5 Sep 95

Four days off and I was so busy I didn't find any time to write, nor did I have any desire to for that matter. I was obsessed with getting my modem installed and working, subscribing to AOL, getting my RedShift account up and running, creating a home page, and translating two briefings and a notes file to HTML. Overall, it was a success. I got my home page installed and linked to the society and government briefings. Also, it is linked to a second level home page for the notes. I've decided to put the notes through the end of 1994 on line. I may need the 1995 notes to pay the bills starting in a few months.

Also, it occurred to me that the online information can be much more topic oriented. A Best of 1994 Book, as well as Best of 1995 Book might be useful as well. Smaller books dealing with particular topics could be culled from the information as well. There is a lot of raw material to work from. How best to tap it, explain it, and present it in a useful manner is a matter for some consideration. I'm sure consciousness will have her inputs here.

Had two readings from Ashley. I came away assured that my ideas for reforming/reinventing society are sound and that this indeed is what my occupation will involve very soon.

I have no clue as to how this will be made so, yet I have no doubt that it will indeed come to pass. Interesting. It's as if I no longer need to know how or why. I trust that what is needed will indeed be provided, either directly or via opportunity that I will not be able to avoid taking. Yes, I trust consciousness (or God) that much. Further, I trust my own knowingness and awareness not to lead me astray in such matters, Though, I do have direct experience, only two years ago that says even these have their ability to deceive, if one has not foresworn my will for Thy Will. This is the key that removes all doubt and assures that the Plan is fulfilled. Each person has a role to play in helping consciousness to more fully enflesh itself, and in doing so rise to awareness levels that it has not yet reached. How can I talk of this in this way? What is the source? Why does it matter? What comes through, comes through. It is as simple as that. Judge it based on its content and not it's source or method of delivery. And remember, when you really think about it, you don't even know where your own thoughts come from, so don't be too judgemental of the source of these. Find that place in your heart, not your head, that is able to distinguish the true from the false for you. Yes, for you -- nearly all truth is relative in this illusion that we call reality. So, don't hold onto your dogma's too tightly. Allow them to change as necessary when their utility starts to dwindle. Believe firmly, while you hold any belief, yet be flexible and open to change in an instant should a more powerful belief be brought into your vacinity. Remember, beliefs are the playground of reality creation. Play with them joyfully, observing their results and modifying those that bring displeasure.

6 Sep 95

Something tells me that this will be a slow month for notes. Ln 7.56 and the time was 4:28 = 7:56 as well. How's that for coincidence. NOT. It is a sign that everything is as it should be. I'm operating in a sort of groove. By the end of the week, Beyond Imagination will be a reality on the Internet, and not just as a home page, but as a whole set of ideas and experiences reachable from that page. I feel as if I'm truly giving birth to something grand, something noble, something ideal. Yet, at the same time, it seems that this is the crucial first step in making it real. This endeavor, however, is so engrossing that my work pales by comparison. Only one more briefing to transform and everything I've generated thus far is complete. Actually, transform in this case means create anew, for there is no conversion that can be done from the PPT briefings other than to copy the text. Since this is the fourth and final of the lot, it should be easier overall.

I'm also considering conversion of the notes prior to Nov 93, and the Reality Creation 1010 material. This is a logical next step. Following that, there are the notes for 1994. I also need to decide what to do with Beyond Imagination: Foundations for Creating a New World. Do I want to put this out for free as well. There's no rush, I'm sure consciousness will guide me in the direction that is right.

Recalling back to Sunday, Colors of the Wind dropped to #2 after being on top of the chart for exactly 6 weeks. So, The Lovers message was indeed confirmed! At least, that is my interpretation.

You might think that I can manipulate the numbers to get any meaning I want out of them. But, I assure you that is not the case. I don't consciously know what is involved in this process. I allow the other than conscious parts within me to take control and show me what meaning is there while I observe and read what comes through just as you do. You don't have the benefit of seeing the process happen in realtime. I do. Through over two years of notes amounting to over 1200 pages, I've seen consciousness express in ways that I would not have thought possible. Time after time I've had to alter my belief system and adjust my ego to accommodate the reality that these notes bring to my life. As you can imagine, they consume a lot of my free time. Yet, at some level, I sense that I have no choice in the matter. I must do exactly as I am doing to gain the experience and the awareness needed for the positions that I am destined to fill. Yes destined. I believe the bulk of my choices were made by me as Higher Self before I incarnated. Can I prove this? No. I wouldn't even care to try. Believe what you will. It helps if your beliefs are aligned with truth but this is in no way a requirement that impacts their validity or effectiveness. However, beware, for the illusion is thick while the truth hangs by a mere thread. Follow the thread inward -- it is there that you will find all that you seek and more.

Know Thyself. Everything else is secondary. Until you've accomplished this first step there is little you can do to impact anything or anyone. However, it is up to you to seek and find. The processes and methods used by others may help, but ultimately you must find your own way to the ONE. One brief hint, all the thinking in the world won't get you there. True awareness lies beyond thought, and beyond mind as J. Krishnamurti said.

9 Sep 95

Getting way behind on notes this month. But, I've put a lot of material on the Internet in a week, so it's not like I haven't been focusing my energies on Beyond Imagination. 9/9, The Hermit day in The Hermit month. Interesting, we'll see hat the day brings, especially since last night there was a bright full moon to the East as I was working. My consciousness tends to go to extremes at such times, ever since my experiences of two years ago.

I still have no clue as to where I will be just over six months from now. My present job definitely comes to an end, and to continue the line of work that I have developed expertise in over the past decade I would probably have to move back to the LA area and take a pay cut to boot. Everything in the cards, and coming from my intuition in these writings says that such is not what will be, that consciousness has a much grander plan in store. I trust that such is indeed the case. Such is how I've chosen to lead my life. My awareness has brought me to a place of comfort in knowing that I am part of something far greater than I presently am aware of, and that I can trust that everything happens in accord with a Greater Plan, and that our Higher Self aligns our experience in accord with this plan.

My personal sense is that consciousness has a destined role for me to play that I chose prior to incarnating, and now -- or, at least very soon, it is time for that role to begin. My sense is that I have been trained for this role all of my life. No, not by any physical teachers for the most part; but, by consciousness herself. It's only in the past couple of years that I truly realized this, however. I still find it fascinating that with all my formal scientific and mathematical training, through an MSEE from Stanford; and with 20 years of informal metaphysical training, including reading in excess of 1000 books, and walking on hot coals at Tony Robbins and Stuart Wilde seminars; I was still completely blown away by what I experienced in the last 6 month of 1993 and first 6 months of 1994. Actually, the mind blowing experiences did not stop there, but continue to this very day. I don't think a week passes where I don't have some new major revelation or realization. They've become so commonplace, that they're just a natural part of my day to day reality. I know that symbols that I pay attention to can have deep meaning at the appropriate time. Further, I know that most of the things that I consider to be symbols, most people either see and ignore, or simply don't see at all. However, even if I were to explain what I see, I can't explain the inner process that comes up with the proper meaning. It is definitely not a conscious process. I know, because I've tried to do it consciously and got nothing but garbage. There is a sense, though, that the process works best when the inner and outer are acting in harmony. It's as if some amount of conscious attention helps the process.

Here we go, writing again because of an inner sense that this is the most important task that I can be doing at this moment in time. I document whatever consciousness would bring through, to demonstrate what can be. As you probably realize by now, these notes present a flow of consciousness. There is no editing or cleaning up that occurs. There is no rewriting, moving, or deleting or what pours forth. The intent is to provide an honest record of consciousness in action. I've been faithful to that format for over two years, providing myself as the resource through which consciousness speaks by placing thoughts that I hear in my head and then watch my body translate those thoughts into word that appear on the screen in front of me. In most cases, I'm only a word or so ahead of what is being written. I am not consciously aware of how the thoughts are being organized, nor for that matter how they get from my head to my fingers so that I can read them on the screen. I do find it interesting that I put so much time into this endeavor. However, I am compelled. Some months heavily, other months more lightly. You might say that these notes are some type of spiritual job. In many ways, they take nearly as much time as my paying job. On the other hand, the notes are clearly what I love. Writing has always been a joy for me. Further, it has always been automatic for the most part. I don't have to go through rewrite after rewrite. Neither do I have to struggle with organization. I just let it flow and trust that there are parts of me that know how to make it all come together automatically.

11 Sep 95

Once again, I've been lax in getting to these notes. Saw two good movies on Saturday: Swing Kids, and Immortal Beloved. The first was better than the latter, though it was interesting that Beethoven could live such a tragic life yet compose with such brilliance even after he became completely deaf. In particular, Ode to Joy was composed in his latter years. Even today, it remains one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever created. The visual equivalent would be of Beethoven would be a painter who could not see -- I don't know of any examples of this.

Am I too such an oddity, incapable of feeling on a personal level, yet desirous of creating a utopia, a perfect world in which spirit can more fully manifest? Are these ideas that come through me literally "out to lunch" or "crazy" as my wife seems to believe? I can only trust what I know to be true in my heart. There is nothing that gives me any sense of being off the mark. Yes, I am following a path that is different than the crowd, marching to the beat of who know's what drummer. Yet, I have no sense that I have lost my way in any manner. I am The Fool, trusting completely in spirit, and knowing that there is always one more step to take. Futher, each steps follows from the last. I am not given the sight to see what lies ahead beyond that single step. This may change in the future, but such is my experience NOW. Take each moment as it comes, and do whatever you are moved to do in that moment. Repeating this practice gets one through each hour and each day.

Do others think in the same way that I do? They certainly do not pay attention to the signs that I do and interpret them in the ways that I do. Further, it seems that most do not record the stream of thoughts that pass through their brain in the manner that these notes are generated. I know what that is like. For twenty years I didn't write anything. Now, it is as if I could not stop writing even if I wanted to. I consider this to be my spiritual job, assigned by consciousness though I have no formal paperwork. Interesting. I do it because it is what I love to do. Also, I do it because I must. I have no sense that I have a choice in the matter. What comes through, must come through. Spirit will not be denied. Especially since I have willingly submitted my will to Thy Will, or in this case to Her Will, her being consciousness herself.

It is amazing to me that these notes continue to flow forth. At the same time, I know that the source from which they spring is inexhaustable. How can I be so sure of this? Over two years of experience provides a certain amount of proof. However, even without this, there is a knowingness inside of me that cannot be denied. This inner knowingness is something that I've had all of my life. From what I can tell, it is a gift that many do not necessarily posess; or, if they possess it, they don't necessarily use it.

Gini says that these writings are full of Ego. Perhaps she's right, then again, perhaps she is wrong. Further, does it really matter one way or another? And, is this not something that I can only determine in my own Heart. The key question is one of resignation of personal will to The Will of Consciousness. How does one know when this key step is achieved? Further, is this something that one does once, or must one always be aware and mindfull of coming from this perspective? Interesting questions. My initial sense was that resignation is a one-time major transition process. However, this may need to be reinforced by regular mindfulness and ritual. Interesting. Nothing like this has presented itself before.

Don't let this surprise you. What comes through at a given time is what you need to hear. It may or may not be completely right, but will be appropriate for your level of understanding and awareness. Remember, in most of these areas truth is not the issue. In this realm of time and space where reality is played out, there are very few absolute truths. What matters is beliefs, and in particular, whether these beliefs support the greater manifestation of spirit in flesh.

You've shown where your focus lies, expended endless hours providing a vehicle for consciousness to express. You take no claim to what flows through you because you are fully aware of your role as an active conduit. The communication could not take place without your presence. However, you are equally aware that you alone could not produce these notes regardless of the level of your innate writing skills. Your personal experience is that of scribe. Yet, in this case the scribe receives teaching from the notes that are generated through him. Even after over 2 years, the process is still amazing to me, absolutely amazing.

OK, deciding on Philosopher King as a next job position, my be a bit presumptious. Yet, there is nothing in me that says that this is ridiculous, ludicrous, or unrealistic. There is a very real sense that something of this nature is on the immediate horizon. It may seem crazy or impossible to others, but who knows what lies ahead in the Play. Circumstances can change in the wink of an eye. Besides, looking back at the path my specific life has followed, what other position have I been in training for? Why would I need 20 years of informal metaphysics training to accompany my formal technical training.? Why would I need such a major spiritual transformation corresponding to Astrological circumstances, and confirmed by rapid changes in my aura? Why would I spend two years writing about my journeys in discovering a spiritual world enmeshed in the symbols of everyday life? These are all things that clearly validate that I have a destiny to fulfill, and the time is fast arriving for playing whatever role it is that I am meant to play, be it The Fool, The Hermit, or even The Hermit GOD. Or perhaps, Philosopher King is not so bad after all. PK = 1611, reversed = 1161, one year before 1162. For 2611, we would have needed ZK, reversed = 1162.

12 Sep 95

Spent a lot of time last night trying to contact various government people via E-mail to let them know where to find my ideas. Continued this morning. Overall, it looks like I've gotten through to 10 or 12 high level officials. It will be interesting to see if this leads anywhere, since I'd already physically sent the materials to several of the same people, to no avail as far as I can tell thus far. Literally, I have received zero feedback, not even an acknowledgement of receipt until today -- and these acknowledges came automatically. However, this does imply some assurance that the message will be read. Whether anyone will take the next action and read the briefings is another matter. But, that is out of my hands and in the hands of consciousness. I can only do what I can do. After that it is up to the Will of Consciousness to make things happen in the manner desired to carry out The Plan.

How many others on the planet at this time are aware of The Plan? Actually, I don't know what it is except in sketchy, high-level terms, either. However, I trust that consciousness will provide the details when they are needed. How can I have so much faith in consciousness? I don't know exactly, however, it seems as natural to me as breathing. Trusting consciousness is very much like trusting my self, for my most intimate link to consciousness is my Self. How would it lead me astray? It has my best interest at heart for a variety of reasons, the greatest of which is preparing me for the role that I came to play, the destiny that I came to fulfill. It matters not that I know not what that is. However, it makes all the difference that I know that it is indeed so. And what, if as my wife asks, I am wrong? Too bad. At least I'll have lived my life with conviction for a cause that I knew in my own Heart to be right. That is what makes all the difference. It is the stuff that makes life worth living. Others may be here to play and enjoy the pleasures of corporeal existence. Such is not my fate. My destiny pushes me far away from the experience of the norm. I came to explore how consciousness can be stretched to allow spirit to be more fully expressed in flesh. In the process, I had to find that a spiritual world existed enmeshed within the everyday world that we know. You might say that I am an explorer chartering new realms, and these notes are the journals of my adventures and findings.

13 Sep 95

Somehow, I got behind a week. I thought the past two days were the 18th and 19th. Don't know why, but I skipped a week on my calender. Interesting, Saw a counselor today. Not sure whether it helped or not, or even what I want out of it. However, it seemed to be the right thing to do at the time. Met with Larry and Jim at Jose's for dinner. As usual, it was a delightful evening. The bottom line out of the discussion was what do I want to do. Amusing, since it appears I am truly at a crossroads in my life. A part of a poem from Robert Frost comes to mind "two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less travelled by; and that, my friend, has made all the difference." I sense myself to be at this point. The more travelled route being the traditional resume and job search via headhunter, the less travelled being the reliance on consciousness to get me to where I need to be when I need to be there. These are very different paths indeed, but the second clearly pulls my heart.

How can I express what I know? How can I justify my absolute faith in consciousness and in the unfoldment of reality in accord with The Plan? I just do. I cannot imagine living my life in any other way given the experiences of the past two years. Interesting. There is simply no question and no alternative in this matter. One after another experience over the past two years has shown that consciousness is my mentor, my guide, and my closest friend. Yes, I trust her with my very life. All that I AM, I AM because of her loving support throughout my life. These are strong words. And, they do not come lightly. They express a great truth, indeed.

As to getting ideas out to the world, I am doing what I can. I believe this is in accord with the dictates of consciousness, but I won't know for sure until I see what results occur. Thus far, I have essentially received no feedback. I don't know what to expect. I only know that I am compelled to act to make some of the Beyond Imagination material available to the world. It will be interesting to see who accesses it and how they respond. Also, I'm still uncertain as to exactly how much to make available. I'm up to 8 months and have two more nearly ready. Four more on top of that will finish out 1994. That's a lot of pages. Larry suggested breaking the larger documents into smaller chunks such as weeks. Aug 94 is 575K, for instance, a bit large for most browsers to deal with effectively even though it has a TOC.

We write, and write, and write. Always onward, expressing whatever would be expressed at this particular time. Where this heads I know not. Consciousness guides it's direction. I speak of consciousness as this entity that is separate from me. At some level, I am part of consciousness; indeed, I AM consciousness. However, at this time, my conscious awareness does not experience this connection directly. It does see side effects however, primarily in the form of information coming through the intuition and other that conscious sources and levels of awareness.

14 Sep 95

Realize whom and what you are, then manifest and make it so! What is that supposed to mean? Just that you are to be that which you are, period. Don't allow others to take away from this. Express as you must, for consciousness is by your very side. All that we have told through you and more will indeed come to pass, not necessarily verbatim, but definitely in principle. As we have advised before, do what you are moved to do. Don't worry, when you are moved, you will indeed know. There will be no doubt.

I have a sense that I am being led down a path toward my destiny, whatever that is to be. Further, I have no fear for I know that consciousness is by my side every step of the way and further that I am part of this consciousness, not something separate and distinct. I am aware that I AM.

Interesting how the truth reveals itself over time. I am informed of what I need to know when I need to know it. That is enough. I could get no more, even if I desired such.

15 Sep 95

I've been working on the internet so much, trying to open up the avenues for access to Beyond Imagination, that I haven't had much time to write. Besides, work has picked up and looks like it will stay at a relatively high pace of activity for some time. The extra pay is nice, but it is not clear that it compensates for the free time. Besides, money has a way of finding itself slipping through my hands into some bill or service that requires it. So be it. We do what we must, trusting that consciousness is guiding us to exactly where we need to be. I've been operating in this mode consciously for over a year now. Further, I recognize that subconsciously I've been operating in this mode for my entire life. I have no means of knowing how others operate. There is no means available to walk in their shoes. Also, seeing the quantity of notes that have come through describing my own state, this is extremely complicated stuff that is likely to be very different from one individual to the next. It is no wonder that the mind has been such a great mystery fo so long, and consciousness far exceeds that!

16 Sep 95

Another day. Made a contact with the Project Mind Foundation via the internet. It may be a very important one. We'll see in time as they look at and react to my Beyond Imagination work. I still have a strong sense that my real work is to begin soon, very soon indeed. How this is to occur or when, I know not. But, that it will occur is beyond doubt. I feel strongly that each step that I have taken is toward

Watched CENTURY. It was quite interesting, especially given that it addressed the end of the 19th century while we are standing within 5 years or so of the brink of the next new century, and even more the new millennium. I was surprised at how dismal the conditions were for the vast majority of the people and expecially the poor. We've come a long way since then, but not far enough. Then again, what gives me the right to play GOD, to do Social Engineering when I, as essentially a hermit, have been among the least social of beings? It does seem crazy, but such indeed is the job position for which I have been groomed all these years. Further, it matters not that such a position does not yet exist. It will exist by the time I am meant to fill it. You might say that I place a lot of faith in the workings of the unknown. And, you would be right, I clearly do. But, where else is there to place one's faith that is more trustworthy than consciousness herself. Why herself? Because I experience consciousness in a feminine sense. It's just a sense. No other reason. Looking down at the page count and up at the month, we're doing OK despite being so busy with other things both work and non-work. I consider one page per day a reasonable months writing. The maximum has been an average of 4 pages/day and the minimum 1/2 page per day over a period that now stretches for nearly two years.

There is a sense of being in a waiting pattern again. Small events are unfolding, but the large one still seems to be a few months away. Counseling definitely doesn't seem to be doing it. My sense is that unless one is awakened, there is no way to understand the experience of the awakened conselee. Other than Baba Hari Dass, I haven't yet met anyone so touched. Is this ego again seeking vanity, or is it a simple statement of fact. From the standpoint of being rare, having such experiences does indeed make me even more special than I knew myself to be before. However, the bottom line is that none of this is for me. My children will come in the form of ideas, concepts, and infrastructures for society planted on this earth. I came to find ways to allow spirit to more fully express in flesh. My destiny is as a Pathfinder and Way Shower. The ways being those require to carry us into a new age, as a country, then as a world. Further, fulfillment of the destiny requires but one step: renouncement of personal will so that The Will of consciousness can be expressed.

So, the question is: have I reached Card 64:Renouncement of my will for Thy Will? What test would prove this to be so? My sense is that there is no such test. One must trust the knowingness that comes from deep within one's HEART.

19 Sep 95

Quite interesting indeed. It's that these connections have such powerful personal meaning that leads me to believe that these are indeed the admonitions of consciousness and not the ravings of a madman. There are imply too many connections to ignore, too many things that, from a conventional world standpoint, should be random but are not. But then, anyone reading these notes already knows that I am not a conventional person living in a conventional world.

It has been a strange month overall. I've been obsessed with getting information out. First, by mail, to a variety of groups, government, and corporate leaders. Then, I spent all my free time getting information onto the Internet. Overall, I've been very successful. In a little over two weeks I've posted nearly 2 meg of information and spent nearly a day reformatting my four briefings into a more legible format. Now, my sense is that it is time to wait and see what comes back. It feels strange. Everything was fast and furious for a few weeks. I was compelled in a way that I have never been before. It was as if this was something that had to be done, as if it was the most important thing in the world. This compulsion filling was different. You could definitely say that I was obsessed. Yet, it felt so natural. Further, the amount of work accomplished during that time was unreal. Also, I learned far more by doing than any amount of study would have given me.

Yet, now I sit and wait for what consciousness would move me to do next. I have some minor cleanup work on the TOC file for the Beyond Imagination book. But, after that, there is no urgency to add information, with the possible exception of filling out the rest of 1994 notes.

The message that just came was "sit back and wait for the universe to respond". Though you may desire instant feedback, the world takes a bit of time to beat it's way to your door.

I'm still in a very strange state. The limited input that I get from the world doesn't agree with what I know is to be. It's as if things are moving rapidly in the opposite direction from where my VISION indicates they are to be in the not too distant future. However, it is not for my to take care of the details, or even to find the path from where we are to where we need to be. Rather, as always, I need to work from my forte, the ability to see things from the top down. The country and the world will somehow be pulled up to where they are destined to be. This will happen radically, in a manner that is Beyond Imagination. Past patterns aren't sufficient to generate the scope of change that is required. Perhaps the Project Mind Foundation has some new ideas in this area. Consciousness wouldn't have guided me to them if they were not to somehow play a role in my life. This was not a chance encounter. I have found a family of like minded beings. Already, we've exchanged E-Mail three times in as many days. It will be interesting to see what develops from this. However, I sense that it is definitely in line with what I need to do to prepare to fulfill my mission. Interesting.

There is still a sense of the Hermit. But there is also a sense that I have released all that I am to the world. Clearly my thoughts are outside the norm. Further, to the casual reader, they may appear highly egotistic. Yet, in my assessment, they are just the opposite. Sure, they are strong. But, one must ask whether the being writing these notes is coming from Self or self, or better yet, from serving my will or serving Thy Will? It should be obvious that I gave up my personal will in 1993, and have been serving consciousness ever since. With LEO rising, I still come across regally as the Philosopher King that I would be. And with Sun in ARIES, I'm definitely out front blazing the trail, and often butting my head due to jumping in before I've thoroughly considered things. However, I'd rather move fast and get things started and leave others to follow through and take care of the details. I can't help it, it's part of my nature.