1 Mar 95
Some quick realizations from this morning. Might as well get an early start on notes for the month. Yes, I'm highly manic again. The information coming through is literally blowing me away. I'm flying higher than ever, yet I'm also grounded in a manner that I have never been before. I know that I see the world differently than most. And probably differently than anyone else on the planet. Yet, I also know that consciousness lovingly guides me every step of the way so that the discoveries and connections I am being led to make are those required for the Plan to unfold and for me to carry out the destiny to which I was assigned before coming into this particular incarnation. Interesting.
P(6) => 68 to take the world from 9:53 to 9:58 = 11:09 to 11:14. WOW!
This occurs within a 5 year span, the starting point being either now or very soon.
P(7) => 38 + 69 to take us from 3:14 to 3:37 a span of 23 years centered between 3:26 and 3:27 or 4:02 and 4:03. Those High Priestess to Empress transitions are the tough ones. Also, P(7) has The Benefactor at one end and 28 at the other.
Overall timing seems to indicate that P(6) transition occurs from now through 2001, followed by P(7) from 2001 to 2024.
2 Mar 93
Also, look at P(32) again 7:56 838 = 7:56 38. Amazing! Absolutely amazing. 7:56 or 428 is my characteristic number. It has been prevalent in my life for over a year already.
3 Mar 93
Watched The Lion King, 88 minutes Lion = 12/21/27/32 and King = 11/20/25/32. It's interesting that a movie filled with such spiritual themes has reached such a great audience, and is continuing to do so. Also watched Fiddler on the Roof, I'd seen it years before, but I don't remember it having such impact. The basic theme of the film deals with change and the breakdown of tradition. Tradition is 20/29/30/34/43/45/54/60/65. Hmm. With a lower case initial "t" we get 2/11/12/16/25/27/36/42/47. Look at the sequence of partial sums that came out of that. That's about as applicable a set of 9 numbers that could have come up. The Lion King was also about tradition, and in particular about how a ruler must rule to allow the Circle of Life to exist in harmony.
8 Mar 95
For dinner I had Togo's #9 sandwich and a large drink. Cost was $5.28. I finished eating at 6:28 PM. Clearly such occurances are not coincidences. It has to be obvious now to anyone reading these notes that there is a consistency in which the spiritual is embedded in the physical world. Synchronicities are the primary bleedthoughs that are picked up by people. However, once one truly opens ones mind to the concept of reality created by consciousness, the door is opened to start the spiritual trek to the source consciousness. It's not an easy way. The path is both narrow and treacherous. One's very sanity is at stake for much of the journey. But the rewards of spirit are great indeed. There is a knowingness that comes that transcends all knowledge known to man. Faith is such an easy thing. Yet, it cannot coexist with Ego. It's an interesting dilemma. We're told that we have free will and choice, yet spirit would tell us otherwise if we would truly look at how we do even the most basic of activities. Where do our thoughts come from and where do they go? Similarly with emotions? In thousands of years of study of our own capabilities, the results have been abysmal. For the most part, we basically have no clue regardless of how many doctorates we grant. Why? Because we were looking for answers in all the wrong places. In particular, we were looking within the illusion to find reality, not understanding that what we were seeing was illusion.
My sense of things is that there are many who would consider me insane, my wife among them. Yet, the writings are consistent and coherent. Further, they build and change as my process of growth unfolds. These are not the musings of a madman. The emotions are fully under control and have been for all of my life with the brief exception of a couple month period of mania after which I was diagnosed as bi-polar. The fact that these notes do not agree with either my scientific training or my metaphysical training demonstrates a creativity of consciousness that I find amazing. Essentially these notes constitute my process of finding my true Self which ultimately ends in the ONE consciousness. How do I know this? I just know. It's as if the wisdom is embedded within me in a time release format. What is needed comes through exactly when it is needed. You could say that I'm operating on blind faith, for there are no authorities in this area that I have been able to contact. I spent 20 years reading over a thousand of the best books metaphysics had to offer. Nothing prepared me for the place I now occupy. The problem was that I read all of those books from the mental plane, with an ego so full of itself that even if they had contained spiritual truths, I would only have understood them intellectually. That was not enough. My path required me to Know the Truth, that the Truth could set me Free. This required going beyond mind, which literally required the mind to operate in a new way. For me this was triggered by a dramatic weight loss in 3 months that overstressed my system and brought out the bi-polar condition. At least, that is what seems to have caused things physically. Astrologically, Uranus and Neptune directly square to my Natal Sun was the timing factor. Since all of this is coordinated anyway, causality is not of any real import.
What is important is symbols, where to find them, how to see them, and how to interpret them. For most of this, you'll have to rely on your own intuition. These notes document where I look and what I see. If I elaborated the interpretation part, the notes would be many times their present size and the details would not really be all that useful to most people. My sense is that if you're reading this you're one of the early travellers and your intuition will be strong enough to find the specific way that is right for you. I have no information as to whether the techniques that work for me will work for anyone else. I suspect that they will, since the same consciousness drives the intuition of everyone.
I find it interesting that authoritive statements can come through these notes about things that obviously cannot be proved. How I can bring through information on the nature of reality in the manner that comes through in these notes I know not. All that I can say is that there is a source consciousness greater than what I consider myself to be consciously that is able to bring forth these words. I am involved in the process. It is not fully automatic. But I am either hearing or reading what is coming through. My conscious awareness is not aware of how this is being created, only how it is being translated into the form that I can see on the screen. My faculties are involved in the translation process, but in no way do I sense that I am originating this material. Further, I am amazed at what comes through.
15 Mar 95
I can't believe it's been a whole week since I last wrote. For the past two days I've been sick with a deep cold of some type. It can make living and working quite a challenge, and definitely hasn't put me in a state for writing. Why should it make a difference? An even better question is what causes such conditions in the body. OK, I've been overdoing it at work for the past few weeks, but that doesn't seem to be the full cause. Overall my body is in a less than optimum condition for doing its work. This needs to change. But how. Here the "my will vs Thy Will" question comes up again. Is my body condition your will to illustrate something to me? Is it to illustrate that I have responsibility and choice in this area? For instance, am I what I eat? For all of my life this has been automatic, actually life has been. I didn't have to be concerned with any of the details. The body could process whatever I put into it, and I was basically in good overall health and physical condition. I no longer feel this to be the case.
Why do people get sick? What purpose is there to suffering in this manner? If consciousness creates all, why doesn't it do so without such dismal conditions? Why is it that our job conditions are such that we have to do our work when we are less than at our best? Where is my consciousness today? Locked in the illusion of a body that appears to be suffering. Is that all it takes to cause me to lose my state of consciousness? Interesting. I'm not as aware as I projected myself to be. That's why 64 came up as well, another death of will is forthcoming as well. I had thought that I had crossed this hurdle, yet here it is again, and the sense is that with each new level of awareness, the Ego must be dealt with and it's will put to bed. Note: this does not mean that the Ego must die, only that it must resign it's will to The Will of Consciousness. As I type this, the symptoms of my disease become less apparent. I am engaged in the dance of Consciousness, in expressing Spirit through Flesh to the greatest degree possible for me at this time. How do I know this is true? Because Consciousness tells me so, and her I have no reason to doubt as she has never led me astray. Not that she hasn't provided inputs that my Ego interpreted incorrectly resulting in some interesting experiences.
My state is strange. I'm not sure how it got here or where it is headed, but there is a fuzziness and a sluggishness about how things are operating. The notes are coming out clear, at normal pace, and with normal degree of typing errors, but it is as if I'm not quite fully connected either to my body or to my spirit. Interesting. In between, in the nether world. Interesting indeed. We'll have to see what dreams come up tonight.
21 Mar 95
Enough of such crude talk. The spirit is free once again to soar after being confined for over a week. The rest was wonderful. But, the freedom to work and to express beats lying around doing close to nothing anyday. The body was in such bad shape that the mind and spirit were not connected in their normal fashion, or at least so I sensed. So, what did this experience mean? Why were nearly six days taken from my life in such a manner? Why was I brought to experience such sickness? I would not call it suffering. There was no agony and little if any pain. Yet, it was debilitating none the less. The sense I get is that I was overdoing things a bit and this episode generated a forced period of deep and lengthy rest, as much as 16 and more hours per day in bed.
It is not clear what consciousness has next on the agenda. I feel healed, yet I feel strange again. There is a sense that a major chage is forthcoming. I just drew the 528 card, otherwise known as the 70 Card or the Two of Pentacles. It's completion of all things is The Moon. What better set of characteristic cards for one who might be considered a lunatic. Further 5:28 is The Hierophant, The Man with the World in His Hand. Interesting. The card itself does not appear to reveal this meaning directly. The figure appears to be more as a jester or juggler. Then again, much of the Tarot meaning that has been uncovered over the past year has been by looking beyond the obvious and by allowing consciousness to make connections that had been embedded into the deck years ago. It is not clear yet whether the authors of the deck consciously knew what information they were passing along in their deck. Much of the symbolism was obviously placed onto specific cards, however, the artist may have been visual, receiving the cards as whole entities with symbolism built in. Then again, the deck was a collaborative effort by Ryder/Waite. This lends credence to the idea that the two were moved to consciously embed the appropriate symbology into the deck -- probably on more than one level.
It's interesting that this has been the only deck that I have been drawn to, and that the symbology is so relevant to me. My sense, however, is that much that I see has no relevance to others. I have found the keys to the kingdom. Verily, they were there within me all the time. I cannot pass the keys on to another, it is up to them to find the keys within themselves. Here, the script is not written in stone. Each individual is given as long as it takes, but must suffer the illusion so long as they fail to open their eyes to see and open their ears to hear.
What determines who gets what parts in the play and hence what chance to reach enlightenment or at least greater conscious awareness? Answer 1 is that it is all ONE consciousness, so it really doesn't matter. Answer 2 is that each gets that experience that is most appropriate for its development and the development of the whole, given it's present state and what is needed by the whole. Personal experience is closer to answer 2 because of the identity continuity of individuals. The Self has a continuing existence independent of the ONE. Actually, independent is too strong. The separation is apparent, not real. At some level, there are no separations. No separations! Just as they said in Jonathan Livingston Seagull. The apparent is not real. Yet, what does that really allow? To dream, and to actualize those dreams, for such dreams are the fabric through which consciousness weaves the illusion of reality. Illusion is an interesting word. 93331965 = 9/12/15/18/19/28/34/39. Notice 1965 embedded at the end. That was 30 years ago. It was also 7 years after my birth. Is that when the Chariot started? It's completion would have been 22 years later in 1987, the year I got married. The 9:The Hermit and triple 3 seem important as well.
"Illusion" breaks down this way all the time. It was only now that I was moved to break it down and allow consciousness to guide the interpretation expressed above. Once again, consciousness through no intent of my own conscious mind, other than offering my faculties as her voice brings through new information that I had no means of knowing consciously. How many coincidences does it take to demonstrate that the spiritual is real? This is not asked of the one through which this comes but of all others who may read these words. Know that Consciousness is real, and will express through you to the degree that you allow her to do so. In your allowance, however, you must also express trust, not blind trust, but rather a loving faith. This is the key. Consciousness lies within you, and if you go deep enough, the same CONSCIOUSNESS, the ONE. that lies within you lies within me as well. Knowing this, cooperation is the wave of the future. There is no doubt about it. Yet, others have written in a similar manner, the Transcendentalists, in particular. But they could only express wisdom whose time had not yet come, actually whose time had come but whose physical realization lay over a century in the future. It's hard to think linearly while concurrently knowing that the play is complete. Yet, why is it that I get the sense that none of the other parts currently in the play are ready to understand this simple fact? Clearly, the technology is developed sufficiently for the appropriate analogies to be generated. Yet, not all consciousness is focussed on spiritual development. In fact, most physical consciousness is far from focussed on individual spiritual development. The new age movement has significant numbers, and a good portion of the masses are ready to begin such development, but many others are far from wanting anything to do with spirit.
So, where does this leave me? A Hermit making his way in the world, following the path that is revealed to him in the moment, trusting that consciousness guides his way to wherever his destiny would be played out. Over the past week or two, the focus was as the doer, the experiencer. Being sick brought me into the body and out of the more normal focus on consciousness that I had developed over the past 18 months. How quickly we move to a physical focus under relatively light duress, especially considering what people went through in the 1100s - 1300s. Something tells me that my sense of higher and lower may be in error. I'm HERE and NOW in PHYSICAL existence. Further, all of me is within that existence. Something comes to mind from Seth about knowing "the inherent spirituality of the flesh, an the inherent physicality of the spirit". There is a sense that I've somehow missed this lesson -- resulting in a belief that consciousness is somehow better than the body, yet the body is simply the expression of consciousness in flesh! That's the key. Everything in this illusion is consciousness in flesh or matter.
There is something about each point in the Play being perfect, regardless of the darkness and evil that appear to be in expression at the time. These are just as valid as their positive counterparts. It's interesting that during our times, we have hundreds of violent videos to provide some of the experience of violent times in the past, with the key benefit of being able to walk away after two hours without being killed, maimed, or otherwise harmed.
23 Mar 95
File size 49098 09:08-04, currently stopped at 09:06. Interesting. The Hermit:The Lovers, clearly a peak state of awareness. And yet, it resonates in some way. It's a very detached state in many ways, a state heavily tied to consciousness and barely tied to the world. The butterfly state in many ways, flying most of the time, and only occasionally coming down to touch the ground. Interesting. The backward sweep moves from The Lovers to The Hierophant at the next tick, and then simply to The Emperor. It seems that the world needs a spiritual leader to guide it to an understanding of itself, but after such understanding is achieved, people must stand on their own interior link to consciousness and spirit.
One thing that struck me as odd was something Larry said yesterday, something to the effect that nothing that he had learned thus far in his existence had any real lasting value. Interesting. Not surprising, but interesting. And, if Larry is figuring this out and being moved to find something meaningful how many other are as well. I've been moved in this manner for over 20 years and believe I've find what I was looking for and more, far more.
Nothing prepared me for the experiences that began just over two year ago, 5 Mar 93, and got serious in Jul 93, landing me in the hospital in Oct 93. Further, no outside source got me through the experience -- no books, no people, especially not the psychologists. To this day, I cannot recall any true support after arriving to the hospital other than getting placed on particular drugs. Interesting that this would be so. I remember several failed attempts at trying to get through to people who could help once I left the hospital but it was not meant to be.
Interesting how the play unfolds. But, how else was I to learn the lesson of the 62 Card, and further yet the 6 Card: The Lovers, but also the nature of contacting the Superconsciousness. Every step along the way consciousness has allowed me to experience what I needed to experience for my highest growth. Am I that different than others, or does consciousness grant this same privilege to all. Then again, I have not met anyone with the same narrow focus that I have. I can understand how people might find it difficult to relate. Our inner worlds are really generated by our concepts of how the world works. My concepts have gone far beyond what common sanity is able to accept. This speaks nothing of their validity. Copernicus spoke of a sun centered world at a time when the Church advocated a Geo-Centric point of view. In due time, Copernicus' view won out not because it was necessarily correct, but because its utility was greater. In the end, it seems that utility is one of the best measures for consciousness exploring itself and its world. Simplicity seems to be another indication that spiritual truth is close by.
Does it really make sense that this is an elaborate Play. Yes. Absolutely, consciousness would have it no other way, Play = 7317 = 7/10/11/18. 72, the complement of 16:The Tower is also hidden therein. Why am I not surprised that this be so. After all, that's the major purpose of the Play, to get the conscious and subconscious to jump out of The Tower into enlightenment.
How is it that I'm given this insight? Why is it that I have a need to know? Perhaps others do as well but it has not yet been made known where the writings are to go. Notes, such a simple name, 56251 with a span of 14 from 51-65 centered at 58. 258 = 5:28 expressed a different way. So, these notes are the means for achieving the 5:28 state. Clearly, they have been a source of education that far surpasses anything else in my experience. Who better to have as one's teacher than consciousness herself. But the teaching is not through the words alone. Throughout, my personal experience has served as the background over which the material may come through.
The world has always had limited attraction to me, with the exception of the intense beauty of the National Parks in this country. In many ways it's as if I'm here but not here. My life is clearly unlike any other. Then again, perhaps everyone can state this and be right. Yet, why is it that I feel that I have no peers, or, at the very least, have not found them yet. Actually, Paul Pownall may come close, but there is very little sameness about us, other than our difference from others. This doesn't come from a sense of superiority of any type, rather from a sense of difference in nature or kind. Can anyone achieve the states that I have achieved? My sense is yes, but not necessarily by their action. Each will achieve such conscious states as they have earned by where they have focused their attention. There is a sense that every person could be awakened at any moment. However, it is not clear that being awakened lets you do anything differently. Then again, the Play may already incorporate awakening experiences so that the appropriate transformations in behavior start to appear in the Play immediately following these experiences. So what does all of this mean? I really don't know. Right now, I am content to observe and experience each day as it comes. Actually, it's not even each day but each and every moment -- even moments when I catch the physical self wandering off to sleep.
Yet, at the same time I anxiously await change, in particular the change that will move me to wherever my next role is to be played. I still sense that this change is coming soon, possibly before this spring is complete. Here we are, planting season again. The seeds planted now will be harvested in the fall. But where to plant, and what kinds of seeds. My sense is that the seeds are ideas that need to come through and somehow be planted. Where are ideas planted? In minds, of course. And what minds should receive these ideas. That is for consciousness to decide, of course. Looking back, some of the packages I've sent out have been seeds. I have no control over which fall on good or bad soil or how the ideas get promulgated from person to person. We've planted the seeds for a major transformation of the entire Society. Consciousness will make this known to the appropriate minds at the appropriate times. All the details have been worked out. I have only to do my part and allow consciousness to flow through me as she will. THE HERMIT still comes out as the nature that feels most akin to my own. In many ways even though I am in the world and even married, my nature is that of the Hermit, no doubt about it. How can this be? It just is! Interesting.
26 Mar 95
Listened to Ross Perot's show. He interviewed presidential candidate Lamar Alexander. Overall, I don't agree with the emphasis on downsizing government and returning as much control as possible to the local level -- fiscal control and responsibility. There is no sense of government providing true service to people. For instance, the school lunch program. It doesn't make sense to have every school district and potentially every school decide on a reasonable program. These decisions should be made globally for all by employing the appropriate experts to make the decision. Localizing the issue forces each school district to have to do this wasting effort overall and resulting in a lack of standardization that might provide unfair advantage to some. Setting the curriculum is an order of magnitude more important. Here, it is absolute stupidity to expect the local community to be able to do this effectively. Also, since there is so much mobility in our society, kids that are moved from one state to another, or even one town to another must have received relatively standard education in each grade or it will be nearly impossible to ensure that all necessary material is covered. Anywhere we run into problems, the key is to solve the problem at the level where it can most effectively be solved. Too high and we have bureaucratic nightmares and inefficiencies. Too low and we have replication of effort, lack of standardization, and inefficiencies. I speak here as if we have control over these things, and to some degree we do. Yet, at another level it is already done, we simply are not yet aware of the outcome. Can it truly be that every aspect of the Play is so completely laid out. My sense is yes, but that doesn't keep us from playing the game as if it were real and the scenes of the movie were happening in the moment as we viewed them. Yes, experience in the illusion is much more rich and complex than that of movies, but the nature is the same. We are consciousness riding along and viewing our own creation, but we are not the illusion that we created. As individuals, one of the key tasks has always been to realize who we truly were as consciousness. This does not mean that our role would have changed one iota, but we would not have been so inextricably bound to it.
Also noticed in the Homes Magazine that HavenHill is still on the market as well as the 10,000 square foot mansion with the huge fireplace and chairs similar to mine. The later's price has dropped from 6.2 M to 5.3 M, still a bit out of reach, but who knows what the morrow will bring. The picture of the house highlights a great room and desk/office area where it appears that decisions of world impact or at least country impact could be revealed by consciousness. HavenHill w/ 19,000 square feet at 2.95 M is even more of a bargain but something about all the yellow inside doesn't feel right. All the heavy woods of the other mansion are far more enticing.
Why do I mention this? Is it Ego still there thinking it is that special that it is deserving of such a setting? I think not, but there is a sense that my setting should be such as to allow consciousness to most fully operate through me. Also, the caliber of people that consciousness needs to influence and awaken through me is great indeed. Such a setting befits calling in such people for their spiritual enlightenment. Interesting. Is this real, or am I simply justifying a fantasy of an ego maniac. My sense is that we'll know soon enough. My 37th birthday marks the end of my 37th year. I've been walking on my subconscious throughout the year. Now we come to 38:VISION. It will be fun to see what lies in store in this year ahead. It's interesting that my life is aligned with the Cards of the Tarot, in particular the Ryder/Waite deck. I remember the second time that I went to see Dr Adolfo over a year and a half ago that I told her that the Numerology and the Tarot book was the book of my life. I still feel that to be as true today as it was then.
27 Mar 95
Last file size was 64888 = 8x8 888. Interesting. Time recorded was @ 10:48. Definitely interesting numbers. In particular the triple 8 is fascinating.
My sense is that I have been somewhat stagnant for much of the last year. My consciousness has moved enornously, but it's impact on the world has been minimal. I've sent a few communications out, but thus far there has been no response. Try, try, and try again comes to mind. Yet, at the same time, I know that the spiritual law is that everything has its season, it's time under heaven. My sense is that it is for consciousness to initiate action in this matter. Trying involves me deciding what to do. Such is not required or desired. The sense is that it gets in the way. My path lies in further resigning my will and allowing consciousness to do its works through me. For spirit to be fully enfleshed, it must first come through into flesh.
30 Mar 95
I've had a sense since the first time that I saw my house that it was where I was meant to live. It wasn't a deja vu feeling, but an intuitive knowingness. This is the house where my Tower experiences are to occur. For over five years however, my work in Sunnyvale has been over 80 miles from my home in Monterey.
File size = 74 5 84. This is a very interesting place to stop. The Benefactor:The Hierophant: The Lovers Exalted. The midpoint is the 5:79 = The Hierophant:The Magician Exalted. Also = 6:57, reversed = 7:56. Now, who would have expected that to come up once again. The universe or consciousness keeps stamping out the message 7:56. Let's explore a bit. 576 = 5::136 = 6::48 = The Lovers:: The Man In Search of More. 6 is at the top of my "A" reading corresponding to the large diamond on my ring. 4 8 is my birthday and the card describes me to a tee. It's simply amazing. Further 48 reversed = 84 = 06.
528 = 5::88 = 6::00 = The Lovers::The Fool.
5::28 = 440+28 = 468 = 6:48. Very interesting that the digits come out this way.