27 March 2006
I've been thinking about Phyllis, my sister-in-law, often over the past two weeks, ever since I found out that her birthday just happened to be on 12 Mar, the second day of the Beyond Imagination expression. Phyllis died of a brain tumor around ten years ago, a few years after this expression began. I never shared any of this with her, but somehow I think she knows what I am doing and has been guiding me all along. Hmm ... I have never expressed anything like that before. How do I know what parts of this expression are true? How do I know that I am not making this up as I go? If I am, it says volumes about the nature of consciousness, especially about the other than conscious parts. I have no reason to lie or deceive myself. At least, none that I know of. I believe in the sanctity of this expression. I believe deeply in the source within. I trust her with my very life. I know that she will not lead me astray. I know that she has my best interest at heart, along with a need to express as fully as she can through me. This is a partnership after all ... one that I would like to see mirrored in my relationships with others. Whether that will happen remains to be seen. Somehow what is expressed here must reach others deeply. One way for this to happen is for me to pass it on firsthand through relationships. To date, posting to the WWW has been the primary form of dissemination. I can't tell from the few page count indicators how many people are being reached and what impact the material is having on them. In fact, I spoke with someone at work today on just this topic. He knew that I wrote a lot, and that it was all stream of consciousness expression, but he asked what I did with the material that helped others or was of service in some manner. He also offered that stream of consciousness expressions can be difficult to follow. Perhaps there is a need for me to take the time to organize some of this. However, that takes away time that could be spent in new monitions of consciousness. Then again, if I had some popular works out there from which to earn my livelihood, I could spend a whole lot more time expressing and promoting that expression. Is that what I want to do? I believe that it is. I know that it is. This is something that I could do. However, I would need to do it in my own way. That will always be a trait for me. Further, I need to make enough to cover my needs but also those services directly related to carrying out my work. This brings to mind some of the things that came through the very first day on 5 Mar 93. I spoke of establishing a spiritual retreat that would be a home base for carrying out spiritual works, for living a spiritual life, for providing ones services for the welfare of others, for demonstrating the principles of community, ... That is still the very way that I would choose to live. Travel is not important to me, not in the physical realm anyway. In fact, my preference would be for people to come to me either in person or via e-mail.
I've been hoping that people would find me based on the many markers that I have left, primarily on the WWW. But, realism is starting to settle in. The feedback from the universe is that this is not working as expected. What does that tell me about the other than conscious parts of myself? These are not only choosing something different than I consciously seem to be choosing ... but they are winning in terms of actualizing what I am experiencing. I have said that I don't really care what happens. I choose not to impose my will, but have spirit impose her will in my life. It seems that this has been an excuse and a way of escaping from choosing. The bottom line is that my will is spirits will. The two cannot be separate. They never could be. Thinking that this was a problem made it a problem for me personally. Actually, problem is too harsh ... challenge is a more appropriate term. Overall, my life has been far easier than most. This did not come from any real planning. Things simply fell into place. There is a sense that I am at a major crossroads for the first time in my life. At least a crossroads of this type where I have to choose whether, how, and how much to impose my conscious will to create my reality. This is not an easy choice. Yet, looking at it now, it seems that I have already decided at some level. How much of this level will be conscious still remains to be seen. The other than conscious parts of me still play a major role in my life. Though now, it is clear that subconscious/conscious/superconscious will need to work together in a united manner far more often. If anything, I have tended to rely on the other than conscious parts more than the conscious parts. There is a sense that this needs to change. No, that it has already changed, or I would not have been able to even express in this manner. Where we go next is the key question.
Love the life that you live. Live the life that you love.
Be happy! Create well! These final two are part of the final
expression at the end of each musing. We've already spoken of being
happy. That is not something that I do well. However, creating
well is a different story, especially spiritually. This very expression
is proof of that, along with the awakenings and expansions of awareness
that came with it. You might say that I have benefited greatly from
all of this. My hope is that I have given in like measure as well
by freely sharing what has come forth. From the beginning, it was
clear that this was not something that I could keep to myself. Yet,
there are so few people in my life that finding others to share with has
been difficult at best.
LOVE,