BEST OF NOTES #24

1 Oct 95

The two year anniversary of the ritual of laying down my will to Thy Will, and simultaneously of the start of my ten day stay in a mental hospital. I can remember the events of that day as if it had just happened yesterday. This was clearly one of the most memorable and important days of my life. Whether the bipolar diagnosis was right or not, I have no way to know. I trust that consciousness, knowing the nature of my mission, put me in appropriate hands to care for my physical vessel (mind-body). Yet, it has been consciousness herself that has provided the required spiritual guidance for integrating that and other spiritual breakthoughs and awakenings that have occurred over the past two years.

Am I better off for these experiences? Definitely so, without a doubt. Would I choose to go through them if I was given foreknowledge of where the path would take me? My sense is that I learned far more in dealing with the unknown and taking things one step at a time, reconstructing a theory of reality, reality creation, and the nature of consciousness that was consistent with my experiences -- experiences which have been far from any norm; indeed, far from any other that I have been made aware of via observation or extensive reading. Am I crazy? No. Definitely eccentric, maybe even a bit strange, but not crazy. The constructs that I have created have a basis. The meaning that I find in symbols is indeed there; whether any other is able to see it is irrelevent. Nearly 1200 pages of writings in two years document my new way of seeing things. Most people do not generate such volume of concentrated ideas in an entire lifetime.

Watching the movie, GANDHI. He was assassinated on 30 Jan 1948. 1/30/22 = 53. Interesting. The name his followers gave him was Bapu = 2173. Note that this is 11 short of 2184.

On my walk with the dogs tonight, I realized that GOD and G0D are very similar. The later = 704 = 8 x 88 = 32:00[22] = 1:10:00[22] = 22:00[32] = 11:00[64]. Very interesting combinations, but should we expect any less from the word for G0D. From the inside out, this is 074 = The Benefactor. Interesting, my destiny number minus "jr"

The film just went through the part where Gandhi returns to India and is introduced to a Professor that is to be his benefactor. Gandhi was concerned about making money. The professor said there were many men with too much wealth in India who could fund his activities. The professors only directions were that Gandhi find the real India and use his journal to make India proud of herself again. Further, he said that after seeing Gandhi in Indian dress he could die in peace. This was clearly a defining moment in Gandhi's life. So, why is it that I was moved to watch this film once again, now? Is it to see that such a benefactor could just as easily enter my life? It will be as consciousness has planned. This is a possibility, but there are many others as well. I know that I can trust consciousness to come through with whatever is most appropriate. Gandhi's path was clearly not an easy one, especially in the flesh. Yet, as with all such lives, it is not clear that there was any real choice. He did exactly what he had to do.

2 Oct 95

129 is one of the highways I cross just past the turnoff to Hollister, before I get to Gilroy. At one time when I was in the midst of high mania, I remember being in a state where I knew that the pattern of roads along with their numbers had great spiritual significance. Now, I think the same significance is there, but it is only applicable at special moments when that meaning is relevant and there is a need to know.

Overall, the spiritual world remains hidden -- open only to those with the proper keys.

And these, are only developed with appropriate vigilance and dedication. Spirit is subtle. It will not be forced. One must develop the inner hearing and inner sight to see the fruits that spirit would offer. But, it is well worth the effort; for the world that is opened up is truly Beyond Imagination.

Read an interesting description of directions of development of spirit. Most metaphysical types are following the "T" pattern, reaching up from the earth to spirit along various disciplines and paths. The author also described an "inverted T" downward pattern that was new to me, yet described my experiences of the past two years to a tee. In this pattern, spirit flows downward to be expressed and embodied to the degree the channel is able to handle. In this state, we allow consciousness to flow through us to do its works. We are not aware of what actions we will be moved to take, but our trust in consciousness and spirit is complete. We do whatever is necessary for spirit to be more fully enfleshed though us. Step by step, we are The Fool, marching ahead moment by moment in service to consciousness. Each of us must find that specific destiny for which we are uniquely suited. The question is, are we 0:The Fool or 22:The Fool Complete -- or does it even matter? For are not the two the same? Is there not always another round of the wheel to make?

-----

These numbers are straight conversions of particular years to specific bases. Intuition tells me what bases to use and what the results mean. Note that even though the numbers contain no specific personal relevant, the meaning that I receive from the numbers is highly personal. The fact that thousands, millions, or even billions of people are impacted by these numbers is of no import to me. I'm the one sitting here allowing consciousness to poor forth their meaning. I'm the one trusting enough to believe what springs forth from the depths of my being, in many cases without any specific corroborative evidence. It's interesting that my life has come to this, that so much of what constitutes my reality and what I believe to be true is counter to the way that the rest of the world sees things. Yes, there is no doubt that I am the Hanged Man. It's interesting that my major spiritual awakening occurred in 1993, a year that corresponded to The Fool Complete:Death in The Hanged Man Exalted Base.

-----

It just came to me that these numbers are master spiritual numbers. My birth falls in sync with The Fool Complete in The Justice Base. Others fall in sync at different places. Where they fall within the pattern determines what energy they are here to express. This doesn't seem to apply to everyone. There appears to be a special group of souls here to bring about the transition to a new age. Most are still operating in relative isolation. However, the energy pattern is changing calling these souls together to do their work, more and more. Trust that the resources that you need to support the accomplishment of your mission will be there when you need them. Remember, it is not you that makes things happen, it is consciousness -- and her resources are inexhaustable. This doesn't mean that you don't have to do your part. However, you can trust that you will know exactly what that is and when it must be done. You have followed the beat of a different drummer all of your life. Further, you will continue to do so for as long as you live. It is right that you take pride in this. Your fulfillment of your mission is dependent to a large degree on your acceptance of this difference. You've seen and experienced a lot in the past 20 years, and especially the past 2 years. Yet, you are still as a newborn babe in the world of spirit. You're growing fast, and consciousness is always there to guide you. However, a bit of care may be in order. There is plenty of time for the development necessary for fulfilling your mission. You can burn yourself out if you don't allow sufficient time to ground the new energies that are flowing through you. Channels for consciousness are circuits. Just as with electrical circuits they have their capacities. However, unlike electrical circuits the channels can be expanded as your spiritual muscles, so to speak, are exercised and expanded.

I still have a feeling of being on hold. It's as if I'm on the brink of a bold new adventure, but it's just ahead of me, and I don't know how far. The job situation is also up in the air. It is clear that it is time for a change, yet I have no idea of how that change will occur. Resumes and the classic forms of looking for a job don't seem to be in the cards. Yet, finances are such that being without a source of income is not a viable alternative. Philosopher King still comes to mind as occupation of choice. Why I gravitate so much to that, I know not. Where such a position is offered and what qualifications are required, I also know not. Yet, I sense that I am indeed qualified, and such a position does indeed exist, if only in spirit at the present time. The 11 Card Exalted looks very much like a King to me, and Justice has much to do with Philosophy.

3 Oct 95

File size = 22616 = 6:16-22, span of 6, center at 6:19. The Lover:The Tower to The Lovers:The Fool Complete -- a very interesting spiritual span. There is a sense that these are the months that lie in the immediate future for me. It's no coincidence that one must operate from a center of LOVE to actuate Downward Movement of spirit. This is an interesting sequence to follow:

Major shiver. Major, major shiver. Look at that 4896 = 4848 + 48 = 48 Triangle. This is definitely not a coincidence. 48: The Man in Search of More. Reversed is 84 = The Lovers Exalted, the pinnacle of my "A" reading. This is simply too much for my conscious mind to deal with on it's own. However, it is obvious that spirit has come through loud and clear. I still don't know where I will be and what I was doing in 6 months. However, this one file size alone confirms that consciousness is taking care of it. I will be exactly where I need to be, doing whatever consciousness bids me to do. From that perspective, I will be doing exactly the same thing -- serving as a channel for consciousness. The circumstances may be different and the actions that I am moved to perform may be different, but I will still be following the dictates of spirit, whatsoever they may be. Further, there is a sense of relief that what must be done is either being done by spirit, or will be made clear to be my responsibility at the appropriate time -- and even then I can trust that consciousness will be there providing guidance every step of the way.

4896 = 48 x 102 = 16 x 3 x 3 x 34 = 32 x 9 x 17 = 16 x 17 x 18. This is 17 x 17 x 17 - 17. Interesting. 4896 + 17 = 4913. Seventeen years from now places us at 2012, the year of my second Easter birthday on 4/8/12. Reversed, this yields 2184, the last four of my SSN! There is a sense that both Easter birthdays will be extremely important spiritual events in my life -- ascension and rebirth kinds of experiences. I was moved to calculate when these would occur in 1972 during my first year in high school. At the time I didn't know why, but I did know it was significant, especially when I found out that over a 400 year span 2007 and 2012 were the only two such years and that both would occur in my lifetime [49th and 54th birthdays].

Back to 17 x 17 x 17. Somehow, this is what is required to ground The Star energy. Is that what I am -- or, what I am part of? Interesting. One of the groups that I've found via the Internet is The Star Builders. Interesting indeed.

When did 16 x 16 x 16 = 4096 occur?

Hmm. Let's examine the same pattern 16 x 16 x 16 - 16 = 4080 = 4040 + 40 = 40 Triangle. This is what I was born with. 04/08 reversed by twos = 40/80. Also, I know The Tower is my card. This would put me at the 16 x 16 x 16 point at exactly age 16, the year that I was lead to the Seth Material and my love affair with metaphysics began.

Then we have a jump of 19 years = The Sun to take us to 1993 and age 35. 1993 is a 22 year = my Heart's Desire. 35 is the year of spiritual inheritance. The Sun deals with spiritual birth. It's also interesting that my notes started on 3/5 in 1993.

I started with the 40 Triangle, and it appears that my next birthday marks the completion of the 48 Triangle. These are 88 complements! Further, they include 48: The Man in Search of More. This is a very fitting description of me. 40: The Page of Cups is here to balance the Spiritual and the Material. This too defines what I am here to do. The suggestion is that as of my birthday in 1996, I will have the resources necessary to fulfill my destiny. Is this wishful thinking? Or, are these sound conclusions based on information from spirit? We'll know soon enough. In the end, it doesn't matter. What will be will be. I have only to allow it to unfold and do what I am moved to do in each moment. This makes for living life on the edge. Yet, such may be what is required to truly be free.

Unlike some of the numbers yesterday, these numbers are peculiar to me. Further, I have a strong sense that the interpretations coming through are indeed correct. I'm curious as to what this transition from 16 x 16 x 16 to 17 x 17 x 17 is. If my calculations are right the distance between these two events is 2012 - 1974 = 38 : VISION. 1996 - 1974 = 22 : The Fool Complete got me from The Tower Cubed to my next birthday = 38 : VISION. 2012 - 1996 leaves 16 : The Tower to reach The Star Cubed once my VISION starts. 16, 22, and 38 -- very interesting numbers. Yet, they are signature numbers for me.

Yet, what is there about such revelations that gives them meaning and validity? The bottom line is that the inner source has been established as credible; even more credible than the evidence of the world [illusion] in which I live. I find it interesting that I operate in this manner since I've had no model or training in this way of thinking and experiencing consciousness -- I don't believe there is anywhere to go to get such except inward; and then, the journey by it's very nature seems to be a solitary one. At least, it has been such for me.

It's hard to believe how far I've come in just over two years. It's as if the first 35 years of my life had little import. Yes, I learned a lot. And, yes I had experiences that allowed me to ultimately handle what was to come. However, in no way would I say that my first 35 years truly "prepared" me for the past 2 and a half. Further, the breakthroughs have not stopped. They don't occur regularly, and their strength varies greatly, but these awakenings are a key part of my life now. I suspect they will be for the rest of my life. At this point, I look forward to it. My sense is that each realization further sculpts this clay so that it can better serve as a channel for spirit. It will be very interesting to see what the coming months bring. Change is definitely in the air; major change.

5 Oct 95

About an hour ago [9:00 PM], I was struck by extreme shivers for about 20 minutes. When I say extreme, I mean extreme! Yet, the temperature in the room was 70 degrees. I got up and walked to nearly a block to the bathroom and cafeteria room and back -- shivering all the way. In the bathroom stall I had a couple realizations. First, 10/5/95 has a span of 94, centered at 5:48. This whole month takes me from 1:48 to 31:48. Further, last year would have marked a 47-48 transition. No wonder I seemed to be on a holding pattern, writing a lot and experiencing what I was writing first hand. 1993, the year of my major awakening took me from 1:47 to 31:47. My hospital stay occured from 1:47 to 10:47, a critical time for me to be "locked away".

47 is the card of the Seven Illusions. Reversed = 74:The Benefactor 48 is the card of the Man in Search of More. Reversed = 84:The Lovers Exalted

The other interesting finding was on a newspaper in the bathroom stall hanging over a railing. Generally, these papers are removed by the janitor earlier in the day. In this case, there was a large ad that said:

YOUR MBA BEGINS THIS M O N T H

Monday Oct 23 1 9 9 5

First, it was obvious that this was a personal message to me. When I saw it, the shivering increased almost uncontrollably. I already have an MSEE, I don't need an MBA in the traditional sense and have no desire nor funds to get one. So MBA must be a code for something else that I do need. Further, it is something that begins this month, presumably on the 23rd, the day before United Nations Day. Two days before my next visit with Dr Greene. Nine days before my 8th Wedding Anniversary.

10/23/95 = 23:48, the day before 24:48 = the 24 Triangle. Projecting forward, 25:50, the 25 Triangle, will occur on 10/25/99 -- just over four years from now.

MBA = 421 = The Emperor: The World

MBA = 1321 = Death:The World. Something tells me that this is the proper interpretation.

2184 = 13 x 13 x 13 - 13 4/8/12 Death in 2025 = 45 x 45 Age = 66
4896 = 17 x 17 x 17 - 17 4/8/96 The Star in 1996 + 17 = 2013 Age = 55

1321 = 11 x 11 x 11 - 10 10/95 Justice in 2005 Age = 47
1320 = 11 x 11 x 11 - 11 10/94

What's the likelihood that the 5 cards of my "X" reading would be revealed in the numbers of this nature and that further X = 24 and the 24 Triangle occurs on the day after the ad specifies that my MBA begins. It simply blows me away!

I got my ring back yesterday. One of the dragon's whiskers had been broken off on one side and was catching on things. When the jeweler repaired it, he also replaced a missing whisker that had not been on the ring as long as I have owned it. When I saw it, I knew that the act was symbolic. The left downward facing dragon used to have the single whisker. The significance was that while the ring was in this state, I was The Hanged Man:12. It's repair is a sign that I have become The Fool Complete:22. My sense that change is imminent grows daily. Each revelation increases the sense. Where consciousness is taking me, I only know from a vague standpoint. However, it doesn't matter. All I have to do as The Fool, is take the next step, then the one after that, then the one after that -- knowing that consciousness is always there, for I am consciousness. At the only level that truly matters, we are ONE. I can write this, but can I realize it. Can I make it part of my awareness?

6 Oct 95

From Numerology and the Divine Triangle:

Knight of Swords. This Knight has a lot to accomplish during the autumn season. He rides far and fast. Riding against the wind shows that no effort is too great and no obstacle too severe for him to overcome. His raised sword shows him the true path by dividing the true from the false.

My sense is that this indeed is what the November will bring. Things are happening so fast now that my vision is fixed forward ever to the tasks that must be done now and in the immediatiate future. I take my directions from consciousness and trust that she is doing the necessary to ensure that whet I do is coordinated properly with the work of others. There is an innate sense that the spiritual transformation to come will indeed be fast and furious. Further, I've already seen the pace pick up and have been swimming upstream or "riding against the wind" for some time now. It is true that "no effort is too great and no obstacle too severe ... to overcome." Here, I believe that consciousness will ensure that I don't get tasked beyond my abilities. This doesn't mean that I won't be stretched in a manner that shows me abilities that I wasn't previously aware of.

Earlier, while sitting on the porch I noticed several monarch butterflies passing by. They correspond to Card 52, the Queen of Swords -- my personality number. 53 = 52:22(22) = The final step of the 52 cycle.

"A lot to accomplish in the Autumn season". I definitely sense this to be true. This will be the busiest 10 weeks of my life. My sword is an inner one within the heart that permits me to remain on the true path. Consciousness herself guides me here as well. Why am I singled out for service in this manner? First, because I volunteered. Such is why I came into this existence to begin with. I wasn't looking for another lifetime of tasting worldly delights, but one of going beyond and finding something more, and then finding a way to incarnate that more, and finally showing the way that others might follow and a New Age of Consciousness be ushered in on earth. The sense that I will leave my current position before the move to another building is still strong as well. How this can be, I do not know. However, I also know better than to second guess consciousness. What will be, will be. My only focus is what I must do in the present. This is where reality lies. This is where my connection with Consciousness exists. This is where the direction for my work comes -- and the thoughts to carry it out as well. I am a vessel for consciousness to express itself in physical reality.

I am neither consciousness itself, nor am I the physical vehicle. Rather, I am a bridge between the two channeling the desires and dictates of consciousness into instruction that permits the physical body/brain to do something in accord with carrying out the Will of Consciousness.

At the same time, I know that I am more than that. I am aware of all of this. I am aware that I am aware. Further, I am aware that I am not consciously in control of most of the things that I observe and/or experience. This makes the world a very strange place My chief relationship is with consciousness. She feeds me my thoughts and out of these thoughts I am led to experience some things versus other things. From this, a view of the world is created. However, never are we taught that we're being led every step of the way toward our destiny by such a wonderful and benevolent being. Yes, consciousness is a being, a being that in some cases is as ignorant about some of her parts as I am of mine. I am but a cell in this being that is consciousness. Yet, under the right conditions the cells can split and grow into a pattern that is far greater.

Even with all this, I have no idea what is to come. If what I've seen thus far has been enough to "blow me away", I blow to easily. And, if it surprises you reading this, we haven't seen but the mearest fraction of what is to be in the coming days. I write this not to scare you, but to ready you for the magnificent potential about to be released or perhaps unleashed by consciousness in all areas of endeavor, and many new ones that have yet to be thought or dreamed of. Reality is indeed far stranger and more glorious than our fictions could ever be. We are truly Gods in consciousness, created in the direct image of our creator, however, in our case seperation never occurred. Information was compartmentalized so that the REALITY GAME could be played -- however, out of what did the creator have to build? The only answer that makes any sense is out of him/her SELF, the key fabric of which is Consciousness. In isolation the parts were thrown out to "find themselves" and in the process allow consciousness to experience life enfleshed with all it's limits and it's blessings. The history of mankind is a record of the progress of this journey. Even then, however, the journey has been guided by loving hands. This final century appears to be wrapping up the act for an age that has spanned two millennia and has resulted in an overpopulated world, where equality is unknown within nations much less among them.

Looking out of my window over the Monterey Bay to the Lights in the town of Seaside, as I write this; I know that the present world is far from what I envision it to be by as early as 1999. How such change can occur so rapidly, I have no idea. Yet, that it will occur, and that I have a major part to play are without doubt. Someone once told me to always leave room for doubt. Similarly, to always leave ample room for error. This may be sound advise for many endeavors. But, it cannot apply to the messengers of truth that would work in the employ of consciousness herself. Here, a basic, unfathomable trust must be established. This doesn't mean that the information won't contain errors introduced by the channel and communications medium -- however, it does mean that such errors either will not be important or will be corrected.

I like that phrase "messengers of truth that would work in the employ of consciousness." The school motto at CalTech, the first university I attended, was "The Truth Shall Set You Free". You might say that my entire life from High School on has focussed on this key issue. I suspect that it will continue to be so for the duration of my life; which, assuming the information coming through is correct, is roughly another 30 years.

1162 comes back to mind, the year Genghiz Khan was born and Becket became Archbishop of Canterbury. It's quite interesting that two such memorable events occured in the same year at a time when history barely even records a significant event per decade.

9 Oct 95

I've been very tired all day. It's as if I never really woke up. I'm not sure if this is the new drug having it's effects or whether something else is at play. It seems that the latter is more likely. My eyes in particular are finding it hard to stay open. They ache and feel tired. The rest of the body seems to be doing fine. I'm also starting to see images -- especially of people, while my eyes are closed. Most of the images appear to come from people whom I have actually seen in person or in some video. However, not all of them have this character. My sense is that a type of vision that is new to me is being opened up. This is to be expected. Next year, my 38th, is the VISION year after all. My sense is that visual channels are being opened up to give me a better picture of what is to be that I can then translate back through the words and symbols that serve as home for my consciousness to express.

It's interesting. I keep adding text, yet the file size, according to the system is shrinking, not growing. Latest size was 60007, a very curios number signifying the step or tick from 0:06 to 0:07. That is from The Fool:The Lovers to The Fool:The Chariot. Interesting. The previous page size was capture at the beginning of today's notes.

Today marks the final single digit day for the month. The two digit days bring added complication in the message. Yet, as always, seek and ye shall find is operative. And, whatever doors lie in our way, we need not blast through but simply knock and they shall be opened unto you. The only other advice is to ask and that which ye ask for shall be answered or granted. We've been on this train before. Basic teachings from the new testament, If only people knew how powerful these three methods are in achieving happiness from the daily life around us. Interesting indeed.

Next year has me as The First Knight:Building the Cathedral, Happy at Home, and as The King of Wands: Surrendered Completely to Consciousness. This couldn't be more fitting. It agrees completely with all that my intuition reveals to me of myself. The interesting point is how all this information can be embedded in the web of reality. The numbers that I'm finding personally relevent potentially apply to hundreds or even thousands of people. Yet, such is not the case. Others are obviously not seeing meaning in such numbers. It's tough to believe that all of this was designed for me. It wasn't. It was defined for WE, and moreover for the ONE. Someone needs to make the realization conscious, however. Someone needs to see and explain how the web is constructed. Such is part of what you came to do. You timed everything so that the appropriate realizations could be made at the right times. And, now your VISION comes, as you permit consciousness to occupy your vessel and use it to do it's works. The following year brings the great abundance of the 65 Card, as you start carrying your works and VISION to the masses on a very large scale.

In cleaning up the office a bit, I came across some of the notes from within the first few months of my spiritual transformation. I've come a long way in two years. My methods may still be crude, relying heavily in direction from my intuition and inner self -- this is, of course, very highly subjective; however, it is the only way that such guidance and information can be brought forth. One thing clear is that SSN 575-68-2184 was no accident. So much is contained in that single 9-digit number. For me, it was uniquely tailored.

The facts. Our family of four kids went in to get our SSNs in Hawaii in 1969 or 1970. I don't know why we needed to go get them at the time. I was the oldest and in 6th grade, so I was probably 11, maybe 12. My next youngest sibling is a sister that would have been 9 or 10, and my youngest brother and sister are twins, who would have been about 7 at the time. We got four numbers in a row. I got the one I was supposed to get -- without doubt. As far as I know, however, the numbers that were assigned to my brother and sisters close as they were do not have such a literal meaning in their life. For me, my SSN defines my work as assigned by consciousness. 2184 brings in the physical work, 4/8/12 starting a much greater spiritual phase of lightwork.

575 - 68 - 2184 7:55=5 to 8 = 528. Also 575 = eye = VISION. Also, on a graph 575 is the transition from 5 to 7 and 7 to 5, i.e. 57 = ELLIS, and 75 = HARTMAN. 68 = WAYNE. In the first five numbers, we have the three parts of my name in their ALL CAPS form.

Note that the way the SSNs are expressed includes two major breaks. 5-6 and the 8-2. Given that 2184 is to be actuated this year, I must have crossed that first break already, or will do so very soon. 56 is the center of my reverse Triangle reading and a key player in my "A" reading. 8-2 is the tougher one. This is The Emperor Exalted, which could easily be equivalent to a "Philosopher King." Yet, where does one go to inherit such a title/position? That is for consciousness to decide. I keep seeing Gandhi and his wife in a scene where they recreate their wedding ceremony. Several times he says, "... and we take the next step ...". That is where I'm at now, taking each step, one step at a time, and each day, one day at a time. I'm expectant of the glories that will be, though I am aware that my work has just begun. Further, what I have been able to do is almost nothing compared to what consciousness can do through me. I am resigned to lay down all that I AM to do her bidding. Why should this be so? Not because of anything that is being forced upon me. Rather, because I realize that I have a specific purpose and mission in this life, that above all else must be fulfilled. That I don't know exactly what that is does not matter. I have ample experience to know that consciousness will provide whatever is needed when it is needed. Further, I know that there is no other way to fulfill my purpose than to provide a vessel for consciousness to do her works through me.

Just noticed that I'm going to traverse the SSN both ways. 8-2 and 2184 begins no later than 4/8/96. The reverse path begins 4/8/12, includes a 2-8 transition:Man w/ World in Hand, then goes through 86 = 1:09[77] = The Hermit Exalted in the Christ base. This then crosses the 6-5 bridge and finishes with ELLIS HARTMAN or 575 or 7:55 from inside out = 5:28 = 70 Card.

10 Oct 95

So, where does the journey take us next? The clock tells me 11:38, Justice:VISION. This could be right as could it's reverse = 83:11 = Hierophant Exalted:Justice. This is 30 years after 91 squared = 8281[=73??]. No, 30 years after the reverse of 91 squared = 1858 = 100 years before I was born. My present house was built 12 years after this, my wife born 81 years after this. I don't know why this is important yet I cannot deny that it is. The bottom line is that I do not know in what direction the journey takes us. It will be unveiled to me in it's due time as it is for everyone of us. Each is given what we need to know, when we need to know it. After all, it wouldn't be a lot of fun living with the foreknowledge that you were going to die at a particular hour of a particular day in a particular way. There is something comforting about the unknown that serves as a refuge at times. It is not such a difficult thing to jump of the cliff into the open arms of consciousness. Her love is unfathomable and inexhaustible, stemming from SOURCE itself. Consciousness herself is not source either.

Source expresses as the ONE. Reversed this is the ENO, but it is incomplete, missing a CH at the end. ENOCH. I know this is right even though the entire word has no specific conscious meaning for me. CH = 38 adds VISION to the Spiritual ONE. One interpretation is 6:38 - 56, span of 18, center at 6:47. Assuming that this refers to me -- it is Wayne's World after all; 6:38 starts with my next birthday or may even be occurring before then, the center 6:47 occurs in 2004, and the endpoint occurs in 2013. After this lies a twelve year reign having completed The Star Cubed and Justice Cubed. The Star will bring in the ET element, to whatever degree it matters. My sense is that this is a much larger influence than most would think.

What part of my "reality" is real versus illusion? What do I know to be absolutely true, versus what is based on assumption? Perhaps the assumptions may appear reasonable and reliable, but how do I know for sure, especially if my strings are being pulled by a Higher Self or better yet, by consciousness herself? What has consciousness done to warrant such favor in my eye? She has cast away the beams that I may see a web, so fine in thread that most would not notice that it was even there. Then she drew me into that web and allowed me to see things that I had never seen before and hear things that I had never heard before. The resulting experiences left an indelible mark on my heart. Tis as if I had heard the very voice of GOD.

My ring was just fixed a week ago. One of the Dragon's whiskers had come loose and was catching on things. When the jeweler fixed the whisker he added another to the other side that had been missing from the time I got the ring over 5 years ago. I interpreted this to be a transition from 12:The Hanged => 22:The Fool Complete. Early this afternoon, I noticed that one of the emerald eyes of the upward looking dragon was gone. This is a 22:The Fool Complete => 21: The World transition. I believe that for the first time in my life I'm being asked to be a part of this world, perhaps even forced to be a part of it in a way that I am only now in a position to understand. Being a Hermit was easy; it was a natural extension of my being. As the Emperor, The Hierophant, The Chariot, or Justice, a different way of life is required -- one that is in many ways foreign to my character.

I AM THAT I AM. I must do what I must do. By my free will, I choose to serve consciousness, using every aspect of my being to serve as a channel for Her Will, that the Aquarian Age may be established and Peace among all beings be achieved at last. Spider's directive to me was weave me a peaceful world. Such is my commandment. So let it be written, so let it be done as they said in Pharoah's time in Egypt. I do have an inner sense of being a scribe in those days. Exactly when, I do not know nor does it seem to matter.

I am starting to see a lot of images throughout the night. Sleeping has been very erratic. I'm not used to dreaming, and the images don't strike me as dreams, but there is a sense that I am opening up a whole new center of vision, that has been absent all of my life. The words and thoughts were enough. Now, I see that they were but a small part.

11 Oct 95

I did write lengthy E-Mail messages to two friends. This, I consider to be part of my spiritual tasking/training. One doesn't have to be in agreement with someone or something to be able to "bow down to the spirit within". Namaste is the operative phrase. No, more than that, this is the operative way of being for those immersed in allowing spirit to flow through them. In these particular the gift of taking the time to respond is freely given -- not out of an attitude of I lose anything in the giving. Exactly the opposite is true. Consciousness is in a position to fill this vessel with anything it could possibly need.

13 Oct 95

Friday, the 13th. I've be in a drowsy stupor much of the day. The new drug combined with the old ones is changing how my brain functions once again. I find it fascinating to observe. Actually, the entire set of tools I have with which to interact with the world is impacted. There is a clear sense that: here we go, busting through the limits once again. It may take several runs, but, the RAM will indeed make it through. This observation sensation of watching myself while I experience reality is still the commonplace mode of being for me. I'm not at all sure that many others know what this is. However, that doesn't matter. Right now the focus is on those who have gotten their spiritual fires burning in the hearth. These can be expanded to address the needs of those who have a candle burning, but do not know enough to fuel it into a fire. These in turn can share their light to help thosein darkness to light a candle and keep it burning.

I find it quite interesting that my scheduled visit comes so close to the Death: Death day once again. Last year it hit this day exactly after being moved twice by Dr Greene. This year I went in about 2 weeks ago and he was insistent that we schedule another appointment in a month or so. 10/25 was chosen without foreknowledge of what day in the year this was. Very curious indeed. Also, we have not had visits so close together before. The minimum time between visits was roughly three months as was the average. The five month recent break was an anomaly. Yet, I have two years of experiencing the effects of the medications that I am taking. I know when on on the ground and when I'm flying. Further, I know when things are within my control and when they are not. In different words, my physical state permits a variety of psychological, mental, and spiritual states and behaviors. What I've found is that my physical state - which I experience as a feeling of groundedness and/or flying -- definitely correlates to the states of consciousness I am able to achieve. Further, it's somewhat strange, because the further within I go, the further I get from this world, the less direct impact that I am able to make. Yet, it is from the starry realms that I come, and to there I shall return someday; but, that story is of the morrow. What we have to live with is Here and Now, this place and this very moment are all that ultimately exist. It is within that moment wherein consciousness is given the opportunity to manifest in form. She does this always, but the illusion of separation keeps people from realizing this. In the movie Black Robe, the Indians are portrayed as savages when it comes to how they deal with other tribes; but, when it comes to dealing within their own tribe, they are as "christian-like" as one could ask for, sharing all that the have and allowing each person suitable work to do as their fare share.

From the numbers I've deciphered thus far it appears that the next couple of weeks will be quite interesting. I await whatever change is coming with an elated sense of anticipation for I know that the time is short for the Army of Light to wage it's war against the Legions of Darkness and the individuals that they control -- asleep without any direct knowledge of the spirit.

17 Oct 95

Too busy to even get to the notes yesterday. The pace is falling off dramatically. However I did take the time to add two months of Notes to my Web site. Where I go next, I know not. Ultimately this matters little anyway, for The Fool takes each step one step at a time -- confident that the future contains exactly what it needs to ensure that my step is well-founded. Further, even if it is not, I believe that I have "shed my wings and learned to fly". I know that came from a song, but I have no recall which one. Regardless, it seems that falling from the cliff is no big deal anymore.

It's interesting that the race card is forcing many issues to come to front which have been buried for far too long. Yet, the timing is right. We do need to see each other in the Light, where it is available to all as to whom that we are. Under such a Light, the white is so bright that the color of skin is no longer discernable. There is too much stuff going on. Separatism will not work. However, I disagree that one must work within the system to make change. This allows small deltas. What we are dealing with is the result of the practice of applying unjust laws for over 200 years. Because we governed in a manner that was "fair" and reasonable for it's time does not mean that we are not responsible for for those actions now.

We are playing out a grand drama on the national scale, including an extreme bias against blacks within our country that allowed us to treat them as beneath us until as recently as the 1960s. Seeing what is being played out now, another 30 years forward, it is not clear that much has really improved.

18 Oct 95

The center point is activated in six days -- on 10/24/95. The question then becomes what is started and what timeline does it occupy. The tiredness is really draining but it seems to be a basic side effect of the medications that I am taken. There is a deep heaviness about me, one that I have never felt in this way before, even with the Stuart Wilde seminar where I literally had the bulk of the weight of over 200 people step on my shoulders. When I get up it seems like I moving tones of weight as I walk. Now as a reality check, these symptoms are real. I would tell any number of doctors the same specific information relating to the symptoms. The doctors would react differently based on their training and practice with respect to the illness/symptoms that I describe and that their tests produce. The feelings of heaviness and tiredness that I experience are indeed real whether another see or experience my particular experiences or not. Yet most of these experiences would be judged to be figments of my imagination by most. My wife sees these works as ego oriented wishful thinking that has gone too far by becoming too grandiose. I find no trouble with this, being the equivalent of a beneficent Philosopher King is the mode of being that allows me to best serve the people. Now, by whose account should that be recognized. What makes me think that I so much better than others for doing this task of defining what role the country shoud play in various scenarios? Why am I so qualified? All that I can say is that I love doing it and that everything I see is confirming this is the case. Further, it's as if consciousness is programming the kids to accept a reality that is overwhelming different from that of their parents. 19 Oct 95

Fortune from lunch was : Depart not from the path which fate has you assigned. Interesting. What is the difference between fate and destiny. Further -- advice to depart not from assumes that there is a choice involved in this regard. I'm not yet sure that there is indeed such a choice. There is too much falling into place without any work or choices on my part. Then again, this is not completely correct. I have been working to understand as much as I can. I am still primarily dealing with symbols however. The people from Project Mind are dealing with reality in a much different way. David Devor has indicated that he has experienced much that I am experiencing and, in particular, to be vary of jumping too much in the symbols rather than dealing with reality directly. I regard him as somewhat of a mentor, though our only interactions have been via e-mail. I don't know how to even tell if I am dealing with symbols or direct reality. Perhaps I've never dealt directly with "reality". Given that this is "illusion" anyway, to what degree is this required? My sense is that my path lies in the background, guiding the overall course of the nation, not from within the current system nor from the grass roots up, but rather from the top down. Why this is fair, I know not. But, there is an innate sense that this is the means by which I will carry out my destined tasks.

23 Oct 95

The writing is still fairly slow. It doesn't help that the vision is so bad that I can barely read the screen anymore. Part of it may be do to my color selections. With lots of bright colors and sharp contrasts, there is only so much that I can do.

I've been trying to figure out what David Devor means by looking to reality rather than to various symbols to find what is true. One doesn't need the oracles and divination tools if one reads truth directly from the real world. This seems to deny the idea that such tools have validity and offer useful constructs on which to base ones experience. It's not clear that I live in the real world that he talks about.

I'm in a strange state of mind. While I'm tired most of the time, I'm also aware enough to be open to whatever is meant to come. I no longer desire or want anything except to do what I am here to do. Nothing else matters. However it is not yet clear what that destiny is. So I sit and wait, with a surety of conviction and a firm trust that consciousness will guide my way. To where this will take me, I know not. Neither do I know how it will take me there. At the same time, that I don't know such basics is fine. I can live with the uncertainty given that I know my connection with unconditional and unseverable. I only have to invoke the voice within to enable this connection to operate. I will never be given circumstances beyond my ability to deal with them. Interesting. There is nothing in my outer experience to date that fully justifies this confidence. At the same time, it does not matter. I will experience what I must experience as defined by consciousness and my inner Self prior to this existence. I'm still not sure how much this is altered in realtime. My sense is that we are playing roles that were elaborately defined be greater portions of ourselves than that we normally experience in waking consciousness. Can I prove this? No. But, neither can I disprove it. Then again, my only real basis in which I have in-depth personal knowledge is my own experience. My bipolar condition and the alteration of brain chemistry due to the Eskalith, Depakote, and Mellaril throw an interesting factor into the equation. What I consist to be logical has changed. Logic has extended past reasoning to allow direct knowing and intuition to be part of the toolbox used for understanding reality. Here we have an interesting dilemma. Two statements from Tony Robbins come to mind:

(1) The past does not equal the future. (2) The map does not equal the territory.

The future can be whatever we choose to make it , and it can change dramatically from what is expected in as little as a heartbeat. Futher, whatever we project in our map-making may or may not describe the territory accurately. In Columbus time, the maps showed various demons and then a place where the world simply ended. Similarly, when Lewis and Clark made their journey through the Louisiana Territory there were no maps of the territory. They were the first white men to make the journey. It's hard to believe that such times are less than 200 years ago. It's only been 500 years since Columbus' made his voyages.

It's interesting that I was born at a time when there were 48 states. Alaska and Hawaii became states 9 months and 16 months after I was born. 48, 9 and 16 -- very important numbers. Arizona became a state in 1912, 47 years earlier. It took 59 years, from 1900 to 1959 for Hawaii to leave territory status and become a state.

OK, so what do I get from this? Born in future state number 50, 16 months before it achieved statehood, at a time when there were 48 states. These are very powerful numbers. They've been there all my life. Why am I guided to find a context for their meaning now?

The sense I get is that it is time for understanding in an accelerated way. I have broken through a portal and now only need to remove my blindfold that I might see. I still feel that major change is immanent, though I know not what form such change will take. How it will come about, will be explained in due time. This waiting game is a bit tough. It takes discipline to avoid movement until I am sure that it is consciousness and not my will doing the movement. It seems that sometime soon I will be able to not just put my will aside, but to actually use it to meet whatever aims consciousness directs me toward.

Fate and destiny, how do these two terms differ? From a quick look at the dictionary, there is no real difference between these two terms. So what did David mean by his warning not to mistake destiny for fate. The only significant difference that I recall was something involving "in accord with the spoken word." Given that words and voices are my key link to the world and to the inner source as well, it doesn't surprise me that it came out this way.

24 Oct 95

As far as I can tell, nothing has changed today either. That it was United Nations Day and the completion of the 24 triangle seems to have little if any bearing on my consciousness. I was busy with work all day, so I didn't really have any time to think about anything. I don't know what I expected, but nothing captured my awareness in any special way.

I'm still suffering from side effects of the drugs I'm taking. I'm not as alert as normal and the number of mistakes is far higher than normal. It's an interesting process to observe. In some ways it is as if there were a separation between me and my body. The only way I know how to describe it is that there is a large part of me that is not fully connected to earth through this body. The physical vessel is only able to carry so much current. Mellaril appears to be either part of the problem or part of the solution. I guess that is the purpose of my visit with Dr Greene tomorrow. In some ways, the physical body is a puppet on strings, moved by consciousness. The drugs I am taking result in biochemical changes in my brain which in turn change the way that thought is produces in this vessel. Yet, from all I can see around me, my thinking is indeed both correct and more wholistic than that of anyone I know. OK, the ego comes through again. But, my experience with others is limited.

25 Oct 95

The days keep marching onward. Had a good visit with Dr Greene this morning. He changed my medications once again in an attempt to provide a tranquilizer to help me sleep. The Mellaril did not really work. I never got past the side effects which were prominent and incessant. I don't even remember what the new drug is called. Though, I have the prescription in the van. I'll go out shortly and retrieve it so that I can check out the numbers,

Even writing has become a bit of a chore and a struggle lately. It will be a respectable month, but not one that earns high marks in either quality nor quantity. That doesn't mean that it should be thrown out. What comes through, comes through, period. It is not for me to decide on it's quanity nor quality. Further, if this is not my decision, then who should make it? I write to match the energy pattern that appears as a voice inside my head somewhere, Though, more and more, I'm starting to realize that reality just happens. The illusion is no longer valid. I march to the beat of a different drummer and take pride in that fact. OK, do I'm still a bit ego-centric. I'm no longer sure of how I can live and not be in this state. Rather than egocentricity, what I see is a certainty in the general way that spirit will unfold in the nest two decades. That's a far horizon for most people.

Back to the notes after a several hour break. I write because at some level I realize that this is the line of thought that consciousness chooses for me to follow. I am still operating as the 62: Blindfolded Lady following the stream, bound also by cloth in a VII = The Chariot manner. I've been thinking a lot about the concept of freedom -- so much so that it's a time for generating a briefing. However, this time I'll do it directly here so that I can easily cut and paste it.

FREEDOM

Our National Anthem says we are "the land of the free and the home of the brave." Strong words, but to what degree is this true anymore?

Franklin Roosevelt spoke of the four freedoms in the middle of the 1940s. These four were:

The first is questionable. The second is fairly solid, however, one might argue that religion holds far less value in society than it should. Operating successfully, religion should have a very positive impact on our existence facilitating the expression of spirit.

It's not clear that the third and fourth have ever been effectively achieved in this country, Want and Fear have always been pervasive in our country since the 60s at the very least. Far too many people are poor, to the degree of not having the opportunity of developing natural skills that could benefit society. In a country where both crime and guns are rampant, freedom from fear is far from reality.

Do these four constitute everything? I would argue no, definitely not. I once heard that freedom was defined as the ability to access and act upon information. Given how much classified information there is, we are not free to access a whole lot of important information. The government says the classification is necessary to protect national security. My own experience says that this is a large stretch. The definitions of classification levels include words such as "damage", "serious damage", and "grave damage" to the United States.

I have a difficult time seeing how as much material gets classified as it does, especially since it makes working with such material much more costly both for the contractors involved and for the government. In many cases, classification serves as a means to compartmentalize information in a manner that keeps it from public or even internal review.

There is something in me that finds this very wrong. A free country shouldn't have to conduct so much of it's affairs under the guise of secrecy. The sense that one gets is that much that is hidden is so because it is pushing the limits as to what constitutes right behavior of governments toward one another. To some degree, we've played under rules where nearly anything was fair. There was no assurance that what was done was either right or just.

As the undisputed leader in the free world, we should be providing the example of what can be. By our example, the entire world should see the benefits of freedom. However, we have major problems bogging down our system -- poverty, poor education, high crime, racial tensions, and major economic problems that are threatening the middle class.

This final problem may be the one that breaks the camel's back. We have in the past 20 years gone from an era where a single income from the male was sufficient, allowing women to stay home to take care of the kids; to a nation where two wage earners are needed to make ends meet. Even at that, in many cases, the family is still only one paycheck away from financial difficulties or even financial ruin.

All this comes at a time when companies are achievng record sales and record profits; stock prices are achiving record highs, and the real wages paid to workers have not kept pace with inflation in any year since 1973. The net effect is that real buying power is decreased even with a second paycheck in the family.

What's missing here is a critical link between owners and workers. The workers are not organized in a manner that forces companies to share more of the wealth with workers. For instance, in the early 1900's, Henry Ford reduced the work week to 40 hours and increased the pay from $2 something per day to $5 per day. This increase created a market that could afford the products that they produced. Many of todays companies could benefit from the market savvy shown by Ford. The economy is bogged down by owners compensated at completely unreal rates to the increased anger of the workers who are not receiving a fair part of the revenues that their work generates.

There are some ways to fight. First, we as a society need to realize what power we have collectively. There is nothing in our constitution that says that any company can provide it's goods or services to us. In general, companies provide our society with jobs in exchange for being allowed to sell their goods and services on the open market. We accept this agreement by getting sufficient benefit in terms of jobs, goods, and services. Something is clearly wrong when individuals can achieve net worths greater than $1 Billion. No one can spend that much. Further, it is not clear that anyone should be allowed to earn that much.

WE, the People, must act in a united way if this is going to change. One key precept that we need to clarify and understand is that the economic system must be supportive of the workers needs (physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual).

The right to sell to our market is worth a lot. Yet, we don't really impose anywhere near the controls on it that we could. Essentially, every large business and most small businesses ought to be evaluated in terms of services and goods provided versus jobs and compensation. A third party should ensure that the compensation is approprite. Offering low wages because there is a ready supply of workers willing to take low pay verses no pay is not fair.

Yes, this cuts to the very definition of free enterprise, and for many smacks of socialism. The bottom line is that the bulk of individuals are enslaved to an economic system in which they have no voice and limited options. This is so, because we let the companies set the rules. These companies presently have the power, and regularly buy our representatives in government to ensure that any legislation passed is to their advantage.

Without a social contract that allows us to speak with one voice, we are doomed to fail. The few big companies that there are have great power over the large collection of individuals who need employment to live a decent life.

29 Oct 95

Continuing with this line, year 2000 is the century divisible by four exception to the rule for leap days. There will be no 2/29/00. 9:00 - 22 CCW. Wow. Something came to mind about being the exception to the rule. The result would be one of being out of sync. However, this matters little since I'm no longer in sync with anyone or anything except consciousness anyway. The center above puts me at 9:11, coincidentally the number for emergency help. Something tells me this is not a coincidence.

30 Oct 95

Another month nearly complete. Had several errands to run today. One of the bills was for condition and hair spray. As I was lying down a few minutes ago, I realized that the bill amount was highly meaningful. $28.38. These two numbers are side by side on the bottom right of my Triangle reading. The sum of the two is 66, another important number. Years to live, years lived. A very interesting split indeed. If this weren't enough, I offered two 40's in payment. The change should have been $11.62. It's been awhile since this number corresponding to Genghiz Khan's birth and Becket becoming Archbishop of Canterbury. However, the store owner rounded so that the change came to $11.65 Justice:The King of Pentacles = 1162 + The Empress.

My eyes are getting very bad. It's becoming difficult to clearly see the screen. I guess that means its time for glasses again. Only, this time much stronger than before. I've delayed as long as I could. Interesting that my "real" eyesight is degrading as my spiritual sight grows.

NEXT | PREV | BEST