Musings of a Spiritual Warrior
===
2004 ===
No, this is not a mistake. The 2004 Musings did not start until
late in June.
24 June
2004
It has been
some time since our last musing. I don't
know at this point whether this is the beginning of a new trend or
not.
The year has been different somehow. I've been much more sluggish
and
tired. However, there is a sense that this is about to change
because I
have chosen at a deep level to change it. Where this will lead
only time
will tell. I would have expected by now that more would have come
from
the eight Beyond Imagination books that were published last year.
There
was such a sense of urgency to complete them and get them published
officially. I thought that visitors to the Beyond Imagination
site might
buy them ... and perhaps they will in time. What am I to
do? What part
do I have to play in manifesting the reality that I desire? I
have been
reluctant to impose my will, deferring to spirit to work her will
through
me. But, on some level I am spirit, I am consciousness
enfleshed.
It is time to become the master of my own fate. It is time to set
the
course of my own destiny.
Currently, I
serve my employer as my master. I trade
my services for a salary that provides sufficient means for my family
to live
comfortably. But, is it a fair trade? Am I giving up what I
could
be doing in exchange for making a living. How can I transform
this so
that I am doing what I love to do ... and living abundantly? I
believe
this to be possible. More than that, I believe it to be my
birthright. However, I have been waiting for it to happen rather
than
doing what it takes to make it happen. Not that I haven't been
doing
things. It just seems that they are not yet the right
things. It is
time to be all that I can be. Further, it is solely up to me to
make this
so ... with the assistance of spirit of course. OK, I guess that
means it
is not solely up to me at all. Though, I do have a big part to
play. After all, it is my intention that spawns spirit to action.
So, what
message would come forth tonight? What has
been unexpressed that is in need of seeing the light of day? What
would
consciousness create through the inner source? My state of mind
is
strange. It has been so for many months. Compared to two
years of
flying high expressing nearly everyday, the past six months have been a
real
dry spell with extra sleep replacing the 2-3 hours per day that I was
spending
musing. This is the closest I have come to being depressed.
Why? I have no real clue. What is, is. Though, what
is can be
changed at any time by our intent and actions. So, what actions
are in
order now? How do I make a real difference with my life?
And, not
just any difference, but the greatest positive difference that I can
make. Do as you are moved to do, when you are moved to do
it. Can
it be that simple? Can we trust the forces that move us that
much?
What other choice do we have? We live as we believe with passion
... or
do we really live at all? That is important. What are we
most
passionate about? There is something that moves each of us.
It is
up to us to find it, and to pursue it with all of our heart and soul.
My channeling
skills have become somewhat rusty. The
communication is not as fluid as it was as little as six months
ago. But,
practice is all that it takes to revive our skills. We learn by
doing. The more we practice, the better we get. However,
how we
practice can make a big difference. Some forms of practice are
more
effective than others, some much more effective. How are we to
know that
we are doing something right? The bottom line comes from how it
makes us
feel when we are doing it. This, and the quality of what
results.
We are free to evaluate that quality ourselves. We can also allow
the
world to mirror it to us. Service is always of benefit to
others.
Whether this be one or many is irrelevant. How can I best apply
myself in
service to consciousness and to the world? Yes, I think in grand
terms. Why? That is simply my nature. Yet, at the
same time,
I would be a hermit. Yes, this is an inconsistency. To be
in the
world but not of the world. I don't see myself as other
men. I
never have. Hmm ... but am I losing something from operating in
this
manner. Am I losing the fellowship and friendship of
others? As a
result, what am I missing? Or, am I gaining by this
practice? How
am I to know. The bigger question is am I truly being whom that I
AM? At this point in time, my sense is no. I am not as
happy as I
might be. But, am I doing what I can do to pursue
happiness? That
has not really been a priority for me. This expression is where I
come
closest to expressing the spirit that I am. Here, I am free to
say
whatever consciousness would speak through me. That is a
privilege, a
sacred one. Why is it that writing comes so naturally for me,
while
speaking is so difficult by comparison? My self-chosen isolation
is both
a blessing and a curse. However, it is something that I can
change at any
time. All that it takes is setting different priorities and
making
different choices. This I am free to do. The question is
when, if
ever, do I choose a different path? How am I most creative?
Is it
in expressing here, or in expressing to others directly. Must I
choose
one or the other, or can I have both? These are not questions
that I have
ever asked before. When we are ready to ask questions, it is a
sure sign
that we are ready to find the answers to those questions. It is a
matter
of focus and persistence. So, what answers are in store for
me?
And, how can I use these to better serve my world? How many
people ask
such questions?
I desire that
my works be known by the world in which I
live. Yet, I desire some anonymity in doing those works.
These can
be conflicting desires, but they don't have to be. The bottom
line is
that I must be whom that I am to do the works that spirit would do
through
me. How much of my anonymity am I willing to give up to help
promote and
disseminate my works? At this point, I don't really know.
Or,
perhaps I do know but don't want to make it fully conscious. Much
that we
know is not conscious. That is OK. That is the way that it
is. There is a sense that my works will somehow get to exactly
where they
need to get when they need to get there. Consciousness will see
to
that. She knows exactly what has been created and where it
is. She
can influence the synchronicities that enable the proper audience to
reach
these works. Further, she can inspire and animate me to do even
greater
works. After all, it is consciousness who does these works
through
me. I have to believe she does them for a reason. This is
the most
important thing that I can be doing with my time. It has the
potential to
live longer than anything else that I do in my life and to ultimately
have the
greatest impact. Will this happen in my lifetime? Perhaps,
but
perhaps not. I have to be ready to accept the answer in either
case. It needs to be enough that I expressed what could be
expressed
through me to the best of my ability. I have no right to be
concerned
with consequences. These will be whatever they will be ... as
providence
determines. In some ways, it is as if my life is not my
own.
Rather, it is spirits to live through me. That is OK. I am
a
willing participant in this drama. But, it is a drama written by
consciousness. I am but a player acting out my role. At
some level,
I am co-creating this role. This is something that we all
do. We
are all spirit enfleshed. We are all the creators of our own
reality. However, much happens at other than conscious levels.
How do we
judge the quality of what is expressed through
us? Is that even something that we are meant to do? It
seems that a
stream of consciousness is beyond this. It is what it is.
It asks
nothing except to be accepted for what it is. It is enough that
it moves
us. We engage in it because we love doing it. More than
that, we
are moved to do it by a force that is beyond our control. At
least, such
seems to be the case for me. Though, there is no sense of loss in
this. Rather, there is an exhilaration due to being able to
express
creatively using the greatest of our talents.
It is time to
wake up and be excited about life once
again. There is so much to be done, so much to be
expressed. How
can I sit back and sleep my life away. To be awake is to be
alive, it is
that simple. Though, there is something to be said for
dreaming.
And, we need to be in the twilight zone to dream. Have I stepped
over the
edge into the abyss again? Perhaps, but there is nothing wrong
with
delving into the unknown. What discoveries would I make?
What
adventures would I have? Adventures in consciousness, of
course.
What other adventures compare? Have I discovered anything worthy
of
sharing? I believe so. Why else would I be so moved to
share this
expression? In a sense, it is not mine ... it belongs to the
world.
But would the world accept it? That has no bearing on my need to
express
and to share. In a different time and age, sharing as freely as I
do at
Beyond Imagination would not have been possible. Even 20 years
ago, it
would have been difficult at best. My what a difference as little
as a
decade has made. Though, my attempts to share have not yet
reached a
sizeable audience. Oh, I get several thousand hits per year at my
website, but that is not really very much considering how many pages
are at the
site. Then again, I can't really tell what impact I am having on
those
whose lives my works touch. What's missing is feedback. How
much of
this do I want? I look for it nearly everyday, but it so rarely
comes. Why is it not enough that I am able to express in the
manner that
I do? Why am I always looking for more? The 4/8 = 48 =
Eight of
Cups = Man in Search of More. That is what I am. That is
what I
have always been.
I speak with
a voice that is not mine. Yet, it is a
familiar voice ... a voice that could not speak without me. Does
it have
anything worthwhile to say? At the very least it is worth the
time and
resources that I put into it. Then again, that is a biased
opinion.
However, since it is my time and energy that we are talking about, it
is my
call to determine what the value truly is. Whether the universe
ultimately agrees with this we will see one way or another.
Regardless,
it is consciousness that moves me to do what I do. And, I trust
her
completely. She has guided me throughout my life ... perhaps
throughout
eternity. She is blessed in my eyes.
7 July 2004
Another day
in which to muse as consciousness would have me
muse. It is her not I who does all of this. Without her,
none of
this would be possible. Yet, the same could be said about me as
well. How can that be? How can creative expression come
forth in
this manner? This is not something I learned how to do. It
just
started happening one day ... in particular on 5 March 1993. Can
it really
be over 11 years ago already? That is nearly 1/4 of my life to
date. When you look at it that way, all that can be said is
WOW!
Many words have come forth through this consciousness and these fingers
...
literally several million of them. Too bad I haven't figured out
how to
be paid by the word yet. That would literally set me up for
life.
It will happen if such is meant to be. In the meantime, I
continue to
write when I am moved to write trusting that there is some purpose to
all of
this. What better use can I make of my free time? There is
something about leaving a record of one's existence. I know that
I have
reached several thousand people via this expression, perhaps many more
than
this. Yet, that does not seem to be enough. The bottom line
is that
it is what it is. At this point in time, it is the greatest
expression of
spirit that can come forth through me. That alone is
enough. That
makes it worth everything that I put into it and more. What
ultimately
becomes of it time will tell. If I had to guess, I would say that
my life
is 2/3 over with 1/3 remaining. That would take me to age 69 in
2027-2028. That also puts the birth of the Beyond Imagination
expression
at about the half way point in my life. Interesting.
Some might
consider this frightening ... to only have
another 23 years to live. But, if we make the most of it, that is
enough
time to do nearly anything. If I can sustain my output over the
past 11
years for my remaining days, I'll easily cross the 10 million word mark
before
I die. Now, that would be some achievement! Will anyone
read that
many words? Does it even matter? Is it not enough that I
expressed
them and made them available to the world. Sharing matters.
It
would not be the same if this expression was hoarded. I cannot
remain
silent, at least not for long. We have a new world to fashion, to
create
in accord with our grandest dreams.
Hmm ... at
least one person reads all of these words,
namely me. Also, consciousness is aware of every word that is
expressed
as well. She is an active participant in creating all of
this. Are
these words for my eyes only? They could be, but it seems
that
such would be a waste of effort. Consciousness seems to be far
more
economical, elegant, and efficient than that. Also, if that is
the case,
why am I so moved to share this expression? I know that in some
ways it
is not mine, it does not belong to me, it is not of me.
Yet, it is through me nonetheless. It seems that it will always
be
thus. I have tapped a source that is my connection to
consciousness
herself. The more that I express, the easier it seems to
get. Where
this is all leading, I do not know ... but, I trust that consciousness
knows,
and I am willing to follow her wherever she leads. That does not
mean
that I've given up my autonomy. Rather, I have accepted an inner
source
to guide my life. Initially, I wrote inner guide, but that seemed
false
somehow, implying a separate entity or something. As far as I
know, I
have not connected to spirit guides or channeled any separate
entities.
All of this springs forth from different parts of myself. Then
again, I
have a different concept of self than most. But, how would I know
that? How do I know what others know or how they experience the
world? The bottom line is that I wouldn't. I have always
been an
introvert and a loner. Perhaps I always will be. That is
OK.
I accept who I am. At least, I try to do so.
Reality is
what we make of it. To change it, we have
to change what we are, what we do, and what we believe. This we
can do at
any time. It is a matter of choice, a matter of being
dissatisfied enough
to move us to action. Believing is not enough, we must take the
next step
and act. What we do makes all the difference. So, what am I
moved
to do? Once again, I am here musing. But what else?
What
would I do to be all that I can be? To start with, there needs to
be a
realization that everything we need to be able to be all we can be is
already
well within our grasp. How do I know that? I just do.
It
seems so obvious, and not only for me, for everyone. We create
our own
reality, every aspect of it, no fine print, no exceptions. But
what part
does our waking consciousness play in this? How do we create the
reality
we prefer, the reality that we desire, the reality that we
deserve? How
do we create abundant, fun, productive lives? This is always
possible. In fact, this is our birthright. It is a matter
of
stepping up and claiming it ... trusting that as we do so a whole host
of
forces are unleashed in our favor. Wishful thinking ...
perhaps.
But, I believe it to be far more than that.
What lies
Beyond Imagination? Good question, but not
one that I can answer. It seems that I will not make it that far
in this
existence. Or then, perhaps I am already there and this whole
expression
is a record of my trip. Indeed it is a trip, an adventure in
consciousness ... and a wonderful adventure at that. What is
beyond what
we can imagine? A whole new world perhaps. But, if so, it
is a
world that we have to create ourselves, a world suitable for the
expression of
our higher Selves. Imagination lies beyond reason. It is by
far the
superior of the two. That doesn't mean that reason doesn't have
its
place. It has allowed us to create some wonderful things.
But, it has
only done so with the help of imagination. It takes creativity to
invent
and discover new things. Imagination is the mother of
invention.
Where does knowingness originate? It is not something that we
deduce
logically. It is not something that we imagine. It is
beyond both
reason and imagination. How do we know what we know? The
answer
that we just do seems shallow somehow. Yet, from another
perspective it
seems that knowingness is like another sense ... perhaps a seventh
sense.
The pace of
expression is still slower than what was normal
as little as six months ago. Then again, I haven't had much
practice
during that time. The muscles of consciousness need to be
stretched and
exercised once again. Even so, I am grateful for being able to
express in
this manner. Every word is a blessing. Every expression is
a
creative act that brings forth something that has never been expressed
before. But does it have "quality"? Is there something
inherently good about it? I believe so ... but as the author, I
am highly
biased. That doesn't necessarily make my evaluation
incorrect.
However, it does make it questionable in my eyes. Subjectivity is
OK. Life is a subjective experience. It can't be anything
else, no
matter how hard we may try to make it so. That doesn't mean that
the
observer state is less than our normal participatory state. In
fact, in
many ways it is far superior. When we operate as the observer of
ourself,
we have achieved a new level of self-realization, and that is
ultimately what
we are here to do. I find it curious that I can speak with such
authority. Then again, it is consciousness herself that speaks
with this
authority. Yes, that can come across as grandiose. But, is
it
really? I try to state my truth as plain and simply as I
can.
Actually, "try" is not correct. There is no trying in this
expression. There is no purpose. There is no intent.
I simply
express what would be expressed through me. My mind is blank
during this
expression, other than seeing the expression as it happens. It
still
amazes me that it can come forth in this manner. Yet, here it
is.
There is no denying it. How this can happen is a mystery.
Perhaps
it will always be so. I hope so anyway.
"We hold
these truths ... inalienable rights.
That among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." It is interesting that we just passed
another 4th of
July, namely the 228th since 1776. I am alive, though not as
fully as I
could be. I have some liberty, but in many respects am far from
free.
Happiness seems far more elusive but the inalienable right is not
achieving
happiness, it is only pursuing it. I suspect this is true for
many others
to differing degrees as well. Much of this is due to my personal
choices,
what I am willing to do and not willing to do with the time that I
have, and
especially with the free time that I have. When we look closely
at it, we
find that we have far more free time than we might have thought.
It is a
matter of how we choose to spend that time. Ultimately, this is
what
determines what we accomplish with our lives. Also, this
determines how
alive, how free, and how happy we are as we create and experience our
reality. There are many things that can be enjoyed.
Pursuing
happiness should not be difficult. Yet, at times it seems to be
one of
the most elusive things that there is.
We live our
lives, but do we really live up to what we can
truly be? Isn't that one of the prime directives ... to be all
that we
can be? We do this by discovering, developing, and applying the
gifts
that are ours. We do this by finding a way to make a statement
with our
lives, to make a real difference somehow ... the bigger and more
positive the
difference the better. There is a sense that if we allow
ourselves to we
fall into our place in the world as naturally as a star falls into its
place in
the heavens. It is by spiritual law that this occurs.
Awareness,
allowance, acceptance ... these are three keys for living a spiritual
life. When they are present, the world prospers. When they
are
absent, the world suffers. It is that simple and that
difficult. It
seems that none of these three characteristics are easy to
achieve. At
the same time, when one focuses on spirituality these are as natural as
breathing.
How many would consider these three characteristics important enough to
spend
time to pursue, especially significant free time? My sense is
that this
would still be a small fraction of the population of the world.
At what
point is this enough to make it spread throughout the planet?
Hopefully,
that will be soon. Until then, those of us who can must shine our
light
and serve as examples for others. By sharing our light, we can
illuminate
the way ... perhaps dimly at first, but eventually quite brightly.
9 July 2004
To
muse or not to muse? It seems that such is the question before me
these
days. For nearly two years, from Jan 02 through mid Dec 03, the
choice
was almost always to muse each day. Then, there was a six month
lapse. Now, this is the third musing in just over two
weeks. Is
this a trend? Only time will tell. But, I do feel awake
again. It is time for the next step, whatever that might
be.
Consciousness has given me wings on which to soar. I'm not meant
to stay
on the ground for two long. My spirit demands more ... I demand
more. I would be what I can be, and do what I can do. You
might say
that "one person cannot do much". However, I beg to
differ. I know what I am capable of ... what we are capable of
together.
How can I know that? There is just a deep knowingness that runs
to the
very core of my being. I have always been able to trust it,
perhaps with
the exception of my manic experiences in 1993 and 1998. Even
then, it was
not what the knowingness was telling me, but what I was concluding from
this
that led to much of the difficulties. That is OK. I made it
through, the stronger for the experience. Though the second
experience in
1998 shook me even more than the first one in 1993.
It is curious that I am listening to a book on tape, Zen and the
Art of
Motorcycle Maintenance, that discusses one who went crazy in his
own
right. It is a book that I have read several times over the
years, the
first time during the beginning of my introduction to metaphysics in
the Summer
of 1974. Wow! Can it really be 30 years ago? That
truly is
amazing. That means that my "metaphysical phase" has occupied
nearly 2/3rds of my life to date. It will continue to occupy me
for the
rest of my life. I spoke a couple of days ago about having
completed
2/3rds of my life. 2/3 x 2/3 + 1/3 = 4/9 + 3/9 = 7/9. That
just
happens to be today! 7/9ths of my life as a metaphysician.
That is
.77777777777 ... If 777 is Jackpot, then this is JACKPOT of
the
highest order. Interesting. I wonder what the pay out will
be, not
only to me, but to the world that I serve. Yes serve! I am
a
willing servant. Our gifts and talents are not meant for us
alone.
They are meant to be used in service to others and to the world in some
way. For many of us, in many ways.
To date, I feel that the greatest service that I have been able to
provide is
here on these pages in this very expression. Here, I serve
consciousness
directly and hence all of the world. But, does the world truly
benefit
from this? A few individuals seem to, but they seem far too few
and far
between. It seems that there should be more direct impact, impact
of
which I would be aware. Yet, is that really why I do this?
Clearly
not. If it were, I would have stopped long before the 12th year
of
expression. So, there is something more basic. There is a
need, an
uncontrollable urge to express what can be expressed through me.
And, not
by me alone, but by a source deep within me that knows far more than I
do. What is this source? I simply do not know. I only
know
that it is there and I can tap into it. I believe that this same
source
is within all of us and that we all tap into it to varying degrees
dependent on
our states of consciousness and levels of awareness.
It is invigorating to be expressing in this manner once again.
Here, I am
truly alive as I am nowhere else. I am anxious to see what will
come of
this. Time and time again we have seen our energies soar only to
come
down to Earth again. That is OK. Earth is where we need to
be
creating our reality while in this existence. It is curious how
the terms
I and WE are becoming somewhat interchangeable in my mind. I've
been
watching this happen over the past few paragraphs. I do feel that
I am a
plurality now, that I am composed of more than one especially as I
write this
since source and I are one and not one at the same time. Yes,
this can be
confusing at times. Yet, there is also a sense that it is a
natural
evolution. The chrysalis emerges from the cocoon again to a
reality beyond
anything that has even been imagined to date. We are ready for
this
transformation, more ready than ever before. Perhaps we have
already made
the transformation and are only discovering what has already
transpired.
One way or another, the change is nigh upon us ... past, present,
future or
some combination thereof. Yet, what will this change bring?
What
are we newly able to do? How does that impact the fulfillment of
out
mission and our destiny? Important questions on the one
hand. Yet,
at the same time, do their answers really matter? Will we not do
what we
must do anyway? So, what is the difference? Perhaps this
comes
across that we do not believe in free will and personal choice.
Indeed,
in many respects that is the case, at least so far as conscious choice
goes. However, at other than conscious levels we choose and are
responsible for all that we do and experience. We are the
playwrights in
our own lives whether we know this or not, whether we believe this or
not.
I'm still tired. The days still drag on. It is time for
this to
change. Though, even at the heights of mania in 2002-2003, it was
not
much difference. I long to be elsewhere, doing things that I know
that
only we can do ... at least in this particular manner. That
requires
resources, however, and a deep trust in the workings of spirit and the
universe. As far as I can tell, such trust is well
deserved. I seem
to be stuck in an if ... then ... conditional. Spirit seems to be
saying,
if you act in accord with your knowingness, consciousness will be there
to
provide for your needs. While we seem to be saying: if you
provide
the resources, the abundance, then I will serve you to the best of my
ability. Unfortunately, spirit/love doesn't work on the basis of
such
conditionals or ultimatums. We must find a way to do what we must
do, and
to be the best that we can be even while we hold down a job to maintain
our
livelihood. Does it really have to be that way? It seems
like such
a waste of energy, such a waste of skills/talents. Ultimately, we
each
choose how we will spend our time, especially our free time. This
is one
area where we are truly equal. We all get 24 hours per day with
the
exceptions of our first day and our final day. With 8 hours per
night of
sleep, that is still 112 hours per week. Many of us have a 40
hour work
week. That leaves 2/3 of the time to other than work ...
especially if we
can reduce the sleep time to 7 hours per night as many do. Even
when you
subtract time for meals, commuting, and getting ready in the morning
... we
still have nearly 40 free hours per week. Yes, there are chores,
and for
those who become parents quality time spent with children.
However, even
with all of that, there is enough time to do those things that we
really want
to do. We may have to prioritize. We may have to leave some
things
that we might like to do undone or leave them for others to do.
What is
important is that we do what we are here to do. That means
finding out
what that is, and then doing it. Joseph Campbell said to "follow
your bliss". And, he was correct. That is the faculty
within
us that knows. What gives us bliss is indeed the special tasks
that are
ours to do.
What would we do next? It is one thing to express. It is
one thing
to give freely. But, sharing is a two-way process. It is a
give and
a take kind of thing. It is not necessary that each transaction
be
balanced. What matters is that the sum of what we give exceeds
the sum of
what we take. This is how we generate abundance. This is
how we
make the world a better place. We teach each individual of their
responsibility to society and society's responsibility to them.
Freely
give! That is the key to abundance. When we constrain our
wealth,
our possessions, our time, or our knowledge then we announce to the
universe
that we truly do not believe in the abundance that is our
birthright.
Does that mean to give away all that we have? No, that is just
another
extreme. We need to respect what we have and what others have and
use
that as a mirror to tell us how we are doing in the material
game. One
can be abundant with any level of wealth or income. Some require
billions
to reach this state while others live happily on very little. It
is not
what we have that matters. Rather, it is how we feel about who we
are. Clearly, there is not enough wealth for everyone to be
billionaires
... or even millionaires. Though, many will earn more than one
million
over the course of their lives. Earning it and keeping some
reasonable
fraction of it are two different things. I don't believe that I
will ever
retire. But then, I don't expect to live to 70 either.
There is a
sense that in my case, I came for a specific mission and once that is
done, I
am free to move on to other realms. It is not that escaping
physicality
is so important to me. I enjoy being physical. The body is
a
miraculous organism. But, my bliss lies in the domain of
spirit. It
is through fire that I was born, and through fire that I must
live. Fire
is the element of spirit. I have all three types prominent in my
makeup,
Aries Sun, Sagittarius Moon, with Leo Rising. I was literally
born to
live a life of spirit. And, such I have done and will continue to
do for
the rest of my days. In some ways, we all live such lives.
We are
all spirit expressed in flesh. But those with fire prominent are
more ethereal
than others.
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life!" That
is so true. However, it is up to us to make the most of that day
and each
and every day that follows it. By doing so, we construct a
masterpiece of
our lives. We are sculptors all. It is up to us to sculpt
our lives
into what we would have them be. Interesting, what we would
have them
be. Not what someone else might want for us. In the
end, we are
accountable. We are the experiencer of whom we would be. As
such,
we have great powers. Then again, many of us already knew
that.
Though, it doesn't hurt to be reminded from time to time.
Great things are coming into our lives, experiences far greater and
grander
than we could imagine. It is a matter of actively allowing
ourselves to
experience them. Interesting choice of words ... actively
allowing.
That implies that we have choice in the matter and that we need to be
open to
the universe at the same time. I like that. We could not
have
expressed it any better. And with that, we'll bid adieu.
19 July 2004
Another
passage of 10 days without finding time to muse. It didn't help
that I
was away on a business trip all week. That alone ate up half of
the
time. And weekends seem to be more busy than the weeks.
They are
the only time that I have at home and it is always a matter of catching
up on
the chores. Though, I do waste my share of time as well.
That is a
choice. I can always make different choices. It is a matter
of
deciding what is truly important to me and what is not. This is
something
that we must decide for ourselves. And, the decisions will be
different
for each and every one of us. That is OK, that is as it should
be. We
are different manifestations of the one. While our similarities
provide
an important framework for relating, it is the differences that make us
interesting as individuals. In many ways, we are both individuals
and
part of a greater whole at the same time. Too few see there place
within
this greater whole, however. That is the reason for many of the
difficulties in our world. When we come from unity, we do not
harm one
another ... for that would be the same as harming another part of our
self. When we come from unity, we treat all things with dignity
and
respect ... that includes our fellow beings and the resources upon the
earth. We live in a miraculous realm. We truly do. It
is a
matter of seeing it for what it truly is, of being aware of all its
majesty and
wonder. Life itself is a miracle in progress. The very
facts that
we exist and that we continue to exist through time in this
incarnation, and
beyond time between incarnations are astonishing in themselves.
How do I
know that these are facts? They just seem to be obviously
true.
I trust that I can know truth when I encounter it. Some things
are open
to belief. But, other things we just know with certainty.
There is
no doubt attached to them. That doesn't mean that we can't be
skeptical. However, my experience is that it is helpful to be
open to the
truth, however it may present itself. And, this doesn't always
come in
the traditional ways that we are used to. Something comes to mind
"Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free". It
doesn't say that you shall hear the truth ... it specifically
says know
the truth. So, how is it that we know things. This is
not the
same as learning and memorizing facts. The truth is beyond such
facts. This is also not the same as using logic to deduce
things.
Logic suffers from the reliance on assumptions at its core. If
you don't
start with some assumptions, you have nothing to reason about.
That
doesn't mean that logic doesn't have its utility. It is a
wonderful tool
that has led to some wonderful discoveries that have changed the world
as we
know it, especially in the west.
What about the subject of massive world change? Is it immanent or
is it
not? There is still a sense that I have a role to play in
creating the
foundations for a new world. But, each year goes by without much
difference being made, at least as far as I can see. Will this
change
soon? If so, how soon? On the one hand, change seems
immanent. But, that may be due to desire on my part to see such
change.
It seems that I should be impartial and without desire on this.
But, how
can I be impartial about what I strongly believe to be my lifes purpose
and
mission? To create a new world founded on a spiritual basis ...
the likes
of which has not existed before ... such is the call of my
spirit. I
cannot ignore that call. Yet, at the same time, this is not
something
that I can do as an individual. We're talking about manifesting a
society, perhaps one that has never existed in this manner.
Though, there
have been many prototypes. Consciousness has the necessary
patterns in
hand. Many of the details have already been worked out on some
scale. Now, it is time to put together all of the pieces and
create the
equivalent of a heaven on earth. Some already are experiencing
that. They have made their mansions on the earth. However,
many are
still struggling, and many of those extremely so. Far too many
are
jobless or homeless. Far too many live below the poverty
line. This
is not something that a caring people would allow in their country,
much less
in the world. Yesterday alone, I saw half a dozen people hitching
rides
in the desert. It was nearly 110 degrees. Where do we start
to
address such ills? Who decides what level of poverty and struggle
is
acceptable? Yes, some amount of struggle provides a learning
experience
that is good for us. But, as the saying goes ... enough is
enough.
How do we improve our lot in life? How do we make the
masterpieces of our
lives that they are meant to be? The bottom line is that we
ultimately
get what we ask for ... not necessarily in the way that we might
expect, but in
a way that addresses the need. It seems that consciousness
doesn't care
much about each individual. But, she does care about how
individuals fit
together to form greater organizations that in turn can do more.
Questions, questions, and more questions. It seems that these
days I am
full of them. Yet, questions are how we get to those things that
truly
matter to us. Here, silence is not an option. Questions
show our intent.
They point out where we wish to go and how fast we desire to get
there.
Through approximately age 35, until 11 years ago, I did not ask many
questions. I read and studied a lot both within the academic
environment
and outside of it. However, this did not lead to asking questions
... at
least not outwardly. My inner life was a different matter.
But, it
was mine alone, and even there I did not ask many questions. Now,
it is a
different story. Questions are a way of life. They are a
useful
tool for fashioning and interpreting the reality that we
experience. Both
creating this reality and interpreting it are of equal
importance. It is
the interpretation process that results in meaning. Often it is
not what
happens that is important ... it is the meaning that we assign to what
happens. This is always a choice. You might even say it is
the
biggest choice that we make. Often, this choice results in how we
feel
about the experience and determines what actions we take in
response.
Much of this happens at other than conscious levels. However, we
can
become awake and aware enough to get involved consciously. In
many
respects, the quality of our questions determines the quality of our
life. So, learning how to ask the right questions is quite
important.
Then again, you may find that this becomes automatic at some point in
your
life. In my case, it is as if a switch turned on in 1993 and
caused me to
enter a new mode being. I like to think of it all as a spiritual
birth
process, as a spiritual awakening. When the time was right, it
just
happened. It was as if nothing could stop it.
It is amazing how spirit manifests in our lives. She works
through us to
do grand things. With her help, we can do far more than we have
ever
imagined possible for us. Rightfully so, because it is her not us
doing
the work. Yes, we are active participants without whom spirit
could not
express in the manner that she does through us. However, it is up
to us
to work on opening the pathways and channels for this expression.
We do
so by connecting to source within, and practicing expressing whatever
we are
gifted at to our highest level of perfection. We know our gifts
already. They are the very things that give us joy in using
them.
Creative expression is the hallmark of the universe. Yes, it is
that
special. There is something about creating something new,
something
unique, something that has never existed before. When we do this,
there
is a sense of power but also a sense of awe. Spirit is truly
awesome! Her works are magnificent. Or, they can be if we
allow
them to be.
What would I do next? Musing feels right, but it does not seem to
be
enough. It is time to start reaching people again. Perhaps
I have
been reaching them all along but simply did not know it. We have
nine
Beyond Imagination books published and another two in the works ...
though work
on them is proceeding somewhat slowly and I need an influx from the
universe to
have enough to cover the publishing costs again. Finances are
stretched
very thin. Life is abundant, and I am grateful for all that I
have.
But, it would help to have more. It would help if the published
books
would start to sell. I ask for this now. Though, I know
that the
timing is not mine to set. That is for the universe to
determine.
But, have I done everything that I can do to facilitate this?
There, it
seems that the answer is no. I haven't done much to promote the
books. I don't like the idea of pushing my works on to
others. It
seems that they should be free to find them and choose to acquire them
on their
own. I can't stand the hard sell. Though, I did spend five
hours
last week negotiating with a car dealer and then walking away when I
was not
satisfied. I found out later that my negotiating had really got
the deal
down to something that was about as low as the dealer could go.
Having
been burned by such negotiations in the past, this was a good lesson to
learn. The next time I negotiate, I know what I need to do to get
down to
the bottom line much faster. So, how does this experience relate
to the
need to sell the Beyond Imagination books? There is a connection,
there
always is. How do I make people aware that the books exist and
entice
them to acquire and read them? Is this something that is even my
job to
do? Since I chose to self-publish, I don't have a separate
publisher that
is looking out for this. I've tried a few things to make people
aware of
the books, but they have had very limited success to date. At
this point,
I don't really know what I can do. Though, as usual, I'm sure
something
will come to me if I think about it deeply.
It is time for a major change in my life again. I've been at the
present
job for nearly 8 years. That is as long as I've been anywhere in
my
life. Yet, I need to at least keep my present level of income and
job
stability, preferably more. What am I worth, and to whom?
Clearly,
I believe myself to be worth more than my current compensation.
Just as
clearly, my talents could be applied much more effectively and
efficiently.
But, how do I do this in a way that is of greater benefit to
someone? How
do I do this in a manner worthy of increased compensation? I
would be
willing to work more hours ... indeed far more hours, for something
that I
truly believed in ... for something that made a real difference.
How do I
find the opportunity to live as my spirit dictates and do the works
that I know
that I am here to do? Who would be willing to pay for that?
Who
compensates for serving to the world? This is beyond what
traditional
employers typically pay for. But I am not your typical
worker. I
know that. I know that I must answer to a higher calling. I
had
hoped that the Beyond Imagination books would be a means to supplement
and even
replace my current compensation. However, that has not proved to
be the
case over the past year. There is always hope, but it seems that
this
needs to be supplemented by some type of action to make it happen.
20 July 2004
So,
what does it take to create what we desire? It is one thing to
imagine
what we want. It is quite another thing to manifest it ... to
make it
part of our reality. Yet, as reality creators, this is exactly
what we
do. It seems that some of us are better at this than
others.
However, we are all creators, we are all the masters of our fate.
It is a
matter of realizing what we are and acting in accordance with
that. But,
how does this work in practical terms? As discussed yesterday,
how do I
apply this to the task of promoting the Beyond Imagination books?
Clearly,
I believe that they are worthy of an audience. And, just as
clearly, it
does not seem like this audience will be attracted to the books
automatically. Some intervention on my part appears to be called
for. Though, I am not beyond believing that divine intervention
is
possible as well. The expression that is Beyond Imagination will
ultimately find those whom it is meant to find ... regardless of what I
do. Though, my actions may indeed facilitate this
happening.
I consider myself to be a writer. That is what I do. I muse
and
express as spirit would have me express in words. Yet, they are
not the
words of a story teller, or a historian, or a poet, or any other type
of writer
of which I am aware. Here, I allow a stream of consciousness to
come
forth freely without form or structure other than that which is
naturally
embedded in the expression. There is no intent in the expression
other
than to express whatever would come forth. How do I know that
makes it
worth reading? Simply because it captivates me, and I believe
that it
would have a similar effect on others. How many others?
That
remains to be seen. I learned this weekend that as few as 5000 in
worldwide sales for a book is a remarkable success. That
surprised me.
But, how many do we need to reach to have an impact on the world.
We
don't need millions. We probably don't even need hundreds of
thousands. Thousands may indeed be enough.
Why would spirit be so insistent on publishing 8 books in 2003?
Yes, ego
had a part to play in this as well. Once I realized what was
possible, I
became focused on the task at hand and did what it took to get it
done.
It also helped that the universe came through with needed funds in
surprising
ways twice during the year. It was as if it was meant to
be. Sales
have been another story. I'm still at less than two dozen.
That is
not much of a return on investment. But, what is to be expected
as a
return for a spiritual investment. The immediate answer is
abundance. And, that is something that I am blessed to
have. That
doesn't mean that I couldn't use more. Rather, relative to many
others, I
have a lot. You could even say that I have my fair share.
Hmm ...
to get more you must give more. That is the way abundance
works. It
all starts with giving. The more we give of ourself in service,
the more
abundance we bring into our lives. However, the abundance comes
at
several levels only some of which are material. What more do I
have to
give? We give of our time, of our energy, and of our very
self. We
give because it feels right to give. In expressing in this
manner, I have
the potential to reach and impact many. But, what real impact do
these
words have? Is that for me to ever know? Occasionally I get
feedback regarding how this expression has moved others. However,
that is
far more rare than I would like or expect. Though, it is what it
is, and
I am grateful for that. How do we step this up to another
level?
How do we get others more enthusiastic and more involved? This is
not
meant to be a solo endeavor. I am not meant to be alone so much
of the
time. Yet, I would rather be alone than be "social" in the
normal sense of the word. There are many things that simply are
not my
concern. That is not to say that they do not matter. It is
just
that they are not important to me. Similarly, many things that
demand my
attention are probably irrelevant to others. That is OK. We
each
have our traits and our interests for reasons of our own. There
is
nothing that is right for all. Nearly everything in this world is
relative. In particular, our reality is relative to whom that we
are. We change our reality by changing ourselves. It is
that
simple.
Our reach should exceed our grasp. That is what keeps us striving
for
more. However, it should not be so far beyond our grasp that we
will
never achieve it ... whatever it may be. What is it that I'm
reaching for
here? And how will I know when I have finally grasped it, if
indeed that
is in the cards for this existence? Is all of this expression
solely for
my benefit, solely for my eyes only? I sense not, and I am deeply
moved
to share it. It seems that if it were for me only, somehow I
would know
that. Share! In many ways, that is the directive I
obey. Here, I share of whom that I am. Here, I share what
can be
expressed by spirit through me. Is that worth sharing?
Clearly, as
the sharer, I've decided this in the affirmative. It is worth all
of the
time, effort, and energy that goes into it. Do I have independent
verification of this? In eleven years, you might say not
much.
Thousands of people have reached the Beyond Imagination web site.
But, it
is not clear how much of the expression these visitors have
encountered.
One thing seems obvious ... these visitors are not moved enough by what
they
find to choose to purchase the Beyond Imagination books. I wonder
why
that is? Am I so blinded by what has been expressed through me
that I
cannot evaluate its quality? Since the beginning of this
expression in
1993, I have not felt the need to modify or improve what has been
expressed
other than some minor spelling and grammar corrections.
Even then,
I mis as many of these as I find. The word comes forth through me
via
sound. I hear a voice in my head and type what it says. It
has always
been this way for me. The voice stays a word or two in front of
the
expression. Beyond that, I have no clue as to what is coming
next.
Nor do I have a clue as to what has come before. Once something
passes
through, it is out of my present awareness. To re-experience it,
I have
to go back and re-read it. If this stream of consciousness were
not
captured in this manner, if this were mere thoughts passing through the
screen
of my mind ... they would be forever lost in the ethers.
I wonder how many others have minds that work in this manner. Is
this
something that is common ... or is this something that is rare
pertaining to
the unique workings of my own mind? I wonder. My sense is
that it
is far from common. At times, it is almost as if I am absent
minded. I don't know how many times I find things that I did over
the
past several years at work that I have no recall of doing. Why
should
this be so? How can I so easily forget the labors of my
mind? How
can I so easily forget what has been wrought through this
consciousness?
Yet, such is how it is. This is my reality. This is how I
operate
in the world. For the most part it is effective. There is
something
about treating things fresh in the now that allows my creativity to
flourish. At the moment, I can't see myself operating in any
other
way. Though, there are limitations. There are things that I
cannot
easily do. There are things that I simply cannot remember.
Names,
in particular, are that way. I'm surprised that I don't forget my
own
name from time to time. Yes, it is that bad. I can meet
someone and
before they've finished saying their name, I've already forgotten
it.
Memory has never been important to me. Actually, that is not
quite
right. Memory has been important in a negative way ... I simply
refuse to
memorize things. It has been that way since I was a young
kid. For
some people, this might be a handicap. However, when you operate
in the
moment and trust the inner processes of consciousness, whatever your
memory is
is perfect. It is exactly what you need when you need it.
That
doesn't mean that it will automatically remember the things that you
want to
remember. There are many times when I simply do not know
something and
have to ask or look it up. However, I can generally find what I
need to
know when I need to know it. Here, memory helps in identifying
where I
need to go to look. It is curious that this expression involves
no memory
and no history. It spews forth in the moment out of
nothingness. I
don't know how else to describe its source. Some might say that
surely it
comes from me. But, I would not be among them. There is a
big
difference between coming through me and from me. Watching the
process, I
know firsthand that it comes forth through me. However, there is
no sense
that I am originating all of this. The process is magical.
It has
been that way since the communication began on 5 March 1993. The
sense is
that it will continue to be such so long as I am alive in this
existence.
Interesting. Why me? I can only answer because it is my
task to
do. Here is where I am able to apply my natural abilities and
talents
openly and freely in a way that has the potential to reach and move
others. What more could I ask? What a wonderful time in
which to live.
In another day and age, I might have been considered a heretic or
worse.
Even a decade earlier and the internet would not have been available in
a
manner that allowed such a large audience to be reached on a worldwide
basis. But, how do we reach this audience? On its own, the
process
seems to be happening far too slowly. I should be able to
accelerate this
somehow. However, is that my task to do? If not me,
who?
Consciousness knows where the Beyond Imagination material is and she
touches
each of us. Can she not move the people who need to find Beyond
Imagination in the right direction to find it? At the same time,
consciousness works through us. On her own, her impact is
limited.
Through us, her impact is beyond imagination. Hmm ... beyond
imagination.
Those words still move me deeply even after over eleven years.
Yes, that
is the appropriate name for these works.
What would I like to have that I do not already have? That is an
interesting question. There is a sense, however, that I need to
be
careful in answering it. "Be careful what you ask for, you just
may
get it." Isn't that so true? The biggest thing missing in
my
life is relationships, especially close relationships. That is
what
I desire above all else. I don't think that I have ever stated
that
before. Definitely not in such strong terms. I have been
content to
be myself and to isolate this self from others for the most part.
Then
again, for over a decade I have been sharing whom that I am on these
pages.
This expression is me ... yet, it is the spirit in me as well. Ye
shall
know them by their works. I have chosen to make these works
publicly
available to any who might venture upon them. Now, it seems that
it is
time to do more than that. It is time to announce that this
expression
exists, indeed that I exist. It is not that I desire praise or
gratitude. Rather, it is that I desire to share with others on a
whole
new level. These works are the record of a consciousness that has
found a
means to stretch beyond itself and live to tell about it. In my
case that
included two trips to the mental hospital and associated three month
leaves of
absence to recover and find my self again. Integrating awakening
experiences is not the easiest of processes ... especially when you are
effectively on your own. But, it can be done if necessary.
Though,
now, there are many lightworkers that can assist in the process.
21 July 2004
What
do I want from life? What do I expect? How would I like to
fill my
days and nights? What is it that I can do that is different from
what
others do? This very expression and communicating with kindred
spirits
comes to mind as the most important things to me. This is where I
make a
difference. This is where what I do has the potential to have
world
impact. Whether it ultimately will or not remains to be
seen. Only
time will tell. Yet, it also seems dependent on what I choose to
do and
how I choose to do it. For one who believes in destiny and fate,
that is
a lot of choosing. However, it seems that such is indeed the
freedom that
we are given by spirit. There are many paths that all lead to the
same
destination. Further, there are multiple destinations that can be
visited
in different orders. How easy or difficult our path is is
determined by
the paths that we take to what destinations in what orders. Some
destinations seem to be mandatory while others are optional. And,
even
then, this seems to be determined on an individual basis. 1974
and Zen
and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance was an important destination
for
me. Similarly, 1993 and the birth of Beyond Imagination
was an
important destination as well. Interesting, 2012 is the next
arithmetic
step of 19: The Sun. The prior one would have been in 1955 = SEE,
three
years before I was born and the 100th anniversary of the Leaves of
Grass
by Walt Whitman. 2012 also has significance as the second year
that my
birthday is on Easter in the span from 1750-2150.
Connections ... it is so important for me to make connections.
Yet, there
are few "facts" that I remember. So, the connections have to be
immediate. They have to be right before my eyes. Why have I
not yet
encountered others who see the world and experience reality in a
similar manner
to the way that I do? It has been over 11 years that we have been
sharing
this expression. It is an intimate expression in many respects,
revealing
much about who I am, what I believe, how I think, and how I experience
consciousness expressing in my life. Yet, in other respects, this
only
touches the surface. It provides an example of the level of
sharing and
commitment that I would like to see more of in the world. But,
how do we
facilitate this happening? How do we get the word out to those
who can
engage in like manner? How do we reach those who are ready to be
shown a
new way of operating in the world? All that I can do is be the
best
example that I can be. I do this by allowing spirit to flow forth
through
me as she will and sharing whatever she reveals. This has felt
right
since the expression began. I suspect it will continue so long as
I am
incarnate. There is something wonderful about all of this.
It is
the most engaging activity in my life.
It is time for change again. I am growing extremely restless with
my
current work environment. Something has to give. It seems
that
there is so much more that I could be doing. It is a waste to be
in a
work situation that does not require ones full abilities and
talents.
Yet, the practicality of having a weekly paycheck looms large as
well.
Surely the universe has more in store for me than this. Hmm ...
but will
the universe not act through me directly? If I want things to
change, is
it not my responsibility to change them? But how? Just
asking the
question is enough to get the creative juices flowing. Asking
with
expectation of an answer nearly always results in an answer. We
may not
like that answer, in which case perhaps we should rephrase the
question.
It is time to take control of my life. This is something that I
have not
really done before. I've just allowed it to unfold and happen as
it
will. Yes, I've made choices. However, in most cases, the
choices
were obvious ... as if there was no real choice involved at all.
Now,
something seems different. I feel empowered in way that I have
never been
before. Oh, I've been excited about life before ... even
extremely
so. But, feeling empowered is different.
What has all of my education, training, and experience prepared me to
do?
Good question. Clearly, I can write and can think
holistically.
But, is that enough to generate services that result in true
abundance.
Hmm ... is not abundance a state of mind rather than a state of
possessions? Who would benefit from the services that I have to
offer? Who values the services of a wayshower? Who values
the
services of a hermit who comes down from the mountains to share of his
wisdom
with the world? Yes, that means that I consider myself wise ...
but it is
a wisdom that comes from the depth of my being, a wisdom that I observe
manifest
in my interactions with others. Yes, there is a grandiosity
attached to
this. But, it comes from knowing who I am more than most. I
desire
to share this awareness with others ... perhaps in the role of the
33:master
teacher. I also desire to help build the foundations for a new
world ...
in the role of the 22:master builder. Will I be allowed to do
these
things? At this point, I would say that nothing in the world can
keep me
from this destiny. Is that self-fulfilling prophecy?
Perhaps.
After all, we do create our own reality both individually and en masse.
22 July 2004
This
is becoming a regular activity again. That is good. It is
about
time. The seven month break in the musings was more than
sufficient. Though, now that we are back to regular musings, what
is
different? What am I now that I was not before? What new
material
is ripe for expression? It seems that we won't really know until
we see
it. Interesting. I've had a difficult time planning things
as far
back as I can remember. Time and the future just did not matter
to
me. Yes, they were important to the world, but they were not
important in
my world. This is still the case. I live my life moment by
moment. No, I am not yet disciplined enough to make the best of
every
moment. But, I consider myself highly effective over all.
That does
not mean that there is no room for improvement. Indeed, there is
plenty
of that. However, there is a sense that I know what I must do,
and to
some degree, I am already doing that. I am on the path which
destiny
would have me trod. It seems that such has been the cases since
at least
1974. Yes, for 30 years of my life.
How many at 46 can say this and mean it? Then again, I know my
self to be
ancient. However, this ancient part of me lies outside of the
realm of
physical consciousness. We have to go beyond to experience it ...
beyond
mind, and beyond imagination at least. Perhaps beyond
consciousness as
well. Hmm ... this is the first time that I have used that
term.
What is beyond consciousness? Interesting that I would be asking
this
now. I've been dealing first hand with adventures in
consciousness for
over 11 years. It seems that it is time for a new phase in my
life.
I'm curious as to what form it will take. I'm curious as to what
I will
be moved to do and when. I'm curious as to how my reality will
change to
reflect my present and growing understanding. Drastic change
seems
immanent. Yet, I don't know in what form that change will
manifest.
That is OK. I have lived with the unknown for many years and am
comfortable with it. By now, we are old friends. What would
life be
like without the unknown? Clearly, it would not be the
same. This
very expression for instance, simply would not exist. It relies
on an
unknown component that fills my head with words that I speak through my
fingers
on a keyboard.
What can I do that would allow me to earn my livelihood by doing what I
love? Right now, that question is extremely important to me ...
more
important than anything else that I could ask. I need to be on
purpose
now. If my suspicions are right, there is only another 23 years
to carry
out my destiny. That is not a lot of time. I consider it to
be the
final third of my life. Many others might consider it to be the
third fourth.
But, I just don't see myself being around that long. I came to
fulfill a
specific role ... to accomplish a particular mission. If it were
not for
this, I would not have returned. My ties to the world are
light.
And, they will likely be very light to nonexistent by 2028. How
can I
know this? I just do. And, I have known for some
time. This
expression and the Beyond Imagination books are my legacy. As my
mission
unfolds, this may extend to the direct interactions that I have with
others as
well. It is important to me to make a difference in the world, a
big
difference. I know that I can do this. More correctly, I
know that
spirit can do this through me. I am aware enough that I am able
to serve
as a vessel through which spirit can express. To some degree, we
all do
this ... regardless of our level of awareness. However, few make
this
their main lifes work. What does it take to do so?
Sacrifice comes
to mind. For spirit to come forth through us with greater force,
we have
to step aside and clear the pathway. This is a giving up of
oneself. In this case, for a far greater good to express.
However,
we still have a role to play. Spirit can't work in
isolation. She
can only work through us. This works best when there is a
cooperative interdependence
in effect.
What would I do next? How do we know what steps will best lead us
to our
destiny? On the one hand, we can take a Que Sera, Sera attitude
and allow
whatever will be to be. At the other extreme, we can take things
into our
own hands and create the very circumstances that we desire.
However, how
do we know that what we create are the right circumstances for
us. By
right, I mean useful in getting us to our objective elegantly. By
elegantly, I mean optimally, with the least expenditure of effort and
resources. I would live my life elegantly to the degree that I
can.
I would hope to live in a community that operates elegantly as
well.
Similarly with the world. But, how do I do my part to make this
so?
How do I know when I have done enough, when I have done more than my
fair
share? Giving primes the pump for abundance. One can never
give too
much nor share too much. It seems that spiritual law prohibits
it.
Interesting. So, what am I missing? How do I give
more?
Clearly, this expression in its present form is not enough. There
is a
sense that it should be, and that it could be ... but I am missing
something. Hmm ... I wonder what that could be? How
do I
transform this work into something that helps individuals on a personal
basis? Lots of questions. It is good to ask
questions. That
is the first step in finding answers. It is interesting that I've
been
communicating with someone at work in basically a question and answer
format
where I do most of the answering. Can I turn this into a service
that I
am compensated for ... and well compensated for at that.
Perhaps.
But there is something special about providing spiritual services for
free. This comes not from a sense that such services are
worthless, but
rather that they are priceless. Spirit has effectively been
providing
this particular service of answering my questions for as long as I can
remember. It only seems right to allow spirit to do the same
through me
for others. It takes some time. But, it is interesting to
see the
nature of the answers that are given.
Life provides for us exactly those circumstances and events that we
need to
experience to learn and to grow. We grow into whom that we are
capable of
becoming. Just as the acorn holds the pattern for the mighty oak,
so
there is a pattern for us that knows how to grow us into what we are
destined
to be. This happens naturally. All that it takes is the
right
nourishment. Some of this comes from our environment, but most of
it
comes from our soul. We are capable of doing wonderful
things. We
are capable of being magnificent beings. However, it is up to us
to do
and be these things. If we look within, we will see that we are
compelled
by spirit to act and express in certain ways. However, not all
look
within, and many who try do not yet have the eyes to see. Many
still
operate primarily from ego. This is a major cause of many of the
problems
in our world. Ego keeps us separate. It makes it alright to
operate
from a me perspective, perhaps even necessary to do so. There is
another
alternative. We can choose to live inclusively, operating from a
we
perspective. It is not that hard to do. It is a matter of
establishing a new value system that takes into consideration others
and that
makes service of great importance. It doesn't matter how we
serve.
Though, it helps if our service fully employs our greatest talents and
abilities. We can serve publicly and openly or privately.
We can
even serve anonymously. It is our choice as to who we help and
how.
We can serve individuals, groups, society, or even the world. We
can even
serve in ways that none except spirit herself are aware. It
literally is
wide open. There are no restrictions, and rightly so.
I keep returning to the questions what would I be and what would I
do? It
is as if what I currently am and what I currently do are not
enough. I
know this. There is so much potential going unused. There
is so
much time that is still effectively wasted. It is as if I am
allowing my
life to pass me by without fully living it. Hmm ... I've felt
this way
for some time. It doesn't seem to matter what I do and how much I
do. There is still a sense that it is not enough. Am I
judging
myself to harshly? Am I expecting too much? My sense is
no! I
have seen what I am capable of. It does not matter how this
compares to
others. In the end what matters is whether I lived up to my
potential ...
whether I did all that I could do to carry out the mission that I came
to
perform and to learn the lessons that I came to learn. Where does
such
knowledge come from? How is it that I can express things in this
manner?
26 July
2004
This is my life.
What would
I choose to do with it? How would I live in the manner that I
would
prefer? How would I make my life the true masterpiece that it
could
be? These have become very important questions to me. To
some
degree, they have always been. But now, things are different
somehow. There is more of a sense of urgency. There is more
of a
need to get on with the tasks that brought me into this existence to
begin
with. It is as if the time has come to answer the call of my soul
in ways
that I have not yet done. Hmm ... I've done a lot over the past
11
years. But, apparently not nearly enough. There is a strong
desire
to express once again, and possibly in whole new ways.
Interesting.
This stream of consciousness expression has become a staple for
me. It is
good to be writing again in this manner. I don't know what else I
can do
at present that has the potential to reach and influence many.
But, how
do we transform this potential into reality? How do we get the
work in
the hands of those who are meant to consume it? Is that my job to
do? Is it not enough to be the creator, or at least the one
through whom this
expression is created? Would I be asking the question if it were
enough? It seems not. Then, what is my role in all of this?
I've been
tired a lot lately. So tired, that it makes
it a challenge to get through the day without a nap. The summer
heat is
particularly bothersome. It just zaps the strength right out of
me.
The sense is that I am close to being asleep again. It takes
vigilance to
remain awake in consciousness. It definitely is not easy nor
automatic. Yet, it seems that once we are awake ... there is no
possibility of returning to our slumbers. But, is that
true? If so,
why all the physical and mental tiredness that I experience? It
seems
that we should be beyond these. However, that is not the
case. We
are subject to such things just as others are. Am I really that
different
from others? In some respects yes, but in many respects no.
One
difference is this very expression. Very few people have over a
million
words of expression captured in writing. Though, there are many
who have
spoken far more words than that. But it is not the same.
There is
something special about writing. At least for me, there is
something very
special.
How do I get
paid to do what I love to do? These
days, my current job isn't quite it. Though, there are some
aspects that
are challenging and rewarding. "Do what you love and the money
will
follow." Marsha Sinetar had a book by that title. But, is
it
truly that simple. I've been expressing since 1993 and while I
have
published nine books, the money hasn't quite been forthcoming. In
fact,
thus far it has been an investment rather than an income. All
told, I
have approximately 50 copies of books at a cost of close to
$5000. Yes,
$100 per book. However, that is not that high considering the
retail
price of the books is 20-32 dollars each and the publishing costs are
non-recurring. Do I love writing enough to make it my life's
work?
It seems that the question has already been answered. Clearly, I
do. But, I would not write under constraints set by
another. I need
free reign to express as I will. It would help to have an
audience to
bounce things off of. There is only so much that I can do on my
own. It is a lot, but it is still limited. What would I
consider to
be enough regarding accomplishments in my life? In the end, I
want to
have made a real difference, and not just for a few. It is not
clear that
I can do that through writing alone. It seems that my presence is
required as well. That's not an easy thing for a hermit to do
commit to.
Yet, it seems necessary anyway. Some things we do because we
must.
This seems to be one of those things.
What do I
have to create in my reality? How much can
be created via intent versus via direct action? What parts must
we do for
ourselves versus what parts can we count on others and the universe to
do? These are not easy questions. Also, it seems that the
answers
are situation dependent. How does an extreme introvert make his
presence
know in the world? There was a sense that the publishing of books
would
do that for me. However, this does not seem to be enough.
The world
is not marching to my doorstep ... at least not very quickly. Nor
is
there any sense that the momentum is changing anytime soon. Here,
it
seems that it is up to me to do something. Exactly what, I do not
know. But, it seems that somehow the ball is in my court.
It could
be a matter of time. It has only been a year since the first
Beyond
Imagination book was published. In that time, I've had over 1200
hits to
the main page at my website. How many of these checked out the
Published
Books link, I have no clue. I was expecting to get many people to
do so,
and some number of these to be interested enough to buy one or more
books. However, that has not happened. You might call this
approach
passive advertising. I do not like hard sell tactics and refuse
to engage
in them. At the same time, I am proud of the work that spirit has
done
through me. My intent has been to share this to the degree that I
can.
That is why I've made so much of it available on the WWW.
Unfortunately,
making it available and getting people to find it and read it are two
different
things.
What am I
moved to do next? I've been asking that
question a lot lately. There is an urgent sense that I need to be
doing
something that I am not yet doing. However, I don't know what
that
is. I'm sure that it will come to me. "Build me a peaceful
world." That is one of the directives that drives me. My
sword
is my word. Interesting, if we rotate s-word, we get words.
I consider myself a spiritual warrior. In fact, I call this very
expression Musings of a Spiritual Warrior. And indeed words are
my
weapons. But I would use them to build rather than to harm or
destroy. That is, except for destroying that which is in error or
unreal. Who am I to be able to do such things? Yes, I ask
myself
that often. It is pretty audacious of me to believe as I
do. Then
again, what do I have to compare it to? I have lived my life in
relative
isolation. I don't really know what others think ... at least not
from
firsthand observation. My primary interaction with others has
been via
reading books. And then, it has been primarily metaphysical
books.
Yes, that provides for a very focused experience of reality. But,
such is
what I have chosen. For some reason, this is the path that was
mine to
follow. Overall, it has been a challenging path and occasionally
a joyous
one. Hmm ... why hasn't it been more joyful than it has?
Boredom
was a recurring theme in my first few decades. It still strikes
now and
then. However, overall my life has more meaning since the
awakening
experiences started in 1993. What is still missing is meaningful
interactions with others. I have some of these, but it is still
the
exception rather than the rule. Further, if the interaction isn't
going
to be meaningful, I'd rather not interact at all. Thus far, that
is how
I've chosen to live my life. As a result, I am alone far more
than
most. At least, that seems to be the case. As an extreme
introvert,
that is OK. I prefer being by myself.
Life is meant
to be lived fully. I don't believe that
I am doing this yet. So, what is missing? How do I more
fully
express whom that I am? The first step is opening to the flow
that is
expressed here. Somehow, this is the best of what I do. It
continues to reveal a part of me or a source within me that I have only
begun
to explore. Yes, explore is the right word. I am an
explorer of
consciousness, one who prefers to use natural states of mind rather
than drug
induced states. Do my explorations serve anyone other than
me? I
believe that they do, but I don't know how much. I only know what
the
expression does for me. Clearly, it is consciousness expanding
... very
much so in fact. But, does it have that same effect on
others? How
will I ever know if I don't find a way to get out of my shell?
Then
again, why does it matter? The bottom line is that the expression
is what
it is and it will find whatever audience it is meant to find. It
seems
that nothing that I do or do not do can change that. Yet, there
is also a
sense that what I choose to do can indeed make a difference. It
has to be
one way or the other. I'm still living with contradictions.
That is
OK. Not everything has to be resolved one way or another.
There is
something positive about being able to deal with the unknown.
That is
what keeps life exciting.
What changes
do I want to see in my life ... in my
world? Curious that I would use that term "my world", as if it
belongs to me. Yet, somehow it seems right. This is
27 July
2004
Another
day in which we are moved to muse. Such days are always
good. There
is something special about expressing in this manner. There is a
sense of
release. Here I am able to fashion a world of my own and speak
with a
voice that is normally silent. Here I can be myself, free of
concerns
about the world. Creative expression is truly wonderful.
So, once
again, how do I turn this into something that provides more abundance
in my
life? If I keep asking, perhaps the answer will come. It
seems that
it is just a matter of time. All things in their own
timing. What
this timing is, is not for us to decide. Or is it? As the
creators
of our reality, why are we not in charge of the schedule for
manifestation? Interesting. But, indeed, it seems that we
should
have a strong say in this. It all comes down to the practical
matter of
how. How do we cause things to happen in our lives? One way
is
through intent. Another way is through direct action. Even
better
is a combination of both for then our forces are aligned with the
forces of spirit.
Also, it is our actions that truly demonstrate our intent. It is
not what
we say that matters, it is what we do. Though, we should be true
to what
we say as well.
I care not about being consistent in my beliefs or my expression.
What
matters ultimately is utility. Do our beliefs and actions serve
us and
others. If so, we are living a "spiritual" life. That is
all that can be asked of anyone. If we go further and try to know
ourselves and grow into who we might become, so much the better.
Wasted
potential is a tough price to pay in a world that is not as supportive
as it
could be of individuals and organizations. What does the world
"owe" to us, and what do we "owe" to the world in
return? There is a social contract. It may not be
explicit.
It may not even be legal. But, clearly, it is spiritual.
Who is
responsible for ensuring that spiritual contracts are met?
Neither
government nor the established religious institutions seem to be in a
position
to enforce this. Ultimately, it is an individual responsibility
to
society and a social responsibility to the individual. Who is
responsible
for carrying out social responsibilities? We have branches of our
government responsible for some of this. Similarly, we have
churches and
religious institutions responsible for others. Then, we have
companies
primarily responsible for the economic sector. All in all, there
is no
one group that is involved and responsible. Hmm ... this may be
one way
to find somewhere to employ my unique skills and talents. Do I
see things
that no one else sees, or few see? Is there a way to exploit
that?
No, not in a negative way that takes advantage of others but in a
manner that
serves others. "Find a need and fill it". That is
one of the secrets to wealth. However, who will pay for the kinds
of
things that I have to offer? How will I know until I do what it
takes to
develop the appropriate products and services? I had hoped that
the
Beyond Imagination books would be a great first step. But, unless
things
change over time, that has not proved to be the case. So, the
next
question is what next? Failure is not a option. We keep
trying new
things until we find something that succeeds. Though, I have to
believe
that this expression is part of the solution. It moves me so, and
I love
doing it so much. I would hope that it moves others as
well. I
would hope that it expresses things that they find obvious. Just
today I
heard from someone who said she kept reading the Musings because 80% of
what
they voiced were things she could have said herself. Part of that
comes
from the nature of the source of this expression. There is only
ONE
consciousness. We are all connected to that ONE, hence connected
to each
other. My sense is that the lady who contacted me is a kindred
spirit connected
to the same source.
How many other kindred spirits are out there? Do they number in
the
hundreds, thousands, ten thousands, hundred thousands, or even
millions?
I would guess that the numbers are relatively low, but I could be
surprised. So, how many people might be interested in and might
benefit
from this expression? These would not need to be limited to
kindred
spirits. There is something about what this expression captures
that
could be of utility to many in encountering parts of their
consciousness that
they have limited experience with. This happens not because we
describe
what happens. Rather, it comes from expressing from these altered
states
of consciousness. The reader gets carried along for the ride
whether they
understand what is happening or not. That is not a problem.
I've
been doing this all of my life, and doing it a whole lot for the past
11
years. I wouldn't trade these experiences for the world.
But, I
would share them with the world.
28 July
2004
Why
am I here? What am I meant to do with me life? When will I
start to
do the things that brought me into this existence? What is my
fate ... my
destiny? What do I control and not control? Yesterday was a
productive day. I felt in control of nearly every minute of my
time.
Today was consumed with meetings for over eight hours straight.
The
meetings weren't a complete waste. They gave me an opportunity to
see
others in action. However, there is something ineffective about a
meeting
with over 100 participants, especially lasting five hours. Am I
truly
choosing all of this? Is this really the reality that I prefer to
experience. Surely, there must be a better way. How do I
employ
myself more profitably? How do I make my services worth more to
those who
employ my services? These are always good questions to
ask.
But, I want to go beyond asking. I truly want to find the
answers.
What am I willing to do to find them? At this point, the answer
that
comes to mind is "whatever it takes". It is that
important. Yes, it has been important before, but not to this
extreme.
This expression rambles on. And, I allow it to go wherever it
will.
Such is my fate now. This is part of the task that I came to
do. I
am here to give consciousness voice in this very manner. My sense
is that
I am good at it. The words flow forth abundantly anyway.
Though, of
over 3 million words to date, I remember almost nothing. Yes,
they came
through me. Yes, there is a record of them available for any to
see,
including me. It is almost as if this record serves as my
memory.
Why should an electronically captured memory be any less real than the
biological one in the brain? They perform the same function of
storing
and recalling information, though their performance and the very nature
of how
they work are different. This gets back to the analogy of the
self as a
computer. Though, that doesn't account for the inner senses or
any
extrasensory perception. It is curious that I forget what I write
even as
I write it. Within a sentence or two, what was just expressed
fades into
nothingness in my mind. That seems to be one of the conditions
necessary
for this expression. My mind needs to be blank so that it can be
filled
with these words. This is an immediate process. It forces
me to be
in the now. Yes, being blank-minded is the key. Over the
years,
this has become easier and easier. Though, I also find that I can
multitask even amidst the blankness. I still listen to the radio
as I
express. Further, I see the screen and my fingers dancing across
the
keyboard. Further still, I observe myself observing all of
this.
There is a sense of stillness in it all. It is a stillness that
comes
from a peacefulness of mind.
In many respects, I lead a simple life. I spend a lot of time
alone both
at work and at home. I only see my family on weekends, commuting
to and
from the job location weekly. Yes, it is a strange life that I
lead. That is OK, or at least it has been OK. However, I'm
not sure
that I want to put up with it much longer. Hmm ... the sense is
that when
I am sure then something will change, not until. It is for me to
decide
what I want to do with my life. If I want to live differently, I
must be
different. Then again, I am already very different than
most.
However, in this case, I must be different that I am in order to change
what I
experience. So, where do we go from here? What reality
would we
create next? What would be the life of my dreams? What do I
really
need in order to be happy? How do I become the best that I can
be?
Where does an explorer of consciousness fit in the scheme of
things? In
the end, will I have left anything more than words? Is that
enough?
It seems that it may have to be. Words are my medium of
expression.
Not the spoken word, but the written word. This is how I
am. I am
the word made flesh. I am the flesh that makes the words as
well.
Curious that this would be the case. Yet, the written word
provides a
forum for expression that is beyond anything else that exists for
me.
Here is where my unique brand of consciousness shines. This must
be where
my life's work will be done.
29 July
2004
The
month is rapidly winding to a close. Yet, what have I really
accomplished. Being alive is not enough. Going to work each
week is
not enough either. At the present it is necessary to provide a
means of
livelihood. But, there must be a better way. We shouldn't
have to
enslave ourselves to an employer for so many hours per week. At
the same
time, I still need an income and don't see any other ways to earn
it.
Perhaps I'm looking with blinders on and not being open to some of the
possibilities that might be out there. The sense is that the
universe
will bestow her abundance on me if I will but do her bidding to the
best of my
abilities. Hmm ... "to the best of my abilities" is a
high standard to set. But, that indeed seems to be what is
required in
this case. I have seen some of my abilities. I know to some
degree
what I am capable of. And, no, I'm not really achieving
that. I
have my moments. But, these need to turn into minutes, hours,
days,
weeks, months, and years. It is what we do over the long haul
that
ultimately makes the most difference.
This expression has been coming forth for over 11 years to date.
At times
far more abundantly than at other times. 2002 and 2003 were
particularly
high in volume of expression. 2004 has been virtually
non-existent by
comparison, though it has started to pick up this month and we still
have
nearly half a year to go. We'll see what comes, but it seems that
we are
on a roll again. That is good. I am far more alive and
happy when
this expression is coming forth. It demonstrates an aspect of me
that
slumbered for far too long. Now, there is a connection to source
that is
undeniable. It took awhile to develop this connection ... my
first 34
years, in fact. And then, magically one day the writings
began. I
was so amused by and absorbed in what was being expressed that I
couldn't put
it down. Within a few months, I was writing 2-3 hours per
day. But
it wasn't me generating this. There was a voice that I heard in
my
head. It is that same way now. Even as I write this, there
is a
voice speaking in my head that in many respects is not mine ... yet is
within
me. Go figure. I simply express what I experience.
Why it is
that way is beyond me. Neither should it matter. The source
is what
it is. If that should remain veiled or hidden, it does not
detract from
the message being conveyed. But what is this message? That
we are
far more than any of us currently believe. That there is one
source, ONE
consciousness from which we all spring. That we are all connected
to each
other "in a circle, in a hoop that never ends" as said in the song Colors
of the Wind. It is time that we start behaving as if these
things
were really true ... for, in reality, they are.
Ideas command behavior. The grander and more powerful the ideas,
the more
impact they will have on the world. As the saying goes, "nothing
can
stop an idea whose time has come". Yet at the same time we must
take
practical steps to implement these ideas or their effect will be
naught.
Well, plenty of ideas have been expressed in the context of Beyond
Imagination. How do we tell which of these are important enough
to have impact
and which are not. We are not so foolish as to take everything
that is
expressed through us as gospel. Those things that are true will
have
utility and will stand the test of time. But, will they
ultimately be of
utility of others? I would hope that the answer would be yes,
many
others. However, it seems that such is not my call to make.
As they
say, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him
drink". Those that are thirsty for what this expression offers
will
find it and will partake. That is how things work in my
world.
Whether they work this way in the world and whether there is
even such a
thing as the world are beyond my awareness and knowledge.
I can
only report on what I experience ... including the words that come into
my mind
via this very expression. This has been quite a challenging
thing.
This expression exists. It is real. It comes forth through
me in
the manner that it does. I regard it as miraculous and
unexplainable. Yet, it is commonplace to me. Indeed, at
times it
has occupied an average of over two hours per day nearly
everyday. That
is a lot of time to give to anything. What has been the return on
investment? I've grown immensely as a result of this experience
...
primarily spiritually. There is a Beyond Imagination web site
where
thousands of pages of metaphysical expression are available to the
world.
Also, there is a body of Beyond Imagination books, nine published and
two in
progress. That may be more than most do in their lifetime, but
that is
not enough for me. I know that there is so much more that I could
do. I've stated before that one of our greatest challenges is to
be all
that we can be. I take that to heart in what I do. I am a
wayshower, here to demonstrate a new way of being, a new way of more
fully
expressing spirit in flesh. But, as with other wayshowers through
the
ages ... what we can do, so you can do as well and even greater.
It is a
matter of establishing a new way of living and setting a new
standard. It
is appropriate that the Summer Olympics are nigh upon us now.
That is a
time of breaking old records and setting new ones. However, we
would go
one step further and demonstrate a new way of being. Why would
people
want to change course and adopt new ways? Where are the
shortfalls in the
present system that might drive them to this? Is this not just
another
set of fringe ideas from a "Californian"? Do we have a
government that truly works for all of us? Do we have a social
contract
that is explicit that we understand? Do we have an economy that
results
in abundance for all of us ... not just for a few, or even for many,
but for
all? Further, does that concept of all stretch throughout the
world or is
it confined to our shores? I would offer that the answer to all
of these
question is no, and that this is unacceptable in a new age. Many
do not
see the system as broken, and even if they do, they do not see it as
their
responsibility to fix it. These things are beyond our control,
are they
not? However, we create mass reality just as surely as we do
personal
reality. We are all responsible for everything, including how we
treat
people in other countries.
What are my hopes and dreams for the world? I ask only that the
foundations and infrastructures be built to facilitate greater
expression of
spirit in flesh. Is that too much to ask for? It seems that
it is
time. We are at a major breakpoint, a time when a radical
discontinuity
in our way of being manifests. Will this occur tomorrow, or next
month,
or next year ... I do not know. But, it is clear that it is
occurring
whether we are ready for it or not. Spirit will not be
denied. She
is birthing this new form so that she can more fully express.
Will it
impact everywhere? Ultimately yes. But it will start in the
spiritual fringes as all such things do. The unknown, the fringes
...
these are close to one another, with the fringes occurring at the edges
between
the known and the unknown.
What would I do if I were free to do anything that I desired?
First, I
would do more of those things that I most enjoy doing. But, am I
not
already free to do this? This very expression is one of those
things. I have plenty of free time to express to my heart's
desire.
Even with working and the commute, there is still a good 40 hours of
free time
per week in my life. That is the equivalent of a full time
job. The
trick is to apply oneself in a manner that utilizes that time
effectively.
For some, family and relationships eat up a big chunk. Others
have
hobbies. And then there's entertainment. This makes it
difficult to
measure the difference that we make or how productive we are outside of
the
work environment. For me, one measure is the quantity of words
expressed. But, that alone is a useless measure if the quality is
not
there as well. For a stream of consciousness expression, I have
to trust
that the quality is inherent. It isn't being put there by me ...
at least
not consciously. And, stream of consciousness is my preferred
form of
expression. I would argue that I am good at it. For some
reason, I
have a knack for it ... a special relationship with spirit. It is
as if I
was born for it somehow. There is a sense of having found my
calling. This is natural for me, it is what I am meant to do
somehow.
After over 11 years, I know that this is something that I could easily
be doing
for the rest of my life. What is uncertain is where it will
lead.
What relationships will I experience with others as a result.
That is, if
any. In my life to date I have not been the most successful with
relationships. For the most part, I avoid them, preferring my own
company. I just find that I don't have much in common with most
people. Is that a cop out? Am I afraid of intimacy?
Perhaps. Though there have been occasions in my life that suggest
otherwise.
Life is meant to be lived. It is also meant to be enjoyed.
Further,
it is meant to be lived in a manner that makes a difference. This
later
constraint is one that I place on myself. And, it is not enough
to make
any difference, I must make a big
difference, a difference of world import. Yes, that is asking a
lot of
myself. But, if we are not going to ask a lot of our self, then
who is
going to push us to excel and be all that we can be? External
pushing
only works for awhile. At some point, we need to become the
propelling
force ourselves for our actions in the world. We do things
because that
is the most natural expression of who we are. And, what we are is
spirit
expressing in flesh. It has always been thus and will always be
thus. The physical world is a playground for spiritual
expression.
All expression is spiritual expression regardless of how light or how
dark it
may seem. In the world of illusion, we have the play of light and
shadow. Ultimately there is no darkness, no evil. There is
just a
lack of light, a lack of awareness. People are doing the best
that they
can under the conditions in which they find themselves. That
there
choices are in error when compared to some higher standard is of no
import. Intention counts for a lot. Though, spiritual law
still
applies. The scales will be balanced. What we sow, we shall
reap. What we do to others we do to ourselves. Though this
balancing extends across lifetimes and millennia. However, from
another
perspective all time is simultaneous ... so the balancing actually
occurs in
the moment.
30 July
2004
Another
day, another musing. This is starting to become a regular part of
my life
once again. As it should be, of course. There is something
about
expressing in this manner that is uplifting and fulfilling for
me.
Hopefully, others would find it so as well. The stream of
consciousness
flows ever onward. Where it will flow is a mystery, even to
me. It
seems that only consciousness knows, and she reveals her course only in
the
moment. That is OK. Being associated with a mystery can be
quite
exciting. The unknown is ever there, jus one step from where we
are. But, there is a sense of security as well, a sense that
there is
always room for one more step and after that another and another.
If we
will but follow our inner guidance, everything will be fine. That
is the
key ... look within to what guidance is offered and follow it wherever
it may
lead. Each of us are old souls that have incarnated many
times. Even
babies are accompanied by an inner spiritual wisdom. Some are
ancient
souls who have been around longer than that and who returned to carry
out
particular missions to help the world during this time of great
transition. How can I know that? How do I know that what is
coming
forth is not fiction or wishful thinking? I can only express what
consciousness would have me express. In 11 years of doing this, I
am not
aware of times where she steered me wrong. Though, I have fooled
myself
on many occasions by desiring particular outcomes in particular
timeframes. I try not to do that anymore unless I am in full
control of
the situation. In most cases, consciousness has a role, and often
a large
role in determining a particular outcome. In many respects, I am
an
active participant along for the ride. I accept the fate that
consciousness wroughts in my life ... knowing that at some level I
contributed
to this very fate.
How do we change the circumstances of our lives? We start with
our belief
systems then proceed to our actions. As the saying goes "actions
speak louder than words". Indeed, such is the case.
Besides,
the very definition of a belief is a thought that we are willing to act
in
accord with. Eliminate the corresponding action and you have no
belief. To change our lives, we must change what we do and how we
do
it. It is that simple, but also that difficult. We can get
overly
set in our ways to the point where change becomes not only undesirable
but
frightening. Also, inertia gets in the way. Doing the same
things
in the same ways is easy. Though it may also become boring.
Breaking the inertia may take a great force. Sometimes this comes
from
outside of us, but just as often it must come from within. Either
way it
enters our life as a shock to our system. However, once it comes,
we are
flung along a new path. From there, little changes can allow us
to adjust
the course. Actually, little changes can have big differences in
the
longer term. It helps to become a master at belief
management. The
steps are simple. Find an idea that you choose to believe in, and
then
take action in accord with that idea until it becomes habit for
you. See
what results from this and make adjustments as necessary to fine tune
the
results to be more in line with what you desire.
How do we achieve abundance in this life? What makes you think
that you
haven't already achieved it? Interesting question.
But, there
are still things that I desire that I cannot afford. There are
things
that I would like to do that I cannot yet do. There is also
the
matter of living a lifestyle that would be consistent with what I
believe to be
my destiny. What can I do to generate this abundance ... or
better yet,
realize this abundance. When it comes down to it, how much do I
really
need? The one thing that seems to matter most is free time, and
this I
manage to still waste a lot of. Part of that is due to an overall
state
of drowsiness. It seems that I have more than my fair share of
this. Getting up in the morning is quite a challenge. With
as much
as I have to do, you would think this would be otherwise. You
would think
that I would jump out of bed each day not to prepare for work, but to
begin the
tasks that are mine to do. If I truly believe my free time is so
important, I would not spend it sleeping late and napping as I
presently
do. But, how does one escape from being tired. A simple
inversion
of letters takes us from t-ir-ed to t-ri-ed = tried. The answer
seems to
be to try new things. This is how we escape boredom. This
is how we
overcome tiredness. It matters not why we are tired. The
solution
works nonetheless. I also noticed t-i-r-e-d is one letter shy of
edit-o-r. It is curious that I have chosen not to be the editor
for this
expression nor have I chosen to hire one. The sense is that this
is
consciousness work, and she needs to help bring forth whatever
resources are
needed to spread and disseminate the works. As a hermit, that is
outside
of my comfort zone and realm. Though, it seems that I do have a
role to
play in the world ... one that will require me to leave my shell and
interact
closely and deeply with others. When this will be, I can only
guess. Soon comes to mind, but I am not quite sure that I am
ready for
that yet. One day at a time. With each day we take one step
closer
to our destiny. Trust the God force within you. It know
exactly
what you need and what you are ready for. If you allow
yourself to,
you will be pushed in exactly that direction that is right for
you. Go with
the flow. Trust that the universe is caring for you as you care
for
yourself and others in your life. The sense is that I have
capsized and
have little choice but to go where the current takes me. But,
even there
I have some power to alter the course here and there ... possibly even
allowing
me to reach shore from time to time. Interesting. For many
years I
have felt that I was in the clouds. My connection to spirit is
strong. But there is a break or bottleneck somewhere so that the
connection to the ground is not quite what it should be. It is as
if I
were spiritually grounded rather than physically grounded. That
has been
true for a long time. I took it as a sign of maturity, as a
distinction. And, such indeed it may be. But to do real
work in the
world, we must be physically grounded as well.
Back to t-i-r-e-d, it is also one letter short of dire-c-t. We
are the
directors of the dramas of our lives. We are also the
playwrights.
We craft the very lines that we speak. That would mean that I
have
crafted all of this expression as well. Either that, or I crafted
a role
where I would be receptive to such a stream of consciousness from a
source
within. Either way, it makes for an interesting role to
play.
Either way, it amazes me that such as this could be expressed in the
manner
that it is. Will it be said some day that it is amazing that one
such as
this could exist in the world. That would be a memorial worthy of
a life.
31 July
2004
This
makes the 12th musing for the month. Not a record by far, but
definitely
a respectable showing. I'm pleased with the new productivity
anyway. There is something about this expression that enlivens
me.
It is good to see it happening again. There is every sense that I
can get
back into the groove that I was in throughout 2002 and most of
2003. But,
is that what I want? Is that how I choose to spend me time?
At this
moment, I would have to answer yes. This is still the most
important
thing that I do in my life. Yes, in my life. Part of that
comes
from an assessment of what will have lasting value. For the most
part,
what I do at work is temporary and impermanent. It's utility
passes far
too quickly. But, here, I have a sense of participating in
something that
is timeless. Further, it is something beyond who I know myself to
be. Gladly, I give my time to this endeavor. I wish that I
would be
moved to do more. Yet, there is only so much that I can do.
Or is
there? Am I limiting what I could be or what I could do? If
so, it
is time to put a stop to that. Why do I push myself so
hard?
Because I know what I am capable of and I refuse to accept less.
Then why
am I sleeping and napping so much? It is as if I'm hibernating
waiting
for the long winter to be over. Interesting analogy ... but we
are in the
middle of summer, and a hot one at that. There is something about
the
heat that is exhausting. The desert near
What would we do next? For one thing, we are moved to
express. This
ever flowing stream of consciousness urges us to go onward and express
whatever
would come forth through us. We create it not, yet it is created
through
us. Without us, it would not exist. Yet, in a very real
way,
without it, we would not exist either. This is whom that we are,
in ways
that run deep to our very core. How can an expression be whom
that we
are? Is it rather not what we do? But, is there any real
difference
between the two. Creator and created, are they not one whole ...
neither
existing in the same manner without the other? Experiencer and
experience
... are these not whole in a similar manner? Yet, I AM is beyond
what I
create and what I experience. I can say that, but how do I know
that?
Is it not obvious? Perhaps to you, but what about to
others? Many
do not believe as you do. Many do not think as you do. Many
do not
know as you do. That is OK. Through sharing, they can at
least
experience my take on things. What makes me think that what I
have to say
is worth reading? Good question. My sense is that I would
not be so
moved to share it if it were not meant to reach others somehow.
The very
fact that I am moved to express in the manner that I do suggest that
there is
an audience that is meant to read this. Right now, there is at
least one
person touched by all this, namely me. Surely, there will be
others. I simply can't believe that all of this might be for my
eyes
only. Somehow, that is just unacceptable. At the same time,
I would
not force my work upon others. Either the expression stands on
its own or
it doesn't. Is that something that is fair to impose? Why
not? Spirit knows what she is doing. In fact, far more than
I
know. I continue to be a vessel through which spirit
speaks. This I
do willingly and dutifully. Yes, I accept it as a duty.
There is a
sense that no one else could do what I do in the way that I do
it. Yet,
is that not true of each of us? We are all unique expressions of
spirit. What we do could not be done in the same way by
another.
Each of us leaves our ripples on the pool of the world and these
interact in a
manner that results in impacting others and the world in some
way. How we
do this is up to us ... we decide by the very way that we choose to
express in
our lives.
How far can this expression take us? The immediate answer that
came was:
to the end of our days. Somehow, that was expected. It
seems that
we are in this for the long haul, another two decades at least.
We'll
just have to see whether that proves to be the case. It would be
nice to
do this on a full time basis as my job as well as my love.
Unfortunately,
thus far, my attempts to make that so have been less than
successful.
Nonetheless, I am moved to continue as I have over the past 11
years. So
long as I am so moved, I will continue to express in this manner.
There
is something special about allowing source to speak through one.
There is
a sense of awe and of mystery. The process is truly
magical. There
is something special about watching word after word reveal itself to
your mind
and through your fingers to the computer screen and ultimately to the
printed
page. How many get to experience consciousness firsthand in so
intimate
of a manner?
1 August
2004
The
first day of a new month has arrived and the consecutive musing streak
grows to
seven. It's a start anyway. If I remember right there were
streaks
of 53 and 83 in 2002 and 2003 plus several others I don't recall at the
moment. The expression will be what it is. I will be moved
to
express when I am moved to express. There is no use rushing or
forcing
it. So what would we muse today? It is ever a surprise as
to what
will come forth. That is OK. We are dealing with the
unknown realms
of consciousness. What more can we expect? Several times
today
variations of 2184 appeared on license plates immediately in front of
me.
This is the final four of my SSN and happens to be 888(16). The
sense is
that this is the work that I came to do and that somehow the time to
begin that
work is now. Hmm ... that would suggest that I haven't yet begun
this
work. The past 11 years have been preparatory somehow. They
have
not been the real thing. All that is Beyond Imagination is just
the
opening note in the symphony that is to be my life. Whoa, that is
hard to
take. There has been a lot of expression in those 11 years.
I had
hoped it would be among the lasting works of my life. Perhaps it
will be,
perhaps not.
It does feel that the timing is right to begin something new.
Perhaps
there will be a whole new phase of expression ... not only in written
form but
in person somehow. I need to reach people one on one, and one on
many as
befits the circumstances. I cannot count on people finding and
reading
this expression. It seems that I must take it to them
instead. Can
I do this? Yes. But, do I really want to do this? Do
whatever
it takes, comes to mind. We have the whole world to gain after
all, and
nothing to lose. If we try and fail ... then such was not meant
to be and
we find something different to try. If we succeed, we are living
the life
that we dreamed. What more can we ask for? It seems to be a
WIN/WIN
situation all around. So what is stopping us? We're still
waiting
for opportunity to knock at our door. We're still waiting to be
moved in
some new direction. This musing is the first suggestion that it
is time
for something new. It takes awhile from the announcement until
the
reality is manifest.
We have 153 = 9 x 17 = The Hermit x The Star days left in the year
counting
today. Curious, I relate personally to both of these cards in the
Tarot. Further 9:17 is 43 to 10 = 43210, an interesting
combination of
digits in a row. This is also 2:10-2:34, centered at 2:22.
This is
one quarter of the 888 that we saw earlier. It has been awhile
since I've
been moved to make connections between numbers in the way. Years
ago,
this was a regular part of the expression. However, since I never
really
found anyone who seemed to understand the connections I was making,
that part
of the expression simply dropped by the wayside in favor of more verbal
expression. But, there are times, particularly when I am manic,
when the
numbers reappear in their full glory in a way that I can not
contain. Or
rather, in a way that I choose not to contain. I would express
what I am
moved to express. What others take from this is not for me to
determine
or to question. There is no second guessing spirit. She
knows what
she is doing in our lives. She is living through us, expressing
through
us. You might think I don't believe that we have a reality of our
own. I would offer that we have no reality independent of the
spirit that
expresses through us. Can that really be true? Is
everything spirit in expression ... the
good, the bad, and the indifferent? What about the heights of
genius and
the depths of stupidity and mediocrity ... all spirit in expression as
well. There is nothing but spirit in expression.
Nothing!
Pursuing the path that spirit intends for us to take ... that is the
key.
That is what we need to do. That means first finding the path and
then
deliberately choosing to take steps on that path. I believe that
is what
I am doing here. Stepping out one foot in front of the other on
the path
that spirit has intended for me. As I do this, I look for signs
that
verify that I am going in the right direction. Numbers provide on
set of
signs for me. Happiness is a more universal sign. When we
are in
the groove that is right for us, happiness is one of the noticeable
side
effects. Though, if we are not careful, it can be very
elusive.
Part of that is because following the path that is right for us my not
be the
easiest way to live. In fact, often it is a challenging way to
live. We are challenged to overcome our limitations. We are
challenged to overcome our fears. We are challenged to live a
life filled
with love. In the end, there is only love. Everything else
is
illusion. The sooner that we realize this, the better off we
are.
That is one of the major lessons we are here to learn ... there is only
love. Then why is there so much darkness and fear expressed in
the
world? We still live in a world of light and shadow. The
shadows
create darkness where fear is allowed to manifest until light is shone
upon it
to reveal it for what it truly is, nothing.
3 August
2004
Another day, another
musing.
It's amazing how that happens. Regardless of how much is
expressed, there
is always more to be expressed. Or, so it seems anyway.
It's simply
a matter of putting in the time and effort to allow the expression to
flow
forth. So, what would come forth today? Out of nothingness,
the
words come into being. There is a blankness of mind required to
facilitate this expression. It is as if when my mind is blank, it
is like
a vacuum attracting whatever would come forth from source. As a
result,
my sense is that I am not the creator of all of this. I am an
active
participant, yes, and even a necessary one. Is that enough to
make the
expression mine? The sense is yes, just as the painter or
sculptor or
mathematician or philosopher can consider their works their own.
Creative
expression is special. It also has an otherly quality, a
spiritual
quality to it.
It is in
consciousness that I live my life and through consciousness
that I do my work. From another perspective, consciousness or
spirit does
its work through us. We are all spirit in expression. That
is what
truly matters. Yes, we are physical, and we are meant to enjoy
physical
reality. However, equally and more importantly, we are spiritual
and are
meant to enjoy this part of our reality as well. The trick is to
ensure
that our priorities are right. We do this by finding our
spiritual center
and living from that to the degree that we can. That means being
kind,
both to others and ourselves. That means being generous,
especially
with our time and energy. That doesn't mean going
overboard.
Though, we may find that such is not possible. The more we give
of
ourselves, the more spirit refills us. That is how spiritual law
works. We are meant to be useful ... to do things with a sense of
purpose
... to accomplish some mission that is ours to do. If we look
within, we
will find what that is for us. There is no general
purpose/mission that
applies to everyone. Here, each of us is unique. There is
no small
purpose. However, many seem content not to find their purpose and
carry
out their mission. That is OK. Everything happens in its
right
timing. The play unfolds as it will. Each of us plays our
parts in
the manner that we choose. Yet, from a higher level, there is a
greater
drama that is being played out, one in which many roles are intertwined
into
chords and fabrics of splendid beauty and grand designs. Life is
a place
for creatively expressing and for learning whatever we need to
know. Our
souls know what this is and attract the reality that is appropriate to
make it
happen.
Our unique
consciousness provides the opportunity to
experience life as it has never been experienced before. In the
process,
we express whom that we are and whatever spirit is able to express
through
us. This is a natural process, one that we are engaged in all of
the
time. Everything is spirit in expression. Everything!
How can
I be so certain? Because spirit is certain in the manner that she
comes
forth and I have no other knowledge to the contrary. That is not
to say
that everything that comes forth is true. Sometimes my ego and
attachment
get in the way of clear communication. There have been times in
the past
when this was clearly the case. However, recently, there is more
of a
sense of distance. Then, who is really expressing here? I
choose to
expend a significant portion of my life engaged in this
expression. I do
it because I am moved to do it. Right now, it appears to be the
right
thing to do. Further, I really do enjoy doing it. This
expression
is uniquely mine. It is unlike anything else that I have every
read. Does that make it good? For me, yes! But
whether any
expression is good or not is in the eye or mind of the beholder.
Regardless, I do what is mine to do. I go where I am moved to
go.
What else can be expected of anyone?
There is a
strong sense that life is about to take a major
turn for the better. In exactly what way remains to be
seen. When
is always problematic as well. Most of the time my sense of
timing is
more wishful thinking than accurate prediction. That seems
appropriate
for one who has chosen to not where a watch most of his adult
life. To
me, this makes a statement about the importance of time in my life ...
especially the exact time. The only exceptions to this are for
waking,
for meetings at work, and for commuting. There, I rely on an
alarm clock,
a clock at the bottom right corner of the monitor on the computer, and
a clock
in my car. With all of this, I don't need a separate clock to
carry
around on my wrist all of the time. Time is relegated to a
convenience
rather than a driving force in my life. That is what seems to
work best
for me. I'm very relaxed and laid back overall, definitely not
your type
A personality. Yet, at the same time I am driven to do what I do,
whether
that is my paid work or this expression.
913 words to
the end of the paragraph above. That is
I M = The Hermit: Death. It is also 91:Death exalted, 13:Death =
I
AM. Further, it is the reverse span from 13 to 19, span of 6:The
Lovers
centered at 16:The Tower. How I love making these connections ...
and,
all from a word count at a seemingly arbitrary point in an
expression.
Actually, looking at the time, it was probably close to 9:13 PM when I
did the
word count. Coincidence? Definitely not! Yet, I have
not
encountered others who either make such connections or share
them.
Occasionally, I do word counts to see whether I've reached my goal for
expression for the day. I have two thresholds ... the 1000 word
mark and
the 2000 word mark. Depending on what happens during the day, one
or the
other is more realistic to achieve. Today, the former is the most
likely
because it was a long and busy day at work. We'll see what the
morrow
brings. Looking back, I was told by a psychic many years ago that
16:The
Tower was "my card". Seeing it come up here at this time is a
sign that spirit is doing her works in my life again. Then, I
knew that.
However, it is nice to see such confirmation.
4 August
2004
What would
come forth today? Each day is fresh and
new. Each expression of consciousness is something new and
wondrous,
something that has never been expressed in the same way before.
How long
can this continue? Our estimate would put us at 3-4 million words
since
1993. Yes, that is a lot of words. But, it is only the
beginning. Would it be better to be more succinct ... to pick and
choose
our words more carefully, or to go back and cut and edit as other
writers
do? Perhaps, but that is not my way. Or, that is not
spirits
way. We are not generating volumes of words for volume
sake.
Otherwise, how could we expect anyone to read what is being
expressed. At
the same time, we have no intended message in mind as we express.
Our
sole purpose is to allow the stream of consciousness to freely flow
forth as it
will that it may serve as an example of what is possible when we allow
spirit
to animate our lives. Is there a hidden agenda in all of
this? If
so, it is hidden from me as well. Then again, perhaps that is
because I'm
so close to the expression that I can't stand back and see it with
clear
eyes. As far as I know, I am the only person exposed to this
entire
expression by virtue of reading it as I see myself typing it. I
also go
back and re-read what has been expressed, sometimes several times ...
so this
expression demands a lot from me. However, it gives a lot back to
me in
return. This is a sounding board of sorts, a confidant, a friend,
and
even a therapist at times. I don't know how many times over the
past
eleven years that I have stood on the edge of sanity/insanity. It
is
probably more often than many might guess. Yet, I consider myself
sane
for the most part. Then again, would an insane man not consider
himself
sane as well? After all, what other reality does he know with
which to
compare? What is mental illness? Is an imbalance of brain
chemistry
the chief component? What predisposes us to such
imbalances? Why
don't the mentally ill feel ill? When the body is ailing, we feel
sick
and know it. However, when the mind is doing funny things, we may
or may
not know unless we look for the right clues in our behavior.
I've been
living with being bipolar since I was diagnosed
in 1993 following a massive spiritual awakening experience. Even
before
then, as far back as 1972 or so, I didn't think and act as others
around me
did. I was bright, and my eccentricities were personal ... so
many did
not even know about them. Yes, I was different. But, I wore
that as
a badge of distinction. It was a positive thing to me. It
still
is. I have no desire to be as others are. It is enough to
be what I
would be. The bipolar condition is interesting however. It
permits
me to experience mood swings that take me from what is normal to me to
moderately manic. At least, such are the swings permitted by my
daily
medications. Twice, I have experienced extreme mania to the
point
of needing to be hospitalized and put on extended leaves of absence to
recover. The first time was just before I was diagnosed in
1993.
The second time was after I stopped taking my medications in
1998. Since
we made it through 2003 without a similar incident, it seems that the
pattern
has been broken. Though, I did learn my lesson and take my
medications
regularly. Yes, medications. It takes three different ones
to keep
the cycles in check. To date, I still have not met another
bipolar person
who experiences reality in the way that I do. Actually, another
person
period. Perhaps I'm looking in the wrong places. Perhaps
this is
true for everyone, but somehow I doubt that. There are many
places where
large groups of people have common beliefs, value systems, outlooks,
and
experiences. I just don't fit into any such groups, at least not
yet. Am I destined to be an individual all of my days?
Perhaps. That would be appropriate for one who is a hermit
anyway.
But, is that what I truly want? In some respects yes.
However, in
other respects, I would encourage the company of others ... especially
others
of like mind, kindred spirits if you were. Where are my
contemporaries? Where are those with whom I am meant to
interact?
Right now, these come along rarely. If I had to guess, fewer than
a
couple dozen people interact with me on a regular basis. By
regular, I
mean that we know one another to some degree and communicate at least
every few
months. That includes the people that I work with. Outside
of work,
this becomes less than a handful of people. There is definitely
something
strange about that, especially for one who wants to impact the world in
significant ways. Yet, it is my choice. I'm definitely the
introvert with a thick shell that few are able to penetrate. That
shelters me from the world to a large degree, keeping me safe.
But, it
also limits me. Is the benefit worth the cost? How am I to
know
this? The only way that I can think of is to experiment and drop
the
shell for awhile and see whether I prefer the reality that I
experience.
What have I got to lose? I can always resign from the world again
if I
don't like what I experience.
That's a
logical argument, but is it enough to change my
ways? It seems that either it is or it is not. One way or
another,
we shall see the results of the choices that we make next.
Lately, I have
been reaching out more than ever before. So, it seems that the
decision
has indeed been made already. Change starts with a single step in
a new
direction. At first, a slightly new direction is all that is
necessary.
Over the course of time, the small difference leads to a huge amount of
change. In fact, the initial difference may be so minuscule as to
be
unnoticeable. The biggest difference comes in the mind with
intent.
We have to desire new experiences in our lives and then have to be
willing to
act upon the opportunities that present themselves as a result.
As we
act, we set in motion more opportunities until in the end our reality
is
completely different because we allowed ourselves to be
different. This
is the way that we create our reality. It is completely within
our
power. In fact, we do it whether we know it or not. It
helps to
consciously participate in the process. But, that is not
necessary for
the process to work. At least conscious awareness is not
necessary.
All of this
is well and good, but what would we bring forth
that is profound? Hmm ... in all of these years, this is the
first time
that I have asked this particular question. I expect more than
words to
come forth. I expect words with a depth of meaning, spiritual
meaning. For the most part, I get what I expect. But, that
really
is something for you to judge yourself. Do the words move
you? Do
they have a meaning and a utility that is worth reading them? I
hope
so. Though it seems at times we ramble on a bit. Do what
you love
or love what you do. One way or another the result is still the
same. Great things come from this one practice. When we
love what
we do, we imbue our work with a wonderful energy that permeates it in a
way
that is apparent to others. There is a perfection that comes from
this. There is a sense of beauty and majesty as well. Is
such
apparent here? I wonder.
Help those
who ask to the degree that you can and to the
degree that you feel obligated. If you seek within, your
obligations will
be obvious. This doesn't mean that you have to help everyone who
asks but
if they are asking you for help, there is some reason for it. Be
careful
about how you help, however. We don't want to make others
dependent or
co-dependent on us if we can avoid it. Ultimately those in need
will have
there needs met, one way or another. The universe is a
cooperative
endeavor. It can also be a competitive one, even fiercely so at
times. How do we share the bounty of the world with the whole
world? How do we collectively create an abundant world
society?
Until we are ONE world, we permit needless suffering to continue
indefinitely. And, to whose benefit? Those who believe in
scarcity
have divided society into some haves and many have-nots. Is that
fair? Who is responsible for enforcing fairness? We should
be
self-policing. But, who polices multinational corporations?
Some of
these wield more power than many governments. The economic system
should
serve us. It should enable us to be prosperous ... not just some
of us,
but all of us. What would the world be like if there was
sufficient
abundance to meet the needs of all? And, not just the basic
needs, but
the real needs on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual
levels? I
can imagine such a world. But, can we collectively create
it? To
some degree, we are already creating it ... at least some of us.
Indeed,
in some areas, many of us. However, this is far from a
majority. Many
still struggle to make ends meet. It is just that the ends are
far
greater than they have ever been before. Their is incredible
wealth in
this country. Yet, making a living is still a challenge. We
should
be concerned with more than making a living. We should be
concerned with
making a masterpiece of our lives. Hmm ... how many even have an
inkling
that this might be true? This is not something that I was ever
taught in
school. It took excursions into the metaphysical and the occult
to find
this out. Now, it is a knowingness. Part of my masterpiece
is this
very expression. It is built word by word, musing by
musing. At
what point will I have created a castle? When will people visit
this
castle in numbers that truly make a difference? Perhaps this is
already
happening beyond my awareness.
What am I
meant to do with my life? I am a wayshower
here to demonstrate how spirit can more fully express in flesh. I
am also
a master builder, here to build the foundations for a new world.
Yes,
these are big tasks, but they are tasks that someone or some group has
to
do. My sense is that they are indeed my tasks. It does not
matter
how big they are. I will do what I must do. I will carry
out the
mission that I came to perform as it is unveiled to my
consciousness.
Right now, this expression is a major part of that mission ... perhaps
even its
entirety. How long this will continue remains to be seen.
It will
be thus as long as it needs to be, not one moment longer. How can
I know
this? Simply because that is how things work in my world.
Yes, my
world. From what I can tell, my world is substantially different
from the
worlds of others. Not that I interact enough with many others to
know
this for certain.
5 August
2004
Back to our real work,
the
expression that spirit would speak through us. Consciousness is
my home
more than any physical locality. I take her, or she takes me
wherever I
go. She moves me to do whatever I do. She moves me to be
whatever I
would be. Through her I live my life. And, I shall do so
for the
remainder of my days. This requires a deep trust in the workings
of
spirit, in the expression of consciousness through us. Indeed,
such is
the case. But, the trust is warranted. I have seen
firsthand what
consciousness has done in my life. I can't imagine what life
would have
been like without this injection from spirit and the awakening
experiences that
started in 1993. For one thing, this expression would never have
seen the
light of day. Millions of words capturing untold numbers of ideas
would
simply not exist. From my standpoint that alone would have been a
great
loss. However, what is to come will be even greater. The
sense is
that we have only touched the tip of the iceberg. There is so
much more
that lies beneath the surface unseen.
Wouldn't it
be nice to be able to see ahead to what we will
have accomplished in another decade? At the same time, is that
really
necessary. The point is that we need to live our life in the
moment. However, we need to do it in a manner that moves us
toward the
future that we desire. That requires accounting for the past as
well, not
allowing it to confine and enchain us, but adjusting it as necessary to
move in
the course that we desire to move. This is our choice. In
the
present, we decide what we will manifest in our lives. We can do
that
consciously or at other than conscious levels. One way or
another, we do
it however.
To learn
something important each and every day ... that
should be one of our top goals. Our very focus on doing this will
attract
to us those things that are most important for us to learn. That
is just
how it works. Reality creation is not a difficult process.
It is
not something to labor over for untold hours. It is something
that we
should allow to naturally unfold in our lives. We can do this if
we are
open to it. That too requires having a degree of trust, a faith
in the
very workings of the universe and of nature. That doesn't mean
that there
won't be challenges. Indeed, there will be. But, these will
be
challenges that we can overcome either individually or
collectively. I
was going to say easily overcome, but some challenges require more than
that. As Richard Bach wrote in Illusions, "you seek
challenges because you need their gifts". What challenges have I
faced, and what gifts have come as a result? The first challenge
comes
from being alone in a world of 6 billion plus people. My sense is
that
the gift of writing came from this challenge. What I couldn't
express to
others personally got transformed into what I express and share
here. I
consider myself blessed to have experienced my life in the manner that
I
do. I am not always happy, far from it. But, overall, I am
satisfied with the progress that I have made along the path, with what
I have
done, and with what has been done through me. Oh, there is still
much
more to come, but it has been a wonderful start. At times, I was
bored
and felt that I was "on hold" waiting for my life to truly
begin. In 1993, that finally happened, but not in a way that I
had
dreamed or anticipated. Plus, there was a misinterpretation on my
part of
what was happening and what would transpire next. I thought
things would
move much faster than they did. For instance, I'm still working
for an
employer, a master; something that I thought and hoped would end a
decade
ago. I can only conclude that somehow where I am and what I am
doing is
right for me. This is where I need to be, at least for the
present.
But, once again, there is a strong sense that this is to change in the
not too
distant future. I strongly desire to "no longer toil at the
bidding
of any prince". That does not mean that I want to retire and stop
working. It just means that I want my work to have more meaning
and more
lasting value. Perhaps that is possible in my present job
environment. But, the sense is that every hour engaged here is
one less
hour engaged doing the tasks which I ultimately came to do. That
can only
go on for so long before it becomes intolerable. At this point,
it is
getting close, but it is not quite there. I still get some
enjoyment from
what I do at work. Though, that could change depending on what
happens in
the near future. Even at that, there is still the gnawing feeling
that
this is not what I am meant to be doing at this time in my life.
Somehow,
I am missing my opportunity to excel and to do what I do best. At
this
point, written expression is a big part of that. But, there is
nothing
stopping me from writing in my abundant free time except myself.
Here, it
is a matter of discipline and resolve. Here, it is a matter of
committing
to something that is greater than I am. That can be easy or
difficult
depending on your natural disposition.
I would be a
wayshower. I would offer the world an
example of what can be. It would help if I could do this in the
context
of a community, but that has not been forthcoming. A community of
one is
not much of a community. Then again, depending on how many parts
make up
that one, that may a shortsighted conclusion. Clearly, there are
many
parts of myself only some of which I am aware. Becoming more and
more
self aware is one of the primary directives from consciousness.
It is
through self awareness that we realize whom that we are. It is
through
self realization that we become all that we can be. Awareness and
realization are indeed that powerful. They are not to be taken
lightly.
So many
things are up in the air at the moment. It
will be interesting to see how they turn out. Though, it seems
that it
may be time to assert myself to move things in the directions that I
would
prefer. I've been reluctant to do that, feeling that it would be
imposing
my will on others. But, what is wrong with that? Why have a
will if
we can't use it to influence and impact others or to create what we
want in our
life? Hmm ... that is an interesting way of putting things,
create what
we want = create what we lack. This too has two meanings, create
to fill
what we want or create the want to begin with. The bottom line is
that we
do both. Lately, I've realized that there are material things
that I
desire and deserve. A promotion and accompanying raise would go a
long
way to achieving this. It seems that it is time. I've been
working
for the same organization for nearly 8 years and have over 23 years of
engineering experience. I do quality work and am a self-starter
requiring
very little management attention. Just as in my life, I'm on my
own a lot
at work. On the negative side, that makes some of my work
somewhat
invisible to others. Interesting, that parallels my Beyond
Imagination
work as well. I'm comfortable operating behind the scenes.
Though,
I like to see that my work has an impact, preferably a great
impact. To
date, I haven't seen much of this. The quantity of output is
great and
the quality is good, both on and off the job. But, in neither
environment
does the feedback suggest I'm having the impact that I could. I'm
not
sure how to change this other than to be different. If I choose
different
actions, perhaps the results will be different. That is how we
change our
reality. Mass reality is another matter however. As an
individual,
the part of mass reality that I am involved with is
What to do
next ... that is the question? Express ...
express ... express. That is the answer that comes forth.
Indeed,
that seems to be the right answer for me. The more that I
express, the
more that I give, the more energy is released unto the world.
What
happens with that energy is somewhat out of my hands. I take the
step to
share it at the Beyond Imagination site. In return, I ask spirit
for
abundance ... unlimited abundance. To date, the abundance has
still been
limited. But, the sense is that this is due to my choices not to
what
spirit is doing. Interesting, but something rings true about
that.
I need to take action to release the floodgates of abundance.
Part of
that is truly believing that we deserve abundance. There is
nothing wrong
with being extravagant. There is nothing wrong with having and
enjoying
the material comforts of the world if that is what we desire. For
me,
however, there is still a dichotomy between being spiritual and being
physical. The separation is not real, but it is somehow part of
my
outlook on life. I've been struggling with this for some time,
but it
doesn't seem to reach resolution. I am physical yes, but I
neglect my body
far more than I should. Yes, should is a "guilt" word. We
either do or don't do. There is no should.
Where do all
of these words come from? Clearly the
source is within me. But, that says a lot about what we are
connected to
and capable of. Consciously, I don't know what is coming
next. Yet,
on other than conscious levels, the source is clear, and word after
word flows
forth out of somewhere deep within. So many words have come forth
that
the process is automatic now. What makes me think that what is
expressed
is worth saying? I just trust consciousness and how she expresses
in my
life. So long as I am moved to express in this manner, I will
continue to
do so. After that, I will do whatever I am moved to do
next. How do
I know that the expression isn't repeating itself? The bottom
line is
that I don't. My memory is such that I don't remember much.
And,
there has been too much expressed to be able to look for
repetition. I
know some themes are recurring. They appear time and time again,
but
always in slightly different clothes or from a different angle.
The
material makes little reference to the works of others. Nor is it
self-referent. It just flows forth moment by moment. I
allow it to
do so because it feels right. At some level, I know that this is
what I
am here to do. At some level, I know that it will pay off in
abundance in
the end. It is a matter of sowing sufficiently to allow a harvest
to be
reaped. Also, there is a sense that enough must be sowed to
trigger the
entire chain to flow. For some, this is a tight chain, and the
return is
very quick. For others, it can be a chain that spans the whole
world and
thus takes much longer to traverse. It seems that my chain is a
very long
one.
6 August
2004
Again we
return to this expression that is our life.
If only we could figure out how to enable it to sustain us
comfortably.
Such is not much to ask. To be able to do what we love to
do. I was
reading some of the passages on consciousness earlier today. They
are quite
inspired, if I have to say so myself. They seem to be of a nature
that
would be of interest and of help to others. That makes them worth
something ... that makes them special. But how do I get them out
to a
wider audience. I was hoping that by now book sales would be
producing
sufficient income to at least pay to publish more books. However,
this
has not been the case ... not even close. I'm not sure how to
interpret
that bit of feedback from the universe. But, I am not
deterred. I
will take the books forward until they are ready to go anyway, and then
wait
for fall out funds to complete the works. And, in the meantime, I
can
continue to muse. It costs me nothing except my time. And
that, I
willingly give to this endeavor. This expression is that
important to me,
more important than anything else that I presently do in my life.
What would be
expressed nest? That is always a
surprise in the making. I never know what is to come until it
comes
forth. How can that be? How can I not be in control of what
flows
through my brain and my fingers? That is just the way it
is. The
communication is automatic. It is between source, me, and
an
unnamed audience. Will this audience be unnamed forever?
Probably
not, but perhaps for the duration of my existence anyway. Hmm ...
that
suggests that I may be alone in carrying out my mission or some
time. Do
I really believe this? Is this what I desire? Is this
really how I
choose to live my life? It is perfectly appropriate to choose to
answer
NO to any of these questions. But, is that what I
choose? To
date, indeed it seems to be. Otherwise my reality would be quite
different than it is. Then again, my reality is already strange
by most
peoples standards. That is OK. There are far worst things
than
being strange. For instance, being average would be the death of
me. Then again, that is just me. With Uranus in the first
house
conjunct the ascendant, it is only natural for me to be eccentric in
some
ways. I would not give up my eccentricities. These to some
degree
define who I am. I would be who I am and none other. It is
curious
that I have not adopted role models in my life, at least I'm not aware
of doing
so. Rather, I allowed my self to unfold naturally ... following
the path
that I was moved by spirit to follow.
I've been
told multiple times that I am an old soul, and
perhaps even an ancient one. I believe that is why I seem to know
things
that others don't yet know. Then again, it is not a matter of not
knowing, rather it is a matter of not remembering. That is the
more
correct way of looking at it. Our souls know what they are doing,
even if
at times it seems that we do not.
Everywhere we look, life begs to be expressed. There is an
evolution of
the expression of consciousness in form that is going on ... an
evolution that
drives everything. We are all part of that evolution. It is
time
for the foundations to be built that facilitate this evolution and this
expression. That demands action on our part. We have to
come up
with the ideals, then realize them in practical ways. It is only
a matter
of time. The conditions are right. The world is ready to
change. Though, many are satisfied with the status quo ... not
understanding the nature of the current limits that restrain us
individually
and collectively. This too can change. It is a simple
matter of
education. And, the mass media provides a perfect medium for
providing
this education. Will we be smart enough to use the resources that
are
available intelligently? That remains to be seen. Thus far,
this
has been far less successful than we might have hoped. But, new
ideas
cannot be forced. Their time indeed will come. It is a
matter of
standing by and being patient. Force is not compatible with a
peaceful
world. Yet, strength is completely compatible. Spiritual
warriors
and peaceful warriors have a great strength which comes forth from
within. It is not for them to impose their will on the
world.
Rather, it is their chosen destiny to serve spirit with the strength of
their
beingness. Part of this comes from an awareness that is far
greater than
most. This includes a familiarity with the nature of
consciousness and
how consciousness creates reality.
Hmm ... I don't think I've ever expressed anything like these last few
sentences before. The last sentence in particular strikes a
resounding
chord. Indeed, it is consciousness that creates reality ...
whether this
be on conscious or other than conscious levels.
It is
always great to see when something new and original comes forth.
That
still happens a lot in this expression. That is part of why it is
so much
fun. If the material kept repeating itself, I would have become
bored and
stopped long ago. But such is not what happened. Instead,
new
material kept coming through ... material that changed me in ways that
allowed
further nuances of expression to come forth. How long this will
continue,
there is no way to know. But, however long, I will continue to
allow
spirit to express through me as she will. You might say that this
is a
service to humankind that I choose to provide. And, you would be
right. Though, it extends to our furry friends as well.
7 August
2004
One
quick operation and what was yesterdays musing becomes the blank
template for
housing what would be expressed today. It was a busy day working
on the
cabin in Idyllwild. Let's see 947335934 = 47/11. Now isn't
that
interesting. That's the number for ASLAN, the All Caps version of
my
spiritual name. No wonder I feel so much at home there. It
is as if
the cabin were built just for us. Though, the first owners built
it and
enjoyed it for 20 years. I'm sure that they were sad to part with
it. We happened to be looking at just the right time and had just
expanded our search space from buildable lots to low priced homes with
the
potential to build further. This particular property has a
potential site
for a primary home further up on the property. At this point, it
is not
clear whether it is buildable or not or whether we will have the
resources to
commit to it. Only time will tell. In the meantime, there
is plenty
to do to fix up the cabin to the way that we want it. We got an
early
start and spent much of the day doing that today.
Looking at the name Idyllwild, two things come to mind "ideal" and
"wild". Much of the town is indeed wild, sitting adjacent to
National Forest land in many places. The summer temperature is
ideal, at
5300 feet it is just over 20 degrees cooler than the desert
floor. I'll
take 88 versus 108 degrees any day. Also, there is something
refreshing
about being in the mountains. The smell is different. The
noise
level is greatly reduced. It is even silent at times. The
very air
is different. We're definitely going to enjoy the time we spend
there. It is hard to believe that it is really ours and that it
closed
within a month. When things are meant to be, they are just meant
to be.
I am tired now. But, I feel moved to muse anyway. I don't
know
why. That is just the way it is. Business trips and a
personal trip
to visit family will keep me from musing several days this month.
So, it
seems I need to take advantage of every opportunity that comes up and
express
what would be expressed. What would that be today? We've
spoken of
abundance before. How do we manifest unlimited abundance in our
lives? By unlimited, I mean enough abundance so that we do not
have to
struggle to get by at whatever lifestyle we desire to live. That
later
part is important. Abundance is relative. Further, it
exists on
several fronts ... physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. If
any of
these are missing, there is lack, hence there is not true
abundance. One
definition of abundance would be the lack of lack. That's an
interesting
way of putting it. The eyes are finding it more and more
difficult to
stay open and focused. Similarly for the mind. Clearly this
cannot
continue to go on for much longer ... unless I get my third wind.
I used
my second to swim tonight. How do we manifest unlimited abundance
then? Once again, as with most things, it all starts with the
belief that
we are worthy of unlimited abundance. It also helps if we believe
that
there is more than enough for all. Scarcity thinking is
antithetical to
abundance. Actually, we are all worthy of unlimited
abundance. You
might even say it is our birthright. However, it is a right that
we have
to fight for in order to realize. We have to work to create a
world of
abundance that we might partake of our fair share of that abundance.
9 August
2004
The prior musing was a
bit on the
light side. Let's see what is in store for today. Normally,
by now
we would have made it to our lower threshold of 1000 words. But
it was a
busy day, and as you can see, we are just getting started. It
will be
interesting to see where the evening takes us. I'm awake now, so
there is
no excuse for not expressing. Then, there is never really any
excuse for
not expressing. We either choose to do it or we don't. It
is that
simple. Then again, what is true for me may or may not be true
for others.
Clearly not everyone has the gift of writing, especially not creative
writing. Yes, I consider this to be creative writing. No,
it is not
fiction. But, it is not based on anything either. It is
simply the
flow of a stream of consciousness. Such it has been since its
birth in
1993. I suspect that it may remain so for all of my days.
It is
curious that I am not interested in reading much anymore. I used
to do
that a lot, especially metaphysical books. However, my eyesight
has
degraded to the point where reading is difficult, with the exception of
what I
am reading on the computer screen. There, I have no
problem. That
is both where I work and where I play. Yes, I consider this
expression to
be play for my consciousness. Here, I play with source to bring
forth an expression
that requires both of us. There is no doubt that I could not do
this
alone. Spirit/consciousness has a special place in my life ...
the
highest place. I suspect that this too will be true for the
remainder of
my days and beyond. Yes, I believe there is a beyond.
Consciousness
continues to exist beyond death of the physical body. We continue
to
exist as individualized beings, as partitions of awareness.
Speaking of
awareness, that is the one thing that we get to keep as we
progress. Our
bodies will return to dust. Our worldly possessions will pass to
others. Even our memories may pass with the demise of our
brains.
But, the level of awareness we have achieved is ours to keep.
Each
incarnation, it becomes our spiritual birthright ... a source of inner
wisdom
that goes beyond anything that we are taught in each existence.
How can I
know such things? They just come forth and ring true
somehow. I
have no reason to doubt the source from which they come. Further,
they
agree with much that I have learned in this existence. That
doesn't mean
that everything that comes forth is gospel. Clearly, it is
not. It
is to be judged solely based on its utility in your life. Does it
assist
you to lead a better life? Only you can decide that.
Wow!
We're off to a decent start. The material
is getting fairly deep and we still have hours available in which to
express. Here, I feel useful ... even if it is only to spirit at
present. There is a sense that eventually what is said here will
impact
many, and impact them positively. In the end, this expression
will have
allowed me to make a statement with my life, a statement that would not
have
otherwise existed. My unique consciousness was necessary to bring
it
forth in this manner. I am the willing servant of spirit in this
endeavor. Together, we are wayshowers, blazing a trail through
the
wilderness of consciousness. I would have it no other way.
Though,
it might help to meet others along the path from time to time. I
don't
know that I want to spend my life alone. All one,
yes! But
not alone. 133 655 = 23 versus 13 655 = 20.
Interesting, 23 is the King of Wands, the number for
Life has
gotten very busy lately. It definitely makes
the time fly by. There is so much to do. It is difficult
selecting
what it is that I must do versus what it is that I can do. It is
important to do those things that I can do that others cannot do.
This
expression is one of those things. It is uniquely mine in the way
that
nothing else that I do is. Further, it is something that I freely
choose
to do. There is nothing forcing me to express except an inner
drive that
needs to be realized. This I choose not to resist. Doing
otherwise
would be like choosing not to breathe. That simply is not going
to happen
for very long. Actually, the comparison is more like choosing not
to
drink. We can only go a few days without water. Here, I
partake of
the water of spirit. And, once again, I am partaking on a regular
basis. That makes me happy. There is something about this
expression that brings out the best in me. Here I get to bare my soul
to the
world, in great detail. Or do I? You see a flow of words, a
stream
of thoughts and ideas on a variety of topics. How much does that
really
tell you about me personally ... except that I am the one through whom
all of
this could be expressed? Though, there is some personal
material.
And, by reading the Beyond Imagination works, you will get to know me
more than
anyone who knows me in person. That could be a sad state of
affairs ...
that my relationships overall lack much depth. The sole exception
is my
relationship with spirit herself. She is my companion, my best
friend, my
solace, my true love, and also my greatest critic. It is through
her that
hope is expressed in my life. It is through her that I am pushed
to be
all that I can be. It is through her that I reach the grandest
realization of whom that I AM.
What would I
do next? Waiting patiently for the
universe does not seem to be working right now. Or is it?
How can
we know unless we wait and see? Hmm ... do we take action to
create the
reality that we prefer or do we just allow it to unfold in our lives
naturally? It seems like both paths get us to the same place,
perhaps
even in the same amount of time. It is a matter of being open and
doing
what we are moved by spirit to do. We will know what that
is. It
will be obvious if we watch for it. So, what is my choice in the
matter? I am reluctant to force my way onto the world. I
would
rather allow what would unfold naturally to do so. I trust that
on other
than conscious levels I am attracting exactly what I need to experience
in my
life. There is a tempering taking place. The sword is being
forged
into an instrument of the greatest utility and finest beauty. The
process
cannot be rushed however. It all takes time. Interesting,
sword
rotated once circularly to the left becomes words. My weapon, my
greatest
tool is words ... and a lot of them at that, literally millions of
them.
I am a spiritual warrior, and I would dispel the darkness with the
light of
words that flow forth through me. That requires sharing the words
with
many. How do I do that? I have been posting material to the
Beyond
Imagination web site since 1995. Yes, for nine years. In
that time,
I've had tens of thousands of page hits on the over 100 pages at the
site. Further, over the 18 months, I've published 9 books and
have 2 more
in work. Unfortunately, no one seems to be buying the books
except
me. I had thought that the proceeds from sales would fund the
Beyond
Imagination works that are to be done. They would be the seed
money for
building the foundations of a new world. It has been over a year
since
the first book was published and this simply has not happened.
Total
sales for all nine books are fewer that a dozen. That is a bit
disheartening. But publishing the books was something that I just
had to
do. I trust that spirit will ensure that what is meant to result
from
this effort will indeed happen. There is a sense that I did my
part. I made the Beyond Imagination works to date available in a
traditional book format. Not that the contents of the books are
traditional
in any respect ... in format or in subject matter. The Beyond
Imagination
expression is what it is. It would be nice to have more feedback
to show
how it impacts others. Whether that will come or not remains to
be
seen. I may need to be operating in the blind all of my
life. That
is OK. I will do whatever I need to do, and do it to the best of
my
abilities.
Love is all
there is. Love is all there is.
Love is all there is. I think that comes from a Beatles
song. It
was repeating itself in my head, so I wrote it down. No other
parts of
the song, if it is a song, come to mind. Yet, these words speak a
grand
truth. How do we resolve all of the suffering and inequity in the
world
if "love is all there is"? Love is all that's real. Fear
results in all of the problems in the world. But, fear is false,
it is
illusory, it only appears to be real. Hmm ... that is the essence
of what
A Course in Miracles teaches, from the little that I have been
exposed
to it anyway.
Two key
questions dominate life: who are you, and
what do you want? These are very different questions. I
have
focused on the first for most of my life to date. It seems that
it is
time to start focusing on the second, at least equally as much as the
first.
In the show Babylon-5, the two ancient races, the Vorlons and the
Shadows
focused precisely on these two questions. It is amazing how much
spirituality is embedded in some of the popular shows. Is it
there
purposefully or is it there accidentally? Spirit knows what she
is
doing. There are no accidents. Things happen precisely as
they are
meant to happen. The two questions result in very different ways
of
living. When we focus on who we are, the inner reality is most
important. When we focus on what we want, the outer reality is
most
important. In the world, we have introverts and extroverts who
express
this inner/outer distinction as well. Personally, I'm an extreme
introvert. Yet, this very expression seems the opposite of
that.
Though, that is not quite the case. The expression is personal to
me. I don't face the ultimate audience of these works.
Occasionally, someone corresponds via e-mail. But, that is
personal in a
different way. I'm comfortable with written expression.
However, I
rarely speak unless I have to in either work or social settings.
Part of
this is because spoken expression leaves no real record behind except
in the
mind of the communicator. My sense is that the bulk of what I
have to say
is worthy of being recorded. Written expression provides a
natural means
for doing that. Further, it allows the communication to be shared
freely. There are ways that audio and video expression can be
captured as
well. For video, my preferred mode of expression is the camera
and still
photos. Though, I do watch my share of TV and videos. For
audio
expression, music, audio books, and audio courses can be excellent as
well. They work as an input source for me, but not as an output
source.
10 August
2004
Today
is a travel day, so I'll be without a machine for awhile.
Actually, the
weekend and next week are all travel as well. So unless I resort
to old
fashioned writing by hand, this could be it for musings for over 10
days.
That is, with the possible exception of Friday. We'll just have
to see
what I am moved to do when. Thus far, it has been a good month
for this
expression with 8 days out of 10. But that could easily slump to
10 days
out of 20. Oh well, we express when we can. That has to be
good
enough. Our best is always good enough by definition.
There is a strong sense that I need to be doing something more.
The
expression while a lot, is still not enough. It would be nice to
know
what is missing, so that I could do it. But, it seems to be just
outside
of my awareness somehow. That's OK. When it is important
enough, it
will come to me. That is how things work in my world. I do
what I
am moved to do, when I am moved to do it.
After 11 years, what more is there to say? It seems that so long
as I am
willing to come here to express, spirit will have something to
say. She
is that prolific. What has been expressed to date is only the
beginning. I look forward to all that is to come. I
anxiously await
what would be. Yet, I am proud of what we have been able to
express to
date.
Well, I'm continuing the expression by hand. But, it is quite a
challenge. My eyesight is such that I cannot clearly see what I
am doing
either with or without glasses. What am I supposed to make from
this? At least it doesn't impact expressing at the
computer. Though,
the fact that I've become substantially more nearsighted in a year is
somewhat
alarming. What am I afraid to see? Hmm ... actually, the
glasses
allow me to see in the distance. Without glasses, I can see OK
close
up. It is the 12-16 inches range that is problematic. Why
is this
important now? Simply because I've been moved to notice it.
What would I do next? It seems that there must be opportunities
that
would allow me to better use my talents and abilities. And, if
this is
true for me, it is true for others as well. The universe doesn't
waste
effort. It does things elegantly and efficiently. Though,
it also
seems to waste resources on many occasions. Why is that?
Why can't
we make more effective use of everyone and everything? It seems
that this
is one of the things that I am meant to do, find and point out needless
waste
and inefficiency.
There is a sense that I am meant for greatness somehow ... though it is
not
clear that this will be in the eyes of others, at least not during this
existence.
Something on the TV just struck me "for the first time in a long time
you
were no longer alone." The line came from the movie Seabiscuit.
They were speaking of the New Deal programs during the Great
Depression.
It seems that we are in need of such programs now. There are
people in
need who could use help. Helping them should be the
responsibility of all
of us, collectively.
11 August
2004
Another
day, another musing. This is becoming a recurring thing
once
again. I'm grateful for that. I can think of no better way
to
expend my free time. I love doing this. I am an instrument
here, an
instrument for the expression of spirit. What sort of instrument
am
I? I would hope a good one. However, we judge instruments
by the
quality of the music that they play. How would this instrument be
judged?
It can only be via the quality of the words that come forth.
Consciousness herself brings forth these words.
What would I do with my life? How can I live in a manner that
truly makes
a difference to others? Is that truly what I want to do? Is
my
behavior consistent with doing this? I don't really know. I
write
but I don't do anything to promote the works other than making them
available
on the WWW and in books. I write because I am moved to
write. I
would hope that some good comes out of this as well. However, is
there
something that I need to do to make that happen? It seems that
there
is. But, what could it be? It all goes back to the
principle of
being the best that you can be and doing those things that are uniquely
yours
to do. This isn't always obvious, at least not until you are
doing them
anyway. Happiness and fulfillment are good signs that we are on
the right
path.
I would make the world a better place. I would build the
foundations for
a new world. I would do these things because I know that I can
and
because I must. Something deep within attracts me to this
fate. I
know that at some level this is what I signed up to do in this
existence and I
will do whatever it takes to accomplish it. Otherwise, my life
would lose
much of its meaning. And this, I simply cannot allow. That
world be
a fate worse than death. We've accomplished a great deal in 11
years. But, this is nothing compared to what lies ahead.
How can I
know that? Because I know me, at least enough to know a fraction
of what
I am capable of. I've seen how committed I can be to this
expression. This is especially true when I am manic. There
is
something about flying in consciousness that allows the words to flow
forth
freely.
I would be whom that I am and no other. For me, that still
involves being
alone a lot. Why so much self-chosen isolation? Do I really
prefer
my own company or am I fearful of association with others? To
date, I
have found very few with whom I have much in common. Then again,
how hard
have I been looking? My reality reflects what I have been asking
for and
expecting in my life. It reveals my deepest desires made
flesh.
What does that tell you about me? What does that tell you about
yourself? This communication is a shared part of our joint
reality.
If you are reading this, it is a part of your reality. You may or
may not
agree with what is expressed but something brought you here, something
brought
us together. At this point, it doesn't matter what that
was. All
that matters is that a communication took place.
Longhand written expression is so much slower than typing directly into
Composer. Plus, I still need to type the material anyway.
Oh well,
that's one of the penalties of being away from a computer. I
wonder what
it cost to use the hotel machines? They just might be worth
it.
Though they are probably unlikely to use Netscape. Then again, who
knows?
It is not clear that I work well in a large group environment. I
am far
more comfortable in small group settings. Meetings are a difficult
venue for
me. I seem to do my best work on my own and via a written rather
than
aural modality. That is just my preference. E-mail and
writed are
less immediate than voice communication.. I'm not a talker.
Some
might argue that I don't listen well either. But, I can
definitely read
and write.
How do I want to live? What would I choose to make different in
my
life? If I can't openly answer these questions, then how can I
expect my
life to change? For being less than social, I get along well with
people
overall. However, this in itself doesn't lead to close
relationships. This is one thing that has been noticeably missing
in my
life. I have acquaintances, but no close friends. That gets
back to
the fact that so much of my life is lived in isolation. It seems
time for
this to change, but that requires an investment of time and effort that
I am
just not willing to make on just anyone. Hmm ... no wonder this
aspect of
my life is problematic. I am not willing to waste my time on
small talk
or idle chatter. Unless there is meaning, I am simply not
interested. Yet, I have failed to encounter people who feel the
same
way. When is this going to change? Hopefully, the answer is
soon. But, I am not holding my breath. It will happen when
it is
meant to happen. It will happen when I am ready for it to
happen. I
can accept that and wait patiently. Something from the Borg in
Star Trek:
The Next Generation comes to mind: "resistance is futile". What
we resist persists. That is just the way things work.
20 August
2004
Wow,
an eight day break in the writing after starting out so good this
month.
Oh well, we express when we can express and there has been much to keep
us away
from this expression during this time. The travel should be over
for
awhile now so we can get back to doing what we so love to do ...
express,
express, and express some more. This is definitely what we are
passionate
about. It is not so much expression to make particular points,
rather it
is stream of consciousness expression that drives and excites us.
Hmm,
why is the plural used for these statements? It is used because I
feel
that what is coming forth originates from a plurality of sources.
How
these sources might be structure and or related is beyond me at this
point in
time. However, there is a strong sense that this will not always
be the
case ... that I am training for a new role in the drama that is
life.
When this will make itself known, when the training will be completed,
I do not
know.
Write = 59925 = 30: Four of Wands = Camelot. Isn't that
appropriate! Speak = 17512 = 16: The Tower. Isn't that
curious as
well? Spirit speaks through me via these written words.
But, she
speaks as a "voice" that I hear in my head and transpose into this
form. As far as I know, I don't consciously generate these
words.
Rather I am the conduit though which they flow and are presented to the
world. What the world will do with them is not mine to
decide. It
will be as consciousness directs. That is OK. I am still
reluctant
to impose my will on the world even though it be very much aligned with
the
will of consciousness. When will this reluctance vanish? Is
it
keeping me from doing what I alone must do? Interesting
questions.
And, much depends on their answers. Do what you are moved to do,
when you
are moved to do it. That is the directive of consciousness in my
life. It seems that this is a universal directive. Though,
it does
not justify all actions. It requires that we learn to discern
what we
would do of our own accord versus what spirit would do through
us. This
is not always easy to do. The differences can be quite
subtle. But
learn we must if we are to reach our rightful place in the world.
Then
again, we naturally gravitate to that place as well, so in some ways it
is
destined. Yes, I believe each of us has a spiritual destiny to
fulfill
and that barring extraordinary circumstances (or maybe even because of
them) we
will indeed reach a state where we can fulfill that destiny.
Though, here
too, it is not automatic. It takes work on our part, especially
self-work
and service to others.
The time for massive change is close at hand once again. I can
feel it
beckoning. The call of spirit is strong. There is a role
that I
came to play and it is time to start playing it. Everything else
to date
has been preparation and rehearsal for what is to come. It has
been a
form of practice that allowed me to hone some of the skills that will
be necessary.
While it produced a lot of output in terms of words, it has not yet had
even
close to the effect that it is meant to have. Ye shall know them
by their
works is a grand truth. But, ye shall know them even better if
these
works have substantial impact. Unfortunately, I do not yet have
sufficient feedback to know what real impact these works have
had. I have
to believe that with ten of thousands of hits, there has been some
impact on
people ... some triggerings that expanded peoples consciousness and
facilitated
the greater expression of spirit in flesh. This expression is a
walk in
the park of my consciousness ... or of what flowed forth through my
consciousness over particular periods of time that are
identified. The
material is helpful to me, forming a physical extension of my memory
that I can
revisit whenever I choose to. In sharing the material, I allow
you to
enter the world of Beyond Imagination as well. Hopefully, you
will find
it as intriguing, fascinating, and challenging as I do.
To be all that we can be, to become all that we are capable of becoming
...
these are the challenges that engage our souls. This is how we
find
meaning in our lives. This is how we become true heroes.
And, as
the song says we will find that there is a "hero inside of you".
This applies to each of us, and we're not talking about
sandwiches. All
that we have to do is find it and express it.
It's curious. Given all that I have read, my vocabulary is fairly
limited. I tend to speak in small words for the most part,
averaging
around 4-5 characters per word ... generally closer to 4 than to
5. Thus
far, that does not seem to be a limiting factor that keeps me from
expressing
anything that is important for spirit to express. Though, how
would I know
for certain? Also, for the most part, I am not one for doing
research to
see what others have done in a similar area. There is something
immediate
about this expression that makes it seem right to divorce it from such
labors
and allow it to freely flow to wherever the stream of consciousness
would take
it. At least, such has seemed to be the appropriate path to
date.
Whether this will ever change remains to be seen. Uncertainty is
OK. There are many things that we do not consciously know ... and
many of
these may remain unknown indefinitely. That is OK too. We
can learn
to be comfortable with the unknown. In fact, in time, we can come
to
embrace it. This is good. The other options are to be
fearful of
the unknown or to ignore it altogether. Sometimes a small to
moderate
amount of fear is helpful, but we need to be careful not to take this
to
excess. Ignoring the unknown only works for so long until it
encroaches
in our lives in such a way as to not be denied. Though, it seems
that for
many, this never really happens. But, that is changing too as
more and
more people awaken in consciousness.
Awakening in consciousness is what it is all about. As we do so,
we
facilitate the expression of spirit in flesh through us. That is
the
process. That is how things work. How can I know that for
certain? It just seems so obvious that it leaves no room for
doubt in my
mind. That doesn't necessarily mean that I am correct.
Sometimes I
suffer from delusions, or boughts of irrationality. But, who says
rationality is superior to irrationality anyway. In fact, in
numbers and
elsewhere, it is the irrational that displays the more interesting
behavior. That doesn't sanction being irrational all the time, or
even in
any given situation. Rather, it should be a matter of choice as
to how we
play the cards that we are dealt ... or more correctly, that we deal to
ourselves. We know what we need to learn. We know
internally what
we need to allow us to grow and to prosper. And, yes, we are
meant to
prosper. We are meant to live abundant lives ... each and every
one of
us. Though abundance can mean different things to different
people.
The biggest determining factor in all of this is worth. We get
what we
feel that we truly deserve. It doesn't matter whether that be
much or
little. Given that, it makes sense that we choose what we are
worth.
23 August
2004
Another busy weekend
with no time
to muse. Oh well, we do what we can when we can. We'll just
have to
make up for lost opportunities during the week to the degree that we
can.
There is no forcing function for this expression other than an inner
drive from
consciousness to communicate with me and with others. What comes
forth is
always a surprise. That is what keeps it interesting for
me. I
never know what is going to come next. Yet, I anxiously await
what would
be expressed through me. Yes, through me, not by me. After
eleven
years, this continues to be true. I am a co-creator of this
expression,
but I am not the originator. That is OK. I am used to it
now.
Does that make me crazy? Does a sane person listen regularly to
the
voices in his head ... and share what they have to say with
others? Hmm
... but I don't sense myself to be crazy. And, I continue to be
moved to
share everything that comes forth. Why? Because there is a
sense
that it can help others. Exactly how, I don't really know.
There is
something about walking in the shoes of consciousness that is uplifting
to the
soul. My hope is that such walks will lead to spiritual
awakenings.
At least, this has been the case for me anyway. Can one truly
walk in the
shoes or the mindsteps of another? I spent over 20 years doing
that by
reading the best metaphysical works available. I think they were
the
best. In any event, they were the works that I was drawn
to. Now, I
prefer to create and to read my own works. There is something
special
about works that have come forth through your unique
consciousness. It is
as if they are specially tailored for you. No, that does not mean
that
everyone should do as I do. I don't believe that just anyone
could.
That is one reason that I am a wayshower. My consciousness is
specially
suited to this task. It allows me to be used as an instrument
through
which spirit can express in this way. I am grateful for
that. It
gives my life purpose and meaning. What more could one ask?
Each of
us is specially suited for something. Each of us have the
potential for
greatness in our lives. It does not matter what our circumstances
are.
These can be changed. It does not matter what our specific
abilities
are. These can be honed and developed. If we search for
what we
most love to do, we will find our true calling. It is that
simple.
And, this calling will support us abundantly throughout our days.
It is
especially that the Olympics is being held as we
write this. There, the premier athletes in the world are
competing not
for monetary reward, but for the glory of being the best in their
particular
disciplines and specialties. Yes, many of the medal winners will
be
marketable in the commercial domain. But, the majority of
competitors are
there for the joy of competition. Many have been training
rigorously for
as much as a decade or more. They've dedicated their lives to the
pursuit
of excellence. One can do far worse than this. Living for
something
... even if you come short of achieving your highest goals is far
better than
living a life of normalcy and mediocrity. Not everyone can win
the gold
... but everyone can give their best. That is all that can be
asked. There is only so much that we can do. But, we need
to be
careful not to place arbitrary limits on this. We will find that
we are
capable of far more than we imagined. It is a matter of allowing
ourselves to be the best that we can be. We know when we are
doing that
by how we feel. In particular, we feel free, happy, and
elated. It
is as if we are soaring in consciousness. And, indeed we are.
Written
expression is my chosen form of making my
mark on the world. But, is that sufficient? On one hand,
the sense
is that it has to be because that is where my strengths lie. On
the other
hand, the expression does not seem to be reaching the right folks
to make
the difference that I imagine. Though, you might say that I dream
big and
expect what I do to ultimately have world import and impact. Why
do I
need to have such an effect? Yes, it is grandiose of me to
believe that I
will do what I say that I will do. But, these are more than
dreams.
I truly believe in a reality in which I have a major impact on the
world in
which I live. I came to create the foundations for a new world in
which
spirit can more fully express in flesh. I would do this even if
it kills
me. This is something I am truly willing to live and die
for.
Though, my sense is that the later will not happen until the time is
ripe. Death will come to us when we are ready. Our time is
up when
it is up, not one moment sooner nor later. There is a sense that
I have
another 20 years to finish what I can to do. Until 1993, I was in
training mode. In 1993, this switched to throughput or output
mode.
In 2002 and 2003, the output was amazing ... even to me. This
year it
slowed down for nearly six months, and is only now becoming regular
again. Why was I so moved to publish the eight Beyond Imagination
books
in 1993? Why have there been so few sales of these books in the
year
since they were published? Will they ever sell in sufficient
numbers to
fund the work of Beyond Imagination? That would be the ideal
situation
for me ... allowing me to do what I love on a full time basis.
What
next? What would I do next? What would I
express next? What would I be next? Are these all the same
question? It seems that in many respects they are. Yet, is
not who
I am distinct in some way from what I do? Also, given that this
expression comes from a source that is beyond my conscious awareness,
is it not
more than I am? Hmm ... though, when all is said and done, it
seems that
the words in these works will be all that remains from my having lived
this
life. That is not true for everyone, but it seems to be true for
me. I live and breathe by the words in this expression. I
would ask
that this be my source of livelihood as well, but that is not the case
at this
point in time. This is the true work that I do. And, I
gladly do
it. I anxiously await what would come next. Clearly, I have
not yet
made my mark on the world. Given my mission, it is very important
to me
that I make a difference, and a big difference at that on a worldwide
scale.
Grandiosity again, perhaps. But, I feel up to the
challenge. Deep
within me, I know that there is greatness, there is something grand
that I came
to do and I will do it.
24 August
2004
I was out
sick fighting some kind of a cold all day.
I should have taken off early yesterday and done something about it,
but I
didn't. When I am sick, the only thing I want to do is sleep ...
so I got
a lot of rest today. I'm not over it, but I feel refreshed enough
that I
should be able to put up with it until it subsides, which hopefully
will be
soon. I'm not sure what caused me to be ill. It just came
on
somewhat suddenly yesterday. Further, being ill is not my idea of
a good
time. In fact, I would rather be working than sick.
However, it
doesn't seem that I had any choice in this particular matter.
There is a
sense that my body was somewhat run down with everything I've been
doing over
the past few weeks. But that may be an excuse and
rationalization.
What is, is. What we do about it is our choice. Whether we
fight
it, accept it, ignore it, or change it are all choices that we can make
depending on the circumstances and our desired results. Yes, we
are
talking about reality creation here. We are involved in every
aspect of
it whether we are conscious of it or not. I know that we create
our own
reality both on conscious and other than conscious levels.
Regardless, we
do it and are fully responsible for all that we experience.
Knowing this,
we have added range in which to interpret the meaning of what we
experience. Everything has a message for us. Everything is
there to
train us and make us stronger spiritually. And, when we are
ready, the
awakening to whom that we truly are will come as well. It is all
a matter
of time, and of fate. We are destined to be all that we can
be.
However, the destiny is only a force that pulls us in a given
direction.
Unless we recognize this force and give in to it, we may or may not
manifest
our intended destiny. That is OK. Getting close is often
good
enough. All we can give is our best. After that, things are
in
spirit's hands. She knows what she desires to express through
us.
She knows the grand plan for the evolution and unfoldment of
consciousness in
the world. And, indeed there is such a plan despite appearances
to the
contrary. Light is might. It will win out in the end.
Darkness is mere shadow. It can only exist until light is shone
upon it
to reveal it for what it is.
Why is it
that so many of the Beyond Imagination books had
to be published in 2003? It has been over a year since the first
one was
published yet no demand for the books have surfaced. I can
remember when
I published them, it felt like it was the right thing to do ... and
further,
was important to do now. The sense was that the books would
naturally
find their intended audience. By publishing the books and making
them
available, I had somehow fulfilled my end of the bargain. But,
the
universe didn't deliver. I don't know why that is. The
books are
quality works, the best expression that my consciousness is capable of
bringing
forth at this time. From the feedback to date, it seems that such
is not
enough. Either that, or I need to be involved in promoting and
marketing
the works ... something I abhor. I really am an introvert,
regardless of
what you might think based on some of the things that I share
here.
Sharing is easy when the audience is an unknown one. I've been
doing this
since the expression began in 1993, and sharing the material on the WWW
since
the summer of 1995. Yes, for nine years already. I know
that
thousands of people have found material at the Beyond Imagination
site.
However, few bother to communicate and provide any feedback regardless
of my
encouragement that people who relate to the material do just
this. I am
still searching for kindred spirits, members of my spiritual family so
to
speak. I know that they are out there. It is simply a
matter of
finding them and initiating contact. You might consider this
expression
to be one of my means to initiate contact.
24 x 8 x 2--4
= 24 x 8 x 24 = 3 x 8 x 8 x 8 x 3 = 9 x 8 x 8
x 8 = The Hermit and a form of 888. These are signature numbers
for
me. And here I find them embedded in the current date. OK,
most
people would probably not have noticed them in this manner, nor
considered them
to be of importance. That doesn't matter. My world, in
particular
the meaning that I experience in my world, is uniquely mine. I
suspect
that this is true for everyone, though for some it seems to be far more
true
than for others. 9888 in turn is 112 to 10000 = 11 22 10000 =
Justice:
The Master, The Fool: The Master Builder and 10000, the first number
with five
digits. Is this the step beyond 4-dimensionality? 10000 =
113:56(88) = 1:25:56(88). 113 is curious as it came up in a
reading for
someone yesterday. It is 11 x 12 x 13 = 1716 from middle left to
middle
right. This is The Star: The Tower. Two very important
numbers. Also, this is one step in the sequence (n-1) n (n+1)
before 12 x
13 x 14 = 2184 = the final four of my SSN. I'm curious as to what
this is
in base 88. 1716 = 19:44(88). 1944 was during WWII, the
year before
the atomic bombs were dropped on
Enough with
such diversions for awhile. What would be
expressed next? It seems that whenever I ask that question there
is
always something new that is ready to come forth. I have come to
expect
on it. And, my expectancy hasn't resulted in disappointment to
date. Consciousness continues to bring forth her wonders through
me. The vehicle of words, of written expression allows much to
come through.
It seems that it is time for a more orderly and organized
expression.
Perhaps one that is not so prolific, but that is deeper and more
concise ...
something that would move and be of more value to far more
people.
Metaphysics by its very nature attracts a limited audience. But,
does
that really matter? Am I doing this for the potential audience,
or for
the fame, or for the rewards that it might bring? Or, am I doing
this
because this is what I demand of me in serving spirit and the
world?
Perhaps it is a little of both. It would be a shame for all of
this to go
nowhere. Yet, for your eyes only still haunts me.
All of
this could indeed be for my edification, teaching me what I need to
know to
step out and be the wayshower that I am meant to be. Is it enough
to show
the way with my words? Are these not like the stories of the
early
explorers describing the wilderness that they encountered? Am I
not
encountering the wilderness of consciousness in my own way and facing
what I
find with courage and determination. But, what is the value
added?
What does the reader gain from my works ... from my adventures in
consciousness? At the very least, I offer the vision of one who
has seen
the world through a unique set of glasses and experienced the frontiers
of
consciousness without the use of drugs or alcohol. Yes, I walk on
the
very edge of sanity at times. I know that. But, that is the
only
way to venture into the unknown. No matter how prepared we might
think
that we are, consciousness has a way of surprising us anyway. Get
accustomed to that, and come to expect it.
Belief
systems are important. They are the playground
through which we create the reality that we experience. It
behooves us to
become familiar with the playground and to master playing with beliefs
to the
degree that we can. This is important on several fronts ... one,
for
manifesting what we want; two, for removing the blockages that keep us
from
getting what we want; and three, for removing the obstacles that keep
us from being
all that we can be. It seems that when we are being all that we
can be,
all that we need and nearly all that we desire naturally come into our
lives. That is the key, focus on self improvement and self
discovery that
allows us to be all that we can be. It doesn't hurt to control
our
desires as well so that they are in line with what we need. The
bottom
line is that needs are always met. Desires may or may not be met
depending on how committed we are to doing what it takes to make them
so.
Here, the universe doesn't limit us. Though, there are universal
laws
that apply such as you should never take more than you give.
This
one principle alone would guarantee abundance for everyone in the
world.
Such a simple principle, yet such a great responsibility that comes
with
it. In honoring it, we respect the sanctity of all life.
I've never
been one to pay much attention to goals in my
life. Rather, I've allowed my life to flow as it will in the
current of
consciousness. I go where she takes me, when she takes me.
This
strategy has worked well overall to date allowing me to achieve and
experience
many things in my life. The most important of these were the
awakenings
that began in 1993 and continue to this day. I'm not sure that
these would
have happened if I had not been open to following the flow rather than
being
the director of the drama of my life. Though, it seems that the
time has
come for this to shift. No, not to the other extreme, but rather
to a
more balanced position in which both consciousness and I have an active
voice
in my life. Though, the concept of goals still seems to be so
foreign and
arbitrary to me. Why should I prefer to be one way rather than
another,
or to have some things rather than others? Is it not better to be
free
from unnecessary encumbrances?
What does it
really take to be free? If I have a
concern over what my impact will ultimately be on the world, am I
really
free? Why should it matter what impact I or my works have?
Why is
it not sufficient to Be Happy and Create Well? Is not
this how I
end each of my musings? There is a reason for that. It
expresses a
grand truth. When we are happy, it is a sure sign that we are
living our
life as it is meant to be lived. Further, in creating well, we
are
contributing what we can to those that we touch. I've been using
this
phrase for many years. Yet, happiness still eludes me much of the
time. I am happiest when I am engaged in this expression, when I
am
allowing spirit to speak through me in this manner. You might say
that
this expression "makes my day", for indeed it does. I
look forward to it. It awakes me from my slumbers in the course
of the
day.
Hmm ... 7:56
PM, an appropriate time for terminating this
musing. These are the drivers of my two 13 card triangle readings
from
1995. They have been characteristic numbers for me for nearly a
decade.
25 August
2004
Hmm ... 25
August, my favorite niece's 28th birthday.
I still remember carrying her on my shoulders when she was a little
kid.
I haven't talked to her in awhile, but she seems to be doing very well
... with
a job and a husband that she loves and a happy life overall. I'm
glad for
her. She had a challenging childhood and early adulthood.
But, that
is her story to tell not mine. Jamie = 11495 =
20:Judgement. Yes,
with two e's ... the judgement of God versus the judgment of man.
Her
middle name is
Another sick
day spent sleeping and resting. One day
just wasn't enough. I still have a cough and sore throat but am
starting
to feel better. Either that or the medications are masking the
symptoms
so I don't really have a clear picture of my present state of
health. It
is time to take charge of this area of my life. I have taken it
for
granted for most of my life, without any real concerns in this
area. My
focus was on the mind, and for the past decade on the expression of
spirit in
flesh. At times this included exercise and fitness to make the
body more
receptive to spiritual energy. But, it seemed that this did not
really
make a noticeable difference so I reverted back to old ways. I
could
probably do without the fast foods, the sodas, and the chips. But
then, I
would have to eat healthier. And, do I really want to give up
these
things? What is the forcing function that would compel me to do
this? No, I don't need a negative forcing function. I'd
prefer to
make any necessary changes prior to any breakdown of bodily
integrity.
Given that, what am I prepared to change and when? How do I
incorporate
positive changes to my food consumption and routine exercise several
days per
work?
Enough of
that. Surely there are more interesting
topics to bring forth. Then again, h-ealth is an interesting
topic, only
one letter removed from w-ealth. We have 8-51328 versus 5-51328 =
27
versus 24. Why are the numbers appearing so much again. For
quite
some time, they were virtually silent. Now they speak once again
and I am
receptive enough to see what they have to say. 24 = X. X
squared =
5 7 6 = 7:56 from the middle out. This came up yesterday as
well.
There is a commercial shown on the Olympics channel with a guy
following the
symbol XX. The sense is that this is directly relevant to me and
has been
since 1995 when the two numbers came up in prominent places on
important
triangle Tarot readings.
Life
continues to march on, hour by hour, day by day, and
month by month. There is a sense that I am not doing all that I
could be
doing. Though, at the same time it is not clear what else is
expected of
me. I have made myself available as a vessel through which spirit
can
speak. This is easy. It is a natural avenue for the use of
my god
given talents and abilities. But, there is still a nagging sense
that I
could be doing more, much more than I am presently doing. That
means
finding a new modality for expressing. The current mode only is
capable
of so much ... and it is time to go beyond that, way beyond that.
So,
what is stopping me? What is it that I fear? Why do I
insist so
fervently on keeping my introvert ways? Yes, this is easy and
natural to
do this. But, there is also a sense that it is a way of hiding
and escaping
a reality that I am uncomfortable with. Being uncomfortable by
itself is
not a good reason for doing this. So, what can I do to
change? What
are the core beliefs that keep me operating in this manner? At
46, I am
pretty engrained in my ways. Yet, I also see the need for
change.
How willing am I to do the things necessary to realize this
change? At
this moment, very willing indeed. But is that enough to make it
so?
It seems that we shall see soon enough. I'm used to living my
life from
the inside out. This is unlikely to change anytime soon, if
ever.
Though, there is no reason I cannot start paying more attention to the
signs
from outside and weave them into my reality framework. That also
means
becoming more involved with others on a personal basis. I'm
starting to
do this, but there is still a long way to go. One step at a
time.
That is all that we ask. Each step takes us further along our
path, and
ultimately closer to our destination. Ultimately, we will indeed
get
where we need to go. It may be slower than we desire or it may be
faster. Regardless, it is for us to remain on the path that is
ours alone
to trod. This path will be unique for each of us. It will
bring to
us the reality that we most need to experience. That is simply
how the
world works. How do I know this? It just rings true to the
depths
of my being. I have no reason to doubt what is coming
forth. Then
again, I have no reason to believe it either. So, it is a
matter
of choice, as are most things which truly matter.
Choice is a
very important part of our lives. But, it
is not always conscious. Many things are chosen at other than
conscious
levels. This doesn't relieve us from responsibility for our
actions ...
we are still making the choices. However, we don't need to beat
ourselves
up about them should we not like the reality that results. We can
always
choose differently. Also, in many cases, it is the conscious
choices that
set the framework for the other than conscious ones. So, indeed,
we do
create our own reality consciously far more than most of us
realize. I
have struggled with the concept of free will for many years. To
what
degree is free will manifest in the moment versus to what degree do we
make our
choices and plan out the play of consciousness in advance? It
seems that
there is a combination of both at play. But, I still sense that
much of
what we experience is pre-planned and pre-coordinated. It just
seems
easier to work the details out in this manner. The analogy is of
a
movie. The script and dialog is written, the scenes and props are
selected, and the actions and the ending are determined long before the
actors
begin playing their roles. Is real life any different than this?
26 August
2004
Finally,
I made it to my time once again. And, what would I do? Of
course,
come here to express. What else would you expect from me by
now.
This is where I live. This is what I most enjoy doing. Here
is
where my unique consciousness has a chance to truly shine. What
we give,
we get returned unto us ... and generally manyfold. But, it all
starts
with finding a way to give, finding a way to be of service
somehow. This
is easy to do if we allow ourselves to naturally move in the direction
that
spirit pulls us toward. She knows what we need to fulfill our
destiny ...
even though we seem to be in the dark much of the time. That is
OK.
There are many ways to get where we are going. On one extreme, we
consciously direct this. On the other extreme, we go with the
flow of the
universe. There are also many paths between these extremes with
varying
degrees of resignation to the will of spirit in our lives. I'm
still one
to go with the flow ... though there are times when I get actively
involved to
"make things happen". I try to do this only on exception
however, choosing to avoid the generation of any new karma where I
can.
Or, is that an excuse that keeps me as a watcher in the game rather
than an
active player? There is nothing wrong with being a watcher.
In
fact, that is a very enlightened thing to be. However, this
should not
stop us from participating and doing things in the world. Nothing
to
excess, everything in moderation might be a worthy goal. Though
it seems
that this is easier said than done.
I was diagnosed as bipolar nearly 11 years ago, on October 1, 1993 in
fact. Though, my behavior by this time in August of 1993 was
highly
suspect. In fact, I was already on a medical leave of
absence. It
is curious that there doesn't seem to be a recurring pattern in all of
this. I experience relative highs and relative lows though I seem
to be
manic much of the time. The lows seem to be more in line with
what many
might consider normal. Though, I absolutely abhor that
term. I
don't consider myself normal in nearly any respect. I never
have.
Though as an extreme loner and introvert, I don't really have much to
compare
my experience of reality to. I know what I have read. But,
I also
know that only so much can be communicated via the medium of the
written
word. It is a lot, but it is still limited. The question is
whether
it is enough or not? I still prefer the pristine nature of the
written
word. It is my forte. It is where I spend the bulk of my
time both
at work and here at play. It is the medium through which my
consciousness
finds its natural expression. It may be less immediate than the
spoken
word, but it is home to me. It truly is. Not that it has
always
been this way. Until 1993, I wrote almost nothing outside of the
work
environment. Then something snapped and the words just flooded my
head as
a voice from spirit. In time, I grew to be quite prolific ...
then
virtually stopped for awhile, then picked up the flow again at a higher
level
than ever before. This year has been more moderate, though it is
starting
to pick up once more after a six month hiatus. Why is it that
there is no
simple recognizable pattern to these fluctuations? Or, perhaps
there is
but I am just not seeing it. Ultimately, it does not really
matter.
What does matter is that we express what can be expressed when we are
moved to
express it. That is the nature of spiritual communication.
It just
happens when the time is right and when we are ready. Apparently,
this
just happens to be now for me. My sense is that this is true for
others
too. However, this is not something that can be forced.
Spirit will
not be forced. She must be allowed to have her way. From my
experience, she can be trusted to steer us on the path that is right
for
us. Though, it doesn't hurt if we participate and help in the
process.
What is the next step in my evolution as a hu-man being,
literally as a
God-man? This is a question we should all be asking ourselves,
male and
female alike. Yet, how many really do this? How many
believe that
their true lineage springs forth from spirit? It is from spirit
that we
are granted our lives. It is from spirit that we are spawned and
thrown
forth into existence. We are the expression of consciousness in
flesh
first and foremost. Not just some special few who have realized
this, but
each and every one of us.
31 August
2004
Good news today.
Effective
8/28, I was promoted to Sr Project Engineer in my job with
Aerospace.
This is my first promotion in nearly eight years with the company ...
but it
advances me about as far as I can go without entering management, which
at this
point is an unlikely path. Though, my true love is still this
expression. However, I have not figured out how to do it in
a way
to earn my livelihood from it. That is OK. The recognition
that
comes from a promotion is good enough to sustain me for awhile.
Things
will manifest when it is right for them to manifest. That is how
it has
always worked in my life. There is always enough, no matter how
extended
things get. The universe has a way of coming through. You
get out
of life what you put into life. The greatest things that we can
put into
life are our hearts and souls. Everything else is window
dressing, so to
speak. The call from spirit is always to be all that we can be
and to do
all that we can do. However, we have to realize that there is a
point
that is enough, beyond which further work and further giving are
optional. That doesn't mean that we won't be compelled to do more
anyway. It all depends on our particular choices and our
particular
destinies. Yes, I strongly believe that each of us is destined
for
something. Further, I believe that this is for something great
... though
greatness is relative, highly dependent on both circumstances and
abilities.
It is
tough returning to work after a four day
absence, though not as tough as it will be returning after a nine day
absence
starting on Saturday. That will come close to requiring
retraining,
though six of the nine days would have been days off anyway.
Wouldn't it
be nice to be earning sufficient income and benefits not to have to
return at
all? Indeed it would. It is not that I want to shirk work
in any
way. I expect to be working so long as I am alive. It is a
matter
of what work I would be doing. Where can my talents best be put
to
use? I have some idea of where this might be. But, I also
trust
that the universe knows where this is and is actively moving me in this
direction already. It is simply a matter of being open and doing
as she
moves me to do. Consciousness is directing my life now. In
a very
real way, she has been doing this for all of my life. Whether she
does
this for others, I know not. Though, there is a sense that at
some level
she tries, but that this is dependent on the openness of the individual
as to
how successful the process is. We have to be willing recipients
and
willing vessels for the expression of spirit through us for the process
to work
properly. If we fall short, we have only ourselves to
blame. And,
even then, if we do our best ... there is no place for blame.
Today is
exactly two months shy of my 17th wedding
anniversary. It is five days and six months shy of the 12th
anniversary
of the inception of the Beyond Imagination expression. That puts
us at
3650 + 365 + 160 + 3 = 4178 days since rebirth. I may be a day or
two
off, but not much more than that. 41:Ace of Cups = Wayne; 78:Ten
of
Pentacles = Tarot Completion. Hmm ... it seems fitting that I
would be
"promoted" around such I time. Actually, going back three days
to the 28th would have been 4174 or 4175,
Exploring
further ... 44:56 = 37:00 + 7:56 = King of Cups:
King riding the Subconscious + 7:56, my characteristic number.
7:56(78) =
490 + 56 + 56 = 602 = 62:Eight of Swords =
Blindfolded Woman tied to 0:Source.
88:112 is
(100-12) : (100+12). The difference is 24 =
X. Squaring the field we have a difference of 24 x 24 = 576,
another
variation of 7:56 from the middle out. There is a sense that on
the 88 x
88 side, we are playing with spirit. While, on the 112 x 112
side, we are
playing with flesh. The difference between the two is X squared
or X
box. Interesting, that is the name of a popular video game player
that
comes close to being the real thing.
88 x 88 = 704
x 11 = God x 11:Justice = 7744
112 x 112 =
7744 + 576 = 8320. Wow, that sent shivers
through my shoulders and down the top part of my spine. 832 was
the first
number that really caught my attention. It was in large gold
numbers on a
bright red door in
Actually,
while interesting, the above is not
mathematically accurate. In particular, 112 x 112 >
10000. In
fact, it is 11200 + 1120 + 224 = 12544. This is a difference of
4800! That is 48:The Man in Search of More tied to 00:Source.
It also seems
interesting to check out 88 x 112 = 10000 -
144 = 9856 - 7744 = 2112 = The World: The Hanged Man.
Similarly
12544 - 9856 = 2688 = God: Tarot Complete.
Note, for
many of these connections, mathematical accuracy
is not important. Logic must give way to intuition in order to
find the
meaning of the most utility. One must be willing to play with the
symbols
and follow the path wherever it leads. 88 is infinity above,
infinity
below. 112 has a 1000 completion of 888. This is the next
number in
the series 8, 88, 888, ...
Why are the
numbers so important tonight? I never
really know. They come through when they do, though this has been
relatively infrequent of recent. So, why today, why on
31-Aug-2004 = 318
- 2004. Curious, 318 has been an interesting number for me for
some time
as well. For many years, I drove vans with 318 engines. 31
x 8 =
248 = 428 from the middle out = 4 to 8 = 7:56 again. It is
amazing how
the same characteristic number gets weaved into the fabric of my life
in so
many ways. But, it is not just the fabric of my life. It is
the
fabric of all life.
2310 = 7 x
330 = 2 x 3 x 5 x 7 x 11. WOW! The
first five primes. The sense is that I have made it to a whole
new level
of expression. Also, there are many master numbers embedded here:
11, 22,
33, 55, 66, and 77. We're only missing 44 out of the first seven
master
numbers and that is embedded in my first two names as the sum of 23 and
21. This is not a coincidence! There is a sense that it is
time for
the world to see some of the true master that is the I AM. I do
that by
being the wayshower.
2004 =
22:68(88), an appropriate year for 68:
ELLIS =
5/17/29/38/57
My 38 year was 1996, the end of my first major cycle of expression.
HARTMAN =
8/9/27/47/60/61/75
This show a midpoint completion at 47 next year. 47 is the number
for
ASLAN.
JR = 10/28, 38/56
It is curious that 38 is
prominent here as
well and that 28 and 56 are part of my basic makeup.
5/6/13/18/23 28/29/36/41/46
51/52/59/64/69
WOW! At 46, I just completed the second cycle of
1
September 2004
The
first day of the final month of FY04. It will be interesting to
see what
the new year brings into our life, especially since 2310 = 2 x 3 x 5 x
7 x 11
only has personal significance for about 12-16 weeks. That is
enough. I was able to notice it on the first day of its
effect.
Though, that hasn't translated into a feeling tone yet. I'm sure
it will
soon. Wouldn't it be interesting if this turns out to be exactly
13
weeks. Actually, it will as of a certain date. Let's
see. 9
September plus 12 weeks brings us to 2 December exactly one week after
Thanksgiving Day. 12/02/2004 comes across as the span from 2004
on the
right to 2021 on the left. As I wrote that, I noticed that this
could
just as easily be 2012, the year of my second Easter birthday, though
it
requires seeing the number in a way that I have not been moved to do
before. That is OK. It is good to get away from our
habitual
patterns on a regular basis, especially our patterns of thinking.
I would
advocate flexibility, though I am not one to demonstrate it anywhere
near as
often as I should. I've been called stubborn and unmovable on far
too
many occasions. Yet, seeing where I allow my mind to wander, it
may not
seem that such would be the case. However, we live in the midst
of
contradictions that baffle us. Not everything is meant to be
explained. Some things we just have to experience. Life is
one of
those things. The working of our mind is another, as is the
nature of our
consciousness. Fortunately, we don't have to understand how
something
works to be able to use it ... and even to use it effectively in some
cases. I still don't know how this communication is
possible.
However, there is no denying it. I experience it on a regular
basis. For two years, this was nearly everyday for over 2
hours.
That is a big investment to sink into something that I don't really
understand. Yet, I am committed. Hmm ... perhaps I need to
be
committed in more ways than one. At the same time, I feel
sane.
Even though my mind can ramble into areas that stretch any concept of
logic,
there is still a magnificence and an order about what is being
experienced in
consciousness and expressed. So long as this is the case, I will
continue
to venture out into the unknown and return to share whatever I find in
whatever
ways that I can. Right now, this is through writing and this very
expression. Whether this will ever evolve into something else ...
only
time will tell. The bottom line is that it will if it is meant
to.
I am but a vehicle for this expression ... and a grateful one at that.
365 + 365 + 122 + 98 = 950 days until 4/8/2007, my first Easter
birthday. That would have put the 1000 day point at 7/11.
Now isn't
that interesting. There was no musing on that day, but there was
one two
days earlier. It was only the second musing in July 2004 and only
the
third for the year. One of the nice things about these musings is
that
they are dated as can be indexed and retrieved in this fashion. I
am constantly
amazed by what has come forth before in this stream of consciousness
expression. I'm so involved in doing it, that I don't remember
much of
what comes through ... in many cases, not even vague recollections are
retained. Fortunately, the way the material is captured allows it
to be
re-experienced at any time. Yes, re-experienced was the right
word in
this case. These are not words to be read. These are words
that
alter ones state of consciousness, ones very state of being. May
you
never leave this expression with less than you came in with. What
more
can be asked of any work? It should move us ... it should
facilitate us
to be more than we knew ourselves to be. I hope that these words
do that
for you. I know that they do it for me. No matter how many
times I
return, I go away changed once more.
2
September 2004
The intent was there
to continue
yesterdays musing ... but the energy just wasn't there. My heart
wasn't
into returning for some reason. That is OK. What needs to
be
captured, what needs to be expressed, will indeed be expressed.
That is
not something that I ever have to worry about. There is no chance
of
missing something. Though, at times it does seem like we are
dealing with
lost opportunities to express ... and that these may never be
recovered.
Spirit would not have it that way. She will ensure that what must
be
expressed is expressed all in its right timing. For me, though,
there is
a difference. Each moment of expression frees the channel for
more.
It is if I am the bottleneck. I am a vessel that can be filled
only so
much. To access and accommodate more, I need to express and share
that
which is already in me. This is easy to do. All that it
takes is
time. What better way to expend my energy and talents. In a
very
real way, this expression is a showcase for my talents. It
demonstrates a
great deal of what I can do when I am operating at a peak of
effectiveness. Or does it? Effectiveness implies a utility
of some
type. What utility is there in this expression? It shows me
and
others whom that I am. But, is that sufficient to justify the
time and
energy that goes into it? Without a doubt, I believe the answer
is yes
... otherwise I would choose to spend my time differently. Much
time and
effort gets wasted on things that have little to no impact or lasting
value. However, here, we have a record of consciousness in
action,
learning and growing and expressing through one called
Why do I
believe in consciousness in the manner that I
do? Primarily because I have been taken on some interesting
excursions
during my life. Twice, this has led to extended leaves of absence
(3
month each) and stays in the mental hospital. Many other times,
this has
led to experiences on the very edge of what I know to be sanity.
Though,
my definition of sane might be far more lenient than some. Freedom
of
consciousness is important to me. Wow! I don't think
that I've
ever used that term before "freedom of consciousness". We have
many freedoms: freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom of
thought, freedom of belief, freedom of association, freedom of
commerce,
freedom of travel. But, what does freedom of consciousness
entail?
This seems to be the greatest of all the freedoms. There are also
things
that we should have but don't at the present: freedom from lack
and
freedom from fear are two biggies that come to mind. These
require a much
greater societal commitment to achieve. Further, it is a
commitment that
most do not realize can even be made. We have to believe
something is
possible for us to achieve it. The time has come to fashion the
world as
we would prefer it to be, rather than being content to accept it as it
is. The world is as clay and collectively we are the
sculptor. Our
work will ultimately determine the quality of what is produced.
If we do
our work well and with Love, the result will be a masterpiece that we
can all
be proud to live within. However, at this time, this is not the
only
possible outcome. We have to choose how we are going to work
together to
achieve greatness. Acting alone, this is only possible
locally.
Right now, the game calls for this to manifest globally. The time
is here
... it is now.
I was
promoted from Level 2 to Level 3 this week after
eight years on the job. I wonder what that signifies
metaphysically. 2 is The High Priestess and duality. 3 is
The
Empress and the trinity. 2:78(78) to 3:00(78) after 8 x 12 - 2 =
94
months. Hmm ... 94 = 78 + 16:The Tower. That suggests this
is to be
another time of major awakening in consciousness. This also
suggest that
a new age has indeed arrived. The year 2000 was the transition
from the
second millennium to the third millennium. Adjusting by four
years
suggests that 1002 years may be the more correct span to
consider. This
came up earlier today as 334 x 3 = 167 x 6. That puts 2004 = 167
x
12. 167 = 2:11(78). The suggestion is the cube (earth) with
2:11 =
Justice Twice Exalted on each of 12 edges. Something says to
multiply the
2 x 11 = 22: The Master Builder. Earlier today I had someone ask
me about
this particular number. Considering that I've only had a dozen or
so
people ask about numbers since 1995, this seems significant
somehow.
Looking at 2 and 3, the transformation from 2 => 3 effectively is
one of
cutting the 2 in half horizontally, then reflecting the bottom half
vertically. Interesting. The result is transformation from
a symbol
whose bottom is a distorted reflected version of it top to a figure
whose
bottom is the same as its top. The phrase "As above, so below"
comes to mind. The sense is that the transformation to a new age
is going
to allow us to see things much more clearly and much more spiritually.
The
Republican National Convention came to a close tonight
with a speech from President Bush. It seems that he is on his way
to
another four years. It was strange observing some of the people
in the
crowd. They were definitely fanatics, even some of the younger
kids.
I've never been around people like that. I wonder how many there
are in
this country and in this world. There is nothing wrong with
believing
strongly in whatever you believe in. But, there are limits.
There
needs to be some kind of a reality check. Hmm ... I'm one to talk
about a
reality check. I'm one that lives in my own illusion of reality
far more
than most. Though, at least I know it and can watch out for it as
a
result. It would be far worse to be unaware. Then again,
there is
the old saying "ignorance is bliss". However, I've never
believed this to be true for myself.
What is the
difference between sanity and insanity?
How do we know when we've gone off of the deep end? It seems that
so long
as we have the presence of mind to be concerned about this, we are
still on the
side of sanity. Then again, there is a very big gray area in
between. Our ability to function in this gray area depends on a
number of
factors, chief among which seems to be awareness. The more
awareness, the
more flexibility of consciousness. Some go through various yogas
and work
to achieve flexibility of body, mind, and soul. Others just seem
to
awaken in consciousness first without any necessary correlations on
other
levels. Such seems to be the case for me anyway. Though,
the body
is becoming more and more problematic, primarily through neglect.
3
September 2004
The
days keep marching on and we keep bouncing along with them.
Sometimes we
are high, at other times low ... but overall the mania is still
omnipresent.
What do I mean by mania? It is an elevated level of vibration
accompanied
by a heightened sense of self-worth. I've been slightly manic to
highly
manic for nearly a dozen years now, perhaps even much longer.
That
doesn't mean that I'm smiling and happy all of the time. Nor,
does it
mean that I am crazy. Though, I am definitely far from
normal.
Though that should not surprise anyone still reading this. This
is not an
ordinary conversation that we are engaged in. Actually, it is not
a
conversation at all. Rather, it is a communication, a stream of
consciousness expression from spirit. This is not something that
I ever
learned to do ... either within or outside of the formal school
environment. Rather, on 5 March 1993, I just started doing
it. Further,
it felt good enough that I kept on doing it. With practice, we
can become
masters given that we have the appropriate talents and abilities.
Am I a
master at this expression? Looking to my right, I can see a
series of
eight books totaling more than 3000 pages of writings published in
2003.
It's pretty impressive when you see them laid out side by side like
that.
However, sales to date have been dismal. I think we're still at
fewer
than a dozen outside of the copies that I have purchased on my
own.
That's less than 2 sales per book. What does that tell me?
Is it
that the material is not worthy of consumption? I think
not.
Definitely not! Then, either the time is not right or my approach
to
getting the material out is not working or a combination of both.
If time
is the culprit, all that we can do is be patient and wait for the day
of
deliverance. If my approach is the culprit, It is simply time to
try
something new, something different. This I can do ... though it
may be
quite a stretch.
What does it take for my circumstances to change? In particular,
I would
like to achieve abundance in return for using my special talents and
abilities. I am ready for an explicit contract of some type that
would
free me from the drudgery of part of my current existence and allow me
to step
up to my rightful place in the world. There is a destiny that I
would
play out, a destiny that I chose before I came, a destiny that calls to
me more
strongly than it has even done before. How do I know that I am
not
already in my "rightful place in the world"? I know because of
how it feels. This is not something that I need any external inputs
on. I
trust the compass of my soul. It will not lead me astray.
At least,
it has not done so to date, and I have no reason to doubt it in the
future.
I'm so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open. Why is
that? It
is still hours before I can hit the road to commute home.
Usually, this
expression is enough to wake me up. But, it seems that such will
not be
the case today. Why can I not sleep when I am tired and awake
when I have
rested sufficiently? Why is there such a struggle to get out of
bed in
the morning and start my day even when I am relatively wide
awake? Why is
there such a struggle to stay awake during the day even after as many
as 10-12
hours of sleep? Perhaps the problem is that I am sleeping too
much.
Maybe if I just wake up naturally and then nap if required in the
middle of the
day, I would feel more energetic. Then again, it would help if I
were in
better shape as well. That requires discipline and
exercise. These
are not foreign concepts. It is a matter of applying them
appropriately
in my life.
Enough of the mundane. What would we bring forth that is
profound?
What is it that life is telling us these days? How is my world
changing? What do I do to cause it to change in ways that I would
prefer? Is it time to exert my influence on the world? In
doing so,
what karma do I introduce? I have been reluctant to impose my
will.
But, is not my will an arm of Thy Will? Is not my will, Thy Will
expressed through me? Given this, by not using this faculty, am I
not
handicapping myself and limiting the service that I could be
doing? Or,
is this just another rationalization of an ego desiring
expression? My
sense is yes, that I am limiting myself far more than necessary by
being overly
careful and overly fearful in this area. While some concern is
healthy
... we have a will for a reason, and it needs to be exercised in our
lives.
Further, this is how we get what we consciously want. We use our
will to
chose the reality that we prefer. This includes the things and
the
experiences. Anything in our reality can be changed. It is
a matter
of finding the root beliefs that are creating it in the particular
manner that
we experience. We can do this in general or in particular
depending on
how specific we want to be about eliminating or introducing things into
our
reality framework. When we work in general, entire areas of our
reality
can be changed in one fell swoop. Here, we deal primarily with
the core
beliefs upon which the rest of our beliefs are founded. When we
change
core beliefs, entire structures of beliefs can be impacted at
once. To
the degree that it can, the belief system tries to be consistent and
free of
contradiction. This is not always possible however without
significant
selfwork. So many beliefs enter the structure in childhood
without being
evaluated that there are nearly always inconsistencies.
We create our reality. I'm not the first to say this, nor will I
be the
last. In the age to come, that is what it is all about.
Further, it
seems that this will happen in an era when what is manifested on earth
mirrors
what is manifest in heaven. The earth is becoming a more
conducive
environment for the expression of spirit in flesh. It has always
been
this, but now it is becoming orders of magnitude simpler. And, it
will
remain so for quite some time. The sense is that we have crossed
another
breakpoint. It will be interesting to see how quickly change is
manifest
now. It seems that what took years to do before may now take
months or
even weeks. However, nothing happens by itself. We have to
volunteer our energies and do the work to take advantage of the new
environment. We do this by finding our rightful place and by
playing the
role that we were meant to play. In doing so, we are doing our
part. And collectively, with everyone doing their parts, the
world will
be transformed. Transformed to what you ask? To the
world of
our dreams, I reply? To a world beyond imagination.
Yes,
that does indeed seem to be exactly where we are headed.
The stream of consciousness continues to pour forth. The
tiredness is
gone finally. I am awake again. Further, I am aware
again. Awareness
is so important. It is the one thing truly worth living
for. And,
we must live to be able to experience and grow in awareness. In
awe of
our are-ness. In awe of our beingness. Is that not what
aw-are-ness
is? What does it mean to be in awe of something? The first
thing
that comes to mind is a strong sense of wonder and appreciation.
Beingness is a very special gift with which we have been endowed.
It is
something inalienable, something that cannot be taken away from
us. Our
form may change. We may pass in and out of incarnations, but we
will
always be. Always. Even beyond time and space into the
void.
This is more like it. This is what I expect from this
expression.
Here, we explore the moreness of life. We go beyond the normal
boundaries
that most people accept, and boldly step into a new realm, a realm
where few if
any have traversed before. This is the stuff that I live
for. This
is what brings out the best in me. This is how I can best be of
service
to spirit. Yes, there are others with similar messages. And
perhaps, they are even clearer and more concise. That has never
been a
consideration here. This stream of consciousness comes forth as
it
does. We give it free reign, choosing to watch rather than to
control
where it would go. Could we control it if we wanted to?
Perhaps. Though, rivers are difficult if not impossible to
harness and
this stream of consciousness is very much like a river ... and a big
one at
that. However, that doesn't mean that we can't divert a part of
it and
use it to irrigate particular farmland. This requires building
the
appropriate canals, dams, and channels. Have I built the
equivalent of
any of these yet? It seems that my intuition serves as a canal or
a
channel. It does not divert the whole river of consciousness but
captures
one small stream. And, if a small stream can bring forth millions
of
words in a decade ... the possibilities for mining this incredible
source of
spiritual wisdom and spiritual wealth seem endless. What you see
here is
what one person working part time can do. If we could expand this
to 10,
100, or even 1000 people full time ... just imagine the possibilities.
We are in the neighborhood of four million words expressed since March
1993. How much should that be worth? And, to whom?
I've set a
value of $1 per word. I have no means to know whether that is
high, low,
or reasonable. It was just a nice round figure that came into my
head. To date, I have earned roughly half of that from the
various jobs
over the course of my life. Depending on how much I continue to
express,
my earnings to date may or may not catch up with the value of my
written
expression. That is, unless the universe comes up with another
way to
compensate me for this work. I believe in the law of
balance.
Everything that we do is compensated for one way or another. It
may not
be in the way that we expect, but it will be in a way that is
appropriate. That is simply the way spirit works. What
would life
be without its surprises? Also, we have a right to set the value
of our
creative works. The philosophy of whatever the market will
bear does
not apply here. Though, it might be interesting to find out what
a
journalist makes per word for an article. That would at least
provide a
comparable value against someone who makes there living via words.
Where do we go from here? What is the next major step in my
life?
The promotion and accompanying pay raise at work seem to demand similar
experiences on the spiritual front. Thus far pay raises seem to
correspond to increases in awareness. However, I haven't really
had a
"promotion" since my military days. The last real promotion was
in 1985, nearly twenty years ago. To promote is to move up in
position
and responsibility. How does this happen on the spiritual
front?
What positions are there? And, what responsibility goes with each
position? It seems that I am on track to find this out very soon
... very
soon indeed.
17
September 2004
Wow,
another two weeks without expression. It is not that there
weren't
opportunities. I just wasn't moved to take advantage of
them. Oh
well, what needs to be expressed will indeed be expressed when the time
is
right. Between nine days working at the cabin and a two day
business
trip, it wasn't difficult for two weeks to pass by. It is amazing
how
fast time appears to go by now. It is already nearing the end of
the
fiscal year once again. Work has been busier than ever as well
... a
trend that is likely to continue for some time.
What is it that I want to do with my life? Is this really
it? I
enjoy what I'm doing and the people that I work with ... but, is that
enough? There is so much more that I can do. How do I
employ my
talents and abilities to their fullest? One might think that the
universe
would assist in this. However, the universe seems to be waiting
for me to
put something into motion. Perhaps that is it. Perhaps that
is what
I have neglected to do. It seems that desire is not enough.
We must
dare to act in accord with our dreams if we are to make our lives the
masterpieces that they are meant to be. But, what actions would I
choose? What actions would allow me to be most who I AM?
I'm tired again. It comes and it goes, seemingly in cycles.
Yet,
the cycles are undefined. Up and down and up and down we
go. We
never really know where we will be on any given day. That is
OK. We
can deal with life as it presents itself. More and more we are
resigning
to the will of the universe. Though, more and more, we are
standing up
for ourself as well. Where all this is leading, I cannot
tell. I
simply go with the flow and allow it to take me where it will.
We've been
doing this for 11.5 years. That is a long time to be doing
anything. Though some of those years were far more fruitful than
others.
This year is one of the in-between kind of years. It is nowhere
near as
prolific as 2002 and 2003 ... but, it is far more productive than 1999,
2000,
and 2001. What can I say? It is what it is? This
expression
is not something that can be forced. It happens when it
happens. It
happens when I am ready for it to happen. It happens when the
world is
ready for it to happen. Hmm ... that is an interesting
observation.
We are pieces within one grander whole that constitutes our world. What
we do,
the world does through us. We are the world! And, the world
is
us! It is US!
How do I reach more folks? How do I find kindred spirits with
whom to
interact and build a better society and a better world? Why is it
that I
feel it is my job personally to build the foundations for a new
world?
Yes, someone or some group has to do it. But, why me? Or
should I
be asking why not me? If I can envision a utopia on
earth, surely
I can do what it takes to at least start to manifest it. Act as
if!
That is the secret to manifesting anything. I know that ... but
am I
truly living it? At the time, it seems not. Otherwise my
reality
would be different than it is. "A whole new world with new
horizons
to pursue. I'll chase them everywhere" plays in the background as
I
write this. Is that reflective of my present state? Should
it
be? Then, why is it that I feel so stuck at the moment. It
is as if
the inertia is too great to depart from my present course.
Though, that
is not the case. It is all a matter of flexibility of body, mind,
and
soul. I seem to have the later, and the middle part to some
degree but
not the first part. Though some, including me, would perceive me
as very
stubborn and inflexible.
"I want to live, I want to grow, I want to see, I want to know, I want
to
share what I can give, I want to be, I want to live."
I think that came from a John Denver song, but I don't remember which
one. Why is it coming forth now? What meaning does it have
in my
life at the present time? Am I not already living, growing,
seeing,
knowing, sharing, and being? The issue is am I doing these as
fully as I
am able to? The very fact that I am asking the question suggests
that I
am not. So, how would I live differently? How would I grow
differently? How would I see differently? How would I know
differently? How would I share differently? How would I be
differently?
live => grow => see => know => share
=> be
=> live
That is definitely a sequence to think about. Notice that
"work" is not included. That should be a natural extension of
who we are meant to be. When we love what we do, when we share
whom that
we truly are with others, we are operating at our highest
capacity. That
is all that can be expected of us. Further, that is all that we
can
expect of us. Though, we must be careful not to limit ourselves
here. We are capable of far more than we can imagine.
Literally far
more. It is a matter of believing this and being open to spirit
operating
and expressing in our lives. We are spirit enfleshed. All
that we
do is the expression of spirit at some level. What level depends
on how
open we are to spirit expressing through us. Openness requires a
deep
trust in the sanctity of spirit. Yet, the spiritual is by far
stronger than
anything material. No, it may not be physically stronger.
But,
there is a deeper strength that comes from within that is capable of
much more
than most give it credit. How can I know any of this? Where
did I
learn it? The bottom line is that it comes from the source within
and
that is enough. That is always enough.
20
September 2004
So, what would we
express
today? That is ever a mystery. It seems that the depths of
spirit
are truly unfathomable. The more we explore, the more we find
that there
is remaining to explore. The process is never-ending. That
is
good. That is as it should be. We all need something that
fascinates and challenges us. For me, that is definitely the
nature of
spirit and spiritual expression. Though, what I consider to be
"spiritual" might not agree with how others define this term.
In particular, I don't associate spirituality with religion. I
have not
practiced any religion for nearly 35 years. I stopped going to
church
when I was 11. I simply did not believe what they were teaching,
and my
parents were open enough to allow me to decide this for myself.
Spirituality involves the creative expression of consciousness through
us. I was going to say of spirit through us, but it seemed
strange to
define spirituality in terms of spirit. Though consciousness is
no less
vague and mysterious. That is OK too. It is good to have a
strong
dose of the mysterious in our lives.
Someone asked
about the meaning of the number 36 over the
course of the weekend. 2 x 2 x 3 x 3 and 2 x 9 x 2 were obvious
messages
that I was meant to see. The first is 22:The Master Builder with
33:The
Master Teacher. The second is the completion of The Hermit or The
Hermit:
The Master Builder. Have we reached another level of completion
that
these messages would come up now? So it seems. Then, what
is
next? What lies in store in the weeks and months ahead? The
days
pass by so rapidly that it is difficult to be concerned with
them. There
is a sense that I'm on the threshold of a major change once
again. Not
only me, but the world at large as well. What I am, what I
experience, is
a reflection of the world in which I live. Not that this world is
the
same as that of others. We each create our own worlds within a
common
environment that serves as a framework for experiencing physical
reality.
Though, we live as much outside of that framework as we do within
it.
Yes, we are physical beings. But, we are non-physical beings as
well. It behooves us not to lose sight of either the former or
the later.
Hmm ... were
on a role today. It's great when the
expression is easy. With stream of consciousness expression, you
never
know how easy or difficult it is going to be. It all depends on
where you
enter the stream and where the stream chooses to take you. Hmm
... we generally
do not think about the stream "choosing" anything. We simply go
where the forces of nature take us. Yet, consciousness is not so
rigid as
that. She does indeed participate and take us on a ride.
Perhaps
journey is a better term for this. The stream of consciousness
takes us
on a journey through the unknown territories of consciousness.
The more
we experience this, the more varied the experiences seem to
become.
Though, I can't confirm this for certain. I only know where I
have
ventured. And then, even that is vague in the present. I
have to
revisit these words to re-discover where I have been and when.
That is
one of the major benefits of all of this. It provides a record of
where
one consciousness has been, a record that can trigger others to have
similar
experiences. At least, I believe that such is the case.
Until I
encounter more people who have read the Beyond Imagination works and
find out
specifically how they are impacted , I won't really know. Will
this
happen in this lifetime? I strongly believe that it will.
Though,
the phrase for your eyes only still looms large in my
mind. Will this ever go away? It will if it is destined to
be. Otherwise, I'll just have to accept what will be. I'm
content
to allow spirit to manifest in my life as she will. To date, this
has
worked fine. Though, there are some things that are within my
control to
change if I choose to change them. One thing that comes to mind
is
weight. I could easily stand to lose 50 pounds. That would
improve
my health and might reduce the tiredness that I feel. However,
will I do
the things necessary to lose this weight? That is a lot of extra
pounds
to be carrying around.
Habits.
How do we overcome the inertia of habitual
behavior in our lives? Many of us are slaves of habits.
That
doesn't mean that habits in and of themselves are bad. It just
means that
they can be misused. When used properly, habits make our lives
easier and
more productive. However, they can also dampen creativity and
spontaneity. It is important that we not let them do this.
In some
areas of our lives, this does not really matter. The habits are
beneficial. For instance, washing hands, brushing teeth, driving,
eating
right, exercising, ... However, in other areas such as thinking,
feeling,
intuition, and even knowing such is not the case. When we are
rigid and
habitual in these areas, our lives suffer as well as those whom we
touch.
It is important to do what we can to approach life in an open and
flexible
manner ... a manner that allows us to be response-able.
What am I
moved to do? Obviously, I am here musing
again. That is good. I am grateful for being able to
express in
this manner whenever I can. It is great to be able to count on
consciousness to come forth with creative expression. As far as I
know,
this is a unique and original expression. It is not in any format
that I
have encountered anywhere else before. But, is it any good?
Is it
worth the cost and the time that it takes to read it? It seems
that is
not something that is up to me to decide except for myself. I
know that I
get a lot out of it both by being involved in its creation and by
reading it
afterwards. It is always fresh and new to my eyes no matter how
many
times I encounter it. That is even true of the quotes from the
material
that hang on my wall at work. I read them often, but there is not
a
single one that I have memorized. Part of that is how my mind
functions. It seems to need to be blank in order to do what it
does well.
That means I have a difficult time remembering anything. Some
might
consider this a handicap. However, I consider it a feature of how
my mind
works. It is good to know what such features are so that we can
take
advantage of them. I have learned to write things down and
capture them
in ways that allow me to use electronic memory to supplement my
biological
memory. That is one of the benefits of computers in this day and
age. Just today, while cleaning off my desk, I found something I
had done
eight months ago that I forgot about that was directly relevant to
something I
am working on now. It is interesting how that works. I
haven't
cleaned off my desk in several months. From the date on the
printout, I
was quickly able to find the electronic version of the file. It
is
surprising how many times things like that happen in my life. It
is as if
they happen by accident. However, they are signs that there is a
greater
synchronicity at play.
Is anyone
else expressing in this manner? How would I
know? I have limited exposure to how others write anymore.
For over
20 years, I read extensively, primarily in metaphysics, new age, and
occult. Now, I prefer to express as consciousness would have me
express
... originating my own works (or consciousness works through me) rather
than
consuming the works of others. Perhaps there should be more of a
happy
medium. Perhaps I should do some things to help relate what comes
through
me to the works that come through others. Yet, that is not what I
am
moved to do at present. Further, with my eyesight fading in the
middle
ranges, reading is becoming somewhat problematic. It is curious
that
reading from the computer screen is fine. The size and
distance
combine to something that is optimum for me. Is it surprising
that I
spend so much of my work time and free time in this fashion? It
is the
classic form follows function modality. My abilities are evolving
in a
manner that optimizes them for the uses that I put them to. Or
are
they? Could that just be another rationalization? The
bottom line
is that what is is. I accept that, though I also know that at
some level
we create it all to be exactly as it is.
What would I
do next? How would I go about creating
the foundations for a new world? How does a hermit, a loner, do
this? It seems that I've set an impossible task for myself.
Though,
as my wife would say, nothing is impossible. We just have to set
our
minds to the fact that we are going to do it and then take the
necessary
action. Well, it seems that the time has come to somehow take
action ...
action different than simply expressing as we are doing now. This
is
easy. There is limited to no feedback. I am free to express
whatever consciousness would have me express. Dealing with others
is a
whole other matter. Though, even there I have started to make
breakthroughs to new levels in the work environment. That is, new
levels
for me anyway. Some people find it natural to work with
others. For
me, it is more of a challenge. One reason is that the process
seems to be
so slow. Getting people to work together is not easy. It
seems that
the more people involved the worse it gets.
So, how many
people do I need to reach to change the world?
It all starts with ONE. Interesting. I need to reach myself
first. Then, somehow, my work as illustrated in these words needs
to be
disseminated in a manner that reaches others. How many others
remain to
be seen. How many have I reached already? I would guess
several
thousand over the past nine years. However, few have written back
to
provide any kind of feedback. I would have thought that by now I
would
have attracted dozens if not hundreds of kindred spirits. That
was one of
my chief motives for putting the material on the WWW. But, this
has not
proved to be the case. I’m still very isolated, working directly
with
spirit. You might say that I am naïve … unaware of how
others experience
and view the world. However, the isolation has its benefits as
well. It was instrumental in developing to the point where I
could start
bringing forth this stream of consciousness communication. I know
that. Also, it seems important in being able to continue to do
so.
What I don’t know is where my path will ultimately lead. I could
be a
writer all of my days. Or, I could start to interact with others
more
directly. These are two opposed possibilities. Which path I
take
seems to be up to me in some respects, but up to the universe as
well.
What would I prefer? I only know where my talents lie. And,
right
now that is in written expression. I have never been much of a
speaker. The words just don’t form naturally in my head as they
do
here. That is OK. There are many who have the gift of gab
and can
speak fluently and brilliantly. Do what you love to do! Do
what you
do best! Trust that the universe will see that your contributions
matter. Though, it may involve you directly in doing this.
Be open
to new modes of expressing. Be open to doing things that you have
not
done before. You’ll find that they are easier to do than you
think going
in.
How can I
make my livelihood via doing what I most love to
do? Surely it is possible. Further, surely it will happen
at some
point in my life. Is there anything that I can do to make that
point
sooner rather than later? Surely there must be. The very
fact that
I'm asking the question suggests just that. I no longer want to
wait. Yet, at the same time, I can be patient and wait as long as
it
takes. It seems that in these things, the universe sets the
timing.
Though, we may have more of a say in this than I have considered
possible
before. Dream big and believe that your dreams will indeed be
manifest,
then act as if ... as if the dreams are already so. For at some
level, by
the time the dream is expressed it has indeed been actualized on some
level. The trick is to do what it takes to make that level this
level. We are here to express spirit in flesh. This is
meant to be
a glorious expression for we are indeed glorious beings. What
does it
take to manifest dreams? First, we have to have the dreams.
Then,
we have to share them with those who will be touched by them. I
happen to
dream on a world scale. How does one share dreams with the whole
world? The WWW seems to be a place to start. But, how do we
inform
people that our dreams are posted to be shared? That is a
different
matter. I assumed that the universe knew of my actions and would
attract
the right people to my site. But it is not clear how one would
reach the
Beyond Imagination site via standard searches. In the early days,
that
worked fine. But, with everything that has been posted to the WWW
in the
past decade, this is more and more difficult. So, it seems that
I'm going
to have to do some promoting or advertising if I really want people to
find
what I have been expressing for over eleven years. Do I really
want to do
that? How much do I want to earn my livelihood via this kind of
expression? When you put it that way, it seems that I have little
choice. If I do nothing, little will change. And, I really
want things
to change. My sense is that this is why I came into this
incarnation. It was not just to find a way to enjoy my
life. It was
to accomplish something grand and to enjoy myself in the process.
Is it
really necessary to have world import? Will I find my life to be
somehow
less meaningful if this never happens? Perhaps. All that I
can do
is to live my life as I am moved to live it, and express as I am moved
to
express. There is still a sense that I am not fully living.
I am holding
back somehow. To that degree, I am being less than I can
be. Is it
out of fear of dealing with others? Why should I care? What
is
there to fear? I am that I am. If that is not enough for
some, that
is just too bad. What is it that I can do that others cannot
do?
Those are the very things that I need to be doing. Yes, need to
be
doing. While I am here, this feels like exactly where I need to
be.
There is something about this expression that is destined. It is
meant to
be. This expression uses my consciousness as I use a keyboard or
a pencil
and paper. Consciousness uses my faculties to bring forth
something new,
an expression that is beyond anything that I could dream of on my
own. At
least not consciously. It seems that we are grand on other than
conscious
levels and that these levels express through us regularly if we allow
them to.
Love the life
that you live. Hmm ... I'm not sure
where that came from. Do I truly love the life that I presently
live? If not, why am I not taking action to change it?
Surely that
is within my power to do. I can either change my attitude about
the life
that I live or I can change my life to make it something that I could
love. So, why am I not doing that? Why am I not pursuing my
bliss? Perhaps I am. But, if I were, you would think that I
would
know it. You would think that I would be happier than I am.
Yet,
while I have an inalienable right to pursue happiness, somehow I don't
feel
worthy of achieving it. That, or happiness is simply more elusive
than we
have been led to believe. So, what can I do differently right
now?
I can write. I can express. I can capture this stream of
consciousness. These are things that I can do that no one else
can
do. But, what is different about this. I have been doing it
now for
over eleven years, totaling over 3 million words. But, the
expression
evolves as I grow and change. As my consciousness expands, so
does what
can be expressed through me. This is a never-ending
process. Each
sentence brings forth something that has never been expressed
before. Or,
at least I think it does. Yes, some themes get repeated.
But, ever
in new ways. Consciousness finds ways to get through to us,
regardless of
how dense we may be. And, I'm as dense as anyone I guess.
Though,
the only real input on this is my wife telling me how stubborn I
am. I'll
have to admit that there is some truth to this. I can be stubborn
at
times especially when it comes to something that I don't want to
do. I
can also be doggedly determined to do things that I want to do.
It seems that
it is time to create a society around
me. No, not with me in the center. I really don't like the
limelight. Though, I do like to play a critical role on the
sidelines. However, it is not just any society that I would
create.
Hmm ... that comes across as my way or no way. Indeed, that is
how I
feel. No wonder the response to Beyond Imagination has been what
it has
been. This is a reflection of me. If I want Beyond
Imagination to
open up to the world, then I need to open up to the world. It is
that
simple and that difficult. Opening up to others is not something
that is
easy for me to do. That is, except here. But here, the
opening is
anonymous. It is as if I am opening to spirit herself and to any
whom
spirit would invite to this expression. Trust that spirit is
operating in
your life. Yeah, you are spirit expressing through you.
There is
nothing but spirit in expression. This is true not only of you
but of
everyone. It is for you to know that truth and live it. If
you
allow it to be, this can be the most natural thing in the world.
We are
meant to be all that we can be. We are meant to express whom that
we
are. We are meant to live lives of excellence, not of
mediocrity.
There is always a way to do that, if we will but use our god-given
talents in
service. It doesn't matter what these are. What matters is
that we
hone them and that we find a way to use them. We hone talents by
using
them. "Practice makes perfect" is a wise old saying for a
reason.
21
September 2004
Well,
yesterday was a marathon session. We haven't
expressed that many words in one day in some time. It is
unfortunate that
we cannot do that everyday. Today there was no time to break to
write and
I'm going out to dinner so the evening will be short as well.
That's
OK. Some days are like that. We have to express what we can
when we
can. At least I didn't have any time to be tired today.
Sometimes
the afternoons can be difficult. So, what am I moved to express
today? What more is there to bring forth that hasn't yet been
expressed? It seems that there is literally tons of information
that
could come through. Actually, not really information.
Expression is
the right word for it. Information has too much of a
straightjacket
connotation to it. It is more formal than this stream of
consciousness. I'm not one to be too formal about much of
anything.
I prefer to be whom that I am and not put on any airs. Though,
there are
times where it is not clear that I succeed in this. That is OK
too.
We don't always succeed at what we attempt to do. However, we do
always
succeed at what must be done by us. That is just how things
work.
Some things are destined. There are no options regarding whether
they
will be done. Though, there are always choices as to how they
will be
done. Here, free will is a determining factor. We can
choose how we
do things. We also choose how we interpret what experiences mean
to
us. These are powerful abilities that we have.
However, they
are abilities that must be develop. They are inherent in our
natures, but
they must be brought out to be of use to us. Here too, schools
typically
fall short and fail to train us in this area. Why does that not
surprise
me? It seems that most of the things that are the most useful to
know
fall outside of the traditional curriculum of our schools.
Something is
wrong with that. It needs to change and soon. We are
wasting too
much of the potential of our society by not doing something about it.
We need to
live more efficiently and effectively. We
need to be gentler and kinder and more loving to one another.
These are
things that we can choose to do at any time. It is all about
attitude. This is not something that requires extensive amounts
of resources.
It requires a commitment on each of our parts to do our share about
maintaining
our own attitude and about helping others to do the same. It
seems that
many of the things that matter most in life are indeed free. They
are not
things that our economic system enables us to acquire. They fall
completely outside of this system. For instance, it costs
virtually
nothing for me to be able to express in this manner. It doesn't
take much
of a computer to run Netscape and the software is free. In
addition,
internet service is less than $10 per month. This is fun for
me.
This is how I prefer to spend my free time ... at least a good deal of
it. What will come of it? Who knows? Perhaps
nothing.
Perhaps a whole new world. Whatever it is will be right. I
know
that because consciousness/spirit guides all that I do. I believe
that is
true for all of us. Though, most probably are not consciously
aware of
it. That is OK. There are many things that we are able to
do competently
that we don't really understand how we do them. Thinking,
speaking,
seeing, and walking are a few that come to mind immediately. All
of these
are natural processes that we engage in daily. How is it that
this is
possible? How is it that we don't know how our mind
functions? How
is it that the minds of different people can function so
differently? It
is interesting, isn't it? How can we be so alike and so different
at the
same time?
What would I
do next? As always, I do what I am moved
to do. Right now, that is to work and to write during the week,
and then
to work on the cabin on the weekends. Such is my life at the
moment. I can't remember when it ever passed by so quickly.
It
seems that there is no free time and further, that there is not enough
time to
do everything that needs to be done. My sense is that many feel
like
this. Life is lived at such a fast pace these days. But, it
doesn't
have to be that way. Life in the mountains of Idyllwild seems
much less
hectic. Once we finish the initial work on the cabin, we will be
able to
relax and enjoy ourselves more. Actually, there is a sense of
accomplishment that goes with doing the work on the cabin, especially
with
doing things that I have never done before. Transforming a
workshop into
a prime living area in a few weeks is quite an accomplishment.
The
question is what do you do next? All that I can answer is that I
continue
to do as I am moved to do. Consciousness is the motive force in
my
life. I have no reason to change that now. Consciousness
has taken
me on an exciting journey over the years ... especially since
1993. Oh,
there have been challenges. And, I've experienced my share of
boredom. But, overall, I would not trade my experiences for that
of
anyone else. I would live my life as it is meant to be
lived. I
accept the destiny that I've created for myself at other than conscious
levels. This is a conscious choice that I make. Does it
have to be
this way? For me, yes it does. However, what is right for
me is not
necessarily right for others. I would not impose my lifestyle and
my
values on others. It is enough that I experience and abide by
them.
22
September 2004
Once
again we return to the blank screen that has become our refuge of
late.
Here we are free to express whatever spirit would move us to
express.
Here we allow a stream of consciousness to flow forth that has never
flowed
forth in this particular manner before. We cannot stop the
stream.
Actually cannot may be too strong of a term. Rather, we choose
not to
stop the stream from flowing. After all, it brings many benefits
to our
life. The hope is that it would bring such benefits to the lives
of
others as well. For that, others need to be able to find the
expression
and experience it. I was going to say read it, but that seemed
too restrictive
somehow. There is more to this expression than what the words
themselves
convey. There is an overall tone and rhythm that comes across as
well. This is not because I intentionally place it there.
The words
come forth automatically. I am simply the instrument that
consciousness
plays to bring them forth. Is the quality of the instrument
apparent in
the quality of the expression? I would hope so. And, I
would hope
that this is good. However, it is what it is. I can watch
it evolve,
but it does not seem to be under my control. How can that
be? How
can I engage in a process over which I have limited control? The
fact of
the matter is that I do, and that I do so regularly. It is not
something
that I can question. I observe that it happens, and must
accept it
for what it is. That is OK. I thoroughly enjoy the
process.
This expression is by far the highlight of my life. It is
something that
I participate in that is greater than me. It involves spirit and
consciousness expressing as they will through me. It demonstrates
that we
are capable of far grander things than we might believe. If I can
do all
of this ... what can you do by harnessing the power of
consciousness? Hmm
... that is an interesting way of looking at it. Indeed, we are
harnessing the power of consciousness. We all do this all of the
time. It is a matter of how efficient and effective we are in the
process. This is something we learn over time. Though it
helps if
we have some idea that this is indeed what we are learning here.
"Weave me a peaceful world." This morning, I found a big
spider crawling on my head when I was getting dressed. I don't
really
know where it came from. Nor do I know what type of spider it
was, other
than that it was brown and over an inch in diameter. It was
enough to
shake me up a bit. I actually felt it moving around in my
hair. At
first I thought it was some type of flying bug. But it turned out
to be a
spider. According to the Animal Cards, spider gave man the
alphabet as
symbols in the weaving of its web. It is appropriate that I would
weave
this expression with that alphabet. It is the medium of words
that I
command. No, not spoken words, even though I hear them in my head
as I
write. It is the written word that is my medium of choice.
It has
been all of my life, whether it be in the reading of books in my first
34 years
... or in this expression for over 11 years. Is it possible to
weave a
peaceful world via this medium? I have to believe that the answer
is yes,
because that is what I am here to do and because this is how I am moved
to
express. It doesn't matter that according to experts roughly 7%
of
communication comes across in the actual words expressed. That 7%
provides the paints that I use to create my masterpieces. No, I
don't use
words sparingly as do the poets. Here, the stream of
consciousness gushes
forth from within. I don't even have the sense of crafting what
comes
forth. Rather, I am the channel expressing something that already
seems
to exist. My abilities are necessary to make the expression
physical, to
manifest it in this reality. But, how do we take the next step
and
manifest what the expression talks about? How do we create a
better world
for all of us? It seems that it all starts with ideas. We
have to
empower people. We have to get them to believe in what is
possible.
Then, we need to convince them to act in accord with realizing these
possibilities. We do that by turning what is possible to what is
probable
to what is certain. When something becomes a certainty for us, we
will
indeed find a way to manifest it. It is all a matter of believing
strongly in what can be achieved. Utopias are not just wild
fancies of
the imagination. They can be real. They can be
manifest.
Though, often they are manifest in ways that surprise us. That is
OK. Surprise is good. It keeps life interesting.
Can it really be over 11 years since this expression began? That
seems
like so long ago. It is difficult to remember what life was like
before
this expression. Beyond Imagination is so much a part of whom
that I AM
that we are inseparable. 1993 was definitely a major turning
point in my
life. It was the start of something grand and glorious, something
I am
still endeavoring to understand. Perhaps I never will.
Perhaps this
is something that will always be beyond me. That is OK. I
am
comfortable with the unknown in my life. One more unknown doesn't
really
matter ... even if it is a big one. It is enough that the
expression
exists and is such a major part of my life. It is enough that I
have
experienced the range of states of consciousness that I have been privy
to. I don't typically ask for much, just the circumstances and
conditions
to do what I came to do. Yes, that is still to create the
foundations for
a new world in which spirit can express more fully in flesh. I do
that by
how I live, by the works that I do, and by whom I touch. There
has to be
a way to touch more folks. There has to be a way to spread the
word. I was hoping that I could simply post material on the WWW
and have
it spread by word of mouth. However, it seems that this is a slow
way of
proceeding ... and it is not clear the material is reaching its
intended
audience, though I don't really know who that audience might be.
Interesting
position for a loner and a hermit to be in. Yet, here I am.
What
more can I say? It seems there is a lot more that consciousness
would
express through me. Since this expression started, that has never
really
been a problem. Though, there have been whole years that have
passed by
with very little expressed. But there have been other years where
the
expression literally filled volumes. The expression from 2003 for
instance filled three books of over 500 pages each. That is a lot
of
expression. It would be nice if the books would start producing
an
income. A lot of work went into them, not to mention the cost of
publishing them. Yet, the return on investment has been dismal at
best. I really thought something would come from all of this
activity.
I was moved to do all of this for a reason. The Beyond
Imagination works
needed to be made available in a more traditional format ... namely
that of
books. However, producing the books was not enough. It
seems that
promotion of the books is needed as well. This is not something
that I
was prepared to provide. Part of the problem is that I don't have
a
personal stake in the outcome. It is as if I did my part, and now
it is
up to spirit to do hers. Though, I realize that I may play a
major role
in supporting this as well. However, I need to be moved by spirit
to do
it ... and up to now, I have not been so used.
23
September 2004
I had
every intention of continuing to express yesterday ... but
unfortunately was
not moved to do so. I did make what I consider to be my minimum
quota of
1000 words, but definitely did not make it to my target of 2000
words.
That is OK. I am grateful for what is expressed anyway. I
try not
to place any restrictions or expectations on this expression.
Somehow,
this is one area of my life that needs to be open and free. To
date, it
seems it has indeed been that. And, there is no sense that this
is to
change anytime soon. At roughly 800 words per hour, it is simply
a matter
of focus and discipline to put the necessary time in for this
expression to
manifest. I owe it to myself and to spirit to do that. For
some
reason, this stream of consciousness seeks expression. More than
that, it
seeks to be shared with others. Am I doing enough to make that
so?
Yes, I do a lot. But, is it enough? Is there more that I
could be
doing? Is there more that I should be doing? Just because
we can do
something does not necessarily mean that it is an effective use of our
time and
resources. The issue comes down to what is mine to do versus what
is it
that others are meant to do. There is still a sense that I am not yet
doing
everything that is mine to do. As we become more aware, we also
become
more able. We need to stretch beyond the confines of what we
thought we
were capable of to find what we are truly capable of. That is
part of the
path of self discovery. We will be amazed at what we will
find. It
is all a matter of looking in the right directions.
What we seek, we will indeed find. If we want to change what we
experience, we need to control what we seek. Here, we are at the
driver's
wheel. Our actions determine the course that will be followed
just as
surely as they do when we are driving a car. Where we place our
focus and
attention makes all of the difference. It determines what
experiences we
will have and even how we will be impacted by those experiences.
Life
provides a context for meaning to be experienced. Ultimately, it
is the
meaning and not the events which matter. Though, some events are
more
conducive to particular kinds of meaning than others.
Seek to serve first with all your heart and soul, and your reward will
be
abundance on all levels. However, the service must come first and
must be
voluntary. Though, it may come across in the quality of ones
present work.
This would ask that we serve with love, and that we imbue our work with
the
excellence that is due it. I can say that here. It is easy
to do
when the "work" is already volunteer work and is what you love to
do. This expression of consciousness is that way. I don't
have to
do it. It does not help me earn my livelihood. Though it
may indeed
help to keep me sane. If indeed sanity is something that truly
matters. No, I don't want to come across as a blabbering
idiot. However,
I have no real control over what consciousness is choosing to express
through
me. I simply allow it to flow, trusting that it comes from a
source that
knows what it is doing. Thus far, it has never let me down.
I have
no sense that it ever will. What gives me the right to trust in
the
unknown in this manner? It just seems like the natural thing to
do.
Plus, I have over 11 years of experience/practice doing it. When
we do
something enough and it works the same way each time, we no longer
question it
or worry about how things might be differently. We just continue
to do it
in the way we are accustomed.
Abundance on all levels. That is definitely a reward worthy of
whatever
effort it takes on our part to get it. That is the ultimate
satisfaction. Some might question whether it is achievable.
My
sense is YES, there are sufficient resources available to achieve
this.
However, we can't misuse the resources. We have to be wise in our
stewardship. And, we have to be fair in how we share these
resources not
only on a country by country basis, but on a worldwide basis. The
gap
between the haves and the have-nots has to be made less. We can
do
this. Indeed, we must do this. Our transactions with others
need to
be WIN/WIN wherever possible. And, the scope of the winning must
be fair
to all parties. How do we determine what is fair, however?
It seems
that we need some independent mediators watching our transactions to
assure
this. Let the buyer beware is not an acceptable way to operate in
a new
age. Rather, let the seller be responsible is more
appropriate.
Unfortunately, the economic system doesn't yet operate this way.
Whatever
the market will bear is still a guiding principle. That might
work for
some things. But, it is not clear that it is fair for other
things.
You might argue that no one has a gun to your head forcing you to buy
something
that is overpriced. The problem is how do you know if it is
overpriced or
not? Here, companies have a clear advantage. Take cars for
instance. There is a manufacturers suggested retail price.
Yet, at
the end of each summer there are model year end sales that offer
thousands of
dollars off of this. The car is still the same car. Why
should a
few months make such a large difference in price? Sometimes this
amounts
to over 20 percent. Services are even more flexible. A
friend
needed a plumber on a weekend to clear a drain. The initial price
quoted for
the service was over twice what the negotiated price ended up to
be. I
brought my car in to get the oil changed at Jiffy Lube. I was
told that
the transmission fluid was dirty and needed to be changed, but the cost
was
over $100. I didn't want to pay that much. The mechanic
offered to
do it for $20 less and then $30 less. I finally accepted not
knowing how
much the service was really worth or even if the transmission fluid was
dirty
enough that it needed to be changed. The bottom line is that we
cannot be
experts on everything. We have to have some trust in the people
who
provide services that they are honest and that they are giving us a
reasonable
deal for the service we are buying. I read a quote by Ronald
Reagan
yesterday: Trust, but verify. Perhaps that is the
key.
We need to be knowledgeable enough about what we consume to be able to
verify
that indeed we are getting a fair deal.
Note that this would not be a problem if the operating principle of the
economy
was to provide people what they need as efficiently and effectively as
practical. But, that is not the world that we live in. At
least not
yet. That is not to say that things cannot change. Indeed,
my sense
is that they will, and that this will happen relatively soon.
Whether
that is within a few years or a few decades, I cannot say though it
seems that
this will happen within my lifetime and I don't expect to live much
longer than
another 20 years. That would bring me to 66. Yes, that is
young by
many standards. However, I've always had a sense that I'm here to
perform
a mission and that when this is done, I will be free to go onto other
realms of
consciousness. I am but a visitor here. In many respects, a
stranger in a strange land. As such, I do not live as others
live.
I walk a path that is my own ... definitely listening to the beat of my
own
drum. That is what has gotten me here. And here is not such
a bad
place to be. I consider myself successful. Perhaps less
successful
than some, but more successful than most. Though I cannot claim
the same
regarding happiness. Such is just how it is. I find
happiness to be
very elusive. Yet, I do find joy in the life that I lead.
This
expression gives me great pleasure and a sense of accomplishment.
It
might bring more joy if I found ways to share it more
successfully. This
is what animates me. This is what gives meaning to my life.
Here, I
can be of service in ways that I cannot be elsewise. There is
something
about the expression of this stream of consciousness that is fulfilling
for
me. It doesn't really matter what happens to it after it is
expressed. It is enough that it was expressed. Hmm ...
perhaps that
is why I'm not seeing it disseminated more and having more impact on
greater
numbers of folks. The bottom line is that it doesn't really
matter to
me. If it is disseminated, great. However, the very act of
manifesting it is great in and of itself. Once again, for
your eyes
only comes to mind. Perhaps this is indeed for my eyes
only.
Can I live with that? Can I find a way to make a difference in a
different manner? When all is said and done ... does it really
not matter
that anyone would remark that one such as I existed? Hmm ... I've
been
plagued with grandiosity on and off for as long as this expression has
been
coming forth. Is that finally starting to lessen? It seems
that it
is.
Be not concerned with outcomes. You are to do as you are moved by
spirit/consciousness to do. You will know what that is when it is
time
for you to act. However, you won't necessarily have much warning
in
advance. That is OK. I am getting used to this by
now. Do what
you are moved to do when you are moved to do it. Trust that that
which
moves you is indeed spirit. And, when spirit moves us, the
results are
always beneficial. All that it takes is trust. The more
that you
trust, the more spirit can express through you. Everything is
spirit in
expression. Everything! Know that and act in accord with
it.
Yes, that means acting as if you are spirit. And, indeed you
are.
You know this. Find a way to truly live it. The more that
you do
so, the more your life will work and the more happy you will be.
That is
the key. That is all it takes. Be the spirit that you
are.
Operate at your highest potential. Be the best that you can be in
all
that you do. You know when you are being your best. You
can't fool
yourself unless you choose to do so ... and even then, at some level
you know
exactly what you are doing. Love the life that you live.
Imbue your
life with as much love as you can. You'll find that love is
contagious. Love, love, love. We can't emphasize that
strongly
enough. This is what unleashes the genius within us. I have
a
favorite quote of mine to that effect:
Each of us has genius inside of us.
Love is the soul of that genius --
the very key that can unleash its
expression in our lives.
Isn't it great to be able to quote yourself. Or, should I say
be able
to quote spirit/consciousness? For, these are really her words
express
through me. My life is rich as a result of this expression, far
richer
than any worldly riches would make me. Though I wouldn't mind
having my
share of those as well. Though, it seems that there is a tradeoff
of
sorts. Too much worldly goods and we can get distracted from our
real
purpose for being. However, it works that other way around as
well.
Not enough worldly goods and we are distracted with other things such
as the
paying of bills, or in some cases lack and poverty. Balance is in
order,
we need enough but not too much. That, or we need to discipline
to use
what we have wisely and to focus our energies on the tasks that are
ours to do.
27
September 2004
Another day,
another musing. If only they would
happen everyday again. But, for what purpose ... who will read
them
anyway. That is not my concern. It is for me to express
what would
be expressed through me. That is enough. That is all that I
can ask
of myself. That is all that anyone can expect from me.
That, and to
be whom that I am. It was an interesting day. I had a call
from a
headhunter. That is the first time that has ever happened.
Apparently,
someone is inquiring as to my availability. It is curious that
this would
happen now. I just got promoted after nearly eight years with the
same
organization in two different jobs. Now, it seems that I may be
in
demand. We'll just have to see how things work themselves
out. The
present job is very safe and secure and I am very good at what I
do. At
the same time, I know the job does not fully utilize all of my talents
and
abilities. Perhaps this is the universes way of recognizing
that.
One way or another, it seems that we should see something fairly
quickly. At the very least, I'll find out what my skills
are worth
in the open market. Initially, I said "what I am worth", but
this is not something that I allow the market to define. Here, I
consider
myself priceless. But, that is something that each of us must set
for
ourselves.
Why
now? Why such a communication out of the
blue? It really was unexpected. Something comes to
mind.
Expect the unexpected. Perhaps this is a sign of things to
come.
The possibilities are endless, they truly are. Eight years is the
longest
that I've been at any job except for the Air Force but that included
two
"breaks" of two years and of 15 months to go to school. It is
time for a change again. I've been seeing a lot of crows
lately. They
are supposed to signify major change. I welcome whatever changes
are to
come. I really do. Live shouldn't become so static that it
grows
stale. We need a change of scenery now and then to stay
sane. Also,
perhaps a new venue would make it easier to pursue happiness.
That still
eludes me, even in the midst of all that I have and all that I
do. It
still isn't enough. There is still something missing. It is
not
necessarily that I need more. Rather, it is a matter of needing
different
things than I have. That is what change can bring. Part of
it is a
new attitude, a new lease on life. Curious, it seems that such is
exactly
what I am looking for. When might this happen? It seems
that it
could be at any time. Why not right now? Indeed, why not.
Right now,
I'm on somewhat of a high. That happens
fairly regularly, but not as much as it did at one time. 2002 and
2003
come into mind in particular. They were high years for nearly the
entire
time. This year has had its ups and downs, with a long dry spell
at the
beginning of the year. It is not as if I wasn't working on Beyond
Imagination material. I published one book and worked on two
others. But my heart wasn't into completing them. I was
hoping to
see the first nine books start to sell and produce an income that at
least
covered their costs and future publication costs. However, that
has not
happened yet, despite the fact that I consider the books to be of the
highest
quality that I could produce with reasonable investments of time and
energy.
Oh, there are still some typos and grammatical errors. But, these
can
easily be overlooked given the overall quality and quantity of
expression. Will the books ever sell? I am starting to
wonder. Then, why was I so moved to publish them in this
manner?
And, why Infinity Publishing? The name just seemed so
perfect
for the Beyond Imagination books. It truly seemed to be a sign of
spirit
at work. Why would spirit not take the steps to assure that her
works
were disseminated to those who are meant to be touched by them.
Now, they
are available both at the Beyond Imagination website and in the Beyond
Imagination books. Even then, it seems that the audience is far
more
limited than it could or should be. However, it is not for me to
say whom
the audience is or should be. That is spirits call. It has
always
been. Though, she may use me to help spread the word as she does
to
express the words to begin with.
Hmm ... can I
see myself working somewhere else in the very
near term? Until today, the thought hadn't really crossed my
mind.
Now, it doesn't seem to be able to leave. Open yourself up to the
possibilities. What we have in store for you is far grander and
more
glorious than you have ever imagined, even in your most manic of
states.
Trust that we know of your needs even before you do and that we are
ever
creating the circumstances that would allow you to learn and grow that
you may
evolve to do that which you came into this incarnation on this planet
to
do. You may see yourself as a hermit, alone in a world of your
own
making. But, you are far more than that. It is time for you
to know
this, really know it. To that end, we will be bringing things
into your
reality that demonstrate this. You are not so isolated as you
would make
yourself out to be. You have more friends than you know, though
many
might not yet be visible to you. Give it time. Things will
change.
There is so
much in my life to be grateful for. Yet,
why am I not happy? How do I know that I'm not happy? I
don't walk
around with a sunny disposition an a smile on my face much of the
time.
Rather, there is a sense of something missing, that I haven't found
what I am
seeking. Perhaps this is because I don't really know what I am
seeking. Though, I sense that I will know when I have found
it.
Indeed, such is how my life has worked to date. Unseen forces
assist me
in finding what I need, even before I know that I need it. That
works in
most areas of my life. Relationships being a major
exception. Here
my experiences are far more limited. I am so much more
comfortable being
on my own. Yet, at the same time there is a desire to be more
social,
though in a highly meaningful way. Superficial society I would
choose to
have no part of. Yes, that is harsh. But, it is also
honest.
This has been my way for many years. I am unlikely to change it.
What do I
want to do with my life? What statement
would I make? Hmm ... the better question is what statement would
spirit
make through me? It is not what I want that matters. It is
not
clear that I even know what I want except in general terms. That
is
OK. I have essentially drifted through life as long as I can
remember. Everything seemed to happen naturally when it was meant
to
happen. Yes, at times I had to work hard to achieve things, but
they were
things that I was naturally motivated to do. My most important
achievement is this very expression. Few people that I know are
even
aware of this achievement, at least not to any real depth. It is
not that
I keep it secret. I have let people know both about the Beyond
Imagination website and the Beyond Imagination books. In fact,
the books
are prominently displayed in my office for any who enter to see.
That is
not enough to get them to inquire about the books nor to purchase
them.
Perhaps I need to display more of a salesman attitude. However,
that is
not in my character. I've never been much of a salesman.
Yet, who
better to promote the books than the one through whom they come?
How does
promote differ from sale? Is there really a difference? As
to the
question that started this paragraph ... the answer has been stated
many
times: I would build the foundations for a new world in which
spirit can
more fully express in flesh. Yes, that is a big task. But,
I accept
that it is mine to do. Of course, I expect to have some
help. I
expect to be part of a group that is responsible for doing this.
How does
a hermit become part of a group? The first step is to lose my
shell. That may be easier to do than I had thought
possible. More
and more, I'm beginning to realize that nothing is impossible for me or
for
anyone for that matter. It is all a matter of will and
desire. If
we truly want to do something, we will find a way. The easiest
way for
this to happen is for us to be open and allow the universe to reveal
the way to
us. It will do so if we wait patiently and expectantly. We
get what
we expect. Managing our expectations is thus extremely
important.
In particular, we need to be careful to avoid limiting our
expectations.
We are capable of far more than we have ever imagined. It is time
we
realized this and unleashed our true potential. Then, watch and
see what
glories unfold in our lives and in our world.
Love
what you do! Love the life that you live! Otherwise, find a
way to
transform it so that you can love it. Don't sell this concept
short. It is extremely important. There are always things
to love
about who you are and how you live. Each of us is a miracle
manifest. Each of us is unique. Each of us is spirit
expressing in
flesh. Further, we have always been thus and will always be
thus.
It is for us to make the most of this opportunity. It is for us
to be the
best that we can be. It is for us to express the best that we
have within
us. I try to do that here in this expression. Whether I
succeed or
not is ultimately not for me to say. That is for spirit herself
to judge
... or for those who are moved to partake of this expression.
Though, I
would not be judged by spirit or by others. That was part of my
past. It is not part of my present or my future. I give no
one the
right to judge me any longer. That includes me. I would not
judge
myself either. That doesn't mean that I will not evaluate my life
and
choose to do things differently. That is my prerogative.
That is my
right, as it is everyones. We create our own reality.
I'm
not the first to say that and I clearly won't be the last. The
truth is
the truth. It will be uttered until it is understood.
Ultimately,
it will transform the world. One simple five word sentence of 21
letters
has that much power. However, it may take volumes of words to
understand
the full meaning and impact. One important aspect is how we do
this. It is one thing to say that we do something. It is
quite
another to understand how to do it consciously. Here, beliefs and
expectations are the key. Beliefs are the filters through which
we see
and attract the reality that we experience. That makes belief
management
a very powerful skill to cultivate. Expectations are constraints
that we
place on what reality we consider possible. We don't always get
what we
expect however, because we don't always believe that we are worthy
enough to
receive it. This is a tricky game that we play. There is
mystery
and magic in it. We are sorcerers of a sort, conjuring up the
reality
that we then experience. Each of us do this. Though, for
most, this
happens on other than conscious levels.
28
September 2004
Again we come here to
face the
blank page. It is here that consciousness is free to express
herself
through me. She has started to do this fairly regularly once
again.
No, not as regularly as in 2002 and 2003. But, far more than in
many
years. That is good. There is something about this stream
of
consciousness expression that keeps me upbeat and positive.
Spirit has a
way of doing that. I can't think of anything more important than
the
expression of spirit in flesh. To a great degree, that is why we
are here
... though it seems that some realize it far more than others. We
do what
we can do. But, more important than that, we are the vehicles
through
which spirit can do what she can. This aspect is extremely
important. It is not to be taken lightly. We are channels
for the
expression of whatever part of the stream of consciousness we are able
to
tap. This tap lies deep within, so deep that for many it is
hidden.
But, it is all a matter of seeking. We find whatsoever we
seek.
That is one of the laws of the universe. However, we may have to
be
persistent and seek for awhile for this to work. Some things seem
to be
easy and others more difficult. In most cases, it seems that our
approach
is the leading cause of the differences. Attitude counts for a
lot as
well, as does believing that we are worthy of finding what we
seek. Many
have a difficult time with this. Feelings of worthiness run very
deep. Often they were generated early in childhood and then
reinforced
over the years. However, by the time we are middle aged adults,
what
worked in our childhood and adolescents may no longer serve us, and we
need to
be free to change it. The nature of beliefs is such that we are
always
free to change them at any time. However, there are processes to
use to
change them. It is not as simple as saying that we believe
something
new. This needs to be deconflicted with other beliefs in our
belief
system. Further, the new belief needs to be supported within our
belief
system. The more support, the stronger the belief, the more
likely it is
to manifest quickly.
What
next? The universe seems to be saying to
continue to take one step at a time and allow each step to reveal where
the
next step will lead. Yes, that makes it difficult to plan
anything.
However, I've never been one to plan my life. Rather, I go with
the flow
and allow life to take me where she will. Thus far it has been an
interesting ride, though it has had its periods of boredom at
times.
Often, it seems that I am in a holding pattern, awaiting a particular
date with
destiny. There doesn't appear to be anything that I can do to
speed these
periods up. Things happen when the time is right, and it seems
that the
universe does the setting of this timing. That is well and
good.
She knows far better what needs to be done and when than I do.
Yet, at
the same time, I am but an instrument that spirit plays. She
speaks
through me. I hear a voice in my head and relay it through my
fingers
into a computer system and onto a screen. In this way, it becomes
physically manifest. No matter how often and how long I
participate in
this process, it still is miraculous to watch it unfold. This is
the
point of creative expression. It is here and now that this stream
of
consciousness makes its appearance in the world in this form.
There is no
denying that. The fruit of thousands of hours of expression is
close to
four million words. That is a lot for 11 and 1/2 years of
expression. Yet, it is only the beginning of what is to
come.
Somehow, I am meant for this task. I was born to it. I came
into
this incarnation with the specific gifts necessary to do this in this
manner. There is something right about that. Something
right for me
anyway. Each of us must find what is right for us and pursue it
with
everything that is in us. This is not a time to hold back.
This is
a time to be all that we can be and to express all that can be
expressed
through us. Yes, through us. What comes through us is more
important than what is done by us. There is a difference.
In the
first case, we allow spirit to have the reigns. In the later, we
retain
control ourselves. In my limited experience, I have seen that
spirit is
far more qualified in this.
Why are some
people happy seemingly despite their
circumstances, while others who seemingly have everything going for
them can be
unhappy? Obviously, it has nothing to do with the circumstances
themselves. Rather, it is an attitude toward life that is
different. How do we truly live? How do we live
truly? How
truly do we live? Interesting, the same five words arranged
differently
create very different questions. The bottom line is that we
live.
It is for us to be true to ourselves, true to others, and true to the
consciousness that spawned and animates us. Without this
consciousness,
we could not live for even one moment. That is how important
consciousness is to life. That does not mean that we are
conscious all of
the time. There is so much of life that is manifest behind the
scenes. But, conscious or not, we are the ones doing the
manifesting.
Yes, there are a host of other than conscious forces at work ... but
they are
our forces. They belong to us. They are part of us, even if
we are
not aware of them.
I lost
another emerald from the eye of the heaven pointing
dragon head on my wedding ring. I don't know exactly when it
happened,
but I first noticed it missing yesterday. I suspect it is another
message
for me. The sense is a transformation from 13-2-3 to 13-2-2 from
the
standpoint of diamonds/rubies/emeralds. Death of 23:King of Wands
=
187 also is
important as a form of 00817, a tie to the
first five of my checking account number. It is interesting how
numbers
have been such a major part of my life as long as I can remember.
First
it manifest as a love of math. Then, it took a whole new
direction as a
love of numerology that revealed hidden meaning in symbol systems
everywhere. My world was largely a numerological construct for
several
years in the mid 1990's. I was checking for meaning everywhere I
looked. Further, I was finding it. Would it have the same
effect
now? No, I am not lost in the immensity of the experience
anymore.
It is still an important part of my life, but it is just a part.
I still
use techniques and transformations that neither mathematics nor logic
nor
traditional numerology permit. But, that does not matter. I
do as I
am moved to do and I find what I am meant to find. At least, I
think I do.
And, that is enough for now. Looking back at my checking account
number,
it splits into 16/28 = The Tower/The Man with the World in His
Hand. I
wonder what happened in 1628? That was around the time of the
earliest
settlements in this country.
I wonder if
and when I'll hear back from the
headhunter. I responded quickly to her questions. I'm
curious as to
what companies in private industry are willing to pay for my
services. It
still strikes me as somewhat odd that someone would ask about my
availability
by name. It had to be someone that knows my work phone number
because
that is how I was reached. That is a fairly small group of
people.
Oh well. If something is meant to come of it, it will. The
door to
new possibilities is now open anyway. I'm excited at the
potential for
change that it brings, even if there is much that is still
unknown. I
wonder if companies offer signing bonuses as well these days. It
would be
nice to be rewarded in that manner. We'll see what gifts the
universe
brings our way. At the very least, I have seven weeks of vacation
built
up. It would be nice to be able to sell that rather than to use
it.
I don't really need the time off and the income would sure help.
Perhaps
this is the universes way to see that I get what I need. At this
point,
all that we can do is wait and see.
1718 words
and counting. One more paragraph and
todays quota is reached. OK, it doesn't really matter how many
words are
brought forth each day. However, there is an inner goal of 2000
words
that I am driven to achieve when I can. No, that doesn't happen
everyday. It takes close to 2.5 hours to achieve this and it can
be
difficult to find that much time to express. Difficult but not
impossible.
Clearly, it is possible. It is all a matter of discipline and
being
willing to focus and put the necessary time in. The sense of
achievement
makes it worth it. Few things give me the same pleasure and sense
of
achievement. In fact, my work is about the only other area where
this
happens. Part of that comes from being good at what you do.
Another
part comes from truly liking what you do. I was going to say
loving, but
that seemed a bit too strong for my present job environment.
Though,
there are signs that things could get better. And, they are
definitely
improving. Though, it is not clear how long they will remain
acceptable. I'm still waiting for the universal principle of
abundance to
kick in for the work that I do here in this stream of consciousness
expression.
It seems that a writer should be paid either by the word or by the
page.
I believe a fair price to be $1 per word or $500 per page. In
some
respects that seems to be a lot. Yet, at the same time, with what
do you
compare this expression to? It seems that it is worth whatever
price that
spirit sets for it. Is this my grandiosity coming forth
again.
Perhaps it is. But, how else do we set prices on anything.
Ultimately, the market will determine what it will pay for any
expression.
Further, the expression may be before its time. It may be awhile
before
it is truly appreciated for what it is. That is OK.
Recognition is
nice, but it is not necessary. I will continue to express
regardless
because this expression is part of who I am. Here, I can be
myself before
the world as I can be nowhere else. Though, I have started to
open up in
the work environment as well to the surprise of those that I work with
... and
perhaps to the surprise of myself as well. That is good. It
is about
time for this to happen. Hopefully, it is a sign of further
changes to
come. Also, hopefully, it will assist me in finding those kindred
spirits
who I am meant to work with to transform the world. Building new
foundations is not the job for a single individual. Ultimately,
it will
employ many. It seems that it already does.
29
September 2004
Time for another
musing.
Though, I'm getting a very late start. No further word about
potential
job opportunities yet. All in good time. It has only been
two
days. I'm still curious as to what will come of this. The
fact that
it came out of the blue is interesting to me. Patience. It
seems
that this is what is needed right now. That's OK. I'm a
very
patient person overall. The sense is that good things are indeed
to come.
Actually, they have already started to come. I'm very grateful
for
that. Loyalty. To what degree am I obligated to others, and
in
particular to an employer? If a better deal comes my way am I
free to
take it ... even if it means burning bridges?. For, it seems that
any
choice to enter private industry again would probably be a one-way
choice. Also, how much is job security worth? There is
something to
be said for being in a job that is highly likely to be around for all
of my
working life should I choose to allow it to. Do I trust in the
universe
enough to assure that I wil be cared for and employed in a manner to
meet my
needs so long as I need to be employed? Abundance is the reward
for a
life well lived. It is not for us to be concerned about what we
receive
from life, but rather what we give to it. Everything is a matter
of doing
what we are moved to do when we are moved to do it. That requires
going
with the flow. Further, that requires tapping source and allowing
it to
express through us.
I expect a
lot from myself. But, I know a lot about
what I am capable of and I simply refuse to accept less than my best in
the
things that truly matter. In many areas good enough is good
enough. Given that time is such a precious commodity, we
need to find
ways to maximize our effectiveness and productivity. We need to
learn to
distinguish which tasks require our best and have the discipline to
apply our
best to those tasks. We also need to take time to rest and
recreate. Balance. It is important to maintain balance in
what we
do. That doesn't mean that we can't be intense. We just
need to
channel our intensity towards useful ends. The most useful ends
are
service to others. Ultimately, it is the quality of how we serve
that
matters. We serve because that is what caring human beings
do. In a
society, we share and we help one another. Many do this within
the
context of family. Some extend this to friends. Fewer still
extend
this to larger social groups. As parts of the same ONE
consciousness,
what we do to others we ultimately do to ourselves.
What would I
do next? That seems to depend on what
the universe does next. The possibilities are endless. The
future
is ripe with opportunity. I feel pregnant in a way, about to give
birth
to a whole new
30
September 2004
If my count
is right, this makes an even dozen musings for
the month. Not bad considering the nine day break for vacation
and nearly
no free time on the weekends due to working on the cabin. If I
had a
large following subscribing to these words, that would be a different
matter. I would feel more compelled to deliver more. But,
as it is,
for a part time activity that I engage in voluntarily and share with
the world
... this has to be enough. It is what it is. When it can be
more it
will be more. It is curious that I consider myself to be a
visionary yet
do not consider myself visual and in fact am having problems with my
physical
vision. What does that say about what I am willing to see and not
to see?
There have
been 40 musings for the year to date.
Considering that there were none through May, and only 1 in June,
that's 39 in
91 days. Hmm ... 3 x 13 musings in 7 x 13 days. 3/7 =
4.28571. 4 to 8 is 7:56 the two drivers of my 13 card triangle
tarot
readings in 1995. Throughout 2002 and 2003, I was musing an
average of 9
times out of every 10 days. That's quite a difference. But,
we
still have a quarter of a year to recover if indeed that is on the
agenda for
this year. What can we say? We express what we are moved to
express
when we are so moved. The expression cannot be forced. It
comes
from a source within that seems to be willing to speak whenever I am
moved to
allow it to. This year, this has not been as often as in some
years. Then again, there have been years when there have been
fewer than
10 musings in the entire year. In fact, there were two such years
in a
row in 2000 and 2001. But the two lows were followed by two years
with
greater than 300 musings per year. Go figure. However, it
is not about
the quantity of expression. Though, I can say that I was far more
excited
and engaged in life in the productive years.
Where will
all of this lead? That, I cannot really
say. I can only clearly see the next step at a time. That
is one
way to keep me in the moment. It is curious that I also have a
difficult
time remember what steps got me here. So, effectively there is no
going
back. On and on we go. Where we stop, nobody
knows. As
with many things, I don't know where that came from but it is familiar
enough
to know that I didn't originate it. Life is a journey. It
should be
an adventurous one. But, it is only such if we make it
such. It can
also be boring if we allow it to be. The bottom line is that it
is all up
to us. We get what we expect. We experience what we attract
to
ourselves to experience. Our beliefs are like magnets, pulling to
them
experiences that are consistent with them. They can be weak
magnets or
powerful magnets, depending on how we engage them in our lives.
It behooves
us to learn how to make them powerful. But, we need to be careful
to
assure our beliefs are beneficial as well. If they are not, we
can wreak
havoc in our lives and the lives of others. Though, even there,
we can
only impact others to the degree that they allow us to impact
them. This
is part of how free will is exercised. We cooperate to jointly
manifest
experiences in our lives. All parties involved must agree to any
particular reality that is created. Yes, jointly we create the
very
reality that we experience. And yes, reality is what we
experience.
There is no objective reality against which our subjective
reality can
be compared or calibrated. In this respect, we truly are
individuals. Our subjective reality is our reality, period!
But, what
about equality? In what respects are we equal? Our bodies
are
basically equal, having the same organs performing the same
functions.
But, there is a great variability in what we see in size, shape,
intelligence,
sharpness/dullness, openness/closedness, creativity, abilities,
disposition,
etc ... There are so many differences in fact, that it is
sometimes hard
to see the similarities.
Hmm
... I was hoping to hear back regarding other potential jobs by
now. The
initial interactions with the headhunter went so quickly and smoothly
that it
seemed that the changes might be immediate. Wishful thinking
perhaps. I should know better than to let my imagination go wild
by
now. But, how else was I to interpret this message from the
universe?
Clearly, I am being cared for whether I continue to work here or
whether new
opportunities come my way. It is only natural that the universe
would
help me to move into whatever the next position is that is right for
me.
She has been doing this all of my life. Why would she stop
now? The
bottom line is she wouldn't. This is one thing that I can count
on.
Spirit is ever at my side. Because of this, I can never really be
alone
... at least not for long. Consciousness is my confidant and my
friend,
she is my mentor and my benefactor. Though her, I am able to lead
the
life that I am meant to lead. Ultimately, this is not mine to
determine. While I know much about myself, it is not enough to
know where
I might best be of service. Consciousness knows this and will
move me
precisely in that direction, albeit it might be in a roundabout
way. The
straight path is often not the best path to reach a destination.
Further,
the best path is often dependent on the nature, the temperament, and
the
abilities of the one who walks the path.
1 October
2004
Another
month down. Three more to go and 2004 is history. It will
be
interesting to see what 2005 brings with it's connection to Y.
Also
2-5 happen to be the first two rays in my ray makeup. I'm even
more
curious to see what happens in 2007, the year of my first Easter
birthday. That is only a little over two years away. In
fact FY
2007 is exactly two years away today. There is a sense of many
possibilities for change being in the air, and that they could come to
fruition
as early as this month. I'm open to what the universe has in
store.
At this point, it doesn't feel right to direct it. But, I'm open
to
responding to whatever the spirit would bring my way, and responding
quickly at
that. I've established a sort of a nitch in the working
environment. But, it is not where I want to be forever. I
know that
my talents and abilities are underutilized, that I am not as productive
and
effective as I could be. The universe knows that as well, if only
through
my eyes. I trust that she will see to it that this is
remedied. We
cannot afford to waste the natural talents and resources of
anyone. That
probably means that we need to recognize that service to society is
provided in
far more than the work environment alone. Unfortunately, right
now, such
services are not necessarily compensated for fairly ... if they are
compensated
for at all. But then, live is a matter of giving and
taking. It
works best when we all agree to abide by the principle so well stated
in the
Lion King: to never take more than we give. This
is indeed
the secret to life, and in particular, the secret to abundance.
27: Ace of Wands = New start in the field of spirit. 27 is
also the
letter after "Z", or the space which sometimes represents the no
thing or the void. These are all concepts that I
relate to
closely, perhaps too closely for my own good and my continued
sanity.
Then again, why is sanity so important? And, what does it really
mean to
be sane? I know that my world is different enough from that of
others
that I am on the border anyway. Though, there is still a presence
of mind
that has to count for something. But, does it really
matter? I am
what I am. I experience live and reality in the manner that I
do. I
have an interesting relationship with consciousness that has developed
throughout my life and flowered since 1993, in particilar. It is
this
relationship with consciousness herself that I am so moved to
share. It
is a relationship that has been developed during my free time through
much
practice in stream of consciousness expression. What is to be
gained from
all of this expression? Hopefully a more complete sense and
understanding
of whom that we are. That is what I get out of it anyway.
My hope
is that it would be contagious and would affect others in a similar
manner. Exactly how it does this is out of my hands. I say
this
because I neither craft the expression, nor am I responsible for its
dissemination
other than to make it available. Perhaps this is an issue as
well.
As the author, in some respects this is my baby. Yet, in other
respects,
this is clearly the work of a consciousness that is more than I know
myself to
be.
Where will this stream of consciousness take us next? It is ever
a
journey into the unknown, and a wonderful journey at that. It is
a
journey of discovery, a journey wherein we find that we are more than
we ever
imagined ourselves to be. This is what life is all about, at
least for
me. You might say that I live a focused life. And, indeed
you would
be right. It is also an isolated life for the most part. At
least
it has been for most of my life. Though, of late, that seems to
be
starting to change. You might say that the hermit is finally
starting to
come out of his shell. It's about time. It is definitely
more
fun. Though, I do need my share of quiet time when I am alone to
commune
directly with consciousness as I do here. It is amazing how life
works. We seem to get exactly what we need, though not
necessarily in the
moment when we think that we need it, and not necessarily in the way
that we
want. The universe has its way of seeing that needs are indeed
met, one
way or another. Then, why is there so much misery and suffering
in the
world. My sense is that it is because we have not accepted
responsibility
for taking care of ourselves and of one another. It is a matter
of what
we deem is important. At this point, we can still look the other
way and
hold people responsible for their own circumstances. Many still
believe
that people should help themselves and rise by their own
bootstraps.
However, this is not an enlightened way to view the world. We are
interdependent now. We have always been, but the complexity of
society is
far greater now than it has ever been before. This makes the
interdependence all the more important. In an interdependent
world, we
are responsible for one another. We are responsible, whether we
accept
this responsibility or not. And, the reality that we experience
will
reflect this. It is important that we find a way to be of
service.
And, not just any way, but an effective way that we love doing that
utilizes
our grandest gifts. For me, that is via written expression.
Here, I
come alive in ways that I cannot anywhere else. In some respects,
this is
an impersonal way of serving. Yet, in other respects, helping to
teach
and reveal the nature of consciousness by example is quite
personal. How
many are willing to take the time to share in this manner? How
many are
willing to give consciousness the reigns in this way? No, I don't
believe
this expression to be unique. Though, I have not encountered
another that
is like it. Not that I have searched very hard. Since the
Beyond
Imagination expression began in 1993, I have been content to focus much
of my
attention on it. I spent over 20 years reading the works of
others.
Now, I've spent nearly 12 years reading the works which have come forth
through
me. They captivate me, they truly do. Though, even more
important
than reading these works is bringing them forth to begin with.
That is
ever a challenge. Do I spend time to review and analyze what has
come
forth, or do I express what consciousness would have me express
next?
Lately, the answer has been the later. The focus is on new
expression.
What next? Each moment brings its opportunities and its
challenges.
It is up to us to make choices within the framework that constitutes
our
life. If we don't like this framework, it is for us to do what it
takes
to change it. We are gods/goddesses all. We create the
reality that
we experience. There is no one else to blame for anything except
ourselves. And, even then, it is not clear that blame serves any
use. Rather, blame keeps us subservient to the circumstances
and/or
people that we hold as responsible. Note that the fact that we
hold them
responsible does not make them responsible. Often, our beliefs
are in
error. Part of belief management is the identification and
removal of
beliefs that are in error. Sometimes we cannot know, but often we
can. Beliefs dwell in the realm of the unknown, not in the realm
of facts
or what can be proved. That doesn't mean that beliefs cannot be
supported, and even supported strongly. Take belief in intuition
for
instance. We can learn to tap our intuition in a way that is
consistent
and can be counted on. Can we prove that intuition exists?
Not
really, it is a subjective experience. Can we prove that
intuition is
reliable? Not really, that seems to be subjective as well.
Also, it
seems to vary widely. Using intuition is a skill. It seems
to be a
skill that some people develop naturally but that others find difficult
or even
lacking altogether. That is OK. It is not for all of us to
be the
same. Just as there are different cells and organs in our body,
different
individuals have different roles in the organizations of our
society. It
helps to have a diversity of abilities/talents able to fill these
roles.
In fact, the more variety, the greater the variety in the spectrum of
resulting
organizations.
There is a greater context in which each of us live. It is a
spiritual
context. No, not a religious one ... though it is through
religion that
many confine their spiritual experience. I prefer to view life as
spiritual, as the expression of spirit in flesh. In fact, it is
deeply
spiritual ... everything is. There is nothing else but spirit in
expression. It is all God, Goddess, All That Is. Further,
we are
all consciousness in flesh and there is only ONE consciousness.
This
makes us all ONE. What does that mean? What would we
collectively
do differently if we believed this one simple truth? How do I
know it is
a truth? Isn't it obvious when we see the unity in all the
diversity of
life? I think so. But, who am I? Just another aspect
of the
ONE consciousness, just another facet of the diamond that is All That
Is.
We speak of consciousness a lot. In fact, it is probably one of
the most
used words at the site. But, do we really know what it is?
I'm
working on a book that collects all of the passages related to
"consciousness" that have been expressed at Beyond Imagination to
date. It is already over 200 single space 9.5 x 11 pages.
It
reveals a lot about the nature of consciousness. However, this is
not an
easy question to answer. We refer to this expression as a stream
of
consciousness. Even after a dozen years, I still don't know
exactly what
it is or where it comes from. I refer to a source within.
But, I
cannot see that source, I can only see the words that get expressed
here.
My consciousness, stream of consciousness, collective consciousness,
the ONE
consciousness. All of these are consciousness in
manifestation. We
experience them to different degrees at different times. Much of
this
seems to depend on the level of awareness. And, for the most
part, the
masses are still very much asleep. However, the time is coming
for the
rooster to crow and the alarm clock to ring that people might wake up
to whom
that they truly are. The tools are in place in terms of mass
media and mass
communication for this to happen quickly. We can literally go
from being
asleep to being awake in a matter of days. It is all a matter of
providing the appropriate programming. Would people be willing to
accept
that? Would they even have a choice? Would they even know
what hit
them? I still remember a question on an IQ test that I took in
high
school. They wanted to know the meaning of the phrase "let
sleeping
dogs lie". I still don't know what it means. However, what
does come to mind is "Awake ye sleeping gods". This is the
promise of the new age. We are truly gods/goddesses all. It
is time
that we woke up and realized this. It is time that we assumed our
rightful place in the scheme of things, in the plan of spirit for the
evolution
of the expression of consciousness in the world. We do that by
being open
to the voice from within and doing what we are moved to do.
3 October
2004
Another day, another
blank slate
on which to express. We've been here often. And, each time
consciousness finds something to express through us. Will this
ever
change? Will there be a time when I come here and there is
nothing left
to express. My sense is no, that will never happen no matter how
much is
expressed. But, will the expression make a difference to
others? Will
it find the audience it is intended for? Curious, the final song
on the
radio on my commute into
There is a
sense of destiny in the air. There is a
sense that something big is about to happen in my life. What that
is, I
really don't know at the moment. Crows have been appearing in my
life
again. Many crows. They are harbingers of major
change. I've
been in my present position for nearly 8 years. That is as long
as I've
been in any position. A lot has happened during that time.
Yet,
there is still a sense that I'm missing something. I'm not fully
living
my life. But, how do I change that? Working harder does not
seem to
be the answer. Though, that may indeed be in the cards for
awhile.
I'm ready to do whatever it takes. There is a sense that my
number is up
somehow. I'm not sure as to what that means either. But,
increasingly,
I expect to be living the destiny that is mine and fulfilling the
mission that
I came to carry out in this incarnation. I am here by choice this
time
around. I am here to build the foundations for a new
world.
No, that is no small task. But everything starts with one person
realizing that something needs to be done and being willing to take
responsibility to take the actions necessary to make it so. In
the
beginning, we may not even know what those actions need to be.
However,
if we have faith and listen within, we will be guided to do what we can
do. That is the key ... realize that all that is asked is for us
to do
what we can do. Though we need to be open at the same time so
that we
don't limit ourselves needlessly. We can do the miraculous, we
can
accomplish the impossible. It is all a matter of what we believe
and what
we expect. Further, it is a matter of what we are willing to
accept both
of ourselves and of others.
Where would I
go next? What would I be next?
What would I do next? Questions and more questions. But,
what are
the answers to these questions? I would go where I am moved to
go.
I would be what I am moved to be. I would do what I am moved to
do.
In all three cases it is the spirit within me that is the moving
force. I
simply follow wherever she might lead. Yes, I trust her that much
...
more than I trust even myself. Hmm ... interesting but
true. There
is a growing impatience that I feel. It is time to get on with
it, time
to live my life as I am meant to live it. The sense is that I
have no
been doing that to date, at least not nearly as fully as I could.
That
doesn't mean that I haven't done a lot in my life. Quite the
contrary. This expression is clearly one of the shining
highlights.
Four million words plus and still going strong. That is a lot of
expression, more than many express in a lifetime. But, here,
we've had
only 11.5 years to date, though we expect it to continue for another
20-22
years or so. For a long time I've had a sense that I was here on
a mission,
and when that was completed I would transition, as I would no longer
need to be
here. That doesn't mean that I can't taste of earthly
delights. It
just means that I find spiritual delights far more delicious and
satisfying.
Am I really
satisfied to live my life in the moment,
without any real plans that go much beyond a week? Obviously,
that is the
case because that is what I do at the present, and what I have been
doing for
some time. Planning is a difficult process for me, not so much
because I
don't know how to do it but rather because I like the freedom of being
able to
do in the moment what needs to be done in the moment. Also, the
freedom
to choose to do particular things at times when I can be most effective
at
doing them. This allows me to maximize my effectiveness, and
hopefully
that of others that I work with. Though, often my work has
substantial
impact on either what others are doing or how they are doing it ...
processes
and process execution. How do I know that I am being
effective?
One, by how much information I process and output I generate in a given
day or
period of time. When I compare this to what others around me do,
I am
simply amazed. Two, by how much additional output comes from this
expression. Between the two, I am carrying quite some
workload.
That is OK. I can handle it. If it gets to be too much,
I'll back
done to something more reasonable. Right now, however, we have
not yet
come close to that limit.
4 October
2004
What would
consciousness have me
express today? That is a question that we are beginning to ask
often of
late. No, not nearly as often as in 2002 and 2003, but often
enough. It feels good to express in this way. If it didn't,
I
wouldn't be doing it. This is something I can do that most others
cannot
do. There is something that is gratifying in that. It is as
if I've
reached my level of competence, I've gravitated to my place in the
world.
But, I'm only partially there. I would not be satisfied with mere
words. The words must lead to actions that in turn change the
world. Yet, at the same time, it all starts with the words.
These
have the power to move people to act. Do these words do
that. Some
of them yes. But many others are background and filler. How
does
one get to the meat, and how do the words get disseminated to those who
they
are meant to move? At this point, this intended audience is not
within my
circle of acquaintances. Or, at least, if it is, I am not aware
of
it. Further, I would think that if I had met such people, I would
know it
... and at this point I do not. Does that mean that I need to
expand my
circle ... or is the universe to take care of this somehow. Each
month, I
check to see whether any Beyond Imagination books have sold, and each
month to
my dismay the answer is none or very few. How do I change
this? How
do I announce to the world that the Beyond Imagination books exist and
have
something to offer? It seems that making the announcement at the
Beyond
Imagination web site is not enough. But, what more am I to
do? What
is mine to do versus what is the work of others? It seems that I
should
be focused on bringing new works forth. That is something that I
can do
that is uniquely mine to do. Promoting the material is another
matter. Most of it is freely available here at the Beyond
Imagination
site. However, I was moved to publish it as well to provide a
more
traditional and convenient way to access it that didn't require
internet
connections. Hmm ... but the only real way to find out about the
expression is via the internet anyway. It has been about 15
months since
the first book was published. By November 2003, there were eight
books in
all. One more was published in 2004 and two additional books are
in work
... though it is unlikely that I'll get them published this year.
Oh
well. I was hoping that the income from book sales would be
sufficient to
fund the publishing of additional books and perhaps even recoup initial
publishing costs and pay for some of my time. Yes, that is a lot
to hope
for. But, the material is good ... good enough that this should
have been
a reasonable expectation. The fact that it wasn't is a message
for
me. However, I don't seem to be getting it. The basic
feedback is
that the world is not yet ready for what I have to offer. Or,
maybe I am
not yet ready for what the world has to offer me. Hmm ... that is
an
interesting way of looking at things.
What is it
that I want? Abundance and happiness come
to mind. However, I would not be idle in this. There is
work that I
came to do. There is a mission that I came to perform.
That, I
would do and would do now. The sense is that there is no time to
waste. Whatever cushion there was has evaporated. It is
time to
make the most of each moment, and to do that for every moment for the
rest of
my life. That does not mean to work ceaselessly. There must
be time
for rest and recreation. However, it does mean to pay attention
to what I
am moved to do and to do it when I am so moved. The sense is that
every
opportunity lost is lost forever, never to return again. Further,
it
seems that while this applies to me personally, it also applies
collectively. There is a lot that we can do together to change
the
world. And, the world is in drastic need of changing. It is
not clear
that either presidential candidate is fully aware of this at
present. It
will be interesting to see who is elected and what changes occur in the
next
four years. From what I could tell from limited attention to the
first
debate last week, the issues that concern me most are not the issues
that
concern the two presidential candidates. You might say that I'm
apolitical. I've never voted and I've always felt that nothing
that the
politicians decide truly affects me personally. For that you have
to
touch the spiritual and the separation of church and state ensures that
does
not happen. Though, religion doesn't impact me either. It's
been
over 33 years since religion was a part of my life and even then, I had
difficulty believing what I was being taught. It is curious that
I have
been a loner for most of my life, and an extreme one at that. I
take
comfort in my own society ... and rarely in that of others. My
acquaintances are few, and my friends far fewer. Yet, I believe
that I am
destined to change the world. Grandiose thinking perhaps.
But, all
of this expression is meant for something. Surely, it is meant to
move
others as it moves me. Surely there is an intended audience that
spirit
has in mind for all of this or even parts of this. Yes, this
could be for
my eyes only. But, what a waste of untold words that would
be.
Perhaps the intended audience is a future one. Perhaps I am
writing about
and for a time that is after I have vanished from this world.
That could
be. There are many who as they say were "ahead of their
time". Yet, why does the realization of all of this feel so
immediate then? Why does it feel that we are on the brink of
massive
world transformation? I can only hope that the answer is because
we
are. It would be nice to see some of the dreams that have come
forth
through the Beyond Imagination expression come true. But, it
won't just
happen. We have to do what it takes to make it so. This we
can
choose to do at any time. But, it must be our choice.
Spirit will not
force us in this matter. She will allow us to proceed at our own
pace. We progress one step at a time, prodded by spirit of
course, but
gently. It behooves us to listen to the still voice within.
It is
there deep within each of us. For some, far deeper than for
others ... but
it is there nonetheless.
Interesting.
The pace today is more brisk than
normal. I can tell by the speed at which I am typing and by how
few
pauses I am taking. It is at least 50% faster than my normal
pace.
About the only way that I could speed it up is to speak rather than
type.
But then, there would be the problem of converting the spoken
expression to
written expression. Also, I'm a writer not a speaker. I
know
this. Besides, even if I were to express more, who is going to
consume
it? If this were only for me, it might be enough for it to pass
across my
mind. However, this stream of consciousness is being captured in
this
manner for a reason. For one thing, this serves as my memory,
allowing me
to revisit what has come before whenever I care to. In addition,
it
allows me to share the expression in a way that I could not otherwise
do.
And, for some reason, sharing is extremely important to me.
Curious that
such would be the case for a loner. But it is. There is no
doubt
about it. No, it has not always been this way. Something
clicked in
1993 that transformed me deeply. It was as if a switch were
turned on and
suddenly I was aware of a whole new world. To that time, I had
lived
primarily in my mind. All of a sudden, I was in the midst of a
beyond
mind experience and had nowhere to turn. I was forced to deal
with the
new me that had awakened. I've been dealing with this for nearly
a dozen
years and suspect that I will continue to do so throughout the
remainder of my
life. At some point, I expect to encounter and work with others
who are
experiencing the same thing or similar things. To date, that has
not occurred
but I am sure that it will. What makes me so sure? It just
seems
efficient that spirit make use of the resources that she has so
tenderly and
painstakingly developed. Yes, I consider myself one of these
resources. I am one of many. Actually, each of us is a
resource
with our own unique abilities, talents, and level of awareness.
Each of
us can be of utility to spirit and to one another. We are here to
serve
in some capacity. That does not necessarily mean being a martyr
unless
that is our cup of tea. We can have fun and enjoy life and still
serve. One way to do this is by being kind and helpful to those
that we
touch.
Write.
Write. Write. That is what a
writer does. It does not matter what comes forth. With a
stream of
consciousness, the organization is automatic. It is not a
conscious
process. It just happens. I just open and allow the words
to come
through. I am as surprised by what comes through as anyone who
might be
reading this, maybe even more so because I have the direct experience
of it
happening through me. I am still amazed at how much more rapidly
the
words are flowing this evening. I believe that this is a first
for
me. I cannot remember the expression coming forth precisely like
this
before. What does that mean? For one thing, it suggests
that
another major change is underway. Maybe even more than that,
perhaps it
has already happened. The increased speed of expression is just
one of
its physical manifestations. Who would read what I have to
write?
Is it good enough for someone to pay to read it? What does it
really
offer to the reader? What does it do to serve? What benefit
results
from it? Perhaps I should consider that more as I prepare myself
to
write. Hmm ... what does that mean? What preparation goes
into this
expression. There is no study nor any ritual that I do. I
just
launch Netscape Composer, open up a template musing page and start to
muse. It has been that way for years. This truly is a
stream of
consciousness. My mind is blank as it comes forth. In fact,
I
believe that is what allows it to come forth as it does. The
blank slate
is important. The cup has to be somewhat empty for consciousness
to fill
it. And fill it is what she does, just as fast as I can empty
it.
Hmm ... it is curious that my mind naturally works in this
fashion. Not
just here, but in the work environment as well. I don't remember
the
details of what I have done unless I write them down. Files and
e-mail
form an extension of my memory that allows me to function
effectively.
Here, this expression is gone from my memory as soon as it is
written.
Literally, I can't even remember back to the previous sentence much
less the
previous paragraph or the previous musing. The only way to recall
these
words is to read them again. Given that, you might think that
there would
be more repetition than there is. Then again, how would I know
given the
nature of how my mind works?
All that I
can do is express what would come forth through
me, trusting that spirit knows exactly what she is doing in expressing
in this
fashion. Yes, I believe that it is spirit expressing through
me. I
have no sense of doing this myself. I observe and experience it
happening. Further, I know whether it is right as it is
revealed.
In fact, I make spelling corrections on the fly as my fingers hit the
wrong
keys. But there is a sense that it is not me doing this, or at
least not
solely me. I am accompanied by an essence that is more than I
am.
However, it does not come forth as a separate essence. It is as
if it is
a greater part of me somehow, a part of me with whom I am not
consciously aware
except for its results in my life.
5 October
2004
Only 5 Oct
and we are already on our fourth musing for the
month. Let's see if the pace is still as quick as it was
yesterday.
That was both unexpected and refreshing. I was typing fast enough
that I
didn't have time to think about what was coming forth. I could
only react
to it ... focusing on getting the communication right and making any
needed
corrections to typos on the fly. It seems that the rapid pace is
indeed
continuing today. That is a good sign. It seems to mark a
definite
change in this expression. We'll have to see where this takes
us.
It's as if the connection to source is different somehow. Or,
perhaps the
source is slightly different. We're engaging the stream of
consciousness
at a different point. Is it a better point? Only time will
tell. Though, my sense is that this is indeed where the
expression needs
to evolve. Nothing happens by chance in my life. It is all
destined, especially the big things. And, this expression
continues to be
the biggest thing in my life. Yes, it is that important ... not
only to
me, but somehow to the world. I'm not used to typing this
fast. I
can feel it in my wrists. I'm going to need to do something to
make this
more natural. Perhaps the muscles will get used to it in
time.
After all, this is what I do. I am a scribe for
consciousness. I
write and write and write.
"Whatever
you would do begin it! Boldness has
genius and magic within it."
I believe that is a quote from
Goethe. It came to mind to tell me something. In
particular, that
it is time to begin something that I have been holding back on.
Exactly
what this is, I do not consciously know. But, I sense that some
part of
me knows and is ready to reveal whatever it is to me. It is a
matter of TRUST,
and doing what I am moved by spirit to do. Lately, that has
become
easier. Just do it! It is amazing how far we get when we
take this
attitude. Also, it seems that things are far easier to do than we
might
have anticipated. It truly is a matter of beginning the work and
allowing
the forces of the universe to carry it through completion. This
will
indeed happen. And, whatever resources and talents are needed
will be
forthcoming. It is all a matter of expectations. Believe in
what
you would do. Believe that the universe moves you to do
it.
And, when the universe moves, all manner of assistance comes our
way. We
are being moved for a reason. There are things that consciousness
is
doing through us that need to be done to support the evolution to the
greater expression
of spirit in flesh. We are all part of this process. We are
all the
channels for the expression of spirit in flesh. In fact, there is
nothing
else except spiritual expression. We only believe that we are
separate
beings with separate lives and separate experiences. In reality
there is
only one consciousness animating us all and expressing and experiencing
all
that we express and experience in our lives. This one
consciousness is
the same in me as it is in you. We may tap different parts of
it.
And, we may have different levels of awareness. But, we still
spring from
the same source.
"To be
whom that we are and to become all that we are
capable of becoming is the only end of life." I believe that is a quote from Stevenson.
I typically
don't remember many quotes. But there are some special ones that
come up
from time to time when I need to see them. This one is
particularly
challenging in both of its parts. Being whom that we are is not
always
easy. Yet, that is the only real place to start if we are to
truly
express what we came to express in the world. Then, there is the
added
challenge of becoming all that we are capable of becoming. This
requires
diligence, determination, and effort on our part ... sometimes extreme
effort.
We have to be willing to let go of our pre-conceived notions of our
limitations, whatever their source. We have to be willing to risk
being
genuine and risk doing things in concert with whom that we know that we
truly
are. This may be different than others see us to be. But,
over
time, their perceptions will change. Also, often the perceptions
of
others simply do not matter. We must be true to ourselves and the
source
within. This we can always do. For this, there is nothing
stopping
us except ourselves. "All things come to those who
believe." I have no idea as to who might have said that,
but
I put it in quotes because I sense that the words are not mine.
Then
again, are any of these words truly mine? How do we treat a
stream of
consciousness? Is it something that we can lay claim to and
own? In
one respect, it seems that we should be able to claim it since it would
not
exist without our cooperation in the creative process of its
expression.
However, from another respect, it clearly comes from a spiritual source
within
that I believe is somehow tied to the one consciousness. To what
degree
do we have a right to control what comes through us? I find it
unnatural
to desire to limit dissemination of what comes forth here.
Because of this,
I have chosen to freely share what is expressed usually within a day of
its
manifestation. The sense is that in sharing it, I free it to be
of
service in the world. Whom it serves and how it serves it seems
are not
for me to know. That depends on who is moved to access the
expression and
how it moves them. I can only speak for myself in this. Freely
share is a directive of spirit. Though, what we share and how
we
share are up to us.
Wow!
It's still early and we've already made it past
our minimum daily quota for expression. Further, it took less
that an
hour. That is significantly faster than the one single spaced
page per
hour rate that used to be my typical maximum speed. It will be
interesting to see how long this trend continues. My hope is that
this is
the beginning of things to come. The speed of expression is
refreshing. There is more of a sense of being on automatic.
Though,
there was a lot of that before as well. This expression has
always felt
as if it comes from a source that is beyond me yet within me at the
same
time. How can that be? Part of it comes from my hermit
nature. I experience the world in a very distinct way.
There is I
and not I. I have focused on knowing the former to the degree
that I can
and have virtually ignored the later. That is starting to
change.
My mission seems to be such that a hermit nature is not compatible with
or
suitable for it. That requires me to be differently, which in
turn
requires me to establish a connection with other portions of whom that
I
am. I AM THAT I AM THAT YOU ARE! This one is a
quote of
mine. It is one that I use often in closing these musings and in
spiritual correspondence. It recognizes a great truth about the
oneness
at the basis of all reality. There is only ONE, the I AM, and we
are all
that.
What is it
that drives me to speak in this fashion? I
don't really know. It just happens. I am so moved by
spirit, and I
give in and cooperate with what would be expressed. In some
respects, it
seems that I have no real choice. This expression is truly a big
part of
whom that I am. Yes, mere words are that powerful and that
important. They have the potential to truly move people and thus
make a
difference not only in their lives, but to the world as well. In
the beginning
was the word. It is from the word, the logos, that the forms
within
reality were manifest. It is in our dreams that the world as it
can be is
imagined. And out of that imagination, the steps can be taken to
make the
principles real and manifest them in the world. Since its
inception, this
expression has been called Beyond Imagination. There is a reason
for
that. Yet, the sense is that what lies Beyond Imagination is
still very
much a mystery and will continue to be such for some time.
Therefore, we
are not given to know the source for this expression other than that it
be
consciousness herself. Being able to name something, in this case
consciousness, is not the same as understanding it. My sense is
that we
could study consciousness full time for ceaseless incarnations and only
begin
to grasp its many ramifications. Yet, I consider myself to be an
explorer
of consciousness on a quest to find and carry out my destiny. It
is not
clear that we can avoid our destiny even if we desired to do so.
This
brings up the issue of free will versus destiny. These seem to be
of
different polarity. But, is there a way to reconcile them?
Can we
have freedom of experience within the concept of a overall personal
destiny
within a larger collective destiny? Of course we can. Is
that not
how I experience my life? Albeit, this is a subjective experience
...
but, it is my experience and that counts for something.
Subjective
experience is not to be taken lightly. Quite possibly, it is the
most
important experience. Further, it is the only experience that is
truly
"real" to us. From my perspective, there is no objective
reality. Reality is a subjective experiencer. In fact,
reality is
what we experience ... even in the midst of the illusion. It is
not a
matter of what is real versus what is not real. Our very
experience of
something makes it real, at least for us. Whether it is also real
for
others is not of any concern. Something Seth said comes to
mind. Something to the effect that it helps if our beliefs are
aligned
with truth, but our beliefs about the nature of reality do not change
the true
nature of reality one iota. That was many more words than Seth
would use
... and it is not clear that I got the jist of what he
said. Oh
well. It is accurate nonetheless. What we believe strongly
influences what we experience. And, what we experience is real to
us ...
hence subjectively real. But, there is a nature of reality that
is above
and beyond this or which our beliefs are only an approximation.
Sometimes
this is a good approximation, at other times it can be downright
lousy.
Nonetheless, it is what it is and we have to deal with that.
Life should
be an adventure, a remarkable journey of the
self through the magic domain of consciousness as it expresses in this
world.
It can be that if we allow it to be. This can be an easy thing to
do or a
difficult one depending on how willing we are to let go and go with the
flow. It takes confidence and faith to do this. We have to
resign
our will to a greater or lesser degree to the will of
consciousness. Many
find this difficult to do. Many need to feel that they are in
control of
their own lives. Perhaps they are, perhaps they are not.
However,
it is ultimately the subjective perception that truly matters. We
are what
we believe ourselves to be. We will experience what we expect to
experience. Consciousness does indeed exist within a magic domain
where
miracles occur on a frequent basis. It is all a matter of where
we look
and how we see. No matter what level of life that we look at,
there are
miracles to behold. The very facts that we are alive and
conscious are
two miracles ... as is the fact that we are consciousness expressed in
form and
expressing via that form. The quality of what we express is
highly important.
You might say that our expression, whatever it might be, is the fruit
of our
life. Hopefully that fruit will be ripe and of such quality as to
sustain
and nourish others. Sometimes we can't guaranty this, but often
we
can. We control how we nurture the fruit and when we harvest
it.
I
find it curious that my vocabulary and way of expressing is such that
the
average letters per word comes out to be about 4.3. I
don't know
how that compares to other written text. I just know that
checking over
the course of many musings, the number almost always comes out between
4 and
5. Does that mean that I write simply? Perhaps. But,
simple
words can often convey concepts far more readily than larger
words. That
doesn't mean that larger words are necessarily complex or
difficult. It
is just that I find little reason to use them. The fact of the
matter is
that I don't really control the words that I use. Further, I was
never
any good at vocabulary. Learning new words was not a natural
process. I avoided the dictionary, assuming that I could learn
enough
about the definition of words from the context in which they were
placed.
However, this is a slow process overall, not one conducive to building
a
powerful vocabulary. There is something to be said for
succinctness.
Though, with over 4 million words expressed to date, it is difficult to
consider what I have expressed succinct in any way. Hmm ... but
succinct
applies not only to the quantity of expression but to the nature of
that
expression.
6 October
2004
Another
fine day in which to muse and see what consciousness would bring
forth.
This is becoming a regular thing again. It feels good that it
is.
There is a sense that something is lost never to be recovered on days
that I
don't muse. At the same time, what's the big deal? Who
reads this
expression anyway other than me? Actually, I have a few regular
readers
that I am aware of via their correspondence. But, this is by far
fewer
than it takes to justify the time that goes into this expression.
Then
again, how do we judge the ultimate value of something ... especially
words
such as these? They have the potential to reach many in the long
run. And, even if they reach only a few, they may be sufficient
to move
someone to do something that has a major impact. It doesn't take
many
such impacts to be worth it. Besides, there is a sense of release
that I
get from this expression. I don't know how else to achieve that
release. Creative expression, especially written expression is
what does
it for me.
Ever onward the stream of consciousness takes us. Forever into
new realms
and new experiences we go. Such is as it should be. Life is
an
adventure in consciousness for me. It has been thus for all of my
days. I suspect that it will continue to be thus so long as I am
incarnate and even beyond that. Yes, I firmly believe that there
is
something beyond this incarnation. I also believe that there have
been
many past incarnations of which I have been a part. Do I remember
any of
these? No, it seems that would detract from the focus it takes to
experience the present incarnation. Though, there are others who
do
remember. My sense is that this is because it serves them to do
so in
some way. We are all different. The experiences we need are
those
that we create for ourselves. Precisely those and no
others. Does
that mean that we have to experience everything that we
experience. No,
there is some room for free will here. But, there is a context
for our
life that we decided on prior to our birth. No, not as the infant
child,
but rather as the old and magnificent soul that we are. OK,
perhaps the
Michael teachings are right and there are different soul ages ... baby,
infant,
young, adult, mature, old, transcendental ... being some of
these. At different
soul levels we have different abilities, challenges, responsibilities,
things
to learn, and things to do. We also seem to have different hopes
and
dreams. That is OK. Each of us learn at our own pace and in
our own
ways.
I've lost the bubble a bit. I'm not as connected as I've been the
past
two days. The pace is slower to reflect this. Also, I am
tired
again straining to keep my eyes open so that I can see what is being
typed. I know that this expression is clearly meant for me to
experience.
But, I believe strongly that it is meant for others to experience as
well ...
and many others at that. What can I do to help facilitate making
this
happen? Is there something that I must do? The inner sense
is yes,
there is. I have not yet done enough. Yet, doing more of
the same
doesn't resolve the issues. So, what do I need to do
differently?
The first thing that comes to mind is PROMOTE. In particular,
promote the
Beyond Imagination site and the Beyond Imagination works. Casual
word of
mouth and web based search are not enough. So, how do I announce
what the
Beyond Imagination works are in a way that gets the word out to those
who might
find the expression interesting and be served by it? Is that
something
that I must do? Are there not professional promoters out there to
do just
this? Further, can they not work on commission, earning a
percentage of
the business they bring in? Ultimately, what it comes down to is
book
sales at this point. That is the basic product that is available
for consumption.
Right now, there are nine published Beyond Imagination books.
There could
easily be another two early in 2005 if sufficient funds are generated
to
publish them. At this point, I'm reluctant to put the final
effort in
them until I see the fruition of some of my earlier efforts. Then
again,
this too is subject to change. At any time, I could decide that
it is
important to finish one or both in progress works.
I don't consider myself to be a salesman. That is just not my
nature. I am naturally highly introverted and intuitive.
All of
this documents internal experience and an internal process that I have
been
going through for many years. To come in and say it has limited
validity
now is to deny a glorious reality its full due. This expression
documents
a path that one person has taken through the wilderness of
consciousness.
The question is: how much utility does the documentation of this path
have to
others? Have I faithfully captured what I experienced? And,
have I
done so in a manner that can serve? It is important to me that I
do
this. Though, my sense is that I would do it regardless of its
perceived
utility. Consciousness herself animates me. She is the
driver in
this expression. Yes, I participate ... but, primarily as the
vessel.
Given that, and knowing that consciousness knows what she is doing, I
have to
believe that there is a purpose for all of this expression, a purpose
that goes
beyond what I get out of it. The record is there for a
reason. And,
the record can remain long after I am dead and gone. That is part
of the
value of written expression. It allows one person to experience
some of
what another has experienced. At the very least, it captures the
thoughts. That is, at least those thoughts that can be expressed
in
words. Written expression hasn't been around for that long as far
as
history is concerned. In the Western World, we can barely go back
2500
years. Further, the growth has been exponential. As little
as 200
years ago, printing was still a difficult and expensive process.
Also,
many people could not read. Now, in the
The automatic nature of the Beyond Imagination is definitely something
which
characterizes it. Though, even in my paid work, there is some of
that
nature as well. I don't really plan what to do. I just
allow the
work to unfold, showing me the way as I go. This approach has
worked well
for me throughout my life. It requires a basic trust in our
innate
competence. It requires a degree of confidence and a sense that
the
universe won't throw us into situations that are more than we can
handle.
Actually, it is not so much the universe as it is ourselves. For,
we are
creating/attracting the very circumstances that we experience. We
do this
competently but for the most part other than consciously. What
would we
do differently if we knew that this were to be the last day of our
lives?
Do we have our affairs in order? Have we accomplished what we
came to
accomplish? Are we happy with how we have lived? Did we
live up to
our highest potential? What would we express that we have not
expressed? These are all good questions. The bottom line is
that it
is time to truly live, to express whom that we are to the degree that
we can,
and to do those things that only we can do to make a difference in the
world. For, in the end, that is the question that will be asked
of us ...
what difference did we make with our life. Life is a precious
gift.
It is a gift that is capable of great giving. The service that we
provide
is our gift to the world. Give grandly, for that is how we make
the most
difference. When we choose to do this, we will be amazed at how
inexhaustible the source of our giving is. We can do far more
than most
would believe possible. What one person can do, another can
do.
Pick your examples well. Emulate them, and do not only as they
do, but
works even greater. We all spring forth from the same
consciousness. Trust the source within you to find the patterns
that you
need to do anything in your life. Don't be content with
superficial
reality. Dive deep and see all that there is to see. Know
that you
are here for a reason. Further, know that at some level you
already know
what this is. The process does not have to be conscious.
Many of
your capabilities operate via other than conscious means. This is
perfectly fine. They are still your capabilities and they still
serve
you. Find a way to serve others, even as you pursue your own
happiness. In fact, find a way to include others in your pursuit
of
happiness. Life is not meant to be lived alone. Interesting
observation
coming from a hermit who spends much of his time alone. Hmm ...
it seems
it is time to leave the shell behind and find those with whom I am
meant to
share my life. To date these have been few.
To say something each day that is new and enlightening. That is
indeed a
worthy goal for one who would be a philosopher king. Do I have
enough
wisdom to do this? Note, it is indeed wisdom and not knowledge
that is
required for this. At 46, I've already brought forth in excess of
4
million words. Beyond Imagination Quotes, one of the Beyond
Imagination
books is over 600 pages. How many people can claim even a dozen
original
quotes worthy of being collected and published? The bottom line
is not
very many. This is something rare that I do, or rather that
consciousness
does through me. How long will I continue to express. My
hope is
that it will be for as long as I live. I don't expect to live
forever, at
least not in this present form. In fact, I believe my life to be
2/3rds over.
That would make the birth of the Beyond Imagination expression at the
halfway
point in my life. It would also put my death in around 2028 or
so.
At this point, I don't expect to reach 70. That doesn't bother
me.
I've always had a sense of being a visitor on a mission here.
When the
mission is accomplished it will be time to go back to the home from
which I
came. No, I don't know what or where that is. I only know
that
Earth is not it, nor is anyplace within the Solar system. The
sense is
that I come from somewhere beyond the stars ... you might say from the
void or
the no thing.
7 October
2004
Here
we are once again, ready to express what consciousness would bring
forth
through us. This is the volunteer work that we do. Though,
while it
consumes time, it does not feel like work at all. This is a
natural
expression. The words flow forth automatically. I just have
to get
out of the way and allow. I've had a lot of practice doing that
over the
past twelve years. But, I wouldn't have it any other way.
This
expression is a special part of my life ... perhaps even the most
special
part. Here is where I get to be and see me in ways that I was
never able
to do prior to 1993. Through this expression, I see my
reflection.
And, I've probably paid far more attention to that reflection than
most.
Is that good or bad? I don't judge it such. It is what it
is.
And, it is a major part of my life. My sense is that it is meant
to be
such for me. I am somehow living the life that I was meant to
live.
Yet, I also sense that something is missing, something important that
keeps me
from being all that I could be. Knowing this, I can take
steps to
search and find what is missing. It is far better to know than to
remain
in ignorance. With knowingness comes the potential to do
something to
change the reality that we experience. That is what being a
creator is
all about. And, we are all creators ... though many do not
consciously
create much that they experience. That doesn't mean that they
don't
create it or that they aren't responsible. It is just that the
creation
happens on other than conscious levels where they are much more
competent.
That doesn't mean that we can't make the process more conscious.
However,
we probably don't want to make it all conscious. There are too
many
details to manage. It is better to consciously set the overall
course and
the desired destinations and allow inner resources to take care of
bringing
them to fruition. Though, we also need to work on our belief
systems to
ensure that they are compatible with where we say that we want to
go.
Also, we need to be careful not to focus too much on outcomes or
destinations. Enjoying the journey is often far more important
than
getting to where we are going. What we are on is a journey of
consciousness
more than anything else. And, what a trip it is. We will
remain on
that journey throughout our existence, across the boundaries of any
incarnations. We will never cease to be consciousness in
expression. But, we may cease to be consciousness within
form. To
some degree, we experience this each night. We cease to be
consciously
aware of our form for nearly one-third of our life on a daily
basis. What
happens when we sleep? Where do we go? What do we do?
What do
we experience? What is the importance of dreams?
Personally, I have
limited awareness of dreams. Literally, I can count the ones that
I have
remembered on one hand. That doesn't mean that I don't
dream. It is
simply a matter of being aware. I'm sure that the proper
instruments would
show that my brainwaves indeed reach frequencies that correspond to
dream
states. It is just for some reason I have not needed to be aware
of what
transpires during that time. Sometimes I have a sense of having
been
highly active. Many times, upon awakening suddenly, I have felt a
falling
into my body sensation. This leads me to believe that perhaps I
don't
remain in my body while I sleep ... at least not the part of me that is
consciously aware. I do spend nearly an hour most mornings in the
in-between
state between sleeping and waking ... hitting the snooze on the alarm
every
five minutes. Getting up is definitely not one of my favorite
things to
do. Why should that be? Why do I not start my days with
more
enthusiasm? I've never really been much of a morning
person.
Further, staying awake all day can be a challenge. I wonder what
it would
be like without the drowsiness that is one of the chief side effects of
my
bipolar medications? At this point, I'm still gun shy and not
willing to
find out. Two medical leaves of absence and associated trips to
the
mental hospital were more than enough for a lifetime. Though, it
has been
over six years since the last episode.
Given how high I am able to fly even with the medications, it does seem
that
they are doing their job without overly dampening my spirits. But
how
much more could I do if I had more energy? What is missing from
my life
that could be there? What works am I not able to do that are in
need of
being done? These are questions that I can ask ... but it is not
clear
that I can answer them. I already do a lot. The Beyond
Imagination
expression could easily be the work of a lifetime. But, it has
all come
forth in 12 years. Further, in nearly three of those years there
was very
little expression. So, we're talking about roughly 9 years of
voluntary
part time work. If I were able to engage in this effort fulltime,
how
much more could have been expressed? Rather than 9 books, we
might have
25 by now. Indeed, what stops me from engaging in this expression
more? I have shown that I can easily do 2-3 hours per day on a
regular
basis while holding down a full time job. That's nearly the
equivalent of
a half time job. But, why has there been no real return on the
investment?
It depends on what you consider to be "return". There is a
sense of joy and a sense of accomplishment that comes from expressing
in this
manner. These are things that are priceless. Literally,
they cannot
be bought. However, they are not enough. Perhaps they
should
be. But, they are not. I would live a life of abundance ...
great
abundance. To some degree I live that now, however, there are
limits to
what I can do and have that I would like to get beyond. True
abundance
should be unlimited. Hmm ... perhaps I need to read the book
Unlimited
Wealth by Paul Zane Pilzer again. It's been awhile. Perhaps
I am
far more ready for what he had to say.
Live such that you are never sorry that you failed to do something, be
something, or express something. Be the best that you can be in
all that
you do. Though, that doesn't mean that you need to do everything
perfectly. Good enough is good enough. Though, this can
vary
dramatically from area to area and from person to person. In
interactions
with others, make it known what you expect and what is acceptable and
unacceptable to you. Your convictions will attract the
appropriate types
of people in your life. Be not afraid to be yourself. Who
you are
is always good enough. Though, don't let this preclude you from
becoming
who you could be. The possibilities are endless, for you are
infinite and
immortal. But then, are some level you already know that.
Then why
do you not act as if? Just be careful in how you do so. God
doesn't
like to be tested ... as if such a supreme being could "like" in the
same manner that we do. Then again, we are all gods and goddesses
in
flesh here and now. As such, we are free to test ourselves in
whatever
ways we choose.
I was just thinking. A singer/songwriter only has to write a few
thousand
words of lyrics in a lifetime. I write that many words in a few
days. No, it is not the same. The lyrics they write are
more like
poetry ... with each word selected for its utility. Further,
their words
ultimately can touch millions many times over the course of
time.
I've easily heard some of my favorite songs 100 to 1000 times. At
most,
I've read some of my own words 10 to 20 times. Further, to date,
my words
have only reached a few thousand people and most of those have only
seen a
small subset of the works. Can I really expect people to spend
100's of
hours consuming this expression? Why not? After all, it has
taken
me 1000's of hours to generate it. Further, most of the
expression is
available for free at the Beyond Imagination site and in paperback
books for
less than the cost of reproducing the material. The fact that
something
takes time to do in and of itself doesn't mean that it is worth the
time to
read it. That is true. But, my sense of the material is
that it is
exceptional. Then again, I could be a wee bit biased. OK, a
lot
biased.
11 October
2004
Let's
see what would come forth today. As usual, there was another
three day
break in expression over the long weekend. There is just so much
to do on
weekends that I find it difficult to get motivated to write. Oh
well,
such is life. What needs to be expressed will be expressed when
the time
is right. If more needed to be expressed, I would find the time
and
energy to express more. The very fact that I don't suggests that
what I
am doing is enough, at least for the time being.
So, what would be expressed this fine day? The bottom line is
whatever
consciousness would express through me. That is the same answer
every
day. This is a stream of consciousness expression. It is by
far my
favorite mode of expression. The writing is automatic ... coming
through
me, yet I don't sense that I am the ultimate creator, at least not any
part of
me of which I have direct conscious awareness. I see the
expression just
as you do. It appears as words in front of my eyes and a voice in
my
head. It seems that the voice is about one word in front of the
expression itself. Because of this, the expression is basically
immediate. It happens in the moment. Further, I have no
real control
over it, other than to turn it on and turn it off. And, even
then, it is
not clear how much control I really have. There is a sense that
what is
expressed must be expressed. And further, it must be expressed
through
me. It is good that I find this compatible with my purpose for
being
here. This is indeed part of my mission, part of my
destiny. I am
fulfilling a role that I came to play. How can I know that for
certain? Primarily by how I feel when I am doing it. I
regard this
expression as the most important part of my life. Here I am
capturing
consciousness in action in a way that few if any others seem to be
doing.
Does that make the expression worth reading? I believe that the
answer is
YES, definitely. But, it is not yet clear as to who the audience
would
be. That is OK. In part, this is for the universe to
decide.
My role is to bring the material forth and to make it available.
From
there, it is in the hands of the universe to attract those meant to be
served
by it. Then again, given how slow the dissemination process has
been over
the past 10 years, perhaps there is indeed something more for me to do
in this
regard. I trust that if this is the case, then I will be moved to
do what
is necessary for me to do. This is how my world works. This
is how
things happen in my life. I am moved by spirit/consciousness to
do those
things that are mine to do. The moving comes via an inner sense
or
intuition that I feel.
Where will life take me in the coming days and months? There is a
sense that
change is in the air again ... that is time to move on to a new chapter
in my
life, to the next adventure in consciousness. At this point, I do
not
know what that is. I just know that there is a sense of
restlessness, a
sense of having been in the same place doing the same things for too
long. What is too long? It is that point where the
circumstances no
longer serve our highest growth or the greatest expression of whom that
we
are. How do I know that I am at such a point? It just seems
intuitively obvious. There are no objective tests for this.
We just
know deep inside of ourselves. How do we facilitate a change in
circumstances? How do we change our experiences to reflect
this?
How do we change our reality accordingly? We start with the
beliefs that
there is a need for change and that we have the power to make the
necessary
changes and attract the reality that we would prefer. In the
beginning,
we don't need a specific outcome, though reality creation processes
tend to
work better the more specific that we are. However, even if we
have
specifics, we need to be open to the universe coming up with something
better
than we have ever imagined. Hmm ... Beyond Imagination is
the name
for this expression for a reason. It has been thus since the
first day of
expression in Mar 93.
There seem to be a host of forces at play in our lives, some within our
direct
control and many outside of it. However, even those outside of
our direct
control seem to be guided by our belief systems. That is the most
effective place to work to initiate change in our lives, with our
beliefs. These govern what we expect to experience, which in turn
attract
much of our experiences to us. We need to be careful
though.
Experiences in and of themselves have limited importance. It is
how we
interpret what we experience that makes the difference. Two
people can be
diagnosed with the same type of cancer. One can remain upbeat and
take it
on as a challenge to overcome. The other can resign to the
disease, and
the side effects of various treatments. How each decides what the
experience means will ultimately determine whether they will recover
and how
long they will live.
Every day we make decisions that ultimately align our paths with our
destiny. Most of these decisions are made at other than conscious
levels,
by how we react to what we see and experience. It helps to make
this
process more consciousness. That takes awareness and attention
... things
that seem to be in short supply in our world. It seems that too
few have
been taught how important these are, and even fewer have learned
specific
techniques to awaken the awareness and focus the attention. We
tend to
get what we focus on ... provided that this is consistent with our
belief
systems. Belief systems are that important and that
powerful. They
can facilitate getting what we want in life, they can inhibit it, or
they can
be neutral. However, when they are neutral, they don't really
empower
us. We each have greatness inside of us to some degree. We
need to find
a way to discover that greatness and unleash it in our lives. We
do this
by managing our expectations. We have to strongly believe that
this
greatness is within us, and that we can find it and use it to do
glorious
things. It doesn't matter exactly what we do, and it will be
different
for each of us. This is one area where we are each unique and we
need to
revel in our differences. Yes, there is much to be said for
similarities
... but it is our differences that truly distinguish us. Knowing
that, we
need to focus on finding those things that we can do that others cannot
do as
well or in the same way. Then, we need to find a way to do them
in a way
that is of service. There are many kinds of service. We can
serve
the world, others, animals, the earth, the environment, society, even
ourselves
if this ultimately leads to being capable of providing greater
service.
Why is it so important to serve? Primarily because that is how we
generate true meaning in our lives. It is not what we take that
ultimately
determines our worth, it is what we give. And, it is extremely
important
that "we never take more than we give" as they said in The
Lion King. For many of us, this is a stretch. We live in a
world
that appears to be severely limited, such that there is not enough to
go
around. This puts us in a struggle to get our share. That
doesn't
even consider the idea that there may be a fair share. Going
further, it
is completely opposed to the idea of unlimited abundance, the idea that
there
is more than enough to meet the needs of all. The major roadblock
opposing this is the economic system. Free enterprise works for
many, but
not for all. There are too many people that struggle at or below
the
poverty level. As a society, we permit this believing that the
system
offers the opportunity for people to rise or fall by their own
efforts.
But, is this really true? It seems that we've put somewhat
arbitrary
constraints on the distribution of goods and services that allow the
status quo
to exist. Why do we not simply guarantee that we will find
adequate work
for every employable person that provides what they need in exchange
for their
services? As a society, we have the resources to do that.
We can
decide to end poverty and unnecessary suffering. Some suffering
is a
matter of individual choice so there is not anything that we can
necessarily do
to prevent it. However, much can be alleviated.
Will we make such a collective choice to create a true society that
manifest as
a better world? My sense is that yes we will and soon. Then
again,
I can be extremely optimistic in some areas, perhaps even overly
so. But,
when it comes to creating a more utopian society, I think that we can
do far
worse than to err on the side of optimism. Hmm ... but who really
cares
what I think? In the long run, what impact will this expression
have? Is this primarily a conversation with myself, a
communication for
my eyes only? I would hope not. I would hope that the
expression
has a great impact on the world. I would hope that my dreams for
a better
world would come to fruition. But, would I do anything to make
this
happen? All that I can say is that I continue to do as I am moved
to do
in the moment. Right now, this is still engaging in this
expression.
How long that will continue is not for me to say. Though I sense
that
writing is one of the main things that I am here to do. And,
stream of
consciousness writing is still the most fun type of writing for
me. So
long as that is the case, and so long as consciousness has something
meaningful
to say through me, I will continue to express for her.
There is something to be said for no regrets. We need to
fill each
day with what can be done that day. We need to reach a position
in life
where we can truly say that if we were to die at this moment that we
are
satisfied with what we have accomplished and the difference we have
made.
That doesn't mean that there isn't more that we can do. Nor does
it mean
that we are ready to die at that moment. It just means that we
have
caught up and that we are on course with our lives. I speak these
words,
but I don't fully live them yet. If I did, I sense that I would
be far
more happy than I have been to date. At the same time, I am proud
of what
we have accomplished here in the expression that is Beyond
Imagination.
You might say that I have given much of my life to this for nearly 12
years ...
and you would be right in that assessment. Every fiber within me
tells me
that it has been worth it, that in some respects this expression
captures the
essence of whom that I am. In this regard, I truly have no
regrets.
I would gladly do it over and even do it in the same manner.
Though, it
seems that the manner is about to take a turn and change its
course. I
know this is coming. I may not know what the new direction will
be.
But, I know there is to be a major change in direction. I
anxiously await
that change with an optimistic expectancy. I look forward to what
lies
ahead, trusting that spirit knows exactly what she is doing and knowing
that
she is guiding me as she always has.
12 October
2004
Another day, another
musing.
It's too bad that we can't find the time to do this everyday.
But, life
has its obligations, and even with the priority that I place on this
expression
... it still doesn't win out everyday. It is not that there is
not enough
time or that the opportunity is not there. 2002 and 2003 attest
to the
fact that I can indeed devote much more time to this expression than I
have
done this year. That is not to say this year has not been
productive. It clearly has. It will in all likelihood be a
moderate
year in terms of overall volume. That is OK. This varies
substantially from year to year. And, we got a relatively late
start with
the first and only musing in June. Now, the pace has picked up to
10-15
musings per month. I'm comfortable with that. Not ecstatic,
but
comfortable. There is still the sense that I could be doing more
... and
that sometime soon, I must be doing more. There are things that I
came to
do that can only be done by me. This is true for everyone.
However,
these are things that we must find out for ourselves. That is
OK.
Fortunately, inner guidance is there for all who sincerely seek
it. Yes,
for all! Though, some might find it easier to see that guidance
reflected
from the outside. We have introverts and extroverts for good
reason. The world needs both along with the entire spectrum in
between to
function properly. Introverts seem to have an easier time looking
within.
Extroverts on the other hand seem to find their answers in the world
and in
others outside of themselves. I would suspect that those in the
middle
experience a combination of both of these to various degrees.
However, my
particular experience has been as an extreme introvert for all of my
life, and
an intuitive one at that.
In my belief
system, I don't demand proof. Where
there is proof, providing the proof is correct, there is no room for
belief. Belief always operates in the realm of the unknown, and
sometimes
even the unknowable. The sole value of beliefs is in their
utility in
enabling us to lead better lives and create a better reality for
ourselves, for
our society, and for our world. We could go further to the solar
system
and the galaxy and the universe, but you get the picture.
Beliefs
color the way that we interpret what we see in the world. More
than that,
they determine what we take notice of to begin with. Unless it
gets
through the filter of our beliefs, we literally don't even see
it. That is
how powerful beliefs are. They are the mechanism through which we
construct and create our reality. In fact, they attract to us
those
experiences that are in line with them.
Some say that
reality is what we experience daily.
But, sleep is a part of that daily reality. For nearly one-third
of our
day each and every day, we lose conscious awareness and sleep.
Each day
we awaken to a new dawn ... essentially the same person as we were the
night
before. How is this possible? Where does our consciousness
go when
we are asleep? We know that we are active and that we
dream. Yet, I
for one, am not aware of my nightly dreams. Perhaps that is
because my
conscious dreams for the world are so grand ... or should that be
grandiose? Everywhere life unfolds around us. Everywhere
consciousness expresses itself in flesh, in nature, or in the
physical.
Everything is consciousness in expression. Yes, everything.
How can
I know this? What makes me so certain in this regard? What
can I
say, I just am. This expression comes forth in the declarative
sense
because that is how it enters my head. It doesn't generally step
back and
say I believe that it may be this way or that. Though there are
many
things expressed here in I sense or I believe terms. Take what
feels
right to you. The truth will resonate within your soul. You
will
recognize it for what it is. The rest, leave for another time and
place,
or even reject outright. Such is your right. You have the
power to
choose your own truth. Something Seth said comes to mind "It
helps
if your beliefs are aligned with truth, but that does not change the
nature of
what is true one iota." That probably isn't an exact quote.
My
memory, as usual, is deficient when it comes to this. Why is
that?
Why do I not remember what I read ... or at least not remember it
consciously? Actually, I like the fact that my memory is somewhat
of a
mystery. It seems to have a mind of its own and surprises me
often.
It seems perfectly suited for living in the moment with a primary
reliance on
intuition. Is that rationalization of my own shortcomings?
Or, is
that praise for natural abilities that are different than that of
others.
It is important to me to be unique, even though I realize that there is
only
ONE consciousness that animates us all. Why should this be
important? What recognition do I need to be happy? Is it
not enough
to be aware of whom that I AM? Is it necessary that others be
aware of
this as well? Something in me answers yes. But, something
else says
that it should not matter. It should be enough for me to be
me.
Further, I need to apply this to others as well, allowing it to be
enough for
them to be who they are as well. Though, it is still important
that we
foster each other to become what we are capable of becoming. It
is
through such growth that we reach our intended positions in life where
we can
be of true service to our fellow beings, be they human, animal, plant,
or even
mineral. "Every rock, every plant, every creature has a life, has
a
purpose, has a name" ... another line comes to mind from Colors
of
the Wind. "You think that the only people who are people, are
people who look and act like you; but if you could walk in the
footsteps of a
stranger, you'd learn some things you never knew you never knew".
Yet another line from the same song expressing a great truth. We
don't
know everything. I spent over 20 years walking in the mindsteps
of others
... primarily through the medium of books, before I began to put pen to
paper
as the saying goes. Only I put hands to the keyboard. Now,
my hope
is that you would experience me as a stranger in a strange land and see
the
world as I see it and hopefully learn something about yourself, the
world, and
the nature of reality in the process.
What
next? Is there something that I am meant to do
to get this expression disseminated to others? It seems that if
there
wasn't, I wouldn't even be asking the question. Hmm ... but what
is it
then? Am I hoarding this expression by refusing to do the things
necessary
to publicize it? Is it not my job as the author to nourish the
babies
that have come forth through me and allow them to grow from meme
seedlings into
giant trees? Where do these works fit within the realm of Western
thought? Will they have a prominent place in the ultimate history
of the
world? Do I need to have that much impact? Why does my life
have to
have that much importance? It just does. Anything less
would be
unworthy of my abilities. Anything less would amount to being
less than I
can be. And this to me is unacceptable. This is one truth
that I
must live, to be all that I can be. That involves doing all that
I can do
as well. Though here we need to be careful to focus on doing
those things
that are ours to do. These are the things that we do well that
bring us
the most joy. Generally the joy comes from being able to express
creatively or from being of service. Note: these are not mutually
exclusive. In fact, it is often through creative expression that
we serve
best.
10:10 PM,
what an interesting time to notice. It
takes me back nearly 11 years to when Reality Creation 1010 was
written.
I still remember that time from 26 Dec 03 through 4 Jan 04. Much
came
forth in that special ten day period. It is still one of the most
visited
works at the Beyond Imagination site. It is one of few works that
actually has links to it from other sites. It was clearly
channeled. No, not from another entity, rather from a deeper part
of
myself of which I am not consciously aware. I've read it many
times and
am still blown away that such material could come forth through me in
such a
short period of time. I thought that the Beyond Imagination book
was
quite an accomplishment, coming forth in about 8 weeks. But
Reality
Creation was nearly half the size and took about 1/6 of the time.
Though,
I'll have to admit that I continued to generate Beyond Imagination
Notes while
the Beyond Imagination book was being written. Also, I had no
idea of how
long either work would be until I reached a point where they just
seemed to be
complete. In fact, it was as if they were complete at the time
they
began. It was as if I was reading them out of their form in the
ethers.
We speak with
a voice that is not ours yet comes through
us. How do we know this? By how it feels to us. We
have lived
for 46 years. We know what is us versus what is not us. Or
do
we? Can we ever know this for certain? Even as to the
physical
body, how far do we take our existence. Are the molecules in the
air that
I will breathe in the next minute part of who I am now? What
about in the
next hour or in the next day? Billions of cells die and are born
in each
moment of our lives ... yet we don't perceive this at all except on a
more
gross scale over longer periods of time. At what point is the
food that I
eat assimilated into me? Is there truly a boundary as to where I
end and
where another begins? What about when we examine our
consciousness?
Is there a separation between the consciousness in this form and the
consciousness that extends beyond this form? Does there have to
be such a
separation? Or, can we find a way to unify our inner selves with
our
physical selves? My sense is that this is indeed possible.
It is a
matter of desiring to do it and then focusing our efforts on
manifesting
it. We can experience whatever we desire, but we need to be
willing to
put in the effort to manifest it. Sometimes this is easy and
flows forth
automatically. At other times extreme effort is necessary.
Regardless, it is always well within our means.
I was
questioned today regarding whether I had goals.
The argument given was that I couldn't be as successful as I am unless
I had
strong goals and worked to achieve them. I did not sense this to
be the
case at all. As far as I know, I have really only had one time in
my life
where I actively set goals. That was on New Years Eve in
1992. By
August, I believed that I had achieved all the goals that I set.
Little
did I know that my very interpretation of reality was completely
suspect by August
1993. Now, as far as I can tell, the only real goal that I have
is to
express at least 2000 words per day when I can. Each day that I
do so, I
consider myself a success. This is not so hard to do. It is
a
matter of discipline and devoting the necessary time. The
expression
comes forth at a regular pace that is nearly the same from day to
day. It
takes about 2.5 hours for 2000 words. That is a decent amount of
time to
devote to something but not an excessive amount of time. This is
my chief
hobby. At the same time, this is my true lifes work. More
than
that, this expression reveals whom that I am as nothing else can.
How can
I say that? How can written expression reveal so much about
me? For
one thing, I am a very private person. What you see shared here
tells you
more about me than you could learn in any other way. There are so
many
things that only I know, that I freely share here. Why do I share
myself
in this way? Because I am moved to do so. I have been so
moved ever
since the expression began in 1993.
13 October
2004
Another
glorious day in which to muse. Once again, we allow consciousness
to pour
forth through us as she will. This has become a regular thing
once
again. I'm glad. This expression gives my life a meaning
that it
does not otherwise have. There is a sense of being of utility, of
doing
something that is grand ... something that can potentially make a big
difference in the world. It may not do this today or tomorrow, or
even
within my lifetime for that matter. But, the expression has been
captured
in a manner that makes it available indefinitely. Though, if I
were to
die sometime soon, it is not clear how long the expression would have
impact. Perhaps I need to do something about that to assure that
the
expression lives beyond my life span. Then again, perhaps it is
only
meant to be retained so long as I'm around. Ultimately, it seems
that
this is in consciousness hands not mine ... though there are steps that
I could
take in this regard. Keeping the Beyond Imagination material
available on
the WWW costs about $10 per month. But, it takes somebody
responsible to
pay the bill each month. Keeping the Beyond Imagination books
available
is a different matter. It seems that they will be available on
demand so
long as the publisher is around. With a name like Infinity Publishing,
this
should be for a very long time, especially since print on demand
publishing is
such a cost effective alternative to traditional publishing. The
only
drawback is how to generate the demand. In my experience, this
doesn't
just happen by itself. Since the books aren't on the shelves in
the
bookstores, something has to be done to make people aware that the
books exist
and to generate interest in reading them. To date, I haven't
really done
any of this ... other than to generate a web page that provides
information on
the books and how to order them.
There is a sense that this expression is destined to reach those it is
meant to
reach. This will happen naturally by what the universe does and
what I am
moved to do. Right now, that still primarily involves continuing
to
express. So long as I am so moved, I will continue to do
this.
There is something about new and original expression that is extremely
satisfying, even though I know the expression is through me rather than
by
me. The bottom line is that it doesn't make much
difference. The
expression is what it is and it cannot be denied. You might
refute or
disagree with parts of it. But, you have to acknowledge that it
does
exist and that there is an interesting intelligence behind it that is
far from
"normal". Such is my assessment anyway. Yes, that does
make me a bit strange and eccentric. Much of that comes from
being
anti-social and not really fitting in with others, but in a passive
way.
I have been a hermit much of my life, with no really close friends and
limited
ties to family. There have been some exceptions. I get
along well
with others at work. And, I have been married for nearly 17 years.
What would I do next? What do I want to achieve in my life?
All
that I can think of is to walk my talk as faithfully as I can.
This is
how I express the best that I can be. My sense is that to a great
extent,
I am doing that here and now. However, the sky truly is the
limit.
I have overly restricted what I allow myself to express for far too
long.
It is time for that to change. And, I know that I can change
it. It
is a matter of having the courage to do so ... and the faith. I
believe
in myself and in spirit that much. Even if I get out of line and
attempt
to do crazy things, spirit will be there to look after me. But,
why
doesn't this seem to work for everyone? There is a lot of pain
and
suffering in the world ... much of which seems to be needless.
Yet, at
the same time, if it didn't need to be, it wouldn't be. Can it
really be
that simple? What does that say about those who are
suffering? What
does that say about those that allow others to suffer? The
problem is
that this is a societal thing, not something any individual can
resolve.
Societal problems need to be addressed at the community/organism level
not at
the individual level. Telling people they are responsible for
helping
themselves just doesn't work. Neither does welfare offer an
appropriate
safety net in its current forms. Here we need a social contract
that
binds us together making us responsible for one another. Yes,
this
requires a major mindshift. But, it is a necessary one if we are
to
tackle the problems that face us. It's been awhile since I last
expressed
what I consider to be the ideal social contract: from each in
accord
with their abilities, to each in accord with their needs.
Yes, it
came from communism in the early 1900's. The fact that communist
countries have failed dismally does not make it any less valid.
Had any
society succeeded in establishing this contract among its members ...
nothing
on earth would have caused it to fail. No, it does not mean that
everyone
is equal and shares equally. People have different abilities and
different
needs. These must be recognized and respected. The brain is
not
equal to the leg is not equal to the stomach is not equal to the
heart.
Each organ of the body is organized to provide a unique function or set
of
functions. So with people as well. People become part of
organizations that suit them. The organizations in turn perform
specific
functions. Depending on ones abilities and talents, one fits into
particular positions within one or more organizations. One such
organization
is usually some type of company that provides a job via which we can
earn our
livelihood.
What does it mean to be bipolar? Effectively, I've been given a
life
sentence. According to the doctors, there is no cure. There
are
medications that can make the condition tolerable and keep its extremes
under
control, but this comes at a high cost in terms of side effects.
The
medications sedate me, keeping the highs of mania far lower than they
would
naturally be. What is curious is that I was 35 before my first
manic episode.
And, the conditions that brought it on have changed dramatically over
the past
12 years. When I stopped taking my meds in 1998, at age 40, it
didn't
take long for a second manic episode. That was enough to convince
me that
perhaps the side effects are indeed worth it. Though, there is a
sense
that under controlled conditions I should be able to function perfectly
fine
and wean myself off the medications gradually. However, so long
as I am
still able to function and express as I do here ... there seems to be
no reason
to test anything. The medications do have drowsiness and weight
gain as
key side effects; both of which I experience a lot. I am tired
much of
the time and probably weigh close to 60 pounds more than I need
to. That's
a lot of extra weight to be carrying around all the time. I know,
diet
and exercise. It's all a matter of how much food you consume and
how many
calories you burn. Knowing that and living that are two different
things
however. I haven't reached the point where the discomfort or the
pain is
forcing me to change. Is that what it takes? It seems that
I should
be more proactive and choose to change just to reap the benefits.
There
is something to be said about staying healthy. Someone said
"health
is a state of mind". Perhaps they were right. I spend a lot
of
time exploring states of mind. It seems that this is one that I
should be
able to find. Overall I consider myself healthy, but clearly not
in
perfect health or even good health for that matter. Hmm ... this
is
definitely something that it is time to start working on once
again. I
say again because I've lost in excess of 30 pounds at least three times
in the
past 12 years only to gain it all back and then some. It doesn't
help
that the metabolism is very slow at best, so slow that it needs to be
kick
started to get it going at times. I have the same problem in the
morning
waking up. That is a difficult process for me. There is no
incentive to start the day and get ready for work. Nor is there
any
incentive to start the day on weekends either. Why should this
be?
Some people greet the new day far more enthusiastically. Though,
I
noticed this morning that I woke up twice before the alarm went
off. The
first time was at 2:30 AM which was far too early to arise. The
second
time was closer to 5:00 AM and I felt very much awake ... enough that I
could
have chosen to stay up if I wanted to. However, I went back to
sleep as
usual until the alarm finally came on at 6:00 AM.
14 October
2004
What
would consciousness bring forth today? It has been quite a
busy
day. In fact, it has been so busy that I'm exhausted. It
will be
interesting to see what is able to be expressed. I've always
thought that
I'm good at what I do but juggling a dozen different tasks at work was
quite a
challenge today. With practice, I'm sure that I could get better
at
it. But, I'm not sure that it is the most effective use of my
time and
talents. Speaking of that, we haven't heard back from the
headhunter yet.
I guess everything takes time. For some things, we have to be
patient and
just allow them to manifest. However, for other things we have to
take a
stance and make our desires known. The difficulty comes in
knowing the
difference. When are things worthy of our time and energy and
when are
they not? Ultimately, this is something that we have to decide
for
ourselves.
Just engaging in this expression has enlivened me. I no longer
feel
exhausted. That is one of the many benefits that I gain from all
of
this. Though, unfortunately, this awakening effect doesn't happen
all the
time. However, it happens enough to be noteworthy. This
expression
carries me into new realms of consciousness. I would hope that it
does
the same to those who read it as well. Whether it does or not, I
may
never know. That doesn't deter me. I would express what
must be
expressed through me anyway. I suspect that I will continue to do
so for
the remainder of my life. Though, the expression could stop just
as
abruptly as it started at some point in the future. That would
not be my
choice. I feel that this is the greatest service that I can
provide to
the world at this time. So long as that is the case, it feels
right to be
doing it.
Life continues to surprise and amaze me. In the moment, I can
only see
far enough to take the next step, and even then I have to feel for
it.
Step by step we can eventually reach any desired destination.
Though, we
have to want to do so. Hmm ... we need to have a destination in
mind to
have any chance of reaching it. The closest thing I have to a
destination
is the utopia described in the Beyond Imagination book. Will the
world
ever arrive at that utopia? Perhaps, perhaps not. But, the
sense is
that it was brought through me for a reason. It describes the
world as it
could be, if only we would choose to make it so. We is the
operative word
here. This is not something that I can do alone ... particularly
not as a
hermit. However, there is no reason that I have to do it
alone.
There are many meant to help carry out the process of spiritual
transformation. It is simply a matter of either finding them or
allowing
them to find me. That may be more difficult than it sounds.
Then
again, it is no use making things more difficult than they need to be.
15 October
2004
Another
very busy day. It has been that way all week. Hopefully
this is not
a sign of things to come. I'm not used to so many interruptions
keeping
me from doing the tasks that are mine to do. Unfortunately, there
is no
one that works for me, so offloading workload is not an option.
There is
only so much time in a day. Though, there is still a sense that I
am not
as effective as I could be. That does not mean that I don't get a
lot
done. However, I do find it much more difficult getting things
done when
I have to work with others to do them. Perhaps this is why this
expression is still such a solitary endeavor. What is expressed
here does
not come forth from group activity ... unless you consider a single
organism
(me) to be a group. Though, there is a sense that it is not me
but WE
that is doing all this. What that we consists of, I do
not know
... other than consciousness herself. Logic might say that in
referring
to consciousness as "herself", it is implied that consciousness is
singular. And, I do speak of there being ONE consciousness that
animates
us all. But, this consciousness is composed of parts much like
the ONE
body is composed of cells or the ONE human race is composed of
individual human
beings. Why does any of this matter? It matters because I
am moved
to pay attention to it at this particular time. It matters
because
consciousness is bringing it forth, and everything that consciousness
does, she
does for a reason.
There is still a strong sense that massive change is on the immediate
horizon,
not only for me, but for the world. How can I know that? I
just
feel it from within. And, here, I am free to express what I
feel.
There is no critic to doubt what I would have to say. At least, I
do not
critique it ... and I don't pay much attention to outside
criticism. That
is not to say that constructive feedback isn't encouraged and greatly
appreciated. I know that not everything that comes forth in this
expression is correct. And, even what is correct may be correct
for some
people but not necessarily for others. That is OK. It is
for you to
assess the validity and utility of what is expressed and choose how to
apply
various parts in your life. No one can do that for you.
Each of us
is ultimately responsible for the reality that we experience.
Beliefs are
the primary mechanisms through which we create and attract experiences
in our
lives. Moreover, they are also the means for assigning meaning to
what we
experience. It is this meaning that is often more important than
the
experience itself. Life is meant to have meaning. We are
meant to
live a meaningful life. The most meaningful lives are those that
impact
others. However, there is positive impact and negative
impact. The
former is by far the better of the two. Though, in the dramas
that are
played out on the earth, we clearly see both kinds of impacts at
play.
Some might see this as the battle between good and evil, between light
and
darkness. But is evil or darkness truly real? Looking out
at the
world at rapists and serial killers for instance, it seems clear that
some
people are evil ... having no regard for the rights and welfare of
others. But, the mass consciousness has the responsibility for
allowing
such expressions of spirit as well. Everything is spirit in
expression. That doesn't mean that there is no darkness.
Nor does
it mean that everything is good. However, it does mean that
everything is
somehow right for the state of consciousness of individuals and en
masse.
How can this be? We either trust that spirit is doing the best
she can in
expressing in the world or we don't. I believe people are doing
the best
they can under the circumstances that they find themselves within,
albeit I
also believe that they are attracting these very circumstances as
well.
My reality seems to bear this out ... but I have limited involvement
with
others except in the work environment.
What would I do next? It seems that there is a need to get the
word
out. In this case, the word being the expression that has come
forth
under the Beyond Imagination framework. At this point, that
amounts to
several million words. What do I hope to gain by this?
First, to
find kindred spirits who are as moved by this expression as I am.
Second,
to start building a community in which I would want to live, a
community that I
could truly call home. Third, to assist in awakening others to
the spirit
within them. Fourth, to start building the foundations for a new
world in
which spirit can more fully express in flesh. This final reason
is my
personal purpose for being. It is why I incarnated into this
particular
body at this time. Yes, it is a big task. But, I wouldn't
have
given myself the abilities that I have for anything less than a grand
task. Is that grandiosity coming through. Perhaps so.
But, I
would rather attempt such a great task and fail than settle for a much
lesser
task and succeed. Yes, that means setting the bar of expectation
very
high. But, I sense that no matter how high I am moved to set it,
I will
indeed not only live up to but surpass the expectation. Yes, that
is
audacious. Perhaps overly so. However, I am the only real
witness
to what I can and cannot achieve. Others only see snapshots of me
from
particular angles and are limited by what I project outward.
About the
only way to really find out who I am and what I am about is through
reading
this expression. And that, is a daunting and time-consuming
task.
Hmm ... for your eyes only, only for you ... you see what no one
else can
see. Those words keep returning to haunt me. If I
accept them,
what does it mean to my reality and to my expectations for what lies
ahead in
my life? Is this expression truly for my eyes only? Do I
really
"see what no one else can see"? If so, isn't it a great service
to share what I see with others? Or, can they not see it even if
I show
it to them? Will I suffer the same fate as J. Krishnamurti,
attempting to
teach and share what I know for decades without anyone else ever
getting
it? Yes, that is a possibility, but is it a probability? Is
it
something that is likely to happen? Does it truly matter? I
will
live my life as I must live it. I will attempt to share what I
must
share. I will do as I am moved to do. That is simply how I
choose
to live. Could I choose otherwise? The sense is NO, I could
not. At least, not and still remain who I am. At this
point, I am
comfortable with who I am ... though I am not fully comfortable with
the
circumstances of my life. Though, there is no one to blame for
that but me,
and even then blame is of limited utility. Responsibility is the
key. We need to be flexible enough to respond appropriately to
the
circumstances that we face, or find the courage to do what it takes to
identify
and change the beliefs and associated actions responsible for those
circumstances.
18 October
2004
Again we face the
blank page as we
have done so many times before. And again, we expect
consciousness to
fill it with what she will. This is our standard mode of
operation.
There is no reason to suspect that it will change anytime soon.
Not that
we would want it to change. This expression gives meaning to our
life. Here we are engaged in something greater and grander than
ourselves. As it should be. These are my musings ... but
they are
also the stream of consciousness that is able to flow forth through me
at this
time. So, they are mine but not mine at the same time. Not
that it
matters. What does matter is that it comes forth at all.
This is
the miracle of spirit expressing in flesh. And, it truly is
miraculous. For me, life is very much about expressing in this
manner. This is how I choose to engage myself in large amounts of
my free
time. This is what I choose to invest my talents and abilities
toward. Do I reap any rewards from doing so? Perhaps not
monetarily, but there are many rewards other than money. There is
a sense
of achievement and accomplishment that comes from this, a sense that I
am doing
something that has never been done before. That in and of itself
does not
necessarily make it good ... though indeed in this case I believe it to
be
quite good. But, who is the intended audience? Good
question.
It is not clear that I will ever really know. In the meantime, I
continue
to express as consciousness would express through me. That is OK,
that is
enough. Creative expression needs no purpose other than its own
innate
need to be. Interesting. Yes, the expression itself seems
to be
alive. I don't think we've ever expressed this in this way
before.
But yes, the expression seems to have a life of its own. Given
that it
began nearly 12 years ago ... it is still in its childhood. It is
not
even a teenager yet. You might say the same about me. I was
spiritually reborn at about the time these writings began. So, in
a way,
I'm only 11 years old as well. It will be interesting to see what
13
actually brings.
What
next? What is the next step that lies ahead on
my path? I don't tend to be given foresight as to where the path
will
take me, not even one step ahead of time. It is as if I have
blindfolds
on. That is OK. I know that with consciousness leading my
way, I
cannot go astray. It is all a matter of trust. Faith in
spirit is
easy to develop. Then again, I'm not very skeptical when it comes
to
these matters. Metaphysics has been a common theme in my life
since my
early teens ... perhaps even before that. An aura reader once
told me
that I would have been into metaphysics at age five if I would have
been
exposed to it then. She was probably right. When I did
discover it,
it was so natural. I knew that it was true intuitively. I
didn't
need to prove it. I didn't even need to be convinced. I
just
knew. Something about it rang true to the core of my being.
Oh,
that doesn't mean that everything about it is true. Some of it is
more
true than other parts. It is all a matter of what parts we relate
to
personally. Not everything is for everyone. We are each
different
and unique for a reason. Yet, despite our differences we have
many things
in common. The very nature of our existence as a human being is
rich with
both similarities and differences. The differences however are so
dramatic that in many ways we live in very different worlds. In
fact, it
might be argued that we each live in our own world and that these
individual
world overlap to create areas for joint endeavors and on a grander
scale, areas
for the collective consciousness to manifest. We create our own
reality. We attract it as surely as we breath, and drink, and
eat, and
think, and work, and play. There are no exceptions.
Everything that
we experience is there because we have drawn it into our lives
primarily
through our beliefs and our actions in accord with those beliefs.
Yes,
beliefs are that powerful. But, only if they are accompanied by
action. It is via our actions that the universe tells how serious
we are
about our beliefs. Our reality then conforms to what we do.
This
may or may not be what we expect. Though expectations do have
their role
in the process as well. If we want things to happen, we have to
expect
that they will happen. But, expectation is not necessarily
enough.
We must believe and act as if. That is the key. Within the
illusion, it may take awhile for reality to catch up with our
expectations.
But if we are patient and believe enough to act in accord with our
expectations
we will find that what the universe does is amazing. Such will be
the
nature of the reality that we experience.
We are truly
creators of a high order. We are
literally gods and goddesses in flesh. It is time that we lived
up to our
birthright and started creating the reality that we would prefer on the
planet. Yes, that is a big task. But, it is a task that is
clearly
ours to do. Further, now is the right time to do it. If it
were not,
we wouldn't be moved to express in this way. What more can we ask
for? We have the power to make the dreams of many come true, not
only in
this country but throughout the world. It is time to engage the
imaginations of all and to create a reality that is conducive to the
expression
of the best that people can be. The US Army used to have a slogan
... be all that you can be. That is what we want to
encourage
and facilitate to the degree that we can in society. This slogan
evolved
a few years ago to: I am an army of ONE. This is an
interesting change in focus. I'm not sure exactly what they mean
by
this. It is not clear how individualism is conducive to creating
the
cohesion of units of military force, unless each individual is
empowered enough
to be able to fight on their own. However, this does not make a
lot of
sense to me. Then again, there are some sophisticated small
systems that
are truly empowering.
What
next? What am I moved to do next? It is
clearly time for something major to change. I'm not satisfied
with the
current life that I am living. There is a sense that I could be
doing
more ... that I should be doing more. Yet, it is not clear what
change to
make or how to make it. I'm sure that it will come to me
somehow.
It's only a matter of time. When I am ready for something new,
the
universe finds a way to come through with the necessary circumstances
to make
it so. I only have to be open and allow it to manifest.
Life has
been like that for me as far back as I can remember. I just
naturally
fell into and out of things. However, through it all there was a
sense of
going through the motions of life. I've been a loner much of this
time. To a large degree, I still am. As an extreme
introvert, this
is an easy choice for me. But, there is a desire to be more
outgoing, in
particular to find and engage in some way with kindred spirits.
There is
a lot that I would share. Though, that requires establishing
close
relationships. What I would share runs deep, to the very depths
of the soul.
I would share whom that I am with all my frailty and in all my
glory. How
much have I been able to share here? You'll have to be the judge
of
that. I have no way to determine just how deep this goes.
The only
thing I can compare it to is what I have read in books. I haven't
found
anyone to talk to about all of this. I have no sounding boards
other than
myself. Hmm ... there is a reason for that. There is a
sense that I
have grown into what I have become for a reason. Is that
rationalization again?
Perhaps, perhaps not. However, I would not be able to experience
life in
the way that I do without having lived the life that I have
lived. Every
circumstance, every event, every experience contributed to this.
Now, I'm
on the threshold of a major change once again. How can I know
that?
It is something that I just know. What is true for me personally
is
equally true for others. Our experiences have been different, but
they
have brought us to where we are, wherever that is. The result is
the life
we now live. Tomorrow is a new day. It is a time for dreams
to be
made manifest. It doesn't matter what the dream. It doesn't
matter
how big or how small the dream. With spirits help, all things are
possible ... if you believe. That is the key ... if you
believe.
As you speak,
so shall it be. Interesting.
Words have always been more powerful to me than images. In the
beginning
was the Word ... so it says in the Bible. And, everything is the
word
made flesh. So, how do we make the words expressed at Beyond
Imagination
into flesh. In one respect, capturing them electronically on the
WWW does
this. However, there is a next step. There is the step of
manifesting what the words mean in flesh. That is the more
difficult step.
Bringing the words forth is easy. The effort involved has been
that of
one person quarter time for 12 years. That's about 3 person years
of
effort. We spend more than that on some engineering studies at
work and
don't get anywhere near as much out of the work. In addition,
approximately $8000 has gone into making the Beyond Imagination works
available
to the world. That is a token amount compared to the equivalent
labor
cost. But, what good has come of this? Have we been able to
truly
help anyone else? Is the world a better place as a result of this
expression? Though, even if we have only helped ourself, it has
been
worth it. For your eyes only, only for you ... you see what
no one
else can see ... no one breaking free ... for your eyes only ... only
for you
... the love I know you needed me ... the fantasy you greeted me ...
only for
you. ... Maybe I'm an open book because I know you're mine.
But you
don't need to read between the lines. For your eyes only ... the
passions
that collide in me, wild abandoned side of me ... only for you ... for
your
eyes only. There is something about that song that haunts
me.
What is it that is for my eyes only? Can this entire expression
be of
that nature? I would hope not, but I have no clear signs that it
is
not. The few people who have bought books have not chosen to
provide
feedback. Nor do the vast majority of people who visit the Beyond
Imagination site. What does that tell me? The bottom line
seems to
be that I am not yet reaching the right people. Either that, or
the
people that I am reaching are getting what they need from the material
itself
and don't feel the need to contact me. How much of this is my
fault and
how much of this is my destiny? Interesting choice of words for a
question. We've dealt with choice versus destiny many times
before, but
fault versus destiny is a new one. What part of this stream of
consciousness expression is my responsibility? Yes, all of it
requires me
to enable it to come forth.
19 October
2004
Another
day ... it will be interesting to see what comes forth, as it always
is.
This is my refuge from the storm of the world. This is where I am
safe. This is where I find out who I truly am. How many can
say
that? How many have found such a place in their soul? How
many
connect to the spirit within on a regular basis? And, not just
when they
want something. But, for the joy of the experience of expressing
spirit
in flesh. It is not what we get from life that matters most,
rather it is
what we give. Give often and abundantly. I'm one to
speak. I
barely interact with others. Yet, I am compelled to share all
that is
expressed through me ... and share it freely. I do ask that
others share
in proportion to what they receive from Beyond Imagination. But,
that is
left for each individual to determine. It is not something that I
can
enforce. Though I suspect that spiritual law will ensure that
this
happens. Spiritual law is even more potent than natural
law. In
fact, the later is but a physical manifestation of the former.
Spiritual
law also applies to domains that naturally laws do not. But, who
ensures
that spiritual laws are obeyed? Who passes judgment and ensures
that
justice is done? I don't think that I've ever asked these
questions. It reminds me of one of the questions Kingsfield asked
in The
Paper Chase: can we have a contract with God? Now that is
an
interesting question for one whose primary form of communication is the
expression of a stream of consciousness. Where does this stream
originate
if not from spirit herself. And, is not spirit but one of
the
aspects of God? So effectively am I not contracting with God to
allow
this expression to come forth through me. I bring myself to the
computer
and open myself to the forces that be. What they do through me is
to some
degree out of my conscious control. Nonetheless, I am responsible
for all
that comes through me. Being in conscious control is not a
necessary
condition for being responsible. I've been doing this for long
enough
that this has become clear to me. It is something that I
accept.
That does not mean that it is correct or that others should accept
it. I
am long past pushing my opinions and way of life on others. I
trust that
what I am meant to be and meant to do, I will indeed be and do.
Is this
what I want? That is an interesting question. I try hard
not to
want. And, for the most part I am successful.
The communication is flowing smoothly to day. Some days are more
smooth
than others. It is good to be in the zone. Writing is one
of the
few things that gets me there on a regular basis for extended periods
of
time. It is hard to remember what life was like before this
expression. Yet two-thirds of my life did occur before the Beyond
Imagination expression began in March of 1993. It is hard enough
to
remember what I did last year, last month, or even last week. A
decade
ago is an eternity. Though, there are snapshots that come into my
mind
from time to time of places, people, things, and experiences from my
past. There is a sense that everything is there ... lurking ...
available
for immediate recall when it is needed. However, I don't seem to
have
conscious control over that recall. It seems to work on a
strictly need
to know basis. That is OK. If it worked any differently, my
mind
wouldn't be free to work in the manner that it does. Some might
like
that, others clearly would not. It forces me to live with an
element of
the unknown most of the time. That is not a problem since I love
the
unknown. However, many might find it a scary place to be.
Here, a
deep trust in consciousness clearly helps. With that trust, I
don't have
to worry about whether I'll be safe. I know that I am the Fool
Complete,
the 22 card of the Tarot. Because of this, there is always room
for one
more step ... though I may not know the direction of that step until it
is the
exact time to make it. Hmm ... curious that time would be so
relevant to
one who refuses to wear a watch. But this is an inner time not an
outer
one that we are discussing. When it is time to do something, I
will know
both what to do and when to do it. Though, typically this doesn't
come
much in advance of when the action is required.
Tiredness is starting to set in once again. I'm getting enough
sleep ...
but waking in the morning is troublesome at best, and staying awake in
the
afternoon can be quite a challenge. Here, I think the bipolar
medications
are a likely culprit. All three of them include drowsiness as a
major
side effect. At what point does the cure become more of a problem
than
the problem itself? Though, I don't see being bipolar as a
problem.
Yes, it is a condition that allows my mind to function in ways that are
outside
of what is considered to be "normal". Even with the meds, this
is so. However, it is not clear that my mind has ever functioned
"normally". I've always be a loner and outside of conventional
standards for behavior. This has been especially true since my
introduction to metaphysics in 1974. Can it really be 30 years
ago?
Wow! The time has sure passed quickly, each year seemingly more
and more
quickly, if that is possible. That seems to be part of the
process of
getting older. Each year is a smaller and smaller fraction of our
total
life span to date. Though, the fractions change by smaller and
smaller
amounts each year. 1/45 = .0222, 1/46 = .0217, 1/47 = .0213, 1/48
= .0208
etc ... Each year is approximately 2% of my life to date.
Interesting,
next year is a 213 year for me. My badge number at work is 21341.
My car decal number at work is 21359. That seems
auspicious, a
sign that something big is in store once more. Then again, that
could be
this year. I turned 46 last year, so this is actually my 47th
year.
At the very latest, 47 should be a period of time centered around my
47th birthday.
If that period is one year, it would have started 11 days
ago. The
sense that major change is on the immediate horizon is strong.
The only
question is how to get there from here. As always, we are to take
it one
step at a time. However, that says nothing about the pace.
One can
be running fast or walking slowly and still be taking one step at a
time.
At work I am in the running fast mode now. At home, I slow down
to a
snails pace except for this expression. Here we are able to move
nearly as
fast as my typing skills permit. OK, a little slower because I'm
taking
the time to read the material and correct it as necessary in real
time.
To date the corrections are limited to typos and an occasional
incorrect
word. That is one of the good things about stream of
consciousness
expression. I'm not consciously organizing the material.
But,
clearly there is an intelligence that is. This is not
gibberish. It
is not a bunch of random thoughts. There are themes that are
expressed
and there is an overall continuity. How that can be is still a
mystery
even after nearly a dozen years. That is OK. There are many
mysteries in life. They are to be cherished as precious
gifts. They
keep life interesting and full of meaning.
2 - 13 = "to the death of". Not a particularly good toast,
unless you see "death" as a major transformation of consciousness and
not the physical death that we are accustomed to. 2-13-41 is "to
the
death of"
20 October
2004
Once again we stare
into the blank
slate awaiting what consciousness would share today. We've done
this many
times before ... and in all likelihood will do it many more times in
the months
and years ahead. How can I know that? Because this is what
I
do. I engage in a stream of consciousness expression. I do
it
because I like doing it and because I am amazed by the material that
comes
through. How can that be? How can so much come forth that
surprises
me? What does that say about the nature of creative expression,
consciousness, and reality? For one thing, it says that we are
far more
capable than we ever dreamed possible. I have to believe that
what is
true for me specifically is also true for others generally. That
goes
along with a belief that others are essentially "like me" even though
I know that I am unique and different in many ways. I've worn my
differentness as a badge of distinction. But, in many respects, I
am
indeed a "stranger in a strange land" when it comes to socializing
with others. Working with others is a different matter.
But, even
then, I work best when I'm on my own. Though, lately I've seen
the
synergy that can come from working with others. Unfortunately, it
takes
special circumstances for synergy to kick in. All too often,
meetings,
especially large ones, end up being wasteful of resources.
What
next? I ask that a lot. But, I haven't
really got an answer that commits me to a course of action yet.
I'm
certain that such an answer will come. It's just a matter of
time.
In the meantime, I continue to come here to allow consciousness to
express. My hope is that in doing this something will be revealed
that I
need to know to be able to take the next step. Am I missing out
on life
in living in this way? Perhaps. But, the way that I live
allows me
to do what I do as I do it. At work, that commands the respect of
my
peers. However, for this expression, this spiritual work, I know
of few
peers. It seems that there should be more kindred spirits
attracted to
Beyond Imagination by now. After all, it has been nearly a decade
since I
went public on the WWW with all of this. Actually, it has only
been nine
years. The Beyond Imagination site was created in the Fall of
1995.
I would never have expected in 1993 that a dozen years later I would
still not
have a single person other than myself that I communicated with about
all of
this on even an irregular basis. Yet, this is still the
case.
Why? Surely there are kindred spirits out there that can relate
to this
expression and perhaps even teach me something. It is all a
matter of
sharing freely and openly. I've taken the first step. So
far it is
a unilateral step. That is OK. I did what I was moved to do
... and
I'll continue to do it so long as I am so moved. It is spirit
herself
that moves me.
How sweet
consciousness is! She is the source of all
that comes forth here. To her, I dedicate my life, because I can
think of
nothing more worthy of such dedication. The works that
consciousness does
through me are my children ... OK, our children for they are
spawned of
two parents just as human children. Though in this case one of
the
parents is not incarnate. Yes, these works are the children of my
mind,
or my spirit. They are the only children I will have in this
incarnation. That is by choice. It comes from a knowingness
that
I've had since I was a teenager. Words, that is the chief
commodity that
I deal in. Will these words ultimately have utility to anyone
other than
me? I would hope so. But, I can't guarantee it. For
your
eyes only ... that theme keeps coming up. Is all of this an
elaborate
training ground for me alone? If so, what is it preparing me
for?
What does being able to express a stream of consciousness qualify one
to do as
an occupation? How rare of a skill is it? And, how good
have I
become at it? The quantity and quality of expression over the
years
speaks for itself. I've definitely had a lot of time to
practice.
But, is this really practice ... or is it performance? Does it
really
matter? I will do what I need to do regardless and life will
unfold as it
will. Such has been my experience to date anyway. That has
been
enough for me to live my life thus far.
What about
goals? Is there nothing that I desire to
do by a specific time? At this point, no, nothing that I can
think of, at
least not in my personal life. I truly do go with the flow and
allow life
to unfold in its own manner. I trust that this is in line with
what I
need, because at some level I am attracting and creating it.
Should the
process be more conscious? Perhaps. But, at the moment I am
not
moved to make it so. Will that change sometime soon? I have
no way
to know. If it changes, it does ... if it doesn't, then it isn't
meant
to. You might say that I have an answer for everything.
But, that
is far from the truth. Some things I know and can explain.
Many
other things I believe. But there is much that I do not know and
will
never know. There is only so much time in which to learn and
grow.
Each incarnation is limited in this respect. And then, we also
need time
for our spiritual work. 987 words = 9:The Hermit, 87=78+9:The
Hermit
Exalted. This is also 888 + 99, which comes across as the
following
figure.
8
99
8
8
21 October
2004
Another busy
day. Yet, I
must find time to express once again. This stream of
consciousness
expression is as important if not more important than anything in my
life. That is why I come here so often. That is why I am
willing to
devote so many hours per week to this endeavor. This is
important.
It truly is. And, not only to me ... but, I sense it to be
important to
society as well. That one was able to express in this manner
provides an
example of what can be. Yes, I am unique. But what I do
others can
do also. What consciousness can do through one, she can do
through others
as well. While we have our limits. These do not apply
equally to
consciousness. She is beyond such. What is beyond
limitation?
That one is simple ... freedom. The freedom to be whom
that we are
and to express what we choose to express. That is the ultimate
power. That is what each of us seek at some level. Yet,
that is one
of the hardest things to find. It is difficult seeing our chains
once we
have grown accustomed to them. Though, we must see the chains if
we are
to remove them. Otherwise, we have no inkling of a need to change
anything.
The pace continues to be brisk. It would help if I could type
faster, but
I am also limited by how fast I can speak and hear the voice reading
within my
head. It might help if I knew exactly how this was being
created.
My experience is one of being a vessel and not an originator. It
seems
that the vessel has a capacity. It can only hold so much before
it is
full. Expressing allows the vessel to empty and make room for
more to
come. It seems that the source is unlimited. So long as I
am
willing to volunteer my time to write, consciousness ensures that there
is
something to say. Whether that is worth the time to read it,
you'll have
to determine for yourself and act accordingly. I can only do what
I am
moved to do. I can only say what consciousness moves me to
say.
Yet, there is a sense that this does not apply to my thinking.
While many
things that enter my mind come from consciousness, there are many other
more
mundane things which take up my time and demand my attention as
well.
That is OK. There is room for all of us. Hmm ... that was
an
interesting statement, but it does appear to be true. While I am
an
individual, I am also a plurality. This is true for each of
us.
Further, we are not just a small plurality. Each of us have far
more living
cells in our bodies than the world has people. Yet, we have no
problem
experiencing ourself as one person ... at least most of us.
Psychological
disorders can impact this. Unfortunately, we are not close to
experiencing ourselves as one human race. This results in a
myriad of
problems on multiple fronts: religious, political, environmental,
economic,
educational, societal, ... The root cause of all of these
problems is a
failure to embrace our ONENESS and to allow for diversity within that
oneness. Equality is another major issue. What does it mean
to be
equal in society? Clearly talents and abilities differ.
However,
should that result in orders of magnitude difference in
compensation?
Presently, it does. But, should it? And, who's decision is
it to
allow or not allow this? Should it be solely up to free
enterprise to
determine? Do we want the economic system to control our lives
that
much? Right now, it seems that the answer is yes, because that is
exactly
what we have created. But who determines what is fair and what is
right? We cannot count on companies to do this. Nor can we
count on
the individuals working within the bounds of corporate
structures. Then
who can we go to? Who is independent of these things? It is
not
clear that anyone is.
Speak! As you speak, so shall it be! Note that it did not
say
write, as you write, so shall it be. Nor did it say express, as
you
express, so shall it be. The specific admonition was to speak.
Perhaps it is time to rethink my days of being silent. If this
cannot be
called "speaking" then I rarely speak. Easily 95% of my
communication is written. That means speaking less than 3 minutes
per
hour or 30 minutes in an entire day. Input communication differs
from
output communication. I'm probably at about 75% written input
communication. I definitely prefer it that way because of the
electronic
record that I can file and recall as needed. Also, the electronic
record
provides a context for the communication. I don't like
transcription
overall. I am horrible at taking notes. But, I find it easy
to do
this because it is complete as it comes forth. I don't have to go
back
and fix it other than to make some minor correction on the fly in
realtime. Then why the admonition to speak? That came as
somewhat
of a surprise. But, there is a sense that speaking somehow sets
the
record straight and is more powerful than writing alone. After
all, it is
out of the vibration of the word that creation was manifest. And
the
vibration is sound ... it is speech. So, what keeps me from
speaking
out? Clearly, it is not that I have nothing to say. It
seems that
it is because I have not found the right audience to hear what I have
to
say. So, how do we change that? We believe there is such an
audience for whom this expression is designated. Further, we
believe that
we are responsible for doing whatever it takes to reach that
audience. It
is curious that we used the term we believe, speaking of
ourself in the
plural once more. But, that is what is coming forth and I have no
sense
that I am supposed to correct it. The tense is right somehow,
regardless
of whether or not I know why.
25 October
2004
Another three days
without
musing. Oh well, sometimes it's like that. Overall, we're
doing
well for the month, musing nearly everyday that I am in LA. The
weekends
have been so busy that it is tough to find time and tough to get
motivated
enough to express. The opportunity just isn't there as much as
well. That is OK. What must be expressed will be
expressed.
By definition, spirit will find a way through, one way or another.
This makes
the 16th musing for the month. At most,
I'll get one two or three more. That's not bad. I can live
with
approx two every three days. It would be great if I could find
the time
and energy to do more, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards for
this
year. We'll see what 2005 brings. The sense of anticipation
is
high. It seems that this could be a pivotal year. 25 =
"Y" = Why? Could this finally be the year that we find the
answer to that question? Indeed, this is something that I have
been
searching for since I wrote my high school valedictorian address in
1976.
Can it be that after 29 years we may finally get some answers?
Wow!
The voice inside says to be calm, and wait and see. The new year
will be
hear soon enough with whatever new energy it brings. The
character of
each year is governed by its vibrations. 2002 and 2003
corresponding to V
and W = V and VV were particular prolific for Beyond Imagination.
22 and
23 or 22 and 22:22. Hmm ... the later is my birth year in base
88.
The former is 22:00 which is my fathers birth year.
Interesting. I
don't remember enough about the expression from each year to know the
nature of
its character. The chief differences I can remember are that all
of the
publishing of books occurred in 2003 and that only Best Passages
were
selected from the 2002 musings versus the entire musings (3 volumes)
from 2003.
Following the
pattern, 26 = "Z" and 27 =
"space". That should make 2007 quite interesting. It is
the first year beyond the alphabet. Though 1998 = 1 + 9 + 9 + 8
was a
precursor, as were 1989 and 1899 and 999 before that.
Interesting, since
year 0, we have only had four "27" years. Though 2007 is it's
purest form. 1998 was a particularly transformational year for
me.
No wonder it was such a difficult transition. 28 is even more
rare,
occurring in 1999 and 2008. We've only seen it once to
date. 2009
will be the first occurrence of 29. Actually, I just noticed that
this is
not quite correct.
27 also occurred in
27, 72, 207,
270, 702, and 720
28 also occurred in 28, 82, 208, 280, 802, and 822
29 occurred in 29, 92, 209, 290, 902, and 920
That still makes them quite rare and special, especially when you
consider that
about 500-700 years passed between the fifth and sixth occurrence and
another
close to 1200 years between the sixth and seventh occurrence.
Why are
number so prominent today? This is the 25th
day of the 10th month of the 2004 year. 1025 = 41 x 25.
Now, I
know. This is a variation of 2 5 4 1 and 2 4 1 5. My
previous
address was 410 = 41 x 2 x 5, another variation of the same
pattern. Note
that these also happen to be combinations to two of the main doors that
I use
at work. No, I didn't get to choose those numbers. They
were set
years ago before I got my present job. Something about the
combinations
that unlock the doors. But, what two doors am I knocking at right
now. You shall find out soon enough. Soon enough, indeed!
The exciting
thing about the present sequence of years is
the 00 that is embedded in the middle. This is a double dose of
energy
from spirit. It has only occurred in century years in the
past. 000
only occurred in the two millennium years. What is it about such
years
that is special? And, here, we have a whole decade of such years
in a row
that we are just in the middle of. What wonders lie ahead?
What
treasures are to be uncovered? What kind of world will result
from our
collective effort in being the vehicle for spirit to express in the
world? Yes, that is what we are. We are the cells in the
body of
the collective conscious. We learn, we act, we participate, we
express,
we share whom that we are in accord with the roles that we came to
play.
The universe
has a way of speaking to me. The total
for groceries tonight came to $10.25. Yes 1025 again and within
an hour
or so of when I noticed it the first time. What is the chance of
that
being a coincidence? From my perspective, none. The meaning
is
still the same. Two locked doors that are to be opened, an inner
door and
an outer door. The combinations are 24-1-5 and 25-4-1 = XO
and
Y-41: