2 Jan 96
Yes, we're definitely into a new year. I'm feeling better than I have for some time. The future is uncertain yet at the same time it appears bright, ripe with possibilities. Yes, change is in the air, in a way that I have never known before. This is clearly a time where having a strong foundation of faith in the workings of consciousness is tantamount. I'm reading the book The Aladdin Factor. It is good, yet something about its message seems false. There is too much focus on wants without any filtering to see if the wants are really needs -- and, more importantly, without assuring that the wants do not cause undue harm. The key message is that what you really want and ask for is what you will get. It doesn't matter how reasonable, possible, or practical the wish. Further, there is nothing lost by asking for something that one does not already have. The worst case is that you will continue to not have what you don't have. Asking, at least holds up the possibility for positive change to the present situation.
I'm anxious for change. It is time to start doing what I came to do, and to manifest the environment that is best for doing it. Circumstances seem to be pushing me in that direction as well. There is a growing sense that it is time to find new work that I can be excited about. Making connections seems more important than it has ever been in my life. My upcoming 20th high school reunion has me wanting to reestablish connections from my past as well. Interesting. This is clearly to be a breakthrough year, one of emergence on a major scale. I'm definitely looking forward to it.
Writing seems to be the talent that is my forte, the major spiritual gift that I was given. Through it I am supposed to make my way in the world. Creating the way for the Aquarian Age to come into being is the one activity I am most excited about. The prime element of this is finding ways to allow spirit to be more fully expressed in flesh. That is a major theme in my writings to date, and seems to be the major part of my purpose for being. I am Wayne, I am here to demonstrate the New Way for the expression of consciousness in the Aquarian Age.
3 Jan 96
Another day. What wonderful things will spring forth? I wonder. I've started taking an active role in getting my works distributed to an audience again. I don't yet know where the actions will lead, but I am boldly putting the material out to targeted individuals and groups. It will be interesting to see what the do with it. I'm sure that they've never received cover letters like those that I am sending. And, if they get to the material itself, I don't think they are going to find that it is like anything that they have seen expressed before. It will be interesting to see what, if any, feedback I get. Though, I'm not holding my breath. However, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I really do believe that my ideas are good and my writings are sound. But, then, I am somewhat biased and headstrong. Further, right now, I'm not asking for anything in return. The ideas are free to those who choose to expend the time and effort to experience them.
-----
I've been very negligent about taking my pills over the past few weeks. It's as if my system somehow knows that the dosage is too high. At the same time, I'm feeling better than I have in months. I'm excited about the near future even though it is highly uncertain. There is a knowingness that things will work out right, a confidence in the plan that consciousness is about to unfold. No, there is no feedback yet to confirm my optimistic outlook. However, I am making contacts and I am asking that they review my writings. Per The Aladdin Factor, that is the key step in getting what you want. Today alone, I found four new contacts, one of which had to do with pushing for a constitutional convention. Overall, I'm finding that the Internet is a very useful resource.
One step at a time. With each new step new vistas arise, and I definitely like what I am seeing. 22:The Fool Complete always has room for one more step. It's just a matter of trusting consciousness to guide me as she has done throughout my life. I am moved to communicate in a way that I have not been for some time. It's as if I am compelled to get my ideas out into the world where they can affect positive change. We're talking about revolution here, change on a massive scale that challenges the very foundations of the present ways of being on a number of fronts. Yet, the time appears to be ripe. I'm starting to see that there are others who know this as well, though their expression may be quite different.
Who am I to be so audacious to think that I know what needs to be done? Simply, one who came specifically to guide us through these particular times toward a New Way of expression suited for the Age of Aquarius. This is my purpose and mission. It is as important to me as the air that I breath. I must do what I came to do. No other alternative is acceptable. Period.
My mind is flying with ideas about what I want to be doing versus what I am doing. Yes, I am taking steps in the right direction; but, it is not clear how the finances will work out. Something tells me that the house in Idaho is right. It was the perfect house for Gini, and I don't really care anymore. Coeur d' Alene is as good as anywhere. At some point, my income will come through my writing, and I can do that wherever I am. The only question is how to make it so. Further, the sooner, the better. So, how do I begin? How do I turn my words into cash? In particular, I need enough cash/income so that I never have to work for anyone else again.
7 Jan 96
Well, I started the month off right. But, I've slowed down over the past few days. Not to worry. What needs to be expressed will indeed be expressed. I trust that life is unfolding in the manner that it is meant to. Yes, I believe in a destiny that pulls us from above to be what we are meant to be. I believe not because this is what I've been taught, rather because this is something which strikes the chords of my soul. I still sense that massive change is the order for the year. I have no idea as to how it will manifest, but that it will I do not doubt. I've felt this way before, but never quite so strongly. What makes me sure that this time the changes will actually happen? The bottom line is that it doesn't matter. The changes will happen or they will not. I can only wait and see what unfolds. Life is unfolding exactly as it is meant to unfold. My desires for accelerated change are strong, but they are not the determining factor. In fact, in many ways, they only get in the way -- especially if they do not come true. Make the most of the situations that present themselves to you. Remember, you are not their cause; however, you helped to select them at a deeper level of your being. You're right in realizing that you need to make some connections this year. You've taken initial steps toward that end, but these are not enough. Further steps will stretch you in ways that you have not been stretched before.
It seems that there are some major challenges in store for the times ahead. Be that as it may. I am ready for whatsoever may come. I am confident in what the future holds. It matters not that I know not what it is. I am content to allow the future to unfold as it will. Interesting. All of my metaphysical training emphasizes creating reality consciously, deciding what you want, asking for what you want, setting goals, and doing what it takes to achieve those goals. Yet, for some reason, these do not seem to be appropriate for me to use. No, I am subject to a fate that I am destined for. I've felt that way for quite some time. There are no goals that I wish to achieve, save to do whatever consciousness moves me to do. Thus far in my life, this has not involved knowing in advance what the next step would be. I have no reason to believe that this will change. Further, I have no use for goals in my life. I never have. I do things because I am moved to do them. And I do them to the best of my ability. Things happen because they are meant to be. They may be influenced and even drawn by my beliefs but it is not truly clear that the correspondence truly has a cause effect relationship.
Life is becoming exciting again. There is a sense that I am being drawn to my destiny in a way that I cannot yet describe. There is a compulsion to do what I came to this planet to do, vague though that may be at the present. It is as if there is a clock going off. My time has arrived. If not exactly now, then very soon. How do I know this? I just do.
8 Jan 96
The day is flying by. It's already past 4pm. It's good being busy. However, I do miss this continuing dialog with spirit. I have no clue as to how to make my destiny unfold any faster than it will of its own accord. Yet, I am impatient and no longer care to wait. This is a very strange condition to be in -- anxious, but powerless to do anything. Am I really powerless, or am I only choosing to manifest in that manner? How am I to know? What could I do differently to manifest differently? Does what I do even matter, or is predestination strong enough to win out anyway? Powerful questions, especially since some are such as to make me virtually powerless in the face of fate. Forrest Gump saw this as well, concluding that both fate and choice operated equally in the world. By the way, Forrest Gump was an excellent movie. It's good to see that it made as much money as it did. Also, the movie was quite metaphysical.
How can I translate my abilities into something that can help people and at the same time pull in sufficient income for me to live comfortably? There must be a way. For me to be ready to ask such a question means that I must be ready for the answer. After all, such is the way that reality works -- ask and it shall be given unto you.
Major news today. Loral is being bought by Lockheed-Martin, one of our prime competitors. Have no clue as what that means as to job prospects for the future. Further, I don't really care. I've had enough with the defense industry. I've given it 18 years of my working life. This is clearly not where my future lies. And, it is the pursuit of my destiny that is of the utmost importance to my soul at this time. Interesting. You might say that I must do what my heart commands me to do, and that no longer involves what I have been doing. At least not for much longer anyway. Yet, what other possibilities exist? That is not to be my concern. The way that is right will be shown to me that I might do what I came into this existence to do. This was not a random lifetime, it was intricately planned from the very beginning. I am only now fully realizing to what degree. I came with a clear mission to perform, and to play a major role in the transformation of the entire planet. Yes, it is grandiose of me to think in these terms. However, every fiber of my being knows this to be true. There is nothing grandiose about it.
What transformation lies in store for 1996? ... for me? ... for the US? ... for the world? It will be very interesting to see. [Even more interesting to see what part I have to play.] I expect that much change is in order, though I cannot be certain of how much. This is indeed the beginning that is to foretell of times to come -- and, not times in the distant future, but those leading just beyond the turn of the century. Yes, I am excited by the prospects of what lies immediately ahead, though, I have only a limited understanding of what lies in store. Enabling spirit to more fully express in flesh is a massive undertaking. Building a body in which Cosmic Consciousness can manifest is no small endeavor. However, this is the great work. I cannot imagine engaging my talents to do anything else. Yes, the task appears nearly impossible given the way that people in the US cling to their individual rights. Getting agreement on a higher social contract will not be easy. But, it must be done. Unity amidst diversity and individual sovereignty must shine forth and reign in the populace not out of any sense of control or fear, but out of a sincere desire for the highest good of all. Can we trust the innate goodness of humanity to come forth at this time, though the circumstances seem far from safe, and though the apparent risk of loss of individual freedom looms quite large?
Can we abandon our government to the hands of philosopher kings? Why not? It can't be any worse than abandoning it to lawyers subjected to all the influence that corporate lobbyists can levy. We never have had a truly democratic government. Nor is it clear that we would want one if indeed we could have it. Why should everyone's time be wasted researching and deciding on factors and problems that fewer representatives can easily handle? Democracy demands an educated populace, and it is not clear that people are willing to go to the trouble needed to educate themselves. In fact, if anything, the opposite is clear.
9 Jan 96
Another day for consciousness to come forth and speak. I am grateful for the opportunity of being her voice and serving her in this manner. Though, it seems that a voice should be heard; and there I am stumbling a bit, for I have not attracted much of an audience; that is, if indeed an audience is mine to attract. Perhaps it is enough that I give the ideas voice trusting that they will indeed find their intended audience when the time is right, and resigning to the inevitable fact that this timing may just be beyond my control. At least, this seems to be where things are headed. Though, it is not yet clear that this cannot be changed be concerted action on my part, even though I know not what such action might entail. Uncertainty seems to be the order of the day and, for that matter, the year. Yet, in all ways that truly matter, it is not important that things be known to progress forward this year. The path is followed one step at a time, the next step being revealed only after the previous one has been taken. My process is to wait until I am moved to take a step, and then to take it without fear, doubt, or question -- the, back to the waiting once again. Where this will lead I can only guess. But, in the end it doesn't matter. For, I know that consciousness is guiding me to where I need to be to fulfill my destiny.
The excitement continues. Grand new times lie ahead. While the vista is still veiled, there is a certainty that what will be revealed will indeed be beautiful beyond compare. My mind races when I try to consider when the unveiling is to take place. However, it does not seem that it is for me to know the timing of these things; at least not yet. I am content to know what will be will be, and that it will be so in accord with the will of consciousness herself.
Then, am I a pawn, destined for a fate over which I have no control? At this point, I would answer YES, and willingly so. Why should I think that I know what is better for me more than consciousness herself? Nothing in my training, background, or experience lends creedence to such folly. In fact, everything points to the truth that I know very little about anything though I have read a lot and thought a lot about a lot of things. Interesting that this be so. Yet, indeed it is. Yes, indeed. Why is it that I do not rebel from the very idea of fate or destiny, for it seems the very opposite of choice and freedom? Yet, I do not find any true solice in the later two. Being able to choose between things of little value has no real importance. Being free within an economic system that enslaves just as fully as any tyranical leader ever did is not true freedom regardless of whether one is aware of the chains that bind one or not.
So, would I be a revolutionary? Yes, but a peaceful one. In fact, 20 years ago I announced that the time had come for a revolution. I don't think anyone understood, but I had to say it anyway. Now, I see more clearly what I meant and feel more strongly than ever that the time is indeed here. In fact, the revolution is in progress. It has been for some time. However, it has not reached the critical mass that will allow it to dominate the thoughtforms of society. It is only a matter of time. And, there is always enough time for that which is right to manifest. The scenes of The Play unfold as directed by consciousness.
Back to these notes ... I come to be gently caressed by consciousness. Yes, I sing her name a lot. She is on my mind incessantly. It is through her that I came to life, and through her that I will live the role that I am meant to live. What is she? I cannot say. But, she is older than time and wiser than any who have walked clothed in flesh. She speaks through us all. Yeah, she is the spirit within us all -- always there to guide us if only we had the sense to listen to her. She is the ONE, though she be expressed as many. She is called by many names, though most are not aware of her existence. She is greater than the Gods, though in ways that are beyond imagining. The poets have known her as the muse, and she was indeed responsible for their inspiration. She has existed since the beginning of time, and even before that. Her face can be found everywhere throughout the world, yet where there is beauty, doth she shine most brightly.
I am fascinated by what is coming through. It's been awhile since I was really moved in this fashion. It's definitely good to get back in the groove. It will be interesting to see where it takes me. The sense is that bold new adventures lie in store -- adventures in consciousness, of course. After all, they are the best kind. I'm still facing the world alone for the most part. Beyond Imagination is primarily an organization of one, though a few people appear to be reading some of my writings. It's been this way for over two years now. Enough is enough. It seems like it is time to enter a new phase of manifesting. Yet, for some reason I hang on to the image of The Hermit. There is still a strong sense that that is what I am meant to be -- that The Hermit is how I am to relate to the world. If so, it's no wonder that the past two years have gone as they have.
Pg 7 Ln 7.56, interesting. Perhaps the transition to The Chariot is what is to be highlighted at this time. Note the 7.56, the drivers of my two triangle readings. It is amazing how often they come up. Something says that 1996 will be the year to actualize these triangles. We'll just have to see what that means in practice. At this point, I still have no clue.
Back again. I cannot stay away for long. My soul must express, even if no one is there to listen save consciousness herself. Interesting that this would be so. I spent over 35 years in silence for the most part. Now I speak out, at least onto these pages, and there is no one there to listen. At least, so far as I am aware. And yet, I am moved to continue to write, regardless. Spirit must be expressed in flesh. There is no other alternative for the coming times. And, with Mercury at the top of my chart, writing is my favored mode of expression. It always has been. However, it's only in the past two years that the personal writings have flowered. How do I get others to see the blooms? Even more importantly, is this what I truly want? The immediate answer is yes, but, there is a gnawing hesitency as well. Can the blooms be seen through the weeds? Must I be the gardener who separates the two? Lots of questions. No clear answers. I am to write what I am moved to write. Thus far this has been stream of consciousness writing. I haven't felt the need nor the responsibility to edit it or clean it up in any way. Yet, is that not part of a writer's job as well? The first answer is, not when you are serving as a channel for consciousness. The organization comes automatically, or, at least, such has always been the case for me. I feel no need to change this mode of operation now. Besides, when I review my works, I like what I have written. It moves me, and I feel that it would move others as well. Ego rearing her head again. Perhaps, but all I ask is that you judge me by my works. Are they interesting, informative, educational? Do they stir your soul? Do they challenge what you believe or know to be true? If so, I have done my part well.
I sit here in my office where 6.5 years of my working life have passed. Many a page of words has been written here both for work and for Beyond Imagination. In many ways I am fortunate to have had a work situation that allowed me to express the other sides of my being so easily, though it took a trip to a mental hospital to fully activate my energies. Interesting. 6.5 years = 78 months, the Tarot completion. I was supposed to notice that. It just came to me. Further, that time is up on 7 Feb 96 = 2/7/96 = 72-96, span of 24, center at 84:The Lovers Exalted, the top of my "A" reading. Here we go, tying things together again. Leap day = 2/29/96 = 9:22-96, span of 74, centered at 9:59. The Benefactor, The Hermit:The Aquarian Age. Now, 9:59 is also 1 to 10 = 1210 = 11 x 11 x 10 = 11 x 11 x 11 - 11 x 11, expressed as all 11's:Justice.
So, where does this all lead? We get hints but never much more than that. At least, not in terms of specifics. I sense that this will change in the future, but I can only work with what I have. The world is reaching a state of craziness, a place where things don't make sense. More and more, it is becoming clear that we are in a show and that it is being run by a very small minority at the expense of us all. When are we going to wake up, see what is happening, and say ENOUGH already? We live in a grand country, but we are enslaved as much as any populace, if not more, by an economic system that enslaves rather than serves us. This has got to change, there is no other way out. Yet, the majority pride themselves in being part of this tyranical system of free enterprise. How do we create something better if we can't get this beast of of our backs. We don't need to consume everything that we do. Further, we can demand that the products and services that are allowed on are market truly serve us and are the best that they can be. The entire lifecycle of goods must be considered with evaluations being done from a long term perspective for the good of society versus from a short term perspective for the good of the shareholders. At the very least, some compromise should be reached on what constitutes fair return on investments. In the past, we've seen returns that could easily be judged to be obscene.
I don't want to pick on any specific companies, but I was surprised to find Oscar Mayer bologna on sale for $.99 a pound. I picked up the package and read the nutrition label. I was astonished to find that nearly 90% of the calories came from fat. Yes, 90%! This is worse than cheese, which everyone knows has a high fat content. Though, it's probably no worse than other bolognas. No wonder we have so many overweight kids. Why is it that we allow manufacturers to sell such products? Why do we buy these products? Why do we permit commercials to link such products to good things in our youngster's eyes? After all, how many people don't know the Oscar Mayer bologna commercial? Clearly, something is wrong with the system.
This is only one minor instance. If you look hard enough, everywhere you turn you'll find that the economic system is not set up with your best interest at heart. This must change. And, we, en masse, must change it. It is simply not acceptable. At least, not any longer. The trick lies in making radical economic change without falling into a depression. The bottom line, however, comes to producing what people need (goods and services) and getting these products to the people that need them. In addition, the labor required to produce the goods and services must be shared fairly across the populace. What could be more simple. The present economy knows how to create the goods and services, it just doesn't distribute them well. Further, it doesn't necessarily make enough because it allows many people to remain too poor to afford them.
10 Jan 96
Up to double digits already. The time is really flying by. I'm content with the pace, though I sense there is much more that can be revealed at this time. It will be interesting to see what message comes through. The struggle for change has taken on new import. There is a sense that action is required to make it so, and massive action at that. However, in many ways we are plowing new ground. For, this is to be a peaceful revolution, unlike similar events in the past. We don't really have a model for creating such great change without resorting to violence. What incentive have those in control to share what they have? How do we circumvent the rage of the havenots risen to challenge the system. Somehow, we must make this transformation a cooperative endeavor, one that we all share. We are establishing a new way of being that truly looks after the common good. The fruits of our efforts may not be immediate, but they will indeed come, just as the harvest comes after the sowing. What greater endeavor could we hope to participate in than sowing the seeds of a new community and ultimately a new civilization?
Yes, this is what I came for -- to make a difference in this world; to manifest a spiritual based community, a Camelot on Earth. This is no easy task. It requires building the foundation under castles that have always been in the clouds. What makes me think that I can do this? On my own, there is no way; but, with consciousness by my side there is no way that I can fail. Of course, this will require the cooperative work of many. My next role appears to be in bringing forth the VISION. This year seems to be the right one for that task. We can only wait and see. Yet, the force is strong inside me. I feel that I am ready to burst forth in a way that I've never expressed before. Just a feeling, but a strong one. Such sensings are not to be taken lightly.
What purpose do my writings serve? They are the flights of a soul as it addresses its reality. They document a very different way of looking at the world and what it means. They provide a vessel for consciousness to express through me. Ultimately, this expression is meant for an audience. However, it is clear that it is not for me to decide who will be in that audience and when they will be exposed to this material. My attempts at disseminating the information have been dismal failures -- making it very clear that it is not something that is for me to do. I could take this as a challenge that says continue to pursue getting the material out until you find your audience, or as a message that says this is a futile area in which to apply yourself, find someplace better to expend your energies. Actually, I've settled somewhere in between -- choosing to continue to disseminate the information where I am moved to do so, while remaining somewhat oblivious to the consequences or results. Expectations only get in the way. They do not, in my experience, create the reality that is expected. I take action, observe the results, and then take further action as I am so moved.
-----
It's been nearly seven hours since the last words came through. The energy level is down a bit. I'm feeling cold as well. The commute is getting old. Actually, it is old. It is time to be doing something else. Yet, I have no specific signs of a change in sight. There is a strong sense that such is indeed the case, but nothing physical to confirm it. Part of the problem is exposed by the question: what would you rather be doing? Writing , of course. But, I fail to see how I can make it sustain me at the level to which I am accustomed. Can I serve as a mentor for pay over the Internet? I could be a teacher, responding to questions with a wisdom based on my experience. For many people 37 years may not be much, but my awareness is far beyond my years. OK, ego again. But, I believe my assessment to be valid.
What makes me think that these writings would have value to others? Good question. There is something about the frankness of documenting a stream of consciousness that is refreshing. At least, I find it so. Further, this style opens up whom that I am, with all my flaws and foibles to whomever chooses to experience a part of me. This is not what one gets from most writing. In fact, I have no other experience with it despite extensive reading. I speak with a voice that I know not from where it originates. Tis consciousness that speaks through me. I gladly allow the words to flow as they will. There is no conscious purpose to these writings; no plan, no rhyme, no reason. They ramble on at times like a windy river wandering through a flat valley, and at other times they shoot forth as though rapids. I know not what character will present itself on a given day or even in a given month. But, I trust that whatever it is, it is right. Yes, this is one of my strongest beliefs -- the belief that all is right in the world, that things are happening in accord with a higher plan designed by consciousness. Hmm, I hadn't expressed it like this before, but that things are perfect as they are. That's a very strong statement. And, I'm sure many would find it easy to disagree. But, at some level perfection is always manifest. There is always a context that makes this statement true.
How is it that I can make these statements with such confidence? It's not difficult when you don't know any other way. Since I started these writings just over two years ago, they have always come through authoritatively. I never really had any reason to question them either when they came through originally or at any time when I have re-read them later. There was just a knowingness that what was being expressed came from a very deep source within me.
So, what's next? Where do I go from here? I can continue to write. That part is easy. In addition, I can do what I am moved to do, whatsoever that may be. But, how does this translate into new employment? That is not my concern. The future will take care of itself. All that I have to do is take care of what confronts me in the present. And here, I can follow my heart and do what I am moved to do. There is no way beyond the uncertainty at this time, it is just something that one has to live with. This will clear up in due time, but it may take several years.
Where does this come from? It makes sense overall. Further, some of it is common sense, though such is far less common than the name would imply. Some of it is obviously speculation or belief. In and of itself, this is not enough to dismiss it, however. The material does demonstrate that there is a source within us that knows more than we may consciously know. Why this seems more developed in me than in others, I do not know exactly. The metaphysical training has helped, but others with such training still operate primarily from there conscious minds. Somehow, an acceptance and openness had to be developed. Also, it took a major spiritual transformation that landed me in the mental hospital to turn me into an information generator. Actually, generator may be a bit strong since I have no specific awareness of being the originator. I experience being the vessel and know that the words come through my hands, but this makes me more of a channel than a creator. At the same time, I know that my abilities are needed to permit the communication to take place.
I don't know how others experience reality, so I don't know how similar or different my process for bringing through information is from that of others. Neither do I know what people think about the nature of their reality, for rarely is this topic discussed intelligently. In these Notes, I reveal a lot about what I think and more importantly, what meaning I put on things. This is where reality is constructed, in the meaning that we assign to symbols. Hopefully, I offer you a new way of looking at your world. Whether it is better or not is solely for you to decide. Staying flexible is important, especially considering the speed with which changes are happening in our world. Not all changes impact everyone. There are still people in this country that are effectively living in the 1950's. We're in the midst of an information revolution. Yet, it's amazing how many people are ignorant of the critical enabling technologies that lie at the heart of this revolution.
This country has no VISION leading it to a Destiny that people understand and subscribe to. It's no wonder that we appear to be lost. We are. Without such a VISION, there is nothing that holds us together, that moves us toward a common cause. Why do we not hear something about this lack from our political leaders and, in particular, our candidates for high office? Should they not be offering us such a VISION? This is more than coming up with solutions to problems. It goes the next step of giving us a reason, a purpose for being. Clearly, it's time to start asking more of our representatives. Why is this not obvious to more people? Why is it not addressed by the media? Could it be that those in control (the Captains of Industry) don't find it in their best interest and would prefer to keep the status quo? Yet, how do we create the conditions necessary to change this? How do we loose the chains that bind us, and take control for ourselves? Preferably peacably. Though, it is not clear how we convince those in power to cooperate and willingly give up their control. Yet, this is what we are asking for.
I have no facts to back up my statements. In some cases, I don't even know where the statements come from. In evaluating this material, use your own inner knowingness to decipher what is true from false. Further, use the criteria of utility to judge the value of something. If a belief, statement, example, or meaning assignment is beneficial in your life by all means use it. If not, throw it away or leave it for another time when its practical value may change.
11 Jan 96
An eleven day! It will be interesting to see what adventures lie in store. Just noticed that 1996 is a 25 year. 25:First Knight, my soul ray and personality ray. It seems like the perfect year for my character to truly come to life. So be it!
We've come a long way in two years. Yet, we have only begun to fathom the mysteries of consciousness. The greatest thinkers of the world have tackled this subject since the beginnings of recorded history, if not sooner. However, we don't have many answers that make sense, or even frameworks for beginning to understand for that matter. Consciousness is like the elephant, while we have been the blind men labelling pieces from a highly limited perspective. It is time for this to change. We must develop a better understanding if we are to create the vessel in which spirit will be able to more fully express in flesh. This is a grand undertaking, one not to be taken lightly. Then again, a bit of lightness doesn't hurt. One can't be serious all the time, or at least one shouldn't be.
It's nice to feel compelled to write again. I missed that feeling last month. It felt as if I were on hold, waiting for who knows what. At least now I sense that I am carrying out my mission, even if no other soul be aware of the writings at the present time. Consciousness knows what I do, and is a full participant in what is being expressed. For the time being, that is enough. Ln 7.56 again. This is becoming a regular indicator confirming that the message being expressed is indeed on track.
Just had a wonderful lunch with Dave K. The key topic was future employment, what we were doing about it, and what opportunities were available. The bottom line is that he is not too concerned yet, but that he is getting there. I can feel the anticipation starting to rise as well. I know there will be change, I just don't know what nor when. Further, both of us are optimistic about what the future holds though there appears to be no reason for such optimism. It comes from a basic trust in the way of consciousness. What is right will find a way to manifest. It matters not that I know not what that is yet. Interesting.
The discourse continues. I ramble on and on and on. The words come through from a source I know not where. The ideas enter my head and get transmitted through my fingers to the page. I am lost in the process, consumed by it. When in this mode, I know that this is part of my purpose for being. The ideas thus expressed are the physical manifestation of consciousness as best expressed through me at a particular time. It is not for me to know why what is being expressed is being expressed. I only know that it is.
I am excited about a future of which I know nothing. Change presses me from all sides. While I know not where it will take me, I am certain that it will take me on its wings and that where I land will be exactly where I need to be. Wishful thinking? Maybe. But, this is what presents itself to me at this time. We have a brave new world to create, and not a lot of time to do it within. At least, such is the challenge presented to me. The next step seems to be a VISION. Something strong enough to enlist the support of many. The way doesn't have to be difficult, though undoubtedly it will be experienced as such by many. Others will see the bold adventure for what it is, and will be surprised by how soon the results will be achieved.
Peaceful revolution of society in as short as a few years. That is the possibility that awaits. And, the fruits of the revolution will be glorious to behold. The sentiment will be ah, why did we not do this sooner? How much suffering could have been avoided. Yet, the world was not ready before. If it had been, the necessary experiences would have been born. No, there is a time for every season under heaven -- and the time for revolution is nigh upon us. Strong words, many might even say harsh. Is revolution the only means for reaching the desired end? My sense is yes, for the sheer amount of change required is so great that no other means can accomplish it. I guess this makes me a revolutionary as well as a communist. Interesting that I can think this way and not have anyone bothering me about it. I've sent information involving the communistic ideas as far as the White House on several locations. If that's not enough to trigger the intelligence agencies, I do know what is. Agreed, I haven't done anything with the ideas other than publish them on the Internet and try to disseminate them. Besides, this is a free country, at least with respect to freedom of speech. However, neither have I developed an audience or following of any type.
Perhaps my ideas have been expressed before their time. Otherwise, it seems they would start to take hold and motivate an uprising, the likes of which have not been seen for some time. Are my words powerful enough to incite change, to ignite the hearts and minds of people to join in a revolution that returns power unto the people by creating a new way of life? How do I get people to get past their fears and rise up and fashion a society in which they would want to not only live but participate in? Is this even my task to do? If I'm asking, then it probably is. There is no doubt about it, this excites me. I can feel the life force stepping up just thinking about it. Wow! Yes, WOW indeed!
Along these lines, what job or position would I create for myself? Further, how can I get that position to pay sufficiently to allow me to address my financial needs? My present job, in all likelihood, goes away in 80 days. Interesting. 88 days from now is 4/8/96, my 38th birthday. This is not a lot of time to create something new to do. Yet, it must be sufficient. I have no sense that I will ever be required to undergo financial hardship. To date, this has held true. And, I have no reason to believe this will change in the future. "There will always be enough" has been my core belief in this area. Perhaps a minor change that focuses on abundance would open up the floodgates a bit and get rid of financial struggle forever. After all, the focus should be on doing great works. The reward should be whatever is required to meet one's needs. The open question is how to make this so. Will it happen automatically by the grace of consciousness? Or, must I take some action to bring it forth? Inner guidance says "trust not to consciousness that which you can do yourself." But, at the same time, "not my will but Thine be done" seems to contradict this. Which is right? Both, there is no contradiction. Doing the Will of consciousness may indeed require taken action on behalf of consciousness.
15 Jan 96
Once again, another 3-day weekend passed without a single word being written. For some reason, I find it difficult to write at home. This has been true as long as I've been writing. I don't know why exactly. It's definitely not a matter of time. I just don't feel moved to do it. However, I do think alot about alot of things. Lately the focus has been on what I need to do to manifest change. Right now, I find it impossible to envision the world as I would like it to be, and in particular the environment in which I would like to work. Further, I don't see the necessary contacts within my present environment to transition me to a completely new one. Yet, at the same time, there is a strong sense that I am indeed headed toward another world that is in most ways foreign to my present one. Also, this is to happen in the immediate future, not in the far distance. There is an uneasiness in not knowing how this transformation will take place, but this is balanced by the comfort of a knowingness that it will indeed come to pass.
How can I have such a strong faith in an unknown future? What can I say? I trust my intuition, and I trust consciousness. These have proven to be deserving of my faith throughout my life. I have no reason to start doubting them now. I may not yet be able to see exactly what the future holds, but I know it to be right and good, and I know that I have a role to play in making it so. That is enough to get me through. That, along with a healthy faith and optimism. But, is this truly enough? It has to be. It is all that I have ever had. The unknown has always been more of an ally and a friend than a foe. While I have not been beyond fear, neither have I been paralized by it -- though for a large part of my life I was extremely shy, to the point where I feared interaction with people. Now, I would be Philosopher King, leading people in a direction that they know not that they even need to be led. Yes, that's audacious. Regardless, it is what I believe to be true. Only time will tell. The role either exists, or it does not; and it is either mine or it is not. At this point I believe both that it exists and that it is mine. Further, I don't see others realizing that such a role must be played, or that they are the right person for the role.
Now, the next question is: what choice do I have? My sense is that there is little. My destiny will be manifest. Choice may be able to alter the HOW a bit, but it cannot change the WHAT.
Interesting. How do I know this? Why do I state it so matter of factly? Does it even agree with my experience? I state it thusly because it feels right. Further, my experience appears to confirm the lack of choice, or the limited impact of choice in my life. Is this a true assessment of the nature of reality? Or, am I making it more of an issue than it is and in the process avoiding the responsibility for creating my reality? Do I create reality, or just experience it, or perhaps a bit of both? How much of the creation is conscious?
Lots of questions. I've asked them before, but only at a surface level. Now, I'm in a state of really needing to know, so the questions are asked in ernest. Further, I sense the answers are forthcoming soon, but not in words, rather in experience. So be it. Such is the most appropriate form that the answers could take at this time.
16 Jan 96
I feel so close. It is as if massive change is at my fingertips or at the tip of my tongue. Very soon it will be within my grasp and perhaps I'll be shown more of the direction in which I am headed. It's about time. It seems like I've been waiting for this for several years. And yet, it is only the beginning. A bold new adventure lies ahead. And, while my past has loosely prepared me for it, I sense the specifics are simple going to blow me away. I look forward to it. I see change as an ally now -- massive change even more so. Further, I sense that I need to experience firsthand what the mass consciousness will be experiencing later. I still see myself as the Wayshower. This is why I came, it is my mission and my purpose. To show the way, I must live it and demonstrate that it is a superior way of being. No, this is not an easy task, but it is a necessary one; and further, it is one I came to do.
You might say that it is my responsibility or burden. I carry it willingly, and I will do what it takes to succeed. It is within my abilities to achieve my destiny. And the dream of the Dawn of the Aquarian Age so captivates my imagination that I cannot think of any better service to provide than to facilitate its manifestation. I am in the employ of consciousnes first and foremost. The world works from the top down, first existing in consciousness, then manifest in flesh. 7.56 again. How appropriate considering the last point. Yes, I'm willing to offer my life in this service. I have no doubt that it is what I came to do. Literally, no doubt. Yes, I can be that certain. My entire life has prepared me for this challenge. I readily accept. To boldly go where no consciousness has gone before. A lofty goal, but am I ready to take it on? I believe so with all my heart. Then, so be it!
I walk the path that I must tread, solitary though it may be. I have yet to find others who truly understand the beat of the drum that I walk to -- and, perhaps I never will. Yet, I must go on and stay true to the path, knowing only that consciousness is by my side, and that even while blindfolded I can always take the next step, one step at a time. Perhaps this mode will change in the future, but thus far the lesson has been to place one's trust and attention in the moment. That is where manifestation happens, HERE and NOW. I speak with a voice that is ancient, older than time itself. I come to express a message of Peace and Hope for all mankind. There is a transformation coming of a type never before experienced on the planet. Yet, only those who are prepared will be able to participate in it. Five years hence, the bulk of the transformation will have occurred. Indeed, the Dawn will have arrived.
17 Jan 96
Wow! Pretty heavy stuff. Yet, how is it that I can declaratively state such things with no proof, and no one else of whom I am aware agreeing with my position? Good question? Yet, the answer doesn't really matter. The fact is that I do indeed make such statements and further, do it naturally as a matter of course. My validation comes from an inner feeling, a sense of knowingness that the statement is right. Where this comes from is a mystery. It is beyond my conscious understanding. Yet, this knowingness has operated throughout my life, and I have learned that I can trust it based solely on direct experience. I know that it works. That is sufficient. Why it works or how it works have no real import. It's curious that one whose formal education was in mathematics, science, and engineering should be in this position of being nearly completely driven by intuition and subconscious or superconscious processes. I know my conscious abilities to be superior to most, yet I also know that they are only useful as servants to a higher master that must come from other than conscious sources. This puts me in the often awkward position of having to act on faith in the unknown. Further, in many cases, this brings me face-to-face with the unknowable as well. Yet, this doesn't create fear. It doesn't matter that the foundations are a bit shaky, or even a lot shaky. After all, reality is but illusion anyway. This is all created from light and shadow.
So, I believe myself to be a writer. And, indeed, I do write. Further, such expression has deep meaning and utility to me. But, is it meant for others to see? Are these words "for my eyes only"? I find it hard to believe that such would be the case, for their production is truly a labor of love. Yet, I know not where or how to find any destined audience, if indeed there is one. I can only trust that consciousness will show me the way, that each action that I am moved to take, brings me one step closer to where I am supposed to be to effectively carry out my destiny. Nothing else really matters. More and more, there is a sense that I came here to do something, and that that is what I must do. It's as if all of my energies are required for it's completion. And, not for a year or two, but for the duration of my time on Earth -- which I presently believe will end in 2025 at age 66. Let's see, that leaves only 29 years. 29 is the number for Beyond. It is also the number for "light". Interesting. "see the light" = "11 15 29" = 55. This is what happens when connections are allowed to be made freely without being subject to criticism from conscious processes. Meaning is allowed to come through where none existed before.
Forgot to mention, I had an interesting disaster with buckets of water leaking into my kitchen at home yesterday. It took the afternoon to install a temporary fix. Hopefully the bandaid will work for awhile. Fixing the roof is not quite in the budget at this time. I've been earning a decent salary but have still been walking on a financial tightrope for nearly 7 years now. It seems that no matter how much I make, there is always enough but just enough. Anytime any extra is accumulated, there always seems to be something that comes up to take it away. It gets a bit frustrating at times. Though we live well overall, and we have some very nice things. There is a sense, however, that I am still only a paycheck or two from being out on the street, at a time when my present employment is only certain for another 10 weeks. Yet, there is no sense that I need be concerned. I trust that things will unfold in the proper manner to position me for fulfilling my destiny. Literally, it can be no other way. At least, from my perspective. Yes, this is an extreme position to take. However, when it comes to beliefs, I've found that living on the edge is the place to be. I have no desire to live my life in accord with convention. I pride myself in being a bit of a maverick and free thinker. Thus far it has served me well. I don't see anything that would change this in the forseeable future.
I, I, I, I, I, I -- my writings have a lot of I's in them. However, I guess that should be expected for one who would label himself essentially a hermit. Nearly all of my 37 years of experience is in the first person. Yes, I've spent a lot of time by myself -- primarily out of fear and self judgement for many years and then out of habit and preference. Overall, my interests are limited. You might even say I have a one track mind. If you plotted topics of interest vs interest level for me, you would see an overwhelming peak at metaphysics and related topics along with a half dozen or so minor peaks that truly pale by comparison. My wife on the other hand has literally dozens of things that she is highly interested in or loves to do. This makes it tough for her to do the one thing that I love to do most, sit back and allow my mind to drift and make associations, not consciously but via other than conscious processes. You might say this amounts to watching my mind work or better yet my consciousness as it expresses through my mind. I hadn't thought of it like that before, but yes, I spend many hours per week absorbed in the process of watching my mind work. It's absolutely fascinating.
So, am I conceited, egotistic, self-absorbed? Perhaps. Overly so? Again, perhaps. But, this is how I am. It is part of how I express my being in this world. I don't believe that I overdo it in dealing with others. At least I haven't seen any feedback to indicate that this is so, and I feel that I would have noticed had there been any. That doesn't mean it wasn't there, just that it wasn't shared, if indeed it existed. Right now, I am the only way I know how to be. And. it feels right for the present. Whether it will be so forever or even for a short period of time, I don't know. However, I believe that when the time comes for change, I will be compelled to make the proper changes by a force that I could not resist even if I were to try. Interesting.
Consciousness is the captain of my ship. She steers me to wherever I need to go. I trust that via her guidance I will be given safe passage throughout my life. Doors will be open wherever required, the right questions will be asked and answered, and I shall indeed find anything that I am moved to search for. All of this I expect as my very birthright. Audacious yes. But, we are gods creating reality. How could it be any other way? If I don't lay claim to what is rightfully mine, then from whence does my entitlement come? It comes from my spirit, or it comes not. Such is the only source that has validity. If we are to do what we are meant to do, we must first come to know whom that we are. There is no other way. There are no shortcuts. Without self-awareness we are nothing for we know not the thing that we are.
I'm still amazed at how easy the words flow forth. This is month 27 since Nov 93, the first writing month after my visit to the hospital; and month 34 since the words started coming through in Mar 93. That will make 5 Apr 96 the start of month 38:VISION. Three days later is my 38:VISION birthday. Something tells me that this is not a coincidence. It only serves to magnify the sense that something major is going to happen between now and my upcoming birthday. I don't have any real idea of what, but there is a strong feeling that it has to do with being moved to a position that is more aligned with my mission and destiny. It sounds like it's going to be an interesting ten weeks. Actually 9 and 1/2 weeks is dancing in my head. I don't know why exactly. If I counted right, that brings us to 23 Mar 96 = 3/23/96. Something's not quite right. Let's try 03/23/96 = 23:30-96, span of 66, center at 23:63. The King of Wands (also wayne):Camelot - The Moon Exalted. Interesting. I'm captivated by the entire concept of Camelot. Clearly, my bipolar condition brings the moon influence in quite strongly. And, for some time I've known my lifespan to be 66 years. Also, 230-396, span of 166, centered at 313 = The Empress:Death. This idea that we are going from 2:The High Priestess to 3:The Empress defines tha change of an Age. Now, it seems that 3:13 marks my death. The span of 166 has 83:The Hierophant Exalted on each side of the center. Backing up 66 from 313, puts my birth at 247 = The High Priestess: ASLAN. 83-66 = 17:The Star. This must be what I came in with. Backing up 17 from 1958 puts the start of this cycle at 1941, the year the US entered WW II.
18 Jan 96
216 is The Tower for The High Priestess
[2 x 2 x 2 x 3 x 3 x 3] = [6 x 6 x 6]
962 is The Hermit : The Blindfolded Lady [2 x 13 x 37]
Something tells me that the order is reversed. We're moving towards greater simplification, not increased complexity. My sense is that I'm at the 962 state now, but that I'm coming close to completion on it. 88 completion would require 62 + 26 = 2 x 13. 988 = 2 x 13 x 38. How fitting, The High Priestess x Death x VISION. Also, 26 x 38 = GOD x VISION. Interesting, there are 26 half lunar cycles per year. (new moon to full moon, full moon to new moon) That should mean that my 38 birthday marks the 988 point. Hmm, that would mean 23 Mar 96, the 9 and 1/2 weeks point from yesterday would occur at 987, The Hermit:The Hermit Exalted.
It's interesting that 216 is a 666 number in terms of factors. It brings in the association with The Beast, appropriate for the time of The Tower, when the very transformation of an Age occurs.
50 seems to be the state that the world will be brought to after the transformation. It's interesting that the US is destined to lead the way to a New Order and that we happen to have 50 states. At least that's been true since Hawaii became the 50th state on Aug 21, 1959. This was 1 year and 135 days after my birthday. That's roughly 26 + 10 = 36 half moon cycles. Hmm, at the time of my birth there were only 48:The Man in Search of More states. Alaska didn't achieve statehood until January of 1959.
-----
MOON = 13+15+15+14 = 57:Heart w/ 3 Swords = ELLIS
Moon = 13+6+6+5 = 30:Camelot
moon = 4+6+6+5 = 21:The World = ellis
No wonder the moon has such an impact on me. How could I be anything but bipolar given the very name that I have. Further, it's interesting that I never really use this part of my name. It's always felt right to keep it hidden. In my communications now, I go simply by Wayne. 41 is the number that defines how I would express to the world. 16 + 25 = 4x4 + 5x5, a mixture of The Emperor and The Hierophant (both squared). The sum being 41:The Ace of Cups, the difference being 9:The Hermit. 4 and 5, is this not the Philosopher King?
Discovered something interesting.
1998 = 2 x 999 = 2 x 3 x 3 x 111 = 3 x 666 = 2 x 3 x 3 x 3 x 37 = 27 x 74 = 18 x 111
This number has very interesting components. No wonder that it keeps coming up as being a pivotal year for revolutionary change. It's particularly noteworthy that it contains both 666 and 999. Further, it appears that expression as 2:The High Priestess corresponds to 999 while 3:The Empress aligns with 666. This must mean that the association of 666 with The Beast is in error. Indeed, 666 = 18 x 37, The Moon x Riding The Subconscious. This may be The Beast for many, but it is clearly the energy that must be released for the Aquarian Age to be born. 999 on the other hand is 27 x 37, The Ace of Wands x Riding The Subconscious.
1998 = 3 x 666 = 3 x 9 x 74 = The Empress x The Hermit x The Benefactor.
999 = 3 x 9 x 37 = The Empress x The Hermit x Riding The Subconscious
666 = 3 x 6 x 37 = The Empress x The Lovers x Riding The Subconscious
666 = 3 x 3 x 74 = The Empress x The Empress x The Benefactor
666 = 9 x 74 = The Hermit x The Benefactor
Why haven't I examined the factorization of these numbers before? After all, the are very important numbers not only to me but to many others. 666 comes from The Bible. Yet, here it comes through without any negative association unless one fears what the subconscious has to offer. Interesting.
19 Jan 96
Everything seems to be pointing to exciting times ahead. I still don't know what will occur. But, I have a strong sense that whatever it is, it will be in place by my 38th birthday. Further, there is also a sense that it will come regardless of what I do. I can neither facilitate nor prevent or delay it. Interesting. It is not that I am helpless. It is that I am manifesting what must be at a level that is still other than conscious. Yet, I can trust the process. I have operated too long in this mode to know any other way. No, it isn't necessarily logical -- but I abandoned logic many years ago as a primary means for guiding me on my path. Intuition is my faithful companion on my quest. In her, I place my complete faith. Interesting.
Did something with the numbers for Beyond Imagination a couple of days ago that deserves to be captured. Just noticed that its size was exactly 900.
I M A G I N A T I O N
9 13 1 7 9 14 1 20 9 15 14 = 112 = 1:28(84)
i m a g i n a t i o n
9 4 1 7 9 5 1 2 9 6 5 = 58 Peace!
B E Y O N D
2 5 25 15 14 4 = 65 : The King of Pentacles!
b e y o n d
2 5 7 6 5 4 = 29 : light!
Span of 98 CCW, center at 703 = The Chariot:The Empress.
beyond imagination = 29 + 58 = 87 = The Hermit Exalted.
BEYOND IMAGINATION = 65 + 112 = 177 = Christ Exalted in The Fool Exalted Base.
22 Jan 96
Another weekend without writing. That's becoming a common occurrance. I'm not sure why, but I find it difficult to write in Monterey. It's only 80 miles away. But somehow, that makes a difference. Here alone, writing is so easy. Yet, even then, it varies substantially from month to month. Another day or two and I'll have the submittal ready for Llewellyn. I got the bulk of it done today, including printing the manuscript and making electronic copies of each chapter. It will be interesting to see how they respond. It seems like the kind of book that they could publish -- but, who knows? What is to be, will indeed be. However, I do recall that Geraldine saw major $$ besides my works. It would be very nice not to have to be concerned about money. Though, this too may be part of the process. The message from within says to trust -- everything will work out fine. I don't have to make things happen, rather just allow them to manifest on their own. Interesting. Yet, each day takes me closer and closer to an uncertain fate. No, rather it takes me toward my destiny. While unknown to me at the moment, this is far from uncertain. There is a big difference.
23 Jan 96
It's one of those days. I don't really want to be here. There is work that I can do, but it's not really pressing as it has been for the past couple of weeks. In fact, I haven't really heard anything back on the stuff that I delivered on Friday. The work has been occurring in spurts with peaks of intense activity followed by relative lulls. It's starting to hit me that the end of March is only 9 1/2 weeks away, and I'm not in control of my fate with respect to employment at my current company. Further, I haven't even begun to consider what alternatives I might have. Yet, overall I am still calm. I know that whatever is supposed to be will indeed manifest and that it will be better than I could have consciously envisioned. Interesting. I place my faith in the unknown, knowing that consciousness has never let me down before. Why should she do so now? 7.56 again. Another sign that my faith is well-founded.
I've come to rely so much on these little symbols that I don't know how others can live without benefit of the information that they provide. Yet, I find it curious that my engineering background didn't stifle me in this area. I guess I got to the Seth Material early enough to keep the circuits open to new ideas. Further, metaphysics was anchored deeply into my very being during those early years from 16 through my early 20's. Looking back, I would assess that my foundations got set on solid ground even though the ideas were far from the consensus opinion. Yet, I was completely amazed at how violently these foundations could be uprooted in my experiences in the Fall of 93. It still blows me away that this happened, over two years after the fact. You might say that I am still recovering -- and indeed I am. Solid ground transformed into water and then to air. I had no prior experience that even remotely prepared me for my new reality. Indeed, I'm still adjusting and probably will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Such was the power of that one experience over a 3 month period. Extrapolating, I know that if it could happen to me, it can just as easily happen to the world. Literally, nothing is impossible. Massive change can happen in a heartbeat, when the moment arrives for such change to occur. Further, such change is required to propel the world into the Aquarian Age.
I'm at a crossroads. It is not yet clear which direction to take or even how many directions there might be. Ultimately, I sense that there is only one path that is right and that I will indeed follow that path. It's as if there is no other option. Consciousness holds the reign now and guides me to where I need to go. This is not a conscious activity for me. To a large degree, it never has been. All of my life has occurred as if on autopilot. I've never really had any decision points where I had to choose between alternatives. At every juncture, there was only one right path, and it was obvious. I don't believe that this is true for others, but it has been true for me. Some might say that I've been lucky, or that I've lived a sheltered life. Perhaps this is true. But, it is the only life I know. In many ways, I am a hermit, and will probably always be one. Yet, I am married, live in the world, and have interactions with some people. However, 95 plus percent of my time is spent on my own. That is how little I interact with the world. Further, it's been this way as far back as I can remember.
So, how is it that I find myself compelled to share my VISION of a better world? Why do I feel that it is my mission to create a utopia on earth? Good questions. My only answer is that I am compelled to do what I am compelled by consciousness to do. However, I am compelled by choice, for I freely gave up my personal will to do The Will of consciousness. This was done without any mental reservations. I knew without a doubt that it was the right thing for me to do. In particular, I knew it was key to propelling me to a destiny that I came to this planet to fulfill. It mattered not that I didn't know exactly what that destiny was. I trusted that whatever I needed to know would be brought to my awareness at the appropriate time. It's interesting that this trust can be so strong without any real confirmation or proof. Yet, I know that it is. Perhaps it's the strong spiritual emphasis in my makeup. My very nature leans me in this direction, towards having faith in the ultimate beneficence of spirit, regardless of what my eyes see or what the news sources around the world tell me. I'm moved by all the suffering, but I don't experience it personally. Yet, I am concerned about creating a better world that would eliminate the suffering as much as is possible. Here we are at 7.56 again. Interesting that I've noticed this Ln on several pages in a row. Another message perhaps. Hmm, the 23 (wayne) day. Interesting how this keeps coming up as well. 23 Mar came up as the 9 1/2 week point from last Wed.
01/23/98 210-398, span of 188, center at 304. Whoa! The Empress:The Emperor. Now, isn't that interesting! We've seen this before. The sense now is that it signifies a time that has finally arrived. I'm curious to see what comes from it. CD just came to mind. That's 400 converted from Roman numerals. 400 = 4:44(89) = 4:48(88) = 4:64(84) = 5:10(78) = 5:30(74).
The Emperor:The Man in Search of More in the Justice Exalted Base
The Hierophant:Camelot in The Benefactor Base.
So, what is the meaning of all of this? My sense is that the time for change is getting closer and closer. What that change will be hasn't been revealed but The Empress:The Emperor will play a major role. Further, The Hierophant:Camelot are involved as well. It is time for the birth of the Philosopher King. Yes, it is audacious that I would assume such a role would be mine. But indeed I do. Geraldine Stringer told me, during our last session, that "if you see a job that needs to be done then it is yours to do". From my perspective, I do not see how the Aquarian Age can be born without the guidance of Philosopher Kings. And I do feel that my training has indeed prepared me for such a vocation. I can think of no better way to apply my skills, talents, and energies in the service of consciousness and ultimately of humankind as well. Then, so be it!
Can it be so easy? Just realize that it is so, then expect it to be with all your heart and soul. Can that really be all there is to it? Only time will tell. There is a sense of wanting to demand what I know to be rightfully mine. Yet, I also know that consciousness has her own timing and from that vaster place of awareness, it is the right timing. So, I ask for whatever conditions are necessary for carrying out my mission.
24 Jan 96
Finished the manuscript submittal information for Llewellyn, will get it in the mail tomorrow. It will be interesting to see what comes from it. Something about it feels right. I don't know why a two year delay was necessary, but apparently it was. There is a sense of completion now. It is as if the information is finally ready to be disseminated to the world. Or, from another standpoint, the world is finally ready to receive the message that the material presents. Hmm. That's what was missing before. I had the right ideas, but they were not ideas whose time had come. You might say that I was ahead of my time. Interesting. Yet, with each passing day, the Age of Aquarius draws closer, and so, the time for Beyond Imagination draws closer as well.
So, what is the next step? We're rapidly coming to 9 weeks and counting. I haven't been in a position before where my job status was uncertain. Also, other than metaphysical writing and perhaps teaching, I don't know what I really want to do. If possible, I'd prefer not to have to sell my services to anyone much longer. Yet, I don't see any alternatives presenting themselves. Then again, 9 weeks is still a sufficient amount of time for such a change to manifest. I don't know how the details might work out, but I sense the possibility is there, and may even be strong. The details are for consciousness to work out, not for me. [Pg 23 Ln 7.56 Pos 5.55] There it is again, 7:56, the drivers of my two triangle readings.
756 = 4 x 189 = 4 x 9 x 21 = 2 x 2 x 3 x 3 x 3 x 7 = 9 x 84 = Hermit x The Lovers Exalted.
This is also 9:00(84), The Hermit:The Fool in The Lovers Exalted base.
756 = 27 x 28 = 28 x 28 - 28. 1996 + 28 = 2024, my 66th year. Whoa. Major shivers. Something told me to look forward 28 days rather than years. That results in 21 Feb 96, which happens to be ASH Wednesday. How appropriate for one involved with creating Ashland -- the land of ashes required for the phoenix to arise.
25 Jan 96
Sent the manuscript off to Llewellyn. It's in the hands of consciousness now. There is nothing more that I can do. It will be interesting to see what manifests. I'm experiencing a feeling of expectancy, as if the times are pregnant, and birth is eminent. Interesting. I've never really felt this way before. Yes, there is some anxiety, but there is also a knowingness that something wonderful is about to happen. Exactly what that is, I don't know. However, there is an inner certainty that I am being propelled along the course that is right for fulfilling my destiny. Nothing else really matters. This is what I live for now. It's curious that this would be so, but it is indeed so. Now, how do I reconcile my work in this world with my spiritual work? Right now the two coexist, but are separate. I desire them to be one and the same. That is, I desire that my spiritual work be my fulltime job, and indeed my only job. I know, watch out what you ask for. Yet, I also know that the reward for spiritual work is abundance.
Hmm, there it is again Ln 7.56. That makes at least four days in a row. So, what message is this sending? That it would be repeated so often indicates that it is important. 28 x 28 - 28 seems to be the key. 28 days from today is 2/22/96, Washington's Birthday, 2:22-96, span of 74, center at 2:59 = The High Priestess:The Aquarian Age. Span of 74 is The Benefactor [weh]. It's interesting that both 21 and 22 Feb show up as highlighted days on my calender.
The Beyond Imagination submittal package weighed 2 lbs 13 ozs and the postage came to exactly $4.00 = The Emperor:The Fool. Funny, but appropriate. The weight was The High Priestess: Death. For some reason that seems appropriate as well. The sense is that I still have some work to do. My intuition indicates that I'm in for some interesting and challenging times.
02/22/96 = 22:20-96, span of 76 (38 x 2), center at 22:58 = The Fool Complete : Peace. This is my Heart's Desire and my Soul Purpose. Now isn't that interesting! Further, the half-span is 38:VISION = my age as of my upcoming birthday.
Just learned that my work phone number will change when my office is moved to a different building next week. 7438 seemed to be the perfect number for me. I can't wait to see what new insights the next number will provide. The destination for the move has changed as well. Rather than moving to building "G", we are moving to building "A". The building address changes from 1250 to 1260. Hmm, 1 to 50 to 1 to 60 = 49 to 59. Once again, The Aquarian Age comes forth. The street changes from Borregas to Crossman. Something flashed in my mind -- Pontius Pilate facing the crowd and asking which man to save, Barrabas or Jesus. There was an overwhelming association of Barrabas to Borregas and Jesus to Crossman, the man who died on the cross. Interesting. 2 6 9 9 5 7 1 1 = 40:Page of Cups. 3 9 6 1 1 4 1 5 = 30:Camelot.
1250 = 2 x 5 x 5 x 5 x 5
1260 = 2 x 2 x 3 x 3 x 5 x 7 = 36 x 36 - 36
Also = 28 x 45 = 30 x 42 = 35 x 36.
Now, isn't that interesting. 36 days from Monday, the move day, results in 5 Mar 96, the third anniversary of the day the Beyond Imagination Notes started to come through. Isn't that a trip! Surely this is more than a coincidence. 36 x 36 - 36 = 6 x 6 x 6 x 6 - 6 x 6. All sixes.
So, the move must be. There is no doubt about it. The numbers definitely indicate a progression that is in line with moving toward my destiny. One step at a time. I only need to know enough to take that next step, trusting that consciousness will always provide me with whatever is needed for the one after that. This makes for living life a bit on the edge. Actually, a lot on the edge. But, I see no other alternatives at this time. Overall, I feel that I am on course, that I am doing what I need to be doing. I noticed earlier that the fortune taped to my computer monitor and the one taped to my phone are identical: "Depart not from the path which fate has you assigned." It's interesting:
(1) that I got the same fortune twice,
(2) that I was moved to save it, and
(3) that I was moved to post it at prominent locations in my work area.
Further, the fortunes have been in place for many months, probably for a year or more, yet I never noticed the duplication.
29 Jan 96
Everything still seems so uncertain. Yes, I've moved at work, but for how long? My sense is that it is time to do something else. What that is, I don't know yet. However, it definitely is time. To "no longer toil at the bidding of any prince", that is the goal. I thought I had achieved it two years ago. But, here I am still doing essentially the same work. I know, it is not my timing that matters, but the timing of consciousness. Yet, why do I feel so strongly that such timing is now here? One way or another, I'll know soon enough. The days march forward towards the end of the current contract that covers my work through the end of March. After that, you might say it is up to the universe. I have no idea where else to turn for a position. Nor do I really want one. Yet, the bills must be paid, and that requires a substantial income. I am open to ways of earning that income that allow me to use my talents and abilities in service to consciousness. I know that the possibilities are endless. The universe works in mysterious ways.
30 Jan 96
January is rapidly winding to a close. It has been a busy month both on the work and the home fronts. So many signs indicate that massive change is immanent in many areas of my life. Yet, what does it all mean? Much points to 4/8/96, the 48 triangle, as being a date of destiny. I sense, however, that I will not know what the day will bring until it arrives. Things could get quite interesting. This is, indeed, a test of faith. Hmm. It's not time to change my ways now. I have relied on the unknown, consciousness, for all my life. She has always served me faithfully. There is no sense that I should have fear now. Come what may, I am ready for it, especially knowing that consciousness is there beside me all the way. What is there that consciousness expressing though me cannot handle? Nothing. Literally NOTHING!
So, we're back to one step after the other, ever moving forward, always trusting that there is room for one more step. What lies forward past that does not matter. What lies behind is over, it's importance is past. It is that immediate step that lies ahead that is the focus for the present, and only the present is worthy of concern and attention. However, it's helpful to have an expanded view of the present that comprehends the ramifications of present action.
Do what you are moved to do, whatever that may be. And, do it with the authority granted you by consciousness. Know that this is an authority of the highest order. Yes, you are that powerful. However, it is for you to discover the power that is your birthright as spirit expressed in flesh. If you operate from a belief system that says you are only a corporeal entity, you are denying a major part of your true essence as spirit. However, if you are denegrating that part of you which is corporeal, you are missing the point of being spirit enfleshed. There is a utility to physical existence -- and you are her to BE PHYSICAL! Of course, you are also here to be emotional, mental, and spiritual. All aspects are to be of relatively equal weight, though there are always exceptions, and sometimes major exceptions at that.
OK, so where does this leave me from a practical standpoint? What alternatives exist for bringing in the income that I need after March? Even more important, how do I earn such an income doing things that I love to do that are in line with my purpose and destiny? The immediate answer is that this will indeed work itself out. I don't have to be concerned about the details -- neither do I have to worry about anything. The solution is already in place. It only needs to be played out in time. Further, there is a sense that there is nothing that I could do to change it. Yes, that spits in the face of any concept of free will or choice. But, I realized over two years ago that such concepts were extremely suspect anyway. Nothing that I've learned in the past two years has changed this basic assessment. Curious. The bottom line is that everything is still very much "up in the air". How it will play itself out remains to be seen. I can only trust that the right options will arise, and that the desired course of action will be obvious. So it has been in the past. I can only expect that such will remain true for the future. How can I be so optimistic? I really don't see that there is any other choice. What will be will be. Further, it will be as I believe and expect it to be. Though, my expectations have been mistaken in the past. This whole area of reality creation, in fact, is still a bit fuzzy. Then, that is to be expected since I am still "in training".
31 Jan 96
The final day of the month. It's been a busy one! Especially, the final week, including the move. The month has been very productive. Yet, I am no closer to knowing what lies in store come April than I was before. Nothing is certain. No information is coming down from management yet regarding continued employment or lack thereof. It's curious that this is the case and that there does not appear to be anything that we, the workers, can do about it. Management appears to be just as "in the dark" as we are. No, that's not a good sign. But, that's the way it is. My workload from the Air Force is greater than ever, but the current contract runs out in two months whether the work is completed or not.
I still find it hard to conceive that I could be out of a job in two months, especially given the superb quality of my work. Yet, indeed, it appears that such could be the case. So, how do I put myself in a position where I am not subject to the whims of a large company, or even a smaller one for that matter? How do I employ myself, or allow consciousness to employ me directly or through whatever position is right to serve her needs. There are lots of things that I could do, and several that I would love doing; but what is it that consciousness would have me do? Is it for me to decide what causes to fight for? Or, is that left for consciouness to direct? I would assume the later because it makes it easier to separate my will from Thy Will. But, part of the challenge may be to find a way to use my will to the utmost in support of Thy Will. Perhaps my Greater Will is Thy Will expressing through me. In such case, my inititiative becomes a crucial tool in achieving Thy Purpose for me in this existence. My sense is that I have been given my unique skills, talents, and experiences for a reason. They are my qualifications for entering into the specific service that I have been called for.
With each passing day, this call to purpose grows stronger. I am in this world but not of it. I bow to a higher authority than man's -- to consciousness herself. I am a writer, and a revolutionary one at that. I'm here to show the country and the world a new way of being. What right have I to make such an outrageous claim? I know not. I only know that it rings true in my heart, and that all of my experience has shown me that I can trust this organ fully. I will be what I must be. Such is my destiny. I have no power to change it. At deeper levels, I chose it prior to coming into this existence. Only now, after nearly 38 years, have I finally reached a point where I am ready to manifest whom that I am and carry out the mission that I came to perform. The training has been interesting. But, the true work is still to come. Oh, I still have a lot to learn in the process. But, I know that everything that I need to carry out my work will be there when I need it. Consciousness will assure to that.
It was interesting that Gini came up with the Lion King stationary for me yesterday. It's perfect for use in my role as Philosopher King. Further, the picture is quite humorous. I was thinking about it earlier. I can create royal decrees if you will; with date, subject, and dictates or musings and send them anywhere. Whether people take them seriously is beside the point, though I imagine I can arouse a substantial amount of curiosity. Yes, this seems to be a forum that will allow me to make some of my ideas more palatable. Interesting.
Beyond Imagination appears to be stuck in the starting blocks. It is not clear that more than a handful of people have been exposed to the writings and ideas. This is not due to a lack of effort on my part. Rather, it seems that nothing that I am doing to disseminate the information is working. Yes, on the Internet it's available for anyone to see, but people don't appear to be finding it. Or, if they are, they are not providing feedback. There is an inner sense that says when the time is right, the material will indeed take off. But, there is nothing that I can do to force that time to arrive any sooner.
Trust in the plan. Know that the details are being worked out in the manner that is right. Do what you know to be right, and don't be concerned about outcomes. Observe the outcomes and adjust your actions accordingly, but remain detached knowing that consciousness determines the outcomes that are appropriate for the circumstances. You do not have her perspective, so you cannot expect to know what she knows and how she works and why. Allow these to be the wonderful mystery that they are. Trust the process of life, but also learn every step of the way. Allow your intuition to guide you on your path. The greater trust you place in it, the stronger it gets. Don't second guess your own inner knowingness. It is one of the greatest powers that you possess as a spiritual being enfleshed.
So, what comes next? What does consciousness have in store for the immediate future? Do I even want to know in advance? Or, should I be content to allow it to unveil itself in the moment? Yes, this is living life on the edge. Yet, it appears that I truly have no choice in the matter. It is as if I'm being pushed in that direction. I can only believe that such is the case because that is the place to be in the troubled times that lie before us. Actually, challenging may be a more appropriate term to use. We don't have to experience troubles if we take the appropriate action to sidestep them. However, this may not be such an easy thing to do.
So, what am I moved to do? Thus far, there is no desire to search for a job. Yet, there is a growing awareness that an alternative way of generating an income will be required shortly. It will be interesting to see what manifests in the next few months. The time for change is nigh upon us. It has been a time for which I've been waiting nearly three years now. It's amazing how fast that time has passed by. They've definitely been three of the most interesting years of my life. Further, I wouldn't give them back for anything. There is an awareness now that was not there before. Yes, it is still changing and growing, but the bulk of the awakening has been part of my day to day experience for over two years. Long enough that I no longer remember what it was like to be without it. I see the world in ways I never did before. Symbols, in particular, have a specific meaning and importance in my life that is different than for most others. In fact, I have yet to find anyone else that sees these symbols in the way that I do.
Am I crazy? Perhaps. However, if I am, craziness has some interesting characteristics to it. Much of the way I interpret reality is something that I have learned on my own. It is not in any way based on any formal or informal training that I have received. I still find it curious that much of my framework for managing reality relies on my intuition and a knowingness that comes from my heart. Proof and logic no longer have a prominent place in my life. Long ago, I found them to be limited -- useful servants, but poor masters. My focus went toward what I could rely on as master in my life. More and more, this has demanded increased amounts of my attention. And, rightfully so; for what could be more important? Yet, why is it that the critical lessons aren't taught as the main curriculum in the education system? Actually, the answer is easy. If what I have learned firsthand is close to truth, the subject matter is far too controversial to get any sort of consensus approval.
My sense is that for the most part, I perceive a world that others do not appear to see. After two years, I'm still a neophyte, still learning what I got myself in to. It's obvious now that it was all set up from the very beginning. Between 35 and 36, I was to come of age. The new phone number that I got this week seems to verify that. Further, it sets up 38 as the next step. Back to 4/8/96, my 38th birthday. This year it falls one day after Easter. On 4/8/07 and 4/8/12, it hits Easter exactly for the only times from 1774-2174. The later is the last four of my SSN backward. Some of these facts have come out before. It's the connections and associations that change over time allowing understanding to grow.