Musings of a Spiritual Warrior

30 June 2005

Another busy day.  It seems that they will all be like that for some time.  Oh well, sometimes it is like that.  We do what we must and find a way to enjoy the process.  In the end, it is the joy that we put into life that matters.  This will directly impact the joy that we take out.  Interesting.  And, being in joy is a very enlightened way to live.  Happiness is a choice that we can make at any time.  It is a relationship that we have with ourself and the world.  It is not dependent on conditions.  There are many who are in dire straights on the planet yet who are happy nonetheless.  Our founding fathers in the US spoke of the inalienable right to pursue happiness.  But, how many achieve happiness on a regular basis?  I know that I don't.  Perhaps that is a trigger for me to be the 48:The Man in Search of More.  If I were fully satisfied and happy with my reality, would I be moved to continue the search?  The bottom line is yes.  There is nothing wrong with being a happy and fulfilled searcher.  So, how do I experience that, at least more fully?  What is it that I want from life?  What is it that I need?  My first answer was nothing!  Yet, if that is indeed true, why am I where I am right now?  I am a hermit with a strong desire to connect deeply with others.  However, I avoid shallow connections overall so there are limited opportunities to grow deeper connections.  One problem is that I have little to say to others.  I listen, but I don't speak very often.  I much prefer the written world.  Perhaps that is because it is safer for me.  Though, I know that in operating in this manner, over 90 percent of the content of communication is lost.  Words can only do so much.  Yet, on the other hand, words can do a lot.  They capture ideas in a way that can be brought to millions.  Will some of the ideas from Beyond Imagination ever do that?  They will if that is what is meant to be.  It is not for me to force the matter.  Though Neale Donald Walsch in What God Wants elegantly conveys that God wants nothing!  God has everything that God could possibly want.  In particular, God has no Will for us.  Then what does it mean to renounce my little will for Thy Will?  This must be a renouncing of the will of the self to The Will of the Self.  As such, it is still my will, just at a different level.  In this case, an other than conscious level.  Then, what does it take to consciously become involve in the Will?  How do I apply more of whom that I am in service to spirit, in service to life, in service to the world?

What an interesting line of inquiry.  Are there things that I know that I could will to manifest?  Things in line with serving spirit in more effective ways than I do here?  The sense is yes.  There are things that I could be doing.  There are connections that I could be making.  There are impacts that I could be making with different choices.  Yet, at the same time, there is still a sense that it is not for me to force anything.  Rather, I am to allow what would manifest through me to do as it will.  However, there is an expanded awareness now ... a sense that there is far more that I could be doing, yeah, that I should be doing.  I know, no shoulds.  It is all a matter of choice and every choice is right somehow under the circumstances under which it is made.  Hmm ... that assumes that the conditions of the moment govern such choices, and clearly, this is not the case.  The past and future weigh in here as well.

There is a sense that I am wasting my life in some respects, that I am not as prolific and impactful as I could be, that I am not living fully.  The question is what am I willing to do about this?  What am I willing to change to lead a new life?  What am I willing to do differently?  What beliefs are constraining my experience?  To overcome the tiredness, I have to find a way to escape the boredom.  I am bored because I am not doing the things that I was born to do, that I came into this incarnation to accomplish.  Why is that?  What can I do to change this?  My enthusiam has cycled on and off over the past 12 years for reasons that I do not know.  Though the cycles have no consistent period, they are on the order of 4.5 years since 1993.  The years 1993, 1996, 1998, 2002 and 2005 have been highly significant marking beginnings, endings, and times in the hospital to "recover" from awakening experiences.  2007 and 2012 fall into this sequence as well, along with 2009 or 2010.  There is a sense that what will be will be.  The cycles are playing themselves out in the manner that they must.  I can only act to the degree that my understanding allows me to take the next step.  No, understanding is not the right word.  Rather, it is intuition and knowingness.  That is what our lives are really based on.  We think that we reason, because we observe our thoughts and believe that our reasoning influences our choices.  But, is this really true?  Are we aware of the emotional and other that rational components that go into our decisions?  It seems that a few are, but many are not.

What next?  What am I moved to do next?  There is a three month transition in my work environment.  Perhaps I should use this same period of time to make a transition in my personal environment as well.  Three months is 92 days.  A lot can happen in that amount of time.  That is 23 x 4, the square of wayne.  Hmm ... the suggestion is to use that time to truly get grounded.  That is something that I have never really been.  Interesting.  79635454 = 7/16/22/25/30/34/39/43:Three of Cups = Abundance.  The partial sums are interesting as well.  My present zip code is 9 22 34.  All except 9:The Hermit is contained in grounded.  Further, of the 8 numbers, 5 reduce to 7 (7,16,25,34,43).  Five 7's is a high order of Jackpot!  Hmm ... one way to ground spirit is to add weight.  I've done that far more than is healthy.  It is time for that to change and be replaced by something more powerful and less restrictive.  Yoga come to mind.  Integration of body, mind, and spirit.  Perhaps it is time to start thinking about getting out in the world, taking some classes, and interacting with folks.  Further, perhaps I am too grounded now and need to lighten up and soar once again.

I AM THAT I AM THAT YOU ARE!   Be Happy and Create Well!

LOVE,

Wayne


BEYOND IMAGINATION:  Creating the Foundations for a New World