These were selected on 8-10 April 1998 from the Beyond Imagination NOTES of July 95. It's curious because this is the SECOND time this has been done for the notes from this particular month. All record of the first selection have been lost due to problems with the service provider and with the zip drive where backup files were located.

Anyway, it seems that all this was meant to be. I needed to rediscover these particular passages at this time. There is no doubt about it! What a wonderful BIRTHDAY present from SPIRIT!!!

PS: As I was walking my dogs last night, it occurred to me that the material you see HERE is the product of approximately 120 hours of my FREE time. That is what it took for me to bring this expression forth three years ago ... AND to select and format the passages that follow. This is indeed the TRUE WORK that I do in my LIFE.

3 Jul 95

I'm not sure how to describe the overall state that I'm in. For the most part, it's as if we're starting with a blank slate. It's as if I know exactly what I need to know, or I have the appropriate abilities required for this next phase in the adventure.

I know that I AM consciousness at my core. Yet, I also know that the illusion is composed of consciousness as well.

It's as if my will now must be combined with the Greater Will of Consciousness for the Greater Good of All.

Interesting, I know that I have a major role to play in the revolutionary changes that lie ahead. And, I do indeed believe them to be revolutionary. Yet, at the same time, my mission is PEACE. Hence, a bloody or violent change is not even a remote possibility. So, how does one fill the role of Peaceful Revolutionary? By providing the appropriate guidance as the Philosopher King or as the Hermit. There are truly several opportunities.

Can it really be that simple? My sense is YES. Where possible, keep the interpretations simple. Note the obvious amidst the complex. Note what others seem to miss. There you'll find the answers you seek.

"There you'll find the answers you seek". Where did that come from? What answers, and more importantly to what questions? WHY is my key question. Ah. I have a validictorian address nearly 20 years old that asked the key questions that still apply today. Actually, it was exactly 19 years ago. But, why would 19 be so important now? 19:The Sun -- and the Son?

[Added 4/8/98]

Just yesterday I received something in the mail about YAHWEH being the true name of the creator. Further, the original spelling had no vowels … YHWH. Note in particular that WHY is embedded in reverse H WHY! It is also curious that my initials just happen to be WEH. Hmm…

Saw a spider on the wall in the bathroom. I had seen one yesterday scuttling across the lawn as I mowed it. Further, I saw a third one nearly identical to the one in the bathroom about a week ago. There's still something about spiders that strikes up a sense of fear in me. It's been there as far back as I can remember. The sense is, however, that it has nothing to do with 8 and responsibility. However, it is something to be recognized and I sense dealt with at some level. It's not just spiders, however. I've also encountered some very strange looking insects over the years. There's another spider that just came into then out of my view on the wall behind my computer. I don't remember ever seeing so many in the house in such a short period of time.

Spider is Card 43. On page 208, we have:

"Spider ... weaving webs of delight, Weave me a peaceful world. Carrying creation in your web, Waiting to be unfurled!"

Now look at that "Weave me a peaceful world." And, just how are we to go about doing that? 43 says start with great abundance.

208 = 2:54(77) = 2:53(78) = 2:40(84) = 2:32(88) = 2:30(89) = 2:26(91)

Spider also deals with bringing the alphabet to mankind via the angles in it's web. Thus came the symbols through which writing could be born. Interesting. Am I not as spider trying to create new symbols, or a new understanding of symbols via which people can realize that there is much more to the world than they presently see.

There is a sense in me that all that which we call knowledge, be it from the sciences, from religion, from metaphysical sources, or from any other sources are valid perspectives. My forte is finding the Eagle's Eye view from which all of the perspectives make sense as the pieces of a puzzle fit together. Where there is contradiction, it shall be seen that such was only apparent contradiction and not real contradiction.

Weave me a peaceful world, he said. Such is the commandment I givith unto you. Carry it out to the greatest degree that you can. Let your every thought, your every action, be aligned with this mission. This is what Beyond Imagination is all about. The Aquarian Age is all nice and good, but your particular purpose is more specific and forms the fundamental building block on which all else is based. Yes, that's why the song as well:

"When the moon is in the 7th house,
and Jupiter aligns with Mars,
then PEACE will reign throughout the planets,
and LOVE will rule the stars."

I am beginning to suspect that wherever consciousness draws my attention, I'll find incredible beauty and meaning. You could say this has become a way of life for me. It is not a game, nor a job, nor a hobby. THIS IS MY LIFE. And, at this very instant, I would not have it any other way, even if I could. There is a sense that everything that I need to carry out my mission is around me. I only need to gain the right vantage point and see through the right eyes to bring it into my circle. That's it. The second. We're all interconnected in a large circle, a hoop as the Indians would call it, and as the movie Pocahontas is making known to millions whether than truly understand or not. The movie The Lion King also dealt with the "circle of life" and the key maxim "to never take more than you give". This along with the basic principle:

form the crucial foundation for a new society. Though we might want to add the Golden Rule and a few other spiritual maxims common to all the Great Religions of the ages.

Am I a communist? The bottom line is Yes, philosophically. Then, so was Christ in terms of his ideas on community. What is a communist anyway?

One who believes that there is a contract between people in a community or society, that enables the group as a whole to get it's needs met to a higher degree working together than by working apart.

Unions are entities that do this primarily for economic reasons to empower a group of individuals to deal collectively with employers who typically have far greater power and clout. And yes, I favor unions as well.

In fact, the ultimate Peace occurs with the ultimate union, where there are no separated parties who need to handle grievances in other than peaceful fashion.

You say such Utopias exist only in the clouds. I say, nay, for I came to assure such clouds as these float down to earth and the Legend of Camelot be manifest anew, this time to stay for ages henceforth,

for the characters now playing
the lead roles will be of such light that the world has never seen.

Yeah, verily, the fog is lifting, and behold what your eyes shall see you shall not have even dreamed possible. For what is to be will surely be Beyond Imagination.

And, what makes me so certain that such indeed will manifest? I see how enlivened I become when consciousness speaks through me in this way.

This she be none other than Consciousness herself. And, while I am part of her, and she part of me, she is the greater by far, and in many ways the only one of us that exists. As a part, the limitations that I accept and experience enable me to see things in different ways, allowing consciousness to expand by my experience. Not only my personal consciousness, but the entire matrix of which I am a part, all the way to consciousness herself.

4 Jul 95

I just noticed that all three movies that I picked out yesterday were released in 1988. The third, TUCKER: The Man and His Dreams. Movie number was 832, yes, the gold number on the house around the corner on Jefferson. Further, Tucker built his 50 cars "Tucker Torpedos" in 1948. That his dream could by squelched so soundly by the big three at the time was unconscionable, yet it was an indication of the times -- times that still conform to the beliefs of the mass consciousness concerning the ability of big business and special interests to control politics. In Tucker's case, his innovations would have cost Detroit billions to compete with. Yet, what does this lesson really show us? The bottom line is that he built his 50 cars. He made his dream a reality. That the world was not ready for it to be 50 thousand or 50 million, is another matter entirely. Interesting. It seems that Tesla was a man ahead of his times in the same manner.

I don't know who said it, or even if I got it right, but the essense is there. However, the emphasis is not to be placed on the idea alone, but on the fact that its time has come. Interesting indeed. This specifically applies to my own endeavors as well. They will manifest in their due time, and I may or may not be around to see the day. But what about "Carpe Diem -- Seize the Day"? Does this not apply as well? Further does it not apply to each moment?

This difference is a matter of focus. Does one live one's life centered from ego, regardless of how beneficent one appears -- or does one live from spirit? My sense is that we are observing a play over which we consciously exert no control over the events that occur.

The wrinkle is that we are observing the play from the inside out, and we only bear witness to what our charactor is able to perceive, experience, and realize.

In truth, we don't know much of how any of it works especially the most complex parts, namely the brain, mind, and consciousness. I treat the three as separate, in increasing order of complexity and awareness.

Noticed 666 on the license plate of a black car parked behind me at home depot. It was slightly unusual because it was three numbers, not involving any letters. When I turned around to get into my van , the Off of the Office Depot sign caught my attention immediately. Another 666 within seconds. The mark of the beast. Yet we also know that 6:66 covers a whole range of numbers that start at 468 and increasing by multiples of 6. One particular point of interest is when 528 = 6:66. That occurs for 6:66(77). 600 = 6:66(89=11). The Lovers Exalted(100) associated with 89. How interesting. Further 630 = 6:66(94=16) The Tower and The Lovers: Camelot.

I have to ask again whether these be the musings of a madman, or of consciousness herself through me. My sense is the latter. But if tis the former, the sense of a madman is not a reasonable thing to be following in search of truth. Yet, literally I have no choice. I have plunged into the deep end, so to speak, and it is there that I shall sink or swim. Thus far, I seem to be swimming, actually flying for the most part. But, I am in an unknown territory, with few reference points with which I am aware. My sense is that this is part of my training as well, that I am to experience The Hermit so deeply that my trust in consciousness becomes unshakeable and I become fully familiar with her ways of expressing spirit through us.

My writing is often in the first person. For the most part this is because I am so often by myself that it seems natural. Others may see this as self-centered. So be it. Tis not my responsibility to control how others see me. I only ask that you judge my ideas for what they're worth, and the ideas that flow through me from consciousness as well. See whether I was concerned for self profit or self glory, or rather the Profit of All Humankind, and the Self glory of more fully expressing spirit in flesh throughout the planet. Yes, were it up to me alone, I would be the Philosopher King with absolute rule -- allowing spirit to rule through me to right the infrastructure and achieve the directive that spirit has given me:

At this point, I know not whether this is my task alone, or the task of a cast of thousands. What I do know, is that everything has been elaborately planned by consciousness and what I need to know I will know when I need to know it. This applies to everyone on the planet. Every decision being made was planned by consciousness, down to the smallest detail. The Bible says that God is omniscient. How could she not be, for what is God but Consciousness Herself, or Cosmic Consciousness as some might call it.

Time and space are illusion, but they are the realm wherein consciousness creates and plays, and most importantly where consciousness gains realization of itself. Such is what it is all about: Know Thyself. All else is window dressing. Perhaps that's why my life has become as it has. I have no hobbies or recreation anymore -- other than watching movies. I have a very limited home life. I have no real friends that I deal with outside of the work environment on any regular or even irregular basis for that matter. By all accounts, I am very much The Hermit that I say that I am. Can this change? Do I want it to? I've spent all of my life hidden from most people, do I really want that to change now? Actually, this isn't completely correct. I've always worked well with people in the work environment, and got along well with them in school, however, when it came time to go home -- nearly always was I alone. Even in the past seven years of being married, there has been little difference. I still live in my own little world, little in terms of whom it includes not in terms of its conceptual makeup.

Two years ago, I was golfing regularly -- every week, sometimes twice per week. It all but consumed the weekend time, making the weeks and months and even years fly buy. Between work, golf, and some time with the wife and dogs, my life was full. Then came the mania. For a few months, the golf got even better, however my beliefs about the nature of reality and consciousness went into "never never" land. The final culmination was a complete ceremonial renunciation of my will to Thy Will that landed me in the hospital for 10 days where I was diagnosed as bipolar and put on Lithium for the rest of my life. Me, a person who had never tried drugs or alcohol and never intended to, with the exception of an aspirin or tylenol on occasion, condemned to taking serious medication to control my mental state. Further, six months after the initial prescription, I started flying (extreme manic mental state) again and Valproic Acid in the form of Depakote was added to my daily regimen.

I don't think like most other folks. Using chemical symbols as an alphabet and then converting the symbols to their atomic numbers and atomic wts, adding to get a result and interpreting the result via numerology is not something one is taught in chemistry class -- nor in any alchemical classes as far as I know. So why do I do it? Simple, because consciousness bids me do so. It puts the thoughts in my head and guides me in the direction needed to get whatever meaning is there for me. Generally, the meaning is obvious, but not necessarily expressible. I see patterns of numbers that my conscious mind recognizes as important even though it doesn't know the precise meaning. The value is that it is learning to trust this inner source that springs from consciousness herself. When I say trust, I mean TRUST. I've embraced a philosophy that says that the current existence we presently exist within was completed when it was created. It is only from our vantage point that choice and free will and virtually everything we associate with freedom has any appearance of reality.

Reality primarily lies in the realm of interpretation of what we experience. We are consciousness experiencing life in flesh, not the other way around. How do I know this? I just do. There is no doubt whatsoever.

5 Jul 95

I don't see the world confirming any of this yet, however. No, I don't expect proof. Things will occur when the time is right and not one second before. Yes, I'm out on a limb, and a very shaky one at that. However, the bottom line is that there is no risk.

Every step is necessary, as is every realization, no matter how stunning or numbing it may be. At all times, however, I will always be in the state most appropriate for my unfoldment and for carrying out my role in consciousness plans. My mission must be done, not as I would consciously do, but as consciousness would do through me. Interesting.

"Love is the answer," as one of the current popular songs says. "I believe in Love," as one of Elton John's current songs says. The Lovers Exalted at the top of my "A" reading and the sum of the letters of my entire name. "Love, love, love .." as the key to genius per Mozart. The same theme was present in several other top songs as well.

The artists are being inspired to write the necessary words and they are appearing in multiple media, on the radio and as background in movies. Further, several movies are taking moral stands on issues and coming through with very spiritual perspectives. The Lion King and Pocahontas are two key cases in point.

Making connections. That is what it's all about. That's what the brain cells do, but they are hampered by limited conscious belief systems.

Here, we have consciousness making the connections. The brain is receiving the thoughts. The intuition is guided by consciousness as to what connections to make and what meaning to assign.

Connections are what it's all about. The hoop and the circle of life. The consciousness of each rock, and tree, and animal.

Everything is consciousness and consciousness creates thoughtforms out of herself. And these thoughtforms are realities composed of worlds inhabited by smaller sparks of consciousness. Yet, the sparks never truly separate from their source, while at the same time their experience is beyond that which the whole could ever experience.

Without limitation, there can be no illusion, and reality within space/time is always illusion.

So how does one go beyond the limitation? The answer is simple "BE HERE NOW" as Ram Dass says.

Numbers are an integral part of how I get information from the world. In particular, spiritually related information. I see no reason to give up this language now that I have found it and become somewhat fluent in it. Yes, as far as I am concerned, these numbers form a symbolic language that is rich with meaning. At this point, it doesn't matter that I may be the only person to see the meaning. At the very least, it amuses me to no end.

No, my life is not like that of other people. For the most part, however, it never has been. So, this does not bother me. I have been a loner all my life, and even though married for the past seven years still consider myself to be a hermit. Until my late 20's, I actually expected to live out my life in this manner. Consciousness excites me more than anything. I feel that I was awakened two years ago, and have stayed awake for most of the time since then. No, this doesn't mean that I'm in ecstatic states all of the time. However, I do experience them on occasion and with the exception of sleeping I'm nearly always aware of the watcher presence around me. The watcher or the observer is a higher state of awareness than normal waking consciousness. I don't mean to toot my own horn, rather I'm trying to illustrate a point using my personal experience as the basis since that is all I know.

For the most part, what we experience is all we truly know. Yes, we can learn from the experiences of others and try not to repeat their mistakes. However, when it comes to awareness of self, here we are on our own. There may be tools and methods and processes to assist, but the bottom line is that it is up to us to apply these on our own journey of self discovery.

I sense that I am a hairbreadths away from being in a channeling state. I've been struggling for over an hour to find it, but there is something in the way. Exactly what, I do not know. However, the sense is that whatever it is, it is good.

Throughout time we have guided your progress and ensured that the plan kept it's proper timing. The idea that everything is predestined is not quite right. It is close, but there is some room for adjustment according to how awareness is elevated over the course of time. The bottom line is all that exists truly is HERE and NOW. Both past and present can be manipulated as required to make the HERE and NOW consistent.

Don't underestimate the means by which consciousness creates it's works in your world. Don't rule out any possibilities.

It wasn't for naught that you were given the name Beyond Imagination to use in all of your endeavors, for such indeed is what will come of your activities soon.

No, not NOW, but in a NOW that is to be.

6 Jul 95

I'm still on somewhat of a high from yesterday's presense. My sense is that I've reached or am reaching a new level of awareness, one that is different from anything I have experienced before. There is no sense of fear, however. Rather, I am intensely curious to see what this new level will bring into my existence. I have two years of experience with major shifts of consciousness now. Personal experience, not the second-hand experience of others. This also means that I have no basis for comparison other than to see how I have grown as a result of these transformations. I still find it interesting that I am compelled to walk this road alone. Then again, it is not clear there is a road, or worse yet, even a path. I'm having to create it as I go. These notes are the signposts that I leave behind, warning others of what lies ahead. Curious that this would be how it works.

We've definitely found a new direction now. One step at a time, The Fool Complete, knowing that there is always one more safe step to take, trusting that consciousness has full control of the situation.

We teach people that they are free and can create whatever they want. But is this really true? Or, are we subject to a massive deception? My sense is that there is really nothing to give up except the illusion that we have control. Life happens. We know not why. In some cases we appear to be able to learn enough to gain control over processes, such as in technology, chemistry, and medicine. Yet, my own personal experience tells me that much of this seems to be incredibly lacking in true knowledge. The bottom line is that we can come up with techniques to control forces for which we have no true understanding or explanation. I have walked on hot coals in three different seminars over the past six years, twice with Anthony Robbins and once with Stuart Wilde. I cannot explain why I and thousands of others were able to do this, nor have I heard any sort of credible explanation from anyone. I do know that all three times, I and the other walkers were clearly in altered states of consciousness, induced by psychologically psyching ourselves up with the help of the facilitator until there was no longer any doubt. You could see the intensity in peoples eyes. For most, they were in a psychological place they had never been in during their entire life. For a few, it was just another day at the office.

My sense now is that I needed to see and experience firsthand some of the best training being done on the planet, or at least in the country.

My astrological makeup places me in a position to be highly sensitive to this. You might say it's one of the major reasons why I'm here, to ensure that this component receives its due consideration, which of course, is of the highest importance. Clearly, I've given it that level of prominence in my own life. How to do that for the country and for the world at large is the next major question. As always, I think big and from the top down. I can't help it, that's just how it works. We are about to see the Dawn of a New Age after all. The Dawn comes to the entire planet in the course of a single day. Somehow, it seems that the Spiritual Dawn will occur just as dramatically, though a single day seems to be pushing things a bit. Yet, on the other hand, we're not talking decades or generations either. The sense is a few years. That is all that will be needed.

What right have I to speak of things to come in such a manner? What do I know? What makes me so special that consciousness speaks directly through me? There is nothing special about any of this.

So, what it this that sees with new eyes and hears with new ears and finds meaning where there was none before?

Verily, I say it is a new consciousness at play within me, able to express itself more because my own awareness has expanded to give it room, and my choice has been to fill this expansion with Thy Will rather than my own.

Such is what allows this communication. For me, spirit would express best in this manner because Mercury is at the very top of my birth chart. Communication is where my natural abilities are the greatest. Writing has always been easy for me. Further, most of my jobs have been such as to take advantage of this. These notes are even easier. For the most part, I am the scribe, taking down whatever consciousness puts into my head, and documenting the adventures in consciousness on which I am taken.

You could say that I live and breathe consciousness.

Very little else matters. I started to say, nothing else matters, and that is probably closer to my state of mind at present. Interesting. This word appears a lot. One of the key features of awareness is a sense of simultaneous multiplicity. I am typing, I am reading, and I am aware of seeing my fingers moving at the same time that I hear the words in my head and see them appear on the screen. Further, at a metalevel, I am aware that I am aware of all of these things.

The tougher part to deal with is that I know that my awareness stops at some point. For instance, my awareness does not extend to the origin of the thoughts that are being expressed. It sees them happening, and interprets what is being expressed, but it does not extend past the awareness of the voice in my head. Further, while it sees the fingers move, the awareness does not extend to the source of the direction that results in the movement. It's as if the brain receives the thought from consciousness herself and the body mechanically commits it to the screen through the keyboard, automatically correcting most errors as it goes along. I’ve been in this place before, and possibly have written these same words or similar ones several times. This time, however, the sense is that things go deeper -- that I'm really onto something here that few have realized before. Where this takes me, consciousness only knows.

Continuing, I have no sense that I am creating what is coming through these fingers at this time. There is nothing that I am doing to make it happen. There is nothing that I am thinking. In fact, if anything, I would describe my mind as blank most of the time. It is in a receptive mode, ready to receive what consciousness would send. Then again, you could say this about much of my work as well.

It's as if I'm on automatic, always trusting that consciousness will come through with whatever is needed in the moment.

At 37, this philosophy or way of life has served me well for over 20 years. I have no plans for the future, and what is past is past. For most of my life, I have carried no memories with me, good ones or bad. I moved often and was extremely shy, so I became quite self-reliant. Rarely have I had contact with people from my past after any move. Next year marks my 20th reunion of my High School graduation. It's been at least 18 years since I saw anyone that I knew in High School. I did go back to visit a few teachers the first couple of years, but after that I had no desire to go back.

It seems that one of the key distinctions that must be made is that of what "I" consists of. The "I" that is consciously reading this and hearing it in my head just before it is expressed through these fingers is clearly not creating this information.

The conscious mind is charged with dealing with outer reality. Here, we are experiencing the products or effects of inner reality. Since we've been doing it so much over the past two years, the conscious "I" knows that it doesn't have to be threatened by such expressions. In fact, it has found that much of the information is useful for dealing with the world at large.

From another vantage point, this material is coming through me. There is no other of whom I am aware feeding this information to me. However, it is faulty to assume that because of this I indeed create what comes through. What I know is that it comes through. Further, I know that it does not necessarily come through just because I sit down to write. In addition, the quantity of information can vary by as much as a order of magnitude from month to month.

My explanation is that it is consciousness that expresses through me. Not just me, but through each and every one of us.

However, in being a part, we live in darkness, partitioned into little individual worlds of ignorance.

In some of us, this drive is great. In others, it's so weak as to take millenia to come out. Yet, it matters not. The ONE Consciousness has produced a Play so grand as to allow each to get exactly those experiences it needs to return home.

Another busy day. There is a sense that my world has changed in a very major way. I am no longer content just to sit and write, but am moved to fling my ideas out to wherever they are meant to go to take root. Where this is, I know not. I only know that I am moved to get the material out.

This is the question of the day. Where/How do I find the audience intended for my writings? My sense is that to a large degree I have to let the audience find me. For this to happen physically, there must be some type of media exposure. Someone has to see or hear what I have to say -- more specifically, what consciousness has to say through me. That's the key. They ideas will strike a chord in those meant to become involved in the initial phases of Beyond Imagination. The first phase was getting some stuff written down. The next is to attract a core group to assist in manifesting the ideas, bringing them down to earth and living them. My sense is that the time for this is rapidly drawing near.

Colorado still calls to my soul. Idaho was nice as well, but it's not the same. The Meadowdale Ranch and Conference Center still seems like the perfect place, though I have no idea about how to make it so. I sense that this is for consciousness to arrange somehow. It appears that a benefactor of some type is on the horizon. When I look forward to see where I will be employed six months hence, the sense is that I will truly be employed by consciousness and will be fully engaged in accomplishing my mission. In return, there will be no lack. That is all. Just a sense that I will be doing what I love to do and will be amidst others who are doing the same, though much of my work will still be alone, at the cutting edge of consciousness.

7 Jul 95

Just went out on the balcony with Bear. After a few minutes, I noticed another US Navy ship in the bay. However, this time it's parked where I can't see it from where I sit when I write. Interesting. It's as if I had to search for it, but not too hard. The number was hard to make out even through binoculars, but I finally got it, 996. The immediate sense that crossed my mind was that this is a timing message. We're on a transformation path from 666 to 999. One way for this to happen is to take 333 steps. If the ship is right, we're at step 330 already. At one step per year, we're back to 1998 being a critical year. The other way relates to seeing the world upside down as The Hanged Man. 6 is transformed into 9 by a simple 180 degree rotation. Now, what do the three digits stand for? 666 is the mark of the beast. But, what is 999, the beast transformed? And what does it take to make the final transformation

528 = 9:66? No! The result does not come out even. How about 528 = 9:96? This is true for base 48, The Man in Search of More! 528 = 9 x 48 + 96 = 11 x 48! = 11:00(48) JUSTICE! Clearly this is the meaning that I was meant to get from this. The shiver and goosebumps confirm this truth once again.

11 x 48 also = 5 x 96 + 48 = 5:48(96) = The Hierophant : The Man in Search of More in The Moon Exalted base. Interesting indeed. I believe there is more to 528 that is yet to be revealed. However, the time is not quite right yet. In particular, the relationship of 528 and Card 70, the Two of Pents has not yet been fully unveiled. 528 = 7:38(70). Wow. I didn't even need a calculator for that one. The Chariot : VISION. Of course, why had I not thought to make that connection before. Perhaps it is indeed because consciousness is pulling the strings.

I was going to add and has taken control of my life, but in truth I sense that consciousness has retained control all along for everyone and the idea that I personally had control was no more than illusion.

This doesn't mean that I'm not responsible for my actions. What it does mean is that these actions were decided at a higher level than my conscious mind or emotions alone no matter how much the illusion appears to the contrary. I still know that our sojourn on this earth in space/time is in accord with a Play and Master Plan than Consciousness has designed, and that we co-create our roles at a higher Self level, and then emerge ourselves into the world to experience the parts we have planned.

I quickly read through a book with a very strange title. Something like Nothing Expressed in this Book is Correct. That's as close as I can recall at this time. I spent at least half an hour leafing through it, in most cases finding things that I have seen or heard before. One somewhat startling revelation dealt with the fact that a lady in Peru achieved Christ Consciousness in 1989, and her efforts were essential in eliminating the problem of the Greys among us. The book was printed in 1994, and there was no mention of others who might have achieved such a state as well. It's also interesting because I've been re-reading bits and pieces of Maurice Bucke's book Cosmic Consciousness. All of his evidence suggests that as of the turn of the century, the frequency of occurences of cosmic states of consciousness was rapidly increasing. However, it is not clear that what the first author meant by Christ Consciousness is even of the same order as a momentary glimpse of cosmic consciousness. I find it interesting that so little real work has been done in this area. Then again, there is no reason this should be surprising, since the common use of logical thought in argument in the Western World anyway doesn't go back very far in time. In fact, one might successfully argue that it has never really existed. Then, to go a step further, and realize that logical thought has it's place but should be subjugated to the intuition -- this is a giant leap of faith that most are not willing to make. Actually, this is much more true of men than women who find it much easier, in general, to tap their intuitive sides and trust what it tells them.

Back to the sense of being The Hanged Man. I do feel that I see the world (and myself) differently than anyone I know or know of. It's not even close! I sit here and type knowing that it is consciousness expressing through me, and that I am enacting a script and observing myself doing it. Exactly how far this goes, I'm not yet sure, but I sense that it spans at least the physical, emotional, and mental. My sense is that the only variable is the spiritual, since that is the true realm of consciousness, and further that much of this is controlled by what is applied at the other three levels. In my case, having all those metaphysical books come to my attention and so attract my thinking for so long. How could I not grow spiritually with such a wonderful stimulus.

I've had no physical teachers, anyway. And, if I am being taught on other dimensions, I am not consciously aware of such teaching.

Interesting. We keep coming back to this same point. At this time, I have realized that I have no conscious control over what happens in my life. All of this was decided and scripted long ago. From an ego standpoint, I lay down my need to exert any control. I never really had such control anyway, regardless of how events may have appeared. I am the 64 Card of the Tarot, and I am also it's completion the 24 Card: Q of Wands with it's black cat that ties it to the 13 Card: Death. Further, I am the 48, the Man in Search of More.

From this standpoint, I have no will of my own, no desires, no objectives, no goals -- other than to increase in awareness and do what consciousness would have me do. Over the past two years I've had insights into what this might be. However, the bottom line is I DO NOT KNOW, but

These are very strong words. Further, they fly in the face of most metaphysical thinking. However, most metaphysical thinking still deals with individuals consciously creating the reality (illusion) that they prefer. When we go further inward, and address individuals as part of the ONE consciousness, we need to graduate from high school and go to college. I say it in these terms because metaphysical thinking is a large step up from the grade school level most people are at. In fact, if we look at the world at large, much of the population doesn't make it to school at all. Given that we have such diversity, how is it that a planetary shift is in order?

Many might consider my position a cop out. However, my observation is that my thoughts, my feelings, and my physical actions are automatic. They happen, but there is no premeditation. Further, I neither know how nor from where they originate. I take full responsibility for them, primarily from a metaphysical/spiritual perspective. When decisions come up, I don't know how my mind comes up with alternatives. Further, my experience has always been that either the choice is obvious or the choices are equally acceptable. In both cases, effectively this means there is no choice.

Further, our experience of reality is one-way. Once we pass a decision point, we don't have the possibility of going back to see whether we really could have made a different choice.

The movie analogy works perfectly here. When we watch a new movie, we know that it is completed before we start to watch it. Every line, every frame, every detail, including every emotion the actor's convey and any decisions they make. It's all complete before we see the opening credits. Yet, we watch it as if it were happening moment by moment, and in doing so experience a reality very similar to our own. Could it not be that our lives are scripted in exactly the same fashion. Only we're sitting here as consciousness, riding atop a character in the Play. I just had a flash that says what proof have I that the identity I associate myself with is really me? Interesting.

Further, why do I need to be either? Why do I not simply manifest as pure consciousness, in the manner that Seth describes in his books. The issue is level of awareness. All I know thus far is how much of my native awareness I've been able to bring through. That's the inheritance part, the 35. I have no way of knowing how much more there is, though my sense is that we've just scratched the surface. 11/11 is a key date. That the final time Pluto square natal Pluto is exact. Interesting that it would be exactly 11/11 since 11:Justice is the middle card of my "X" reading. Much that is unknown now will be clear by then. Further, it's only four months away.

10 Jul 95

On the drive into work this morning, I saw two very interesting license plates:

2ZTB222 @ 9:09 = The Hermit:The Hermit. This is 2822222, 28 and five 2's. However if we take the shape of the Z as a triangularized 2, we get 2222222, seven 2's. JACKPOT BIG TIME!

6666 showed up exactly 11=Justice minutes later @ 9:20 = The Hermit : Judgement. Interesting.

[NC = no caps, IC = Init Caps, AC = ALL CAPS]

It's interesting that five of the eleven numbers end in 55. That's nearly half, and were dealing with a two digit ending not a single digit one.

It's interesting that 4,5, and 9 all have the same NC sum = 24. In addition 1 and 7 have the same NC sum = 16:The Tower. 4,5 also have the same IC sum = 24. 2, 8 have the same IC sum = 31. Finally, only 5 and 9 have the same AC sum = 42 : Couple and Winged Lion Above Caduceus.

Two numbers end in 955. Three = 28955 and Nine = 5955. Something says to read this as 95 = 559 528 955. Very interesting. Now 93 = The Devil Exalted. This seems to be involved in exalting the Devil by extracting a 9 and reducing him down to his proper position as The Lovers Exalted. The previous line was 7:56, so I know I'm on the right track. Further, the time is 12:56 = The Hanged Man : Balance and Truth. Interesting.

25955 - 28955, span of 30:00, centered at 2:74:55. How appropriate. Yes, indeed. Both the Benefactor : 74 and Camelot : 30 make their appearance here.

I'm still flying. It is very hard to focus on work. There is a sense that revelation is taking place all around me, and that major revelation -- and perhaps revolution is close at hand. Looking at world events and seeing how they are interpreted by the talk show hosts on KGO is quite interesting as well. The bottom line is that they have it all wrong. They make assumptions about cause and effect in both human and government relations that simply have no basis. Yet, their words go out and impact tens to hundreds of thousands potentially. Essentially, however, this is my only real connection with the outside world.

My attempt to establish a connection with the Psychology Dept at Stanford essentially fell on deaf ears. However, they did recommend trying the Psychiatry and Human Behavior Dept of the Stanford Medical School. Something seemed right about the recommendation, so I sent a slightly revised letter with a new set of disks today. We'll see what comes of it in the next week or so. I was surprised to get such a quick response to begin with.

Even William James was investigating these at the turn of the century when he wrote his classic book The Varieties of Religious Experience.

On the way back from dinner, I saw a blue Corvette with 888 on it's license plate. So what is 888 telling me? 88 was completion in this world. What does a triple 8 do? The first impression I get is responsibility on three level. [Pg 22 Ln 7:56] at the time of that impression. Also, it , the impression, occurred at exactly 8:00. Interesting indeed. Three levels deals with physical, emotional, and mental.

I'm generating so much information, and observing so much, that I don't have the time to really analyze and interpret it anymore. There is a sense that consciousness is overwhelming me on purpose to teach me a lesson in discrimination. I need to learn to filter what comes in and quit trying so hard. I don't have to understand everything.

This does not mean that I can sit back and do nothing. In fact, if anything, it means that I have as much if not more to do, only that I need to take even more of my direction from consciousness directly. This goes back to the 64 Card : Thy Will not my will be done. I sit here as a consciousness, aware of whom that I am, and willingly submitting my personal will to that of consciousness herself. I still believe that the reality we live within is an elaborate 3-D movie that has already been written.

So, how will the massive change required to "weave me a peaceful world" come to be? I saw a spider today while eating dinner. They keep turning up in my life. And, something within me knows that this is a major part of my mission. I'm here to bring PEACE to the world.

Yes, me, a Hermit, who basically doesn't deal with people, am here on this planet at this time to weave a peaceful world.

I have no question about it. Further, this is a major part of what is required to usher in the Age of Aquarius.

My present belief system says that my thought, emotions, and actions are all governed by the movie or Play. I'm awareness, associated with a vessel, but not in control of the vessel. At some point, my awareness may reach a point where this changes, but my sense is that this will not occur in this lifetime. Interesting, especially since my sense is that this is my final lifetime. After this, I return back to the realm of consciousness from which I came for this special mission. I have no idea how many others there are like me. The immediate answer is: as many as are necessary to carry out the mission of Consciousness in the Play.

Each day, I feel more and more separated from others and from the world. There is this sense that I need to make my VISION of the world as solid as possible in the ideal. Soon, it will be time to pass this VISION on to others as well. Exactly who and how many, I know not. However, it is not for me to know. Consciousness will make the necessary connections when the time is right. All that I have to do is trust, and react to what consciousness tells me. Further, if the Play is truly already written, then everything that must happen will happen. I'm getting another sense that while the Play is written, the actors still must carry out their roles. Here's where the awareness factor comes in. I know that I do not consciously create my thoughts. I hear them in my head, and I observe how I interpret and react to them, but I have no awareness of where thoughts come from or where they go whence they depart or are replaced. I now have over 1200 pages of such thoughts in written form, so I know whereof I speak.

Maurice Bucke's book Cosmic Consciousness, deals with this -- but, I'm not completely sure that I meet his criteria completely. I did have a major spiritual transformation at Age 35, as was typical of his examples, but my background did not have me see things in the more conventional religious format experienced by most. Given my background of 20 years of metaphysics, with no real specific religious training after age 12 or so, this should not be surprising. Maurice's basic theory was that the race was headed toward Cosmic Consciousness, and I believe he was right from his perspective. The Hanged Man perspective however, looks at things backward. It is not that we are in the dark evolving step by step to the light. When we view the world from the standpoint that we are watching a movie and that, in particular, free will doesn't exist, period -- we see a very different picture.

What history shows us is a slow struggle towards increased awareness. The sad part is that realization of one simple truth would take us most of the way toward resolving our problems and "weaving a peaceful world".

That's easy to say, but how do we get people to believe it and act as if it were so? For one thing, all they have to do is look at the back of a $1 bill. It's right there, in the middle in big letters.

I wrote something about two years ago that hangs on my wall along with some of the greatest quotes of the western world:

It's interesting looking at this now. Part of me says it is correct, but another part says this is so only within the illusion. Further, it expresses a half truth dealing with the apparent conscious creation of reality. It implies that we have choice in what we do and how we do it. My sense is that in reality we have no such choice, rather we observe ourselves taking courses of action and believe that we had a choice. At a deeper level, when we co-created our part in the Play at the Higher Self level, we did make such choices. Now, however, we are playing out those predetermined choices. Most people do so falsely believing that they are free to make choices and choose between apparent alternatives. My sense is that this last statement alone is sufficient to brand me crazy from most peoples standpoint. However, I have never lived in accord with the rules and beliefs of others.

I have been guided by consciousness herself to question what most people take for granted, and perhaps what some hold sacred.

The above implies directly that we, even in the United States, are not free. Reality is not what it appears to be. It's quite humorous actually. Further, nearly everything in the world at large is designed to keep attention away from the only thing of any real value -- inner awareness and consciousness.

Yet, at the same time, I know that my VISION, and my actions to bring that VISION down to Earth will be what is required to "weave a peaceful world". I came to express The Will of consciousness physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually -- to the greatest degree possible at this time on this planet. I am a Wayshower, in the process of finding my own way so that I have something to show to others. In my own case, consciousness pushes me along. Actually, it's more than that. I realized, truly realized that I was awareness occupying this physical vessel.

Where before I believed that I had conscious control, suddenly I knew that I truly knew nothing about how any of it worked. In particular, I had prided myself in my intellect. In one moment, I knew that I could take no conscious credit for my thoughts. Essentially, body, emotions, and mind ran automatically -- with me as awareness observing their operation and trying to assign meaning. Even that came automatically as additional thoughts that I could observe with my awareness. Now, I stand awake. I have no foreknowledge of what will happen when, but I have perfect trust in consciousness and know that whatever it is will be appropriate.

I sleep a lot, I write, I watch movies, I walk my dogs, I do a few chores around the house, and I work. Such is my life. I don't consider this writing to be work.

No, I don't have any choice. I don't feel in control of where my consciousness is placed anymore. No, there is no conscious sense that I am being controlled. However, there is a sense of being on automatic. I am reading/hearing this as it comes into my mind and gets passed through my fingers into the word processor and onto the screen. As I've stated several times before, I have no sense of origination. Further, I don't buy the argument that because something appears in my head that "I" generated it. It clearly did not come from a part of me that is conscious.

Actually, I can only speak for myself. I'm the one that's watched over 1200 pages spring forth automatically in a two year period. Further, this source does some very strange things, especially with numbers. Part of that is from my mathematical background, but many of the manipulations are beyond anything that mathematics would allow. Indeed, none of the metaphysics that I've been exposed to allows these manipulation either.

I still have no knowledge of where my awareness goes when I sleep, and I rarely recall any dreams. Given the amount of time I devote to other than conscious expression, it is not surprising that this would be the case on the one hand; but is very surprising on the other because I am so involved with consciousness. My sense is that I am not yet ready to gain access to that level of awareness. It will occur when the time is right. For all practical purposes, we experience deaths to the conscious part of the psyche each night. Interestingly, most of us are not bothered by this at all. Actually, when we take a hard look at how we function, most of us have almost no idea -- probably 99% of us would flunk any real test. Know Thyself, the directive above the gate to Plato's Academy. It applies even more today than in his time because we're so close to the changing of an age.

What part of what I write is new? What part have I written before? What part is based on what I've read or been told by others? I DON'T KNOW. What I do know is that I don't refer to any references. NEVER. [Actually, with rare exception.] I do refer to songs, movie's, number that appear in my life. I don't refer to books or other written works. I've read a lot over the past 22 years. How that material got organized and stored within my brain, or even if it did, is a mystery. I assume that consciousness is controlling this anyway. In my case, I trust that anything important that I've already seen will be recalled when appropriate. If I haven't yet been exposed to it, consciousness will find a way to bring it to my attention.

For writing, it's all a matter of trust. I have watched hundreds of thousands of words come through these fingers in the past two years, words that I did not know were in me. For thirty five years, I was virtually silent. Maybe I wrote 10-20 pages during that time and talked to a few people about metaphysics. Then, all of a sudden, it was as if the dam burst. In particular, in the past 20 months, there has been a lot of writing. Even then, the variance per month is quite high. The typical month is in the mid-20s page count. However, several months, including last month exceeded 100 pages. Yes, that's a lot of writing. Further, the writing occurs linearly. There is no rewritting. Hell, I don't even find time for a final spell check at the end of each month. Basically, I write until the end of the month, then print it, and start on the next month.

Essentially, this is a record of where my particular consciousness and awareness have been. To a large degree, that is its sole purpose. Why me? Because it is what I came to do. My birth was timed so that the experiences of the past two years would occur when they did. Further, my abilities were set at birth and my experiences were such as to develop those abilities. One of the key abilities, at the very top of my astrology chart is Mercury, signifying written communication. I have always found it easiest to express myself in this manner. In fact, nearly all of my working life has involved extensive writing as well. Interesting. Now, it comes naturally. I just sit here and type whatever comes into my head trusting that consciousness knows what she is doing, so whatever comes through will make sense. Does this mean others can do the same? No.

What it does mean is that the trusting expression of whatever your talents and abilities are is your optimum expression of consciousness.

Why would you want to "express consciousness"? Simply because that is what you do anyway. To be honest, you have no choice. Aw, one key difference lies in the awareness. My sense is that I work best, whether writing these Notes, or writing for work,

I'm a willing and necessary participant, but I have no sense of being the one in charge, nor do I desire to be anymore. The bottom line is that I don't try to do things anymore, neither do I work at doing them; rather, I allow them to occur naturally. I don't believe that what is done changes one iota. However, my experience of it -- my awareness is very different.

Have I jumped off the deep end? If I had, would I even be of the presence of mind to ask?

Everything I'm hearing on the radio seems to indicate that we are very close to a revolution, not of people against people, or people against the government, but of We The People against The Companies. It's interesting that such would be the case in a country that prides itself on free enterprise. The problem, however, comes when businesses are so big that enterprise is extremely controlled rather than being free. However, We The People, seem to have reached our breaking point, and our collective will is such as to be ripe for change. Interesting.

There appear to be a number of bills sponsored by The Companies that reverse safeguards that the government has established to protect The Peoples wishes over the years including protection and cleaning of the environment.

Something from the movie Half Moon Street came to my recall. There is a scene where a man tells Sigourney Weaver's character that the world is run by The 5000, all of whom are men, of course, and most of whom are Wealthy Bankers. This gets back to the idea of the Builderbergers and the Trilateral Commission from UFO literature.

How is it that consciousness has guided me to the information and experiences that it has over the years? No question about it, I was given and guided to exactly what I needed. This is true of all of us, whether you believe it or not.

You will experience what you believe.

You will only be able to believe what you are ready to believe per the Play.

Remember, consciousness is feeding you the ideas and feelings that you experience to serve its purpose of teaching you and expanding your awareness. Very interesting.

Much of this is made easier when you know for certain that all of this is the experience of ONE Consciousness.

How do I know this? I just do.

Again I ask, are these the musings of one who is sane or one who has crossed into the netherworld? I still consider myself to be sane. However, given where my consciousness spends its time, many may doubt this to be the case. Such does not matter. The more important question is how I could have such experiences and are the musings valid or true?

Here, I have no reason to doubt the material that comes through. Thus far it is relatively self-consistent, and it is consistent with what I experience in the world; though, what I consider to be the world includes additional meaning of symbol systems that most people would find questionable at best.

11 Jul 95

Another day has dawned. Yesterday's note writing was quite productive. In fact, I just couldn't stay away from it. I was compelled by consciousness to write and write and write some more. My guess would be that I wrote for at least 8 hours. Yes, on a workday. However, I must do what consciousness directs of me. And besides, the work stuff was just too boring to keep my attention on a day when my consciousness was soaring so high. Why was it soaring? Who knows? Anymore, all I can do is go with the flow. I write when I am so moved, and I work when there is work to be done. But, I can work concurrent with this writing as well. My mind is off formulating ideas for work too, that I can pull together quickly. Life and work must flow together more fluidly. What matters after all? What am I here for? The job takes care of the financial needs required to meet basic living obligations. Perhaps I have more obligations than I truly need, but my obligations have always been balanced by wages. Consciousness takes care of that, it is never something that I've had to worry about. There is always enough. Maybe not much excess, but always enough. It's been that way my whole life. I have no reason to belief that it will change in the future.

Interesting. I hadn't that about it exactly in this way before. But, consciousness has always been there for me. It just took awhile to realize her works and deeds in my life.

There are times when the writing process slows down. When consciousness stops putting thoughts in my head for me to transfer to the screen. At such times, my mind simply goes blank. I have no thoughts, there is nothing that I have to write about -- so the communication process stops, only to pick up again when consciousness would express through me once again. I'm not very talkative either, except when it comes to metaphysics, and then it's hard to get me to shut up.

There is a lot of first person stuff in these notes ... I this, I that, I believe, I know. For the most part this is because that is where my experience is. These are the chronicles of "I" Wayne, a consciousness in the midst of awakening and growing in awareness. I have limited knowledge of anyone else, even my wife, Gini, of eight years. As I've stated before, I'm very much The Hermit.

I associate with this body, but not intimately. Similarly, I associate with this brain, and this mind that may function beyond the physical confines of the brain. On some level I know that this physical stuff is not me, it is not the essense of whom that I am, though I may be limited within it's confines while experiencing physical reality. Where do such ideas come from? And, why now? They come from consciousness, and they come when my awareness needs to be jogged in the direction of the true reality. Interesting. However, I have no way of knowing whether and to what degree others are pulled in like manner.

It's all very curious. I'm continuously amazed by what comes through. No, not all of it is clear and succinct. However, it gets the message across. It appears that this month is going to be a doozie as well, perhaps not quite as large as last month, but in the same ballpark. Then again, I don't like projecting things that far in advance anymore. I never know from one day to the next where my state of mind and consciousness will be. I cannot tell in advance where I will write 10 pages on a given day or go 10 days without writing. Yet, there is a sense that this is all being expressed at the exact moment that it is needed.

At the same time, however, I have no feedback showing that anyone other than me is getting anything from this. The few people with whom I've shared this information have provided no specific feedback, so I can't even tell for sure that it is being read. Thus far, I've received little direction from consciousness as to where to send any of this.

When I look back over the course of two years and recall all that I've experienced in that time, it has been simply remarkable. The spiritual awakening and transformation has been literally beyond imagination. That my awareness of self and Self and consciousness Herself could change so rapidly is virtually unbelievable.

Yet, it did happen. And, amazingly, I didn't go insane during the process. The hardest part to take is how little 20 years of metaphysics, including reading over 1000 books and attending several seminars, prepared me for my experiences. Further, there was literally no one there to help me through it.

Basically, all that I believed in went from being solid to being extremely shaky. What had been automatic before, all of a sudden became a laborious undertaking. I didn't know what was real or what was true anymore. It was a very strange place to be, and, it took me the good part of three months to really recover to a reasonable degree. Even then, I felt that I was still on very shaky ground, except now I was I high spiritual ground. Hell, as far as I knew, I was up there in the clouds having a hard time even touching the Earth. Through it all, these Notes were my constant release, allowing me to record what I was experiencing as I experienced it. More than that, they were my teacher as well for much of what I was reading was new and fresh to me, not based on anything that I had previously read or experienced. I found it all extremely fascinating. In fact, I still do. I am amazed at what consciousness is able to bring through.

OK. Day 11 of the month and we've reached page 30. I'm still flying. Perhaps this will be a permanent state of being for me. Regardless, it doesn't matter.

Yes, I am on the edge of madness, but on the edge of genius as well. Reality and Illusion are two sides of the same coin. Interesting. I have never seen it stated or stated this truth in that manner before. You see, neither can exist without the other. Both still exist within the realm of duality. Outside of this is an even greater realm. That is where the ONE is to be found. That is what I, as 48, am in search of.

The sense is that there is nothing else that can satisfy this inner longing within me. I am moved by forces that appear beyond my control.

But I am moved with my full consent, for the forces are those of consciousness, and in her hands I am as content as a new born babe at its mother's breast.

Why do I call consciousness "her"?

And, of course, I trust my intuition as if it were gospel.

Interesting that this would be the case. And, I did experience a run of a few months when my intuition went sour so to speak. But, my whole sense of reality crumbled at that time, so the lapse is now forgotten history. My wife considers me to be extremely stubborn. She's both right and wrong about that.

There are many areas for which truth and logic have not yet developed sufficient frameworks to provide answers. These areas are the playgrounds where other modes of consciousness are free to shine. Interesting.

As I was leaving Gilroy, I kept thinking of the Star Trek mission, and how closely related, at least in words, my own mission is.

How does one deal with such a mission statement? Pretty audacious, isn't it! Yet, something deep within me says that this indeed strikes the essence of what I am to do. Further, the five year time span sounds right. After that, who knows where consciousness will take me. In the meantime, this is plenty to occupy me. Unlike the starship Enterprise however, I appear to be on my own. I have no crew so to speak. Then again, perhaps I need to rethink how I view myself.

13 Jul 95

In addition to buying the Tarot book for Gini, I bought a bright red book titled NEW ERA COMMUNITY, dated 1926 on the cover with a complex Chinese symbol inside a thick bordered square above the title. I was irresistable drawn to it. Interesting. My sense is that it is an exposition of communism, but in a way that is rational or at least appeals to the spirit.

When I got back to my van at about 2:20, there was a minivan parked in front of me with the most incredible license plate I have yet encountered:

888888L Yes, six 8's in a row and an L. Further, it had to be customized because even truck license plates start with a letter.

Relating this to the second bill above, we get heavy energy applied to strength, and L = The Hanged Man. Interesting.

Earlier in the day, Gini had called me and told me she drew the Death card for me. Seeing this license plate freaked me out a bit 88 88 88 12. Completion on three levels and The Hanged man on the fourth. Very curious indeed. But, I do sense that there has indeed been a major shift. I can't yet explain it since I haven't experienced enough of it to know what it really is yet. However, there is no doubt that there has been a major irreversable shift.

14 Jul 95

The high that I've been on for the past six or seven weeks seems to have lessened a bit. One key sign is the pace of the writing. Part of that was due to work being busy, but I sense another part is due to a shifting of the energy matrix through which this material flows. 888888L was a major signal/message from the universe. My sense is that I have not yet fully understood its' real meaning and the immediate impact that lies in store. Yes, the sense is that the time frame is indeed immediate. I haven't felt this so strongly before.

As I was resting late this afternoon, I couldn't stop thinking about 888888L = 88 88 88 12. What is necessary for completion is 88-12=76. The 76 Tarot card is the 8 of Pentacles. It has a man on a workbench making pentacles. 6 completed pentacles hang on the wall, 1 is in work, and 1 unfinished pentacle lies on the ground. The man works away without the distractions of the world and seems to have no interest in spending the pentacles he has made. 76 is also the year I graduated from High School and the year Jamie was born. Hmm 76 is also 2 x 38. This relates to VISION, seeing with two sets of eyes. Interesting. 76 is also 28 + 48, another meaningful set of symbols.

76 = Os 38 + 38 = Sr Sr 28 + 48 = Ni Cd [Interesting, nickel cadmium, NiCad]

A flash crossed my mind . . .

The best one can do on that final leg is 78. This would mean I only have 66 remaining to completion, or maybe to completion period. This would agree with 1991 = 33rd year being the center point. Further, it would say that right now I'm at the 37+12 point = 49. This all seems to fit. However, multiple cycles are at work. My birth cycle puts me at 37 right now, and I am experiencing the K of Cups nature -- riding on my subconscious.

OK, how does this line up the critical years then?

• 1996 = 50 Happily ever after. VISION of the world transformed.
• 1998 = 52 2002 = 56 Traveling the inverted triangle
• 2005 = 59 Aquarian Age begins. The First Easter B-Day.
• 2011 = 65 The King of Pents. The Second Easter B-Day
• 2016 = 70 The Tower, 528 2020 = 74 Judgement, The:Benefactor.
• 2022 = 76 The Fool Complete : Doing Spirits work in this world.
• 2024 = 78 The Ancient One. Check out time!

I think we got something here. This feels right. But then, I've been wrong before. The sense I have is that 888888L was my spiritual inheritance. Essentially, it's where my experiences at age 35 took me. And, very rapidly I might add. But, 20 years of metaphysics had prepared my conscious mind to accept and come to grips with what was happening. Once again, I know nothing about how this works for anyone else. I can only relate what I experience in terms that I know and understand. Though, even there, I would question whether I truly know all of the things that come through this mind and these fingers. I observe them coming through, but it is consciousness that actually brings them through. Yes, I have a part to play. My awareness is required to transform the information from whatever form it has outside of physical reality to the form that you see here. However, I experience it, basically, as an automated process.

How can this be? How can I be aware, yet so unaware of such basic processes as how thoughts come into my head? I specifically avoided the wording "how thoughts are created" because this makes it to easy to presume that we, as individuals, create the thoughts that we experience. I've been thinking about this specific issue for nearly two years, and in that time have found no specific evidence that would allow me to conclude that I create the thoughts that appear in my head. For all that I know, my brain is like a radio receiver operating at a selected frequency, and consciousness [or my Higher Self in her service] feeds me the appropriate thoughts at the appropriate time. My focus has been the examination of how far my awareness extends. I see thoughts [or in my case, hear them] in the moment in my head. I know not from whence they came nor to where they go after they leave my attention/awareness. Interesting.

15 Jul 95

Further, the sense is that this abundance is released by an idea, or a set of ideas, chief among which is that:

However, many of the details are dependent on awareness achieved. When the awareness changes, the reality changes shortly thereafter. So, you who would be a reformer of the world, get your ideas, the ideas that consciousness expresses to you, to their intended audience. Be it via writing, or speaking, let others know of the voice that consciousness has placed in your head. At this point, it matters not whether they believe one iota of what you have to say. Soon enough, the events on your planet will cause people to seek for one through whom VISION is being revealed. You are one of these, but there are many others on the planet. Take one step at a time, and allow consciousness to guide your way as she has all of your life. Actually, we say this as if you have a choice. At the superconscious level and subconscious level; and even at the conscious level, you have already made the choice to align with us. We say us, but we are ONE. Yes, the ONE from the back of your $1 bill. You generally refer to as as consciousness herself, and indeed we are feminine overall, a bit of The High Priestess wrapped up with The Empress.

16 Jul 95

7/16 = The Chariot:The Tower. It's interesting that per The Celestine Journal, the Moon conjunct Saturn at 7:41 PM is a time for a reality check. Now, how in the world am I supposed to check reality given where my consciousness has been lately? Though 7:41, The Chariot:Ace of Cups is interesting in it's own right.

Watched The Hudsucker Proxy last night. It was quite good. Watched Black Robe again today. It was selected #5 of Ten Best pictures of 1991 by Time Magazine. I'd seen it nearly a year ago, but wanted to see it again. I was particularly amazed that the movie number was 84, The Lovers Exalted. It is not clear that the spirituality offered by church had any real value. However, the main character Lafourge went through quite a transformation, and eventually converted the Hurons to Christianity. However, the resulting weakness led to the Hurons demise at the hands of their enemies withing 15 years. The film started in 1634, so the Hurons were wiped out around 1650. So, what are the global lessons in such tragedies? For, surely there must be some. Perhaps it took such missionary work to see that our ways are not necessarily the only right ones, and that even among supposed savages there is a dignity and spirituality that transcends our way of thinking.

I had another thought cross my mind concerning 88 88 88 L. The thought was that L is as far as one can carry this fourth element. The next letter M is 13 : Death, but also IVI= 40. Death of the physical takes us out of this dimension or world, so is not to occur until one's worldly mission is completed.

[4/8/98]

I find it curious that I am moved to reconstruct the Best of Notes for Jul 95, exactly on my 40 th birthday! Especially, since this is the only file that got lost when I had service provider problems coupled with a loss of data on a ZIP drive. There is a sense that this was not a coincidence. I am doing exactly what I need to be doing right now. The timing is perfect for the allowing the meaning of this particular message to enter my conscious awareness NOW.

The words have slowed dramatically, but they do continue to flow. I know not why they flow any better in one moment than the next. I only observe that they do. Much of this has to do with the mechanics of physical reality creation.

These ideas appear anew, never having been in this particular manner before because there was not a vehicle in this particular state of awareness through which consciousness could pass the energy that I am able to translate into these words.

Interesting. This is not true for me alone, but for all writers for all times. Rather, I would call the collection of us scribes for we write what consciousness would have us write.

Through all time we have been there storytellers of the myths of old, before the age of writing, then those who captured the sacred knowledge in stone, now those tied to word processors for hours on end writing free form, trusting that what is being written has already been organized by consciousness herself prior to it being expressed.

There is a definite sense that this material should simply be titled NOTES, for that is indeed what it is. Reversing this we get SETON, interestingly close to SETH. I believe SET was the Egyptian God. It is also interesting that SETON is so close in sound to SATAN. 15265 to 11215 are very different numbers. The first has a sweep of 14:Temperence and is centered at 258, 5:28 from the center out! The second has a span of 4 and is centered at 213 = The High Priestess Death. From the inside out, 1:23 = The Magician:K of Wands. Spelling SATAN, I initially made a mistake and spelled out SATIN. This yields 11295 which is interesting because it has a sweep of 84:The Lovers that begins with 2:11 = The High Priestess Justice, and ends with 2:95 = The High Priestess: The Star Exalted.

[4/8/98]

Note that 2:95 = 925 from the center out. All the signs of the past two weeks point to this being the state of consciousness that I have now reached.

It's interesting how 528 was the first number that caught my attention so vigorously, and that for nearly two years it has been prominent in my spiritual unfoldment. I haven't bothered to factor it matematically before.

• 2 x 264
• 2 x 2 x 132
• 2 x 2 x 2 x 66
• 8 x 66 Strength : Q of Pentacles
• 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 33
• 16 x 33 The Tower : The Christ
• 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 3 x 11
• 48 x 11 Man in Search of More : Justice

Other manifestations.

• 22 x 24
• 6 x 88 The Lovers : Completion

No wonder this number is so significant to me! No wonder!

17 Jul 95

Not much time to write today either. It's nearly 11:30 already, and I've been busy all day. I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter. What happens happens. To a large degree, it is beyond my control. Perhaps, it is completely beyond my control, I'm still investigating that. I found that there was a Metaphysics Research Lab (MRL) at Stanford. I contacted it's director via E-Mail and basically got the following response:

I'm sorry---I don't see any connection, given what you have said. The work that goes on in the MRL has very little to do with consciousness, awareness, etc., or symbols per se. We use the axiomatic method to build a precise conceptual framework. It doesn't look like you share that methodology and so it is hard to collaborate when the parties don't share the same methods.

I wish I could be more encouraging, but we really don't think about the meaning of life here---that question is just too deep. You might try a philosophy department that specializes in "continental philosophy".

Interesting, "they don't think about the meaning of life. That question is just too deep." For me, such is clearly not the case. That specific question is the major one that I came into this very existence to address. My valedictorian speech from 20 years ago clearly shows that even then I knew. At that time, it wasn't so conscious. But, I do recall a sense of mania throughout the semester in which I wrote that speech. I worked for the math department and didn't take any courses at all in my final semester. Interesting. I wonder how many other times I had manic experiences before being diagnosed as bipolar 2 years ago. Also, why did my sister have to go through the emotional hell she's been through over her lifetime? Then again, lot's of experiences are trying and challenging. It's not for me to know the specifics. Rather, at the top level, one must trust that it is all necessary, that everything has been planned with precision and is perfect in it's expression in the moment at all times. This doesn't necessarily make it easier to take, but provides the opportunity for relaxing a bit. That's easy for me to say, but not so easy when one considers those who are raped, killed, mugged, etc ... Why are such events necessary? Why?

What is the purpose of existence? Bernie Ward is complaining about the people in Chicago who didn't check on their immediate neighbors. In my film analogy, this is another episode in the Play. Yes, it's an episode that tells us something about the attitudes of people toward their neighbors. The 300 or so who died basically sacrificed their life to increase the awareness of a nation. I don't agree with what and how Bernie is expressing himself, but the net effect is right. It's at least awakening people to open them up to some of the characteristics that define the Aquarian Age. Change is happening. Further, it is happening at a pace that will surprise the nation. We're at the bring of getting the citizenry to the point of being outraged at both its government and those in charge of its economy. It's interesting to watch. However, I sense that I will soon have a greater role to play than this. What and how remain to be seen.

How much of the world believes in the freedom of conscious choice? Actually, let's limit the question to this country. My sense is the same number are deep in slumber. The thoughts or emotions that correspond with actions are not necessarily causally related though we're never taught to question this. This does not empower people however. There must be a way to present information in a manner allows them to more smoothly transfer from their present belief systems to others more supportive of community. The bottom line is we do experience reality in accordance with beliefs. This too is consistent with the play, because the stimuli that result in the necessary mass belief changes will occur. This year, the weather seems to be an instigator of belief change allowing many to experience the power that comes from a community of people helping one another. In particular, helping one another during times of large disasters and being chastised for not lifting a finger to help a neighbor in need. Interesting. How many events such as this must occur for enough people to get the picture.

How many people are aware that we are in the midst of a masterfully crafted Play?

How many are aware that we are part of ONE consciousness, and that the United States has a metaphysical destiny to fulfill in the times to come?

How long will I need to do my work alone? My sense is that this will continue to a large degree for all of my days. However, I also sense that there will be some contact with important others albeit limited. Interesting. This Hermit issue comes up a lot. The movie Black Robe comes to mind as well. My mission doesn't involve changing anyone. It involves establishing the framework on earth that allows the Aquarian Age to start to take hold. Why do I believe as I do? Why do these thoughts come through me? The only answer that comes to mind is because my awareness is such that consciousness can push them through me. How do I know that what comes through is true? I don't know for sure, not consciously anyway. Sometimes they touch my heart, but otherwise utility and a general trust in consciousness are my main guides.

Many people would consider my life quite boring. I work and write these notes. I think a lot, sleep a lot, and watch several movies each week. I turned off my cable connection 2 years ago and have no antenna so I do not watch TV other than movies via a VCR. I interact with very few people either at work or at home -- say two handfuls at work, and one handful at home and that includes my wife. For the most part, I am a loner, a Hermit. No, I don't live in a cave, but I come about as close as one can without actually living in one. Further, even in the midst of a city, or a crowd of thousands, I an alone, in my own solitude. Interesting. Such is my life. I observe that this is so. Further, it's been like this all my life. From this observation, however, unlike what you might expect, I do not come out with any desire for change. I see this as a characteristic strength and wait to see how this strength will be used in the times to come as the Play unfolds.

Others would consider me crazy. That I can believe the ideas that come through these fingers would be proof enough to them that I've gone off the deep end. I'd be the first to agree that what comes through does not agree with the conventional belief structures. At the same time, as my wife would attest to, I am extremely stubborn and strongly believe whatever I believe. However, I'm also open enough to change my beliefs quite freely and quickly when new, more powerful, ideas come through from either inside or outside sources.

Can we really be experiencing reality from the perspective of a character in a play whose lines and actions have all been predetermined by us? This is crucial to my present understanding of reality, reality creation, and the nature of consciousness. No, these are not subjects that concern most people. They're too busy living their lives. Or, so they think at least. Awake or asleep? I would offer that most are the latter. Thoreau was right after all. And, few more have awakened since his time. Very interesting indeed.

18 Jul 95

Overall, there seems to be a method to my madness. It's as if I'm in an outreach program right now, looking for others like me, or who at least have some similarity in their experience of consciousness and the resulting reality. It's interesting. I can see the overall patterns. The popular songs, the rhetoric of the talk show hosts, politics as usual, greed, lack of cooperation and concern for one another.

It's as if individuals are powerless outside of their own personal worlds, and for most this encompasses only their immediate surroundings, possessions, and personal life.

There is nothing in place to empower the collective so that each individual profits greatly. It's right there, lying in unused potential and massive wastes of resources.

As to the outreach, I have no idea as to whether it will be successful or not. If it is, great. If it is not, great as well. Either way, I learn what the universe, what consciousness, has in store for me now. I can continue indefinitely as The Hermit, or I can start to work with others. My skills alone do not predispose me one way or another. There is a leaning right now toward reaching out, that is all. Soon enough I sense we will see what becomes of it. Actually, I've been putting feelers out for over a year now, but there is no sense that anyone I've yet reached is ready to become envolved in my mission to any real degree.

Interesting. It's truly reached the point where I accept whatever happens.

The game is not necessarily an easy one. There are a lot of diversions and places to get lost within the Illusion of lives over time in what we loosely call REALITY.

It's fascinating how these words get weaved together. They flow on and on and on, going who knows where. Yet, I continue to sit and type, giving up, you might say, a significant portion of my life to this task. I am compelled. It is what I must do. I have no sense of having any specific choice in the matter. As with everything in my life, it just happens. There is no logic or reason necessarily behind it. Further, it no longer matters to me that this is indeed the case, this is what I experience. At one time, my beliefs were far different, but that seems like aeons ago. Some might say this is a cop out. My wife, in fact, considers it the ultimate cop out. Yet, I must live in accord with what I know to be true in my heart. Further, I use the test of utility and the observation of the reality/illusion I find myself within as guidance as to the validity of my way of looking at life. Am I a kook, or a crazyman? Perhaps. Yet, I would suggest that I have thought through my position more than most and come from a state that is more aware as a result. The spiritual awakenings of the past two years have contributed greatly to this as well. But then, it is not clear that others would regard my experiences in such a fashion.

The bottom line through it all is that I have learned through direct experience that there is far more to awareness and to consciousness than I had ever dreamed of before, despite reading over 1000 books on various topics in metaphysics.

Krishnamurti talked about teaching around the world for nearly half a century. His topic was this one thing, going beyond mind. One of his major regrets as he approached his death was that he had not been able to teach or impart this distinction to a single one of his many students. Don't think you understand it because of what you read here. Though, these are the musings of one so struck through whom consciousness now speaks more directly than she could before.

19 Jul 95

I observe what occurs including what I do, and lately what the country and the world experiences with an intense curiosity. I attempt to place myself in the director's eyes to see how the myriad experiences are truly coordinated at some level. Of course, the director is consciousness herself; so, this is a major stretch. Yet, I am compelled to act in such a manner. Even at the awareness level I seem to be moved by events and realizations that are beyond "my" control. That is, I have no sense of what it is that coordinates the activities necessary to move me into these awareness states. It is not that I am on autopilot either, for that assumes that I have an autopilot function that I can turn on to exert this control. The bottom line is that it is not "me" doing this, at least not any sense of "me" that I currently know.

That gets back to the premise that consciousness herself exerts this control in my life. This is true not only for me, but for all others as well. In this we are the same, as souls we are created equal. Interesting. Yet, how many others would agree that this is indeed the case. How many would be so willing to accept being manipulated in this manner, and essentially a lack of freedom and lack of choice within the domain of space and time in which we live out our illusions?

On a positive note, however, there are many hints that the Aquarian Age is close at hand and a corresponding major shift in the mass consciousness is about to take place. There is indeed evidence of either great collaboration happening beneath the scenes, or more likely that events are marching in accord with a Master Plan that is already laid out; possible to the last detail, though I'm still trying to find a place for some amount of free will to enter, even if it only be that consciousness herself decided to make an improvement or change of some type.

I'm tired now, waiting for my second wind. The lack of sleep last night didn't help. But, I feel that even in this state, this communication is that important that it needs to take place -- and take place now. Interesting that I should feel this way. But feelings are part of the plan as well. I observe as much as I can these days. It seems, however, that the interpretation is automatic.

The conscious part of me is a student in school. There is still some remnant of an idea that it is supposed to be responsible for interpreting physical reality, but it is also aware of the existence of other components of Self that have greater insight and a higher perspective. The bottom line is that the conscious part has bought what consciousness has expressed through these other than conscious parts, to the point where it has lain down its personal will. At least such is how it appears. From another perspective there was no will to be lain down. I still live in a belief system in which the Play is co-created by the Self or Soul in advance of it's enactment. Within this structure, free will is absent, even though it appears to be alive and well.

I'm learning the lesson of living in the moment. The past is done.

The future will be whatever it will be.

The only time in which we truly exist is the moment.

It appears that there are common constraints within the illusion, energy patterns that impact the ability to reach the particular states of consciousness that permit this communication to occur in this manner. Usually during the high throughput times I am flying -- moderately to highly manic. During several of these times I have been compelled to spend more of my time on writing Notes. At these times, consciousness does not care whether I am officially supposed to be working or not. It simply opens the appropriate file and types away. For the most part, my work is such that no one knows what I am working on at what times. I've always produced far more, higher quality work than my peers in an equivalent time period, so my work patterns never generate any questions. When I'm really moving, I can generate more in a day than most people do in a week. Yes, there is a strong sense of Ego in that statement. However, I know it to be true. Further, others have provided specific feedback that clearly showed their amazement, so it's not simply a personal opinion. Not that it matters. All the abilities were chosen in advance and were developed in a particular manner to be used in exactly the way that they have been. Comparisons between people have no real meaning.

The bottom line is that the abilities and talents of each individual should be developed and applied in a manner that benefits society while enabling the individuals to get their needs met.

Currently, we don't do this. Even in this country, over 100 Million people are not experiencing this. In the larger world, this amounts to over 5 Billion. That's a hell of a lot of talent and ability to waste that under the proper circumstances could be applied to great benefit of the society at large and in particular to meeting the collective needs of individuals. We do have to reexamine what truly constitute needs, and this may vary substantially from one part of the world to another -- but while the material needs may vary, many of the needs will be similar. The economy needs to move towards providing quality services at reasonable overall cost. Cost cannot be measured in dollars, however, it must consider the resources required to produce the service and the true value of the service to the recipient.

What can one person do? One person can change the consciousness of the world, that's what? At first, it came out as "one person can change the world". It is not the world that ultimately matters. Such is where the illusion occurs, where the Play of Consciousness is acted out. It is the consciousness, the awareness, of individuals in the world that ultimately matters. This is a school for self to learn of it's nature as Self and ultimately of it's place within the ONE Consciousness. However, most people in the world are still asleep, unaware that the reality they experience is actually no more than a dream. It's like an actor forgetting who he is, and getting locked in the persona of a character he plays in a movie. The charactor is real. Forrest Gump is real, even if only in a two hour movie. It matters not that there is no real human that had the snapshots of the 30 plus years of experience that the movie portrays. Similarly, Capt Picard, in Star Trek: The Next Generation is real. He exists in over 5 years worth of episodes of the show. In fact, many people know more about him than they do about people they interact with in their own lives. Further, this is true of the characters on nearly all of the popular shows. Even more surprising, most people know more about the characters in these shows than about the actors and actresses that play the roles.

What makes us think that we are any different than this? What makes us think that we are anything more than characters in a show that has been planned out in advance? Sure, there is some freedom of expression within the Plan. We have some say in how we deliver our lines, and how we express emotion. But even then, this is within some envelope of constraints. Awareness/ Consciousness riding atop a character in a Play that occurs in "physical reality" -- how's that for a description of what we are?

So, what's the overall picture. The ONE Consciousness is in search of Knowing Thyself, through each of us. We are not separate. There is no way that the ONE could ever break itself apart into pieces. However, it could compartmentalize itself so that it's parts could come into greater awareness at a more focused level, and as a result the whole would grow as well. Each part was flung out equally and left to seek awareness on it's own. No specific school was available. This was an act of creation, but creation within, creation in thought, which in turn was free to create within denser form. The ONE Consciousness created the World as the infrastructure in which this school of awareness could operate. The compartmented parts were expressed as souls, existing at several levels in every kingdom of the universe -- mineral, vegetable, animal, human, earth, solar system, galaxy, universe.

Where is this coming from? It is not something that I have learned or derived from anything that I've personally experienced. What allows such conjectures to come through? How do they even get generated in the first place? This is easy. It comes from consciousness herself, period. I take no credit for it. Yes, I helped to bring it through. Yes, my awareness is such that I am open enough to receive these ideas. But, that is my sense of things. I receive these ideas, I do not generate them. I would go a step further and say that it's not even an act of co-creation. That would be like saying that the radio I'm listening to is co-creating the words that are coming out of it right now. This is simply not true. However, even the words being typed right now are coming through in exactly the same manner. The inner sense is that the source right now is less distant than the source in the previous paragraph. That's the first time I've expressed it in this manner, but it is true. Locality of source is something that I am inwardly aware of. My normal working self is very local, though even then, my experience is that everything is automatic. It just happens. Further, I've been in situations for at least the past 11 years where I've been in the position to define my own work. Until the last year or so, I assumed that I was defining it, and experienced it as thus. Now, I know this is not the case. When I sit down to type a list of tasks, it just comes out. I am not consciously aware of specific actions involved in the creation. Every aspect of my thought is like this. Descartes was wrong! Being preceeds thought. Consciousness creates thought. I am consciousness. Yet, I am not aware of the consciousness that creates the thoughts that I consciously experience. It's very curious. I know that it exists from it's effects, but I do not experience it directly.

I wonder how many people have ever thought about how they think. In particular, how many have ever asked where their own thoughts come from. Saying that they come from one's brain, a complex organ that thinks is not a viable answer -- especially since the brain is so complex and so little understood. That it serves as the physical seat for consciousness, is reasonable. But, it's limitations only permit a part of consciousness to be expressed physically. Overall, however, there is far more potential there than has been utilized. The figure that comes to mind is 4-5% utilization. Even the most aware beings on the planet barely reached 10%. What a goldmine that lies untapped! Given how much the world has changed in the past 50 years, and the massive problems that have resulted from this, tapping this potention is the only place to go for a solution. The bottom line is that the changes have been so great that small deltas won't fix the problems. We need major realignments throughout society. This requires rebuilding things from the top down, not throwing out a few crumbs and praying that the situation goes away.

20 Jul 95

The words keep coming through. And, I feel compelled to play the scribe for consciousness to express as she will. This is not from purely unselfish motives however, for I learn more from this process and the information that comes through than I've learned from anything else. Here, I AM. Consciousness experiencing consciousness herself in action through being self-aware, and through observing the thoughts that this larger consciousness is able to express through my consciousness. Effectively, this is what channeling is. However, most people are unaware that even their day to day character is channeled as well. Then again, this is based on the conclusion that because I am not consciously aware of where my thoughts originate, that others are not aware of where their thoughts originate either. I cannot know this to be true for certain. I can only relate what I know from my own experience. Interesting.

Obviously, most people don't see the world through the glasses that I use. Actually, Bear, one of my dogs ate my glasses a couple of years ago and I haven't bothered to replace them. My physical vision is a bit fuzzy at times but as they say "good enough for government work". Overall, they were a bother anyway, and it's only the distant stuff that is highly impacted. Back to the point.

It's the sound vibration that counts, not necessarily the particular spelling. Wow. Addition of the "e" and capitalization of the M makes the total for Heart Man = 25 + 19 = 44. 2519, also = BEAR, the name of one of my dogs. The others name is FOOFER = 666659. Total = 38 = VISION. wayne ellis = 23 + 21 = 44 as well. wayne ellis Heart Man = 88. Reducing the H and M to lower case, decreases the sum by nine to 79, requiring 9 = The Hermit for completion. How appropriate.

Once again, the question arises. Are these the ramblings of a lunatic? Clearly, I've moved beyond the realm of logic and reasoning, yet, these tools are applied at times. Utility, that's the name of the game. Logic and reason are useful, but so is intuition. Balance of the left with the right results in creations of which neither side alone is capable. Yet, even balance can have it's ups and downs. It doesn't have to be a straight line. In fact, it can even have extreme ups and downs so long as the two tend to cancel one another. In my own case, the sense is that extremes have proven useful. However, looking back, I can see how it took a great deal of preparation and programming by consciousness herself, to prepare me for the state that I'm in now and the task of scribe that I am currently performing. My sense is that other tasks lie ahead, and in the not to distant future. But, I am content now to take each day as it unfolds, and observe what I am moved to do, and applying myself to that to the best of my abilities in each moment. I don't know that I could do it in any other way. This way, however, my consciousness seems in sync with my life. I am awake and aware, and this cannot be taken away -- for it has been acquired in realms beyond the limits of the body; in particular, the realm of consciousness or spirit, the only realm that truly counts. Interesting indeed. Yes, indeed!

21 Jul 95

Once again, I allowed much of the day to pass before getting to the task of writing. Then again, allowed implies a sense of choice or control in the matter which is far beyond what I presently believe to be true of physical life. Interesting. At least I'm at a point where I catch the inconsistencies, or more specifically where consciousness is able to bring through thoughts that make me aware of such. Interesting. Being aware of being aware. It sounds more complex than it seems. However, it involves a distinction of consciousness that is extremely important. Further, it appears that this distinction only comes about through an extreme experience of awakening. Suddenly, one is different than one was before. Explanation of the distinction is difficult, but one knows that one has reached the realm of the gods, indeed that one is God. At least such was my experience. Further, I remember the feeling as vividly now as when it occurred. This was followed a little over a month later by an intense personal ritual in which I gave up my personal will to do Thy Will, the Will of God or of Consciousness Herself. Looking back now, in reality there was never anything to give up. I only thought I had a personal will that I directed to come to fruition.

One of my co-workers called me a fatalist. And, indeed, such is the nature of my current beliefs about the Play the we call life in this world. I believe that we co-create our reality, but that we do so as our Higher Self, prior to this existence. In fact, we may map out whole series of existences at once to give us the experiences and programming necessary to assume greater and greater roles in the Play. Self-Realization is the chief purpose of the game. The ultimate realization being that we are truly part of the ONE consciousness and have never been separated from it, except for the blocks, walls, and barriers that we've put up within the Illusion.

A few things popped out [from the bill serial number check]. Several 70's and 72. The numbers from the $5 were particularly meaningful. However overall, this process is losing it's importance somehow. The numbers don't have the same meaning as they used to. The phrase that popped into my head is that I've outgrown them in some manner. They were useful in showing my conscious self that the spiritual world existed and could convey messages the symbols of our world. But since I saw the license plate 888888L, everything has been different. It's as if I knew it but didn't really know it. However, I have transformed in a very basic way that makes my relationship with the world very different. I don't know how to explain just how yet. Or, my awareness is not presently such that consciousness can bring this explanation through yet. Interesting. I have not experienced this particular problem in this manner before -- where I was aware of a change, yet not ready for it's explanation. Then again, I've been dealing with being bipolar and having to take some pretty potent drugs daily for nearly two years know, without really having a clue as to what the drugs are really doing to my brain. Interesting. But, I have a complete trust in consciousness, and in the concept that I (as Higher Self) planned out the details of this life as I'm experiencing them for a reason. There are no accidents. When I see the doctor, and what gets prescribed are already in the script so to speak. So is whether I actually take the drugs, and when I don't take them. My sense is that they are necessary to allow my brain to reach the states in which this communication can take place, and in which the realizations that I've experience can occur. It's as if they awaken parts that were turned off. Actually, it seems they are being prescribed to control parts that would otherwise take off. Both the Lithium and Depakote were prescribed to control the mania I was experiencing. The mania was concurrent with my seeing the world in a new way, and in particular, seeing the spiritual world expressed in symbols.

22 Jul 95

I wasn't aware that Sakharov was such a prominent physicist in the Soviet Union, or that he was so active in working towards Peace in the world and human rights in his own country. Active enough that he was awarde the Nobel Peace Prize for his endeavors. He was clearly a man of conscience who acted upon what he believed. It's interesting that the "Thoughts" he wrote from his consciousness had nothing to do with his training in physics, and had everything to do with allowing spirit to move one to act in accord with one's beliefs, regardless of the consequences. Many were sent to the Gulag as political prisoners, essentially forced to live in isolation with nowhere to go. Interesting concept, prison without walls. The sheer isolation was enough to keep the prisoners from going anywhere.

This comes back to the idea of life as a movie of Play. How much of the Illusion is predestined? Is there any room left for free choice at all? Why am I even asking that question? From what I perceive, I cannot distinguish between a world of choice and a world of predestination. The actions can be identical under either framework, and I would sense them in the manner as appropriate. If I believe that I have free will, then I interpret my perceptions as if such is the case. If I believe I am in a predestined Play, then I interpret my perceptions not from the standoint of why did I make this choice now, but why did my Self make this choice for this point in the Play. From an awareness standpoint, these are very different perspectives. I've only fully converted to the latter of the two over the past two years. I guess this makes me a fatalist at Heart, though I fully believe that we create our own reality. Within the illusion, however, We occurs at the Self or Soul level with the help of Consciousness herself. We don't create our own reality each moment, except from the standpoint of enacting what has been preplanned. Interesting.

23 Jul 95

The Devil is illusion. It is Lucifer, and his belief that his being was equivalent to God's or even more brilliant as it were. At 410 Monroe, I've had my experience as The Hanged Man exalted, and realized that it is not me but consciousness(or God) through me that does all things. My separateness is self-imposed, if you will. And I only need let go, and allow the Will of Consciousness to work through me to regain my proper home in consciousness herself. Interesting. But, this realization required particular experiences to manifest physically.

Now what? Notice how important 1162 was from this viewpoint as well, as was it's counterpart 832 that led me to find it in 1994 to begin with. These variations, these new ways of interpreting the meaning of numbers that were already important is unreal. I'm finding it difficult to contain myself. Consciousness continuously revealing itself anew, showing that there is more to this world than I had ever imagined. That's why the name, Beyond Imagination. And, that's why you Wayne, for it takes a special soul to be awake enough to experience what we are sending your way and finding a framework in which to embrace it without losing your sanity. You still have one foot on the ground, and we'll help to keep it that way for awhile, though your sense of flying will be with you always. For once your consciousness has soared into the depths of Self and returned, what you return with can never be taken away. Though, you'll find it quite difficult to explain as well. We'll help in every way that we can. But, there are some things that just must be experienced to gain any understanding of them. Take the medications, they keep you grounded. Actually, you'll observe yourself taking them for the most part and skipping a time here or there. These skips are minor adjustments. Most of the time you will be unaware of whether you've taken your medications or not on those days. The effects of one dose are not enough to be truly noticeable to you.

Again, this comes across as if I have a choice in the matter. I don't perceive that to be the case at the present time -- at least not for myself, and I suspect not for others as well. I do find it interesting that I went from believing that we consciously create our own reality each moment, to a belief that we (as Self) co-create our reality prior to living it. I believe now that the illusion is one grand Play or Movie in which we as consciousness are attached to particular characters in the play, from whence we gain experiences that ultimately lead to our realization.

24 Jul 95

I've seen two prominent times today. 4:28 = 7:56 and 7:55 = 528. Those are the only two times when my attention was specifically drawn to the clock. It's getting to the point where I'm no longer surprised by it. These numbers come up so frequently that it serves as an affirmation of the lack of randomness in such events. The other possibility is that it is a sign that I am paying attention to a subtle voice inside me that guides my conscious mind to be moved to see what spirit would have it see. Very interesting.

Listening to the radio is getting old. It is hard to take in a consistent flow of interpretation of information when the root premises of the host regarding the nature of reality are so different than my own. However, I have reached a point where I don't believe that I will find anyone in sync with my beliefs. At the same time, I know that what I believe impacts my experience of what happens, but does not make a difference otherwise. As to the Death penalty, it's amazing to me that a state or people can believe that it has a right to kill. As one whose purpose is Peace, this applies not only to the present conditions, but during wartime as well. We only need go back to the Declaration of Independence and the right of all people to life. I don't recall there being any exceptions explicitly called out -- or even generally mentioned for that matter. That we would allow the law to usurp this right is craziness.

My sense is that we have no understanding of what rights and what powers we truly have collectively as a society.

Aligned collectively toward any cause, we can do anything.

To begin with, we must truthfully identify who wields power in the country and the world at this time.

The bottom line is that most of the power lies in the hands of a few.

If the movie Half Moon Street has any basis in reality, there is a group of approximately 5000 that control the world, a good portion of these being Americans. Most World Leaders as well as the members of our Government are not among the 5000. This controlling group chooses to operate from behind the scenes, without drawing visibility to themselves. The 5000 allow the politicians to play their games, buying the votes and legislation they desire to promote their business positions. Overall, the need to campaign and the large number of dollars required to run a campaign invite Special Interest Groups and Corporate Sponsors to step up and have their position supported in exchange for suitable donations.

None of this matters over all. It is just how the reality game is being played at the moment. Fortunately, the game is mutable; the rules can be changed in a moment. Even minor rules changes can completely alter the reality we experience. These changes occur naturally as part of the Play. Interesting. The Dawn of the Aquarian Age will ride on one of these very changes. Further, it will occur in the near future. How near? I do not know. However, my sense is that the remaining years of the century are going to involve one hell of a roller coaster ride. What we consider to be important, and who is in power will have completely transformed by that time. Nice prediction, but how do I know that it will be so? I don't, for sure. However, why does it matter? Consciousness brings through what she will when she can. Most of what comes through can neither be proved nor disproved. It will happen or it will not. In the moment, it matters not which alternative is materialized.

The bottom line is that life is to be lived in the moment

This doesn't apply to everyone. Some choose to walk backwards or blindfolded. I'm here, however, to bring forth a Vision of what is to be, and then help in some way to "make it so" and bring it down to earth. I know this in my Heart. I don't know that others have this same sense. Further, I know that most others do not have this same sense.

It's interesting that violence, even extreme violence has become a real problem in society. Yet at what point does the realization become great enough that Peace is allowed to reign supreme again throughout our land. Actually, again, may be in error for it assumes that Peace ever comforted the land in this country -- and, it is not clear that such has been true in our history. I have a tough time relating to violence. In many ways, it is against my very nature. The voice of reason says one can do something when one sees violent actions committed, especially against children. However, that's only true in a world of choice. One of the saving factors may be that when the mass awareness is awakened to a problem, the Play is already starting to manifest events in accord with the awareness. So long as people believe they are in conscious control, they must also learn that they have responsibility as well. This is a spiritual lesson that comes from experience.

Choice. Choice. Choice. This issue keeps coming up. How much, if any, conscious choice do we truly have? Is reality a movie, a Play of Consciousness? Or, is it not? Even if it is a Play, how much of it is predestined -- completed in detail in advance? The bottom line is that my current belief involves co-creation of reality (by Self) in advance, prior to entering an existence or related series of existences. What proof do I have for this? None. However, I can resolve my entire lifetime of experience to date within this framework without contradiction.

Currently, I find it useful to believe as I do. Call me a fatalist if you will. I'd rather be such, than falsely believe that I am free to make choices which in truth I have already made at a Higher Self level. My experience is that choices are made in my life. Sometimes they are accompanied by conscious arguments for the particular choice. In the past, occasionally they were accompanied by strong emotions as well. In neither of these circumstances did the concurrance of the reasoning or the emotions with the decision mean that the relationship was causal. Now, I don't bother with reasoning or emotions in making choices. Instead, I observe what happens in my life in an impartial manner where I can. I look at what the events and experiences have to teach me. My sense is that I have some control of the focus of my attention and awareness, but even then, conscious control is not really involved. My sense is more of being moved by consciousness, and allowing myself to be moved wheresoever consciousness would move me.

Many people might call my life lonely and boring. I can understand how they might come to such a conclusion. I have reached a point where serving consciousness and achieving my purpose for being are all consuming activities in my life. Literally, nothing else matters to my awareness. Of course, achieving one's purpose requires finding out the details of what that purpose is. Yes, I have a wife and two dogs, and a few family members that I care about. However, these are all secondary to serving consciousness. These notes are one of the ways in which this service is carried out. I still subscribe to the idea that thoughts come from consciousness. I take no credit for their creation. My abilities appear necessary to bring the one's through that I am able to express. However, my sense is that all thoughts come from the same source consciousness. This is not just all good thoughts, but all thoughts. That's an interesting distinction. Consciousness is responsible for both the good and the bad in the Play, where consciousness includes the sparks that are our Higher Selves.

25 Jul 95

I write because I am compelled by consciousness to do so. The thoughts fill my head and I translate them into the form that you see. Yet, I am more than a trained monkey. These particular thoughts could not come through in this manner to anyone. This is one task that requires my unique talents, skills, and abilities. Further, it is a task that I do for the sheer joy of doing it. At present no one pays me for my time. I receive no compensation for the writings that come through, other than the increase in awareness and Self-Knowledge that the material brings about. And yet, my needs are met through a job that pays well enough to cover my share of the bills, yet demands only that I use the same skills that I would use anyway in my own pursuits -- or better yet, in the endeavors that consciousness would have me pursue.

The waiting game is trying. I'm becoming impatient with it. On to more glorious things. We have a new world to build. We have castles in the air ready to be brought down to earth as soon as the proper foundations are made ready. My heart pounds wildly just thinking of what is to come. Yet, there is something gnawing at my back. Why did I personally come and elect to play this particular role? There is a sense that I am not yet fully remembering whom that I AM. It's as if there is something still blocking my way; something between where I presently am and where I need to be to carry out my destiny. This too will pass at the appointed hour. The recognition that it was there alone will lessen its impact. Of what is it that I speak? These words come through me but they are not mine. It is interesting to allow the process to unfold. Can I turn it on and off? No, this would require a level of choice that I don't believe I or anyone else for that matter has. How is it that I can sincerely question things which to most people appear obvious. I can only answer that I am not most people, and in thinking about these things deeply, I have found them to be far from obvious. Further, in cases where the nature or behavior was obvious, it usually differed greatly from commonly held notions.

Can it all truly be one vast Play in which everything is predestined? Every action, every line, every thought, every emotion. Can it all be planned out in such detail? And, if it were, how would we know? How could we become aware that we were more than the character in the Play, we were the consciousness, the Self, the Soul who co-created the character and it's role. We built the scripts and even directed the shooting of the Play. However, at some point we entered, possibly at multiple points at once for the Self is not limited to linear experience. One of the key goals thoughout is to make the character within aware that equating one's identity with the character being experienced is highly limiting. Freedom comes from going inside and finding the roots of consciousness therein. One must awaken to become alive. One must awaken to be free. Yet, the Play goes on, incarnation after incarnation, century after century, millennia after millennia and the masses remain asleep awaiting one who can open their eyes to see and ears to hear a world embedded in their current world, yet hidden from those insist that reality is what they presently perceive, when all that they truly perceive is illusion. Interesting.

I find it curious that my mind -- no, my very being escapes into this endeavor. I have no goals, no hopes, no dreams. And perhaps, no fears. Though, spiders and snakes still get to me. Further, I can't imagine life motivated by such things. Tis enough to fly, and ride the wings of consciousness to wherever they will take me. How is it that I can live my life in such a manner? It is as if I were carefree and irresponsible. Yet, I sense that the very fate of the world is in my hands. It's an awesome feeling. However, it carries a great responsibility as well. Fortunately, I know that to whom such tasks are given, their capabilities are more than sufficient to meet the demands of the task, though this doesn't necessarily mean that it will be easy or that the outcome will be what appears to be right. The trick is in the appearance. The outcome is assured. The Play is already completed. Appearance, however, lies within the illusion in the eye of the beholder.

Interesting. What more can I say. Consciousness continuously amazes me in these Notes. We write and write and write. The source seems inexhaustible. Yet, there is something within me that says there is more to do. I see the words and a few others, but the sense is that many others are supposed to be exposed to the words as well. It will be interesting to see what comes to pass.

Once again, I must ask, are these the musings of a madman? Have I lost my mind? Did I really ever have it in the conventional sense. I found the Seth material the summer between my Sophomore and Junior years in High School and I have definitely not been the same since. Metaphysics became the one true joy in my life, the one thing that I could talk about and think about without end. Yet, a key result was a belief system that include many things that most people would consider strange at the very least, and in some cases outright wrong or crazy. I've had 20 years in which my mind has been exposed to the greatest ideas the world has ever known, though many might categorize these ideas quite differently. It has been a strange mix: a strong informal education in metaphysics coupled with a strong formal education in math, science, and engineering culminating in an MSEE from Stanford. Yet, from my vantage point now, the informal education was the invaluable one. It is literally priceless. The other could be bought for dollars and time and had no lasting value. In fact, much of the material taught is now antiquated and outdated even though my degree is but 10 years old.

Note: even when the material moves to the personal, there is still no direct sense that I am generating it. There is a slight sense of the locality being closer, but that is all. It still comes through automatically. Why this is so, or how it can be remains a mystery. I accept it for what it is and go with the flow to the degree that I am able. I'm still fascinated observing a process in which words are coming through me, essentially complete, as I participate and watch. It's strange, but there is a constant curiosity as to what will come next. I spent 35 years in input mode, taking in the ideas of others, mainly from metaphysical books. Then, all of a sudden, I have this awakening experience and become aware of more than I have ever been aware of before. The dam bursts, and a flood of writings start coming out through me. I know them to come from consciousness herself, but it takes many months to develop a new framework for reality sufficient to address my experiences. And now I write, or more accurately serve as a scribe for consciousness. More and more, I sense that this role is a familiar one that I have played before -- in another time and place, Egypt comes to mind.

26 Jul 95

The month winds forward day by day, and these notes march onward letter by letter, word by word, idea by idea to who knows where. Though I know what I write is already written in the void. I bring it forth to the screen and page at its appointed hour, but it is written long before I bring it forth. Interesting. I don't recall this being expressed in this way before. But then, consciousness is not to be boxed into any set means of expression. She brings forth through me exactly what needs to be said; not one word more or less.

I have no choice in forcing the pace. I am playing out a role that has already been planned, including this writing. Suppose for a moment that it were not such and I could set a goal to finish with 80 pages this month specifically so that the cumulative total would come out to 888. I would also need the free will to expend my energies toward that goal, and would need the discipline and will to choose to stop when I'd reached the desired page count. This is not how I experience things. This writing doesn't come through every time that I sit down. Further, it's rate is not constant. Further still, it is not within my power to stop it when it is coming through. It flows until it is complete. At some level, of which I am not aware, I agree to provide the scribe service. When and for how long are not known to me when the service is engaged. In fact, sometimes the notes come through during normal work hours. During these times, my sense is that this is what I am compelled to do, and I have no other choice in the matter. In addition, I find this process and the material that comes through so fascinating that I wouldn't think of stopping it unless I had to. And, in my world, "have to" only happens when the Play so dictates. Interesting.

So, what is next? And, does it really matter? I'm resigned to the fact that the Play dictates what will happen and when. What free will, if any, that we have lies in how we interpret what happens. Reality lies in the domain where meaning reigns. This is not the domain of appearances in which the Play occurs. The struggle is to find one's way out of the illusion into the real. This only happens via an inward journey in search of Self. Interesting.

So long as we are focused outside in the world, we are caught up in the illusion.

This does not mean that life has no purpose. On the contrary,

Life is the ultimate school or training ground in which We, and Higher selves planned out the experiences that would temper us and guide us to the realization of our true nature as spirit, and more importantly as an inseperable part of the ONE.

Why is it that I so tenaciously believe whatever my beliefs are at a given time. From an awareness standpoint I believe it's because I know that beliefs are the playground through which we experience physical reality (the illusion). My Aries nature is another indicator, bringing in a stubborn streak. Yet, if you look at my belief system over time, it does not stay constant very long. In fact, the only thing constant about it is the strength or resoluteness of it. Interesting. Yet, I have no problem changing a belief or a whole group of beliefs in a moment if I come to the conclusion that they are more useful than my own. Fixed, yet flexible. That seems to be a contradiction. Open, yet closed -- a contradiction as well. However, such contradictions only seem so looking from the outside in. From my inside out perspective, there are no contradictions. I see myself as firm, flexible, and open. At the same time, I understand how others would have a much different picture in interacting with me. I find it difficult to understand how anyone exposed to the range of my beliefs and the rate at which they change to judge me as anything other than open, but I've learned that I cannot live my life in accord with the judgments of others. There is a higher judgement imparted by spirit to which I am subject. Channing talks about this in the terms "which feels itself accountable to a higher tribunal than man's". Yet, I've not yet met another who actively advocated this position. It's interesting, because this was one of Channing's prerequisites for calling a mind free.

Not two feet above my monitor is another quote in this same series: [William Ellery Channing]

I call that mind free which jealously guards the intellectual rights and powers,
which calls no man master,
which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith,
which opens itself to light whencesoever it may come,
which receives new truth as an angel from heaven,
which, whilst consulting others, inquires still more of the oracle within itself,
and uses instructions from abroad not to supersede,
but to quicken and exalt, it's own energies.

It's hard to believe that this could have been written over a century ago. From my standpoint, it's as true today as it was when written. The sad part is that I sense the number of people who truly understand and value what Channing has said is very small -- perhaps small enough to count on two hands.

Thinking in new ways. Getting away from the cause/effect trap. These are crucial to getting an overall picture of reality. It's not that the tools are invalid. They have their utility. But, one must be crafty in how one applies the tools. If it were easy, the spiritual world would have been discovered and mapped long ago. However, limiting beliefs have controlled the rate at which spiritual unfoldment occurs within the play. It doesn't take much searching to find ludicrous examples of predictions or pronouncements from scientists, technologists, Ph.Ds, and M.D.s. Most of the time these involved declarations of things that were impossible based on supposed logical reasoning from premises that were "obvious". The bottom line is that there is far too much that we do not know, especially regarding consciousness and how we as spirit are connected to bodies for expression in this physical world.

So, why are there 5.5+ Billion people in the world at this time? Especially when the quality of life of 4+ Billion of these people is so bad as to be incomprehensible. What is this supposed to be showing us? At a crude level, the lesson is one of being responsible for control of one's population, and living within the boundaries of one's environment. But, there is a larger lesson as well, for the impacts of the large populations of undeveloped countries and developing countries are felt globally. The web is connected now. We are no longer isolated in the manner of the past. Further, this phenomenon is recent and appears to be getting worse at an unreal pace that cannot be supported much longer. But, what happens then. What turns can the Play take?

One possibility is some type of major change that causes a large population decrease. We see this happen with every other creature on the planet. In the animal kingdom, population's are controlled within ranges. It seems that humans have escaped this law in the past several decades. The sense is that it is time for a major correction.

Looking out at the world, it is difficult to believe that the Dawn of the Aquarian Age is nigh. Who knows how many armed conflicts are in progress in addition to the civil strife in former Yugoslavia. The United Nations seems to be far from able to secure and keep the peace. Hell, the weren't even able to protect the few safe havens that had been established. So, what choices are there. Leave and let them fight it out if that is what they want. Stay and use this as the example that says Peace is the only acceptable answer. Find a way to equitably resolve your disputes without resort to violence. The United Nations should be the representative body for the collection of nations, just as the United States represents the collection of states in the union. We must remember, however, that Cities, Counties, States, Nations, and the United Nations are really the collective voices of the people that the represent. At the United Nations level, we need to agree as the people of the world that we will not allow groups of people at any level to use violence or agression against other groups of people whether within a nation or between nations.

Individuals are reluctant to give up "their freedom" and "their ability to choose". Part of the problem is that we don't teach people the value of exercising their freedom by choosing to belong and participate in groups wherein their needs can best be expressed and addressed. This cannot and will not happen by individuals operating alone. We need to realize that the only way for individuals to effectively exert their powers is collectively. It is extremely hard for one person to do anything -- that is unless you are Bill Gates, Ross Perot, or a few hundred others. The rest of us have a real voice only when we get enough people together such that the collective voice has the impact to sway our representatives. It seems so easy. But, it is not happening. The Play has not yet brought us to a time where common unity becomes a driving factor in human affairs. The sense is that the conditions are such that we are on the brink of a revolution. But, the time is not yet right. The leaning is too far toward the right when it needs to be at the other extreme. One possibility is that the Play needs to take us through a short experience of the far right to show us that not only does it not work, it makes things far worse. I say short because that's all we really need to "get it" and move on to something that can really work.

Something's missing, however. Per Ruth Montgomery, the next President will be a "walk-in" that is spiritually evolved enough to take us into the new millennia and possibly into a new age as well. I don't see either Bob Dole or Bill Clinton fitting this description, yet those in the know now appear to see this as a race that Dole has wrapped up unless something stupid should unravel. Per Duane Garrett, Clinton's hopes are slim to none, as would be true for any Democrat. The only thing that might cause a major wrinkle is a Third Party Candidate. My knowledge is limited here. It will be interesting to see what unfolds in the next two years.

This has a personal impact as well. Much of my spiritual work involves envisioning, then building a real society. The government needs to be an effective arm of society. Presently, it is not clear that the government truly serves us. It definitely does not serve us well. Much of this is due to the rules of how the game is played. The awareness of the problem appears to be reaching a critical mass, to the point where it is time for something to be done. Exactly what will be done will unfold as the Play unfolds.

Language itself is in the midst of massive change for me. How beliefs and ideas are worded makes a great difference. It is starting to become more and more obvious as to what premises underlie a particular way of expressing something. In these notes, it is not clear how consciousness expresses the ideas. My sense is that there is some interface where the energy that consciousness is attempting to express is translated into ideas and thoughts that get expressed in these words. I don't believe that every word is spelled out. Local processes handle that, and handle corrections on the fly due to typos. However, how does this fit with fatalism and the idea that everything is decided in advance? Under strict fatalism, every letter, every keystroke including corrections, all of it happens per the script of the Play. Hard to believe? Yes, however the truth is that I observe it all -- without having any conscious awareness of creating it in the moment. My awareness can only observe. I have not yet learned what it takes to create. I observe creation daily. Further, I see that it is coming through me. But, it is a major leap to conclude that it is coming from me. My awareness of "I" does not stretch this far. Further, I have no reason to believe that it can while I am physical, except for the few examples such as Buddha and Jesus. Even then, it is not clear that they created the miracles associated with them. The Play could have been rigged, just as we get special effects to happen in a movie. I'd prefer not to deal with things beyond my personal experience and awareness. At this point in time, I have no awareness of an ability to create. Thoughts come as close to being original things as I deal with. However, I've already explained that I have no conscious awareness of where thoughts come from. In particular, I have no conscious sense of originating these thoughts.

So, life goes on. I write and I observe what happens in my mind, my life, and the limited part of the world around me of which I am aware. For all that I see on a day to day and week to week basis, my environment is very limited. If you were filming a movie of my daily life, the bulk of my time is spent in two settings -- here in my office facing my computer monitor, and upstairs at home sitting in front of the TV where I watch videos which sits a few feet to the right of my home computer monitor. Interesting.

Writing for work is as automatic as note writing is. The ideas pop into my head in the same fashion. In many cases, they are new ideas. Rarely do I consciously use reference works. I have no clue as to what structures previous information has been placed into or how it is recalled from these structures to be used in new ways. I observe that this happens, and that I seem to be much better at the kinds of tasks that I do than most others. The primary skill involved is bringing through new perspectives that provide a better understanding of the big picture. For work, this involves a system called the AFSCN. For spiritual work, this involves the nature of consciousness and the nature of reality. The basic skills required in the tasks are identical.

27 Jul 95

I can never predict what consciousness has in store. I wouldn't even care to try anymore. What will be, will be. "Que sera, sera" per Doris Day. Fatalism. It's hard to believe that one so immersed in the ideas of the new age could embrace such a philosophy so completely. Yet, all that I truly know is that I am awareness, apparently attached to this body for an earthly sojourn.

As awareness, I observe, but I have no conscious knowledge of creating or doing anything. I watch things happening and attempt to find the meaning that they hold, but I have no conscious awareness of directing the things that happen to happen.

I have no conscious control over the thoughts that I experience either, nor the memory processes, nor hundreds of other things that allow day to day life to manifest on earth.

I find it interesting that this is so. All the more interesting, because by conventional standards, I am highly intelligent and highly educated. If education does not teach us about such basic things as these, something is sorely lacking. Yes, indeed. But, my informal education in metaphysics wasn't much better. It took a dramatic awakening experience to see things in the manner that I do now. This is not something I recommend for everyone. I was on very shaky ground for several months following the experience. Nearly two years later, I've still not found anyone that truly relates to what I went through. Not that I've searched very hard. I trust consciousness. I know that the Play will bring forth such contacts if and when they are needed. I've accepted my role as The Hermit, observing that my entire life has fit such an archetype pattern. I don't know at this point whether this pattern will ever change. I can envision doing my spiritual work in a number of ways -- most of which include The Hermit playing at least a prominent role. I have become so used to solitude, even in the midst of a crowd, that it seems to be an essential part of my nature. It is what permits the focus to allow this very expression to take place. However, over the past two years I've seen that The Hermit is only one of a cast of many characters that I have available to call upon in my work. You might say that I have the entire Tarot to work with. However, within that system there are particular cards that appear to be special -- either because they call out to my Heart, correspond to other key symbols, or simply show up a lot in my life.

I forgot that I started the day by writing. It's only fitting that I should conclude the day that way as well. My work productivity has been at a peak all week. I'm too burned out to start anything new, so I might as well turn myself over to an endeavor that stirs my soul as no other. Yes, that is what these notes are all about, documenting the experience of a soul in the midst of a great spiritual transformation. In the midst has been over two years to date. Somehow, I think it will continue throughout the rest of my time in this existence. Why? Because such is what is required to accomplish the tasks that I came to do. But, I have no choice per my belief system. Such is true. However, it doesn't change the fact that I will have to undergo great spiritual change as I experience my life unfold. I still believe I have no choice. This includes not having the ability to change anything about the experiences. The bottom line is that I will experience exactly what the Play calls for me to experience, nothing more and nothing less, with the possible exception of the awareness that comes from my endeavors to interpret the meaning of my existence and of existence overall. These are the questions that vie for my attention. It is here that I focus. You might even say live. Interesting.

It's strange not seeing the world outside my building at work and my van except for a few minutes in the evening and morning on the two days when I stay overnight. I basically spend 15 hours/day on Mon and Wed tied to my computer terminal and screen. It is my essentially my world. It is quite interesting that this is so, but not surprising in the least. It does mean that I spend more time thinking and more time directly connected to consciousness than most. It also means that I observe the workings of my mind -- and the state of my awareness far more than most. Yet, even with that, my conclusions is that I am not consciously aware of how any of this takes place. I have some theories. However, none of these involve any notion of conscious creation of thought. Interesting indeed. How could one question something as basic as the thought process? I would turn that around and ask how could one not question something as basic as the thought process. From my perspective, I observe thoughts, I do not think them. Given that my thought process seems to be more refined than most, I can't imagine how others might experience this differently if they truly examined the process.

It's interesting living from a fatalist standpoint and observing how often the common way that we express things has a hidden bias or assumption that we live in a world where we are free to make choices. This is so ingrained into our very identity that we have a hard time seeing things in a different light. Some might even consider such to be darkness. Yet, there is great strength in knowing that one has co-created the reality that one is experiencing -- and that one did so from a Higher Self perspective for one's greatest good and the greatest good or all whom which one deals. This requires great faith and trust in consciousness. However, the return is a sense of serenity and peace that is nearly unbelievable. We truly live in a perfect world. Everything has been masterfully planned to the finest detail. This does not mean that the perfection is static, rather it is highly dynamic. What it does mean is that given the prevailing awareness levels of individuals, the illusion is exactly what it needs to be to drive the winds of change in the direction of increased spiritual unfoldment and expression.

How can I know these things? I'm only 37. I've had very little interaction with others in the world. How is it that such wisdom as this could flow through me? Then again, there are probably many who would call it rubbish. Yet, who are they, and what do they know? The stuff I write of is not taught in any school or in any book of which I am aware. For much of it, I really have no clue as to where it comes from or whether it is even right. It comes through, period. The sense is that it is not fiction, though many might question that as well. Consciousness brings forth what she will. This is not a fast process. On average, I write about 1 page per hour. As of the end of last month, there were 808 pages of notes over the course of 20 months. That's an average of just over 40 hours per month, though the highest month was three times that. This doesn't include reading time for reviewing the notes, or all the thinking time for processing related ideas that aren't recording.