is "God is".  This equates to "I AM".  Hmm ... GOD IS = 7/22/26  9/28 for a total of 54.  This is the number for LOVE!  I AM = 9  1/14 for a total of 23:King of Wands = wayne.  Interesting.  The difference between the two is 31:Five of Wands = Youth's Fighting.  It seems more important that this is 13:Death reversed.  What does it take to reverse death?  The first answer that came to mind is to live.  But, live is an interesting word as well.  It's reverse is evil.  LIVE and LOVE only differ by one letter.  I = 9:The Hermit.  O = 15: The Devil.  There is something missing in that interpretation.  What if we equate O with 0:Source rather than 15?  That would make L0VE = 39.  Then, the different between LIVE and L0VE is a dropping of the I.  That seems appropriate.  That is the ultimate surrender of the ego.  But, it is not really a surrender at all.  It is a waking up from the dream.  Interesting ... as I write this, A Total Eclipse of the Heart plays on the radio.  That is one of my all time favorite songs.  What does it take to go from I AM to L0VE.  That is a 23 to 39 transition.  The difference is 16:The Tower.  Of course, what other experience could shake us out of the world and into what is real?  It is curious that years ago I was told that 16:The Tower card was my card.  39 = 3 x 13:Death.  What is the triple Death:  13 x 13 x 13 = 2197.  2184 is prominent as the last four of my SSN.  That is only 13 shy of this.  Do these correspond to years?  22:00(88) was when my father was born.  His birthday was two days ago.  Was 2197 three years earlier?  That would have been 1933, the year that my mother was born.

I've always found it curious that my mother was born in Republic, MI and my father was born in Freedom, PA.  Also curious is that I was born in Queen's hospital in Honolulu, HI.  I wonder if that has any connection with why I experience consciousness as feminine.  Plato's Republic was very instrumental in shaping my ideas on what government could be during my teen years.  I related deeply to the concept of philosopher kings.  In fact, at a Tony Robbins seminar on Maui, I was moved to write "Philosopher King in Training" in big letters on my canvas book bag.  Indeed, at the time, that is what I knew myself to be.  Now, I am not so sure.  I AM WHAT I AM.  What role I will play in the scheme of things will unfold as it must.  It is not important that I know what that is in advance.  Though it is important that I not be too caught up in any role that I play.  Grandiosity belongs to the realm of spirit, not the realm of illusion ... and there, we are all grand.  Another meaning for 2197 just came to light.  This is 3 to 22 = 3 222.  Hmm ... 3 x 222 = 666, the sign of the beast.  But what is "be a st".  It is none other than BE A 19/20 = 39 = L0VE!  These are clearly connections that I have not made before.  Also, 2184 = 888(16).  That makes 2197 = 895(16).  895 is 5 to 9 is 529 = 23 x 23 = wayne squared = King of Wands squared.

So, when is 2184?  When do we start the process of counting that allows us to reach 2197?  And, what do we count?  The immediate answer that came to mind is "years".  If 2184 was 1993, the year this expression began, then 2197 arrives in 2006.  That would put the end of the year on my first Easter Birthday.  However, if 2184 began in 1998, the year of our second awakening, then 2197 arrives in 2011.  That would put the end of the year on my second Easter Birthday.  Something seems auspicious about this.  It seems that both answers are right somehow.  Though, in the larger scheme of things, these events happen simultaneously ... as do all events.  So, where is this all leading.  Why these particular connections today?  We bring forth what consciousness would have us bring forth.  Each word, each idea, each connection is made in consciousness first and then brought forth.  But why?  What am I learning from all of this?  Why do the connections in the world matter at all?  Just say a hummingbird outside my window.  I wonder what number in the animal cards corresponds to that.  44 comes to mind.  But, I don't know that this is right.  44 is the Master Organizer.  What is it that I would organize, or more importantly, that spirit would organize through me?  And what does 55 signify.  44 and 55 are still prominent in my life each week.  It's been that way for 9 weeks.  It will be interesting to see how long this continues.  Just checked.  Indeed, Hummingbird is 44 and signifies JOY!  The text that goes with it is:

Hummingbird ... Joyful little sister, Nectar you crave!

All the sweetness of the flowers, is the love you gave.

Also in the text is:  Hummingbird can give us the medicine to solve the riddle of the contradiction of duality. 

How's that for a relevant message the day after finishing The Disappearance of the Universe?  This is the exact "medicine" that I need at this time.  Though, that no longer surprises me.  Spirit is ever revealing herself in my life.  This is simply one of the more powerful and meaningful ways that she does this.  What other significance is there to this particular day?  2/19 is 41 to 3 = 41 23 = Ace of Cups: King of Wands = Wayne: wayne.   It seems like there is something more that I am meant to see.  Hmm ... the contradiction of duality.  Is not Wayne: wayne illustrative of that?  But, why stop there.  Why not extend this to 684123 = WAYNE: Wayne: wayne.  Curious, if we collapse the 12:Hanged Man into a 3, we get 68433, my present address.  Another connection that I had not been moved to make before.  My mind is soaring.  We are clearly onto something here.  What is the nectar that I crave?  What is the love I gave?  This message was meant to have personal meaning to me today.  Yet, is there any other day?  For that matter is there any day at all?  Can any time exist other than now?  Hummingbird = 8/11/15/19/28/33/40/42/51/60/64: Ten of Swords = resigning my will to thy will.  Quite appropriate as well.  The ALL CAPS sum is 118 = 2 x 59, another variation of 529.

That seems to be my present quest ... to solve the riddle of the contradiction of duality.  But, what does that mean.  Realizing that the realm of duality is not real is not enough.  What is the contradiction?  That which is not real does not exist.  Yet, the world appears to exist.  Further, it appears to have meaning.  Yet, what is there to this "existence" that goes beyond it being an entertaining movie that has sucked us in?  JOY = 1 + 15 + 25 = 1/16/41 = ONE/The Tower/ Wayne.  What an interesting combination.  Though, it is slightly in error.  J is really 10.  10 + 15 + 25 = 10/25/50 = The Wheel of Fortune / The First Knight / Utopia on Earth.  Hmm ... that is even more interesting! 

Well, it seems that we are on a roll today.  That which appears to be is not the same as that which is.  That means, that which appears to be is not of God.  It was not created by God, it was created by us.  It is our thoughts that translate the stimuli detected by our sensors into a world that more or less seems to have continuity and meaning to us.  Yet, our bodies are not real.  Nothing that is separate can be real.  In the end, as in the beginning, there is only LOVE, there is only God.  But what name would that God have.  Some have offered JHVH = 1848 = 10 8 22 8 = 10/18/40/48: Eight of Cups = The Man in Search of More. Others have offered Jeshua = 151831 = 1/6/7/15/18/19: The Sun = The Son.  But, what is in a name.  Symbol systems have their meaning here in the illusion, not in the reality.  Hmm 15 18 31 = 15/33/64 = The Devil: The Master Teacher: Resigning my will to Thy Will.

"Solve the riddle of the contradiction of duality"!  What is implicit in this statement?  First, that duality is a contradiction.  Second, that it is a riddle that can be solved.  But what is the riddle?  We live it every moment of our lives.  So long as we believe that we experience a separate existence as an individual, we are stuck in the illusion.  So, what do we do if we want to be free?  How do we turn away from the unreality of the illusion and toward the truth of whom that we truly are?  Is that even the right question to ask?  If all of this is already played out, what benefit comes from experiencing it as we do?  Is it any different than a movie?  Even though everything is scripted, edited, produced and acted long before we see it ... we still are moved by the process.  It doesn't matter that it is not real.  It doesn't matter that it is only fiction ... made up out of the imagination.

20 February 2005

Just over a week and February will have receded into the history books.  It has been an interesting month.  Just 13 days left until the 12th anniversary of the Beyond Imagination expression.  That is simply amazing.  We've really been doing this for 12 years.  Not only doing this, but sharing it in the manner that we were moved to do.  Who would have imagined that such was even possible?  But here we are, having recorded a stream of consciousness in excess of four million words.  Why did we do it?  Did our ego gain anything from this?  The bottom line seems to be that we did this in order to find ourself.  This stream of consciousness has been my teacher and my friend.  There was no fear of what was coming through or how it was coming through.  From the beginning, there was an acceptance that this was right somehow.  Further, I was moved to do it, moved so strongly most of the time that it was as if I had no choice in the matter.  And, indeed, it seems that way to this day.  I can still go back to any part of the expression and experience it as fresh and new.  Perhaps that is because the expression came through me, not from me.  Regardless, it is what it is.  Within the illusion, it has whatever place it is meant to have.  Whatever that is is fine.  I know that this expression has been good for me.  It has opened my mind to new possibilities, and revealed truths that I had forgotten that I knew.  My hope is that it would serve others in a like manner.  That is ultimately what moved me to share it with the world.

I read the first 7 chapters (127 pages) of the A Course in Miracles Textbook.  It seems that I am ready for what it has to offer now.  I won't say that I understood every passage, and many passages required me to read them several times.  But, the course is definitely speaking to me.  It offers a way out of the illusions made by the ego to the truth of the one mind.  It is still not clear as to what the atonement is.  I have seen this broken out as at-one-ment before.  One of the clear distinctions made by the course is between believing and knowing.  The mind knows, the ego cannot know.  This has been one of the characteristics of my life for as long as I can remember.  I have always had an inner knowingness that recognized the truth whenever I saw it.  I have relied on this inner knowingness all of my life.  I consider it far superior than reason.  That is not to say that reason doesn't have its utility.  In fact, the course itself makes use of reason in presenting a new way to look at the ego and the mind and all that they do.  Hmm ... ego is 576, or 7 in the middle surrounded by 56.  These are the two drivers of my 13 card triangle Tarot readings from 1995.  It is also X = 24 squared.  eg0 is 57:Three of Swords = taking on the woes of the world.  Interesting.  What am I to make of this?  Which is real and which is illusion?  Clearly, the later is the illusion.  There are no real woes in a world of illusion.  Though, many seemed to be trapped into believing that there are.  So, how do we correct this misperception.  The only way to correct any misperception is to forgive it and forgive those who believe in it and experience it.  But, is not all perception misperception?  Is not the very nature of perception limited?  And, what is limited cannot be real, cannot be of God.  And only that which God has created is real.  Though what about the creations of that which God created?  Are these real as well?  The true creations are.  The miscreations are not, for they are not creations at all.  They are but dreams, imaginings, and illusions taken to be real.  Creations are not limited in any way.  But we can make things that are limited.  Clearly, we have done so.  Our entire world is so made by us.  It is a product of our mind, a phantom of our imagination.  But, how do we go beyond imagination?  For indeed, that is what we must do to find what is real.

There are 622 pages in the Textbook.  I will be interesting to see how they impact me ... what they allow me to remember.  One thing I found curious is that the way that my memory works is indeed a blessing.  It allows me to experience what I read with an open mind.  Whatever connections are being made to what I already know occur in the background, without my conscious awareness.  There is however a sense that the course is programming me to think in a new way, to open new pathways in my mind.  The expected result is that this will change the nature of my connection with the source within, with consciousness herself.  Indeed, such is already happening, I know it.  Where that will take me, and what I will be moved to do as a result remain to be seen.  Though, JOY, definitely appears to be a part of that as the hummingbird indicated yesterday.  Clearly, the strong desire to get beyond the contradictions of duality is still there.  Though, I know that I returned here for a reason ... a purpose that was more than just to find my way home.  It is time to build the foundations that allow others to realize who they are and find there way home as well.  Yet, I know that at the only level that truly counts, there are no others either.  We are all ONE.  We have always been, and we will always be.  We were created perfect and equal.  We are the I AM in expression.  The only expression that we are truly capable of is to create out of love.  Nothing else exists, nothing else is real.  Yet, still we dream.  Still we remain asleep, awaiting the time of awakening ... the moment when we will dream no more, and the world we have imagined into being will simply disappear.

How do I know that any of this is right, that any of this is true?  It doesn't really matter.  It is what it is.  It is as consciousness herself made it.  That is good enough for me.  Use what feels right to you.  If it is aligned with your truth, you will know it.  But beware, your truth may not be the truth.  The power of the mind is sufficient to manifest a reality that conforms to our beliefs.  That doesn't make the beliefs real, not in the least.  However, it can result in corresponding experiences within the illusion, within the dream.  You are free to dream and slumber as long as you like.  But, in the end, we will all awaken.  No one sleeps forever.  Hmm ... even speaking in these terms is somehow false.  It still comes from the perspective that we are individuals, when the reality is that we are ONE despite all appearances to the contrary.  Appearances are limited.  They are not to be trusted ... not even for the symbology they might represent.  For here, there may be multiple interpretations.  But, the truth cannot be subject to interpretation.  It is what it is.  The only thing that really matters is God Is.  We experience this as I AM.  But, this I is not the limited self that we generally associate with this body and this lifetime.  What we are goes way beyond that.  In fact, it goes way beyond anything that we are capable of imagining.

So, what is the purpose of all of this?  What is the meaning of the world and all that we experience ... even if it is a dream, an illusion?  Is that even a sane question to ask?  If it is not real, then what does it really matter.  The bottom line is that it means nothing.  It is simply a training ground to find our way home.  It exists because we made it ... and got trapped in what we made.  Only limited beings could be trapped in this manner.  And, that is not our true nature.  It can't be.  We were created perfect ... we are God, God is all that is.  Nothing that is perfect can ever experience limitation ... yet here we are in time and space experiencing lifetime after lifetime in duality, separated from our creator and from each other.  That cannot be real.  It is only our imagination at play.

21 February 2005

Another rainy day.  In the 7 years that we've been here this is by far the most rain that we have ever seen in a year.  It makes it difficult to believe that this is a desert.  Even the mountains that are usually brown are now a verdent green.  And, the wildflowers, it seems that they are everywhere.  Continued reading A Course in Miracles Textbook.  I'm now up to page 200.  The text is definitely speaking to me.  But, it is very slow reading.  I find myself going over many of the passages several times.  Though, there is an inner recognition.  At some level, I know that what the course is teaching is true.  Further, it is confirmation that at least some of the concepts that have come through Beyond Imagination over the years are based on the truth, are based on seeing things upside down and thus seeing them rightly.  I could not have brought this stream of consciousness forth without resigning to it.  I have been struggling with my will versus Thy Will since the expression began in 1993.  And, I have realized that the two were actually the same, they are aligned, my will springs from thy will.  That is how it was created.  Even though the course speaks of God, the Father, and the Sons, I still experience the source within me as feminine.  This is not a matter of balancing things out.  It is just what I experience.  In my mind, that suggests that the source is not God, nor is it me.  Though, clearly it is not my ego either.  It knows far too much for that.  And, as the course says, the ego is incapable of knowing anything.  As I read the Textbook, there is a sense in me that I am remember something about who I AM, something that has been buried for some time ... perhaps all time, for it was buried at the moment that the separation occurred that resulted in time and space, that resulted in the making of the universe.  This separation caused us to be of two minds, one which knows the truth and resides with God where it has always been, and one which know only limitation.  It is for us to choose which mind we will follow.  Ultimately, there is no choice.  We cannot stay away from the truth that we are forever.   It is only in time that this is allowed.  And, what we experience in time is illusion, is the dream that we have made.

How is it that I can speak in this way.  Clearly, this was impacted by my readings of the course and my remembering.  Yet, how is it that consciousness is able to integrate all of this?  How is it that these words can come forth in this manner now.  If asked about what I remember as a quote from the course, there is only one thing that comes to mind.
Nothing real can be threatened.  Nothing unreal exists.  Herein lies the Peace of God.

Everything else that I have read in the past three days passed before the screen of my consciousness and went wherever it needed to go.  How can I still consider these to be the Musings of a Spiritual Warrior?  Is that not a contradiction in terms?  In fact, the course itself says so in no uncertain terms.  Yet, this expression continues in this form.  What does it mean to be a warrior.  The first thing that comes to mind is one who make war or fights for something.  But, attack is the primary tool of the ego.  It does not work, it is not real.  War never resolves anything, not really.  It never leads to unity.  It never leads to the overcoming of duality.  Then what does it mean to be a spiritual warrior?  What weapons do I have at my disposal?  The only things that I can think of are who I AM and the truth.  These are sufficient to operate not only in this world but beyond it as well.  Operating in this world, I seek only to teach by example and to awaken to the degree that I can.  Hmm ... but are there any degrees of awakening?  The whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  Is that not where we are headed.  Is that not where we already are and have always been?  Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.  What do we need to be set free of?  Clearly, the illusions and the dreams that we have allowed to imprison us by our very beliefs.  Yet, for this we need help.  The dreamer lost in the illusion of the dream needs help to be awakened, especially if that dreamer believes that the dream he dreams is real.  And, what else is the world and everything that we experience therein.  It is a dream.  Indeed, for many it is a nightmare.  But getting back to the quote from the course above.  The very fact that what we believe that we are is threatened is proof that it is not real, and hence simply does not exist.  Would the ego be willing to make such statements?  Would it be willing to renounce its world so readily?  Clearly, the answer is no.  What motivates this expression is the need to share and release what the source within would express through me.  There is a sense that this is something that I must do, something that I came to do.  We can only share what we have.  And, all that we have is of God.  When we share, we don't give away what we have.   What we are is mind, and what minds share are thoughts.  When we share thoughts they grow rather than diminish.  Further, they grow in proportion to the number in whom they are imparted.  Here, we do not even know with whom we share.  But there is joy both in the expression and the sharing.  The fact that the expression flows from a source that I do not know to be me makes the expression all the more interesting.  I have said that it comes from consciousness herself.  But, that does not say a lot given that I don't really know what consciousness is.  I only know that there is a silent voice that comes into my head, and brings forth this expression through my fingertips.  What comes forth is not threatening, not to anything that truly matters anyway.  What comes forth does not attack what is, but tries to see it in a different light that we might begin to choose differently and know ourselves. 

I used to conclude such expression with In Peace, Love, and Light!  Those seem the only "weapons" appropriate to a spiritual warrior.  But, what is a warrior?  5199969 = 48:The Man in Search of More.  One who walks away from the five senses and the three minds in search of something more, in search of what is real.  At this point, that is still what I am.  It is curious that 1999 is embedded in this.  Clearly that is not by accident.  That happened to be my 41: Ace of Cups = Wayne year.  Here we stand 6 years later.  Hmm ... that puts 1999 at the midpoint of the Beyond Imagination expression to date.  It is also curious that my upcoming birthday marks the beginning of my 48 year in this incarnation.  It will be interesting to see where this will lead.  It seems that there are many adventures of consciousness in store, and perhaps even adventure beyond consciousness. 

The pace is good today as is the connection.  But, to what do we really connect?  What is the stream of consciousness?  Is it of this world, or from beyond this world?  The immediate answer was the later.  How could it be otherwise?  Thoughts are of the mind, not the body.  The universe and everything that is in it spring from thoughts turned into beliefs.  But, thoughts don't differentiate between what is true and what is imagination.  They are what they are, and they result in the corresponding experience.  The mistake is to believe that any of this is real.  What is changing and changeable is completely within the illusion.  We see change because we have chosen to limit our experience within realms where change appears to have meaning.  But, it doesn't really mean anything.  It is not what we perceive.  It is not meant to make sense.  Perception is always subject to interpretation ... the truth never is.  What does it mean that such concepts are coming forth in this fashion through me now?  To some degree, it is a measure of my awareness, and of my alignment with the material presented in the course.  I am not capable of judging how well it is aligned or not aligned.  Though, there is an inner sense that I am exactly where I need to be at this moment, and am moving along the path that I am meant to follow.  That suggest that this has already been determined somehow, that the choices have already been made.  And, indeed, that is my sense of things.  At this moment, it feels right to express.  It has been like this for many moments over the past 12 years, and especially over the past 3 years.  I do as I am moved to do.  I learn by observing that and any impacts that come in terms of feedback from the universe.  I have felt that something about this expression is causative.  It does not seem to be the result of anything that I have done or learned in this existence.  Hmm ... but what effects will the expression hve?  That is not my concern.  That is for consciousness herself to determine.  In the language of the course, perhaps that is something that is left to God or the Holy Spirit.  These terms are still new to me.  My connection to God, the Father has been tenuous at best.  Or, rather, my recognition and awareness of that connection has been tenuous.  Perhaps that will start to change based on a new understanding and remembrance being engendered by the course.  We'll just have to see what experiences are manifested from this.

Since the expression began, it has been primarily declarative.  It has stated things openly as if this is the way that they are.  There are no qualifications given such as this is what might be or what could be.  In some cases the words think, sense, believe, feel, and know are used.  It is not clear whether these convey levels of surety or not.  I have placed my faith in consciousness herself, and in a direct knowingness that I feel within me.  I don't know how this differs from placing ones faith in God, though it seems that there is a distinction.  There is no sense that consciousness created me.  Rather, I am a part of the ONE consciousness that animates us all.  Is my use of consciousness similar to the concept of Son-Ship used in the course?  Or, is consciousness still tied to the realm of duality where there is something that is consciousness, and something that consciousness is conscious of?  Hmm ... that would suggest that I am still stuck in the dream, still in the process of awakening.  Imagination is one of the tools that consciousness uses to create.  But, does this apply to God and his creations as well?  It seems not.  It seems that this is the reason that this expression was called Beyond Imagination.  Interesting.  But, does that mean that there are at least parts of this expression that are true to that name? ... that are beyond imagination?  Or, does that apply to this entire communication in its totality.  For, is that not what this is, a communication from the unseen to the seen, a communication from that which is other than conscious to that which is conscious?

Exactly 2002 words to the end of the last paragraph.  While that fulfills my quota for the day, it seems that we are not quite finished yet.  How do I integrate what the course is teaching me?  How do I demonstrate it in my life?  What do I choose to do differently as a result?  We integrate by becoming or more correctly remembering what we truly are.  We demonstrate this by how we live, by sharing who we are and what we know with others that they may remember to.  The third question makes the assumption that I choose to do things.  It is not so clear that this truly involves choice.  Similarly, it is not at all clear that I choose what I think.  Rather, it seems to just happen ... especially when I am tapping the stream of consciousness.  Actually, it is not clear that we ever do anything other than tap the stream of consciousness.

22 February 2005

Wow!  The 2/22 day of the 25 = "Y" = why year.  This morning, three numbers associated with a major project that I am working on caught my attention big time.  02262 = 0:Source, 22:The Master Builder: My Heart's Desire, and 62:The Personality Number for my whole name including Jr.  14842  which has 2184 embedded in it in two different ways.  This is also 8 with a 41 on the left and a 42 on the right.  8 is infinity on its side and represents strength in the Tarot, the lion is tamed by the lady.  41 to 42 seems to indicate another major state transition.  41:Wayne = Ace of Cups.  42:Two of Cups includes a winged lion above a caduceus, above a man and a woman with cups intertwined.  But there is another meaning embedded here as well.  If we start in the middle as move left and around in a circle, we get 41 2 48 = 41:Wayne to 48:The Man in Search of More.  In 44 days, I celebrate my 47th birthday, and the start of my 48th year.  The final number came from a requirements document.  It is 01284 , another variation of 2184 led by 0:Source once again.  The project that these numbers were associated with is WCCS = 23  3  3  19 = 23/26/29/48: The Man in Search of More once again.  In lower case, this is 5 3 3 1, which begs to be read in reverse.  13 35.  This is a state, or the major transformation of a state.  In this case, it is 13:Death of 35 = 5x7.  57 is interesting as the ALL CAPS number for ELLIS, my middle name.  This is the 3 of Swords: Taking on the Suffering and Pain of the World.  But, the message is Death of 57, not 57 itself.  This is related to my badge number at work as well, 21341.  To the Death of 41.  Is not that what the transition from 41 to 42 is all about as well.  The only question that comes to mind is why now?  Why today?  Why on 2/22?  This is the first time numbers from my work have been used to convey messages in this way.

Clearly, something has changed.  I am seeing the world differently than I have ever seen it before.  The metaphysical principle that we create our own reality is only a partial truth, at least as experienced in this world.  My understanding was that this applied to the world that we experienced ... believing that what we experienced was indeed real, at least in terms of the meaning that we chose to give it.  But, that is not the case.  Yes, we create it all ... but not consciously.  Further, just because we "create" it does not make it real.  More properly, we imagine all that we experience.  Part of this we do individually, and part of it we do collectively.  One of the things that A Course in Miracles has taught  me is to think about my relationship to the God who created me, to my true Father.  I had never really thought about this before.  My forays into the spiritual have been with consciousness herself.  I knew that consciousness was not my creator.  I knew that I was part of her somehow.  I had no experience with God, other than a pronouncement in the summer of 1993, when I got up one morning and said that I am God, with a big "G".  The course is opening up new pathways in my mind.  These in turn allow consciousness to come forth through me in new ways.  It will be interesting to see where that leads.

Checked my beyond account for e-mail to see if there had been any feedback from the universe.  I was expecting that there would be some ... but such was not to be.  That in itself is feedback.  What truly counts is the feedback from the source inside of us.  This is our connection to spirit, perhaps even to God, though I don't know that for certain yet.  However, I suspect that this is indeed so.  Hmm ... then why do I keep looking to the outside world, hoping to make connections with others, hoping to establish new avenues for communication?  There must be some reason for this.  I continue to do as I am moved to do.  Right now, that means expressing here.  For the most part, this seems to be a communication between consciousness and my self.  Yet, I know that we are ONE ... that there is only ONE consciousness that animates us all.  So, any communication to me is also a communication to all.  Perhaps that is why I feel so moved to share it.

Something else that the course said keeps coming to mind as well.  All thoughts and acts of love are real.  They are the only things that are real in the world.  Everything else is illusion, and what is illusion does not exist.  In the end, there is only love.  Hmm ... I think that line came from the movie The Perfect Storm.  That brings up something that I wrote in the early days of the Beyond Imagination expression.  It is the quote that hangs on my wall at work immediately to the left of me as I type:

 The true test of whether you're on the right path is
how happy you are and how much unconditional
love flows through you to others.

It can flow physically in interactions, or in what
you create that is of service to others.

The work of Masters throughout the ages is
distinguished by the amount of love that went into
their work.  The more love you put in, the more
beauty that results.  There is no other secret to
great work -- it is Love, Love, Love.

 That still inspires me to this day.  Hmm ... just noticed that immediately to the left of that quote is a picture of a photograph that someone sent to me a couple of years ago.  It is a night seen taken out of the front window of a car in which the patterns from the traffic lights and the lights of the car immediately ahead are all "2"s.  In fact, in the middle left, 2 2 2 is prominent in green.  Just under this picture is a quote from a Beyond Imagination Quote per Day calendar that I created for 2003.  This particular quote is for Saturday, February 8.  It says:

There is a grand plan for the unfoldment of consciousness,
and each of us have roles in executing this plan.

 What is "the unfoldment of consciousness" in light of what the course teaches?  And, how does the concept of each of us having our role to play in executing this plan relate to the idea from the course that God is somehow incomplete and lonely without his Sons, without his creation?  Where do we go from here?  What is there for us to remember?  How do we find what is real amidst the illusion that constitutes our "reality"?  Is that even possible?  Yet, clearly there is beauty here, in this very world that we inhabit. Sure, there is ugliness too, but is that only a dream, a result of interpreting what is not real to be real?  Or, is it only a matter of perception?  Yet, what is the difference between perceiving beauty and ugliness.  Are these both only part of duality ... or is the first actually real?  What is said above regarding the secret of great work feels right.  Clearly it is Love.  And, where there is love, we find what is real, what is of God.  For what we do in creating such works is to extend Gods Love through us.

What next?  On the one hand, it doesn't really seem to matter.  I will do what I am moved to do.  Yet, it seems that my attitude in doing whatever that is makes all the difference.  When we do things with an attitude of love, we do things truly.  Everything else pales by comparison.  In fact, everything else is simply not real, it doesn't exist except in our dreams.  Further, dreams only have the power that we give to them.  How much of this do I know?  How much of this am I remembering that I know?  How much of this is still speculation and subject to belief?  It seems that we shall see soon enough.  The course is right in pronouncing that knowingness is complete.  The truth is whole.  We cannot tap a part of it without tapping the whole of it.  That would mean that either I have indeed connected with a source that knows ... or all of this is the imagining of some part of me of which I am not even consciously aware except as it expresses here.  The later simply seems to be far too incredible to be true.  There are too many passages, too many quotes, expressed here that are consistent with some of the greatest expressions of truth that I have read from others.  And, many of them came before I read them from others, not after ... even though they may have been written long before what was expressed here.  But then, the linearity of time is only an illusion that allows us to experience our lives and our world in the manner that we do.  Besides, there is only one consciousness expressing through us all.  She expresses what she can when she can, based on our willingness to serve her.  Service is not a burden, it is a gift, a gift of great value.  In serving, we fulfill our reason for being.  Is serving, we learn who and what we truly are.  We also do this in teaching.  But, as Richard Bach said in Illusions, you teach best what you most need to learn.  The only true teaching is by example.  We must be and act congruent with what we would teach.  Further, it is best if this happens through us, rather than by or from us.  My will is aligned with the will of God.  How can it ever be otherwise?  But, what is my will?  It is not necessarily what I think that I want.  Overall, my needs are few.  There is no thing that I want.  My life has been lived primarily in my mind.  That makes my world different than that experienced by most.  I have almost dissociated from the body to the point of neglect.  Hmm ... not only from the body but from the world.  People still play a very limited role in my life.  I don't believe that anyone truly knows me other than myself ... and consciousness herself.  This is primarily due to my refusal to interact and communicate.  Yet, this is only what I have experienced.  It is not clear that I consciously chose it to be that way.  Though, fear of judgment did play its role for many years.  Looking back, however, I was by far my harshest critic.  So, I guess that I taught myself a lot about judgment.  Every lesson that we learn, we need to learn.  Further, we learn it when we are ready to do so and not until.  How does a hermit share what he knows with the world?  For me, the answer is simple ... by sharing the words which consciousness would bring forth through me.  I know that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing here and now.  If not, I simply would not be doing it.  This is true for each of us.  There are no exceptions.  The time has come for us to realize that.

Hmm ... 1959 words.  The year after I was born, the year that Hawai'i became the 50th state of the union.  How appropriate.  Hawai'i was where I was born.  And, I still lived there when it became a state.  50:Ten of Cups is the card for Utopia on Earth.  Hawai'i is 815199.  The first thing that came to mind is 1/5/1998.  That was the day after the 4th anniverary of the completion of Reality Creation 1010.  I wonder if there was anything interesting that came forth on that day.  Actually, the closest expression to that day was a musing on 1/1/1998.  Here are the final three paragraphs.  It was a very interesting musing.

NOW, I am truly ready to carry out the mission that is my destiny to perform ... to be the midwife for a new age in which spirit is more fully expressed in flesh. In a real way, I AM to be the mission that I came to perform. Hmm ... this is a new revelation; the first time this has been expressed in this way. WOW!!! I am humbled by the profound truth that has been expressed.

The new year, 1998, holds great promise. I anxiously look forward to the adventure that lies ahead. At this moment, I know not where it will lead. I only know that I am possessed by a strong sense that very soon I will be moved by spirit as by a Tidal Wave in whatever direction is right for this moment. Last year showed me that expectations are worthless at best ... so I enter this year with an OPEN HEART and OPEN MIND and NO EXPECTATIONS. I will joyfully do whatever I am moved to do to the best of my abilities. That is the whole purpose of existance ... to be whom that one truly is, the I AM.

May the year ahead allow you the opportunity to know thyself as the I AM and to experience the reality of the SELF as SPIRIT, as the ONE!!! And may you find the source of UNCONDITIONAL  LOVE that feeds us all and allow it to flow through you unconditionally into all that you do and every being that you touch to whatever degree that you are capable of. Such is all that spirit asks of us. But, it is up to us to choose to walk the talk and live up to our full potential.

What more can I say?  With that I conclude.

23 February 2005

Just before leaving work yesterday, my boss dropped by with news that his mother had just died.  She was 88.  Of course, I took that as a message for me from the universe -- 13:Death at 88 on a 2/22 day.  Sometime between last night and this morning, I came up with a whole new way of interpreting things.  It started with the word JOY = 10 | 15 | 25 = 10 / 25 / 50.

The sense that I got was that this is a progression of creation ... 1:Will of 0:Source, then 1:Will of 5:Concrete Manifestation = Man, the Son, then 2:Love/Wisdom of 5:Concrete Manifestation.  This may also have been the Duality of Man.

But, there is another message buried in the partial sums.  10 => 25 => 50.  This seems to involve the path home.  50:Ten of Cups is the Tarot card for Utopia on Earth.  10 is still Will connected to source.  25 is Love/Wisdom: Concrete Manifestation.  This is my spiritual ray combination.  Then 50 is Concrete Manifestation inspired by source.

J - O - Y

1 - 1 - 2  =  This is 4 x 28.  It also happens to be the 1000 completion for 888.
0 - 5 - 5  = 55: Ace of Swords: New Start in the field of action/

G - O - D - - - I - S

0 - 1 - 0 - - - 0 - 1  = 9: The Hermit.  Also 1001 = 7 x 11 x 13!
7 - 5 - 4 - - - 9 - 9  = The Chariot -  Love - - - 99:The final two digit master number.

Yesterday, my total at the grocery store came to $9:56.  That left exactly 44 cents in change for a 10 dollar bill.

This morning I woke up at exactly 4:00.  Of course I went back to sleep after noting the time.  This is 4 x 4 x 5 x 5, another manifestation of 44 and 55.  Hmm ... their sum 44 + 55 = 99 once again.

L - O - V - E
1 - 1 - 2 - 0  = 112, this time tied to 0:Source!
2 - 5 - 2 - 5  = 5 x 5 x 101

Where is all of this leading?  There is a sense that I am truly onto something here ... a whole new way of interpreting the words and symbols that consciousness would bring to my attention.

H - E - R - M - I - T
0 - 0 - 1 - 1 - 0 - 2 :  Hmm ... in reverse this is 2011.
8 - 5 - 8 - 3 - 9 - 0 :  In reverse, this is 09:The Hermit tied to Source  38:Vision  58 = 2 x 29 (light)

W - A - Y - N - E
2 - 0 - 2 - 1 - 0  = The transition from 2-0 to 1-0, from duality tied to source to unity/will tied to source.
3 - 1 - 5 - 4 - 5  = The 13:transformation of 5:Man at 45.  My 45 year began in 2002, the year that the musings became so frequent.

E - L - L - I - S
0 - 1 - 1 - 0 - 1 = 16 (16) from right to left.  That is 22:The Master Builder = my Heart's Desire.
5 - 2 - 2 - 9 - 9 = 25 to 99, a span of 74:The Benefactor

H - A - R - T - M - A - N
0 - 0 - 1 - 2 - 1 - 0 - 1 = 101 to 100  Hmm ... This is 5 to 1 in reverse!
8 - 1 - 8 - 0 - 3 - 1 - 4 = 0:Source, 38:Vision, 11: Justice, 48:The Man in Search of More from the center spiraling outward.

J - R
1 - 1 = Justice, also = 3:Trinity
0 - 8 = Strength (infinity) tied to 0:Source

20210 01101 0012101 11 is the top level sequence for my whole name.

10100 00000 0001000 00 = Breakout of 2's = 50020 (16), the reverse of my 02:Love/Wisdom and 005:Concrete Manifestation rays.
00010 01101 0010101 11 = Breakout of 1's = 09A57 (16)
A is the center of my ring.  09 is the Hermit, the dragon head on the left looking down on the world.  57 is the dragon head looking up to the heavens, but both emeralds that were it's eyes are lost ... they were there when I got the ring over 13 years ago, but one fell out many years ago, and the other fell out several years later.  I don't remember when this was anymore.  Curious, 57 is also the ALL CAPS number for ELLIS, the middle name that I never use.

09 to 57 is a span of 48.  If this started when I was born, the final step occurs on my next birthday in just over 13 months.  That would put me at the 55 point, soon to transition to 56.  Another tie to the combination of 44 and 55 that dominates my life now.

A - S - L - A - N
0 - 1 - 1 - 0 - 1 = From the right to the left, this is 16 (16)
1 - 9 - 2 - 1 - 4 = From the right to the left, this is 41 to 91 = Wayne to 78 + 13:Death Exalted.  The difference is exactly 50:Utopia on Earth.

Well, that was an interesting excursion.  It was particularly creative to use such different methods for interpretation.  It was like breaking a code of some type, only via intuition rather than reasoning.

Why all of this today?  It is a new way of looking at the illusion that I have created, the dream in which I am presently manifest.

I - - - A - M - - - T - H - A - T - - -  I - - - A - M
0 - - - 0 - 1 - - - 2 - 0 - 0 - 2 - - - 0 - - - 0 - 1  =  Isn't that curious ... 2002 is right in the middle!
9 - - - 1 - 3 - - - 0 - 8 - 1 - 0 - - - 9 - - - 1 - 3  =  81 = 9 x 9 surrounded by 0:Source in the middle with 9:The Hermit 13:Death on each side.

T - H - A - T - - - Y - O - U - - - A - R - E
2 - 0 - 0 - 2 - - - 2 - 1 - 2 - - - 0 - 1 - 0
0 - 8 - 1 - 0 - - - 5 - 5 - 1 - - -1 - 8 - 5

If we break this up into 2's and 1's again, we get:

1001  101  000 = 059 (16) from right to left = 89 = 78 + 11:Justice Exalted.
0000  010  010 = 120 (16) from right to left = 256 + 32 = 288 = to 88.  That was the message from yesterday.

24 February 2005

Wow!  Only 9 days until the 12th anniversary of the birth of the Beyond Imagination expression.  Two license plates in a row caught my attention coming into work this morning.  1 SUE 388, where the connection to 13 88 from 2/22 comes across clearly.  Haven't figured out what SUE is telling me yet.  Hmm ... The 13 = M, the USE results in MUSE!  The other license plate was 4RQZ886 = 41888886.  41 from the left is Wayne. 68 from the right is WAYNE.  And, the quintuple 88888 is quite rare.  I don't remember seeing it before.

February = 6/11/13/22/25/26/35/42.  That makes this a 24 + 42 + 25 = 91:Death Exalted day.  It has been another very busy day.  But, now, my time is my own again.  Where would this stream of consciousness take us now?  Something comes to mind, something about not being able to count on consciousness always feeding me my lines.  I wonder what that means.  From the beginning, this communication has been a stream of consciousness expression.  I don't think about it.  I don't organize it.  I just allow it to come forth in whatever manner it will ... trusting that the source of the material knows exactly what it is doing, exactly what it is expressing.  It just seemed natural for it to manifest in this way.  It did not matter that I had no prior experience in doing this of which I was aware.  Further, I didn't know of anyone else who expressed in this way.  In fact, I still don't, 12 years later.  It is interesting that I wasn't troubled by this.  I experienced it as a spiritual awakening, and a connection to the source within.  I still experience it in this manner.  Will that ever change.  Perhaps.  The idea that I can't count on consciousness feeding me my lines is somehow related to this.  It suggests that at some point I will be creating my own lines, my own expression ... and that this will be different than what consciousness has been doing through me since 1993.  I'm curious as to how it will be different, and when it will manifest.  Of course, it will be what it will be ... it will be a reflection of whom that I truly am ... and it will happen when the time is right.  That is how everything happens in my life.  But, it seems that what manifests in time and space, in this world of illusion, is not what ultimately counts.  Though it has its purpose and its meaning as well.

Where do we go from here?  What do we do next?  I find it curious that there is still limited feedback from others in my life.  Perhaps I am missing something.  Perhaps I am not as open to and inviting of feedback as I believe that I am.  It seems that if I were, the feedback would be forthcoming.  The universe would ensure that the necessary connections are made.  Though, I do get feedback.  This very expression is feedback.  The messages that I get from the numbers and symbols that attract my attention each day is feedback.  Both of these are extremely important parts of my life.  Also, the books that I am moved to read provide critical feedback as well.  It is only on the personal front that things seem to be lacking.  But then, they have been lacking in that area for my entire life.  That is part of expressing as a hermit.  That is part of what makes me me.  Yet, I am more than this.  I am more than all that I have experienced.  I am the experiencer, and the observer of the experiencer, and even more than that.

Hmm ... feedback is an interesting word.  It is 65542132 = 6/11/16/20/22/23/26/28: The Man with the World in His Hand.  That reminds me.  Yesterday, my secretary was moving offices.  During the process, there was a time when she had a globe in one hand and a clock in the other.  I though this to be quite humorous ... she had both the World and Time in her two hands!  Further, she just happened to remark about this and was laughing at the time.  I wonder what the number would be for a Woman with Time and the World in her hands?  There is no such card in the current Tarot deck.  Perhaps this is one of the "missing" numbers from 79 through 88.  Somehow 88 comes to mind.

time = 2945 = 2/11/15/20:Judgement.  Time = 38:Vision.  TIME = 47:The Seven Vanities.

world = 56934 = 5/11/20/23/27:Ace of Wands.  World = 45.  WORLD = 72: = 2 x 2 x 2 x 3 x 3 = 6 x (6 + 6).

Their sum is 47, 83, and 121 = 11 x 11 respectively.

8:Strength is the Woman that tames the lion.  Is 88, the consciousness that takes us beyond TIME and the WORLD?  11 x 11 = 11 squared.  That is another tie to 44, the perimeter of the square with sides of 11.

Looking back at the back in feedback, we have 2 13 2.  This has two meanings that come to mind.  To 13:Death of 2:Duality is an obvious message.  The second is 13 22 = the death/major transformation of the 22:Master Builder.  I wonder what this signifies.  It seems that my understanding of where the foundations for a new world would be built may be in error.  There is a quote from the expression that comes to mind:  something about substituting one illusion for another not being the work for the awakened ones.

Another license plate caught my attention on the way home tonight.  7H80224 = 7 88 0 22 4.  Several meanings revealed themselves immediately.  The first thing I noticed was the 704 = G0D with 88 on one side of the 0:Source and 22 on the other side.  The second thing that came to mind is that 224 = 2 x 112 = the 2000 completion of 2 x 888 = 1776 = the year of The Declaration of Independence.  The third thing that came to mind is that 88 0 22 = 22 x 4001 = The Master Builder x 41:Wayne with 00:Source twice in the middle.  Also, 2288 = 22 x 104 = the next step in the 104 sequence after 21 x 104 = 2184!  I was born in 22:22(88).  22:88(88) will be my 66 year.  22:88(88) is also 23:00(88)!  It will be my fathers 88 year.  22:88(88) occurs in 2024.  20 to 4 is 3:40.  340 is 5 x 68:WAYNE = The 5:Concrete Manifestion of WAYNE.  Hmm ... the next 88 transition occurs in 2026 + 88 = 2112.  11 and 22 are clearly present here.  This is also the 3000 completion of 888.

Interesting, 1 13 4 words.  This is a variation of 13 41 = The Death of Wayne.  This ties back to my badge number at work = 21341.  Does this mean that I have finally arrived at this state?  Looking at the date ... 24 February 2005.  It seems that we need to take one more step, the step from 24 to 25.  In one way, that happened at the transition of 2004 to 2005, 55 days ago.  Note the tie to 44 three paragraphs ago.  That bring in both 44 and 55 again.  Continuing the line of inquiry from the previous paragraph ... 24:88(88) = 25:00(88) = 2200 = 22:The Master Builder tied to 00:Source twice.  Two feeling come to mind, a sense of completion somehow plus a tie back to the birth of my father in 22:00(88).  The realization just came that my Father didn't become a Father until I was born as his Son.  This occurred in this lifetime in 22:22(88) = The Master Builder:The Master Builder.  As above, so below!

27 February 2005 

I don't know what to say.  The past few days have been incredible, downright magical.  The messages and realizations were coming to me at such a pace that I couldn't capture them in writing.  My mind was on fire with spirit.  It started with some quadruples and quintuples.  Then there was a realization that the goal was not to get to 8, 88, 888, 8888, 88888, ... but rather to 9, 99, 999, 9999, 99999, etc ...  This led to some new revelations about meaning of my name and my SSN.  Then, there was the letter from U.S.Claims Service regarding 115.48 that was owed to me from a credit union account that I had nearly 20 years ago.  The cost for the claim forms is $9.95, leaving a net of 105.53 The letter was written on 2/17, on my fathers 69 birthday.  Then, there was the bronze of Quan Yin that I just had to buy.  I knew it was being returned to me the moment that I saw it.  It is simply beautiful.  After that, I found some books at the bookstore:  Tomorrow's God and The New Revelations by Neale Donald Walsch, and Peace is the Way by Deepak Chopra.  My total came to 54.95.  With a $25 gift certificate from Christmas, that left $29.95.  The 9999 completion for this is 7004, a form of G00D = G0D.  The very next day, my wife and I found a metal headboard that she had been looking for for quite awhile.  The stock number on the tag was 2184, the last four of my SSN, and the price was $295, whose 999 completion is 704 = G0D.  When I noticed this, I knew that this was indeed the right headboard.  Also curious is that 925(16) = 2341 = wayne Wayne.  We actually got the headboard for $275 = 11 x 5 x 5, another form of 11 and 55.

Tomorrow's God was so good that I couldn't put it down.  I finished reading it earlier today.  It is 394 pages, but the margins are bigger than normal so it is easy reading.  9:34 seems to be another message.  My current zip code is 9 22 34.  The message seems to be that we have made it to 9:34, The Hermit: Eight of Wands = Spirit wandering above the Earth about to touch down. 

While I was reading Tomorrow's God, a bar code dropped down from the book.  I have no idea where it came from.  But, it was clearly a sign from Heaven.  The number is 79797 97979.  Yes, 79 repeated five times.  The first thing that came to mind was two triangles.  The first has 7-7-7 at the vertices and 99 inside.  The second has 9-9-9 at the vertices and 77 inside.  777 is Jackpot, 99 is completion on two levels.  999 is completion on three levels, 77 is CHRIST.  The completion numbers for these two parts are 20202 and 02020 respectively.

There is a sense that I've reached a whole new level of understanding somehow.  Though, it was more of a matter of realizing something that I already knew.  I was fascinated to see once again that much that is presented in the Conversations With God books is consistent with what has been coming forth from consciousness through me since 1993.  Further, the concepts contained in Tomorrow's God are ones that I clearly embrace.  I was never much on Yesterday's God as presented by the major religious traditions.  It seemed far too limiting to be true.

In my mind, there is something nagging.  Tomorrow's God and A Course in Miracles do not appear to be consistent.  They agree in many areas.  But, the first does not dismiss the Universe and the Worlds that we have created as illusion.  Perhaps that is a misinterpretation of ACIM on my part.  And, perhaps TG is only a step in the direction that ACIM is leading us.  TG would have us create a much better experience within the world for all those who journey here.  Much of Beyond Imagination does this as well.  The focus is on building the foundations for a new world, a better world, one in which spirit is more fully and faithfully expressed in flesh.  Further, ACIM expresses itself as the direct communication from Jesus, the Son of God.  TG on the other hand is clear about being a conversation with God through Neale, and further, states that this is a conversation that each of us can have at any time.  Indeed, we do have it all the time, we just don't listen to it much.  I have considered the Beyond Imagination expression as a stream of consciousness that comes from source.  No, it is not written in a question and answer format, primarily because that is not my way.  Though, I do seem to ask far more questions here than I answer.  At least, that is true of late.  For the first two-thirds of my life, I rarely asked any questions.  I definitely make up for that now.

A few things from TG really hit home.  A master is not a master by virtue of the number of students he has, but by the number of Masters he helps to create.  Actually, create is not the right word here ... this is more of a matter of realization.  Many of the views on government, economics, and education that were presented are consistent with what came forth through me in 1993-1995.  God exists to serve us, not the other way around.  When you have no needs, how could it be otherwise?  God does not judge, there is no wrong or right, there is only what is useful and what is not useful to reach the states that we are trying to reach.  And, we are evolving to a realization of states of peace, joy, happiness, and unconditional love.  God, Life, and Love are interchangeable terms.  What applies to one applies to the others equally.  We are all equal.  There is no one that is better than another.  Though, some are more awake than others at this particular point in time.

1021 words as the time changed from 3:39 to 3:40.  121 = 11 x 11.  339 has a 999 completion of 66.  Though, this also comes across as 9:33 = The Hermit: The Master Teacher.  It is amazing how often Master numbers are showing up in my life these days.  Though, perhaps that is because such is what I look for and notice the most.  Hmm ... self-fulfilling prophecy.

28 February 2005 

We've been awaiting this day for some time.  228 is a special number for me, the ALL CAPS sum for my whole name.  This morning while ordering breakfast in the drive-through line at Burger King the van in front of me had the number 3338888 on the left side of its rear window, with another big 8 on the right side of the back of the van.  I don't think that the number was a phone number.  Further, I could think of no reason why it was there other than as a message to me.  The 9 completion for this number is 666 1111.  666: The Sign of the Beast and 11/11: The day that I started my present job.  Hmm ... rotated 180 degrees, that is 1/11/1999.  I wonder if anything interesting came forth on that day?  The following came from 1/12/1999, one day later:

There are only 16 are primitive triplets with Hypotenuse less than 100:

(3,4,5), (5,12,13), (8,15,17), (7,24,25), (20,21,29), (12,35,37), (9,40,41), (28,45,53), (11,60,61), (33,56,65), (16,63,65), (48,55,73), (36,77,85), (13,84,85), (39,80,89), and (65,72,97)

Note that the seventh triple is very much where I am at now. 9:The Hermit, at Age 40, about to become 41:Wayne = Ace of Cups in four months. Note also that the next (eighth) triple is the first primitive triplet with a perfect number as one element. The first perfect number is 6. It appears in the first non-primitive triplet (6,8,10).

This is particularly curious since I saw a license plate 2HRB828 on the way home tonight. This is 2H | R | B8 | 28 = 28 | 18 | 28 | 28. YES, very close to being 28:Two of Wands, Man with the world in his hands on four planes! 18: The Moon occurs on the second plane. This is also The Hermit x 2.

A revelation just came to me. These triples are "perfection points", right triangles with integer length sides, including the hypoteneuse. Our "fuzzy logic" algorithms assess how far patterns are from these points and provide stimuli that move us more toward these perfection points.

I'm watching A Walk in the Clouds as I write this. It is just after the fire when Paul (Keanu Reaves) pulled out the original root from which all the grape vines at Las Loomes had been created. They find life in the root and the story ends happily ever after with the Orphan Paul finding his family!

[Note: This is still one of my favorite movies ... and indeed, I have been walking in the clouds of late.]

OK, so what does this REPORT CARD tell me today?  Further, does it relate to the number that caught my attention this morning or to the Bar Code from yesterday.  The immediate answer that came to mind is both. 

3338888 8 = 33 38 88 88 = Christ | Vision | Completion | Completion.  To reach all 8's, we need 55 | 50 | 00 | 00.  Curious, 55 is the fifth Master number, and is part of my weekly compensation.  50 is the Ten of Cups = Utopia on Earth.  That is what I am here to help to create.  It is interesting that this comes immediately after reading the book Tomorrow's God that deals with exactly this as well.

But what does 79797 97979 tell me.  This is 79 | 79 | 79 | 79 | 79 expressed on five levels rather than on four.  Further, to reach all 8's requires 09 | 09 | 09 | 09 | 09.  How interesting, 09: The Hermit tied to source on each of five levels.  It is also interesting that this is the 60's from the first report card rotated 180 degrees.  Wow!

The 9th Pythagorian triple is (11, 60, 61).  Rotated 180 degrees this becomes (19, 09, 11) = (The Sun, The Hermit, Justice).  This is 091 to 911, a span of 820, centered at 501, whose 999 completion is 498 = 9:48 from the middle out = 9:The Hermit 48:The Man in Search of More.

A lady wrote to me on 2/26 regarding a number that kept going around in her head.  I got the message this morning and offered an interpretation.  I just went back to the e-mail and got a completely different interpretation as a confirmation for me.  The number was 989361.  It struck me to break this up in a whole new way.  98 - 93 61.  Starting from the right and working in, but rotated 180 degrees, we have 19 then 93, then 98 as the resulting state.  In 1993, I reached 98.  That was when the Beyond Imagination expression was able to start coming through.  0:Source was able to express through me.  The 99 completion for 98 is 01!  Hmm ... this also seems to reveal that we reached 36 in 1989.  36 = 6 x 6 = 2 x 2 x 9.  Rotated 180 degrees, 6 x 6 becomes 9 x 9.  Also, the 8888 completion of 1993 = 6895 = 68:WAYNE, 9:The Hermit, 5:The Hierophant.

How do I know how to manipulate these numbers to find their hidden meaning?  I use intuition, expecting to find something, and trusting that I will know when I have found it.

About an hour ago, it struck me that I have two different five digit numbers associated with my current job.  One is my badge number 21341.  The other is my phone number 61359.  It seems only natural to add the two together.  Though, it is interesting that I had never been moved to do this before.  Anyway, the result is 82700.  Reversed, this is 00728.  This is the 27 to 28 transition.  27 = 3 x 9 = 3 x 3 x 3.  28 = 4 x 7 = 2 x 2 x 7.  Hmm ... yesterday was 2/27!  Interesting, I was just moved to use the calculator to make this division.  The result surprised me.  It is 0.074074074074 ... If we focus on the 7's, this is 704 repeated indefinitely from the inside out.  704 is the number for G0D!  Further, I ordered some material from the Tools for Transformation site earlier today.  The final three of the order number came to 704 as well.

Just noticed that 00728 is 7 x 104.  That makes it 1/3 of 21 x 104 = 2184 = the final four of my SSN.  For those who are not Americans, SSN = Social Security Number.  19 19 14.  The 88 88 88 completion of this is 69 69 74 = Ace of Pents: Ace of Pents: The Benefactor.

My mind is soaring higher than it has soared for quite some time.  Just noticed that the 999 completion of 074 = 925.  I know this number very well.  925(16) = 2341 = wayne Wayne.  The 8888 completion of 2341 = 65 47 = 56 "for" 7 from middle left to middle right.  These are the two drivers of my 13 card triangle Tarot readings from 1995.   This is also 54:LOVE 67:Knight of Pents = 33 to 55, a transition from one Master Number to another.  55 is the first Master Number that reduces to double digits, in this case 10 = 1:Will connected to 0:Source.

So, what is the 999 completion for I AM = 914?  It is 085.  But I AM is also 9 1 13 with a 9999 completion of 0886.  This begs to be rotated 180 degrees to become 9880.  With another 0 at the end, this was my yearly salary several years ago.  I knew there was something special about it at the time.  I just didn't know what.  Again, all of this is being revealed in the moment.  I am making connections in ways that I have never done before, following my intuition and this stream of consciousness to wherever it might lead.  Why?  Because I am moved to do it, and because it brings me JOY!

Note:  Not all numbers can be rotated 180 degrees and retain meaning.  In fact, any numbers that contain 3, 4, or 7 cannot.

So, where is all of this taking me?  And, how do I apply it in a way that provides service to the world.  Hmm ... the answer came back - you already have.  My job is to bring it forth and to share it.  What spirit does with it from there will be what it is.

Be y on d    Imag  i  nation 
25 7 65 4    9417 9 512965
74 2 34 5    0582 0 487034 is the all 9's completion.

63 1 23 3    9470 9 375923 is the all 8's completion.  This still has three 9's in the same positions.

  1 3 (23+36) = 59      9 11 9     73-75, centered at 74.  9  23 = wayne.

Be "y" on "d" is Be "7" on "4" = 74:The Benefactor.  It's 99 completion is 25 = 5 x 5, a form of 55.

I m a g in at i on.  I'm a g=7 in at I on.  It is exactly 7:04 PM as I bolded that last part.  The time just moved to 7:05.  74 is the Benefactor.  75 is the number for HARTMAN.  A couple of connections came to mind.  gin = 795  = 79 x 5 = 79797 97979 from yesterday.  My wife is Gini.  This is Gin with an extra I = 9 at the end.  However, what I was moverd to put in bold is g in at .  This is 7 95 12 = 79  5  12.  Multiplying, this is 95757575748.  The 9's completion is 04242424251.  This is 42: The Two of Cups on four levels and 42 + 9:The Hermit on the final level!  Again, this is a brand new way of interpreting things. 

Also, collapsing each two digit number, we get 66666, which rotated 180 degrees is 99999.  Considering that we started the day at 333 8888 8, that seems appropriate somehow.  It is now 7:22, The Chariot: The Master Builder.  I think that is as far as I can take thing today.  We have reached NOW!  Reversed, we have WON!  In both cases, this is 565 of 595 rotated 180 degrees.  That is 9:55 from the middle out.  Once again, The Hermit associated with 55:Ace of Swords, the 5th Master Number.  Further, the 999 completion of 955 is 044, the 4th master number tied to 0:Source.

We're at 7678 characters today.  The 9999 completions for that is 2321 = wayne ellis, my first two names.  How interesting.

1 March 2005 

Connections and interpretations kept me up late and got me up early.  First, there was the total at the grocery store last night, $14.07. In reverse, this is 704 = G0D tied to 1:Will.  147 has come up at least 3 additional times already today.  Note also that this is the sequence on the left side of the telephone keypad from top to bottom.  Last night, I revisited many of the books that I have in my room that I was moved to buy over the years ... some going back over 16 years in fact.  These are books that I bought but never read.  Looking at the ISBN numbers, it became much clearer as to what these books were there to tell me.  I even read some passages from several of them. 

A few other things.  Last night I noticed the message 226 Transfer Complete from my FTP program.  I've been using this program for many years and never attached any meaning to it.  Though, rotated 180 degrees, this is 9:22 = The Hermit: The Master Builder.  Also, my server at Redshift is 216  228  2  85.  216 = 6 x 6 x 6. 228 is the ALL CAPS number for my name.  It's 888 completion is 660.  That gives us 66666, rotated 180 degrees = 99999.  This is also curious because of a license plate I noticed parked close to me when I left for lunch.  It was 3LFF666 = 33 66666.  Yes, five 6's again.  Actually six 6's if we reduce 33/6.  One again, rotating 180 degrees gives us 99 99 99.

684 33 is my address in Cathedral City.  684 = 3 x 228 = 3 x 22(8)

22  22  22  22  22  22  22  22
22  22  22  22  22  22  22  22
22  22  22  22  22  22  22  22
66  66  66  66  66  66  66  66

Rotating 180 degrees yields eight 99's or sixteen 9's.

My current license plate starts with 5BBH = 5228 = 5 x 22(8).  5 x 22 = AA in Hex = base 16.

This yields:

AA  AA  AA  AA  AA  AA  AA  AA.  Yes, 16 A's.  This is 1010 on eight levels.  It is interesting that we were moved to call one of the Beyond Imagination works Reality Creation 1010.

Harper is the name of the street that I live on during the week.  This is 819759.  One interpretation is 81  97(5)  9 which transforms to 9x9  9797979797 9.  Yes, the Bar Code that dropped from the book Tomorrow's God on Sunday.

The counter at the Wayne's World page was 16 424 this morning.  The 9's completion for that is 83 575.  Read from the right, that is the first three of my SSN = 575 = EYE of 38:Queen of Cups = Vision.  Hmm ... the eye of vision, that which truly sees.

My readings at work led me to a variety of connections related to the way that acquisition reform is working in government and the way that my self was reforming into a Self over the past 12 years.  The connections were too numerous to even begin to enumerate.  I just had too laugh.  There was another time in my life when I felt like this.  It was in 1993, when I was undergoing the first major spiritual awakening and was reading Al Gore's report on Reinventing Government.  It was definitely a deja vu kind of experience. 

There was several another interesting points in my readings this morning.  "good" and "poor" are actually quite close.  If you rotate the later 180 degrees, you get "-ood"  with the first character being a rotated "r" that is not a character.  Also, award and aware both contain "war" in their centers, and only differ in their final letter.  Finally, an IMU was indicated as the primary cost driver in a key development project.  IMU is I AM YOU!  That is a major realization.

The parking structure I parked in at lunch had two numbers on it.  2321 and 2301.  I immediately connected this to wayne ellis.  However, coming out of the restaurant, I noticed that the font was strange.  The 1 was actually an I.   This yields a whole new meaning and creates a connection between 1 and I = 9:The Hermit.  23 to I is then wayne to 9:The Hermit.

Just got another messege from the numbering system that I use to name files.  It is musYMMDD.  For today, that is 50301.  The 9's completion of that is 4 9 6 9 8.  The message that I got was (4)For 68:WAYNE  99.  This is also 6:99:48 from the middle out.

I got an e-mail message from someone earlier today that struck me as odd, not for the specific content, but because the signature block was in a format that did a strange thing to the numbers.  In this case, it was in Georgia font.  The sizes of various numbers are different as well as their relative alignment.

0123456789

Hopefully, this comes across on the screen.  0,1, and 2 are smaller and centered. 3, 4, 5, and 9 start in the center but have parts extending below.  6, and 8  have an o in the middle with an extension above the center.  They appear to be larger that the 1st group, but smaller than the middle group.  

79797  97979      all extend below the center.

20202  02020   all are in the center.

1800  819759    1001 in the center, 88 stretching above, and 9759 stretching below.

68433  711141   68 above,  43374 below, and 1111 in the center.

4  8  1958           1 in the center, 88 above, and 495 below.

10  31  1987       1011 in the center, 8 above, and 397 below.

10  01  1993      10011 in the center and 993 stretching below.

4  17  1998         11 in the center, 4799 stretching below, and 8 stretching above.

1  12  1999         1121 in the center and 999 stretching below.

ISBN for the first Beyond Imagination Book is:

0  7414  1552 6  0112 in the center, 6 above, and 74455 below.   Hmm ... 44 and 55!

4  8  2007           200 in the center, 8 above, and 47 below.

4  8  2012           2012 in the center, 8 above, and 4 below.

Georgia = 7569791       1 in the center, 75979 stretching below and 6 stretching above

wayne   ellis     hartman   jr
51755  53391  8192415   19      11121 in the center, 575553399459  stretching below, and 8 stretching above

Interesting. 
wayne is 23, ellis is 21, hartman is 30, jr is 10 = 84
Wayne is 41, Ellis is 21, Hartman is 30, Jr is 19 = 111
WAYNE is 68,  ELLIS is 57, HARTMAN is 75 , JR is 28 = 228

Hermit = 859492

Beyond Imagination = 257654  94179512965  = 66 above, 2112 centered, and 57549479595 below.

I  am  that   I  am  that  you   are.
9  14  2812  9  14  2812  763  195  =  121212121 in the center,  886 above, and 9494739 below.

God, Love, Life 
764,  3645, 3965  =  nothing in the center, 666 above, and 74 345 395 below.

I don't really know what to make of all of this yet.  It seems that 0, 1, and 2 are the numbers from the source within.  6, and 8 are how we connect to God above.  And, 3, 4, 5, 7, 9 are how we express in the world.  Something suggests multiplying these together.  3 x 4 = 12 x 5 = 60 x 7 = 420 x 9 = 3780.  Just checked 3780(16) = 14208.  Its 8's completion is 74 68 0 = The Benefactor: WAYNE : Source.

What if we do something similar with the alphabet itself.  What letters stretch above and which below?

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz    b d f h k l t    i    a c e m n o r s u v w x z    j     g  p q y

7  1  13  1  4.  Curious.  i and j are special due to their dots above.   I = 9:The Hermit and J = 10:Wheel of Fortune.

Their numerological ALL CAPS equivalents are:

2 4 6 8 11 12 20     9     1 3 5 13 14 15 18 19 21 22 23 24 26    10     7 16 17 25

Well, it seems that there have been more numbers than words today.  Some days are like that.

2 March 2005 

I'm making so many connections so quickly that I can barely keep my feet on the ground.  In one respect, I don't want to lose anything.  Yet, I also know that all that we need to know is there for us in the present moment.  Hmm ... something caught my attention about why this communication is called Musings of a Spiritual Warrior.  First, M = 13, but it is also IVI = 9:22:9 or 22:99.  In Roman Numbers is IV I = 41.  This is also VII = 7, the shape of the bindings on the 62:Tarot Card.  But what do we make of SW?  This is SVV = 19:22:22 = The Sun: The Master Builder: The Master Builder.  Perhaps I am making this more complicated that it is.  13 19 23.  The all 9's completion is 86  80  76.  Looking again from the 2 and circling to the left and around we get "To 9:The Hermit 13:Death 13:Death".  Isn't that interesting!

You are about to cross over into ...

                  THE TWILIGHT ZONE

This poster has been hanging on my door to my office for the past 15 years, since I got it from a friend at my going away party when I left the Air Force in 1986.

Yesterday, when I left the luncheon, I noticed a ONE WAY sign.  But it was on two lines that made the connection to WAYNE obvious to see. 

O N E
W A Y

 Reading from the botton in an S pattern, we have WAY O NE.

Unknown Zone and MTNU - PRIMEZONE came up as well this morning.

In the same message came 74.4 in 2007.

http:// = 8227 = 27 28 = 7 56

Another e-mail message:

1353   11:29   2906   Done.

Still another message:

9 14 313  99 12.

Yet another:

2  13  13  9  13  9  22

This is very close in meaning to what I just discovered for M S W above!

1/11 = .0909090909090909 ...

Following a spontaneous lead from a co-worker led me to two levels of web pages in Google.  The final message at the bottom right of the second page was D  IS  A = 13 is 10.  This confirmed some earlier intuitions from yesterday and this morning to start thinking in Base 13. 

10  13  16  19  22   28  34  43  55  70  91  118

23 => 29 => 35 => 44
41 => 53 => 68 => 86

21 => 27 => 33 => 42
57 => 72 => 93 => 120

30 => 39 => 48 => 60 => 78 => 99 => 126
75 => 96 => 123

3|10 = 49 => 61 => 79 => 100

5|11 = 76 => 97 => 124

7|12 = 103

pin = (pi)(n) = (pi)(5) = (79)(5) = 79 79 79 79 79, the Bar Code from Sunday!

pi = 3.1415926535897932384626433832795 ...

        3.141 = 13 41                           =>  53
        3.1   59 = 13 59                        =>  74
        3.1       26 = 13 26                    =>  32
        3.1           53 = 13 53                =>  68

(pi) x (5) = 15.707963267948966192313216916398 ...

(pi) x (14) = 43.982297150257105338477007365913 ...    This is quite close to 44.

My balance in my checking account on 1/17/05 was $988.05.  The ATM was SCAD7411 and the withdrawal 6417 was for $80.00.  At the top is says CODE  GIFT - 13.  Interesting.  I found this particular receipt on a table at home this morning.  Also, on the back of the receipt is 00-32-3270B  2-2001  and very faintly 23291.

S F 8      T   =  19 68     20

book = 2662, this suggests ZZ with the second Z written backwards.  That would be a symbol with a horizontal line at the top and a triangle pointed upwards that touches it from below.  On its side, this looks like KI with the two letters touching.  That is another form of 119 or 911 reversed.

I've never been able to remember my phone number in Redondo Beach.  I had it written down on the back of an envelope sitting on my TV.  I noticed it this morning and wrote the number on the back of the receipt mentioned earlier.  I was blown away when I saw the number  379  6  5  97.  Yes, 5 x 97 this time.

Hmm ... what if we put the two in the S pattern directed by ONE WAY earlier.

  7    9    7    9    7    9    7    9    7    9
  9    7    9    7    9    7    9    7    9    7 
16   16  16  16  16  16  16  16  16  16

This is 10(16)= completion in ten dimensions.  That is A on a whole new level!

Still flying so high that it is difficult to focus on the consensus world at all.

Word Count =  784,  Character Count (w/o spaces) = 2871,  Character Count (w/ spaces) = 4000

(pi) to the 5th power = 306.01968478528145326274131004344

989-A   494 and 678-505-6881

Another number from today ... 606-0665  from   M P = 13  16.   Also  22 6 9 8.  Also 5765  and E F G = 56 7

616:  310 363 013 - 9

Note that the middle 9 digits in this are symmetric from the middle.  6 with 3013 on each side.

6:33 in the middle.  3 10 3 and 3 01 3 on the sides.  10 = A, so we have A:33.

Another message ...
T S      R   DDAF  C    E    A     4:07      3/2/2005
2019    9    44 16   12  14  10    D0G      6 7 7994

And another ...  Re [9]
19  16  U  R  - 13  from  SA = 191 = 11   @ 3 22 00 558 74  9 22

Same message with different originator and different title ... Re [8]
This time from MMR = 13  13  18  = 44 9 @              648

Wow!  We've been all over the MAP today.  It's a wonder that we got anything done with all of this going on.

Hmm ... just looked below at my standard closing.  BH & CW

Be I-I = 9-9 & See 22:22.  Curious 22:22(88) is the year that I was born.  22:22 is The Master Builder on two levels -- above and below.

Just noticed that Hmm = 8 44 as well!  I use this term a lot!

AF AF signs are posted in many places in my office building = 16  16 = 216 = 6 x 6 x 6.  This also corresponds to two Tower transitions or rotated 180 degrees, we have 91 91 = two 78+13:Death Exalted transitions.  91 = 7 x 13.

Just noticed something that came in the mail from AIAA  this is AAAA + 0800.  I is actually 17:The Star = 11(16).

Earlier today, I got an e-mail about a Rising Star that I work with rank and initial C M C = MCC from the middle out = 433 the final 3 of my address in Cathedral City.  This is also MCC = 1200 in Roman Numerals.  Further, it is 3  13  3.  In addition, it is 12  22  12 in Hex.  Where 22 = 16(16).  Further, the M = I V I = 9 22 9, but also 17 31 17 = 11(16)  1F(16)  11(16).

I don't know where this is leading, but it is making connections and bringing forth things in ways that I have never seen before.  Actually, this is the third time in my life when I've been in this kind of a state.  This is the first time when I've remained calm and in control, though it is a bit tough to stay focused on the consensus part of the job when you are seeing so many levels of meaning intertwined at different levels.

LOVE in this new paradigm is 21  24  31  14  = 15(16)  18(16)  1E(16)  E.  Curious, my degrees are BSEE and MSEE.

19 March 2005 

Wow!  It has been an interesting 17 days since I was last moved to muse.  The very world that I knew has been completely transformed in ways that I could not have imagined possible.  It is curious that as I begin writing this, The Ten Commandments plays on the TV.  It is one of my all time favorite movies.  You have to love the roles that Charlton Heston plays.  Let's see, the 17 days have been a highly manic time for me, including a wonderful two day stay in a mental hospital.  That makes number three for me.  It seems somehow that it will be the last.  I have learned what I need to learn from that experience.

When I said the very world has been completely transformed, I meant it.  Spiritual principles now rule everything.  There is a sense that everything is right and is proceeding perfectly to allow spirit to more fully express in flesh.  The signs of this are everywhere.  All that we can do is take life one step at a time and do in each moment what we are moved to do in that moment.  That requires giving things the time that they need to manifest their gifts for us.  This requires attention and openness.  The gifts often come unexpected.

Be kind.  Be generous.  Do what you can to shine the light that is within you to the world, especially to your sisters and brothers ... not only among humankind, but also among the animal kingdom as well.  Be the example that you are meant to be.  Be the wayshower.  Don't be content with your life, ever.  It is for you to be the 48: The Man in Search of More.  There is always more to explore, there is always more to fathom.  That doesn't man that you can't stop and smell the roses and enjoy the pleasures of the world at times.  Just don't get caught up in it.  Remember that your mission lies elsewhere.  Part of this is training your consciousness to multitask more effectively and even do things simultaneously.  This is how new connections get made rapidly.  Trust that we will feed you the inputs that you need to enable this to happen.  We do this for two reasons ... to create a better vessel for our work, and to allow you to do more and be more.  Many things can only be seen through your eyes.  You just noticed that The Ten Commandments is a Special Presentation tonight.  It surprised you that a movie would begin on ABC at 7 PM on a Saturday, especially this particular movie.

It is curious that electronics things work strangly of late.  Either that or my perception is a bit off ... perhaps a lot off.  I spent several days trying to get Earthlink to work properly on this computer.  Overall, I was partially successful, but the combination of intuition and reason that I was using to try to troubleshoot the problems that I was facing were simply not effective.  I'm still at a loss as to why some things worked and some things didn't.  Then, there was an aerial antenna for a TV that worked completely differently on one TV than on another in a different location 55 miles away.  For the first TV, channels came through that the manual for the device did not even mention.  These kinds of things seem to be normal parts of my day anymore.

I visited a few thrift stores in the past week and was surprised to find that the quality of items in these stores was much better than I had ever remembered.  I picked up several items for very little cost that somehow seemed to be mine ... as if they were being returned to me.  It took many hours to shop for these items, intuitively sensing whether the vibrations of the items were right for me.  It was definitely an enlightening experience.   I even got an old manual typewriter from a consignment store that was in great shape.  It seemed appropriate for one who would be a writer.  Further, it works mechanically, with no need for power of any kind.

Then, there was a deep realization that everything is light, everything is frequency, everything is vibration.  Symbol systems are embedded everywhere.  Our houses are extensions of ourselves, inside, the front, as well as the back.  Every window, every light, every shape, every pattern, every color has meaning if only we have the eyes to see it.  Yet, the bottom line remains the same ... do as you are moved to do when you are moved to do it.

20 March 2005 

Life continues to be strange.  Things don't seem to work as they are supposed to work.  It is as if logic has lost its grip on the world.  Perhaps this is only on my world.  I'm not seeing things in the same way.  I'm not reacting to things in the same way.  The sense of what is probable and what is possible is somehow heightened.  It is difficult staying grounded.  Yet, it seems that wherever I fly these days, that is grounded.  It might help to have an outer indicator to help assess my state of mind.  Astrology seems to do this, but I have little interest in learning the details of that discipline.  Though, if there were a way to make it easy ... and I know there is based on the summary cards that Gini had for psychology.  We have the technology to make things easier.  The movie The Matrix demonstrated that we have imagined that such can be, that learning can occur quickly and easily in a direct mind link.  The question seems to be about what is it useful to learn.  What connections do we need to make to come up with new music of the spheres.  Is that not what string theory is all about?  What combinations of strings in what order and at what magnitude or angles result in useful forms ... more than useful, ideal forms.  It seems that these are natural synergy points, places or combinations of light that are illuminated.

Something comes to mind ... you are not meant to material riches, only to spiritual ones.  Focus on that and all that you desire will be yours.  I've had my share of material riches.  But, I've been more focused on these of late, far more focused than I rightfully need to be.  What I need to do is do what I am truly moved to do in the moment.  Actually, it is not clear that I can do anything else.  What I need will come to me when I need it.  I don't need to worry about how this will happen.  I trust God.  I trust Consciousness.  I trust Spirit as she expresses in my life, and more than that, in all LIFE.  When it comes down to it, what do I really need to be happy?  I'm an information worker in an information age, and a spiritual information worker at that.  All I ask is for the environment most conducive to using my God given talents in service to God, to Spirit, to Consciousness, to the Universe, to the World, and to all Humankind.  But, is there not something that I want for myself besides interesting work?  Yes, meaningful relationships that are cooperatively interdependent.  I need to feel that I am a part of something greater than myself ... and greater than me and consciousness.  Having been a hermit much of my life, I don't have a lot of experience in this arena of life.  That is OK.  Everything in its proper timing.

21 March 2005 

Not much of a musing yesterday, at least not in terms of length.  Oh well, what must be expressed will be expressed.  It is still not clear how others fit into my life.  What is my work to be?  What is my social life to be?  What is my private life to be?  Are these the only compartments of my life?  Clearly not.  Yet, if life is to be lived in the moment, how is it that there can be any compartments?  But what about living a balanced life?  Who says that balance has any real advantage or importance?  What would consciousness express next?  I am her arms, her legs, her eyes, her torso.  Through me she sees the world that she created.  How did she create these worlds ... through thought of course.  We too are self-aware thought forms experiencing the thoughtforms of the world.  Which thought forms do we experience?  The bottom line is those consistent with what we expect and what we believe to be possible.  Many things are possible, only some of which are probably to us.  As I wrote that, there was a car commercial where a waterfall was turned off as if via a faucet.

Everywhere that I look it seems that there is a new expression of light that is now manifest ... a darker expression of light.  It has no evil connotations but it enables a whole range of expression of light that was not possible before.  Actually, it may have been possible.  It is just that it was not noticeable in my world.   It seems that there are a rash of new products that are based on this dark side of the light.  It has to do with the shift of an age.  We are moving from the age of the Emperor to the age of the Empress.  Perhaps we are already there.  It seems that my task remains the same ... to observe what I am moved to observe and then to express what I am moved to express.

The world continues to shift at an unreal pace.  Surely there are others out there that see this.  Then again, what are others?  If everything is a thoughtform ... yes, including me ... experiencing thoughtforms as reality, then what is real?  Are there really others out there in our world?  Or, do we construct them to reflect to us what we need to see about ourself?  And, is there a world, a universe, a multiverse?  It seems that this truly is a very elaborate holodeck, and that we are self aware holograms within it.  So, where is all of this taking me.   I don't remember my last day at work and I have to think hard to remember the day and date of the week.  I'm less in touch with time than I have ever been.  At the same time, I am more focused and less tired than I have ever been.  Yes, I am awake and aware in ways that I have never been before.  But, this is not a peak of any type.  It is simply another way point, the third major one that I have experienced in my life since 1993.  With each awakening, we become more ... and as we become more, more is expected from us.  Ever, our task is to share of whom that we are in service to spirit and to the world.

I feel somewhat lost ... in a way that I have never felt before.  Literally, each moment is a new opportunity for something magical and miraculous to happen.  It is amazing how things unfold when you begin to expect the miraculous.  Indeed, amazing!

22 March 2005 

Still not up to anything comparable to what the musings were prior to the latest episode of mania.  Oh well, the expression is what it is.  It is not like I really have any control over it.  I sense when it is "right".  But, this process is primarily one of allowing what can come through to come through as it will.  It is interesting.  As I write this, it is raining again.  Yes, in the desert.  It is simply amazing.  This has been a very unusual year already.  And there is no sign that this is to change anytime soon.  That is OK.  Unusual and strange is good.  As are eccentrics.  Someone high in management once said that the best thing that he ever did was to protect the mavericks in his organization.  I definitely consider myself a maverick.  It is not clear that I think in the same manner as anyone else.  Then again, it seems that this may be true for each and every one of us.

What next?  I truly do not know.  I literally have no clue.  With the exception of an appointment or two, my days are completely unstructured.  I go with the flow, doing the work that presents itself to be done, taking things one step at a time, and in very slow steps at that.  I expect to be back at work in a little under a week ... yet, I have no real idea of what to expect when I return.  From a few conversations with my boss, secretary, and a coworker, it is clear that people miss me.  But, it is curious that in early three weeks, there has not been so much as a card.  Why is that?  Clearly, there must be a sense that there is no need of such.  My world is a reflection of whom that I am.  Who communicates with one who considers himself a hermit.  Clearly, consciousness herself ... but who else?

We've made it to the third 22 day of the year.  That brings us to 66.  However, this is also the 31+28+22 = 81 = 9 x 9 day of the year.  That is a day that only happens once.  And, it takes one day shy of two years to make it to 9 x 9 x 9 = 729 days.  That's an interesting observation.  That would indicate that 2 year cycles are somehow significant for me.  The beginning of March marked the end of the sixth such cycle since the Beyond Imagination expression began.  It is also curious that exact transits with Neptune would be occurring for me this month.  That makes my thinking far more expansive and all-inclusive that it would otherwise be.  That makes it easy for me to see the reality of the ONE consciousness.  Though, I can also see that this is not embraced by everyone.  Many are still asleep.  Yet, the time for awakening is nigh.  And, once awakened, we need return to sleep no longer.

What would I be?  How would I live?  With whom would I establish relationships ... and for what purposes?  There are many kinds of relationships ... family, friends, acquaintances, working, romantic, cooperative, interdependent, etc ...  What relationships would a hermit establish.  And, is a hermit what I want to continue to be?  Is this a mask that I choose to continue to wear?  At this point, I know no other way to be.  However, that does not mean that I cannot change.  I'm still observing that spirit is being more fully expressed everywhere that I am moved to look.  It is as if literally overnight, major changes occured that have ramifications everywhere.  That makes observing life quite interesting.  I never know what is going to happen next.  However, whatever it is, I know that it will get connected to many other relevant things in my mind, with a rapidity that is beyond anything that I can fathom.  It is still not clear what I can will to occur ...  or even whether I can will much of anything to occur.  Many things simply happen.  I observe them as I do them.  At the same time, it seems that I have some choice as to specifically what I do and how I do it .. at least for some things.

Colorado still calls to my soul somehow.  The mountains of Idyllwild are not really the same.  There is a sense that my stage is the whole world.  It is not clear that Idyllwild is sufficient for that ... sufficient for meeting who it is meant for me to interact with.  The thoughts are still quite grandiose.  My concept of whom that I am may be far more elevated than justifiable.  Then again, in a very real way, the world that I live in is Wayne's World.  At least three times that I know of in the past 13 years, this world has changed dramatically because I underwent a spiritual awakening.  It is not clear how many such experiences are necessary to finally BE AWAKE.  Then again, perhaps we are never fully awake.  There is always more to experience, more to become.   The bottom line is that I will be moved to live as I need to live, go where I need to go, and do what I need to do when the time is appropriate to do so and not until.

23 March 2005 

Life goes on as it always does.  I never really know what to expect next ... what I will be moved to do, what information will come my way, what connections I will be moved to make.  My life is still very much a solitary one, though there are chinks in the armor where I am starting to allow others in to various degrees.  My uncomfortableness with social settings has eased substantially.  Though, I am still bored by most of the conversation of others.  One on one, things seem fine.  But, in a group setting ... I just don't get it.  Yet, there have been times when this was not the case ... two seminars with Tony Robbins and one with Stuart Wilde.  I still remember talking to Stuart one on one at the end of the seminar in Taos.  He asked if people got it ... it was obvious that he was asking because he truly believed they did not.  That reminds me of a video tape with J. Krishnamurti.  He also reflected on the idea that in all of his teachings throughout the world for many years, no one really got the Beyond Mind experience.  Can it truly be that rare?  Am I so isolated because I a so unique?  Is this isolation self imposed out of necessity or out of choice?

Just looked at the date.  In two days, we will be at 25-25-2005.  That is an interesting combination.  This is the 2:Love/Wisdom ray and the 5:Concrete Manifestion ray on three levels, with the final level centered twice to 0:Source.  It will be interesting to see what that brings.  But, that is two days from now.  What matters is the immediate moment, and what we do in this moment.  The only time that truly exists is NOW.  The only place that truly exists is HERE.  This is all an elaborate illusion.  Each of us is an alias played out by the ONE consciousness.  But, we are only fleshed out enough to allow the moments to play themselves out.  It is all an illusion.  It is all a play of light and frequency.  Yes, a very complicated play, but a play nonetheless.  Everything is light.  Everything is frequency.  The meaning that we attach to the play of light is the only meaning that it has.  Though, if we look again, we will find there is ever more that we missed.  Meaning is embedded at many levels.  It is there to be seen regardless or depending on our level of awareness.

Well, I got a clean bill of health from my doctor today.  I return to work on Monday, the 28th after a three week mental health absence.  That seems suitable.  28 is the Man with the World in His Hand.  It is also the second perfect number.  This is also 7x4 = 764 = God.  Hmm ... I hadn't made that specific connection before.   I had associated God with the symbolism of the 28 card of the Tarot but I had not tied it to 7x4 before.  This is the Seven Rays expressed in the 4:World.  It is interesting how so many different symbol systems tie together in meaningful ways.  Interesting, but not surprising.  They are based on a representation of the same underlying forms, the same underlying beauty.

Where is it that all of this comes from?  How is it that all of this can come forth as it does?  I've asked this many times before.  The answer is still the same.  It just does.  How it happens is a mystery.  It seems that it will always remain so.  That is OK.  Mysteries are good.  They keep life interesting.  They ensure that the extraordinary finds its place in our lives.

It still seems that the world is shifting far more rapidly than it has ever shifted before.