I know you
you are too short
you had bad skin
you couldn't talk to them very well
words didn't seem to work
they lied when they came out of your mouth
you tried so hard to understand them
you wanted to be part of what was happening
you saw them having fun
and it seemed like such a mystery
almost magic
made you think that there was something wrong with you
you'd look in the mirror trying to find it
you thought that you were ugly
and that everyone was looking at you
so you learned
to be invisible
to look down
to avoid conversation
the hours
days
weekends
ahhh the weekend nights
alone
where were you?
in the basement
in the attic
in your room
working some job
just to have something to do
just to have a place to put yourself
just to have a way to get away from them
a chance to get away from the ones
that made you feel so strange
and ill at ease inside yourself

did you ever get invited to one of their parties
you sat and wondered if you would go or not
for hours you imagined
the scenarios that might transpire
they would laugh at you
if you would know what to do
if you would have the right things on
if they would notice that you came from a different planet
did you get all brave in your thoughts
like you were going to be able to go in there
and deal with it
and have a great time
did you think that you might be...
the life of the party
that all these people were going to talk to you
and would you find out
that you were wrong
that you had a lot of friends
and you weren't so strange after all
did you end up going
did they mess with you
did they single you out
did you find out
that you were invited because they thought you were so weird

yea I think I know you
you spent a lot of time full of hate
a hate that was pure as sunshine
a hate that saw for miles
a hate that kept you up at night
a hate that filled your every waking moment
a hate that carried you
for a long time

yes I think I know you
you couldn't figure out what they saw in the way they lived
home... was not HOME
your room was home
a corner was home
the place they weren't...
that was home

I know you
you're sensitive
and you hide it
because you fear getting stepped on one more time
it seems that
when you show a part of yourself that is the least bit vulnerable
someone takes advantage of you
one of them steps on you
they mistake kind-ness for weak-ness
but you know the difference
you've been the brunt of their weakness for years
and strength is something that you know a bit about
because you had to be strong
to keep yourself alive
you know yourself very well now
and you don't trust people
you know them too well
you try to find that special person
someone you can be with
someone you can touch
someone you can talk to
someone you won't feel so strange around
and you've found that
they don't really exist
you feel closer to people on movie screens

yea I think I know you
you spend a lot of time day dreaming
and people have made comment to that effect
telling you that you're self involved
and self centered
but they don't know
do they
about the long night shifts alone
about the years of keeping yourself company
all the night's you wrapped your arms around yourself
so you could imagine someone holding you
the hours of indecision
self doubt
the intense depression
the blinding hate
the rage that made you stagger
the devastation of rejection
well... maybe they do know
but if they do they sure do a good job of hiding it
it astounds you
how they can be sooo smooth
how they seem to pass through life
as if life itself was some divine gift
and it infuriates you
to watch yourself
with your apparent skill
in finding every way possible to screw it up for you...
life is a long trip
terrifying and wonderful
birds sing to you at night
the rain and sun
the changing seasons
are true friends
solitude
is a hard won ally
faithful and patient

yea I think I know you

by,

Henry Rollins