The year is flying by. The turn of the millenium will be here before we know it. Once again, it seems the time is ripe for change ... but it just doesn't seem to happen fast enough for me. I feel that I am between phases of my mission. There is a sense of being lost ... not knowing where to go next. Yet, I trust spirit to guide me in exactly the direction I need to go and to move me to do what I need to do. Such has been my relationship with spirit for most of my life, and especially since 1993.

I am excited by what I know lies ahead. And, I am anxious to get on with it. But, much of it is outside of my control. I am to be a participant in what is to come, not the director of it. Hmm ... what about creating one's own reality, and ownership of responsibility? Good question, but it seems I am to do the work of spirit ... not my own work. This is an area where ego comes into play, an area where past experience says that I need to tread carefully.

I still see myself as being a wayshower and a midwife for the Aquarian Age. It is not enough that I think about things or even believe and write about them ... I must take the next step and act in accord with what I say I believe. It's interesting that the unknown is so prevalent in my life. I've always been operating on the edge of the known/unknown. For over 20 years I've engaged both the left and right hemispheres of my brain in math/science and metaphysics respectively. More and more these two halves are becoming integrated so that both logic and intuition work together to attempt to understand the nature of reality and the processes involved in reality creation.

Each day new meaning is revealed in the symbol systems around me. It is far to frequent to be coincidence. There are connections to be made everywhere. We only need to be open and allow our intuition to guide us to what we are meant to see. That is the key ... allow, allow, allow. But to do this, we have to trust enough to relinquish the need to control. This can be difficult. It also demands patience, because at times we think we need to be doing something to make things happen. From another perspective, we cannot avoid doing what we are destined to do ... we will be compelled by a force that we simply cannot resist. It is important to wait patiently until we are truly moved. At least, such is true for me. It may or may not be so for others depending on the role they are here to play. My way is definitely not the only way ... it is a way that I am moved to share.

This week, the book The Bible Code entered my awareness. I found it curious that one of the major dates the book deals with is the Hebrew year 5756 = 1995 in the Julian calendar. This is particularly interesting because 5756 are the first four digits of my SSN and 1995 was the most productive year for the Beyond Imagination notes and a year of major spiritual awakening. Also, yesterday, two of the key pages at my site had hit counts of 220888 and 6575 = 5756 reversed. 22 is my Heart's Desire and 888(hex) = 2184, the final four of my SSN. Yesterday was 10/18/1999, a 28 day in a 28 year. 28 is the second perfect number, the Man with the World in His Hand in the Tarot. All of this is connected into a tapestry in my mind now. Over the past 7 years, this tapestry has become rich with connections. In fact, there are so many connections that I no longer clearly see them all. When there were few connections, it was possible to see them from one viewpoint. Now, it is like a hologram ... depending on my state of mind, I see the fabric from a particular perspective. Now, I must trust that the connections I need to see will be brought to my attention if I follow my intuition and apply my rational skills appropriately.

Does this make me crazy? Perhaps so, but the mere fact that I can objectively question my sanity seems to be proof that I haven't gone off the deep end ... at least not yet. I look for information and make connections because that is a natural thing for me to do and because I am moved to do it. It is fun ... and I feel that it is useful, that it will ultimately contribute to our understanding of consciousness and of the spiritual world embedded in the symbol systems of our present world. In the beginning was the WORD. The World is the WORD made flesh. All that truly matters is the expression of spirit, the expression of Love in the World. How can I know this? I just do. It strikes me to the very core as being true. As a numerologist and mathematician, I've seen two sides of how numbers (and the characters that can be represented using numbers) can convey meaning. To me, both aspects are equally valid.

The foundations for a new world are slow in coming. When I was moved to start creating them 3 years ago ... I was sincerely doing what I was moved to do, trusting that spirit would kick in the right energies for the enterprise to succeed. The seeds were planted, but they did not grow ... I don't know why, I just observe that something was not right. Perhaps the timing was too soon. Being patient is tough to do when your vision tells you what the world could be if the infrastructure was set up properly. Yet, it does seem that patience is one of the virtues I must learn. Things cannot be rushed. The Plan will unfold in it's own timing ... not mine. One thing I have learned is that I am a vessel through which spirit works. I am the her-mit, the "mit of her" = the glove that she wears, she being Spirit. I don't know why, but Spirit has always expressed in the feminine in my life. Anyway, back to the foundations ... the seeds were not planted on fertile soil ... perhaps I didn't find a way to fully ground them and they stayed as castles in the air. They are still there, awaiting the time when their foundations are built on this world. Also, it may have been that I was only to plant the seeds that others might tend them and watch them grow. This would be appropriate for a wayshower.

I am most fascinated with the unknown. It is where my abilities are best put to use. I consider myself an explorer of consciousness. In many ways, it is one of the few remaining unknown territories for us to explore. It is an interesting endeavor ... one that by it's very nature must be subjective. Reason and logic are not sufficient for exploration of consciousness. One must enter new subjective states and report what one finds about how one experiences reality in those states. I do this naturally, without the aid of drugs ... including alcohol which I've never consumed. Actually, this is not quite right, my mental state is affected by the drugs I take for my bipolar condition ... Eskalith, Depakote, and Zyprexa. I was diagnosed as bipolar about 6 months after the Beyond Imagination writings began in 1993. In 1996-97, I started reducing my medications to the point of getting off them altogether. In April - May 1998, I had another major awakening experience that landed me in the mental hospital and resulted in prescriptions for drugs again.

The bipolar condition is interesting. Unlike many who cycle between depression and mania, I seem to cycle between even/low mania to high mania. The drugs cut it off at moderate mania which I am able to be aware of and control. To me, mania allows my consciousness to operate differently and to soar to new realms. I don't see it as a disease at all ... it is just a feature of how my consciousness works. I find it to be a very useful feature, allowing me to see the world with new eyes. What I see in turn triggers me to find a way to explain what I experience. My framework for understanding reality is constantly evolving to encompass this experience. Where this will eventually lead, I don't know. It just seems right for me to be doing it, and that is sufficient for now.

My wife asked an interesting question this weekend concerning my machinations with numbers. In particular, how does one use this daily in a practical way in one's life? Very good question ... but I don't really know the answer. My machinations are useful to me. It is not clear that they are meant to be useful to others. Though, I do have a sense that they will be useful in a more global context eventually. I don't know how yet. I just know that I must do what I do.

Be Happy and Create Well!

LOVE,

Wayne