The beginning of a new month finds me more tired and sluggish than I've been in a long time. It's as if my prescription drugs are far too much. I am mellowed out and my mind is slow, noticeably so to me and to others. To some degree it is as if I am partially dead to the world. That's an interesting way to look at it. The only thing that wakes me up is returning to the expression of spirit ... either reading what has come forth through me, or generating something new as is the case now. This is when I am most alive. This is what gets my heart moving and spirit flowing. Here is where I am WHOM THAT I AM. Here is where I am truly HOME and at ONE with SPIRIT.

Several years ago, I was in a similar state. Writing was about the only thing that could keep me awake. It is different now, but similar at the same time. On an inner level, I know that change is on the horizon ... it is just not clear as to how far on the horizon. That's OK. I'm used to dealing with the unknown in my life. For many years, I have operated on faith ... some might say blind faith in what consciousness would bring forth into my life. It has been an interesting journey at time, one that brought me to the very edge of genius/madness -- even to the point of questioning my own sanity. Yet, I made it through it all, having benefited from each challenge and experience.

It is not clear where to go from here. I keep asking what is next, but have not yet been able to see. It is as if the future cannot yet be revealed for me. I need to keep on keeping on, doing what I am moved by consciousness to do, ever venturing forward one step at a time. And so I continue ... accepting what fate would bestow on me and looking inward to see what it means and find what I am moved to do next. There is a sense that this is to involve working with others in the outer world. I'm just starting to do this now. It is new territory for me ... getting involved with others. But it is something that I feel that I must do if I am to grow in a direction that allows me to carry out my mission.

Curious that consciousness would pick drowsiness as a side effect of my medications. This forces me to search for those activities that will keep me awake. They also happen to be those activities that I love. Hmm ... of course such would be the case. What isn't clear yet is how I integrate this with my work ... that is unless my work is about to change dramatically in the near future. This is always a possibility. However, I am wary of making any time predictions. In the past, what I thought would come true in the future (especially immediate future) has a very poor record of coming true in any timeframe.

Something does have to give, however. I need to be awake to drive safely and to work effectively. Fighting to stay awake all the time, and sleeping 10 plus hours per day is not acceptable for very long. Then again, the first time this occured it went on for many months. Hmm ... Well, now, I choose for this not to happen again. There must be choices that are within my power to make that can right the situation. After all, I create my reality now. Interesting. Until recently, I did not see choices as being mine to make. Right now, however, this is very clear. Some immediate choices include how much of which medications that I will continue to take for how long. I don't want to make a unilateral decision here, so I'll involve my doctor. But, together, we need to work something out that I can live with. At present, it feels like my ability to live effectively is impaired. Hmm...

Quality of life is extremely important. That is what this is about. What truly motivates action is quality of life issues. When the quality of life becomes unacceptable, then we DO SOMETHING to make it better. We don't have to wait until this condition is reached to change our lives, but we often need such a strong motivation to force a change. Yes, this is what it has come down to ... the quality of life is no longer acceptable as it is. It must be improved. There must be a better way to live. And, I must do what it takes to find it. Waiting for it to come on its own has not worked. It has allowed me to grow ... but it has not truly enhanced the quality of my life with others. It is no longer sufficient for my inner life to be rich. I want to see that mirrored in my outer world as well.

Community must start with TWO or more, not one. It will never grow solely out of my inner relationship with spirit. It is time to begin a new adventure. This time, one that requires sticking my neck out a bit. Interesting, The Highlander series just came to mind and the image of having my head chopped off. "In the end, there can be only ONE". Curious game that they play in that show. There is a sense that this is a figurative rather than a physical chopping off of the head. The quickening is then the growth experience by the community whenever an individual resign their will to THE WILL of consciousness. So, the common unity is already being built. Each time an individual awakens, the community grows larger. In the end, all will be awake, so there will be only ONE.

So, what is my part to play individually? It is to be as The Highlander, living my life doing good works, and taking the heads of those who challenge me to the degree that I AM able. My sword however is my tongue and the words that are brought forth through me. Taking heads occurs through educating people in a manner that facilitates their awakening. I am an integrator. Wherever there are two in my world, I am to find a way to make them one ... and so on ... and so on, until there is only one.

Be Happy and Create Well!

LOVE,

Wayne