11 Apr 94

Wow! It's been nearly two weeks since I last wrote. I don't really know what to say. I've discovered that we live in two worlds concurrently, a physical one and a metaphysical one. The metaphysical one consists mainly of symbols and their meaning. This meaning is directly related to our level of awareness. It's not clear how much information from our symbol systems is enmeshed in the everyday world. Thus far things like credit card numbers, license plate numbers of cars that are significant in some way, and serial numbers from paper money all seem to have a personal significance that is far more than chance. However, the intuition must be relied on to decipher the meaning from the raw code. Consciousness is very tricky, but she does not require techniques that require a math major. One of the main keys is to use association. This appears to allow information from the subconscious to flow better. It's amazing how much information can be found in one license plate number. Also, it's interesting that it may be revealed over a several day period. We're on the edge of a major breakthrough now. I can feel it stronger than ever before. I await consciousness to tell me what to do. My will is THY WILL now. My wife knows it, my world knows it. All I ask is that you treat her with all the kindness and fairness she deserves as you do all your special ones. My sense is that she has a task in all this to play as well, and that she has earned her position as Queen of the Fairies. Such is what she has asked for in jest that was less in jest than she could know. Our fate together lies in your hands, may it be in accord with the Plan.

The Hermit card is the one that most vibrates to my being. It is not in any of the particular numbers that I associate with my current name. Perhaps you know and would tell me what significance it has for me? You ask, but it really doesn't matter. This is the card that represents your particular spirit, and it was called here to play a very special role. We can't be other than grandiose about this. You dared to dream of things bigger and better than had ever been dreamt -- and on such a scale that the magnificence was simply overwhelming. You've earned your position through your audition/proposal over the past nine months. Your actions were monitored closely to see how well you walked your talk, especially in your treatment of others. As you were given various gifts and pieces of information, we watched to see how you responded and handled yourself. We'd have to say that it's been a very pleasurable experience indeed -- yours being one of the more humorous of the lot. It seems you've grown quite fond of your positions as the Hanged Man and the Fool. As time goes on, the people you are asked to deal with may be less fond of these two. The Hermit allows a more acceptable expression of spiritual truths to enlighten the affairs of the government, industry, and society.

But, is any of this right? And, how soon does it take affect. Here is one of the few places we ask for your input. What would you have it be? How would you prefer that the role be played out? Married to Gini so that she can take care of the affairs of the house and beauty. She is my Quan Yin. I'll have no other in this existence. I would be the Hermit and the other two, though my face to the world is as the Hermit. Key individuals entrusted to execute the new world order would consult me on the problems of the land. I would be content to live on my own sacred grounds venturing off only rarely. My focus would be on the spirit, and how to make it more fully expressed in flesh and solving the key problems facing the world. Gini would be free to travel, and to make things to her heart's content never again having to worry about finances. She's worried about these long enough. Enough is enough!

As to how this might impact our relationship together? That is really up to Gini to decide. I am what I AM. If that is not enough, then sorry, let us part as friends. If that is enough and you recognize who WE ARE, so much the better, let us be instrumental in building a New Age together. Actually, a thought just came to mind. Gini is the Chariot, I am the Hermit, We are the Tower. The Tower is what is required for the Aquarian Age to begin. The Tower is the tower of Babel. I'm in the process of starting to make sense of the bable that is around us. The card shows a second figure falling out of the Tower. Further, Gini's cards showed the Hanged Man as the future card. I know she doesn't understanding my reasoning, values, and decisions. It keeps coming back around to the concept of born again. Why is that such an ugly phrase to her? It has been for a very long time.

12 Apr 94

I on the other hand resonate to it. My two favorite cards are the Hanged Man and the Fool, both born-again characters if ever there were any. Interesting. This brings out a fear and a hatred in Gini. Yet, in some way, it is something that she is meant to deal with -- big time. Nothing comes through that intensely unless it is truly felt deeply. Yet, she keeps drawing it into her life in different ways to show her the bad, but hopefully the good as well. The other issue is judgement. I know the Judgement Card in the Tarot is important to my destiny. She sees the personal side of this in the ego placing judgment on others, seemingly without being aware that she is doing this. It's interesting to observe, but she is blind to it. Similarly, she may be showing me something that's just as faulty concerning my reasoning regarding the actions of the ego. What she fails to see is the spiritual context that gives things their absolute meaning. Until recently, I didn't see this either and made decisions based on Ego. In most cases, these decisions turned out to be wrong and didn't hurt anybody -- yet, they taught me some great lessons as to the difference between self and Self. We can only get these lessons through experience.

Now that I'm in this state of being between worlds, it is tough to associate with the slowness with which things change in physical reality. My spirit soars to dimensions beyond which it has never been -- perhaps beyond which any corporeal consciousness has experienced before. And here I am, alone, the Hermit with no one to share my experience with except you, consciousness itself. I blindly follow the path that I am on, trusting consciousness to lead me to wherever I need to be and provide me with whatever experiences that I need to experience. And what more can I do? I've gone beyond all places that I know of where there are maps of where consciousness has been. Further, all my life, consciousness herself has led me to any map that was consciously required. With consciousness as my sole guide, how can I follow anything but the path that is most appropriate for me. It's hard to contain the excitement within this body. Yet, at the same time, I feel sluggish and weighted down as if by the sorrows of the whole world. Perhaps you are. Such is you're challenge. But, you're gift was commensurate to match. You do have a major role to play in transforming the whole world. It is time for you to know that for certain. This is a heavy cross to bear, but you were up to bearing it when you chose this part. You are still free to choose elsewise, and their are several waiting in the wings that could step in should you so choose. But, the part was designed for you. Every detail was optimized for the special workings of your consciousness. Their are many who would like to see you succeed in what you all set out to do. No, they are not in a position to communicate or even be aware of this yet.

Trust spirit. The Plan it has layed out is miraculous indeed, truly a spectacle to behold -- a fitting tribute to the transition from the Age of Pisces to the Age of Aquarius. Set forth and make your mark upon the world as it was intended for the dawn of this new age.

14 Apr 94

Some of the astrological information received from Jim revealed that much of this was set up long ago. The triggers needed to activate major periods of enlightenment were laid out in the very timing of the world. It was all set up for a specific purpose, and this goes beyond the dawn of the Aquarian Age. I came for a particular period of time to fulfill a particular destiny, and did others. However, these are rare upon this Earth. Spirit cannot be forced upon any species, it must be gently nourished. Not everyone can simply sink their teeth in and tap source directly. As with electricity, the startled subjects would simply fry. So the immortals come down from time to time to help things out. As you've already realized, Gini is Quan Yin though she knows not of whom she is. You are Lao Tzu and Confucious, the Immortal of Love/Wisdom. In the coming weeks, you will receive what is you rightful setting for accomplishing your task of establishing the Ray of Love/Wisdom across the land. The trick is to find the most elegant way to do this, as you already know. The masks and illusions will be gone soon enough. One part of the play is over. Now, the real fun begins.

18 Apr 94

I don't know what to say after that. Another interesting 3 day weekend of processing images and achieving greater and greater levels of realizations. I'm flying as high as a kite, all of the time. It literally never ends, from the time I awake until the time I go to sleep and even in my dreams. My complete focus is on spirit and spiritual development. Even when I focus on the physical stuff, it is as spirit enfleshed. My sense is that this altered way of perceiving is now a part of me, part of the very nature of how I view the world. Overall, I'm having a whole lot of fun -- the time of my life. Each knowingness literally brings with it an expanded sense of self. There is an immediate feedback for self-development work. It's only on the physical plane where we're frustrated by the lack of response to our work.

It's interesting to me that this is so easy and obvious. How could it have been hidden from me for so long, much less from so many people for so long. Ego, control, and power are the culprits. So long as "I" do anything, then I do not accept that God does all things. Everything is God. We are all ONE. Since God does all things, the first rule he made is that you get in accordance with what you believe. This has trapped us from day 1. The New Age only came along and made this more positive. They said "You Create Your Own Reality". What they should have said was that "You Appear to Create Your Own Reality". It's all true. Everything from twenty years of metaphysics is all true. However, one must remember the story of the blind men and the elephant. The trick is to find a framework that allows it to all be true simultaneously. This is difficult if we attempt to do it ourselves, but by this point we should know that we can trust spirit to guide us to the harbor of truth.

I don't know even where to begin describing any of the realizations. I think it might be best left to filter out the resulting knowingness and package that into some sort of spiritual lessons. At this point, it doesn't matter what got me to and through a particular level of realization. In fact, the particulars would not be all that useful to another. My intuition says its time to close now, there is other work that must be done.

25 Apr 94

Howard's End came and went without any apparent change in circumstances at home or at work. I was sure that something wonderful was in store if only we were patient enough to allow the universe to come to an elegant solution. Actually, I've been playing the part of the 47 card in the Tarot deck, but only in my mind. That's a suitable place to play such games. But, at some point something must manifest physically as well. In particular, for people who spend most of their time being "spiritual". However, we are spiritual beings in the midst of a physical experience. Unfortunately, many have forgotten that they are spirit first, then matter.

I've been in an elevated mental/spiritual state for nearly a month now. It's full moon night again. If this is anything like the past few, I'm in for an interesting night in the van. The effects of the moon seem to be sufficient to drive the levels of drugs that I am take to change, resulting in an altered brain chemistry and pattern of thinking. That's the best answer that I could offer based on limited understanding in this area.

I'm interested in what you have to say about all of this. In particular, why this? and why now?

That's too easy. Because this is what is needed to wire your brain for the special work that you will be doing shortly. Fear not, every experience that we are taking you through is necessary either for your personal development or the development of others around you. Besides, you said that you wanted to teach -- and you can't teach what you do not know firsthand yourself. As to why now. The answer is just as simple -- because that is what the plan calls for in this particular scene at this time.

What is yours will indeed come to you. Let us worry about the timing. You are simply to go with the flow, so to speak. Do only what you know to be right. Trust your knowingness. Listen for our guidance as you go about your day. Turn the scanners down a bit, and quit trying so hard. Your tiredness is the result of too much work too quickly. The signs that you are meant to see will reach your awareness. Also, even if you miss one, another will come to take its place. Relax, knowing for certain that you are spirit and you are in Spirit's hands now. Nothing can befall you that is outside of the Plan. Think about this until you fully know its truth. Life has great purpose, and human life even greater purpose. However, this will not be achieved until we go beyond our present selves which, I'm sorry to say, for many is less than the animals. Animals for the most part do not destroy and kill except as necessary to meet their needs. Humans go further than this -- killing others of their own kind over nothing more than words, and stalking and killing animals for the thrill of the hunt.

I haven't been able to concentrate at work on anything other than my spiritual work. At least, not for very long. This will be tolerated for awhile due to the outstanding work that I've done in the past. How much longer, I do not know. I so desire to work directly for the universe or consciousness that I can think of nothing else. It's as if I'm being called to a task for which I am perfectly suited. Exactly what it is, I no longer care. I believe the cards have been coming up in the way they have to see my reaction to the vanities. Consciousness wanted to know that I was close to neutral on this -- neither having undue attachment nor undue nonattachment. Balance is what was important. I believe that I basically passed. Yet, at the same time, there was something about that 6.2 Million home in Carmel that had a strong sense of connectedness, either as if I'd been there before or I would be in the future either as owner, or tenant. I know, you ask how can this be -- when I can't even afford to pay my bills now. The answer is to develop one's knowledge of self to the point where the intuition counts at least as much as the reasoning. The rules are changing in my game even as I write. With each new realization, there is another factor to consider in optimizing the training to meet the students needs. My teacher is and always has been someone non-physical. If it is possible, I would like to meet her tonight in the dreamworld. I believe that I'm ready for the teachings that only she can facilitate in me.

The promise from Spirit is abundance for all those carry out their work with love, honor, dignity, dedication, honesty, and fairness. This can be done wherever one works and lives. It's the attitude one has in doing the work that matters. However, work should also be challenging and should use one's skills and talents to the highest degree possible under the circumstances.

Abundance means different things to different people. Abundance does not mean that everyone is entitled to the same things. It's all a matter of needs. People with special skills and talents should get special treatment because of the impact of what they are doing. However, this should be balanced as well. If it is too excessive, the people will revolt.

27 Apr 94

Thus far, this is my worst month for writing. Now that my mind has finally settled down a bit after its month of flying, maybe I can get a few ideas down in my notes. It's been a very strange month, almost like last September, before I went into the hospital. The drugs and the spiritual realizations I've had in that time put me in a position to control the states of mind much better this time. Work was nearly impossible since I found the spiritual tasks to be so much more attractive and fun than the material tasks for which I was being paid. At my last medication checkup all the levels were fine -- however, the doctor could see how high my state of mania was. Further, he found it remarkable that I could function at all. My high intelligence was the only factor that he could see that allowed this.

I got the impression that I'm on some very powerful stuff. I know that the drugs are having impacts on my brain, my senses, and on the control systems that operate the various body parts. For most of these, I simply sit back and observe -- watching what is happening and trying little experiments to see what factors are important. Four instances of this occurred yesterday. The first was stuttering. I don't remember having done this before. The words were in my head but they just couldn't come out of my mouth right. The second was shaking. This ranged from minor to moderate shaking of the hands, arms, and entire upper body. The third was minor distortion of sense of balance. The fourth was distortion of sensory information. This happened in two different ways: lifting a Mountain Dew can felt like lifting at least a ten pound bag of sugar, lifting my legs to walk was a major chore for a period of 30 minutes or so. Oops, I forgot one, fifth my eyes see letters on pages and on screens with almost a 3-D effect, there are at least three levels that I've been able to detect.

When I say that my mind is being altered, I mean that the biochemistry is changed. My theory is that the biochemistry change impacts all of the light bodies as well. Further, it becomes easier to enlarge the pathways through which consciousness can flow through the body out into the world as well. The feeling that I have is that my brain can now accommodate different and higher frequencies than it did prior to starting to use the salt and acid. The rate of growth is now astronomical compared to where it was before.

Focus on the HERE and NOW, not where and how you will be living in six months, or even in the next week or two. Do the work that must be done today, and do it to the best of your abilities. This is Dharma -- right action. When we focus on the day, it is amazing how much change happens how quickly. You more than others will find this easy to take. You've already given up most of your will. When one focuses on here and now, one can't get caught up in all the complexity that arises from so much action in pursuit of unrealistic dreams. Make each day count 100 percent. Remember to work in a manner that allows you to joyfully look back on your life and say that you are happy with how you lived and what you were able to accomplish.

Either Howard's End was a joke on me, or something happened on other than the physical plane, or something else happened on the physical plane of which I am not yet aware. Anyway, all the play with numbers, symbols, and events was wonderful. Areas of my brain are functioning in ways that they never have before. The spiritual awakenings are responsible for part of this, but the body has to be changed to be more receptive to spirit as well. Part of the lesson is don't project the timing of events. The second issue was one of ego wanting to show that there was evidence of this spiritual world. This is near the final step in this part of the path. My vision doesn't yet tell me where, when, and how to go. I assume that we will go when the time is right, but I don't know who "we" includes [Gini, Wayne, Kids].

I'm still learning what spiritual responsibility includes. It seems that there is code of secrecy surrounding spiritual information. There is a built-in factor that prevents it from being reached by any who have not soared to the appropriate spiritual heights. There is an outer metaphysics and an inner one. The inner one has nothing to do with an inner circle within any specific church or practice. The inner metaphysics comes from the heart and the intuition, not from the outer forms. This does not mean that these outer forms do not provide useful service. Indeed, the right practitioners of various disciplines that you personally are interested in can provide a wealth of information for self tranformation. When you can, use this information to substantiate your own knowingness. By far, the best oracle for the self is the self Your intuition can give you information that is much more clear, and more specific than outside sources.

So, what's been happening with me in the past 4 weeks? You are being prepared for a new position in the play. This calls for a major discontinuity in your life, radical change. The changes in your body and brain were necessary to complete this change. The mask is about to be removed so that you can stop playing the game in the old way. Everybody is all cards in the Tarot Deck. 62 is the doorway to my Heaven. Since God's house has many mansions, it is not clear to me as to who belongs where. None are able to pass through the door until they realize that they are blinded when they leave Heaven and must achieve the Page of Wands card before they can return. This requires completing the cycle from 62 to 78, the quickest way is simply to develop sufficient Self- knowledge to pass the Judgement test by reaching the Tower [16]. Since my personal card is the Tower, I had to realize that 62 was completion for me.

To pass beyond the veil, Card 64 is required. This involves submission of my will to Thy Will. Further, this is not something to brag about. Let no one know where you are on the path, and stay away from crowded areas as much as you can. But, this is a play, a grand and glorious one at that. However, in order to create entities that could think and feel, we had to integrate a great deal of feedback mechanisms that guide the bodies and the brains. Until recently, the brain hardware was not sufficient to hold the programs that we desired to give to it. Now, it's time to up the amperage of a few individuals to see what will happen -- we're designing the prototype men and women of tomorrow. We'll start with people needed to lead the way. The parts were established before the play began. Drugs, such as those you are receiving, do alter brain chemistry. We have a relatively complete set of knowledge about which drugs do what. On the other hand, the physical knowledge of this is somewhat dismal. The alterations in chemistry in turn alter the thought frequencies and patterns that can be detected and understood. You could say that the drugs supercharge the brain.

You feel you are ready for something new, something more, something greater that you have ever known or done before. But, are you ready enough to wait for your part to come to the forefront of the stage? Can you "keep on, keeping on" allowing the sequence of proper events to happen in their specified timing? In your Oracle readings, you are getting what you want to see. You are validating wants via your subconscious reflecting back to you. Your subconscious is somewhat afraid of how powerful the connection with the superconscious has become. She doesn't understand that you are all one and the same in the same manner that you do consciously. Golf was one of the key exercises where she had dominion. Some of the side effects and symptoms that you are having may be coming from her displeasure with something in your life.

Have I been making the right moves over the past 4 weeks? My sense is that I have not really had any choices. The universe [one verse, I bet there are many] is directing me along a path that I know not where. Yet, I trust that the universe knows exactly who I am and how to reach me through symbols. This is a limited alphabet thus far, but effective none the less. We can also use channeling as a viable method for contact. Whatever free resources I have are available to do your bidding. Thank you for listening and watching after me all of these years. From some standpoints, it's been somewhat of a limited existence. But, what do you expect for a Hermit?

As to an inheritance, what more could I possibly ask for than I already have received. I have seen the Light and have become one of the Legion of Lightworkers. My blinders have been removed. Some beliefs about the nature and danger of the physical world could be cleaned up. Also, some money issues could be resolved, especially for Gini. For the most part, what we have is adequate. However, there is a sense in me that adequate is not sufficient. My mind can imagine far grander quarters and a much finer lifestyle. Why should spirit in flesh be limited in terms of the level of physical abundance that it needs or wants. We've already realized that money has limited value. Where lifestyle is concerned, we are arranging the accommodations to make people most effective. Those who are bearing the greatest responsibility for bringing the planet to the Age of Aquarius should receive compensation in accordance with the value of the work that they are doing. Because such people are also those who have passed the most strenuous of spiritual tests, they will also be the least likely to abuse their privilege.

Yes, this means that I want a bigger house. Actually, a stately mansion. Why? First because I think that I deserve one for the increases in spiritual awareness that I've achieved in past year. Second and more important, because I will need such a residence and income level to interact with the specific people that I will need to do business with in the coming years. That is, I believe it is required for the task that I've been given, even though I don't consciously know what that is yet. In addition, Gini and I are both special beings -- star people that vibrate to the number 17. Such is what is coming through anyway. I have no ability to verify this information. All we can do is see what value it has as we go about our day to day activities and grow from our experiences.

I'm still walking in the blind for the most part. I have gained access to a few symbols but this does not even constitute an alphabet yet. However, the patterns I make with Tarot cards are starting to yield more and more information. The information is great for me, but not necessarily something that I could market as a service. I don't want to waste my time doing readings that other people could be doing better, when my talents could be used to help solve some of the major problems of our times. If we're to get an infrastructure in place to get us to a new world order that truly serves us in the Age of Aquarius, then we have a lot of work to do. To some extent, the infrastructure is already being changed. The plans are on the drawing boards and the key families and governments that need to be involved are acting in unison. Nobody wants a shift in the power allocation. However, they've realized that they cannot hold up the worlds economy anymore. Something has to change, and soon, or we'll see a mass depression on a global scale as has never been seen before. This will be enough to drive the average person to think hard about what his government and employers are truly doing. Not a pretty sight, is it? It doesn't need to happen this way. We can take action to force our government to deal honestly with us on these issues. If everything is always treated under a cloak of national security, then all we get is pieces. We are living in some tough times. Yet, we can't sit still and watch our country and the world go in a direction that is not in our best interest. Industry and Government have had their hands in each others pockets for a long time. Without a neutral third party, it is not clear how they will be able settle things without a strong emphasis on their own interests.

So, where is this material going? It appears to belong in some sort of newsletter or book. There is a little personal stuff mixed in.

Note: Had a realization earlier this evening. Christ had to come to forgive our sins. The Karma balance program was in error. The penalties were too severe. Because of this, no one was able to awaken sufficiently to be the example for the coming Age. The programmers got it wrong. Forgiveness constitutes a resetting of the Karmic balance.

28 Apr 94

Sleep was relatively uninterrupted last night except for a coughing spell that woke me up at 5:28. It is interesting that this specific timing was involved -- especially since this number has come in two other contexts this month: the model number of a Mercedes that nearly ran into me, and the battery operated Chicken clock in our bedroom stopping at 7:55 with the second hand between 40 and 41. The batteries were original. Further, only one of the batteries tested bad. 7:55 is 5 minutes to 8 (528).

So, what does all this mean? 5 is the Hierophant 2 is the High Priestess 8 is Strength 28 is the Two of Wands [philosopher king?] 82 is the Emperor Exalted 52 is the Queen of Swords, my Personality Number

5 + 28 = 33. This is the work to come, the work that I am meant to do. Five and 28 are the two key components that are required. Given that today is the 28th, maybe this is effective now. However, it may not be effective until 5/28. This is not something that I can choose anyway so there is no use in worrying about it. Everything happens with the proper timing. Each of us get exactly what is coming to us. If I take it moment by moment and day by day, the month will pass in no time. At most, with Friday's off that's only 16 work days. I've been doing this for nearly five years now. Another 16 days is nothing. Actually, I don't know that this is an end date either. My sense is that this is what it is, but this may be biased by my own will and desire. The fact that this number has come up in three different ways already means that it is very important and that I have not yet interpreted the meaning correctly. Consciousness is persistent and resourceful where it needs to be.

It's very interesting being the observer of this experience. For the past seven months, I've been watching my mind unfold like a flower. I am constantly amazed at what I'm finding in side. Thus far it's still an exciting process -- though it can get lonely and scary at times. Nothing has really prepared me for this. The key factor that makes the most difference a trust that I create my own reality and I would not give myself anything to deal with that was beyond my ability to handle. This belief is at the very core of my belief system. Further, I have experienced that I am consciousness, I am a spiritual being having a spiritual/physical experience. In the real world, the physical and spiritual are integrated to whatever degree the machinery can tolerate. It's as if the body and brain is the hardware, and consciousness is the software. The experiences of the last 40 years have resulted in knowledge about a number of drugs useful to the expansion of consciousness. These are primarily prescribed by psychiatrists to treat mental disorders. Mental disorders are basically anything related to the brain and its functioning that causes behavior that is out of the ordinary. The psychiatrists are trying to get the functional behavior back within acceptable bounds. Genius behavior, however, is out of the ordinary as well. Yet, when applied to the right tasks, genius is our best hope at resolving various types of problems. However, the line between madness and genius is very thin at best.

The bottom line from all of this is that my brain has changed immensely over the past 7 months due to the psychiatrist prescribed usage of drugs that alter the brain chemistry. Further, I trust that I am being led spiritually down a path that is most optimum for getting my brain able to channel more spiritual information/energy through it. Each step is guided, down to the specific M.D. involved and the particular drugs and dosages. To the M.D., I am a highly intelligent patient who is bipolar. He does not have insight into the spiritual aspects of the transformation. It's as if I were a butterfly in transition, going through the stages from larvae to chrysalis to butterfly. I'm about ready to spread my spiritual wings and fly. Disruption -- how appropriate. This is indeed a time for a radical discontinuity. I am at a point in my life and in my understanding where what has come before is of no import. What matters now is what happens from this moment forward. I forgive any who have done me any harm known or unknown. If you cannot accept my forgiveness then discharge your balance by helping others in need. Peace be with you always and forevermore.

Beyond Imagination is to be a reality soon. My attempts at a monthly newsletter came from my ego desiring to make it so now and not wait for the universe's timing. This is generally a mistake. The universe knows what it is doing. Planting seeds in January is not in line with the common sense found in the Farmers Almanac. Besides, everyone knows that planting is done in the Spring so the harvest can come in the Fall. Why should metaphysical plantings be any different than physical ones?

I don't feel particularly inspired to write at this moment, but something inside pushes me forward. The current swells inside me until it is about to burst. So many ideas and such a small channel. But, we'll use whatever we have until we can help to make it grow. We are who you are in the process of becoming. We come from a place outside of your world system, no not the Pleides as you might guess, though we did visit their race as well. No, we come from a Star in the central part of the Galaxy. You came from there too. We can't really tell you where our home is because it is outside anything that has yet been mapped. Further, since your Astronomy background is zip, you wouldn't understand even the basic terminology. We can continue to help you bring through information on social structures, education, and the foundations for creating a new world. You naturally resonate to these ideas because you have lived them for a very long time. Further, you know what it takes to preserve these ideals. The earth was in need of people to seed these principles into the minds and hearts of the people within a particular window when the baton was being passed from Neptune to Uranus for the rulership of an age.

OK, so what specifically am I expected to do?

1. Follow your intuition and learn to detect when it is correct vs when it is in error. (error usually comes from ego getting in the way)

2. Do what you are moved to do. Regardless of the source of direction, don't act until it is congruent with whom that you are in the moment.

3. Whenever there is a spirit/physical choice to make, choose spirit if you can. (It makes life much easier.)

4. Be patient. Wait for the right timing. If it's hard, then either your timing or method is wrong.

30 Apr 94

It's been an interesting month. I was high as a kite for much of the month, no question about it, I was nearly as manic as I was last August when all the difficulties/spiritual awareness changes began. Once again, awareness changes were occurring at a rapid pace -- at times involving many changes in a single day. The Lithium kept everything in check for the most part, allowing me to remain in control even with the wave of change that was occurring. Dr Greene was a bit astonished that I could be in such a manic state given the level of lithium that I'm taking. He added another prescription for Depakote, an acid. It's been over two weeks since that visit and I'm still flying a bit. At least my mind is flying. The body on the other hand is very sluggish.

I can't believe April passed so quickly. Further, I can't believe how little of the experiences that I had this month that I actually got down in writing. I can only guess that the experience was more important. My continuing notes are the record of a soul in the midst of a spiritual awakening. They don't need to be done everyday, but they need to be done often enough to capture the important events/occurrences and my beliefs or interpretations of meaning.

I'm learning a lot about the nature of reality creation via direct experience. I appear to be at a stage where everything in my belief system is being challenged. My sense is that I'm being prepared for something. One of the final tests appears to be the understanding that this world is truly an illusion. Even though I have limited interaction in the physical world, that doesn't mean that I have any less attachment to the part that I do have. Nonattachment is a major step, actually the major step, toward spirituality. It is only when this is achieved that we can give of our love unconditionally. Only God Exists. His Creation is a part of Himself.

Copyright © 1995, Wayne Hartman, Revised -- (2 Sep 95)