1 Dec 93

The first of December already. I've been back to work for a whole month. I was going to say that very little has changed; however, this week's understanding alone has made the world a very different place. I've learned a lot about the nature of reality and reality creation. In fact, every moment more is revealed as I make new connections between actions, emotions, beliefs, and reality. Life is fun again. The observer within me is active nearly all of the time watching what I think, what I feel, and what I conclude about everything. This I is the ego. The observer or watcher is something beyond the I. It feeds me information and moves me towards where I need to go in accord with some higher purpose or plan which I, the ego, have not yet earned the privilege to be aware of. Along with privileges come responsibilities -- with sacred privileges, sacred responsibilities. These rights must be earned through spiritual awareness and growth. The ego is that part of me that is responsible for behavior in the moment within the physical dimensions. It can take information from any channels to which it has access, and it can act upon this information it whatever manner it chooses. It's primary task however is the formation of a belief system from which to interpret reality and on which to choose its actions.

We are whole entities that exist primarily HERE and NOW, outside of TIME and SPACE. From this whole we split into our creator and actor selves. The creator part stays outside of TIME and SPACE except for a small piece within the actor, an inner voice and watcher of the mind. The Actor self lives in the PLAY, moved to act in accord with the action and events of the play. The actor has two jobs, one is to play out the selected role in accord with the script, the other is do become self-aware and then Self-aware. The creator part has two roles as well, one is to monitor the actor's awareness and needs, the other is to weave and co-create the events of the script together in a manner that brings to the actor whatever is required to meet the actor's needs. The goal is to get all actors to a point where much larger parts of their whole self can be expressed in flesh.

2 Dec 93

The play is not completely written, however. The basic framework is layed out but the actors are free to interpret their parts and adlib based on their feeling states and beliefs. Dialog is generated in the moment in accord with the feeling states that are desired to be expressed. However, the script is still being written prior to its enactment -- even if that is immediately prior. Further, the local authority for decisions is only related to things that don't impact the major scenes that are set up. The consensus reality is made up of the collective beliefs, desires, and feeling tones of the mass society.

Interesting, much of my reality has lied outside of this consensus reality. The nine of wands in my path of destiny, with eight wands firmly planted between me and the outside world, is a perfect symbol for my relationship with the world. I have stood alone and apart for most of my life. I'm of this world but not wrapped up in it. Mine is a different path that calls for the establishment of a new world. It is not something that I could have done if I had been lost too deep within it. Interesting, yes it is.

Talked to Paul a little. He has some very powerful numbers. Further, this is not new stuff to him. He's been involved in metaphysics for a long time himself, though it's not a part that he is vocal about. He even taught classes in groups for a number of years. Interesting. I've been here nearly four and a half years and I have just scratched the surface in getting to know him. I've known since I met him that there was some reason that we had to be together. He had a very different and remarkable childhood. Further, he is clearly gifted with genius and great creativity. There is something that we are meant to do together -- I know that there is. It will be unfolded in the days to come.

Something just came to me. He may be part of my family. The family name is 30 just as mine is. Also, the whole name reduces to 11, the same as mine. Interesting, but one of these may be the key. My intuition says it's from the last name, that's the family name after all. The whole name adds a similarity of purpose or mission as well, while the heart's desire connects at an emotional and soul level. I'm starting to interpret symbols at levels beyond which the books address anymore. This is new stuff, it's up to me to find or create the appropriate meaning by trusting myself and my right brain abilities. This is a new mode of operating, but one that was necessary if I am to accomplish the mission that I came to fulfill. And such is what I must do, with all my heart and soul.

People who marry either unite families together or rejoin their own after a brief separation. What happens here on Earth is a reflection of what happens in spirit. The same principles operate on many planes. "As above, so below" is a great truth. It applies to nearly everything. Note, the reverse of this is not true; there are things which happen below which do not have parallels above -- people in darkness can do some very bizarre things in their ignorance.

3 Dec 93

A bit slow with the notes this month. My focus is on getting my book written -- though talking with Paul has been an interesting diversion. On second thought, maybe it hasn't been such a diversion after all since its helped to clarify a few things that had been a bit foggy. Feeling a bit sluggish today -- but it's Friday, so I get to go home again. Though home is somewhat arbitrary. I'm spending so much time at and around my desk, nearly 65 hours per week, that it is as much home as anywhere. Three nights each week I am the only being or one among very few in a complex that houses over a hundred on a typical workday. It's a strange feeling to be here at night. To some degree it puts me out of sorts with the world, at a slightly different frequency or in a slightly different dimension. Interesting, I never really noticed this before. I never asked myself how I felt about things nor did I feel it necessary to express what I feel to others. This is changing rapidly as I become more attuned to my feelings. I operated from my mind most of my life -- with an occasional touch from the Heart. Now, my mind takes second position to my intuition and emotions. It's about time. Soon, I'll be operating from the even thinking/feeling balance that is my true psychological nature -- absolutely evenly divided between thinking and feeling. I believe it has been this way all my life, only the emotional nature was kept internal, hidden from the world. That nine of wands keeps coming into play. It has been my path of destiny to be separate for all of my life that I can remember. The card could not describe my life any better. It is good knowing that this is what was meant to be and that it is my natural path to take. Also, the part about inheriting this position based on previous work seems right on as well. We'll see what lies ahead. I foresee that I chose or earned a major role in the coming transition to the Aquarian Age. Let the Plan unfold. I will gladly play my part to the best of my abilities, with all my Heart and Soul. Please show me what it is that I am to do, and it shall be done -- for I know the Plan to be of the Light, and I AM THAT I AM, an illumined one who came to be a Worker of the Light that the Plan could be brought to fruition on Earth. There is much to do, and little time in which to get it done. The challenges are great, but the rewards are even greater. Allow me to be the vehicle for Light that I came to be.

So let it be written, so let it be done in accord with the Plan. Wayne

6 Dec 93

It's extremely hard to focus on my work here. It just doesn't occupy my mind enough to keep me interested in doing it. There has to be a better way. Then again, the universe doesn't waste effort -- though it allows individuals to do what they will. Time appears to be the key. It's only from inside that we appear to be stuck. All is progressing in a manner that is perfect. We have only to trust in the perfection of how the Plan will be unveiled in time. All will happen when the time is right. We need only do as our intuition directs in accord with our responsibilities to the best of our abilities. This doesn't make it much easier here and now, living day to day. I am finding ways each day to act more in accord with my purpose. Opportunities present themselves if I remain open to them. I had some interesting talks with Art and Paul today. These are coming up more and more.

I still sense there is something far more important that I should be doing. I have a purpose and a role to play in the world. A destiny that would have me dream of a new society to be and then take the practical steps necessary to start building that society. My book is a starting point, but it is not enough. I need to start making the appropriate connections and find others with similar dreams. Barbara Marx Hubbard is a good starting point. Her New Order of the Future has many similarities to what I dream of in Beyond Imagination. We'll see what comes of our connection as the future unfolds.

I sensed today that there is something more to do in preparation for the class on the 12th. It appears that the class will be held, though not in the physical. The dates are perfect for a transformation of spirit starting with a Hanged Man experience on the 12th, and a Death experience on the 13th. The month is also a Hanged Man month. Interesting that we celebrate the birthday of the greatest known hanged man this very month. Perhaps Tony Robbins and Michael Jackson will be together for this class in spirit. It will be very interesting to see how and what I teach. At some level, I'm a Master Alchemist. I knew that when I wrote the letter to Tony Robbins. At some level, I also knew that a physical response was unlikely. I made the effort anyway -- knowing that it was something that I had to do at the time. The effort will have whatever effect the universe intended for it. A simple thank you, but no thanks would have been fine. There was a receipt of a gift involved, special gifts imbued with the consciousness and love of the sender and sent in a particularly spiritual state. The fee was a bit much, but the intent was good. The gift will be returned in kind when the receiver has reached a state where such an action can occur. He is not yet there.

You're right about the class. It will be conducted on an inner plane for Tony, Becky, and Michael. This coming week is the right timing as well. You need not know where any of them are to conduct this training. It matters not if they are physically close together. Each will have a set of indepth experiences with spirit this week that cause them to see the world in a new light. You will be their teacher, presenting the framework that creates these experiences. By the close of the week they will have their belief systems turned upside down and around and around, but they will have a better realization of Whom That They Are. Such is all that can be expected from alchemical training. One asks to experience soul in flesh to a greater degree. This is the highest thing any teaching can provide. It is not sufficient to be a Master of this World -- that requires no spirituality. One must be a true master expressing spirit in flesh to the greatest degree possible at this time on this planet.

7 Dec 93

It's been a real struggle staying awake today. My eyes just want to close, and everytime they do there's a different image awaiting. It's an interesting phenomenon. I don't remember having so many different images available to be brought forth instantly. I feel as if this waking state is the sleep, is the dream, and the true reality lies in another dimension. My soul calls for me to wake up and see what I've been missing all these years. There is a sense of finally being able to return home. It's a fun state to be in overall, especially knowing that I'm that close to making another breakthrough. Where it will take me I care not, for I trust that I am on the path that is right for me. My actions are solely in accord with the plan, to the best of my ability to make them so. My happiness comes from living my purpose and being the best demonstration I can be of spirit in flesh, expressing whatever part of its true nature can be expressed.

I look forward to the time when this can increase even more. But, I know it will happen at its right time in accord with the Plan. My will aligned with Thy Will, that the Plan may be enacted on Earth. Such is my sole aim. Allow me to be the instrument that I came here to be.

The drowsiness has been with me all day. Even a Mountain Dew and an NRG pill could not provide a strong enough stimulus to keep me going. I don't remember feeling like this before. I awoke at 5:59 with a start -- ready to begin the new day. By 9:00, the dullness arrived and hasn't left me since with the exception of 15-30 minutes here and there.

It's as if I did so much work in spirit that I really need the rest today to recover. Fortunately, I have a job that allows this. Of course you do, what other kind of job would you have created or chosen for yourself. Even though this is a play, you will be given what you need. Such is the spiritual law. Give according to your abilities, in the manner directed by spirit, and you will be taken care of. However, we'll do this in a manner that teaches you something you need to learn as well. After all, we might as well be elegant. One of the prime directives.

Very amusing, thank you! No, thank you for listening so well and acting on what you hear. After all this is a choice on your part. You do not have to do it. Ah, but yes I do. My soul demands I do as she bids and I do my best to follow her bidding.

8 Dec 93

I'm here physically, but that's about it. I didn't really want to wake up this morning. It's time for a change, soon -- very soon, I hope. The Star Trek episode about alternate realities was enlightening. With every major choice, a different reality is spawned. Interesting, the concept comes close to reality but something is a bit off. I don't know what it is yet. It has something to do with each character truly experiencing all the roles at once. We are that part of our greater Self that is experiencing this viewpoint, this "I". We collectively create this self out of all the viewpoints of the different Wayne's. In a similar way, grouped with others in our world, we create larger entities as well. There is ONE WILL expressing itself through all of this, the WILL of the CREATOR. But these creations have a will of their own and create in their own right to the delight and amusement of the CREATOR. Actually this may really be "their Creators". There may be a different one or even group for each world, whatever it takes. Interesting how this works. Interesting indeed!

I sense that my reality is on the verge of change as well. Gini is in the midst of her change, and things look very promising. My change is much more veiled. I keep getting this message "finish your book", "finish your book", "finish your book". OK, I get the signal. One step at a time. The current step is the book and it lasts as long as it takes me to do. This is within my control, as it's only a matter of choosing where to focus my free time. Once this step is accomplished the curtain can be unveiled a little to reveal the next step. This is my initiation. The outer experience is the lessor part of things but a necessary part. Hmm, how do I become more aware of the inner work? That is not to be my concern, the inner will take care of itself. It is my duty to take care of the outer. The goal is to be able to express the inner through the outer.

10 Dec 93

Starting to hear a ring in my ears. It's noticeable most of the time. My feeling is that my sensitivity to vibration is increasing. I feel it in my feet and body as well. I'm not sure whether this is a side effect of the Lithium or of the spiritual awakening. One of the rings comes across as a mumbled voice, almost like listening to a telephone line of some type. I find it interesting, it doesn't bother me much, except for the heavy presence of the background noise. Two nights ago, it was so loud that I found it difficult to go to sleep. I wonder if the noise is part of what is making me so sleepy and drowsy during the day.

Then again, there is a view where normal waking reality is the dream, and during sleep is when we experience our true reality. I'll have to think about that for awhile. Maybe that's why I want to sleep so much.

However, part of the task is to awaken the world. This can't be done by sleeping and thinking alone, it requires action in this world to help people wake up. I want a deeper contact with my true self. I want to know Whom That I Am and I want to know this NOW. Allow my experiences this weekend to wake me up to who I AM, that I can drop some of the mask and allow my light to shine more brilliantly. So let it be written, so let it be done. Namaste.

15 Dec 93

Falling off in writing this month. Book pace is good, however. Interesting that I needed a whole lot of sleep this weekend, over twelve hours per day. It's not clear that I woke up, however, my grasp of the whole of my being has increased somehow. I'm in a space that I've never been in before. It's fascinating, yet frustrating at the same time. I'm operating in a new realm, learning as I go, day by day. In some ways, I am just a baby, learning my way around. Yet, I know that I am a powerful soul as well and that I create my own reality. I'm starting to understand the levels and mechanisms of the game. However, I'm doing so bit by bit, and piece by piece. At times it's not clear what the next moment will bring. At other times, I'm bored to sleep doing work that is part of my job but no longer consumes my heart or my attention.

This is the fifteenth, THE DEVIL day for the class. I hope Tony, Becky, and Michael are enjoying what they are learning in the class. I'm not sure at what level the class is occurring, but I know that it is happening in the way that was most appropriate. I sent the letter that announced the timing but to some degree it was not I who wrote it. This is an interesting phenomena. I refers to one person in the physical, but not to one Ego. I wonder how much memory the Ego has of itself. When the Ego dies, does it literally die? When a new one emerges, is it aware of its birth, or does it just assume that since it exists now, it has always existed? Interesting questions, interesting indeed. It's appropriate that this new man elected in Russia comes across as a Hitler, especially today. It appears that the Play marches on, setting the stage for the end times, the battle of Light vs Dark. Per the card, however, we can battle -- or we can just walk away. The world appears to be headed for a battle. However, such was required in the Mahabharata as well. It's up to Consciousness to decide how best to unfold the Play so that the proper lessons can be learned most effectively.

I sense that there is another book to follow, Reality Creation 101: First Principles. That sounds like an appropriate title. Whether a book or a pamphlet remains to be determined. In might also make for a good seminar. It sound like a fun project anyway. This also looks like it will be my means for discovering what I am to do next. These monthly notes provide time for parts of myself to come forward and voice what they would tell me. Perhaps as time goes by I'll know who these parts are when they speak. However, for the time being, this doesn't matter. What's important is that they do speak.

OK, so you wanted another level. We are that part of your consciousness responsible for maintaining you identity as a unified being. It's been an interesting several months. You've given us a whole lot to deal with that was beyond the limits that we previously knew. You forced us to stretch, just to keep up with the new experiences and realizations that you were undergoing from an Ego standpoint. We welcomed this opportunity, for it allowed us to once again get involved in doing the tasks for which we were defined. Overall, it appears that you have come through everything well. A few uncertainties here and there, but nothing to be concerned about. Congratulations on your awakening. We believe you'll find that staying awake is easier than getting awake to begin with, though there are many forces that pull one toward sleep. Thank you for allowing us to come through, and for reaching a level of awareness that really turned us of in full. We can handle change at whatever speed you take us.

17 Dec 93

My awareness is changing at a pace that is unreal. Reality creation does occur first in consciousness, and it is by expanding our conscious awareness that we allow spirit to be more fully expressed in flesh. This has been known for an eternity, but it is up to each being to realize this eternal truth. Reality is quite amazing. It does go beyond imagination. It does indeed. Yes Ramtha, indeed! Channeling is nothing new. We all channel all the time. It's just that the words coming through do not appear to be from another entity very often. However, when you think about the process of speech, you don't know what you're going to say before you say it. In writing, you may hear it in your head just prior to writing it, but only momentarily before. It is as if it were coming from a foreign source. Yes, the words come through you, but it is not clear at all that they come from you.

Reality Creation 101 is going to be a fun book to write. I look forward to it. My sense is that I'm breaking into new ground from a physical realization standpoint. Many beings have created important pieces that allow me to reach the states I am getting to. It's the cooperative help and push from consciousness that is guiding the way and leading me to the new peaks of awareness. I'm deeply grateful for all who have played their parts so well that I could be given this opportunity. Yet I know that I am to be a step for others as well. What a wonderful journey we are creating and experiencing. I look forward to our joint activity that we may create the way to propel consciousness into entire new realms where the collective consciousness that we are has never gone before. Such is the next step on the grand scale. Just look at the play it required to get us to this stage in the game of Life. No, the game of consciousness.

All that I can do is Laugh! The game is endlessly amusing, nearly hilarious. We create it all, but most of us are asleep. Some stay asleep all their life. To be truly alive we must awaken and then as Thoreau says "keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn." Could he have been referring to the dawn of a new age of consciousness, the Age of Aquarius? Interesting. Interesting indeed.

What a divine comedy! Perhaps it's time for me to see some Shakespeare. What more can I say. The very wonder of how it all fits together so perfectly, down to the very last detail. It's enough to knock your socks off. Also, the workings of As Above, So Below -- these are amazing in how they've been implemented. They truly operate at all levels. And what's more, there are several layers above and below. I have no clue as to how many.

To understand reality and consciousness, one must find that place beyond science and beyond religion where the best of both work together in harmony. We must develop a science of consciousness in which the nature of beliefs and beliefs themselves play a major role. This is a new stretch of the imagination, uniting aspects that have been separated for nearly all of their existence. But it is a stretch that must be made. For its the only good way to explore the new territory that we find ourselves in when we go beyond mind and touch consciousness first hand. Thank you K for showing us the way. Know that your efforts were not for naught. You did help to shift the consciousness of many in the world so that others could follow who would be able to get what you were trying so desperately to teach. Thank you very much. Namaste.

21 Dec 93

With all the book writing for beyond imagination, there isn't much time for the notes. I've been spending a lot of time talking to Edwin about the nature of reality creation, and in particular the idea about the Play. As I speak with him, I'm playing with the some very elastic concepts -- free will, choice, personal responsibility, karma, ... My sense is that I'm setting myself up to write Reality Creation 101 : Basic Principles of Existence in this World. I believe this is to be my next book anyway. It's not something to worry about. Writing is and has always been a cooperative effort for me, with inner and outer parts working together to allow it to flow easily through me. It was not something I remember having to learn how to do. That could only mean that it is an important talent that I needed to accomplish my mission. I've felt this to be the case for a long time. I know that most others do not have this facility with expressing ideas into words in an organized manner.

I'm curious as to what the future holds for my books. I feel like a father concerned about his children. For my books are children of my consciousness. By the way, I'm very grateful for all the wonderful experiences and realizations that came as a part of writing Beyond Imagination. One major lesson I learned was to watch my expectations. I was continually surprised and amazed at how different various chapters turned out than I had expected. I'm learning that it is really important to live in the NOW, taking care of what one can do in the moment, and allowing the future to more or less take care of itself. There's only so much we can do -- and the only place we can truly have effect and take action is NOW. I find the more I do this the easier things are and the happier I become as a result. I'm also finding it interesting to observe the time lag between a change in consciousness or belief and the corresponding change in physical reality that validates it. The denseness of the physical results in a sluggishness in the ability to manifest. The lighter things are, the easier it is for consciousness to move and mold them into form. The idea that its all a play of light and mirrors, or light and shadows, comes to mind as well.

I've discovered that I need people around me to sound my ideas off. The act of trying to express something to another has a focusing affect that allows me to see what conclusions my consciousness is really making. To some degree, this mirror gives me a window into my soul that provides interesting and useful feedback. This feedback allows adjustments to be made to the beliefs so that a more consistent model results. Much of my thought is focused on a model for how reality creation works. Somehow, I believe the model will be created and refined as I write my next book. Interesting, I look forward to it. What an adventure awaits. This is far better than physical travel could be, though I wouldn't mind checking out a few sacred sites. Then again, maybe not. Whatever the Plan holds in store, such will I do. The world is at a critical stage now, and the roles of some characters may be hectic for awhile until a critical mass can be aligned to their spiritual tasks. Your writings will have a role in helping to bring this about, as will your classes. You have about three years to teach and write, after which your mode of expression will change. We'll prepare you for this when the time is right. Trust what comes through you. Do what you sense is from your spirit. You won't always be right, but you will be right most of the time. You're right in your understanding of the battle of Light vs Dark. That part of the Play is just beginning. Much of human consciousness is still asleep, and the battle is needed to wake them up. Those already awake will see the battle for the game that it is and will play in it only if their role demands it. Many light workers will remain behind the scenes developing the prototypes of what will be. These may be crude at first, but they will quickly evolve to structures of lasting value.

22 Dec 93

I've just realized that I can provide a valuable service for people on at least a monthly basis and maybe on a weekly basis simply by making my notes into a continuing forum of information that can be delivered in a few days from the time it is generated. I don't have to wait until a book is finished to start feeding the information out to the people who need it. Also, there is no point in doing much to fix old information. Whatever comes through is the best that can come through in that moment. As time goes by, it's the work of the moment that is most important. However, on another level, the moment is eternity -- existing beyond time, yet spanning all time. In physical reality we have delays in time for getting things to manifest.

Growth happens in the physical. Most people are learning from the bottom up, oblivious to the higher reality of consciousness. To teach effectively to such people, one must either work within their paradigms or find ways to get them to shift paradigms. Eventually, we take the students to a point where we can work with the mental framework and beliefs directly, allowing the physical to bring the appropriate confirmation at the proper time. However, even then, we must emphasize the need for using physical reality as the final check -- otherwise, the belief system may go ballistic and get into areas that are outside of the borders for reality in this game. Some people need such experiences, most are happier following the rules so to speak.

Interesting. Very interesting. The goal is to teach more from the top down, but we cannot get to this goal until people have reached a level of awareness where they are receptive to this type of teaching. It requires a much higher level of trust, not only of oneself but of others, in particular of those who are the teachers. Then again, most people already place a great amount of trust in their teachers -- but it is a false authoritarian kind of trust, not one that comes from spirit. I've been struggling with how to make a living at doing what I love, which is engaging in this conversation of the nature of our own reality. There is no doubt that this is what I came to the planet to express. But, I'm here to do more than that. I'm here to make the information something more than ideas in people's heads -- something that is real, physically. The ideas I bring forth are the spiritual blueprints, but these are no good unless they are conveyed in a manner that the sponsors/ financiers/ investors can believe in, and that the architects can turn into physical blueprints that foremen can understand and convey to workers. There is a hierarchy here, where all are engaging different abilities at different levels of understanding. However, all are required to get the job done. Take out any level, and the project fails. I believe it is my task help put together the right people at the top so that jointly we can make the Vision a reality and get consciousness firmly entrenched in Flesh so that the Aquarian Age can begin. I specifically used "the Vision", because there are several who see it. I'm only allowed to catch a glimpse and bring back as much of it as I can.

27 Dec 93

Mailed the manuscript to HJKramer on 22 Dec 93. It felt good getting it off to a publisher. That's something real authors do. Also, it was like finishing a gift from consciousness to the universe or to Christ. It was important that it be done prior to Christmas for some reason.

Having the 20 bound copies made on 23 Dec 93 was another major milestone. Now, not only was it done and sent to a publisher, but the book was copied and ready for the world. That is, at least for the first set of people that the book was supposed to reach. My sense was that I had done what I could do. It was now up to the universe to get the work to the people that needed to see it. I'm happy to be an instrument in making this so, if that should be part of my role.

I did find some time yesterday to start writing my next book. Overall, it was a decent start that should keep me busy for days. It will be interesting to see what changes come about in my life as the book progresses. If these are anything like what came from the last book, I'm in for a lot of change, indeed.

I'm also anxiously awaiting responses from B.M.Hubbard, D. Millman, and H&S Kramer. They were the first people that I was moved to contact to share my spiritual awakening and my book, Beyond Imagination: Foundations for Creating a New World. I know that there was a reason for these being the first. But, this well be unveiled as time unfolds and the Play is enacted.

My instinct says to trust my inner awareness, and know that all is being done in the right order and the right timing. Be patient, don't rush. All will happen at its appointed date and hour. In the meantime do what you are moved to do by spirit. Take right action and live with an everpresent attitude of peace and harmony. Live as if the new age were already upon us, at least, as much as you can. Serve as a shining example to others, that they may follow your path.

Enough with this for now. Your next task is to complete your next book. Work it as quickly as you can and get it done as soon as possible. You have started to write a series of books under the Beyond Imagination umbrella. The sooner you have a stable of completed works, the sooner you'll be ready to begin the next phase of your adventure. Right now you are in the struggling author phase. We want you to get addicted to the feelings of Love that your writing engenders in you. As soon as it is somewhat certain that your motivation is coming from the right place, your circumstances will change in the manner necessary to resolve some of the present challenges. You are learning to focus your awareness. You can focus it on problems, or you can focus it on your true work. We're showing you first hand the results of applying yourself to the task that you came to do. The reward is abundance, on all levels. However, it is not given freely, but must be earned via level of awareness. Be patient, you'll see the changes unfold in the coming months. No, not everything will be easy -- but, any challenges you encounter will be there because you needed them at some level for your own growth. Trust that all will work out for the best of all concerned. After all, it always does. The universe would not have it anyother way. You are not expected to do everything, only that for which your unique talents and abilities make you best suited. You have a mission, a role that is yours to perform. All that you are has been designed with this end in mind.

Do what you love to do! That is the directive of your spirit. No arguments, no hesitations. You already know what that is. So, what is stopping you now? Why do you choose to be less than you know you can be. Free yourself of the limitations and chains that you have around you. All of these are self-imposed, and require your will to give them their power over you. Be done with them, so that you can be free to engage your energies as you see fit. This level of control will not be exerted for you. It is up to you to drop your illusions and see the reality that is truly there. Be done with the darkness and see the light. Awaken from your sleep and rise anew and see the dawning of a glorious new day, as it marks the arrival of a new age, the Age of Aquarius.

So, what is reality? Reality is you and the worlds that you live in. This includes a physical world, an emotional world, a mental world, and a spiritual world. But is reality the real things, or the concepts, or both? I would argue both, however, much of the primary part of our reality is conceptual. Our sensing apparatus is tied to our thinking apparatus resulting in our own interpretations of the meaning of the things that we sense.

28 Dec 93

So, back to the struggle of being here when I don't really want to be here. My mind continuously wanders to more beautiful pastures, where it can think and dream of a world that is to be in a New Age that lies just beyond the horizon. More and more, I find I have to struggle to work on anything other than the metaphysics. My mind simply refuses to focus on things that it now considers to be mundane. I need to either be self-employed or be selling my services as some type of consultant to people or companies open to my ideas. I would even consider a position in a think tank as long as it involved the kinds of activities I am concerned about related to creating a new world order. The hope is that getting my ideas out will eventually put them in the hands of someone who would consider putting me in their employ. That would at least allow me to earn my living in a manner that I would enjoy, again. My present job used to be like that. However, I've changed so much in four years that even though the job has changed, it still does not provide the space for me to create what I know that I'm here to create.

The day to day dread is becoming intolerable. I've been doing this too long. It's time for a change, a massive change. I thought I was done with it in August. However, I had to return in November. I still haven't figured out what all that was about. Especially since it was clear that being gone had very limited impact overall. The bottom line is that the work related to the NPT is of limited utility, and it is not clear how to change that within the present structure. Also, my heart just isn't in it. My heart, instead, is preoccupied with what it takes to more fully enflesh spirit so that consciousness can expand enough to allow the Age of Aquarius to come forth. This is what stirs my soul and captivates my spirit. This is what truly moves me.

I'm not sure what else to say. I'm spending as much time as I can writing or conversing with others on the topics I am in the process of writing about. My discussions with Edwin have been of tremendous value as a training ground and a practice field for honing my skills in verbally relating my ideas to others. I feel close to being ready to start conducting classes in the kinds of things I am writing about. I'm learning to pay attention to the student to get feedback on how well my approach and presentation style is working. Also, I value the information exchange much more. In many cases, I receive as much new information as I give out. One of the prime things that I am learning about is how consciousness expresses -- not just my consciousness but that of others as well. To do this, I must find ways to observe consciousness and to move it into states that I am interested in studying. This study is first hand through my own experience but also second hand through observing the experience of others.

Part of the problem may be that I'm missing the more subtle significance of the play -- in terms of the importance of my interactions with others outside of the context of the work that serves to bring us into contact with each other. These are not chance occurrences, and many of them are unlikely to happen outside of the work concept. At least, they were unlikely to occur. With the book completed, there is now an avenue open for interchange. I've taken the first step and exposed a deep part of myself. The ball is now in the other court, it's up to others to take the initiative and show interest in continuing the interchange. This can happen via mailing list that provides a one way movement of information to people, via correspondence, or in person either one-on-one or in a classroom or seminar setting. The key link was a completed manuscript that encapsulated a body of core ideas. The people I am involved with in the future will have at least some of these core ideas in common. After all, like attracts like -- and the highest level of attraction is in the basic beliefs about reality. The manuscripts for Beyond Mind and Beyond Imagination are my magnets for finding the people with whom I want to fill my life. Yes, this is true, indeed.

I feel that my work here is complete. It is finished, or at least close to being finished. I don't need to be here to get my real work done anymore. The desk and office provides a good place to think and focus on my writing, but I could do this from home just as well now. My sense, however, is that change is not imminent. That is, its timespan is several months, not a matter of days or a few weeks. I'm open to change at any time, but I know it will happen in its right timing. I would prefer that it hurry, but I can be happy where I am as well. Though, being happy with the present job is becoming more and more challenging. That too may be part of my test in this lifetime. Something about dealing with circumstances beyond my control for awhile, to learn what truths they have to offer.

29 Dec 93

Well, I struck out with Dan Millman. I believe he was impressed by the letter and got something from the book Know Thyself, but he is too busy to interact in any way on a personal basis. I think he misunderstood my intent with the manuscript for Beyond Mind. I wanted to use it to as a description of the states of mind that I've experienced. My desire was for him to read it so that he could tell me what they meant to him based on his own experience. He did provide some sound advice regarding use of a literary agent. When I sent the stuff, I didn't fully consider what would be required from the recipient. In particular, I didn't consider that someone might not have 3-4 hours to devote to reading my stuff and responding to it. That's half a day's work from somebody who is already busy on their own. It surprised me to see my manuscript returned. I guess I wasn't clear enough about what I wanted. It was especially interesting to see the P.S. that he had passed Ron Pierce's manuscript on to a friend.

Well, so be it. Such are the workings of the Play. The material will get to where it is needed when the time is right. I needed the information that Dan Millman is not one of the key players in my life, at least not yet. The connection is still there, but the timing for a physical connection is not right yet. Initial contact has been made, however, as with Tony Robbins and Al Gore.

However, with Tony Robbins, two attempts at contact have been made in addition to attendance at two seminars. Contacts with Paulo Coelho are up in the air as well. I've had one personal contact and still await a response on my letter. With both Tony Robbins and Al Gore, however, it's not clear that my letters ever got to them. My job is only to make the attempts in the way that seems right and at the time that seems right. If the letters are meant to get through, they will get through -- and if they are meant to be acted upon, they will be. The Play unfolds perfectly depending on the personal awareness that each individual has achieved.

I will be moved to enact what is written in the Play. Yet as the awareness inside the actor, I observe what parts I control and what parts I don't by checking what I do against what results from the Play. I am learning what I AM, while I am being what I am. It's a very intricate process. There is not much separation between the actor and the observer at this stage of awareness. The distinction are real, but are subtle. Besides, at an experiential level, most of this is new territory to me. I've only been experiencing this observer awareness for a few months.

It's strange being an actor in a play. The sensation is that I am making decisions and taking actions to achieve particular ends -- yet, at the same time, I cannot know what the results of any of these actions might be. I watch what action is taken, then watch some more to see what happens as if the results are caused by my actions. Such is how it appears within the Play. Yet, I know the Play is ultimately designed to convey spiritual truths, and that part of this is conveyed by demonstrating individual responsibility in a cause/ effect manner. This is a game we are playing, hiding from ourselves the fact that we create the events in the game even as we experience them. That is, we create the very reality to which we react. It's all a play of consciousness teaching itself to be more aware of itself. One again, know thyself is the only purpose for the play -- showing consciousness what it truly is.

The Play is written in an intricate manner, on many levels simultaneously. It's simply magnificent to behold. The detail is incredible, yet so too are the levels of abstraction. Reality creation could be a topic for study all of one's life. No wonder 1010 is just the basic principles level. In addition, you can see why it's a graduate level course even at the introductory level. This is heavy stuff, but very powerful stuff. Understanding it, however, is why we're here. Interesting, why we are here. In particular not why I am here. Very interesting, indeed.

Copyright © 1995, Wayne Hartman, Revised -- (5 Sep 95)