11 Dec 94
Yes, that's an 11, not a 1. This is the first time in over a year of writing these notes that I've gone so long without writing anything. Further, the quantity of notes for the final few days of November was quite sparse as well. I don't know what to make of this. Work has been extremely busy, but 6 of those 11 days were days off for me. I've been in a strange state of mind. Pregnant but impotent comes to mind. It's as if I'm ready to burst but the timing is not yet right.
It's as if my energies are being diverted for awhile, towards increased work on the one hand, and toward rest and sleep on the other. My sense is that I'm being prepared for some kind of a change on a very deep level. Pluto square Pluto seems to be the chief factor, which means, for me, Dec 18 is the start of a year of Spiritual Upheaval. Uranus and Neptune square my Natal Sun, prepared the way for what I am to receive/experience this year. In many respects, I know not what that is, yet at the same time I embrace whatever it is wholeheartedly, for I know that Divine Providence guides my way, and the experiences to come are those required to temper my spirit for the task which lies ahead.
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At times, I think that literally no soul that has ever lived has thought the thoughts I think in the manner that I do. No one else has been exposed to the training that I have, in the way that I have. No one else has seen what these eyes have seen, or felt what this heart has felt. And, no one else has been aware of consciousness in this unique manner. Oh, these words are true for every being. But, it takes a special soul to realize them to the point of being able to utter them with all the force of one's being. What makes me so special. To be honest, I do not know. You could say that I give my Self freedom to express through me in ways that are many times beyond my conscious comprehension. I don't know exactly when I realized it, but long ago, my conscious mind accepted that there was a greater Self, the vehicle of the Soul, of which it had limited direct awareness -- but nevertheless, could be completely trusted to guide one's path. I firmly believed Seth's statement "We Create our own Reality". However, I accepted this was done on other than conscious levels. Regardless, there was nothing the conscious mind could do about this with the exception of managing the belief system. Even, here, I did not go so far as to question what a belief system was, or how it might be managed. And further, I did not know the process by which thoughts enter the mind, are stored, are connected with other thoughts, and are recalled. For the most part, I never had a need to question the workings of my mind, or to verify that this was similar to the manner in which the minds of others work. Now, I see that I presumed to know more than I actually knew. Further, it seems that the way in which I lived my life conformed with the very nature of my own mind, or better still that which provides direction for the mind. For, the mind is as a ship, and tis not the conscious which stands at it's helm, but a greater force which ever looks after the development of the being.
12 Dec 94
Attachment is key. I have found that there is little to which I am truly attached. My family, my friends, and even my wife do not have a direct connection to my heart. You might say that my dogs come closer to this than people because their love is so unconditional. Not that others are to blame for this. It is very hard for anyone to get close to me. Further, most people never get past the surface illusion. For a long time, this did not bother me. Now, for some reason, it does. How am I to share my awareness with others, if we cannot get past the illusion and cut to the very core? I am what I am. And, I am proud of that. Further, I feel strongly that I can help to transform this nation into what it is destined to be. All it takes is the spreading of a set of ideas whose time has finally come. The difficult part is that the ideas appear to rock the core principles on which this nation and in particular it's economy is founded. However, let that not deter us one moment from our task. What is not right must be made right. The continued existence and well-being of the country is at stake.
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The key problem is distribution of goods and services. We've reached a point where we can easily produce enough for all to be prosperous. That we allow portions of our populous to be deprived of this fruitfulness is criminal. If we can't find a way to allow everyone to participate via appropriate jobs, at the very least, there should be a level of distribution given to each that is sufficient to meet basic needs. Resources (natural or human) are not the problem. Use of resources and distribution of goods and services are the issue. No economic system addresses the moral issues with respect to distribution of goods and services (or wealth). Yet here we are facing a time when these are the most pressing issues of the day. To have street people, and especially kids going to bed hungry in this country of abundant food is a major crime. How can we be so callous as to tolerate it?
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Since the beginning, the admonition of spirit has always been to go within, for there ye will find all that ye seek and more. For yeah verily, there is where the Kingdom of Heaven lies, awaiting any who would drop the illusion for just a little while and see with new eyes and hear with new ears. Yet, how do we plant foundations here that the castles in the air may be brought down to earth? It seems that the key is in the planting of the appropriate seeds in the hearts of the people. For, in their minds, the seeds grow fallow. Only in the hearts can the nourishment be found to spread the Force of Love throughout the land, that every man would be a brother, and every woman a sister. Only upon such a foundation can the Age of Aquarius be built. And, indeed it will be built, for such is preordained as part of the Plan. It has been there always only to be enacted at this special time in the course of human events. In many ways, we're still a barbaric people. But, this too will change, for the conditions that permitted that mode of expression are about to be cast away forever.
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You could say that I am delivering a message from a source that I know not, other than that it is inside of me. No, not physically inside of me, but inside in the sense of inner dimensions that appear to have no physical counterparts either in the outside world or in some part of my mind. Further, my truth sensor feels a basic truth about what is being said. I have no way to validate the details. All that I know is that for as long as I could remember, the ability to recognize truth when I found it was innate. It was built-in, not something that I had to work at or develop.
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It's interesting. I've lived for 36 years in this existence, yet until recently I never really questioned anything. Now, I question everything. Nothing is sacred or taboo. Further, I'm no longer willing to operate on the truths of others. I'm a wayshower. As such I must find my own truth. Yet, in doing so I operate at the very fringe of what others deem to be reality, and further at the edge of what others deem to be sanity. Yet, it matters not. I know that I am aware, aware in ways that others are not and may never be, and this awareness sets me apart. I cannot be as other men. In many ways, this has been true not only for the past 20 months, but for all of my life. At the same time, my understanding is based solely on my personal experience. Thus far, there is no correlation with the experiences of others. The few relevant books and interactions with others have had very limited utility. The experiences do not have enough in common to be of value in enhancing understanding. So, each day and each month, the distance grows greater. I long to apply ideas in ways that transform the country and the world, but the illusion offers no practical way for their introduction. At another level, I know that the real service is performed behind the scenes, not in the illusion that we are given to see. How this occurs is another question. Here, I leave it to consciousness to pull the strings and move me to where I need to be to carry out my assigned destiny. That she will do so, I have no doubt. That I have such a destiny is beyond doubt as well. A scary thought, "beyond doubt". Yet, all that it requires is absolute faith. This, too, might be scary for many of you. However, think deeply about what you truly know about yourself and how you're very body and brain function. After over 2000 years of thought, look how little even our best doctors know in these areas. Each day we live in faith, trusting that whatever it is that keeps us alive and functioning in this world will continue to do so. As we've pointed out before, consider where your thoughts originate -- do you think them, or do they just pop into your head as they do into mine?
So, am I insane? What does it mean to be sane? Does the very flow of these thoughts indicate a mind that is basically functioning properly? Then, what about the conclusions? What about all the statements that run counter to convention? How does a mind trained in math, engineering, and the sciences wander to such extremes? Yet, there is more to it than this. For the mind has a knowingness that no amount of math, engineering, or science could ever give it. A knowingness that comes from having achieved an observer state of mind and having learned to live from that state of awareness. How this occurred is open to debate. That it occurred is not. Whether it will occur for others and when is also of no import. I only know what I have experienced. Sometime between Apr 93 and Oct 93, I experienced an awakening that was a one way transformation of awareness. The bottom line was a realization that I was something more than what I knew myself to be before.
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You might say that I am sacrificing my life for something I cannot see nor prove. From my vantage point, however, there is no sacrifice. There be no one that I would trade places with. While my life may not be the most joyous, it is me that prevents it being so, no other. Besides, how many people are privileged to catch even a glimpse of the spiritual world, and here I have been immersed in it several times for weeks on end. No, I would not trade places with another. Further, from what I have gathered over the past several years, the future has much in store for one who would be a Wayshower and perhaps even a Philosopher King. But, this we'll leave for consciousness to decide. Teacher, Guide, Advisor, Wise Man -- these too call to me. Ideas are my weapons and my tools, as such they will help to bring down the old and build up the new. Here we speak of the very infrastructure of society, and we speak in a way that has not been spoken before. It is time for Unity to achieve it's rightful place. Community is common unity or in other words common oneness. When we are one, we do not allow any to go without. When we are one, we demand an infrastructure that meets the needs of all.
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What makes me, a loner who has virtually no interaction in society, think that I can come up with viable ideas on which to found a new society and ultimately a new world order? Very good question. The answer is that this is a moral and spiritual issue that is best handled outside of the realm of convential religion. Here is where I shine. My nature is all spirit. I came to manifest that spirit in a practical way. Refounding society is the most meaningful and practical way that I can think of. Further, it's necessary for the Aquarian Age to unfold -- and the time for that age to unfold is now, or at least very soon. Another positive point is that I have no ties or investment to the way things are. I look at the whole and imagine how things could be, if only we'd get beyond petty differences and struggles over power. Let's get on with it and use the resources we have for the good of the whole. No, not just the majority, but truly the good of the whole. There is no problem that cannot be overcome when the right resources are applied in an effective way. Unfortunately, at the present time, a few hundred big companies determine where most of the resources go. Society has no unifying organization that gives it any real clout over these companies. This is a major battle zone. For a long time, we have tolerated a mechanism for distribution of wealth as well as goods and services that has not been good for the majority at all. Somehow we need to take our power back and right this situation.
14 Dec 94
Over the past year I've been noticing signs that there is a spiritual world coexistent with the physical one. It is primarily revealed in the symbol systems that have been imposed on the physical backdrop. There is a synchronicity of these symbols that cannot be attributed to chance that reveals a divine spiritual order to everything. Thus far, I have caught only glimpses. In some cases meaning of these glimpses has be revealed as well as with 222 in the above. The process is one of putting together a puzzle, only in this case: (1) there is no cover picture to guide how the pieces go together and where they fit relative to one another, (2) no one said there was a puzzle to begin with, (3) there is no information on how many pieces are in the puzzle, (4) there is no guidance on what constitutes a piece, and (5) there is no guidance on whether this is a solitary or group activity. As I wrote that, solitary flashed in my mind. Yet, this only makes the challenge all the greater.
15 Dec 94
What am I responsible for? Lately, I've made the transformation of the whole world into my personal job. But, given that there are 5.5 Billion people on the planet, that's a bit unrealistic. So what is the scope of my responsibility? What is it that I am here to do? By what authority am I assigned my tasks? Very good questions. Spirit or Consciousness directs my path and assign my tasks. I have given up my will to do their bidding. Yet, my forte is the big picture, my task the bringer of the VISION for what the New Age must be. More particularly, I am the Way Shower. This is what excites me to my very core. This is what makes my breath sing, my thoughts soar, and my consciousness rise beyond imagination. This is what makes life worth living.
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I understand that what moves and inspires me may have little to know meaning to others. This is fine. Each of us is unique and must find the path that is right for us. Find the shoes the you were meant to walk in, and fulfill the destiny that you came to this existence to fulfill. Or, at the very least, do you best to do so. Remember that free will is still a big questions mark, so no matter how much control you think that you have, consciousness may have something different in store for you. Always, you are given what you most need for your highest good and the good of all concerned. This is true even when it does not appear to be so.
18 Dec 94
My sense is that there is a torrent of thoughts crossing my mind of late, like a river. I'm only consciously catching a small fraction of what is passing. Is this the river of all thought that I sense, the river that passes by each of us. Or, as on the world, do the waterways occur in many forms: streams, rivers, ponds, lakes, oceans? Further, it is where we go as travelers of thought, or of the mind, that determines whether we end up by a dry stream bed, a frozen river, a great river, or even an ocean. What is it that determines the depth and breadth of our thoughts? One answer is simple, necessity and utility. We are moved to go where we need to be to fulfill our purpose, and along the way we will gain whatever knowledge is needed.
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One question that comes to mind is whether I could make such associations to any numbers that might come up. To some degree, it matters not, because there is no real way to test the idea. My sense is that anything that comes to me has a purpose and potentially a spiritual message. However, it is up to me to allow the message to come forth. I don't generate it, I hear it. How this happens with others may be quite different. Much depends on the specific workings of the mind of each individual, and this appears to me to vary greatly from one individual to the next. However, each of us is equipped with the abilities, and the information gathering and processing abilities we need to complete our tasks in this world. These tasks are not necessarily the jobs that we currently perform, rather they are the admonitions of our soul. Prior to entering this existence, we were fully aware of exactly what we wanted to learn and to do during this lifetime and we set ourselves up within a play that would permit us to do this, at least that would provide the greatest opportunity for doing so. However, if we came in fully aware, it would have been too easy -- so, we turned off part of our conscious awareness. All along, this world has been a school for the advancement of consciousness. This alone has been the goal of all the illusion that has been created. Within this goal, we have two main parts, individual consciousness and the collective consciousness. Neither one is sufficient for great advancement, both must be included as integral parts that cannot survive without one another. It's from the advancement of individuals that the advancement of the collective happens. But, it's from the advancement of the collective that individual consciousnesses are allowed to sail to even higher realms. Individuals must realize that they are responsible for what befalls them, but they must also recognize their common unity with their brethren. Cooperative interdependence is how reality works whether we consciously aware of it or not. It is for us to consciously align ourselves with this natural way of being if we are to realize the fruits of truly abundant living. For, while we operate in isolation, we restrict the flow of spirit in our lives. The trick is to learn to do without doing, by allowing spirit to work directly through us. Such a simple thing, yet at the same time one of the most difficult; for, it requires relinquishing the ego, the personal will for Thy Will, whatever that might be. The unknown is one of the most difficult things for us to deal with, so difficult that we create elaborate fabrications that make it appear as if we know what we do not know.
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How can I write in this manner? How do I know what I am talking about? From where did this knowledge come? Good questions, all. But, not one can I truly answer in a manner that provides a real answer. The bottom line is, I don't know. I just write, and it comes out as if it were fact. Further, usually there is no way to confirm or deny what comes through.
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Symbol systems. That's chiefly what we are. Symbol systems that turn the symbols that are input to our senses into a context that has meaning. One of the chief contexts of importance is who and what we our, the nature of our own beings and consciousness. Yet, as in the body, we don't need every cell worrying about this. Separation of labor is a way of life. It allows incredible diversification to occur that in turn can have great benefit to the whole.
27 Dec 94
The time now just changed from 8:54 to 8:55. In other terms, from 629 to 529. How close this is to the number 528 that started us off on this interpretation of the spiritual world. But is it real, or is it something I've imagined to be so? And, does it really matter? It seems that for some reason, for me it must. Why this is so, I know not. But, there is a definite sense that this is more real than anything else in my life. Interesting that this would come out this way. Yet, for some reason, I sense that I have not yet truly lived. It is not clear how to change this, or whether it is within my power at all. Oh, to be awake in a world that lies asleep. What an interesting state to be in. At the same time, full of awareness, yet lacking the specific means to use it in a manner beneficial to the spirit from which it springs. I am a man, yet I am so much more as well, and it is this moreness that must find expression. How that will be, I know not; but, that it will be is a certainty of which there is no doubt. When is another question as well. However, the timing is left to spirit. To everything there is a season, and it is spirit that decides what that will be for the kinds of things that we speak of now.
Life moves on. Day after day the march continues, and with each day destiny moves one step closer as well. All that I can do is prepare for that day of reckoning when each will be judged and called by spirit to do that which they came to do. Unlike many, I have had the privilege of being forewarned of what this will be -- at least to the degree that intuition can be counted on. Perhaps this is because my role begins sooner than most. Clearly, I haven't lived a normal life, and my abilities are far from average. My sense is that in such matters, no abilities are created except that there be a use for them. Special abilities imply special uses to fill specific purposes. All of my life I have been in training for positions that don't exist in my world. Yet, all of this training has been directly or indirectly guided by spirit. There must be unseen positions out there, be they spiritual or otherwise, that will come into existence soon. How soon, I do not know, this will be spirits choice in accord with the Plan. My sense, however, is that major changes are to occur in my work situation in the next 3 years, and perhaps multiple changes in a series that leads to some ultimate position that is stable for awhile. Until these events occur, I can only expect to receive glimpses, and then only on a need to know basis. The keyword is trust. Though you know not exactly what will be, trust that you are being led by spirit to take you through exactly what you need to experience for the greatest good of all. Don't back off. Trust your inner knowingness, and express it wherever you can. It will trigger others into altered states of awareness as well, where their own spirit has more of a chance to express through them. Don't worry about specific techniques. Being in your presence and seeing your example will be sufficient to have the intended effect. Be the Wayshower that you are meant to be. Trust that spirit will bring those beings to you who are ready to be shown the new way.
28 Dec 94
If morality is not the basis of social interaction in a community, civilization is lost. Maybe not immediately, but it will crumble as surely as the sun will rise and fall each day. No, it is not necessary that this come from religion. However, it is necessary that it be taught -- and the only place that it can be taught so that all understand it is in theory and practice in the controlled environment of the schools and in practice in the greater environment of society. It's by example that moral values are best taught. They involve being kind and good to one another, and treating others with dignity and respect. Yes, ever the optimist and utopian. But, I sense there is a desire in everyone to live in such a manner -- in particular, full of hope and free of fear.
29 Dec 94
Reviewing the quotes on the wall in my office, I just made another connection to 528. Looking at the number of letters in two key names Emerson and Thoreau we get:
Wayne Ellis Hartman
All of them have 5 : 5 : 7. Reversing this, we get 7:55 or 528! Coincidence, maybe. But, what an interesting one if it is. It's amazing how often that particular number keeps coming up. Also, it is extremely close to the 7 and 56 that are on the centers of my triangle readings. Wayne => NewWay is a 5 => 6 transition that would move the tick from 7:55 to 7:56. There come the shivers. I'm clearly onto something important. The other transcendentalists did not have this natural transition built into their names. Interesting, indeed. The time just wasn't right in their day for such a transition to manifest. They prepared the way, however, as I prepare the way for those who will follow my example.
I know. It's a bit vain to count myself among such august company. However, it is not clear that I could do what I am here to do if I did not consider such wonderful souls to be my brethren and my peers. And, it is by standing on their shoulders and that of many others, that I am given the vantage point necessary to SEE what I am meant to pass to the world. VISION is clearly the primary element in my mission.