Musings of a Spiritual Warrior

22 August 2005

The 22 day in a 137312 = 17 month in a 7 year for a total of 46.  Nothing too auspicious about that.  22 : 17 : 07.  22:17 was 5 years before I was born.  That would have been 1953.  Gini would have been 14 at the time.  Still nothing auspicious coming forth.  We have a 22 day in a 25 year.  25:22 (78) = 1972.  That is the year that The Nature of Personal Reality was being written.  So there is something tangible here after all.  I was 14 at that time!  Hmm ...  That's 14 twice already.  My file names end in YMMDD = 50822.  The 228 at the end is hard to miss.  It happens twice per year, once on 2/28 and once in reverse on 8/22.

Took the enneagram sampler test again.  The results were similar.  4:The Individualist and 9:The Peacemaker were my strongest areas.  But 5:The Scholar, 1:The Reformer and 3:The Achiever were close.  8:The Challenger was weakest, with 6:The Loyalist and 7:The Enthusiast very low as well.  Overall, the results are not surprising except for having so many characteristics effectively equal.  I didn't know that was possible.  Then again, in most of the other occult arts, tarot, numerology, astrology, ... finding that you are effectively all of the possibilities seems to be common for old souls.

What would I do next?  Why am I even considering staying here?  Would the job be different enough as a Systems Director to be worth it?  What would change?  Overall, my sense is that it would indeed be different.  I would be interacting more with my boss and my Air Force counterpart.  Further, I would be responsible for directing what others do.  That seems to be the kind of training that is in line with what I ultimately want to do.  The opportunity wouldn't have come up if I weren't meant to consider it.  We'll see what happens.  What will be will be.  It seems that I have little choice over what that is.  I can only apply for what I want.  Then it is for the forces of the universe to determine whether that will indeed manifest.  All in good time.  Everything in my life happens for a reason.  Though, I have to find a way beyond the boredom.  That means finding something more challenging to do.  Yet, I do not like the details either.  I've become too bogged down in them of late.  There is no clear picture of how everything fits together, either at work or in my life.  That's just how it is right now.  That could change in a moment, but it seems that it is up to me to change it.

Life is sort of blah of late.  I work, I eat, I watch television, I sleep, and I start the cycle over again.  On weekends, the routine is different, but is still routine.  It is time for a change, a big change ... one that brings more excitement, one that allows me to get enthusiastic about life again ... like I was in 1993, 1998, or 2002-2003.  Then, I was flying high for extended periods of time.  And, not do to any foreign substances.  My mind was on fire with spirit.  I was enthused.

One thing missing from my life is people.  I still have no close friends.  Oh, I have acquaintances, but these don't extend outside of the work environment.  Why is that?  Am I meant to be a loner all of my days?  Yes, it seems to be natural for me.  But, I do enjoy the company of others at times.  To thoroughly appreciate solitude, one must experience the company of others as well.  Or must one?  If not, then why am I not happy?  There is still the sense that something important is missing in my life.  Interesting, I missed the f and the word came out "lie".  Something is missing in my lie.  Of course, there is always something missing in the illusion.  It is curious that "lie" is contained in "life", even in the correct order.  lif-e is a form of "file".  Indeed, a life is indeed a record of the expression of spirit in flesh.  But, is it more than that?

I try not to set a quota for this expression.  Yet, at the same time, achievement is important to me.  And, I consider this expression one of my most creative and intimate achievements.  It utilizes a part of me that most others never see.  What is revealed on these pages is the endeavors of a soul in search of self.  Where that search will ultimately lead is as much of a mystery to me as it is to you reading these words.  Literally, I have no foreknowledge of what word will come next, much less what thought or idea.  It has been such since the beginning of this expression in 1993.  Is it that way for others?  I don't really know.  My experience with others is primarily limited to the books that they have written.  Few people have gotten to know me in that way.  Though, I've written and published nine books to date.  It does not do much good if they are not purchased and read.  When I published the books in 2003, something seemed right about the process and the timing.  But, maybe I was fooling myself.  Maybe the material is not meant for mass consumption.  So be it.  The feedback from the universe is what it is.  I can accept it or do something different to change it.  However, whatever I do is ultimately up to me.

Ultimately, I would like to make the world a better place for a large number of beings on the planet, both human and animal.  That requires building the foundations for a new world.  I've known this to be my task for some time.  My sense is that it will happen naturally via my doing what I am moved by spirit to do.  That involves observing the world for what it is, and not judging it, but noting where it could be better ... and then figuring out what structures need to exist to allow the improvements to manifest.  At this point, I don't even know whether I will ever see the fruits of my labors.  Interesting.  This seems to mirror my working life and my home life as well.  Yes, I live in three worlds that are very much separated from each other.  There is my home world, my work world, and my spiritual world.  The first two occur 120 miles apart.  The third seems to be in a whole other dimension.

I AM THAT I AM THAT YOU ARE!   Be Happy and Create Well!

LOVE,

Wayne


BEYOND IMAGINATION:  Creating the Foundations for a New World