Musings of a Spiritual Warrior

19 May 2005

Yesterday was a strange day.  I was out of it for much of the day.  Today was not much different.  I definitely need to find a better way to make a living.  At this point, I do not know what that will be.  But I trust that the forces that govern where I fit within the larger whole are indeed working to place me exactly where I need to be to provide the most utility.  At present, that still must be here.  But, at the same time, I can see that I am very much a fish out of water.  And, it is not clear that I can ever return to the pond and be satisfied living therein.  It is time for the mythical phoenix to arise from the ashes.  The fire of spirit has done its work.  I am transformed.  Though, there are still some physical ties to sever.  It is not things that cause difficulty, but the over attachment to them.   Hmm ... by sever, I do not mean to die and leave this physically form.  That will happen in due time.  Or, will it.  If all time is simultaneous, and all space is here, what we think of as a separate existence in time and space is an illusion ... an enticing one, but an illusion nonetheless.  Why is it so important what we experience in the illusion, both individually and collectively?  Is this not a simulation of what we know applying at multiple levels?

It's as if my heart is not fully engaged in this any longer ... in my work or in my life.  It has become tedious and boring.  Even the writing suffers as a result.  But, the musings do pick me up.  They do engage my spirit in ways that nothing else seems to do.  Here I can be whom that I am, without concern for what the world thinks.  Why is my place in the scheme of things such a solitary one?  What does this enable me to learn and do that others are not able to?  How does this allow me to better serve spirit and the world?  I would choose to serve spirit first and foremost.  It is to her that I bow.  It is her that I worship, no not in any traditional means, but in my own way.

Feedback!  That is how we tell where we are in the overall scheme of things.  Feedback mechanisms operate on differences.  Negative feedback is regulatory, keeping the norm within established limits.  Positive feedback encourages exploration of differences.  Actually, these concepts are simple mechanisms that relate to a more complex quality of utility.  Living systems evolve in ways that yield greater overall utility.  This applies from the lowest levels of organization to the highest.  Simple feedback mechanisms replicated and operating for many simple systems can yield complex system behavior.  Complex feedback mechanisms can yield even more complex behavior, even self-consciousness and spiritual awareness.  Here, we are reaching points where the life sciences and the spiritual arts are beginning to come together.  Further, these are both being mirrored by what is being discovered at the frontiers of systems theory.

What role am I here to play?  Clearly, part of it is to mix together information from a variety of fronts and bring this stream of consciousness communications through in the manner that I do.  For what purpose?  Who is to benefit from any of this?  The whole benefits by whatever any one of the parts is able to creatively express.  Live your live as you are moved to do.  Do as you are moved to do.  Don't let anything or anyone stop you from being whom that you are and from expressing that as fully and honestly as you can.  Trust that the connections that you need to make with others will indeed be made.  It is as if these are already in your appointment book.  You just don't know it yet.  Trust!  You will be guided to exactly where you need to be when you need to be there.  Even the past two days have not been for naught.  You found some material that sparked your interest.  You realized that you are not alone in relating to the world as you do.  You will find more and more of this over time.  But, what does that have to do with the present work environment.  Selling my services for a salary is very much a form of enslavement, especially when there seem to be no other alternatives at the present.  How can I turn what I know and what I do into goods or services that not only would benefit others, but that they would choose to buy?  Why should I have to do such a thing as an individual?  Hmm ... where do we work out the prototypes for new ways of being?  How do we determine the utility of a condition of the brain such a bipolar?  How do I know when to apply more reason and when to apply more intuition?  Eskalith, Depakote, and Abilify enable feedback mechanisms in me that keep the "abnormal" behavior within check.   The levels of the medication may control the strength of the feedback mechanisms.  Is all the drug research really negative ... controlled by people solely after money?  Or, does control of money allow this research to proceed as it does to allow consciousness to discover what behavior has utility under what conditions and how to control that behavior?  Is there a conspiracy, or is all of this being accomplished per a spiritual plan for the greater and greater expression of spirit in flesh?

It is our sameness that gives us a common basis for relating to one another.  However, it is our differences that keep the relationships interesting.  It is a similarity of interests that leads to communication.  Even then, communication can happen in any number of ways.  There are physical, auditory, and visual types.  Each of these types communicates differently.  The first feel, the second hears, and the third sees.  I'm somewhere between the first and the second.  This makes it difficult for me to relate to those who are visual.  The things that mean the most to me, they simply don't experience, nor I with the things that mean most to them.  This does not seem to be a matter of choice.  Rather, it seems to be the very way that we are wired.

6 billion people on the planet.  That's a lot of brains and bodies, if only we could find ways to effectively develop and use their natural talents.  Actually, it is time to get beyond the if only.  It is indeed possible.  It is a matter of choosing to organize in a matter that allows it to be.  The biggest problem restricting society at the moment is the economy.  If we manifest abundance in a way that is respectful of nature, of the earth, we free ourselves to embark on the greatest adventure that has ever been.  We are reaching that point.  It is right before us.  It is a matter of taking the bull by the horns and guiding it to where we would have it be.  The systems of society need to serve society.  Sometimes we have to destroy pieces of the old system in order to rebuild them in a manner that improves them.

Who decides what constitutes utility?  At some level, we all do because we are parts of every system above us.  So far, in society, we have very simple feedback systems in operation, at least in the Western world.  Some civilizations are far more ancient, with customs and wisdom that goes back far longer than ours.  But, that is no excuse.  Each of us have been part of all of these civilizations ... or we will be.  Actually, the words don't adequately convey this concept.  The US is a conglomeration of people from all corners of the world.  As such, it is a grand experiment.  Some might say that the experiment is failing.  One of the things missing seems to be a respect for the elders.  However, in many ways, this has become a hope in the promise of the children.  One of my favorite songs says:  I believe the children are our future.  Teach them well and let them lead the way.  There is great wisdom in this.  It is through the children that a new age, a new way of being comes forth.  It is a matter of allowing the children to lead us to where they naturally know that we need to be.

The pace is decent and the quality is good.  It is always great when that happens.  I am ever so grateful for being able to participate in this communication in this way.  This is what make life worthwhile and meaningful for me.  I don't know what I would do without it.  How do I find others with whom to communicate, and collaborate with on a peer basis?  I don't want to have to pay for someone's free time, nor do I expect them to pay for mine.  That means distinguishing between free time and paid time.  But, what about the economy of providing goods and services?  My communication is a service, a service as worthy of compensation as any other service.  What about ability to pay?  What about the free exchange of services?  Yes, these are all important concepts today, but their importance diminishes in a world of abundance where all needs are met.

People should not have to struggle to have their needs met.  The social infrastructure should provide what it takes to facilitate this.  So, how do we fix this?  How do we determine the value of goods and services absent of the influence of commercials?  It is not clear that the free market is the answer.  Whatever the market will bear only works if the market is enlightened.  That is not likely to happen anytime soon.  How do we determine quality?  Somehow, value should be proportional to quality.  Interesting, just realized that e-quality is very close to this.  Equality is another concept that needs to be reckoned with.  We can be equal without being identical.  In fact, no matter how hard we might try, we can't be identical.  But what does equality buy for us?  It says that there are no favorites in the eyes of God from the lowliest sinner to the most advanced saint ... we are not the form that we happen to associate with.  We are all All That Is.

Why am I HERE NOW?  What would I do next?  Who would I be next?  We have reached a breakpoint once again, a time where my life is ripe for change ... where the very foundations of how I live are torn asunder.  I though that might happen on Monday, but it did not.  Yet, my experiences this week suggest that it did indeed happen, though not in a manner that I would have expected.  Further, it is not clear how it will manifest, but manifest it must.  Dissatisfaction does not sit well with me for long.  Something has to give.  It is time for a breakthrough of some type.  Old patterns that have served me for years need to be reevaluated to determine if they still serve.  My sense is that many don't.  The shell has been cracked.  It is time to open it up and escape into my newfound reality.  We've been waiting for this for some time.  There is really nothing to lose and so much to gain.  It is simply a matter of doing it, of trusting the universe enough to take the next step.  One step at a time is all that is ever required.  And, even that step is taken at ones own pace.  Where will the next step take me?  What wonders am I to behold?  I anxiously await whatever is in store.  There is a shiver flowing up through my arms and chest to my head and frontal lobe.  Something major has occurred tonight ... something that will literally rock my world, something that will literally change the world as we know it.

I AM THAT I AM THAT YOU ARE!   Be Happy and Create Well!

LOVE,

Wayne


BEYOND IMAGINATION:  Creating the Foundations for a New World