I was moved to go back and revisit what I wrote on this day 5 years ago. I was surprised at what I found. It is as if I am at the same point in a cycle re-living exactly what I went through once again. Perhaps this time it will result in the predicted outcome. This indeed reflects how I feel once again. Though this time, I am leary of making time predictions. They definitely were not right the first time through. We'll have to see whether they are right now. There is a sense that they can be if I do what it takes to make them so. There is also a sense that it is time to do what it takes.

[1993] Oh, how my Loral work pales compared to the spiritual/metaphysical work that I came to do. There is no comparison in terms of enthusiasm, excitement level, and satisfaction. Overall, I'm good at everything I do, but, some things are more in tune with my nature, interests, and abilities than others. Knowing that my dream of establishing a school is so close to being made manifest ... so close that I can actually see and feel it within me. Even the money appears well within reach, though I know not how it will be specifically made available. Further, six months should be more than enough to get the new lifestyle going. No longer will I have to toil at the bidding of any company. I will be free to do God's work in accord with the Plan as my soul so strongly bids me to do. Already, I know that I will thoroughly love it. There is no doubt about it. Never again will I be forced to sell my services, and channel my abilities toward the ends or objectives set by others. I am the Master of my Fate, the Maker of my Reality. I'm free to express the "I AM" that I truly am. So be it!

All of this is still true. It is as if there was a time cycle of five years that was necessary to truly realize that this is indeed what the plan calls for. The first time through, my sense was that it would just magically happen. This did not turn out to be the case. Declaring it was not sufficient for physical manifestation to occur. The sense is that this is still the case. Declaring it is not sufficient. I must take action in line with the declaration. It is in taking action that the energies of the universe are brought to bear on the situation. Thinking something, and speaking something, are not enough to make a difference in the world. We must find a way to give our words the legs to walk on. This means getting the words out to others in a manner that moves them to act AND acting on the words myself. Integrity demands that my expression be consistent with my state of being. For a while, it has not been fully consistent ... for I failed to take the step of exercising my will. Action requires exactly that, exercising one's will. Interesting. So, it seems that now is the time to act ... and if I do so, the six month timeline may indeed be accurate. This would make 1998 the year of Spiritual Transformation that it is meant to be permitting full expression of spirit starting as early as Feb 1999.

There is a sense that this can be so, but is a matter of choice. That is the lesson I need most to learn at this time. Where is it that I am to exert my will. Along with this goes communicating to make my needs known so that others can be free to choose to fill them. Interesting. I've struggled with free will for nearly five years. I had decided that I didn't have any. Now, I see that was a means of escape. It allowed me to focus on observing and evaluating rather than consciously creating reality. Now, it is time to integrate the creator part of myself and take responsibility not just for the outcome of choices, but for the making of those choices to begin with. Choices involve making a preference of one thing or outcome over another. The bottom line is that it does matter. My happiness is related to the choices that I make. To be more happy, I must take the responsibility to make better choices.

[1993] Manifest the dream ... manifest the Dream ... manifest the dream. Make it so! Such is the incessant prompting from that small voice within me. Actually, it's not so small of a voice ... in fact, it has become quite loud over the past several years, and especially so over the past few months. It is the motivator that keeps me writing. The flow must come forth and be expressed, that the ideas conveyed may take root and create the opportunity for their manifestation. For, in the days to come, these are the very structures that will take us through the rough times into the comparative bliss that the new age promises. These are the structures of which I am writing about in beyond imagination, the critical foundations that allow the castles in the air to be brought down to Earth.

I don't write as much as I used to, but the motivation is still the same. It is the voice within that prompts me ever onward to the next expression of spirit. That some of what comes through does not come to pass matters not. Much of the information related to timing was colored by my own desires and misinterpretation of what was coming through. I interpreted things literally where a more symbolic interpretation my have been necessary. Also, I had no way to calibrate the timing of things. I was in the midst of a spiritual awakening. The rules that I had known to be valid were no longer so. Yet, I did not suspect any errors in what was coming through. I trusted the functioning of my own mind. I had no concept of fiction ... there were no gray areas.

[1993] The time has finally come. The dawn is very near. And the day that dawns will be glorious indeed, with a sunrise that is simply beyond compare. I have made it to my appointed date with destiny, and am now ready to accomplish the work necessary to unfold that destiny for the highest good of all concerned, in accord with the Plan. What more could one ask for, than to be given the chance to make the world a better place for all by actualizing the mechanisms for allowing spirit to be more fully expressed in flesh. Such is my chosen mission. I would not have come to this planet except that this was so. All that I am tells me this is true. At least, it is my Truth. It is not for me to impose my truth upon others. They are to be true to their own visions, though the Vision I bring forth will help them to find their own. It could not be any other way. Free choice reigns in this dimension; it must be allowed to run its course. The river of life could not flow so freely otherwise.

I still feel that I have a chosen mission to fulfill and that I will be naturally moved in a manner to find and fill that position. At this point, I still don't know how this will come about. However, more than ever, I am motivated to start taking actions that give me the exposure and visibility necessary to search and find what I am looking for. It seems that my date with destiny was a five year romance with Self. Now, it is time to move on and achieve my destiny. It is very interesting that FREE CHOICE would be the key concept necessary to move forward on this.

[1993] Such is my knowingness and awareness. I must be what I must be.

My knowingness and awareness was at a spiritual level in 1993. I can remember the conviction that swept through me as I wrote this. There was simply no doubt that it would come to pass. But, I did not take specific actions in line with these beliefs. I did not behave differently as a result. I continued to do what I was moved to do because that is what the guidance told me and that is what felt right for me to do. Just after this, I went on a two month leave of absence for medical disability followed by a ten day stay in the mental hospital. The spiritual awakenings occurred regularly, and I had no means of evaluating what they were doing to my mental functioning and groundedness. This was the first time that my mind literally went of the deep end.

Now, I know that my consciousness has ranges of excursions ... all of which are normal for me, but many of which others do not necessarily experience. Personally, I do not judge such experiences. I consider them to be valid parts of my reality ... just as valid as any other states of awareness. One uses utility as the measure for how valuable various states are. The intuitive, spiritual states can be far more valuable that other states once one learns how to use them effectively. However, it is highly important that these states be used in service to others rather than in selfish ways.

So what choices am I free to make now? Actually, I don't know yet. The possibilities are wide open. The very fact that I realize that it is my choices that make the difference now is empowering. It frees me to direct the play, or at least my part in the play in addition to acting it out and observing it and evaluating what it means. I can operate at a new level and actually create the meaning rather than just observe it. Actually, co-create the meaning is more correct, since there are other levels of meaning operating within the medium in which I am permitted to create.

Along with the power to create comes a great responsibility for one's creations. In bringing forth material from source, the process was as a channel. The responsibility for the material was with the creator of the material, source herself. It is time to go beyond this now and act on the material. Here, it is my choice as to the actions and to the meanings that I embed in my actions.

The phrase "responsibly co-create" keeps repeating in my head. This is what is required to truly see through my Father's eyes. This amounts to more than ideas, though ideas are a starting point. Physical manifestation requires making the ideas real. There has to be a way, one that is enjoyable and life-enhancing. I still don't know exactly what to do, but I feel much more empowered now. My destiny is in my hands. It has always been thus, I just didn't consciously choose to act in accord with this. I believed in Self enough to allow it to work in autopilot mode off of my beliefs alone. That is one way to operate, but not the only one. It was beneficial in allowing me to experience as much awakening as I was ready to handle at various times over the past five years. However, for me, it has outlived it's usefulness. I am sufficiently aware to take the reigns again and consciously steer the ship of Self to where it needs to go to carry out my mission now. The paths available to travel will still be as created by the creator. But I am free to explore everything within that realm now with the full capabilities of my Self.

Be Happy and Create Well!

LOVE,

Wayne