9 Jun 94

Getting off to a slow start this month. It's already nearly one third into the month and these are the first words coming through in the continuing story of a spiritual awakening. All that I know is that I must seize the opportunity and write now. I must capture the transition process as reliably as I can to provide an example or pattern that others may want to follow as more and more people reach such times in their own life. With the age of Aquarius just around the corner, many will have spiritual awakenings that provide them with the experiences necessary to find out who and what they really are as well as why they are here. My hope is that through my efforts as guided by consciousness, that I may blaze the trail or smooth the path for others. This does not have to be a difficult transition. It can be as easy as we want to make it, if only we choose to join forces and work together where we can.

It's been an interesting week and a half. I don't believe that I've sat around just observing people and the world as much as I have in the last few weeks. In particular, when I look, the thought I have in mind is that this is all god-stuff, perfection expressed as best it can be in accord with individual and mass consciousness. All of our processes are designed to meet particular needs, however, many were designed in somewhat of a vacuum without being integrated into a greater whole. A question came to mind regarding Beyond Imagination, who are you doing this for -- yourself, or for consciousness itself. My only answer is: it really does not matter. I must do what I am directed to do. I believe that consciousness provides that direction for me. If not, then I'm really doing all of this for me alone. I find that very hard to take, it just doesn't ring true. One of the greatest assets that has been with me all of my life is my ability to tell what is true from what is not. It doesn't work with everything necessarily but it has been highly accurate.

It's time for the birth of Beyond Imagination. My weight gain over the past eight months is another kind of sign. I'm berthing a baby -- literally. The body of my writings is a spiritual/ mental expression of love just as surely as any physical baby. Having a baby is a labor of love. This, too, applies whether the baby is physical or spiritual. While my writings are already out, it's been for my eyes only, and for a handful of friends around me. I'm in the process of considering what to do next. Is there some equivalent of going into labor that I must experience to get my writings out into the world. Is it time for such action now, or should I wait patiently for the Universe to knock on my door and explain to me what it wants me to do. This is a major issue because it determines much about what constitutes right action for me at this time. Then again, according to consciousness, I am already being driven subconsciously to do whatever right action is in the moment under the particular circumstances. If I'd only get out of my own way by stopping from analyzing things too much with my conscious mind, I'd be much better off.

Be patient, and do whatever it is that you are moved to do. Don't take any particular action before you are certain that it is the right action. You are Buddhist, you will know. And, if you don't, just ask -- that's why we are here afterall. Right now, you are comfortable writing. You could also be talking and teaching about what you've experienced and what you know about reality and reality creation. This should be the topic of your first set of seminars, the nature of reality and reality creation. Make up a flyer and see how many are interested in coming. It may surprise you. Initially, you could meet in your own living room. You may find it necessary to rent a room somewhere after a while. The conducting of the first class is a milestone in the creation of a new school. Take one step at a time. However, know where you are headed so that each step leads toward the ultimate goal. Remember that sometimes the path is rocky and the road is windy so there may be times when you appear to be going in the wrong direction. Weather these little storms, for they will pass in due time. Also, don't isolate yourself and act alone so much. You're missing out on a part of life that you did not have to give up. You chose to and your choice was admirable, but you can change the choice at any time. It's good to take a hard look at all such choices (or, at least, the major ones, anyway) and make new choices based on who you are now. This doesn't mean you have to change the choices, but it does mean that you have to look at the choice and reconfirm its rightness in your life today.

I'm a biased reader of the words that have come through me. Until another reads these words and provides feedback on the value of the words to their life, I have no means of knowing how worthwhile these words are to anyone outside of myself. I can't force people to read the words, nor can I force them to tell me how they were impacted. I'm open to an honest communication of what people get from the ideas. Am I a lunatic, a genius, or a bit of both. Yes, I speak in grand terms because I am grand by creation as we all are. Further, I am grand by birth as shown in my aura and astrological chart. However, this only means that my task is particularly challenging as well. Gifts are only given where they are needed. Consciousness cooperates in a wonderful fashion to make sure that people are placed in positions where they are needed and where they are put in circumstances that provide them with the greatest opportunity to learn what they most need to learn.

13 Jun 94

I'm going through some amazing realizations about the true nature of the ONE reality and what is reality vs what is illusion. At some level everything that we experience is our own creation, the creation of another that is kin to us, or the creations of outsiders. All three of these types of creations happen each and every day. I have a quote that I generated a year or two ago:

We are the creators of our reality, the Masters of our fate.

If this is so, then there is something missing that hasn't yet been addressed. What does it mean to be a creator of reality? What does it mean to be a Master of one's fate? Where does the group consensus reality come in?

Looking back through history, we see an amazing process unfolding. This is indeed a play perhaps in more ways than one. The play is only possible because of illusion. If we were to see and know everything in the moment, there would be no hopes, fears, and dreams. The world is perfect as it is for the conditions of the consciousnesses of the world. It has always been perfect an will always be perfect. This does not mean there is no further work to be done. In a way, you could say we are approaching greater and greater embodiment of spirit, but it is all spirit -- there literally is nothing else. For all time, it has been possible for any being to experience this, to experience the union of consciousness in flesh. Many have had their brief moments in the sun. Others have had extended periods of time that may have lasted their entire lifetime. One must light ones own Light, before one can help others in the quest for Light.

Every period of history has been important. Each major event has triggered many world impacts one way or another. What meaning should be applied to these major events depends upon how much the overall consciousness was closed down or opened up by the experience.

Emotional experience is particularly rough to explain without the play of light and illusion. Yet, this too is experienced in a major way by the majority on the planet. In fact, for many it is the emotions that ultimately define existence. Personally, I'm a bit aloof at times though I do have a set of powerful emotions that lie below the surface. These too must come out at some point. Consciousness does not allow me to be hampered by problems that no longer suit me. All of these were set as challenges that would help to Temper [tarot card 14] me for the path that is to guide my course for the rest of my life.

I didn't write over the three day weekend again. However, I did spend a lot of time thinking about things. How can the world be perfect, NOW? This applies to the major experiences of the world as well as of the country. It's very interesting to see how the events of the past one hundred years have been so incredible. Life has changed immensely. It's not clear that mankind is prepared or ready for this amount of change and the frequency of change. Yet, the Aquarian Age requires just such a change and soon, soon indeed.

My mind is somewhat impaired at this time. It's as if my consciousness were not here completely. I close my eyes and I go off to sleep. However, now the daydreams are quite vivid with scenes and color and characters, action and scripts. To some degree, it's almost like watching TV. However, it is an inner watcher that is doing the watching. My conscious mind is seeing this as well, not necessarily in all it's detail, but it is catching the important parts.

Why am I still here? Why do I not let lose of the bonds and chains that bind me to this current day by day battle to exist financially? Overall, it is not worth the chains. Perhaps, this is why Whitman and Thoreau lived such simple lives. However, spirit doesn't care about what trappings you put around yourself. Hmm, that's why they call them trappings. Also, the quote about the difficulty for the rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I was told by a psychic, Jan Kertz, that I would be offering a package to Californians that dealt with how they had bought into an American Dream that was not real. Economically, in particular, it had no way to survive. Growth can only go on for so long until the bubble has to burst. Basically, we have enslaved ourselves to the material things, the natural beauty of the state, and the wonderful climate. The focus of the package would be a one to two week seminar on finding oneself and looking for the level of abundance that is right for them.

I'm looking at the world from a much more integrated perspective. There are some things I can change personally, other things that I can impact directly, and still others that I can influence indirectly. I guess I forgot a category, the things that I can't effect at all. The question is: what is one to do?

I've chosen to live my life in accord with the Plan. This Plan was/is/will be generated and executed by Consciousness itself, of which we are only parts. The fact that we are parts, makes us ONE. That our awareness only has glimmers and hints of this oneness is beside the point. We are indeed ONE, whether we know it or not. Many of us have put large sets of blinders on to block parts of the truth that we didn't want to see. It's time for these to be removed, or at least lessened. The Truth Shall Set You Free! But, you say, I'm already free. Yet, I ask you as you go through your liberties how far do you have to go before you run into a wall or barrier through which you cannot pass? We live for the most part in an illusion, an illusion that for all appearances is reality itself. And, it is reality itself on this level. The key is to change your level, and, you can only do that through self-knowledge.

Some exercises you might try include getting out of stale routines. Take time out to notice things. The extra attention you pay to anything will have a great impact on how you experience it. There is no wrong experience. Pay attention and notice, but, do not judge. In the world, HERE, at this time, NOW, everything is perfect and balanced. God sees nothing but light, yet he is aware of the Play that is on-going. Remember, God is one step removed from the current Play. It was created by parts of himself. It's not clear that the terminology is right yet at the higher levels. My feeling at this moment is that the hierarchy is All That Is, Goddess, God in descending order. That would put Consciousness under All That Is, meaning that Goddess and God would need to develop their capabilities to wield it and allow it to flow through them. I like that. Somehow it seems fitting. Also, it allows for many Gods and Goddesses to exist as suggested by the myths of many cultures.

20 Jun 94

Another slow month. Went to San Diego/Ramona for four days to watch Jamie graduate and to be with my family for awhile. It had been over a year since I had seen them in person. The visit was very enjoyable and relaxing. That's the closest we've ever been as a family as far as I can remember anyway. The only bad note was missing my return plane due to being late and having to spend an additional six hours in airports. At first, I thought that this was no accident, it was meant to be. Observing people for awhile was interesting as well. Yes, I could see the people and the airport as perfect as they are. Yes, there could possibly be improvements, but this does not lesson the perfection of things as they are. From one standpoint, each entity -- person, place, or thing is exactly right for the role it is here to perform.

I'm looking at the world in a new way. Divine wisdom has guided the play for all eternity. The things, structures, and organizations in the world are there for a purpose -- they have a reason to exist, a reason that facilitates or demonstrates the unfoldment of a Grand Plan. Chance and circumstance have limited roles. Design, whether it be human or divine is what guides the world. This design requires imaginative thought with purpose and commitment. The key issue is selecting the right thoughts to undergo this process. This is where the intuition and The Plan come into play. If one allows the intuition to speak, it will tell you what you need to know. This does not mean it will tell you everything, for some things you have no need to know, though you might want to. Actually this is a rare issue, since by the time most people have developed the nerve or the need to ask, they are already ready to have their questions answered.

I'm also drowsy, falling asleep even as I write and think about these topics. The drowsiness is the symptom that is the most difficult with which to deal. It's as if my soul wants me to be in these altered states with eyes closed where I can dream of things to be and work out how specifically all of these things are tied together. It's time again for a synthesis of the information. It seems that a major breakthrough is in order again. I can feel it coming with my inner senses. For me, this is enough to know and to act. Others will find that this is not enough and may experience a need to analyze and evaluate using whatever processes and belief systems that they have in place. Basically, they want proof, something the world does not always provide.

When we finally look at the world through the right set of glasses, it is obvious where we fit, how we fit, and what our role is in the overall structure. That again, obviously depends on a lot of things. I believe that I know where and what this is. However, the right set of conditions for me is always what I am, where I am, and how I am here and now. This is all that I have to work with. Further, it is always sufficient for the task at hand -- that is, my tasks at hand. The performance of our tasks is our purpose. The struggle is to find a path that allows one to know thyself, or at least begin to do so -- so that we can know why we are here. Our destiny is always a spiritual one, especially in these time of drastic changes. It is not clear when or whether the thunderbolt will strike that fills one's heart with Love for the whole human race. One sees the beauty of each individual as spirit enfleshed at this moment playing the exact role that they signed up for, yet at the same time having a path for growth that requires effort to follow. Consciousness pushes the individual to grow, but is not forceful in doing so. It is up to the individual to want to grow and to show initiative in finding the appropriate path. For the most part these parts are unique, though, for efficiency larger roads are created upon which many can tread. Even then, however, the individual sets the style with which they merge with the group.

Hmm, I just had a thought about my drowsiness. It has to do with practicing to leave the body at will. In these little absences, it feels as if I've left the body and entered a state where I am consciousness disassociated from the body. The state I go into is different than sleep, however. It is a state in which consciousness is active at the conscious state yet trusting of the mystical and intuitive information that is coming through.

It's difficult telling what body symptoms are the side effects of the prescription drugs I am taking. The things that I've noticed are drowsiness, loss of balance, sore joints (knees especially), difficulty in keeping eyes focused, dry mouth, weight gain (180 to 220 in 6 mos), swollenness of hands and body. I'm also observing if and how much my thinking and emotions have changed. This is a difficult task because there is no real remembrance of where I was before. These notes are the only record of a transition that has been going on for over a year. Further, this is part of a transition that has been going on throughout my life. More and more, I'm seeing that the what one gets is a result of how well one treats oneself and others. The more that LOVE is expressed, the better everything is. This is the key, the critical factor. Actually, peace, love, and light are all important. But, the greatest of these is Love.

Once again, I write because that is the call of my consciousness. I trust that since it calls, it will move the right words through my brain and fingers to convey the message that spirit would convey through me at this instant. I am the instrument through which these words come. But, I am not the originator. I know my own words -- and, while I would love to claim these as my own, that would be cheating for my sense is that parts of me are used in the translation of these ideas that come from another realm -- at least, some of them.

I live and breathe consciousness in all that I do. The subject I find most fascinating is consciousness. The nature of soul, and the nature of reality are my favorite topics. When engaged in philosophical pursuits, one must be careful not to take the model of the world reality to be the only one. Allow for miracles in your life, and for any number of unexpected things. You are a creator, building a personal reality in line with a consensus one that allows you to find your own nitch whether you like it or not. We are all creators, masters of our own fate. However, this is not always happening in a way that the conscious mind understands.

We speak many times on the same theme because some of you are moved and some not by any particular expression of truth. Take what you understand or find challenging or otherwise interesting and leave the rest to others who are more attracted to ways that don't strike your fancy. Always our motivation is to impart and express truth as much as we can. In particular, spiritual truth. You may say that this is up to the churches and religions of the world, but I would argue that they are too biased to do this task. If the churches taught people that they were already spiritual beings enfleshed who required no intermediaries between themselves and God, a good number of people would leave those established churches. Also, there is no Heaven or Hell, except as we make it on Earth here and now.

My life seems to be on a holding pattern, stuck in a state where the monthly bills exceed the monthly income. This can't go on forever, but I sense that it is not me that is causing this reality to be experienced. Then again, maybe that is why it is still here. I ask that the conditions come forth to remedy this situation and allow us to live in even greater abundance. In particular, my wife Gini has experienced this strain for too long. I know that we create our own reality. But, help her to free herself from the stress of too many bills and too little income; help her to experience the abundance that is due to her because of who she is and the good work she does in serving others. If I am also creating or co-creating this state, then provide me with the insight and circumstances that I need to see just what it is that I am missing. One way or another, let even greater abundance be reflected not only in our home but in our work and relationships with others. Abundance is the natural response of the universe to those who live their lives in accord with spiritual law. Right action is an integral part of this. This involves treating others fairly, not taking advantage of them even though you are in a position to do so. This also involves conducting ones affairs honestly. Overall, it involves everything that we typically subscribe to a good person. Once again, I ask, so what is missing in my own life situation? Why am I stuck in my current state? How must I improve for the circumstances of my life to improve, for I know that the circumstances are only a reflection of something in myself. Our life is a constant mirror of our state of awareness. What we see, how we filter it, and how we interpret it determine our experience of self. Indeed, the world is one big mirror, providing reflections at numerous levels of existence and experience. From one standpoint, we all look out at the same world, but what we see is highly dependent on what we expect to see. Interesting. I've been looking at specific oracles to tell me information about myself and where I was going. Nearly everything that came through was either what I expected to see or better. Now, I have to ask what part of this was real, and what part was just a reflection of my own imagination? I'm in a place of not really knowing what to believe and trust anymore. One thing stands as my bedrock, the ability to know the truth when I hear it. This is the foundation of my spiritual experiences and awakenings. Let all other things go, and I have this knowledge to carry me on. It took close to 20 years on the Path to Enlightenment to reach this state, but I would not give back any of it.

Hmm. I am in this Play at this time for a purpose. The signs have shown this to be a special assignment that was the reason that I came to the planet. Other signs say the time is Now or at least soon, and the place is most likely Colorado. Thirty-six years of programming have prepared this body and mind to activate in a way that is only now starting to happen on this planet. We now have the knowledge and know-how to turn on new parts of the brain that have only rarely been activated in the past. When this is done, the results are incredible. Literally, we have found the key to open brains up to incoming spiritual frequencies. These frequencies have been all around us for years. We just never had the correct filters and amplifiers necessary to receive them. In the brain, this is a natural process, once the circuit has been established. Remember, we've only been dealing with electricity and magnetism for about 100 years.

21 Jun 94

The start of Summer is here at last. I'm fighting a great struggle just to stay awake. My day started at 6:06 with a shower. Since then, I have been asleep more than I've been awake. It's nearly 1:00 already. There has to be something that can be done about this. I can't function at work if I can't stay focused and awake. It's time to get out of hear. In many ways, the work is no longer interesting enough to do anymore. I need to be in a situation where I can truly make a difference in the world. My sense is that I'm not there yet. Perhaps I'm missing something important or am blind to seeing the path that is being offered. Whatever the case, it is time for change of some kind, and soon, major change. Leaving Monterey to go to Arizona, New Mexico, or Colorado seems certain. However, the timing and the specific location appear to be up to Consciousness to decide. Maybe this has already been determined, and we just don't have a need to know yet. The answers from the oracles are not impartial, because we have so much desire and energy tied up in this issue.

I've been going through the Card 47 process of the 7 vanities and learning that they are mere illusion, lacking any longterm value. It's an interesting process. Things are fine, but the attachment to things -- including some ideas, goes too far. To some degree, Gini and I are paying for our material abundance. Outgo for bills and expenses exceeds income each month plunging us deeper into debt. We manage day by day focusing far too much energy on bills and money management then we should have too. I don't know how to change this at the present time. I can barely stay awake at the job that I have. A second job is simply out of the question. That is, unless that second job involved the writings that I have been producing over the past 15 months or so. Is it time to get these writings to their intended audience? Or, are these writings solely for my eyes only? This is a very important question that defines how I will be making my living in the days, weeks, and years to come. My belief is that I am a communicator and that my medium is primarily the written word. And, I write free form, expressing or channeling what comes into my head as it comes into my head. I come to bring forth a VISION of what is to come in the Aquarian Age. Thus far, I've been a lone voice in the wilderness. Actually, lone comes from the perspective of being a Hermit; so, I am not aware of the visions of others. I know they are out there, and that they tap into the same source, the Plan. How many of us exist, I do not know. But, at some point there will be enough of us to set the world aflame with spirit. Remember that fire corresponds with spirit in astrology. (earth, air, fire, water).

What more is there to say? The channel is open for spirit to be expressed. We thank you for this opportunity to come forth. You really do have to ask and relinquish the channel for us to come through. On one level you are part of us already and you are learning to recognize this fact. But we are not the ONE, we are the many who are aware of our position as a piece of the one. We are cooperatively interdependent. We live this in all that we do. You are starting to operate this way with us, but not with the rest of your world. There is a dichotomy here that needs to be addressed. How do you achieve cooperative interdependence in the physical world? That's the lesson your stay in Colorado will teach you. For these types of lessons, analysis only takes one so far, one has to have the experience. For you, this has already been delayed for three years. It is time for this delay to end and we will help in making the appropriate changes.

How do I tell which of this information is correct? As always, trust your inner knowingness. It has been there for you throughout your life -- it will not forsake you now. Ok, I already knew that, but it was nice having it repeated. As with external information accept that which vibrates to you as true, you will also feel the deceit in what is false. Is my mission really as grand as I know it to be? A few of the details may be in error, but overall your Vision is correct especially as regards what role you have to play. Thus far you've only glimpsed pieces of vision that you were ready to receive. As you grow in spiritual understanding, more will be revealed. What am I supposed to do with this information. Capture it as best you can on paper. At some point it may be time to use a cassette recorder for expediency. After all, you can only type so fast -- and, this is far slower than you can speak. You're getting the material verbally anyway, why not be a real channel for spoken words to flow. This could lead to a job as metaphysical speaker which you have to decide whether it is something that you want to do. Another alternative is getting your work out in books. You don't like to deal with all the details however, so you may need someone to serve as an intermediary with the editor and publisher.

22 Jun 94

Actually got some Loral work done today. It's easier to stay awake when I'm participating with others in a meeting of some type. When I'm working alone, there is just not enough input as a stimulus. I no longer feel that I am in control of my overall mental state. The brain chemistry controls the part of spirit or essence that can be expressed through the mental part of this physical vehicle for consciousness. This is tough to deal with. I've always been well-coordinated. I don't experience that now. When you've achieved a level of ability or proficiency at something, losing it is a major loss, especially when your level of enjoyment is involved. Even the writings have changed. I'm not sure I like the changes, but I must live with them until my diagnosis improves or I become aware of other ways to treat this bodily disorder -- if indeed it is a disorder. Overall, I still look at this entire experience as necessary to allow me to more fully incorporate spirit in my brain and body. The adjustments are tuning me to a higher frequency that is one of the initial means for establishment of a new world order. On the other hand, I don't know that I cannot take the side effects for the rest of my life, either. Maria's way of dealing this is to limit the amount of Lithium that she takes to 1/3 of the total that her psychiatrist recommends. In my case, I've thoroughly monitored and described my states of mind and any side effects that I've been experiencing. For now, I believe that is all that I can or should do. My intuition tells me that I'm going through a transformation process and this is just one of the phases. Give it time, and the right amount of attention and it will work itself out in a way that is useful.

Even when writing in this manner about my experiences in consciousness, I cannot expect to remain awake during the day. It is a constant struggle that is very difficult to deal with. Perhaps a brief nap is in order. I haven't really tried that yet.

Who am I when compared to others? Just a body or spirit enfleshed. I am a bag of wind. Here too, I am like others on the physical side of things yet unlike others as a whole experiencing life through my own set of filters and glasses. Typing too is somewhat of a chore. Some of my fingers shake as I touch the keys resulting in double and triple letters at any time. This may even happen several times in the same sentence. Part of it comes from keeping my fingers on the keys too long. This too, is a result of the sluggishness that I experience.

How is it that I will get to do the things that I came to do? You need not even ask. When the time is right you will not be able to escape it even if you so desired, which, of course, you, in particular, would not. Let us do what must be done to get to such a position. As always, your job is to stay focused on enlightenment and knowing thyself. The more you do this, the more prepared you will be to handle the responsibilities of the job that we are creating for you. Actually, we are co-creating this job with you so that it is tailored to your specific talents and abilities. Of course, there are many for which we are doing this at this time. All are ready to play major roles in the changes that lie ahead as the Age of Aquarius comes into being. This is what excites your consciousness. It excites ours as well. It's been a long time since consciousness has had such an open way of communicating with other parts of itself. Such is necessary in the new order. As a Hermit, your standard mode of operating is to have lots of inward communication and limited external communication. In fact, you would be quite happy with letters, books, and the mail being the chief for of communication. The world that is being created will feel somewhat foreign to you. You've felt this to be the case most of your life. You will feel it even more in the times to come. The more immediate forms of communication keep you in touch with the world in a more intimate way (especially pagers and cellular phones). The cost is a loss of privacy. Then, we don't really have privacy anyway. We only think that we do because of very sketchy evidence. In fact, for many things in life, we have very little knowledge of how things work. This is regardless of how long you stay in school. Even PhDs have deep knowledge only in particular specific areas. It is the whole that possesses the knowledge of mankind, and it is this knowledge that drives what appears in our reality. As soon as we can get minds to where the have new understanding, we also get products that potentially benefit lives because of this new understanding. Since 1890 or so, we've been on a path of technological advancement that exceeds anything we have experienced before, one that seems literally without bounds. This has prepared us to view quick and constant change as a fact in our lives.

It is not clear that most people are ready for such rapid change. Much of the world would be happy with food, water, and shelter. Much more, if you add work and an economic system. Somewhere, someone must have figured this out by now. The bottom line is how do we give people what they need? This applies to countries as well as to individuals. We've seen, in the case of South Africa, a political prisoner become the President of his country, a country that had been under minority rule for many decades.

So, where do I, Wayne Hartman, fit in all of this? Am I to be a "philosopher king", guiding part of the world and its leaders on a path that can take them into the new age with grace? Or, am I resigned to come up with the ideas that others can use to effect into the mental and spiritual structures from which the new physical reality will be constructed. I really don't want to have to deal with a lot of people. The inputs that I need come directly from consciousness herself. My consciousness can transform the ideas to add a more practical bent. It will be up to others to do whatever it takes to make it so. This will require both physical communication and direct communication from consciousness. An interesting thought came to mind. Nowhere does it say that we are responsible for anothers growth, that is, unless we are teachers by profession -- and then the teacher assists with but is not responsible for growth.

My feeling on this is that I am to create a school in Colorado, a school unlike any that currently exist. The focus of the school will be spiritual awareness and it's practical applications in daily life. The school will be relatively small, serving on the order of 100 students. The students will be handpicked based on their readiness to receive and comprehend the experiences and material that the school has to offer. We will not do what other schools already do. Those experiences can be obtained directly through those other schools. I feel this to be my next step. Circumstances are already being aligned to make it so. At some level consciousness was waiting for me to ask in a way that neutral. I don't demand that this be so, I ask. Further, consciousness knows what the Plan includes. I only catch glimmers here and there. I do see that the school will be successful. Jan Kertz also saw the school last year in a psychic reading. There is to be some type of experimentation with different geometric structures and spiritual energies.

I can see myself doing these kinds of things. Further, writing could be a way to supplement the income. It will be interesting to see how these things come about. Of course, should the Plan have a better role for my talents and abilities, I am open to providing the greatest service to the cause of spirit that I can possibly provide. The bottom line is getting spirit more fully expressed in flesh. I've known for several years that this is why I'm here and why my life has been what it has over the past 36 years.

23 Jun 94

It definitely is easier to stay awake when I have meetings to support. The dry mouth and somewhat slurred speech were a bit tough to take. I'm used to these functions working without any problem. So, I was wondering why I am doing this to myself. The side effects don't happen in all patients, so why am I allowing them to happen in my body. Maybe this is a sign that my body is rebelling to the way I am treating it. I don't know yet, these are just some of the thoughts running through my head. My body is a very intelligent and powerful biological machine -- no, more than that, it is a vessel for spirit to be enfleshed. My sense is that the drugs are an imposition that it was willing to accept for awhile. I'm not sure how long that might be, but I sense that we will see several changes before a year is completed.

Also, I noticed that my thinking was noticeably slower, even stopping at times as my mouth tried to keep up the slower thoughts. I've never really noticed the speed at which I was thinking realtime before. It too, was interesting to watch.

27 Jun 94

Forgot my medicine this morning. I felt clearer and more awake until the last hour of the day. This is the most "normal" I've felt in over seven months. The drugs definitely change how the brain things and how the emotions impact the brain and body. Based on this experience, I'm not sure what to think. I don't doubt that I'm bipolar, I'm just wondering what alternatives exist to treat this condition other than drugs. I'm creating my own reality after all. However, part of the process for creating that reality quickly is to work with the materials that have already been developed, to take advantage of existing technologies regardless of how dark their models of the world may be. I sense that my body needs to change to meet the challenges that lie ahead. The brain needs to operate at new and higher frequencies, and the body needs to be brought down to a living weight that is more suited for expressing spirit.

Another three day weekend went by without adding to these notes. This time I intended to be good and write. I even brought the disk home. However, I don't seem to get any time at home when I'm free and in the mood to write. I don't understand why this is so, but it has happened several times now. Part of what this is telling me is that I'm to use the weekends in a different way. After all, I live in a place where people from all over the world come to visit. This weekend I started to notice just how beautiful both our house and Monterey truly are. I'm starting to see that things are perfect as they are -- especially when you take into account how they developed over time. The systems and processes in place at various times were living beings that created offspring as real as you and I. These systems and processes include governments, laws, weather, history, economy, ecology, convention and a host of others.

I'm not sure where all of this is leading. I sense that I'm going to have to integrate my own dark side sometime prior to Dec 94. My dark side is the 53 card, the Knight of Swords who rides fast and furiously in the Autumn. We'll have to see just what that means. My Light side is the 25 card, the Knight of Wands. In juxtaposition, we have the White Knight and the Black Knight - - how's that for being clear about the light and dark sides? It's also appropriate, in that the dark side is nothing more than that place operating out of fear and absence of light. All creation is light. It's only in how creation limits itself that the whole range of dark is created and experienced. In truth, it is all illusion, sustained by beliefs that are not aligned with truth. Self knowledge is the way out of illusion. This has been taught for untold ages, yet few follow the straight and narrow path that leads to enlightenment. The many are caught in the web of illusion, stuck in a world that is intricate and fascinating.

28 Jun 94

Had a very interesting discussion with Gini last night concerning the changes to come and how Astrology can help in showing the timing for change and the nature of that change. Pluto and Uranus in particular are setting us up for massive change in the next 2-3 years. It truly is time for drastic change on a large scale. What makes things difficult is that we have no precedents to warn us of just what we will be facing. Somehow, I sense that it is time to face our fears -- for these are the signs of areas where we continue to live in darkness. Yes, you're right about that. Indeed, fears will be eliminated during this time. Lessons will be learned at a pace that is unprecedented. Fortunately, basic core belief changes can eliminate whole groups of fears at once. Having the equivalent of a PhD in Belief Systems and Reality Creation will be a major asset. The self- help books cover this to some degree, but they don't go far enough. There will be a major job opportunity in helping people to know thyself. This is the ultimate teaching job, critical for readying people for the beginning of the Age of Aquarius.

It will be the psychics and intuitives that will bring through the guidance that helps us through the transformation we will be experiencing. However, bridge individuals will be able to take what science has wrought and apply it to metaphysics in a manner that transforms the psychic/ intuitive arts to the equivalent of sciences in terms of their ability to reliably bring forth consistent information in accordance with a world view that includes the subconscious and the superconscious as equal partners to the conscious. This is something that is long overdue.

There is an as above, as below relationship that works between science and metaphysics. Science and its practical arm, technology, are the as below part. The as above part is the nature of reality creation itself. Science deals well with the physical creation and provides a whole structure into which knowledge is placed. Similar structures shall be found to work in metaphysics to explain the nature of how the spiritual part of source is made manifest. There are already many disciplines within metaphysics. They just aren't organized and formalized into a united whole. Part of this is because the practitioners of the occult arts are typically individuals who are focused on providing information to other individuals. Also, science has so denigrated these arts as to make them part of a swelling underground activity. Things are changing, however. People are becoming more open to other than conscious information. Metaphysics has almost become a respectable occupation, at least in much of California and in various other areas of the country.

Fed and watered. It's time to get some serious work accomplished. Thus far, I have a bunch of theories about how reality works based on trying to explain my own experience. I need others to read and challenge or validate these theories based on their own experience. We need to begin to get a common language for talking about how we experience and create reality. A major part of this involves coming to an understanding of how the brain works, and how spirit interfaces with the body. I feel like I can't go much further until I get some inputs on where I've been over the past 9 months or so. Thus far, nobody that I've dealt with has been in a position to provide detailed feedback. I sense that many people understand that they create their own reality but don't really know exactly how it happens. I'm interested in the underlying spiritual laws. They should be just as real as physical laws are for the physical world. The spiritual world is not any more complex than the physical world. Similar principles apply. All of the human development that has occurred through history followed these spiritual laws. They didn't necessarily follow the path of least resistance, but they followed a path that was governed by what lessons had to be accomplished to allow spirit to more fully enter its own creation.

I'm anxious to get out of here. There is a sense that this is dead, it is finished. Yet, I know not how to proceed to make an alternate set of circumstances so. Perhaps I'm too concerned about the details. The phrase that comes to mind is to decide what you want to be doing and let the details take care of themselves. The universe has an army of elves to take care of details. Their activation awaits the definition of a task that befits that their talents be exercised. In other words, if the task is for Light -- all the forces of spirit join in the endeavor.

Given those guidelines, the position I desire is that of Master Teacher for Beyond Imagination, a non-profit educational organization. In this position I'd like to train small groups of teachers who in turn would be responsible for training a larger number of student to know thyself to the greatest degree the were able, at this time in their life. I'd also continue my writings and research into the nature of reality creation, and techniques for enabling spirit to be more fully expressed in flesh. At some point, I would hope that the message of Beyond Imagination could spread far and wide to help prepare people for the Age of Aquarius.

I feel out of place in the current world. This is not all that I am. There is something that is not being expressed. And, it came specifically to be expressed. It's as if it's locked up with a key, and I just haven't found the key yet. I have no doubt that I will find it. It is just a matter of when. Also, there is a question of just what it is that it had to be locked up until now. My 36th year is supposed to be a destiny year. It will be interesting to see what the months ahead bring. As I write this, I don't have the drowsiness problems that I experienced earlier. The trick is to have my attention and interest fully involved. That's tough to do for the work stuff. Sometimes it's tough to do for this writing as well. At the present time it feels fresh and new.

Awareness is a tricky thing. It's not at all clear how much control we have over the physical. There is so much baggage in our belief systems, and not enough firm evidence from which to determine the true validity of many of the beliefs. We have been scared into accepting whole systems of beliefs, such as the medical world view, that we can no longer hold a basic belief in health and the innate ability of the body's systems to function properly. I'm a case in point. I've never had much faith in medicine and avoided medical care whenever possible. Yet, now I take three drugs -- Depakote, Eskalith, Trilafon -- twice a day because a doctor diagnosed me as bipolar after a series of spiritual awakenings last year. Further, it is expected that I'll be on these medications with their various side effects for the rest of my life. Looking at the larger perspective, I don't believe things happen to me randomly. I believe that I've been bipolar since birth, but that my lifestyle and eating habits kept the body biochemistry within a tolerable balance. The changes that happened last year were necessary to get my body into a place where it could handle the awakenings. My sense is that the drugs were necessary for this. The brain's biochemistry had to be in a different place to be able to receive and bring through the thoughts that have come through in the past 9 months and continue to come through. My attachment to physical reality is looser in many ways. However, my attachment to the world of ideas and the spiritual world is greater. It is still an intuitive connection, but a stronger one. I zone out a lot, however, entering a space that is fuzzy yet productive at the same time.

Reality is a point. It is HERE and NOW. The trick is how much we can contain in that point. If we are very detailed, we constrict reality to a small specific here and now. However, if we expand our point of view truly seeing our present awareness in the context of much larger structures, our HERE and NOW become vast indeed. Awareness is the key. Where do we choose to focus and to what end or purpose. For most of us, our awareness is located for the most part within this body. It happens to be riding in the brain. Expanding our consciousness involves learning how to move our awareness outside of the part of consciousness that rides in the brain. This is not so hard to do as one might think. We all do it nightly. The difference here is that we want to do it consciously with full awareness.

We are coming to a major junction point on a lot of levels. Part of the world will continue to travel on the path that we are currently following. Another part of the world is somehow going to shift into a new dimension of being. The earth is ready to progress as a being, but she will only take those ready to move into a glorious new age that is truly beyond imagination. There are only a few years left for preparing and collecting people that will make this shift. My sense is that we will see a redistribution of land mass on the earth but that it will be as if there are multiple earths in slightly different dimensions. The land masses of these multiple earths will be non-overlapping so that land masses of other earths will be oceans to any present one. In this manner, the earth can be time-shared so to speak. Perhaps this first split will only involve one other earth. The "I AM America" map shows one of these probable earths. I believe there will be another as well, but that it's specific shape and existence is not ready to be known. Further, my sense is that I want to be on this other path. Interesting. Also, there will be an interface between the two worlds. The other world will be a spiritual counterpart that will greatly assist those remaining to do the work necessary to develop spiritually. In the meantime, however, there will be a great age of peace and prosperity that allows the population to fully experience its spiritual existence in flesh. There will be much work needed to establish this golden age throughout the planet, however, perhaps even requiring a second coming of the Christ. That, however, remains to be seen.

29 Jun 94

It's hard to believe that we're already halfway into 1994. Thus far, I would say that my destiny is a long way from being achieved. And yet, I firmly believe that before the year is out this situation will change. How this will happen I know not, but there is no doubt that it will be so. All the signs that are appearing in my life are consistent, pointing to a tomorrow that is far different than today. Beyond Imagination is to start manifesting fruit. What has been planted in spirit this spring will begin to manifest in the summer and fall. Further, much work is to be done in the fall. I have a final integration to go through, the acceptance and integration of my dark side. With that, I will be free to operate fully from the Light, and my capacity for channeling the information I am meant to bring forth will increase manyfold. I am a servant of the Light, a spiritual warrior in the battle of Light vs Dark. My purpose and that of Beyond Imagination is to allow spirit to be more fully expressed in flesh. Thus far, I have focused much of my life on learning how to do this myself. I believe I was meant to be a wayshower and that this experience was required training for me to be able to do the tasks which I came to this existence to perform. I believe that we all have a purpose or special calling that is our chosen destiny in this existence. At least, anyone reading this. It is not yet clear that everyone comes in with such specific purposes or tasks to perform.

The bottom line with reality is that everyone receives what they need. Spirit sees to it that this law is never violated. What they want is not necessarily what they need. Further, the apparent need is not necessarily the real need. This is interesting. There is a harmony about the world that requires a refinement of viewpoint to appreciate. It is difficult, however, to see how the recent knife killings of O.J Simpson's wife and the man from the restaurant fit this. What reason could be given as to why they needed this experience? I don't really have any. However, the people involved have karmic ties of which we are not aware, and at some level balance must have been required. The universe is a sane place. Events happen per spiritual laws that assure that balance is achieved as a soul grows. This must be. There is a metaphysical foundation that can be trusted to give us the opportunities and challenges that we need to grow in spiritual awareness. This is a fundamental belief for me. I am spirit enfleshed, not yet fully aware of my nature as spirit, but growing in the knowledge of self as I experience life in the physical. Within the physical, I am aware of a part of my non- physical self through my intuition and through information that is channeled through parts of my consciousness of which I am only aware of their works.

Looking at life from a larger perspective, the key questions are:

What did you do to know yourself during your life?

What difference did your life have on others?

Did you accomplish what you came to do?

Tough questions, but important ones. We're living in times in which the rate of change is rising on an exponential curve that appears not to have a limit. Perhaps this is preparing us for times when we can go from imagination to reality in instants rather than in hours, days, months, or years. We can be as free as our thoughts, our imagination can manifest things undreamed of in past times. We are close to a breakthrough in the nature of how consciousness manifests. Much of the infrastructure is not set up to deal with the rate of information flow and the nature of decisions that have to be made. Our government is basically set up in the same way it was when only a few major decisions were required in a whole term of office. This is not a reasonable structure for dealing with the complexity of the world today and the rapidity of change. Then again, part of the problem may be that the government no longer really controls much of anything. Personally, other than parting with a portion of my salary in taxes, and using a few services, the government does not affect my life. The decisions of large companies and the wealthiest individuals in the world are much more likely to affect the products, information, and services that are available to me. These companies and individuals generally operate globally and effectively have the governments of the world under their control. This is probably for the best since they also have the information necessary to make even better decisions than the government would make on its own. We're back to the overall spiritual law that things happen in such a manner to ensure that the needs of all are met. This is a powerful law, executed without exception. I had not considered the full ramifications of this when it comes to structures or groupings of individuals and their interactions. The bottom line is that always, the is a reason for every action. The law of karma assures that with each action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This, however, is sometimes overturned by the law of grace which grants forgiveness.

Corporate structures are evolving much faster than governmental ones because that is the only way they can compete in the current marketplace. They are forced to deal with change realtime, especially if they involve electronics where even six months can be an eternity. This is a new phenomenon, that has really only be a major factor for about 20 years. Never has it been so rapid, however, as today.

Much of the change results in improved communications services, new gadgets, more features on electronic items, and new games and entertainment. Little of this has any impact on spiritual awareness. However, most of this deals with providing higher bandwidths of physical information to people. This is interesting, because, in my own life I've moved in the opposite direction. I've reduced the bandwidth that I take in from the world so that I can use that bandwidth to communicate internally. It's like in Fahrenheit 451, where the weird people were the ones without the TV antennas. There is a definite split happening here. Very interesting. I'm sure there will be more coming on this topic. This is really the second talk of a split. The first was an earlier section discussing the idea that there are more maps than the I AM America one. In particular, at least one other. I feel like a detective trying to put various clues together in an attempt to come up with the big picture of what is going on. The bottom line is to keep making realizations and to keep allowing my mind to synthesize a flexible structure that allows all of this stuff to be true. Yes, true from particular viewpoints sometimes, but true none the less. Somehow I have gravitated to this as one of my primary tasks. Conveying the model to others will be required as well.

I'm getting to a respectable size for this month's notes. In my mind, I have 20 pages as a target, but the objective is to allow information from spirit to flow to whatever degree it chooses in a given month. In many respects, I don't feel that I am in control of the nature and quantity of information that gets expressed. I do have to provide the vehicle, however, which means giving spirit time in front of a word processor. My rough rate of generation of material is 1 page/hour.

How much of this comes from me versus how much from spirit is uncertain. Since I've integrated parts of my subconscious and superconscious with my conscious, spirit is flowing no matter what level of my being is coming through at a particular time. Evaluate the material yourself to find what if any truth it holds for you. Actually, utility may be a better measure than truth. Does the acceptance of a particular set of beliefs empower you and make your life better? If so, use it so long as it benefits you. Utility is the best measure for beliefs, but make sure that your definition of utility is a balanced one.

I have spent over twenty years developing two sides of myself. The rational self was exposed mathematics, science, and electrical engineering. The intuitional self was exposed to metaphysics and philosophy. My overall self knew that both of these were required to put me in a position to somehow meld the best of the first in a manner that allowed it to be applied to the second. My feeling know is that we are dealing with the blind men and the elephant problem, where the elephant is the spiritual world and the blind men are the various metaphysical disciplines. What is lacking is a framework that unites the various disciplines and allows us to use the various tools of these disciplines to predict and control the creation of reality just as science can predict and cause particular behavior to occur in the physical world.

I've found that the trio of tarot, numerology, and astrology has been especially helpful to me in the past year. The astrology predicted and confirmed that I was being hit with energies greatly transform spiritual awareness. These energies were set at the moment I chose for my birth. The tarot and numerology confirmed information about my tasks and abilities including addition information about timing. A few aura readings also provided information on abilities and overall purpose. In most cases, the information confirmed things that I had started to believe about myself on my own. Having a stranger pick this up by whatever method was quite astonishing. In many cases, the practitioners worked primary through intuition and no longer really required the tools of their trade. My sense is that there is a universal subconscious to which we all are tied and that special highly intuitive people are able to tap into this and tell us things about ourselves. Because the information is so "private" and therefore powerful, there is a protection mechanism preventing misuse. It's almost as if there was a spiritual law in operation that controls how well the intuition of a person will operate. So long as it is used for good, it increases. When used for other than good, it decreases. The intuition works on the basis of need as well. Only that information that is needed will come through. Interesting. There is a technology parallel here with the new information highway. It too will have everyone? tapped into it and will deliver the information to people that they subscribe to. Since it is a personal decision as to what information you want, you effectively determine your own need.

Interesting. The word information keeps splitting up into in formation. This repeated itself in my mind several times, highlighting it's importance. The whole purpose of a lot of information is just that, to put people in formation with regard to a particular incident, topic, or area of life. This is interesting because another reason for putting people in formation is to create a structure for Cosmic Consciousness to more fully express in flesh. What appears to be happening is that the information infrastructure is being set up to allow a rapid outward transformation of the world. The Light workers, however, are facilitating an inner transformation that will take us into the Aquarian Age. It's as if one is operating outwardly, while the other is operating inwardly. Most Lightworkers are here to provide their alternative services after the transition when the public is more open to them. Some came specifically to facilitate the transition and then are off to other tasks. I believe that I am one of these. Doing what is necessary to bring forth the Dawn is my top priority. It is what I came to do. Getting Cosmic Consciousness grounded appears to be a key step.

It's also interesting that I don't personally want to be "in formation" with anyone or anything except consciousness itself. So, I don't choose to partake of the standard information sources, TV news, newspapers, and magazines. I wonder how many others are making the same choice to separate themselves from this part of the consensus reality. Renegades in consciousness, that's what we are -- and proud of it.

I'm wondering how much of the information that I am trying to figure out is already known by the secret societies, if indeed, they exist anymore. My sense is that such organizations do indeed continue to exist, but that maybe they have grown a bit stale over the years. I'm trying to explain why I have not been contacted by such. If they are indeed tapped into the same source, the information that I've generated is available to them. If we're meant to connect, such will indeed occur. Until then, I'm on my own. Such has been the story of my life.

How is information retrieved from the universal subconscious? My sense is that everything generated by anyone is there, all the thoughts throughout all time. However, in physical life, I've had to read the thoughts in books and attune my mind to what the author may have meant. As my self knowledge increases, these meanings may adjust in accord with my new state placing me in a better position to understand. The processes of knowing and understanding are not of the conscious mind alone, they also involve an equally important unseen. Many times the unseen portion may be the greater part of the iceberg whose tip is the great thought. If we are to understand the nature of reality creation, we must begin to understand the nature of this unseen or rarely seen part of ourselves. Further, there is a greater collective unconscious whose character and functions need to be discovered and addressed.

Only the few will find interest in the above. For the rest, it is enough to know what conscious controls they wield over these forces and what benefits can be acquired through their use. It is much like driving a car. I don't need to know the details about how the car subsystems work to be able to drive it. The subconscious is similar. I only need to know a few basic principles to use the subconscious towards achieving conscious ends. Many metaphysical books have explained this. What's always missing is the assessment of motivation. What is it that you want to create and why? Further, is this for the highest good of all concerned? It is very easy to allow selfish motives to get into the process.

My tarot reading yesterday began with the 44 Card, the 4 of Cups. The card has a man in a seated meditation posture facing three full cups, yet unaware of a fourth being offered by the hand of spirit. This is where I'm at. I have so much, yet I'm missing that one crucial piece that will put me on the right path again. It's as if I'm only operating on three cylinders when four are available. I've not yet figured out how to become aware of this fourth cup. I've looked in every direction I can think of, yet I've come up short. All that I can think of is that the timing is not yet right. I expect an aha, any time now.

What is supposed to come to me, will indeed come to me. Further, that is equivalent to what I need. When one is on the path, the universe bestows all manner of support to get its objectives realized. The key is to stay on the path, difficult though it may be. My experience has been that life flows much easier when one is on the path. In fact, the check I use to determine whether I am on the path is how easy life flows and how excited I am about what I am doing. Actually, there is an additional test of how much I am using my intuition to determine the course of my actions. I belief this is the key to staying on the straight and narrow. However, the straight and narrow is not for everyone. Afterall, paths range from rugged mountain trails to huge superhighways.

I stand here and now in Jun 94, knowing that much change lies between know and Jan 96. This is one of the most exciting times to be on the planet, yet most people are unaware, completely unaware. I know that I've selected a major role to play and I stand ready to play that role. I'm anxious of the timing, though I know that I cannot accelerate it by even one second. The past two years have breezed by. Actually, the past five years. Here, we're talking only one and a half years in which a whole lot of change is manifested. Personally, I no longer know what is in store, and I don't need to know. My challenge is to focus on where my subconscious and intuition take me. I know that physical reality is illusion. Only the spiritual reality is real. Don't try to make the physical reality change. Work from inside, on the spiritual reality. As you alter the spiritual reality the physical world will change as well. Develop your model of the spiritual world. Do whatever it takes to figure it out. You will need others to help. Some of these are already within your circle of friends. This should be the work that consumes your time, so much so that you find it difficult to rest. You are at your best when the intensity is up. Your timeline is right. Eighteen months or so is all there is. This can be a moment or an eternity depending on your state. You have all the time you need. To some extent, the result is already in. It's your choice as to how you experience the process. It is always your choice.

Wow. It sounds like the next two years are going to be something. It seems that the time between someone having an idea and being able to manifest something based on that idea is rapidly becoming smaller and smaller. To some degree this has been going on for 2000 years. At some point, we reach a breakpoint where the behavior has to change. Something has to give, the physical systems cannot work fast enough. However, we've also transformed into an information society for the most part. Information is now the center of power. The rate that we have been generating information over the past 40 years has grown so much that we have a unit of measure called Library of Congress. Some of the NASA space missions have brought back so much data that the scientists don't have enough time to go through it all, even with the fastest machines available today. On all fronts, new information is generated daily. We don't even have decent concepts for how organized and managed. Also, look at how many new books get published each year, especially since desktop publishing is so easy.

What happens to information when it gets to individuals? This seems to vary dramatically -- some people have "photographic" memories allowing them to store and recall anything they've seen; others have almost no memory of what they see or encounter. In my particular case, I don't seem to have structures that store any details. I can read something and then read it again with only a vague sense that I've seen it before. For me, I believe the process to be somewhat like programming. All the ideas that I place before my conscious focus go in through some type of programming device that I believe is somehow connected to my subconscious. My brain is set up as some sort of bio-chemical computer. At least, computer is the closest physical concept we have to describe it. Throughout my life I have been guided by my intuition to different books at particular times. I belief this was completely planned by the subconscious as the path that it required for its growth, especially growth in awareness. All the information that I have chosen to focus on has been of this nature -- needed for the development of self.

In fact, you could stretch this concept to all events in ones life. They too are necessary for the development of the self. Are there no exceptions, no options where alternatives could have been exercised? My initial answer is no, but something inside in the top left front corner of my mind says "yes, after all I have free will". Yet, my heart still says no -- free will involves direction of attention only, not control of the actions which occur.

Hmm, there is another layer of free will which comes when one is spiritually connected and operating in accord with the Plan. Consciousness employs capable beings to exercise it's overall directions. This involves making choices and decisions that are fair and just. In some cases it involves deciding on plans and strategies for carrying out overall objectives.

30 Jun 94

Final day of the month. I figured I'd start the day with some notes writing for a change. I'm in the middle of a major transition. However, consciousness has kept me as the 62 card in the tarot, blindfolded and bound, having to rely solely on my intuition through it all. And, what an experience it has been. The very foundations of what I thought to be reality have been completely shattered and what remains still stands on somewhat shaky ground. The bottom line is that my chief source of truth is my intuition, and a direct knowingness that comes through that channel. I know that I can trust it, though my mental or bio- chemical state can affect how this knowingness is interpreted and applied in the physical. This is not generally a clear channel so long as we are still working on gaining self knowledge.

I have this sense that keeps coming over me that says it's time to do something. Yet, I'm not clear on just what action to take. The advice that comes is to sit still and do nothing until you are so moved that you must do what you must do. Ok, that's good advice. However, what is it that will do the moving? Consciousness, of course, and a strong desire to do what you came to do. You will be so moved that nothing can stop you. Others will be moved in a similar way in accord with their purposes. For many, part of their purpose is to align with others into particular structures and relationships. They will not necessarily know that what they are doing is forming the organs and other body parts for Cosmic Consciousness to be enfleshed. You and I are to be the cells of this wonderful expression. From another standpoint, this body already exists, only in an infant stage. We are reaching a point where major growth is about to be unleashed. The world's current infrastructure is part of all this. Everything is at the place it needs to be for the time and conditions on the planet and in the collective and individual consciousnesses.

So, how do we make a better world? We start by making better individuals, who are more aware of theirselves and the process of how they create their reality. Armed with appropriate tools and backed by the necessary resources these individuals will have the ability and motivation to change their local environments. Local change by many equals global change.

I sense that I came here to help this planet undergo this transition at this time. This is my primary mission. I don't believe that I am "of this planet". I appreciate the wonder and the physical beauty -- it moves my heart, but it is not home to me. I come from elsewhere in the stars. To get my current mission and part in the Play, however, I must have had to demonstrate particular skills and abilities that were required for the part. In other words, I had to qualify for the job. I don't completely know what abilities got me the job. These continue to be unveiled to me over time. This is where the Ego issue comes into play. Some may judge that I am thinking in a grandiose way. My sense is that this is not the case, that these indeed are my abilities and this is my task, regardless of whether it appears to be grandiose or not.

How do I know that any of this is true? Good question. However, the only answer I can give is that "I just know". It may not be completely correct, but it is the best picture of truth that I have been able to bring forth yet. From as early as I can remember, I have had an innate ability to know the truth when I saw or heard it. I never doubted this ability, rather I trusted it completely and naturally from it's very early expression.

I don't know how others experience reality. I have never had much in common with anybody. I cannot assume that they experience things in much the same way that I do. I know this just isn't so. This makes it that much more difficult to relate my own personal experience because even the terminology is foreign to many. For a rough guess, I'd estimate that I spend on the order of 90% of my time alone. This includes both work and personal time. So, where does a sense of commonality come into play that allows us to share experiences? My sense is that our language is loosely coupled between individuals and that much communication is planned dialog that is specifically meant to cause particular reaction or response. I'm still struggling with how much of this is a play and how fully the play is written before it is enacted. This gets to the issue of how much free will we really have. My sense is that our free will is confined to where we place our attention, not to the actions that occur. Most people are fully associated with the body and the actions. Some have found that they can be a watcher of this play of Light and Dark as well. As the watcher, they begin to wonder why the play is written as it is. From this they learn of their own nature as soul, and see the play as an opportunity to learn. The learning that is most important is that we are spirit incarnate and that the development of self-knowledge is our primary task, or at least it should be such.

Hmm, I find it interesting that I have started to use the phrase "my sense" so often. It's not clear how I would define this sensing, however, the intuition must be involved. It's as if I use all of my senses together to come up with these "my sense" statements. Also, it's appropriate from the standpoint that we are basically sensing machines. It shouldn't matter whether I sense with my five senses or with my sixth sense, intuition.

Copyright © 1995, Wayne Hartman, Revised -- (9 Sep 95)