I feel as if I am both Truman and Christof from the movie The Truman Show, at the same time. Actually, not Christof, but rather a critic observing in meticulous detail the work that Christof has done. I am in an interesting realm. On the one hand I have my models of the world and how it works. On the other, I have my imaginings of what the world could be. Here I am in between, looking for details that my models don't explain so that I can find concepts that help me move more toward the ideal world I imagine.

It is a very strange position to be in. I am not the creator, but I am observing the fine details of the creator's handiwork. Yesterday, the details brought a small white and black stripped snake into my reality for awhile. It is the out of the ordinary events that capture my attention. Though, I also pay attention to the fine details ... such as the reflections of lights off various surfaces in the night. I never knew how much detail there was. It is amazing what you can see when you pay attention to things. There is still a sense that I am learning to create the reality that I experience ... literally every aspect of every scene. However, the surprises throw a wrench into the works. It is nice to see the unexpected. We always need to have room for the unknown. That the snake was black and white seems import somehow. It is an indication that the distinction between light and dark is extremely clear to me right now. Curious.

I'm feeling more excited about life again. There was an interesting thunderstorm and accompanying rainstorm in the desert this morning. It really freaked out my dogs. It is strange for it to be raining hard in August in California, much less in the desert. It gave the day a very surreal start. The closeness to the full moon makes it an interesting time as well.

There is a spring in my stride and a smile on my face. Life is more than it was. It is good to feel this again after being somewhat depressed for several weeks. I'm still not sure what brings me up and down but there are definitely cycles in my awareness. I'm glad to be in the good part of one of these cycles again. Generally, the ups last far longer than the downs. The past couple months have been somewhat unusual for me. Though, they did have me experience another part of my Self. And, is not such what life is truly about. We have to experience whom that we are to be able to choose whom that we will be. Such is our greatest choice in this existence. Ultimately, the choice is to "Be all that you can be" ... as they say in the ad for the Army.

The future is still uncertain, as it is meant to be. I can only act in the present ... making contacts and taking one step at a time. Today I talked to Daniel and Kate, two souls endeavoring to Build a Better World. We'll see where that will lead. Each contact point in our life is special. It provides a place where a seed can be planted. We never know exactly how fertile the soil is until we see what comes to fruition from what was planted. Interesting. This is where the magic of the unknown comes into play. It is in the interactions of kindred spirits that special things can be created. Curious. I've had few interaction to date ... yet it seems that this is where my life needs to go. Somehow, I need to change my focus, and start interacting. The opportunities will be present. Though, I may need to learn a whole new set of communications skills.

What would you like to do? Daniel asked that. I'm not used to thinking of doing things in those terms. I do things because I am moved to do them. Generally, I also happen to like doing them ... but that is not the chief motivation. Perhaps that should be a factor I consider more often. What would I like to do most? And, how would I like to do it? This does not have to be the way that I have done things in the past. I can choose now to experience life as I would experience it. Hmm ... I'm feeling a sense of freedom that I haven't felt in awhile. It is as if a burden has been lifted somehow. Curious.

My mind feels cold, somewhat numb. There is an icyness throughout my upper body. The room is cold. Yet, my thinking is clear. I truly have the power to create my life anew. Here and now, I can make my life be what I would have it be. It is through my decisions and actions that I create the reality that I experience. Hmm ... creating reality and experiencing reality are two different things. Experiencing relies on interpretation of meaning. Creating puts the meaning there to begin with. Finally, I'm starting to touch the creator part of myself. Finallly! Step by step ... consciousness ever moves onward.

Be Happy and Create Well!

LOVE,

Wayne