05 Jul 94........18 Jul
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07 Jul 94........21 Jul
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08 Jul 94........25 Jul
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09 Jul 94........26 Jul
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10 Jul 94........27 Jul
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11 Jul 94........28 Jul
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The beginning of a new month. Once again, I allowed a weekend to pass without writing. The only thing I feel during most of the long weekend is tired. With the holiday, this weekend was four days. I literally slept for 12 hours each day. I like the in between state between sleeping and waking when the imagination can soar. I haven't figured out how to capture what is learned from these episodes, however.
I sense that it is getting to be time to do something to initiate a change. It doesn't have to be a large thing -- a small input at the right time can cause momentous change in the long run. Destiny is at hand, and not only for me but for many. Hmm, this comes from someplace deep within. I know it to be right. There is a timing that is coming, an event the must be achieved that impacts the very course of human events on earth. A new age will be on us before we know it. We must prepare ourselves for it as best that we can. Knowing that the new age is coming is a start. Knowing that we are spirit enfleshed is the next step. Thinking that these things are so is not enough, knowing is what counts in the times ahead. This distinction between thinking something and knowing it is a very important one. All of reality construction is based on it.
I'm in a funny sort of mood. The drugs don't appear to have their normal grip on my consciousness. I feel free to venture out a bit into realms that I've not visited in awhile. These notes have gone on now for over a year without one soul in a position to evaluate them able to read them. I find it interesting that diagnosed with a disease such as bipolar, that the medical profession at least would not use these to see how their prescriptions are working. Perhaps they don't need to see such ministerings -- relying on direct perception instead. There is still something in me that says these notes are meant for an audience. Though, if I alone am to be such, that is fine too. Let this be my therapy, my way of integrating my psychic. Hmm, it still seems to me that this material can be of great benefit to others.
This material is differentiated from other material because it deals with a soul dealing with reality as directly and as honestly as I can. Further, this soul is caught between two worlds -- the present world and the world in the new age. This continuing journal is the documentation of how the transition happens or will happen based on the best available evidence and insight that can be found. We are walking on new ground here. There is not much to go on. Further, there is little evidence to impel us to believe what we believe. This, however, does not deter us. We are part of a future that is rapidly becoming NOW. There is nothing that can prevent this event from occurring, it has been forecast for millennium and planned for in great detail. The next five years call for a show unlike any seen before in this part of the Galaxy. Spirit, indeed, does have a grand extravaganza planned -- definitely one not to be missed. But then, if you're around, you came to be a part of it all. The fireworks will be amazing as belief systems and consciousness start to emerge into the ONE that they truly are. And then your earth will burst forth as a SUN to show its newly acquired spiritual brightness.
Whenever I have thoughts like this, it makes it that much tougher to take care of the day to day stuff of current material existence. I know it's just temporary, but I just don't want to deal with it at all. Let this new reality be NOW. But, lo, such is not in my power to command.
Actually, the next 2-3 years may be one hell of a show by themselves. The key is that there will be an unseen factor that operates in the changes that will have to occur, and this factor will somehow find a way to work for the overall good. Of course, this unseen factor is spirit in action. It is always in action, always has been, but never to the degree that it will be soon.
I've never really had much to do with church, and have never been "spiritual", at least as far as I know. So, what makes me believe that this is what is to be? I trust the side of me that has spent 20 years in love with Metaphysics. Further, I trust the intuition that has grown during that time. If my intuition tells me that something will be so, I believe it. Most of the time, this involves things which cannot be proven, but that doesn't bother me. Much of my life is lived in a world of beliefs, as is true of most others. Beliefs are some of the most important things in our reality. In many ways, they even create our reality.
My head swims with new ideas. The thinker has arisen once again. What possibilities lie in the immediate future. The question of debt rears its ugly head. If it were to be determined at this moment just what the balance of debt vs credit was, I'm not so sure the positive would be the victor. But this is Caesar's trove, and not the concern of spirit. Yet we are material and physical as we are spiritual. Hmm. And what does it take to succeed in Caesar's realm? And are we willing to do whatever it takes? I sense not, definitely not. Yet, there is another voice within me that knows we have an inheritance from spirit, one that is physically manifest as well. How this might be, I know not. I only know that so be it. Also, I believe it to be coming soon though that is truly up to spirit.
You might say that I am a madman, believing in all sort of things for little to no reason and hearing voices in my head that in turn come through my hands onto these pages. Yet, the voices are kind and the messages they offer are helpful and educational. If these be from parts of my own consciousness that have been newly freed, so be it. It matters not from whence they come. What matters is the truth and love that is imparted. As consciousness, one of my highest goals is to come to an understanding of as much of what I AM as I can. I would advise that others do the same, but this is a personal choice that must come from the Heart. Once the choice is made, however, life changes, and events are drawn into one's life to reveal the nature of oneself. Once the path of self-discovery is begun, a host of angels assist one along the way. It is there for whosoever chooses it, but the universe does not insist or force one to grow. Actually, this is not quite right, within all life there is indeed an inner urge to grow, but it is not refined enough to guarantee spiritual growth, though it does support it in some cases.
In the destiny of a Nation, where will my role be? Am I to be as a king, and guide them to new way of living that will be required in a new age? Or, am I to be a prophet, prophesying a time and age that may or may never come? Why is it that I must have such a great role in the times ahead? My only real answer comes from what I know of my own abilities. I know them to be at least one in a million, maybe greater. Those with such abilities are called to use them in their life primarily for the betterment of humanity. Individuals with great gifts are given great tasks to perform that more than challenge their gifts.
We are near a breakpoint in reality where the rules of the game literally change abruptly. They don't evolve or slowly move from the current rules to the new ones. It's not clear that anyone fully understands how this will manifest. It's interesting that I just heard that there is now proof of the existence of a black hole. Here, we're talking about an object that is on the same order in complexity in the metaphysical realm. The idea is that everything entering a black hole never leaves. It just goes to wherever in time and space the other side is. For this jump to the Aquarian Age, we're dealing with the same type of thing, something that will attract everything in our world or at least parts of it. Everything caught within its attractive forces will be pulled through to something new -- literally, a new world and a new age. Something is not quite right in this scenario. There is a choice of alignment that is involved, a spiritual alignment of some type. Those that are aligned will pass into a new plane/phase of awareness. Interesting. There is nothing hostile or forceful in the process. All is determined by the level of awareness that one has reached when the time comes.
Personally, what am I specifically to do? I write these words, but they appear to go nowhere. Yes, I believe what I write, but I exist basically as a Hermit. As far as I know, no one reads these writings unless they are accessing them by other than physical means. I haven't been given the intuition as to how these writings are to be released. The few people who have received copies have not provided feedback to show that they've taken the time to read them. My sense is that the people that are meant to receive these writings are not yet in my life. When they will enter my life I do not know, however, it will be when the time is right and not before.
I'm still in the mode of trying things and seeing what happens to test the structure of reality around me. I know that I am walking on multiple foundations of beliefs many of which are shakily tied to one another. Overall, the basic structure appears sound enough to support my adventures in consciousness, but I must wonder how much is truly required. My soul calls for me to strip my belief structure to it's essence, that part which must remain to present a whole. I hadn't anticipated this, but then maybe I should have. Conscious mind, help in this analysis by using your logic to eliminate replication and any branches that are unsupported or non-essential. Subconscious mind, assure that the intuition agrees with the results. Superconscious, ensure that the structure is complete for achieving my purpose per the Plan. As it is written, so let it be done!
I'm feeling more alive than I have in a long time. Dropping the Trilafon may be what is making the difference. I'm still on Lithium and Depakote, but there seems to be a noticeable decrease in side effects. In fact, this is almost tolerable. I believe that everything in life has its reason for being. I would not be bipolar (assuming that I am) or be taking these drugs if my body didn't require them for the benefit of my spirit. I firmly believe this.
What defines what Wayne is? I've made choices in particular ways for a variety of reasons. Further, I've adopted particular habits of behaving. None of these are set in stone! None of these can't be changed in an instant! OK, maybe some, but not many. It's only a matter to decide to do things differently now because I choose to. I need no other reason. Oh, but this assumes that I have choice, that I can choose one course of action over another. Tricky, yes we are. This is a fundamental question. Do we have conscious choice of action in this play? Or, is this just an illusion and its only our lack of awareness that makes it appear that this is so? Either way, the play remains the same. The major difference is in the experiencer. Where does our awareness ride, and how do we as spirit create our own reality?
Since it makes no difference to the play, what does it hurt to act as if and at least be led to belief that one has power over one's life. It's not like one has to wait until scene 25 to turn one's character on. Life happens in the moment and each entity has a course of being that is right for them in that moment. Typically, it is whatever feels right and resonates with that individual. Having choice, however, does not mean going out half cocked doing whatever one dreams up. One must tune into the greater sphere of the cosmos and find one's position, whatever that may be. Each person is special and their position will be unique, not necessarily in the social or economic structure, but within the spiritual one.
I'm walking on thin ice. I sense that I'm in for a breakthrough tonight. The key issue is personal choice in the creation of reality. There is something bothering me. This issue is not fully settled. We'll see what comes through tomorrow. Something very important is missing from the considerations thus far. Also, this overlaps with the idea that "We create our own reality". That too requires some further revelation in the coming days.
There is not just one plan! Their are many plans interwoven of the same materials and characters. Each of you have many roles and responsibilities to carry out, some great and some small. This gives your life the richness of interconnectivity that you experience. When I speak of The Plan, it is the one of Consciousness itself. It is The Plan that will carry us to the New Age by assuring that sufficient smaller plans are aligned with it. There is a question of whether The Plan really exists until it is enmeshed in the physical consciousness of people. Of course it does. It is what propels this whole experiment in the development of consciousness. This is all for a Great Purpose. There is Great Meaning behind Life, Existence. Spirit is Manifest. Time and space are illusions. Events and scenes in the game of life, illusions also. It is the march of spirit that is the purpose behind it all. Throughout the centuries, spirit has explored many avenues, unbeknownst to it that its sole purpose was to come to know itself. What it was not told was that it was one, and that it was the experience of the collective whole that was being driven to come to knowledge of itself. All the wars, all the suffering and pain, all the happiness and exhilaration, everything experienced anywhere was part of this great coming to know oneself as individuals in countries in one world. The secret societies and metaphysical disciplines, they too have been part of this great endeavor of spirit. The great souls provided the dearest examples of spirit in flesh. Perfect examples for others to follow.
This is what it's all about. The transcendentalists realized it over a century ago. There is one collective unconscious and we are all part of that one great entity. While physical, we are individual sparks with a tie to our home reality. But, the identity as individual spark is ultimately an illusion, albeit an illusion we need to maintain to act in the physical world. The key is to focus on our connection to home as a mainstay of our existence in the world. Yes, easier said than done. But, it is well worth the effort to try.
Spent yesterday's time wrapping up the newsletter for June. Another night of very limited and interrupted sleep. I don't know exactly what's up, but that's two nights in a row. My body is rested for the most part, but the mind and higher level functions are not. Maybe they don't need to be. Here, too, a most intimate area of our life is taken for granted. We are not trained in what is normal or how to exert any control or influence when the behavior becomes abnormal. It's amazing how little appears to be known about many of the most important behaviors and functions that we possess. One would think that these would have been the objects of the most study and hence by now we would be most learned in these areas, but such appears not to be the case, for the disciplines that have grown involving these areas are very much arts and not sciences. The distinction is one of repetivity and formalization of processes. This does not imply that it is less than to be an art -- only that the degree of formalization required is much different. We may just be dealing with areas that do not permit our precise understanding. After all, there is the old question of how much can the brain or mind understand of itself. This is an open issue, one that simply may not be able to be resolved except through practice.
This comes back to the critical issue of Know Thyself and all that that entails. This is the only true dictate that we must obey for the growth of our spiritual understanding. But this means doing what it takes to know ourselves. This will be unique for each one of us. Similar techniques and processes may be used, but it is the interpretation that matters -- and ultimately, that is the sole responsibility of the individual. One can get information from the outside to help, and the advice of experts in whatever fields one desires, but it is ultimately one's own understanding that is the only thing of importance.
I'm still feeling noticeably different, more grounded and integrated than I've felt in a long time. I've even decided to hit the driving range to assess whether my overall coordination has returned. It's been a long time. My last round of golf was over 3 months ago, on my birthday -- and it was my worst round in ten years of golfing. I've only golfed 3-4 times since my world got turned around last September. My mind feels different somehow as well. There is a control of focus that hasn't been there for awhile. To a large degree, I've felt that I've been running around open loop, with little to no feedback to guide me. I still sense that this is true in some areas, but there is also a large part of me that is fortified and ready to accomplish things in this world. I feel a sense of wanting to make my mark on the world. The time has arrived for taking action in some way. The decision, of course, is what action. The concern is what can one do that is sufficient to earn a living from. Economics again! Why must these kinds of decisions be made on the basis of economics? This is a trap that we must rid ourselves of. But, what does our capitalism buy us other than a glorified enslavement to the things that our money can by. Yes, our lives are easier overall, but they are not necessarily much better. Yes, we make a good deal of money each month. However, this is consumed by bills and living expenses.
There is a lie that we have bought into about what constitutes the good life. It is a lie that sustains a way of life. We believe we are free and that our economic system serves us because we have so many choices as to where we can buy our goods and services and what goods and services we can buy. But, does this really constitute freedom? We get a free education, but who determines what agenda should be covered by that education? Why are we not treated as the complete beings that we are? Why aren't all of our needs addressed -- physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual?
The key reason is that we don't act as a whole and insist that we organize our infrastructures in a way that deals with all of our needs. The bottom line is that we all need and deserve to have our needs met in all four areas. As a society, it is important to create the infrastructure to make this so for many people. What were doing is enabling people to actualize. Actualized people make for an enhanced society in many ways. This is the first step towards cooperation and cooperative interdependence. Overall, we'll find that cooperation is far superior to competition in many areas of endeavor -- especially those involving human services. Interdependence comes from allowing for specialization and its inherent efficiencies. The degree to which we are advocating such behavior requires an overall level of trust in the sanctity of the whole endeavor.
It's not clear that we're ready for this level of expression as community. However, I sense that many are, will soon be, or would like to be. At some point the threshold will be reached and such communities will start to manifest. Some may wither and die initially, but others will blossom and grow. A community is an entity, a form of life and activity unto itself. Each will be unique, because it is a composite of its members. Yet, there is an overall structure as well that permits substitutions/replacements of individuals and allows for changes in processes/ relationships.
AMEX finally caught up with me. Last year during my intense mania I charged over $5K believing that various means would allow me to make the money necessary to pay. Disability in fact, reduced my ability to pay. The bottom line is that the loss of pay and additional bills are a trying financial burden that still surrounds me. I've made a few token payments to AMEX, but was never able to make it permanent. Things keep coming up. Anyway, AMEX has turned the account over to a collection agency. I don't know what to expect from here. Perhaps that is one of the things I should find out. What is the legal process and what rights and options do I have in that process. Gini's already made it clear that we don't have it and can't get it, so it's up to me to deal with it. Thus far, the opposition has been very nice. This was a simple inquiry with only slight hints of threats. I guess this had to happen sometime. Sitting back and just not dealing with the situation wasn't making it go away. What does this mean in the larger scheme of things? To what degree am I responsible for the actions of this character in this play? Especially, when I may be operating out of illusory states of mind induced by who knows what. Why is it that I don't feel obliged to pay this balance in regular monthly installments? Yes, I made the charges. But finances and money overall have little value to me. Ten months ago I came to the conclusion that money has no value. This may not have been fully accurate, because as a medium money allows acquisition of things of value and at the very least allows one to pay one's bills. In fact, when one is surrounded with bills, money has great value indeed -- OK, maybe not great value, but high value none the less.
I still have this belief that there will always be enough. Regardless of the circumstances, I have this great reliance on spirit to supply what is required to meet the need. I'm not sure how to explain lack from this framework other than it somehow being illusion. Our souls see to it that we all get exactly what we need. Not what we want, but what we need. This makes it hard to explain how all the poverty of the world makes any sense, but within that poverty there is a greatness of spirit that can confront such harshness and adversity. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, but I have to believe in a beneficent creator and the perfection of being as it is experienced. Such is the only reality acceptable to my consciousness. And, I am part of this creator, this greater consciousness now. I have always been and will always be. We are only separated because I create the limitations that allow the separation. Further, the separation only exists within my own mind and the physical experience that results from that mind operating in a jointly created world. It is all consciousness. Everything is consciousness.
Wow, this is the first time that I've actually continued these writings at home during the weekend. For the summer, I'm working four day weeks, so each weekend is three days long. It's good to have the presence of mind and the desire to write. The feeling is strange, however. It has been too long since I've felt this way. I'm actually getting back to feeling like I'm really in this body and that I have some control over both it and my life. Imagine that. I've been in the fog for nearly nine months. The journey was necessary, but to some degree, it feels like it is over, or at least that leg of the journey is over. I'm still in the process of integrating what all of this means. I have no internal nor external reference for any of this. In many respects, I've been living life on the edge, so to speak -- on the very edge of reality itself. My focus was on the place in my brain where reality is created, and where spirit is connected. I've been experimenting with how to get spirit more fully expressed in flesh. Some of these experiments were successful, others not so much. These writings are the laboratory notes, addressing firsthand the experiences as they were being experienced.
Interesting. This is the first time that this explanation has come through. Yet, it does have a ring of truth to it. And, what is nine months to give to come to a first hand knowledge/experience of spiritual truth? Each day, it feels as if a fog is being further lifted. Though, the past 3-4 days have been somewhat of a breakthrough. I have a sense of purpose again, purpose that I can do something about now. For many months, I have not had the energy for action. Now, it's as if we can't start doing things fast enough. I sense that I'm to apply everything that I am to the tasks that appear. My sense is that the universe will ensure that the tasks appear as fast as I am able to complete them. But it's not just me. It will take an army of spiritual workers to get us through the coming years. I am to motivate and guide this force by showing the way and describing the Vision of where we are headed.
I haven't tested my connection to my higher self since these recent transformations. We are aware of your awakening to a new operating point. You are correct in your interpretations thus far. We are still here, available whenever you choose to call upon us. But, you are also aware of little voices in your head, so to speak, with which you have been communicating more frequently lately. Over time, you will find that the separation vanishes, as our voices will integrate with your own. Very soon, we will be speaking with one voice. You are living what you would have others do. You are the example, the wayshower. By your example, others will be shown that another way of life is necessary and what that way of life is. It is not for you to "save" your world as you know it -- though, indeed, your task contributes to this end. You are not another messiah. But, the Messiah may come as well to do tasks that are not yours to do.
My coordination on the driving range was good today. Another few times and I think I'll be able to start golfing again. Until my experiences nine months ago , golf was one of my favorite activities and my chief exercise. By the way golf is 7636, a 22 activity.
Watched Camelot last night. It was a very good film. I was deeply moved by the heartfelt motivation for establishing a new world order based on might for right. To some degree this parallels the current times. Much of the dream that was Camelot is a fact in much of the civilized world, though the conditions are far from as equitable and ideal as they could be. I might go further and argue, should be. Unlike in the times of the Knights and the Round Table, we don't currently have such an entity as a King whose every command must be executed. It would make things easier if such were the case, especially if such individual possessed the required degree of wisdom. No, we rule by committee, consensus-building, and compromise. One might say it is this process that has gotten us into many of the problems that we experience daily. Lobbyists and special interest groups are a case in point. Our forefathers didn't account for what would happen when the economy reached a point where it would essentially control the government by essentially buying it's decisions.
Thumbed through Newsweek yesterday as well. There was an article on Bill Gates. He works over 21 hours per day. His goal is to be the equivalent of Rockefeller and the great industrialists of the past wrapped into one. Microsoft is organized to act quickly and on any scale necessary to essentially get into any area of interest to Gates. Thus far this is centered around software, but software will be a part of a great many things in the future. Microsoft keeps its overall engineer force young (avg 21) -- and all are indoctrinated into the Microsoft way. This made me think about some of my thoughts of nine months or so ago. If I had essentially unlimited funds, I'd look at every area activity that I felt should not be pursued and I'd hire away the best and the brightest and find something positive for them to do, funding whatever beneficial research they chose to engage in. The rational is simple. These activities threaten my world, and they must be stopped -- and it's such a simple step to stop them, all it takes is the money and the initiative. In most cases, removing the best and brightest will be sufficient to stop progress on the work.
It's a bit scary. Gates is already the richest man in the country. He clearly has the resources, drive, and initiative to do whatever he wants. He definitely chose a powerful part in the play. It will be interesting to see what comes of this. Markets, profits, and whole areas of applications are all at stake. And, Bill doesn't play the game to lose. Further, the fact that he is so intense and driven to succeed at a scale beyond what anyone else would even dream makes him potentially as near a King or Emperor as we could see on this world in these times. Interesting that I would read this article on the same day that I watched Camelot. I didn't mean to imply that there are any connections between King Arthur and Bill Gates or even that Bill Gates has any ideas about how the world should be other than those connected to his business areas.
So, where does this put me. I have the ideas without the means or necessary influence to make them so. But I also have a spiritual inheritance which I claim forthright. I will be who I am, in the fullness of all that I AM, and with the resources and powers that befit this position. Further, I am of presence of mind to claim this inheritance NOW, based on the suggestion and guidance of my own intuition. I would end the hiding and finally be whom that I AM. It is time, it definitely is time. Yet, at some level I stand unaware of what all this means and what I am truly getting myself into. Once again, the thinking is grandiose, but necessarily so. I am not meant for a common life. I've known that for many years. We have a new age to bring in and it is crucial that the people be prepared for what they will be experiencing. This event is unlike any in our recorded history -- though from a longer frame of view this is a regular occurrence that happens just as the seasons change from one to another.
And, what will I do once I have this inheritance? The only task I know is to help people to more fully express spirit in flesh. The key way of doing this is getting them to know thyself through readings, lecture, demonstration, and firsthand experience. Part of the readings are being generated in these very notes, though it may be necessary to reorganize and summarize some of the material. Hmm, I knew these notes were filling some need. The rest of these need to be worked out by preparing for and conducting classes.
My sense is that through conducting classes I will learn what it is that I need to learn to bring forth the vision and to serve as the example. I came as one who would show the new way of being necessary for entry into the new age. It requires some level of realization and commitment to the principle of cooperative interdependence. There needs to be a level of spiritual awareness achieved that places one in a position to accept the principles upon which the Aquarian Age will be based. These principles are not hypothetical, what-if kinds of things -- they form the very basis of how reality is created. What these are specifically in the age to come still need to be identified and spelled out. Peace, brotherhood, cooperation, sympathy, understanding -- these terms begin to lay out the character of the age. The astrologers can help some more, but I'm not versed enough in their discipline to know what characteristics they would apply.
More and more, I see that I'm supposed to work at the level of dealing with the whole picture. I need to understand who knows what and where their knowledge fits in the grand scheme of things. Further, I need to integrate multiple viewpoints into a holistic world view. The focus seems to be on the nature of reality and reality creation. In particular, it seems I am responsible for figuring out how our understanding of the nature of reality and reality creation can be altered in a manner that allows spirit to be more fully expressed in flesh. Once this has been achieved, the additional flow of spirit can achieve the required works of advancement. The bottom line is to follow whatever expression of spirit that one can bring through. Too many people live a basically automated existence devoid of higher spiritual expression. This is a choice/situation that no longer has to be. As I write this, I also know that life is perfect in it's expression here and now at every moment. Being perfect doesn't mean that particular conditions can't change.
Realistically, where do I go to find a job that allows me to do such things and use such abilities? This is one of the shortfalls of the current economic system. The system is based on whether a given set of jobs produces sufficient profit to warrant their existence. There is really no concept of recognizing that something is a job that needs to be done and then getting paid to do it. Many such jobs would greatly enhance life or services but provide no benefit that someone might specifically want to be a share of. This is where we need a new way of treating people and the services that they can provide. The bottom line is that our economy gives us a level of goods and services per person. If we employ more people and employ them more effectively, this level can be increased -- substantially, if we can really increase productivity by having people do things that employ their talents.
Another voice in me says that the natural process already in place has resulted in some of this. Many people are employed in jobs that are matched to at least some of their skills and abilities. Unfortunately, we're still dealing with a world where manual labor is cheap, and skilled labor is not that much more expensive. This is exacerbated when we look at things on a world scale.
For things to work, people must get sufficient income and services to meet their physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs. When people don't get this, society suffers. It only makes sense to establish the appropriate infrastructure to make this so.
We need to take a hard look at freedom. What does it mean to be free? I can live my life as I choose so long as I don't harm others or break the laws of the land. OK, now what are my first choices? Place to live, job, relationships, lifestyle. A whole other area of choice is beliefs. The whole belief system is a choice about how to interpret the world. Being free also includes the concept of mobility, that I can go where I choose when I choose, so long as I stay out of any private property. For most of us, a traditional job is required, locking us into a schedule of roughly 50 weeks times 40 hours of work per year with 2 weeks paid vacation. That's just the way it is. The people that control the economic system have determined that this is the amount of effort required for us to have a particular standard of living. We really don't have much of a voice in it, especially so long as there are many people looking for work that would be glad to have our jobs. This is free enterprise at work. It works very well at the top, but maybe not so well at the level where the work is done. If you're happy just to have a job, why. Is there not more to life. Should not the job be part of the entire lifestyle? If we choose to buy a house, we typically lock ourselves in for an extended period, at least five years. It seems that each time we make a choice we further limit not expand our freedom. Nonetheless, if the choices are all made satisfactorily an enjoyable lifestyle can arise. We can get used to our chains no matter what they are and come to think of them as the gifts and pleasures of life after awhile. So long as we are kept from dreaming or envisioning what could be, what we have is enough, we simply don't see the limitation. So, how do we soar to freedom? I wish I knew and could tell you now, but I know not -- though I expect that this will change very soon.
Why am I so insistent that change will happen soon? My being was activated spiritually nine months ago. It was as if a key unlocked a sheath that I had around myself. It's taken nine months to go through the process of berthing that new entity. These notes are the documentation day by day as the process was occurring. It's interesting that it is almost nine months to the date. Very interesting indeed. This was more than a spiritual awakening, it was a spiritual birth. I am different now than I was then, more somehow. Over the past two weeks, much of what I knew to be my old self has returned and been integrated into the body. Yet, that part that was experienced over the past nine months is just as alive and active within the integrated whole. Now, it is time to do something with this whole. Actually, a period of further growth and learning is in order. This will begin forthwith. Birth is just the first stage. The new spirit needs to be nurtured to adulthood. Unlike humans, spirits grow at a very accelerated pace so this time is relatively short, ranging from 6 months to 2 years. Well, at least that sets a timeframe. Why is it that I believe this to be anything but fantasy or a flight of my imagination? Overall, its utility will prove itself soon enough. Thus far in my life believing in the source of information that flows through me has proved useful. Utility is the strongest test for anything.
Connections. Much of the information that flows comes because new connections are made between various things. My mind is good at making these connections, especially at a high level. This process of communication has a logic of its own that naturally leads to the revelation of greater and higher truths. This, too, will reveal itself as the process is applied. There is also an addiction to the expression of spirit that ensures that the channel will continue to flow to whatever capacity it is capable of. Once again, there is a question of to where is this information to go. We answer, a river does not know to where it's water will ultimately go. Don't worry about it. Spirit will take care of ensuring that the information gets where it needs to go, just as nature takes care of the river's water.
We tell you similar things in different ways because such is necessary to reach different people and even different parts of yourself. Do not consider this replication or duplication. What is it that I am supposed to do? Do what you are moved to do. You will know what this is, there will not be any doubt. Further, when you are finally prepared to act, all manor of force and circumstance will come to your aid, for your true work is divine work and spirit will ensure that the conditions are there to enable it's completion. We did not say that it is time to act now. You will now when the time is right and what action is necessary.
Will my teaching involve a teacher? No, spirit can communicate directly to you now. Much of the programming takes place during your sleep and semi-awake states. For instance, last week you had several body asleep mind awake evenings. Was this why I was sleeping 12 hours + per day during weekends last month? Yes and no. The major reason was as a result of the berthing process itself. That was what your system required. Don't question it. Go with whatever feels right. Overall, you should eventually require no more than 6 hours sleep per night.
Is there anything I can do to facilitate the changes that are occurring, and especially my spiritual growth? Yes, do what you are naturally interested and attracted to doing. Go with the things that excite you. Allow this continuing communication to be channeled as much as you can.
Watched "The Sandpiper" last night with Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. Very good, overall. Really made one think about values and the nature of love. This was definitely a 60s picture with the whole conventional value system turned upside down. Yet, it was done in a way that was somewhat believable. Besides, you just can't beat the pure scenic beauty of the Big Sur area. It is some of the top real estate in the entire world.
Watched "The Man Who Would Be King" this afternoon. Sean Connery and Michael Caine played their parts magnificently. Unfortunately, their motivation was riches. Further, if the story correctly represents Kipling's and if Kipling's stories portray the behavior and ethics of an empire extending it's boundaries, then something can be said for civilized behavior evolving over the centuries. Once again we have the Might makes Right problem that was supposedly addressed at the round table at Camelot. But, not all the world participated in this glorious time of progress, and what does one do when one deals with the savages or heathen -- or those less enlightened. What is the standard of behavior that is correct in the interaction between peoples. At what point will we understand that we cannot enslave others or subject them to conditions less than those with which we are accustomed. Yet, at the same time, when I interact with a third world nation -- how much responsibility do I have to help them to achieve what they would achieve for themselves. There is no standard by which all in the world should necessarily live. Yes, throughout the world all should get their needs met. The way of life, and the interaction of people with their environment determine a lot about needs. The test of whether needs are being met properly is the degree of happiness that is experienced.
Elton John has a #1 song out that deals with Love and with "Kings and Vagabonds". I find it interesting that this concept of King is attracting me so much. Yes, I would be a Philosopher King were such a position offered. It is not clear that I am ready to embark on such an adventure to claim the title as "The Man Who Would Be King". Something rings true here. Not all the connections are made. But, they are getting close. Soon I will be doing that which I came to do, and it is along these lines even if it must be done behind the scenes in silence. Why would anyone allow me to perform this role? They wouldn't unless there were problems or unknowns to face that I was able assist with. If my abilities and talents are truly what I believe them to be, then I am more than qualified for the position. The key will be the ideas and principles that I generate. Will these be sufficient to guide the world into the new age? I'm not asking much of myself now am I? Yet, this is what I came to do. I know it in my heart. There is no doubt that conditions will unfold in such a manner to allow me to play out my part.
There is some reason that I am a Hermit. I come from an order that is dedicated to helping systems through major or life threatening transitions. Earth is now in such a state of transition. Those of us of the order work alone. We operate with a degree of separation between us and those that we assist. Our focus is on the level of spirit that is manifest in a system. We determine where it flows easily and where it is blocked and do what we can to help remove the blockages. Our sole aim is to allow spirit to be more fully enfleshed wherever we can. This is what facilitates the transition. Personally, I've incarnated as a 2 ray soul, 5 ray personality. The first is devoted to Love\Wisdom. The second deals with Science. This provides for an interesting blend that is highly unusual. Yet, I can only conclude that it was required for the tasks with which I must deal.
Back at the office. This is a very different world from my space in Monterey. Hmm, it's interesting that I live in two different worlds physically. The mirror of this is that I live in two different worlds spiritually as well. I had thought that it was the physical and spiritual that were the two worlds. But, the divisions are more than this. In each realm there is a practical and a dream/imaginary world. Both have equal importance and are equally able to create experience.
The songs from Camelot still vibrate through my head. And, Elton John's "Kings and Vagabonds". There is something to all of this. I am being moved by the universe to where I need to be to play out my assigned role. At this point, I know not where that will be -- nevertheless, I do not doubt that consciousness will guide us there when the time is right. As to how my thoughts, intuitions, and actions might have greater impact; I know not. Yet, here too I trust that consciousness moves things in the direction that is required.
I noticed yesterday that many of the songs I listened to had a deep meaning in addition to an emotional pull driven by the beat. It is this combination of meaning + beat that provides the rush of power. There is definitely great power in the word. I don't know how others are affected by this, but I am deeply moved. The collective experience that the music industry is providing in the United States is having very powerful effects, not all of which are necessarily positive. It is not clear that driving energy to a frenzy where there is no adequate avenue for peaceful release is a safe form of entertainment. Sound can be used for good or bad -- no, energy can be used for good or bad. We must be ethical in how we choose to use it.
We are all unique. Yet, we are all spirit manifest in flesh which makes us all the same. There is no reason, however, to assume this commonality of ancestry gives us any true commonality in our experience of reality. Nature provides a common backdrop that gets as close as the functioning of our very bodies. The next step is not so clear, that being how our minds work. Here, the experience is very different between individuals. Further, these differences have dramatic impact on the way we view and experience reality. Reality is what is real to us. It matters not what another sees as real except as possible input to our enlightenment and growth. Here then is where these notes have their utility. They offer a view of reality that is far different than most experience. Further, they present the ideas and experiences that have seen that view change dramatically over a period of time. One could say that this is an example of how a free spirit approaches day to day life. Though, I would not exactly consider myself a free spirit. Not yet, anyway.
I found myself thinking a lot yesterday -- in a manner that was not yet suitable for capturing into notes. Further, the writing is much slower than the mind and speech can go when they are moving at full speed. And, yesterday, the thoughts were indeed moving at such a speed. It appears that such activity is necessary to bring integration, to allow the various thoughts to congeal into a larger form. It is this form that then is let loose to manifest what it will in alignment with the form. I did not experience a vision of what the result of this activity was. I only know that I was definitely at peace when it was completed. Neither was I exhausted, but, I felt the strength of spirit within and around me. Only time will tell in what specific ways the form will manifest.
It's still so amazing to me that we can exist with so little knowledge of who we are and how we work. Know Thyself. Why don't people take this advice from the ancients seriously? It's the only thing in the history of the race that has truly meant anything. Perhaps, the answer is that we had to experience everything that we have gone through to allow all of Spirit to get what it needed. There is a sense that nothing is wasted -- that we experience what we must and only what we must. This is true both globally as well as for each individual. But, is there not any way out -- can not one accelerate the path by which one gets beyond the illusion? Yes indeed, such can be done. However, few seem to realize and experience this. They are far too lost in experiencing their illusions. They wouldn't think of freeing themselves from their own limitations. Even if they did, they wouldn't have any idea of how to do so. This is why a wayshower is required. The 15 vibration must be overcome. My light in my bedroom at home went into a 15 configuration with a loud pop on Saturday. In fact, I was surprised at how loud it was. I've had many lights go out, but none like this. It's time to release myself from the chains of darkness that I may know how to show others to do the same. My sense is that the change is very subtle. It's as if we were missing something that was bright as day if only we had turned around in a certain way and opened out eyes. Yet, this turning is an inward turning of the mind toward the greater spirit that it is. Yes, indeed, this is what I have been doing over the past nine months, turning my mind ever inward to wherever it would go, seeing whatever it would see, and sensing whatever it would sense. But, this should be far simpler. I needed to understand the process. For many, it is enough that they make a change -- understanding can come later if it is required. A thought just came to mind, the way out of 15 may be to look at it in the mirror as 51. Another way out is through completion via 63, but this entails much sorrow and suffering.
There is a change in the air. I can feel it. A new day is upon us, and further days will be as this one. Spirit walks more fully among us as we speak. It charges the very air we breathe with a freshness that marks a new time on this planet. Let's see 7/11/1994 = 2012, also 18+23=41. A new day has arrived indeed. There is not a more bountiful card in all of the Tarot. Another sign that we are on the right track in our endeavors at trying to understanding where reality is taking us. Yes, taking us. Reality is not some fixed thing that one discovers and then that is the end of it. Reality is a process, the process of creation in progress. This feels to be a fruitful line of thought. We are not on fixed paths that take us onto fixed points. We are on paths that themselves are alive and synchronize with us any interaction we are to have. We get our true inspiration from following the path that was designed to match our heart and our temperament. Such is the path that we must find, and follow to wherever it may lead. We are consciousness in flesh. The flesh and the path it takes is the means for this consciousness to gain experience. Typically, it the enfleshed consciousness has limited awareness of its higher level functioning. It becomes wrapped up in the experience of day to day living, being so strongly associated to the form that it literally sees nothing else. And, for the majority, this is required, because the lessons that they most need to learn involve just such an association. This is changing, however. Such strong association is no longer optimal for growth. It is time for greater awareness overall, but especially in those who would lead and teach.
I feel different as well. I have a presence of mind and a confidence in the course of things to come that I don't remember ever having before. Destiny carries us on her path, and it leads towards new and greater things as spirit is allowed to express once again. Throughout history there have been times when the course of human events were greatly altered because of men who believed in ideas whose time had come. This is another of these times, but it will demand that we integrate all that has come before -- seeing what was right and what was not from much more spiritual eyes. Our consciousnesses will have no trouble distinguishing. The time has arrived to establish a new order, one unlike any known before. It's time that we truly establish a Heaven on Earth. It is well within our abilities. All that it demands is a resolve and willingness to cooperate and make it so. Of course, we also need to define what "Heaven" is to us.
Where does control and power fit into all of this. The answer is, it doesn't. There is no power structure in the new age that resides with particular individuals. This individual have functions, roles, and responsibilities in line with their abilities -- but they do not wield power over anything. People that are operating in a cooperative interdependent structure achieve an overall strength for the group, but not for any specific individuals. People have jobs that are necessary for the society to function as a whole. In theory, no one job is any more important than another. In practice, those with greater abilities will have greater roles to play -- but, because the abilities are there and because jobs of the greatest importance will have qualifications of character as well, there will be no chance that positions are abused. Here I go again, writing as if my utopia will be realized. Maybe not completely, but something close to this will inhabit this planet by the time that I'm finished with this existence. Right now, that's around 2012, I believe. That puts me on my third cycle of 18 years, the Wisdom years. Here too, everything points to the same overall meaning. Had there been one or two, or even a few indicators, I might have been able to chalk them off to circumstance or bunk. But, there are so many that I've lost count.
I'm here for a purpose that involves bringing through of Wisdom required to guide the world into the new age of Aquarius. Exactly how this is to be done is unknown. However, I sense that I came because this is something I have done before. You could say it's a special ability of mine. Also, I just can't see worlds bring themselves to extinction -- the hero in me, you know. I haven't even thought about what were the tools of the trade. Wow, I just assumed I had what it takes and that anything I might need would just be there. I have this naive trust that a benevolent spirit watches over me. At other times, I know that spirit to be just another part of me. So, along with the seen forces and abilities, the are unseen ones that are just as important. No, more important. It is on the unseen side that much of reality is created. My strength will always be knowledge of Self and Love/Wisdom. My tools/weapons will be knowledge of the nature of reality and reality creation, and beliefs. These literally make one a magician in this world. I'm not there yet, but it is only a matter of time. Actually, it will be so when the time is right and not before -- no matter how much that I wish it would be. Trial and error is my present mode of operating. Do something and see what results. Find what works and stick to those methods and techniques. Don't worry yet about whether it has universal application. We need to build a force within you, and then turn that force into an eternal spiritual flame. Actually, it won't be eternal, it only needs to propel you through 2012. Your fire has been conserved long enough. It's time to burn brightly. You can explode into flame as well if you so desire, but it is not required. One might say that thus far, with the exception of a brief moment last July, you've only had the pilot lights operating. Yeah, all of these months as well. This is but a trickle of what can come through you when all the burners are on fully. It will be tricky to manage your state. The fire will appear as some type of mania, but it's character will be somewhat different. You'll definitely be operating on new circuits, and this will require a time of adjustment. For you, this is going to be a problem/challenge all of your life. The nature of your task calls for you to find new pathways of organization for the brain. These pathways are circuits and connections in the brain. Your primary task is to keep making these connections as fast as you can and then communicate what it is that you have realized. This will be your primary service to the world throughout your life.
Within the present play, I've given myself a lot of freedom. These notes are a primary activity for me and I don't necessarily write them "on my own time". Here I am definitely a bit confused. I know in the present economic system that an employer is paying for one's full time and effort. Yet, nonetheless, for the past 16 months or so, I have found myself taking hours here and there to write. It's as if there is a spiritual law operating that is higher than the economic law. I now do the tasks that come to me as part of the job, and I do them to the best of my ability. I've developed an expertise and level of trust that makes me valuable. The quantity of specific output however has reduced dramatically, and this has been so since I returned in November. One way to look at my experience was as intense burnout. I don't think that was so, but I can see how others might have viewed it as that way. Bill D. still treats me as a bit fragile, not wanting to overwork me lest I break again. Part of the problem has been that there has been very limited work that I could really get excited about. This, however, will be a problem almost regardless of what the work is. Nearly everything pales compared to the spiritual work that I so desperately want to do. Maybe my desperation is the problem. I'm too attached.
OK, where do I start? How do I bring the Twin Dragons that are Beyond Imagination to Life? My ring is a key somehow, showing the main patterns that need to be established. But, who is to fill each of the lead roles? And, how do I attract them to me and this work? Something Angela wrote to me comes to mind. From deep within the Dragon's lair; treasures behold to share. Is that what these writings are all about? Am I the Dragon, or is there an energy/entity yet to come through me when the time is right? My sense is that I have not yet reached this state/place to find the treasures she is talking about -- however, it is clearly something that I am meant to do. This may describe the means for achieving my part in all of this. Interesting that I had not seen this from this aspect before. Interesting indeed. And, why this came to mind now vs a hundred other times when it may also have been appropriate.
As a free person, what are my rights and responsibilities? It seems when it comes to the economy, my rights are quite limited. The bottom line is a fair days work for a fair days pay. And, here is where the disagreements arise. Free enterprise would have you believe that fair pay is whatever the market will bear. With a surplus of workers, this keeps wages low. But, what is the motivation to the worker whose wage has been suppressed in the manner? To lessen his output of work of course. This makes it a constant battle for employers to get employees to work harder or at least to some agreed upon standard of performance. Before unions, workers were on their own in addressing grievances, resulting in no power when addressing a hostile management. Somehow, the needs of management and of workers must be aligned for enterprise to work. The next problem lies in getting rid of the enormous differences in incentive for people in various jobs in the company. Being a company president is not 1000 times harder than being a janitor. Why should their compensation differ that much?
This is a problem in society overall. We have levels or classes in this country just as they had in Europe. This is mainly an issue with established well-to-do families. Part of the problem is that we still have a situation in this country where wealth makes might. Power is held by the richest men in the world. They literally control everything, even wars and governments. Unless we can achieve the equivalent of a modern day Camelot, the world will continue to suffer. We are in a position now to change the world on a scale that has never been seen before if we will only use our incredible wealth for right. But we must know what is right, and what must allow that to be revealed naturally by spirit. It is not for us to decide this is what we will create, it is for us to decide that we will co-create that which spirit reveals to us.
When I say spirit, I also mean higher or consciousness. This is not a religious term. We are all spirit in flesh. We all are consciousness experiencing life through this physical form. Maybe I should have said Physical, Emotional, Mental, Spiritual form. For, there is really no separation of these elements. The box does not exist when you take away a side. However, what can differ greatly between people is where they put their focus. It does not matter where that is. There is no focus inherently better or superior to any other. However, different focuses result in different natural abilities and ways of looking at the world, hence different utility. One should pick one's focus for the utility it provides for the tasks at hand. Since one's tasks change over time, so should one's focus. Many people allow their focus to get way out of line for their tasks. This has resulted in many couch potatoes locked in a physical/emotional viewpoint. Locked into a physical viewpoint doesn't mean that one is necessarily into aerobics, though that would indeed be a positive expression of this.
How does one change the world? By changing one's self, of course. The wisdom in this answer cries out. This is the only practical way that such a monumental task can be done. Here is where the transition from self to Self comes into play, not just for one but for many. Now, this ties with what Beyond Imagination is here to do and how it may need to work in order to achieve its objectives.
Less than six months left in Monterey. We want the house to close just after Gini's birthday on 19 Dec. Then, it's off to Flagstaff or who knows where. I still prefer the 10K square foot house with the 10 foot fireplace on page q of the Homes Magazine. The huge desk in front of the massive windows is definitely a place where decisions that impact the whole world should be made. Seeing these houses, I get the impression that they are made specifically for the person/people that is/are destined for them. There is something in me that is familiar with living with that level of material abundance. Spiritually, it does not matter. One can live with whatever level of abundance one desires, in line with the roles or tasks that one plays. It is this "in line with" clause that keeps everyone from manifesting huge mansions. Besides, who would be available to work to clean these huge places if everyone had them?
Personally, I don't feel a need to leave Monterey at all. It is indeed time to sell the Monroe house, but there is a strong attraction to the area for me now. I still sense that some of my work is to be done from there, at least for awhile longer. I'm not sure how things will change -- but, I sense a major shift. These are almost like magic shifts, with the forces of Heaven coming into our lives somehow. I don't know how else to describe it.
What to do for work is a big question mark. I haven't figured out how to package my services in a way to make them saleable. Further, I'm not sure that I want to. Perhaps I can find a benefactor that can fund my work and serve as the external vehicle for getting it out. This is a definite possibility. But, I would need someone who is convinced that my Vision is sound and that my ties to source are trustworthy and reliable. This is not to say that everything said is true or that everything prophesied comes to be. This is too much to ask. But, the source is reasonably accurate and useful.
Now, who would pay me simply to write notes? Consciousness knows who this would be and brings this person to me even as I write. Further, writing notes full time would increase the quantity and quality of what comes through. The more one uses a channel, the better it becomes at passing information. From where is the information passed? Only consciousness herself knows. Further, it may indeed be from consciousness herself.
I can't get the songs from Camelot out of my mind. They're very catchy. Yet the myth contains a great truth behind it. I know this by how it stirs the soul. Only truth affects it so. Camelot too was a utopia for its time. Why is it that people find it so hard to imagine that life can indeed be lived like that? It's all a matter of choice. After all, there's not a lot of challenge of adversity in such a life. This does not mean that there cannot be equal or greater challenges to propel life forward and make it worth living. We've been exploring the dark side of things so long that we have no idea what the light side is like anymore. Not to fear, we'll remember quickly enough.
America could be the next Camelot. But, it will take some major changes on several fronts. The preparatory groundwork for some of these changes is beginning, but the forces involved have no clue as to magnitude of change that will be required. They believe that they're operating at a particular level, but they will awaken and find that they've opened a hornet's nest that will not be shut again. Once the spirit of a new order is let loose, nothing will be able to stop it. Why do I insist that such changes are soon to happen? Because such is what comes through me. I know not how to filter the information, other than to catch the ring of truth that accompanies it in my heart. I have learned to trust this process, because in essence it is the greatest service that I feel that I can give unto the world.
Interesting, the information is really flowing this month. I feel as if a huge weight is lifted that had limited my full expression. The drugs and their accompanying side effects were a large part of this. I'm still using Eskalith and Depakote, but I will talk with my doctor about reducing their usage as well. I don't want to use any more than needed to control the bipolar condition. Even then, I'm not sure I want to use any drugs long term. The lithium is a salt, so I don't feel as uncomfortable with it. But, Depakote is an acid. It's strange for me to have to look to a doctor to make this kind of decision for me, especially when I don't necessarily believe in western medicine to begin with. Can the doctor truly know more about what's going on in my brain than I do, especially after only relatively few overall observations and a little blood work? The Trilafon and Cogentin must have really been potent. They appear to have caused much of the distressing side effects either by themselves or in combination with the other drugs. Interesting how this works. There is definitely an art to prescribing medications and getting the results to come out with the greatest beneficial effects and the least negative side effects -- definitely an art indeed. Part of the problem is that human beings are individuals and have a range of reactions to various drugs and other substances. Each case is somewhat unique.
Then, too, there is the idea that it is the belief system that to a large degree will determine what happens. We also have to allow for cases where things work even though the belief systems of the participants are contrary or have no component relevant to the activity. In these cases there is a larger belief system in operation that includes the scientific evidence for a particular belief system such as Western Medicine. When these larger belief systems operate, they appear to be able to override the belief systems of individuals. Actually, it is more than override. The larger belief systems seem to establish behavior at an overall level. In this case, the overall sickness and wellness of the nation is determined to a large degree by its health care beliefs and their embodiment in its health care system.
I feel more at peace of mind than I have in ages. Yet, at the same time, I feel an urgency to take up the mantle of spirit and start making this a place that I truly want to live in. It's time to set the molds for spirit to inhabit. Further, this is to be done with our own bodies. We are the vehicles for spirit already. However, within us lies much untapped potential. The waiting time is over, it is time to truly tap into who we really are, and in the process open up the channels for spirit to flow within us. These channels lie mainly within our brains, but these are supported by various bodily systems as well. This being is an interconnected whole remember. What affects any system affects every system. Similar the community of individuals is an interconnected whole as well and what affects any member affects all members. For the most part, these effects are subtle on the whole -- however, in some cases they can be great indeed. Just look at how much impact the O.J. hearings had on the country. They virtually captivated the complete attention of the country for nearly two weeks.
How do I transfer what I know and how I feel to others rapidly. I sense that there are many who are at a crossroads in their life, in limbo between a way of life that they no longer find satisfying and a new more spiritual way of life that they want to express but haven't found the means to do so. These are the souls that I need to reach. They are on the forefront, the first phase of the Legion of Light. They specifically came to lead the way that a host of others might follow. These are advanced souls, only now remembering who they are. Each has a chosen position to fulfill and a purpose and mission. These Lightworkers will indeed be known by their works, and their works will be glorious indeed. It is not yet clear how great the battle between Light and Dark will be in the coming years. Depending on the efforts of the Lightworkers, it could be hellacious or a piece of cake, or anything in between. But, from one perspective, it doesn't really matter. We're in the equivalent of a 3-D movie experience. Nothing that happens sticks. It's all an adventure of consciousness experiencing itself. Many people love to watch horror films. They love the sensation of feeling scared. Others prefer to have nothing to do with such films and experiences.
There is a question of why are we here. The bottom line seems to be "to experience what we came to experience". Part of how we know what this is, is by how much excitement and joy we get out of various experiences. These are our guiding rods, pointing the way. Where our purpose and mission lie, there too will be found our happiness.
Where to start. Once again this rears its head. I could spend all of my time on these writings, but who would that serve, especially in the near term. How does a Hermit go out into the world? For, that appears to be the only option open at this time. And, where, after all, should I go? Here my intuition has drawn blank. For three years, I have believed that I have been drawing my spiritual family closer to me. Yet, not one has yet revealed themselves. Part of the problem is that I'm not really accessible to meetings that might be fortuitous. It does not seem likely that a stranger would come to my door, and say I'm your long lost spiritual sister. So, in practical terms, how do I provide the vehicle that allows for meeting those that I am meant to meet? Here's where classes and word of mouth offer potential. We need the word to spread physically and this doesn't happen by some magical means. Either you have to go out to various groups or you need groups to come to you. It will work either way. What about the Rosicrucians or the Masons? If you choose, you can work through such orders. At the very least this would give you a large group of spiritually minded brethren to start with. However, we see you operating more independently. Interesting that one in whom the individual nature is so strong speaks so strongly for the return of the individual to the ONE. Yes, interesting indeed.
It just struck me that many people were born on April 8, 1958. Further, anyone born on April 8 in any year would have been hit by the same energies that I was hit with. Also, those born on April 11 (and October 11) are experiencing similar energies now. The planets aren't exactly conjunct but they're only one degree apart. What determines how the energy affects a person is whether the awareness is refined enough to be able to receive it. This is why many were unaffected. Only those who were ready to go onto a greater phase in their life where significantly impacted. Where there was great impact, there is great urgency in allowing spirit to lead one's life. These are the ready ones. When they started this existence the time of their calling was determined. It was up to them to prepare themselves for the time of reckoning by applying their talents towards their interests. Always, this was there to guide them on their path. Simply follow your interests and see where they lead, and in the process come to know thyself. For Wayne, this path was 35 years and a few months. For others it may be more or less depending on the needs of their own beings. For still others, it is many lifetimes.
I don't know how long it's been since Neptune and Uranus were conjunct, or how long the period lasts, or even how many signs on what days were impacted specifically by this energy. I only know that I was impacted big time by an occurrence which is a once in a lifetime (or rarer) event. Further, it is greatly significant because of the association of Neptune with the passing Piscean Age and Uranus with the coming Aquarian Age. Neptune and Uranus being together in the sky is highly significant. It's as if they had to come together to pass the baton from one to the other. The role of each is as the timekeeper for the age. Another meaning may be that we are at the joining between their associated signs. These places on the astrological chart only reach us every 2000 years or so. Always, they mark times of great change. Many times with great turmoil associated as well.
Hmm. Where is all this coming from? Am I truly a channel for this information? Or, am I making it up / imagining it? How can I know? I only know that I write what comes through me, trusting that it will be both true and useful. However, much of what comes through reads more like speculation and opinion than fact. Where does doubt come in to play. I've been writing these notes for over a year now, and never have I doubted what they have to say. I guess this makes me a believer of sorts. I do know that my own material is mixed in with that which is channeled. There is not much I can do about that given how this material comes through. That which I write is much more prone to human error. There is nothing wrong, however, with error -- so long as we right it when we discover it. My style is to continue to write as if I were stating facts whenever I write. To my mind, at the time the statement is written, it is fact. Further, there is usually no way to test or verify the statement anyway. Let the material stand on its own, and judge it solely by its utility. In particular, it's utility in preparing you for the days to come.
Further, even if information comes through me, only rarely is it solely based on reasoning about facts that I know. The truth is that I am not aware of how my thought processes work. I don't know how the words appear in my head. It is not a conscious activity that I have full awareness of. I see the results, and sometimes some of the inputs, but I have no insight into the actual process itself. I see the words when they come out of my fingers and appear on the screen. I have an awareness of hearing the words just before they appear, but I know not where they are leading. They don't present themselves to the physical part of my mind of which I am aware as completed thoughts. They are as a letter stream (or word stream). There may be other parts of my mind with greater capabilities, but I do not possess firsthand knowledge of these parts. This is not surprising. There is much of which we are not aware. Though, I can really only speak for myself. In many respects we live in a very magical world, a world of wonder where in many ways we haven't the foggiest idea of how things truly work. Yet, we don't let that bother us. We live our lives anyway. Interesting. Very interesting, indeed!
May not get much time to write today. Gini is very excited about the potential of a move to the Flagstaff area by the end of the year. She's planning a trip to check it out the first week in August. Thus far, I have no great preferences. I know that the area is beautiful and within an easy drive of some very spectacular scenery. Sedona is relatively close so the new age energy is present. Yes, it snows in the winter. But, that could be tolerable if we are working out of the home anyway. Who says that I have to be physically present to provide my services. I don't necessarily pick up a lot from seeing a person or being within their energy sphere. I may be able to work from a set of inputs from which I derive a higher level interpretation. This kind of service could be provided from anywhere. A set of questionnaires could be the basis for requesting necessary inputs. I can continue my writings and newsletters, though this doesn't do a whole lot of good unless I establish a client/reader base.
Now, how do I get to the position of Benefactor, where I can fund others to do various spiritual projects and activities that are necessary. I don't even need to come up with the tasks -- just find good people who are coming up with their own tasks. Just as it would be useful for me to have someone pay me enough to free me to use my talents in whatever way that consciousness or spirit directs -- so I desire to do for others. This is true freedom, something that one cannot experience while enslaved to a job for money. The job would be to provide my services for free to those who needed them. The test of need is an interesting but required one. We are not to provide our services to just anyone, but to those who truly benefit from our specific services.
Interesting. I wonder what lies in store in the days ahead. I sense that the times of abundance are coming soon, very soon -- especially personally. We have passed some threshold and reached some state where we are in union with the universe again. This time, however, the sense is great abundance. Such will be necessary to do the works that are to be done.
On a more global level, the economy is in for some very shaky times. It's very foundations will be questioned and rattled and it is not clear how things will turn out. The bottom line is that much of the foundation is vaporware. There is no true basis for the value of things. Hence, the dollar, stocks, real estate, etc... only have the value we give to them. The policy of defining value as the price someone is willing to pay is foolhardy. Yet, we must have a basis for exchange in this society. Actually, ownership introduces this problem. If we didn't own anything, just operated on a right to use basis -- we wouldn't need a basis for exchange. If we operated under an infrastructure where all that we needed was provided for free -- we definitely wouldn't have to deal with exchange. Basically, it's all a game, and we've come to the point where we've realized that it is so and we don't like the rules any longer. There are only a few choices: continue to play in spite of not liking the rules, change the rules, or quit playing. It will be interesting to see how this plays itself out. Much will depend on how quickly people can adopt a new way of existing economically. Barter is likely to be a primary mode of exchange of services moving much of the free economy underground. Overall, it is not yet clear how we create an infrastructure that frees people from lack on any level, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. But such is what we must create as a society if we are to keep that society from crumbling at its very core. It is time for us to decide that we will build such a self-responsible community where all members are fairly and equitably treated. We need to be a society of people helping people, not one of people hurting people or people in fear of people. For one thing, this means that the level of crime is simply intolerable. Here too, we have to examine under what conditions the criminals are raised and educated such that this behavior is chosen.
Do we really need to focus on the problems, or can we imagine the society that we would prefer to have into place. Do we fix everything at once with one vision and one sweeping reform or do we do it piecemeal, one area or problem at a time. My sense is that if we take it problem by problem, we are really treating only the symptoms. The trouble lies in the core, with the services that WE, society provide to ourselves, our individual members. In the past this has been relatively little. In the future this must increase greatly.
Had dinner with Larry last night. He asked a good question. Why must things change? They seem to be going along fine for a lot of people. Most of us in this country are individualists. Our forefathers were rugged individualists. It seems that we are in the play to allow this extreme to be realized. Yet, I know there is a strong force pulling us back to the ONE. This will definitely impact how much we can express as individuals versus what we express as a society. Japan has lived the other extreme -- with the individual subjected completely to society. Somewhere in between lies the middle way where the individuals cooperate to create a society that in turn serves them by providing the infrastructure for meeting their needs effectively.
I guess the meteorites will hit Jupiter on Saturday. I wonder what significance this will have for the solar system and, in particular, for us on Earth. This is a very important event. Let's see, 7/16/1993 = 23!23. That's interesting. The Chariot, The Tower, and the King of Wands or from another standpoint, the King of Wands x 2. Highly significant for me, since that is what my first name reduces to. The explosions predicted are far beyond anything we've ever seen. However, I don't believe we have any sensors in position to gather any information. One possibility would be an orbit change that could impact the entire solar system. I don't believe the meteors are large enough to cause such a change, however. Then again, I don't know any details. There is no intuitive sense that comes about the meaning other than it being an activating kind of event. What gets activated, we'll have to wait to see. Further, because of the scale of the event, it's an activating event for our entire solar system. Also, it's a reminder that we too are subject to these kinds of trigger events from the Cosmos.
I'll have to ask Jim on Monday what is associated with Jupiter, and what the significance of a major collision / explosion / interruption is on the energy of the planet. Further, what part of life on Earth is this likely to effect. This is how information sources work from the top down. We need connections such that the top knows what information is needed and where to go to get the information. I personally don't need to do anything that another can do for me. Of course, this is not true for everyone, but it is definitely true for the people that are going to be near the top of the new social infrastructure. Further, the idea is to rise to the job that you are most suited for -- not, as the Peter Principle warns, to the one that results in incompetence. Do what you love, just do it in a manner that provides benefit to society as well. Society is a web in which every individual has their place, their roles, and their responsibilities -- but also, the means for meeting their needs effectively and efficiently.
Let another weekend go by without writing. However, it was a busy weekend. The auction + dinner afterward took nearly 16 hours, making for a very long day. I was very tired all day Sunday so I just didn't feel up to writing anything. I'm in a slightly depressed state. I'm starting to be able to tell the depression from the normal from the mania states. I don't seem able to control them, however. They seem to come and go in fairly long cycles, on the order of 2-3 months, maybe even longer. April was a mania month. July overall appears to be depressed. I wonder if the states are tied to astrology in some way. April was a fire month, but so is July-August and the feelings are not the same. If there is a connection, it will reveal itself.
The asteroids hit Jupiter today! I haven't felt anything different in terms of energy. My intuition says there should be a noticeable change, that this is the start of a string of events that will have dramatic impact on our lives. We'll just have to wait and see what actually happens and what is revealed over time. Once again, it is the meaning of events that matter, not necessarily the events themselves.
I'm suffering from an uneasy feeling that things aren't quite right. I'm not able to express myself as I would like. Things aren't flowing smoothly. Spirit doesn't have the proper means for expressing itself in flesh fully. The tasks I'm currently doing don't fully engage my talents and abilities. There must be more to life than this. These notes keep me sane to some degree, at least providing an avenue for me to voice what is inside of me. But, even then, I feel somewhat constrained knowing that eventually the notes will indeed be read. On the other hand, I know that the information must be released to not only free myself but to free others as well. And, we must be free to be able to do the tasks that we came to do.
Actually, looking at the earlier notes from the month, only the past few days or so have been in a state of depression, with maybe a day or two, here or there during the month. My theory would be that the Fire signs would cause all of my spiritual energy to soar. Nov-Dec was highly productive, Apr was quite manic, we're just about to enter Leo. It will be interesting to see if my state moves toward manic again -- especially given reduced dosages of drugs.
I've been doing a lot of thinking this month. It is not yet clear whether that is good or bad. In fact, my brain has been moving so fast that it is impossible to get even a summary of where it has been and what it has considered down in writing. I trust that paying full attention to the thinking as it is happening is good enough. The results will go naturally to where they need to go, and they will be available via recall whenever they are needed. I don't believe that we have to work to do this. This is how minds function. They are there to provide their services whenever they are needed, at whatever level they are needed. I'm trying to get my brain to work as a subservient tool to my spirit -- while being aware that the brain itself is a highly complex somewhat autonomous agent in its own right. It pays to solicit support via cooperation and mutual benefit/interest even between parts of yourself. These parts typically want to work together, however they are subject to barriers and limitations you have imposed on their activities through faults in your belief system.
The drowsiness is back big time. I've been fighting to stay awake all day, and have not been succeeding in doing so. As I nod off, it's interesting -- I feel as if there is a slight tightness around my head just where a crown would rest. Hmm, interesting indeed. I've probably had this sensation over a hundred times already today. It's a very pleasant and powerful feeling. This writing is starting to bring me back to life, though, there have been times in the past where even this didn't work.
So, what needs to be spoken through this vehicle today? We are glad you asked, that we might have time to speak our piece. The asteroids hitting Jupiter today and this week are indeed important to your world and to all of your solar system. Whenever events happen on this scale, they impact everyone. How they will impact things is not so clear, but a course of events has indeed started and this was the triggering event. There is no going back in the play. From the Pocket Astrologer, "Jupiter is symbolic of expansion and the higher mind." Perhaps the asteroid impacts and subsequent explosions will force this expansion and expression of higher mind to new degrees and levels.
I've noticed lately that less information seems to come from "higher" sources and more directly from conscious sources that I am aware of. There is not a sense of being tied to my intuition or to my superconscious. It's as if those distinctions no longer exist. I am Wayne, I have these parts, but, I express as a whole being. Furthermore, I no longer need to subjugate my conscious mind so fiercely. It too can be a useful friend and ally under the appropriate circumstances and with the appropriate guidance and understanding. I am still here to accomplish tasks in accord with the Plan related to preparing people for the new age that lies immediately before us. I'm anxiously awaiting the days when I can perform these tasks as my sole job. Until then, these musings are my way of preparing myself and a few others for what lies ahead. The exact timing is still unknown, but my sense is that the estimated dates of 1996-98 are close. Also, it is not clear how the Play will proceed. We only have hints about the opening scenes and the overall themes. The details are still wide open, primarily because the process of reality creation is still on-going. Literally, many of the details have not yet been formed -- even in thought.
I'm still struggling with personal reality creation and how much we want to get attached to creating particular things or experiences. This includes the whole area of setting goals and working to achieve them as well. I've never really operated in this mode. And, it's not clear that after 36 years it's time to start. I've always believed that there would always be enough and that whatever I needed for my growth would come to me. I don't have to have goals to make this happen, I just allow natural processes to operate. This does not mean that goals have no utility. Anthony Robbins has created an empire though a process that heavily involves setting and doing what it takes to achieve goals. He is a master at motivating not only himself but others as well. My sense, however, is that this gets one too wrapped up in the illusion of this world and personal power within it. The techniques work, at least for many people. The question is whether this is Black Magic or White. The answer is that it depends on how it is used and how its use affects the person that is using it. Hmm, I hadn't thought of this in this way before. That's part of why I had an uneasy feeling seeing people use various techniques that Anthony Robbins taught. There was no ethical standard associated so that one would only use the newly acquired powers for the good of all concerned. Spiritual law compensates for this, but in a silent way via Karma.
The whole idea of attachment is of special concern. Overall, I do not want to be attached to this world. The spiritual directive is to be in this world but not of it. Attachment is what makes one of this world. Now, the key question becomes how is it that one satisfies the directive to be in this world. It seems that spending all ones time on spiritual things that are not yet here does not live up to the letter of this law. As a hermit, it is particularly tough for me to find ways to participate in this world. But, the directive does not say participate, it just says "be". Hmm, I'll have to consider that a bit more before resolving it within myself. However, this is the right line of thought to be considering. This applies on the home front as well. What can I expect of a wife? How is spirit expressed jointly in a marriage of two people -- especially two nearly fiercely independent souls? I want to make the world ONE, yet I haven't been able to make my own household one. The key lies in cooperation. Without it, no unity will ever arise. Here, too, I have limited experience, at least in this existence. Deep within me, however, is a knowingness that I have what it takes to do the job that I have been called to do. We are much more than we have experienced in this existence. We have talents and abilities beyond those we have yet developed or displayed, inherent abilities that can be called out when they are needed. This applies to all of us. There is nothing particularly special about me in this regard.
Had a good meeting yesterday with Bill D. My Loral work is moving in the right direction, that is, in a direction that appears to be useful and that I can pay attention to for sufficient time to get it done. Being able to focus and pay attention to things is a major issue. I don't feel that I have full control over this. It's as if there is something that throttles down the enthusiasm for anything that it judges is not worthy of my time and attention. One key that helps is having to interact person to person in meetings.
Overall, I'm feeling more composed and grounded within the body. The side effects from the medications are fewer and less pronounced. My consciousness doesn't appear to be shifting as abruptly. Changes are much more subtle overall. I'm feeling much more laid back, still somewhat anxious for change, yet at the same time knowing that I can wait and let it come to me in it's own proper timing. It's as if I don't have to make things happen, only facilitate and allow their happening. This is a much simpler task! Or, at least it can be.
I'm definitely feeling the sense of being in this world but not of it. Overall, I presently touch this world very lightly. Yes, I consume resources. But, my life has impact on very few others and only slight impact on most of those. At the same time, I sense my that my life -- or my works, will have great impact. As of yet, I have no insight as to how this will come to be, but I have no doubt that it will indeed do so.
The Tarot reading I did for myself two days ago was extremely promising. I don't remember the details, but I recall that the specific cards and their groupings were highly significant to me and related well to other major readings in my portfolio. My overall sense is that things are on course and that we should be seeing some major changes in the near future. You could say that I'm expecting magic to happen, and in many ways you would be right. I do expect changes that are unprecedented caused primarily by forces that are largely unseen. I have no doubt that we are moving toward the Aquarian Age, and that whatever changes are required to get us there will indeed occur -- no matter how "magical" they may need to be.
This gets us into a past/present/future dilemma of sorts. The guidance has always been to live in the present. All that is is here and now. Yet, there must be an expanded present as well, where the Age of Aquarius has already begun. Expanding the present involves taking in part of the past + future as well, and realizing that they all exist simultaneously as one greater NOW. It is only our method of experiencing that pieces reality out in this manner. This is within our power to change -- it is dependent on our level of awareness. A moment may be a microsecond or a thousand years, depending on the perspective. Eternity can be experienced in a moment of any duration. The nature of how we experience time is a mystery. As such, it is unlikely to be unlocked or revealed in our meanderings of consciousness. Mysteries have a sacredness around them. They are infested with spirit to the point that our standard means of explanation have little to no validity. Mysteries are to be experienced and known, not analyzed and understood. They strike our heart and intuition first, and then leave their impression upon our brains. They draw out our sense of awe and wonder and elicit feelings of great joy and ecstasy.
Let the magic happen! That the world may change to allow the Age of Aquarius to be ushered in to see the Light of Day. It stands there waiting for its appointed moment. LIGHT will express itself, as gloriously as possible, and we shall see a brilliantly golden millennium of peace, the likes of which has not been seen on this planet before. But, there is much change necessary to bring us to this point. From whence will such change come? Who will provide the motivation and the means to carry this out? It can only come from spirit moving individuals to act in a united manner to create the world that we truly want to live within.
This is what cooperative interdependence is all about. Now, it runs on automatic without the benefits that could be realized were people to apply their abilities toward consciously manifesting a new society. Unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence to conscious competence to unconscious competence. That is the path through which new abilities are acquired and developed. This path can only be followed via awareness and the overall awareness level hasn't reached either conscious phase yet. We have to realize what is wrong before we can fix it. Then again, there is the issue of who needs to know. Is it enough that the decision makers understand the process or are we only going to make those changes that the majority agree with. This depends on how spirit channels its Will. Is it through the majority, or through enlightened independent individuals? I would argue that the later are more likely to receive the required inspiration and intuitive information, but the majority may still need to be convinced that a particular set of changes are indeed in its best interest.
Then again, beneath the surface there is intense coordination and cooperation occurring to manifest what must be manifested. Individual experiences will be brought in line with the greater themes that are being played out. What must be done will be done by whomever is right to do it. Interesting. Though, it makes you wonder why there are poor, battered, and homeless among us. What benefit is there in such experience other than to be an example of how dark things can get. All experience is perfect at some level, however. It is not for me to judge what is right or wrong for any individual, that is for the spirit of that person to decide based on what is required for the individual to learn whatever lessons that individual needs to learn. Experiences are our teachers, they teach us something of whom and what we are.
I want to live in a Utopia, a perfect world. To some degree I already live in one, but there are many changes that I would like to make. The biggest change is to have people focused on recognizing and meeting their own needs and just as importantly the needs of others. Along with this is the change to make society (i.e. all of us) responsible for all of our members. It is not the individuals responsibility to make their way in the world alone or independently, society plays a major part in this as well. Society needs to dictate what infrastructure, goods, and services will be provided to members. This is not something that we should leave to the legislator or the kings of industry to decide. They need to be put back into place and realize that they exist to serve us, not to control us.
Actually, these are relatively minor changes overall, but they have major impact -- especially to the power structure. Companies currently possess the most power in this country. Economic power is in many ways greater than political power especially in terms of how it impacts our lives. Unfortunately, the variables in economic decisions do not pay much attention to the unique abilities and talents of individuals. Perhaps there is not yet a way to ensure these are tapped -- yet, there are still jobs that require some level of human ability to do. For awhile, we may have to keep the status quo, allowing people to pursue tasks that use their more creative abilities on their own time. Hmm. I don't really like that answer. It still comes across as using the wrong tools for the job at hand. This is extremely inefficient and wasteful. The question comes down to a matter of time. Should I take 6 hours doing something that I don't want to do because I can't afford to pay someone that has the tools and expertise to do the same task in 1 hour? Something is lost in the economics of this. The economic system should provide sufficient services and service capacities to meet societies needs. This should be considered independent of societies ability to pay for such services. Free enterprise sets prices at whatever the market will bear. Perhaps there is some utility for doing this for some services, but I don't have the ammunition to make a case for it. If we allow people to get whatever they need for free, in return for providing their own services for free, we don't need to establish prices for anything.
How am I supposed to determine what it costs for an hour of a hairdressers time vs a carpenter vs an engineer vs a baseball player. Further, why should owners get huge profits on the work that is done by their employees? This is a very sticky area. Our founding fathers didn't expect that money and economics would become such powerful forces in the running of the nation. How could they? They came from an agrarian society with many rugged individualists. Such is not the makeup of the country today. We only have to look at the influence of lobbyists on policy over the past 30 years to see just how much big business runs the show.
Something has to change on a grand scale. Were talking about fundamental change, stuff that affects the roots and the core of what our country is all about. The crucial point deals with how independence is rooted in our system. Independence does not work as a valid way of existing in a spiritual age. We are all ONE. Within ONE, there can be no independence. Whatever is felt as separation must be illusion -- and independence can only be experienced as otherness and separation from. As a country, so long as we so rigidly identify freedom with independence we cannot manifest our spiritual destiny as a wayshower nation. But, how do we even begin to get beyond this? It is so ingrained within us. The only thing I can see is that something drastic is going to have to happen to make us aware of our need to cooperate with one another, and how interdependent we already are. Then, the shift is but a minor one that is obvious in light of the experience. With some of the natural disasters we have seen examples of this, where people are absolutely amazed at how well people helping people works, without the government or any outside agencies getting in the way. When faced with a common "enemy" so to speak, people rise to the occasion and live their lives heroically.
So, why isn't this same cooperation applied to everyday reality? Why does it require a disaster to evoke? Why can't people be the heroes that they truly are all the time, or at least much more often? For in such times are our lives truly lived. Our destiny is set by how we handle such moments. Also, by how we attract ourselves to such moments. Each of us must choose how we will express those unique powers that we alone possess. There are many channels for expression, none of which are required. We are always free to choose. However, we also evaluate our progress in this existence by the lessons we learned and the choices that we made -- but, we do this after the fact at a time when we cannot change what we had chosen.
Along this line, I sense that my destiny is being set, and that soon I will experience a series of moments that alter my life completely, that of many others, and maybe the country and the world. Yes, I'm still thinking on a grandiose scale. It is not within me to back off from this. Whether it is right or not, only time will tell. I sense, no I know, that it is right. I don't, however, ask you to believe based on my word alone. Develop your own inner sources. Allow your own intuition to provide you with your own information and answers. Until then, use what is useful or what feels right to you.
The notes are flowing smoothly this month. We'll have to see how the full moon energy affects what comes through in the next few days. I'm feeling good about life overall, but I'm ready for some major changes. The employment issue is a major question mark. I no longer wish to sell hours for dollars, yet I need a substantial monthly income to pay the bills. Until the economic system changes, I am somewhat stuck to working within its rules. Two other alternatives that I can think of involve selling my writings and finding a benefactor who believes strongly enough in my work and abilities to want to fund me to continue do/use them. Both are possibilities. There are probably many others as well that the universe could come up with. I know that I need to be free to do my work full time very soon. I don't sense that it is now for some reason, but very soon. I don't know whether very soon is a week, a month, or three months -- though I sense the later. Hmm. That at least provides a basic timing. Now, the question is what has to happen to make this so? And, in particular, what is it that I need to do? At the very least, it would seem that I need to start getting some of my work out to someone.
How would me writing have to be packaged to enable me to sell them? This would also require finding the right publisher. However, if this is truly a play, this only requires trusting the intuition and going through the motions. Would finding a benefactor be that much harder, especially if that benefactor were a spiritual brother/sister? Details, details. Leave these to the universe to decide. I will play out whatever role is most in accord with the Plan. Let's get on with it, however, that most important part of the Play can begin. Yes, yes, yes, it's all important, but some of it is more important than other parts. Let the times of intense changes begin.
God helps those who help themselves. What does this mean? Why is it coming through now. Do I indeed need to take the initiative and take care of the details? Or, is there another way in which I am meant to "help myself". Interesting that the original quote is in plural. It applies to the singular case as well, but there is an expanded meaning that includes the case of people helping people. There is an added synergy that comes into play in this expanded sense. So, what does it mean for me? I don't yet have a team around me that can provide any type of support. You could say that I'm as individual as they come. Yet, I have a more detached concern and love for all. It's as if all of humanity is in some way my family, and I'm here to make the conditions better for all. It doesn't matter whether you've asked that I do this for you or not; this is what I came to do and I will indeed do it. My mission is in many ways all that I AM. All else in my life is of minor importance compared to this -- to show the world to a new way of being that the Aquarian Age may be brought forth on earth. For, you see, the Aquarian Age is in many ways a state of mind -- one in which spirit is more fully enfleshed.
Let another three days go by without adding to these notes. I spent a lot of time soaking in the energy of the full moon and processing an endless stream of rapidly moving pictures that were running through my head. I don't remember having this specific sensation before. Occasionally one of the pictures would slow enough to come to mind for an instant, and I was cognizant that I was viewing and image with people, conversation, and things that I had not experienced before. These definitely were not memories from this existence. It was a strange experience. Yet, I felt connected to the scenes in some inner way.
Until recently, I never really took the time to sit on my upstairs balcony and look out over the city and the ocean. I am very privileged to live in a place that is so scenically beautiful. The ocean, the hills, the forest, the sandy beaches - - definitely a feast for the eyes. Further, since the balcony faces east, it is perfect for sunrises and watching the moon. I definitely am a lunatic. There is something magic in that heavenly body that brings out the wonder of being. The emotions also appear to gain added amplitude, though the Lithium and Depakote deaden this experience for me. I'm happy with my memory bank of images. I don't know what I'm accessing or being hooked up to, but whatever it is it seems to be important to my further growth. It's as if I'm being connected to my history, a history that goes beyond this existence.
So, what does this mean? More changes. Each step prepares me a little more for what I need to do, whatever that may be. It appears that consciousness joke on me is to keep me in the dark through much of this preparatory phase. I trust that this is for good reason. Something about not wanting to be blinded by the light. Foofer's blindness is somewhat troublesome. She's not taking it very well, letting her fear get the best of her. At first, she was still relatively confident and performed various maneuvers with relative ease. As the days have passed, however, she has started to lose any interior map of the premises that she may have had and she has started to bump into things. She is coping, but she is definitely not at her best. It's very interesting observing how the mind copes with such changes in sensor input. We had another dog, Bunny, that went blind and it never really phased her at all. It was as if she had memorized the house and yard and didn't need to see to be able to get around. Reality creation is very much tied to how we represent and interpret sensory information. The same sensor failure, blindness, can have very different impacts on personal reality for different beings.
I trust that the process is unfolding as it is meant to unfold. I don't have to force it or direct it. It will go where it needs to go and guide me through whatever experiences are required to manifest whatever destiny I am here for. It would be nice to see for myself, but I have absolute faith in the ability of consciousness to serve as my guide so long as is necessary. I would be happy in following such guidance, even if this were to the end of my days. In the end, what matters is that The Plan is achieved so that all consciousness, the ONE can be raised. Such is the cry of spirit. For all this time we have played out our game in darkness. Let there be Light, that all may see their true nature as spirit and release the chains of bondage to darkness that they have accepted as a part of their being for so long.
These notes are becoming my vocation, rather than my avocation -- though, as yet, I have not figured out how to get them to translate into dollars. Geraldine saw large dollar signs associated with my writings along with very wide distributions. However, it is not clear that the stuff that I have written thus far is appropriate for a wide audience. Yet, I do not feel compelled to write anything else at this time. There is no book burning to get out. I do not see myself engaged in writing fiction. Then again, my story thus far as documented in these continuing notes would be considered to be fiction by most. How do I know it is not? I must trust that my experience as the observer of myself is real. The experiencer part is too locked into the illusion to know fact from fantasy. However, to know this, one must already acknowledge a duality of self that many never realize. And what does this buy one? Not a whole lot necessarily in physical or monetary terms, but a great deal in mental and spiritual terms. Knowledge of self is indeed the greatest of gifts that one can be given. It is given only to those who have prepared themselves to be ready to receive it through steadfast dedication to the pursuit of self-knowledge. There is no other way. One gets what one focuses on. For spiritual growth, one must focus on the unfoldment of the flower of consciousness. Consciousness itself must be nurtured, understood, realized, and transcended in a seemingly neverending process. This requires observation and great patience. The self will not be rushed in its awareness of the Self. Everything occurs in its proper timing. The whole purpose of the game is ever-expanding awareness of self. At some point, this self becomes Self becomes ONE becomes ALL THAT IS. This is a very powerful process, however, it is the only game great enough that it could engage consciousness so thoroughly. And, what an engaging game it is!
Both my scientific and metaphysical backgrounds are telling me that we create the limitations that allow our world to appear to us as it does. Further, we do this in every aspect. In many ways we are stuck in a 3-D film. There should be a way to shift our focus away from what is on the screen and see some of the true background reality that constitutes the theater. Hmm. This is what meditation is all about. Close off one's senses from the outside world, and find the true reality that is left. Interesting. I hadn't seen it like this before. This is what I do when I zone out from the world. I tune into another source that is not the broadcast reality. This is also why I've had no interest in news. It simply didn't matter, having no impact on my life. Nearly a year ago, I gave up all television as well -- with the exception of an occasional video.
What type of change is in store? Is the present film simply going to come to a conclusion, to be replaced by a new one for the new age? If so, no continuity is necessary, since all coordination can be handled between movies so to speak.
Just drew a Tarot card for the evening, the Ace of Pentacles, Card 69. This card comes up a lot for me, at least three times in the past week or so. The key phrase that "all may partake of material goods and reach the mountain of attainment after recognition that the universal consciousness is offered to all who seek it." Very appropriate, very appropriate indeed.
Hmm. Does this mean that Gini and/or I have not recognized this yet. We do have much more/ higher quality goods than most people. However, the attainments leave a bit to be desired, and along with the goods came a great deal of debt that is troubling to us now. So, what is the solution? What does it mean to partake of universal consciousness. I believe that I have indeed been tapped into this source for well over a year. However, the tap appear to have a handle that controls how much inspiration and material flows through it. It is not yet clear what it is that controls the tap. However, I don't believe that I do consciously in any way. I have to let go to allow the flow of information to occur. Let go and trust that whatever comes through will be an accurate reflection of what spirit would say through me. My own consciousness is involved to various degrees from paragraph to paragraph. Actually, it is all from Wayne, an entity of which I, the conscious part, am only partly aware. My sense is that this will always be the case. The journey toward Self-Awareness is an ever expanding one, and there is plenty of room to expand regardless of what level one achieves. There is nothing that says that one can't enjoy and apply ones breakthroughs for awhile. Beware, however, that there must be a constant longing to continue on ones way that comes from deep inside oneself. Be sure to listen to this longing of your soul to find greater expression. Each step puts you in a bigger world, a bigger playground, but every playground has its limits, and where we are ultimately headed there are no limits. When this will happen, I do not know. I have not been privileged to experience such states of being yet. Further, I'm not sure they can be temporarily experienced. Then again, I'm not really sure what I'm talking about. The words come through from a source that I do not know. They definitely did not come from anything I remember reading. Further, I have not thought about these topics in this form. I want you to understand the nature of these communications to give you an idea of what is possible. Remember, I'm an engineer with an MSEE from Stanford, 11 years of Air Force work, and 5 years of defense industry work. To say that my peers don't understand what I write about is a huge understatement. But then, they haven't had the background in Metaphysics nor the year of experiences that I've just been through. It's very hard to discount personal experience. Yes, it's biased and far from impartial, but it happened. Because of these notes, I have the record of a dramatic changes in mind and consciousness that occurred over a period of one year. Further, they were changes that 20 years of metaphysics, including three seminars with firewalks, did not even begin to prepare me for.
Looking back now, it's been exactly a year since the intense mania started to kick in, though I didn't know it at the time. By the end of Aug, I was flying so high that my feet were barely touching the ground. At one point, I literally believed that I was God. Yes, with a big G. Spiritually, I was soaring and having a wonderful time. On 1 Oct, I was in a mental hospital having to unravel why the universe (and reality) hadn't behaved in accord with my models, especially since everything I was perceiving agreed with the models. What I forgot to calibrate was the tendency of sensors to look for what they want to see. I was expecting the external world to behave in accordance with an internal one that I had created. This neglected a key factor, WE create our own reality, and we do it cooperatively primarily at the subconscious and superconscious levels. It took me awhile to learn this. For joint and mass reality, the individual has limited weight and authority, it is the group that matters.
Throughout this time, the key area of confusion was one of identity. I now know that I was experiencing states of being in which I was a part of something greater, yet I was not aware of the separation or partness. Being Buddha, and being God, and being Cosmic Consciousness -- these experiences were wonderful and I lost myself in the immensity of the experiences. Now, I realize that I am these beings, but only as a small part. However, if I took a cell from my right thigh and were to ask it who it was -- it would answer Wayne, just as any cell would. That is the only identity it knows. It has no separate existence. Similarly, when Wayne acts from a state of mind that is in synchrony with Buddha then Wayne is Buddha. It also didn't hurt that my birthday happens to be the same as Buddha and that I live in a town next to a town where there is a Chinese restaurant, the Golden Buddha, that has a huge Golden Buddha in the restaurant. When you operate heavily from the intuitive side, associations are of great importance and there are no coincidences. All the details are intricately planned to have specific effects. It's amazing how fine this granularity goes. There is layer upon layer of meaning interposed upon one another in a fashion that allows each of us to get the specific stimuli and experiences that we need for our highest growth.
As you can see, it is easy to get lost when you are exploring new country without any references points and with no support. However, as a wayshower, my sense is that there was no other way for me to experience this. My hope is that others can benefit from where I have gone and what I have documented. Even more important, I feel that I am in a position to be of service to others undergoing this kind of change by being able to ask the right kinds of questions to assist a person in the psyche transformations and belief system changes that occur. Jointly, we can develop a new framework for identity that incorporates the awareness shifts and serves the whole person.
My sense is that every experience will be unique, so the process must have sufficient flexibility to deal with the variability in people's transformational experiences. However, there is hope. The basic tools that consciousness has at its disposal are similar From person to person and relatively limited in number. Out of these basic building blocks our conscious reality is created and experienced.
OK. Here's another area where I can be of service. But, to whom? Where would I find my clients? How would anyone have found me? A few possible sources: ad for people experiencing particular kinds of changes associated with spiritual awakening; talk on changes associated with spiritual awakening. I can't really expect the psychiatric community to refer anyone to me, now can I?
How could the services be structured? Written material + classes + one-on-one. Yes, the three pronged approach would work. I'm sure this would allow me to make the transformation process easier for people. And, yes, it does need to be facilitated. There is too much risk to force each individual to find their own way through the wilderness. The line between sanity and insanity is far too narrow. Besides, it's not elegant. It's easier to send out explorers followed by trailblazers followed by the masses. Elegance is a prime directive. Spirit uses it whenever possible. And, in this case, it is definitely in the best interest of all consciousness.
How do we create a shift to group awareness? How do we get individuals to realize that it is what we experience collectively as a group that has the greater value and that our individual experience is only a piece within this? What do things like the amount of crime in this country say about us collectively as a country? Some developed countries are starting to think of us as less than civilized. We lead the world by far in this area. Why do we tolerate it among ourselves, and why have we not started to address the other problems from which it stems? Crime hits the security buttons in most people. There is a sense that the streets aren't safe at night, and that doors everywhere need to be locked. This is a far cry from what I remember experiencing in the 60's when these were not concerns at all.
Drugs are another area where this country has a major problem. Why do so many people need to alter their moods or states of mind so badly that they need to use drugs to do it? We'll never get rid of the drug problem until this large customer base goes away. There is simply too much money to be made. Entrepreneurs are willing to take even great risks to get a market share. Further, they establish organizations that for all intents and purposes beyond the laws of any country. They are already in an illegal business. Why would they care what laws they break?
For both of these problem areas, we are dealing with people who have been let down by the system. The bottom line is that the infrastructure, whether public or private, is not supporting them in a manner that allows their needs to be met. Hence, they resort to crime or to drugs or in many cases to both. So, what do we do? We send them to prison, or rehab and put them back on the streets -- generally without providing them with viable alternatives to their former behavior. So, they go back to what they know works, because they have no other alternatives. And, we, the society, don't care enough to put an end to this. Somehow, we expect the individual to "take responsibility". But, the individual doesn't have control over the infrastructure in which he lives. There must be a give and take here, a WIN/WIN relationship between the individual and society. When we tolerate crime by not fixing the situations that encourage and allow it, we create a LOSE/LOSE scenario for the temporary benefit to the criminal is more than overcome by the eventual loss (assuming the criminal is caught).
We need to start thinking more creatively when we look at how we structure relationships between individuals and society. To start with, we need to consider society from the broad view that includes everything needed to address the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs of all our members. This is far more than government, it also includes industry, religion, and nearly all professions and services. The whole is here for the sole support of the collection of individuals. We need to find ways to ensure that this support is provided in equitable manners to where it is needed. Also, we need to ensure that resources are applied in a manner to best meet the support needs. This would argue for a super council that would oversee the overall operation of the whole social infrastructure with departments of government, economy, industry, education, and services. It is not clear that the government, within the constraints of the constitution, could grow into this superstructure. My suggestion would be to generate a new more encompassing social constitution that specifically defines the roles, responsibilities, and powers of this new superstructure. This could be a tough sell. I