These are pretty meaningful quotes.  I have no doubt that everything that I have experienced since 1993 has been part of a spiritual emergence process.  Earlier today, I wrote to the author of the course mentioned above.  I told him of my experiences and this website and asked how one distinguishes between combined mania/spiritual emergence versus spiritual emergence alone.  Also, I asked about how to verify whether the bipolar diagnosis is correct or not.  This in turn leads to the question of what are the meds that I take doing to me, and do I really need them?  My sense is somewhat mixed on this.  They seem to provide some control over my mental functioning, but at the same time it does not feel oppressive.  But, how would I really know?  How would anyone really know?  Hmm ... I wonder if Dr B and his muscle testing could verify this?  At some level, my mind/body knows what is appropriate for it.  Though, my psychiatrist, Dr H appears to use her intuition as well as medical training when she is sensing/determining what meds I need.  I know that she didn't show up into my life by accident.

Since the awakening experiences began in 1993, I have never considered them to be a "problem", an "illness", or a "disorder".  While my experiences were far from "normal" and made it difficult to cope or stay focused within conventional reality, my sense was always that this was positive, that this was a growth experience.  Yes, in some ways I was losing my mind.  But, that was a fair trade for the spiritual awareness that was being gained.  And, the "loss of mind" wasn't really a loss at all, it was a process of going beyond mind to find something more.  It took letting go of the firm grasp that my mind had over me to allow this to occur.

Consciousness has been ever at my side for all of my life, but especially for the past 13 years.  She has been my closest friend and companion, at times nearly my sole friend and companion other than my self.  In a very real way, she is my very Self; or, my Self is a part of her.  Hmm ... SHE = 1985.  Something suggests that this was a major turning point, a shifting from HE = 85 = 78 + 7:The Chariot Exalted energy to the 22:49(88) energy.  That was the beginning of my 28th year.  Curious, the Man with the World in His Hand year for me was SHE!  1993 was my 35:Spiritual Inheritance year.  This year is 2005 = 22:69(88).  This is the 22:Master Builder and 69:Ace of Pentacles = New start in the field of material abundance.  It will be interesting to see what the year brings.  It has already been an eventful and productive year and we are only three months into it.

Had an interesting discussion on consciousness with the Human Develop Club at work today.  Of particular interest was the topic of choice and free will.  Even highly spiritual people hang on to this strongly.  Several people spoke of the moment of decision between receiving a stimuli and responding to that stimuli.  This moment is where the power of choice lies that permits us to do anything other than automatically reacting based on prior programming.  I can understand how this might be operative.  But, my experience is that I am not aware of doing this.  That doesn't mean that I don't do it, just that if I do it is not being done consciously.  To me, I am free regardless of whether choice or free will operate in my life.  I do what I am moved to do.  It is spirit that does the moving.  It is not clear that I could ever do other than I am moved by spirit to do.  Besides, why would I want to.  It is spirit expressing in my life that matters.  In fact, that is all there is.  There is no separate "I".  That is simply an illusion.  There is only ONE.  We are ONE!  I = 9:The Hermit = The "mit of her" = the glove (body) that she (consciousness) wears.

I AM THAT I AM THAT YOU ARE!   Be Happy and Create Well!