Another month has passed. It has
been awhile since I had such a busy month, but I am pleased with the
new job anyway. The responsibility is greater, though I have not
yet shed many of the tasks that I was doing before. I'm averaging
far more hours than is reasonable to expect as a result. The hope
is that this will tailor off as I become more accustomed to the job and
to delegating the work that I see needs to be done. The spirits
are high overall. Though life is revolving more around work than
it rightly should. It is what it is. The job demands what
it demands. Am I happy? At least I'm as close to happy as
I've been in awhile. But, what does that mean? It doesn't
take much to satisfy me. But, is satisfaction happiness? My
sense is no, it is not. On second thought, I haven't been
blissful and ecstatic for some time. Why is that? Why do I
not choose to be such despite the circumstances? Clearly this is
something that I can do. I have been creating an interesting
reality for some time. That is, where interesting is
different. Many might find the way that I live boring. I
don't get out much. I don't do much other than work and
rest. I watch far more TV than I should. OK, no
shoulds. We do what we do. Whatever that is is right for
us. Though, there is a nagging sense that time is precious and
the moments should not be squandered. Is that what I am
doing? Am I wasting the time that I am given by not doing more
with it than I do? Perhaps.
I'm still quite isolated outside of the work environment. How
long that will last remains to be seen. I am learning things at
work that enable me to get out of my shell and interact more with
others. The job demands it, so I have no real choice in the
matter. That is OK. The changes feel right. Though,
dealing with personalities and with politics can make life interesting
and even challenging. I have avoided being political for most of
my life. It seems to be an energy drain for me ... though I can
see that others thrive on it ... that, and power struggles. I
have no need to be powerful. It is enough to come from my center
and express whom that I am in all of the areas that I can. Is
that asking too much? Is it too much to expect to be able to be
whom that you are? But, what is the mask that I would present to
the world? There is a saying ... put your best foot
forward. What would that be for me?
I continue to trust that at some level, I am choosing and orchestrating
all that I experience. I know that. This is not a
matter of belief for me. It is a matter of truth. But, how
can I be so certain? 30 plus years of metaphysics has awakened a
knowingness in me. But, why is my path such a solitary one?
Why am I so alone so much of the time? The bottom line is that
this is my choice. If my life were meant to be different, it
would be. But, isn't that a defeatist position? What about
those who consciously choose to change their reality and do so by their
actions? For me, I need to be moved to act. Further, I need
to be moved to be moved.
I AM THAT I AM THAT YOU ARE! Be Happy and Create Well!
LOVE,
Wayne
BEYOND
IMAGINATION: Creating the Foundations for a New World