It is very quiet at work this week.  I'm having a terrible time staying focussed and staying awake.  My mind is just not on my job.  It longs to be elsewhere and is finding whatever ways it can of doing just that ... getting elsewhere.  However, I just have to allow it to come here to energize and refresh the circuits.  It is amazing how quick the transformation occurs.  Boredom just does not suit me anymore.  Oh, there is plenty that could be done.  But, in many cases one has to question whether it is worth the effort required.  Boredom is a sure sign that what one is doing is not in line with what one needs to be doing.  Excitement and sense of purpose are at the other extreme ... key characteristics of one doing what needs to be done.  Can it be that simple, that black and white?  Surely there must be some areas of gray.  After all, is not our pay the reward for doing what someone else desires that we do?  Indeed such is the case as well.  We just need to find a way to make what we are paid to do fun and interesting.  That may require that we look at things in a different way so that we can see a deeper meaning behind it all. If we will but look, we will certainly find such meaning.

I'm still soaring a lot, barely grounded enough to function.  I can tell that I'm in such a state, and I can be careful of what I do while I'm in this state, but I don't yet know how to get out of the state ... at least not consciously.  I'm still in control, but definitely on the edge again.  My body is sluggish ... but my mind is rushed.  It is a strange state to be in.  By now, I should be getting used to it, but I'm not.  Each time is different.  There is always more to experience, more to observe, more to learn. As an explorer of consciousness, I accept this as a natural condition for me.  I'll always be out there on the edge, just as the thrill seekers are ... except my domain is a different one.

How do we converse in meaningful ways about states of mind? ... and states of consciousness?  From one perspective, I really don't know because I have limited experience with communicating with others in these matters.  From another perspective, I have over 6.5 years of writings documenting such states and discussing my experiences while in various states.  What I've written makes sense to me ... it feels right at an inner level.  Further, I am moved to express what I experience ... to share it here with an audience that is unknown.  I do this in hopes of finding kindred spirits and like-minded others, so that we can collectively start to establish cooperatively interdependent relationships.  At least, such is what I think this expression will ultimately lead to.  Whether it does or not, only time will tell.

Ultimately, what truly matters is that each of us are enabled to be the best that we can be, whatever that is for us.  This is always a choice that we can make, under whatever circumstances we find ourselves in.  However, we must be vigilant and pursue what we know to be the "right" path for us.  That may even require changing paths when we find ourselves stuck or not able to perform up to our potentials.  We are the best judge of whether we are being the best we can be.  We must be careful however, since often we need the context of a work environment to provide a place for us to engage our talents and abilities.  Who we are is not confined to work.  It stretches across all the activities and areas of life that we participate in.  All of these provide opportunities for us to shine and share our light with others.

So, what is my reality telling me?  One, that I have limited modes of expression.  I basically have three worlds in which I engage:

• The work world that pays my salary.
• The home world that sustains me emotionally. (wife Gini, and Samoyed Mr Bear)
• The spiritual world that Beyond Imagination expresses within.

Most of my energy and the expression that I consider to be closest to the best that I can be is done in the spiritual world, though both my home world and work world benefit because I can apply more of my Self to these domains.  In many ways, I am still a loner, however, a hermit if you will.  My personal interactions with others are still quite limited.  I work well with others when I am called to do so, but much that I do is on my own in all three of these worlds.  It would be very difficult to identify even 5 people that know me.  Further, even then, I don't have addresses or phone numbers.  Yet, I desire to be a midwife to a new age, one in which community is manifest in a manner that has not existed before.  Conflicting desires?  Perhaps ... but I do what I am moved by spirit to do.  It is her that consumes my spirit ... that allows me to express in the manner that I am able to express here.

The Hermit nature will need to change in the coming years.  For me to carry out my mission, a solitary existence is not suitable.  I have to be able to share whom that I am with many to whatever degree they are able to share.  This starts with my wife and then extends to my entire social world, whatever that may become in the times ahead.  There is so much to share.  The material at this site is but a brief starting point.  It is what one person acting alone can do.  When we start to collectively act in cooperatively interdependent ways, the force for good that will be unleashed will be beyond imagnation.  The new world will be made manifest faster than we could possibly dream.   Such is the power of reality creation when spiritual power is harnessed.  I'm ready for such a transformation now.  Though, it is not clear that I was ready for this before.  Actually, it is clear ... if I were ready, it would have occurred.  That is, if such was needed.  My sense is that it was not ... operating as the Hermit was required to enable me to integrate my experiences.  Now, I'm ready to share at a whole new level.  We'll see where that will lead.  I look forward to the adventure that lies ahead.

Indeed!  Adventure clearly describes what my experiences have been since Mar 93.  The real thing, the E-Ticket ride for consciousness.  I had no idea reality could be like this.  I had no preparation for the specific manner in which I would observe my mind and spirit operating.  Throughout it all,  I remained open and curious ... seeing everything as a positive experience, no matter what labels were placed on it by established medical and psychiatric practitioners.  I believe that was extremely important ... maintaining a presence of mind, believing that what was happening to me was right for me despite any seeming evidence to the contrary.  I needed these experiences exactly as I experienced them to awaken to the spirit within.  I had to see firsthand that my logical brain could malfunction ... so that I could find a more reliable standard of truth in my intuition.  Then I had to discern what level of intuition was operating.  The final test was usually to be found in the resulting experiencing.  In some cases, the feedback from experience was the only differentiator.  When the process was complete, both intuition and reason could operate together in harmony, each contributing their best to the overall functioning of the whole.  It is not a matter of one or the other, but of both operating as needed for the task at hand.

I AM THAT I AM THAT YOU ARE!

LOVE,

Wayne