1 Mar 94

I'm coming close to the one year anniversary of the beginning of these notes. The initial spark came through on 5 Mar 93. It defined characteristics of a prototype community for the 21st century. What a wonderful way to begin a bold new adventure. My sense is that this prototype community already exists in spirit. It only needs to be brought forth into the consciousnesses of those in a position to manifest it physically. In my early writings from last year, I said that 1993 was the year of manifestation. My sense now is that it was a year of personal manifestation in which a core group of souls were able to manifest more fully in flesh. 1994 is the year for this core group to begin to manifest their works physically in the world. The seeds for these works will need to be planted soon for spring is on its way -- and the harvest depends on what is planted. Of course, how well the garden is tended is of equal importance as well.

I'm still working at the job that I found so difficult to bear a year ago. And, it is still difficult. But, I am bound in chains that demand a monthly income to pay the bills. Thus far, the universe hasn't taken me up on my offer to work directly for spirit in exchange for abundance. I suspect that this is primarily because I am not yet ready for the great responsibility that such a job carries. However, my intent is still clear, and I do desire such a job as soon as the time is right. I sense that it comes closer with each passing minute. Perhaps by my birthday, if such is in accord with the Plan. I have chosen to make my will subservient to Thy Will, that I may be the greatest possible instrument for carrying out whatever tasks are assigned to me in accord with the Plan. And further, I make this work the primary focus of my life and my consciousness.

We welcome such offers and choices. We have your resume and are considering in what service your abilities, talents, and awareness might best be employed. You have already been accepted as one of the Legion of Lightworkers. We know of your readiness to serve. Continue to work on achieving greater levels of awareness. You will need every possible degree you can achieve when it comes time for your destiny to be made manifest. You are right in your knowingness that this is coming soon. Unfortunately, there is nothing in your world that even begins to prepare you for the major changes that are to unfold. As they say, "you ain't seen nothing yet". Particularly appropriate for one whose primary modality is aural.

What of this sluggishness that I've been feeling for the last few weeks? My body feels very slow and massive. Molasses comes to mind. Why am I experiencing this? You're experiencing first hand the nature of density. In particular, how much slower and more sluggish the physical is compared to emotions, thought and the higher awareness of consciousness itself. Notice that as soon as you got into your head and your consciousness, the sluggishness vanished. To feel like molasses, you have to be vibrating at an appropriate frequency that corresponds to deep relaxation of the physical body. However, this deep relaxation also frees consciousness to go where it will. I also feel very sleepy in this state and seem to have no energy for physical action. True, this would be a part of this as well. But, you've taken things to an extreme once again. You don't have to stay with the slower vibrations. You can also operate from harmonics. Part of the calm is necessary for you to demonstrate peace and healing. You've chosen to find balance in your body and mind by activating this state. In particular, you are hooked on the mobility of consciousness that this state allows for you. Be careful not to overdo it. Your slowed breathing and heart rate contribute greatly to what you experience. You sense the world to be more cold and pristine. There is a connection between ice and clarity that you make in your consciousness that you remember from past times in the Himalayas. Now, as the Hermit returned to the world you are bringing parts of your world in the high monasteries back into your consciousness.

Interesting. But, what am I to do here and now? Follow you intuition, as always. Let it guide you on the path that is most appropriate for your consciousness. Trust not in others to provide you with the way -- but, search within yourself for the answers. Each moment, do that which your consciousness bids you to do, and do that for every moment that remains in your life. Consciousness will move you to exactly where you need to be. Trust in the inner portions of yourself to take care of the details of reality creation. After all, that is why they exist. Where you can, delegate. Allow the experts to do what they do best. This also frees you to do what you do best and to work on the expansion of your own consciousness.

2 Mar 94

There is a coldness in the upper third of my head, and a sensation as if cold winds were blowing through a cave with an opening between and just above my eyebrows. This has lasted for nearly a day already and has no signs of relinquishing. The temperature in the room is warm so this temperature sensation must be occuring inside my brain. My sense is that it has something to do with the ongoing spiritual changes that I am experiencing. The Hermit on top of the high peaks of the mountains comes into mind. Hmm, I think that's it. The Hermit is showing up in my life in many ways. At a very deep level of being, The Hermit is what I am. I've known it for a long time. This is also appropriate at this time because I'm coming up on a 36/9 birthday.

Watched The Fisher King last night. It was an interesting movie that brought out a lot of information about various types of mental illness. I took this as a challenge that tests some of my theories/beliefs about reality and reality creation. I have not thought about it enough to know what outcome will result. My sense is that my framework has sufficient flexibility to accommodate such behavior and experience. If it doesn't, then it should be changed or expanded as required.

4 Mar 94

Got a new addition to the family on Wednesday evening, a new Samoyed kid. At 10 months, he already weighs over 60 pounds. We've been down to one furry kid since we lost Bunnie and Huggie nearly a year ago. Gini is already attached to Bear. Foofer is not so sure yet, she was getting to enjoy being an only kid -- though, the company will be good for her as well. The first night was a bit rough however, as I didn't get much sleep. This made it difficult to stay awake and focused yesterday, but I got through it.

I sense that I'm on the verge of major changes in nearly all areas of my life. I can't see them yet, but I can feel that they are all around me, just outside of my normal senses -- but my sixth sense, and my intuition know. It will be interesting to see how and when these changes manifest. I know that many of the changes are coming in response to my specific call and demands. If only I could see a glimpse of the future. Yet, on the other hand, I need not see the future to know that I am being moved in the perfect direction to allow me to accomplish my work on this planet. The present conditions will surround me only so long as is necessary to support my growth and that of those with whom I interact. My sense is that it is time to wrap things up here and to move on to the next step in the adventure. For life is indeed an adventure, a journey through the unknown into the wilderness of spirit. It is in this wilderness where my mark in life is to be made. For, I am an explorer of consciousness, and I came to help lead the way through this wilderness so that we could finally tap source in a manner that allows individuals to manifest spirit in flesh to the greatest degree possible at this time on this planet. This is what will allow the Aquarian Age to finally come into being.

The cold spot in my third eye area continues to cause sensations throughout the top third of my head but centered strongly in the area between my eyebrows. I'm still amazed at the feeling though I've been experiencing it for over two months by now. I ask to know what it means. I know that it is a sign that particular changes are happening, and I am now curious to understand the full meaning of this sign. The intent is not to squelch it or reduce it in any way -- I simply want to be aware of what it means, especially in terms relevant to the expansion of consciousness. It feels as if there is an opening there, a hole in the front of my head that is over an inch in diameter. It's as if my third eye needed a window opened, and now it has it. It will be interesting to see what this eye can see through its new window. It's almost as if there has been a psychic operation to open this channel of information. I don't yet understand what it means, but I know the information from this channel is necessary to my way of being. It was a critical part of preparing me for the path that lies before me.

This also may explain why I wasn't able to receive the vision I asked for by the last full moon. Physically, or psychically, I may not have been ready for what I was asking. Interesting, we'll have to see what lies in store for the new and full moon this month.

7 Mar 94

There was a US Navy ship harbored in Monterey all weekend. Actually, it's still there. In five years of living in Monterey, this is only the second time this has happened. When I saw the ships number, 25, I got a strong shiver down my spine. 2 ray soul, 5 ray personality. I don't believe in coincidence. Signs like this are definitely planned. However, I haven't figured out what it really means for me either. My vision sees me leading a very different life very soon. Yet, my outer reality shows no real signs of changing in a dramatic way very quickly. My intuition tells me to trust the vision, it will be made manifest. Right now, however, it seems to be only my vision, though the universe is connected to it in a big way. However, no other human that I know, including my wife, is connected to it. I feel as if I'm on very loose ground with only consciousness to support me. That's probably as it should be. In fact, I trust consciousness to provide unconditional support at all times -- I'm in "very good hands" indeed.

Perhaps the meaning is "my ship has come in". Interesting, we'll have to see what unfolds in the coming weeks. This meaning does strike a chord in my heart. Very interesting, indeed. Now, what goods does the ship carry? What does it bring that will allow Beyond Imagination to spread its wings and begin to soar? Gold and riches would help, but, that's not enough. After all, the Vision is to change the world in a manner that allows the Aquarian Age to unfold.

Ah, perhaps the means for creating the sanctuary, step 1 in the plan, have arrived. Wow, the energies surging through me indicate that this would indeed be a wonderful surprise. And, many more such surprises are in store in the coming months and years. Only time will tell. It would be useful to have a direct tap into cosmic consciousness where one could go to find out about such things. You do have such a tap already, everyone of you does, it's just a matter of learning to use it directly. Alright, I should have known that was coming. But, how does one develop the ability to find and use this tap. Believe and ask. For each of you, the specific means that works best will be different. Follow your own intuition and guidance and you will find out exactly what is most right for you.

Colorado still calls to my soul. I know that I am supposed to be there soon so that my work may be expanded in the manner that is most proper at this time. It seems that the seeds for 1994's crop should be planted there this spring so that the harvest will be glorious this fall. I'm struggling with the specifics about how to make it so, however. Actually, about how to make anything so anymore. My energy level has been low for awhile now. I find it difficult to stay awake even during the day. I no longer know what it is that I must create vs what the universe takes care of. Further, I don't see the means for practically creating change one step at a time. It's as if the type of transformation that is required is so complete that it has little in common with present "reality". My sense is that the changes must be done in consciousness first, then be reflected appropriately in the physical. I want to work on the planning of a new society, and the infrastructures needed to allow that new society to flourish. But, whom am I and what qualifications do I have to do this? I am Wayne, a man with a Vision, the Bringer of the New Way. That is sufficient. This is my part in the play. It is why I came. I am the Hermit who comes to the world to share his wisdom when and where it is most needed. Wisdom that I have only begun to tap into. There is so much to do in the next five years, but, there are many hands to do the work. The army for change grows rapidly, and will soon have sufficient numbers in its ranks to require organization into effective units of change. These units of change will have specific tasks and assignments that benefit the greater whole. Conciousness itself guides this entire endeavor -- and because of this no detail goes unnoticed.

We're already one week into March. I've been back at work for over four months already, and there are no clear signs yet of any pending change. It's been a very productive four months for my Beyond Imagination work, even if it is slow in getting out to any audience. The pace and quality of the writing that has been allowed to flow through my consciousness have been outstanding. Writing is definitely one of the primary tasks that I am here to accomplish. I trust that the universe will either secure the intended audience or will provide the signs and instructions that I am to follow to accomplish this. Throughout my life, everything has been easy, I haven't really had to struggle very much. I've always believed that life should be this way -- that we are guided in the directions required to achieve our destiny. This doesn't mean that this is true for everyone. In fact, looking back, I think it was true for me partly by design and mainly be belief. I'm very fortunate in having chosen (or been led to choose) a powerful and empowering set of beliefs. Once again, this wasn't by accident. I was led to choose exactly what was needed to support my highest growth and enable me to gain the realization that was necessary to carry out my mission at the proper time. I believe that the sequence of events that will lead to my employment by spirit has already begun. I so desperately long to work full time directly for the universe -- preparing the way for the Dawn of the Age of Aquarius. I understand that working for the universe may be via some individual, foundation, or organization. What is important is that I am freed to do the work of spirit for which I was brought into this existence.

So, what do I see myself doing? Teaching, writing, thinking, and talking to people about the spiritual foundations for creating a new world. Developing ideas for prototypes and participating in the efforts to make them real. Connecting with others who have similar roles or position. Traveling and given talks/presentations to promote the works of Beyond Imagination.

8 Mar 94

I sit back and wait to see what will flow through my fingers onto the screen. I am an entity moved by spirit to express whom that I am. I feel as if the words that are allowed to flow through my consciousness are a large part of my contribution to the world. I have written before about everyone being employed in a manner that uses their specific skills and talents. And here I am, working for the greatest employer of them all, consciousness itself. I write because I am moved to write, not for the immediate pay that it gives to me in dollars, but for the pay I get in the satisfaction and pleasure of expressing oneself creatively. This feeling doesn't come from any other work or any other activities, at least not for me. At a deep level, I know that this is my real job. At the very least, it is one of the main things that I am here to do. And, it's not just writing. The metaphysics or spirituality is the critical factor. I am a priest or monk on some level, or I have been in the past. Now, I choose to express spirituality more directly without the trappings, rituals, and dogma. I am also the hermit, existing in a world that is very much like a cave. My focus is wisdom, enlightenment, and spiritual awakening. I bring my knowledge and wisdom to the world to help prepare the way for the Aquarian Age. Why? Simply because it is the task that is most suited my soul's desire for expression, and because I had the proper qualifications to create this role. Interesting that the choice of words was "create" rather than "play". Interesting indeed.

What more will you write? Only what is needed to be said at this time. Your sense of the timing for changes is right on. Much will occur in the next 4-5 years. There is a grand drama that is unfolding. It will cause much turmoil across the land and throughout your world. You might say that things will be shaken up quite a bit. However, without this turmoil, the stagnation and inertia cannot be overcome. The basic shape of things is OK enough that most people are happy overall with the current state of affairs. Some problems are starting to get attention, but there is not enough turmoil to alarm people enough to where they are motivated to change themselves and to demand change from their government and service institutions. As the drama plays itself out, this will change and the world will be ready to test out some new ideas in the process of finding a better way for all to live. Have faith. The ideas that are being fed to you and through you will see the light of day. They will be made manifest soon enough. Know that nothing can stop an idea whose time has come. You're just a little bit early, that's all. Regardless, there is nothing stopping you from doing whatever it takes to express some of the ideas in flesh to whatever degree is practical at this time. The more this is done, the quicker will be the expression when the time indeed becomes ripe.

Trust your intuition and inner knowingness. They will not lead you astray. That is, at least not very far astray. You are allowed to reason and use your conscious mind to provide some balance. Further, while you have faith, also pay attention to the feedback coming to you from the universe. However, don't pay too much attention to the feedback -- some of it may be coming from prior actions and beliefs that don't necessarily reflect your present state of mind. Physical reality can be sluggish in responding to changes in beliefs, after all.

There is a greater reality that lies just outside the dimensions of this one. You might say that it is a parallel reality that tracks this one. In this parallel reality, much construction is underway. The infrastructure is being built that allows for a completely new way of living. As we speak, this infrastructure nears completion. It is built upon the best ideas for improvement that beings in this reality have dreamt, unfettered by the restrictions of politics or lack of foresight. For many years, consciousness has listened to all who cared to dream of a better world. If one acted to try to make it so, so much the better, for the force of the vision was multiplied by the number to whom it was transmitted. The is a place in which all of these visions are being realized. At some point this place will become HERE and NOW. In an instant, the world can be transformed, such is the power of consciousness over creation. However, it will only be transformed in the right moment, when the lessons to be learned from the current here and now are completed.

Similarly, there is a greater reality for each individual that lies just outside the dimensions of this one. In this parallel reality, changes are manifest as soon as the beliefs in this reality change. Then, the process of physical reality creation is engaged to make the changes real in this world. Beliefs are the key. As soon as they are changed, the forces of manifestation are unleashed. In the individual's case, however, the changes are limited to the individual's dreams of what can be.

9 Mar 94

Wow. I have this incredible feeling that I'm hanging way out on a limb. I have these castles I have created concerning the very nature of reality itself, and my whole world hangs on the faith in these metaphysical foundations. In a sense, I am risking all that I am on a set of beliefs that have yet to achieve any physical grounding. This is what my life has come to -- standing at the edge of the abyss, and carrying on full speed with my tasks anyway. It's very interesting that it has come to this. The bottom line is faith. Do I trust in my spirit enough to follow my subconscious and intuition wherever they lead? Yet, I don't see other viable choices. My conscious mind and reason offer no alternative. I am a man with a mission and a destiny that I know comes from spirit. Further, this is all that I truly know for certain. I must live as I believe, and I must believe that life has great purpose -- hence, I have great purpose. It matters not if any others see why I believe and do as I do. It is enough that consciousness bears witness to my actions and motives. Yes, I know that I am on the very edge of sanity. There is a very fine line between genius and mental illness. But, I have no sense that I am ill. Yes, my thoughts come across as strange to most. But, it is not my task to convey my message to most. If it were, the words flowing through would be quite different. Yet, I sense that these words are to move some, a select few who are ready to see these thoughts expressed in this manner and who will understand them enough to be moved to act in a different way than they have before, encouraged that there is at least one who has gone before and walked the straight and narrow path -- albeit with blindfolded eyes, moving only as directed by intuition and inner guidance.

I still sense that massive change is underway, and that it will break through into physical reality at any moment with a force that cannot be denied. I'm ready to ride the wave of change wherever it may lead. I know that there is a higher force, consciousness itself, guiding everything. Further, I know that it is time to begin the true work that I came to this planet to do. Actually, I have already begun this work. It is time for the conditions to be made more optimal in line with my choices and actions of the past year. Consciousness knows me well enough by now to know what would constitute optimal conditions. I prefer to focus on bringing forth whatever parts of the Vision that my own consciousness is given access to and is capable of bringing forth into words. My gift is an ability to bring forth words from consciousness. Actually, what I bring forth is sound vibrations that get translated into words. I have asked to be allowed to see, but my sense is that this is not necessarily in the cards. I can intuitively appreciate the beauty of the visual sense, but my primary modality is aural/feeling. It always has been, and it will continue to be so as long as is necessary for me to have the focus that allows my work to be done in the manner that is best for its accomplishment. A line came into my head "argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours" from Richand Bach, Illusions. What part do we have to play in overcoming or sustaining our illusions of limitation? Interesting that I should entertain this thought at this very moment. The writing has always been a gift and a strength. Does it really arise from a limitation? If so, if the limitation were to now go away, would the gift be lost as well? My sense is that the limitation has outlived it's utility. The ability is developed and cannot be taken away. Hmm, then I am free to truly see what I have never seen before. So be it. I choose to operate fully with all of my faculties and senses. May the blindfolds be removed in a manner that is most in accord with the Plan. The coming new moon might be the appropriate time.

10 Mar 94

I've been thinking about when my new job for the universe might begin. Then, I realized that thus far I have only applied. My work over the past year, and my whole life to this point are my resume. It is not up to me to decide when I am ready to do my true work, it is up to the universe or consciousness itself. I've been warned about being far too arrogant before, by at least a couple of people. Perhaps a bit of humility is called for. I believe that I volunteered to come here for a specific purpose and role that involves preparing the world for the transition to the Aquarian Age. Metaphysics has been my one true joy and Love throughout the past 20 years, it is what I am meant to do -- yes, what I am designed to do. My entire life has prepared me for a specific destiny, a part that I am meant to play to change the world as we know it. I realize this, I know it to the very core of my being. Actually, we are meant to play this role. I only carried the body, mind, and spirit to this point of awareness. My sense is that others must join to carry this further. I was in error in thinking that these others were to be physical beings. My sense now is that these others are to combine with me in the next series of spiritual awakenings and transformations that are to unfold. Together, we will be able to transform the planet. There will be others as well, but they too will be other expressions of we -- individuals who have gone through the equivalent of the same series of changes and joinings.

Wow, this definitely changes the picture a bit. I still feel drawn to Colorado, in particular to the area around Estes Park -- it is God's country after all. Also, the title Philosopher King keeps cropping up into my head. That is really the job for which I am preparing and applying. Four years ago, when I wrote "Philosopher King in Training" on my book bag for Anthony Robbin's Certification Training, I didn't fully realize how much truth was in that statement. The next question is "when do I graduate from training into the position?". The answers that come are when you are ready, and when the time is right. Of course.

Don't push things. Allow the sequence of events to flow in its natural order. The changes will happen soon enough. Focus on integrating everything that you are experiencing in a physical manner. Avoid too much flying in consciousness, just for awhile. Ground as much of the energies flowing through you as you can. Make it physical. Literally, do whatever it takes to make it physical. The goal is spirit enfleshed to the greatest degree possible. With each awakening, the tendency is going to be to want to soar. However, it is important that you experience all of the levels as integrated -- this especially includes the physical.

The world is about to go through revolutionary change. Evolution simply doesn't move fast enough. This will be experienced dramatically, and tramatically -- but, it must be experienced for the shift of consciousness to occur that allows the Aquarian Age to manifest. Remove yourself from the turmoil to be, and await another time to come shortly after. It won't take long for the populations of the world to demand a new order. This time, they will accept one that is revealed by spirit. And, the appropriate souls will indeed be brought together to create this order. We are not used to having things done right in this world. It is time for a shift so that right is the expected manner in which things are done.

Rereading the above. I may have graduated already. Firsthand, I don't know what consciousness does with the ideas that I am able to express. Once ideas are able to be expressed physically, they become part of the collective consciousness, where they are accessable by all of like mind who are able to tune into the meaning of these ideas. Physical transmission of the media is helpful, but is not required for those who are tapped into source. Consciousness naturally directs the appropriate information to the attention whenever it is needed. Remember, the universe naturally works through great cooperation. It is only at the surface of things that choice about cooperation is allowed to provide a challenging environment for experience and growth.

It would be useful to become more aware of how consciousness works outside of the bounds of the dimensions of physical reality. Thus far, my awareness has been basically locked within these bounds. However, there is no reason that I could not be made aware of the underlying mechanism by which consciousness works. The answer that flashes in my mind is that in these matters, consciousness operates on a strict "need to know" basis. Whenever anyone needs and is ready to know something, that which they need to know will become available to them. One way that one demonstrates the need to know is by asking the right questions for the right reasons.

11 Mar 94

Was up until after 3:00am talking to Edwin. Our discussion clarified a lot of things and provided another wonderful opportunity to learn how to relate my ideas to another being in a one-on-one setting. Speaking is a different process than writing. In speaking, one has immediate feedback on how the audience is receiving the communication, especially in one-on-one situations. The challenge becomes to read the energy flow and to do what it takes to enhance that flow as much as possible given the states of the participants. My sense for a school is that the focus of teaching (for me anyway) should take place in a one- on-one or one-on-few settings. There may also be occasions for one-on-many passing of information such as in Anthony Robbins and Stuart Wilde's seminars, but I'd prefer to focus on teaching the teachers and allow the more outgoing types to teach the larger groups.

As I sit here, a renewed energy flows through my upper body. It tingles and feels somewhat cold as it passes through different parts of the body. As is often the case now, I don't know what it is -- I only know that I sense what I sense. The sensations are real and in many cases are new to my experience. It does not matter to me whether there is any visible real world cause or correspondence with the sensations. My reality is whatever I experience. It does not matter that my illusion doesn't agree with the commonly accepted one. The key is that it's all illusion so the only thing one can truly trust is one's intuition. The idea that there's safety in numbers keeps most people within the common mass reality. Stuart Wilde has a concept of "fringe dwellers" who operate on the edges of the mass consciousness. If you are reading this, you probably qualify as one of these, or at the very least are ready to investigate the fringes. As you've probably noted by now, I don't restrict myself to mainstream reality. In fact, I tend to stay away from it as much as I can. There is no attraction in it for me. I prefer to allow my consciousness to soar as far as I can take it. Further, my basic nature is that of a Hermit. I enjoy some interaction with people, but more than a little is definitely too much. Interesting that my primary mode of action is through the expression and communication of ideas. Yet, writing allows this to be done without ever seeing or interacting with much of the audience. Teaching will be a new phase of expression for me, though the few attempts I've had at it in the past have been both enjoyable and successful. The is a sheer joy in passing on ideas that I love and am passionate about to others, and observing the process of the ideas catching on fire in others.

I haven't had any inputs from some of my advisors lately. It would be interesting to see what they have to say. Well, how about it? What's going on?

Interesting that you ask for our advice at this time. We were about to offer it to you anyway. You are way out on a limb. So much so, that we were amazed at your display of balance. Much that you are going through now is a test to assess exactly what you are ready for. The Plan is constantly being adjusted to reflect your state of awareness. You've moved so fast that some events that had been planned could be avoided altogether. Trust that with every realization you get closer to the circumstances that allow the realization of your destiny. Continue to take action guided by your intuition, observe the reality that results, and interpret what it all means. Focus on creating the high level constructs that allow you to understand and make sense of the reality your experience. It is important that you continue to allow both the visible and invisible to have equal weight in your models. If anything, you tend to go a bit overboard in your reliance on the invisible. Thus far, it is within acceptable limits. However, watch that you don't let it go too far. You are right in your assessment that maybe you spend a bit too much time soaring. Staying grounded is a key to enfleshing spirit. Spirit by it's very nature knows how to soar. Though there is great therapeutic value in soaring within the flesh as well.

So, you really want to be a Philosopher King, don't you? Yes, with all my heart and soul. And, further, you believe this is what you came to this planet to be? Yes, there's no doubt about it. Also, you believe you are ready now? Yes, definitely yes.

Then, so be it. Create that which you would be. Make it so, now!

But, you say. How can I make it so? The answer is by being completely congruent with that which you desire to be. What prevents you from being what you would become? Is it a contract you are looking for? What gives weight and force to your ideas? Is it an official blessing of some type? If you would be a Philosopher King, then be one -- and do so now, claim the mantle of authority and power which only spirit can bestow upon you. Be bold and take the initiative to do what you are on this planet to do. Don't wait for the offer to come to you -- for, it is already in your consciousness. Take the bull by the horns and run with in. You have to take the job and start doing it before the paychecks ever come. That was true for your present work, why would it be different for spiritual work? Yes, the standard pay for spiritual work is abundance. To some degree, you have already started to do the spiritual work out of sheer love for doing it. However, that was volunteer work. It didn't come from a standpoint of having accepted a specific position and working to achieve the specific tasks assigned to the position. For your job as Philosopher King, we suggest you get a job definition and task descriptions from your intuition soon. Make sure you are doing what the job requires to be done. We know that you have not experienced this in jobs before, but consciousness works differently -- much more efficiently and elegantly than you have ever experienced. Consciousness is always clear and direct about what is required. However, you have complete freedom in how the job gets done.

15 Mar 94

Met someone else who was bipolar yesterday. It was interesting talking to him about the side effects of body chemistry imbalances. Some of our side effects were similar, others were quite different. Further, our basic frameworks and understandings of the world were quite different. He had not yet begun to really think about what his experiences meant in terms of the larger picture about the nature of reality and of consciousness itself. It's interesting how this particular focus so completely impacts my entire experience of reality. I look for the deeper meaning behind everything. Further, I am constantly watching for experiences that stretch my understanding. I know that my knowledge is still very limited. Also, I know that the models and analogies that I've come up with are only first attempts at explaining the nature of consciousness. But, at least it's a start. These structures can always change and evolve over time as necessary to better reflect reality and truth. The idea is to stay open and flexible. Use what works, to whatever degree is beneficial.

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I've been thinking a lot about what is involved in being a philosopher king. Numerologically, philosopher breaks down to 33|36 = 69 and king vibrates to 23, the equivalent of Wayne. Added together they make 92/11. Nine is the Hermit and two the vibration of Love/Wisdom. My sense is that the major responsibility of the job is to bring forth the Vision of how society must be to function harmoniously, peacefully, and elegantly. This includes consideration of the rights, needs, and responsibilities of all individuals in the society.

We don't typically think of philosophers as necessarily doing things. However, kings are entrusted with the authority and power to rule. Combining the two yields a leader with the wisdom to use power for the greatest benefit of all. Above all else, a philosopher king must be fully grounded in spirit so that there is not even the slightest potential for abuse of power. Further, the philosopher king must demonstrate selfless service and concern for the society as a whole. It is not in the specific acts of service to individuals that this is measured, but in the capacity and drive to think from the highest perspective looking for those constructs and organizational principles that enable the whole society to function better. Yes, each individual counts. However, there is also a more global view that sees the interconnections between things and the overall functioning and working of things. The philosopher king needs to be a master at identifying and deciding what resources and how much resources should be applied to what problems and what tasks. Further, these decisions must be made without bias. Mastery of philosophy is required because it is ideas that form the basis of society and all that is manifest in the world. The "lover of wisdom" is best suited to ensure that this basis is the best that it can possibly be. Kingship is required to ensure that the authority is there to bring these ideas down to earth in an effective and practical way. Ideas alone are not enough. It takes resources to make things so in this world. Combining the philosopher and king in one person allows change based on wisdom to be manifest in the most timely manner.

It is expected that the philosopher king will be surrounded by a set of ministers that have particular expertise in the areas of their ministry. At this time, it is not yet clear what ministers are required. It is anticipated that they will number 12 however. The philosopher kings should have areas of jurisdiction. It is not clear that there should be a philosopher king governing something as large as the whole country or at the highest level the whole world. However, this may be a problem with my understanding of things, not that there is necessarily anything wrong with having such leaders at these levels. If they were to exist, however, the positions should be filled based solely on ability and merit. We are establishing a spiritual hierarchy after all. The greatest spirits on the planet should be filling those positions that require the greatest amount of spirit for the successful execution of their duties and responsibilities.

Some of the ministers that might be important are Education, Justice, Employment, Economy, Services, Administration, Resources, Research & Technology, Spiritual Development.

17 Mar 94

King of Pentacles(65)...............VI of Pentacles(74)

.................Ace of Pentacles(69)

..................KING OF CUPS(37)....(Look to 38 inside)

...............Page of Pentacles(68) X of Wands(36).........................V of Swords(59)

This was the outcome of my first above below reading. I got the pattern for it from my ring. The center point is the diamond. The two points above and below it the rubies and the two sets of points near each ruby, the emerald eyes of each dragon.

The King of Cups is the king of Commerce and Wisdom. 65/11 and 74/11 are both master numbers. Further, 74 is the benefactor, my destiny number. 68 is the expanded number corresponding to my first name. It's interesting that it shows up in this particular position. Also it is interesting the over half of the cards are pentacles. Out from the King of Cups in the center we have two cards that are only one position apart. The Ace of Pentacles deals with the idea that the universal consciousness is always there for those who reach for it. This is what I've been doing for over a year now. Actually, all my life. I've been reaching for universal consciousness. My sense is that I got the reading a bit off. There should be another card co-ruling the center, and she should be the QUEEN OF CUPS. The 37/1 vibration must be joined by the 38/11 vibration, VISION, to fully manifest all that is possible. Actually, it is not so much a joining as a looking to it within. The 37 King must be guided by the 38 subconscious within him. It is the intuition and vision that comes from within that must be respected and treated as a Queen. It is not something to be found in another. Each Self must be complete unto itself. Such is what self-realization is all about. Also of great importance is the fact that 59 is inspired by the concept of the Aquarian Age.

It's also interesting that the King of Cups doubled = 37 x 2 = 74/11, the Benefactor.

There are too many things that are directly relevant to me for this to be a coincidence. This is the clear reading that I was destined to get as soon as I trusted my intuition to tell me what pattern of cards I needed for a "LIFE" reading. The specific positions of various cards verified that I was on to something very significant and important to my life.

I've been looking to Tarot readings to provide a means for my subconscious to speak to me. After several months, I'm starting to learn enough to really interpret what the symbols mean, not only in isolation but in connection to one another as well. In many respects, I still feel like I'm in kindergarten -- yet, I know that I am getting pieces of connected information that are of value. As with anything, one gets better with practice. Here, we are building the equivalent of muscles in our brains that can handle particular types of information. In general, this information is very subtle and hidden. So much so, that most people are not even aware of it.

Open your awareness. Use all of the channels that you have available to you. Trust that the consciousness that forms and sustains you is also capable of ordering the stimuli and information inputs with which you are meant to deal. Remember that what is going on from a higher perspective is that you are being programmed to enable you to carry out your purpose. You are not doing the programming, you are experiencing it. This is a major difference! This applies to you, but not necessarily to all others. You first must reach a point where you cooperate and allow spirit to do the programming. Until a person is sufficiently awakened, there is no input channel through which this programming can take place on a spiritual level. Until the individual is willing to resign his will to the universal will or consciousness, then little can be achieved. Spirit doesn't force its way in, it patiently waits until it is invited.

21 Mar 94

Feeling very much like a hermit in a cave. My cubicle at work is now decorated with various Tarot reading layouts. I'm in the midst of uncovering something important ... of achieving a greater realization. It could come tomorrow, or in ten days, ten months, or ten years. I'm struggling to find out what parts of reality I have an impact on versus what parts I don't. This is not an easy task. I'm amazed that there aren't more signposts left by other explorers who have ventured into the wilderness of consciousness. Then again, there may not have been sufficient understanding to venture forth very far into these unknown dimensions. Yet, I cannot be the only one who has felt like this, and has had these realizations. There must be others, and they too must be looking for friends and fellow companions to share their experiences with. Knowledge must be either applied or passed on to others for it to be of true and lasting value. There must be a way to get what I know and have experienced out to others who could benefit from what I have to share. There simply must be a way.

Further, I am an explorer of consciousness, breaking through into domains from which I can return a vision of what life is to be, and, in particular, what society or community is to be in the Aquarian Age. How do I know any of this is true? I only know what my heart tells me is true, that the dawn of a new age is very near ... and there is much to do to prepare. In this new age, the key difference will be that spirit is more fully expressed in flesh. How this is to be accomplished is part of why I and other wayshowers are here at this time. All of us with this specific task are undergoing spiritual awakenings firsthand at an accelerated pace to experience what will be required. I imagine that my fellow wayshowers are also finding themselves at the very edge between sanity and insanity. It seems that consciousness is pushing us to the very limits that we are able to bear.

I'm also feeling very much like the Hanged Man. I see the world differently than everybody else that I've met. If I turn my perception around, I can see all the traps and limitations as well, but I prefer to see things from a spiritual perspective and see that we are all creating our own reality through our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. What I lack, however, is a position of power that allows me to create what I would prefer. You see, it's not so easy creating through one's beliefs. I can't just believe there's a stack of $1,000 bills in my hand and make it so. There appear to be rules of the game that cannot be violated so easily. Now, special souls such as Christ had no problem with this. But, us ordinary folk don't typically come with such powers. Then again, this could simply be a faulty belief on my part. However, I imagine it is more an issue of maintaining balance in this illusion that is our reality.

Once again, there is a sense of being on hold, waiting for the next major scene in the Play to manifest. Sometimes, I feel I am on the remote sidelines. Yet, at other times, I sense that I am on the forefront of consciousness playing a seemingly small and isolated role that will ultimately have great world impact. Why am I so different from any others. Simply because of where I have chosen to focus my consciousness all these years. Each revelation gives me further evidence that indeed I am fulfilling a role that I chose before my birth. This was not my choice alone, for many will be involved before my path is completed. All that has happened and that will happen was planned out in advance. We are in the process of creating in accord with that plan now. Further, our small plans were also aligned to a larger Plan that consciousness developed for the times. This includes the transition from one age to another. Many special souls incarnated to be here for this momentous occasion.

One major thing different about our times is the rapidity in which information can be recorded and distributed. Yet, here I am producing page after page of material and not having an outlet to get the material into the hands of those who would benefit from it. I can make copies ... but to whom am I going to give them? Interesting, isn't it. With all of our technology, we haven't even begun to address how to deal with original information and make it available to those who need it. My sense is that consciousness itself will have to take care of this. One method is by allowing those tapped into the universal consciousness to access this information when they are ready for it and have a need to know. The second method is for consciousness to tell me through my intuition what, if any, actions I must take to get the material out. Personally, I have no sense of the timing as to when the information that is being generated through me will be needed. I trust fully that it will get where it needs to go when it needs to be there. I am a channel through which consciousness does it's works. Yes, it is my ability and talents that are being used, but I am an instrument in many respects. My consciousness tunes into a wavelength or sound, and I write what I hear and sense. However, the difference is only subtle between riding with the flow of the consciousness that I am, and the consciousness that I AM. The same circuits and mechanisms are used. The music that comes out is a bit different, though the difference is difficult to describe. You've seen many of the changes over the course of a few months of these notes. Sometimes the difference is quite obvious, as if a different person were speaking.

I don't really have anything earthshaking to say. I'm feeling much more grounded and awaiting the changes that lie in store between now and my birthday on April 8. My sense is that something wonderful will happen soon. All the signs point to major changes on all fronts. Yet, there appears to be nothing that I can do to either prepare for the changes, facilitate them, or heaven forbid keep them from coming. The Wheel of Fortune is spinning, and the fate selected will be in accord with the Plan. I trust that my inner Self is busy laying down the specifics of what will be manifest. However, I cannot allow my will to intercede in this matter. It is THE WILL that is deciding the course of events now, and I gladly go wherever it chooses to take me. This is easy to do, for I know that consciousness is aware of my every thought, wish, desire, and need and is bringing unto me exactly what I need at this time in my life to achieve my purpose and destiny. Yes, with all my Heart and Soul, I know that I have a unique purpose that I came to this planet at this time to achieve. Further, I know that it will soon be time to activate all that I AM in a manner that facilitates achieving this purpose. The time is NOW. It has finally arrived. I AM HERE and NOW. Indeed, I AM. So be it!

22 Mar 94

Now that Spring is here, it's time to think about what to plant. What gets sown now will be reaped in the fall. My cards say that I have much to do this Autumn and will be riding furiously against the wind with my outstretched sword cutting the true from the false. That doesn't leave a lot of time to prepare. The Knight of Swords card is not among my favorites, yet I sense I am soon to have an intimate relationship with the fate that it brings. It's interesting that my intuition has not yet given me an Aha with respect to the meaning of this card. But such is life, we are given knowingness when we are ready and when we have a true need to know. Information is freely available through cosmic consciousness to all who and ready and need to know. As with security in this country, there is an even greater security within consciousness that prevents those who would misuse particular knowledge from gaining access to that knowledge.

Yet, abuses are allowed to occur, as well, in the course of the play. From this, lessons are learned about what constitutes right behavior and right action and further that we are fully responsible for all that we do. In some cases, these lessons result in mass destruction and much suffering. It is important that we learn the truth from these episodes of darkness and take appropriate action now to repeat these events.

Personally, I'm in a position of not being sure of what to plant. I don't even know where I'll be in the fall. Maybe I'll still be here. Maybe not. Because I've subjected my will to Thy Will, I don't have any specific personal desires important enough to have them addressed. I believe the basic seeds for Beyond Imagination have already been planted. To be more correct, the seeds have been generated. Aha, NOW is the time to plant the seeds. I was looking for fruit all through the Winter as I was completing one writing after another. The past fall brought fruit in the form of spiritual awakenings that continued on into the Winter months. The seeds planted a year ago were seeds of a consciousness wishing to know more and express more of itself. The words flowed fully in Nov, Dec, and Jan resulting in a body of works that define much of what Beyond Imagination is all about. Thus far, portions of these works have been distributed to as many as 20 people, with little or no feedback.

But now, comes Spring and minds will be open to receive the message that I have to tell, and the Vision that I wish to bring forth that it may be made manifest on Earth. These are ideas whose time has come. The Aquarian Age stands ever before us, awaiting us to adjust our sight and look in its direction. It's up to the wayshowers to find the way and to assist others to follow in their footsteps. It makes it tough when one does not even know what one is looking for. But, consciousness guides our way, as it does for all those who seek the Light. Illusion and bondage have served their purpose long enough. It is time to unleash the bonds and break the chains.

Surely, there are others who feel as strongly as I do about this. Then again, I chose to be a wayshower. Much that I have come to know has been via solitary study of numerous books and through making connections between the ideas from those books and my own conceptions of reality for a period of over two decades. There may not be many others who have chosen this activity to occupy their free time for so long. You get what you focus upon. Perhaps some of my insights have never been experienced by humankind before. It is amazing how little information is required to be an expert at something. Much of our knowledge is very shallow. Even in areas where we appear to have knowledge, typically we do not know the basic assumptions upon which that knowledge is founded.

Back to what must be planted this spring. This is the year in which Beyond Imagination is to blossom, grow, and begin to bear fruit. I envision that tending to this will soon be a fulltime job -- not only for me, but for others as well. I ask that the material abundance be provided to allow this to be so in a manner consistent with the higher purposes of all those who are to be involved.

You come intending to make an offering to spirit. In fact, you offer the greatest gift that you could ever give, your very Self. We are honored that you have learned you lessons so well in the course of the past year. Your service to consciousness in accord with the Plan has already begun. As you'll recall, you are already one among the order of Lightworkers. As to your specific position, it will be decided in the days to come. We said days, not weeks or years. You do indeed have a role to play and the details are being worked out, as we speak, to manifest that role. We are aware of the timing of your birthday, and much will change by then, at least in consciousness, if not also in the physical. You've trusted your intuition to get your through at times when others would call you crazy. You've provided proof of your belief and your resolve to do what you came to this planet to do. The celebration and the challenge await, for you are never given a position without being given a corresponding challenge. We can't make life too easy after all, now can we?

23 Mar 93

More insights with the Tarot cards. I broke out BEYOND IMAGINATION into its constituent numbers and was somewhat amazed by the results. There is tremendous power behind that name. It was definitely revealed to me for a specific reason. One needs to be flexible when looking for hidden meaning. Beyond = Be "Y" on "D". Imagination = Image I Nation = Image ONE Nation. Subtle distinctions can make all the difference in getting the true meaning. The true meaning is the one that is most aligned with the heart and intuition. There is something refreshing and invigorating about employing one's full resources on these types of problems and puzzles. New circuits, connections, and realizations are made at a rapid rate. The conscious mind, however, is forced to operate in the background a bit, though it has an important role in making a sanity check and insuring that the intuition doesn't go to far off the deep end. Sometimes things can be a bit tricky. The connections being made have meaning relevant not only to my future but that of the country and the world as well. Further, there is no historical precedence of which I am aware for believing much that I believe. You could say that to a very great degree, faith and beliefs are my foundation. For me, this makes it a very firm foundation indeed. Others do not have my experience in these matters, so it appears that the ground is shaky and the grasp on reality is at best loose, if indeed it has not been lost altogether.

This puts me in somewhat of a difficult position. I write, yet, to many my writings are but the musings of a crazy man. However, I know that I am in full charge of my faculties. Yes, my writings are extreme. I'll be the first to admit that. But, that alone does not make them wrong. Further, much of what I say may never be proved or disproved. This does not mean that we cannot take a position and express it with full faith. Whether we do so or not should depend completely on the utility of the position not on any arbitrary judgement as to whether the position agrees with convention. The bottom line is much that we are taught has no firm foundation in truth. All of us live our lives on foundations of beliefs. The fact that millions of people have accepted something as true does not make it so. We live in a "house of cards" so to speak. Each of us have fabricated and arranged our houses in a manner and order that are unique to us. Philosophers and scientists have tried to uncover various truths, but this is a very elusive task. In particular, when it comes to matters of how we relate and interact with each other socially -- the very basis of our civilization, at most what we have is theory; and very weak theory at that.

In addition, when it comes to the nature of our own consciousness, even at the highest levels of education, our training is somewhat minimal if not altogether absent. This is a deplorable state of affairs. "Know Thyself!" has been the key directive of education since at the very least the time of the ancient Greeks. How is it that over 2000 years later, we still have such limited knowledge of ourselves? It doesn't make any sense. Maybe it was so obvious that most people didn't see that this was the key. Further, maybe it was not in the best interest of those who were in power to allow people to act in accord with this directive. Surely, our education system was not designed with this in mind. Unless it has changed dramatically since I was in school in the mid 60s- mid 80s, the education system does almost nothing to teach us about who and what we are. Nearly everything that I've learned in this area came through self-study outside of any educational institutions. I've also had a few seminars, but these too were conducted outside of any educational institutions. Something is very wrong about this. Yet, I don't hear many people complaining. Yes, we do hear many complaining that the quality of education has been going down and we need to restore it to where it was before. But, I'm saying that since it's very inception in this country, education has been lacking most in the area in which it should be most attentive. Part of the problem is that few people can even begin to intelligently converse about what it means to "know thyself". This includes educators. The job that has been defined for them does not address this key task. This has to change, and change soon.

Bad news today from home. It appears that my dog Foofer, has had a second incidence of something malfunctioning in her body causing her eye to go blind. There is still some chance of saving some of the vision, but there is not a lot of hope. The first occurance happened about a year ago. It will be interesting to see how she transitions to life as a blind dog, especially considering that this is so sudden. We're committed to do what it takes to give her all the love and care that she needs. We've had her for nearly six years. On a deeper level, I'm trying to understand what this means. Our animals are a reflection of us. They take on conditions to reflect information back to us about ourselves and to teach us things we need to learn. My sense is that losing the first eye was a sign that we are to operate from one eye, namely our third eye, the center of our intuition. Loosing a second eye is a bit more troubling, seeming to indicate that we need to operate on blind faith in the universe itself. Wow, what a powerful lesson. But, did an animal have to suffer to provide that lesson. Actually, what right have I to judge or label the experience as suffering. I don't know what Foofer experiences. I don't know how she'll respond to her new circumstances. However, from what I have seen, animals are great at adapting to whatever fate they are dealt and finding a way to enjoy life and be happy. Part of the problem is projecting my feeling about what it would be like to lose my sight onto her. However, we operate in different worlds. I'd like to think that animals also have some part in creating their own reality. So, events happen on many levels.

Extending this further, I don't really know what anyone else experiences. Because others look basically like us and are part of the same species, we assume that there is a common basis about how we experience reality. But really, what evidence do we have to even suggest that this is so. In my own case, I know so little about anyone else, including my wife, that I literally have nothing on which to base such a conclusion. Because I have no knowledge of anyone else's experience in this area, I have no reason to assume that they have any more evidence than I do. It's interesting. We can get along with others and go about our day-to-day business with very little actual information about what is going on inside their heads. In some cases we can deduce some things from how people respond to specific events and situations, but overall, this is a very limited knowledge about an individual. In my own case, I've been married for over six years, yet the model of my wife that I have in my mind -- about who my wife is and how she operates is at best a characature of the woman that she is.

What makes me believe all this? Primarily it is a basic trust that I have in my ability to know the truth when I see it. Actually, in my case it is usually hear it. Even when I read something, I hear a voice in my head. It's as if there is something about the vibration itself that is sufficient to confirm its veracity. Further, for major truths, I get a strong shiver down the back of my spine. It's been there as long as I can remember being concerned about truth. In addition, I know that my task is to bring a Vision forth and help to make it manifest into the world. All of my special abilities were specifically selected to enable me to fulfill this purpose. The specific timing has yet to be revealed, but the spiritual transformations and awakenings that I have been experiencing over the past year are a strong sign that the time is close, if indeed it has not already arrived. Remember, I know nothing about others and their tasks or purposes. This has not been revealed to me. It is not clear that I have a need to know. Further, I don't even know whether the techniques that I have used on my quest to know myself would have the same utility and meaningfulness to others. My brain has been programmed in a very unique way and was designed specifically to be programmed in this manner. Others have their own paths. Some paths are solitary trails through the wilderness, others are superhighways between major cities. Further, there is a full spectrum of choices in between. Each person must select the path that is most appropriate for their nature and the tasks they are here to do. Yes, I believe that each person came to fulfill a particular task or set of tasks. At least this is true now, since we are so close to the Dawn of the Aquarian Age.

28 Mar 94

Rather than write tonight, I choose to focus on interpreting Tarot cards. They have become a source of information for filling in the puzzle of our existence. For much of the past week, I have felt like I'm in the midst of a world that is nothing more than a game of symbols. My sense is that if I could unlock what the symbols mean, I will have mastered the game and earned a new job so to speak. The higher level jobs in the universe are based on demonstrated merit. The way one demonstrates merit is by solving parts of the puzzle. As we do so, the very nature of reality changes based on our efforts. Also, we are given access to information on a need to know basis as we go along. As soon as we reach a new level and get a new assignment from spirit, we proceed to have the experiences necessary to give us the information we need to accomplish the new job. Of course, the doesn't necessarily happen instantaneously. However, changes can indeed happen quickly. It's all based on how fast the awareness of an individual grows, and what specific purpose(s) the individual came to accomplish. At this point, I'd consider myself a novice at symbol detection and interpretation. However, this is expect compared to most people. Further, due to my relative isolation, I don't know any other symbologists out there who have really started using this knowledge in a major way in their life. Undoubtedly such people exist, but this has been considered a secret science for so long that there is little information available. Also, you have to be borderline crazy to start observing the world in the way that I now do. This is not the world that most people see. Yet, it is there hidden in the midst of all the clutter and activity of everyday life. I know. I see it everyday. Currently my alphabet is confined to numbers based on numerology and their associated meanings from the Tarot. I assume that this will grow in time to include visually oriented symbols as well. Though, I'm starting to think of the numbers in terms of vibrations with nuances occurring as the equivalent of octaves are achieved. Thus far, I'm allowing my intuition to guide me. My conscious mind helps by providing rational connections between symbols and meaningful ways and frameworks for mapping and interpreting these relationships. My intuition, however, has the final authority as to what constitutes a useful framework. This mix reason with intuition provides a wonderful exercise for my mind, opening new pathways literally every day. My sense is that these kinds of integrated mental skills will be demanded in many higher level positions. There are many problems that cannot be solved in any other way than to apply such skills to allow spirit to bring forth a fuzzy solution through the intuition, then to have the conscious mind massage it and clean it up with additional guidance as necessary from the intuition.

It's the time of the full moon again. The insights and spiritual breakthroughs seem to occur much more frequently when this occurs. You might say that I'm a lunatic in some manner. There is definitely a different energy present that changes how my mind is able to function. My sense is the the connection with source is clearer or stronger. The words definitely flow easier. I'll have to take more advantage of this in the future.

I'm still expecting some type of change soon. All the signs are pointing to major change very soon. However, none of it is based on a practical understanding of the details of how such change might actually come about. Here too, my sense is that the details are not my responsibility. I'm here to bring forth some of the higher level information. In return, the universe is obligated to lead me to the optimal circumstances for doing my work. Actually, to the right circumstances based on a number of factors. This may not necessarily lead to what I might think is optimum. In a number of ways, I've considered the working circumstances over the past five months far less than optimum. However, from a metaphysical productivity standpoint, they have been very good indeed. I've been more productive with a higher quality output than at any other time in my life. However, for the most part, only the universe, or consciousness, is aware of my productivity and progress. It doesn't matter. I write because I must write. My spirit will not allow me to do otherwise. Actually, I have resigned my will to that of Spirit - - so, I willingly do what I am called to do.

29 Mar 94

I spent most of the day focused on figuring out various things using numerology and tarot. I just could not get my mind to concentrate on anything else for longer than a few minutes at a time. I'm a soul on a quest for spiritual understanding. Throughout the day I unlock one door after another to figure out what various things mean. It's as if I'm doing advanced programming of my brain, enabling various circuits to be built and burnt in while providing feedback as to the utility of the new abilities that are being generated. The biggest part of the effort is allowing myself to stay in a receptive state where my intuition can guide me to make the appropriate connections that constitute meaning. Everything concerns the nature of reality and reality creation. A key part of this is the observation and interpretation of symbols. Actually, individual symbols have limited utility. The greater objective is the understanding of the nature of symbol systems that are operating within the world. Few people are aware of the messages that their world, their reality is sending to them. Unless they are noticed, the communication simply does not take place via that channel. It's interesting. It's not just new things that show up in one's world that matter. I'm just as surprised by messages that are written on everyday objects that have always been a part of my world. For instance, signs that one passes on the way to work or that one notices in the workplace itself can convey amazing information. It doesn't matter whether you've passed the particular sign many time each day. For instance, I noticed the word FIRE on a sign in the bathroom. FIRE = 6995 = 29/11. It also equals 6 9 18 5 = 38/11. It also equals the Ace of Pentacles + The Star exalted. All three of these meanings have high importance in my personal symbol maps. Further, astrologically my chart has a lot of fire. The connection in astrology is that fire represents spirit. Spirit = 179992 = 37. In the tarot, 37 and 38 are the King and Queen of Cups. The Queen of Cups represents VISION. Also, it's interesting that I noticed all of this on a 29 day.

This is just a small example. After nearly six months of working at this, I have an elaborate symbolic map of reality in my head. Unfortunately, I have not yet found anybody else to compare maps with. Much of my map is related specifically to my reality, which has little to do with others. I do not know for certain that either my approach of the techniques that I use will have validity and meaningfulness to others. I believe I am learning the necessary skills to enable me to effectively operate as philosopher king. But, I operate on faith, with nothing but my personal experience to rely on. It's a lonely road, but somebody has to do it. As the Hermit, the task is suited to my nature. I do it because my consciousness bids me to do it. Further, it is one of few tasks that can completely absorb me for many hours each day. I am involved in original research pure and simple, venturing into uncharted territories where few have been bold enough to enter. Further, I do this at the risk of my sanity. My wife and others already question whether I am crazy or not. For the most part, I don't care. I do what I must do. This includes taking care of my conventional responsibilities. I still know the difference between observing the world as most people do and observing the world as the Hanged Man. I prefer the later, but I can still function from the former -- though I may not choose to do so for much longer. It's just a game, an illusion. I'm tired of straining to live life in that way.

Copyright © 1995, Wayne Hartman, Revised -- (9 Sep 95)