I'm in a strange state of mind again. There is a sense that major change is on the horizon. But, I'm getting tired of waiting for things to happen. I want to do something to make a difference now vs later. I'm moved to act, but don't know what to do. I just know that what has worked before no longer suffices. I haven't quite been in this state before. There is an urgency now that hasn't been present to this degree before. At the same time there is a concern about being worried about outcomes. Throughout the past five years, the direction has been to leave the outcome to spirit. Now, it seems that I am being moved to take action in a manner to achieve particular objectives or outcomes. Yet, such indeed feels right now ... even if the action still remains uncertain.

There is a sense that it is time to get involved in the world in a manner that I have not done before. This is somewhat scary, taking me into a new mode of expression. However, the time indeed feels right for such a change. The uneasiness and sense of fear that I feel are meant to be overcome. The time has come for establishing friendships to a degree that I have not done before ... and for sharing myself in a deeper way with others. This also involves finding out about how others experience reality so that I have a better basis to share what I have discovered along the way.

This feeling ties to the creator aspect of myself. It has yet to be expressed in my life. There is a sense that I am going through the motions and not really living my life. I'm tired and bored a lot ... looking for an escape from the drudgery. With rare exceptions, this has been a common theme in my life, one that I didn't know what to do about. The mania accompanied by awakenings has given me periods of excitement over the past five years. These primarily last while I am writing, and occasionally last for days to weeks at a time. But then it is back to the same old space. I sit and observe, watching life and watching television until I am moved to write again.

There is little that I find interesting enough to occupy my attention especially my attention during my free time. Metaphysics is basically it and particular TV shows such as The Highlander. I've also liked movies most of my life. Reading books has been difficult lately. For most of my life, books were my primary source of information. Now, the primary source is inner, and the material that flows from source through me. I find it difficult to stay awake when I read.

I've tried Spirit Web Chat a few times, but the format is unbearably slow. E-mail is still my medium of choice because of the non-realtime nature and the freedom to structure it in whatever manner is appropriate.

I'm at a crossroads in my life. How do I find those others that are meant to be key players? On the one hand, it seems that it should just happen when the time is right. On the other hand, it seems that it is up to me to make it so. I'm struggling with how to deal with transitioning from primarily the former to the later. Getting in touch with my creator self is the key. This ties back to the song "Looking through My Father's Eyes" and the principle I and my Father are ONE.

So what does this mean in practical terms? I don't yet know. But the very fact that I am expressing in this manner and asking the question means that I am ready to start finding the answers. Something advises me to take it easy, one step at a time. Always good advise when venturing on new ground. Yet, I am excited about what lies ahead ... where these initial steps will ultimately lead.

I am most happy when I am expressing spirit ... when I am bringing forth material and writing and communicating about the things that matter most to me. I am least happy when this expression is most blocked. So, ultimately, I am choosing to live my life in a manner that better allows me to pursue and experience happiness. How appropriate ... such is an inalienable right that we all have.

Along with this, there is an incredible amount of LOVE that I feel in my heart that needs to be expressed in the world. My sense is that this will be expressed in the works that I do. Such has been true to date. My children are the works that are done by spirit through me. There have been many over the past five years. I do not expect to have any physical children in this existence. It is as if I have always known that this would be so for me. I came to carry out a specific mission.

One voice inside says have patience and allow things to unfold. Another says be bold, take initiative to set the wheels in motion to create what must be created. I've had a lot of experience with the first and little with the second. That is not exactly correct ... in the work environment, I have taken bold initiative to do new things in new ways. I just haven't figured out how to apply this in my personal life. That is, if you could say that I have a "personal life". Many would probably not consider the way I live to be personal.

I need to find a way to bring more passion into my life. Teaching, Consulting, and being a Visionary do that for me. But, I no longer want to do this primarily alone. I want to be involved with others often and deeply. My sense is that I am ready to do this. It is time to establish a center and get a the School Without Walls operating. I'm not sure how to go about meeting others physically. But, I'll have to get beyond my intense introversion and find a way. If I want my life to change, then I have to start doing some things differently.

Be Happy and Create Well!

LOVE,

Wayne