Musings of a Spiritual Warrior

11 August 2005

Another busy day.  It seems like they are all that way now.  You would think that I would be winding down in my present job with only 8 weeks to go.  Yet, the opposite is happening.  More and more is being thrown on my plate.  There is only so much that I can do.  I'm excited about the possibilities that lie ahead in the new job.  Though, there is a sense of uncertainty as well ... I don't specifically know what I'm getting myself into.  However, I do know what it is that I am leaving behind.  And, it is time for a change, and a major change at that.  I don't know whether the tiredness will remedy itself by a change in job alone.  It seems that I am being challenged to change my state of health as well.  I'm far more stiff and inflexible than I was when I was younger.  That is not a good sign.  Yet, being young is truly a state of mind as well as of body.  Besides, if I don't take care of myself, who will?  I create my own reality in this area.  We all do.  It is all a matter of choosing what I desire to make so, and then doing what it takes to make it so.  The doing can be tricky however.  It is often easier said than done.

Does the state of the body reflect the state of the mind?  Is my consciousness also stiff and inflexible?  I would hope not, but is that hope valid?  Yes, I soar in consciousness, but only in ways that are somewhat controlled.  I consume no alcohol, nor any drugs other than my bipolar medications.  I still don't know what causes my consciousness to soar.  The doctor says that it is due to brain chemistry being out of whack.  Perhaps this is true.  Perhaps not.  What I do know is that the two times that I've tried to eliminate and reduce the medications landed me in the mental hospital.  My soaring can indeed get out of control to the point where my sense of reality is impaired.  Then again, it seems that my reality is impaired for the most part anyway.  I do not live a normal life by any means.  Not that I care to be normal.  I've always prided myself on being different, eccentric, and more capable than others.  In some ways, that equates to better.  However, what matters is not who we are compared to others, but who we are compared to what we could be.  By that standard, I know that I am gifted.  I've seen many of the gifts in operation in my life.  I also know that I am not fully utilizing these gifts.  I am not being all that I could be.  Why?  What is stopping me?  Inertia for one.  There is a tendency to want to keep doing the same things in the same way.  We are truly creatures of habit.  Then there is fear.  What if I am not good enough to succeed?  Fear is extremely powerful and immobilizing.  However, it is only powerful if we give it power.

What would I do next?  I am here to express what spirit would express through me.  And, I am here to find out who I am in the process.  We learn who we truly are through what we do.  Hopefully, whatever that is will make a difference in the world, a big difference.  In the end, what matters is what we have given of ourselves to the world.  Yet, what does a hermit give to the world?  His attention and focus, that's what.  And, that by definition is enough.  We give what we can give and in return we take what we need.  That is how I want my world to work.  That is the basis for community.  But, how do we create such a community intentionally?  Where do we go to find like-minded others / kindred spirits to join in such an adventure?  I thought that bringing these ideas forth and posting them at Beyond Imagination would do that.  But the Beyond Imagination book has been there since 1995 and not yielded a single comment from its over 2000 visitors.  That is OK.  Feedback is feedback.  Even the lack of feedback is a type of feedback on its own.  Yet, despite this, I am moved to continue to express in the manner anyway.  Why should that be?  What is it that drives me  to do this?  For one thing, it seems to be something that I can do that most others cannot do.  That makes it special.  And, I've already indicated that I thrive on being special.  However, that is not the main driver.  This is just something that I must do.  It comes from the very core of who I am, consciousness manifest in flesh.  But, what is consciousness?  I use that word a lot.  But, do I really know what it means?  Not by definition, but by experience.  Consciousness is as consciousness does.  Consciousness is what animates the forms ... it is what gives them life and identity.  I am one of the forms that consciousness animates ... but then so is each and every one of you.  Each of us is special.  Each of us is unique.  Each of us is experiencing life in a way that has never occurred before and will never occur again.

No regrets.  Live life in such a manner that each experience is appreciated for what it is and such that no experience is denied that would cause regret.  We do this by doing what we are moved by spirit to do with our lives.  We will know what this is.  The moving will occur in a manner that cannot be escaped or denied.  When spirit moves us, we are truly moved.  By comparison, when we move ourselves our direction can be far less than clear.

I AM THAT I AM THAT YOU ARE!   Be Happy and Create Well!

LOVE,

Wayne


BEYOND IMAGINATION:  Creating the Foundations for a New World