6 Dec 95

Yes, it's already six days into the month and I haven't taken the time to write a single word. I've felt listless for nearly two weeks. However, the energy is starting to come back and I'm feeling animated again. It helps that we're getting close to a full moon, as well. The days are flying by all too quickly. It is not clear where fate would take me. I trust that consciousness guides my every move, and have resigned myself to not knowing when and where I might be going. There is no clear path that comes to mind that would lead me from where I am to where it seems that I need to be to fulfill my destiny as revealed to me to this moment. Whether that destiny is completely right, approximate, or out to lunch remains to be seen. In any event, I do not feel that it is under my control. I am moved by a higher power than I know, and gladly so. It is not that I relinquish responsibility, rather it is that I responsibly choose to bow to a higher Will than my own. I do so knowingly without remorse or regret, trusting that consciousness will move me in a manner consistent with the Light. Throughout my life, the journey has been one of allowing more and more light to shine through me. To date, only a limited amount of this light has shined forth to others. That is to change dramatically in the times to come. However, the specific way in which the impact actualizes will be surprising even to you. You have only a small hint of what you are truly capable of. You still have much to learn and even more to do. Your destiny must be made manifest, for the role you came to play has great impact upon the very foundations of the world that you know.

Interesting that such would be the case. But, my wife would say, this is just a strong ego coming forth once again. Yet, I know it is more than ego that speaks. I came to make a difference in this world and will do so on a major scale. Exactly how this will come about, I know not; but, that it will, I am certain. At least as certain as I can be about anything. I have to believe that abilities are brought into this world to be used and that if one follows one's life path naturally, one will be led to use one's abilities fully. Of course, it would help if the system were set up to enable this to occur more easily. But, destiny is destiny. It must be done, especially for those special parts that came to lead in making the necessary changes.

I would fashion society in a far different manner than exists today. Yet, what is taken for human nature may not be consistent with what needs to be. How does one get people to change -- to express the ideal self that they can be? Perhaps changing the infrastructure is the trigger that can free the spirit to express its true nature. The trap of materialism is just that, a trap. Once conditions are established to enable people to get what they need, much of what constitutes the behavior that is labeled "human nature" is free to transform to something more beneficient and productive. Interesting. That is what Project Mind is talking about. First, transform how needs are met by creating abundance and disseminating it to meet people's needs. Then, people will be free to attend to the spirit and creative expression.

It was interesting reading that Australian's appear to be even more enslaved than Americans with no Bill of Rights to protect them and a few wealthy multi-national corporations controlling everything. Further, they are even more wary of their government than we are. It appears that England and most of the countries that were part of the British Empire are in the same position. Perhaps this is true of all countries throughout the world. We still exist in times when a small number of men, for the most part, control the major workings of the entire world. Clearly, this is not part of an enlightened capitalism. These men operate as gods on Earth, they need only command for their word to be made so. Effectively, they create their own law, and influence governments to do as they would dictate.

And, this we call freedom. I say it is a slavery of the worst kind. For, the bulk of the people falsely believe themselves to be free -- not seeing the prison in which they are housed or the chains which bind them, keeping them from being all that they could be, and expressing the Selves that they truly are. The economic system is the prison, and bills are the chains that bind us. Wages are the primary means for paying the bills. Wages are controlled by the wage payers for the most part. In some cases unions have organized to provide collective bargaining, however even then, there is a limit on what the market can bear. Also, regardless of the wage paid, consumption is actively encouraged so that it eats up most if not all of the wages. Any unspent delta can be used to buy more things or better things.

7 Dec 95

Pearl Harbor Day, commemorating the infamous attack 54 years ago. I was born within miles of the attacked area 17 years and 4 months later. The moon is full or very close to full. Energy is up overall. Getting off of the sleeping pills seems to have helped a lot. I'm sleeping fine even without the pills except for Monday night in LA. It seems that every time I go there I have major problems sleeping.

The future seems ripe with possibilities. Yet, it is not clear when or how they might be actualized. Something comes to mind, that it is not for me to set the time; this, the universe will decide. I am only along for the ride. Yes, this is a fatalistic view of reality. Yet, within the envelope that fate decides there is still much room to maneuver. Perhaps free will operates within the confines of such a fate. That is, if indeed free will truly exists at all. Of this, I am not yet fully convinced. However, narrowing it's scope makes its existence more likely, at least from a practicality standpoint.

I await sweeping changes that I know are forthcoming, yet I know not how they will come about. It's a curious position to be in. Much is uncertain, yet I am confident that a positive outcome is assured. Perhaps I am too much of an optimist. But, my faith is based on a lifetime of observation of spirit working in my life and guiding me to where I needed to be every step of the way. I find no reason to part company now. If anything, our relationship has grown deeper over the past few years to where it is unshakeable. This is my foundation, the rock upon which my reality rests. I am wedded to consciousness, now. I go where she takes me.

My destiny awaits. But, again, in its proper timing. What will be will be. Yes, I will have a part in making it so, but I may not know what that part is until it is time. Living with uncertainty is rapidly becoming a way of life. There is only so much that I am given to know. The unknown always plays an important part in my life. At least, it has for several years now. Furthermore, it is not necessary that I know everything to live my life effectively. It is enough that I know what I know, and that I have faith in consciousness to take care of the rest.

Just reread my notes from Jan 94 and Feb 94. I'm still amazed by what I've committed to writing. It is definitely different than anything I've ever read. The material is declarative, stating many things as if they were gospel that may or may not be true. It comes through without hesitation or reservation. It is open and honest, expressing a perspective that is fresh and new. Further, it brings forth its doubts and uncertainties as well. My biggest impression was "I wrote that" or more accurately "I allowed that to come through me". For, in reality, I have no sense of being the conscious originator of it all. In fact, re-reading it, I find myself seeing the material in a fresh light with no clear sense of being intimately familiar with it.

It still amazes me to think that in 33 months I've generated on the order of 1400 pages of non-fiction writings. Further, I've done it during my free time without use of any reference materials. The organization has been primarily stream of consciousness with the exception of about 100 pages and that too was automatically organized and generated. Something caused the creative juices to start flowing, transforming me from an information consumer to an information generator. Unfortunately, my writings have not yet received much of an audience to date. My sense is that this has nothing to do with quality and everything to do with timing. But then, I've been told many times that I have a big ego that colors my perception of things. At this point, it matters not. The material is written and much of it is available on the internet, so it is potentially accessible to any moved by spirit to find it. I've attempted to announce it's existence and location in many ways. Though, I fear, mostly unsuccessfully. I still have this optimistic sense that when people find the material and take the time to start reading it, they'll find it both enjoyable and meaningful.

What these past few years have proved is that I am truly a writer. This is what I love to do. Written expression comes naturally and easily for me. It is as if it were automatic. I watch it come through my fingers and appear on the screen. It's an absorbing and fascinating process. To create new ideas and new expressions of consciousness is extremely exciting, especially knowing that what is being expressed is seeing the light of day for the first time in the history of consciousness. Is my stuff that good? I don't know. Further, I don't sense that it is for me to decide. I write what I am moved to write. The expression is automatic. I am transformed in the process of writing. Hopefully others will be transformed as they read. That's all I can ask for from these expressions, that they enable others to be more of what they can be and express spirit more fully in flesh in this existence.

The time for massive transformation is near. I can feel it. I can FEEL it! Yet, it is not clear as to what if any action I am meant to take. Do what you are moved to do, when you are so moved. There is no need to rush. Everything is happening in it's proper timing. Allow spirit to set the course, for it knows the true destination. Let your intuition be your guide. Listen to it closely and abide by the wisdom that it brings forth. You are indeed destined to do great things. However, it will be spirit working through you that does these things. Of your own, your powers are limited. Animated by spirit, they are Beyond Imagination. Yes, indeed.

11 Dec 95

Something tells me that this is going to be a short month for writing. 11 days nearly completed and only starting on page 4. But then, I can only write when I am moved to do so. I'm still waiting for change, waiting for something to happen in my life. Read Richard Bach's latest book, Running from Safety. It was good, as usual. It's been a long time since his last book, however. It seems to me that ONE came out nearly ten years ago. The thought of reading just flagged in my mind that Toffler has a new book out as well that has something to do with rebuilding society. I'll have to check it out next time I'm in the bookstore.

It's time to get excited about something. I've been bored silly for weeks, if not months. It's as if I'm in a catatonic state. I don't feel like doing anything except lie there listening to the music. I'm tired much of the time. Too tired to do anything. This has got to stop. I'm too young to be wasting my life away in this manner. It's time to be productive again and to get excited about what I am here to do. It matters not whether anyone else believe it, only that I know that it is what I am meant to do. I've never looked to another to be an authority over me. I'm not about to start doing so now. Then, what would I do. Ultimately I need a source of income no matter how I live my life. How can I get that income by doing that which I most enjoy? Surely, this must be possible -- and, better still, likely. Yet, I know of no one doing what I would do. That matters not. I'm a unique person, striving towards a unique job which may still only exist in the realm of consciousness. At some point in time the job will manifest on earth as well and I will be in a position to fill it. Preparation and expectancy are the keys. If I am ready and awaiting the event to unfold, I will be in the best position to pounce on it when it arrives.

Yet, what would unfold in the coming days, weeks, and months. My 38th birthday is only 4 months away. It seems to be of major importance for a number of reasons. 1996 overall is the year that Uranus enters Pisces, signifying a major change to the timing cycle. Actually, the previous timekeeper was Neptune. It enters Pisces in 1998. The five years from 1993 to 1998 have been and will be a major transition period. 1993 started with a conjunction in late fall. To me, a conjuction is like two runners in a relay race passing the baton from one to the other. In this case, Uranus, the faster of the two catches up with Neptune stays with her for several months than passes on. Major energy was passed between the two during the conjunction. Also, this was a time of great turmoil and spiritual awakening in my life. This idea of timekeeper seems to be important somehow. Neptune has cycles of 168 years, Uranus half that at 84 or 7 years per sign. This links with The Chariot, the 7 card in the Tarot. It also links The Chariot with 84 : The Lovers Exalted, the top of my "A" reading. It's also interesting that 7 years is exactly 84 months per sign, though this actually varies significantly from sign to sign.

I can't stop help thinking that something important is on the immediate horizon. I know not what it is, but I know that it will greatly change the course of my life. You could say that there is something in the air, ready to blow me away -- out of one reality and into another, gently yet irreversibly. Destiny lies ahead and it will be made manifest that the Plan may be achieved. I trust consciousness to move me in whatever direction my destiny calls. She has done so all my life. There is no reason for her to stop now. I'm feeling more excited about what is to come, though I can't be sure of the timing. Even in my notes of nearly two years ago, I wrote about changes that I felt were immanent. What I've learned is that my sense for the timing of things is without a solid foundation, being based more on wishful thinking than on any knowledge of what is right and proper. The bottom line is that things will happen when the time is right. Until then, all we can do is make the best of what we are confronted with, trusting that it is for our highest good and the highest good of all concerned. This is completely consistent with two years of experience. I guess it made it easier going through it thinking that massive change was about to happen at any moment. Unlike the past two years, however, the next four to nine months offer particular challenges that appear to offer no choice but change. Though the days are counting down, I feel no need for concern. I don't know when the point will come when such concern starts to rise, if indeed it ever does. Uncertainty, by itself does not bother me. I trust that reality is unfolding in a way that is destined. There is nothing I could do to allow it to manifest any better.

The admonition that I get is: "do what you are moved to do". Of course, it is consciousness herself that does the moving. And, what if I am moved to do nothing? Then, do nothing until you are moved to do otherwise. Allow spirit to animate all that you do. Such is how we make spirit enfleshed to the highest degree in the present. And this, has always been our prime goal. This is the end which you came to show, wayshower.

I'm still curious about what is to come, especially in the next six months. There must be a reason for the curiosity. Obviously, there are questions about work, selling the house, moving to a new location, and getting a new job. Ask and it shall be answered. Yet, does this apply to questions about the future? The immediate response is "if you have a need to know". Further, need to ask does not necessary constitute a need to know. You'll know whether you had a need to know when (if) your questions are answered. Interesting, but true.

12 Dec 95

Another strange night. Awoke around 3:00 and couldn't get back to sleep. Very rainy and windy all night. The gusts were enough to blow the van about quite a bit. Nothing like feast or famine. No rain until very late in the year and then torrents in one day -- instant flooding. Mother nature is quite amazing indeed. Had a rough time staying awake this morning. I work best in spurts with time to think in between. I'm not meant to be locked up in one place for lengthy periods of time. Even freeing my mind to focus on other things does not seem to do the trick anymore. The burden of work does not go away. And, it has become quite a burden, even though I do it well. It's tough being where you don't want to be. I know that my destiny lies elsewhere, and I long to actively pursue it. When this will come to be I know not. Hopefully, it will be soon, that the boredom and drudgery might come to an end. Hmm. Why are I treating my present station from such an unenlightened perspective? Is this not making it more difficult than it needs to be? Is not my attitude a major factor in my experience? What have I learned about reality creation all these years if not this? Yet, I have also learned that Thy Will be done. Of myself, I no longer chose to do anything except that which consciousness would have me do. Is this a cop out? Or, rather, is this a true resignation of will. Regardless, I am responsible for all that I experience whether it comes directly from consciousness or not. So, why create boredom and drowsiness? Especially when there are such better states to experience?

Good question. Why do you do it? We would answer that it is because these states serve you in some way. What possible way, you ask? Somewhere inside you know. And, it is better that you find this answer for yourself.

There is an acceleration going on around me and inside me, a quickening. I don't know what it means yet, but I sense it plain as day. It's as if my reality is about to turn inside out. How appropriate for one who would manifest spirit in flesh. The sense is that this is happening now, or will happen soon. But, I don't want to get my heart set on a timing. I've been very wrong in this area before. Though, even the errors seem to have their purposes. I do so long to be excited about life once again. So, what's stopping me? Of course, I have only myself to blame.

What does it take to be excited about life? For me, it is important that I am progressing toward the achievement of my mission. Everything else is secondary. It all comes back to a timing that is not under my control for the fulfillment of a destiny which consciousness would have me do. Why is time always such a major issue? Especially when it is the one thing that I have the least control of. Every step will unfold in time in accord with the Plan, not one second sooner. So, I wait, for a destiny of which I know not what nor when, only that it is right for me. My trust in consciousness is complete. This is enough. It will get me through.

13 Dec 95

Crossed 44444 on the odometer today. You don't see too many quintuples. In this case my attention was drawn to it at 44443 and I watched the step forward. Only ten minutes earlier, my tripmeter went through 888.8 but I didn't even notice it until after 895. 44444 is 4:44 = the 4 Triangle = 48 = The Man in Search of More.

Started a new Toffler book last night, War and Anti-War. Thus far, it looks like it will be quite interesting. Thought-provoking anyway -- all of Toffler's books are.

My heads a blank. There is nothing that I am compelled to bring forth. It is as if the vine that I've been clinging to for just over two years has dried up. It feels as if it is time to move on. In particular, to new experiences that give me something new to write about. It is time to practice some of what I've been preaching, and start doing something to make a difference in not only my life but the lives of others. Will the world be a better place that I had lived? Right now, my life has direct impact on few others. Further, it is not clear that my ideas have been disseminated in a manner that will allow them to make a difference. My job is not yet over. There is much work to be done. Yet, I know not in what manner to work to get it done effectively. Until now, this has always been obvious. I simply did what was there to be done trusting that if I took care of today, doing what was in front of me; the future would take care of itself. It always has. Why is it any different now that I am about to embark on doing my life's work? My sense is that it is not.

18 Dec 95

Watched several great films this weekend. The Englishman who Walked Up a Hill and Came Down a Mountain starring Hugh Grant, A Perfect World starring Kevin Costner and Clint Eastwood, and Marie Antoinette starring Norma Shearer and Tyrone Power. Born to royalty, Marie Antoinette had a rough life but bore it very well indeed. In particular, an arranged marriage with Louis XVI of France was very tough to take, even if it meant being in line to be the Queen of France. All three movies were outstanding. The last one was from the 30's and had a budget of 1.5 M. That was a lot at the time. The sets and costumes were lavish, however. I'm still in a state of having little to nothing to say. I don't know how long it will last, but it's been with me much of the month. I'm not one to make words when they don't come freely. I'd rather wait and be quiet until I am compelled to speak again. With minor exceptions, it has been over two years since I was quiet.

19 Dec 95

Still coming through at a turtle's pace. Got connected to the White House home page while surfing the net yesterday. Left a message in the Guest Log referring to my home page and ideas for transforming the country and the world. I wonder if it will get through to someone this time. After all, I'm a citizen, my thoughts deserve to be heard -- even if I don't vote. Surely someone has to read the messages that get input and take some action on them, even if it's someone on the White House staff.

This has become a resounding theme -- how to get my ideas out to the world. Thus far, as far as I can tell, my attempts have been highly unsuccessful. What I can't know is whether my material is being accessed without providing feedback. I can only hope that such is the case, but somehow I strongly doubt it. Perhaps the time is not yet right. Yet, the Beyond Imagination book is nearly two years old. Further, the briefings are one month shy of one year. My sense is that these are indeed ideas whose time has clearly come. But, that is not my decision to make, it is consciousness. So, what does it take to get things rolling? Interesting question. Presumptious, but interesting nonetheless. What more can I do? After all, I just left a message for the Chief Executive of the Land that points to ideas that would clearly label me as communist. I do so openly, without fear. I speak what I believe to be true in my heart and soul. I believe ideas should be judged on their merit and not on any failed history of implementation. The basic principle of communism: from each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs is right. It is a principle for right living in this day and age -- maximizing what each gives to society as well as what each gets in return. The fact that so-called communist nations screwed up the implementation is beside the point. This principle is primarily an economic one not a governmental one. It offers a contract amongst people that is not present in Western society today. Further, it is a contract that is needed if we are to even begin to fulfill the dreams of an Aquarian Age. So, how do we get people to willingly enter such a contract? And, how do we create the appropriate infrastructure to allow the contract to be effectively carried out? After all, this requires a massive change to the economic system. Just reread a note I wrote to my friend Larry. It was dated early Aug and identified the organizations and people I had just sent materials to. There were 25 names on the list, most of them organizations. I wonder if the information I sent got to people who could be swayed by it. In some cases, the material went out anonymously, so there was no possibility for feedback. I've received formal responses from only 2 of 25. I've also sent E-Mail to about 25 people that announces my site as something they might like to visit. FFunch has a pointer to me from his World Transformation site, and I have a hot link in the School of Wisdom Guest Book.

My sense is that I'm out there. I've done what I need to do to advertise. It is only a matter of time until the world beats a path to my door. Though, I'm not really sure that that's what I want. Interesting. I want something, but I don't know what it is. I know that change is essential. I just don't know what form it should take. Further, the directive to do what I am moved to do takes precedence. Right now, I am not moved to do anything, though I long for things to change.

21 Dec 95

It's hard to believe that another year is nearly past. They go by so rapidly now. Yet, were it up to me, my circumstances would have changed dramatically by now. Once again, the point is brought home that I am living the life that consciousness would have me live now. In doing so, it is not me who sets the timing and nature of changes, rather it is consciousness herself. Yes, indeed, I thoroughly believe this. There is nothing in my present reality that provides contrary evidence. Yet, there is a growing inner sense that change is certain and its time is soon.

My efforts at outreach over the past six months or so have had very limited effect. I don't know how to interpret this. I was moved very strongly to take action and begin communication in a variety of forms. To date, however, it is not clear that any real connections have been made. Oh, a few people have read part of my words -- but as far as I know, very few people and these have only experienced a taste of what I had produced. I don't know what I expected. But somehow, I thought there would be a bigger impact, especially given the quality of the ideas. Then again, my opinion of my own works may be overly inflated. Yet, how would I know except by getting feedback from appropriate others. And, how would I get it into the hands of these "approprite others"? By allowing consciousness to move me in the proper manner.

This all indicates that the time is not yet right. The sense is that it will be soon, but we've been wrong about timing many time before. When the time is right, nothing on earth will be able to stop the destined events from unfolding. Yes, it's destiny we're dealing with once again. Free will takes a back seat at this time -- assuming that it was ever operative at all. Personally, it doesn't bother me to live in a world that is without actual choice while appearing to offer a variety of choices. The bottom line is that we can never roll back time and take a different path. So, for practical purposes, we can never know whether we truly had choice or not.

Yet, am I not choosing to write this now? I would have to answer no. I am compelled to write by a force which I cannot resist even if I wanted to. Further, I have no inclination to try. The joy expressed in these communications is unmatched in my life. I'm not sure what that says about my life. It does say that communications hold a supreme place therein, however. Fitting for one whom Mercury finds its place at the exact top of the astrological chart. How do I take this to the next level? How do I bring my communications skills to serve a position in which I can fulfill my destiny? Asking the question assumes there is something within my power to do. If so, I ask that consciousness move me to do it, whatever it may be. I'm tired of waiting. Yet, at the same time, I know that things cannot be rushed -- they will happen when they are meant to happen, and not one moment before.

26 Dec 95

Two years ago, I was feverishly starting Reality Creation 1010, to finish 9 days later. It's high time to get that enthusiasm back into my life. It is time to do something, though I know not what that is. It's also time for a new job, though I know not where to begin finding one. I've taken some first steps by putting out my resume via two services on the Internet. However, my sense is that those are stabs in the dark. Being between jobs is only something I really had to face once, and then the solution came naturally -- there weren't even any alternatives. Now, I have the biggest job change of my life facing me, and, three months out, I have no clue. Interesting. There is no sense of anxiety yet. I feel no need to worry. After all, I am in consciousness hands now.

Read an interesting speech by Bill Gates that covered where Microsoft is going with respect to the Internet. Bill definitely knows what he is talking about. He knows his market and he has the outstanding business savvy to position himself and his company for being in the game for the long haul -- especially at the application content and tools levels. As with other media, Bill realizes that it's not the media that generates the money, especially when prices drop due to high volume and heavy competition, it's the content delivered over the medium.

Another Christmas, quickly to be forgotten with the exception of Jodi's surprise return from Chile. I don't create many meaningful interactions with other people. It's time for this to change. At work, it's just after 4:00, and I've been here alone over an hour and have another 6 hours to go. Why so much isolation from others? What is it supposed to teach me? For the most part, I've been alone as long as I've been aware. Yes, I'm married. But, that doesn't resolve the aloneness. ALL ONE NESS. A simple matter of adding an "L" completely transforms the meaning. Yes, indeed. "L" = 12 = The Hanged Man. How appropriate!

I write, but my Heart's not in it as much as in months past. I feel drawn to a future for which I am prepared yet ignorant of. I trust this future to be my destiny, "the path which fate has you assigned" according to a fortune from many months ago. It's warning was "Depart not" from that path. In thinking about it, it is not clear that I could depart even if I wanted to. Then, what import is the warning? It would not have been given if it did not have suitable meaning. The words around you are especially important -- for you particularly, because they are the primary tools of your trade. You are here to express what consciousness would have you express. You are a voice for spirit to be heard by all with the ears to here. What you say and what you write will find their audience soon enough.

Part of me says "pick up the pace". And another part says "turn off the flow, there is nothing to be expressed today". Which am I to believe and why? This is by far the least productive writing month in over two years. What message does that send? Further, it was not because other things kept me too busy. I had many days this month spent fighting off sleep which could just as easily have been consumed by writing if I had been moved to write.

27 Dec 95

The month is rapidly winding down and the writing pace is not picking up, so I'm resigned to have the lowest page count in two years. However, the spirits are up. I've come out of a month-long low. I'm doing what I am moved to do. Further, there is an increasing sense that major change is immanent. It's literally right around the corner. I just don't know what it will be. However, I must express whom that I am and do the work that I came to this existence to do. We're down to four years until the turn of the century. It will be interesting to see what comes to pass. I know that many of the ideas that have come through me are right for the world. Making them so, is an entirely different matter, however, since many are completely counter to the way things currently are. Here, it seems, I need to join forces with like-minded others. The Internet seems to be the most likely place to find them. However, even there it's not an easy process to find such people and make the necessary connections. Regardless, the search continues. Eventually, I'll find the contacts I am meant to find.

Unsubscribed to the Wisdom network. There were just too many messages, most of which were of limited value, and there was too much criticism and negativity in the way some people expressed. Egos clearly got in the way -- especially with Coreen, walks to the beat of a different drum. She increased the volumn of communication, but at the cost of quality. Indeed, assuming that quality was ever a key factor. The dialog and comment process is not my method for finding or expressing wisdom. It may work fine for others, it just isn't suited for me.

So, I'm back to my normal role of hermit in pursuit of his life's work. Interesting, it always seems to come back to this. It is as if I were meant to walk alone in the most intimate aspects of my life. It has always been this way, and perhaps always shall be. Do I choose it to be this way, or is it my very nature? Something answers that it is the latter. At the same time, there is definitely something missing in my life. From my experiences at the Tony Robbins and Stuart Wilde seminars, I know that what is missing is the close involvement with others. My present lifestyle offers little opportunity to share of whom that I am with others. This seems to be a productive line of thought. In effect, I'm defining some of the conditions under which I can operate most effectively. Perhaps if I define the job environment properly, the perfect job will pop up to fill it. Yes, indeed. Working with like-minded others is an important component. However, the nature of the problems that I work on is equally important. It is time that these problems were those that must be resolved to bring a new way of existence into being that is consistent with the birthing of a New Age of Consciousness. But, who will pay you for providing such services? After all, there are bills and expenses. This is where the stumbling block comes in. It is unlikely that those who can afford to pay would sponsor their own economic demise. Further, it is unlikely that a grass roots effort would pay for such services either. Yet, there has to be a way, and an easy way. It's simply a matter of finding it or allowing it to find me and being open enough to go for it when it does.

28 Dec 95

Another three days and 1995 passes forever into oblivion. How quickly this year has passed by. Is it that I'm getting older, or is time really moving faster due to the accelerated rate of change? Am I better off that another year has passed. My sense is yes, for I am closer to achieving a position in line with my destiny. 1996 may be the year for that to occur. Then again, it may not. Regardless, it is not within my power to make it so or not. It will be or will not be as consciousness dictates. Yet, my spirits soar. It does feel as if change is in the air, and soon. This feels like more than just another new year. Though I don't have any evidence to confirm why this would be so. However, I don't need any evidence. We will know soon enough, one way or the other. What matters is to trust the feeling and let that move you to take the appropriate actions. You will not be led astray.

My 38th birthday seems to be a major turning point in the year. It will be interesting to see what changes it brings. In particular, I'm curious as to how VISION will be made manifest in my life. My present job is secure only through the end of March. Rumors are that this will be extended through the end of June, but no official actions have been taken to this end. Three months is not a whole lot of time. Further, it is not clear what prospects are open to me. In the past, everything has worked out somewhat automatically. I've never really had to search for a job -- the right one was just there. It will be interesting to see how the next job change comes about. Especially, since I have no idea of even where to start looking. Philosopher King keeps coming to mind. Is that too much to wish for? Do my writings not show that I am qualified for such a position? Does wishing for such make me ego-centric or an ego-maniac? Have I gone out of my mind? Am I no longer sane? After all, my motivation is pure, that of doing the greatest good for the greatest number in society. I don't need a castle, just an infrastructure for making the ideas that come through me from spirit or consciousness a reality. Is that too much to ask? I think not. However, we can only wait and see what comes to pass.

Finished reading the Beyond Imagination book that I wrote two years ago. In my opinion, it is as good now as I thought it was then. Yes, I am biased, being the writer. However, I've also read a lot of metaphysical books, so I have a large experience base with which to compare. The larger question is: where do I find a publisher who agrees with my assessment of the book? It is definitely unlike anything I have ever read. Also, surely if people were finding and reading the book on the Internet, they would have provided feedback via e-mail. Then again, there is nothing preventing a closet audience. Perhaps it's time to pick out some metaphysical publishers and send them a floppy of the Beyond Imagination book. Llewelyn is probably an excellent place to start. They've been in the business a long time and they publish a lot of books. I'll have to research where else to go.

It does feel like it is time for new beginnings. We're transitioning from a 24 to a 25 year. 19+96 = 115 = 1:38(77) = 1:37(78) = 1:31(84) = 1:27(88) = 1:26(89) = 1:11(104).

Vision Exalted in the Christ base and Justice Exalted in the GOD Exalted base. Interesting!

Those are some very powerful numbers. Projecting forward, 4/8/96 is the actualization of the 48 triangle. This is the ultimate expression of The Man in Search of More. My 38th birthday comes on that day. Uranus will have reentered Aquarius by that time and will stay for about 7 years. It would be interesting to find out exactly how many months this transition will take.